1
- There's a time when the
operation of the machine
becomes so odious,
makes you so sick at heart
that you can't take part.
You can't even
passively take part,
and you've got to put
your bodies upon the gears
and upon the wheels,
upon the levers,
upon all the apparatus,
and you've got to make it stop!
- First, let me start by
saying Mario Savio's
"Operation of the Machine"
is one of my favorite
speeches of all time.
Mario wasn't a politician
or some famous Hollywood star.
He was just a student
who was for civil rights.
He stood on a car at Berkley
and screamed whatever
came into his head.
He didn't care that he had
a stuttering problem
or that he might get thrown
out of school, which he did.
He just wanted
his voice to be heard
and be unencumbered
by the machine.
As an investigative
writer that has yet
to be officially published,
I can relate to Mario's desire.
[scanning radio stations]
That's me behind the wheel,
Jay Bahadur, proud college
graduate of the class of 2007,
arguably the worst year
since the Great Depression
to graduate school,
but timing was
never my strength.
In fact, good timing seems to be
at odds with my very existence,
but like many
unpleasantries in life,
you just learn to deal with it.
- Afternoon, shoppers--
- Yo.
Hey, man. Is Mark Reiss here?
- Reissy? Oh, he left.
- Shit, really?
- Yeah.
- Damn it,
he was supposed to be here.
- It's kind of lousy out,
if you didn't notice.
He left early. Are you
interviewing for stock boy or--
- Me? No.
My name is Jay Bahadur.
I'm doing market research
on premium napkins.
Mind if I ask you
a few questions?
- Your name isn't even on here.
- I assure you, I am legit.
- You drove all the way
from Toronto
to ask questions about napkins?
- Premium napkins.
- Thought my job sucked.
- Could you show your
paper product aisle?
- But I'm just kind of busy.
- Is there a reason why the six
--reason why the six pack
This thing does
not like me.
[tape rewinding]
Is there a reason why
the six pack paisley napkins
are here and not here?
It's not a trick question.
- I--I think because it was just
easier putting them on the floor
than on the top shelf.
- And would making our packaging
more festive make you consider
moving the premium napkins
to the top shelf?
You're probably thinking
that a person
with my intellectual capacity
would loathe waiting for
that gentleman's answer
to my question.
But actually,
I feel quite the contrary.
- I would just leave them
on the bottom shelf, man.
It's less work.
- Less work.
Understanding what drives a mind
to react the way
it does to things
never ceases to amaze me.
My careful documentation of this
one man's opinion could,
in its own way,
reshape the patterns of napkins
on every home on this street,
including that one,
my ex-high school girlfriend,
Tracy Zicconi's house.
The darkened second-floor
window just a reminder
that she now resides
1,825 miles away at Stanford.
And I know it's
1,825 miles away
because I have an obsession
with Google Maps,
not with my ex-high
school girlfriend.
[horn blaring]
I was raised as a non-practicing
Hindu-Christian
half-Indian living
at this address.
This is the home of Kailash
and Maria Bahadur.
My well-laid-out graduation plan
was only to visit my former
residence on festive holidays
such as Canadian
Thanksgiving and Christmas,
perhaps offering my skills at
turkey basting or tree trimming,
but this was 2008.
Plans evaporated.
Upon my graduation from the
esteemed University of Toronto,
my parents had decided
to give me my own mailbox.
They saw it as a way in which
to somehow legitimize
my residence in their basement.
The funny thing was
that the mailman
refused to deliver
my mail there,
so Mom would sort the mail
and deliver it herself
after each delivery.
"Dear Mr. Bahadur,
the editorial staff
"at 'Vanity Fair' has reviewed
your story submission,
"and we unfortunately do not
feel
"it's something we would like
our magazine
"to pursue at this time.
We wish you the best of luck
at other publications--"
Blah fucking blah.
Why do all rejection letters
have the word "unfortunately"
in the first sentence?
Surely there is a more original
adverb to toss in there.
I vow that I will never
write for a publication
that uses the word
"unfortunately"
in their first sentence.
I am better than that.
Come on.
Jared? Jared?
Jared.
Is that my Red Bull?
- No.
- Look at me.
- Mom says you got to shovel
the snow in the driveway
so Dad can get in.
- Me?
- Mm-hmm.
- You're not doing anything.
- Doing homework.
- Uh, where's mom?
- The elusive pink
fairy armadillo
has been known to--
- Mom? Mom?
- Yeah?
- Why do I have to
shovel the driveway?
- Your father and I
discussed this with you, Jay,
about ways for you
to contribute rent, remember?
And I'm so sorry about
your rejection letter.
Ahh!
- Yo!
- Ahh!
Are you, like, earning some
extra allowance or something?
- I'm starting to wonder why
I didn't commit teen suicide
when I could.
- Amen.
Yo, bro, you want to, like,
hit Parrots with us?
- Can't. I got to submit
my research numbers.
They got to be
in Chicago by tomorrow.
- Then fake it.
- I can't, man.
They figure out all sorts
of stuff based off my results.
- Like what?
- Like what holiday paisleys
are popular and stuff.
- Okay, bro, you lost me.
- Journalistic integrity,
it's gonna be worth
something on the resume
when I apply to Harvard's
journalism school.
- [laughs] Right, right.
- Hey, I got an idea for a story
I'm gonna submit.
It came to me when I was
listening to CBC Radio today.
- What's--what's the angle?
- The end of the comedic
dictator.
Kim Jong is on his death bed,
and once he goes,
where's the dictator
comedy gonna come from?
- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
He's funny and very alive.
- He's not funny.
- He's a little funny.
- He's a little funny, but no
one can pronounce his name.
- Your story is flawed, bro.
- You guys want to hear
something fucked up?
Tracy's getting engaged.
- Where did you hear that shit?
- Mm, Kate.
She said she saw
it posted on Facebook.
She's gonna marry her
Lit professor.
- No way. Tracy is repulsed
by older men.
- You were older.
- Two years is not older, man!
- It's a little bit older.
- Fuck you, Crowe.
- Hey, are you sure you don't
want to hit Parrots with us?
- No, dude, I got to--
- Do some shit nobody
gives a fuck about?
- Exactly.
- All right, well,
that is your loss,
but if you change your mind,
please hit us up.
- You got it. Later, dudes.
- See you, buddy.
- See you.
- Fucking moron.
- What?
- Ahh! Ahh!
- Name's Bahadur, here
to see Dr. Fleshman
about my back.
- Have you ever been here
before?
- No.
- All right, you'll just need
to fill out these forms.
- Right.
- You okay?
- Yeah, I just hurt my back,
figured I'd get a jump
on being a senior citizen.
[grunts]
- So, you busting on grey hairs?
To make a move on Kaitlyn, eh?
- Excuse me?
- That's all right,
I understand.
I'd take down all of humanity
just to bang her.
- Seymour.
- Ooh. I was just talking.
I'm trying to keep it
a level playing field.
- Yeah, leave him alone.
- You know what I'm saying.
Sorry. What happened
to your back?
- Sh-shoveling.
- Shoveling?
- Yeah.
- I got, uh, shrapnel moving
around the vertebrae.
It's a bitch.
- Well, sounds like I got the
better end of the deal in here.
- Oh, bullshit.
Shoveling? I hate shoveling.
Pointless waste of time, no?
Name's Seymour Tolbin.
- Ah.
- Oh, oh, sorry.
- Wait, Seymour Tolbin?
- Yeah.
- The--who writes for
"The Daily Mail?"
- Wrote.
I'm retired, sort of.
But that's right. That's me.
- Holy fuck.
You are one of my favorite
journalists of all time.
- Come on. You Facebook people
have favorite journalists?
- You were one of the
first reporters who had the guts
to report the Battle of
Ong Thanh as a loss.
- That's--
so you're a journalist?
- No. Well, I mean, yeah,
I want to be,
but I can't--I just--you know,
I haven't taken a--
I never took a class,
but I'm seriously--I'm thinking
about going back
to get a degree.
Harvard is the--is the goal.
- Oh, how can you say
something stupid like that?
- What--
- Why do you think journalism
is a pile of "People" magazine,
"She got cellulite on her
Dumpster" crap right now?
Journalism isn't taught.
It's innate.
You know what I'm saying?
You think the shrapnel
in my back landed there
because I was using my head?
No way.
- So what are you saying?
- I'm saying fuck Harvard,
is what I'm saying.
Fuck Harvard.
You want to make it as some big
swinging dick journalist?
You got to go somewhere
fucking crazy.
- Somewhere where Western
reporters would consider
it too dangerous to go,
like, write as a stringer
from there, get a book going.
It's the only way out.
- Yeah, that makes sense, man.
That makes sense.
Where you thinking of going?
- Somalia.
Hmm?
- Like, I--I bought a--
an umbrella from a Somali once.
- What does that mean?
- That means where's
the fucking conflict,
besides the fact that they
machete reporters to death?
- In Somalia the seeds
of democracy
are growing amidst anarchy.
I did a paper on it
my freshman year.
- So?
- So it's a misunderstood
place.
- Bro, democracy is not topical,
all right?
No--nobody wants
to understand Somalia.
- Did you know in Somaliland
they held an election
where the minority clan won the
presidential office by 80 votes,
and there was no violence?
