1
[Train whistle blowing]
[john Philip sousa's "the stars
and stripes forever" plays]
[Music stops]
And now, my friends,
if there are any among you
suffering from that scourge
of mankind... toothache...
Let him step up here
and be relieved...
Instantly, painlessly,
and without charge!
[Music resumes]
Go on, Hank.
Oh, well.
How do you do, friend?
How do you do?
Come right here.
[Indistinct conversation]
[Music stops]
Now relax, my friend.
It'll all be over
before you know it.
Be careful, doc.
She's awful sore.
You won't even feel it,
my good fellow.
And now, my friends,
you'll notice
how quickly and painlessly
all this is done.
No surgical shock and no
nervous strain on the patient.
All right, my friend,
let's have a look at it.
Open wide, please.
Aha.
Acute
hemorrhoidal laparotomy.
Fortunately,
it is one of my specialties.
All right, now,
friend, relax.
Relax.
Open wide.
[Music resumes]
[Music stops]
Did I or did I not
cause you any pain, my friend?
The gentleman
says he never even felt it.
And now, my friends,
who else
wants a bottle of kink-away,
that magic hair tonic?
The miracle preparation
of the age, my friends.
A great scientific gift
to mankind.
Are we asking a dollar
for this priceless fluid?
We are not.
Half a dollar? No.
For the trifling sum
of 25 cents,
the fourth part
of a silver dollar,
you are privileged
to take home with you
a bottle of this magic lotion.
It gives your head a straight,
strong, glossy hair
that has the ladies
leaping in your lap.
Excuse me, boss, but you sold me
a bottle of that stuff
down in Birmingham
last month.
Well, it worked,
didn't it?
[Train whistle blows]
[calliope music plays]
Here you are, folks!
Here you are!
The eighth wonder of the world!
A monument to human patience,
endurance, and fortitude!
Think of it, my friends...
32 days balanced
on the needle-like point
of a flagpole
on his way
to a new world record!
Well, say, mister,
can I ask you a question?
Sure.
How does he what?
[Chuckles] Say,
that's a professional secret.
Aw, baloney.
Come on down.
We're a bust.
What's wrong?
Our racket's all wrong.
If the whole population
was lying on its back,
it wouldn't look up at you.
[Clicking]
No customers, huh?
No.
Must be the depression
or something.
If all
the penny-pinching yaps
ever gathered together
in one spot,
they wouldn't
give a dime
to see the statue of liberty
do the rumba.
Man:
Step right this way, folks!
This is the greatest show
on the lot!
Admission... only 25 cents!
Never make you,
never break you,
never start you
in any legitimate business.
Speculation, folks,
is the life of trade.
Look, folks!
He tells the past,
the present, and the future!
He answers your questions
on money, marriage, and love!
Step right inside...
There's a guy
with a sweet racket.
Admission... only 25 cents.
Don't crowd, don't push.
There's room inside for all.
Look how
he's pulling them in.
Let's go over
and see what he's got.
I know you'll
enjoy this show, folks.
[indian accent]
A Patty wants to know
if the handsome gentleman
from the Oklahoma oil fields
will propose marriage to her.
Is that your question,
lady?
It sure is!
He's wonderful!
Hey, that dame's a plant.
She used to shill for me
in an auction in 'frisco.
There's 40 people
in this joint.
At 25 cents a head,
that's 10 bucks of sucker money.
Boy, what a gold mine
this is.
Hey, pipe down,
pipe down.
"The first thing to be done
by the crystal gazer
"is to rub
the palms of the hands
"briskly
for several minutes.
"Pick up the crystal
with the left hand
"and make several passes
with the right hand
"over and above
the crystal,
"which will have a tendency
to magnetize it
"and bring results
more quickly.
"Always gaze calmly
into the crystal,
"but do not at anytime
strain the eyes.
"Try to avoid winking.
There's a difference between
staring and gazing."
It says here
that 30 million people
spend about 125 million bucks
every year
just to get their fortunes told
and their minds read.
125 million smackers.
Say, how long has that
been going on?
Geez!
Say, I must have been daffy
to overlook this!
It's a sure cleanup.
Any schoolboy
can get rich doing it.
All you got to do
is look wise,
tie a bath towel
around your head,
and tell the chumps
what they want to hear.
The whole world's
full of hopeful suckers.
Just keep promising
them things.
They'll believe you.
And pay for it, too...
Pay big!
Look.
[Deep voice]
Little lady, listen well.
I see a tall, handsome, dark,
distinguished-looking gentleman,
a man with millions
and millions
made in the cattle business
in the Argentine.
And don't kid yourself.
There are plenty of dames
that'll go for that hooey.
[Normal voice]
And now we got to get a name...
A name that'll catch their eye
and stick in their minds.
"Something" the great,
the great "something",
le blank, le Von, divon,
the great livoni,
the great divoni...
The great baloney.
[Laughs]
Boy, that's a pip...
The great baloney.
Yes, silly.
Why don't you try helping me?
Perfect.
Look, look.
Look at that. Just what we need,
just the name for me.
Chandra?
Or cookies?
[Deep voice]
Chandra.
Chandra the great.
Frank: Chandra the great reads
your mind like an open book.
