1
- Hey.
What can I get you?
- A new life.
I can't help you with that one,
but how about a drink?
- I'm just looking for answers.
- Well,
most of the people
that come in here are...
Looking for someone
or trying to find themselves.
- I don't think you underst--
Have you seen her before?
- Who's she?
- That's my fiance.
Have you seen her?
- Possibly.
I mean, I see a lot of people.
This is a bar.
- This is important.
Well, whenever people
ask questions with pictures,
it usually is.
Are you a cop?
- No, I'm not a cop.
I'm just desperate.
How about her?
- Ohh.
- How do you know her?
- We met w--
what is this about?
- I think I'll take
that drink now.
- Tom Collins.
- Who?
I'll just take a whiskey.
- Hey.
What's that?
- You know, it's a long story,
and, um,
I'm sure you've heard it
a million times before.
- Well, we don't pick up
till after 5:00.
We got all the time
in the world.
- Well, then, you better
leave the bottle.
- So we go to the crib
right after the movies, right?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- And I'm giving it to her.
- Okay.
- Putting all back into her.
You know what I mean?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah,
but she pulled out a dildo.
- Oh.
- At first I was bugging,
then I started
thinking about it.
"Yeah, let's get it!"
You know what I mean?
- Yeah, yeah, okay.
- She's a freak!
So, boom, I'm giving it to her.
I'm putting
everything into her.
Ooh.
Ty is giving it to her.
I'm bringing the pain, baby.
- Okay.
- Right?
- Yeah.
- The chick had
had the nerve to say,
"Bend over."
Bend over for what?
- So--so what'd you do?
- He bent that ass over.
I remember one time,
I was with this girl,
and she had a 12-inch
double-dong.
Mmm.
We had some good times.
- That's my cue to go.
- Mmm-mmm-mmm.
- I'm out of here.
- I can still remember
her sweating...
- I feel so uncomfortable.
- Shaking...
That was one of the best times
I think I ever had.
It was like, when she came...
all right.
- Is Allen here yet?
- Something wrong?
- I need to talk to you
a minute.
- Well, I'm sure this is
about the Varsity account.
I think a promotion's
in order, gentlemen.
- Ay, just make sure
I get that laptop
before you roll out, a'ight?
- Ah...
- Don't forget us little people
on your way up his ass.
I don't kiss ass.
- Maybe that's why
you're still single.
- Maybe that's why
your breath stinks.
- Aww.
Go on in there and J that PEG.
That's nasty.
- Good Lord.
- God damn it, Walter.
Is your power off?
- What did I do?
- What didn't you do?
- You look like
a overdressed seal puppy.
- Martin.
You, uh--you wanted to see me?
- Why don't you take
a seat, Allen?
Are you a God-fearing man,
Allen?
- What?
- Do you go to church?
- Yes.
Yes, I go to--
I've been once to, uh, church.
Are we getting
a church account, sir?
- No.
Do you like Prince, Allen?
- Yeah, I mean,
who doesn't love Prince?
I never took you
for a Prince fan, sir.
- I'm not.
I detest Prince.
You know something, Allen?
I think that you are the...
most talented creative director
that we've ever had
in this company.
Our clients love your work,
and I've never seen...
work that's been green-lit
on first pass
with such consistency.
- Thank you.
- And I just want
to let you know
that that has not
gone unnoticed.
- Well, I--I like to think
that I put my heart and soul--
- And I want to let you know
that that is the reason...
why I tolerate your tardiness
and your idle chatter
and all your...
bullshit.
- Uh...that's fair.
But, you know,
I think the chatter
is good for the synergy
of--of the fellow...
- I have two daughters, Allen.
Two brilliant,
beautiful daughters,
neither of whom is into
graphic design or marketing,
and I need someone...
to take over the business
when I retire.
- So you're...
going to give me the--
the company.
- Why would I want to do that?
- I don't know.
Wh--why would you...do that?
- You know what these are,
Allen?
These are two tickets
to see Prince in concert
this Friday night.
- Wow.
Thank you.
- I want you
to take my daughter.
- Take your daughter where?
- To the concert
this Friday night.
What do you think we've
been talking about, Allen?
- I have no idea.
- I got these tickets
for my daughter.
She doesn't have a date.
You're still single, right?
- How do you know my status?
- So we're on the same page.
Right?
- Yes.
We are on the same page.
We're definitely
in the same book, I think.
- Good.
So Friday night,
you'll come to my home,
and these tickets...
will be waiting for you,
as will...my daughter.
- Okay, so...
- I'll see you Friday night.
- Friday, then.
- If he offered you
the company,
why are you so glum?
- Because...
I think it's contingent
on me dating his daughter.
- Yo, you get to bang
the boss's daughter?
- I don't wanna
bang the boss's daughter!
- Just put a bag over her head.
- Oh, she ugly.
Is she ugly?
- I mean, she's gotta be.
Why else would he
bribe me to date her?
- You know, that's weird,
'cause I always imagined him
having badass daughters, man.
Like--like big ole--
- No.
- I mean, they--
- No, stop, stop.
Look.
Look,
I met the oldest daughter.
- Yeah?
- And she's one of those
annoying Jesus freaks,
and she scared
the hell out of me.
No pun.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- I can't take those.
- I mean,
if you don't wanna do it,
just decline.
That's never gonna happen.
- Why?
- Martin's making
$1.2 million a year.
Annually.
Every year.
- He--he caught me off guard.
You know, I need this job,
at least until...
I finish my book.
- Oh, okay.
- Like that's ever
gonna happen.
- Hey.
I'm in a slump.
It's a slump!
- You've been writing
that book a year.
- Long slump.
- I can finish the book.
- I don't even know
what the book about--
- Maurice!
- Yes?
Yes, sir?
- Where's my project?
- I e-mailed it
an hour ago, sir.
- An hour ago.
- Yes.
- You know I don't do
that JPEG, PDF stuff.
- I didn't know that.
- So maybe you should go
in my office right now
and do it for me,
because the client,
she's...
on the phone right now.
- Right, right.
Yes, sir.
Can't open an e-mail.
Owns the company,
but can't open an e-mail.
- Maurice!
- "I need you..."
- Allen.
- Yeah, Mar--uh...
yes, Martin?
- Where is she?
- You know, I was thinking...
maybe we should
leave this alone?
Martin, please.
- What are you doing?
He's going to be here
in five minutes.
Dad, I thought you said
he was giving me a ticket.
You didn't say I had to
go on a blind date
with some lackey.
- I am just trying to help.
- Help with what?
- Proverbs.
Proverbs, Gemma.
Proverbs.
Proverbs 17:15.
"He that justifies the wicked
condemns the just,
and is condemned,
and"...
Wait a minute.
Elaine?
- Yes, honey?
Proverbs 17:15.
- What about it?
- How does it go?
- I don't know!
- Wait a minute.
- Dad.
Mm-mm.
I'm not a child.
See, this is why I didn't wanna
come here in the first place.
- Gemma, it's just one date.
One date.
One date, darling.
And you agreed to it.
- No, I didn't.
- You know something?
