You know De Vicco too?
- Yeah, from the Four Seasons.
He showed us around
the vineyards in Toscany.
It was beautiful.
He showed us around.
We did the taste test, you know?
We tasted the wine.
He doesn't speak Italian.
He also doesn't drink much.
I guess he likes to keep
his head clear for business.
Your credit card's been refused.
What?
Obviously there's some computer error.
We phoned American Express.
Could we discuss it over here?
Excuse me.
I understand there's
a problem with the card.
You won't take a check?
What do you want me to do?
It's a computer error,
believe me.
Can the management offer anyone a drink?
But I had to write it.
It was an important business dinner
and I'd forgotten my credits cards.
The check?
It's 400 Pounds or so.
487 Pounds probably.
Could you hang on a second, please?
There's someone at the door.
Come in.
I realize the account is
slightly more overdrawn...
...but it would be crazy for the bank
to even think of stopping my credit.
Granted, yes.
I could sell some of my American stocks.
But, but why?
The market is awful...
And when the market's awful,
Binky doesn't go to market.
But I am on the verge of
something very lucrative.
So for you to even be talking
about dishonoring my checks...
...puts me in a very sweaty mode.
How can you say that?
I assure you, I appreciate
the bank's position...
...but the bank is not in jeopardy.
I'm asking for two weeks' time.
In two weeks time I will be in the black.
I promise I won't write no more checks.
Thanks, bye.
Jerk.
How much are you talking about?
Nothing. 4,000 Pounds.
The Hotel's pushing me to pay
the bill, that's another 6,000...
...and, apparently,
it's full steam ahead.
Can't you just put that on the Amex?
I could, if I wanted it to
bounce several miles...
...it's a problem, I mean,
not a problem problem.
I just gotta have a little cash, you know...
...until that cocoa gets off
the dock in Sierra Leone.
Poor Jake. Everything's gonna be
all right. It always is.
What do these people want?
I mean, spleen?
God damn grapefruit.
How you can eat all that you do and
stay so thin I'll never know.
I'm just lucky, I guess.
I've been thinking.
How much could you say
that this is worth?
Nothing doing.
- 40, 50 thousand dollars?
Jake, you know what that means to me.
I'll get you another one.
I'll get you two of them.
It's beautiful and all this crap,
but times are tough.
When times are tough what
a thing like-this for?
Well, I love my little Henry Moore.
Stop it.
You know I hate that...
...especially when I'm eating.
You don't have to worry, baby.
Everything's gonna be all right.
It always is.
You're so damn smart.
I have nothing personal against
this handicapped girl.
Not that word.
This handicapped woman, then.
- No, not handicapped.
What are we talking about,
then?
We don't sanction the use
the word 'handicapped'.
'Hearing impaired'.
Obviously I've nothing personal
against this...
...hearing impaired person...
...but the fact that she can't speak
or hear is a pathetic reason...
...but the fact that she can't speak
or hear is a pathetic reason...
...to deny her the chance of
a very menial job of work.
Chicken Farsi again?
- It was either that or the Duck...
Victor, have a word with
the guests in 327-328, will you?
Their Amex imprint was refused
although I'm sure...
...it's just a temporary cash flow hiccough.
But I retire in June, Victor.
I want to leave here on a seamless
cloud of perfection.
All right. Seamless.
Sorry to disturb you.
A great Hotel is like an ocean
going lilith, Mrs. Doughty.
Stewards with white gloves in the lounge...
...and the burlesque stoken down below.
And it all must mesh...
seamlessly.
With this person, I see complications
arising with the rest of the staff.
Communication, what have you.
- Yes, of course. Communication.
My husband's brother 'communicates'.
He's a features writer for the Times.
I'm afraid I don't see it working
from our point of view.
He's doing an expose article...
...on job discrimination.
This is just what he's looking for.
Very well.
A trial period.
Say, a week as long as she
keeps out of everyone's way.
I don't want you to think
don't have a heart here.
This is crazy.
Why am I standing here with you?
Because the light's red.
Jake. You know what I mean.
Why am I letting you do this?
I'm not letting you do this.
- Let's find out the value of the thing.
At the present time. It's important
to know these things.
Important for who?
- Ah, for our insurance.
Don't you worry.
I'm not letting him sell you.
I'd say...
...about 20,000 Pounds
at current market values.
It's one of a limited edition
of, I think, yes, nine.
None of the others are available
at the moment, as far as I know.
An exquisite piece.
How long have you had
it, Mr. Bartholemew?
3 years.
And may I ask how much you
originally paid for it?
It was a gift.
20,000 Pounds?
That's, what, $32,000 or so?
That's all?
Well, you said yourself
it's an exquisite piece.
Come on, you can do better than that.
That's roughly what we'd pay for it.
You could put it up for auction.
But prices there fluctuate.
Up, and down.
If we put it up for auction, would
you invite a lot of Japanese?
We're not sure we want to
get rid of it at this time.
But, if we do,
we'll come to you.
It could be a quick sale?
Of course. I'm sure we could
get you the top price.
It'd really very sporting of you
to keep it in a hotel suite.
It would be a shame to keep it locked away.
I'm sure you're well covered.
- Yes, we're covered.
Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
I've got a very naughty idea.
You heard what that nice
man said about hotels?
Well, why don't we take it and claim on it?
