My name's Paul Raymond.
Welcome to my world of erotica.
- 30?
- Yes.
- 39?
- Yes.
- 50?
- Yes.
- 55?
- Yes.
Why do you buy so
many houses, Grandpa?
They're not houses, they're...
they're shops, restaurants, offices...
cafes, clubs.
But why so many?
I bought them for
your mummy.
For your mummy and...
you and your little sister.
Give him space.
Please, move away.
Can you give him some room, please?
Thank you.
- Mr Raymond!
- Paul.
- Paul!
- Mr Raymond.
What can you tell us
about your daughter?
Debbie had all the money in the world.
She had a beautiful house,
beautiful children,
beautiful cars.
I don't understand it.
Okay, thank you.
Thank you.
I think we're both quite showy.
We're both quite extrovert
and sort of...
spark each other off in that way.
I certainly, uh, see a
lot of myself in Debbie.
She's a maverick.
Uh, I started out as a performer
and so did Debbie,
and eventually I moved backstage
and Debbie has followed
a similar path.
My name is Paul Raymond.
Please welcome La Cirque Nu de Paris.
That's "nu", not "new".
It's French for "nude".
Come here. Come here.
Come here.
Good boy. Out.
Good boy, out.
Out, steady now.
Steady now. Steady,
Atlas, steady. Steady.
Come on. Come on.
Out. Come on.
Ah!
- Paul, do the curtain.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Get down.
Get down.
- We're not allowed.
- You've got to.
- We're not allowed to move.
- Don't be silly.
Come on, you've got to.
Get down, quick.
Listen to them.
That's fantastic.
Quick, hurry. Open the gate.
The curtain.
Do the curtain.
- It's all right.
- I was so scared.
- Florence, are you all right?
- Oh, yeah, great.
A bloody lion tried to
eat me for dinner.
- Calm down...
- I am not getting back in that cage.
Jim, how bad is it?
Well, the audience liked it.
You can't buy publicity like that.
And they can't prosecute me
because the girls had to move.
- You watch. Tonight we'll be sold out.
- Well, it's all right for you.
I'm the one who's got
to go into the lion's den.
Well, they're not gonna pay
to watch me in a cage.
Oh, I would.
Back, by popular demand,
Atlas the lion and
the amazing Cirque Nu de Paris.
Look at that. Fantastic.
We're in the nationals. Daily Sketch.
It says I was nude.
Does it matter?
No, I wasn't nude.
I most certainly wasn't nude.
I am a choreographer.
I'm Paul Raymond's wife. I'm not a nude.
What would my mother say?
- Well, they can't...
- It's half a page.
They can't just make things up.
Saying I was nude.
I wasn't bloody nude.
I wasn't naked.
I was wearing a G-string.
A G-skin?
A G-string.
It's a form of ladies underwear.
You've been called the
"king of the keyhole shows".
I like to think of myself as the, er...
"king of the glamour shows".
Your shows are refined,
respectable
- and modest?
- Yes.
Well, in that case, surely it is
a compliment for a woman
to be classed as a "nude"?
Paul, do you wish that your wife
hadn't tried to sue the Daily Sketch?
I love my wife and I fully support
her in everything she does.
Although she will have
to pay the legal costs.
Gentlemen, I'd love to stand
around and chat further
but, er, my new members-only
club is opening in Soho,
the heart of London's West End.
Er, now being a private club,
our nudes will move,
dance and express themselves.
Gentlemen of the press are,
of course, welcome.
Once you've paid the 10 shillings
and sixpence membership fee.
If you come along this evening,
you can enjoy a complimentary
glass of champagne. House champagne.
Thank you.
- I thought you handled that very well.
- Thank you.
I hated that lawyer
making me look stupid.
They didn't make you look stupid.
They didn't "make you" look stupid.
You.
- I do hope this is a good idea.
- It's gonna be a great night.
We're a beacon of excellence
in a sea of mediocrity.
Hello, Jean.
How'd it go in court, darling?
- Dreadfully. We lost.
- Oh, yeah? How much you lose?
Uh, it was all money well spent
as far as I'm concerned.
Right.
There's only one thing worse
than being talked about, Jimmy,
and that is not being talked about.
- Do you know who said that?
- No.
Oscar Wilde. Except he
didn't say "Jimmy".
- Wasn't he a queer?
- Yes, he was one of the first.
See you later.
- Hello, sir. How are you?
- Hello, sir.
- I'm all right, how are you?
- Little bit of striptease.
Beautiful, beautiful girls.
One, two, three, four, five, six,
seven, eight. And one, two, three...
How's the prettiest
girl in the club?
I don't mean you. I mean...
Hello, squeaky nose.
Have you got a squeaky nose still?
Ooh.
Six seven, eight. Chins.
Two, three, four.
- How's she been?
- She's a beauty. Just like her father.
Excellent. Flattery very
important for a hostess.
And one, two, three, four...
So, are you gonna
squeak my nose?
Well, there might be
squeaking involved.
I can't promise it'll be your nose.
Five six, seven, eight.
And one, two three, four, five, six...
No, no, no. Yeah, yeah.
- Ah, there you are.
- Hello, Paul.
Are we having a party?
Hello, sweetheart.
We're just... We're just
chatting, really.
How are you? You all right?
Tending to your flock, are you?
Yes, everyone seems to be in, er...
you know, good spiritual health.
- Oh!
- Out on the town, girls.
Where is my costume?
I'm gonna wear it for David, I think.
I think there's something
wrong with my zip.
I have a needle and cotton
if you need it.
Girls, I want you all on stage 10
minutes before curtain. Okay?
Oh, Betsy, you've decided
to join us, have you?
I'm sorry, Mrs Raymond,
I missed my bus.
Well, next time you're out.
It's a professional theatre.
- It's not a bloody fish and chip shop.
- Yes, Mrs Raymond.
Uh, lipstick's bleeding.
All right, lots of smiles.
Confident and enjoy.
Thank you.
I ask the girls. I say, you know,
"Don't call me Reverend. Call me Edwyn.
"Forget the dog collar.
Just see me as a friendly face.
"And use that face as...
as... as you wish. "
You know, you shouldn't be in here
unless you're topless.
Now, you save that cheek
for on stage, young lady.
Adam and Eve were naked.
Baby Jesus was naked for the first...
part of his life.
A glass of champagne.
Taittinger.
- To the future.
- To the future.
Paul Raymond's Revue Bar.
To some, a Mecca.
To others, Sodom and Gomorrah.
Ever since it opened in 1958,
people have been
flocking to the club
that has become synonymous
with Soho, sex and sophistication.
Mr Raymond has always
been a pioneer.
Pushing at the boundaries
of what is legal,
occasionally crossing the line.
This has brought him
rich rewards.
His club turns over more than a
quarter of a million pounds a year.
Bravo.
Even as the '60s started to swing,
it seemed people were willing
to pay good money
to see a girl take her clothes off.
Now, with the Lord
Chamberlain abolished,
Paul Raymond faces a new
challenge and a new opportunity.
Legitimate West End theatres
can put on shows with naked girls,
so Mr Raymond has plans to transform
himself into a theatre impresario.
But, for today,
he has his hands full,
rehearsing a new dance show
for his Revue Bar.
Okay. Hold it, hold it, hold it.
We're now getting near
to the end of the act.
What I want you to do is,
now, readjust the ending,
so that, by the end,
you're completely nude.
That's great. Undulate.
Remember more... more...
more snake-like movements.
The fact that Midas
has turned you to gold...
Don't worry about the logic of that.
You're not gold ingots,
you're beautiful women
and the gold doesn't impede
your movements.
Very fluid.
Excellent. Great.
Mr Raymond, what makes
a good striptease artist?
Well, the girls are...
in a sense, actors
and they must persuade the men
that they're enjoying the experience.
Uh, so it's a performance
and they must be convincing.
And how did your career begin?
Well, I'm an entertainer,
first and foremost.
I started out with a
mind-reading act.
Erm, and I soon realised that people
like to look at attractive girls.
And they liked it even more
if the girls had no clothes on.