You need to get ready
in five minutes
or get ready
to move out of here
and live your life
on a teacher's salary
instead of my salary.
Get it?
Wow.
I hate this house.
Hate it.
- Ah.
- Martin.
- You're early.
That's new.
Come on in.
- Come on.
- Yeah.
- Did you Uber over, or...
- No, uh, that's really my car.
- Listen, this is
my beautiful wife...
- Want a picture?
- Dr. Elaine Anderson.
- Oh, wow.
Nice to meet you.
- Take a picture.
Go ahead.
- Oh.
- Oh, he's handsome.
- Yes.
Well, you know,
she'll probably still complain.
Ah, there she is!
There she is.
- You look so pretty.
- Allen, this is
our baby girl, Gem.
- Jim?
- Gem.
Not Jim.
Gem, Gem.
- Gem!
- Short for Gemma.
Jim's a man's name.
She's a...
- With a G.
- Woman.
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
- I got you these, uh, flowers.
That's lovely.
- Okay, let's take a picture
before you guys leave.
- Oh, you cannot be serious.
- Yes, I am, Gemma.
- Listen, before you take
that picture--
wait, let me give you these.
- Oh, darling.
- Tickets to the concert.
Hold them up.
That's upside down.
There--there you go.
Hold 'em up.
Good.
- Get together.
Little closer.
- Go ahead.
Just a couple pictures.
- Just smile, sweetheart.
- Cannot believe
we're doing this.
- Smile.
A picture or two...
- Thank you.
- Oh, okay.
- You guys have
a wonderful evening.
- Now, don't forget
to take some selfies
at the concert
and Instagram us.
You have my Twitter
account as well, right?
Yes?
- Okay.
- I--I don't think...
- You guys go.
Have a wonderful time.
Be safe.
- Be safe.
- Lovely meeting you.
- You as well.
- Doctor...
Did you know that tulips
are an aphro...
...disiac?
And we haven't gotten busy
in the foyer
since, uh...
the Bush administration.
And speaking of
the Bush administration,
I would love...
I would love to see
your Bush administration.
- It was that bad, huh?
- No.
Uh...no.
No, no.
Whatever.
- No, you have nice parents.
- Yeah.
You know, you can just
drop me off at the concert
if you don't wanna be bothered.
I truly don't mind.
- No, it's fine.
Really.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Okay.
All right.
- You might be a problem
You might be a problem
But I might be an answer
So, you like Prince?
- No.
I just enjoy going to concerts
to hear music I don't like.
- So where did,
uh, "Gem" come from?
- Your parents didn't
have the talk with you?
When two people
love each other,
they get together, and they...
No, where did the...
the name "Gem" come from?
- My dad was in the air force
and he was stationed
in England,
and, um...
His favorite TV show
had a character on there
named Gemma.
- That's pretty cool.
- So can I ask you a question?
- Shoot.
- Why are you here?
I mean,
no 20-something-year-old man
enjoys Prince that much.
- Really?
You serious?
- Oh, come on.
What, did my dad give you
a promotion?
Or do you have
a better parking space?
What is it?
- Actually, uh, no.
He offered me
the whole company.
- Ha!
- Yeah.
Yeah.
But now I think it has
something to do with
my ability to deal
with contentious clients.
- Mm.
- Yeah.
Funny guy.
- So are you in
the legal department?
- I am the creative director.
I create the concepts,
which works,
'cause I'm a writer.
And, uh, I'm actually working
on my first, uh--
- Great.
All right.
So what's your favorite
Prince album?
- "Purple Rain."
- Aw, what?
You are a commercial fan.
- Okay, Ms. Judgmental.
What is your
favorite Prince album?
- I would say the debut album,
"Prince."
It was great.
What?
- That's not his debut album.
- Yes, it is.
- No, it's not.
- Yes, it is.
- No, it's--that's not
his debut album.
- You're wrong.
- Look it up.
Look it up.
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
- Ah.
- "Ah."
Mmm, those words
taste good, huh?
- Okay, well--well, okay.
Look at you.
- Yeah, who's
a "commercial fan" now?
- No, no, no, no.
I own all of Prince's albums.
- Apparently, you don't.
Apparently, you're missing one.
I might let you hold it
if you...if you act right.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
[Meshell Ndegeocello's
"Bright Shiny Morning"]
- If you think I owe you
something
Get in line
Get
in line
You want compensation
Get in line
Get
in line
Mmm.
Yeah.
Oh, I'd love to eat
at that place!
- Uh-huh.
- You're always eavesdropping.
That proves nothing.
- Uh-huh.
- Get in line
- I'll get in line.
- Get in line
- It's showtime.
You say, "Sing me something."
- Aww, look at you.
Someone's got
your nose wide open.
Here, pussy, pussy, pussy.
Here, pussy, pussy--
oh! Ow!
- My love
- Just one?
That's never enough.
- It's never ever
good enough
Never ever good enough
- I'm really disappointed.
- Get in line
Get
in line
- The things you do...
I'd do anything,
but what you do...
- I actually like this place.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
So what's the surprise?
Hmm?
- The surprise is...
it wouldn't be a surprise
if I told you right now,
would it?
- You got a point.
- Yeah.
- Okay, okay, okay.
So did my dad give you
a promotion?
- Your dad giving away
promotions.
That sounds like Martin.
- No, your dad
did not give a promotion.
- I don't even know
why I asked.
- Yeah.
- What?
Did you get a book deal?
- I wish.
I wish,
but that's not it either.
- Oh, Jesus.
What is it, Allen?
- Ah, "thou shalt not take
the Lord's name in vain."
- There they are.
- Hello, sweetie.
- How are you, darling?
- Are we really late?
- Hungry and impatient.
- No, no, no.
No, we haven't even
ordered yet, actually.
Oh, you know what?
I really wanna thank
you guys for joining us
during this very...
special occasion,
and I apologize
if I come off as...nervous,
because I am.
- Oh, you're doing just fine.
- Thank you.
So as you know,
I have been dating
your lovely daughter
for some time now.
And if there are
no reservations,
I would like to take
this opportunity to...
secure my intentions with her.
- I have absolutely no
reservations whatsoever.
No reservations.
- No.
- Great.
I hope this moment comes off
as more memorable
than embarrassing.
Oh, my God.
Wait, what?
Oh, my God.
- Gemma Anderson,
would you make me
the happiest man alive
and do me the honor
of becoming my wife?
- Of course.
- Yes?
- Aww.
Oh, my God.
What?
- I love you.
- I love you too.
- Mm-hmm.
- Well done.
Well done.
- Thank you, thank you.
- Oh, it's lovely.
- And I wish you
nothing but the best.
About time you stopped
living in sin, my dear.
Okay?
So what happened to the, uh...
upgrade that I fronted you
for that ring?
- Um, I used all of it,
but the ring is all I have.
- That's all you have.
Oh.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- And are you ready
to take your drinks?
- I'll have scotch, please.
Thank you.
A scotch.
- Water.
- Scotch.
Gem tells me that, uh,
your book--
the book thing is in limbo.