The transition of power
was peaceful.
- It was peaceful because nobody
bothered reporting on it.
You need to listen to me.
You want conflict?
You want to tell the story
from both sides?
Go to Sudan.
There's your ticket,
not Somalia.
- I don't know, man. I got
a good grade on that paper.
Somalia and me are copacetic.
Is a Mr. Trey Williamson here?
- Just left.
- Shit, really?
My name is, uh, Jay Bahadur.
I'm here to conduct
a marketing research--
- Who's the guy eating Doritos
on my aisle?
- That's my associate,
Mr. Felcher.
- I have to clean that shit up.
- I'm so sorry, man.
- Would you please--
- Continue maestro.
- Refrain from eating
in this poor man's aisle?
And just start to pick that up.
- I got it.
- Thank you.
- I got it.
- And where is your, uh,
napkin aisle?
- Aisle seven.
- Seven.
- Hey, uh, Jay?
I think you should
check this shit out.
- I thought we agreed
you would be silent, bro.
- No, bro, I really think
you should check this out.
- [sighs]
Would you excuse me
for a moment? Thank you.
What the fuck, man?
- The rebels,
who Kenyan officials
liken to seagoing pirates
have taken captive the MV Faina,
a Ukrainian vessel,
off the Somali coast,
and they're demanding
an untold ransom.
Our correspondent, Mitch Kelp,
has more on the story
from outside the U.S.
embassy in Nairobi.
Mitch, what more
can you tell us?
- Well, Chrissy,
not a whole lot.
We are going off
an official press release
from the Kenyan government.
We don't have
a single source in Somalia,
and I'm sure as shit not gonna
get my ass shot over there
trying to find out
what would possess these, um--
possess these crackheads
to take an unarmed tanker.
- Hmm. Well, Mitch, word here is
our corporate insurance policy
wouldn't cover you
in that hellhole,
and they'd hate to have
a lawsuit from your family
on their hands when they mail
you back in pieces.
- [sighs] Thank corporate for
being so considerate, Chrissy.
Back to you.
- So until we can find
one crazy motherfucker
to head over to Somalia
and find out what's going on,
we'll continue to take
uneducated guesses
as to who these pirates are.
[phone vibrating]
Bahadur, answer the phone!
- And you've got to put
your bodies upon the gears
and upon the wheels--
- Hello?
- Hello?
Is this Mr. Jay Bahadur?
- Yeah.
- This is Mohamad Farole
from Radio Garowe
over in Somalia.
I got your email.
So you are wanting to come
to Somalia for a book.
You are writing on the pirates,
and you're looking for people
to talk to here, right?
- Yes, exactly.
- I must say that is more than
any other reporter
has been willing to do.
You are the first Westerner
to actually ask to come see
what's going on here.
- That's unfortunate.
- Yes, yes, it's true.
I'll have a conversation
with my father,
accommodate your request.
- Okay, okay.
And, uh, how--uh,
you think your father
will be able
to make this happen?
- I would hope so.
He is our president.
[knock at door]
- Assalamu alaikum.
- Uhh.
- That's Somali for hello.
I suggest you learn it, Bahadur.
I'm out of cigars.
Want to walk with me?
- Okay.
Yeah,
this guy Farole called.
I just sent out some feelers
to a few Somali news
services, and boom.
- The president's son
calls you back.
- Yes! I never
get a break
like that, never.
- Well, uh, you create
your own reality, chief.
- Well, if that was true,
we would all live
in a solipsistic universe
wherein we could do
whatever we wanted
without any further
consequences.
- What the fuck
are you talking about?
- Michael Topper, author of
"Channeling UFOs"
and "The Positive/Negative
Realms Beyond This World?"
- You read too much.
Fuck more girls, instead.
Speaking of which, I read
that writing sample you gave me.
- Bad?
- Why the fuck would you
write a piece
on how to get away
without paying parking tickets?
- I thought people would laugh.
- Laugh?
Parking tickets pay
for the roads.
The roads get you
out of this shit hole.
- So you hated it?
- No, actually.
I liked it.
It's not the second
coming of Hunter S. Thompson,
but you write
with a good conscience.
- You think?
- Yeah.
Don't let it go to your head.
Bravo.
So Avril Benoit,
you know who she is?
- Yeah, uh, she's on CBC Radio.
She did a great report
on Kenya a few weeks ago.
- Exactly.
She's a friend of mine, uh,
and I want to put you
in contact with her.
- Okay.
- She's a good one
for feeding pages to.
So you got--you got
a book outline?
- No.
- Wrong.
You're formulating one, okay?
- I haven't. I mean, this is
all happening so fast.
I just--I Googled
"Somalia press,"
found Farole's name,
and sent out a blind email.
I had no idea this was
gonna blow up, none.
- Bahadur, you got
a book outline?
- No! That's what I'm trying
to tell you--
- Stop! Try again.
You got a book outline?
- I'm formulating it.
- I knew you'd get it
on the third try.
Come on, let's go.
So how much do you know
about Somalia?
- Uh, well, I did a term paper
on it my freshman year
at university, so.
- That's good.
Don't tell me the grade.
It's a start.
Immerse yourself in it.
You dig cigars?
- I never understood cigars.
- That's clever,
don't you think, Jo?
Okay. Save this.
By the time this thing
is over, you will.
Jo, thank you.
What else don't you understand?
I need to know that.
- The Jays are going to lose
Burnett to the Yanks.
They offered him 82.5 million
over five years.
Can you believe that?
- I have an announcement.
- What kind of announcement?
- Yes, what kind?
- Uh, I'm gonna go to Somalia
and write a book on the pirates,
try to get
some stories published.
- [gasps] Somalia?
- I know what you're thinking.
I know you're thinking
it's batshit crazy, but I think
this is the only way
for me to become a journalist.
- AIDS.
- AIDS?
- Isn't that a problem there?
- I believe so,
but I'm going to write
about the pirates,
Dad, not sleep with them.
- [laughs]
[phone buzzing]
Excuse me,
it's my Somali contact.
Assalamu alaikum.
Shifted?
- He needs to do more yoga.
His shoulders are bad.
- Assalam--ciao.
- You okay, sweetheart?
- Yeah, I'm okay.
I was wrong though.
- Wrong?
- Yeah, apparently
there's an additional
$500 security deposit
I didn't account for.
- 500?
- Security deposit?
- Yeah, just for, you know--
you know, for, like, uh,
vehicles and such, insurance
policies, things like that.
Can I borrow $500?
- Welcome about flight 823 now
departing for Frankfurt.
At this time
we'd like you to put away
all your electronic devices--
- Excuse me, sir.
All cell phones must be off.
- It's just final words
to my ex-girlfriend
before I had to Somalia.
I'm, uh, basically looking for
a little sympathy, maybe a wow.
Personally, between me and you,
I'd settle for an LOL.
- Off, please.
- Right, right, sorry.
I want to take
a moment now to say
that not all the characters
in this film
are exactly like
they are in real life,
except for that stewardess.
I felt she needed to be
depicted completely accurately
in her total lack
of empathy for my pain.
Thankfully I only had to spend
the next eight hours
of my journey with her,
and then I'd get
a new stewardess,
and then another stewardess,
and then another.
In fact,
I might have set
a connecting
flight record to Somalia,
but see, this was all part
of my master plan,
a fixed budget that would
allow me to write my book,
and unlike several
of my predecessors
who ventured to
where that flag is,
I'd say alive, as kidnapping
and killing journalists
had become an
unfortunate trend here.
[stewardess speaking Somali]
[men shouting in distance]
Dude.
[tense Arabic music]
[screaming]
Fuck! Stop!
Stop the fucking--Seymour?
Tracy?
I thought you were
repulsed by older men!
- [laughing]
- [screams]
- Please calm down!
- Make out with me!
Make out with me now!
Ahh!
Believe it or not,
that is what I consider
a mild Tracy nightmare.
Sorry, sorry, man.
In order to
clear my mind of its negativity,
I'll take a moment now to focus
on the less fortunate
than myself,
the people of Somalia.
Hard to believe this land was
once known as a nation of poets.
Throughout their history,
the Somali poet was counted on
to defend a clan's honor.
They used poems of persuasion
in lieu of weapons
to settle disputes,
but in the 20th century
times changed.
Both the English
and the Italians
attempted to colonize them.
They introduced guns
into battle,
and although Somalia
valiantly refused to succumb,
the scars of war never relented.
Somalia's recent civil war
had caused over a million people
to flee to neighboring
countries as refuges.
Those who stayed faced droughts,
floods, famine,
feuding clan battles, and jihad.
Their newly-elected President
Farole had his hands full,
especially when you threw
in the pirates.
I arrived at my destination
city of Galkayo,
and into the fire I plunged,
or as my Somali translation
book said, "Dabka."
Holy fuck.
- Mr. Bahadur? Mr. Bahadur.
- Hi.
- Hi, welcome to Galkayo.
- Oh, thank you.
- Yes. I am Abdirizak.
You call me Abdi.
I am your translator.
- Cool. Good to meet you.
- Good to meet you, yes.
How was your flight?
- It was good.
- That's good. Oh, please don't
do the--with your finger here.
- This?
