Rolling.
Marker.
Scene 38A-7, take two.
BOY:
Rolling, rolling.
MAN: I mean, its
all up to you.
All right, Fernando.
BOY ON COMPUTER:
Marker.
GIRL ON COMPUTER:
Scene 38A-7, take 3.
[Clack]
DIFFERENT BOY ON COMPUTER:
All right. Rolling, rolling.
Action!
[JET LANDING]
NARRATOR: People think
traveling is exciting.
Its not.
Hotels, meetings,
TSA, nagging GPS voices
in your head.
WOMAN: You have reached
your destination.
My flight was canceled--
very exciting.
So I decided to drive.
With an opening
in my schedule,
I thought I would stop
at the stream.
I hadnt been here
in 28 years.
[Joan Jett and The Blackhearts
"TMI" playing]
I got your deets
about your date night
Date night
I could still see
those ridiculous knee socks
and rainbow suspenders.
This way!
[Shouting]
Were gonna get the flag
before you do!
The flag is
gonna be mine.
[Indistinct chatter]
NARRATOR: Back then,
I had sold my soul
to George Lucas,
but in the summer of 1981,
what 12-year-old
didnt worship "Star Wars"?
Boys wanted to be Han Solo,
girls wanted to be
Princess Leia.
Going somewhere,
Wollerman?
Straight through
you Paxton.
NARRATOR: Wollerman saw
himself as Han Solo.
Unh!
However in real life,
he was more like C-3PO.
"Star Wars" was so popular,
it became a religion,
so much so that I was able
to talk an entire neighborhood
into overhauling their
regular capture the flag game
into--wait for it--
Wiffsaber!
[Deep voice]
Now I have the Rebellion
at their heels.
Got you now.
Whoa! Ugh!
Whoa!
Whats up, bowl cut?
Girl, go get the flag
because Im having
fried Wollerman.
Unh!
Ha ha ha!
NARRATOR: Lorna was like
a storm trooper in Lady Keds.
Whos next?
Out of my way,
Booby.
Oh! Son of a--
NARRATOR: Paxton was
our Catholic school Jedi.
Nobody calls me Booby.
Bobby, my brother,
a pint-sized Chewbacca.
[Shouting]
Get the flag!
Aah!
[Deep voice]
The flag is mine.
Your pitiful Rebellion
will be squashed.
NARRATOR: Im Ernest Terry,
the one kid on the cul de sac
who wanted to be Darth Vader.
You struck the Dark Lord
of the Sith.
No. I struck you,
the Dark Lord
of the Sissy.
I cant see.
Stay still!
Ha ha ha!
Jawas have more
force than you. Ha!
Give in to your anger,
give in to your hate.
You have already lost.
NARRATOR: I hated when Paxton
would toy with me.
Paxton was a year older
than me and going to high school
and twice the athlete.
Come on.
[Lightsaber
whooshing sounds]
[Crackling]
Dont you know
bad guys never win?
Get back here, Rebel! Yah!
Come and get me!
Hit me!
Death to the Rebellion!
OK. Come on,
Dork Vader!
My brother!
Sorry, Ernest.
NARRATOR: Now I knew
how Luke felt
when he lost his hand.
[Kids shouting]
Sorry, man.
BOY: Flags ours.
See you Wednesday, Blow Pops.
Hey! Thats my flag.
Winner takes it home--
your rules.
NARRATOR: He was right,
and rules were never meant
to be broken.
You can have mine
if you want.
NARRATOR: No. My Wiffsaber
had special powers.
Nah, thats OK.
I think we need
a new strategy
for Wednesday.
I suggest working
as a team.
Yeah.
WOLLERMAN:
Team with you?
Duh! Friends
helping friends
makes us stronger.
Paxton and I
dominated today.
Give me 5 on
black hand side, girl.
NARRATOR: Spider-Man had
his tingle,
and Bobby had his freeze.
Booby!
When Bobby froze,
you could be sure
that something
was wrong.
Wyatt!
BILLY SQUIER:
You got me runnin, baby
You give me something...
NARRATOR: Wyatt Swooker was
the kind of kid
who gave Freddy Krueger
nightmares...
You put the magic...
a master manipulator.
Urban legend had it that
the CIA once interviewed him
about becoming
an interrogator.
[Gagging]
Wyatt!
NARRATOR: Wollerman had
nerves of JELL-O.
Dont vomit.
NARRATOR: At an early age,
he developed
an incurable habit
of vomiting
whenever things
got out of whack.
ERNEST: Hollis.
Hollis.
NARRATOR: What a name.
It had movie star
written all over it.
Hollis.
Hollis was our baby-sitter
and Wyatts girlfriend.
Ow!
Sorry.
Thanks. I needed that.
OK, boys.
Franks and fries.
Come on, Ernest!
NARRATOR: There was
no stopping Bobby
when it came
to his favorite meal
of carbs and nitrites.
Come to think of it,
I loved it, too!
And, oh
I can never doubt you
For too long
Can you hand
me a tool?
Turn it on now.
Ssstt! Shhhhooo!
How about duct tape?
[Echoing]
How about duct tape?
I know! Duct tape!
You know, youre
not in the army
anymore.
We cant just
pick up and move.
You know how shy
Ernest is.
I mean, hes just
now made friends,
and, oh, now that
means he wont
graduate with them
next year.
Honey.
Hey, pal.
Oh, hey.
