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The Stairs (2016)
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MARTY: I was standing at the back door of a building. I told Buddy I wanted a hundred dollars' worth. Buddy put a 40 piece of crack in my hand. I told him, "I don't want that, give me some more." Buddy told me, "No, no, no." I said, "Well I don't want it, take it back." Buddy took out a gun and pointed it at my head. I thought he was joking. I said, "I'm not giving you no hundred dollars for that." Buddy took the gun down from my head. It's one of those ones you gotta cock. He went like that. Once I seen him go like that, I said, "He gonna shoot me." I started to run. All I heard was bang, bang. And I'm bleeding on my legs. I took the twenty dollars 'cause I needed cab fare to go to my girlfriend's house so I could smoke that forty piece of crack I had in my hand. I got in a cab, I went to her place. She wasn't in. I had to break open the window, go into her place, smoke my crack. I smoked my crack, I changed my pants. As soon as I changed my pants, I phoned a cab. When I phoned a cab and looked down, my pants were still just as bloody as they were before I even changed them. The cab came. I ran outside, opened the back door and just jumped in. And said, "I'm hit, I've been shot. Take me to the hospital." So the bullet went in both my legs, and the bullet lodged still in my left leg. HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) Yeah. MARTY: Went in there and there it is... thirty-eight. HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) And you can still feel it? MARTY: Oh yeah, I can still feel it. Feel it. (GASPS) (LAUGHING) MARTY: I usually scare people. It didn't work with you, so forget it. (LAUGHING) MARTY: I gotta laugh at everyth that happened in the past. Or else I'd drive myself crazy. That was then, this is now. You would never know that happened now. (SOUND OF TRAFFIC) MARTY: Now... you let me know when you're ready, buddy. When I started smoking crack, I was about 25 years old. When I finished, I was 47 years old. Okay? Now I'm 51. When I'm out there looking for crack, and it's 11, 12 at night, and the hostels are locked. I can't get in, and it's raining. I go sleep in one of these highe apartment buildings around here. I go sleep there, go to the top floor, sleep in the stairwell. These are the stairs. Come to my living room. Sit down. You hungry? Come on down to the kitchen. Now you're in the kitchen. Now you're in the bathroom. Now you're in the dining room. This is my home, used to be all the time. I used to just sleep right here like this. You can sleep a whole family there comfortably. (LAUGHING) I'm not joking. Oh, see? Look, they're dirtying up my living room. Look at that! I just washed these floors the other day. Look at that, urine all over my clean floors. You should have filmed right here. Come on, let's get off the stairs. I got a song too, I wrote about the stairs. I'm gonna sing that for you tomorrow. (LAUGHING) GREG: My substance use? I still use. I mean, I'm not afraid to say that to anybody. Whoever doesn't like it, they can kiss my... I enjoy using. I like using, I don't care. If you don't like that, you can kiss my ass too. (LAUGHING) Just joking. (INDISCERNIBLE CONVERSATIONS) PETER: Hey Greg, how's it going, man? GREG: Hey Pete, what's up man? How you doing? It's hot outside, eh? PETER: It is hot. GREG: You need a kit, eh? An injection kit? PETER: Yes, please. GREG: Alright, no problem. One cc's? PETER: Yes, please. GREG: I hear ya. Nobody likes using them half cc's. I don't know why. Well, actually I do know why. PETER: Can't find a vein. GREG: Exactly. Here you go. You're leaving the building right? PETER: Yeah. GREG: Alright. (LAUGHING) GREG: You know how it is. Policies, right? I can't hand out kits until you actually leave... unless you leave the building. Listen, I went from a guy who smoked crack in the washroom and who used to smoke drugs outside on the property to actually being hired here. And I think that's a miracle. You know what I mean? Actually, I shouldn't say I smoked drugs in the washroom too much 'cause... I don't know. But anyways, I used to. That's just the way it is. (INDISCERNIBLE CONVERSATIONS) (INDISCERNIBLE CONVERSATIONS) GREG: Marty. (INDISCERNIBLE CONVERSATION) GREG: At age 47, one of my dreams is actually to go back to college. I work here and I go to school full time. So I seem to be in these places all the time now and I enjoy it so much. MARTY: When they seen us on the street, they said, "Now, there's a user". How can we get the users to come listen to us? How can we get their attention and keep it? "Hey. Let's give 'em money", they said. Wow. That's a good idea. "How much money should we give 'em? Well, these users smoke crack, and it's $20 for crack, so let's give them all $20 to come in here and listen for two hours to what we have to say." Oh really? They came, they asked me. I said sure. I get that $20, I go buy my crack. Beautiful. I went in there, listened for two hours, got my $20, went and bought my crack. But the thing about it was, it wasn't a one-time thing. When you join, you join for six months. So every week for six months you're getting $20. That was beautiful. After my second time, I went... I wasn't really listening to what they were saying because all I wanted was the $20, 'cause all I wanted was my crac just like everybody else that w. Got my money and we left. And then one day, my third time I came there and I started to listen. But when I was listening I was sort of daydreaming. I had been up smoking crack all night, so I was tired. So I sort of closed my eyes and tried listening to them talk. And I swear to God, if I had kept my eyes closed while I was listening to them talk, I would've swore to God that they were talking about me. I would swear that I was the one doing the talking. I asked the gentleman, "How you know all this and what you talk and everything?" "I've been to college, I'm in university now." "But didn't you just say you did three years in the penitentiary? You got out last year?" "Yeah, that's right Marty. And you can do it too." I said, "Yes I can". I went and asked the other person; it was a girl. I said, "I've seen you before, but I didn't want to mention it. But, weren't you working the stroll on Jarvis Street?" "Yes Marty, that was me and I still do it. Yeah, but I'm doing it differently now. I'm not spending my money on my drugs no more." I said, "Wow. And they tell me that you're in Upper Canada? That's the lawyers' college, isn't it?" That opened my eyes up. I said, wait a minute, I'm 48. These people were only 30, 20 years old. But I can do this. I can be one of them. So I went from the crack house to the schoolhouse. Boy, look at me now. I'm in my third year. I says... hang on... cut. GREG: My man. Everything bless, Funky. Everything bless. Yeah. That's my man. I'm not gonna say his name, but that's my boy, man. That's my man. I've got a lot of friends down here. This is my turf. I love it. I love it. What's better? A hot summer day, you're in the shade, smoking crack. What the hell? Does it get any better than that? (LAUGHING) This street is still one of the last stops where crack use is almost legal. And the reason it's almost legal is because they want people all in one section. So that when they need to make arrests, they know they can just come down George Street and by the time they hit the bottom of the street, the backseats will be full. We are like fodder for them, for their arrest stats. That's what we are. We're just fodder. And we're treated as such by them. And I think it's just sad. Plus I got beat up by them. Badly. Last year. Six of them beat the shit out of me. For nothing. Through the courts, I'll get my justice. Hopefully. You know? They had no reason to beat me up. They had no reason. So, I really want to see how they're going to pursue this matter. 