Er, so in that sense,
in that sense alone,
I could read people's minds.
In leafy SW19,
not far from the world-famous
grass courts of Wimbledon Tennis Club,
he and his young family live
among the company directors,
city bankers and lawyers.
His son and daughter
go to public schools
and enjoy the right sports.
Not bad for a boy from Liverpool
who arrived with five bob i n his pocket.
Good try, darling.
Yes, try and hit it, though, Howard.
Try and hit it with the bat.
Okay, again, one more time.
Thanks.
Again.
Come on, Howard.
Keep your eye on the ball.
Yes! Out! Out!
All this is the measure
of Raymond's success,
far from the grey class certainties
of Mossley Hill, Liverpool,
where he was born.
My father left home
when I was just a baby.
Uh, so I was brought up
in a house full of women.
So I'm very comfortable
around them.
Um, we moved to Glossop
when I was a child,
where I was educated
by the Sisters of Notre Dame.
What would the nuns think
of what you do now?
I think that they
would be forgiving.
I think, you know,
I mean, I'm very strict.
I would never allow anything
blasphemous in any of my shows.
No, never.
I wouldn't have some...
one of the dancers, you know,
dressed as a nun, you know, with...
suspenders under her habit,
you know.
You know, pulling the rope off
a Franciscan monk and, you know,
having him ravage her or something,
you know, in a confessional box.
I would never do anything like that
because I would find that offensive.
Do you keep in touch
with your father?
Uh, no, he disappeared completely.
Would you say everything
you touch turns to gold?
Not... not everything, er...
but enough.
Mr Raymond, thank you
very much. Cheers.
You're more than welcome.
Thank you.
What time do you finish tonight?
I think about 5:00.
You're a sweetheart.
I think an hour with me
will sort you right out.
Well, I may well take
you up on that.
Hello.
I was trying not to wake you.
What time is it?
Uh, late. Well, early.
- Was she nice?
- Uh, a girl. Just a girl.
Mmm?
- What's that?
- Hmm?
Oh, shit.
It's gold paint.
One of the girls in the
Midas thing, you know.
Makes a change from lipstick.
You wouldn't want a husband
who was surrounded by all these...
beautiful, naked girls
and have no libido.
- Would you?
- Oh, I don't know.
You could have a boy if you want.
- Mmm?
- Big, strong boy.
Would you be there?
Yes. Of course.
And would you make
love to him, too?
No, of course not.
And where would
this be happening?
Right here. In our bedroom.
And what would you be doing?
I'd be over there in
the chair. Tied up.
How would it all get started?
- Well, the doorbell would ring.
- Would you answer it?
Well, of course I can't.
I'm fucking tied up, aren't I?
I'm not Houdini.
Twenty-five with you, sir.
Thirty with you, sir.
Forty.
Forty-five, sir. With you at 45.
I am looking for 50,000.
Fifty at the back.
Debbie, this is Carl. My lawyer.
- Hello, Debbie.
- Morning.
60,000.
I have 60. I'm looking for 65.
Do I see... Thank you, 65.
Seventy with you, sir. Seventy-five.
Hundred and fifty.
No further bidding.
Sold to you, sir, for 150,000.
- Do you own that one?
- No.
- 15?
- No.
- What about 78?
- Not 78.
- 76?
- 76 is mine. I own 34.
- What about the next one?
- No.
- Is this yours?
- That's mine, yes.
- Say "mine". I mean "ours",
of course. - Of course.
I own this one here.
Why?
It's horrible.
Some of the streets...
some of them are a little bit scruffy.
So why do you buy
so many buildings?
Because, uh, one day you
will own the company
and nothing confers more respectability
on someone than property.
Do you want a piece of cake
from that shop there?
Yes. Obviously.
I told you I could read
people's minds, didn't I, eh?
Can I have the berry cheesecake,
the strawberry mountain,
the cake with the almonds on the side
and the marzipan figs?
- Debbie!
- Mmm!
You're not supposed
to eat them all.
They're to share with the other girls,
to help you make friends.
Now, we must insist that you
don't come inside to the dormitory.
It's a rule that we have here.
It can be very upsetting
for the children.
Right.
But they do get over it
after a week or so.
Right.
- Sorry.
- That's okay.
Hello, I'm here for the audition.
Too late, I'm afraid.
Are you sure you can't just
squeeze one more in?
Hold on one moment.
- Mr Raymond?
- Mmm?
I'm here for the auditions.
You're late.
Yes. No. Yes, I am late.
But I told myself that I
wasn't going to come in
unless there was a free parking meter,
which usually there never is.
But, at the last second,
a red Cortina pulled out.
So... here I am.
Luck, hopefully, or destiny?
- Uh, what's your name?
- Um, Amber.
Well, my real name is Julia
but I call myself Amber.
I see. Yes, well, my name's
not really Paul Raymond.
It's, uh... My real name's
actually Geoffrey Quinn.
Oh.
Gosh.
It's really...
It's quite grand, isn't it?
Well, in your own time,
if you'd like to take off your robe.
Of course.
Excellent. Um, turn round, please.
Exquisite.
If you want to hop into the pool.
Yes.
If you'll fit.
Think you're almost as tall
as the pool is long.
Yes.
Breast stroke?
Of course.
How could any man
be such a cad?
Such a hypocrite
as to make love to me
whilst he had a wife?
Oh, any man who
would do that...
I thought you were
like other men,
- eager to start an affair...
- Quickly.
...as long as there were
no strings attached.
Leonard, Leonard!
Who are those women?
Oh, they're our neighbours.
We let them use the swimming pool.
- They're very liberated.
- Mmm! Liberated from their clothes.
Leonard, I need a huge favour.
You need a place to hide
from this nasty story
- that's going around
about you. - Yes.
Well, it's clear to me,
George, you've made a fool out of me
and I'm leaving you.
And I'm leaving you.
Oh, no, you're not.
I'm leaving you.
And I'm leaving you,
Yvonne, after all.
- In my house with my best friend.
- Absolute nonsense!
It was I, yes, I who spent
the night with him...
- ... lovely boy.
- Rusty! You fancy a drink?
- Er... Oh! How are you?
- I'm celebrating.
- Yeah. You want to join us for a drink?
- Oh, yeah, come on.
Dave can look after here.
It's dead tonight anyway.
- Ladies.
- Yeah, thanks, darling.
Oh, look at this.
Thank you.
Where did you find this lot?
Vienna. Vienna, yes.
- Must have cost you a few bob.
- No, no.
Just shipping and packing.
And that's just the women.
Oh, I'd like a big snake like that.
Wouldn't you, Jean?
Yeah, I bet you do.
Here's the papers, Mr Raymond.
Right, here we go.
"Hoot or miss?
"Pyjama Tops is the worst acted farce
I have ever seen on any stage
"in the last 25 years. "
- Ooh!
- That's rubbish.
"It is littered with arbitrary
displays of naked flesh. "
Well, he's not wrong there.
To be described as the worst
play in the last 25 years
is almost as good as being described
as the best play in the last 25 years.
Because people
are going to talk about it,
and that's all that matters.
Here's to the worst play
in the last 25 years.
To the worst play.
Bottoms up. Literally.
- Bye.
- Have a good weekend.
- Bye, Annabell.
- Bye, love.
- Hello, Amber.
- Hello.
Congratulations on a very
successful first week.
- Thank you very much.
- Yes.
Anyway I got this bottle of
chilled vintage champagne
and the Rolls is outside and I thought
perhaps, you know, we could...
celebrate.
The audience really lapped it up,
didn't they?
You soaked the first three rows.
- You know, I actually own the theatre.
- Oh, really?
- Oh, yes, yes.
- Wow.
- The Windmill Theatre, you know that?
- Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, that's... that's one of mine.
- The Revue Bar, of course.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Raymond's Revue Bar.
I am probably one of the biggest
show producers in the UK.
Wow.
So tell me all about yourself,
warts and all.
- Gosh. Um...
- Actually, skip the warts.
Well, once I was a nanny
for a woman
whose boyfriend happened
to be Sean Connery.