What is it, honey?
Just wanted
some duct tape.
Yes. Just
under the sink.
Hey, Biggie.
Look at this.
Whoa!
Yeah. Its digital.
Takes a licking...
Keeps on ticking.
Glenn, we cant
keep doing this
to the boys.
I know, honey,
I know,
but its a great
opportunity.
What do you want
me to do?
Look. Its the last time,
I promise,
and were gonna love
San Diego.
[Thud]
NARRATOR: Great!
A broken Wiffsaber,
and now we were
moving again.
My 12-year-old life
was so messed up.
I heard a new
World Sports
opened up
at the Granite Run
Mall.
You could buy
a new saber there.
I fixed my saber.
Looks like a turd.
We could walk it.
Just follow the stream.
Too far.
The Takawana! No!
NARRATOR: The Northwest
has sasquatch,
the Midwest Bigfoot.
Thats bull.
We had the Takawana.
WOLLERMAN: Anyway,
the shows late.
NARRATOR: While some kids
raced home to watch
"Speed Racer"
or "The Gong Show"...
Th-there she is!
And only a minute
off sched.
I love a punctual fox.
NARRATOR: Wollerman had
the Hollis Show.
Dude!
Ow!
Dude, whats
bugging you?
Nothing.
Wollerman, dont
even think about it,
and put those
binoculars away
before I tell
your mom, pervert!
I need a favor.
Coming right away.
Not you, pervert.
Ernest.
NARRATOR: Me?
Hollis wanted
to talk to me?
That close.
Uh...hi, Hollis.
Ernest, hi.
Wow! You got bigger.
Thanks. I mean...
[Deep voice]
Thanks, foxy mama.
NARRATOR: Did I really
say, "foxy mama"?
I cant reach my back.
Im not gonna bite.
Oh, my God!
I have never been
more jealous
of a bottle
of suntan lotion
than right now.
Lay a finger on them,
and Ernest will be
an only child.
Sorry.
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Run!
Well, well, well.
What do we
have here?
Wyatt, leave him alone.
Hes just a kid.
I know youre
relatively new
to the neighborhood,
but I thought you
were aware
of the Wyatt rules.
Im just a kid.
Ernest, I think you
and I should spend
spend some quality
one-on-one time
together
so I can
reacquaint you
with
the Wyatt rules...
and I can
promise you
there will be
a test.
Dont make me
hurt you.
Oh! Run!
Your lunch money.
OK.
Julius!
Ugh!
Squirrel!
NARRATOR: Wyatts
rainbow coalition of henchmen.
Could this get
any worse?
Rufus!
NARRATOR: In a word, yep.
Rufus--Wyatts killer dog.
He left bite marks
in every mailman
in Bucks County.
[Rufus growls]
[Rufus panting]
[Rufus barking]
[Barking]
[Sighs]
Sorry I didnt
knock.
[Sniffs]
Coconut?
MRS. TERRY:
Its dark in here.
Wait!
What has gotten
into you?
You said the sun
fades the couches,
remember?
Well, yeah, true,
but its cloudy.
NARRATOR: The only way
to put the universe
back in balance
was to get
a new Wiffsaber.
Can you take me
to buy another
Wiffle Ball bat?
Chris said theres
a new Wide World
of Sports down
at the Granite Run
Mall.
What happened
to your bat?
NARRATOR: Mom was not
a Wiffsaber fan.
Dont tell me it broke
while you were playing
that game
I specifically asked
you not to play.
Youll get hurt.
No. The garage door
fell on it.
Well, I asked your father
to fix the door.
Look. Maybe I can
take you tomorrow, OK?
Alice called in sick,
and they want me to
fill in at the office.
Ill tell you what.
I taped a list
of your chores
to the fridge,
and if you get them done
before I get home,
then maybe, just maybe
I will take you
to the Wide World
of Sports, OK?
Oh! And add cleaning
the grill to your list
because the Swookers
are coming over
if it doesnt shower.
NARRATOR: The Swookers?!
Wyatts tribe?!
This was like having
hors doeuvres
on the Death Star.
I had to get
my Wiffsaber now.
I had always sworn
never to open
the Dark Lords head
unless it was an emergency.
This was an emergency.
Where you going?
None of your beeswax.
Whats this?
A list of chores.
Mom wants them done
before she gets home.
Start with the grill.
Hey! Im too young
to play with fire.
NARRATOR: With Mom gone
for 4 hours,
I would need to keep
a hawk eye on the time.
What better way than
with Dads new digital watch?
Yeah, I felt
a little guilty,
but they still hadnt
told us that we were moving.
He owed me.
Hello? Aah!
Were going to
the Wide World
of Sports
on foot today.
OK.
I thought Wifflesaber
was tomorrow.
I need an new Wifflesaber
from the Wide World
of Sports today.
We just came
from the mall.
My mom wants me to
try on my new
school dresses.
But were
on a mission.
What kind of mission?
Clear.
We have 2 1/2 hours left,
no more, no less.
A hour there,
30 minutes in the store,
and an hour back,
no detours.
[Sighs]
I thought I told you
to stay at home.
Take me with you,
or else Im telling
Mom and Dad.
NARRATOR: Besides Bobbys
crack alarm system,
did I mention that Bobby
possessed another talent.
[Loud, reverberating]
Take me with you,
Ernest Terry!
Oh, my gosh!
Shut him up!
Ill even tell Wyatt
where you are.