4 1/2 years, you've been
working on this thing, and...
I mean...
- Martin, "limbo" is a,
uh, strong word for that...
- Well--
- But I'm working on it.
It's, uh...
- Good.
Well, we hope
that you finish it
before you...guys
start having children.
Wow.
- Yeah.
- Well, I can't wait
to read it.
I'm sure it'll be fantastic.
- Thank you, thank you.
- Why don't you give up
these dreams--
you know, the literary thing--
and, uh--and just focus on...
focus on business, son.
Hey, you're not pregnant,
are you?
You're not--
- No, nobody's pregnant.
- No?
- No.
- You're not pregnant.
- Not yet.
- Not yet.
- "Not yet"!
- Not yet.
- Not yet, son.
- You're not coming to bed?
- Oh, no,
I'm creating a guest list.
- Okay.
All right.
How many people does
it look like we're bringing?
- Well, I don't want
a big wedding, so...
Right now, it's only
a little bit over 100 people.
- Okay.
- It's not bad.
- 100--100 people?
- Yeah.
- That's a lot, babe.
I hope that's both
of our families,
'cause I don't know
if I can afford--
like, that's--
100 people's a lot of people.
- No, it's just my side.
- Jesus.
- Look, the father of the bride
pays for the wedding,
so don't have a heart attack.
- That's right.
I keep forgetting
you come from money.
- Yeah, I do, so, uh,
keep that in mind
when you write
your list out, okay?
- I don't think there's
room for my list.
I'm just gonna feed off
your friends and family.
- Mm.
Speaking of friends, um,
I was thinking about inviting
my old college roommate.
You know, maybe she could
be the maid of honor
and come help out
with the wedding.
- Old college roommate?
Not your sister?
- No.
Are you serious?
I want a wedding,
not a circus, Allen.
Besides, it's just
a close friend of mine.
- It's your maid of honor.
Yeah.
Well, I haven't heard you
talk about her before.
Are you sure you'll
be able to find her?
- Yeah.
I mean, it's been a while,
but I'm sure she's around.
- Yeah, I'm sure she's around.
- You know, I might actually
need that mirror to drive, Gem.
- Okay.
How's my makeup?
- Your makeup?
- Is--is it too much?
It's too much.
Damn.
- No, I think it's fine.
- Mm.
- Okay.
- My hands are so sweaty.
- Gem, you okay?
- This was a mistake.
- Okay, I haven't seen you
this anxious before.
- Mm-mm.
I'm fine.
I'm fine.
- Okay.
- My makeup does
look good, right?
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
Oh, we've gotta show her
a fun time this weekend.
You'll like her.
- I'm sure I will.
- Oh, stop right here.
I'ma go inside to go get her.
- Okay.
Wait, I--I don't know her.
- Oh, I'll text you her photo.
- Great.
Okay, this is impossible.
Okay...
You gotta be kidding me.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- You're Kiya.
- You.
- Let me just help
with your bags.
- No, no, no, chill.
I'll put it in the back, okay?
I'm telling you, I can't get
used to this weather at all.
- Kiya!
- What?
- Hey!
- Hey, G-Bear.
How you doing?
- Good!
- Come here.
- We must've just
missed each other.
- You know I never go inside.
I always come around.
- Hey.
- You good?
- Yeah.
- You look good.
Don't, no--
- Let's go.
So, Gem, tell me more
about this wedding of yours.
You know,
I don't know anything.
- Ooh.
You see the rock?
- Look more like
a pebble to me, but...
- No.
It is 1/4 karat.
A whole 1/4 karat.
- I told you I was gonna
upgrade that
when I got the chance.
- No, again,
I wasn't complaining.
- Mm-hmm.
- Sounded like a complaint.
So Allen...
I hear you're a writer.
- Yeah, that's what I do.
I'm the writer in this family.
- Yeah?
What's your genre?
- Um...I'm still
kind of searching
for my niche right now.
- Yeah, you struggling.
- No, no, no,
I've written some shorts.
- Writer's block?
- No, I'm not--
- I'm not having writer's block.
- I just...
I'm in a slump.
- Man, don't worry about that.
You'll get through it.
- Yeah.
- Kiya's a writer.
- Oh!
Cool.
- Mm.
Yeah, she writes romance
novels.
- "Romance"!
I've actually never heard
anyone describe it like that,
so that's refreshing.
- Yeah, yeah.
Romance is pretty cool.
Yeah, as a fellow writer,
I'm sure you understand
the trials
and tribulations of what we do.
It's like the hardest thing
in the world
just finding a publisher
unless you're freakin'
Ernest Hemingway.
Uh, babe,
Kiya's already published.
- Hmm?
- Yeah, she's written,
you know--what,
seven, eight novels now?
- Uh, nine actually.
- Yeah, nine.
- Oh.
Oh, that's--that's--
that's cool.
That's...that's really cool.
- Mm-hmm.
- Hey, maybe she can
help you, you know,
with your stuff
and look over whatever you have
and give you some pointers.
I actually think
that's a great idea, though.
- Yeah, that--
that sounds, uh...
I wasn't really looking
for any notes or anything,
but, um, it's okay.
Yeah.
- You might need some notes,
you know...
- You guys wanna listen
to the radio or something?
- No, thank you.
Let's just chill.
- Okay, so you're
down the hall on the left.
- Yeah?
- Oh, there's a key
under the pottery
in case you get locked out.
- Damn, this is the smallest
house on the block.
- Thanks.
- Man, at least it's yours,
right?
Chill.
- It's actually a lease.
- Why lease when you can own?
This is ridiculous.
"Why lease when you can own?"
Take your ass
to the hotel, then.
- Uh, we can hear you, Allen!
- I don't care.
- Hey, be nice.
- I'm trying to be nice.
He's not being nice to me.
- Well, it's good to see you.
- I apologize, you know?
I didn't mean anything
negative by my comment.
I like your house.
Got rugs and stuff.
It's cute.
- Hey, what's this?
- Oh, that's my latest one.
Coming out sometime next month.
- Thanks.
- No sweat.
- We're actually gonna
go to the mall
and grab a bite.
We'll be back later.
Is that cool with you, Allen?
- Sure.
- Okay.
- Wait, wait, wait.
You still have to ask
for permission?
- Yes, I do.
Come on, let's go.
I'll see you, babe.
- This is the smallest house
on the block.
Girl, I'm sorry.
- It is.
- You need money--
you need money--you know
I can help you out, though.
- Stop it.
What are you talking about?
Boo boy needs to come up.
- He's good, he's good.
You see the size of this ring?
- What ring?
I don't see anything.
- So...you still teach?
- Yep.
I would take you to the class,
but we're on break.
- Oh, okay.
And how'd you meet
Justin Dweeber?
- He is not a dweeb.
He's just--
- A dweeb.
- Exactly, but, you know,
in a cool sort of way.
Don't you think?
- I didn't think
I'd ever hear from you again,
is what I think.
- "Summer thrust her tongue
deep into Suzanne's firm mount,
"completely giving in
to her desires,
her mouth roaming."
Oh, you dirty girl.
Damn, she's good.
