I'm their worst
nightmare come to life.
I'm a girl who can't shut up.
There's not a guy big enough
can handle this mouth.
I'm gonna tell everyone
what you did to me.
It was the middle of
the night in my house
it was the middle of
the night in my house
it was the middle of
the night in my house
it was the middle of
the night in my house
It was the middle of the night.
...in my house, only I
wasn't dreaming.
I wasn't dreaming.
I don't really think
I was dreaming.
I really think something
happened in that house.
It was the middle of
the night in my house
it was the middle of
the night in my house
I am your worst
nightmare come to life...
...and I'm not gonna shut up
I'm gonna tell everyone
I'm gonna tell everyone
I discovered Kathy Acker, the
American writer, and I went to.
...this workshop that she did, and.
...she told me, "why do
you want to write?"
And I said, "because nobody has
ever listened to me my whole.
...life, and I have all this
stuff that I want to say. "
And she said, "then, why
are you doing spoken word?
You should be in a band,
because nobody goes to.
...spoken word, but people
go to see bands. "
So, I went home, and
I started a band.
That girl thinks she's the
queen of the neighborhood
she got the hottest
dyke in town
that girl, she holds
her head up so high
I think I wanna be her
best friend, yeah
rebel girl
rebel girl
rebel girl, you are
the queen of my world
rebel girl
rebel girl
I think I want
to take you home
I want to try
on your clothes
Bikini kill wasn't
just the best girl band.
They were the best band.
When she talks, I
hear the revolutions
Kathleen's voice was so.
...strong and so
powerful and so punk.
The revolution's coming
in her kiss, I taste
the evolution
rebel girl
rebel girl
This was not a girl who was.
...gonna fade into the background.
Rebel girl
rebel girl
Kathleen was like a beam of.
...light through the entire crowd.
...that just, like, infused
everyone with revolution.
It's all about speaking
what's unspoken, screaming.
what's unspoken, and that's what.
Kathleen was never afraid to do.
That girl thinks
she's the queen...
Kathleen Hanna is an amazing
singer, activist who I think.
...changed a lot of girls' lives
because she created a new role.
...model that was, like, sexy and
tough and angry and funny and.
...all of those things at once.
You are the
queen of my world
Kathleen can sound
arrestingly young, but then it.
...just makes the words, like, have.
...more of an impact, especially.
when she's singing about
topics like rape.
The big question is in the
last few years, like, why she.
...hasn't been doing more.
Rebel girl
What happened?
Why has she forsaken
us, you know?
Like, what did we
do that was so bad?
No. Unh-unh.
I don't, actually.
Well, it's so
all-encompassing, the question.
There's so much to ask.
That's Kathleen Hanna.
She used to be with a punk band.
...called bikini kill and followed.
...that with a popular
band, Le Tigre.
Kathleen also cofounded the.
...feminist movement
called riot grrrl.
She's been described as
an unstoppable force.
As part of our series titled.
"musicians and artists who make.
...a difference," Kathleen talks.
...about her beginnings and why...
...in 2005, she stopped performing.
These are my origin stories.
I have a few I can flip through
because things never really.
...begin at the beginning.
I was born in Portland, Oregon.
My mom was a nurse.
My dad was a pipe fitter.
My sister's four
years older than me.
I already knew I was gonna
be some kind of artist.
I just didn't know what kind.
My mom and I had a really
specific relationship.
She's totally sadistic and
funny, and I say that with...
...like, love and generosity
towards her in my heart.
One of my first big memories was.
...my mom heard about this
thing, the trust game.
It's like a trust-building
exercise, and she's like, "I'm.
...gonna get on my knees, and I'm.
...gonna fall backwards,
and you catch me.
And then you stand up, and you.
...fall backwards, and
I'll catch you. "
So, she falls backwards,
and, like, I catch her.
And then, I fall back, and my.
...mom steps out of the
way and lets me fall.
And I look up from the carpet...
...and my mom's standing over me,
laughing at me, and she says...
"let that be a lesson to you.
Don't trust anyone, not
even your own mother. "
Uh-oh
I moved a lot as a kid.
We moved every three years, and.
when I was 14, we moved all the
way across the country, from.
Maryland to the
pacific northwest.
I went to college at
evergreen state college in.
Olympia, Washington.
And I studied photography.
That's when I first
met Kathleen Hanna.
She literally made an entrance...
'cause I remember she
was late for a class.
I guess my first impressions.
were, she reminded me of a
young Elizabeth Taylor.
Tammy rae was just the
punkest thing I'd ever seen and.
...had all these ideas and, like...
...taught me about sonic youth and.
...pixies, stuff I
didn't know about.
We were all trying to make
feminist work that was kind of.
...inspired by Jenny Holzer
and Barbara kruger.
We were taking these photo
classes, and when we would bring.
...in our work, we were treated
like we were crazy.
I made work about sexism.
I took pictures from books
I found in the library.
So, I did this thing that
juxtaposed the images of the.
women and then this picture of.
...the little girl in this, like...
...portrait, and it said, "pretend.
...you like it" on her, and then it.
...said, "believe you like
it" on the housewives.
Because my work was censored
from the college, we started an.
...art gallery in, like, an old
garage, and it was called.
...reko muse, and it was, like, a.
...feminist art space that me
and my friends started.
I think we were coming into
a really heightened level of.
...awareness, in terms of feminism.
...and sexist
representation of women.
A really very clear memory I
have of Kathleen showing me a.
...copy of a copy of an article.
...from time magazine...
"is feminism dead?"
We both got really emotional...
...like it couldn't be dead
because we were living it.
We were doing it and
thinking it and feeling it.
You know, how could it be dead?
I was working on a project...
...fashion show, where I made all.
...the clothes for a fashion show...
...and I silk-screened all these.
...fabrics and stuff,
using photography.
And I was working late at night.
...in the lab, and while I was at
work, my best friend, she was.
...assaulted at our house.
She went in her room and fell.
...asleep, and she woke up, and he
was standing in her doorway.
He grabbed her by the neck, and.
...he started dragging
her up the stairs.
And he was saying shit like...
"I'm gonna rape you, then
I'm gonna kill you. "
And she was actually
a music major.
It was the first time she was
writing her own symphony.
And she told me that when she.
was on the stairs, she thought,
"I'm gonna finish my fucking.
...symphony," and she just flipped.
...out and just, like, punched him
and got loose and got away.
And I came home, and she
was, like, all beat up.
I was like, "I have to make
sure this never happens again. "
I made a dress that said, "as he.
...drug her upstairs by her neck. "
I didn't even want to finish...
...but she was like, "you
have to finish it. "
So, I ended up making... That.
...project was just about me being
able to finish something.
And then I realized in the.
...middle of it, it wasn't
just about that.
It was, I had to take this
thing that had happened to my.
...friend... it had affected me
... And put it into my work.
I couldn't keep it out.