I will.
I swear I will.
OK, OK.
You can come.
Just shut up!
For real?
Im not
responsible for
you, you understand?
So if the Takawana
gets you,
youre on your own.
The Takawana?
Move out!
[Laughing]
Well, looks like
its dork hunting season,
right, Rufus?
[Barking]
NARRATOR: The woods
looked so magical,
mysterious, endless.
It was right
in my backyard,
but it seemed like
an entirely new world.
I felt like we were really
going on an adventure
like knights in search
of the Holy Grail.
I got to pee.
Can you come with me?
No. Wait till we
get there.
But the Takawana!
NARRATOR:
Somewhere on the other side
was the Wide World
of Sports,
and I could feel my Wiffsaber
calling out to me.
Is this the tunnel?
Duh. Its a bridge.
Hello?
Hello!
[Echoing]
I saw him
dancing there
By the record
machine
Thats cool. Heh.
I knew he must
have been about 17
The beat was
going strong
LORNA: And he was
playing my favorite so-o-ong
And I could tell
it wouldnt be long
Till he was with me,
yeah, me
And I could tell
it wouldnt be long
Till he was with me,
yeah, me, singin
I love
rock n roll
So put another dime
in the jukebox, baby
I love
rock n roll
So come and take your
time and dance with me
Everything OK?
Yeah. Why wouldnt
it be?
You dont have to
bite my head off.
You just seem
different.
Sorry. Its nothing.
Sing.
Nah.
Please.
Fine.
I love rock n roll
So come and take your time
and dance with me
JOAN JETT AND THE BLACKHEARTS:
I love rock n roll
So put another dime
in the jukebox, baby
I love rock n roll
So come and take your time
and dance with
I love rock n roll
So put another dime
in the jukebox, baby
I love rock n roll
So come and take your time
and dance with
I love rock n roll
So put another dime
in the jukebox, baby
I love rock n roll
So come and take your time
and dance with me
I-Ive never been
this far away
from home.
What about Wildwood?
OK.
And Cape May.
Remember when we
moved from Alabama
to North Carolina?
NARRATOR: Moving?
Yeah? What about it?
Nothing.
Just thinking.
We havent moved
in a while.
NARRATOR:
Enough about moving!
Lets get going.
[Hocking]
[Spits]
Eww. Youre
so gross.
[Spits]
Well, Chewie,
which way now?
Um, ahem.
Were gonna go that way.
Im starving.
Who brought food?
Wait. None of you
brought food?
I dont see you
offering up any juice
and graham crackers.
Yeah? Well, how about
a permanent nap time?
Lorna, its only
3 hours.
3 hours?!
Im a growing girl.
Do you know how much
I can put away
in 3 hours?
LORNA: Hey!
Hey, Bobby!
Bobby! Bobby!
Bobby! Bobby!
Its gonna get
really ugly
really fast.
Dont run. Were
gonna be there soon.
Here.
Mmm.
[Errrrp]
Does your grossness
know no bounds?
[Burping]
Apparently not.
[Errrrp]
[Errrrrrrrrrp]
NARRATOR: Uh-oh!
Bobbys freeze.
Not good!
Bobby?
Come on guys,
everybody up,
everybody up.
Come on, come on.
[Whispers]
Stay down.
What are you doing?
Trust me.
Which way do you
think they went?
WYATT: It doesnt matter.
Either way,
well find them,
and when we do...bam!
NARRATOR: I knew all those
hours of watching "Mr. Wizard"
would pay off.
Oh! Oh!
Do you hear
something?
Hey!
Ohh!
Ohh!
Ohh!
My eyes!
I cant see!
Ooh! Ooh!
Youre dead, Terry!
Hurry up!
Why is Wyatt
after you?
Not important.
Ill tell you later,
I promise.
Just come with me.
Die, you chumps.
Ohh! My nose! Ohh!
I never saw you
shake like that.
I dont like dogs, OK?
OK.
[Barking]
I understand.
[Both scream]
There they are!
Ugh!
Im gonna get you, Terry!
Whered they go?
Shh!
You first.
Hey!
Sorry!
Ow! I was just
trying to help.
[Gags]
Dont puke!
[Barking]
My backpack!
Ill buy you
a new one.
If you fart on me,
youre dead.
Just hurry up
before he comes back.
I cant get this
off me.
Wash it off,
wuss bags!
We need to get
moving!
Were trying.
Its hard to get off.
The tunnel should
be right up here.
It better be,
or you dont want to know
what Im gonna do
with this Wifflesaber.
PAXTON: I love it here.
My parents used to
always take me here
when I was a kid.
Wed cross by every time
we went hiking.
Youve lived here
your whole life?
All failing 13.
WOLLERMAN: Whats it like
always moving around?
Were not moving.
NARRATOR: Why does moving
keep coming up?
I meant before,
dipstick.
Dont curse.
Its a sin.
Oh.
Im sorry,
Sister Paxton.
ERNEST: Its not so bad.
You get to see
different places,
make new friends.
PAXTON: Do you have
lots of friends?
Oh, yeah! Weve lived
in so many places,
I bet I have more friends
than all of you put together.
NARRATOR: Of course,
I didnt.
LORNA: Yeah?
Name them.
Theres Pete.
BOBBY: Pete who?
Pete, uh--Pete--
Pete something or other
from Raleigh.
You know him, Bobby.
No, I dont.
