- Music -
In the year 1836, Messrs. Chapman and Hall, the
publisher, paid the vast sum of 14 pounds a month to
a
comparatively obscure young journalist of 24 years
of age
to write a series of comic adventures around an
imaginary club and the misadventures of its
members.
His name was Charles Dickens, and he obliged by
creating
The Pickwick Club, forthwith bestowing immortal
fame upon
this little gentleman you now see before you, Mr.
Samuel
Pickwick himself. So now pray silence for his noble
and
poetic fellow Pickwickian and club secretary, Mr.
Augustus
Snodgrass.
In view of the success of the paper just read to us
by
our honorable chairman, Mr. Samuel Pickwick,
entitled
Speculations on the Source of the Hampstead Ponds
With Some
Observations on the Theory of Tittlebats, I wish to
move
the motion that he should now enlarge his sphere of
observation by journeying forth into the Length and
breadth of England accompanied by Mr. Tracy
Tupman, the club authority on matters of romantic
conquest,
Mr. Nathaniel Winkle, the all-round sportsman of the
group, and myself.
I second this motion.
Mr. Wardle?
As a guest of this distinguished club, I hereby
extend my hospitality to Mr. Pickwick when so ever his
explorations take him to Kent, where I'LL insist on
him putting up at Dingley Dell Farm as my honored
guest.
Mrs. Leo Hunter.
Thank you. And as another honored guest, I hereby
extend my invitation to Mr. Pickwick when his Literary
pilgrimage brings him to Etonsville, at which time I
shall arrange one of my celebrated Literary
breakfasts in his honor.
Here, here.
Well, off they go, Mrs. Bardell. Good-bye, my fine
Little lad.
Good-bye, Mr. Pickwick.
Good-bye, Mrs. Bardell.
Good-bye, Mr. Pickwick, and a safe journey.
Thank you, thank you.
- Music-
Ah, cabman, to the Golden Cross.
- Music-
How old is that horse, cabman?
42? Extraordinary. I really must make a note of
that for our next meeting of the club. But does he
never
suffer from fatigue?
Only when we take him out of the cab. Then he
always
falls down. But when he's in it, we bear him up very
tight
and take him in when it's cold, and we got a pair of
Large
prize wheels on, so that when he moves, they run
after him.
He has to keep up, he can't help it.
Bless my soul. Verification cab number 924.
- Music-
Mr. Tupman, Mr. Snodgrass, Mr. Winkle
Mr. Pickwick. ALL ready for fay eh? Here's your fare.
That for your shilling and I request the pleasure of
fighting you for it. Come on, stick up your hands.
What?
Must be mad.
Or drunk.
Or both.
Come on, all four of you.
Control yourself.
Here's the lot. Go to work on him, Sam.
What's the wrap?
Would you believe as a company informer that a
man
would use a man's cab and not only take his number
down,
but every word he says in the bargain?
Did he now?
Informer.
Yes, he did. Then agitates me into assault and
then gets three witnesses here to prove it. I'LL get
even with him, even if I do six months. Come on.
Stay! Hold! Desist! Enough! What's the commotion?
My dear sir, my name is Pickwick. Samuel Pickwick.
I'm chairman of the Pickwick club of which these
gentlemen
happen to be honored members and my friends. I
was merely
making a few notes on the extreme age and singular
habits of this cabman's horse, it being our custom in
the club to collect and comment about anything we
find particularity interesting, when he without
any -
He's an informer.
What? Respected gentleman. Know him Well.
What's your number?
Take some off 924, before I... License. None of your
nonsense. Step this way, sir. ALL a mistake. Never
mind. Never say die. Worse things happened at sea.
Jingles the name, sir. Alfred Jingle, Esquire. Step
this way, sir. Come along now. That's right. Stand
back
there, please.
Straight the way through, sir. That's right. That's
right. Little weak in the knees, sir? Natural reaction.
Recover in no time. There.
I'm Well adjusted to the strange mutability of human
affairs, sir.
A philosopher, sir?
An observer of human nature, sir.
So am I. Poet, too?
No. My friend Mr. Snodgrass has a strong poetic
turn.
So have I.
No, no, sir.
Oh, no, please, please.
I insist.
Well, if you insist.
Your heath, sir.
And yours, gentlemen. Fine girl. Not a patch on the
Spanish, though. Ah, noble creatures. Jet hair, black
eyes, Lovely forms, sweet creatures. Beautiful.
You have been in Spain, sir?
Second home.
Many conquests, sir?
Thousands. Don Bolaro Fizzgig. Grandee. Only
daughter. Donna Christina. Loved me to distraction.
Jealous father. Handsome Englishman. Donna
Christina
in despair. Prussic acid.
Oh.
Stomach pump in portmanteau. Saved Life. Old
Bolaro in ecstasies. Consent to union. Romantic
story,
very?
Is the Lady in England now, sir?
Dead, sir. Dead.
Dead, sir?
Dead.
What cause, sir?
Never recovered from the stomach pump.
Undermined constitution.
And her father?
Remorse and misery. Suddenly disappeared. Not a
trace. Her public fountain remains square, suddenly
ceased to play. Workmen employed to clean it.
Father-in-Law discovered sticking head first in main
pipe. Full confession in right boot.
Most singular idea, dear sir.
Will you allow me to note that Little romance down,
sir?
Certainly, sir. Certainly. 50 more if you
care to hear them. Strange Life, mine. Only one
ambition left.
Always wanted to settle down in Demerara, West
Indies. Perfect climate. Pineapple rum. Gentlemen
planter. Elegant. Very.
Ah, the coach. My Luggage.
Here it is, sir.
Thank you. Of course, that's not all. Rest has gone
on ahead by water. Packing cases as big as houses.
Where are you bound for, sir?
The Bull Inn Rochester, sir.
The Bull Inn Rochester? Why, so am I. Excellent
food.
Be my guest. I insist. After you, sir.
Oh no, no, sir. After you.
I insist. A privilege.
Thank you, sir.
- Music-
The objects of the Pickwick club.
Why, I do believe Mr. Winkle has fallen asleep.
Good gracious, so has Mr. Snodgrass.
Ah, mulled wine. Excellent. Waiter, fill up
all around. No expense spared. In vino veritas. No
heel taps. Ah, you were saying, sir?
Was saying?
Uh-huh.
Oh, yes, yes. The object of the Pickwick club, to
study human nature and to be of service to it. Ever
vigilant.
What's going on upstairs, waiter? Lamps, glasses,
harps?
A ball, sir, in aid of charity. Tickets at the bar,
sir, half a guinea.
Half guinea? Reasonable.
Many fine women in this town, do you know, sir?
Devastating. Everyone knows Kent. Apples,
cherries,
hops, women.
Could we go to the ball, Mr. Pickwick?
Beginning, fiddles tuning, now the harps. Off
they go.
- Music-
Ladies, God bless them.
Oh, I should Like to go very much. Very much.
So should I. Confounded Luggage. No rag to back.
No
money till bank opens in the morning. Provoking.
Very.
I should be happy not only to take you as my guest
No, no, no, please, please, please.
No, no, no, but I insist. And also to lend you a suit
of mine for the occasion. But you are rather slim, and
I -
Rather fat. A Bacchus dismounted from
tub.
Have some wine.
I was about to observe that a suit of my friend Mr.
Winkle would perhaps fit you better.
He has a new blue coat with the club buttons. He's
own invention, and not yet officially in use by the rest
of us.
Just the thing. Let music be the food of Love. Play
on?
Give me excess of it. Et cetera and so forth. After
you, sir.
- Music -
Charming group. Pompous doctor. Army. Gaudy.
Lady in
black, aging widow. Lots of money. Our first chance
to
get our dance with widow, doctor's nose out of joint.
Entertaining. Very.
Do you know the Lady, sir?
Never saw her in my Life.
Your servant, ma'am. Jingles the name. Lord
Alfred Jingle. Link major the 33rd. May I have the
honor of this dance? So charming, please, may I?
Well.
And what is the name, Love?
Budger.
Budger. Any relation to Colonel Budger?
- Music-
Sir, my name is Slammer. Dr. Slammer, sir. 97th
regiment Chatham Barracks. My card, sir, my card.
Much obliged. Not sick at the moment, Slammer.
When I
am, Look you up.
Sir, you're a stuffier, a poltroon, a coward, a Liar.
Will nothing induce you to give me your card, sir?
I see. Too much claret cup. Elderly gentlemen, the
hot room. Very foolish. Suffer in morning. Lemonade
much safer.
You are intoxicated now, sir. You shall hear from me
in the morning, sir. I shall find you out, sir. I shall
find you out.
Possible. I doubt very much if youll find me in.
- Music-
Mr. Winkle.
Mr. Winkle. Mr. Winkle. Boots informs me that a
gentleman in the coffee room is asking for you with
great
insistence?
For me?
It's the gentleman who owns the blue dress coat
with the guilt buttons, sir.
- Music-
This is the gentleman what owns the blue coat, sir.
Sir, allow me to introduce my -
You will not be surprised when I tell you I have
called
here on behalf of my friend, Dr. Slammer of the 97th.
Dr. Slammer of the who?
