Gentlemen,
we are here to do homage...
to one who has filled
the bottle of achievement...
one who rose to the top...
uh, just like our cream.
This man has faithfully
delivered our products...
achieving a record for which
we may all be justly proud...
the unbelievable record
of 428 points.
Mr. Levinson,
I congratulate you.
Thank you.
And now, fellas, l...
Uh... Mr. Levinson thanks you,
I'm sure.
And there are others
among you...
who are deserving
of honorable mention.
You, Mr. Ackerman, for your
splendid record of 397 points.
But there is another man...
who has been with us
but a short time...
but in that short time
has achieved a wonderful record.
I congratulate you,
Mr. Snodgrass.
And you, Mr. Scott, are
deserving of honorable mention.
And you. And you.
And you. And...
I'll see you later.
Now, just a moment's chat
about the pulse of our public...
Now, in this area here,
we find...
In this area here,
we find that our sales...
I say, in this area...
our sales are falling
far below what they should.
There is no reason...
Please.
Please.
We find in this area here that
our business is falling off...
while that of our competitors
seems to on the increase...
As I was saying,
that in this area...
In this area,
I'm telling you...
that we find our shares are
falling below what they should.
We are losing all our customers!
Now, something is wrong!
Now the question is,
what is wrong?
Why is it, I ask you?
There's the reason!
I can see it now.
That's what's wrong!
Burleigh,
what's the matter with you?
I just drank some ink.
You know how that is.
No, I don't. I never drink ink.
Some of the boys been
playing tricks on you?
- Who gave you that?
- Oh, no one gave it to me, sir.
Well, probably that clown...
who's been doing
the hiccoughing in there.
- Oh, no, sir?
- How do you know?
Get in there.
Harvest Moon, checkroom.
Hello, sis? You all ready to go?
Mm-hmm. Yeah,
I'm leaving right away.
All right,
I'll be waiting out in front.
I think it's terrible...
little girl
waiting out in front.
Heh. Me, too.
Yes, Burleigh. Uh-huh.
Well, I'll be there
anytime you say.
- So will I.
- Heh. Me, too.
Don't worry. I'll be there.
I think the guy
ought to stay home.
Me, too.
Good-bye.
You know,
I'm glad you're through...
'cause I was gettin'
a little tired.
Heh heh...
Yes, I know... you, too.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Pardon me.
You gave us the wrong hats.
Ohh, that's very funny.
If you tell me
where the act's playing...
I'll try and miss it.
Ha ha ha.
Yeah.
We like you.
We don't.
Listen, what happened?
Did you lose your address book?
Yes.
- Yes, what?
- Yes, ma'am.
Hmm. That's what I thought.
Good night.
Where you going?
You give me my hat.
Heh heh.
Give me my hat.
Listen, I've got a great idea.
Let's all go over to your house.
Did it ever occur to you that
I might be somebody's sister?
Hello, sis.
Listen, I'm warning you!
My brother's a very tough man.
She's got a brother
She's got a brother,
she's got a brother
Burleigh!
All fall down
Burleigh!
Burleigh!
- Burleigh! Burleigh!
- Burleigh! Burleigh!
- Burleigh!
- Burleigh!
Burleigh! Burleigh!
- Burleigh!
- Burleigh!
What's happening?
What's the matter?
Say, you fellas
can't do this.
- Who are you?
- Well, I'm her brother.
How do we know?
Yeah, yeah.
Can you identify yourself?
Huh?
It's a serious thing,
posing as somebody's brother.
What's your name?
Puddin' 'n' Tain. Ask me again,
I'll tell you the same.
Raaah!
Oh, Burleigh,
let's get out of here!
You hear what he said?
He started it.
He put it on himself!
Come on, Burleigh.
You're outnumbered.
No, they're probably gangsters.
Should be arrested.
I've got to do my duty
as an American citizen.
Give me that again.
What's your name?
Joe Monroe. Ask me again,
you still won't know.
He said it again!
He repeated! He repeated!
I'll give him a last chance
to make a dying statement.
This is silly, Burleigh,
and dangerous.
It's all right, sis.
I know a million of 'em.
He can't get away with that.
This is it. What's your name?
Poo Poo Padoo... that's who I am.
And who are you?
That's it!
Fight! Fight!
In front of the club!
Hurry, hurry!
Let's go see the fight!
Who's fighting?
Everyone,
get down on the ground!
Now, any of you mugs
know these mugs?
I don't know this guy.
But this guy...
is the middleweight champion
of the world.
Hey, I'd like
to shake the hand...
of the man that knocked out
the middleweight champion!
So would I!
Extra! Extra!
Read all about it!
Middleweight champion
knocked out by truck driver!
Read all about it! Extra!
Well, they kind of got you
in a spot, ain't they, Gabby?
Yeah. Every time I leave town,
something happens!
That is news. As a rule...
something happens,
and then you leave town.
Oh, I see. Wise guy. I though
you were a faithful reporter.
Listen, I don't want
to hear any more...
Aw, inside, inside.
You'll lose it.
Ha ha ha. Come on,
let's get out of here.
Speed.
Oh, Speed.
Oh...
Spider! Spider!
Wait! Wait a minute!
Wait a minute!
Wait a minute.
It's me, Spider!
How did I get this mouse?
Ooh. I don't know.
I wasn't with you.
Oh.
- Yes, you were.
- Was I?
Of course you...
Weren't you?
What?
What?
You shouldn't come in here
when Gabby's out of town.
He might think
it wasn't on the level.
He wouldn't understand
anything that was.
- Good morning, Plato.
- Plato what?
Let's keep it simple.
How did you get that?
Oh, uh... this?
Oh, you see, uh,
I was shadowboxing...
And the shadow won?
No, no. You see,
it was like this.
Uh, uh... Spider came in,
and we started to spar...
and... and I ran into one.
Where were you
when I called last night?
- Uh... in the shower.
- Tub.
More accidents happen
in bathrooms.
Look.
That's the story of the lion
and the mouse.
It's a lie!
Then sue the paper.
What's it say?
"Truck driver
knocks out champion."
Ooh, it must be some other mug.
Yeah, some other
middleweight champion.
There ain't no other
middleweight champ.
Not officially.
Listen, Ann, be a pal.
You're not gonna say anything
to Gabby about this, are you?
He reads just as easy.
Oh, but he's in Philadelphi.
I hear they got
a paper there now.
Gabby, you're his manager,
aren't you?
I'll give you a statement
in ten minutes!
Well, it better be ten minutes,
or we'll write one of our own.
Yeah, but you don't
know what it means...
to lose your reputation,
walk down the street...
and have the whole town
talkin' about you.
No? Heh.
Well, twelve years ago
in my hometown...
I went on a hayride.
- What's that got to do with it?
- Nothing...
except they're still
talking about it.
Let me see that.
Oh, that'll be all right
in a few days.
Oh, hello, Daddy.
Remind me to ask you later what
you were doing in here with him.
I wish you cared.
Well...
You dumb cluck.
You thick-skulled gorilla.
What do you think
I'm feeding you for?
Why didn't you watch him?!
Well, what do you got
to say for yourself?
- I got a headache.
- Shut up!
And you... you...
the middleweight
champion of the world.
Heh. Yesterday, you had
a title worth $1 million.
Today, it isn't worth a nickel.
I'm in Philly, signing you up
to beat Kid Miller for 20 Gs.
I got the pen in my hand all
ready to sign, and what happens?
Yeah. That's what I want
to know... what happened?!
He wants to know what happened.
Heh. They want to know
what happened.
Sure, they want to know.
The lobby's crawling
with reporters...
and I gotta give them
a statement!
You better get a story ready.
We're gonna need it. Hello?
Now, listen, Willard...
I said I'd give you a statement
in ten minutes.
- Well, I always keep my word.
- Uh-oh.
I said ten minutes, didn't I?
The rats are coming up in five.
Well, come on, let's have it!