Ladies and gentlemen, it is now
my pleasure to introduce to you
the world's master of mental
mysticism... chandra the great!
[Gong crashes]
I shall now pass among you,
giving each
and every one of you
a piece of paper on which
to write your questions.
Don't let your neighbor
see what you write.
Mohammad, have you faithfully
performed your mission?
Are all the questions
in the basket?
Yes, great master.
Burn them.
Consign them
to the flames.
"I have lost my keys.
"Please tell me
where I can find them.
Signed,
George Thomas."
George Thomas
has lost his keys.
I see them...
Yes, I see them at home.
They are in the door
of your liquor cabinet.
Who won the fourth race
at belmont, Sam?
Blue boy.
Why don't I drop
another 2 bucks.
Who'd you bet on?
Rollaway.
That coyote couldn't beat
a fat woman going up a hill.
He showed plenty of speed
at latonia.
Yeah? Racing a lot
of cockroaches?
Besides, he wasn't in
the second race.
You're trying to tell me
he didn't win the second race
at latonia last Saturday?
I'm telling you he wasn't in
the second race.
He was in the fourth race.
Conditions in the spirit world
seem disturbed.
Get your dough out.
A dollar will get you 10.
A dollar?
No, I-i-i ain't gonna
bet you.
I'm a sporting man.
Ah,
everything is clear again.
"Am I going to marry
and settle down here,
"or will I go to Chicago
and look for a job?
Signed, Sylvia r."
I see a little lady who is
perplexed as to her future...
Whether to stay in this city
and enjoy the soft protection
of matrimony
or to fare forth and hew out
a commercial career
for herself in... Chicago.
The solution to your problem
depends entirely
upon yourself.
But I can state...
That a very great change
is coming into your life
very soon,
my dear Sylvia r.
Did you
ask that question?
Yes, I did.
[Scoffs]
He's daffy.
You don't really believe
all that hooey, do you?
Why, I certainly do.
I won 5 bucks
on rollaway
in the second race at latonia,
I'm telling you.
The only bet I win in a month
am I gonna forget it?
I'm telling you, that beetle
wasn't in the second race.
Pete slovak,
you are wondering
whether you are
going to have any children.
I don't see you
having any children at all.
But I see...
Your wife having three.
Aw, that's enough
of those yaps, chan.
This concludes my public
demonstration for today,
but I can be found
between the hours
of 10:00 A.M. and 3:00 P.M.
Every day, with the exception
of the sabbath,
at your charming
little hostelry,
the commercial house, 2nd
and market streets, suite "a."
Those with
pressing personal problems
may come to me there
for private readings.
All communication
sacred and confidential.
The fee is $1.
Frank:
Learn of private matters
in a private interview
for the small sum of $1.
Excuse me, lady.
Here you are, folks.
Make an appointment here
for a private reading.
It's only a dollar.
Here you are, folks.
Step right up.
[calliope music playing]
Learn of private matters
in a private interview
for the small sum of $1.
Here you are, folks.
Step right up.
[Normal voice]
Well, how are the suckers?
Did you get any nibbles?
Beautiful.
Five yaps, and two of them
look awful promising.
One dame's married to the first
national bank here in town.
I'll have the spirits
tell her to give us
a couple of liberty bonds.
Maybe you won't have to.
I just grabbed this leather.
Haven't had a chance to open
it yet, but it feels fat.
Hey, why don't you lay off
that petty-larceny stuff?
Someday you'll get your
mitt caught in an orchard gate
trying to steal
a rotten apple
and crab the racket
for all of us.
Woman: Excuse me, gentlemen,
I lost my purse.
I'm sure
I lost it in here.
[Deep voice] Why,
during the performance, madam?
Yes. I know I had it
when we came in.
All my rent money was in it...
Almost $50.
You didn't lose it.
Somebody stole it.
Mr. chandra, surely you
can help me locate it.
The location of missing articles
is often very difficult.
But if you'd care to have
a private reading tomorrow,
I might be able to help you.
Mr. Franklin,
give the lady a card.
Good night, madam.
I hope you find it.
Oh, aunty, you didn't drop it
in the street.
I've looked everywhere.
Can't you help us?
Why, possibly, my dear.
Possibly.
What'd I tell you?
It isn't here.
But what
are we going to do?
We need that money
so badly.
Quiet, please.
I see a purse...
A brown purse
with silver trimmings.
Yes, yes!
That's it.
Your purse is in the shadow,
under a coat.
A gray coat.
The man who has it
is clutching it tightly.
He is trembling,
uneasy.
He is a man
of medium height,
straight, dark hair,
aquiline features.
He is perspiring.
I can see him
so clearly,
I can almost
put my hand on him.
He has a long,
gray beard.
He is a farmer.
But how can I
get it back?
I can't tell you
the exact address.
But I can go unerringly
to the house.
If you will give me
your name and address,
I will guarantee
to return your aunt's bag
with its contents intact
by tomorrow.
Oh, Mr. chandra,
how can we ever repay you?
The privilege of serving youth
and beauty is payment enough.
Here's my address.
Thank you so much,
Mr. chandra.
It's nothing.
Nothing at all.
And rest assured
your property will be returned.