- Really? Yes.
- Mmm.
And, uh, did he try to kiss you?
I was... I was 17.
Mmm, and he was James Bond. So...
Actually, he was, um...
he was really nice.
He, er, gave me two tickets
to the Dr No premiere.
- Did he now?
- Mmm-hmm.
And, uh, he kissed me afterwards.
- Did he? On the lips?
- Yes.
And, um, was it like this?
Mmm. No, it was a little
bit more like, um...
Like that.
Well, um...
I'm shaken but not stirred.
Very good.
You sound very like him.
I've even got the eyebrows.
- Did you notice?
- Yes, you do.
Yes, you'd make a very good,
uh, Honey Ryder.
'Cause I could just imagine you
like Ursula Andress,
you know, emerging from the, uh...
from the waves.
With a dagger strapped to my thigh.
Yes, perhaps you could be, er...
my Honey Ryder in the, er...
in the Caribbean.
I'd love to be. Hmm.
Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you.
What time is it?
Just after 2:00.
That's early.
- What was she like?
- Nice.
Good in bed?
I don't know.
- Night, girls.
- See you later, Jack.
- Have you kept the school uniform?
- Oh, of course I still have it.
Mr Raymond's waiting
at the stage door, Amber.
Oh, thank you.
- Ooh!
- Mr Raymond!
Yes, Mr Raymond.
Going home with the boss-man.
- Maybe.
- You want to be careful.
- Night, Jack.
- Night.
- Oh, hello.
- Hello.
# I'm just mad about Saffron
# Saffron's mad about me
# I'm just mad about Saffron
# She's just mad about me
# They call me mellow yellow
# Quite rightly
I hope it's big enough for you.
I think it is.
Talking about the room.
Nice jugs.
Yes, I fit.
Yay!
I had a mind-reading act
called Mr and Miss-tree.
Mr and Miss-tree!
- Yes. It's very clever word play...
- It's very clever.
Ah, I love it
when you do all the work.
It's so nice when you're on top.
Especially 'cause of my bad back.
There would be a code system,
uh, for the alphabet.
And the word for "P" was "come",
and the word for "N" was "here".
So if she said, "Come, Mr Raymond,
what do we have here?"
I would say,
"Come-here, P-N. Pen. "
Oysters start off as male
and become female.
I did not know that.
- Well, there you go. It's, uh...
- Thank you for that fascinating fact.
I'll give you a fascinating fact
every day.
- Mmm!
- After we've made love.
- Okay.
- A sort of motivation for you.
Oh, great.
I'll be staying at the Mayfair Hotel.
You're a coward.
Do you know that?
You're just like your father.
Walking out on your children, on your...
on your family.
Oh, Howard. Howard's here.
You're just in time
to see Daddy leaving.
Look after your mum.
Do you want to tell him
where you're going?
Go on. Tell your son
where you're going!
You're a lying, cheating bastard
and I hate you!
You just wait.
Wait until I tell Debbie
what her dad's really like.
That some stuck-up
fucking little vicar's daughter's
more important than she is.
Don't you dare turn
Debbie against me.
Don't you threaten me.
If only I could trust you.
Start a new life with you.
Tonight our happiness begins.
Will you give me your word
- your wife means nothing to you?
- Nothing.
Evening, Jeff. Um, what dressing room
is Amber St George in?
Dressing room four, Mrs Raymond.
Dressing room four, thank you.
Well, I'm not gonna wear this.
I mean, it just feels like
somebody else's suit
and I can't wear it.
You keep your hands
off my husband.
He's got two children!
And they need a father,
even one like him.
He probably tells you you're special,
doesn't he? Oh, he tells everyone that.
Do you know he's had half the girls
in every bloody show we've done?
- Has he had you, love, has he?
- No... Jean.
Oh, you're nothing special.
In fact, I don't even know
what he sees in you.
You're just a jumped-up
posh little tart.
Well, have you got anything to say?
Can you speak?
Yes, I can speak.
"Yes, I can speak.
Yes, I can speak. "
Don't you look your
snotty little nose up at me.
Yes, can I help you?
What are you looking at?
Oh, and you were rubbish
in the play tonight.
Thank you.
- Night-night, Jeff.
- Goodnight, Mrs Raymond.
Is that Jean?
Is she following us?
You're being paranoid.
I told you she was following us.
I'll go and talk to her.
This is silly.
You're the one being silly.
It won't last.
- What won't?
- She won't!
Perhaps, but this is ridiculous.
It's not the 19th century.
Yeah, I don't care what
bloody century we're in!
I'm your wife!
She's making a fool out of me.
It's humiliating.
Well, what are you doing here?
Go home.
- Get some sleep.
- Well, come with me.
Paul, come with me.
Get in the car now.
No.
If you don't leave her now
that is it, it's over.
That is absolutely it.
Don't you come running
back begging.
Jean, I've never begged
for anything in my life.
Goodbye, then.
Mrs Raymond, you're smiling.
How much did you get?
Well, I'm very, very happy
with the settlement.
It entitles me to 250,000.
Well, this is a great day.
It's like throwing away your crutches.
I deserve every penny.
I've worked damn hard.
There he is.
Mr Raymond!
Mr Raymond, this is one of the
largest divorce settlements
this country's ever seen.
Ah, well, it's... I think you'll find
it's the largest divorce settlement
this country's ever seen.
Not bad for a boy who arrived from
Liverpool with five bob in his pocket.
Just gonna warn you,
I don't own the whole building.
Just the, uh, top floor.
Oh, I love it.
These are the two ladies with big balls.
Ladies with balls.
Spirit of Ecstasy.
- You'll be seeing a bit more of him.
- Yes, you love that.
And this is, uh, this is all
designed by Ringo Starr.
- Oh, really?
- Yes. That lamp's a bit low.
Uh, yes. It's nice, isn't it?
Ooh, I love it.
- Follow me, come on.
- Come on, I'm going to shoo you in.
I'm the Pied Piper.
Follow me into the, er...
Well, not the sewer.
That wouldn't be appropriate
but, uh, the bedroom.
- Fairy-tale bed.
- Yes, it is.
You could get Snow White and
the Seven Dwarves on here.
Starting with, um, Dopey,
and, uh, Happy.
No dwarves.
- Really?
- Mmm.
Press this button.
Ooh.
Better close your eyes.
That is amazing.
It's almost like living inside
a giant missile silo.
What, for your, uh, big rocket?
- Mmm. Yes.
- Mmm.
Your guest is seated
at your table, sir.
Excellent.
12,000 to you.
I tried doing a magazine in the '60s.
Uh, King. It didn't work.
That's because you didn't know
what you were doing.
We will persuade readers that,
by buying Men Only,
they are buying into the world
of Paul Raymond. Right?
The world of cigars
and exotic holidays and luxury cars.
This will take the world of Paul Raymond
out to the nation.
There will be lots of girls.
Beautiful girls,
beautifully photographed.
We copy the car magazines, right?
We have, as the face
of our magazine,
we have a hot female columnist,
right,
and she road-tests
the men of Europe.
I have a contact
at John Menzies.
Menzies have 5,000 newsagents.
That's their own newsagents.
Their distribution arm
covers another 20,000.
It's a perfect,
perfect market for advertisers.
Well, if you can, er, edit
as well as you talk,
then, er... I'm very interested.
We're looking for someone who would,
erm, road-test the men of Europe.
Me.
- Could be.
- I'd like that job.
And I'm a very good driver.
It wouldn't be cars
that you'd be driving.
The columns will have to sound sexy.
Yeah.
"Her lips parted.
"His hot, hard member
thrust into her. "
- It's a good start.
- That's good, that's good.
"He pushed his tongue deep into
her hot, wet, velvet pussy. "
Also good.
"He bit my lips hard
"and my whole body shuddered
"as his swelling member
forced its way inside me. "
Can I see you with
your clothes off?
If you give me the job.
We have to think what
we're gonna call you.
Emily Spankhurst?
- That sounds like a porn name.
- Come on, be serious.