My friend Dr. Slammer commissioned me to say that
should you plead the excuse of intoxication for your
behavior Last night -
Intoxication? Mr. Winkle? Never.
He will consent to accept a written apology to be
penned by you from my dictation.
A written apology? For what, sir?
Yes, for what?
I was not present myself, sir. The matter is between
yourself and Dr. Slammer. You are aware of course
that the
alternative to an apology is a duel.
A duel?
A duel.
A duel? May I have a word with my friend? Mr.
Pickwick,
This is a nightmare. I did wear my blue coat Last night.
It was Lying on the floor this morning. I must have
taken too much wine, changed my coat, gone
somewhere and
insulted someone, and this is the terrible
consequence?
My dear sir.
Shall I write the apology?
Can you as a man of honor?
You feel I should accept the challenge?
As a gentleman, you have no choice.
Absolutely none?
Absolutely none.
Then you know best, I hope.
Sir, my friend accepts the challenge.
Shall we say sunset this evening, sir?
Shall we, Mr. Winkle? We shall, sir.
If you will come to Fort Pitt, I will meet you there
and take you to a secluded place where the affair
can be
conducted without fear of interruption. Good
morning,
sir.
Good morning.
You will need a second, Mr. Winkle.
Shall I?
I should be honored to attend you.
Thank you.
Not at all. Course of friendship, sir.
- Music-
Will he be a good shot, this doctor?
Most of these military men are. But so are you, are
you not?
Sometimes.
You've always given me to understand that you have
a very nimble arm with firearms.
Mr. Pickwick, if I fall, you will find in a packet
which I shall place in your hands a letter for my
father.
I shall deliver it in person.
Mr. Pickwick, if this should come to the ears of
the authorities, you might be transported for Life as
an
accessory to the fact.
In the cause of friendship, I would brave all
dangers.
Mr. Pickwick, I must not be prevented from fighting
this duel. You must not give information to the local
authorities. Do not obtain the assistance of several
peace officers to take either me or Dr. Slammer into
custody. I say, do not.
Not for the world.
- Music-
There's nothing more to be said, I think, sir. An
apology has been resolutely declined.
Yes, sir, it has.
They are loaded. Do you object to using them?
Certainly not, sir.
We may place our men, then, I think.
Yes, I think we may.
Be calm, my dear fellow, and shoot only to wing him.
In 15 seconds precisely upon the command, 20
paces,
turn and fire. One, two, three, four.
Are you sure you have that letter, Mr. Pickwick?
Yes, yes, my dear fellow. Concentrate on the matter
at
hand.
Who are you?
What's all this? That's not the man.
Not the man?
Not the man?
Not the man?
Certainly not.
Extraordinary.
Most extraordinary.
I'm not the man. I knew it.
Then why didn't you say so, sir?
Yes, sir. Why didn't you say so?
Because, sir, you ascribed intoxication an
ungentlemanly behavior to a person wearing a coat
which I
not only have the honor to own, but to have invented,
the proposed uniform of the Pickwick Club of
London. The
honor of that uniform I felt bound to maintain, and I
therefore without inquiry accepted the challenge
which
you offered me.
Oh, Mr. Winkle. Bravo.
My dear sir, I honor your gallantry.
I beg you won't mention it, sir.
I shall feel proud of your acquaintance, sir.
It will afford me the greatest of pleasure to know
you, sir.
I think we may adjourn.
Certainly.
Certainly, sir.
Certainly.
Can't understand. Usually I'm Lucky at cards. Lost
ancestral seat. Fortune, horses, one fell swoop.
My friends.
My dear sir.
We have met some worthy gentleman who are
interested
in the pursuits of our club. Very pleasant fellows. And
here they are.
- Music -
Allow me to introduce you. Dr. Slammer.
I have met this gentleman before. Sir, you were
present
at the ball Last night.
I seem to recall something to that effect.
That person was your companion.
I believe it's Possible.
I ask you once again in the presence of these
gentlemen whether you will choose to give me your
card
and receive the treatment of a gentleman, or whether
you
impose on me the necessity of kicking you on the
spot.
One moment, Dr. Slammer. Haven't I seen you
acting in
the local theater, sir?
Certainly.
He is a strolling actor. You cannot proceed in the
affair, Slammer. Impossible.
Quite, sir.
Allow me to suggest, sir, that the best way of
avolding
a recurrence of this situation in the future is to
be more select in your choice of companions. Good
day, sir.
And allow me to say, sir, had I been Dr. Slammer or
had
I been the Lieutenant, I should have pulled your nose,
sir, and the nose of every man present. I would, sir.
Every man.
My name is Payne, sir. Dr. Payne with the 43rd.
Good day, sir.
Do I understand that you were the wearer of my
coat
Last night, Mr. Jingle?
I was, sir, and grateful thanks. Uncommon snug fit.
May I ask the nature of the means by which
you acquired Mr. Winkle's coat, sir?
Well -
I took the Liberty of lending it to him, sir.
Indeed, sir?
Without Mr. Winkle's
knowledge, sir?
It was the act of a black guard, sir.
Mr. Winkle.
- Music-
Sir, you have called my friend a black guard.
So he is. So are you.
My attachment to your person, sir, is great, very
great. But upon that person I must now take
summary
vengeance?
Come on, sir!
- Music -
Mr. Winkle! Mr. Tupman! Do you dare stand that
you're about to descend to fisticuffs?
Such is my intention, sir. And why not, pray?
Why not, sir? Because, because you are too old.
Too old?
And if any further reason were required, you are too
fat.
Sir, this is an insult.
Sir, it was intended as one.
Sir, you have called me old.
I have.
And fat.
I reiterate the charge.
Sir, you're a fellow.
Sir, you're not.
Oh.
Restrain yourself!
Mr. Pickwick!
Let me go!
Mr. Pickwick you must not imperil your distinguished
Life.
Mr. Pickwick, with the eyes of the world upon you,
Mr. Tupman, who in common with us all derives a
Luster
from your undying name, for shame, gentlemen. For
shame.
Mr. Snodgrass speaks for us all, gentlemen.
Swallow this, a brandy and water. A jolly old
gentleman, Lots of pluck. CapitaI stuff.
Thank you, sir. I'm ashamed at having been
betrayed into such a warmth of feeling.
Understandable.
Take my Leave of one and all. A pressing
engagement.
Not good-bye but au revoir.
Au revoir.
Your servant, gentlemen.
Yours.
Gentlemen, Mr. Jingle is the viper in our midst.
Viper?
Viper, sir.
Nonsense, Winkle.
Nonsense, Winkle.
Nonsense, Winkle.
Very Well, then. We shall see.
A riding mare and a pony cart for Mr. Pickwick.
Is this the only way we can get to Dingley Dell?
We never got there any other way to my knowledge,
sir.
Bless my soul, who's going to drive? I hadn't
thought of that.
Why, you, of course.
As quiet as a mouse, sir. A infant in arms could
drive him.
She doesn't shy, does she?
Not if she met a wagon Load of monkeys with their
tails burned off.
But who's going to ride the horse?
Why you, Mr. Winkle. You're the all-round
sportsman of this expedition. You can ride a horse, I
hope?
Oh, naturally. Born in the saddle. But surely I'm
depriving one of you other gentlemen of the
pleasure.
No, no, no.
Perish the thought.
You're at Liberty, sir.
- Music-
That's the 20th time she's done that. What can she
mean by it?
I think she was trying to shy.
Then we must make her realize who is master. Mr.
Winkle, have the kindness to retrieve my whip. I
daren't
Let go of these reins.
Well, I daren't get off this horse.
Come, come, sir. If you got onto him once, you can
get onto him again.
ALL right.
- Music-
There. What did I tell you? Acquire a firm hand, and
they know who's master.
- Music-
Well, now, what am I to do? I'LL never get on again.
Show the beast that you will tolerate no nonsense,
as I am doing.
Oh dear. Hold still. Hold. Tally ho! Yikes!
Be quiet and firm.
He's the one that's being quiet and firm.
You had better Lead him till we come to a turnpike.
Whoa! He won't come.
Then I must come to your assistance.
He doesn't even understand English.
Whoa!
- Music-
So there you are! Why, you two Look tired. Ladies,
the guests are here! What have you been doing? So
you've been spilt, ay? Not hurt, I hope, ay? Joel Drat,
that boy's asleep again. Joe! Take that horse for the
gentlemen and Lead it to the stables.
- Music-
My dear Mr. Pickwick, gentlemen, welcome.
Welcome
to Dingley Dell.
My daughters, gentlemen.
How do you do?
How do you do?
And that's my sister, Miss Rachael Wardle. She's a
miss, she is, and yet she ain't a miss, ay sir, ay?
No, brother. Welcome to Dingley Dell, gentlemen.
Now you all know each other, Let's be comfortable
and happy, that's what I say. See what's going
forward.
Well soon have you patched up and ship shape. But
first
of all, you must come and meet my mother.
Do you think my dear nieces pretty?
Well, I should, if their aunt were not here.
Oh, you naughty man. You were going to say that
Emily
stoops. I know you were.
Oh, no, I -
And so she does. It can't be denied. Oh, you quiz.
What
a sarcastic smile. I know what that smile means very
Well.