[Sighs]
[Normal voice] That's
what I call a pretty dame.
Well,
not worth 50 bucks.
I can get you
10 dames for 50 bucks.
Come on,
give it to me.
Aw, chan,
you're breaking my heart.
You really
saved our lives.
I don't know
what we would have done
if we lost that money.
[Deep voice] Things are
as bad as that, eh?
Well, I haven't worked
since last spring.
You are much too pretty
to work, anyway.
That wasn't
why I lost my job.
The factory closed.
You mean to say
that you worked in a factory?
Mm-hmm. Stenographer.
Living in this town and you've
got a job is dull enough.
But when you're not working,
it's deadly.
Oh, well, let's not
talk about my troubles anymore.
I'm sick of them.
I don't see how people stay
more than a week in one place.
Must be glorious
to live the way you do.
New faces, new scenes,
meeting interesting people.
I guess
I'm pretty lucky.
I have an interesting life,
a congenial profession.
And the satisfaction
of knowing
that you're helping people
wherever you go.
And yet, the responsibilities of
my profession are quite heavy.
My daily
public appearances,
my private readings,
say nothing of my mail.
Why,
would you believe it?
I never get less than
300 letters a week.
Boys, this is miss Roberts.
Mr. Franklin and Sam.
How do?
How do you do?
That's
a nice-looking girl.
She ought to be,
for 50 bucks.
8 is the point.
I had no idea
people depended on you so.
They have
great confidence in me.
It's my life's work
never to betray them.
But do you have to
answer all these letters?
And by tomorrow,
there'll be twice as many.
It's getting beyond me.
I wish I could help you.
Look, if you'll dictate
the answers, I'll type them.
Well,
that'd be great, but...
We're leaving town
on Sunday.
Why couldn't
I go with you?
I told you last night
that a great change
was coming into your life.
It's here.
You're hired.
Do you mean that?
Shake.
I tell you, these village belles
are dynamite!
All you have to do
is shake hands with one of them
and say, "hello, jail!"
You fixing
to get us all shot.
We're liable
to get tarred and feathered.
[Normal voice]
You guys don't understand.
I get it. You don't have to
draw me no diagrams.
Most likely she's underage...
All hick dames are.
The minute they get into court,
they're all 16 or under!
You got me wrong.
Did you ever hear of
a guy named mann?
He's got an act.
Sam: And he ain't
in vaudeville.
Remember that little
blonde tomato in pottstown?
You ducked the joint
that time by a whisker,
and here you go again!
Listen, you chumps.
That girl's going along
as my secretary.
She's gonna do her work,
get paid,
and that's
all there is to it.
Yeah?
What are we
stopping for?
[Deep voice] I don't know.
What is it?
Hotbox.
How long
will we be here?
Oh, about half-hour,
I guess.
Come on.
Let's get some air.
I've seen
pictures of places like this,
but I never believed it.
Oh, I wish we could... I wish
I could stay here forever.
Won't you
make it "we"?
Maybe.
Well, staying here forever
wouldn't be such a bad idea.
What about the train?
[Chuckles]
Well, after all,
I was only wishing.
Beautiful.
Yes, it is gorgeous,
isn't it?
Not it. You.
Do you
really mean that,
or are you just trying
to make me happy?
Both... I mean it, and I'd like
nothing better in the world
than to make you happy.
Oh, you're sweet.
What's on your mind?
You ought to know.
You're the mind reader.
[Chuckles]
One look from you
and my power of concentration
is scattered.
Really?
I haven't thought of
much else except you
for the last few weeks.
I think about you
all day.
I dream
about you at night.
Do you ever
think of me?
Of course.
What?
What do you see
in your crystal?
I see us
becoming good friends...
Close friends.
Closer... And closer.
Wouldn't that
be glorious?
I see us brought together
by that universal force...
The power
that makes these blossoms,
the urge that makes
all of life...
The force that makes
the world go 'round.
Love.
And I suppose all this
is very far in the future?
No.
Well, when?
Now.
I can see you
in my arms.
I hear you say,
"I love ..."
[Train whistle blows]
And I can hear
the train whistle!
Come on!
We'll have to run for it!
[Train whistle blows]
Frank: "I have been
married 10 years."
"I love children.
Will I ever have a baby?
Signed, Mrs. b."
"I have saved up $900.
"Please advise me
what would be
a good investment, or ..."
So this is the way
he reads their minds.
I thought chan told you
to stay out of here
while he's working.
Sure, he did,
and now I know why.
Well, I told him
when he took you with the show
he was shaking hands
with trouble!
My good friends, this will
conclude the performance.
[Audience murmuring]
Chan's gonna be sore at you
if he finds you in here.
Lying and cheating
the public...
That's a fine way
to make a living.
Sylvia.
I am ashamed of you.
I admit that
this part of my act is a fake.
It's got to be.
The great chandra.
All these fairy tales
about your supernatural powers!
[Scoffs]
Sylvia,
I have supernatural power.
Yes,
this looks like it.
What did I tell you?
Dames is just bad news!
That's what they are!
Just bad news!
Go on. Get out of here.
Get out!
All right, all right.
Don't bawl me out.
I ain't the one sore at you.
It's your funeral.