Come on, come on!
Listen, Gabby,
it was like this.
Spider and I were
walking down the street...
and... and up comes a guy.
And what a guy.
Right. Gabby, he was
the biggest guy I ever saw.
Bigger! Boss,
he was bigger than Canary.
Yeah, yeah, with hands
as big as watermelons.
How did he wind his watch?
Speed looked like this
alongside of him.
I had to jump up in the air
to hit him.
Now, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
This is serious. A big guy, huh?
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
"Middleweight knocked out
by heavyweight."
That's an angle.
Grab it, Spider.
Why, he outweighs Speed
fifty pounds.
Got a good right hand.
What'll I say?
Say hello.
They'll pick it up from there.
Hello?
Who?
He is?!
The truck driver,
Burleigh Sullivan...
is on his way up.
Let's all hide under the bed.
Now, be calm, everybody,
be calm.
Now, the big stiff
is on his way up.
The reporters
are downstairs... great.
We'll get a picture
of the two of you.
You know, like they do...
big, little guy?
Hey, the public
gets one look at you...
alongside of that big bruiser,
why, you'll even get sympathy.
You know what we can do,
don't you?
Why, say, we could take
that man-mountain and...
Well? What do you want?
L... I'm Burleigh Sullivan.
It's a lie.
Hands as big as
watermelons, huh?
Come in, Sullivan.
Hello there.
No, you don't.
Now I got him. Now I got him.
Go on, get the press.
Get the press.
I'll lay him out as flat
as a piece of linoleum.
Hit him over here
in the sunlight...
so the boys
can photograph the body.
Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Before you make
any more mistakes...
Wait a minute.
Are you sure
that you're the man...
that knocked out
our Mr. McFarland?
Uh, yes, ma'am.
Why, you dirty little worm!
Easy, easy! We got to
find out what happened...
before they get up here.
Now, start talking!
In the first place, you gotta
cut out all this rough stuff.
- All right, cut it out.
- That's better.
All right, get started.
Well... you've all
read the papers?
- We glanced through them.
- Rubbin' it in, huh?
There he goes again.
Shut up! All right, come on.
Now, I don't know how you folks
feel about all this...
but it's got me worried.
- You're looking well.
- Oh, thank you.
This thing was partly my fault.
All right if I sit down?
Yeah.
Now, I'll tell you
just how it started.
You see, I've never had
my name in the papers.
When I saw a chance
to get in the headlines...
whew! You don't know
what that did to me.
See, I lead
a very simple life.
I'll bet you do.
Hmm. At the dairy,
I'm only 120-pointer.
That's bad, huh?
Oh, it's awful.
And then, out of the clear sky,
this thing happened last night.
You know?
And as all those reporters
came running up to me...
I said, "Oh, boy!
Oh, boy! Oh, boy!"
And, heh, well,
I guess I was carried away.
Well, now we're
getting somewhere.
- It's the telephone.
- Yeah.
Eh?
Comin' upstairs?
Hey.
Oh, wait a minute.
Come on, let him alone.
Let him alone.
Tell the boy I'll give him
5 bucks to stall the elevator.
Now, come on.
Let's get down to cases.
How did the champ
get knocked out?
Oh. When I was
a little boy...
Listen. Do you have
to go back that far?
Now, please don't stop me.
He's nervous, isn't he?
What do you suggest?
- Well, warm milk's very good.
- No, he's tried that.
Listen, come on,
let's get going.
Um, well,
when I was a little boy...
Can't you start when
you were a little older?
Oh, no, I gotta start
when I'm a little boy.
We got no time
to wait for you to grow up!
Aw, now I'm all rattled.
Now you've got him all rattled.
Aw, come on.
Come on and tell Ann
all about it.
Just once.
Well, when I was a little boy,
I was sort of puny.
Hey... you can get in on this.
All right, thanks.
The big boys
used to pick on me.
They threw things at me...
bricks and tomatoes.
You know, like kids do.
So I learned to duck.
To what?
To duck. Hmm.
See what I mean?
Oh, I had to.
I finally got
so good at it...
that I could put my hands
in my pockets and...
Bet the kids pennies
they couldn't knock my hat off.
They couldn't, either.
You know, once, I made enough
to take my mother...
and my sister Mae
to the picture show.
- Say, you met her last night.
- Look here.
I'm trying to find out
how the champ got knocked out...
and you keep talking about milk
and puny babies and movies!
Now, this isn't gonna
get you anywhere.
How'd you like to have me
do that to you?
That's all right. Go ahead.
Now I don't know where I was.
Now, listen, Sully,
you were a puny little boy...
and you took your mother
and sister to a picture show.
Now do you remember?
Oh, yes.
I even remember the picture.
You remember the one
where the man...
Iocked the girl in his cabin and
he chased her round and round?
Oh, that one? Yes.
- You do?
- Yes.
How did it end?
My mother took me home.
Take the witness.
Now, look here.
Pay attention to me.
Now, listen,
don't let your mind wander.
- Keep it in a straight line.
- They're comin' up the stairs!
You hear what he said?
They're comin' up the stairs.
Listen, you gotta think.
You gotta think!
You gotta concentr...
Listen, you got us
all nuts around here.
The first thing you know...
you'll be telling me
you didn't knock him out!
- I didn't.
- That's what I said.
What's that you said?
I said I didn't knock him out.
Everybody hear that?
Did you all hear that?
He didn't knock him out!
Hey!
That's our angle.
That's our out.
Ann, open the door
and let the press in!
You didn't knock him out.
No.
- You don't deny it.
- No.
What are you gonna
tell the press?
- He knocked him out.
- It's a lie!
So, you hung it on me!
You weren't with me
last night, huh?
Really! Cross my heart, he did!
He can't get away with that!
Cut it out, now!
Go on, muzzle him!
Ohh! Hey, cut it out.
What are you tryin' to do?
Settle down, will you?
Yes, if you'll settle down...
I'll explain
exactly what happened.
All right, go ahead.
Give us the lowdown.
Well, in the first place,
he swung at me and missed.
I never miss.
Yes, you missed me. Then...
Hey! I can't hit you, huh?
No.
You see what I mean?
There.
You see, Mr. Sloan?
That's point number one.
He swung at me and missed. See?
But I never miss!
Hey.
Oh, no.
That's not the way to do it...
Look, this is the way.
See? Like that?
Uh...
Cut this nonsense.
Will you kindly tell me
how I got knocked...
Mr. Sloan,
that's exactly what happened!
Why, what a story!
Twice in one day!
He gave him
another demonstration.
Wait a minute.
I can explain everything.
He can explain better.
Yeah, but I didn't do it.
It was an accident.
- What an accident!
- He's right. I did it!
How much did Gabby give you
to say that?
Where's that...
Give me that, you press rat!
Give me that!
Get out of here, you buzzards!
Get out of here, you buzzards!
Get out of here!
- Say something.
- Uhh.
OK. He'll be all right, doctor.
It's the shock, that's all.
What he really needs is sleep.
This'll fix him up. Now,
give him a spoonful of that...
and a glass of water.
Someone should...
Oh, I'll watch him, doctor.
You remember,
I looked after him...
the time he got his face
caught in a cash register.
Yes. Ha ha.
Well, good night, doctor.
Good night.
Good night, gentlemen.
Good night.
Come on, doc.
Get going, will you? Get going.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Good night.
I got it. I got it!
What'd the doctor say it was?
Get Sullivan, come on.
Get Sullivan.
I got it. I tell ya I got it.
It's an angle,
and what an angle!
Come on, get Sullivan,
bring him up here.
Bring him up here!
Bring him right up here!
That does it! That re...
Oh, dear.
Oh. Heh.
Yeah. OK.
Want your sugar? Huh?
Do you?
Well, heh...
how do I know
you love me? Hmm?
How do I know you love me?
Oh? Ohh, yes.
Now, wait a minute.