'Cause I think I got them by the balls. I really do. In my mind. We'll see how it goes. MARTY: Okay, John, Mark, Lisa, everybody. Calvin, Mark. You know, the stairs have been a big part of all of our lives. Us the users. I decided that I wanted to write a song about the stairs. And it goes something like this... One, two, three. Hold on a minute. Hold on, don't move. We got rats, we got roaches, we got bed bugs too. They was bitin' me, so I know they gonna bite you. Up there, on them stairs, them dirty old stairs. We got urine in one corner, we got human extract in the other. I'm so glad she can't see me up here. Who? My dear mother. On them dirty old stairs. We got morphines, we got oxys, we got opiates too. While I'm banging them, somebody gonna be robbing you. Up there on them stairs, them dirty old stairs. When I wake up on the stairs, all I can feel on my face are my tears. I look up to the sky and I say, please, somebody help me, help me up there. Get off these dirty old stairs. ROXANNE: When I go to sleep, I tend to go into night terrors. I have to totally knock myself out. And that's just to keep me safe because my sleepwalking is so active. I sometimes will talk to people or start cooking. I do all sorts of things when I'm sleeping. In 2009, when my partner overdosed, I was having a really, really hard time sleeping. I think I had gone maybe three or four days without sleep, even with medication. I woke up and I realized there was cops all around me. I didn't really know where I was but I recognized the area. So I was trying to figure out where I was but the cops were trying to handcuff me. And when I looked down I was naked. So I was like, what the fuck is going on here? I had walked about three blocks, naked, down to a public park at the end of my street. My doctor told me the level of PTSD I have is comparable to someone who's been at war. They had actually, like, physically taken me down to the ground and I didn't wake up. So that's how deep I sleepwalk. That's from post-traumatic stress. (SOUNDS OF TRAFFIC) (SOUNDS OF TRAFFIC) EFFIE: When I moved in... down in this area in 2002, I never knew about drugs. I'd seen it on TV but in real life, I'd never seen it. ROXANNE: (OFF-SCREEN) M'hmm. EFFIE: I never like, had it in my hand, I never smoked it. ROXANNE: (OFF-SCREEN) M'hmm. EFFIE: Until one of my... my boyfriends convinced me to move down here. ROXANNE: (OFF-SCREEN) M'hmm. EFFIE: And that's when he got me hooked on crack. ROXANNE: I think that you need to celebrate all the days that you heard, "Come on Effie, let's go, come on, come on." And you said, "no." Everybody has those days where "no" is not "no" to them. I still have those days. Some days I'll go to see a client, and maybe I'll go into a crack house, and I smell the crack and my back teeth start sweating and... EFFIE: And grinding. ROXANNE: Yeah, for sure. And I still have those days. And for me it's been like 15 years. You know? EFFIE: Really? That long? ROXANNE: Yeah. For that particular drug, yeah. I think it's not fair and untrue to say that if you use drugs you're a bad mother. Or if you're in the sex trade, you're a bad mother. I've always been very open with my children. Once they got to a certain age where they realized, or they were guessing what I was up to or where I was going, I was very honest with them. I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing. I just know that I'm not explaining now what was happening back then. (LAUGHING) NORMA: That's why you gotta check it, right? ROXANNE: I paid a lot of money to get my brain into this condition NORMA: I know. And you want the benefits of that. Especially the loss of memory shit. ROXANNE: It's one of the downfad the benefits, is the loss of me. I did have a very serious opiate addiction. And that use held on to me until last year. So... 30 years. Y'know, the twenty third was my two-year anniversary of being on Suboxone? NORMA: Oh, really? Wow. Congrats. ROXANNE: I started on the highest legal dose and now I'm on 2 milligrams, which is the smallest. NORMA: Bobby just kicked it, eh? At Christmas. ROXANNE: But how'd he get off the Suboxone? NORMA: He got off the Suboxone. ROXANNE: Did he have a hard tim? NORMA: He had a hard time for about two weeks. ROXANNE: Two weeks? That's it? NORMA: That was it. He suffered for two weeks. Couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't shit. You know what I mean? The whole bag of shit. Yeah. And he got off it. That's congratulations. ROXANNE: Yeah, thanks. NORMA: Good for you, Roxanne. That's freakin' amazing. SUSHI: Now you gotta buy more pot. (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) ROXANNE: In my world, this is a marker. Like the CN Tower. Field of Dreams. People get their drugs up at the top of the street and come down here and use and lay down and go to sleep. That's how it got its name. (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) CALVIN: When I first came, it was pretty scary 'cause you never know. If you get stuck with one of these and it has HIV, or Hep C or... you know, you could get it, right? You could get HIV. So... you know, it's a bit scary but... You know, if I can clean it up prevent someone else from gettik At least I know what I'm doing. For the most part. (DOGS BARKING) MARTY: Field of Dreams... it's like the stairs. It's like the stairs, but it's outside. Harm reduction. The safe use of drugs. And most of the people here are volunteers. And the other people here are peer-outreach workers. And we also have a couple students here. We all come together for the better of our community. Okay, here's what we do. We take two pipes. We take two screens. Two condoms. One stick. One user. There you go. Now, you wrap it all up. You gotta tie both ends. Nothing worse than getting a crack kit without pipes in it. Then you're really upset. And there we go, for our next user. I have a lot of stress. (ELEVATOR DOOR CHIMES) MARTY: Without my place, I'd probably... well, not probably... I'd still be smoking crack. No doubt about it. Oh. I'm gonna start my dinner now. Roasting pans out. Spare ribs today. I'm gonna show you how to make a complete meal. One person, one shot. Put it on 450. Put your movie on, sit back till she cooks, and then go nuts. I don't have an onion. I usually have my onion but I didn't go shopping today. I've got five of these movies. No, eight of them. They were $3.49 apiece. I needed movies, so I went down bought eight of them yesterday. Yeah, Bonanza - The Next Generation. That's Hoss and the boys. Oh. Now see Hugh? If I do now... now I'm home. Now I'm home, man. You know what I mean? Fuck, the day's done. MARTY: When you see that scooter or when you see me wear my new clothes, that's drug money. That's money I would've spent on drugs. I sort of went on a Bob Marley phase. I love his music, I love what he stands for, I love the lyrics to his music. I started my own little Bob Marley collection. Every time I get paid, I go dow and buy two Bob Marley shirts. I bought 'em on Yonge Street. But I wont tell 'em the store. Because I don't want everybody taking my Bob Marley sweaters. I also collect Jimmy Hendrix. Okay? That's right, the same store. I mean, I've got about... two hundred. Wait till you see my shoes. For every shirt here, there's a pair of shoes for it. I got shoes for every hat, for every sweater and some... listen, these shoes are five years old. Hang on a minute now, let me show you something. These shoes are three years old. Hang on a minute, hang on. I think these shoes are about four years old. But these stuff looks brand new. I take care of them, man. I ain't spending