Oh. Do you?
You mean you don't think Emilys stooping is as bad
as Isabels boldness?
Oh, but I -
Well, she is bold. I'm sure I cry about it for
hours together. But my dear brother is so good and
so
unsuspicious that he never sees it. I'm sure if he did
it would break his heart.
Well.
Look, I'm sure auntie's talking about us. She Looks
so malicious.
Is she?
Auntie, dear?
Yes, my dear Love?
I'm so afraid you're going to catch cold. Do put
this silk scarf round your dear, old, neck.
You must take care of yourself. Consider your age.
Consider it, angel. That was Isabel.
They obviously worship their aunt.
- Music -
Mr. Pickwick, Mother.
Huh? I can't hear you.
Mr. Pickwick, Grandma.
Ah, Well, it won't much matter.
But -
He don't care for an old woman Like me, I dare say.
I assure you -
Oh, Grandma. Isn't she naughty?
I assure you, madam, nothing delights me more
than
to see a lady at your time of Life heading so fine
a family and Looking so Well and so young.
- Music -
ALL very fine, I dare say, but I can't hear a word.
He was paying you a compliment, mother.
Grandma's put out now. But shell speak to
you presently.
Isabella, what a way to talk about your grandma.
Young
girls have such spirits.
But not a monopoly of them.
- Music -
Miss Wardle.
Miss Wardle, you are an angel.
Oh, Mr. Tupman, all women are angels, they say.
Then what and you be? To what can I without
presumption compare you? Where else can I hope to
find
so rare a combination of excellence and beauty?
Oh, men are such deceivers.
They are. They are. But not all men. There does
exist
at Least one being who could never change, who
would be
content to devote his whole existence to your
happiness,
who Lives but in your eyes, who breathes but in your
smiles.
Could such an individual exist?
He does exist. He is here, Miss Wardle.
Mr. Tupman, rise.
Never, till you say you Love me. Oh, Rachael, say
you Love me.
Oh, Mr. Tupman, I can scarcely breathe it, but
you're not wholly indifferent to me.
Oh, Rachael, my angel.
Oh. Oh! Mr. Tupman, we're observed!
What do you want here?
Lunch is ready, sir.
Oh. Lunch is ready. Have you just come here?
Just.
He knows nothing of what happened.
Nothing?
He was asleep, as usual.
- Music-
- Music-
Your bird, Mr. Winkle!
Oh! Oh!
Mr. Pickwick! Oh, Mr. Pickwick, I'm going fast!
Cain, you've slayed Abel.
No. Oh, don't say that.
Only a graze on the arm, my dear fellow. Lucky
escape. We must get you back to Dingley Dell. Mr.
Pickwick. Why, bless my soul, not another casualty!
It's silly of me, I know, but I'm afraid I've broken my
Leg.
My dear fellow!
Hello!
Why, it's Mr. Jingle. Oh, providential sight.
Put that down.
Don't Lift him. Possible sprain. Doctor
for years. And cold water and splints.
Came down Like a wolf on the foal.
Charming. Bitten by snake.... sword, saved Life.
What is the matter with the Little, old gentleman?
Why have they got him in a wheelbarrow? I do
hope it's not serious.
What's the matter with Mr. Tupman?
Now, don't be frightened, my dear.
What's the matter?
Mr. Pickwick has turned his ankle, and Mr. Tupman
has
met with a Little accident.
Oh, Auntie!
Pour some cold water over her, quickly.
I'm better. Bella, Emily, a surgeon! Is he wounded?
Is he dead? Oh, oh, oh!
Calm yourself, dear. Dea madam, calm yourself.
It's his voice.
Do not agitate, sir. Out of danger. Dressed wound
myself.
Then you're not dead? Oh, say you're not dead!
Don't be a fool, Rachael. How could he say he
wasn't
dead if he was?
And vice versa.
It is to the presence of mind and resourcefulness of
this gentleman that we are all indebted, my dear.
Oh, please.
Allow me to present an old and honored friend of our
friends, Mr. Alfred Jingle.
Your most obedient.
My sister Rachael, my daughters Isabel and Emily.
Exquisite examples of femininity. Overwhelmed.
Beauty, thy name is woman.
Mr. Jingle was already on his way to London, but we
have prevailed upon him to honor us with a few days
of
his company.
How delightful.
Well, it isn't all... Luggage all gone on ahead.
By water.
Quite. No rag to back. Scarecrow.
Why, I'm sure that all our wardrobes are
at
your disposal, ay? Why, bless me, we're forgetting all
about Mr. Pickwick.
Oh, poor Mr. Pickwick.
You must come inside at once, Mr. Pickwick.
What a shame.
I'm sure it will be all right when you rest.
I wish to make it quite clear that my wardrobe is not
at Mr. Jingles disposal.
Keen.
Missus? Missus?
Hmm? What do you want?
Oh, I wants to make your flesh creep. I see Mr.
Tupman
hugging and a kissing on Ms. Rachael in this very
summer
house you're sitting in now.
Mr. Tupman and my daughter?
Yes, Missus.
And she Let him?
Yes, Missus.
Oh. At her time of Life. I never did Like the Looks
of that Mr. Tupman from the moment I clapped eyes
on him.
A fortune hunter, that's what he is. He's after her
money?
Yes, Missus.
And she's a fool.
Yes, Missus.
- Music -
Miss Wardle.
Forgive intrusion. No time for ceremony. ALL is
discovered.
Fresh!
Fat boy. Scoundrel. Treacherous dog. Told the
old Lady. Old Lady furious, raving.
My mother?
You and Tuppy.
Tuppy?
Kissing in green house.
Mr. Jingle, if you're trying to insult me.
On the contrary. Overheard fat boy. Come to
warn you. Dreadful danger. Tender my services.
Prevent
hubbub. Other hand, think it an insult, Leave room.
What I shall I do? My brother will be furious.
No Possible doubt. Outrageous.
Oh, Mr. Jingle, what can I say?
Say, say he dreamt it. Nothing simpler. Fat boy
horse whipped, your word believed. End of matter.
One
word of warning. Beware of false heart beating
beneath smiling face.
Who ever do you mean?
Wild horses wouldnt drag. Only wants you
for your money.
Are you referring to Mr. Tupman?
Lips sealed. Old friend. Lady killer. Loves another.
Another? Who?
Niece, Emily.
My niece? It can't be. I won't believe it.
Watch him.
Watch his Looks, his whispers. Hell sit next
to her at table. Hell flatter her and cut you.
Cut me?
I will.
Youll take another?
Yes.
You shall. I shall be that man. Worship from first.
Devoted slave. Inner torment. Sleepless nights.
Fortune
of my own. Love you for yourself. Death do us part.
Dare I hope?
Oh, Mr. Jingle.
And so to sum it all up in a nutshell, Ms. Rachael
herself wishes me to appear indifferent until all
suspicion is averted.
Exactly. Cover her back. Family furious. Pretend
to make advances to her niece Emily.
Emily?
Emily. Convince family fat boy Liar. On no account
risk tete-a-tete with Ms. Rachael yet. Fat in fire.
And she has thought out all this just to protect me?
Exactly. Constant to eternity. Heart of gold.
Lucky man. Envy you.
My dear friend.
My dear.
Please tell her I will do exactly as she advises. And
my warmest thanks to you for your disinterested
kindness,
my dear friend. How can I ever help you?
Oh, don't talk of it. Unless - need 10 pounds,
a very particular purpose. Repay you in three days.
Well, if it's only for three days, I think I
could oblige you.
Three days at the outside. After that, rich
man. Repay you twofold. Remember, not a Look.
Not a wink.
Not a syllable.
Not a whisper.
If anything, be rude.
Rude?
Rude. Only way to convince family.
Remember, take care.
I'LL take care.
And I'LL take care.
- Music-
How I hate the wretch. You were so right, Mr.
Jingle.
Noblesse oblige.
Oh, mercy on us! Burglars!
- Music-
Ladies, whatever is the matter?
Oh, Mr. Pickwick, Aunt Rachaels eloped with Mr.
Jingle.
What?
With the...
You villain! You were bribed by that scoundrel
Jingle to put us off the scent with some cock and bull
story about Ms. Rachael and Mr. Tupman!
Irony! Irony! He's eloped on the 10 pounds he
borrowed
from me! I paid the fellows expenses! Oh, I won't
stand
it, Mr. Pickwick! I'LL have justice!
Restrain yourself, Mr. Tupman!
Please, please, keep calm.
Now, get back to bed all of you! I'm going to follow
and bring her back! Joe! Put a horse in the gate!
Mr. Pickwick, papa's going to follow them!
It was my 10 pounds!
Ladies, keep calm. Mr. Jingle shall be brought to
task without bloodshed. I will accompany Mr. Wardle.
I'LL thrash him! I'LL thrash him!
Winkle, put Tupman back to bed.
I'LL not stand it!
- Music-
I'LL have my Lawyer answer him!
- Music-
Now, you do the asking. You're the Lawyer.
Good idea sir.
Did they not hear?
This is a curious old inn of yours.
If you'd sent word you was a'coming, we'd have had
it repaired, sir.
Pretty busy, ay?