Theres Joe
whats his name.
LORNA: Whats his name?
Joe.
WOLLERMAN: Just Joe?
Yeah, just Joe.
He thought he sounded
cooler with just one name
like Greedo.
LORNA: Why do you
relate everything
to that stupid movie?
NARRATOR: Blasphemer!
PAXTON: At least
you guys are gonna be
around long enough
to get to know
our last names.
ERNEST: Yeah.
NARRATOR: I wish.
Oh, come on,
lard asses.
Dont curse.
So you never told me.
What?
Why is Wyatt after you?
And dont lie.
Its a sin.
NARRATOR: The hell was
going to welcome me
with open arms
and pitchforks.
Yeah, Ernest.
Id like to know why
Im running
for my life.
[Giggles]
You know?
No, I dont.
Yes, you do.
Tell me.
Scouts honor,
I dont.
Youre not a scout.
Wyatts mad because
Ernest was gonna
kiss Hollis.
Right. Thats
the funniest thing
Ive heard all day.
Is it true?
No. Hollis was
sitting by her pool,
and she asked me
to rub lotion
on her back.
It never even
came up.
What was she wearing?
NARRATOR: I pled the fifth.
I dont remember.
WOLLERMAN: A bikini.
How do you know?
Uh...
You want to kiss her?
NARRATOR: I swear
Paxton could use
the Jedi mind trick.
I dont know.
No, wait!
Uh...
Where are we?
Youre lost
Wollerman.
[Echoing]
Youre lost
Wollerman.
I am lost.
NARRATOR: See what I mean?
Jedi mind trick.
No. Uh, no, no.
We just have to go
through the garden,
then the tunnel.
Yeah. Follow me.
The lair
of the Takawana.
Its just the lair
of the Takawana.
The Takawana.
NARRATOR: The Takawana
was Bobbys Kryptonite.
It was his
superhero weakness.
Hey. Are we lost?
No. No way.
Because we have, like,
2 1/2 hours left.
We should just go back,
retrace our steps.
No! I know
where Im going.
The Takawana?
Yeah. Definitely.
Obviously.
Takawana.
Hes covered
in stinky,
steel-like hair
from head to toe.
Are its feet big?
Ha! One toe
will crush you!
That is, if, um,
if his toxic toe jam
doesnt immerse
you first.
Toxic toe jam?
And, um...musk,
musk like a fire hose
spurts from his armpits.
M-m-musk?
Mm-hmm.
PAXTON: Ive
definitely seen
these flowers before.
How long have we
been here?
10 minutes.
Oh, thats great. OK.
First of all,
we are in a garden.
There are flowers
everywhere!
Second of all,
let me see your watch.
Thanks.
I was right.
8 Minutes.
No. 10. See?
We got--
It only counts
when were in the garden,
not when were
going up the hill.
That doesnt
make any sense!
BOBBY: Is it true that he
lives in a cloud of smoke?
Butt smoke!
One sniff,
and you cant
stop puking.
Is that what happens
to you, Wollerman?
Nice, Booby.
Real nice.
But I didnt
mean it mean.
PAXTON: We are lost.
We should just go back.
We dont know where
we are,
so which way is back?
Man, cant you guys
just trust me for once?
I know where Im
going, OK?
Raawr!
Aah!
Im the Takawana.
Im gonna eat you!
The Takawana is bull!
How do you not get that?
Its bull!
ERNEST: Whats wrong
with you?
WOLLERMAN: If I told you once,
I told you a thousand times.
Theres no Takawana, OK?
So get it out
of your heads!
Its all bull!
Oh, my God.
The Takawanas real!
Oh, my God!
There really is a Takawana!
ERNEST:
Go, go, go, go!
[Puking]
BOBBY: every little man
for himself!
Aah! Run!
NARRATOR: I couldnt believe
the Takawana was real.
Although he didnt seem
to be all that hairy.
See? I told you
I knew where I was going.
Time to turn around.
Is this
the only way?
Im with you, sister.
The Takawana
is the other way.
Ill take my chances.
Wait, Lorna.
Were so close.
I got to pee.
Go find a tree.
Were wasting time.
If this is the only way
I can get my
Wiffle bat,
then Im going.
Fine.
Oh, Eww. Bobby!
In how many languages
do I have to say no?
No, nein, ne, na, ma.
Wait, wait, wait.
Did you just say
no in Mayan?
[Growling]
Aah!
[Barking]
[All screaming]
They must have
gone in there.
You think?
Come on, Rufus.
Rufus, come on.
Rufus must be
stuck or something.
Ohh! What the heck?
Its dark in there.
No, really? Thats why
I cant see anything.
Rufus, come on.
Rufus.
Come on, Rufus.
[Whining]
Rufus.
Rufus, come on.
Get up!
Rufus!
How much further?
Miles and miles.
Really.
Wait. Hear that?
The end
of the tunnel?
Its Devils Jump.
Come on. Lets go.
Get in there now,
you two!
Im not going
in there.
Julius, go show him up.
You go in there.
No.
Whats the matter?
You two forget
to change
your diapers?
You want to get them
just as bad as we do.
NARRATOR: Devils Jump,
a treacherous part
of the stream,
but so close to the mall,
you could smell the fumes
from the parking lot.
JULIUS: Its--its
dark in there.
SQUIRREL: Yeah, exactly.
Youre the one whos scared.
Rufus, come on, boy.