Sylvia, this is
very simple to explain.
Would you have contempt
for a man
who advertises
the goods he wants to sell?
What's that
got to do with it?
My occult power
is my stock in trade.
I use a little ballyhoo
to attract attention.
Is it wrong
for the manufacturers of soap,
toothpaste,
chewing gum, automobiles
to ballyhoo
their product,
to advertise them
in newspapers and magazines,
to plug them
on the radio?
But that's different.
They're trying to sell
honest merchandise.
So am I.
There is no difference.
I'm just trying to
convince the public
that it's worth their while
to pay for a private reading.
And, my dear, I assure you,
when I'm alone with a client
and it's quiet
and I can concentrate,
I don't need
any mechanical help.
I'm sorry, chan. I didn't know
what I was talking about.
Will you forgive me?
Forgive you?
Why, it makes me
so happy to know
that I meant
that much to you.
Now run along, darling,
while I change my clothes.
I'll take you to dinner.
All right.
Frank: So,
she's just your secretary.
[Normal voice]
Yep.
Well, it looks like
she's gonna get promoted.
[Train bell dinging,
brakes squeal]
[Deep voice]
Greetings, gentlemen!
Man: The chief of police
wants to know
if you intend
doing your stuff here.
I am going to give
a demonstration
of the occult science
five times daily all this week.
Print that on the front page
of your paper.
Maybe you never heard
there's an ordinance against
fortune-telling in our city.
But not against
demonstrations of science.
Ah, so that's
what you call it, huh?
[Laughter]
Evidently, it is up to me
to give an immediate
demonstration
of the power
of mind over matter!
Do any of you judges
of the universe and its peoples
know how to take a pulse,
that very simple but certain
and universally used method
of determining
the blood flow from the heart?
Gentlemen, I will now prove,
for your edification
and for my own satisfaction,
the power of mind over matter.
I will now stop and start
my pulse at will.
If you please.
Got it?
Sure.
You haven't lost it.
I've stopped it.
Now it's going again.
Yeah.
Got it?
Yeah.
I will now
stop it again.
Maybe I'm crazy.
Are you
trying to kid me?
Got it?
Yes.
Say when
you want it stopped.
Stop.
Why, that beats
anything I ever heard of.
How do you do it?
Just an elementary principle
of the occult science.
I simply
tell my pulse to stop.
It stops.
[Chuckles]
How do you do it?
You simply roll a handkerchief
into a hard ball,
place it under your armpit
against the artery.
When you press your arm
against it,
it stops the blood
and the pulse.
It's a beauty,
but it ain't gonna save you.
That chief of police
has got a head on his shoulders.
Yeah? What do you think I got?
A casaba melon?
Oh, I never should have let you
talk me into this.
Just like I said...
Chief of police and two dicks
sitting out there.
Why, you'll have them
right in your lap!
Well, it's my lap.
Yeah,
and it's my carnival.
Where's Frank?
He didn't show up.
He must be drunk again.
Well, he sure
picked a sweet night for it.
How are you gonna get by
without Frank?
Sylvia can
run the phone for me.
Can you?
I can do it
as well as Frank.
Darling,
are you nervous?
Oh, a little bit.
But it's nothing.
I'll be all right.
Now,
all you've got to do
is read the questions
clearly and distinctly.
You understand?
I've got it.
[Gong crashes]
S.T.K. Wants to know
if his real-estate investment
will pay.
Well,
he ain't answering.
Give it to him again.
S.T.K. Wants to know...
What's the matter?
He ain't getting it.
S.T.K. Wants to know about
his real-estate investment.
S.T.K.
There's something wrong
with the wiring.
I must set aside all questions
for the moment.
Shall I go get him?
Wait a minute.
Let's watch him squirm.
Okay.
I see disaster.
Grave disaster.
A crime
about to be committed.
A man walking along
a dark street.
Now he stops at a corner,
looks furtively around.
I see... The street names
on the lamp posts.
Chestnut and Nash.
Chestnut and Nash?
That's fagan's
jewelry store!
Of course it is.
The man looks
up and down the street
to see if he is observed.
The street is deserted.
Now he picks up an object.
It is a stone!
I see the shattering of glass.
The window is broken!
The stone smashes
in amongst the jewelry!
The criminal
cowers in the doorway,
waiting to see if the noise
has attracted attention.
[Crowd murmuring]
The vision suddenly fades out.
I am very tired.
It has been a great strain,
my friends.
Mr. chandra,
you saved one of our
most prominent merchants
a great loss.
A mere matter of routine
in my profession.
[Chuckles]
If you'd had that vision
a few minutes earlier,
we'd have had that gorilla
in the morgue.
Visions as clear as that
I only see as they
are actually transpiring.
Well, I want to apologize
for ever doubting your ability.
Don't even mention it.
We all must be convinced.
Uh...
Can I see you a minute?
Will you come over to dinner
with us tomorrow night?
Wife and I'd sort of
like to have a...
Private reading.
It would be
a great honor.
You will?
[Chuckles]
I'll call for you
at the hotel.
Good night, chief.
Good night!
Lead me out of here
before I start believing in you.
[Chuckles]
[Normal voice]
Hey. Come here.
You sure nobody
saw you tonight?