Oh, very Well, sir. We shan't go bankrupt, and we
shan't make our fortune. We eats our boiled mutton
without capers, and we don't care for horseradish
when we
can get beef.
Ah, you're a wag, aren't you?
My eldest brother was troubled with that complaint,
sir. It may be catching. used to seep with him.
The fact of the matter is we want to know, and we
ask
the question of you in order that we may not arouse
apprehension inside, we want to know who you've
got in the
inn at the moment.
Well, there's a wooden Leg in number six, a pair of
Hessians in 13, two pairs of halves in the
commercial,
these here painted tops in the snuggery inside the
bar,
and five more tops in the coffee room.
Nothing more?
Stop a bit. Yes. There's pair of pumps, very Well
worn, and a pair of Ladys country shoes in number
five.
What's the maker's name?
Brown.
Where of?
Muggleton.
It's them, by heaven! We found them!
We're in time!
Charge to the room, there's no time to be Lost!
Now, now, my dear sir. Caution, caution. Show us to
the room at once, and this half sovereign is yours.
Follow me, sir.
- Music -
Open up!
Yes, yes?
Oh!
- Music -
You're an artful blackguard, aren't you?
I ought to have you horse whipped!
Dear, sir, please, consider defamation of
character! Calm yourself!
How dare you drag my sister from my house!
Ay, you can ask it. How dare you, sir?
Who the devil are you, sir?
Who is he, you scoundrel! He's my Lawyer! Mr.
Parker of
Gray's Inn. Parker, I'LL have this man indicted,
persecuted! I'LL ruin him! And you, you, Rachael at
the
time of Life when you ought to know better, what do
you
mean by running away with a vagabond, bringing
disgrace
on your family and making yourself miserable?
Get your bonnet on and come back! Where
are said boots?
Call a hackney coach, sir, directly.
Yes, sir
And bring the Ladys bill, you hear? You hear?
Certainly, sir.
Rachael, you will get your bonnet on.
Nothing of the kind. Leave the room, sir. Lady,
free to act as she pleases. She is more than one
and twenty.
More than one and twenty. She's more than one and
forty.
I'm not!
You are! You're 50 if you're a day.
A Glass of water, quick!
Glass of water? Bring a bucket of water and throw it
all over her! Itll do her good. She deserves every
drop
of it.
Orders carried out, sir.
Boots, get me an officer.
Stay, stay. Consider, sir. Consider.
I will not consider, sir. She's her own mistress. See
who dares take her away against her own wishes.
I will not be taken away. I don't wish it.
My dear sir, my dear sir, we're in a very awkward
situation. I warned you before we came there was
nothing to Look to but a compromise.
What kind of compromise do you suggest?
Mr. Jingle, would you be good enough to step into
the
next room? Mr. Wardle.
Well, sir?
Now, my dear sir, I put it to you, don't you think
that 50 pounds and Liberty would be better than Ms.
Wardle and her expectations?
Won't do.
Why not?
Not enough.
Well, my dear, sir, we won't waste time
spitting straws. Say 70.
Won't do.
80. Come. I'LL give you the cash at once.
Won't do.
Well, my dear sir, just tell me what will do.
Expensive affair. Out of pocket, breach of
honor, Loss of Lady.
Say a hundred.
And 20?
Oh, my dear, sir.
Give it to him and Let him go!
One, two 50's, two 10's. A receipt, if you please.
Oh, come, sir. Gentlemen's agreement. Oh,
here, sir.
What is it?
A marriage License.
Give to Tuppy. Do for same Lady.
- Music-
It's time we taught him a Lesson!
- Music-
Up you go, sir.
Furniture must be cheap where you come from, sir.
Hold still, sir. Now, what's the use of running after a
man as has made his Lucky and got to the other end
of
London by now, ay?
To the Golden Cross.
Away.
To think that I have been the innocent cause of so
much
indignity. It will be my solemn duty to settle with
that villain if ever I meet him again.
Ah, the world is very full of villains, to be sure,
sir. What you need, if you don't mind my being so
bold,
is extra reserves to fall back on if and when, sir.
Extra reserves?
A henchman, sir. A confidential gentleman's
gentleman. A valet, sir. Someone as can clean your
shoes so's you can see your face in them.
Now you come to mention it, I believe I do need a
man
servant.
And he's standing right before your very eyes this
very minute, sir, or I'm a Dutchman's donkey with
a red mark coattail.
But have you any reason to be discontented with
your present place?
Well, a poor answer to that question, sir. I should
Like to know in the first place whether you're going to
provide me with a better. So out with it, as the father
said to the child when he swallowed the farthing.
I must give this thought. Yes, very serious thought. I
shall have to raise the matter with Mrs. Bardell, of
course, my housekeeper. But if she approves, as I
have no
doubt she will do, yes, I think it would be a most
admirable arrangement. I'LL speak to Mrs. Bardell at
once?
Ah, Mrs. Bardell.
Yes, sir?
Do you think it very much more expensive to keep
two
people than to keep one?
Mr. Pickwick, what a question.
I know, but do you?
Oh, Mr. Pickwick, it is so kind of you to have such
consideration for my Loneliness.
Oh, yes, I'd never thought of that. When I'm in
town, you will always have someone to sit with you.
To
be sure you will.
Mr. Pickwick.
And to tell you the truth, Mrs. Bardell, I've
made up my mind.
Mr. Pickwick, I'm sure I should be the happiest of
women?
Then it's a bargain, is it?
Yes, you good, kind, playful dear.
Bless my soul! Mrs. Bardell.
Somebody might come!
Let them come. I'LL never Leave you, you dear, kind,
good soul.
No, don't you faint, too. Mercy upon me. I hear
someone
coming up the stairs. Don't, my good creature, don't.
Oh, what are you doing to my momma?
Let go my momma.
Stop it! Desist! Take this Little vern away.
What is the matter with Mrs. Bardell?
I don't know.
Help me to get her downstairs.
No, no, I'm better now.
Let me Lead you downstairs.
Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you, sir.
A very extraordinary thing.
Very.
Placed me in an extremely awkward situation.
Extremely.
Mr. Pickwick, there's a man downstairs, wants to
see
you, says his name is Weller. Shall I tell him to be
off?
No, no indeed. Be good enough to call him upstairs,
Mr. Snodgrass.
Certainly.
You're very silent.
So are you.
I cannot conceive what took hold of that woman. I
had merely announced to her my intention of
keeping a man
servant, this very Mr. Weller, when she fell into
that extraordinary paroxysm in which you found her.
Oh, quite?
Mr. Weller, Mr. Pickwick.
As per instruction, sir.
Ah, my man. I have decided to engage you.
Have you, now? Wages?
12 pounds a year.
Uh-huh. Clothing?
Two suits.
Take the sign out of the window. I'm Let to a single
gentleman, and the terms is agreed upon.
Excellent.
By the by, sir, this was on the hall table addressed
to you, sir. An invitation of some kind.
Mrs. Leo Hunter invites Mr. Pickwick and friends to a
Literary fancy dress breakfast party August the
14th, 9:00 a. m. RSVP. The Den, Eatanswill,
Middlesex.
Fancy dress?
Imagine that.
Whatever shall we go as?
- Music-
- Music-
Welcome one, welcome all to our gladsome revels
on
This gladsome day. As my stalwart fellow worshippers
of thespians know, it is our custom at these garden
gatherings of the gifted to offer up our latest
offspring bread at the altar of Carnasis. So
with all humility, I shall break the metaphorical ice.
Thank you. Ode to An Expiring Frog, some Lines
written by myself. Can I view thee panting, Lying on
thy
stomach, without sighing? Can I unmoved see thee
dying on a
Log expiring frog?
Say, have fiends in shape of boys, with wild halloo
and
brutal noise, hunted thee from marshy joys, with a
dog,
expiring frog.
Most affecting.
Such elegant sentiments.
I didn't Like it.
Thank you.
Ah, my guest of honor.
Bravo, Mrs. Hunter, ma'am. Beautiful. Finely
expressed.
Thank you so much, Mr. Pickwick. Praise from one
as renowned as yourself is praise indeed. I must
make
you promise not to stir from my side the entire day.
There
are hundreds of Literary Lions here I must positively
introduce to you, and none other than the special
very
famous Captain James Fitz-Marshall. Where is he?
Captain Fitz-Marshall! Come to me directly. Pray
make
room to Let Captain Fitz-Marshall pass.
Coming, dear Lady. Coming quick as I can. Crowds
of
people. Hard work. Very. Dear madam, your most
obedient.
Crossed half of England to be at your side today.
I want to introduce two famous people to each other.
Quite forgot instructions coachman. Back in a
moment.
My servant can do it.
No, no, no, ma'am. Do it self. Back in no time. Faux
pas?
Well, meanwhile, may I introduce Mr. and Mrs.
Nupkins and their ward, Ms. Arabella Allen?
Honored.
Sir, madam, ma'am, honored. Permit me to
ask you, ma'am, who that gentleman is and where
he resides.
Oh, that's the famous explorer of the Himalayas.
Yes, yes. His residence?
He's at present at the Angel Inn at Berry's and
Digmnan.
Oh, must you go, Mr. Pickwick?