- Yes. Oh, please--
- Oh, no, I'm sorry.
I didn't know.
I'm--I'm so sorry. I--
- It's offensive.
- I'll keep the thumbs in
check. Thank you.
- Yes, yes.
- Yeah.
Your English is great.
- It's not perfect.
I try to learn from you
during your stay, Mr. Bahadur.
- Oh, please call me Jay.
- Jay?
- Yeah, Jay.
- Jay, you have one bag?
- Yeah, one bag.
- Oh, you're like Obama,
a man that knows what he wants.
- You know Obama?
- Of course. He will be great
leader for your people.
- Oh, I'm Canadian.
He's--he's not my leader.
- Of course he is.
Your people just don't know it.
Come.
[upbeat music]
[speaking Somali]
So I hear you are
an author and journalist.
- Yes.
- Good, good.
There is so much to write
about in this country.
What is your subject?
- In a perfect world
I'd be writing
about your newfound democracy,
but, um, given the fact
that the West has broken off
all relations with you, um,
I'm here to write
about your pirates.
- You mean badaadinta badah?
- Bada-binda-bada? What is that?
- It means saviors of the sea.
They are like Coast Guard.
You can never call them pirates.
- Okay. That's good to know.
- They have very strong opinion
on this, never pirates.
- Are they easy to find?
- Yes, of course.
They are people
with crazy money.
- So they walk freely?
- Yes, but our new
President Farole
has promised to change this.
He is a very tough man
who will bring much change.
- [speaking Somali]
- Ah!
[all speaking in Somali]
- Is everything okay?
- Yes, yes.
- It's okay?
- [speaking Somali]
- Yes, yes.
Sometimes I feel like father
with little children.
They need khat.
- Khat.
- Yes. We must stop up here.
- [speaking Somali]
- In Somalia one hour
and already shooting
my first drug deal,
my kind of country.
So khat is a drug?
- Yes, it's--it's a stimulant
leaf from Kenya and Ethiopia.
It's very addictive,
big problem here.
- [speaking Somali].
- What's he saying?
- He wants to know
if you want to buy some.
- Oh, no, I--I--sorry,
I'm on a very fixed budget.
I didn't account for drug
money. I don't have any--
[both speaking Somali]
- He wants you to try it.
- [laughs]
- It won't kill you.
Yes, just bite down.
- What's the effects?
- Makes some people
want to have sex,
others very talkative.
[laughs]
- Ugh! Tracy was a great girl,
but, you know, she--what--what
are you gonna do?
She moves on. I move on.
I really doubt we'll ever
even talk again.
I mean, why bother, right?
Seems like a waste of time.
I mean, it's just gonna
confuse thing and make it
more difficult.
- Men and women
can't be friends.
- Exactly!
Exactly, that's
the same over here?
- Yes, it's a universal
thought.
- See, where I come
from, they debate it.
They debate it like
morons, like idiots.
- It's not a debate. It's fact.
We're reaching a checkpoint.
Please stay calm.
[tense music]
[both speaking Somali]
- Ah, Mr. Bahadur.
[speaking Somali].
- Hi.
- So we finally meet
face to face, huh?
- Yes, nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you, sir. Abdi.
[speaking Somali]
You are younger than
I pictured, somewhat.
- Ah.
- Western reporters to me
are always so fucking unhappy.
- Well, I get even better
once I shower.
- Come on, come on.
Has Abdi been good to you?
- Yes, mad good, yeah.
- He's the best translator
in all of Puntland, you know?
- Oh, no, really?
- Yeah.
We stole him from the pirates.
- Oh, you mean, uh,
badaadinta badah?
- Abdi, did you teach him this?
- Ah--
- This is not
our Coast Guard, Abdi,
they are pirates!
You must forget
the old guard's thinking.
They are pirates!
- Pirates.
[both speaking Somali]
- Mr. Jay.
- Hi.
- So what do you think of
the Radio Garowe newsroom?
- Nice.
- Does it look like
the ones in Canada?
- [clears throat] Yes.
Yes, it does, a bit, yeah.
- It's amazing, huh?
[phone rings]
- Is it a local station or, um--
- Oh, one minute.
- Okay. Okay.
- Yeah, mostly it's local,
but, you know,
the guy is very famous.
He used to work for--
- This guy, famous?
- [speaking Somali]
That was my father's office.
He wants to meet us now.
- Your father?
The--the president?
- Yeah, we must go now.
- Fuck. [clears throat]
- Pirates are not the most
cooperative group to deal with.
- Mm-hmm.
- Look here.
The main pirates' clan
are dotted around here.
- Eyl.
- You know Eyl?
- Yeah, that's where
they took the Farhina
and held it for six months.
- Precisely. Eyl is a fishing
town where they started.
I'm working on getting you
a meeting with Boyah.
- Boyah?
- Yes, he's a man Somali
calls Robin Hood.
- Robin Hood of the pirates?
- But it could take some time.
- How much time?
- Days, maybe weeks.
Is that a problem?
- No. No, no, that's fine.
- No?
- That's totally fine, yeah.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Yeah, I'll just--I'll call
my publisher
and make sure it's all set,
finances,
extending it, and everything.
[speaking Somali]
[speaking Somali]
- My father just got in here
a couple weeks ago.
The transition of government
was entirely peaceful.
[all speaking Somali]
[both speaking Somali]
This is the reporter,
Jay Bahadur.
- It's an honor to meet you,
Your Excellency.
- Welcome, Mr. Bahadur.
So my son tells me you're
the next Mr. Bob Woodward.
- I'm not so sure about that.
- Why aren't you sure?
You have made it farther
into Somalia
than any of
your Western counterparts.
- With all due respect, uh,
I've always considered myself
more of a Bernstein
than a Woodward.
Bernstein was ugly as hell
and never got through college.
Overcame his shortcomings.
Uh, I find that admirable.
- He's a funny guy.
- Very funny.
- I would like to introduce you
to Colonel Omar,
who'll be the head of your
security team during your stay.
- Welcome.
- Pleasure to meet you, Colonel.
- I'll protect you well,
Mr. Bahadur.
- [speaking Somali]
- You're welcome.
- You have learned some Somali?
- Enough to be a bad tourist.
Um, is this okay?
- Of course.
That's why you're here.
My family and I spent our last
eight years in Australia--
- Is there a reason the six
pack paisley napk--are--
- And we--
- Not here?
Sorry. I'm so sorry,
Your Excellency. I'm just, uh--
I think because
it was just--
Trying to get this dang
thing working here.
Festive--festive--
[sighs]
Good to go.
- The people of Somalia asked me
to come back here
and to run for this office.
I never saw myself
being the president.
I am a businessman.
I am not a warrior
like my predecessors,
but here I am,
fighting to bring justice
to those who destroy
our country.
Have you seen a school since
you've come here, Mr. Bahadur?
- Uh, no, I must
admit I haven't.
- We have the fewest schools
in the African nations.
Do you know how hard it is
to rule here with a PhD
knowing the children I lead
have no chance for an education?
Their role models
of success are pirates.
The Western world thinks
we encourage this.
This must change.
Do you have a title yet?
- A title?
- For your future
bestselling book.
- Oh. Um, yes, of course.
Um, "Pirates."
- That's shit title.
Just "Pirates?"
- "Pirates of Somalia."
- Be more creative.
Be more creative.
- Creative?
- Yeah.
- Creative.
- Creative
- Yes, creative, you're right.
- Jay, you know,
my father likes you.
- What, you think so?
- Yes, yes.
- All right.
- He knows you will bring
great things here.
- What if I don't?
[laughter]
- How can you not when people
read your bestseller?
- Ohh.
- Abdi, have you
found Boyah yet?
- Mm.
- Oh, you must be patient, man.
- Yeah.
- He will show up.
[speaking Somali]
They're gonna take you
to your accommodations.
- Wow. Thank you, uh,
so much for everything.
- That's the beginning
of a better Somalia, Jay.
- Yes, I certainly hope so.
- Yes.
- Yes.
- Have a good night.
- You too, good night.
[both] Good night.
[speaking Somali]
- Welcome, welcome.
- Yeah.
- You will be here
the next six months.
- Great.
- Yes. This is my cousin.
[speaking Somali]
- Hi, Jay.
- [speaking Somali]
- I'll work on that.
- Mm-hmm.
- Nice to meet you.
- We call him the Yellow Chair.
- Yellow Chair?
Oh, 'cause there's
a yellow chair, I get it.
- He's a little crazy, yes.
- I get it. That's good.
- [speaking Somali]
- Hi.
- I tell them
you're a white ghost.
- Why the fuck
did you do that, man?
- They've never seen
a white man before. It's okay.
They are my sister's kids.
I live up there.
- All right.
- Mm.
- Third floor?
- It's--yes.
It's--it's usually
very quiet here.
- Okay, that's great.
- Although it's--it gets hot
from the sun,
and thanks to you we are
the only people with Internet.
- What?
- Yes, that alone
is worth you being my guest.
Thank you.
- Glad I could be
of some service to you.
- Yes.
- Oh, wow, nice.
- Nice hall.
So yes, I need to advise you,
keep that closed.
- Really?
- The whole time.
There are orders
from the colonel, Omar.
- He's not into sunshine?