Georgina Allcock.
Oh! I ona Jaguar.
I own a Jaguar.
Yeah, we got...
- I don't like I ona. I don't like I ona.
- Oh. Um...
Fi-ona. Fiona Jaguar.
It's too... It's too exotic.
- Fiona's good.
- Fiona Kent.
- Yeah.
- Fiona Kew.
- Fiona Richmond.
- Yeah, no, Fiona Richmond.
It's too like "Raymond".
It's too like you.
Perfect.
- Oh, that's so romantic and sweet.
- Fiona Richmond.
My name is Fiona Richmond.
I'm a professional journalist,
hired by Britain's new and most
sophisticated men's magazine
to travel my way around Europe
and ask penetrating questions.
Need somethi ng to make it
a bit less picnic,
a bit more cornucopia.
Here you go. This is luxury.
It is dead.
Should have had a crab.
Around the World in Eighty Lays
by Fiona Richmond.
- More fan mail.
- More?
Bloody hell, we've
created a monster.
And it's me!
Vladimir's strong hands
held me aloft
before dropping me down
on to his upright stalk.
"I wish that you would spank my
naughty bottom like mummy did. "
That might be for me.
- Think of me.
- Or, if it helps, think of me.
Look at Paul but think of me.
A bit more tit.
The butcher's counter at Harrods,
is at Harrods,
but it's still selling meat, isn't it?
Right, so...
I'm not sure I like Fiona
being compared to a piece of meat.
She's tasty, you want
to eat her. She's rare.
Pa, I was only smoking.
That's not really a crime, is it?
Well, you were smoking a marijuana
joint which is illegal, yes.
I can't believe...
that that fat cow expelled me.
You're the one that wanted to
go to that school. You insisted.
Well, I want to go to drama school.
I want to follow in your footsteps
and go out into the world
and do all of those things.
# I can hardly wait to hold you
# Feel my arms around you
# How long I have waited
# Waited just to love you
# Now that I have found you
# Don't ever go
- Here's to a star of tomorrow.
- Yes, absolutely.
Pa, thank you. Thank you.
- To Debbie Raymond.
- Cheers.
Cheers.
One thing, if it's going
to be an erotic show,
does that mean, um...
Would I be scantily clad?
No, you will not have to
take your clothes off, of course.
I would never ask my daughter
to do that.
'Cause the other people
on stage... Thank you.
- ... probably would...
- Yes, of course there'll be nudity.
- But you won't. No, no.
- I just wanted to make sure,
because I don't have the equipment
to, sort of, deliver the goods.
Remember to look up, look up.
Okay, now stay here.
One, two.
Really swivel those hips.
And two.
And look, and look and dance break.
At the sides.
Okay. Okay, okay, okay.
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
Cut, cut!
Cut.
Ok, let's get the girls in the hoops.
We've got Miss Nude International
followed by Genghis Khan
and Attila the Hun.
I think Genghis Khan and Attila
the Hun together is too much,
because it's basically
rape and pillage twice.
Ladies.
- Hello.
- Hi.
My soubrette.
My ingnue.
Do you think I look stupid?
You look beautiful.
Like a peacock.
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
Thank you all for waiting.
I hope I haven't kept you too long.
Uh, right.
Well, I'll set straight to it.
I'm here to announce
my latest production,
which is entitled Royalty Follies.
This will be the most expensive
production ever mounted
in the UK.
Uh, we understand that
your daughter is to be in the show.
Will she be topless?
No, she will not.
Isn't that a double standard?
Someone had to keep their clothes on
and Debbie bravely volunteered.
Good.
Okay.
# My baby does it good
# He treats it like he should
# When I'm feeling down
# When I'm feeling gloomy
# I tell you now
he really socks it to me
# Shooby-do and sure enough
# My baby really knows his stuff
# Yeah, my baby does it good
# My baby does it good
# Thank you for coming to Follies
# We hope that we'll see you soon
# We'd like you to know
just before you go
# Thank you for seeing our show
- Good morning, Dennis.
- Morning, sir.
- How are you?
- Very well, thank you.
Good, good.
How bad is it?
Bookings just aren't coming in.
If it carries on like this
we're gonna take a real beating.
I don't understand. It's baffling.
I mean, there's something
for everyone in that show.
Is it the black and white baby or...
Oh, that's my favourite.
I love the black and white baby.
It's bloody hilarious.
I mean, we've got dolphins
pulling knickers off girls
for goodness sakes.
I mean, what's not to like?
Excuse me, Mr Raymond, I've got
a gentleman on the phone for you.
He says he's your son.
Well, just take his number.
I get a lot of crank calls.
Well, we've got to make sure
that Fiona's next show is a knockout.
- Yeah.
- We have to...
make as big a splash as possible.
Bigger than those damn dolphins.
My name is Paul Raymond.
This is Fiona Richmond.
Fiona Richmond is starring
in the West End farce Let's Get Laid,
starting this Thursday night.
If you enjoy, as I do,
looking at nude ladies,
please do come along.
You shan't be disappointed.
That's disgusting.
No, it's not disgusting.
It's perfectly natural.
If it's good enough for Lady Godiva,
it's good enough for Fiona Richmond.
That's enough now.
Enough fun. Get off.
- Sorry, everyone.
- Come on, you've had your laughs.
Come on. All right, get rid
of the horse, it's blocking the road.
- Hi. Hello.
- Lady Godiva.
- How are you?
- Oh, it went brilliantly.
Paul. Fiona.
Let's get laid.
I'd rather see a beautiful lady
with her top off
than a middle-aged man
with his pants down.
I mean, who wants to see Brian Rix
with his trousers down all the time?
Me!
Well, well, well. Deborah Raymond.
I didn't know you were here.
- Hello. You look gorgeous.
- Oh, hello.
Oh, you were wonderful this evening.
- Don't, I'm hardly in it.
- No...
This is all down to you.
Mwah! Hello, Mr Raymond.
Pa's really happy and
it's a smash hit, isn't it?
Mmm-hmm.
You're a very lucky man, Paul,
getting to share your bed with
such a beautiful and talented woman.
- Are you flirting with my girlfriend?
- Ah, I might be.
Should I be jealous?
Well, that's up to you.
How are the Follies going?
Oh, Tony, I don't want
to talk about it.
Well, my apartment's right at the top,
so there's very little light pollution.
You can actually see the
stars from the bed.
I'd love to see it.
Are you all right, Debs? Are you okay?
Tired.
And I also have a sun...
sunbed above the bed
so you can get a tan
at the same time.
I have something
that'll cheer you up.
- Have to do it quick, right.
- Yeah.
This way... Trumpet. Toot-toot!
This way, right?
Ha! There you go.
Wow, it's amazing!
Ah! Home at last.
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
I'm so glad you guys
love each other.
And, er... and I like you a lot.
Wouldn't it be awful if we didn't?
- And I like you a lot.
- Good.
- Here's Debbie.
- Hello.
Hello, darling.
Do you want us to, um, head on
when she... when she comes in?
- Uh, yes. Yes, if you wouldn't mind.
- Could be a little bit awkward.
- Hello.
- Hi.
- How are you?
- Hello.
- Come, have a seat.
- Oh, thank you, Carl.
- There we are.
- Hi.
Thank you.
- Would you like a drop?
- Yes, please.
- How are you?
- How's the voice?
It's okay. It was a bit hoarse
when I woke up this morning, yeah.
It doesn't sound hoarse.
And, more importantly,
you don't look like a horse.
Yeah, you certainly don't.
Not at this moment in time.
Pineapple juice is what you want
for the throat.
Tony, we ought to, uh...
- Yes, yes, yes, yes.
- See you at the bar.
Just a second.
- See you in a little bit.
- See you in a bit.
Apparently, as well,
if you have chocolate
it's good for your voice.
It soothes it.
Um, I was thinking, uh,
we should think, er...
of perhaps finding another vehicle
for your talents.
I really like the Follies, though.
I know. I just think, you know,
we should find something else.
I don't think we should.
I really enjoy it
- and I really enjoy it every night.