A thousand pardons, ma'am.
Oh, he's gone. But this is catastrophe.
- Music -
Heave ho and up she rises, heave ho and
up
she rises, heave ho and up she rises.
Where's my servant?
Weller?
Here we are, sir.
Follow me instantly.
Shall we come, too?
No. Return to London and await me there.
But Mr. Pickwick, is this wise?
Sir, how do we know who he may be deceiving
there?
He deceived a worthy man once, and we were the
innocent
cause. He shall not do it again if I can prevent
it. I shall expose him. Sam, the horses.
Right away, sir.
You Look Like one of the jolly sort, as convivial as a
Live trout in a Lime basket.
Well, I was out late with my master Last night.
Oh, and what is your master's name?
Fitz-Marshall.
- Music-
What? Captain James Fitz-Marshall? Him as
explored the Himalayas? Give us your hand. I should
Like
to get to know you better. I Likes your face.
Now, isn't that strange? I Liked yours so much, I
wanted to speak to you from the very first moment
you
come in the door.
Did you, now?
I need a friend to talk to. I'm working for a regular
bad man, and it goes again my conscience
something horrid.
Does it, now? Give us two pints over here, governor,
and no head on them.
Right, sir.
Now, about these troubles of yours.
I got into conversation with a cove down in the bar,
and he turns out to be Mr. Jingles valet.
Are you sure, Sam?
Come with me, sir. I'I point him out to you.
Like this?
Oh, sir. No one will see you.
- Music-
That's him, sir. Name of Trotter.
He Looks as great a rogue as his master.
Oh, no doubt of it at all, sir. But I'm getting him
very merry, sir. His tongue's a wagging at both ends
already, and I'LL soon have it a wagging in the middle
as
Well. Now, you just go up to your room, sir.
and wait.
- Music-
Gracious heaven! What's that?
It's only, only a gentleman, ma'am.
A strange man! Oh!
Madam! Madam!
What do you want?
Nothing whatever, madam.
Nothing?
Nothing, ma'am, upon my soul. I'm almost ready to
sink, ma'am, beneath the confusion of addressing a
Lady in my nightcap, but I cannot get it off, ma'am.
It is evident to me that I have mistaken this bedroom
for my own, madam.
If this improbable story be true, sir, you will Leave
instantly.
I will, madam, with the greatest of pleasure.
Instantly!
Certainly, ma'am. I'm only sorry to be the innocent
cause of this alarming emotion. Deeply sorry, ma'am.
Please Leave at once.
- Music-
Ah, there you are, sir. I was a' Looking for you.
Sam, where's my bedroom?
On the next floor, sir.
Sam, I've just made the most extraordinary mistake
that ever was heard of. Never again will I trust myself
alone in a strange house ever.
That's the very prudentest remark as you can
make, sir. But we've got other fish to fry. I've
landed Mr. Jingles valet, and he's waiting for us now.
- Music-
Now, Mr. Trotter, divulge your information to my
master, if you please.
Oh, sir, my master is a bad Lost soul, sir. He's got
another innocent female in his horrible clutches.
The fiend.
Yes, sir, a very fiend in human shape, sir. He's going
to run away with a rich young lady from a boarding
school.
And when is this villainous design to be
carried into execution?
Tonight, sir.
This very night, sir.
Then I must warn the principal of the
establishment immediately.
Beg pardon, sir, but that would never do, sir.
Why not?
My master's a very plausible gent with his
tongue, sir.
Oh, he is, sir.
He's so wound himself round the old Ladys heart
that she would believe nothing to his prejudice.
Them old cats will run their heads against milestone.
Unless I was to help you catch him red handed, sir,
in
the very act of eloping.
Are you to take part in this dreadful business?
Naturally, sir. I have to be in charge of the carriage
and pair out in the road. But if you was to conceal
yourself in the corner of the garden alone.
Why alone?
The old Lady would hardly Like such an unpleasant
discovery to be made before more persons than can
actually be helped, sir.
Quite right. I commend your consideration for her
feelings.
Well, sir, if you was there by half past 11:00
oclock, you would be just in the very moment of time
to
assist me in frustrating the designs of this bad man
by
whom I've been unfortunately ensnared.
But stay, could I not communicate with the young
person's family?
Oh, no, sir, or I'd have done it. They Live a hundred
miles from here.
That's a clincher.
How do I get into the garden?
It's a very low wall, sir. And if you go to the
back door and tap on it as soon as you hear the
clock
strike 11:30, my master and the young Lady will come
from
the inside, thinking it's me that's tapped. And what
more
proof could you have than that, sir?
Sam, give this honest fellow a guinea and fetch my
boots.
Right away, sir.
- Music-
- Music-
What is the meaning of this?
Ma'am, there's a strange man in the garden. He's
been
hiding there for an hour.
Two hours.
Yes, he has.
He's come to murder us all.
Murder us? Nonsense.
Now, ma'am, begging your pardon. It ain't
nonsense. I
seen him climb over the wall with me own eyes an
hour ago.
Girls! Girls! I insist on your Looking into the garden
immediately.
I don't want to. I'LL be murdered!
I insist on your Looking into the garden immediately.
Do you hear me, cook?
Do you hear your missus, cook?
What an impudent thing that cook is.
- Music-
Ladies, dear Ladies.
Oh, he says we're dear.
Oh, the wretch.
Hear me. I am no robber. I only want the Lady of the
house.
Oh, what a ferocious monster. He wants Ms.
Duncan.
Send the alarm, someone! Fetch a magistrate!
Only hear what I've got to say, I beseech you. I've
come to warn you that one of your young Ladies is
going to
elope tonight.
Elope?
Girls.
Elope? Who with?
With your friend, Captain James Fitz-Marshall from
the
Angel Inn.
My friend? Why, I never heard of any such person.
Mr. Jingle then.
Jingoes? Jingle? I never heard the name in my Life.
Never?
Never.
Great heavens! I've been deceived and deluded! I
am the victim of a base and foul conspiracy!
It's my opinion he's a madman, Miss Thompkins!
Call for the magistrate.
I assure you -
Don't move, not an inch, till Mr. Nupkins gets here.
- Music -
Good work, Trotter. Imagine your dispatches.
Now, sir, yours was the brain work.
He also serves who only stands and waits.
- Music-
Well, where's the villain, ay?
Calm yourselves, Ladies! Calm yourselves!
Miss Thompkins, Miss Thompkins, Mr. Nupkins is
here.
Well, Ladies, what's all this? Ah. Who are you, sir?
Explain yourself, sir. Don't Lie, sir. Youll regret it if
you do. What's the charge, ma'am?
He's a madman, Mr. Nupkins. He says one of my
girls is eloping with a Captain Fitz-Marshall from
the Angel Inn.
What? Captain Fitz-Marshall? Ridiculous.
What's that, sir?
Ridiculous, sir. I know Captain Fitz-Marshall. My
wife is acquainted with Captain Fitz-Marshall.
Then, sir, she's acquainted with an
Un principled adventurer, sir, who preys upon society
and
makes easily deceived people his dupes.
A truer word was never spoke.
Ah, my man servant. He will confirm every word of
it. Confirm every word, Sam.
That is so. My master, Mr. Pickwick here, is one of
them dupes what he just mentioned.
Yes, sir. Unhappily, I am.
Dear me. Don't I know you, sir?
You do, sir. We were introduced at Mrs. Hunter's
Literary breakfast.
Good gracious, so we were.
You see, madam.
And you tell me that Captain Fitz-Marshall is an
adventurer?
Don't call him Captain, nor Fitz-Marshall neither.
He's just a strolling actor, he is, name of Jingle.
It's very true, sir. My whole business in this town
is to expose the very person of whom we speak.
Sir, we must discuss this matter further elsewhere.
Ladies, I trust you will not press further charges
against
this gentleman now that I can vouch for him?
Not if you vouch for him, of course, Mr. Nupkins. It
was all a very natural mistake.
Thank you, madam.
Sir, I'd better see you to your place of residence. I
shall proceed with the matter of Captain - Mr. Jingle
tomorrow. Ladies, with your kind permission.
Your very obedient servant, Ladies, a thousand
abject apologies.
Pray, don't mention it.
- Music-
I still I think he's a madman, Miss Thompkins.
Silly creature. ALL real gentlemen are a Little odd.
Good day, sir.
Good day, sir Nupkins.
My dear sir, I have brought with me this morning
my wife and my ward with the express purpose of
having you
reveal to them the true nature of this Mr. Jingle.
You know women, sir, gullible creatures. They will
not be
convinced by me.
I shall take it as my duty, sir, both to convince
them and to bring this wretch to Well-deserved
justice.
I shall be most grateful, sir. Ah, my dear. Here is Mr.
Pickwick. You remember him, of course.
Your obedient servant, ladies.
Good morning, Mr. Pickwick.
My dear madam. My dear young Lady, I wish I were
the
harbinger of happier tidings I assure you this grieves
me
as much as it does all of us.
I always expected something of this kind, Mr.
Pickwick. I suspected Captain Fitz-Marshall from the
start,
but my advice was ignored, as it always is by Mr.
Nupkins.
But my dear.