That way you can have your money
and I get to keep my Henry Moore.
A touch risky, I'd say.
- How?
It's so small, it could fit in a shoebox.
Anybody could've taken it.
It could've just disappeared.
I know Joan would keep it
for me if I ask her.
Well, it is against the law.
Of course, prison is one way of
cutting down on our hotel bills.
You just better make sure our
insurance is up to date...
...because I might just make it
disappear at any time.
Maybe.
All our suites come in a different
style. She must really like this one.
It must be very difficult for her.
No, not really.
Jenny's survivor.
Been in the home...
from the time she was six.
The poor little child,
her parents dead.
She doesn't make friends easily.
Shy, I suppose.
I hope she can fit in here.
- Oh, she's a good girl.
All right?
- Yes, so far.
What is spaghetti made of?
Spaghetti ingredients. I don't know.
Flour and water?
Flour and water?
How much does that cost?
Flour and water don't cost much.
Not much. A dollar for, say, a hundred
strands or a thousand strands?
A dollar for a couple
hundred strands probably.
How many strands, would you say,
are on this plate?
Fifty strands? Eighty?
Fifty, eighty. That's about right
to me, give or take.
Yes, when I say fifty to eighty,
or take is built in.
Now, what else is here?
Olives, tomatoes?
And what else?
Caper look-alike?
What would that cost?
- Not much.
So, not much for the flour and the
water and the chopped up vegetables.
Why is it what I'm paying for this
dinner is more than the national debt...
...of a third world country?
I don't know.
Is the wine expensive?
You know what I mean.
Couldn't you cook this?
We don't have a kitchen, Jake.
If we had a kitchen I could cook it.
We'll get a kitchen some day.
Anyway, since when do you care?
You've always said when it comes to
food, shoes and sex, price is no object.
Good shoes are important.
There's Larry.
- Where?
Coming up this way.
Hello, Tina. How are you?
- Fine. You?
Couldn't be better, except I wish
I were home in Westport.
Where are you staying?
Jonathan and Melissa asked me.
For a few days, I thought why not
skip the Savoy this time?
Their new house is beautiful.
Marble bathrooms from Italy...
Jonathan and Melissa. How are they?
- All right.
You never can tell.
She's put a little weight
and he's grown a beard.
Well, better that than the other way around.
Better that than the other way around.
Well, look after yourself, Tina.
What I was attempting to say is that...
...it would have been odd had she grown
the beard and he'd put on the weight.
But, maybe I didn't make it clear.
I said it twice to try and make sure.
Don't take it like that, Jake.
You don't care.
And you know he hates you.
- Why? I don't hate him.
You're very big hearted.
I'll always remember that.
Now that's a good idea, and it
doesn't cost anything.
Shut that bloody row.
Turn off that bloody racket
I'll call the police.
Turn it off or I'll come down and
sort you out myself, you bugger.
Please, turn it off.
Well thanks bloody much.
It's about bleedin' time, too.
I need mineral water.
Dark is best.
God, water.
Room service, please answer.
Please answer.
Hello? Is this the concierge,
hall porter or front desk?
Ah, Front Desk. There's an emergency
up here in Room 327.
Yes. Yes. Room Service does not answer...
...and we need a dozen bottles of
Perrier up here right away.
I know it's three o'clock in the
morning, but this is an emergency.
Trinidad rum punch, stingers,
red wine, champagne.
Jesus, how do you do it, Tina?
Tina, could we please do it
on the bed tonight?
Tina?
Tina? Where are you?
Help me, help me.
I'm frightened.
My clothes are coming off and there's
nothing I can do to stop them.
Are you covered for this, Jake?
Are you covered?
I think you better call your insurance man.
Oh, call him. Quick.
You don't really need my insurance man.
I can handle this fine.
Will you still love when I'm broke?
Good thing this isn't broke.
But let's fix it, anyway.
What the hell is that?
- Don't stop, baby.
Hang on I'm coming.
- Me too.
Jake.
What do you want?
A dozen mineral water.
- Jake.
Come on in.
I won't see any of that, sir.
That'll go to the waiters.
I'm a desk man.
- Oh, Jesus.
Can I come out now, Jake?
- No.
Do you have change for a 20 Pound note?
- I'm afraid I don't, sir.
Tina, do you have change?
I don't know. Look in my purse.
Where is your purse?
- I don't know. The floor?
It's over there, sir.
Under the...
Nothing smaller than a ten.
Give it to him.
- What, are you crazy?
Oh, Christ. Hang on.
Thank you very much.
Goodnight, sir, madam.
Boy, am I thirsty.
Double thirsty.
You're going to be very popular with
the lads in Room Service.
'Room 327, I'll take it up. I hear
she tips good and might be naked.'
Don't be such a prude. The human
body's a beautiful thing.
So? Flash for me.
64 days. I was counting.
That's the longest anything's
lasted in two years.
But you knew he really wasn't
the one for you anyway.
Just because he was married?
- No, of course not.
Because of those things I told you?
- Well, you said you liked that.
I didn't mind it, sometimes.
So, why then?
It's simple. He didn't wanna
spend money on you.
You could always tell. He'd get
you take-out Chinese...
...then tell you about the scuba diving
equipment he'd bought for himself.
That's not his fault.
I told him I liked Oriental food.
Men are such strange creatures.
Jake and I ran into Larry and Larry
pretended that Jake didn't exist.