- So you do like Asian.
- Of course I like Asian.
- Yeah, all right.
Whoa!
- Oh.
- What do you mean?
- I shouldn't have
had that drink.
Allen, we're home.
- You had four.
I'm in the bedroom!
- I got you some Asian.
I should be able to find
space in the refrigerator
amongst all these leftovers
I have in here.
- You can put it on
the lowest shelf.
Down, down.
Okay.
All right, I'm gonna
find you some towels.
- Oh, okay.
- Okay.
- Hey, babe.
- Hey.
- Did you have a good evening?
- It was great.
Now I finally have someone
to tell me I don't look fat
in my wedding dress.
- Now you have
two someones
to tell you
how you don't look fat
in your wedding dress.
- Yeah.
- Girl, any fat on you
is all in the right places.
- I wish.
- Can I ask you a question?
- What?
- Is she, uh...
- What?
What, you got the shakes?
Is she gay, Gem?
- What differences
does it make if she were?
- Is she or isn't she?
- Yes, she's gay.
- Didn't you say that you two
went to Georgia State together?
- Yeah.
So what?
- I had this, um...
I had this roommate
when I was in college.
Wesley.
Kendrick Wesley.
Nasty.
Man, this dude would
pick his nose
and have snotty tissues
all over the room.
He was just a--he was--
he was a mess.
Nasty joker.
Just kind of goes to show,
you can pick your classes,
but you can't pick
your roommate, huh?
- Yeah, it's interesting.
- Yeah.
Yeah, it's interesting.
- You know,
I love Piedmont,
but isn't there a park
closer to your house?
- Yeah, but this was our park,
remember?
- Yeah, that's true.
Boy, I don't even know
why I left Atlanta
in the first place.
- Kiya, maybe because
you had too much competition.
- But I have fam over here.
- Yeah.
- So I was meaning to ask you--
- Hey, do you think
I should wear
a white wedding dress,
or is it too clich?
- No, that's fine.
I just really want to ask you--
- Oh, we should work out
every day up until my wedding.
You know, hit the gym?
- No.
Now, look.
You didn't bring me
all the way out here
to work out every single day.
I've got a better idea.
- What?
- Let's go to the club tonight.
- That's fine by me.
- Okay, let's go.
- Let's do that.
Come on.
- Okay.
- You gotta get in shape.
- I'm telling you,
don't nobody walk like that,
dress like that,
talk like that unless...
Unless you're gay.
- Tobias?
- Tobi--yeah!
- No.
No, man, he's just...
he's eclectic.
- "Eclectic."
- Isn't he Dominican?
- Oh, I'm Dominican.
But it doesn't have
anything to do with it, though.
- I thought...
- I guess that's why
y'all both talk
and dress the same way.
- Whoa!
Look at you today.
Don't you look good.
Look like a little
working out Hershey bar.
You looking good
with them muscles.
Mmm!
- Eclectic.
- Huh.
- You do look like
a workout Hershey bar, though.
- Yeah.
He's gay.
- It's the way that
I would describe you.
- Bye.
- Why do I always
get left alone?
- So we get home, right?
- Yeah.
- And we're right in the middle
of the throes, right?
And I'm looking at her,
and I'm trying to figure,
"Who does she remind me of?"
right?
- Wait, wait, one sec.
A female?
Like, you took a girl home
from the club?
- Right, right, right, right.
So I get her home
and I'm trying to think,
"Who the hell
does she remind me of," right?
- All right, man.
You took a chick--
like, a woman--
- Yes, yes, yes, female.
- From the club.
You.
- Female, female.
Yes. Okay?
- I would like to hear
the rest of the story.
- Thank you.
- Wow. Hmm.
- So did you figure out
who...who'd she look like?
- And I'm looking at her,
right?
- Yeah.
- And it comes to me.
She looks like a female version
of Morris Chestnut.
Boom!
And I tore that ass up.
- Yeah, there it is.
- Hey, what'd I miss?
- Move over, please.
- I think Tobias got lucky
at the club.
- No, he didn't.
- Hey, that's what's up.
- No, he didn't.
- Gimme some of that.
- It wasn't
a pound moment, bro.
- Yeah, it was.
- Trust me.
- Oh, come on.
Don't be a hater.
- Morris Chestnut.
- She was dark and lovely.
That's all I'm saying.
- Yeah? Okay.
- Dark and lovely.
- Morris Chestnut.
- A pretty one.
- How's your houseguest doing?
Is she fine?
- She's a, uh, lesbian.
- Yeah, but is she fine?
'Cause I was thinking about
maybe you could hook
this brother up, right?
- She's a real lesbian.
She don't want you.
- Wait a minute.
You left your woman home
with a lesbian?
Are you out of your mind?
- So what?
- I don't know.
- It's her best friend.
What am I supposed to do?
- A stud and a tart?
Trust me, brother,
they are not just best friends.
- Wait, so gay people
can't be friends
with straight people?
- No, all I'm saying is,
if a man can't
be "just friends" with a woman
that he's interested in,
what makes you think
a gay woman can?
- Wait, what?
- Yeah.
All I'm saying
is this, brother:
that lemon's got a sweet tooth
for your sweetheart.
Trust me.
- For Gem?
- Yes, Gem.
She's sweeter
than a Georgia peach,
and I knew it the moment
I laid eyes on her.
You know how I know?
'Cause I got that gaydar.
Trust me.
Didn't you say she was
one of those 'tarians?
- "Tarian"?
- Yeah.
- Is that a dog?
- She's a pescatarian.
- Boom.
- What the hell is that?
- It means she only eats fish.
- There you go.
Boom.
- I missed that.
So I eat fish--
- Fish.
- So I eat fish.
I'm a Presbyterian too?
- Every morning,
I wake up, I figure,
"How the hell did
you get this job?"
- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
- And every minute
I'm sitting here,
I'm trying to figure out how
you breathing in that shirt.
- Wait a minute.
Didn't you say they, uh--
they went to college together?
- Mm-mm.
- Mm-hmm.
Dorm buddies.
"Dorm buddies."
- Dorm buddies!
- I'll be back.
- It's something
to think about.
- See?
- It's just--it's something
to think about.
- Come on.
Why y'all guys do that to him?
- Us?
- That looks good.
Doesn't it always look good?
- But I'm, like,
the best, though.
- Yeah, you did a good job.
- Thank you.
Oh, I did a good job?
- Cool.
Thank you.
- No problem.
As always.
Come on, when have I failed?
Come on.
- Ah!
Hey!
- Hey.
- So, you're enjoying the book?
- Um...
- Mm.
It's kind of...
- Raunchy.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Did you get excited?
- It's a nice read.
- Mm-hmm.
- Hey, Kiya wants to go
to the club tonight.
- On a Wednesday?
- It's cool.
We don't need a chaperone
or anything.
Come on.
- No, no, no, no.
Come on, babe.
We haven't been to a club
in ages.
- No, no, no, she's right.
It's the middle of the week.
You guys don't need me.
- Besides, I don't think you'd
like where we're going anyway.
Though he does look a little...