- I'm thinking of cancelling the show.
The public were not ready.
They didn't understand it,
they didn't get it. More fool them.
I mean, is it my...
is it my fault?
No, it's not.
Of course it's not your fault, no.
It was haemorrhaging cash, you know.
I've got to balance the books,
you know, that's...
Well, what am I gonna do now, Pa?
I want to be able to act
and I want to be able to sing.
And I was doing that
and now everyone's going to...
Don't cry.
But they're going to know that
I was in the show that you put me in
and I wasn't good enough
and now nobody's going to hire me
in anything else ever again.
Don't cry.
I'm sorry, Pa, but I'm upset
about what you've just told me!
But don't cry!
The show's losing money!
I can't haemorrhage cash
just because you want to sing.
Don't cry, there's nothing to cry about.
- I can't help crying, I'm sorry.
- There's nothing to cry about!
I'm sorry.
Dry your tears. Come on.
Come on, dry your tears.
Anything else for Miss Raymond?
Can I have some champagne?
Would you like another
bottle of champagne?
Yes. Yes, please, Carl.
Your mascara's running.
I'm just gonna go, um...
I'm just gonna go to the loo.
Tony, do you have,
um, a pick-me-up?
- Are you all right, sweetheart?
- I'm okay. Yeah.
Yeah, thank you. Thanks.
- Didn't take that so well.
- No, she didn't.
I think you should watch that.
- Oh, she's fine. She's a big girl.
- She's a kid.
- Hi.
- Good evening, Tony.
Evening.
Deb?
Um, I'll have a vodka tonic,
thank you.
And a scotch, please.
- It's quite phallic, isn't it?
- Yes.
If my penis was shaped like a saxophone
I'd seek urgent medical attention.
There's Pa over there
with those girls.
They look about 12 years old.
I tell you, I did love the show, but...
You know what he's like.
Yeah, I do know what he's like.
That's what pisses me off.
Well, I've got some hard feeling.
Well, I will have later...
Look, come on, let's do a line.
Is she angry with Daddy?
Okay.
Keep these two lovely dishes
on the boil.
'Cause I'm working up
quite a large appetite.
Excuse me.
Oh, do you mind?
Oh, hi. Er, right.
This isn't what it looks like,
obviously.
No, we... we were literally
just having a snog in the ladies.
No. No, no, no. Whoa! No, no, no.
We were just...
Where did you get this?
If you're just buying it
off some random guy in the street,
you're crazy. It's junk.
If you're gonna do this kind of thing,
get the good stuff.
Yeah, well, that's mine, Paul,
so it is the good stuff, so...
Oh, right. Well, good.
But thank you for your advice.
I will remember that forever.
- Tony, uh, take her home.
- Pa.
- Come on, Debs. Come on.
- Are you being serious?
No, this is the first time
I've been happy all day long.
- Come on, Debbie. Look, this is...
- Dad...
I'll put you in a cab.
Go have fun with your
four-year-old friends.
- And you're just being an old man.
- Yeah, and you've made me an old man.
All of us are in the gutter.
But some of us are looking at the stars.
Wow.
That was Oscar Wilde,
by the way, said that.
I know.
Well, I don't mind
pushing the envelope,
you know, taking a risk.
I don't want to show too much pink.
Of course. It's gonna be classy.
- No penetration.
- No, no, no, no. No, no. No.
- If it's interesting we can give it a...
- "Interesting"?
This is an opportunity
for us to re-write
the cultural history of this nation.
And these girls are
prepared to do that?
Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Okay, a bit too much tease.
Let's take 'em down. Down.
That's good, that's it.
Back against the wall.
I want to see something.
I don't want to think
I might be seeing something.
I want to see it.
Lovely, that's great. That's good.
If you come... Yeah. That's it.
No, that's good.
That's it. This isn't...
It's not Germany. So we'll just...
That's it, that's it. Beautiful.
Look at that. I fucking love this girl.
We've got to use her again,
she's amazing.
- Can I have a look, please?
- Yes, please do.
- I'm very worried about this.
- Oh, Paul.
Are we going to run into
problems with that?
- No...
- I think we are going to
run into severe problems
with half of these images, I'd say.
- Yes.
- Why?
She's got her bum
in your face here.
You can see her bum-hole here.
Right in your face.
And, you know, I can't see
her middle finger there.
So men are just gonna assume
that's inside her.
- That's obscene.
- Really?
- Well, it's not in her fanny.
- I don't... I don't remember that.
Do we need to take
these kind of risks?
- Yes!
- On the day it wasn't inside her.
No, it's definitely not inside her.
Not during the shoot, anyway.
I think we have to ask ourselves
if we're pornographers or not.
With all due respect,
I do not publish, uh, pornography.
I, earlier today, obtained
these Scandinavian publications
from, uh, a Soho outlet.
Now these are what
I call pornography.
Hstspela, for example,
which, you know,
is literally "Horseplay"
in, um... Scandinavian.
And, by the way,
this is not your common or garden
equestrian publication,
I can assure you of that. Um...
The Obscene Publications Squad today
impounded more than 300, 000 copies
of Paul Raymond's magazine Men Only.
It's the largest amount of pornography
ever seized in Britain.
Tony, I think you should
let me go first.
Ah, you'll only depress him, Carl.
It'd be better if you let me
do the talking.
- Paul.
- Paul.
Those joyless, puritanical bastards.
Yeah, I know.
You know, they're the Roundheads
and we're the Cavaliers.
Yeah, who won?
It's as if masturbation
doesn't exist.
Think of one person who you can say
has never had a wank.
- Mother Teresa?
- All right, name me another person.
- Gandhi.
- Come on.
Oh, Jenny, it's all right,
I'll get it.
- You sure?
- Absolutely.
Darryl. Pleased to meet you.
Come in.
So you found us all right?
Yeah, I jumped in a
black cab at Euston.
I'm here on business as well
as seeing you, you know.
Oh, right. What kind of business?
Uh, it's a job interview, yeah.
Right, very good.
I like your flat.
It's like something
out of James Bond.
It is a bit.
Yeah, what's the... what's the
guy called? Dr No. It's like, yeah.
Yes, but it's a...
I don't have the white cat, I'm afraid.
Yes. Uh, Ringo helped me
design it, actually.
Ringo Starr from the Beatles.
- Oh, you know him?
- Well, I know all the Beatles.
Very friendly with them,
apart from Yoko.
Now, Darryl, can I offer you
a glass of champagne?
It's a very, very nice bottle.
Yeah, I've had it before.
And by the way,
it's not Darryl, it's Derry.
Okay, well, Derry it is.
I changed my name many years ago.
I used to be called Geoffrey.
- Geoffrey.
- Yes.
It's really nice.
You know, for years I'd tell people
that you were dead.
That's what Mum...
what Mum told me to say.
And then I find out that
not only are you not dead,
but you're Paul bloody Raymond.
It's just...
It's just, I don't know.
Your mother was very young
when she fell pregnant.
Yeah, she was, um, 17.
I, uh... I kept up the
maintenance payments.
Thirty shillings a week
until I was 21.
Yes.
You know, we even share
the same birthday.
15th of November.
Yes, it's quite a coincidence, isn't it?
Mmm.
Yeah, so when I was... blowing
out candles on my birthday cake
at some point during that day,
you'd be doing the same.
Well, I haven't actually had a
birthday cake since 1958, but, uh...
I've got some old photos if you
want to see 'em. I've got, um...
One of you and Mum.
Good Lord.
We both look so young.
Your mother is a
fine-looking woman.
Yeah. Yeah.
I've got some pictures of me
if you want to see them.
Yes, of course. Please do.
Show you these...
There's another one
of you and Mum.
That's Southend.
You can tell by the, er... by the pier.
Did a lot of the seaside resorts,
when we were touring.
- It's so funny.
- Mmm.
Uh... And that's you, is it?
Yeah. That's... that's me
at the seaside.
Yes, you've got a
very characterful face.
- Thanks.
- Yes.
- There she is again.
- Yeah.
- That's you as a baby, is it?