Wait, now. Wait, now.
Wait, now. Wait, now.
Tell me you love me.
That's it. Mmm. Here.
Oh. I got some more.
Wait a minute.
I got some more. Look.
All right, guess which?
Hey, you.
The boss wants to see you.
You're comin' with me.
No, sir. I've got work to do.
Come on!
Anyway, I'm not going
up there again... anyway.
What's that?
Once bitten, twice shy.
Huh? Give me that once again.
I don't chew my cabbage twice.
So you're startin'
that again, huh?
Hey!
Two against one, huh?
I'll show you.
Listen, you...
Iooky here...
I'm delivering grade-A milk,
for better babies. You under...
Gabby won't take no
for an answer!
You better cut it out now!
You...
you can get in trouble
for this, you know!
Ow!
You let me go, now!
Come on, not another
word out of you!
You're coming with me!
Look out. I got a gun.
A gat, huh?
Come on, come on!
He's a... he's a dangerous
character, officer!
He's a menace to humanity!
Wait a minute, officer!
This... this is a cinch
to explain.
Yeah, I know.
I'm a witness. Come on.
Hey, wait a minute!
I can get out of this!
Uh-huh.
If that guy can fight a lick...
we'll pack the Garden,
or maybe the Polo Grounds.
Or a telephone booth.
How about a swig
of this sleeping medicine?
He's a natural.
We build him a rep...
and he'll be the biggest
drawing card since Dempsey.
First, he's gotta knock out
a few setups.
Starting with you?
You got the idea.
He knocks over six setups...
and then he meets you
at the Polo Grounds.
And we have a new champion.
That's Spider in the lobby.
We're all in glory!
Hello, Spider.
You got him in the lobby?
Well, bring him. What?
You're what?!
He's in jail!
Oh, my...
It's all my fault
for trusting a lug like that.
I should've had more sense.
I should've sent
somebody with brains.
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah.
You. Yeah, why don't you go?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- That's right.
Where will I find him?
You stop the first
milk wagon you come to...
and if you're still on your
feet, you say to yourself...
"That's not him."
Yeah. Thanks for the tip.
This program
is coming to you...
through the courtesy
of Amalgamated Gas.
Will you stop
ringing my doorbell?
Did somebody tell you
it was halloween?
I tell you,
I gotta see your brother.
And I told you
my brother isn't here.
And I don't believe you.
Will you believe me
when I tell you...
I'm going to get some sleep?
No.
What's the idea?
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't know it was your bell.
You ought to be
ashamed of yourself...
a big fella like you...
goin' around,
ringing people's doorbells.
I said I was sorry.
What more can I say?
It's not the idea.
It's the principle of the thing.
My wife's been talkin'
for two hours.
She finally went to sleep.
You come along and wake her up.
Well, what am I supposed
to do about that?
You're supposed to beat it
before I get sore.
- Oh, gettin' tough, huh?
- Just as tough as you are.
Now, wait a minute, buddy.
My business
is knocking out people.
- Is that so?
- Yeah.
And for two cents,
I'll let you have one right on...
Hey. I'm in business myself.
Come on, buddy.
Let's go.
Hello, Speed?
You got him in the lobby?
Where are you?
Ohh! What have I done
to deserve this?!
Every time I pick up this phone,
I get bad news!
Well, I'll put
a stop to that.
That's two of them in jail!
Or maybe three.
That's bad.
That's no good, you know.
That's a misdemeanor.
Cops are coming up.
What's my angle?
What's my out?
Why don't you tell them
when you were a little boy...
you were kind of puny.
That ought to do it.
Yeah.
Agnes.
What's the matter? Get up.
Oh, my.
Oh, no. That can't...
that can't be right.
Oh. Agnes.
Ohh.
Help!
Help! My horse!
Help!
Help!
Hello?
Hello? Hello? Hello.
May I use your telephone?
Yes, I need a doctor.
- Are you hurt?
- No, no, no.
I'm all right, thank you. Hello?
Hello?!
Hello?
- Oh. Hello? Yes, look...
- Why did you dial here?
Just one moment.
Will you hold the phone?
I'm talking to someone.
Yes, here's what I want.
I need a...
Quit bothering me
at this time of night.
I'm talking over here to...
Yes, I'm trying to explain...
No, I'm talking
to the other fellow.
One sec... hello?
Well, uh...
Hello, here's what...
hello?!
Hello?! Hello?!
Hello! Hello up there!
Go on, get!
Hey, cut that noise out
down there.
What's the matter with you?
Hey, come on! Beat it!
I want to go to sleep!
I've got to have a telephone!
- A telephone!
- Phone?
Yes!
Hello?
Uh... hello!
You can use my phone.
- Oh.
- 313. Third floor.
Thank you! Thank you very much!
Yes!
Come in.
- The phone's over there.
- Thank you.
- This is sure nice of you.
- That's all right.
Hello? Hello? Is this Kinney?
This is Burleigh.
Something's happened to Agnes.
Yeah. She's lying in the gutter.
Huh? She won't get up!
Yeah, her tongue's
hanging out a foot!
Thirsty? Oh, she couldn't be.
She's had plenty to drink.
What she's got's a bellyache.
Yeah, you'd better
get her an ambulance.
Uh, this is
56, Lotus Apartments.
Yes.
Well, you'd better
bring the lady up here or...
Oh, she's not a lady.
I didn't think she was,
but if she's sick...
it doesn't make a difference
what kind of woman she is.
Oh, but Agnes...
she's just an old horse.
Oh, I thought...
Well, thank you very much.
Thanks a lot.
Heh. Good-bye.
No, no, the other door.
Over there.
Oh, yeah. Thank you.
Heh. Heh.
Hello, Sunflower Dairy?
Maybe you can help me out.
One of your men left his cap
in my apartment.
Oh, about 3:00 this morning.
No, I don't know his name.
Well, he was about 5'10"...
has dark hair and glasses...
and, uh,
and a very pleasant smile.
Yes.
Well, if you know who it is...
would you ask him to stop by
the Acme Barbershop?
- Manicure!
- Manicure!
Aha...
- Hello.
- Hello.
Heh. I was just
talking about you.
Heh. Yeah, I know.
Heh.
How is Agnes?
Oh. She's not very good.
I was up with her all night.
Oh, that's too bad.
Yeah, I took her
to a good doctor, though.
No powder.
Well, I hope
she'll be all right.
- Do you?
- Uh-huh.
All through.
Hmm? Oh, uh,
give me another shave.
- Another shave?
- Yeah.
Hey! Hey!
You let me go! Cut it out, now!
Stop it! Help!
Uhh! Uhh!
You give me back my pants!
Give me my pa...
Pardon me.
Oh, don't mind me.
I used to work with
the Four Flying Fagins.
Turn around.
Well, there's one thing
in his favor...
he's got a front and a back.
What do you think?
Wrap him in a horse blanket
till the bell rings.
- Say, what is this?
- Gotta take some of that off.
And you can't do that!
I know where I'm low on...
Soft as a bag of dead mice.
It's no soap, Gabby.
That string bean
couldn't lick Zasu Pitts.
It's gotta work! He's gotta
fight somebody in thirty days.
It's our only out!
He's gotta fight somebody.
Hey. Hey.
Might I say something?
Quiet, boys.
He wants to say something.
I'm sorry,
but I just don't want to fight.
Ha ha ha ha. Listen, Burleigh,
I'm your friend.
I'm Honest Gabby Sloan.
I'm trying to do you a favor...
- You're not...
- Wait a minute!
- You haven't heard me yet!
- Nervous.
Get a picture of this...
you're up to here in dough...
you've got a string of big cars
from here to Boyle's Half-Acre.
The dames are doing nip-ups
over you in the street.
The crowds are pointing at you.
They're yelling,
"There he goes!"
- Who?
- You.
Why?
Because you're the big shot!
You're fighting for the title.
It's the Polo Grounds.