So Jake wanted to be smart, which
made Larry ignore him even more.
Really, there's no difference between
grown men and little boys.
It's the same as it was in the sandbox.
Except for then they wanted to pull
your panties down in public.
You're so lucky with Jake, though.
He gives you everything you want.
I wanted to talk to you about that.
Will you promise, on your soul,
not to say anything to anyone?
Promise.
Jake needs some extra
cash for a scheme of his...
...and he wants to sell my Henry Moore.
- That's yours.
Of course it is.
But you can't trust men.
I'm afraid he might sell it behind my back.
I was wondering, if I brought it
to you, wrapped in a napkin...
...would you keep it for me for a while?
Well, he'd suspect, wouldn't he?
I mean, he knows we're friends.
Well, I could just say it was stolen.
You could just say you don't know
what we're talking about.
Okay. Sure.
It's simple.
Well, you were my first choice.
Maybe next time.
I will. Yeah.
Give ours to Vicky.
Right. Bye.
Jerk.
You take a long time, by the way.
- Well, it's worth it. Right?
Ah, my money.
I forgot my wallet.
In an elevator.
Those guys are everywhere.
He's retiring soon.
Collects stamps.
And my money, any day now.
Tina, honey, hurry up. The waiter's
waiting to see you naked.
Come on, before your stuff gets cold.
That was a witty thing to do.
- What was?
The little Henry Moore. It's gone.
- What do you mean?
Come on, Jake. Where is it?
What are you talking about,
'it's gone'?
Well, look. Look.
So, what? It's under the bed?
- Jake.
It's under Joan's bed?
- What have you done with it?
What have I done with it?
I didn't do anything with it.
It's gone. Right?
Okay. All right.
Let's just get the little
insurance thing started.
Great.
And if anyone's taken it
somewhere, it's you.
Let's remember, it was your idea
in the first place.
I will hand it to you, though.
You're sneakier than I thought.
No, maybe just as sneaky.
- Look, Jake. I don't know where it is.
Oh, sure. I believe you.
I trust you implicitly.
Oh, I can tell.
I guess we'd better call and
report it. Isn't that what you do?
I guess so. You're the guy.
You should known.
Just don't call me when they
send you up the river.
Likewise. Likewise.
And you don't know anything about it?
Okay here it goes.
Swear me.
- I swear. I swear. Let loose of me.
Could I speak with the Manager,
please?
Yeah. It's Jake Bartholemew,
in Room 327.
25,000 Pounds?
Insured?
- Oh yes, thank goodness.
Where was it kept?
Apparently on a side table,
like a dish of peanuts.
Have they any ideas?
He just telephoned to say the damn
thing's gone missing.
Better get on to Detective Fagan,
will you? Start him off.
Fagan's drinking again.
Well, somebody's got to do it.
I suppose you'd better.
Let's try and keep it to ourselves
for the moment, shall we?
327, Mr. Bartholemew.
Mr. Bartholemew, if it's not
too much trouble...
...I'd like to send Mr. Swayle up to get
some information from you.
Our regular man, Detective Fagan,
is down with the flu.
Oh, no, I assure you.
If anyone can get to the bottom
of this, it's our Mr. Swayle.
He was attached to an intelligence
unit during his Army service.
Of course. By all means.
And thank you so much.
Actually, it was a catering course, sir.
This afternoon, Victor, after lunch.
- Sir.
Hello? Yes.
Yes, it is. Put him through.
I'm calling because one of the items
which is covered in my policy...
...has apparently been stolen.
It's a small bronze head Henry Moore.
Yes, it was here on the bedside table.
Yes, in the hotel.
What? Yes. Yes, it is.
It is covered in the 'Agreed Values'
section of the policy.
I pay more premium, but it's covered.
A special clause.
Jake, I'm going out for a walk.
Yeah. Well, you better check.
I'll go with you. Hang on.
It's okay. I'm going for a walk.
- Where are you going?
Just out. A walk.
- Well, I'll go with you.
Look, I can't talk right now.
I've got another call coming.
Okay. Tomorrow. Bye.
Tina.
Teddy, when you told me to go into cocoa...
...you practically guaranteed it.
I realize you can't predict a dock
strike in Sierra.
But a $30,000 margin call is nothing, Teddy.
Anyway, I would really rather
not be pressed on it today.
Tina is very upset.
Her little Henry Moore statue got stolen.
Yeah, it's insured. $50,000.
So, you know, look at that as
collateral for your margin.
No, she wouldn't mind.
Why should she mind?
Teddy, the cocoa's gonna be off
the dock soon. Right?
Worse?
What could be worse than that?
Dumping it into the ocean?
Well, I mean, you can dredge
up cocoa, can't you?
I don't know. You could call that
guy who found the Titanic.
I realize the position, puts you in.
Yes. We're friends. Teddy...
Please don't talk about liquidating me.
Teddy. I'm asking for grace.
Grace?
Oh, Mr. Bartholemew?
Excuse me.
How are you?
Yes?
- Mrs. Bartholemew?
I'm Victor Swayle,
the Assistant Manager.
Mr. Bartholemew is expecting me.
- He's out.
I'm here concerning your robbery.
I'm very sorry to hear about it.
So am I.
- I want to ask you a few questions.
Come in.
I really can't tell you much. It was
just here yesterday and gone today.