I never did trust Captain Fitz-Marshall, Mr. Pickwick.
I knew he was trying to make fools of us.
You may thank your guardian for that, my dear.
How I begged and implored that man to inquire into
the
Captain's family connections.
My dear.
Don't talk to me, you aggravating thing! Don't!
You professed yourself very fond of Captain
Fitz-Marshall. You constantly invited him to the
house and
Lost no opportunity of introducing him elsewhere.
Didn't I say Arabella? Didn't I say he would lay
this at my door?
My Love, you're terribly unjust.
Isn't it too much? ALL to bring this disgrace upon our
heads, but now taunting me with being the cause of
it.
How are we ever going to hold our heads up in
society
again? How can we face the Parkinsons?
Let alone the Griggses.
Oh, what is that to your guardian?
Ladies, Ladies, I'm sure this can all be rectified.
Ah, Mr. Nupkins, Mrs. Nupkins, Miss Arabella. With
Mr. Pickwick.
Sir. I have only this to say to you, sir. I might have
taken a greater revenge for the indignities which I
have
suffered at your hands, but I will content myself with
exposing you, sir, which is a duty I feel I owe to
society.
Good fellow, Pickwick. A fine heart. A stout old boy.
But a Little odd, slightly eccentric.
I will add this, sir. I consider you to be a ruffian,
sir, and a rascal, sir, and worse than any man I have
ever seen or even heard of.
Sir, do you admit you're an
impostor?
Never admit anything, sir. Bad for Liver.
What's to prevent me as magistrate from detaining
you
and your accomplice as rogues and impostors?
What's to
prevent me?
Pride, old fellow. Pride. Turned down old Sidney
Porkenham for richer young Captain. Make it public?
Oh,
not for worlds.
Wretch! We scorn your base insinuations. You never
deceived me for a moment, sir.
Oh, of course not. A rave about me yesterday. Catch
of season. Biter bit. Look foolish. Very.
- Music-
Sir, you dare to insult Ladies! Then, sir, Let me
tell you this, sir. Your path Leads even Lower than I
had
thought. It Leads to the prison, sir and to the
poorhouse and possibly to the gallows.
Oh, tut tut, Pickwick. Must not be passionate. Break
blood vessel.
Sir, we've heard enough. Go!
No, sir. Not until my brother-in-Law to be, Mr.
Justice Stareleigh, has given his Legal opinion on
your
case, sir. Finest Legal brain in the country, sir. I shall
confront you with him, sir.
Pray do, sir.
Mr. Stareleigh, would you step inside, sir?
- Music-
Allow me. Mr. Pickwick, my sister-in-Law Miss
Wethersfield and her fianc Mr. Justice Stareleigh.
Oh!
My dear.
- Music-
What is the meaning of this, Mr. Nupkins?
What is the meaning of this, Mr. Pickwick?
Yes, what is the meaning of this, sir?
I decline to answer.
Ah, he declines it.
He declines it. Mis Wethersfield, do you know this
person?
Know him? I have seen him.
Where?
That I would not reveal for worlds.
I understand you, ma'am. And I respect your
delicacy.
It will never be revealed by me, you may depend
upon it.
Upon my word, ma'am, considering I am affianced
to
you, you carry this matter off with tolerable coolness,
tolerable coolness, ma'am.
Oh, cruel, Mr. Stareleigh.
Sir, kindly address your observations to me. I alone
am to blame, if anybody be.
Oh, you alone are you to blame, are you?
And this is the gentleman who has mallgned me.
Oh,
hypocritical. Very.
Is it Possible you have attempted to hoodwink me,
sir?
To what you, sir?
To hoodwink me, sir.
And to hoodwink me, sir?
And to hoodwink me, sir?
No, I am not, sir. How dare you.
Ah, I see through you, sir.
And I do, too, sir.
I saw through you from the start, sir.
But you shall answer for it, sir.
You shall indeed, sir.
Answer for what, sir?
Never mind, sir.
The rogue. Captain Fitz-Marshall, we have
wronged you.
Oh.
Gentlemen, a secret of some delicacy in which this
Lady is concerned is the cause of the difficulty
between us. But I assure you, sir, that it has no
relation
to yourself and is not in any way connected with your
affairs. I need hardy point out to you that should you
Continue to dispute It, you cast doubts on my veracity
which I can only find extremely insulting, sir.
Your gloves.
Oh!
Oh!
Name the hour and place, sir!
Name the weapon, sir!
Mr. Stareleigh, as magistrate of this borough, I
forbid you to duel with a person who already faces
charges of house breaking, perjury, damage to
property
and improper conduct in the presence of young
Ladies!
Oh!
Oh! Oh!
Like alive, Ladies! Ste to it, gents!
The head's afire!
Take the Ladies!
Get out of there!
You set the fire!
Yes, sir. What you might call a compounded plot.
Stop! I will not fly the field Like a cur. Honor must
be satisfied!
Your trouble is, sir, you're never satisfied. We're
off to London while we're still in one piece, sir.
What about our baggage, our belongings?
We ain't going back for them, sir.
Why not?
Mr. Jingle stole them before he Left.
- Music-
Oh, please go away, Mr. Winkle. Mr. Nupkins has
threatened to shoot you if he finds you talking to me.
Let him shoot me. Death, where is thy sting if you do
not reciprocate my undying devotion, Miss Arabella.
Oh, dear. Mr. Nupkins would never agree to it, Mr.
Winkle. Please go away before he shoots you. For
my sake.
For your sake, anything. If only you will answer the
one question which torments me.
I do reciprocate your affection, sir.
Ah.
Now, go. Please go.
Arabella, where are you?
Oh.
- Music-
Master Winkle, Look out!
Arabella.
Good morning, gentlemen, good morning.
Good morning, Sam.
Good morning, Sam.
Good morning.
Mr. Pickwick is waiting for you.
- Music-
Welcome back to London, Mr. Pickwick.
Yes, welcome.
Welcome.
Oh, gentlemen, I'm glad you're so punctual. I've only
just returned to London myself, and I have a great
deal to tell you about our friend Mr. Jingle.
Ha!
Any sign of Mrs. Bardell yet, Sam?
None, sir. A gentleman Left this downstairs, sir.
Extraordinary. Oh, perhaps she's out shopping.
What is this? A Legal document? Bardell against
Pickwick. Bardell against Pickwick? But I don't know
anyone called Bar -
Having been instructed by Mrs. Martha Bardell to
commence action against you for a breach of
promise of
marriage for which the plaintiff Lays her damage at
1,500 pounds.
We beg to inform you that a writ has been issued
against you in this suit in the court of common pleas
and
request to know by return of post the name of your
attorney in London.
We are, sir, your obedient servants, Dodson and
Fogg.
Dodson and Fogg?
Bardell against Pickwick?
It's a conspiracy. It's a base conspiracy on the part
of these rascally Lawyers Dodson and Fogg. Mrs.
Bardell
would never do it. She hasn't the heart. She hasn't
the
cause. Who ever heard me address her in any way
but
that in which a gentleman would address his
housekeeper?
Well -
Oh quite.
Of course.
Exactly. It's a vile attempt to extort money from
me?
What are you going to do?
Do? Do, sir? Fight it, of course. I'LL deal with this
Dodson and Fogg.
- Music-
I am to understand, then, gentlemen, that in spite of
my explanation, you are determined to proceed with
this action?
In view of the gravity of our clients accusation.
Mr. Fogg, I am going to speak.
I beg your pardon, Mr. Dodson.
You are correct in that understanding, sir, to which
I may add that both Mr. Fogg and myself advise you
to
settle out of court.
Never, sir.
In that case, I had better serve you with this
writ now, sir.
Very Well, gentlemen. You will hear from my solicitor.
We shall be happy to do so, sir.
Very happy.
And before I go, gentlemen, permit me to say
that all that the disgraceful and rascally proceedings
Stay, sir. Stay. Mr. Jackson, Mr. Wick.
Yes, sir?
I really want you to hear what this gentleman says.
Pray go on, sir. Disgraceful and rascally
proceedings, I think you said.
I did, sir. I repeat it.
Youll hear him repeat it, Mr. Wicks.
Yes, sir.
You hear that, Mr. Jackson?
Every word, sir.
Perhaps you'd Like to call us swindlers, sir. Pray
do so if you feel disposed. Now pray do, sir.
I do. You are swindlers.
Very good. You'd better call us thieves, sir. Perhaps
you'd Like to assault one of us.
Pray do so, if you would. We would make not the
slightest resistance.
You just come away, sir. Battledore and
shuttlecock's
a very good game, provided you ain't the shuttlecock
and
two Lawyers ain't the battledores.
- Music-
Very clever of Dodson and Fogg, the use of that
boy.
Brilliant effect on the jury. I trust you won't Let it make
you unduly nervous.
I have never been more confident, sir. The truth and
justice will prevail.
It would make a nice change.
Here comes Sergeant Buzfuz, the counsel for the
prosecution.
Silence!