- Stop, stop.
- Kay.
- Where y'all going?
- Oh, it's a lesbian club.
- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Is there a cover
to get in here?
- I think so,
but I know people inside,
so we can get
free drinks, maybe?
I don't know.
We'll see.
- I just can't believe
all these girls are,
you know...
- Gay.
Gay.
- I was gonna say "lesbian,"
but, uh, I mean, yeah.
They're all--they're all,
like, feminine
and beautiful and sexy...
- Wait--uh, so wait.
I'm gay, so what
you trying to say?
I'm not feminine, sexy?
What?
- Well...
- Uh-huh, yep.
I mean, you're--
- Don't want beef
- Saying he doesn't know gay
people are fine, sexy,
feminine--but I'm gay,
so what's he trying
to say about me?
- Whoa! Hey.
- Excuse me, excuse me.
- Can I help you?
- I'm Carlos.
Don't I know you?
- I don't think so, no.
- Oh, my fault.
- No.
- My apologies, once again.
- Yeah, it's okay.
- So, how do I get to know you?
- Okay, look.
Hey, Carlos?
I'm not, uh, you know.
- He's with us.
- Oh.
I guess I'll just
have to wait my turn.
- Y'all folks
start talkin' noise
- Now I know
what straight girls go through
in regular clubs.
- No, actually, you don't,
'cause you guys are way worse.
At least you don't
get called a bitch.
- Yeah, or a ho.
- That too.
- He's still here.
- Come on.
- You need to get comfortable.
- Hey, how you doing?
- Good, how are you?
- I'm good,
thank you very much.
May I please get
two rum and Cokes
and, uh...
what would you like?
- Oh, uh, and a Coke.
- And a Coke.
Thanks.
- You got it.
- Thank you.
Thank you.
- That'll be $20.
- I'll give it to you right
now.
- Oh, I got it.
- No, no, no, chill.
Chill, I got it.
You guys took me out tonight.
It's my treat.
Besides, the Coke was free.
There you go.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- This drink is good.
Mmm.
You remembered this is
my favorite drink.
- I remember everything.
Come on, this is my song.
- Okay.
- What's your name,
sweetheart?
- All--Allen.
Oh, God, man.
Would you give it a rest?
- Where would you
like me to rest it?
- Ugh, over there.
Just rest--
rest it right over there
somewhere.
Look, I told you before,
man, I'm with her.
- You're not with her.
- Yes, I am.
I'm with her.
- No, you're not with her.
- Yes, I--I'm--look.
Would you give it a rest?
I'm not even gay.
Okay?
I'm straight.
I'm straight.
- You may say you're straight,
but your friend,
she clearly looks like
she's with that other girl.
- No, that's just her...
That's her friend.
- They seem like they're
more than friends to me.
Maybe it's you
who lie to himself,
like you don't want me.
- Hey, hey!
Hey!
Look, no, man.
No means no.
- So did you have fun tonight?
- No.
No, I did not have any fun,
but I'm glad you did.
Next time, leave me at home.
- Bye, Allen!
- Okay.
I don't wanna talk about it.
- Is that the guy
from the club?
- He's a terrorist
and I don't feel safe.
Where's Kiya?
- Babe.
- Oh.
- Right there.
- Okay.
Signing autographs
or something.
- Yo!
- Hey.
- I'm hungry.
Let's go eat.
- Okay, drop me off
at home first.
- Why?
- Yes, yes, I'm starving.
- Babe, I don't--
I wanna go home.
- Why?
- I've had enough of
all this for one night.
- You should feel right
at home at home.
Let's go.
- Why should I feel at home?
- Because the freaks
come out at night.
- Oh!
- That's not funny.
I don't know that guy.
- Even if it
takes all night
Let me love you down
[Meshell Ndegeocello's
"Let Me Love You Down"]
Baby, it will be so right
Let me love you down
- All right.
- Mmm.
- You know what?
I'm gonna use the restroom.
It's the first time
I've been able
to do it in peace.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- All right.
- Can you order me
a short stack?
- Yeah, I got you.
I, on the other hand,
I do not know what I want.
Do you know what
you're gonna get?
- I know what I wanna eat,
but it's not on the menu.
- Stop, Kiya.
- No.
Wow, really?
Okay.
- Hey.
What'd I miss?
Nothing.
That was a long night.
- Yeah.
Um, Gem--
- He's coming.
Leave it open.
- Yeah.
- What?
- Nothing.
- Yo.
- Hey.
I didn't see your lipstick.
I looked under the seat
and everywhere.
- Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Right here.
- Damn it.
The whole time.
- The whole time, yeah.
Bullshit.
- Babe!
- What?
- I've been waiting for you--
me and One-Eyed Willy.
- Not tonight.
I'm tired.
- The club got you, huh?
- No.
I'm sorry.
I'm just not in the mood.
- Bet you'd be in the mood
if you actually enjoyed sex.
- What?
That's not true.
I do enjoy the sex.
- Really?
Then how come
you don't "arrive"?
- I don't know.
- Well, your not knowing
leaves me feeling
kind of inadequate.
Like...
you don't enjoy what we do.
You know what I'm saying?
- Don't feel like that.
I mean, that type of stuff
doesn't matter anyway.
- How can it not matter?
- All right, so in Europe,
that's what they're called.
You never been to Europe?
They go,
"Hey, can I get a fag?"
That's because back in the day,
when they light them,
they would flame.
- Oh.
- So that's why
they call them "fags."
- Okay.
- Hmm.
- I didn't know that.
- Yeah.
I know a lot--
- Yo!
You ready to hit
this cigar, bro?
- Seriously, Ty?
Really, man?
That's just great.
That's just great.
- What...happened?
- I'm trying to help him
stop smoking, okay?
But I'll take it,
'cause I don't have a problem
putting a fag in my mouth.
Mmm.
Especially a tight Cuban.
- Yeah.
- I saw this wedding gown
online,
and I know exactly what I want.
- Okay.
So, Gem tells me
you're a successful writer?
Keya, is it?
- Yeah, something like that.
- Okay.
- Oh, Mom, it's Kiya.
- Oh, I'm sorry.
Kiya.
- No problem.
- All right.
Thank you.
Come, come...Kiya.
- Hey.
Why are you in such
a crappy mood?
- Oh, you don't know?
- So, look.
I'm engaged to be married.
Uh-huh?
- Uh-huh.
- Hello?
- Yeah, I'm done.
- Kiya!
- ...more modern-day look.
- Kiya!
Ki...
Kiya!
- Gemma, honey,
where are you going?
- Kiya!
Kiya, wait!
Stop!
Kiya!
What are you doing?
Come--come on back inside.
Uh-uh.
Stop.
- Can't believe I fell
for this.
- Look, look.
Would you just
come back inside?
- Why am I here?
- To be my maid of honor.
Why am I here really?
- Kiya, what do you
want me to say?
Huh?
- Go back to your...
- Come here.
Stop it.
Why are you doing this
right now?
Look.
Fine.
I missed you.
- Well, you've got
a sorry way of showing it.
- What?
What do you want me to say?