[Whistles]
[Americas
"You Can Do Magic" playing]
Hey. Sorry about
your backpack.
Its OK.
To make it up
to you,
when we get to
the Wide World
of Sports,
Ill buy you a pack
of Twists.
NARRATOR: Twists had a way
of solving all
the worlds problems.
So would you have?
ERNEST: Would I have what?
Kissed Hollis?
NARRATOR:
At least most of them.
Do you think
shes pretty?
I dont know.
You said shes a fox.
Are my glasses ugly?
I dont...
No.
Theyre pretty.
AMERICA:
You can have anything
That you desire
My mom says I can
get contacts
for high school.
Are you nervous
about high school?
Not really. I mean,
we all have to
move on sometime.
Besides, youll be
there next year,
right?
Do do do do do
WOLLERMAN: I told you
I knew where I was going.
Oh. Hey.
Just pardon me. Ohh!
Youre the one
who can put out the fire
Do do do do do
Do do do do do
Youre the one
who can...
NARRATOR: There it was,
Granite Run Mall,
and inside,
the Wide World of Sports.
I felt like Indiana Jones
about to open the Ark.
Whoa!
I told you.
Lets fan out.
NARRATOR: Where are you,
my connection
to the dark side of the Force,
made in Hong Kong?
Join the dark side.
Aah!
Unh!
[Gasping]
[Lightsaber ignites]
NARRATOR: I had it,
my Holy Grail, my Excalibur,
my lightsaber!
MAN: Next.
Next.
You promised.
Careful.
Thats my Wiffsaber.
Looks like a bat to me.
Not if youre
the Dark Lord.
OK. That will be 2.90,
your darkness.
Coming right up,
fleshling.
Oh, no.
No.
No!
What is it, Ernest?
Its my backpack!
WOLLERMAN: You
threw away your--
LORNA: Your backpack.
You cant pay for a bat
with junk food.
We came all this way.
CASHIER: Can I get a manager
up to the register, please?
Yes!
[Thunder]
Why dont you just
get your mom to buy
it for you?
NARRATOR: I had a better shot
at making friends with Wyatt.
Ernest!
Youre alive.
Why wouldnt I be?
Maybe because of Wyatt
and his friends.
Ugh! Ow!
Me and Wyatt,
we worked it out.
Cool.
WOMAN: Ernest, Chris,
are your mothers around?
Yes.
No.
Better find your
mother, Ernest.
Its supposed to pour.
Come on Hollis
Bye, Ernest.
LORNA: What now,
Dork Vader?
Go back to the woods
and look for my backpack.
OK. These are
new shoes,
Ive already been
through the woods
once today,
and its starting
to rain.
Then we better go.
But you dont
need the money.
Paxton bought
your bat.
She wanted to
surprise you. See?
She bought this
for me?
Uh-huh.
Where is she?
Um...
Paxton?
Paxton!
Paxton!
WYATT:
I know how you feel.
First he takes
Hollis away from me,
and then after
all youve been
through together,
he leaves you here
all alone.
OTHERS: Paxton!
Paxton!
Oh, Paxton, huh?
Paxton!
Wheres Paxton? Paxton!
JULIUS: Yeah.
Shes with Wyatt.
Yeah. Sad.
See you later,
tulip.
Heh. Come on.
NARRATOR: Paxton was tough,
but could she survive
a kidnapping at Wyatts hands?
So Wyatt has her.
What do we do now?
We got to save her.
OK. These are
new shoes.
What?
Its gonna rain.
We dont know
which way they went.
Then well ask.
OK.
[Thunder]
SQUIRREL:
"Its not gonna rain."
Its not gonna rain?
What do you call this?
Its raining!
Its raining!
You said its not
gonna rain!
If you dont
shut up,
youre gonna know
what it feels like
to crap my fist.
What are you
stopping--oh. A Twist.
Cool! Heh heh.
A path of Twists! Nice!
You just ate that
off my boot!
Thats so gross.
NARRATOR: Squirrel had eaten
his way into our trap.
Where did Wyatt
take Paxton?
And with the rain
pounding down...
I aint telling you
nothing, raccoon turd.
we had to get
to the truth.
Aah! Ohh! Stop.
Squirrel, Im gonna
present you with
a makeup test.
Where did Wyatt
take Paxton?
I dont know.
I swear.
He never tells
me nothing!
Aah!
Ill tell you!
Just get monkey boy
off me.
[Coughing]
Ernest?
Bobby?
They said this way.
Then what?
NARRATOR: This hero stuff
was hard to grow into.
I had to think
like a Jedi.
We save Paxton.
Yeah, I got that part,
but how?
NARRATOR: The storm was
getting out of control,
but we had to find a way
to cross the stream
to get Paxton.
Its just thunder,
right, Wollerman?
Yeah, its
just thunder.
Im sorry. You owe
me new shoes.
They cant be
that far ahead.
Oh, you have radar?
No. They just cant be
that far ahead in this.
NARRATOR: Ugh! Where was GPS
when you needed it?
Im scared.
Im scared, too,
but we have to
save Paxton, OK?
OK.
[Thunder]
MRS. TERRY: Ernest?
Bobby?
[Thunder]
I am so c-c-cold.
Aah! Unh!
Ohh! Crap.
Lets go on.
We should go home.
I love
rock n roll
Put another dime
in the jukebox, baby
I love
rock n roll
So come and take
and chance
And dance
with me
NARRATOR: In all the times
Bobby and I had moved,
this was the first time
I had experienced this--
real friendship.