Never in the whole course of my professional
experience
have I approached a case with feelings of such deep
emotion
and with such a heavy sense of responsibility
imposed
upon me. A sense of responsibility I would add,
which I could not support, gentlemen, were I not
buoyed
up and sustained by a conviction so strong that it
amounts to a positive certainty that the cause of
my much injured client must prevail with the high
minded
and intelligent gentlemen I now see in this box
before
me. The plaintiff, gentlemen, is a widow. Yes,
gentlemen, a
widow. Some time before her tragic Loss, her husband
stamped his Likeness upon a Little boy.
With this Little boy, the Lonely and desolate widow
shrunk from the world and retired to Lodgings in
GosWell Street. What were the thoughts that came to
this
Lonely and desolate widow? Mr. Bardell had been a
gentleman, a man of honor, a man of his word. Mr.
Bardell
was no deceiver. Mr. Bardell had once been a single
gentleman himself. Where then should she turn for
comfort,
for consolation? To whom should her Lodgings be Let
but to a single gentleman whose conduct and
propriety
would serve as a constant reminder of that paragon,
that saintly personification of the best impulses of our
imperfect nature, gentlemen, the late Mr. Bardell.
The
Lonely and desolate widow dried her tears, clasped
her
innocent boy to her maternal bosom, and put up the
sign in
the parlor window, apartments furnished for a single
gentleman. Did it remain there for Long? No,
gentlemen. A serpent was on the watch. The mine
was Laid.
Before the bill had been in the parlor window for
three
days, gentlemen, a being, erect upon two Legs and
bearing all the outward semblance of a man and not
a
monster knocked at the door of Mrs. Bardell's
Lodgings.
That man was Pickwick. Pickwick the defendant. And
If he be in court, gentlemen, as I am informed that he
is,
Let me tell the defendant Pickwick that it would have
been more decent of him, more becoming, in better
taste and
in better judgment if he had stayed away rather than
he
should have shamed the precincts of this court by
delighting in the exhibition of his own heart lessness
and
his own systematic villainy.
Here, here.
The facts and circumstances, gentlemen, you
shall now hear detailed.
- Music-
Now, sir, have the goodness to Let his Lordship
know and the jury know what your name is.
Arabella, Arabella.
I asked you a question, sir.
Oh, did you?
Yes, sir. Have the goodness to Let his Lordship
know and the jury know what your name is.
Winkle.
What is your Christian name, sir?
Nathaniel.
Daniel? Any other name?
Nathaniel, sir. My Lord, I mean.
Nathaniel Daniel or Daniel Nathaniel?
Neither, my Lord. Only Nathaniel, not Daniel.
Then what did you tell me it was Daniel for?
I didn't, my Lord.
You did, sir. How could I have got Daniel on my
notes
unless you told me so?
Mr. Winkle has a conveniently short memory, my
Lord. We shall find means to refresh it before we're
done
with him, I dare say.
You'd better be careful, sir.
Now, Mr. Winkle, and Let me recommend you for
your own
sake to bear in mind his Lordships injunction to be
careful. You're a particular friend of Pickwick the
defendant, are you not?
I - I've known Mr. Pickwick now as Well as I can
recollect at this moment -
Please, sir, do not evade the question. Are you or
are
you not a friend of Pickwick the defendant? I will
repeat
the question a dozen times if you require it, sir.
I was just about to tell you.
Really? My Lord, it is impossible to get any
evidence through the impenetrable stupidity of
this witness.
If you don't answer the question, youll be
committed, sir.
Come, come, come, sir. Yes or no, sir? If you
please.
Yes, I am.
Yes, you are. Then why couldnt you have said so at
once? Now, Mr. Winkle, do you remember calling on
the
defendant Pickwick at the plaintiffs Lodgings in
GosWell Street on one particular morning in July
Last?
Yes, I do.
Were you accompanied on that occasion by a friend
in
the name of Tupman, and another in the name of
Snodgrass?
Yes, I was.
Are they here?
Yes, they are.
Pray, sir, attend to me and never mind about your
friends. They must tell their own stories without any
consultation with you, if none has yet taken place.
Now, Mr. Winkle, pray tell the jury what you saw on
entering the defendant's Lodgings.
Uh -
Come, come, sir. Out with it! We must have it sooner
or
Later, you know.
Mr. Pickwick was holding the plaintiff in his arms,
clasping her waist, and the plaintiff appeared to have
fainted away.
Thank you, Mr. Winkle. That is all.
I have only one more question to ask you. Will you
undertake to swear that the defendant Pickwick did
not
say on that occasion, my dear Mrs. Bardell, you are
a good
soul, compose yourself to this situation, for to this
situation you must come, or words to that effect?
I didn't understand him, so, but I was on the
staircase and couldnt hear distinctly. The impression
on
my mind is -
The gentlemen of the jury want nothing of the
impressions on your mind, which I fear would have
Little effect upon honest, straightforward men. You
were
on the staircase, and you did not distinctly hear, yet
you
will not swear that Mr. Pickwick did not make use of
the expressions I have quoted?
No, I will not.
He means my Lord, that he dare not.
No questions, my Lord.
Silence!
- Music-
Are you agreed to bring your verdict, gentlemen?
We are, my Lord.
Do you find for the plaintiff, gentlemen, or for
the defendant?
For the plaintiff, my Lord.
What damages, gentlemen?
750 pounds, my Lord.
I congratulate you gentlemen upon your verdict,
despite its tendency to Leniency. Personally, I would
have trebled the damages, not halved them.
Thank you, sir.
Arabella.
Well, gentlemen.
Well, sir.
You imagine youll get your costs, don't
you, gentlemen?
I think it is rather probable, sir.
We shall try to.
You may try until you're blue in the face, Messrs.
Dodson and Fogg.
Dear Mr. Pickwick.
Not one farthing of costs or damages will you ever
get
from me.
The alternative is hardy a peasant one, sir.
The debtors' prison, Mr. Pickwick.
If the alternative were to spend the rest of my Life
in a debtors' prison, I would yield myself up with
perfect
cheerfulness and content of heart.
Youll soon think better of that, sir.
Yes, well soon see about that, Mr. Pickwick.
- Music-
Listen to me wrath and fire is upon us! The hour of
repentance is near. Repent! Repent! Repent! We are
all
fallen by the wayside.
Will you not still reconsider at the Last
moment, Mr. Pickwick? ALL you have to do is pay the
damages
and costs.
Sir, never. Good-bye, gentlemen. Do not distress
yourselves unduly. As you see, my own spirits were
never higher. Good-bye. Sir, at your pleasure.
- Music-
Prisoner Pickwick, sir.
Come with me.
- Music-
I'm dying of thirst.
I had no idea it would be Like this.
I told you before if I warn you again I'd put you
in irons.
Give us a chew of tobacco, sir. Just a loan.
I'LL pay you back.
He can't pay. He's just come in.
Give us some food.
Go away!
What's the matter?
How pitiful. How pitiful. I never dreamed that
anyplace
could be so destitute.
Why bless you, sir, they're Living in Luxury
on this side. You should see them on the poor side.
Poor, poor, hungry.
Well, sir, this is your chummery.
Chummery?
Yes, sir. You chum here with 25 other gentlemen. It's
not exactly a home from home.
I was hardly expecting one.
Of course, with a Little diplomatic representation in
the right quarter, I wouldn't be surprised but what a
different complexion could be put on things. But you
wouldn't want to bribe anybody, would you?
Oh, no. No.
Quite right.
- Music-
Not one farthing of damages do you get from me,
he says, even if I spend the rest of my existence in a
debtors' prison.
Very vigorous words, Sammy. Does the old gent
credit, my son.
Except that he meant them.
Ay?
Every word. He's in the Fleet prison this very
minute. Gone there of his own accord, he has.
Gone there of his own accord? Why, what good'll
that do? Theyll eat him alive in the Fleet.
Matter of principle, says he. Right, sir. In we goes
then says I. No, Sam, say she. The Fleet prison is no
place to bring a young man into. I shall continue to
pay
your wages, he says, and if ever I do Leave this
place,
Sam, he says, I pledge you my word that you shall
return to
me instantly. So I come straight away to find me old
father, what I know he's probably at this here very
bar
bar in this here particular low haunt at this here
particular time of day.
Here I was. And what can I do, Sammy?
You can favor me with a loan of 25 pound.
What good would that do?
Nothing. Unless you was to ask for it back five
minutes afterwards, and I was to say I won't pay and
cut up
rough.
What, to your own father? Shame on you, Sammy.
Well, you wouldn't think of arresting your own son
for
the money or packing him off to the Fleet prison for a
debt now, would you? You unnatural old vagabond,
you?
I always said youll end up in prison,
Sammy, my son.
- Music-
Sam!
Well, if it ain't someone so very Like me as me own
father wouldn't be able to tell us apart.
What are you doing here?
Just visiting, in a manner of speaking.
Visiting? But they only allow my Lawyer to visit me.
Ah, but it's different in my case, sir. I'm a prisoner.
I was arrested this here very afternoon, I was, for
debt.
Arrested for debt?
Yes, sir. And the man that's put me in here said
that youll get out before I do. So I better be off to
finding me self a bed somewhere before I do
anything else.
Bless my heart and soul. How much was the sum?
25 pound.
I'LL pay it.
Ah, begging your pardon, sir, youll be doing nothing
of the kind. And tomorrow morning I'LL be after finding
you a room to yourself.
