It's like losing myself.
When everything becomes
too heavy or excessive.
I may not have ever loved.
I may not have ever...
...experienced friendship.
It is what I mean by love.
The respect.
I cannot free myself from
the responsibility and say that it is...
That it's all others' fault
that our relations have become so.
I've probably let them
slip by pretty much myself.
I was afraid.
It is something that I miss.
I miss it.
Friendship.
So?
Look, it goes fast.
- Give it to me!
- Do you want an orange?
A small piece.
This isn't so good.
But it's healthy.
In orange seeds there's a substance,
that works against cancer.
Take it.
In all the healthy cells of the body
there's a protective enzyme...
- ...which is absent from cancer cells.
- Is it great?
When the B17 vitamin comes into the body,
it goes only to the cancer cells.
Because they lack the enzyme,
which is actually...
...what healthy cells have.
It frees a small dose of cyanide,
But only into cancer cells.
So it's a kind of...
I thought we could
stop here and look at the prospects.
Your fly is open.
Anger.
I buried
a lot of anger inside me.
So often it has been an obstacle.
I'll go first.
There's a lot to see.
The cave up there.
It looks like a cave.
The village down there.
Although there's no one there.
The man feels so small.
Not that I expect
that you listen to me.
It's just to talk from time to time.
Simply, to talk.
I have always felt lonely.
Already since childhood.
Perhaps later it was a choice.
I might have chosen...
...more and more loneliness.
So I may have isolated myself from...
...life.
You bring so much confusion.
That's too much for me.
Who am I? I do not know.
I have no idea.
Maybe I am this.
I think I'm this.
So, I think.
I think that no one knows it.
I like it myself.
They do not see it,
then it will become clear.
Six, five, four,
three, two, one.
I'm taking the book.
I'll put it into place.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- Sleep well.
- Sleep well.
I don't quite understand,
I wasn't able to show...
...that I was sorry.
I don't really understand it.
I heard you up at night.
You were on the floor
and walkedst here. Walked.
Mother!
- I want mother! I want mother!
- Mommy wants to rest a while.
I want mother!
Mother!
Let's see...
Not quite a primeval forest.
But an old-growth.
Probably a pine.
With old bark that can be removed by hand.
The wood is on the plate.
What does it look like?
A broken porcelain saucer.
With a blue pattern.
What do you do with it?
I have a strong desire
to break it against a rock.
But I don't do it.
I take moist moss and wipe it clean.
What is happening
when you are traveling deeper into the forest?
If I go deeper into the forest,
I wish I lose my way.
I'm walking looking down at the ground
I don't see where to walk.
Then I stop
and look around.
I wonder where I came from.
You come near water.
A mountain pond.
Like small forest ponds.
What is water like?
Like rain water.
What do you see when you look down?
There doesn't seem to be a life in the water.
You see a house.
No one lives there.
But someone lived in it.
What are you doing in the house?
I'm looking for their traces,
those who lived there.
Sex with him
is like...
...like cigarettes.
I can come up with millions of reasons
to quit smoking.
But with only one to continue.
That way, it is good.
What do you mean?
I don't know.
Small, small, small moments of happiness.
Did you choose him because
he is weak?
I didn't.
Not because of that, he is strong enough.
I guess that's what it is.
I thought, that no one else feels like it.
No one feels like what?
I'm trying...
...to sort out
what are your feelings about this.
Either you give up on passion
or passion gives up on you.
In the end.
I don't know.
What will happen over the years?
Of course
one can adapt to a lot, but...
There is a subtle boundary to it,
that experience of being insulted.
How the hell do I know
what's wrong, when you don't say anything?
A cold gaze. Silence.
What?
Hell!
What?
How I hate you right now.
Good. So we should ignore
what will happen next.
Good.
Swine.
I've been through so much shit.
Damn it, what it looks like in here!
- What's so good about what you have done?
- Stop shouting.
Everything is wrong.
Nothing's right.
Stop it!
It's burning, Dad.
There they are.
They are not together
even though they think they are.
I sit smiling,
thinking that I'm a mother.
I want my children not to be disturbed.
That's terrible.
I guess she loves her children.
Children will always survive.
So I thought.
How come do the two of you have children?
I don't understand anything about it.
That's what children feel.
It cannot be good for them.
They feel this tension,
which is between the two of you...
You know?
I don't understand it.
It's ... I don't understand.
I don't actually understand myself.
I don't understand.
Cannot you at least cry a little?
It's so feminine.
Crying a little. Hm?
It won't be easy for you.
Two children and... the one right there.
That strange individual,
that goes around here.
Why don't you look at me?
Am I so stupid, huh? What?
Am I stupid?
I am, I'm terribly stupid.
But I'm serious.
You're feeling badly.
Isn't it true?
You are unsure.
It is better to be alone than
in a relationship that is not working.
You two are
so far away from each other.
You will never get closer.
But you'll still stay together.
For children's sake.
It's so sad.
You dreamed of something
quite different, didn't you?
Life proved itself
completely different.
Horrible.
So, not much can be done...
...while I'm sitting with the two of you.
Actually.
I will go.
- Do you want a dessert?
- No, thank you.
I didn't leave you. I was left.
I didn't leave you. I left myself.
He is small, short.
He isn't particularly old.
He wears a strange dress.
He looks up.
It is as if he was
standing in a pit.
He stands at the bottom of a pit.
In this strange dress.
He looks up,
up toward the light.
I was definitely confused.
I was confused.
Vivid imagination.
I was placed in a chair in front of a window.
I jumped out.
Strange. I don't get it.
I wanted to jump out.
I don't know if I can tell you
something now. Can I maybe?
We don't only teach
good things to our children.
We also teach them
to protect themselves from...
...life.
That's why I guess I have
pushed love away.
Unfortunately.
When he came too close,
I ran.
I think that I ran, because
I was afraid of getting pregnant.
Hard to say, but so it is.
I'd love to get my way up from the pit.
Cannot you come here and sit down?