80,000 people are going batty.
- There goes the bell.
- I'll answer it.
There goes the gong.
You're at him like a tiger.
He leads. The Tiger ducks.
That's you. You're the Tiger.
He leads again.
The Tiger ducks again.
- No, no.
- No, what?
That's nothing like it.
Here, I'll show you.
You gotta get
that knee action, see?
Now, here. Relax.
You're a bundle of nerves.
Mm. Come on,
give it here. Give.
That's better. That's it...
Don't you want to learn
how to duck?
We're back in the Polo Grounds.
The Tiger leads a left,
a right, a left.
- 90,000 people are...
- 80,000.
All right, 80,000.
That's one for you.
- 80,000 people are...
- And not quite 80,000.
What do you mean by,
"Not quite 80,000"?
Because I won't be there.
Two up for him, and game.
Talk isn't gonna do
this monkey any good...
but I'll show you what will!
Now I got you. Now I got you!
Try this one on your piano.
Why, you big hoodlum.
You big, Swiss bell-ringer.
I don't like dames
that hit gentlemen.
Another ducker?
Burleigh,
what are they doing to you?
They're trying
to make a fighter out of me.
We wasn't doin' nothing.
You get out of here!
All of you get out of here!
Brooklyn hospitality.
- You're a bunch of hoodlums.
- Who's a hoodlum?!
- He's the worst.
- I ain't no hoodlum!
Get out of here!
The little lady is right.
My apologies and my regrets,
Miss Sullivan.
- Uh, uh, Burleigh.
- Yes?
Just one thing before I go.
If you think of me at all,
Burleigh...
try to remember me as...
as honest Gabby Sloan.
All right.
Who came to lay a future
in your lap...
a future that
you'd be proud of...
that your lovely sister
would be proud of...
and that that...
that dear, sweet-faced, kindly
old lady would be proud of.
Hmm?
You know, Burleigh,
I sometimes wonder...
if we're half the men
our mothers hoped we'd be.
Hmm...
I'll bet your mother's
a sweet little woman.
Yeah. She's been having
a little trouble...
with her kidneys lately.
Hasn't she, sis?
You know, Burleigh,
that's uncanny.
If I didn't know, I'd swear
that that was my mother.
Maybe it is your mother.
It was here when we moved in.
Maybe that's your father.
He was here, too.
Pardon me. That's my horse.
How about a glass of warm milk?
Hello?
But she was sick, Mr. Kinney.
I had to take her
to the hospital.
Yes, I know
those things cost money.
Oh, Burleigh? Did I hear
you say you needed cash?
What?!
Oh, you couldn't sell her hide.
No, Mr. Kinney...
I'm not trying to tell you
how to run your business.
Go ahead and tell him.
What do you care?
But you can't do that to Agnes!
What? All right, fire me, then.
But she's worth
more than that to me alive.
Huh? No, I've never had that
much money in my whole life.
Have I, sis? No!
But I'll get it.
Hang up on the rat!
Oh, don't listen to him,
Burleigh.
You'll get that money.
You... you... How?
- By signing a contract with me...
- Hold the wire.
But a fortune!
For a few moments'
pleasant employment...
in a cool, airy arena.
I'll do it.
Good morning.
Good mo...
good morning.
- Where's Spider?
- At the ring.
Oh. Heh.
My, you look lovely
this morning.
And vice-versa.
Oh, thank you. Heh.
Oh.
Oh, Tiger?
We always use the bridge.
Oh, yeah. Heh.
- Hello.
- Ahh.
You perspire easy, don't you?
No, l... l...
Never mind that.
Where'd you get those?
Elastic broke...
Never mind that, too.
Let's get going.
It's your first fight.
The bell rings...
you come out fightin'...
you mix it up
in the middle of the ring.
He's throws a right, you duck.
He throws a left, you duck.
Suddenly, the crowd goes nuts.
There's a guy down.
Not you.
He's down, and he's out.
Eight, nine, ten!
And you're the winner.
Don't you think that
we ought to practice losing?
Don't worry. You'll win.
Give me that.
How's that?
Fine.
Now, keep it on.
I know two fellas once
that got into the same spot.
Six months later, they got
the gloves away from them.
They're all right now.
Have I got to go on with this?
You can't quit.
Think of your career.
It's the monotony of the thing
that's getting me down.
All right, let's see.
Where were we?
Oh, yeah. You're the win...
Oh, no. You win.
And to look good...
you give 'em the old business.
You give 'em that,
you give 'em this...
and to top it,
you give 'em this.
See? Now we'll start from
the beginning.
The bell rings.
I'm the other fella.
Put 'em up.
Ain't you ever fought?
Uh-uh.
All right.
Now make a face.
Nah, no.
Make a face to scare him.
Like yours?
- I never scare nobody.
- You scare me.
Aw, put 'em up.
All right, I'm the other fella.
You come in swinging.
One, two, boom. One, two, boom.
Start swinging.
Oh, no. I might hurt you.
I'll take a chance.
I'm very game.
All right.
One, two, boom.
One, two, boom.
One, two, boom.
One, two, boom.
One, two, boom.
One, two, boom.
One, two, boom...
What's holding you up?
Nah, nah, get tough.
Give it all you got.
Oh, no.
Come on, start swingin'.
All right.
Now what?
That's all. I quit.
- Oh, Tiger?
- Yeah.
- Or are you too busy?
- Huh?
No. No, no.
Do you know how to dance?
Dance? Yes. At the sunflower,
you know, we used to...
Yeah, I'm convinced.
How do you hold a girl?
Like that.
Now close your fists.
Now dance.
Without music?
Ahem.
Tra la la-la...
Now, wait a minute.
Now, listen.
Tra la-la-la
Boom, boom.
Tra la la-la
Boom, boom.
Tra la la-la
Boom, boom.
Tra la la-la la
La la la,
boom, boom, boom
Tra la la-la la-la
La la-la la la-la
Tra la la-la la-la
La la-la la la-la
Tra la la la la
la la-la la la-la...
This is what I tell him...
"Dear Joe, we'll be
in Detroit on the ninth.
"Don't worry about the weight.
"He'll make it with
a quart of milk in each hand."
Ha ha! It's all set, Speed.
Chicago on the fourth,
Detroit on the ninth.
La la-la la la-la
Tra la la-la la-la
la la-a la la-la
Tra la la-la la-la
la la-a la la-la...
Why can't I just punch him
in the nose in public...
and get it over with?
The way you talk, Speed...
is the difference between
a smart guy and a grape nut.
Uh-oh. Look what's
coming to our house.
Yes, and coming to make trouble.
Now, get a hold of them.
Stop them...
and keep them away
from that waltzing mouse.
Now, listen, Speed.
That sister's plenty tough.
Make a play for her,
and if she falls for you...
she'll be a cinch to handle.
Turn on that 160 pounds
of personality.
And if you want to put her
in a good humor...
tell her I broke my leg
and you had to shoot me.
Hey!
Where do you think
you're going?
There's Polly and Mae!
So what?
Dames and fighters don't mix.
That's what he found out.
- Oh!
- Come on. Keep calm.
But I want to say hello to them!
Keep cool.
Take him over
and give him a shower.
While you're there,
take one yourself.
Hey, I'm...
What can you lose? Look.
Oh, don't worry, Polly.
I'll do the talking.
I'll tell
that Gabby Sloan that...
Welcome, welcome, welcome.
Hmm. That means we're welcome.
Miss Pringle, Mr. McFarland.
- How do you do?
- How do you do?
I want to talk to Mr. Sloan.
And you most certainly would
if he was here...
but, uh, he's in town.
Tooth. Mm. Out to here.
Good. Maybe I can talk to you.
Now, that's a pleasure.
If you'll excuse us...
Oh, I'll be around.
Give me back those pants!
I'll fix you!
Hey, come back with that towel!
Come here!
I ain't through with you.