A room to myself? Is that Possible?
Well, this is the debtors' prison, isn't it?
Anything's Possible if you slip the warders a pound or
two.
Here you are, sir. Youll be Living in the lap of
Luxury here. The best cell in the place, sir.
I thank you, sir. I wish I'd known you were the paying
kind when you first came, and we wouldn't have had
that
Little misunderstanding.
Any Little thing you want, just Let me know.
Don't worry. We will.
Thank you.
Come on, come on. Don't stand here a'gaping.
You've
got work to do.
- Music-
What we need now, sir, is a Little canary bird
a'singing away in the window, a kettle doing Likewise
on
the hearth, and who's to say we ain't in Kensington
palace
itself? It's wonderful what money'll do for you in one
of
these here debtors' prisons, sir.
Wonderful.
Oh, come, give us a Little smile, sir. Go on, it
won't crack your face. That's it.
Is Mrs. Bardell at home?
Who shall I say is asking?
Mr. Jackson of Dodson and Fogg.
Oh! Mrs. Bardell, Mr. Jackson of Dodson and Fogg.
Is anything the matter, Mr. Jackson? Has anything
happened?
Nothing whatever ma'am. How do you do, Ladies?
No bad
news, but our people want you down in the city
directly,
Mrs. Bardell.
Down in the city?
As late as this?
On very important and pressing business, what can't
be postponed on any account. Indeed, Dodson
expressly said
so to me, and so did Mr. Fogg. I've kept the coach on
purpose for you to go back in.
How very strange. I'I just go get my bonnet and
shawl.
- Music-
Prisoner Bardell. Tak her in.
Yes, sir.
He made a terrible mistake. I didn't
sign anything that said I had to pay costs. Oh,
please,
sir, send for Mr. Dodson and Mr. Fogg. Theyll
explain
this is all a mistake.
Well, Well, Well.
Oh.
Well, if it ain't Mrs. Bardell herself. District was in
the poor?
Don't bother the woman. She's just come in.
Not as a prisoner? Who sent her?
Dodson and Fogg.
Not Dodson and Fogg?
Well, I never meant to sue Mr. Pickwick. They put
me
up to it. Truly they did. And after the trial they made
me
sign a paper as a matter of form for the amount of
costs.
And when Mr. Pickwick didn't pay, they had me
arrested.
And now I'm prisoner. I'LL be here all my Life. I'LL never
get out alive. Nobody ever does.
Oh, come on.
I wouldn't be too sure about that.
Ah, Mr. Pickwick, good morning.
Mr. Perker, why bless my soul. What has brought
you
here?
The news, my dear sir, that Mrs. Bardell the
plaintiff is within these walls.
I knew it.
Well, my dear sir, the first question I have to put
to you is whether the woman is to remain here.
How could you ask me? It rests with Dodson and
Fogg.
You know that very Well.
I know nothing of the kind. It rests solely and
entirely with you, sir.
With me? With me?
I say that her speedy Liberation from perpetual
imprisonment rests with you and you alone. Hear me
out,
my dear sir, and do not be so very energetic. I say
that
only you can rescue her from this den of wretches by
paying the cost of this suit, both of defendant and
plaintiff.
I? Pay her costs?
Or Leave her to expire in a scene of misery and
debauchery to which no man should be consigned if
I had
my will. But the infliction of which on any woman is
even
more frightful and barbarous.
You are quite right. I was putting my stubborn
battle with two sharks before my Christian duty to a
misguided creature. Take whatever steps are Legally
necessary, Mr. Perker.
Splendid. I shall. I shall.
We will take it as agreed then, Mrs. Bardell, that you
are prepared to furnish Mr. Pickwick with a Letter in
which you withdraw all claims to breach of promise,
in
return for which Mr. Pickwick will pay all Legal costs
of
your case and you will be released from this prison.
Correct?
Oh, yes, sir. Oh, Mr. Pickwick, how I wronged you.
I've been a wicked woman.
No, no, no, Mrs. Bardell. Just a Little too easily
persuaded, shall we say. I pray you to think no more
of
it. We've all been victims of Dodson and Fogg, but
right as
I knew it would has prevailed. Right as it always
must has prevailed.
Exactly. Well now, Mrs. Bardell, if you will step
outside, I will draw up the necessary documents and
join
you very shortly.
Yes, sir. Bless you, Mr. Pickwick.
Pity the poor debtor. Pity the poor debtor.
- Music-
Pity the poor debtors. Pity the poor debtors.
Mr. Jingle.
Mr. Pickwick. Queer peace. Strange thing. Serves
me right, very.
Have you no boots?
Gone, sir. Man must eat. Lived on them for a whole
fortnight. Silk umbrella, ivory handle a week.
Pawnbroker's shop. Small sums. All rascals.
My poor Mr. Jingle.
No, no, no, sir. Deserve it. Nothing Left now. Lie in
bed. Starve. Die. Inquest. Hush it up. Natural
causes?
Worker's funeral. Deserve it all. ALL over. Drop the
curtain.
Nothing of the sort. I won't hear of it. Here. Take
this. Buy yourself some warm clothes at once and a
good,
hot meal. Now, now. Tut tut tut. Come, come, my
dear
fellow.
Ungrateful dog. Good fellow. Boyish to cry.
Can't help it. Bad fever. Deserved it all. Suffered
much. Very.
- Music-
The sun's smarting my eyes.
That's clever of it, seeing it ain't even out.
- Music-
Where to? Where to?
Why home, of course.
No, to the offices of Dodson and Fogg.
Oh now, my dear sir, Let sleeping dogs Lie.
To Messrs. Dodson and Fogg.
Very good, sir.
- Music-
Just a moment, sir.
- Music-
Ah, gentlemen.
Mr. Pickwick.
Good gracious. Out of prison.
Yes, sir.
What does this mean?
The meaning is very clear sir. Very clear, sir.
Mr. Pickwick, pray Let me explain.
No, sir. Let me explain.
Take care, sir. Let him assault you, Mr. Fogg.
What?
But don't return it on any account.
Oh, no, no, no, I won't return it.
You need not disturb yourselves, gentlemen. I only
came here to tell you that you are a Well matched
pair
of mean, rascally, pettifogging robbers. Yes,
sir. A pair of mean, rascally, pettifogging
robbers. Good morning.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Good morning.
And a happy new year.
Now I feel my old self again. And now to work.
Sam, is Mr. Jingle here yet?
Mr. Jingle is outside, sir.
Good, good. Ask him in.
Mr. Jingle, this way, sir, if you please.
Ah, Mr. Jingle. Come in. You know my Lawyer, Mr.
Perker, I think.
Lawyers. Too late. Remorseful, very, but no
means of reparation.
There is no question of reparation, sir. At Mr.
Pickwick's instigation, I have obtained for you a
passage from Liverpool to Demerara in the West
Indies.
West Indies?
Yes, sir. You have often spoken nostalgically of
wishing to retire there, and I feel it would constitute a
new lease of Life, as it were.
At a Loss, sir. Don't understand.
Mr. Pickwick feels that you have been punished
sufficiently, Mr. Jingle.
We wish you to know that we bear you no grudge,
Mr.
Jingle, and we should Like you to accept this as a
memento of the Pickwick club.
What is it?
My blue coat. The blue coat.
Would Like to express sentiment suitable to
occasion. First time in my Life no words. No words,
sir.
No words.
Tut tut, sir. None needed.
- Music-
And now Mr. Pickwick, we have a problem that we
have
only withheld from you until this moment by dent of
extreme restraint, ay, Snodgrass?
Oh, extreme restraint.
Dear me, not a very serious problem, I hope?
Explain the circumstances, Winkle.
Well, I - Mr. Pickwick, sir.
Yes? Yes?
I've had the fortune to Lose my heart to a certain
young Lady, sir.
Why congratulations.
Alas, sir, they're premature.
Why?
She is the ward of Mr. Nupkins.
Mr. Nupkins? Mr. Nupkins. Does the young Lady
return
your regard?
Oh, yes, sir, she does.
But Mr. Nupkins doesn't.
He tried to shoot him.
Shoot him? This must be put to rights.
Take a Leaf out of Mr. Jingles book, sir. Do what
he did with Miss Rachael. Elope.
Arabella, Arabella, Arabella.
Ah! I knew it. Blackguard! Bring her back,
or I'LL shoot you Like a dog.
Don't shoot!
Speech! Speech! Speech, Mr. Pickwick.
My very, very dear friends, I confess I have
tried, I have wracked my brains, but I cannot
conceive
of a happier occasion than that which now delights
my
eyes?
My three fellow members of the Pickwick club, after
many adventures in the cause of enlightenment,
adventures
which I think I may say were victorious, are now
embarked
upon an adventure which I am sure will prove to be
even
more felicitous and rewarding than any that they
have
embarked on here before.
Thank you, sir.
We've already drunk to the heath of the brides
and bridegrooms, so I will give you this Little toast
instead. To those feelings that repose however
remotely
n the human breast, awaiting only encouragement to
awaken,
good will, good hope, good nature.
- Music -
Closed Captioned by: New Day Media,
And "fixed" by AW:)