my money, I ain't wasting my money. No, I take care of my things. These hats cost $30, $40 for a hat. To me that's kinda crazy. But I like 'em, so let me tell you something, I'm gonna take care of 'em. Everyone gotta have a Boston ca gotta have your dirty, nasty Ya. Everything I got, I cherish. ROXANNE: Some women got a car for their birthday from their favourite trick and (LAUGHS) I did. Got a yellow Corvette. (LAUGHS) It was beautiful. I sold it to go to school. I stood on this corner for a million hours. I know what the bricks on that wall look like. I've probably counted them. On low track, it's about, "Got the money? Okay, let's do it here, let's do it now, let's get it over with." And get back to what I wanna do. On high track, it's more about getting them to invest in time so that you get more money all at once and probably have to do less sex work. And plus you're staying out of the cold. So we try to negotiate hours before we try to negotiate a blowjob. You could have one guy who might not ever have been on the stroll before and, if you've got game, you can talk him into spending everything in his bank account and he'll come back next paycheck, you know? If you catch him at the right time. (LAUGHS) And actually, if we had as much sex as men thought we had... our lips, our pussy lips would be at our ankles. It's not true, you know what I mean? So many times, I mean women that are working out there, they don't actually turn tricks like... some of them do. Some do if they have to and som do if they're in a pinch, whate. But if the guy is drunk, or even... even just a little wasted, we'll do anything we can to make him believe that he's having a sexually satisfying situation ending, you know? And we're not even doing anything. We use our hands to make, you know, noises and make it feel like a pussy. And we make it convulse, same as it's a pussy. And ain't no man don't know the difference. Especially if the girl's been out there for twenty years doing that shit. Trust me. Some spit in the palm of your hand is a convulsing pussy in my world. (LAUGHS) ROXANNE: Early in the morning. Get home and my babies are getting up for school. I've had a shower, washed my hair, it's in a ponytail. And now I'm spending the mornin getting my kids ready for schoo. And making sure they get off to school. I mean, there wasn't a lot about my life I didn't like. (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) MARTY: I went to a rehab. First time in my life. We're all sittin' around a table. One guy tell me he been here four times. Buddy say he's been here seven times. Buddy here been here ten fucking times. You mean you've been here that long and you still ain't got well? I got up and left. This is a revolving door. This is the government's way of saying, "Lookit, we're helping." They ain't doing shit. (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) (LAUGHS) MARTY: You got that on film, did ya? I smoke my marijuana every day. Every day. Instead of doing a rock, I go get something else. A rock, it lasts you a second. Then you gotta do another one. Then you do another one, then do another one. I do me an opiate. I'm good all fucking night. Eight, ten hours. And I still wake up with money in my pocket. Come here. If she don't meow, she ain't gonna come out. Let me see if I can get her out. Come here baby girl. No. Okay. She ain't gonna come out. I'm not gonna force her out here. You have to wait for that. She don't wanna come out. I'm not gonna force her out. I get up at five in the morning, but I'm awake at three. At three o'clock in the morning, that cat will get up on the bed "Meow, Meow," look at my eyes, or whatever. Know what I mean? I'll look and say, I'm not getting up 'til four. When four o'clock comes, that cat will fucking meow until I get up. "C'mon Marty. Get up man, I want my treat." I get up, give her treats, take my shower, shave, iron my clothes. Sometimes I have breakfast, but I'm too anxious to get out. I just want to get on my scooter and go. And I'm downtown (LAUGHS) six, seven o'clock in the morning, I'm downtown. I'm downtown, Hugh. Seven o'clock in the morning. Guaranteed. Hi kitty kitty. Hi kitty kitty. Say 'hi' kitty kitty. I used to be a lot more hyper. You know what I mean? But since I got that cat... I had it as a kitten. And I was hyper and I used to, "Come here, kitty." You know what I mean? And it used to hide. You know, I'd call it and it gets all scared. I'm like, "what the fuck?" Then I realized it was me. You know what I mean? Like I'd say, "Just calm down." Now, the cat just made me fuckin' on a level that's unbelievable. I've always had a temper. And when I got mad, I used to stutter. And what made me even more mad is that when I'm trying to talk and I'm stuttering and I couldn't get the words out and everything. I'd said well, "Fuck it, let's just fight." I lost my stuttering when I was about 21 years old. I guess 21, 22, I lost the stuttering. Yeah. But the anger still staye. The anger still stayed, and it's still here today. I have a very bad temper, Hugh. You know, this is the reason why, most times Hugh, I walk away. I never used to walk away. Never used to walk away. "Fuck you, let's do it". But now, I walk away more than I ever did. 'Cause I don't wanna go to jail. I don't wanna fucking go back to where I started. (SOUND OF RAIN) ROXANNE: I didn't tell anybody I applied for college 'cause I didn't think I'd get in. I never finished high school, I never went to high school. It was very lonely. I was used to being the one everyone came to and kinda running things and I mean, I knew all the pimps, I knew all the drug dealers, I could get anything at any hour of the day that I wanted. I could furnish your house for at three o'clock in the morning. You know what I mean? But in college I was just someone sitting in the classroom and didn't really know how to deal with that. It was just starting to get cold out and I was taking the city transit to school for... I'd never done that before. I went to work on my own, drove to work in my own car, or on my motorcycle, or I would get a limo service to drive me. I always had money to get where I wanted to go. And I was taking the subway and I was wearing a full-length mink 'cause it was cold out. And this woman was staring across at me in the subway, and she said, "Do you know how many animals they killed to make that coat?" And out of response and reflex I yelled back at her, screamed back at her, "Do you know how many animals I had to fuck to get it?" And the whole subway went quiet. So when I got to school, we were in class and everybody was talking about how their day began, and I told this story because I was so pissed off. Everybody else was just stunned by my language and my response. I was stunned by... that someone thought they could speak to me anyway at all. (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) DOCTOR: All right. So, we're going to try cutting down to less Suboxone. Doing it every other day. ROXANNE: OK. I won't get sick? Do you think I'll get sick? DOCTOR: I don't think so. ROXANNE: Suboxone takes away any feeling of withdrawal. Getting off the lowest dose is a little scarier. It's knowing where I've been. Like, that could happen, defini. Two little grandchildren, a stable home, a job that I love. Those things could be gone in a second. That could happen. (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) SUSHI: You know what I did? I went and got a transfer. I'm gonna try to transfer. JUDY: To one of these buildings? SUSHI: Yeah, the newer ones. JUDY: Good luck. SUSHI: I know, eh? I'm gonna try. JUDY: I'll never be able to afford to live in one. And they're putting it up in an where majority of people are ho. And it's like, what about the p who were there