Like, it was just totally
impossible for me to keep it out.
I mean, I remember the first
time I saw her, it was like...
"who is this person that she.
...just has, like, this
commanding presence?"
She's just like, "yes, I'm doing.
...a fashion show in the
library building. "
You know what I mean?
It was like, "we're only 18,"
...like, you know what I mean?
What are you doing?
Kathleen and I, we
were both going to.
...evergreen state college.
Our friends had this idea
that was, like, called "the.
...revolution girl style now. "
That was sort of like our idea.
Like, "let's get all these girls.
...somehow to play instruments. "
I'd read Jigsaw,
Tobi's fanzine.
And she was one of the only
girls I knew around who was.
...talking about feminism and.
...punk rock kind of in
the same sentence.
Tobi was like, "Kathi, do you.
...know how to play
guitar or something?"
I was like, "no. "
"Do you know how to play bass?"
"No. "
She's like, "do you
want to start a band?"
I was like, "okay. "
Tobi was like, "I think we.
...should ask this girl
Kathleen to be the singer. "
I was like, "yeah, we should,"
'cause she's perfect
to be a singer.
You couldn't get
a better singer.
You couldn't ask for a
better front person.
And we all got together and.
...started playing at
Tobi's parents' house.
It was just the three of us
for, like, months and months.
We wanted a girl guitar player,
but we just couldn't do it.
We would have people
come and play with us.
But it just didn't work.
And then Tobi was kind of like...
"I think we should
ask my friend bill. "
And I'm like, "oh, I
guess we can try it. "
And then that was it.
We're bikini kill.
We're bikini kill,
and we want revolution.
Girl style now!
Hey, girlfriend, I
got a proposition.
Goes something like this.
Dare ya to do what you want
dare ya to be who you will
dare ya to cry
right out loud
you get so emotional, baby
double dare ya
double dare ya
double dare ya
What everybody said about us.
was that we couldn't play our.
...instruments, and we said, "and?"
We were a young band getting a
ton of attention in a scene.
where there were a ton of bands...
...and everybody wanted attention.
And we didn't realize it at the.
...time because we weren't
really that careerist.
We didn't give a shit.
We weren't making money.
We knew we were never gonna
make money, and it was really.
...important that we
made our music.
We were on a mission, and we
were gonna do what we did...
whether we got attention or not.
We were spreading the message on.
...the road at our shows, handing.
...out fliers, telling people
what we were doing.
Our fanzines were all about
feminism and political issues.
We just tried to take feminist.
...stuff that we read in books and.
...then filter it through
a punk rock lens.
Just wait.
Zoom in on that.
In a hundred years, this.
...footage will be worth quite
a bit of money... Not.
Fanzine by me, by me.
3- D cover.
Gonna be red.
It's gonna be red.
Ooh!
Giving me a flier at a show...
...handing it to me and smiling at.
...me, that's as much of the way
Kathleen communicates as when.
...she's on stage, singing
really powerful lyrics.
It was so great, you know?
She just presented all
of that, like, "kapow!
Here I am, and I'm gonna talk
like this, and I'm gonna sound.
...like a valley girl, and what I'm.
...gonna say is actually totally.
...brilliant, and you have
to take me seriously. "
I got a valley girl accent.
...from "the valley girl handbook,"
...and me and my best friend,
Angela cheever, we lived in.
Maryland, and we desperately
wanted to be the kind of girls.
who had credit cards.
I think we thought it made us.
...sound like we were, like, rich.
We thought it was
like a posh accent.
It goes to show that you can.
...be just, like, you know, I don't.
...know, some valley girl, and you
still can be smart and have.
...feminist ideas, and you still
should be listened to.
It was an exciting moment for.
...a lot of young
women, especially.
It was speaking to women and
wanting to connect with women.
And that I think is why the.
...intervention of bikini
kill was really necessary.
It was, like, basically
me and Tobi and Kathi.
We're like, "we're gonna take.
...over the punk rock
scene for feminists. "
You hold me down
you hold me down
like a magnet
She was, like, by, for, and.
...about women... Her
thing, their thing.
But they had Billy.
He was a boy.
But he was like... All boys
around her were kind of just...
"we kind of need you
to do some shit.
So, will you just do the shit,
'cause we are doing the top. "
I've got the love
that's strong and not weak
I've got the love that's
strong and not weak
I've got the love that's
strong and not weak
I've got the love that's
strong and not weak
Kathleen was very clear
and didn't hold back.
This is for all the fuckers.
She was just screaming
at the top of her lungs.
There were veins sticking
out of her neck.
Don't you need you
to say we're good
don't need you
to say we suck
don't need your protection
don't need your dick to fuck
whaa
It was the first time I'd sen
a woman on stage completely.
...angry, aggressive, doing stuff.
...that you kind of see guys
do, and it was amazing.
Somebody had to be bikini kill.
Like, it had to happen, or else.
we'd have all starved
to death culturally.
It had to happen, and
there they were.
Girls to the front... That is.
...the thing that never
happened before.
Men could be in the room, but.
...men could never
dominate the room.
It was a flip of the script
that blew people's minds.
All of that incredibly rich stuff
that made punk what it was.
...had just been tamped down by
the boy mosh pit, you know?
Right when bikini kill
started, right when grunge was...
...like, going off the hook, right.
when nirvana was exploding,
it was a wild scene.
And it was very physical...
...violent, like, all the
moshing, all that stuff.
These young women, who wanted to.
...be a part of the scene, like
physically wanted to go to the.
...shows, wanted to get into this.
...punk rock scene, we physically
were getting shoved.
The problem with our shows
a lot of times, a lot of guys.
would get really out of control.
...and start, like,
beating everybody up.
The more girls up front,
the better, and if anybody is.
...fucking with you at this show
because of certain reasons and.
...you need to come up front, come.
...up front and sit on the stage
and get away from them and let.
...us know, because it shouldn't
just be one person in the.
...crowd's responsibility
to deal with fuckers.
Every show we
played was like a war.
Guys would try to beat us
up and stuff, you know?
It was really violent, and we.
...just played these crazy places...
...like bowling alleys, and they'd.
...cram, like, 600 people
in there and stuff.
You know, no security.
We wanted girls to stand at.
...the front of our shows a lot of.
...times just because we needed to.
...be protected, and I felt like
if there was a row of girls in.
...front of them, I would be safe.
There physically was not the.
...space for young women to
be safe at these shows.
And that was a huge part of what.
Kathleen did, was to say
that's unacceptable.
"Fuck you.
You're gonna change now.
And if you don't fucking pick up.
...the gentle hint, we're gonna.
...fucking very clearly direct
you as to what to do. "
It was shocking.
They just weren't expecting
those kind of orders to come.
...from that size of a person, that.
...gender of a person,
in a fucking dress.
When I started writing
the book, the more that I
...researched, the more respect I
got for kind of what a good.
