Can I help you?
THE RAVENOUS
This guy goes to the
doctor for a checkup.
After a while, the doc says,
"Sir, you'll have to
stop masturbating. "
"Why? What for?"
"I'm examining you. "
Another guy goes to his doc.
"You said it was urgent, Doc. "
"Yes, I have good
news and bad news. "
"Start with the bad. "
"You only have a week to live. "
"Shit! And the good news?"
"My secretary agreed to go out
with me this weekend. "
Stop! Stop!
Back up.
Keep going.
Stop.
It's Janie and her daughter.
The girl went to school with mine.
C'mon, we'll do it next time.
Come on!
What are you doing?
Vzina!
I shouldn't have hesitated.
But when it's your wife...
One just got his surveyor's diploma.
The other loved to monkey around.
Two nice boys.
If I'd known...
I told you not to.
No, if I'd known...
Known what?
I'd have emptied my bank account
and taken my kid to see Mickey Mouse
like I promised.
You?
- You know Turgeon's girl?
- Katy?
Yeah.
I'd have gone to her door...
...with a big bouquet.
I'd have said to her,
"Hey, Katy,
you know what?
I always liked you.
What are you doing
with that loser Turgeon?"
She'd have slugged me,
she hated my guts.
At school you made
fun of her braces.
It was my way of showing I liked her.
Dumb.
I know.
No.
The idea of going to her place.
Of all the possibilities,
you'd choose that?
No wonder you prefer Roger Moore
to Sean Connery.
Not like Walt Disney
isn't predictable.
The sky's the limit
and you choose to go see a
giant mouse with a stupid smile.
And me to get slapped
by Katy Valaire...
Yup, our lives don't amount to much.
Need something?
You're going to have to strip.
Pardon?
To see if you've been bitten, hon.
Can I get you a beer?
What's left out there?
You're the first survivors
I've met in days.
Take as long as you need.
What do you want?
It's my hunting camp too.
Vzina's not with you?
Fucking Vzina.
He puts down his entire family
and still managed to laugh.
That's Vzina.
And Stevie?
Two days ago we saw smoke at Darveau's,
and he went to look.
He hasn't come back?
Maybe he got bitten.
I'd be surprised.
Where you going?
Does Thrse know about her boy?
You better tell her.
She sure made great muffins.
There's a girl tied to my bunk.
Why's she there?
She claims a dog bit her.
Try not to make too much noise
with your pickup.
Want to know what'll happen?
At first you'll feel weird.
Does it come from the water,
the air, our genes?
Who knows?
You'll think it's a headache.
You'll feel nauseous.
The next day,
you'll get blotches on your skin.
You'll want to see the doctor.
Like everyone else
he's vanished into thin air.
Another day goes by.
You start to feel stronger.
But your fingers turn black
and you spit up molasses.
The next thing you'll realize is
you're kneeling on the kitchen floor,
gnawing on your kid's guts.
I can't hear, he plugged my ears.
Wait. Wait!
Don't go!
Please! Please!
Come here!
- A dog really bit you?
- Yes.
- Tell me the truth.
- I swear.
If it was them, would you say?
I mean, yes! Yes!
Wait!
The gun!
Shoot!
Shoot, fuck!
You didn't want a gun?
That's my map.
I've never seen you before.
My dad has a cabin on Trout Lake.
Gotcha!
Fucking Bonin, works every time.
Bonin, Bonin, Bonin...
You never change.
Sure don't.
So, Bonin,
you've been busy while I was away.
So the nerd does more than
just read science.
It's science fiction, Demers.
- What's up?
- Not much.
By the way,
I ran into Gingras's mom.
- What's with her?
- How so?
She tried to bite me.
Did she get you?
No.
Well, I'll be going. Surprise the family.
The prodigy son's returned!
Prodigal son.
Prodigy.
- No, prodigal.
- Prodigy.
Well, then.
Bye for now!
Bye, Demers.
The guy's clueless.
Thinks he's back from a mission
he never went on.
The radio said to wait for help,
but it never came.
My emotions got the best of me.
Big mistake.
When I tried to flee
my wife and sons,
all I wanted was to turn
and yell, "I love you. "
Stupid, huh?
Not really.
So a guy comes to work looking sad.
"Why so glum?"
"My wife left me this morning. "
"You two seemed so happy.
What happened?"
"I had a slip of the tongue,
and she left. "
"What did you say?"
Instead of saying:
"Pass the salt, my love.
I went:
You ruined my life, you cow. "
I wanted to make her laugh.
You there, my pup?
Who's that?
My little pup, you there?
Little pup?
Over.
She doesn't look like
she's ever cooked with Crisco.
She can bathe in orange water,
if she wants.
Seeing how she holds that rifle,
I feel pretty safe.
I want to go to work! Why am I saying this?
I have a friend named Kati.
She owns a sex shop. On hot days like today,
we stand outside in bikinis,
Truckers stop to buy something for the wife.
They ogle, natch. Kati has business smarts.
And I'll never see her again,
I'm stuck in the jungle
with a cornball comic.
And little Zoe.
At least you're here...
Pretty Zoe, so mysterious.
Lucky you, you're mysterious.
Me, I'm the cornball comic.
Me, it's my friend Ti-Guy who I miss.