living before? SUSHI: Yeah. JUDY: You've transported... like, moved the problem somewhe. SUSHI: Back in the day, it was funny. You'd have to do a BJ from Parliament Street and be finished by the time you hit Sherbourne. (LAUGHS) JUDY: Yup. Yup. SUSHI: And it was good for a 60. JUDY: Yep. Good for sixty bucks. SUSHI: Now, it's like they're too cheap. You know that show, Looking for Mr. Goodbar? It's like I never found... JUDY: Mr. Goodbar? SUSHI: Yeah. JUDY: 'Cause he doesn't exist. SUSHI: And never found Richard . You know what I mean? JUDY: Richard Gere, where are y? I need you to pick me up. Give me diamonds. SUSHI: I found an 80-year-old Richard Gere. That was broke. JUDY: You find these guys and them who latch on to you because they figure you're a working girl and you make money and they want you to be the one that supplies 'em with the dope, the place to live, the clothes. It's like, I'm not supplying you shit, buddy. I'm the one laying on my back and spreading my legs, you should go out there and help me. SUSHI: Yeah, it's true, eh? JUDY: They don't wanna help. They want you to take care of them and it's like, I'm not taking care of you. I took care of three kids, righ? You're not one of my kids and I not taking care of you, I'm sor. JUDY: I originally came from the island of Trinidad. A fairly well off family. And when I came here things changed drastically. Parents were no longer able to afford to give me the things that I wanted. My parents separated. My mom moved her boyfriend in. The most difficult thing that ever happened to me in my life that started me on, out there, was... everybody says, "Go to your mother, go to your mother". I went to my mother. And to find that my mother didn't believe me. And it was a sobering experience. That the person who is supposed to protect you was more interested in keeping her boyfriend than she was in protecting her child. It's even more difficult now that my mother is gone and I was never able to put closure on... on any of that incident. MARTY: Christmas, Easter, Valentines... especially Christmas, my brothers and that driving around in a van looking. Because we spent all those times together as a family. And Christmas Day, I know for sure they'd be there. You know what I mean? I stayed... I'd always hide. I'd always hide. I woke up on the stairs one Christmas... I hadn't been with my family in, what? I think it was about 7 or 10 years. I think that was probably the lowest point in my life, when I was really that depressed, you know, and I started crying. If my mother was to walk through those doors right now, on the stairs, you know, I'd ask God to strike me dead. One day, I'm walking up Parliament Street and I see these little figurines. And I looked at these people. They look so real; they look li same people that are in my chur. And I knew that if my mother ever seen these, that she would fall right in love with them. I bought myself a set and I bought my mother a set. That looks like my grandmother. I swear it does. What I remember most about going to church is that everybody in your whole building went. The church was maybe a block away, but y'all got on the bus. And y'all had fun on the bus fooling around. I just love that feeling. But the best thing too is that, after Sunday school there's that one ritual. Everybody just runs home. We all ran home, took off our Sunday school clothes, and we'd all just sit there on the middle of the floor, 'cause we didn't have no rugs or nothin' then. We'd lay on the floor and we watch Sinbad the Sailor, or whatever Sunday afternoon movie show was on, you know what I mean? You get to the kitchen table, e runs, you get to the kitchen ta. After you eat your mum's meal, man... I mean, you can't move. I mean, it was just unreal, you know what I mean? You make your way back to the floor. (LAUGHS) Boy, you fell asleep then. This table here is filled with all my friends and family who have passed away. The next one here is that man I keep telling you about My hero. My father. And this is the only picture I've got of him. He passed away in 1999. Yeah, that's my best friend, right there. And he had a nickname. He liked his booze so much, his nickname was Boozy. That was his nickname, Boozy. And they used to call him Charlie too. Saturday, Dad always did the yard, you know? Dad always did the yard, every Saturday that was just like a ritual, you know? Yeah... do the yard, have his beer. He had his beer. He had beer all over the house on the weeke. But the weekdays, never touched a drop. (SOUND OF BIRDS CHIRPING) ROXANNE: My mother was a heroin addict. I was adopted to a family who moved into a Mennonite area. I looked different than the community folks. The Mennonite girls had this lush, thick, beautiful hair and I had very thin hair that never grew. I had dark lines on my teeth. I just wanted to find out what was out there, what was out past these walls, I wanted to check it out. I had a girlfriend who was like, "Yeah, I'll go with you." We used to walk out onto the road going in and out of this small town we grew up in, and we'd each stand on one side of the road and put our thumbs out. And whoever got picked up first, that's the direction we would leave for in the day. And we would be gone. We would just go and (LAUGHS) come back. Oh, I was bad. I was really bad, I gotta say. I was trying to get away from everything. My father was a volunteer firem and my brother was a pyromaniac. My brother was charged for some... horrific charges that had to do with mental health and the abuse that we suffered in our home. He got taken away to prison. As soon as my brother left, I left. 'Cause he was the only person, e only thing that I had to keep m. That day that I finally left, I home and I had a fight with my . and she backhanded me and split my lip open and I walked into my bedroom and packed my bags ad grabbed my cat... my favourite ct and I said, you know, "I'm leaving." And she said, "When you leave this house, just know that when you leave, you can never come back." And she meant it. And I knew she meant it. And I left and I never went back. Basically, I grew up without anyone. I was fifteen years old on the street, you know? They never once came to look for me. So I found my family elsewhere. (BIRDS CHIRPING) MARTY: One thing about us users is that we all stick together. GREG: This is a very famous remember-when spot for us guys. We've all smoked vast amount of drugs down here and had fun with actually girls, to be honest with you. MARTY: Girls, guys. GREG: Think about this spot, we are down here We are very vulnerable to the police. We didn't care. All's you would see is vast amo of smoke coming out of here MARTY: Hiroshima. GREG: It's a high-tech game. You gottta be actually pretty st to smoke drugs on the streets. You can't be no dummy smoking drugs. If you're dumb and you're smoking drugs on the streets, you're not gonna be smoking much drugs. Someone else will be. You may buy it but someone else will be smoking it. You know what I mean? MARTY: If you don't know the ga. GREG: If you don't know the gam. MARTY: You gotta know the game. The game is totally messed up. GREG: I've been to, like, ten rehabs in my life. I never completed one. I don't know, I think I'm just... I'm stubborn. (LAUGHS) Very, very, very stubborn. In a perfect world, would I be doing drugs? Probably not. Except for mariju. Marijuana can always stay in my books. Always. Crack, not so much. You know what I mean? I wish I t smoke crack. I'll be honest wit. I wish I didn't smoke it. I do. And I've learnt to enjoy it. I've learnt to like it. And do I want to stop using it? Probably. Yeah, I do. And that's a demon I'm gonna hae to work with on my own, right? But in the meantime, I think I've accomplished quite a bit in the