...thinker Kathleen is and how good.
...she was at, like, crystallizing
a widely held feeling into a.
...really irresistible
artistic format.
She would instruct people.
"Here's a little snippet
from our fanzine.
Maybe if you could
move to the back. "
Like, it was this very... it
was kind of an empowering and.
...surreal experience, 'cause you
weren't really used to being.
...talked to from the stage.
Hi.
It was like, "oh, music is.
...supposed to be escapist,"
and it wasn't.
It was grounding it.
It was making music a voice for.
...a lot of people that
hadn't been heard before.
I remember the
song "feels blind. "
"All the doves that pass through.
...my eyes have a stickiness
to their wings.
How does it feel?
Feels blind.
What have you taught me?
This world has
taught me nothing. "
I mean, like, I'm still, like...
...getting shivers when I
think about those words.
All the doves
that fly past my eyes.
...have a stickiness
to their wings
in the doorway of
my demise I stand...
...encased in the whisper
you taught me
how does it feel?
It feels blind
how does it feel?
Well, it feels fucking blind
The way that Kathleen delivered
that line was so angry.
It was so outside the realm of.
...how a young woman
is supposed to act.
It was really raw.
I eat your fucking
hate up like love
Stories of abuse, emotional.
...violence, sexism that were
just bubbling around.
They brought that
out in the open.
She wanted to talk
about this stuff.
You know, you're
objectifying women.
What does that mean?
What does that do to my body?
You're celebrating a
certain kind of woman.
What does that do if I
don't fit into that mold?
You know, breaking down the.
...rules of what a girl has to be.
Or not, you know?
I mean, even she has it in the.
...songs, you know, the dirty nails.
...and not being the
perfect, big-titted girl.
I mean, I remember thinking.
...that each person in the band was.
...incredibly powerful and
interesting to watch.
And we were doing some
dates with nirvana.
I think Tobi was still
involved with Kurt.
Kurt has a history
with bikini kill.
He's very connected to Kathleen
and what she was doing.
Any good biography of Kurt
cobain now acknowledges.
...that he didn't come out of.
...hesher rock in the
pacific northwest.
He came out of feminist
art-punk, you know?
And he said it himself
at that time.
Kurt was a very
charismatic person.
I kind of started hanging out.
with him because I had a
boyfriend who became a.
...crackhead, and then he
started, like, stalking me.
And I was known as a feminist...
...and I felt like I couldn't ask.
...for help from people because
I thought that they'd think...
"she's making too big of a deal.
...out of it because
she's a feminist. "
And the only person who
believed me was my friend Kurt.
I was his friend for
life at that moment.
He stuck up for me.
He was, like, the only
person that stuck up for me.
I wrote, "Kurt smells like teen
spirit" on the wall of his.
...apartment after we spray-painted.
...it on the side of a
fake abortion clinic.
Kurt spray-painted,
"God is gay. "
We were so wasted, so wasted,
super fucking wasted.
And the next day, I swore off.
...alcohol, and I didn't
drink for six years.
Olympia's a really great
scene in terms of community.
But in terms of politics, it
was kind of difficult for us.
We thought it'd be cool if we
moved to D.C., where there.
...already was a precedent for
bands like us... Not really.
...feminist bands, but at least
bands that were interested in.
what was going on in the world.
So, we moved with our friends.
...from the band Bratmobile,
and that's where the whole.
...riot grrrl thing really started.
There were all these things.
...in the late '80s and early '90s...
...like Anita hill/clarence Thomas...
...the William Kennedy
Smith rape trial.
There were things that happened.
...all in a really quick succession.
...that our generations of people...
who were, like, 18 and 19 in the.
...late '80s, experienced it, and
we knew that they were wrong.
There was utter pandemonium.
...outside the university building...
...as ambulances carted
away the injured.
Police have now confirmed 14
students dead, all women.
Another dozen people were hurt,
caught in a rampage that.
witnesses called a human hunt...
with the gunman yelling,
"I want women. "
Our friend Jen Smith said,
"you know what we need?
We need a girl riot. "
Tobi had talked about
"angry girl" with many Rs.
The combination of what.
Jen Smith and Tobi said
became "riot grrrl. "
So, we made a 'zine
called riot grrrl.
The original riot grrrl.
...zine, it was mostly Kathleen
Hanna, Allison wolfe...
...and Molly Newman from
Bratmobile, Jen Smith and.
Tobi Vail, the drummer
of bikini kill.
Allison and I went to a punk.
...show with a clipboard, and we.
...just walked up to girls, and we.
were like, "we want to have an.
...all-girl meeting where we just
talk maybe about starting a.
...magazine or doing projects,
playing punk music and starting.
...a scene and kind
of taking over. "
We got to do the first.
...riot grrrl meeting at
positive force house.
Our first meeting was, like, it.
was pretty intense, and, as it.
...turned out, they just wanted to.
...hang out and talk without
men being there.
They wanted to talk
about sexual abuse.
They wanted to talk about coming
out and get information and.
...share information
with each other.
I actually wrote a riot grrrl
manifesto in the bikini kill.
...fanzine called "grrrl power. "
And I wrote what I dreamed
riot grrrl could be and.
...encouraged other girls and women.
...to write their manifestos of.
what they wanted
riot grrrl to be.
The idea was that any woman
anywhere could take that name.
...and use it and create
anything she wanted.
We didn't brand it or copyright
it or anything like that.
It belonged to everybody.
All of us felt like, "look.
Here are some ideas.
Take it and run with it. "
Other girls started riot
grrrls all around the country.
All-American rejects
Feminism had been kind of
scared of pop-culture music.
It was really good at protesting.
...it and not good at making it.
And so riot grrrl was making it.
It was making 'zines, and it was.
...making rock bands, and it
was speaking to people.
And Kathleen was a major
motivator of that.
First wave of feminism began in.
1848, the seneca
falls conference.
It was the first time that women.
...organized on behalf
of themselves.
They all happened to
be abolitionists.
They were opposing slavery.
It was a movement for human
rights, but they weren't equal.
...members of this movement.
So, they turned their raised
consciousness on themselves and.
...their organizing skills on
themselves and said, "we need.
...our own independent movement
for our own rights. "
So, that first wave of the
women's movement focused itself.
...on citizenship, and that's
most symbolized by the vote.
There was a swell of activism
again, coming out of the.
...civil rights' movement and the.
...peace movement and the
free-speech movement.
So, the women who were part of.
...these movements eventually
turned their raised.
...consciousness on themselves and.
...said, "we need to have our own
independent movement for our.
...rights, for equality, to be
treated as full human beings. "
The biggest goal of the
second wave was equality.
That was the surge of activism
that was the second wave.
Rebecca Walker's article
"becoming a third wave"... So...
...she used that term, and that's
because she, her mother was.
Alice Walker, and she was a
daughter of the second wave, and.
...she was trying to find a way to.