Not a chance.
Everything's Jake.
And I didn't
do so bad for myself, either.
What?
Ain't that a honey?
Thanks.
I can use that.
What for, I'm asking you?
What for?
For an engagement ring.
I'm gonna be married.
You're gonna be what?!
Say that again.
Married... to Sylvia.
You? Marry that dame?
What for?
Listen... that girl's
the first decent thing
that's ever
come into my life.
She's a swell kid,
Frank.
I love her.
All right, love her!
But why marry her?
Oh, well,
you wouldn't understand
about a girl
like Sylvia.
So you're
gonna marry her?
Legal?
Yeah,
if she'll have me.
Marry.
You need a wife
about as much as
I need a cage
full of white mice.
What are you gonna give me
for a wedding present?
A nice, tight,
tailor-made straightjacket.
[Laughing]
[Train whistle blows]
And another thing!
You know a tough judge
could very easily
divide 30 years
among the three of us!
Ohh!
Sylvia?
Sylvia?
Sylvia?
Well, she ain't here.
When she comes in,
you got to get that ring back.
How?
What'll I tell her?
I don't know.
But you got to get it!
The jeweler's association
have sent out a description
to every cop in the state.
Geez, you sure got us
on a spot.
I got you on a spot?!
Well, you stole the ring,
didn't you?
All I wanted you to do
was throw that rock
through the window.
We're just lucky the cops
didn't get wise
the whole thing was a fake.
Arguing ain't
getting us anywhere.
If the cops spot that rock
on her finger, it's curtains.
You could slip it off her finger
when she's asleep.
In the morning,
tell her she mislaid it
or the chambermaid
pinched it... anything!
But for the love of Mike,
get it!
Well, what did you
give me the ring for, anyway?
I didn't give it to you!
You pinched it from me!
Well, I'll get it back
some way.
Well, if you don't,
I'm liable to go to jail.
And believe me,
I'll have plenty of company.
Hello, darling.
Just get in?
Mm-hmm.
Just this minute.
Well,
is there anything wrong?
No,
just a little headache.
Oh,
I'm sorry, darling.
By the way...
I've got a surprise
that'll cure that headache.
Hmm? What is it?
A new ring... a big square-cut
in a platinum setting.
We'll turn this in
on the new one.
Well, I'd rather see the new one
before I give this up.
I might
like this one better.
You don't
have to see it.
Take my word,
it's a knockout.
Chan,
tell me the truth.
Why are you so anxious
to get this ring away from me?
[Knock on door]
See who it is.
Are you chandra?
No. He is.
Yes? What is it?
You wrote this to me?
You help folks
that's up against it...
Poor trash
what's in trouble, don't you?
Why, yes. Sit down.
What is it
you want to ask me?
[Voice breaking]
Ask you? Ask you?
I didn't come
to ask you nothing.
I've come
to tell you something.
I've come to tell you
you spoiled my life!
Spoiled it,
do you hear?!
You told me things
that ain't come true.
Well, I'm sorry.
Sorry? You?
What have you
got to be sorry for?
I'm sorry,
do you hear?
I'm sorry for what
you done to me, you faker.
What right have you got
to tell me who to marry?
Well,
I married him, see?
A man I didn't care nothing for
'cause you told me to.
You said I was gonna be happy
and have kids.
Well,
my husband ran off,
left me
right after we was married.
And the man I really loved...
Do you hear me?!
The man you told me
not to marry...
He killed himself.
Do you hear me?!
He killed himself
over me!
That's how good
you help people!
[Sobbing]
You faker!
I hate you!
I hate you!
Come on. Get out of here,
you crazy...
He killed himself!
Do you hear me?!
He killed himself!
He killed himself!
[Screams]
Come on.
Let's get out of here.
[Train bell dinging]
Sylvia!
Sylvia!
Sylvia,
what's the matter?
Where are you going?
Anywhere...
Anyplace to get away
from you and your lies
and deceit.
Come here
a minute.
Darling, I couldn't help
what happened.
That girl
was out of her mind.
You're nothing but a cheap,
despicable faker,
preying
on people's minds
and giving them
a lot of stupid, silly advice
that just drives them
to trouble and unhappiness.
You drove that girl
to suicide
just as surely as you're
driving me away from you.
Sylvia, you've got to
listen to me.
I've listened to your lies
long enough.
You never drew an honest breath
in your life.
Telling fortunes.
Selling little books
on astrology
when you
don't know the difference
between the noonday sun
and the north star!
I hate every rotten,
crooked thing you represent,
and I'm through
with you!
Sylvia,
I'm everything you say.
I know how you feel,
and I don't blame you.
But, Sylvia,
if you stick with me,
I promise
you'll never regret it.
I've learned my lesson.
You've got to believe me.
You could never change.
It's born in you.
No, you're wrong,
Sylvia.
For you,
I could do anything.
You're
the only thing I love.
I need you now
more than ever.
All aboard!
Well, I've made up
my mind.
You'll have to give up
this lying, cheating game
or give me up.
Sylvia, dear...
I promise to give up
the whole rotten mess.
I'm finished forever.
I love you
and want to make you happy.
Good morning, madam.
Would you like to make $10?