last two or three years, and actually I see a future for myself, where two, three years ago there was no future for me other than jail or death. Right? And, ah... yeah. So... yeah. (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) MARTY: I've known Greg over 30 years. Yeah. I've known Greg just as long as I've known all these peers here. We grew up together, Greg and I. Yes, we did. He's already lost his place. So he's living in a hostel. Like most of us, when we get too far down on our luck. He has a court case going on. It's been going on for four yea. Tomorrow could be the end of it. But we have to make sure he's te 'cause in the past he hasn't shown up for court and whatnot. He won't go to jail. He'll get served, he won't even get proban it'll just be over. But he has to be there. During his arrest, the police really beat him up. They gave him two black eyes and he was hospitalized. And he wanted to sue them. That's what he started out to do. I hope he's there because this is pretty much his last chance you know what I mean? You know, you got a peer who wants to help you. I mean, it doesn't get no better than that. (INDISCERNIBLE CONVERSATIONS) (INDISCERNIBLE CONVERSATIONS) MARTY: Have a good night. MAN: You too. Take care. See ya. MARTY: C'mon people. Are you going this way? If you're going, go please so I can lock this gate. MAN: Yeah, Nancy. MARTY: Never mind, Nancy. You hurry up. MAN: Patience is a virtue. You're not patient. (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) MARTY: Yeah, so, Greg was there earlier. Apparently he went to the dorm to get some sleep. We went to the dorm and there's no Greg in the dorm; the dorm's empty. So Greg disappeared. I don't know where he is but we're not gonna catch him today. Whatever he's dealing with, he started dealing with last year,. And it might have been even longer than a year. This was a once in a fucking li chance for him, you know what I? Look at all the support he had him, and everything. I don't be. He should've been there, man. F. So what's gonna happen now, he' gonna have a warrant for his ar. He's gonna end up going to jail and doing time for these charge. I'm not putting my best foot forward for him no more. ROXANNE: Outreach. Outreach. You know this just got stolen, it still has its reflectors on. These are, like, very valuable on the street. It still has two tires and a chain. Oh, and it's in working condition. You know how much we can get for this up there? Ten... ten bucks. (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) WOMAN: I used to hitchhike to Toronto. I was sixteen years old. So I was... I was pretty clever tho. ROXANNE: M'hmm. WOMAN: Like, a natural hustler. ROXANNE: Sixteen year olds are. WOMAN: I found some guy, like, tried to put me on stroll. And I'd pull in, like, a thousand bucks for two nights. I was like, sixteen years old. I wasn't legal. ROXANNE: Yeah. WOMAN: I was barely legal, I wa. But you know, I told them I was eighteen, or something. I'm getting paid like, forty to like, well, forty and eighty if I'm lucky. The guys are so cheap out there. And I do dress up, and I do look really nice. ROXANNE: Yeah. Where do you wor? On River? WOMAN: On Shuter Street. All th. I walk all the way up from Rive all the way down to Pembrooke a. ROXANNE: Oh, okay. WOMAN: Yeah. And it's disgustin. I mean like, there's bad dates. One date, like, he was going around and you just got in his car, and he'd just punch the girl right in the face. And, you know? ROXANNE: Yeah. I do know. WOMAN: And that was it. And then he'd just throw money on her lap whether she caught it or not after she got punched in the fae and she was pushed her out of the car. It was her luck whether or not she actually got the money for . But that was what he got off on. I heard he'd drive away and jerk off somewhere else after. (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) ROXANNE: When you bend down and look into the car you got thirty seconds to decid if this person's gonna take you. (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) ROXANNE: What I used to do is check the license plate. The sticker on the license plate is the same month as the birthday on your insuran. You try to figure out, "is this your car?" You could ask him, like, "What sign are you?" Whoever was in the car, I made sure that they knew that I had friends that took his license plate down. Like, if I felt something deep like something was wrong, I got. No money was worth me having a bad date. I didn't even care about going to jail, to tell you the truth. I only worried about bad dates. JUDY: Hey there. How you doing? WOMAN: Good. JUDY: We're doing outreach from Regent Park Health Centre. Do you need anything from us today? WOMAN: Everything. SUSHI: Everything? You need some socks? WOMAN: Yeah. JUDY: There was an old Chinese hotel that you could take guys to; spend fifteen bucks for the room. The old guy behind the desk was nice to all the girls. And I took a date up there one night. And at the time I was doing her. And he got strung out on heroin. And he swore to God that there were worms inside me. All right? And he had to cut them out of me. He nearly killed me. And he was a regular. Some people are lucky and some people aren't. I was one of the lucky ones. I survived. I've had friends that didn't survive. I've had one friend that ended up floating in Lake Ontario. And to this day, they've never caught the person that killed h. This your condom wallet. WOMAN: All right. JUDY: You've got condoms in here. And doubling up is not a good i. WOMAN: (LAUGHING) JUDY: You know, most people say double up. Don't double up. Because the friction of one conm can actually make them break. WOMAN: Yeah. JUDY: All right? So don't double up. One is fine. WOMAN: Okay. SUSHI: So you get a few condoms in there, right? Use a condom, and the other one you can use as a hair tie. (LAUGHS) That's what I do. JUDY: Women who work the streets are at the bottom, as far as I'm concerned, of the police priority list. They tend to look at it, in my opinion, as "She's just paranoid" or "She probably tried to rip him off that's why he did that to her". They don't take us seriously. (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) (MUSIC) (MUSIC) (MUSIC) (MUSIC) (MUSIC) (MUSIC) (MUSIC) MARTY: So last week, an incident happened with me. It happened when I was at work at the Regent Park Health Centr. I lent somebody some money. And this person kept saying they're gonna pay me and I keep confronting them. This has been like, six months. I'm going to work; I see this person. I confront this person face to e and told her I want my money to. She goes, "Don't worry I'll pay" And I knew she was lying. She had a cigarette in her mouth and she was saying it like she was some tough person. So I went to grab the cigarette out of her mouth. I missed the cigarette and got on the lip with one of my finge. And she moved back. Another lady walks into the building and walks up to the reception at the front desk, and says, "Who's the supervisor here? Where's the boss?" Just like that, all frantic-lik. The lady who wants the supervisor is looking at me, saying, "You're gonna get fired. You're gonna get fired." Like it's some kind of game, like she's a little child. Saying, "Ha ha. You're gonna get fired." The girl who owes me money, who I had the confrontation with, is coming in through the side door. As she comes in, this lady looks at her and says, "Phone the police. Phone the po. Phone 'em on him, phone 'em on " And this girl looks at her and looks at me, and says, you know, "I'm not phoning the police." And kept on walkin. I looked at her, I said, "Why dt you mind your own fucking busin" As I'm trying to walk past her, she takes a step out and steps directly in my