Don't get the wrong impression
of the fight game...
just because a few fighters
walk on their heels.
The wise ones don't.
Look at me.
I am.
Why are you so interested
in Burleigh?
Well, in the first place...
because he's...
he's your brother.
That doesn't even make sense.
What I wouldn't give
for a place like this...
with a cow and a few chickens...
and you.
Honey, if this thing works out...
and it can't miss...
I'll get you a place like this
and a million chickens.
You know,
I've heard all that before.
When I first met you,
I had two of everything.
Now I've got one of nothing.
WXJK...
ladies and gentlemen,
"The Tannenbaum Hour."
I just can't imagine
your being a fighter.
Oh, well,
it's just a means to an end.
Had to have
some money quickly...
and, well,
as soon as Agnes is better...
I'm going back
to the dairy business.
You think a whole lot of Agnes,
don't you?
Mm-hmm.
Look.
That came right off her tail.
- I made it myself.
- You did?
It's my good luck charm.
Well, you weren't very lucky...
when you lost your job,
were you?
No, but...
I was lucky when I met you.
Heh. You know...
- you're an awfully nice person.
- You're an awfully nice person.
- Thumbs.
- Thumbs.
- Heh.
- Heh.
One, two...
Heh. That guy Hogan's terrible.
Yeah.
Mr. Hogan's doing everything
you taught me.
Four, five...
six, seven...
eight, nine, ten!
OK, kid. You're next.
Now?
Yep. Right now.
Come on, Tiger!
Hey, give me that phone!
Give me that phone!
Hey!
Get down, get down.
Mr. Sloan, l...
I don't feel so good.
What's the matter, buddy?
I don't know.
I think I got a chill.
There's your trouble right here.
Huh?
Oh. Heh.
Yeah. Feel better now.
He's not much to look at,
folks...
but if you don't think
he packs a wallop...
ask our erstwhile champion
Speed McFarland.
He's fighting a good man...
Tornado Todd.
And here's Todd now.
Can you imagine having
to lose to this guy.
It don't seem right.
- Mr. Sloan?
- Yeah.
Do you think I've had
enough boxing lessons?
Listen, Burleigh,
you got nothin' to worry about.
With everything
we taught you...
and that good luck horsehair
charm you got, it's a cinch.
Hmm?
What's the matter with you
now?
My charm.
Ladies and gentlemen...
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
In this corner,
we have Tornado Todd!
And in this corner, we have...
Throw in a couple of Filipinos.
I'll have him back
in ten minutes.
Folks, folks!
Oh, it's a circumstance
over which...
the milkman has no control!
Am I supposed to ask
what you're looking for?
I'm looking for a horse's tail!
Oh. Mike looking for lke, huh?
Yeah, and I gotta find it.
He must've left it
around here somewhere.
Where's the wonder boy?
He's in the dressing room.
Spider's sitting on him.
Oh, here it is!
W-what was that?
Tiger O'Duck... pursued
by the headless horseman.
You Judas! He sent me
for a bag of peanuts...
and when I come back,
what do you think?
- You forgot the peanuts.
- No, he was gone!
Hey, Burleigh. Look,
here's your good luck charm.
- Come on out.
- Uh-uh.
Oh, look, just what
we were looking for...
the horse's tail.
Come on, let's hurry.
You know, Mr. Sloan, as I was
running across 42nd Street...
You tried to make
a left hand turn?
You can't.
Anyway, as I was running...
I got to thinking.
Got to wondering...
if you couldn't put this fight
off till tomorrow night.
Maybe I'd feel
more like it then.
Some of the boys
might not be able...
to get out again
tomorrow night.
I'll get him, boss.
I see. A quitter.
Oh, no. I'm not quitting.
Gee, that's swell.
Then come on, let's go.
I'm just not starting.
I see. You want
to double-cross a guy...
that never did
a dirty trick in his life.
You know, l...
I don't deserve this, Spider.
Tiger.
Uh, Tiger. Excuse me.
You've done something to me...
right here.
Let me bust the door in!
If you do,
I'll go down the fire escape.
Come on! Are you gonna fight
or aren't you?!
Uh-uh.
Well... if it's no go,
there's no hard feelings.
To show you
the kind of a guy I am...
I'm going over
to call the whole thing off.
Oh, thanks.
- Good-bye, Burleigh.
- Good-bye.
Hey! No, wait! Uhh!
And don't forget, folks, this
fight program comes to you...
through the courtesy of
Weinbaum's Wonder Wafers...
those delicious
chocolate-coated...
Groceries.
Oh, it's you.
Yes, sir!
And are we gonna celebrate.
Your brother
knocked out the Tornado...
in the first round. Heh.
Well, it isn't over.
You said it...
What isn't over?
- The fight.
- What do you mean?
Well, it hasn't started.
Well, it's supposed to be over.
There's the Tiger. There,
he's coming down the aisle now.
A tremendous ovation, folks!
And no wonder.
This is the lad who knocked
the middleweight champ...
off the front page
of every newspaper.
They were going to introduce
Mr. McFarland tonight...
Why aren't you there?
Oh, I'd much rather
be here with you.
To put it mildly...
maybe the thought of
meeting Mr. Sullivan again...
made him a little bashful.
The dope.
There they go, folks.
The Tornado comes out
like a wild bull.
He swings, the Tiger ducks.
He swings again,
the Tiger ducks.
The Tiger ducks again!
Folks, what a...
Oh...
Sullivan sends in
a jab to the face.
He sends in another!
Tornado's down, folks!
He's down!
Five...
He's winning!
Seven...
Oh, Burleigh. Burleigh!
He won!
The Tiger wins!
Sullivan won! Ha ha!
And he knocked him out.
And in the first round, too.
Sullivan won!
In the first round!
But why didn't he get up?
Because of that good right hand,
that's why.
The old one-two.
I don't have to fight anymore?
- Nah. It's all over.
- All over?!
Maybe I can get
the Fighting Milkman...
to say a few words.
And here he is now!
Tell them about it, Burleigh.
Hello, folks.
You know, I'm just as
surprised as you are...
because I could swear
that I missed him.
- Ohh!
- Ohh!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
What a wit, what a clown.
What a fighter!
This is honest Gabby Sloan...
his manager...
talking, folks.
And I want to say
right here and now...
that of all the boys
I've ever handled...
I've never had a boy
that had the zip, the snap...
and the up-and-at-'em
that Tiger Sullivan's got.
Ha ha ha! And with it all,
what color!
Oh! Heh!
Yeah!
Ha ha! And what
an entertainer, folks!
He's got the crowd hysterical!
For years and years,
we looked for a fighter that...
One, two, boom. One, two, boom.
One, two, boom.
One, two, boom. One, two, boom.
One, two, boom.
Mr. Sloan?
Mr. Sloan?
Mmm. What... what is it?
Mr. Sloan, what is "color"?
What's what?
Color. That stuff
you was talking about...
on the radio...
that I got.
That's what gets a guy's name
in the newspapers.
Hmm. Uh, like what,
for instance?
Like what what?
I mean, like who, for instance?
It's what makes a man
stand out from the crowd...
makes him talked about.
Dizzy Dean's got it,
Bobby Jones has got it...
Amelia Earhart's got it.
- And Mae West?
- She's got it in a big way.
Yeah.
Suppose that I had
what all four of them's got.
I'd pack 'em in, huh?
I hope to tell you.
That's what I thought.
One, two, boom. One, two, boom.
One, two, boom.
One, two, boom. One, two, boom.
One, two, boom.
Hey! Let's have
a little service here!
How about it? Any mail for me?
Yes, Mr. Sullivan.
Here. Read 'em, Spider.
Come on out, boys.
He won't hurt you.
He's gentle as a kitten.
There's the bell!
Some of the local newspapers...
think this fight
will go ten rounds.
Others think about eight.
Your announcer thinks...
your announcer knows...
it's over! It's Sullivan!
Sullivan in the first!