- He's into keeping you alive.
- Fair enough.
Oh, cute.
- And yes, uh, we are
very sorry, uh, no hot water.
Welcome to Somalia, yeah.
- [chuckles]
No worries. I'll make do.
Was thinking about growing
it out. What do you think?
- Oh, hair on the face
is very popular here.
- Yeah?
- Yes.
- Good. That's great.
- Good idea.
You have a mosquito net?
- I do, definitely.
- Good.
Malaria is very rampant
here, as well as rats,
so any valuable, any food,
you must keep it inside the box.
- Cool, just like camp.
Well, thanks
for everything, Abdi.
- Yes, uh, welcome. Good night.
Anything you need, uh,
let me know.
- Okay, perfect, thank you.
Oh, uh, one last thing.
Um, I kind of like to work
with things taped on the walls.
Is that okay?
- Oh, it's okay,
as long as
no pornography, eh?
- Not a problem.
- Because small, little kids
come, walk in.
- Yeah, no.
- So--so no--
- Please, yeah.
- Okay. Bye.
- All right.
[speaking Somali]
- Good night.
Bye-bye.
- Thank you. Night.
[exhales]
Can't open
the fucking window.
[Joe Dassin's "Et Si Tu
N'existais Pas playing]
[man singing Muslim prayer]
- Ahh! Oh, shit!
- Oh, shit!
Oh, shit.
Oh, shit, oh, shit.
- [speaking Somali]
Oh, shit.
Ugh, rats.
[grunts]
[prayer continues]
Ahh.
[sighs]
Garowe, Somalia, December 10,
2008, a view from my room.
I've broken security measures
and opened my window.
Holy shit.
- [whistles]
- Opening the windows?
You got a knack
for living dangerously, bro.
- Sorry, man. Totally worth it.
That girl was mad hot. Wow.
- She's--she's one
of Garaad's wives.
- Who's--who's Garaad?
- Garaad, he's a pirate,
and he's, uh,
one of the most powerful men
in all of Puntland.
- Really?
- Her name is Maryan.
- Maryan.
- She sells khat in the market.
- Mm, whoa, khat dealer?
- That's where all these
pretty girls
are going, to sell khat.
- Is it possible to conduct
an interview with her?
- With her, it's not advisable.
- Well, how do we meet Garaad?
- Garaad?
- Yeah.
- No, no, no, no.
We are avoiding this guy.
- No. Dude, I didn't come--
- This guy--
- No, I didn't
come here to avoid.
- He's dangerous.
He's a very dangerous man, so--
- And Boyah isn't?
I mean, come on.
- Well, you'll find out Boyah.
- What does that mean?
- We're going now. Let's go.
- Now?
- I set up a meeting, yes, now.
- Shit, let's go.
- Let's go. Okay.
[singing in Somali]
[shouting]
[both speaking Somali]
- [speaking Somali]
[both speaking Somali]
- Where's he going?
- Now me and you meet him
under the tree.
- [speaking Somali]
- Come.
- Okay. Okay.
You know those
out-of-body experiences
where you look around and say,
"This shit
isn't happening to me?"
My only one I could compare it
to was when I got pulled over
for speeding in Kitchener.
Cop asked me
to step out of the car
'cause I had a blunt
in the ashtray.
- What is a blunt?
- You know, grass, marijuana.
- That isn't tolerated
in America?
- I'm Canadian.
- Sorry, bro, I forget.
- Well, please don't forget
when I get shot here.
I want my body sent
to the right country.
- No one will shoot you.
- Maimed, whatever.
[both speaking Somali]
- He wants to know
what's your shirt.
- [laughs] My shirt?
- Yes.
- Uh, this is a Blue Jays shirt.
It's the, uh, baseball
team in Toronto.
[both speaking Somali]
- He wants to know
who wears the number 15.
- 15?
Uh, that's my man, Alex Rios.
Uh, he's, uh, what you call
a five-tool player.
No one can touch him
in my opinion.
[both speaking Somali]
- He say as Somali people
number five is very important.
- [speaking Somali]
- As we pray five times a day,
and they say the liar
has five religions.
- Maybe that five explains
why Rios is such a monster.
All right, uh--
so Boyah,
um, Westerners call you
a, uh--a pirate.
[both speaking Somali]
- He's saying
he's not a pirate.
He is someone
defending his oceans.
- Badaadinta badah?
- Yes.
- Yeah.
- [speaking Somali]
- He was a lobster diver
from Eyl.
- [speaking Somali]
- The Westerners come, Chinese,
the Koreans, uh--
- [speaking Somali]
- And they
overfished the waters.
- [speaking Somali]
- So they must pay for
their illegal actions.
- So you attack
their fishing vessels.
- [speaking Somali]
- He takes the taxes that the
government's supposed to take.
That's all he's doing.
- [speaking Somali]
- And they never kill anyone.
- Never?
- [speaking Somali]
- Yes, he said never,
not his men.
- Who are your merry men?
Or men--just say men.
- [speaking Somali]
- It's 500 men based in Eyl.
- [speaking Somali]
- He's the one that
gathered them together,
and he's also the one
that pays them their wages.
- Wow, impressive.
So how do you pick someone
worthy of your confederation?
[both speaking Somali]
- First, he must own
his own gun.
That's why he show you the gun.
- Right.
- And they must be ready to die.
- [speaking Somali]
- He wants to know
if you have khat for him.
- Khat?
No, uh, sorry, I--no,
I--wha--
What the fuck?
What just happened?
- You were supposed to bring
the khat to him!
- I'm supposed to bring drugs
to this interview?
- Yeah, you should know.
- You didn't tell me that!
How am I supposed to know that?
- You didn't research it?
- It's not on fucking
Google, man.
I don't know what to tell you.
- Yeah, you don't come to
[speaking Somali] with no khat.
- Great.
- Jay Bahadur, now you know.
Mm.
[phone rings]
- CBC, Avril Benoit's office.
- Hi, this is Jay Bahadur.
I'm calling for Ms. Benoit.
I believe she's expecting
my call.
- One moment, please.
Avril, I have a Jay Bahadur
on the line.
He says you're
expecting his call.
- I don't know a Jay Bahadur.
- Okay.
I'm sorry, she can't be
reached at the moment.
Uh, can she return, Mr. Bahadur?
- No, it'd be impossible
to return. I need to talk now.
It's critical.
- Well, unfortunately,
she's unavailable.
- No! Please, uh--
what's your name?
- Beth.
- Beth, hey, Beth.
Um, there's gonna be a moment
when you're not on
that desk screening calls,
and you're gonna need a break,
a single tiny break
from the assistant
on the other end,
and that karma
is gonna be paid off
by giving me a break
in this very moment.
- You think it gets me a raise?
- Definitely.
Just tell her
that I'm in Somalia.
- Okay, fine. You win.
Jay Bahadur says
he's calling from Somalia.
- Oh, shit.
Jesus, yeah, I'll take it.
Hello, this is Avril Benoit.
- Hi, Ms. Benoit.
This is Jay Bahadur.
I believe Seymour
told you about me.
- Yes, yes. Are you really
calling from Somalia?
- Yes, I'm in Garowe,
all limbs intact.
- Jesus.
- Look, I sent you
a proposal, uh,
regarding a book
I'm writing on the pirates.
I don't know if you had
a chance to review it.
- I'm gonna be honest
with you, Jay, I haven't.
Are you really there?
- Yes, yes, I am.
Um, I'm being hosted
by President Farole's son.
- Christ, this is unreal.
No one's in there,
CNN, BBC, no one.
- Yeah, I know.
[beeping]
- [speaking Somali]
- Oh, shit.
- What the fuck was that?
- Ten minutes,
my--my phone card's out.
I--I'm--I'm tagging along
with a pirate the locals
claim is like Robin Hood.
He runs this huge
operation out of Eyl.
It is my hope that I can be
a stringer with you,
and if you really see
something in the pages,
you could help me
get a book deal.
Will--will you read my pages?
- Yes.
- Yes!
Thank you. Thank you so much.
Uh, I'm a huge fan, by--
[dial tone]
- He said he was a lobster
diver from Eyl.
- [speaking Somali]
- The Westerners come,
Chinese, the Koreans.
- Jay! Gabar!
- You're a good wingman, Asad.
Nice! Nice, buddy. Yes!
- [speaking Somali]
- What?
- [speaking Somali]
- What does that mean?
- [speaking Somali]
- Keep your eyes on her, man.
Go, baby, go, baby, go.
Go, baby, go.
- [speaking Somali]
- You took the chair.
You took the chair.
You took the chair.
[thrilling music]
[upbeat Arabic music]
For the record, I am a complete
and utter disbeliever in destiny
bringing two lovers together.
It is a merely mathematical
probability that you will meet
the ultimate girl
of your dreams in your lifetime.
These odds are increased
slightly by reckless behavior
and naivet.
That is how I met Maryan.
Assalamu alaikum
Jay.
- Assalamu alaikum, Maryan.
- [speaking Somali]
- Yes, I see you in the window.
- You speak English.
- A little.
- Where did you learn?
- I watch a lot
of American movies.
- Movies?
- Yeah. I love.
- That makes two of us.
- Yes?
- Yeah.
Uh, got movie posters
all over my room.