Ahead there was
a fallen tree we could cross.
There was no vomiting
this time,
no smart alecky jabs
from Lorna.
We were terrified.
We knew we had to get
to safety.
Lorna!
What?
You got
any more stories?
No, but I got jokes.
You want to hear
a joke, Bobby?
Yeah.
Um, what did
the Teddy bear say
after he ate?
I dont know.
Im stuffed!
Something funny
would be useful.
Just hurry up!
Who was the best dancer
at the monster party?
I dont know!
The "Boogie" Man!
Ha ha ha!
Aah! Ohh!
Im falling!
Help!
The waves are higher
over there.
Just go faster.
[Thunder]
Go, Bobby, go.
Grab my hand!
Thanks!
Lets go.
Help!
Help!
Why are you guys
following us?
Were not following
you, Dork Vader.
Were just trying
to go home!
Yeah! Were lost.
I help you?
Forget it!
Please.
Come on!
NARRATOR: Its not like
I liked these guys,
but I couldnt just
leave them there.
sometimes even the Dark Lord
has to do the right thing.
Ernest, where
are you going?
Ernest!
Ernest!
Ernest, no!
ERNEST: Come on.
Grab my saber.
I cant!
Come on. Grab it.
Its too far.
Aah! Ohh!
Ohh!
I cant swim!
Come on, man.
Get up.
Work with us.
Come on!
Lets go.
Follow the hill,
go up the ridge,
and the road home
should be there.
Trust Wollerman.
He knows where
hes going.
Come on.
Rufus!
Shh! Hes sleeping.
That goes
for you guys, too, OK?
Come on.
NARRATOR: No!
It couldnt be true!
Paxton could not be
with Wyatt!
LORNA: Wow! Who knew?
I guess good girls
really do like bad boys.
BOBBY: Lets find
a pay phone and call mom.
Come on, buddy.
Its over.
NARRATOR: What about the tunnel
and the Takawana and the flood?
Was all of that
meaningless?
Wyatt and Paxton!
If I hadnt seen it
with my own eyes,
I never would have
believed it.
It was then that I realized
I could never be as cunning
or as evil as Wyatt.
As I was sitting there,
I realized my wrist was bare.
I had lost
my dads digital watch!
I really was Dork Vader!
I had lost my bank,
I had lost my dads new watch,
and I had lost
the most important thing--
Paxton.
You two could have
been killed.
What does it matter?
Were moving anyway.
Who cares?
What?!
Listen. Well
talk about this
when we get home.
In the car.
BOBBY: You knew we
were moving,
but you didnt say
anything to me?
I can never trust
you again.
Bobby.
[Knock on door]
Is it save to come
into the cantina?
Im sorry I took
your watch,
and Im sorry
I lost it.
Im sorry
I scared you.
I know we could
have gotten hurt.
I know I shouldnt
have took Bobby
in the woods.
Im sorry. Ill do
whatever it takes
to repay you
for the watch.
Just please
dont shoot me.
Hey. Hey. Im not
gonna shoot you.
I actually came
up here
to apologize
to you guys.
You did?
You did?
I did. I should have
talked to you
about this move
sooner.
Does that mean were not--
No, buddy.
We have to,
and I know you
dont want to go,
and I know how hard
it is to start
at a new school
and get used
to a new house,
but I also know
you guys arent
babies anymore,
right?
Youre men,
and you know what
men do when times
get tough?
We get tougher.
Aw, come on, Bobby.
Dont pick
your nose.
Thats gross.
What about my friends?
Paxton hates you.
Well, uh, you know,
do you remember
how hard it was
for Han and Leia
when they were
flying around
during "Empire
Strikes Back"?
Thats kind of
what life is
like, guys.
Theres a lot
of bends and turns
and asteroids
that we land on
and try not to
let eat us,
but just like they
reunited with Luke,
your friends
will always be
your friends.
Now I know
this stinks.
I also know youre
gonna be all right.
I promise.
Does that mean
were not grounded?
Are you kidding me?
You two could have
been killed today,
and you took my watch
without permission.
You are absolutely
grounded.
[Sighs]
All right. Listen.
I cant make any guarantees,
but I will talk
to your mother
and see if I can get
the sentence reduced, OK?
Good night, Jedis.
[The Go-Gos
"Our Lips Are Sealed" playing]
Can you hear them?
Ha ha ha!
Ow!
Well, thats
no surprise
Can you see them
See right through them
They have no shield,
no secrets to reveal
It doesnt matter
what they say
In the jealous games
people play-ay-ay
Our lips are sealed
Theres a weapon
that we must use
In our defense
Silence
Hey!
Look right through them
Whoa!
Thats when well
be feared
[Making
lightsaber sounds]
[Deep voice]
Together we can
rule the galaxy
as brother
and brother.
Ill never join
the dark side.
Ahem.
Our lips are sealed
Pay no mind
to what they say
It doesnt matter
anyway-ay-ay
Our lips our sealed
Hush, my darling
Dont you cry
Quiet, angel
Forget all their lies
Can you hear them?
They talk about us
Telling lies,
well, thats no surprise
Can you see them...
Hey. Sorry for not telling
you about the move.
I get it.
You didnt want
to upset me.
What are
older brothers for?
No more secrets?
Scouts honor.