Boys... l've got the biggest idea
I've ever thought of in my life.
Tonight,
I'm leaving for Chicago.
Tomorrow, I'm buying
the Fighting Milkman's contract.
Now, what do you think of that
as an advertising argument...
for Sunflower Milk, eh?
- Swell!
- Yeah!
Hey!
Gee, I'm glad
to see you, Gabby. Ha!
You should be. Been reading
about us in the paper?
Yeah. Say,
what happened to the milkman?
Color, honey.
That's what's done it... color.
One night on the train,
I got to thinking.
I got an idea that
the milkman needed color.
That's what you've been
reading about.
He fell for it in a big way,
and so did the public.
Then, out of the clear sky,
along comes a guy...
- This guy?
- Yes!
Mr. Austin, Austin, Austin,
Miss Westley.
He bought the milkman's contract
from me for $50,000.
- Oh! I'm delighted.
- Sunflower Dairy.
I'll see you
at my house tonight.
I've invited some friends.
You see...
I thought we'd make
the signing of the articles...
a big thing, eh?
Ha ha ha ha!
Hello, sis!
Oh! Bless your heart!
- How are you?
- Well, Bur...
Oh, you're looking fine.
Folks, this is my little sister.
Ohh!
Hello, Speed.
- How about a picture of you two?
- Sure, you betcha.
Get ready, will you, boys?
That's fine.
- Ha. Anything for you.
- Here's what I had in mind.
The paper wanted a full page,
you see?
With you and the champ
standing together.
But I said to them,
"It might be better...
"if the two of you
were standing..."
Yes, sir.
The idea is to get a picture of
you with the champ lying down.
Come on, make it snappy,
make it snappy.
This is all you're gonna get.
Oh! You shouldn't!
Oh, you shouldn't.
Now, wait a minute!
You can't do this to me!
Come on, come on.
I know 50,000
will buy a lot of chickens.
Chickens?
Honey, it'll buy ostriches.
You haven't heard anything yet.
You're right.
I'm still trying to find out...
where the money is.
All right, here it comes.
Mr. Sunflower Dairy
has insisted...
that I bet the 50,000
back on the champ...
and I had to take it.
You mean that if Speed loses,
we have nothing?
Yeah. But how can he lose?
I don't know.
But it'll be in the papers.
Sorry, folks, sorry.
Burleigh,
I can't wait to tell you.
It's awfully important.
You see, Speed and I
are going to be...
Oh! There's Polly! Polly!
Uh, pardon me. Pardon me.
Polly!
You know what?
We'll get married anyway.
Polly!
Polly, hello!
Have I got a lot to tell
you.
I have a lot to tell you,
too, Burleigh.
Burleigh, how about a picture
of you and the love interest?
- Sure.
- All right, fine.
Come on, boys,
get your cameras all set.
Wait a minute, wait a minute,
wait a minute, wait a minute.
Come on, now.
Might as well. They all do it.
Heh. And I'll do it, too.
Come on, Burleigh!
We've got to get
to the Paramount Theater.
Oh, yeah. Come on.
Ahh!
Well, honey,
what do you think of me now?
I think you sold
the wrong fighter.
Oh, you don't get me.
Listen,
you're talking to a guy...
that kidded
an out-and-out dub...
into thinking
he was a great fighter.
Now, all Speed has got to do
is to give him one good punch...
and we collect a cool fortune...
minus a few dollars
for the Tiger's hospital bills.
We ought to pay that.
What do you think?
I think you talk too much.
Listen, honey,
I can explain everything.
Wait a minute, honey.
- You great big phony baloney.
- You don't get it.
All this time, you've been
making a play for me...
so I wouldn't stand in the way
of your foul plot...
to murder my brother.
You don't understand.
- Oh, I don't?
- No, you don't.
My public won't want
to see me anymore.
I don't, either.
It's my only out!
Oh, I get it.
"Darling, I love you,"
Said he...
breaking her brother's jaw.
Oh, wait a minute, honey.
I promise you...
I won't hit him
any harder than this.
What was that?
That's my brother.
Come on, let's get out of here.
Don't look back.
- How do you do, Mrs. Lemoyne?
- Good evening.
- Good evening, Mrs. Lemoyne.
- Good evening, my dear.
Oh, I beg your pardon,
Mrs. Lemoyne.
Uh, this is a pleasure,
Mrs. Lemoyne.
Good evening, Mr. Austin.
- Hiya.
- How do you do?
I'd like to have you meet
some of my friends.
Certainly.
"The party of the first part,
in this instance...
"agrees with the party
of the second part..."
I wouldn't give
the dame a nickel.
I said, "The party
of the first part agrees...
"with the party
of the second part..."
Well?
Will you go away?
I'm trying to get
you some ice cream!
Tutti-frutti?
"...in witness whereof...
"the parties hereto
have hereunto affixed...
"their hands and seals
in triplicate."
Now all we need
are the signatures.
How about a statement
to the press, Mrs. Lemoyne?
Yeah, give him a load of it
from your angle.
The milk fund, as you all know,
is an idea of my own...
designed purely as a means
of raising funds for charity.
Of course, I know nothing
about fisticuffs...
but the cause is a worthy one.
Makes me very happy...
when I think of the thousands
of tiny tots...
who will receive
abundant nourishment...
from this, um...
oh, what shall I say?
The Sunflower Dairy.
Yes. To my dear friend
Mr. Austin...
and to you, Mr. Sloan,
my sincerest gratitude.
That ought to kill 'em.
Hello there.
Come on, Speed.
They're waitin' for you.
Let me have that contract.
That's it.
Now, you sign
on the bottom line.
The top line is for Burleigh.
And you better make it
Elwood McFarland...
instead of...
Ha ha ha! Yeah.
That Elwood always
bothers him a little.
I'm not fightin', Gabby.
Quiet, everybody. Quiet, now.
Take it easy.
Don't everyone speak at once.
Yeah. You know
my blood pressure.
A cheap joke like that, and I'm
liable to fall right on my face.
Now, where was I? Oh, yeah.
You sign that contract.
I'm not gonna fight
my brother-in-law.
Your brother-in...
- There goes my pump.
- There goes my chicken coop.
Can he do that?
What on earth...
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Mr. Sullivan, they're signing
the contracts in the library.
Oh, fine. Come on, Polly.
You go ahead, Burleigh.
I'll join you later.
OK.
Gentlemen, the contract.
Oh, uh, what seems
to be the trouble?
There's the contract. It's cold.
Yeah, but I don't...
Why don't you tell him?
He wants to know.
It still goes. I'm not gonna
fight my brother-in-law.
He's not your
brother-in-law yet.
Say, that's an angle.
Why don't you wait
a couple of months, huh?
We can't wait.
I mean, we don't want to.
Don't be a piece of putty.
Take my word for it.
A couple of months is nothing.
Yeah, we waited fifteen years,
and look at us.
Well, we're not waitin',
and I'm not fightin'.
Oh, thanks, Speed.
You've take a great load
off my mind.
I'll bet I did.
You sure did. It had me worried.
For nights, I wasn't sleeping.
I tried warm milk
and everything.
- Internally?
- And l...
Of course. Why?
Never mind. Go on.
Well, anyway,
night after night...
I kept dreaming the same dream...
there was you and sis...
and your three beautiful kids.
What?
Incidentally, you'll love them.
Especially Junior.
He looks just like you.
Oh, cut it out, will you?
Well, anyway, there they were
on the front porch...
and as I came through the gate,
they all started to scream...
"Mama! Mama!
There comes Uncle Burleigh...
"the man that
knocked out Papa!"
Yeah.
So, that's it?
Your attitude
regarding babies...
simply fascinates me.
I'm Mrs. Lemoyne.
I'm delighted.
You know, you're a most
remarkable fellow.
You know,
you're not so bad yourself. Ha!
Well, much as I should like to
sponsor the milk fund affair...