pathway. Directly. And she's about this far from my face. And she's yelling, "Don't you talk to me like that. I'm not h. Don't talk to me like that." I told her, and I'm yelling at back at her "Get out of my face. Shut up and get out of my face." Just then, she slaps me. She slapped me, I was stunned, I just slapped her back. As I made contact with her, I froze. I said, "Oh no. I didn't just do that, did I?" As I stood there, she had a purse in her hand. She slapped me in the head one time with the purse. I stood there. She slapped me again. I stood there. She slapped me a third time with her purse. In my face. I still did nothing because I was still stunned that I had hit this person. I figure, okay, the police are coming. I did hit this lady. I have a bad record. I'm going to jail. The police handcuffed me, in the building. Walked me outside, put me in a police car and took me to jail. I got my co-workers staring at as I'm being handcuffed and led. I'm sitting in the back of the police car and I'm sweating. I'm saying, "Holy fuck, not again. Not again." Being in the back of that polic like I was sleeping on the stai. It's like all my... all my rehabe been doing thus far means nothi. Because I'm back in the same spot again. WOMAN: Yeah. And I kicked my ass. I kicked my motherfuckin' own ass. JUDY: Found her right around the street corner. WOMAN: Yup. Fucking honk. Honk, honk, honk. "Where've you been?" Oh my god. She's like, "If you don't come next Thursday, I'm gonna drag you down and I'm gonna so embarrass you." I'm just like, "Okay, I'm coming." JUDY: Joy, joy, joy. WOMAN: OK, we seriously need a break. One, two, three, four, five. I would already have this done if I was high on Tina. WOMAN: Hurry up, Grandpa. GREG: What? JUDY: Hey, listen. GREG: My, how you talk to me. JUDY: When we care about somebo and when you don't show up for weeks and weeks and weeks on end... WOMAN: I'm joking. I know. That's what I'm saying, Grandpa. GREG: Wow. WOMAN: You're like my Grandpa. GREG: I'm not a Grandpa. Well, I am a Grandpa, actually, but still... WOMAN: Exactly. So, shhh. GREG: I'm not a Grandpa. I'm appalled you think of me like that. (LAUGHING) Actually, I am. No one's ever called me Grandpa before. JUDY: Hey, Pops. GREG: Even my grandson can't call me Grandpa yet. JUDY: What does he call you? GREG: (GRUNTS) Uhhhh. (LAUGHING) GREG: (GRUNTS) Uhhhhhh. (LAUGHING) MARTY: I seen her about three days ago. I just caught her. I said, "My . "Oh, I'm gonna bring your money over tonight or tomorrow." But I didn't want to argue and fight and everything else. I just wanted to prove that I can catch you anytime I want to fucking catch you. You know what I mean? But she just thinks she ain't gonna have to pay me. And when I see her again, she's not gonna have my money. This girl's a fucking bitch. No, no, it's principle. (STUTTERING) It's that she justk my kindness and stepped all ove. It pissed me off. You know? I'll, I'll slash her throat her for it. I'll punch her right in the face for it. If I ever catch her anywhere alone, anywhere alone I'll beat the fuck outta her. I'll tell her, I didn't do it. I'll tell her she hit me first. I'll lie my fucking ass off. Just the way she lied. No big deal. Is it worth it? Yeah, until I g money for me, this case, yeah i. You know what I mean? 'Cause I'll do it. I should just forget it. I mean, it's only, what? $20. But the $20 came out of my pocket. You know, she's not gonna have my money. I might pay some fucking broad, some girl (INDISCERNIBLE) to be. Not slap, not kick her, beat her up. I can do that. She gonna pay for that. Anyway... HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) Would you really do that? MARTY: You're fucking right, I would. All you gotta have is a twenty piece of stone. Piece of stone will get her beat up. ROXANNE: The worst date that I ever had was in the late 80s. This man held me captive for two days. The only time I was allowed to e the bed was to go to the washro. He held on to my hair to take me to the washroom in the basement. I tried starting to get out. Anytime I moved or put something down, I'd remember where I'd pu. So that, if I did get out, I would have his ass busted. I kept saying over and over and over to him, "My son's at home. I need to ge" And he kept telling me that he couldn't let me go because I would have him kicked out of the country and he didn't wanna go back to Colombia. So, he'd been drinking for two days and talking non-stop and raping and was very violent and I told him that I would marry him to stay in the country. But we had to go do blood tests to get married. So we needed to leave his house and we needed to get these blood tests done and go to City Hall. That way he could stay in the country. But I wanted to pick up my son first. I could see that after maybe half a day of just implanting this idea in his head, that it was starting to kinda soften him up a little. He was starting to be a little nicer to me. So I took a chance and I asked him to go to the washroom. He was holding on to my hair, as usual. But this time he had let go of my hair and held on to my arm, to take me down the stairs to the washroom. My hands were behind my back, like, tied behind my back. So as soon as he turned to go down the stairs, he put one foot down on the stairs to go down the washroom, I just ripped out of his grasp threw myself through a bedroom . I was naked. I ran out into the middle of the street where I was hit by a Cor. Rolled over the top of his car. Landed on the ground, got up and just kept running. By the grace of God there was a lady, drove up in a mini-van with another lady and three little kids in the van. And they pulled over and scream, "Get in. Get in. Get in." And they gave me a sweater that covered me and ah...um... took me to 14 Division. And these police that I'd been working with every night since I had these boundaries, didn't recognize me. I was so beat up. So, I fainted. When I came to, I was in a polie department washroom on the floo. And I was covered in my own vomit. The police told me, these two cops that actually had been trying to bust me earlier that week were holding me and telling me everything was gonna be okay. And they were gonna take me to the guy's house. So, they said, "Do you want us to take you to his house?" And I said, "Yeah." That's the only way I could tell them where the house was. Because I couldn't remember... I remembered the street and I remembered the way the screen door looked. And there was an initial in the middle of the screen door and it was turned on its side. And that's all I could remember other than the number of steps in front of the house. 