It's gone. Missing. Stolen.
You've looked around the suite?
- Sure. Everywhere. No sign.
Just gone. Missing. Stolen.
Oh, Jake. This is Mr...
Swayle. Swayle.
Mr. Swayle. He's from
the Hotel, to investigate.
I told him we couldn't help much.
No, we can't. Not much.
It's gone. Stolen I guess.
Have you notified the Police?
The Police.
No, we haven't. Not yet.
Well, maybe we can hold
that off for a while.
We're conducting our own
investigations and obviously...
...if we can keep it in-house,
and return you your goods...
...we'd all be happier.
Mrs. Bartholemew. Mr. Bartholemew,
thank you for your help.
I'm sorry that such a thing should
have happened in our hotel.
I do hope that you won't hold it against us.
Us? No. We wouldn't dream of it.
Mr. Bartholemew, I wonder
if I could just have a word...
...in private?
Sure. Okay.
I'm sorry to have to mention this today...
...but it's the bill. It's getting
heavily on the debit side.
Otherwise, we shall have
to start taking measures.
Look, Mr...
Swayle.
- A $60,000 artwork...
...is missing from your hotel.
I would say the debit is on your side.
Well, please, Mr. Bartholemew...
- Your hotel.
I think the last thing we should
worry about is my hotel bill.
In fact, the lawsuit, which I'm
attempting to persuade my wife...
...not to file,
would make my hotel bill...
...look like a one hour rental
in a Tijuana bordello.
Oh, please, Mr. Bartholemew, I know
how upsetting this is.
You don't know what upsetting
is, you stupid prick.
It was exciting to stay in for a change.
It makes me feel old staying
in watching TV with you.
Maybe it wasn't really a great TV night.
I mean, how many times will they allow...
'Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde' to be
remade? Is it an infinite number?
It reminds me of home,
my mother, my father.
Still relying on the characters?
Staying in watching TV, because they
had nowhere else to go.
Look, Jake, you don't know what
that head means to me.
I'm frightened without it. It's the
only thing that I've got in the world.
Tina, it was your idea to steal it
in the first place.
To help you.
I mean, is your family really
out of the question?
Yeah. Military School is the last thing...
...I said I would ever take from them.
Your sister? Your brother?
- My sister's having a baby.
My brother wouldn't give me
the sweat off his balls.
Oh, God, Jake. We should've
been in Sardinia by now.
I mean, what're we doing in this dump?
Dump?
Who are you? The Queen Mother?
Oh, the big breadwinner.
It's not a problem.
It's a problem when the only thing of
value in your wallet's the leather.
If I were you, I'd stay away from
leather as a topic of conversation.
At least until you can to cut down
on the shoe consumption.
I always thank God for Sundays, 'cause
it means you can't go shopping.
'On the seventh day she rested
and she drank.'
Screw you. Screw you. Just get back
and give it back to me.
Tina, keep your voice down.
Why? They're gonna throw us
outta here anyway.
Where were you this morning?
- I told you, I went for a walk.
Bullshit. If you went for a walk,
you would've come back with a package.
I went for a walk in the street.
Maybe over to Joan's?
Maybe carrying a little bundle?
Where were you? Don't tell me that
you were out buying cigars...
...because I know you
can have them sent up.
I went somewhere else, okay?
Now, stop it.
Come on.
What are we fighting about?
We're in this together.
Oh, God. Just get it back
and give it back to me.
Well...
What're you gonna do?
- I'm thinking.
I thought I heard something rattling.
Your name is Mr. Jake Bartholemew?
- Jonathan.
And you normally reside where?
Well, we don't. We travel.
Don't we, honey?
We would've been in Sardinia,
if it weren't for this.
Can I just ask, Mr. Bartholemew,
your date and place of birth?
Plainfield, New Jersey.
July 8, 1955.
And your full name, please,
Mrs. Bartholemew?
Tina Lesley Bartholemew.
Lesley?
Forgive me if I ask you, too.
You were born?
- March 12, 1959.
Pensacola, Florida, U.S.A.
And the date of your marriage?
We're not, in the classic sense of
the term, actually married.
Well, there's no harm in that.
You've known each other for...
- Two years.
Two years.
We learn a little more about
each other every day.
But, do we really need all
the personal questions?
It's just part of the procedure to
satisfy the Insurance Company.
It just helps them deal a bit more
quickly with your claim.
Where did you purchase it,
Mr. Bartholemew?
It was a gift.
From who?
- From Tina' S first husband.
First husband? You've been
married twice, then?
No. Jake means the man I was married to.
His name?
- Larry.
Lawrence Oates.
- Lawrence Oates.
And you were divorced when?
Well, in the classic sense of the term...
...it's not final yet.
So, legally, you're still
Mrs. Lawrence Oates?
Yes.
Legally.
She would've done 327 two nights ago.
Ask Jenny if she has any idea
where a 25,000 Pound...
Henry Moore statuette may have gone to.
I won't ask her that.
Not in those terms.
Ask her if she remembers
seeing such a statuette.
Ask her if she knows what it
looks like and where it was put.
A small head on the table by the bed.
Thank you, Victor.
The most sensible thing to do would be
to search where Jenny lives.
Mr. Swayle can do it.
He's a trained man.
Why her place?
She wants to know.
She was the one on duty.
Reports have to be made.