I find myself deeply affected
by what you've been saying.
Really? Hmm.
Won't you tell me
something about yourself?
Well, when I was a little boy,
I was kind of puny...
Our children will not cry
when they see Uncle Burleigh.
- No?
- No.
Elwood, you sign that contract.
Gee, honey, you mean...
Gabby, the contract!
The contract!
I got a million of 'em!
Willard, get Sullivan!
That's a smart move, miss.
You know, I finally
got so good at it...
that I could put my hands
in my pockets...
and bet the kids pennies
they couldn't knock my hat off.
And they couldn't, either. Heh.
What was that you just did?
That's the old box shift.
That's what you've been
reading about in the papers.
- Ha ha ha.
- Heh.
No, nothing like it.
No?
You gotta give it
that knee action.
- You're pretty good.
- Ha ha ha!
- You're fine!
- Oh, you're a darling!
Now I'll show you
how I use it in the ring.
- Yes.
- All right.
- You swing at me.
- You mean actually hit you?
Go ahead. I won't be there.
- You sure? All right.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, not like that.
Look, you must let it go.
Mm. That's it. That's the stuff.
Follow right through.
Mm-hmm. All right, now.
Now, watch.
All right.
Ha! That's wonderful!
Oh, you know...
really, that's...
that's fascinating.
No... you're too stiff.
Yes, I know I am.
- Yeah, you must relax.
- Uh-huh.
Here. Give it to me.
- There.
- Uh-huh.
Now, more freedom. That's it.
- Oh, yes.
- And, uh...
Ioosen up here.
That's better.
Don't forget
the old knee action.
No. No, I remember.
Now... now you...
you do it to me.
- You mean it?
- Uh-huh!
All right. Heh!
You remember what I taught you?
Uh-huh.
If you forget, it's bad.
Very good!
That was wonderful!
Do it some more.
All right.
Uhh!
Uhh!
Uhh!
Oh, Mr...
Mr. Sull...
Wait! Mr. Sullivan...
Hello, Polly.
- I, uh... how do you do?
- How do you do?
We'll, uh,
take this matter up later.
Yeah. Heh.
They want you in there.
The fight's on again.
Speed says he wants
to go through with it.
What? OK.
Tell him the Tiger
will be there in two minutes.
But this is just like
committing suicide.
You're right, Tiger.
Heh heh.
Oh, there you are. Good.
Burleigh, I don't even know you.
You don't know me?
Oh, now, Polly...
you're being facetious,
aren't you?
I was never more serious
in my life.
The boy I knew went away
and never came back.
Yes, he did.
I'm the same fellow.
I can prove it. I'll show you
my driver's license.
No, you don't understand,
Burleigh.
I met a boy once that...
Well, to say the least,
I liked him very much.
- Oh.
- No.
No, that was the old Burleigh...
the nice fellow, the one
who was kind to horses...
the humanitarian.
But the one who came back...
came back with
the smell of blood...
still fresh in his nostrils.
Burleigh,
you're nothing but a killer.
You should be
hanging on the wall...
with the rest of the killers.
Killer?
Me, a killer?
Yes, you are.
You're a Dr. Jeckyll
and a Mr. Hyde...
that's what you are...
a dual personality.
And the good side
of your nature...
is being destroyed
by the bad that's in you.
Oh, that's bad.
You should see yourself
as I see you.
Why, when you got
off that train...
I was never so amazed
in my life.
You were a totally
different character.
And that character
is going on and on...
breaking people,
tearing them apart...
just to satisfy your lust.
That's you, Burleigh.
Can't you just see yourself?
Uh-huh.
That's you...
the Tiger, the killer.
And I don't want
any part of a killer.
I'm through.
- Oh, Polly...
- Please.
Wai...
Uh...
Ahhhhhh!
Ahhhhhhh!
Spider.
- I can't fight.
- Who told you?
Never mind. I'm convinced.
Did you ever hear
of Jeckyll and Hyde?
No.
Well, they're like, uh...
- Amos 'n' Andy?
- No.
- Myrt and Marge?
- No.
I'm a dual personality.
- No foolin'?
- Mm.
Hey, Gabby. Gabby!
Listen, get out of here,
you tramp.
I'm a tramp with news.
Listen, I'm trying
to put over a big deal...
and this guy's trying
to tell me that...
- Tiger ain't fightin'.
- Tiger ain't fightin'.
What?
- A couple of guys got to him.
- What guys?
A couple of mugs
named Jeckyll and Hyde.
They got to talkin' to him,
and he ain't fightin'.
I don't understand it.
I tell you,
I can't understand it.
There's a curse on the fight
or on me or on something.
But I'll lick it
despite my blood pressure!
Hiya, boy.
Well, I just got the news.
So you're not fightin', huh?
No. Mr. Sloan,
I'm in an awful fix.
Oh, you are, huh?
Let's get a little air.
You see,
I'm two different people.
Why don't you sign
for both of them?
Oh, you can't do that.
Sit down.
Mr. Sloan,
this is a very serious matter.
You see, I have a good side
and a bad side...
a humanitarian and a killer...
and the good must kill the bad.
I've got to destroy
the Tiger in me.
I have to.
Who gave you that line of...
- Who told you that?
- Polly.
Polly? Polly... Polly...
Oh, yes. Polly.
Smart girl, Polly.
And she's right.
There is a killer in you.
But you...
you're all confused.
It's the killer in you
that's talking.
Why, you're baffled,
balled up...
- and bewildered.
- I am?
Well, I'll say you are.
Now, listen, if you do fight...
thousands of babies get milk,
don't they?
Yeah.
But the killer in you,
the bad side...
wants to deprive
these tiny toddling tots...
of their one chance
to enjoy life, limb...
and the pursuit of happiness.
- Now, imagine I'm your father.
- Why?
I don't know. You got me there.
I want to help you
kill the Tiger in you.
Now, concentrate.
Concentrate as you've
never concentrated before.
- Think of a baby.
- Uh-huh.
- Have you got it?
- Yes.
Now think of a bottle of milk.
Have you got it?
No, the baby's got it.
Did you want me to have it?
Take away the bottle of milk.
But you just gave it
to the baby. Uh...
Would it be asking too much...
to ask you to take
the bottle of milk?
No.
- So, what have you got left?
- I've got a baby.
- And he's crying.
- No, he's laughing.
Throw in 1,000 babies.
Now, they're all crying.
- All but that one.
- Throw out that one.
Now they're all crying,
aren't they?
Mm-hmm.
- What are they crying for?
- I don't know.
They're crying for milk.
Why can't they have it?
Because the killer says no.
The killer doesn't want them
to have milk.
The killer likes
to see babies starve.
But the good you...
the humanitarian you...
he loves babies.
He wants babies to have milk.
You're not gonna let that Tiger
lick you, are you?
Uh-uh.
Because you're fighting
for a cause.
And what a cause!
You're the babies' champion!
They're all cheering for you.
Yeah.
300, 325, 375, 400.
What a lot of money.
Half for those little kiddies,
and half for us kiddies.
Can't you see it all now, honey?
A million chickens!
Hello?
Oh, hello, Burleigh.
Burleigh?! Ain't he here?
No, not yet.
What? Oh, well...
Oh. Well, all right.
He says he's been delayed...
but he'll make every effort
to get here, though, tonight.
Should we stop
selling tickets, boss?
Now, open up those windows!
I'll tell you when
to stop selling tickets!
You know, doc...
little Agnes is gonna look
just like her mama.
That's all that was
wrong with her, doc.
She was hungry. Yeah.
I think she's had about enough.
Better put her away.
All right.
Yeah. Uh-huh.
There you are.
All right, girl. In you go.
Oh, I'd better go.
There's a lot of people
waiting for me.
No, you can't go.
Yeah, I know...
but you got to stay
with your mama.
You stay right there.
Yeah, I gotta go over...
and win the championship
of the world.