Why, I'm too old.
No, I mean save $10
on your household expenses.
Madam, I represent
the gower brush company...
Ah, go to heck!
[Exhales deeply]
Things are sure
breaking tough.
I hope I have
a little luck today.
Well, you're trying.
That's something.
Don't
get discouraged.
It's only that I hate
to make you live like this.
Oh, I don't mind it
if you don't.
[Chuckles]
You're about the bravest
little guy in the whole world.
Frank: Hey, chan!
Hi, Frank.
Gee, chan,
I'm glad to see you.
Yeah.
Nobody else is.
What?
What are you doing?
Selling brushes
and getting nothing
but flat thumbs
from pushing doorbells.
A guy with your con,
your larceny, selling brushes?
What's the idea?
I'm on the straight and narrow.
You know, the wife.
The wife.
Love. Marriage. Honesty.
Now there's a combination
guaranteed to get anybody
into the poor house.
Yeah, and I'm just about there,
and I ain't kidding.
Here. Try one
of these narcotics.
A buck a smash.
So this is what
you've been doing.
You know, chan,
I was wasting my time
hustling around them carnivals.
Well, you look like
you've been eating regular.
I eat the best groceries
a couple of French chefs
can put together.
I drink
nothing but vintage wine.
That thing you got
in your kisser
is a sample of the heaters
the boss and I smoke.
I got a swell room right in
the boss's park Avenue joint.
They heat it and cool it
by electricity.
Mm. Who is your boss?
Mr. and Mrs.
Wilson Douglas Austin.
A jolly couple.
He's got controlling interest
in a big brunette
up on riverside drive
while the wife
is dancing around
with a shiny-haired gigolo
that used to be a barber.
And I'm collecting a salary
from each of them to play dumb.
Well, maybe you know
where I can get a job.
I'll do anything.
I'm flat.
If you were only back
in the old racket.
This Austin woman
is a pushover for mind readers,
crystal gazers...
Anything that's daffy.
Why, there's hardly
a week goes by
that she don't call on
three or four of them.
Why don't you
go back in the racket?
Nah, no, Frank.
Anything but that.
No, I'm all washed up.
Don't be a sucker!
What are you gonna do, starve?
The world
owes us all a living.
I'm getting mine, and I got
a plan where you can get yours.
You're my pal, and I ain't gonna
see you perish by the roadside.
Now, listen.
It reads
like a million dollars.
You said it.
She'll rub it in her hair.
Now,
get this straight.
It goes right there,
in place of this article.
Now, understand
you got to copy and print up
a whole new front page.
I see.
And we got to have it
the first thing
in the morning, early.
It's, uh...
I'm taking a big risk.
You're getting paid for it,
ain't you?
Hello.
Hello, honey.
Can you make it tonight,
baby?
You bet.
Great. Got a match?
Sure.
Here you are.
Thanks.
See you tonight.
Uh-huh.
She went for it
like a ton of brick.
She'll phone
for an appointment.
Swell.
Now here's all the dope.
You better write it down.
Shoot.
The husband's name
is Wilson Douglas Austin.
He's medium-complected,
getting bald.
About 5'10",
weighs around 180.
Got that?
Yep.
What about the gal?
Her name is Kent...
June Kent.
June Kent.
About 5'7",
weighs about 130...
One of them
willowy brunettes
with curves
like a 3rd Avenue "I."
Uh-huh.
What color eyes and hair?
Black as ink.
Go on.
They been playing house together
for almost two years.
He took her
out of the follies.
You're perfectly astounding,
Dr. munro.
Please go on.
[Deep voice]
What I see now
is of such a confidential nature
that I hesitate.
You must tell me.
I insist.
But, madam, it, uh...
Might alarm you.
Please.
As a special,
personal favor.
Very well, madam.
But remember,
the truth sometimes hurts.
I see your husband
in an apartment
with another woman.
A woman?
Who is she?
I see her name.
Jean. Jean.
No. June Kent.
What does
she look like?
Tall.
A striking brunette.
Very dark complexion.
Lustrous black eyes.
A colored woman?
Oh, no, no,
Mrs. Austin.
Your husband took her
out of the follies.
My dear,
he's simply marvelous.
What's his name?
Oh, Dr. munro.
Dr. munro...
M-u-n-r-o.
Oh, Dr. munro!
Oh, he told me
the most amazing things.
Oh, Dr. munro.
Tell me all about him.
The detectives and I
went there,
broke down the door,
and there he was.
Oh, my dear, he's just the man
I'm looking for.
This Dr. munro
is simply amazing.
Oh, Dr. munro.
Well, maybe he can tell me
a few things about George.
If there's
anything you want to know
of a confidential nature,
ask him.
And you say
he's good-looking?
Seven homes
since the first of the year.
Isn't that terrible?
[Normal voice]
It sure is.
I'll bet that Dr. munro
doesn't sleep nights.
No, he probably
doesn't at that.
Aren't you glad
I made you give it up?
[Chuckling]
Of course, dear.
And we've never
been happier in our lives.
Oh, what if we did have
a little tough luck at first?
You've got a good job now,
earning a nice salary.
And you told me
yourself
they may make you division
sales manager before long.
[Chuckles]
Let's change the subject.