...say, "we're different, but
we're part of this history. "
Third wave was founded in.
...response to a feeling on college.
...campuses in 1992 that feminism
was in some ways dead...
...irrelevant, that women of my
generation were apathetic, not.
...desirous of working on behalf
of women's empowerment.
You can't overstate her.
...importance to
third-wave feminism.
She was incredibly inspiring.
She was kind of the first person.
...to come forth and say, "this
is what feminism is gonna look.
...like, and we don't take your.
...bullshit, patriarchs
and rapists. "
And it was incredibly exciting.
Oh, baby, I want you
you're so fucking big
you're so big and hard
you've got such a big cock
push it in deeper now
oh, deeper, harder
I'm almost coming
I mean, more than any other.
...person I've ever met,
Kathleen was a leader.
Sugar
I can almost reach mine now
now, now
sugar
I mean, a lot of what we saw
riot grrrls doing was, like...
...girls going back to, like,
their girlhood and reclaiming.
...girlhood that has been taken
away from them, that has been.
...directed down some bullshit
path, where they're like, "I'm.
...actually gonna be a little
girl that has power now.
I'm gonna relive that part so.
...that I can then direct my whole.
...growing-up experience from
there, from point 'a. '"
...the third wave is like a hot.
...but angry bisexual girl who is.
wearing a minidress
with combat boots.
There's like a lot of attempting.
...to reconcile a lot of extremes
that are in all of us.
Yes, she totally
used her sexuality.
I love that.
Use it... whatever we got.
You gonna give me some shit?
You gonna define me?
You gonna tell me what I am?
Okay, great, I'm that.
Being a stripper is what
let me be in bikini kill.
Do I wish that there was a job
that paid me that amount of.
...money and that gave me that
flexibility, where I didn't have.
...to take my clothes off?
Sure, of course I do.
But it didn't exist, and
I wanted to make music.
I worked at McDonald's,
and I was a vegetarian.
And I just felt like
it was the same thing.
I was a feminist, and I
worked at the strip bar.
Sugar
And we're bikini kill.
Everybody knows what to do.
I don't need to tell you.
We played at the
capitol with fugazi.
It was around the time of the
abortion march, and so, it was.
...like abortion without apology.
A lot of the D.C. Music has that.
...monumental sound that maybe does.
...come from living in the capital.
It's like this big feeling that.
...it's really important that what.
we're doing is super-important.
We're so close to
the seat of power.
And then these bands are making
this huge-sounding music but.
...about stuff that's totally
different than what the.
...politicians are doing.
You think that I don't know
I'm here to tell you I do
you think us
sluts don't know
we know the truth
about you now
Jigsaw, Jigsaw youth
I know there's not one way,
one light, one lame truth
won't fit your definitions
won't meet your lame demands
not into win-lose reality
won't fit into your plans
A usa today reporter came and.
...then wrote this really
condescending thing about what.
we were doing and focused on.
what our clothes looked like and.
what our bodies looked like.
We must all be sexual-abuse
survivors because we're singing.
...about rape, and, therefore,
nobody has any imagination or.
...knows anybody who's had things.
who's had things happen to them.
So, we must all have had
these tragic histories.
It was really frustrating to
a lot of us, especially that.
...another woman would write.
...something that we
thought was so stupid.
So, we just decided to stop
thinking about it and talking.
...about it and just not answering.
...the phone when
journalists called.
And that was what everybody
called a press blackout.
They're like, "no, actually...
...you're not gonna fucking co-op
this fucking revolution.
Fuck you.
It's actually not
gonna be televised.
That was genius.
It was very savvy, and it was.
...something that was thinking much.
...bigger than a lot of us did.
People involved with riot
grrrl were reluctant to do.
...interviews with mainstream.
...press or rolling stone or people.
who got interested in and
got wind of the movement.
It's hard to see yourself.
written about or talked about in.
...a third-person or
some removed context.
It's always just gonna
seem wrong somehow.
The facts are wrong.
Something's wrong.
It's always wrong.
It was also for her own
self-preservation and.
...protection, 'cause people were.
...just tearing her apart publicly.
...and revealing a lot of personal.
...things about her that she
hadn't chosen to reveal.
How things become just so.
...distorted and taken
out of their hands.
There was an article in.
...the Washington Post, and it.
...said that my father raped me.
And I never spoke to a reporter.
I've never asserted that.
And I will say right now on.
...camera my father
did not rape me.
My father was sexually
inappropriate.
He wasn't a great father.
He was physically and
verbally abusive at times.
But he did not
physically rape me.
I make a distinction between
sexual inappropriateness and.
...abuse in my mind because I know
...other people's stories that are.
...super-horrific, and, like,
way more horrific than mine.
And that just isn't my story.
And I was really upset
when it said that.
And it taught me a big lesson
about how a lot of reporters.
...don't fact-check anything.
Instead of being, like, sitting.
...around, being upset about it, I
...thought it was really important
that I kept making music and.
...that I went on tour and that.
...other girls got to hear
what we were making.
I'm a little
girl at the picnic.
who won't stop pulling
her dress up
it doesn't matter
who's in control now
it doesn't matter 'cause
this is new radio
what the fuck is written
all over your pretty face?
The gaps in teeth,
the dirty nails
baby boy, you can't kill
what's fucking real
turn that song down
turn the static up
come here, baby
let me kiss you
like a boy does
oh-whoa
oh-whoa
oh-whoa
whoa-oh
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
yeah, yeah
yeah, yeah
yeah, yeah
yeah, yeah
let's wipe our cum
on my parents' bed
I had never seen bikini kill.
...play until "summersault" tour.
Mike from my band, he had a
bikini kill 7-inch, and it was.
...one of those things like, "oh...
...shoot, you got to
hear this record. "
And then, his wife, tamra...
who's a filmmaker,
interviewed Kathleen.
We were watching this thing that.
...she made, and it was fucking
Kathleen being interviewed.
wearing a ski mask in, like, a.
...stairwell somewhere, and I was.
...like, "what the
fuck is going on?
This is some serious shit. "
And so I was very interested.
I did a video called "no
alternative girls," and.
Kathleen Hanna was in it, and.
...she was doing a media
blackout at the time.
So, she said she would appear in.
...the video, but she wouldn't
let her face be in it.
So, she wore this ski mask.
And then, I worked with her
again with sonic youth, when we.
...did the video for "bull
in the Heather. "
And so, when bikini kill was on.
...tour, Kathleen was there, and.
Adam was going through
this terrible breakup.
I was totally trying to get them.
...together, 'cause I thought they.
would be friends, at least, but.
...also, they had so much in
common, it seemed to me.
And I thought Kathleen would be.
...somebody really good
for Adam to talk to.
So... Yeah, that
was interesting.
I wanted to be encouraging,
but I was also afraid.
Bikini kill was super punk
rock, and then it reminded.
...me of, like, you know, when I
was in a hardcore band when I
was a kid, that feeling of just...