You know my family's
very religious.
I'm not as courageous as you.
- What you're doing
is so messed up.
- Gemma Louise Anderson,
have you lost your mind?
- No.
- "Louise"?
- Let it go.
- Gemma!
- Mom, I'll be in there
in just a second.
Just give me a minute.
- Are you on ecstasy?
- No, Mom.
What?
Just give me one moment.
Please.
- You're on something.
- Come.
- Go.
I'll be there right now.
- Are you coming?
- Mm-hmm.
What are you looking at?
- Annette, would you scan that
for me, please?
Thank you very much.
I love that color on you.
Fabulous.
- Oh, hey.
- Allen.
- Martin.
- Allen.
Elaine tells me that
you have a new houseguest.
- I think "guest"
is a pretty strong term
for what I have
at the house right now.
- And she is, uh...
You know.
- Got the shakes?
Oh!
Oh, oh, that.
Um, yes.
I--I believe,
from what I've observed
about her.
- Yes.
- That might be true.
- Well, you know, the, uh...
BLT people...
- I think there's
a G in there somewhere.
- The gays.
- Yes.
- They're very talented...
at, uh...
design and arts...
craft...
ice skating.
But they're sinners.
You know that.
And they're going to hell.
That's scripture,
and Allen,
if you lie down with dogs,
you may well wind up
with fleas.
So I'll see you
at rehearsal dinner, huh?
- Allen?
Allen, a word of advice:
Leviticus.
- Leviticus.
Good talk.
- Leviticus, Allen.
- I don't know why you waited
the week before your wedding
to get fitted.
- Because I needed
to lose a little weight
and get in shape first, Mom.
- Keya, what do you
think of the dress?
- I think it's wonderful.
- Mom, her name's Kiya.
- I'm sorry.
Key knew.
- Well, I'm finished.
- And your alterations
will be ready tomorrow.
- Okay.
- Are you okay, Keya?
- Thank you.
I need to get this off.
- Okay.
- Yes, I'm fine,
but I'm gonna get
out of this dress,
so excuse me.
- Mom, her name is Kiya.
- I'm so sorry.
- All right, so
we're gonna walk that bride.
I need to you pay
attention, please.
Bride?
Bride.
Yes, this is you.
You are her, yes.
Thank you so much.
That's great.
You can sit.
Thank you.
And you go up here,
and you make your way
to your groom.
Yes.
All right.
Yes, all right.
Everyone looks great.
Okay.
Um, no.
I believe the photographer
needs to go over there.
Yes, yes.
Okay, one more time, people.
Please, thank you.
- Hey, man.
- Hey.
- I do appreciate you
being my best man.
- Oh, definitely, man.
I'm happy for you, man.
Go ahead and marry
that fine woman.
- Yeah.
- Hey!
Sorry I'm late.
Come on, honey.
- Oh, God.
- Hey, Mom, how are you?
- Oh, hello, sweetheart.
Hello.
- Yo, who that girl?
- Oh, there's Grandma's baby.
- Oh.
- It's about time.
- Oh!
Mm!
- Come here.
- Praise the Lord Jesus!
Oh, my little sister's
getting married!
Oh, hallelujah!
That's her sister, Diane.
She's from Chicago.
- Is she married?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, but she mess around.
I can tell.
Hook it up, man.
Hook it up.
- No, she's a religious freak.
- Oh, those are
the best ones, man.
Put me in on that.
Just tell her my name.
Allen, sweetheart!
Congratulations.
- Thank you.
- Mm!
So what are we doing
with yourself?
Where's this, uh, book?
Are we "writing"?
Are you praying?
- You know.
- Mm-hmm!
Mm-hmm.
Well, remember
that only through God
and His divine blessings
do we accomplish our goals.
- Well, I'll keep that
in mind, Diane.
- Mm, that's what
I'm worried about.
You see, you--you can't
do this alone, Allen.
You do know this, don't you?
Uh-huh.
You are starting a marriage.
A beautiful union
between two people
under the guidance
of our Lord and Savior.
He has made this glorious
moment possible.
You know this, don't you?
- Sure.
Yes.
I do.
- You can fool me,
but you can't fool
the Lord, Allen.
It's time to wake up
before it's too late.
Let me pray for you.
- Wha--oh!
- Mm.
Oh, thank Him.
Mm.
Receive it, yes.
Mm.
Mm-mm-mm.
And...amen.
Amen.
- Amen.
- Amen.
- Amen.
- Amen, yo.
- Amen.
- No, she's not a Jesus freak.
She's just a God damn psycho.
Let's be clear.
- Okay, everyone, please!
I need us to go through this
one more time.
Okay?
Just one more time.
Thank you.
Ugh!
Not again!
You know what?
Everyone take five, okay?
And I do mean five, not 15.
Thank you.
- I'll be over here.
- Seriously?
- Hook it up, man.
Hey.
Hey.
I was just taking a breather.
- Yeah, me too.
- So, it's almost the big day.
- Yeah, it's just
a little stressful.
- You getting cold feet?
- No.
No, it's just
I don't know if, um...
Gem's all the way there.
You know what I mean?
- Well, Gem's pretty indecisive
about a lot of things,
but it's just Gem.
- "Indecisive."
You--you smell weed?
- What?
- Weed?
You smell weed?
It smells like a...
- Busted.
Guess I'm going to hell now.
- You probably are.
What's this?
"My Sister's Room."
- Yeah, it's a bar.
I used to work there.
- Is that where you met Gem?
- Is that what she told you?
- She actually didn't tell me
much of anything.
- Maybe you should ask her.
- Funny thing is,
it's almost as if
you didn't exist
until we got engaged.
- Then lightning.
I'm done playing this game.
Let's get back.
- Why are you done playing?
You're so good at it.
Why are you here?
- I'm just the maid of honor
in this farce.
- "Farce"?
- Yes.
- It's a farce?
- Ay.
Ay.
Wedding planner looking
for you guys, man.
You got weed?
- If this is a farce,
why don't you pack your shit
and take your dyke ass home?
- Ooh.
Aw, shit.
- What'd you just call me?
I said,
why don't you get your--
Oh!
Oh, shit.
Damn, girl.
Hey, man.
- That bitch hit me!
- You the only bitch here.
- Yeah, she did, man.
- How's my car?
- Dude, your car's the least
of your worries, all right?
- Kiya...
- Damn it.
- Come here!
- You ain't nothing
but a beard!
- A what?
- A beard.
A concealment.
A mask.
A fraud.
You got it?
- I want you out of my house!
Today!
- Oh, yeah?
That--that's what
you're gonna come up with?
Dude.
- Thanks for your help.
- I mean, I would've, but...
and that one time,
you had it,
but then you...
- Agh.
- What happened, man?
- This better not leave a scar.
- I mean, you got
that bright-ass skin.
It's gonna leave a scar.
Let me see.
- Man, don't come by me.
- Come here, dude.
- Don't touch me.
Don't touch me.
- Are you sure you're okay?
- Yeah, I'm--I'm fine, Mom.
- Let me talk to you.
We'll be right back.