To what?
To this.
The address is 148
west 59th street, apartment 6a.
Her name is Cooke...
Gloria Cooke.
She's a blonde.
Swell. Do you take him
there every day?
Just about.
You see, the stock exchange
closes at 3:00.
Well, I pick up
Mr. holman around, uh, 4:00
and deliver him to her
about 4:15.
What's his old lady
think he's doing?
Playing squash
at the racquet club.
[Laughs]
You know, my boss tells his
old lady that he's playing polo.
He's got a helmet
and a couple of mallets
he always takes along
in the car.
Does Mr. holman generally
have dinner at the hideout?
Never... I pick him up at 6:30
and drive him home for dinner.
Where he arrives all worn out
from playing squash.
[Laughter]
That's great, Joe.
Here. Get yourself
a house and lot.
Thanks.
[Deep voice] Your reading
has ended, Mrs. holman.
I can't continue.
Please go on...
I can tell by your face
that you know something
you don't want to tell me.
But,
my dear Mrs. holman,
it is of such a...
A delicate nature that...
That I must ask you
to excuse me.
Dr. munro,
I promised you $500.
I'll double that amount
if you'll go on.
$1,000?
You mean that?
I certainly do.
I'm dying of curiosity.
But remember, Mrs. holman,
the truth sometimes hurts.
I see your husband
embroiled with another woman...
A blonde.
The apartment number
is...
6a.
Wretch!
The dirty sneak!
And all the time he told me
that he was playing squash.
[Muffled upbeat music playing]
Don, open that door!
Don, open that door,
or I'll break it down!
I know you're in there
with that blonde hussy!
[Metal clangs]
[Music continues]
Man: Mrs. holman,
is that your husband?
It certainly is.
I'd know those feet
anyplace in the world.
Hello, Alice.
Hello.
Oh, Mrs. Chandler,
mama says she can't go shopping
with you this afternoon.
Why not?
She has a headache
or something.
Must be awful
because she's crying.
Where is she, dear?
In the bedroom, but she told me
not to bother her.
[Crying]
Why, Ellen, honey,
what's the matter?
I'm leaving.
Never coming back.
I'm taking Alice
with me, too.
If he thinks
he can get away with...
Well, wait a minute. Leaving?
Why? What's happened?
Ralph.
He's got another woman.
I've suspected it for months,
but this morning...
Well, I found out
all about it.
You mean
you actually caught him?
Same thing. It's been
torturing me for weeks.
I had to make sure.
I couldn't stand it any longer,
so I went to Dr. munro.
The fortune teller?
He told me
the girl's name,
gave me the address
of the apartment,
and the hours
Ralph is with her.
And those are exactly the hours
he's away from home.
It's true!
I know it! I feel it is!
And Alice and I
are getting out forever!
Oh, Ellen, you're not going to
give up a home and happiness
just because some idiot
has put a lot of nonsense
into your head.
Oh, don't believe it.
It isn't true, any of it.
It must be true. Haven't you
been reading the papers?
Everything that man tells people
actually happens.
Oh, well, I suppose this munro
is a little more clever
than the general run
of fortune tellers,
but they're all
cheats and fakes.
He told me things about Ralph
I know are true.
Where does this...
This great wizard hang out?
Why?
Never mind.
What's his address?
His card's
in my pocketbook.
Sylvia,
what are you going to do?
Now, look,
I want you to promise me
that you won't leave here
or do anything foolish
till I get back.
I'm going to have a little chat
with this Dr. munro.
Is Dr. munro in?
I-I don't know.
I just-a clean here.
Oh.
You Dr. munro's secretary?
No.
Is he in there?
I don't know.
I was just going...
Are you Dr. munro?
Yes.
What do you want?
I'm don holman.
So, you're the dirty rat
that tipped off my wife
and broke up my home.
Well,
I'm gonna teach you
to keep your dirty nose
out of other people's business.
Now, wait a minute,
friend!
Are you quite sure you know
what you're talking about?
You wouldn't want to
attack an innocent man.
This is one jam you're
not gonna talk yourself out of.
Now, go on.
Get out of here.
Go on.
Get out!
[Gunshot]
[Breathing heavily]
So you don't know
Dr. munro?
No.
Never saw him
in your life?
No.
What do you do
for a living?
I'm a married woman.
How long you been married?
About a year.
What's your husband do?
He's assistant sales manager
for the gower brush company.
Well, well, that's fine,
and what were you doing
in munro's office
after business hours?
But I've told you,
I had to go there
because this friend of mine...
For the love of Pete,
are you gonna start that again?
Come on. What were you doing
in his office?
You saw Mr. holman go in there,
didn't you?!
Yes.
But you didn't
see munro?
I've never seen the man
in my life!
Did you ever happen
to see this man?
Why, that's my husband.
Yeah.
It's Dr. munro, too.
It is?
He... he's munro?
[Laughter]
Are you trying
to tell us
you've been married
to the guy for a year
and didn't know
it was Dr. munro?
Come on.
Where's munro hiding?
I don't know!
I tell you, I don't know!
All right, lock her up.
She'll talk in time.
This way.
[Train whistle blows]
[Piano playing,
indistinct conversations]
[Gong crashes]
[Gong crashes]
Yes.