What's your favorite movie?
- I like "G.I. Jane."
- Really?
- Yeah. I like Demi Moore.
She's a very tough woman.
- Yeah, especially
with that buzz cut.
It's super butch.
I'm sure Demi Moore
would be honored, though,
to have a Somali fan club.
- The movie I think is
very wrong is "Black Hawk Down."
- Because, uh, it's about
what went down in Mogadishu?
- No, because it's about
our people,
and they do not use a single
person from Somalia in it.
It is wrong.
- I didn't know that.
- Yes.
"Derka derka Mohammed jihad,"
That's what they were doing
the whole pathetic film.
- You just did "Team America."
That's crazy. Wow.
- Yes, "Team America"
said many smart things.
- This conversation
is getting surreal.
- You know this city
talks about you?
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
- What are they saying?
- They're saying you're here
to expose the truth
about the badaadinta badah.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Well, I mean, I am trying,
but, uh,
what do you think about them?
- I'm not the person to ask.
I'm married to one.
- Garaad.
- So you know?
- I know, yeah.
He's a very powerful man.
I'm trying to meet him.
- Yeah, you and I
both want that meeting.
- You don't see him much?
- Not since I married him, no.
- Well, you'd be
a better treasure
than anything he'd find
on one of those ships.
- That's an American
movie line.
- Yes.
Maybe. I don't know.
But it's good though, right?
And true.
- You here for khat, yes?
- Yeah.
- So how much do you want?
- Uh, I don't know.
You--you take
foreign money, right?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah?
Okay. Uh, how much
will this get me?
- Wow, enough to make you crazy.
- Yeah, that's what
I'm talking about.
[knock at door]
- Jay.
- I think it's time
to see Boyah again.
- Is that khat?
- No, it's spinach.
Yes, it's khat.
[The Notorious B.I.G.'s
"Hypnotize"]
[all exclaim]
[speaking Somali]
- So tell me, Boyah,
how do you attack?
[both speaking Somali]
- We attack in small groups.
- [speaking Somali]
- And we circle them
like wolves.
[intense music]
[siren wailing]
[alarm blaring]
[alarm blares]
[thrilling music]
[indistinct intercom
announcement]
[intense, percussive music]
- [speaking indistinctly]
[cheering]
- Yeah, bro!
[cheering]
[screaming, clamoring]
[cheering]
[indistinct chatter]
Jay! Jay.
- [speaking Somali]
- Ah, [laughs]
That's--Whoa!
[groans]
[computer chiming]
Hello? Hello?
- Hello, Jay?
Can you see me okay?
- Yeah, it's--I can.
It's kind of a bad connection.
- Oh, yeah, damn technology.
- Yeah, do you want
to call me back maybe?
- Uh, no, no, I can't.
I'm kind of pressed
for time right now.
- Okay, um, did you get
a response on my pages?
- Yeah, uh, unfortunately
not everyone here
is sharing the enthusiasm
I've got for them.
- Did you say "unfortunately?"
- Yes.
- Shit.
- My colleagues feel that
as a book it's missing a hook.
- A hook?
Boyah's Captain fucking Hook
minus the eye patch.
- I know. I'm--I'm as
shocked as you are.
The material you're getting
is incredible.
I--I didn't see this coming.
Look, the three top-selling
books this year are "Twilight,"
"New Moon," and "Breaking Dawn,"
so don't take it personal.
We're all up
against vampires, okay?
- Personal? Avril, these people
are desperate!
No one is willing to listen
to what they have to say!
- I'm sorry, Jay. I really am.
Just know that
I'm on your side, okay?
- Okay.
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
- Look, I don't--I don't know
if you'd be interested,
but I've heard that
CBS is willing to pay $1,000
for any video of hostages
on the ships.
- Is this your way of saying
it's a dead end
with your contacts?
- No.
I know it's crazy
and borderline sensationalism,
but it can really
get you out there.
It could help sell this book.
Plus I know money
must be tight for you right now.
I've been there.
- Right.
- Just keep at it, Jay.
I'm gonna continue
to push for you on this end.
There's a book here.
- Okay. Okay, thanks, Avril.
- One more little
piece of advice,
you might want to organize
your cards a little better.
It's a pet peeve of mine.
I just--I find it makes your
flow of thoughts more concise.
- Fuck! Fuck!
Fucking fuck!
Hey, bro, uh--
- Jay.
- Can we talk?
- Now?
- Yeah.
- Come.
- Thanks.
Thanks, man. How you doing?
Sorry to wake you up, man.
I'm just having a hard time,
man, you know?
I trust you, man.
- Thank you.
- No, I mean that, you know?
Like, I really--I really trust
you because, you know,
I don't really have
many people that I trust,
and you're, like,
one of those people, so.
- Is there something
troubling you, bro?
- Don't call me bro, please.
Call me Jay.
If you still want to call me bro
after I finish telling you
what I'm telling you,
then that's fine.
- Okay.
- What I say has to stay
between us, I mean it.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Um, all right,
Uh-- [laughs]
[rubs hands together]
I'm not
a famous journalist,
and I don't have a book deal.
- Okay.
- No, it's not okay.
Everyone here thinks
I'm a famous reporter.
That's why I'm here,
but I'm a fucking no one.
- Jay...
you are the only reporter
willing to risk their life
to show the struggle
of Somali people.
- Yes, yes, I know,
but you're missing the point.
I'm not a reporter, okay?
I thought I could come here
and get a book deal
or publish some stuff
once I sent some pages
to editors,
but they rejected me, man.
They fucking rejected me
like every other
piece of shit
I've written! Fuck!
Sorry. Sorry.
- They rejected your work?
- Yeah.
If Farole finds out,
I'm fucking dead.
I'm dead. He's gonna kill me.
[tea kettle whistling]
- Perhaps yes, perhaps no.
He understands rejection.
It's a human trait.
- I shouldn't have
come here, man.
I'm a fucking idiot.
- Don't say that, Jay.
Don't say that.
You had no choice.
- Yeah.
I came here
with the noble idea
of exposing the truth,
and I lied
to everyone around me.
- You wake me in the middle
of the night to tell me this?
- I came here
to ask you a favor.
- Ask me.
- Yeah, okay.
I need you to help me get on
a ship and film some hostages.
- Jay, that is not wise.
- I know it's not wise.
I know that, but, you know, this
is the only way that people out
there are gonna give a fuck
about what is going on here.
It's the only way.
- I don't believe that.
- Dude, CBS is willing
to pay $1,000, okay?
I'll split it with you
if you can get me on a ship.
I'll split it with you.
That's $500, American dollars.
That's fucking great money,
man.
- Jay, it's not about money.
Once you're on the ship,
we cannot protect you.
The president
won't even allow this.
- It's CBS.
It's the biggest network.
- Yes, and your being
a famous reporter
getting killed,
that would seal the fate
for Somali people as terrorists.
- And I'm not famous.
- Jay, you will be.
- Abdi, they're not
publishing my words,
not a single fucking one!
Nobody gives a flying
fuck about Boyah,
the struggling fisherman
turned Robin Hood pirate!
They don't fucking care, man!
- Do you know Somali clans
used to fight with words
rather than weapons?
- I knew that, yes.
I did a paper on that.
- So you know our
great freedom fighter,
the poet warrior Mohammed
Abdullah Hassan, Sayyidka?
- The English called him
Mad Mullah.
- Ah, you know of him.
- Yes, I do, and I also know
that iambic pentameter
is not gonna solve
this problem, man.
I got to get on a fucking ship.
- I will do something better.
- Better?
What the fuck--what's
better than that?
- I was working to get you
in a meeting with the Garaad.
- The Garaad?
- Yes.
- The godfather of pirates?
- The man you want to have
crazy sex with his wife.
- What makes you say that?
- You don't think all
of Garowe know this?
- Does Garaad?
- If he know,
you wouldn't be here.
- That's comforting.
- He wants me as a translator,
so perhaps I trade
for the possibility of him
and you in a room.
- Then you're putting
yourself in danger.
That's--I don't like that.
- No, no, no, no, mm-mm.
That's nonsense, Jay.
- Why you helping me like this?
Why you doing that?
- You are my bro.
I have to help you.
- Thanks, man.
- Okay?
- Thank you.
- You're my bro, Jay.
- Whew, yeah.
- Don't worry, okay?
- Okay. We're good.
- Okay. Mm-hmm.
Have a good night.
- Edgar Allen Poe, Oscar Wilde,
Herman Melville, H.P. Lovecraft
all had one thing in common.
They died broke,
completely penniless,
so I got to blame
President Farole
a little bit for not asking
for all his money up front.
After all, I am a writer,
not an accountant, right?
Rule number one in life, Asad,
don't blow all
your money on drugs,
unless it's definitely gonna
lead to some serious ass
or a Pulitzer Prize.
This might not lead to either,
but I'd rather die trying.
What are you working on?
That me?
- Yes.
[both speaking Somali]
- [laughs] That's going up
on the board, buddy.
Nice. Wish me luck.
[both speaking Somali]
[light music]
- Good morning, Maryan.
- Morning, Jay.
- Could I have 1 kilo
of your best khat?
- Best?
- Yes.
- So what is
the special occasion?