You know, if you're having
second thoughts,
no one's gonna be upset.
It's better to get out now
than to...
- Dad, I'm not having
second thoughts, okay?
- Okay.
Just remember
what I've always told you.
It's better to fix the problems
before you buy the car...
not after.
- Not after.
I remember.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- It's going to be
a lovely wedding.
If you need us
for anything, call.
- Okay.
Thank you.
- We need to talk.
- Look, I'm sorry
that this happened.
- What exactly
are you sorry about?
- What is that supposed
to mean?
- Allen.
Allen.
Can we just talk about this
after the rehearsal dinner?
Okay?
I love you.
[Alex Paul's "Like Fools Do"]
- Oh, my love
What are you trying
to prove?
Showing me your blood
Showing me you're bruised
You say that nothing hurts
Like the truth
So that's what I'll use
For the record
I never loved you
Like fools do
- And so, now I'm here.
- I'm...so sorry.
On the house.
- Thanks.
- Well, Kiya used to work
here as a bartender.
- And that's how she met my
fiance.
- Mm-hmm.
I didn't recognize her
at first,
until you showed me
Kiya's picture.
Then I remembered them both.
Kiya was head-over-heels
in love with that girl.
- Great.
- When they broke up,
Kiya quit
and started writing.
- Yeah, I read one of her...
many amazing novels.
- Good, ain't she?
- Yeah, she's, uh...
she's something.
- She was crushed
when they broke up.
- How'd it happen?
- I heard one day,
Kiya asked to meet her family,
and the next day,
Gemma was gone.
She never heard from her again.
- Thanks for the drinks.
- Uh...
that last round was free.
You still owe me $33.
Thanks for the tip.
- Thank you for the tip.
- Well,
tell Kiya Gail says hello.
- I can't wait.
- How's she been?
- She's good.
- Yeah?
- So do you like the blue?
The blue tables...
- I love it.
I love it.
I think you did really
great with the color.
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah, it was your idea.
You did great, sis.
- Well, Dad helped.
- Oh, he's
an interior decorator.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Are--are you all right?
- Aw.
- Yeah, I'm fine.
Oh, it's okay to be nervous.
You know?
Marriage can be stressful.
Without guidance,
we can take out our aggression
on other people.
I mean, I don't know
a happy atheist.
I'm not an atheist, Diane.
- Oh, good!
- Diane...
- 'Cause God knows
how stressful it can be
being married,
let alone being an atheist
and being married.
Richard and I discovered
a long time ago
that God would be
at the head of our--
- Hey, um...
- Hey.
- I need your assistance
really quickly, please.
- Okay.
- Okay, let's go.
- Hey, hey.
We need to talk.
Well, I'll be right back.
You know, that's all I'm really
trying to say, Allen.
- Yeah, I'll, um...
I'll take that
into consideration, Diane.
- Good.
As you should.
- What's going on?
- You.
- Stop.
Are you crazy?
- Probably, but...
when was the last time
you had someone get it right?
- Oh-ho!
What's up, man?
Where you been?
You gotta put some
more alcohol in there.
The hell you been, man?
- I just--I stopped at a bar
and had some drinks.
- Okay.
- Uh-huh.
- Wait.
- Go up.
Wait.
- Mm-mm.
- You like that?
You like that?
Mm.
- Oh, watch.
They're gonna do
the Gatorade thing on his head.
- I see you guys
are enjoying yourselves...
- Oh, hey, hey, hey.
- But it's time to eat.
- Is it?
- Yes.
- Okay.
Mmm.
Gentlemen, excuse me.
I have marching orders.
- Absolutely.
- Yes, sir.
All right.
- Hey, Ms. Anderson.
Hey.
Yo, your--your mother-in-law
is bangin', son!
- At least you know what
you got to look forward to
in 30 years.
Damn, old girl
putting it on you, man.
It's shinin'.
- This was stupid.
- Why?
No one heard us.
- Yeah, but it could've
ruined everything.
- Isn't that why I'm here?
To break up this sideshow?
- Wow.
Really?
That hurts.
- What--
What hurts is that
you don't care
about me or Allen.
You only care about yourself.
- Kiya, that's not true.
- Isn't it?
- No, it's not.
- But it's more important
to protect this--this charade
instead of your own happiness?
- You know what?
I can't do this anymore.
- Oh, okay.
You can't do this anymore.
Really?
- No.
Hey, Gem,
you in there?
- Yeah.
Just--
just give me a second.
- They're ready to eat.
Can I come in?
- Allen, just give me
one minute.
- Is Kiya in there with you?
- Yes, she's here.
It's the ladies room.
Just--just give me one moment.
- You look fine.
- I'm not playing
these games anymore.
- Then you need
to choose, though...
because I can't keep going
around in circles like this.
- Really?
Let's eat.
- I thought I told you
to leave.
- It's not your decision.
- In case you forgot,
we're getting married tomorrow.
She has already made
her "decision."
- What. Ever.
- Uh-huh.
So shall we say grace?
Yes.
Heavenly Father,
we come together as one family
in honor of
this wonderful couple.
We ask Your blessings,
for Thine is the power
and the glory forever.
- In Christ's name, we pray.
Amen.
- Amen.
Praise the Lord.
Amen.
- Let's eat.
- So Gem tells me
you are a vegetarian, Kiya.
- No, Mom,
she's actually a pescatarian.
- Uh, what is that, again?
- It means I eat fish.
- Oh.
Right.
- Yeah.
Allen.
So you're not gonna eat?
- I already ate.
I ate at My Sister's Room.
- Um, you have a sister?
- No, My Sister's Room
is a lesbian bar.
By the way, Gail says hi.
- So you're frequenting
lesbian bars now?
- Funny you should ask, Martin.
Actually, what I was doing--
- Sorry I'm late.
- Oh, hello, Tobias.
Have a seat.
- How are you, Ms. Anderson?
- I'm well.
- That's Dr. Anderson.
- Ah, sorry about that.
Uh, Dr. Anderson.
- Who's your friend?
- Oh!
Everyone, this is Terri.
Terri, this is everyone.
- Hello.
- Damn.
That gotta be Terry with a Y.
- Excuse me?
- I'm sorry, sis.
- Um, where's the restroom?
- Down the hall.
Last door on the left.
- Thank you.
- Shit.
- Tobias...
- Yes, sir?
- Are you gay?
- I am--
- Why...
what does that even matter?
- It doesn't.
- So why are we
talking about it?
- It doesn't matter?
- No, it doesn't.
- It doesn't matter?
- No, it doesn't matter.
- Really.
- No.
- Allen.
- It doesn't.
- Allen, please
don't do this here.
- Because what happened
in the past doesn't matter.
What matters is what
is happening right now--
right now, right here.
- Okay.
So it doesn't matter,
because as long as
everybody's happy,
it doesn't matter
if Gem is gay, right?
Allen.
I need you now, Jesus.
- You knew, didn't you?
Martin?
You knew she was gay
the entire time,
and you used me.
Right?
Did everybody know?
Who else knew she was gay?
- I knew.
- My daughter...
is not gay.