...like, "we'll just do whatever we.
...feel like doing," and
that was awesome to see.
To see this punk group, and it.
was all girls in front, and all.
...just girls just
all on the stage.
And, you know, for guys' shows...
...it's like, "get the
fuck off my stage. "
You know what I mean?
And then, Kathleen was just a
force, like a full-on force.
Like a car accident...
you can't look away.
But you know what I mean.
I mean a good car accident.
I didn't mean it.
You know, you're just
like, "what the fuck?"
We went skateboarding
one night at adelaide.
I didn't realize... She
was very sneaky, I guess.
And she was like, "hey, who
wants to go skateboarding?"
And I was like, "uh,
I'll go skateboarding. "
Hey, Kathleen.
Hmm?
Come on.
I can dry myself.
What's going on?
I'm not telling you.
Dry yourself.
Get... would you
get out of here?
Dry yourself.
Initially, it was really
difficult weaving their worlds.
...together, but not because they.
...didn't have stuff in common, but.
...just because of the... what will.
...my friends think or my
community or something?
I was dating somebody who...
...like, wrote "girls, girls, girls.
...do my laundry" and shit
like that in the '80s.
So, I was, like, "what does this.
...mean that I'm a feminist artist...
...and I'm dating this person,
and I'm so in love with him?"
And it was like I realized that.
...you can't legislate kind of
who you fall in love with.
Like, I was totally in love with.
...him, and there was no way I was
not gonna hang out with him.
I'm sure it made it a
little exciting and, like...
...risky-feeling, but also it just.
...really opened my eyes that you
kind of fall in love with who.
...you fall in love with.
And I couldn't do
anything about it.
But I freaked out.
'Cause I like you
baby, it's all wrong
baby, baby, it's so wrong
oh, baby, it's so wrong
it feels so good
it's all wrong
After the whole tour
happened, they had this.
...long-distance relationship,
where they were only.
...communicating through the
phone or writing each other.
There was a time period
where we weren't, like... we.
...didn't do stuff in public,
and we were really private.
But that was kind of
both of our choices.
So, it wasn't really like we.
were hiding, but I could see
how it appeared that way.
The thing is about bikini
kill... They were looked.
...at and scrutinized so closely.
...and had this certain
level of celebrity.
But they were still
barely making rent.
They were still in a crappy van.
...that could easily break down.
They were still sleeping
on strangers' floors.
Bikini kill was just, like,
in this weird disarray, and.
...there was a lot of
tension between us.
You know, we'd all gotten into...
...like, weird roles of who we were.
...in that band, and it was kind of.
...just impossible to
get out of them.
What is bikini kill?
Bikini kill is forever in flux...
...and it's completely impossible
for us to discuss it, because.
...it's always changing.
And that's why it's really hard
for us to do interviews, and.
...also because all four of us
don't agree on anything ever.
And it's really difficult to.
...sort out what you can
actually say about it.
Our relationships as four
people disintegrated because we.
weren't ever looking at each
other and dealing with the.
...problems that each of us had.
I was in bikini kill
for, like, eight years.
It's a long time
for a girl band.
And to be under the magnifying.
...glass and kind of pinned to wax
...how we were, it's a
really, really long time.
Her work seemed to make her.
...feel isolated more, and, like...
...reaction to her band seemed to.
...make her feel like she was set.
...apart from her bandmates and
set apart from the girls in.
...riot grrrl and set apart from.
...other people in the punk scene,
while at the same time, her.
...music and her art was bringing
people together so much.
I think Kathleen struggled.
with the leadership
role at times.
She had a lot of responsibility
that came with that.
She definitely struggled with
this, the kind of implications.
...that that much fame
has for a person.
Can you... Louder.
I'm having trouble.
I didn't want to be the
leader or singled out.
And, I mean, I'm sure that
Gloria can commiserate with the.
...position of being, getting a.
...really negative attention
from the media.
It feels like you're kind of.
...getting kicked in the
face by both sides.
On the one hand, I was
working in the media.
On the other hand, I was trying
to avoid being singled out.
It wasn't always successful.
It's not always under your
control, but I think the.
...challenge is to figure out how
...to use it to convey
come message.
I'm not wiling to deal with
the mainstream anymore, when.
...they're constantly asking me
questions about sexual abuse...
...about if I've been a stripper,
if I haven't been a stripper...
...constantly just completely
sexist shit, where they're.
...trying to turn on the band that
I'm in or the projects I'm.
...involved with against other
women who I respect in the.
...community, coming up, you
know, saying, "so-and-so said.
...so-and-so about you" to get you.
...to slag off another woman
so that they can print...
"Kathleen Hanna doesn't
like PJ Harvey. "
You know, like, whatever, and
creating all these schisms.
...because it sells papers.
This is the thing that's.
...happened ever since the
beginning of time.
You ask a woman about another.
woman and try to get her to say.
...something bad, and then you make.
...the article all
about a catfight.
Lollapalooza news, meanwhile...
Courtney love, one of the tour's.
...headliners this year, with her
band hole, was officially.
...charged with fourth-degree
assault this week for, as she.
...acknowledged in a recent online.
...rant, punching out bikini kill.
...singer Kathleen Hanna backstage
at a lollapalooza show on.
July 4th, an incident first.
...reported also online by
Thurston Moore of the.
...bill-topping sonic youth.
We did lollapalooza.
Kathleen was there, and she was.
...standing on the stage, watching.
...us, and Courtney love basically.
...just punched her in the face.
And that was the
beginning of our tour.
I mean, there's the whole.
...lollapalooza punching
Courtney love thing.
No, Courtney love punched her.
See, I don't... I... I
can't trust the Internet.
That's the whole thing that
pissed me off is that later...
...people were like, "they fought!
There was this rivalry,
and they fought. "
It's like, "dude, I was standing
there watching a band, and.
Courtney walked up
and attacked me. "
I think people don't realize.
...that Kathleen and Courtney
didn't know each other.
It's a real bummer
to be assaulted.
It sucks. It's not cool.
It's a real bummer if you're a.
...feminist, and you're assaulted.
...by another woman, because it's
just kind of heartbreaking...
...especially a woman who you're.
...kind of hoping you guys could
be some kind of allies.
I think a lot of people who
ar close to Kathleen have.
worried about her safety
for a variety of reasons.
You know, she's experienced
violence towards her in really.
...aggressive ways that nobody
should have to experience.
Hatred for bikini kill
and specifically Kathleen.
She would get letters from.
...guys that were like,
"you need to die. "
They just wanted to,
like, stamp her out.
And I don't know why.
I remember things like that.
would happen, and it would
feel totally shitty.
And I was just like, I had kids.
writing me, saying, like, you.
...know, "I was gonna kill myself...
...and I got your record,
and you saved my life. "
And all I could say back is,
like, "you saved my life, too...
...because I couldn't get through.