- Um, I'm going to meet
your husband in Bosaso.
- So this khat is intended
for my husband?
- Yes.
- Okay.
- Is that a problem?
- No.
- No?
- No.
- Good.
Great.
So, uh, any advice on, um,
how I can get on his good side?
- You're asking me?
- Yeah.
- Well, I haven't
seen him in months.
- Oh. Nothing?
Even a little tidbit,
anything? Like--
- Compliment his clothes.
- His clothes?
- Yeah.
He's proud of how he dresses.
- Oh.
Yes, okay, I'll do that.
Um, what do you think
of my clothes?
- They are terribly bland.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
- Maybe you could take me
shopping later.
- Not happening.
- Okay, I got to go.
[both] Bye.
- Oh, Maryan, my sweet
If I ruled the world,
every day would be--
- What time you got, bro?
- He is one hour late.
- Mm. Is there any chance
he won't show up?
- Maybe, but then
we have tomorrow.
- What if I told you I spent
the last of my money
on this khat?
- I'd tell you
Garaad won't eat it.
Khat, it dies after
one day, useless.
- Convenient.
- That's Garaad.
[both speaking Somali]
- Please tell Garaad
that I like his tie.
- Now, what?
- Yeah.
Tell him.
- [speaking Somali]
- Where did he get it?
Where--where from?
- [speaking Somali]
- [speaking Somali]
Dolce Gabbana.
- Dolce Gabbana?
- Dolce--you heard that one.
- Yeah, I heard that.
Um, what about the suit?
- [speaking Somali]
- [speaking Somali]
Dolce Gabbana.
- Knew it!
- [speaking Somali]
- I knew it was Dolce Gabbana.
- He said--no,
he say--
- It looks awesome, man.
- It's not--
- It looks really,
really good.
- It's not Dolce Gabbana.
- It's not Dolce Gabbana?
- No, it's a knockoff.
- It's a knockoff?
- Mm.
- Well, that's--I mean,
it looks amazing.
You would never even know.
I have a gift for you.
The best khat money can buy.
- Wow.
- Yeah, wow.
- [speaking Somali]
- He wants to know where
you buy this khat from.
- Where?
- Where.
- In the market in Garowe.
- [speaking Somali]
- [speaking Somali]
- He thought so. You got it
from one of his close dealers,
so now he doesn't want
to waste a bullet in you.
- Good.
Thank you for not killing me.
Uh, don't tell him that.
So, uh, tell me about yourself,
Garaad. Is this okay?
- [speaking Somali]
- Yes, yes.
[speaking Somali]
- [speaking Somali]
- He have more
than 800 hijackers.
- [speaking Somali]
- That is spread
from Bosaso to Eyl.
- That is a lot.
Very impressive.
- [speaking Somali]
- Very impressive.
- [speaking Somali]
- Now, um, I recently did
an interview with Boyah,
who's sort of a--
- [speaking Somali]
- He doesn't want to hear
anything about Boyah.
He said he's a--he's
no one, you know?
- Say no more. Say no more.
I understand you're a very
different man from him,
and I was just wondering if you
could maybe elaborate on that.
- [speaking Somali]
- [speaking Somali]
- With his group,
it's a must to destroy anyone
and everyone that's
doing illegal fishing.
- Is it fair to say
that any ship
that is traveling your waters,
be it fishing, cargo,
yacht, that ship is fair game
for your organization to take?
- [speaking Somali]
- [speaking Somali]
- It doesn't matter
who they are.
- [speaking Somali]
- They are doing
something wrong.
- [speaking Somali]
- They should be punished.
And we will keep going
till our seas are cleansed
of illegal fishing vessels.
[knock at door]
- I am jamming.
Can you come back?
- I don't know the names
of any of the--
[knocking]
Jay, Jay.
- Yo, hey. How's it going?
- Gather your things.
We're going to Eyl.
- Eyl?
- Yes.
- Um, I got to get this Garaad
interview out, buddy.
- The ship will not
wait for you.
- A ship?
- Yes.
There is a German freighter
called Victoria
being held in the harbor.
The pirate in charge
is a friend of Colonel Omar.
- Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Colonel Omar.
- You can get me on a ship?
- You want to be on the ship?
- Yeah.
- Because I had to fight
both Farole and Colonel
on this idea for you.
- Dude, I thought you were
against me getting on a ship.
- I am.
Farole tell me to collect $500
from you for costs
before you leave.
Do you have it?
- I don't have that, man.
I'm broke.
- Come on, Jay.
- No, I'm--I'm broke, man.
I told you that.
I'm sorry, man.
I didn't--I mean,
I didn't know.
I didn't want to put you
in that spot, but--
- Yeah, you spent it
on pirate drugs.
- Yeah, the pirates don't,
you know, give an interview
without the drug.
I mean, I don't know
what you want me to say.
I'm sorry, man. I don't--
- You cannot break
Farole words, man.
He's--he's a very exact man.
- It'll be okay, man.
It's not gonna--I'm--
No one's gonna be in trouble.
I'll figure it out, okay?
I mean, thank God you can get me
on this fucking ship.
It's $1,000 right there.
- It's gonna be hard, man.
- I'll give you the--I'll
give you the other 500, man.
- Yeah, meet me downstairs.
Let's go.
- [sighs]
- Garaad, meet Avril.
[contemplative music]
- Jay Bahadur!
[speaking Somali]
- [speaking Somali]
This is where my clan,
Reer Jarfale,
died fighting for freedom
against the English
and their colonization.
We have no monuments here.
Those bones below those rocks
will remain anonymous
to outsiders,
but never to us.
They are why we are here today.
[speaking Somali]
[both speaking Somali]
[men singing in Somali]
- When we get into town,
it's very important
that you say that you are
with the clan Reer Jarfale.
- You want me to be
a part of your clan?
- Yes, you are a son of Levish.
He's a light-skinned local man.
- Okay. That makes sense.
Uh, Reer Jarfale?
- [speaking Somali]
Reer Jarfale.
- Reer Jarfale.
- Yes, it is very important
you say this,
or you're not gonna last long
in this town even with us here.
- Shit. Okay.
- You have to say it right.
- What is it again?
- Reer Jarfale, son of Levish.
- Reer Jarfale, son of Levish.
- It's two different words.
- Go slowly for me, okay?
Reer?
- Jarfale.
- Jarfale.
- Jarfale.
- Jarfale.
- No, you're not
saying it right.
- Reer Jarfale.
Is that the Victoria?
- It is.
[all speaking Somali]
- He wants to know your clan.
- Reer Jarfale.
- Reer Jarfale?
[laughter]
Son of Levish.
- He thinks you're funny.
- Was that the goal?
- Humor opens doors
in this town.
- Yeah?
You got whitey good,
got him real good.
- That was good?
- Yeah.
[all speaking Somali]
- Mr. Bahadur, Mr. Bahadur,
we are not the criminals.
- Mm-mm, no.
- Right, no one here
likes pirates.
- [speaking Somali]
- Correct.
[all speaking Somali]
- That ship is
the last one here.
Everyone in Eyl
will be happy to see them go.
- Do you think they'll
be leaving soon?
- That's what we have heard,
so they will leave soon.
- Okay.
- Mr. Bahadur's book
is going to shed
new lights on Somalia.
- Hmm.
- And so the president is very,
very excited, real excited.
- Oh? Oh.
- Have you read any of it,
Colonel Omar?
- No, actually, but I trust
it will be good, very good.
Won't it, Mr. Bahadur?
- Yes. It's exciting,
a very exciting story
and--and very informative,
lot of different levels.
It's--it's--very exciting.
- Mr. Bahadur,
I'm a spokesperson
for the women of Eyl.
Our children need education.
Our schools have been lost,
never rebuilded
after the tsunami.
Will your book talk of this?
- Yes.
- Good.
[speaking Somali]
Thank you. Good.
[all speaking Somali]
- What is the name of your book?
- I'm still working on it,
still trying to figure that out.
- Oh.
- [speaking Somali] Jay is
perfectionist with his words.
- Oh. We will see.
- I am Reer Jarfale,
son of Levish.
- Reer Jarfale!
- Reer Jarfale!
[laughter]
- You might want to
save your battery.
- Yeah, that's probably
a good idea.
You think I'll get on?
- The man in charge of the
operation is named Computer.
They say he is psychic.
- Psychic? Is that good or bad?
- The colonel's contact on
the ship thinks it will happen.
- All right.
I am scared, Abdi.
Shit, man, I mean,
there's no other way.
I hope you understand that.
- This is the path
you choose as a man.
It's not for me to understand.
I am going to sleep now.
- All right. Good night, buddy.
Fucking A.
- [speaking Somali]
- You stay here, man.
I will do the talking.
- Okay.
- Don't worry, brother.
- Okay.
- We'll make this work.
- Good. Good, thank you.
[all speaking Somali]
- Okay.
Is he saying no?
Fuck!
I'm a journalist,
don't fucking shoot!
I'm a journalist, it's okay!
Don't fucking shoot me!
- [speaking Somali]
- Okay?
The money is gonna come faster
if you let me video
the hostages, all right?
Please don't shoot me.
Please don't shoot.
- [speaking Somali]
- Please don't sh--
if you let me video,
the world will see
you're serious.