My daughter, some time ago,
made some bad decisions.
She was confused.
She made a choice.
And now she's made
another choice.
- "She made a choice."
- All right, wait.
I'm--I'm sorry.
I'm confused.
Um...
are we still talking
about Tobias' date?
- Martin, when did you choose?
- We all choose.
- When did you choose?
What day did you wake up
and say,
"I don't know if I want Jack
or if I want Jill"?
Because that sounds
pretty damn gay to me.
- It is a sin...Allen.
It is a sin against
God Almighty.
- Who said?
Who said?
- Says my Bible.
- Where does it say so?
- The book of Leviticus.
- Then what's the verse?
20:13.
"If a man lieth with a man,
then"...shit.
Elaine, what--what's
the scripture?
You have it on your...
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
I just got my app last week.
- Bear with us, please.
Just a second, please.
Leviticus 20:13.
Elaine!
- I'm hurrying.
- Is that what
I am to you, Dad?
A sin?
Huh?
- I, um...
I can't do this anymore.
- Kiya.
This is where I check out.
Thank you.
- You know something?
You should've checked out
a long time ago.
- Sorry?
- I said that you should have
checked out a long time ago.
I know you.
I've known you for a long,
long, long, long time.
- Yeah?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- I remember you.
I will never forget you,
because every time I went
to pick up my daughter
at her dormitory,
you were there,
lurking in the shadows.
You, infecting her
with your filth,
with your ungodliness,
with your pescatarian,
hemp-wearing...
you...
were you even enrolled?
- No, she was a friend!
And she was
the love of my life!
And it's about
high time you start
accepting your daughter
for who she is
instead of who
you want her to be!
Say something, Gem!
- Kiya.
Kiya, wait!
- Wait, I got it!
- Gem!
Gemma...
- I got it!
- Louise Anderson, you...
- Oh, that's not it.
- Louise?
- Someone call the INS.
Call the INS.
Call the INS.
- Martin!
- Allen.
You know something?
You're fired.
That's right.
Monday morning,
you can come to my office
and pick up all your crap.
Jesus fucking Christ.
- Okay, uh...
- I need a ride.
Open the door!
- Kiya!
Wait.
Don't leave.
Why am I staying?
What is there to stay for?
I'm sorry I messed up
your wedding.
I'm sorry you can't
make up your mind.
I'm sorry that I'm still
in love with you.
Can you mind your business?
- Kiya.
- When you left...
it broke my heart.
And I thought that
I could do this, but I can't.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, Allen.
I really am.
It's just that I was trying
to do right by everybody,
and I just end up
making things worse.
- Were you ever gonna tell me?
- I didn't even know
how to tell my family.
- I thought...
I thought we were family.
Did you ever love me?
- Of course.
I mean, at least now,
you know that
you're not inadequate.
- I'm so stupid.
You still love her?
Do you still love her?
- Yes.
Okay.
Okay.
She's gone.
- Um...
if she's flying standby,
maybe you can still catch her.
- Well, I tried calling her.
She didn't answer,
and I don't know
what flight she's taking.
- It only takes one ticket
to get past security.
- You're right.
Okay, come on.
- Gem.
- What?
Keep writing.
- "I think, in the end,
"it was best I let
the caged bird fly.
"And when she never returned,
"I know I had done right,
for she was never
mine to keep."
James Baldwin said that...
"All art is a kind
of confession, more or less,"
and "all artists,
if they are to survive,
"are forced, at last,
to tell the whole story--
to vomit the anguish up."
Thank you.
What do you say we,
uh, sign some books?
- Hi.
I really liked
your take on Gem.
- Who should I make it out to?
- My grandmother.
Her name's Lurleen.
L-U-R-L-E-E-N.
- Lurleen.
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
- I really enjoyed your book.
Is it based on true characters?
- Not really.
- Are you sure?
- Mm-hmm.
- Your character just
seemed so familiar.
- Uh, that can happen when
you get attached to a story.
Who should I make it out to?
- Gemma.
I knew you could do it.
I read your book twice.
I--I just came by
to congratulate you.
That's all.
- Gem.
- I--look, I really did
enjoy your book.
- I wrote it for you.
- So does this mean
I get a royalty check?
- I wouldn't know
where to send it.
- You can send it to Miami.
With us.
- Kiya.
Pent-up asshole.
How you doing?
So you, uh--
you right, huh?
- I ride hard.
That's what I do.
- Of course.
- Don't you?
- I wouldn't be caught dead
on one of those things.
- Still a pussy.
- Just like old times.
- So, sign her book?
- Oh, well, no,
actually, I didn't.
- "To Kiya."
- So you're gonna do it now?
- Yeah.
- Uh-huh.
Let's see if this is real.
- Whoo, man.
I can get a lot for this
on eBay, right?
You better not sell my book.
- You...
I like how you portray me
in your writing.
You really find me
that attractive?
- That is called
"creative embellishment."
- Uh-huh.
- The, uh--
the reader would like
to think you're great.
- Okay.
Okay.
I saw a friend of yours
the other day, by the way.
Asked me for your number.
Is it okay if I gave it to him?
- Uh, yeah, sure.
- Okay.
Okay.
Well, um, I gotta get back...
- Mm-hmm.
- To my book signing.
- Yeah.
- Just book after book.
- We understand
the trials and tribulations
of a famous author.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Been there, done that.
It's time to go!
Here, baby.
Yo.
See you around, right?
- One page away.
[S. Taylor's
"You Dropped The Ball"]
Hello?
- Allen!
It's me, Carlos.
- Carlos?
How did you get my number?
- Your woman friend gave me
your number, sexy man.
- Kiya!
- So, our story continues.
But how will it end?
- We've been
through it all
You continue to fall
I gave you my all
I thought this
was true love
But this wasn't
love at all
Oh, no
Don't run or hide
'Cause real men don't run,
they fight the fight
I really thought you tried
I threw bait to my love,
you failed to bite
Damn.
But you couldn't love
Love me
And you locked that door
to your heart
With no key
And you never own up
for what you do
You just blame it on me
I have to speak
when my heart says speak
And this is
what it told me
You dropped the ball
And you just kept
on going, going
Your love was not
showing, showing
Could you slack up?
I figured you would
get back up
You dropped the ball
And you just kept
on going, going
Your love was
not showing, showing
Could you slack up?
I figured you
would get back up
You dropped the ball
And as time went by
You never really
changed at all
At all
It seems like
you wanna fall
'Cause you're oh-so-scared
And you don't
listen at all
Oh
I seen your two sides
Because you put the gloves
on and didn't fight
- Didn't fight
- You thought you tried
I threw bait to my love,
and you still didn't bite
But you couldn't love
Love me
And you locked
that door to your heart
With no key
And you never own up
for what you do
You just blame it on me
I have to speak
when my heart says speak
And this is
what it told me
You dropped the ball
And you just kept
on going, going
Your love was
not showing, showing
Could you slack up?
I figured
you would get back up
You dropped the ball
And you just kept
on going, going
Your love was not showing,
showing
Could you slack up?
I figured you would
get back up
You dropped the ball