...all of the... Not criticism, but.
...all the hate that
got thrown my way. "
I made a record called
"Julie ruin" that was a solo.
...record, and I made it kind of to.
...escape what had happened to me.
And so I made it under
an assumed name.
In bikini kill, I was singing to.
...an elusive asshole male that was.
...fucking the world over, and I
was allowing other women
to watch me do that.
And I really wanted to start.
...directly singing to other women.
For Kathleen's music to grow
...in directions toward electronic.
...music completely
makes sense to me.
When you've disconnected from
your community or lost your.
...community, it's amazing if you.
...can seize the means of
technology yourself.
I went to visit Kathleen, and
we went to some music shop.
They had a drumatics
drum machine.
Kathleen bought this drum
machine for 40 bucks.
Then, she recorded, like, the
whole fucking "Julie ruin" record.
That record is a
fucking masterpiece.
It was this whole, new
side of Kathleen Hanna.
It's like you know someone.
They're your friend but had
never opened up their scrapbook.
...and showed you what really
made them who they are.
That's what "Julie ruin" started.
...to do for those of us who are
interested in Kathleen Hanna.
I felt like a lot of my
graphic sensibility came out in.
...it because using samples,
it's very cut-and-paste.
Making it fancy for me was
always being in my room by.
...myself and cutting stuff and
having this really specific.
...relationship to my materials.
...that was not mediated
by anybody else.
She was figuring
everything out for herself.
It sounded lo-fi and on.
...purpose lo-fi and
just really smart.
Sounds like you could hear a.
...human being's fingers
all over it.
It sounds like bedroom culture.
It sounds like something a
girl made in her bedroom.
A girl's bedroom sometimes can.
...be this space of
real creativity.
The problem is that these.
...bedrooms are all cut
off from each other.
So, how do you take that bedroom.
...that you're cut off from all the.
...other girls who are secretly in
their bedroom writing secret.
...things or making secret songs?
I wanted the "Julie ruin" record.
...to sound like a girl from her
bedroom made this record but.
...then didn't just throw it away...
...or it wasn't just in her diary.
But she took it out and
shared it with people.
... How many times
I made you cry
you can tell anyone
anything you want
but if you're gonna talk about
how I deserve what you did...
...you can look now
'cause I'm gone
To me, the "Julie ruin"
...record is what really changed.
Kathleen, in terms of her,
like, she was in a band.
She was in this band bikini
kill, and they did all.
...this fucking stuff.
And she made this record.
"Julie ruin," and she's,
like, now a musician.
Fuck it.
"Julie ruin" was kind of the.
...template, the foundation stone.
And then Le Tigre was the
beginning of a whole new world.
I decided I wanted to move to.
Portland 'cause I had to get out.
...of Olympia 'cause it
was driving me crazy.
I gave Kathleen my 'zine.
I mean, I don't know if you'd
call that, like, meeting her.
I just, like, said hi and gave.
...it to her at a show at the
X- Ray caf in Portland.
I read Jo's fanzine, and I
was like, "this is the best.
...fanzine I've read ever.
She has to be my
new best friend. "
Basically, I spent a whole day...
...like, just driving
around, looking for her.
She was like, "you're
gonna be my friend.
We're gonna be in a band.
And that's that. "
And I was like, "okay. "
My original idea was to try.
...and make the "Julie ruin"
record into a stage show.
I never would have been in a.
...band again in my whole life, I'm.
...convinced of it, if it wasn't.
...for my friendship with johanna...
'cause I was really
burnt out and sad.
I was really depressed.
I remember sitting in my car,
and it was raining, with Jo.
And I just, like, looked
at her and started crying.
And I just told her everything.
I want you to stay
I started realizing that I
should move to New York.
We didn't really have a
place to stay, exactly.
We were both really broke.
I mean, really broke.
I just moved to New
York with $400.
There's no way I could have
afforded rent, so I was really.
...fortunate that I had a boyfriend.
who had an apartment and
would let me stay with him.
You know, I was psyched about
everything... Psyched about.
...riding the subway, going to.
...museums, being near
johanna, being with Adam.
Everything was
good again for me.
And then the Woodstock
thing happened.
Woodstock '99.
This is a very
dangerous situation.
It was disgusting.
I was molested.
I was stomping around
the apartment, pissed off.
And he was stomping around
the apartment, pissed off.
Eight rapes and sexual.
...assaults during the
festival reported.
I was, like, "why don't you.
...say something at your
acceptance speech?"
And then we sat down, and we.
worked on writing something,
and then he did it.
Also known for
the flintstone flop
Tammy "d" gets
biz on the crops
Beastie Boys know to let
the beat mmm... Drop
now when I wrote graffiti,
my name was slop
if I rap soup, my
beats is stock
I read in the news and heard.
...from my friends all about the
sexual assaults and the rapes.
...that went down at Woodstock '99.
It made me feel really
sad and angry, okay?
When he started talking about.
...something real amongst all of
this completely superficial.
...bullshit, the room
just... it was like...
Like, everything changed.
The whole room, it
felt so "who farted?"
Like, beyond "who farted?"
Are you all there?
Okay.
Y'all remember that, Woodstock?
It definitely sucked the party.
...out of the room, that's
for sure, for a minute.
But I'm sure somebody got up.
I'm sure Uncle cracker got up
and played some awesome song...
...and the audience was back.
Who took the bomp?
Kathleen had a bass, and she
really wanted to play drums.
I had bought a sampler.
I was interested in making
sample-based electronic music.
Jo believed in me, so much.
...that she went down in this dingy.
...basement and wrote with
me every single day.
Things shifted with J.D.
Joining Le Tigre.
I remember getting
a call from Kathleen.
She was like, "we're practicing...
...and we want to know if you
want to do our slides. "
We went on, like, a two-week
tour of the east coast, and she.
was, like, "you're a performer.
You really need to be on stage. "
During that tour, Kathleen was.
...like, "will you be in our band?"
And I was like, "yeah. "
The second she was on stage...
...she just had such a
great stage presence.
We were, like, the
feminist party band.
Our whole ethic was about making.
...something that had politically.
...radical content that
you could dance to.
Kathleen's voice was beautiful.
She's, like, at that perfect age.
...at that point to have, like...
...this full, resonant,
amazing, powerful voice.
Le Tigre seemed like it was much.
...more sophisticated and mature.
It understood what people needed
at that time, in terms of.
...danceability, still maintaining.
...a really interesting message, a.
...message of noncompetition,
of a culture of praise, but.
...sophisticated and understanding
what a good pop song is.
Bikini kill understood song
structure, too, but le Tigre.
...just, like, fucking nailed it.
Come on
oh, oh, oh, oh
We did, like, a really long
tour after "this island" was.
...released, and it was like a
world tour, a year and a half.
We went to Australia.
We went to Japan.
We did the U.S. And
Europe and everything.