'Cause I... when I ran down them, I counted, one, two, three, four, five. I knew where everything in the house was. Where I had dropped condoms; where I had put wrappers of condoms; where my clothes were in the house; where I'd put things in the bathroom to prove that I'd been there and that had happened to me. The police took me back to his house and they turned on the bright lights so he couldn't see me and I could see him and I was able to identify him. And I think he got seven years or eight years in prison. And back then, sex trade workers weren't really reporting rapes but I wanted to know who he was. I wanted to know... just in case I ever ran into him again, who he was. (BIRDS CHIRPING) (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) GREG: (BREATHING HEAVILY) (COUGHS) Yeah. Very good. I would say, what happens when you do a first toke though, it changes your mindset, though. It does change your mindset. Whatever I was thinking about before is irrelevant. It's all about crack now. Crack, crack, crack. I'm trying to get housing, of course. That's number one. That's hard to do. I hate living in the hostel system. It's kind of screwing up my harm reduction work. I'm at Seaton House, right on George Street. That's crack central, pretty much. Very hooked up in that place. Doesn't matter what time of night you go, someone is there. Someone is there, always. Very hard to do. Very hard to stay away from the stuff so... And as hooked up as I am, it makes it even worse. As of right now, it's a stalemate. They want me to plead guilty. And if I plead guilty, that means I have no legal right to sue them. It's almost four years this case has been going on. Almost four years. Four frickin' years. For the beating that I took from them. But you know what? Really and truly I don't even really want money from the cops. Fuck 'em. They beat the shit out of me. They wanted me to get them to buy drugs. I wouldn't go for it. And they kept on pressing the issue. I wouldn't go for it, and finally they said "Fuck it, let's beat him up." So they beat me up. They beat me up pretty good. I give them credit. Six of them. All head and face shots for about two minutes. Kicks and punches to the face and head for two minutes. But I took it like a champ. I dt scream, I didn't say nothing, you know what I mean? They wanted me, "Ahh. Ahh." None of that. None of that. I just took it like a champ. Yes, sir. Anyways... one more toke. (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) GREG: Yeah. MAN: Forty bucks, yo. GREG: How much? MAN: Fifty. Make it fifty. (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) Do you remem back you were gonna stay over a? One night, like, before a court? GREG: Right. HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) Do you remem? GREG: Yeah. HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) Do you remember what happened? GREG: I was probably on George Street. I was probably out smoking crack somewhere and he couldn't find me, because I was... who knows where I could be. I could be on George Street one minute, next minute I'm in Moss Park or on Sherbourne and Queen. You know what I mean? I go where the crack is. You know? HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) Did you get to talk to him about that? GREG: Oh yeah, I talked to him about it. HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) What did he say? GREG: He understood. He understood. He understood. Yeah, I was supposed to stay at his house to go to court the next morning but I made it to court anyways. Yeah. HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) You guys on good terms? GREG: Me and Marty? Yeah, yeah. Of course. Yeah... (SOUND OF RUNNING WATER) (GRUNTS) MARTY: Since the incident, I mean, I just go from work to . Go to darts on Saturdays. Now darts is over as of last we. So, I'm back to being a hermit. (SOUND OF CLOCK TICKING) MARTY: I've been charged with assault. I could lose my job, my reputat, respect from my fellow peers. All for nothing. ROXANNE: I wake up every morning at the same time drenched in sweat. Everything's heightened, so I'm like, shaking and I feel like I can't breathe. I have to go outside. It feels like terror. One day I'm gonna go on vacation. Somewhere warm. Fiji Islands, Jamaica. Just relax. No telephone, no internet, no w for anyone to get a hold on me. Sleep. Friday was the first day that I woke up and didn't take Suboxone in over two years. And didn't take something in... I mean, thirty years. Relapse is a part of recovery. I just don't want it to be a part of mine. (LAUGHING) MARTY: What's up, Redman? You okay? You need something? MAN: (INDISCERNIBLE) MARTY: Holy fuck. That's no good. Yeah, that's no good. MAN: (INDISCERNIBLE) MARTY: Yeah, but you still have your place though, eh? MAN: Yeah. MARTY: Oh good. Okay, yeah. MARTY: My lawyer called and she, "Looks like we have a resolutio" BRUCE: A field, right? MARTY: I have no idea, Bruce. No fuckin' idea. Maybe they'll put another buildg here, who knows? Another condo. So when I arrived at court the next day, she told me this resolution was a peace bond. I sign it, and the lady who accd me of assaulting her signs it. And we stay away from each other for one year and then everything's done. I used to give my fingerprints. Now I'm the blueprint. For doing it right, doing it right. (LAUGHS) Wasn't like this years ago. This coming weekend, I'm gonna start my withdraws. The following Monday, I'm gonna go to the doctor, and she's gonna start me on my Suboxone. And that's gonna save me $400 every two weeks. It's gonna give me back my freedom. So I don't have to wake up in the morning, feeling all the aches and pains and not being able to move. It's just not worth it. See, I don't have kids or anyth. Gotta have some kind of legacy. If I keep talking, keep yelling, maybe my voice will stay around. With my spirit. The screaming spirit, they call. (TRAFFIC SOUNDS) GREG: This is police. This one here is, ah... I got into an altercation with somebody and they threw a full beer bottle at my... at my face. HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) When was that? GREG: Oh that was maybe eight years ago, nine years ago. And I don't mind the scar. Some girls like it. They say, "Where'd you get that? It's so cool." I say, "Yeah... I know." I was a biracial baby back in ts and I was basically told I was . That the society didn't condone blacks and whites together. So my parents gave me up for adoption because they didn't wat the stigma of having a biracial. So I'm probably running from th. I'm running from myself. I don't think I like who I am m. You know what I mean? Either I wish I was white or bl. Not white and black. You know? And yet, at the same time I love who I am so it's a contradiction in itself, you know? Yeah. I got a daughter and a son, and I got a grandson. My daughter is 24 and my son is 27. My grandson is two. But I'm supposed to go babysit him soon. My daughter wants me to come up and babysit him for a week. So I'm really looking forward to that. That's gonna be a good way for me to get out of this jungle I'm in... you know? Go to the suburbs, even though I hate the suburbs but I gotta go to Brampton and see my grandson. Connect with him, you know? He doesn't know me yet, really, he hasn't seen... that's Grandp. He doesn't really know me. He's only seen me once. Sure, I think about him every d. But they're doing well, they're okay. You know? They're living up in Brampton, they're doing what they wanna d. I think my daughter gets me. She gets me. You know? She accepts that I am what I am and who I am and how I live. Yeah. He doesn't really talk to me. He's very angry at me. Very angry. So, you know... We haven't talked in a while. It's been years. It is what it is. I will not really change who I am or what I am. Even though according to society I'm a lowdown drug addict. I think I'm quite intelligent, actually and I believe my views on a lot of subjects are correct and I think a lot of people are wrong in the way think and the way they go about. So, we're at a Mexican stand-off. And I'm not budging. (SOUNDS OF TRAFFIC) (SOUNDS OF TRAFFIC) MARTY: Here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty. Here, kitty. (EXHALES DEEPLY) My whole body's gonna itch now. That's how you know you got it. That should last, I don't know, nine, ten o'clock tonight. Maybe a little later. The whole thing... I did the oth that'll be good 'til about... I t know, two, three in the morning. So there'll be no more sweating now for a while. (SOUND OF CHAIR SCRAPING ACROSS FLOOR) MALE CLIENT 1: No I didn't, I'm in the office. GREG: Stem kit for you? One's good? MALE CLIENT 1: Yeah. GREG: Alright, bro. MALE CLIENT 2: Is there another place I can go to do my laundry? GREG: Somewhere else? Around here? Laundry...this is the place I was talking about. Monday to Friday til noon only, by appointment only. And that's it. Realistically, there's no place to go. Housing? My housing is good. I'm finally going to my house right now... soon as I'm off to see if my cheque's in the ma. Then I'm gonna spend some time in my house. Get to know my bed. Ah-ha. This is my house. This is my TV room. Living room. ROXANNE: So you started your criminal compensation paperwork? GREG: No, I can't do that. Beca I said, I have to be found not y to get paid. ROXANNE: Okay. GREG: So they're trying to... That's why it's five years. (LAUGHING) You know what I mean? It's bullshit, you know what I mean? I really don't even want their fucking money. You know what I mean? Seriously. 