It'll save time.
Take your choice.
I'm sure it's not Jenny that's
done it, but life is hard.
Let's just get it out of the way.
Then Jenny can come back and finish
her work here or whatever...
...I've had a word with the Hotel.
He's 3 weeks behind with the bill.
He had the statue valued just
the day before for 20,000 Pounds.
He's in cocoa, there's tons of it
piled up in a dock strike.
And he's having serious money problems.
So, I'd stall on that claim for quite a while.
Even if we don't turn up with anything,
I bet we can make a deal.
Mundy here.
Oh, hello, Mr. Bartholemew.
What can I do for you?
Well, first we'll be needing
the report for our adjuster.
I understand Mr. Slaughter did get
over to see you this morning.
You can't ever pin a date down exactly.
There's a lot of paperwork involved.
Usually not more than 6 or 8 weeks.
Yes. 6 or 8 weeks, I'm afraid.
Mr. Swayle, Jenny would like to use
the bathroom, if that's alright.
Oh, well, tell her not to be too long then.
Nothing in here.
I think I'll do the bathroom next.
Mr. Swayle...
Jenny says she feels embarrassed.
- Why is that, Mrs. Doughty?
Don't look at her when I'm talking to
you otherwise you'll embarrass her more.
Alright, Mrs Doughty.
She put some things into the sink
to soak before going out...
...and she wouldn't have left them
if she'd known you were coming.
What's going on?
- Who are you?
That's what I said.
I'm a friend of Jenny's from
the Society, and this gentleman...
...is from the hotel where she works.
He's looking for something.
What's something?
- Something that's gone missing.
So, why's he looking here?
He thinks Jenny's nicked it?
Hold on, son. What are you doing?
- I'm leaving.
I'm going to have to ask to search garment.
Just a technicality,
I wouldn't refuse.
Okay, son. Off you go now.
You little bastard.
Are you alright, Mr. Swayle?
I'll be alright in second.
I'm just gonna sit...
...and then I'll finish up in here.
Who was that little fuck-wit?
Her brother, she tells me.
If I ever see him again, I will break
every bone in his body.
Tina, that insurance money's
not gonna be here for awhile.
There's a piece of paper in my pocket.
Read it to me.
It'll help clear my mind.
'Model.' Crossed out?
So, what is this?
It's a list of things I could do.
'Airline stewardess.
Work in office.'
'Sell poetry.' What poetry?
Those poems that I write that
you say you like.
I thought I could find someone to sell them.
'Magazine work. Call. Wendy.'
Who's Wendy?
Oh Wendy.
She was a model I knew...
...and now she's this really big time editor.
I thought she might fix me
up or something.
'Buddy's Big Boy.'
Buddy's Big Boy, Buddy's Junior, $2.99.
I used to do it when I was 17.
'Other.'
Other things I could do.
I don't know what they are yet.
Tina, it's okay.
I'll fix it. Don't worry.
I do worry.
You can do anything you wanna do.
You're young.
Not forever.
Don't get me wrong if I say that
I thought I could rely on you.
I know that's not fair. But I thought
that's the way things worked.
That's how they've always worked before.
You mean, Larry-wise.
Yeah. Larry-wise. Wise Larry.
Tina...
...now you gotta tell me where it is.
I can't, I don't have it.
I don't have it, either.
- Well, how do I know?
Tina, if I had the statue,
I would've sold it...
...and we would be out of here.
Look, you know, we're fighting.
Say we break up.
What would I have?
What you have? No.
What do I have?
I have a shitload of debts
and a lot of trouble.
Don't you shout at me.
Don't shout. Just do something.
I don't care what it is.
So, what is it with you two at the moment?
You know, ever since that statue got stolen.
Do you know about that?
Yeah, I heard something about that.
Would I do something like that
and upset poor Tina?
So, what can I do for you?
I told you, I just wanted to get out
of the hotel for a while.
Why me?
All I know are brokers and bankers.
And they're mostly men.
And I hate men.
You're not a man.
On the phone you said you wanted to
talk to me about something.
I'd just like to sit here quiet
and-away for a while.
Okay. We can sit here quiet,
until I have to get dressed.
You don't know where it is,
I suppose?
Bye.
- So long, my love.
Can I see you a minute, Frankie?
You and your mates knock off me
some more knives and forks?
Well, whatcha got?
What is it, Steve?
- Dunno. I found it somewhere.
I reckon it's worth some fink.
Hot, Steve?
- Dunno. I just found it somewhere.
I think it's worth some fink.
- Not to me.
I wouldn't know what to do with it.
A Fiver, Frankie?
It's not worth it. I wouldn't
know how to shift it.
It'd be a liability to me,
a worry, Steve.
Ugly little thing, isn't it?
A coupla quid, Frankie?
- I'd like to help, but no thanks.
I'll give you a good price if you can
knock off some more silverware.
Yah, I know, Frankie.
Thanks.
Look how he is.
What you have?
- It's nothing.
It's worth nothing.
- Bad guy.
Piece of crap. Steve.
It's okay. Come on in.
Could you leave some of those
bath salts? We've run out.
Bath salt's one of the good things
about staying in hotels.
Bath salts and free shampoo.
I do like it when they leave the chocolate...
...covered in gold foil with a little
message saying 'sleep well'.
You married?
It doesn't matter.
You got a man?