I'll be back, uh...
about an hour, huh?
No, Agnes, you can't go.
Now, you stay there with mama.
Oh, bless your heart.
I'll be seeing you.
Good-bye, Mama.
Good-bye, Agnes.
No, stay there, now.
Good-bye.
Oh, hello. I thought
you were at the fight.
Oh, I'm all mixed up.
The man that I love...
is going to fight my brother,
whom I love...
and now... now,
at the last minute...
I've got cold feet.
Well, why did you let it
go this far, then?
Oh, it's a long story.
It's a long story...
all about a champion
being in disgrace...
and a brother needing
a punch in the nose...
and... and you've got to stop it.
Oh, I wouldn't worry, Mae.
Burleigh says Speed
will be all right...
an hour after the fight.
- Oh, he did, did he?
- Uh-huh.
Let me tell you something.
An hour after the fight...
they'll probably find Burleigh's
head in the 21st row...
singing, "I ain't got no body."
Oh, is that so?
What about all those men
he knocked out?
Oh, Polly.
Gabby paid them to lay down.
Why, Burleigh couldn't
lick anybody.
And tonight, after the fight...
Say, listen,
have you ever seen a fighter...
after he's been
very badly beaten?
- No.
- No, I didn't think so.
Well, they go around
and they talk like this.
They don't know
what time it is!
Oh, this is terrible. Why didn't
you tell me all this before?
Well, I promised Speed
I wouldn't interfere...
like a dope.
This really does
complicate things.
Why?
You're taking care of all of
Speed's money, aren't you?
Yes, it's in my bank. Why?
Well, your account
is Burleigh's, too...
- and Burleigh drew it all out.
- He did what?
Yes, he wanted to surprise you.
He took all of Speed's money
and bet it on himself to win.
Wait a minute.
Give it to me again.
He took all...
Never mind.
I heard you. Come on!
Hey, driver.
See if you can beat that signal.
I'll make every effort.
- Sorry, I couldn't make it.
- Yeah, yeah.
Little Agnes!
Oh, golly!
Well, come here, baby.
Oh, baby.
What are you doing here?
For goodness sake, you shouldn't
have come over here.
Hey! Hey!
Oh... taxi!
Open it up right there.
I got...
Hey! Hey! I got a...
Hello there! Are you busy?!
- Hey, I'm not deaf!
- What's that?!
I said, I'm not deaf!
Yeah! So am I!
Look, we ought to
get together sometime...
for a quiet little chat!
What for?
Yeah! Yeah, that's right!
You're right!
Just my luck. Sammy winds him up
in the first round.
Listen to 'em!
The crowd's yellin'
for the main event!
No foolin'!
Everything's wrong!
Yeah, these scales
are wrong, too.
We gotta do something.
We gotta stall for time.
What's our angle?
What's our out?
I can get in the ring
and take a few bows.
Why?
I got it. I got it.
We throw in Mrs. Hootenanny.
- Meaning me?
- Come on!
We'll give 'em
a little of that stuff...
about those tiny toddling tots.
That ought to empty the place.
Nice day!
He's not only deaf,
but he's goofy.
Yeah.
Come on!
Step on it!
Step on it!
What's so funny about that?
You're a joker, are you?
I guess this is
as close as you can get.
Yeah.
Uh-huh. We'll get out here.
- "We"?
- Yeah.
There's enough for both of us.
Come on, baby. Come on.
Come on, come on.
That's a girl.
That's a girl.
Come on. Come on,
baby, come on.
It is my privilege
to introduce to you...
that well-known
philanthropist...
Mrs. E. Winthrop Lemoyne!
Ladies and gentlemen...
I thank you for your support
in my efforts...
to supply milk for
those tiny toddling tots.
He's here.
That's it. Whoa!
Whoa, Agnes. Whoa.
That's fine.
Hello, Speed. Look!
Here's little Agnes.
Well, where did you get that?
Oh, I just brought her
along for luck.
Well, you'll need it.
Look out, Agnes. You're heavy!
What hit me?
He's here! He's here!
The Tiger's here!
Yeah, he's been here, too.
What's the matter?
What happened?
He hit him in the face
with his horse.
Oh, this is brutal!
I shot that guy last night,
but it was only a dream.
Get the aromatic spirit
of ammonia.
- It's in my bag over there.
- Huh?
Some ammonia! Some ammonia!
Some ammonia,
some ammonia...
Come on, snap out of it, Speed.
Some ammonia.
Somonia.
Somonia, somonia.
"Insomonia."
"Insomonia."
Oh, yeah. Here it is.
Here it is.
Give him a swig of that.
Are you on for action?
We'll be out
in a couple of minutes.
I don't like that stuff.
It'll straighten you out.
I mixed it myself.
Now, get this... we've got
to make it look good.
If you win with one punch,
they'll know it's a fake.
There's a lot of wise guys
around here...
that'll be throwing
pop bottles at us!
I've been your manager
for a long time.
You've paid me a lot of dough.
If you've ever listened to me,
listen to me now.
You've got to make this guy
look good for three rounds.
What's the matter with you?
Nothing.
What's the matter with you?
Ladies and gentlemen...
this is the main event
of the evening...
fifteen rounds of boxing...
for the middleweight
championship of the world!
Presenting a boy who,
in the short time of 6 months...
has risen to be
a leading contender...
for the middleweight
championship...
none other than
that Fighting Milkman...
Burleigh "Tiger" Sullivan!
Presenting...
the middleweight champion
of the whole world...
Speed McFarland!
Joe Lowry, referee!
Now, both of you boys know
the rules in the boxing game.
I said, both of you boys know
the rules in the boxing game.
Mr. Austin, I might just as well
be broke the way I am now.
I'll bet you my end of the purse
against yours.
Hey, go ahead!
Well, whatever you say goes,
Mr. Sloan.
Come on.
Here, take another shot of this.
- Burleigh!
- Polly! Mae!
Burleigh, don't go in there.
You can't fight!
- I can't what?
- They framed you.
Speed is gonna knock you out.
You never could fight, Burleigh.
- Oh, yes, I can.
- Come on, Tiger. Snap into it.
Burleigh!
Suppose she's right.
Suppose I can't fight.
Don't take a dame's word
for nothin'.
They never start to think till
after they open their mouth.
Just walk right out there
and give him that one, two.
She's right. She's right.
Hey, look.
Here's your good luck charm.
Just hang on to this,
and you can't lose!
Yeah, yeah.
What'd I tell you to do?
- Play around.
- Ha ha.
Hey, your glasses!
Give me your glasses!
- Oh, yes!
- Your glasses!
Give me your glasses!
Wait a minute, now, Speed!
Wait a minute!
He won't let me!
Hey, wait a minute.
Take those off.
Can you get my foot
out of there?
Well, hurry up! It hurts me!
Oh, for goodness sake.
I'm doing the best I can.
I know.
Help him out, boys.
Play! Play!
Seven, eight, nine...
One, two, three...
four, five, six...
seven, eight...
nine... out!
Gee, Speed.
I'm sorry I hurt you.
I guess I didn't realize
how strong I was.
Oh, leave me alone.
Burleigh, before all the press,
I'm gonna make you an offer.
If you'll resign
from the ring...
the undefeated champion
of the world...
I'll make you my partner
in the dairy business.
Ohh, that's wonderful,
Mr. Aust...
Uh, Wilbur. Ha ha.
Say, boy, you've made me
mighty happy tonight.
You know, everybody
should be happy tonight.
Uh-huh. Now, Speed here,
he's all right.
And then there's sis. She...
What about Gabby?
Oh, yeah. What about Gabby?
We gotta do something.
Say, couldn't you make him
your general manager?
He could give the boys
up-and-at-'em.
Well, anything you say goes,
partner.
But what about Speed here?
Oh, Speed, he's fine.
He's a wealthy man.
You see,
I bet all his money on me.
They gave me three to one,
the darned fools.