Take a good look
take a photo
write about it in
your tiny notebook
don't you know?
You're out co-o-Id
don't you know?
It's our dance floor
T.K.O.
Hear it on the radio
T.K.O.
Play it on the stereo
T.K.O.
Watch a live video
T.K.O.
Hear it on the radio
T.K.O.
Play it on the stereo
T.K.O.
Watch a live video
T.K.O.
T.K.O.O.
Le Tigre moved out into, like,
bigger and bigger circles...
...embraced more and more of
humanity and all the issues.
And what does it really
mean to be a feminist?
It means that you pay attention
to all different kinds of.
...oppression, and you stand up for.
...all those people that don't have.
...a voice, whether they're trans
or people of color or class...
...race, gender,
sexuality, everything.
She did that.
And then, the next challenge is...
...like, how do you do that
on a personal level?
The ocean calls
us away from...
All the sudden, in north
Carolina, I lost my voice...
...and at sound check,
I lost pitch.
I always think of it as a.
...bullet, kind of, like,
my voice is a bullet.
And there's, like, a note that
I want to hit that's here or.
...that's here or here or whatever...
...and then the breath is like the.
...bullet coming out of my mouth.
And it's going to
hit the target?
Well, I was like... I could get.
...the breath, but then the
bullet would just go "waahhh. "
Like, I couldn't hit the target.
I was terrified.
I couldn't believe it.
So, we canceled the show in
north Carolina, and I went back.
...to New York and found
a throat specialist.
It's actually really traumatic.
when I think about it, because.
...it was like singing is my life,
like, it's everything to me.
... if I would
say that, too
I don't know about that
When you have a sore throat, you.
...have a sore throat, but once the.
...adrenaline would kick in for a.
...show, I didn't ever
feel any pain.
I never felt pain onstage, ever.
No matter how bad I felt, once I
was onstage and the lights
hit me, I was fine.
When I'm playing music, I
don't feel anything bad.
I don't know about that
I don't know about that
you are...
We were so enmeshed in our
band that that's all we did.
It was all band, band, band...
...band, band, and I'd been in that.
...mode of every band I'd done was.
...just a complete immersion, where.
...my identity was so wrapped up in.
...my bands that it
wasn't really healthy.
You got to keep on
keep on livin'
you got to keep on
keep on livin'
you got to keep on
Kathleen started getting sick.
...on tour a lot, which happens.
You know what I mean?
I get sick every tour,
first day of the tour.
It just happens.
Disproportionate
reactions just won't fade
I noticed her feeling
depressed more than anything...
...and I think I noticed her having.
...more and more sickness, in terms
of, like, losing her voice...
...getting strep throat, whatever.
And she was taking
antibiotics a lot.
So, I think that I did have some.
...sort of sense of, like, the
fact that she wasn't well.
Keep on livin'
you got to keep on
keep on livin'
I knew there was
something wrong, for sure.
I was really worried.
Keep on livin'
keep on livin'
keep on livin'
you got to keep on livin'
keep on livin'
I struggled through the le
Tigre tour dates that we had.
...and everything we had
planned and finished it.
Whoo!
Thank you, guys!
Thank you so much.
I sat down with Jo and J.D. And.
...said, "I can't do this anymore. "
We all had lunch one day, and.
...it was kind of just, like, we
all knew that something was.
...gonna happen, but we
weren't sure what.
And Kathleen was like, "I don't
want to do this anymore. "
I kind of felt, like, spent
in terms of writing songs.
I felt like I had said.
...everything I had to
say up to that point.
Our last real headlining show
was at Webster hall in New York.
I lied when I said I was done.
I knew I wasn't done.
I just didn't want to face the
fact that I was really sick.
I wanted to have
control over it.
I wanted to tell everybody
I chose to stop.
But I didn't... I didn't
... I didn't choose.
I was told by my
body I had to stop.
But that was really painful for
me to be told by anybody or.
...anything what I could
and couldn't do.
So, I told myself and told my
bandmates and told my husband.
...and told the world that I chose.
...to stop playing music because
I had nothing else to say...
Because that felt better to me
than being in touch with the.
...fact that I might not ever be.
...able to do the thing I love more
than anything in the world.
We were seeing just, like,
all these different doctors...
...trying to figure it out.
And they were telling her all
this different stuff, and they.
were doing all kinds of
fucked-up, crazy tests.
They were like... She had
some weird eye thing, and the.
...doctor's like, "oh, yeah, it's.
...probably lupus, or
it could be M.S."
Just like all this fucking crazy.
...shit, and you're like, "what?"
2008, the illnesses
took a really weird turn.
Sex education through...
I went to the planned
parenthood march.
I was not comfortable.
I was having language problems.
Our next speaker was the
lead singer for bikini kill.
I feel like I don't have
to say anything else.
And le Tigre and the co-founder
of the riot grrrl movement.
I couldn't hear out of the.
...one ear, and I was, like,
really struggling.
All the sudden, the sound
changes in your head.
I thought I was having a stroke.
I couldn't talk.
I couldn't communicate.
And I was slurring,
like I was drunk.
One side of my body felt numb.
The paramedics thought that
I had a minor heart attack.
When I got to the hospital, the
doctor asked me for all my.
...symptoms, and at that point, I
was like, "I'm not gonna lie. "
I just was like, "fuck it.
I'm in the hospital.
I'm just gonna tell
this woman everything. "
She was just like, "yeah, you're
just having a panic attack...
...because there's no way that you
could be having neurological.
...stuff and breathing difficulties
and the stomach stuff. "
She was like, "there's too many.
...body systems to be involved, and.
...there's no illness that has all.
...those body systems involved. "
To be living with something and.
...not knowing what it is,
is really terrifying.
I have late-stage lyme disease...
which means I've had lyme
disease for... Now for.
...about six years.
When she came to see me, she.
...had been ill for
about five years.
She actually recalled that she.
...had been bitten by a
tick back in 2005.
And, in fact, going through her.
...history, she had been
treated for lyme disease.
I took antibiotics for
three weeks afterwards.
So, when I got sick later, I
...never associated it
with lyme disease.
And when it was brought up to
me by different specialists, I
...said, "I already took the test. "
You know, I would pull out my.
...shitty Elisa test that's, like...
...the $20 test that the insurance.
...company wants you to take, show
...it to doctors, and nobody said...
"oh, that's actually a crappy,
totally unreliable test. "
But eventually I got a test
called the Western blot test...
...and it lit up like
a Christmas tree.
It's like if you were superman,
and you met kryptonite.
That's what lyme
disease is like.
I got to take my pills.
When you start treating
someone with lyme disease, that.
...person might get worse
before they get better.
It's kind of like you wake the.
...sleeping giant when you use the.
...antibiotic, and the infection
kicks back even harder.
I just took my
medication an hour ago.
And... I guess I'm
having a reaction.
...now to the... Infection
and the medication.