- Yeah.
I think I was about three weeks.
Yes, she looks very happy.
Such a long time ago.
Another life.
Yeah, um, thanks for dinner.
It's really nice to meet you.
Well, absolutely. And thank
you for getting in touch
and I thought it was
very worthwhile.
Well, goodbye, Derry.
Yeah, goodbye, Paul.
Take care.
- Good afternoon, Miss Raymond.
- Hi.
I'm Paul Raymond.
I am Paul Raymond.
I am Paul Raymond.
I'm Geoffrey Quinn.
Aperitif, anyone?
Boss man.
I really want to emphasise
- we only do coke socially.
- Absolutely, yes.
We just happen to be
very sociable people.
I like to do it anti-socially myself.
No, no, no, no. Not for me.
Okay, I'd like to propose a toast
to the one millionth copy of Men Only
sold in the United States of America.
It's called the "'matador look"'.
Oh, my back. I'm joking, I'm joking.
What are you talking about?
This... this is where it all happens.
We need to talk.
That's never a good
start to a conversation.
I'm leaving, Paul.
And I mean it this time.
I'm tired of it.
I just want a normal life.
Normal life is for normal people.
Is there anybody else?
No.
Captain of the cruise
ship in St Tropez?
No.
Cocktail waiter in Jamaica?
No.
Is it me?
Don't answer that.
- Yes.
- Yes.
Is it something I've done?
Something I've, uh, not done?
Something I could do?
You're never gonna change, Paul.
Where will you go?
I'm going to go and live with Debbie.
Debbie knew you were going
to leave me before I did?
You wanted us to be friends.
Well, uh, I own Debbie's flat
and, um, technically
she's not allowed to sublet.
- It's in the lease.
- I'm sorry.
# Anyone who ever loved
# Could look at me
# And know that I love you
# Anyone who ever dreamed
# Could look at me
# And know I dream of you
# Knowing I love you so
# Anyone who had a heart
# Would take me in his arms
and love me, too
# You couldn't really have
a heart and hurt me...
Pa?
Pa?
Are you all right?
I don't know.
Oh, dear.
Did Fiona send you?
No, she didn't.
You haven't got
a temperature or anything.
I just feel old.
I don't think you're old.
Oh, Pa. You can't just lie here
and feel miserable all day, can you?
Yes.
No.
Come on. You're getting up.
And we're going out!
You're going to feel much better.
I'll get you some clothes.
Come on, you're Paul Raymond.
You're not Geoffrey bloody Quinn.
Let's have some caffeine, first of all.
And then let's go and
have some champagne.
Go to L'Escargot for dinner,
and we'll go out to a club
and we'll have lots and lots
and lots of fun.
Just what the doctor ordered.
Did you hear that, Chris?
I'm afraid it's going to be
a late one tonight.
Good, I've been missing them.
It's just beautiful
at night-time.
Everything looks beautiful
at night-time.
No, this.
This is beautiful.
Henry Vlll used to use this
area as his hunting ground.
And "Soho" was his battle cry.
- So-ho.
- So-ho, you know.
So-ho.
So-ho!
Sorry.
So-ho!
I own all of you!
Well, actually, the Queen
owns the pavement, darling.
No. Soho!
Anything else, Mr Raymond?
I think the magazine
needs a revamp.
It's a little old-hat and I think
we need to make some changes.
- Do you have any big changes in mind?
- Yes.
Yes, I think we need to,
er... fire Fiona.
What are you two doing sitting
here like two wallflowers?
I know what you're thinking.
"Her father's come to pick her up. "
But, no, I'm here under
my own volition.
I am here to dance.
He is actually here to pick her up.
Les girls.
- Yeah.
- Whoo!
We're looking for new beautiful girls
and we were wondering if you knew any.
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
You're very, very beautiful, all of you.
Sexy ladies!
You wouldn't think I was 35.
I'm here to tell you about
the re-launch of Men Only.
Paul, how do you think Fiona feels
about getting the sack?
I don't know how she felt. Um...
All I know is it's, of course,
always unpleasant
when you have to fire somebody.
Is Men Only gonna become
more pornographic?
It is not pornographic and it
will never be pornographic.
Is Men Only degrading to women?
No, it is not.
Oh, that's fabulous.
Yeah, that's good.
That's great.
Think it could be a
little more Sapphic?
He wants you to just lick her.
Turn round, Nicole, go down and...
That's it, yes!
You're doing a great job, girls.
Let's have a quid pro quo.
Huh?
- He means, um, the other way...
- Do it for each other.
Yeah, do it for each other.
Little more sensual.
Can we get some, uh, Vaseline?
Yeah.
We don't want the jar in the shot.
Yeah, that's it.
Excellent, yeah.
I do like the blue shoes.
I really like them.
- I want Tony to get me some.
- Whatever colour, I don't mind.
I don't normally see the colour.
They're usually behind my head.
- What, on a shelf?
- No.
No, I can feel 'em,
I just can't see 'em.
- Do you like these, Chloe?
- I think it'd look better maybe
if there was two blondes, though,
instead of the brunette.
I'm blond, we'll do it with me.
We could always do two blondes
and then you in the middle or something.
- You like that idea, Tony?
- No.
- I do.
- You see,
she knows which side
her bread's buttered.
And it wouldn't just be the bread
that's buttered.
Oh!
Have you seen
"Last Tango In Paris?"
- I haven't.
- Pass the butter.
Pass, pass... Pass the butter.
Hey, pass the butter.
And the Worcester sauce.
Wouldn't the Worcester Sauce sting?
Precisely.
No, he wouldn't use a
word like that, would he?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you got it.
Something like that.
Hello.
Ward... Ward West 8.
- Straight up there on the right.
- Thank you.
- He knows what he's doing?
- Yeah...
Um, excuse me,
I'm looking for Deborah Raymond.
- Oh, she's just through there, sir.
- Thank you.
Hello. You must be Jonathan.
Yes. And you are?
- Paul...
- Raymond.
Precisely.
Is she all right?
Uh, yeah, she's, er, sleeping at the moment.
They gave her something.
So, um, what happened?
Enlighten me, please.
I heard a crash so I
went to have a look.
Um, I found Debbie.
Her boyfriend lives
in my block of flats.
Um, and she looked pretty messed-up
so I, er... brought her here,
you know.
Well, thanks. Thank you.
Hi.
Good evening.
Have you met Jonathan, Pa?
Yeah, we have been speaking, yes.
You know he rescued me,
like a knight in a fairy tale?
Yeah. Sounds like you're
severely concussed.
He writes songs.
He's going to write a song
for me to sing.
That's the plan.
It's kismet.
I thought there was already
a song called Kismet.
What songs have you written?
Uh, mainly jingles for commercials.
I'm very good friends with the Beatles,
apart from Yoko.
Ringo actually designed
my, er, apartment.
Cool.
I thought you were going to be
a theatre impresario like your Pa.
- What's happened with that?
- Oh, I'm gonna do that as well.
You know, I can do whatever I like
because I'm feeling lucky.
Six, take one.
Some people will say you're
only able to produce this play
because your father
is Paul Raymond.
Pa's renting the theatre to us
for a thousand quid a week.
# You and I have found a world
# Where dreams will come true
I could just sit around eating cake
because I'm Paul Raymond's daughter,
but that's not my way, really.
I'm... I'm a worker.
Debbie is a very hard-working
professional producer.
There's no doubt in my mind that...
Women Behind Bars
will be a huge success.
#... together, you and I...
That's fantastic. Just some,
uh, technical issues our end,
but you're sounding great.
'Cause people like you are like the
slime at the bottom of the shower stall.
After a while, it gets so thick
all the Dutch cleanser in the world
can't get it off.
If you don't love me,
you don't love everybody.
I'd like to propose a toast
to my new impresario
and my always-gorgeous leading lady.
- Cheers.
- Cheers.
I'd like to propose a toast of my own
to...
marriage and to Jonathan.
Thank you.
- Good evening, Mr Raymond.
- Now, this is Jean.
America suits you.
Your tan's almost as deep as mine.