The world will see you
are serious,
and the shippers
will settle. Okay?
- [speaking Somali]
- Tell your leader
Computer that.
Tell him that! Please!
Please, okay?
It's true. It's true.
The money's gonna come
so much faster
if you let me video, okay?
All right? It's true, I
promise. I promise, okay?
[all speaking Somali]
- I will talk to Computer.
What you say could make sense.
- Good.
- Come back tomorrow for answer.
- Okay. Okay, great.
- Go. Move.
- Thank you.
[speaking Somali]
- [speaking Somali]
Abdi, did you see that shit?
- [speaking Somali]
- Oh, that was dangerous,
brother.
You didn't have to come out.
- [speaking Somali]
- That was dangerous.
- Fuck, dude. Oh, fuck.
Whoo! That's what
I'm talking about, Omar!
- What was that?
- What do you mean
what was that?
- I told you not to
come down there!
- What was that?
You weren't gonna get me on.
- Don't do this, man.
- You weren't gonna get me on.
You weren't gonna get shit.
- When are you going
to listen, man?
- I just got out there,
and I made it happen
'cause that's what
I'm doing these days, baby!
I'm making shit happen!
- You never listen, man!
Hey, hey, wake up, Mr. Bahadur.
Wake up, wake up, wake up.
- What?
- Wake up right now, man.
- We're in?
- Right now.
- We're on. All right.
[laughs]
It's gone.
- Next time you follow
my orders, man.
They thought you were CIA.
- You fucking serious? CIA?
- Yeah.
- Me?
- Of course.
- Fuck! Fuck.
[tense music]
[knock at door]
Abdi, not now!
- He say he's your father.
He call my phone.
- My father?
- Yes.
- Really?
- He called my phone.
- [grunts]
- Hello? Dad?
- Jesus, Jay, thank God
you're okay.
We've been watching this whole
Captain Phillips
hostage thing on CNN.
You've got to get
the hell out of there.
- Dad, I'm fine.
What are you talking about?
- Those pirates are crazy.
They're threatening
to kill Americans.
- Dad, I'm Canadian.
I thought at least
you would know that.
- Not a time for joking, Jay.
We want you on
the next plane out.
- Dad, I understand your
concern,
but it's gonna be okay.
It's not a big deal.
- Jay, sweetheart, you need
to come home.
- Hi, Mom.
I was just telling Dad
I'm fine.
- But we're watching CNN
right now, and it is not fine.
- Mom, the media is probably
spinning some bullshit tale.
I've heard nothing
about it here.
- It must be the opium.
He's probably become
one of those child soldiers.
- You're going to kill
your mother, Jay,
unless you say
you're going to come home.
- Okay, but I need money wired.
- Money?
- See?
It's the opium, I told you.
- Yeah, I didn't want to ask
you guys, but, you know,
I'm really--I don't really
have a choice.
Somalia's expensive. Who knew?
- Reports are now three
U.S. Navy ships
are steaming toward
the Maersk Alabama.
- Taken by pirates--
- [struggling]
- The destroyer,
the USS Bainbridge,
is on the scene.
- [screaming]
- Apparently Captain Phillips,
the ship's captain,
has been taken hostage
by the fleeing pirates
in a covered lifeboat.
- The pirates have been--
[screaming]
- The hostage standoff
ended today with the death
of the three pirates
and the eventual release
of their hostage,
Captain Richard Phillips.
- Somali pirates--
- Somali pirates
throughout the country
reacted angrily,
saying they will capture
and kill any foreigners
they find to avenge
their comrades' death.
- At this time no one is
taking credit for the operation.
We will get answers soon because
my father is demanding it.
- Mr. Farole, three pirates have
been killed by the Americans.
There is going to be revenge,
and it's too dangerous
for Mr. Bahadur
to remain here in Garowe.
- No, it's not.
I will keep a low profile.
- Just like you did in Eyl?
- Eyl was a mistake, okay?
- You keep saying
it was a mistake.
- I messed up.
I'm sorry about that.
- It was a mistake.
- I was a little high strung.
- Don't be telling this.
You're staying here--
- Okay, I have learned from it,
and I'm all good now.
I'm not gonna do that again.
- Mr. Bahadur, I agree
with the Colonel, okay?
I think we have to
get you out of here.
We do not need any harm coming
to you. Do you understand that?
- I get that.
- Do you understand that?
- Mr. Farole,
I understand that, okay?
I understand your concern
for my safety.
- It doesn't look
like you understand.
- I understand the concern
for my safety,
but you need somebody here.
I need to find out
who's behind this, okay?
I need to interview them.
- No, no, Mr.--
- So I can interview them.
That's why you brought me here!
- No, no.
- That's why you've been
protecting me the whole time!
- People are dying, okay?
- Madness.
Khat's eating his brain.
- Khat?
- Khat is not eating
my fucking brain.
- It is. I can hear that.
- There's no one else here
from the Western media.
- Mr. Bahadur, calm down!
- Your father needs
somebody on his side!
- Mr. Bahadur, this--this--
- He needs somebody on his side!
All of fucking Somalia
needs somebody on their side!
- Mr. Bahadur,
this is not negotiable.
I cannot risk your blood
on my hands, okay?
- Okay.
- Abdi, come in!
Can you please make arrangements
for Mr. Bahadur
to fly home tomorrow?
[speaking Somali]
- Yes, Mr. Farole.
- And make sure
his account are settled.
- Accounts settled, okay.
- [speaking Somali]
- Please tell me my parents
sent me that money.
- Yes.
It's already in the bank.
- Really?
- Yes.
- That is the best news,
the fucking best!
Mm, Mom and Dad, I love you.
You think we could set up
a final meeting with Boyah?
- I already have, bro.
- You did?
- Yes, we're actually
running late.
- Abdi! Abdi!
Where's our rig?
- For once, you're local.
Here.
- Is this--uh,
is this--is this necessary?
- Do you see me wearing
my Obama hat?
- [speaking Somali]
[all shouting in Somali]
- What are they saying?
- They think we're
from the government.
- We have a meeting with Boyah,
a meeting, a meeting.
- [speaking Somali]
- Tell them that--tell them
that I have a gift
in my bag for Boyah.
If they let me open it,
I can show them.
- Jay, no joking right now.
- I'm not fucking joking.
It's a fucking gift for Boyah.
- [speaking Somali]
Show them this.
- It's all cool. It's all cool.
It's all cool.
- [speaking Somali]
- Blue Jays. Blue Jays.
- [speaking Somali]
- Canned tuna-
- [speaking Somali]
- Was the only export
from the country.
- [speaking Somali]
- And today it's very sad.
All it's good for is a target
the size of a man's heart.
- Is that what you aim for?
[both speaking Somali]
- If necessary.
- You're an amazing shot.
- [speaking Somali]
- No. No, no, no. No.
Sorry, I--I will totally suck.
I'm terrible.
- [speaking Somali]
- I'm not even--
- [speaking Somali]
- I'm shooting, okay.
- [speaking Somali]
- He say don't aim
as your enemy.
You shoot for
your lover's heart.
- That's super fucked up.
[laughs]
I don't know what that means,
but all right.
All right.
- [speaking Somali]
- [exhales]
- Hey!
[laughter]
- Yeah!
[both yelling]
- Hey!
- Hey!
- [speaking Somali]
- He wants to know
who is the lucky girl.
- That is an ex-girlfriend
who's getting married to
someone else.
[both speaking Somali]
- He say it's
a waste of bullets.
- You think? I mean,
I nailed that shit. Hit it.
[both speaking Somali]
- There is no joy
in your victory,
only revenge.
- [speaking Somali]
- He say he know why you come.
You want to know about
the American ship
that have been attacked,
but he want to tell you
he didn't do it.
- Does he know who did?
[both speaking Somali]
- No.
- [speaking Somali]
- But the easiest way
to find out...
- [speaking Somali]
- ...Is to follow the heart.
Maryan will know.
[thrilling music]
- Is Maryan here?
- [speaking Somali]
- She's not here today?
[both speaking Somali]
[shouting in Somali]
- [speaking Somali]
You find her?
- No.
- Boyah has been arrested.
- What?
- The president is feeling
the pressure
over the American hijacking.
- Boyah didn't do anything.
- He's done enough.
- Shit.
- Jay?
Don't worry. Your words
will reach the Western people.
I know.
- Now I see why you stare
out here in the morning.
It's a different view.
- This is real?
- What?
- You in my bedroom?
- Yeah.
- Wow.
- I needed to talk to you.
What's all this?
- These are the plot points
to my book.
Um, I like to write everything
down, keep it all organized.
- [chuckles] You're a crazy man
to come here to write,
you know that?
- I'm not the one who snuck
in past security into my room.
- Well, I've come to warn you.
My husband is responsible for
the attacks on the Americans.
- Garaad?
- And he plans
on retaliating
against the Americans
for killing his crew.
If you stay here,
you will most certainly die.
- Um, does he know
I'm Canadian?
- I don't think
that will matter much.
- [sighs]
- This card bears my name.
What does it say?
- You don't read English?
- Not so well.
- That card says that, um,
you're the hottest drug dealer
in the world.
- Is that what it says?
- Yes.
- I like that.
Well...
this is my number.