Our lips our sealed
Pay no mind
to what they say
Thanks, Mom.
Hey, guys.
All right.
Stay out
of the woods, OK?
And hey. Dont you dare
go near that stream.
BOTH: OK, Mom!
NARRATOR: Freedom never
tasted so good.
Yeah!
OK. So heres
the plan.
Im gonna go
for the flag.
Lorna, what are
you gonna do?
Ill go for
the whole left side.
I got Devon.
OK. You take out
the two little
boys, OK?
OK.
OK. Break!
Yeah!
[Shouting]
NARRATOR: I wanted to help,
but I couldnt control
my feelings.
LORNA: There are
so many of them!
You think that
flags yours, huh?
NARRATOR: What was
happening to me?
Ernest, where
are you going?
Home!
You guys forfeiting?
No! No. No.
Hold on!
Wait. Stop.
Forget it. You lose.
Come on. 10 minutes.
Ernest. Ernest,
you got to play.
Why?
Because...
because you
just got to.
NARRATOR: Men have a difficult
time expressing their feelings.
Because...soon you
wont be able to.
Soon youll be--
Im gonna miss
you, too.
Come on.
10-minute break.
Im gonna get your
flag, Blow Pops.
You guys suck eggs.
Come on. 10 minutes.
No way.
[Pete Townsends "Let My Love
Open the Door" playing]
Bobby.
[Boy groaning]
Just go see her.
Who?
Paxton.
[Boy groaning,
punches landing]
We need her to win,
and...
And what?
You need her, too.
OK, OK.
10 minutes.
Its been pleasure
doing business with you.
10 minutes!
TOWNSEND: Ooh
Let my love
open the door
When everything
feels all over
Ooh, ooh
And everybody
seems unkind
Ill give you
a 4-leaf clover
Ooh, ooh
Keep all worry
out of your mind
Let my love
open the door
Let my love
open the door
Let my love
open the door
To your heart
What are we doing?
We have 10 minutes.
Were getting Paxton.
What?! Shes not
gonna come out.
She might.
This is a complete
waste of time.
Just watch. Maybe
shell come with us, OK?
NARRATOR: There I was,
holding my helmet and Wiffsaber,
feeling like
a real Dork Vader.
Hi.
Hello.
LORNA: She is
done playing.
Just watch.
Your glasses,
they came off.
Yeah. Contacts
right before
high school.
When do you move?
Two weeks.
MAN: Honey, honey,
we have to get ready
to go soon.
Oh. Its you.
NARRATOR:
He never liked me.
Hi, Mr. Riley.
Yeah, you didnt
move yet?
Not yet.
All right.
Well, Paxton,
we really should be
getting ready to go soon.
We got high school
orientation.
I got to--
Go? So do we.
10 minutes, remember?
10 minutes?
Yeah. Its stupid.
NARRATOR: Did I just call
Wiffsaber stupid?
I guess I better go.
Wait.
My backpack?
I cleaned Rufus
slobber off.
Wow! Thanks.
I can play tomorrow.
I didnt think
youd have time,
being Wyatts
girlfriend and all.
Wyatt? Girlfriend? Gross!
Whered you get
that idea?
We saw you
at the restaurant.
You and him were sitting
in the same booth.
Im not even allowed
to date,
and what about
you and Hollis?
Ha ha ha!
Hollis?!
NARRATOR:
Laugh it up, fuzz ball.
Hes still got
training wheels on his bike.
BOBBY: Thats funny.
Ha ha ha!
BOBBY:
She baby-sits us!
ERNEST: She used to.
She used to
baby-sit us!
Wyatt played you
like a record.
Good job, Wollerman.
What did she
run off for?
What did I do?
What did I say?
Lets get that
son of a bitch!
That felt good.
Did you say a curse?
Lets go!
Hey, wait a sec!
Where you going?
We have orientation.
But the game
and Rufus.
Well, looks like
he isnt here.
Lets go.
Wait! Hes around back!
How do you know?
I feel a disturbance
in the Force.
OK.
Were not really going
into the lions den, right?
I go, you go.
You puke, you clean.
OK.
NARRATOR: This was it.
I had to be brave.
In moments like this,
its customary
to allow the villain
to see you are there
before you gun him down.
Well...
if isnt the last train
to Dorksville.
How dare you tell
the world that I am
your girlfriend!
What?
HOLLIS: Did she just
say shes your girlfriend.
Shes 13.
Thats disgusting.
Hey! Im gonna be
14 in a month.
Julius, Squirrel.
Um, I have to go
cut my dads lawn,
or hes gonna
whip my butt.
What?
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Squirrel, where
you going?
Where am I going?
Um, the liberry,
the liberry, yeah.
The library?
You dont even own
a library card.
Whoa, whoa.
Where you going?
Julius, Squirrel,
get back here!
All right.
You got me.
I used you, Paxton.
Say youre sorry!
Wyatt never says
hes sorry.
Thats one
of the Wyatt rules,
but allow me
to introduce to you
one of my representatives.
He does all my
apologizing for me.
Oh, Rufus!
[Barking]
Aah! Aah!
[Gagging]
Are you OK?
[Puking]
Are you OK?
Ugh!
Im gonna rip
off your head
and crap down your neck.
Nobody rips off
my brothers head!
Hey! Hey! Get back
here, booger face!
Get me down
from here!
Youre about to feel
the Wyatt side.
NARRATOR: I had a feeling
this was way worse than
the dark side.