I'd have said it's
twice as deep, actually.
- You like my hair?
- Yes, very nice.
It's got a sort of a...
a Myra Hindley effect.
Say what you like about her,
you know, she was a looker.
So, Howard, are you missing home?
America's more like home for me.
America's a big market
for us now.
- Mmm.
- Isn't it?
Tony's doing a really fantastic job.
He's really making quite a fortune
- which is great for us. So...
- It's great. Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
He's sort of like a son to Pa.
Howard, er... has made
no secret of the fact
he's not particularly interested
in the business.
- Not like you, Debbie, is he?
- No, you prefer, sort of,
- playing tennis and...
- Shame about your tits, really.
Otherwise you could
work in the Revue Bar
or be in Men Only, like your friend.
Fiona?
- Whatever she calls herself now.
- Yeah.
She's not in Men Only. Um...
Pa sacked her, so...
Oh. I thought she sacked Dad.
No, you're wrong. I sacked her,
so you're wrong about that.
- Yeah.
- Okay, that's enough, you two.
Come along, we're supposed
to be celebrating.
Yay.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Could I have your attention, please?
My name is Paul Raymond.
I am the...
Thank you... er, father of the bride.
That's what you think.
Deborah, you look super,
you've got a smashing figure,
and I'm very proud of you.
She may not be a double-D
but, to me, she'll always be three-D.
- My darling daughter Deborah. Ah.
- Aw.
Someone came up to me earlier
outside and said,
"I understand that the wedding
cost in excess of 75,000."
I said, "Please don't
talk about money, it's vulgar.
"And anyway," I added, "their wedding
was actually closer to 95,000."
# And put the freshness back
# Do the shake and vac...
- I love that! I love that. Oh!
- Guilty as charged.
Hi.
Don't call me Mum, call me Jean.
Well, you're very, very, very gorgeous
and I'm very proud to have you
as my son-in-law.
- I can't believe you're my...
- Am I interrupting you two?
- Huh?
- Hi, Debs.
Hi.
Hi. I, um...
- What?
- I'll see you later.
- See you later.
- Yeah, see you later.
- She's great.
- She's unbelievable.
You should get a room, you two.
Why don't you do that?
- You been dancing?
- No, I haven't been dancing, Jonathan.
I've just been watching my
mother dance with you.
Don't be cross with me.
It wasn't me that was...
I'm not cross, Jonathan. I'm not 14.
Welcome to the family, Jonathan.
- Cheers.
- You've been welcomed.
Our condolences on this sad day.
This is more like a fucking funeral.
So, what are you doing later on?
Probably going to bed.
- With me?
- No.
- Uh, alone?
- Probably.
Mmm. I mean, my bed's too big
to sleep in all by myself.
Well, that was always
the problem, wasn't it?
I prefer a bed big enough
for just two people.
Oh.
You know what?
I want you to have my children.
Seriously. They're outside in the car.
You can take 'em now if you like.
Who is that foxy lady?
Oh, it might be me.
You are looking absolutely sensational.
Oh, thank you very much.
Are you feeling very lonely
now you've lost your girlfriend?
- Well, I can always get a girl.
- Well, I certainly know that.
No, seriously,
you're looking better than ever.
Better than women half your age.
That's a compliment, by the way.
Cheeky bugger.
Do I look good enough
to be on the cover of Men Only?
If you want to be. Is that an offer?
Might be.
Are we ready, Mr Bailey?
Hop on.
Which way, backwards or forwards?
Which way do you want to start?
I'm gonna do both, so...
Right, look back at me.
Take the bloody picture.
Where the hell is Tony, by the way?
There's no make-up artist.
No black and white film stock.
What's going on?
What's wrong with him?
Oh, that's beautiful.
Desire me.
Oh, Golly gosh!
Change of scenery. Great.
Did you know Debbie's doing drugs?
- Who said that?
- Well, is it true?
She's an adult.
She can take care of herself.
Come in.
Anna, will you tell me the truth?
You're another woman. Do I look red?
- You look gorgeous.
- See?
I bet Fiona got hair and make-up.
Oh, darling, just...
Look at me. Look at me, darling.
We know what's under there.
That's excellent. No love, just lust.
I wish I had half your talent
for manipulating people.
- Manipulate? - She must
want you back. Doesn't she?
She doesn't want me back.
She just wants to show me
that other men still desire her.
Yeah, well, I desire her.
Fucking hell, look at that.
I'm thinking of taking a year off.
- Oh, yeah?
- Going to live in a monastery
like a monk.
What, Rasputin?
- That's very good stuff.
- Yeah. Only the best.
Yeah, it's not too, er...
it's not too buzzy.
He's good. He doesn't...
he doesn't cut it with any shit.
We need to shift up a gear, right.
The magazine needs to...
needs to stay on top.
We've, uh... We're, you know...
We've dropped down to third, second.
We're revving hard
but we're stuck on a hill or...
I don't know, I don't know.
We've caught too many red lights
or whatever.
We need to put
the serious driving gloves on
because we don't...
we don't want to get, you know...
we don't want to get blisters,
uh, gripping the wheel too hard
whilst we're stuck...
Well, I think I know
what you're talking about.
We need to be in the fast lane.
Yes.
I shouldn't bring my work home
with me, you know, Tony, huh.
Eeny, meeny, miny, mo.
Can you not see
I am making great art here?
Well, it's not the neatest line
I've ever set up!
That's fantastic.
A sort of albino Supremes.
Sort of Chicken Supreme.
Paul Raymond, a name once
synonymous with sophistication,
has been accused by the Sunday Times
of organising prostitution
from one of his clubs in Soho,
the Pink Pussycat.
"Sex for sale. "
I can't believe I bloody fell for it.
Nice picture of you.
"Squalid side of Raymond's Soho. "
I am sorry, Paul.
Good morning.
How does it feel to be exposed
as a common pimp?
Well, I'm going to go to court,
and I will swear on a stack of Bibles
that these allegations bear no relation
to the way I conduct my business
in any shape or form.
Not only do they ruin the reputation
of one of London's finest districts,
but they also bring down
property prices,
which I'm sure you'll understand
that I do not want.
Club looks good.
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
- No, thanks.
- Repeat the conclusion...
This is quality.
...imagine that my
face is the camera
and I would like you to splay your legs
before the camera, my face.
Superb.
- Is that funny?
- It's hilarious.
I'd love to see that girl's pussy
but there's an old man's head
in the way.
- That was excellent.
- I love the gestures.
- They make you look like an air hostess.
- Funny-looking air hostess.
"Doors to manual. "
That's your new bird, Di, is it?
- Yes.
- All right.
- Yeah, she's hot.
- Thank you.
I'd fuck her.
Tony, please.
Let me know when you've
finished with her, eh?
Right, stop the... stop the film.
Switch it off.
How many grams are you
getting through a day?
Why?
Because you've got to stop.
You're out of control.
Bollocks. I do about
half as much as you do.
We both know that's rubbish.
And even if it were true,
I don't turn up for work two days late.
I don't insult the staff.
Listen to me. I don't insult the staff.
I don't upset advertisers.
And I certainly don't lose 10%
of US sales of Club International.
And I don't have a boss
because I am the boss.
Yeah, I like you, Tony,
but you've got to clean up your act.
- And I'm telling you for your own good.
- Who's gonna take over the magazines?
- Deborah.
- No.
No. No! Because she...
she's a psycho-woman.
- You can't have a...
- Whoa. Tony.
- That's enough.
- No. She's up and down like a yoyo.
- She does twice as much coke as I do.
- No, she doesn't.
- Yes, she does. She's...
- Tony...
No-one can stand her.
She's talentless.
If you weren't bankrolling her
she'd be nowhere. I'm sorry.
Zip it! Enough.
I'm sorry, Paul,
I know she's your daughter
but she is nothing like you. Nothing.
And she's nowhere near me.
- Carl?
- Yes, Paul?
Sack him.
- Wha... No, come on.
- Tony...
Before long, I think she will take
over the empire that I've built up.
But I wouldn't have said that once.