Don't text me. I like voices.
- Me too.
- And please, if you can,
send me movies or magazines
that shows my people
for who they really are.
I'm tired of watching fools
pretending they are Somalis
in "Black Hawk Down."
- Deal.
- Okay.
[light music]
- The next morning Garaad
claimed credit for the attack
on the Maersk Alabama
and said,
"I vow to attack any ship
flying an American flag
for the retaliation of the
brutal killing of our friends."
Within hours he delivered
on his words
by attacking the
humanitarian relief vessel,
the MV Liberty's Son,
with rocket-propelled grenades.
My time to leave had come.
Yo! [speaking Somali].
- [speaking Somali].
- Hey,
[speaking Somali]
- Yeah! [speaking Somali].
- I got her number.
[imitates explosion]
Yeah!
Colonel, thank you
for your protection.
- I will do anything
for Reer Jarfale, son of Levish.
- [laughs]
All right.
[children chanting
in Somali]
[somber music]
- Don't worry, man.
I will look for you
on the bestseller list.
I am sure of it.
- Mm.
What, is this a offensive
gesture to Somalis?
- No, it's not offensive.
Even this is not offensive,
you see?
- What?
- I was messing
with you that day.
- Six months?
You didn't tell me?
- The look on your face.
- I'm doing this forever.
- What this thing mean?
- This means hope.
- Hope?
- Yes.
- Okay, I will spread
that message.
- Please do.
- Yes. Take care
[singing in Somali]
- [speaking Somali]
- They say in Somalia,
every man is his own sultan.
Then in my mind, Abdi was
a glorious kind among sultans.
[phone buzzing]
Upon landing back in the cell
zone known as Toronto, Canada,
I got 234 unopened
text messages.
165 were from news services
offering
to buy my Garaad interview.
Eight were from publishers
wanting to buy my book rights,
and four of them
were from Tracy.
I decided if she really
wanted to know
what was going on in my life,
she could read about it.
- Excuse me.
Can I see your passport?
- Passport?
- Follow me, please.
- Hello, Mr. Bahadur.
- Hello.
- My name's Agent Brice.
I'm with CSIS.
- Okay. Uh, is--am I in
some sort of trouble?
- Quite the opposite.
We're very anxious to learn
if you could give us any insight
that you may have gained
while in Somalia.
- Wait, you want me
to give you insight?
- Look, uh, both the U.S.
and the Canadian intelligence
are basically flying blind
in the region,
so we could use some help.
- Oh, my God.
Wow. Okay.
[phone buzzing]
Uh, this--my parents are, uh,
doing the circling thing.
- Right, okay. All right,
well, uh, tell you what.
Why don't you give me a call
when you're settled in?
- Toronto had stayed perfectly
intact despite my absence.
I couldn't vouch for
the napkin patterns
inside each home we drove past,
but I had to guess
my painstaking research
did little to alter
the landscape.
- We don't want to upset you.
We did not know
how to tell you this.
- Jared's been living
in the basement.
- What?
- Well, you've been gone
for six months, sweetheart.
So, you know, um, he's sleeping
because he has exams
in the morning,
so it's best that you enter
through the front door.
- Can I still use the shower,
or are the pipes
gonna wake him too?
- I think tonight we can
make an exception.
all: Fuck Harvard!
- Oh, my God!
[all speaking at once]
- Fuck Harvard!
[indistinct shouting]
- I've never heard
you swear before.
- Yeah, well, it's true.
Fuck 'em.
My Jay beat all the odds,
and you're gonna
win the Pulitzer
from writing it in our basement.
- To Jay and his fucking
basement Pulitzer!
- Yeah!
[shouting]
- Who's idea
was "Fuck Harvard?"
- Bahadur, you better tell me
you got laid at least
once over there,
or I'm leaving.
On second thought,
don't tell me.
Booze is too good to leave.
[cheering]
- You guys want to see
something really cool?
- Wow.
You should see
what he does with the bottle.
- Would I like mine
so--hey, man.
- What are you mumbling about?
- Well, I'm just thinking
aloud, you know?
- Okay. I like that.
I like that.
- So what's next, Bahadur?
- Next?
- What's gonna keep you from
spending all your nights
in the shadow of those guys?
- Well, I got a ton of work
to do on the book.
- After the book?
- After?
- Yeah.
- Take a look at that.
- 70-year-old men don't get
handed fucking business cards
for a reason unless
it's a last rites priest.
What's it say?
- Agent T. Brice, CSIS.
- CSIS?
- Yeah.
- They talked to you?
- Yes, they did.
- What'd they say?
- They were anxious to listen
to what I learned over there.
- Anxious, huh?
- Mm-hmm.
- Anxious?
- Mm-hmm.
- Could bring an opportunity.
- That's what I think.
- Oh.
- Hmm?
- Christ, you haven't smoked
this fucker yet?
- Not yet.
I've been tempted though.
- You're hopeless.
- Give me the fucking thing.
[speaking Somali]
- That's Somali?
- Yes.
- What does it mean?
- "Tonight, we drink."
- Oh, that's good to hear.
I thought you were gonna say,
"Tonight we fuck."
- Please have a seat.
- Thank you.
- State your name and work
position for the committee.
- Sure.
My name is Jay Bahadur.
I'm a Canadian citizen
currently living
in Nairobi, Kenya.
I'm running
"The Somalia Report,"
which is the largest and in fact
the only English-language
news site devoted to Somalia.
- Mr. Bahadur, you're
considered
one of the foremost experts
on Somali piracy, are you not?
- I have some knowledge, sir.
- Some knowledge
would be an understatement.
Your book on piracy's currently
on "The New York Times'"
bestseller list, is it not?
- Yes, that's true, sir.
- In your opinion,
what's the most
effective way for us
to combat
this current piracy trend
and make shipping lanes
safe for our vessels?
- Well, that's a very
general question, sir.
- Well, your best answer's
all we ask, sir.
- Okay.
I know there's a lot
of collective knowledge
in this room, so I apologize
if what I'm about to say
is old news to some of you.
I did a paper on the subject
my freshman year at university,
and it just stuck with me.
- A school paper?
- Yes.
- Are we gonna hear
your grade too?
- No, sir, that is classified.
[laughter]
Um, in 2002 Somaliland
held an election
where the minority clan won the
presidential office by 80 votes,
and the transition of power
was completely peaceful,
no violence,
not one shot fired.
That doesn't happen
anywhere in Africa.
That doesn't even happen here.
Anyway, it caught my eye
and made me start
to fall in love with Somalia
and ultimately made me
go there to find out
what made them different.
After spending
my last five years
immersed in their
country's struggles,
they don't need your
warships off their coast.
What they need is to be
recognized by all of you
for the incredibly complex but
honorable culture that they are.
A fledgling democracy doesn't
make headlines like pirates do.
You guys wouldn't be
sitting here talking to me
if I wrote a book
on a fledgling democracy.
Hell, I couldn't even
afford this suit
if I wrote a book
on a fledgling democracy.
All I'm asking is that you guys
start to look at Somalia
in a different way,
not so much as them versus us,
but rather look at Somalia
as us
when we were young.
[singing in Somali]
[coughing]
- I've never seen a diamond
in the flesh
I cut my teeth on wedding
rings in the movies
And I'm not proud of my
address
In the torn up town
No post code envy
But every song's like
gold teeth
Grey Goose, trippin'
in the bathroom
Bloodstains, ball gowns,
trashin' the hotel room
We don't care, we're driving
Cadillacs in our dreams
But everybody's like Cristal,
Maybach
Diamonds on your timepiece
Jet planes, islands, tigers
on a gold leash
We don't care, we're not
caught up in your love affair
And we'll never be royals
- Royals
It don't run in our blood
That kind of luck
just ain't for us
We crave a different
kind of buzz
And let me be your ruler
- Ruler
You can call me Queen B
- And baby I'll rule I'll
rule, I'll rule, I'll rule
- Let me live that fantasy
Yeah
Hey
Hey, yeah
My friends and I we've
cracked the code
We count our dollars on
the train to the party
And everyone who knows us
knows
That we're
fine with this
We didn't come from money
But every song's like
gold teeth
Grey Goose, trippin'
in the bathroom
Bloodstains, ball gowns,
trashin' the hotel room
We don't care, we're driving
Cadillacs in our dreams
But everybody's like Cristal,
Maybach
Diamonds on your timepiece
Jet planes, islands, tigers
on a gold leash
We don't care, we're not
caught up in your love affair
And we'll never be royals
- Royals
It don't run in our blood
That kind of luck
just ain't for us
We crave a different
kind of buzz
So let me be your ruler
- Ruler
You can call me Queen B
- And baby I'll rule I'll
rule, I'll rule, I'll rule
- Let me live that fantasy
Oh, oh
Hey, oh
Oh, yeah, oh
Yeah, ah
Ohh, oh, yeah
Oh, ohh
- Oh
- Cadillacs in our dreams
And we'll never be royals
- Royals
It don't run in our blood
That kind of luck
just ain't for us
We crave a different
kind of buzz
So let me be your ruler
- Ruler
I can be your Queen B
- And baby I'll rule I'll
rule, I'll rule, I'll rule
- So let me
live that fantasy
- Ooh