You ever feel like it's gonna be over,
and you don't know what you feel...
...if it's good or bad or just frightening?
Or maybe you got kids, though.
Is it better or worse...
or just more crowded?
The bath salts, remember?
Mother, I'd love to hear more but
I'm not gonna be able to make it.
The magazine. I just got more work to do.
So what if he's 47?
47's not too young.
You could pass for 47.
He's ltalian? I'll call you
in the morning, okay?
Is it alright? It's the best I could
do on such short notice.
If you'd given me warning, I could've
cooked. I'm a good cook.
The eggs are great.
How long have you lived here?
Since college.
My mother married an Englishman.
The Major.
So, I came over one summer and never left.
Partly because the Major died and
partly because of other reasons.
The boyfriends.
I meant how long have you
lived in this apartment?
Oh, I thought you meant in England.
I did. I'm just teasing.
- Jake.
How come you don't have
anywhere to live?
My family has a house,
but my parents live there.
I don't go there very often.
I like to travel around.
Does Tina like it, too?
So far. Although I'm beginning to
think not so much anymore.
Women are different.
I'd sure be happy to travel
anywhere and see the world.
That's not an offer, though.
Why not?
Well, Tina's my friend.
- That's where your loyalties lie?
That's the way it should be.
Girls sticking together,
and whatever?
Safer that way.
I don't know that there is any safety, really.
You don't want any of this rice, do you?
I'll get some coffee.
It's been a really wet day
in most parts the country.
It does look as if this weather's
gonna continue for the next few days.
So a lot more rain.
- More rain.
Here's a list of today's rainfall amounts...
...and you can see London
topping the lead there.
Don't answer it.
- Lt might be important.
Not as important as this.
It'll only take a second.
Who's this? Tina?
Not yet, huh?
I wish I could help,
but I can't.
No, tonight's not a good idea.
I'm in bed and I'm half asleep.
Lunch. That's great.
I'll talk to you tomorrow. Bye.
Hi, Tina.
Hi, Jonathan.
Your beard looks swell.
Can I come in?
Is Larry here?
- Yes, he's here, upstairs.
He's going to Tokyo in the morning.
He's got a cold so he went to bed early.
You want to see him?
- Sort of. That's why I'm here.
Upstairs.
Second door on the left.
Hi, Melissa.
You're looking great.
What is she doing here?
God knows.
It's me.
Can I come in?
You're in.
Sit down.
What's up?
I'm sorry for everything that's
happened. I just want you to know that.
I'm glad to know you're consistent.
You said that two years ago.
What's up?
- I need your help.
Why?
My mother's sick.
She needs some money for an operation.
What kind of operation?
Brain.
There's something wrong with her
brain and she needs an operation.
Where's she having it done?
- On her brain.
Tina, where? What hospital?
Pensacola?
Pensacola, probably.
We just don't know yet.
What'll it cost, this operation
on your mother's brain?
50 thousand dollars or so...
What are you doing?
I've got a headache and
I'm looking for aspirin.
In the bathroom.
No, I already looked there.
I couldn't see any.
What are you doing,
going through my things?
I've got a splitting headache,
and I'm not thinking straight.
If you don't want to give
money for my mother directly...
...would you consider buying back...
...that little Henry Moore?
That was an anniversary present.
I know. And I cherish it.
But, for my mother.
That's alright,
if you want me to.
There is one little problem.
And what's the little problem?
It's been stolen.
You want me to give you $50,000 for
a little head which you don't have?
Well, we're looking for it.
Have you been drinking?
Only a little bit.
I used to love you, Tina.
I used to love you, too, Larry.
I don't love you anymore, Tina.
I don't know what I feel anymore.
You're not in love with Jake?
Yes, I'm in love with Jake.
Then I can't help you.
Sorry.
They're in the bathroom.
I don't know how I didn't see them.
Boy, those are terrific pills.
I feel much better already.
You're a terrific girl. This is just
between you and me, right?
Are you a shit, Jake?
I don't think so.
Sometimes, yeah.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
You're a terrific guy.
This is between you and me,
right?
Hi, Mom. It's Jake. Yeah.
How are you?
No, I'm in London. Well,
after two o'clock here.
I know. It's been a while.
Yeah, I'm happy. Very well.
You don't have to worry about me, Morn.
Are you okay?
Oh, you just had dinner.
Well, it sounds like you just had dinner.
A vodka dinner or a gin dinner?
Let me see.
She's fine, thanks.
She's very well.
Tina. Tina.
She's a nice girl, Mom.
You'd like her.
I don't know.
I guess we're just not ready.
I need to talk to Dad.
Is he there?
I don't know why he wouldn't be.
Dad? Hello, sir. How are you?
I was just calling.
I knew your birthday was coming up
and I found this new shirt shop...
...I know you've got plenty of shirts.
I thought you might like one of these.
I wanted to check your size.
Sixteen-and-a-half, thirty-six.
How's business?
Mine?
It's going very well.
Good... l wanted to...
...see to...
...Is Mom alright?
No, it just sounded like she just had dinner.
Sixteen-and-a-half,
thirty-six. I see. Bye.
Tina, how can you have anything left?
You told me you just had half a hamburger.
And a bucket of martinis
and bottle of champagne.
Tina, you gotta get that
for me, okay, sweetie...
'Cause I absolutely cannot talk to him.