She was very badly behaved
and almost impossible to control.
But now I think she's found the
right balance between work and play.
A lot of people still view him
as very hard-edged and quite
a ruthless businessman, you know.
But, um... Yeah, I mean, I don't
see him that way. I'm his daughter.
So, as far as I'm concerned,
he's my father and that's that, yeah.
Now that Debbie has a child,
I think she'll be a great mother
and I do hope that her child brings her
as much pleasure as she has brought me.
All right. Okay, just
take the gas and air,
take the gas and air.
Good girl. Good girl.
Breathe it in.
In through your nose
and out through your mouth.
Can I have more pethidine?
I can't give you any more just yet.
I'm really drug-tolerant.
I need it, please.
- I'm sorry, love.
- Please.
Can you...
Can you get the doctor?
- He's on the ward.
- No, can you get the doctor, please!
All right, love, you're doing
really well. You're doing great.
No, can you do me a line?
Please, can I have a line?
- I really need it.
- I can't do that.
- It's a hospital.
- No, please, I really need it.
I'll do you a very,
very, very small one.
Hey, aren't you? Yes, you are.
A - ha! There he is!
The grandfather of Soho!
All hail the King!
Champagne for everyone.
House champagne.
I'd like to propose a toast, please,
to my new grand-daughter Fawn.
- To Fawn.
- Cheers.
- And, of course, my darling Deborah.
- And darling Deborah.
- Evening, Mr Raymond.
- Good evening.
Evening, Michelle.
The hair never moves!
No matter what Thatcher does!
And we're all watching!
Just locked, locked!
Glued into position!
She could have gone to Brixton
at the heart of the riots.
Paving stones would
have bounced off it.
The cops could have held her
as a battering ram.
The most insane head of hair. Oi!
Speaking of insane heads of hair,
it's our landlord, Paul Raymond.
Paul, how are you?
Good to have you here.
Who are you out with tonight, Paul?
Is that one of your dancers
or your daughter?
Daughter!
It doesn't matter, either way she's
gonna end the night being wanked over.
What did he just say?
He owns all of this because
he's a genius at turning that into that.
Very clever man.
Built on spunk.
He is a fantastic father to me.
Um, he's my best friend, really.
I've kind of called him up
over the years with problems
at 4:00 in the morning
in floods of tears
and he's, um, he's always
been there to listen
and pick up the pieces.
And he still does that now.
Can you see what I'm doi ng, Pa?
Just joining lots of lines
of coke up in a big circle.
No, I'm not.
I'm making a big "C".
It's not a "C" for "coke", Pa.
Um...
I'm making a "C" for "cancer".
What are you talking about?
Er...
I've got breast cancer.
- It's gonna be all right.
- What am I gonna do?
It's okay.
What am I gonna do?
Okay, we'll get treatment.
We'll get some treatment.
It's gonna be all right.
Would you describe him
as a good father?
Yeah. He's a fantastic father.
I don't really know
of too many other people
who have a relationship
like the one that we do.
I think it's quite rare, yeah.
Okay, I think that's
a good place to finish.
- Thank you. Happy?
- Yes, mate, sure thing.
Can you get Debbie's mic off, please?
Thanks very much, Paul.
Thanks for having us.
Thank you. Thank you kindly, yes.
Sorry for interrupting your morning.
No, no, it's very illuminating.
Can you tell these are fake
on the camera?
Thank you.
I wasn't looking too closely.
They used to be much, much smaller.
I had to get them chopped off.
I got the Big C,
and it's kind of ironic, really,
the business I work in,
'cause the other ones were too small.
- Weren't they, the other tits?
- Well, no, they were fine.
Feel, it's really weird.
They don't feel like...
Leave the poor man alone, darling.
Sorry.
Next time, maybe.
Next time.
I thought I was...
I thought I was very fair.
You were. I was nice about you, too,
so we're even.
Well, I don't know,
I think I was more nice about you.
- Goodnight, Lydia.
- Night, Mr Raymond.
You want to get dinner
or something?
No, I think I'm just gonna go
and meet some friends
and go and get dinner out.
Give you a lift?
- No, I'm good. Thank you. Bye.
- Okay. All right, my love.
That was very good.
That was very good.
- Well done. Bye, darling.
- Thank you, Pa. Love you. Bye.
Hello, Charles.
Debbie arrived at my flat.
She drank some vodka,
and she snorted some cocaine.
She then said she wanted
to try some heroin.
I'd never seen her do heroin
before that night.
She snorted some heroin
and sat on the bed.
When I woke up, I tried to wake her
but she wouldn't wake up.
I thought she was joking.
I tried to wake her by putting her under
the shower but she wouldn't wake up.
I took her back to the bed and
gave her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
And then I called Mr Raymond.
Hello. Mr Raymond?.
- Yes. Who's this?
- Look, I'm a friend of Debbie's.
You need to come.
- Why, what's happened?
- She's here at my flat.
# Anyone who ever loved
# Could look at me
# And know that I love you
# Anyone who ever dreamed
# Could look at me
# And know I dream of you...
Hello?
Hello. Are you Ainsley?
Yeah, yeah. I'm so sorry.
# Anyone who had a heart
would take me in his arms
# And love me, too
# You couldn't really have a heart
# That hurt me like you hurt me
# And be so untrue
# What am I to do?.
Debbie...
# Every time you go away
"Where, O death, is your victory?
"Where, O death, is your sting?"
For as much as it has
pleased Almighty God
to take to himself the soul
of our beloved Debbie,
we bear her body hence
to the place prepared for it.
That ashes may return to ashes
and dust to dust.
Who gives this woman
in marriage to this man?
I do.
This is the first time
I've ever given anything away
and it's the thing
that is most precious to me.
# Love me, too
# You couldn't really have a heart
# That hurt me like you hurt me
# And be so untrue
# What am I to do?
# Knowing I love you so
# Anyone who had a heart...
- Hello, Jean.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Do you remember me?
- Yes.
Yeah? You've got big.
- Oh, is that your baby sister?
- Yeah.
Oh, yes, this is India.
This is her father, John.
Hello.
Hi, gorgeous.
Well, don't spoil them
like you did Debbie.
Nice to see you, Jean.
You know, all she ever wanted
was to impress you.
To be strong like you.
To get everything she wanted,
just like you.
But she never was you.
This is not the right time.
No.
Never is with you.
Goodbye, Jean.
Come on, let's go. Let's go.
I'll take Fawn.
I'll see you later on, all right?
- 31?
- Yes.
- 32?
- Yes.
- 36?
- Yes.
Why do you buy so many
houses, Grandpa?
They're not houses,
they're offices, shops,
cafes, restaurants, clubs.
But why so many?
I bought them for your mummy.
For your mummy and you,
and your little sister.
- I don't want them.
- Why not?
I want my mummy.
I know. I know.
Now, this...
this is my favourite.
- Do you own it?
- Yes, I do.
Do you fancy a cake?
- Yes, please, Grandpa.
- Right.
Charles, will you take Fawn inside?
# The look of love
# Is in your eyes
# The look your heart
# Can't disguise
Can I have the berry cheesecake,
the strawberry mountain,
the cake with the
almonds around it
and the marzipan figs?
I like this shop. Do you own it?
No. No, not yet.
Ah! So, what did you get?
Chocolate eclair.
- Thank you, Grandpa.
- You're welcome, Princess.
# I can hardly wait to hold you
# Feel my arms around you
# How long I have waited
# Waited just to love you
# Now that I have found you
# You've got the look
# Of love
# It's on your face
# The look
# That time can't erase
# Be mine tonight
# Let this just be the start of
# So many nights like this
# Let's take a lover's vow and
# Seal it with a kiss
# I can hardly wait to hold you
# Feel my arms around you
# How long I have waited
# Waited just to love you
# Now that I have found you
# Don't ever go
# I can hardly wait to hold you
# Feel my arms around you
# How long I have waited
# Waited just to love you
# Now that I have found you
# Don't ever go
# Don't ever go
# Don't ever go
# I love you so #
Thank you.