Ohh! Unh!
Aah! Aah! Aah!
[Puking]
This kid needs help.
[Lorna screams]
[Rufus barking]
Come on, guys.
I was, uh--I was just
playing around.
You know, I wasnt--
I wasnt gonna hurt you.
Come on.
Dont hurt me, guys.
Come on, come on.
Dont hurt me. Come on.
Boo!
Aah!
NARRATOR: Paxton was out.
It was me and Wyatt.
I was dead.
I got you now, wuss!
Ernest, Ernest!
Can we talk this out?
Im done talking.
Just let me
get off this.
Youre gonna be
happy you moved.
[Barking]
Nice doggy.
[Puking]
This kids not all right.
[Coughing]
Ohh!
HOLLIS: Mrs. Swooker,
I need your help.
MRS. SWOOKER:
Whats the matter,
honey?
[Rufus barking]
Fetch?
[Panting]
[Wyatt grunting]
NARRATOR: Maybe
I really was a Jedi.
Nope.
Unh!
[Gasping]
Nobody bothers my brother.
Hey. You OK?
Yeah.
BOBBY:
You did great.
We are so over.
MRS. SWOOKER:
You, youre a bully.
Young man, you are
so going to anger management.
ROXY MUSIC: Who can say
where theyre blowing?
As free as the wind...
Hey. Do you mind the helmet
and backpack home for us?
No, not at all.
And, hey.
If youre gonna tan,
Im the lotion man.
Tck, tck.
Maybe in 10 years
or so.
More than this
You know theres nothing
Im going to miss
you, Ernest Terry.
My dad says were
gonna stay friends
and maybe one day
just pick up
where we left off.
Ooh, theres nothing
Eww! Thats gross!
Yo! Its time!
Rematch.
What? Oh, him.
Hes a pussycat.
Arent you
a pussycat?
What happened
to Wyatt?
Ill tell you later.
Hi. Heh heh.
Eww. Whys your
hand wet?
Um...
You know, the flags
still there.
What about your
high school orientation?
What about it?
There was no way
of knowing
I think Im in love.
NARRATOR: Bet youre waiting
for something profound here,
some sort of
life-affirming statement.
OK. What can I tell you?
Your friends remain
your friends, kids.
Its that simple,
its that true,
and thats an Ernest rule
that will never be broken.
No, theres nothing
Hey, honey.
Youll never guess
where I am.
More than this
And its still the same.
Mm-hmm.
[Kids shouting]
More than this
Nothing
Im gonna get the flag
before you do.
The flag is gonna
be mine.
Im gonna get you!
Never!
Im gonna win.
We are!
You eat my rainbow.
LEVI WARE: Ive been
wandering
Down these roads
Never sure which way...
Mark one.
Sound, speed.
Youre not lost
Now youre alone
And on your own
All these streets
with their own names
Miles and miles
of rough terrain
All right, guys.
Going again.
Roll sound.
Markers.
Looked the same
Until you came
And Ive been searching
for someone...
Take 4.
Who feels the same
Hey, hey, hey, hey
MAN: All right.
Ready?
All right, guys.
Right here.
Means I cant have
my seat belt on.
Its a bad example.
Ive come so far
I want to be
where you are
Where you are
You all are fired.
MAN: One more.
See if we can get this.
Oh, that was
really funny.
How was it?
Whats up, bowl cut?
Ha ha! Ha ha ha!
Then it would
be like this.
Pretty much, yeah.
Lunch money.
Thats it?
Aah!
Take one.
[Laughter]
MAN: Lets get
a wipe-up for his face.
MAN: Hold on.
You missed the mark.
Really?
Take 7.
MAN: And were
rolling.
Want to be where you are
[Thumping]
Go.
Because its focused
on you and your eyes,
you put it right
in front of him
because if you put it
right there,
its not gonna be able
to read it.
Its gonna be fuzzy.
3C-1, take 4.
I want to be
where you are
Where you are
Hey, hey, hey, hey
You know you are
Hey, hey, hey, hey
Why Ive come so far
Action!
No smiling!
BOY: I get to help you guys
film a movie.
That was pretty cool.
Thanks, guys.
PRETTY LITTLE HORSES:
Its just like love
To raise up your eyes
And open up your heart
Just like love
Its just like love
To run your imagination wild
Its just like love
To make you believe
Go ahead and call it.
GIRL: It was a fun, exciting
thing to do,
and we learned a lot,
so it was kind of educational
but fun at the same time.
Take one.
Its just like love
To make you keep
Coming back for more
Just like love
If you could sum up
your experience
in one or two words,
what would they be?
Life-changing.
Its just like love
To make you believe that you
Scene 18B-1, take two.
Its just like love
Its just like love
Ahh, just like love
I would like to imagine
BOY: First time Ive done
anything like this before.
Its really fun.
Ive got myself
And nobody else
To count on
In the dark
They say its just
A chemical attraction
And it wears off like a drug
But when youre feeling
That buzz
Im recording audio
for the movie.
Just like love
Just like love
Just like love
Ahh, just like
I would like to imagine
That its out there
Waiting for me
Because if its only inside
Ive got myself
And nobody else
To count on
in the dark
They say its just
a chemical attraction
But maybe thats enough
When youre feeling
that buzz
It shines just like love
Just like love
Just like love
Just like love
Like love, like love
Just like love
Just...
[New song playing]