Except if it's that insurance guy.
I can't.
Hello. Mr. Mercer, the Manager.
I'm sorry. He's out.
Thanks. Tina, we are in real trouble now.
I want you to swear that you don't know
where that goddamn statue is.
Tina, I will sign a piece of...
this has writing on it...
...but I would sign a piece of
paper giving you its value...
...when the cocoa comes in.
Tina, you have to trust me.
Listen, I wanna get engaged.
That will make you trust me.
And then marry, maybe, someday.
If anything, I mean, children.
There's a Valium here.
Irwin, after your father.
Tina, Jr.
Children, a house maybe somewhere.
A dog, like whatever kind that is.
What do you say?
I've gotta get sick again.
Okay, let's see. Onions, celery...
Yeah, I know, usually 10%,
but 10% of what?
Yeah, I know you're not supposed
to tell me.
10% of what? 10% of 20 Grand?
Approximate, is it?
But somewhere in the neighborhood
of two thousand quid.
Water's trouble, isn't it?
If you're drowning, it is.
No, I mean in dreams.
I'm not a dream expert.
All the dreams I've been having these
days have been full of water.
Colored water, green water,
red water.
Are you sure it's water and not alcohol?
I only drink to be happy,
or if I'm a little worried..
Or to celebrate,
or something's wrong.
You should try it.
- I don't know that it would help.
It could help your card game.
It would make you looser.
Oh, I was loose enough.
Staying up all hours of the night...
...and not winning anything.
Oh, I broke even, more or less.
Do you have any cash?
- No, I don't, damn it.
Maybe I can get some from Joan at lunch.
No.
Why?
- Bad for credit.
What are we gonna do, Jake?
Tina...
You can cut loose,
if you want to.
I'm not in it only for the good times.
If we get it back...
...we can sell it...
You don't have it, do you?
- No.
It's all gotten so distorted.
When you think,
where I come from...
...$50,000 would keep 5 families for a year.
Would you call it greed?
Would I call what greed?
- What's been comin' between us.
No.
I'd call it...
...fear.
I don't know where it is.
I don't even know if it was up here.
I don't know where it be gone.
It could be anywhere.
Hello, Jake.
- Hello, Gordon.
Longish time no see.
- Longish time no see.
Those cuff links are nice.
Those? Those are Van Cleef, 1938. Signed.
How much? - 5,000 Pounds.
Oh, not at the moment, thanks.
I was thinking about...
...selling my Cartier and getting
a different one, a pre-war.
What would you give me for it?
Take it off, Jake.
Let me have a look.
It's real.
2,500. - 3,000.
Okay, 3,000. You want a check?
Check or cash. I'm easy.
Cash.
Alright, cash.
46 Pounds, 80 P.
46 Pounds, 80 P?
What's the joke?
Remember, Jake,
longish time no see.
That girl you were going out with,
the German girl.
What German girl?
Oh, yeah, the... yeah.
What, that bracelet? I paid you.
- No, sorry, you didn't.
You sent me a note saying it was coming.
No, I paid you. Canadian dollars.
She told me she brought you the money.
She bought a Lalique vanity set.
You're kidding.
Eva. Very good taste. You remember?
- Yeah. Very good taste.
You want 46.80, or shall I
just credit it to you?
No, I'll take it.
Cab fare's cab fare.
Stop it. Stop it.
I didn't do nothing.
You got it back, didn't ya?
Stop it.
Deaf kid.
Oh, don't cry.
Everything's gonna be fine.
- Lt is?
You've got everything anyone
could possibly wants.
I have?
Except too much alcohol in
your bloodstream.
You know...
...I am 31 years old...
...and I was married to a man
who I didn't love enough...
...who I thought would take care of me.
Now I'm in love with a man...
...who can't take care of either of us...
...and I am so weak I don't know what
I'd do if we split up.
I have no confidence and I want a baby.
Oh, that' s not true.
See, I'm a liar, too.
I've lied you, my dearest friend.
I should want one,
but I hate them.
I hate children, too.
What can I do?
I hate children, I lie and my looks are going.
What can I do?
Lots of things.
- Yeah? Like what?
If Jake and I split up?
I thought you two were very happy.
- On good days.
But these are bad days.
Jake was out late last night.
He said he was out playing cards.
Out with some tramp probably.
First time, too, as far as I know.
Maybe he wasn't out with a tramp.
Maybe he was telling the truth.
Oh, what does it matter?
What is one fuck with a tramp anyway?
Why don't you try and relax
and get some sleep?
I'll wake you up.
You're terrific.
I just need some sleep. I didn't
sleep well last night.
I'll see you later, honey, okay?
Tina?
Tina?
Jake Bartholemew,
dead tonight, age 35.
Film at eleven.
Best known for his wit...
...wardrobe and business acumen...
Bartholemew died penniless
and without watch...
...in an overpriced linen hotel room
which he could not afford.
He is survived by Tina Lesley Oates,
who is quoted as saying...
'He's dead,
but I'm still hungry.'
At the request of the deceased, his
remains will be dumped into the ocean...
...along with his latest screwed
up business investment.
And now, sports.
Where is she?
- In the bedroom.
She's really not feeling well.
Tina?
- What is it, Jake?
Come on. Let's go.
- Careful. I feel sick.
Your little Henry Moore is back.