...meeting up or something.
I'm filming this kind of because.
...in my movie, in the movie about
me, I talk about having this.
...disease and, um, how it makes
it so I can't do things.
And, obviously, I can't be on
stage when I'm like this, and.
...this is me when it's
bad as it gets.
Do I look normal?
No.
'Cause it doesn't
feel normal right now.
But... I want to
show what it's like...
...because a lot of people
get misdiagnosed.
Like, I was misdiagnosed
for five years.
It invades, like, every part of.
...your body, and then, when you
try to get rid of it, you have.
...these really fucked-up
reactions, and you can't control.
...your body or your speech, and
it's real uncomfortable.
So, it's something that...
Think that's good for now.
We'll get a seizure later.
I'm sure I'll get
a seizure later.
I think we should
do a few more takes.
I don't think people really
saw her at her sickest.
You know, it's
just her and Adam.
More stressed out than
I've been in a long time.
Shit is crazy.
When you have an illness like.
...this, it's hard to explain
it to other people.
The expectation out there is...
"okay, so, you had lyme disease.
You took antibiotics.
You should be better. "
When you've had it for five
years, and it hasn't been.
...treated, that's not gonna
be the way that it works.
She never talked about her.
...health or the pain she
was in or anything.
I didn't know for a long time.
People who run around being.
...heroes act like they
don't need help.
That's the nature of being a
hero is you don't need help.
You're the helper.
There are moments where she.
...knows that she can ask for help.
But I don't think that that's.
...necessarily an organic
thing for her.
I realized I wanted to write.
...a record when I started getting.
...sicker and sicker and sicker...
'cause once, like, I really was.
...pretty sure I couldn't do
it, I really wanted it.
The thing that made me change or.
...face it was that my illness
was not only affecting me.
It was affecting the
people that I love.
I worked at a domestic-violent
shelter, and I remember women.
...all the time saying, "I could
take it, but when he started.
...abusing the kids, I
picked them up and left. "
They were, like, totally
protective of their children...
...but they weren't
protective of themselves.
When I saw it affecting Jo, how
...bad it affected Jo and J.D. And.
Adam, and I was like, "it's not.
...helping them that I'm
minimizing this. "
It was just so much easier on
everybody if I just faced what.
was happening, stopped blaming.
...myself, and fucking
dealt with it.
I call my new band the Julie
ruin because it's kind.
...of an outgrowth of the
solo project I did in '99.
It's really just different in.
...that I'm not trying to
write anthems or anything.
I'm just writing songs and.
...letting them be what
they want to be.
Don't go away
don't go away
I feel embarrassed when
people come up and tell me that.
I matter to them or something.
...like that and sort of like have
all these people put on this.
...show and, like, do covers
of songs that I've sung.
It feels, like, overwhelming and.
...haven't really been
able to grasp it.
Just all I've been through over.
...the past few years in getting my.
...diagnosis so close to the show.
It's just when I was really sick,
I would sit around and be...
...like, imagine people being
supportive and loving, 'cause I
...never let that in before.
And I had to learn how to do.
...that because I was so
sick for five years.
And now it's, like, gonna be
physical, like, I'm actually.
...gonna go to this place, and all.
...these people are just gonna be.
...totally loving and
supporting me.
And it's...
It's overwhelming.
With the illness stuff, it means.
...this extra thing that only
my friends know about.
So, it's weird to be going to.
...this public event, where, like...
...people don't really know
what I've been through.
Yeah.
Is everything turned off that
nothing's gonna blow up?
Is it something inessential
when I cannot hear you talk?
Is it something sentimental?
Over here, over here.
Double dare ya
double dare ya
double, triple fucking
dare ya, girlfriend
double dare ya
double dare ya
double dare ya, girl
I just want to read this
very special text by Kathleen.
This is called "riot
grrrl manifesto. "
"Because us girls crave records
and books and fanzines that.
...speak to us, that we feel
included in and can understand.
...in our own ways, because I
believe with my whole heart...
...mind, body that grrrls
constitute a revolutionary soul.
...force that can and will
change the world for real. "
Thank you, Kathleen Hanna!
All right, kids,
are you ready?
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Julie ruin!
Hey, everybody.
Thank you so much for coming.
This is a really
special night for me.
So, we're the Julie ruin, and
we're writing a new album.
Are you guys ready?
Yeah.
What is the story of my life?
I have no fucking idea.
I just think there's this
certain assumption that when a.
...man tells the truth,
it's the truth.
And when as a woman I go to tell.
...the truth, I feel like I have to.
...negotiate the way
I'll be perceived.
Like, I feel like there's always.
...the suspicion around a women's.
...truth, the idea that
you're exaggerating.
I don't just sit there and be.
...like, "this, this,
this, this, this. "
There's this whole fear that
I'm gonna have finally fucking.
...stepped to the plate and told
the truth, and someone's gonna.
...say, "eh, I don't think so. "
Ar-ar-ar-ar-armageddon
If I wouldn't have admitted
to myself that, like, the.
...sexual-abuse stuff that happened
in my life, it wasn't just...
...like, one thing that happened
when I was little and also how
...my dad treated me and
blah, blah, blah.
It was like all of these
different things.
Like, I would never want to tell
everybody the whole, entire.
...story, because it sounded crazy.
It sounded just like too big of.
...a can of worms, like,
who would believe me?
And then I was like, "other
women would believe me. "
I don't give a shit
what people think.
I know what's real.
I don't care if people don't.
...think feminism is important,
because I know it is.
And I don't care if people don't.
...think late-stage lyme disease
exists because I have it, and.
...other people have it, and we.
...help each other, and
we know it exists.
And other people can think
whatever they want.
My problem is when people get.
...in the way of feminism or people.
...get in the way of people who are.
...sick getting better, because
they don't understand it.
And if they don't want to
believe in it, or they don't.
want to care about it, that's
totally fine, but they should.
...have to stay out of my way.
I hear you talk, talk
but I can tell you're more
histrionic than historical
you're just a fake
well-read, super-mean girl
I don't want anywhere
near my world
and if anti-you means anti-us.
I guess we just bit the
dust 'cause in reverse.
...it's still a fucking pageant
oh, so cursed,
not real magic
ar-ar-ar-ar-armageddon
ar-ar-ar-ar-armageddon
ar-ar-ar-ar-armageddon
ar-ar-ar-ar-armageddon
ar-ar-armageddon
ar-ar-armageddon
ar-ar-armageddon
ar-ar-armageddon
do-do-do-do do-do-do
do-do-do-do do-do-do-do
do-do-do-do do-do-do-do
do-do-do-do do-do-do
this is all in Russian,
boy, no need to steal
do-do-do-do do-do-do
do-do-do-do do-do-do
do-do-do-do do-do-do
do-do-do-do do-do-do
do-do-do-do do-do-do-do
do-do-do-do do-do-do-do
do-do-do-do do-do-do