'Cause I'll just recycle it, the way I know how and they won't like that, you k? Threw me through a window, beside the Buffalo restaurant on Sherbourne and Queen. They brought me to the hospital and the fuckin' doctor looked at me and says, "Who the fuck did that to you?" And I told him, "A cop." He's like, "Yeah, right." ROXANNE: You healed up pretty. GREG: Thank you. ROXANNE: You're welcome. Thanks. Thanks. Wow. ROXANNE: That's pretty traumati. Have you dealt with that? Have ? GREG: No, I haven't dealt with it yet. Like I said, I don't even want their fucking money. ROXANNE: No, I don't mean financially have you dealt with. Like, have you talked to someon about it? Like, counsellor or... GREG: I've talked to a few people about it, yeah. ROXANNE: Do you have any family members around here? GREG: Around here, in Toronto? ROXANNE: Well, close to you. GREG: No, nobody close to me. They're all in the suburbs. I talked to my sister a couple days ago. I talked to my daughter yesterday. Talked to my grandson yesterday for a minute. He's so me. He's so me. He's so me. I'm not well-received, like, past my daughter. And even her, I've... I've abandoned her. You know what I mean? In all kinds of ways. I was never there for her, you know what I mean? But she still... she still lets me talk to her still lets me be part of her family. I don't know what to do about that, you know? ROXANNE: So many people come to me for answers...and come to me for help, that I feel like I should have the answers or I should know what to do. Of course, it feels very different when it's your son. I just found out that my youngest son was using. HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) So how old is your son? ROXANNE: Eighteen. You think about if you had done something different if you had been there during a time where you could have prote. He grew up seeing and being aros that he shouldn't have saw or h. And that was so normal to us that we had normalized so much that... he normalized it. Like, that was just part of lif. And it shouldn't have been. It shouldn't have been. (SOUND OF TRAFFIC) (SOUND OF CONSTRUCTION MACHINES) (SOUND OF CONSTRUCTION MACHINES) (SOUND OF CONSTRUCTION MACHINES) (SOUND OF CONSTRUCTION MACHINES) HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) How's Greg doing? MARTY: Lousy. HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) Lousy? MARTY: Terrible. He's been off sick all week because he's indulging, that's . And he came in today and he smelt terrible. Smelt terrible. He was straight and everything, but smelt terrible. HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) Has he been home? MARTY: Apparently he was home, but... Tell me I don't know what I'm talkin' about because he told Jessica the same thing. But if I don't say anything, when he does lose his place I'm gonna feel guilty for not saying anything. This is harm reduction. There's more downs than there are ups. In order for you to get somewhere without doing drugs it's gonna take you years. That's a dilemma too right ther you know how strong you have to? You know? So... And Greg was strong, just like I was, in the beginning. You kn? Then he got the money. Six grand... three grand and it just triggered him. Then he came clean again, and went back to school. Got three more grand and never came back from that. HUGH: (OFF SCREEN) What do you mean he got all this the money? MARTY: Student loans. I've been going to court with Greg on this case for the last four, five times, but he must've went about fifty, sixty times in the four or fives he's been going to court for th. And I give Greg a lot of credit in four years he only got in tr. He shouldn't have had to wait fr years, you know what I mean, Hu? It should've been over with already. ROXANNE: You live through so much. I've seen people get murdered. I've seen people beat. I've seen people, you know, raped. I mean, you can't live with all of that and function... with all of that on your brain and in your heart. You have to put it down. I went to a birthday party. People were using around me and were offering lines. And just saying, you know, like go ahead, go ahead. And I thought about it. SUSHI: Okay, six. One, two, three, four... ROXANNE: Oh. I didn't say last card. SUSHI: Doesn't matter. You're on four in a row. ROXANNE: It's a good thing we don't have no money on this gam. SUSHI: (LAUGHS) I know, I know. SUSHI: Do you want a beer? ROXANNE: Yeah. Oh... okay. I can't even get off eights, ma. My son needs me. And whatever I can do, I'm gonna do. I don't really care what peoplek about who I am, or what I've do. Not anymore. I've seen what they can be. And I could never be as bad as them so I don't see how anyone can judge me. MARTY: There is none of those happy endings, you know what I ? There's always good endings, and there's good days, that's why they say day by day, one day at a time. You know what I mean? But... I'm a recovering addict. You're a recovering addict for the rest of your life. So where's the happy ending? It's a good day. There's no good ending. The ending's when you're dead. There's a good ending for ya. But as long as you're still alive, you're still struggling. You're still coping. You know what I mean? When you wake up, and you're at that next day you're very happy 'cause you mae another day you didn't smoke cr. You know what I mean, Hugh? That's the happy ending for us. It's that, okay, we didn't do it today. And, you know, I didn't do it y. I'm not gonna do it today eithe. That's our happy ending. Because it never ends. (SOUNDS OF TRAFFIC) MARTY: Listen, I need you to do me a favour. Greg has to go to court today. He's supposed to be there by nine o'clock. If he's not there, it's going to be a fail-to-appear and they're gonna throw him in . This is the last day. They finally got everything thay wanted. The deal's gonna happen. But if we don't find him, it's gonna be all screwed up so... His lawyer's waiting for him the and I'm supposed to be there wi, but I couldn't find him this mog so I'm gonna look for him now. We can't be late. Fucking guy. Fuck. MARTY: All this bullshit over forty bucks. Forty bucks that he sold to an undercover? Okay stop the car here, Hugh. I don't know what to tell you. Give me a minute. (CAR DOOR OPENS AND SLAMS) (MUSIC: "Sailing Away" by Jennifer Castle) (MUSIC: "Sailing Away" by Jennifer Castle) (MUSIC: "Sailing Away" by Jennifer Castle) (MUSIC: "Sailing Away" by Jennifer Castle) (MUSIC: "Sailing Away" by Jennifer Castle) (MUSIC: "Sailing Away" by Jennifer Castle) (MUSIC: "Sailing Away" by Jennifer Castle) (MUSIC: "Sailing Away" by Jennifer Castle) (MUSIC: "Sailing Away" by Jennifer Castle) (MUSIC: "Sailing Away" by Jennifer Castle) (MUSIC: "Sailing Away" by Jennifer Castle) (MUSIC: "Sailing Away" by Jennifer Castle) (MUSIC: "Sailing Away" by Jennifer Castle) (MUSIC: "Sailing Away" by Jennifer Castle) (MUSIC: "Sailing Away" by Jennifer Castle) (MUSIC: "Sailing Away" by Jennifer Castle) MARTY: (LAUGHING) I can't do that again. I can't. Oh, boy. That's it. That's Marty. (CLAPPING) |
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