It's back? Where from?
- I don't know, but it's back.
Tina, we're rich again.
- You're kidding?
I mean, we're not broke.
We're liquid.
We're not broke? We're liquid?
Joanie.
Do you have any champagne?
Where is it?
Get it...
...or I'll break every bone...
...in his body.
Baby, I want you to call Mr. Mercer for me.
It's kinda early in the morning, Jake.
This is a call he'll wanna get.
Mr. Mercer... please?
Hello. Mercer here.
Mr. Bartholemew would
like to speak with you.
Goddamn it.
- Jake?
Goddamn it.
He's attending to some other business
and he will return your call.
Goddamn it. Goddamn it.
What's the matter?
It's been stolen.
- Again?
It's not quite so simple,
Mr. Sedgewick.
I'm not saying I've got it.
I might know where it might be.
The Ad says 'subject
to the usual conditions.'
That's arrest and recovery.
We want two heads.
Only one of them's bronze.
Do you think that at one time or another...
...all great men throughout history
thought of killing themselves?
Sure.
What do you think stopped them?
I don't know. Chicken?
- No.
Their perception that there will be
terrible crises to overcome...
...and once you know that, it's just
your own personal terrible jam...
You have to change your direction
the arrow is pointing.
That is what adversity is for.
It's there to help you.
But, you have to have the courage.
I believe kept the great men
throughout history...
...from drinking the
bottle of Liquid Plumber.
But being smart helps. And rich.
- Smart helps.
Rich is arguably better than courage...
...though I don't know if
I still have that opinion.
At any rate, one day I'll have
a farm and raise cows.
That would take courage.
You hate the country.
I'd learn. I don't much like all this anymore.
There's nothing in my life worth sticking to.
But I'm young.
Perhaps I could change.
I have a calling.
- A calling?
Brain surgeon, botanist,
doctor, lawyer.
Sculptor.
I have no talent.
You're good at numbers. Usually.
You're good at helping me choose clothes.
You're talented in bed.
That's something.
And me?
Me?
Am I worth sticking to?
Am I?
As far as I'm concerned...
...even though you're not a biologist.
Botanist.
Or sculpture.
- Sculptor.
I love you.
Likewise.
Steve Finn?
- That's right.
My name is Martin Slaughter and I
work for an insurance company.
Excuse me.
A bronze statue has been stolen...
...and I think you know something about it.
I don't know nothing.
Jenny Finn?
Oh, okay. Sorry.
A valuable statue has been stolen.
It's been recovered...
...but I think you or your sister
know something about it.
She could go to prison.
- Jenny didn't do nothing.
You could go to Borstal for a year or so...
...it's got nothing to do with Jenny.
How'd you get that bruise?
- I don't remember.
Frankie Sedgewick hit you?
- I don't remember.
Okay, tough guy...
...I'll give you 10 seconds to tell me
what I want to know...
...otherwise I'll call the cops and you'll
be in a cell within the hour.
Now, come on.
- I don't know nothing.
One.
- I told you.
Two.
- I don't know nothing...
Your sister then.
- Nothing.
Four.
- I don't know nothing.
Busted.
- I don't know nothing.
Six.
- I don't know nothing.
I don' t know nothing.
I don't know nothing.
Just leave us alone.
Okay, Steve. Knock it off.
We'll stop it here, alright?
You tell your sister don't go back
to the Hotel.
I'll try and square it with them,
get in touch with whoever I can.
Oh God, Steve, tell her it'll be alright.
But she'd better find another job.
Why'd she do it?
- Christ knows.
To get money?
- Jenny doesn't care about money.
Why then?
- Christ knows.
Why?
Why?
What's it say?
It says: 'Because it spoke, I know I heard it.'
I'll try to square it.
You tell her.
Don't be scared. It'll be okay.
One day, I will be able to look after us.
Head on bone base.
Bronze by Henry Moore.
One of a series of nine.
Original mold destroyed.
Thanks.
- For what?
For letting us do this.
15,500.16,000.
16,500.17,000.
17,000 Pounds.
It's for 17...17,500.
- Are you insane?
18,000.19,000.
20,000.21,000.
22,000.23,000.24,000.
27.27,000 Pounds.
Advance on 27,000 Pounds?
28,000 Pounds.
28,000 Pounds...
To the gentleman with the rose in his lapel.
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
number 35.
A portrait by Christopher.
What am I bid?
Maybe we should buy our own kitchen...
...get our own icebox, make our
own cold drinks.
Just a kitchen?
It's a start.
There aren't many just
kitchens on the market.
Well, maybe a bedroom, too.
- Where?
Anywhere.
- Anywhere?
Not New Jersey.
Not Pensacola, either.
Enrico. Enrico. Come to eat.
I wouldn't finish yet.
Ome minute more.
What would it be like if he were ours?
We'd have to learn ltalian?
Jake.
Is this a serious discussion, Tina?
I guess not.
It's an interesting thought,
though.
It is an interesting thought.
Why don't we go up to our room...
...order some lunch and
pursue that thought?
I'm scared.
Everyone's scared of their
own special things, Tina.
Walk down the beach,
ask these people...
...if they're scared of cocoa
and they'll tell you no.
But, to some people,
cocoa's very scarey.
As far as I know, you've never been
scared when we've made love.
I mean, except that time on the airplane.
That was because it was so bumpy.