I...
In a way...
That's...
Goes...
Come on!
Snap out of it!
[Groaning]
Snap out of it, will ya?
We're on next.
Ladies and gentlemen!
You are now about to witness
one of the scientific marvels
of the age!
You are about to see
the great divoni
in an exhibition of mind-reading
that has baffled doctors,
scientists,
and college professors!
It has made him
the favorite entertainer
to the princes, kings,
and potentates of Europe.
He reads your mind
like it was an open book.
Introducing
the great divoni!
[Gong crashes]
[Piano playing,
conversations continue]
Snap out of it.
What shall I do with
the questions, great master?
What shall I do with
the questions, great master?
Great master says
burn them.
Come on. Snap out of it,
you chump.
These tamale-knockers
will tear the joint down.
Isabella Gomez wants to know
if Manuel is going to
marry her legally.
Got it?
Isabella Gomez wants to know
if Manuel is going to
marry her legally.
[Slurring]
I get a message from...
Isabella Gomez.
She asks me if...
She asks me.
Why should she ask me?
What do I know about anything?
Of all the dirty, rotten,
lowdown figures, I'm it.
Everything about me
is crooked.
Everything about
every mind reader is crooked!
You ask me questions...
Ha ha! And I answer them!
[Laughing]
Sure!
I'll show you how!
Here... a guy downstairs
reads me your questions
over these phones.
And you think
I'm supernatural.
[Laughing]
You're saps!
You're fools! You're idiots!
You ask me to tell you things!
You think I know!
I'll tell you what I know.
I'm the guy who knows
how stupid you are.
You pay me money to wreck you,
torture you,
boil you up, play to you,
and laugh at you,
sitting there like a school
of fish with your mouths open!
I made a woman kill herself!
I've broken up homes!
Ha ha!
I've broken up my own home!
[Laughing]
Here! Take it with you!
Gaze into it!
Play with it like a coconut,
you sillies!
[Indistinct shouting]
All right,
send him in.
Man: Yes, sir.
Are you
the district attorney?
I am.
You're holding a woman
on suspicion of murder,
the holman case.
That's right.
Mrs. Sylvia munro.
She's in a prison hospital,
sick, isn't she?
Well?
If I can prove that she had
nothing to do with the crime,
no knowledge of it,
is absolutely innocent,
that would clear her,
wouldn't it?
Naturally.
All right.
I killed him.
I'm Dr. munro.
It was self-defense.
That night, about 6:00,
I was just leaving my office,
and the door flew open,
and holman came...
Now wait a minute.
Uh, sit down.
[Click]
Send in a stenographer
and a couple of witnesses
right away.
Man: Yes, sir.
Well, Sylvia, it's all over.
You're clear and free.
Yes, they said I could leave
just as soon as I'm well enough.
And don't worry about me.
Don't give me a thought.
Chan, how can I help it,
after what you've done?
I've got the best mouthpiece
in town... self-defense.
It's an open-and-shut case.
Got me out on bail like that.
Says I'm a cinch to be acquitted
in a one-day trial.
Cinch to be acquitted?
I know I haven't got any right
to ask this, but, uh...
I want you
to do me a favor.
Sylvia...
[Chuckles] Well,
this is kind of tough to say,
but I've hurt you
so much already,
I might as well
go all the way.
Our lives
are a million Miles apart.
I've pretended
to be happy with you,
but I never really was.
Oh.
Well,
it's not your fault.
I'm to blame.
I'm just no good.
I... I want you
to divorce me.
Divorce you?
But you're young and fine...
On the level.
You got everything
in the world to offer.
Your whole life's
before you.
It'll be clear sailing
without me.
Besides, I don't love you.
I never did.
Chan, you're lying.
But you haven't fooled me a bit.
I know
you're in terrible trouble,
and you're trying
to carry it alone.
Well,
I brought it all on myself.
Why should I
divide the load with you?
I'm a flop,
a failure.
Oh,
of course you're not.
If you were fool enough
to take me back,
I'd only
crush you up again.
You wouldn't.
I know you wouldn't now.
But I tell you, I'm no good.
I never was. I never will be.
Of course you are
or you wouldn't have come back.
Oh, there you go,
bulling yourself into it.
I don't care what you say
or how black you paint yourself.
You need me now more than ever,
and I'm going to stick.
I'm going all the way
with you.
Come on. Time's up.
I'll be all right.
You can come to see me.
I'll be...
We'll be all right.
Say, these are pals of mine.
Can I say goodbye?
Okay.
Gee, boss, that crystal
sure done us wrong.
Never picked the right horse.
Now it sends you to the can.
So long, pal.
I got to hand it to you
for coming back
and taking it on the chin.
Thanks.
But I guess maybe somebody
must have dropped you
on your head
when you were a baby.
[Laughs]
2 to 10 years.
That's an awful long time.
I wonder how much you get off
for good behavior?
Don't ask me.
You're the mind reader.
Man:
Let's get going.
So long, boys.
So long, chan.
So long, boss.
Say, boss,
give my regards to Louie.
You remember
Louie the fire eater?
He's up there for life!
It sure is tough
to be going away
just when beer's
coming back.