He's my favorite cousin.
We go on bicycle rides
and play hockey.
He passes to me so I can score.
I'm pretty good.
You'll see Ti-Guy again.
Yeah, when I'm dead.
That's a good one!
I got you again.
The look on your faces!
Wish I had a photo.
Demers, have you finished, dammit?
Hey, Bonin, you...
Looks like your family's growing.
I don't wanna scare you,
but if you ask me,
something's up on Route 8.
Don't go!
I'll be back, ok?
Can we get out?
We'll wait a bit, ok?
You're still grieving
and you lose someone else.
My little pup.
Thrse...
What I saw out there...
I've never seen that.
For weeks we've survived.
We almost felt comfortable.
We saw fewer and fewer of them.
Why'd they come back?
They had no choice.
What do you mean?
They had nothing to eat.
So they came back home.
Someone must be blocking their way.
What about the city?
We have more chance
of survival there.
You did good here.
But the government will
protect cities before villages.
You saying we ain't worth shit?
As PM I'd do the same.
Good to know.
Remind me not to vote for you
if you ever run.
We'll barricade the windows better.
Save our ammo.
Not make noise.
We're low on food.
If we tighten our belt,
we'll make it.
Not you, kitten.
You can eat your fill,
you're still growing.
You can't stay here.
Or use the road the
army didn't block.
Those creatures are gathering.
There's no other way.
The house is right on their path.
They know we're here.
I know a bunker.
We have to skirt the
farms on Route 8,
reach the Demers River,
follow Muddy Creek,
take the fork to the dam,
then cross the forest on foot.
What if it's too late?
And someone's already using it?
It's a dog bite.
A jar of pickles, at least.
Dill pickles?
Yeah, they're so good.
There's not enough to go around.
Those jars hold a lot.
Take two.
We don't have room.
I'd take some of this.
Yeah, your jelly...
Crab apple.
They're almost sweet.
It's good.
Nothing better. Here, hide it.
I wonder where they are.
Who?
My family.
Where do you think they are?
Not partying on a
beach in Cuba, I hope.
That would suck!
As soon as we touch on something serious,
you change the subject.
I'll only stop when I stop believing.
There's nothing left
to believe in, anyway.
Why do you play dumb?
When I start to think, I see them.
I don't want to see them.
Who?
It reminds me how they saw me.
The black sheep of the family.
And I'm the last one alive.
What's the message?
I'm just saying you can
be loved for who you are.
Well, well, well.
Why are you whispering?
We're talking about your hand, hon.
What about my hand?
It's worrisome.
Did you tell'em it was a dog?
I was trying to explain that.
But you weren't there.
No, I wasn't there.
Next time you're deciding my fate,
I'd like to be involved, if that's ok.
Look, hon.
We're concerned, that's all.
I'm not your hon, Pauline.
Or anybody's.
I heard something.
Where was it?
What are you doing?
Let's go!
Hurry!
Zoe, let's go!
If you hear a growl,
you turn towards it, pump and fire.
Don't think twice. Got it?
I turn and fire.
First you pump.
Right, first I pump.
Don't forget the safety,
- or it won't fire.
- Ok, the safety.
Here, it's red, meaning you can shoot.
So it's the opposite of traffic lights.
I guess.
So now I can fire?
It's better with ammo.
I think it's safe.
There's no other route?
The river, but that would
add another day.
What if they surprise us in the field?
We run into the forest past the road.
I'll never make it.
I'll be wheezing like the devil.
I can carry you, if need be.
Kid, it's been 45 years
since anybody carried me.
I think I can survive one more day.
I was just trying to...
I thought it was...
You did good.
He'd been bitten.
Yeah, he'd been bitten.
Anyway, he was infected.
C'mon, kitten.
My name's Ral.
You may've seen me in the paper.
I sell insurance.
Last time I heard, he was...
Ti-Cul.
Did you ever kill someone?
Yeah.
Bet it's not easy.
No.
But it's better than nothing.
Maybe.
I say it is.
To all visitors who happen
to pass by here:
If for any reason
you're planning to go into town,
don't go there.
It's crawling with those evil things.
Everyone I managed to escape
with has been taken.
I'm the last one left.
I haven't seen anyone in weeks.
Every day I go out on Route 113
looking for survivors.
I haven't lost hope.
Signed: Number 79.
I had to leave them at home
with their dad that day.
Why?
To go for a manicure.
When I made love,
it was all about playing the good wife.
I was the woman I'd
been trained to be.
The perfect woman.
The strong woman.
But these days,
not much bothers me.
Rmi.
My name's Rmi Latraverse.
My pickles...
Did I put in too much dill?
Don't think so.
When you wake up and the
first thing you do is kill someone,
you know it's a whole new world.
Don't tell the others,
but you're the strongest.
Where's Tania?
I'll find Tania, ok?
Ok.
So she won't be alone.
No.
You know that you have to go.
This guy goes to the doctor's.
He says, "Doc, something's wrong.
If I press against my heart, it hurts.
When I rub my stomach,
the pain is intense.
If I touch my throat, it's worse.
Doc, do you know what I have?"
"Yes, sir.
Your finger's broken. "
Don't go that way.
Thanks.
Are you an astronaut?
A gun...
Not your thing?