How did I get to this place?
Draped across a man's lap.
Being punished like a disobedient child.
Willingly submitting myself to him.
Surrendering control.
How does anyone get to this place?
Where every single fiber of who you thought you were suddenly vanishes.
...someone new.
...is born.
This is my story.
Normal.
Webster's dictionary defines normal as....
...conforming to the standard or the common type.
...Usual...not abnormal...regular...standard.
But ... how does anyone define that for themselves.
By society's standards it would be anything that doesn't challenge an expected idea or behavior.
Living the textbook perfect life in order for everyone else to accept you.
Even if you don't accept you.
Yes! Yes!
Congratulations! It's over 2 karats.
Impressive.
Thank god it was a Tiffany cut. I would've shot myself if it was a marquis!
Do you think I should update my Facebook status?
I don't want to seem to look like one of those girls that want everyone talking about their engagement.
I'm just so excited!
Aren't girls supposed to talk about their engagements?
I mean...isn't that part of the point?
What the hell is wrong with you?
Nothing.
You're gonna be my maid of honor Emma.
The least you can do is pretend to be happy for me.
What!?
Well....wasn't he just threatening to break up with you last week?
He was threatening to break up with me?
Because I was pressuring him about getting married.
Now that we're engaged...there's no more pressure.
That's entirely logical.
I'm sorry!...
But I'm a little shocked that you feel entitled to give me advice about relationships!
When have you ever been in a relationship?
I didn't entirely blame her for being mad.
She was right.
What did I know about relationships?
And just so you know...everyone including mom and dad think you're gay!
I'd never even had one.
I hated the phoniness of twenty-somethings dating.
All those text-messages with emoticons....
...liking of each other's Facebook's status"...
...but the fact still remained.
While the rest of the world seemed completely comfortable embracing each other's clichs...
....when it came to love and romance I was hopelessly detached.
Disinterested to the point that I wondered if there was something psychologically wrong with me.
Until one February morning....
...I met the man that changed...absolutely everything.
Mr. Frederick's ready for you.
I met him while working on my master's thesis about gender equality in the workplace.
I'd interviewed everyone from female executives to male nurses to transgender women battling the glass ceiling.
William Frederick was of interest because 97% of his 2000 employees were female.
You that girl doing the paper?
Emma Marx. Yes.
I have some interview questions that I'd like to ask you.
Let's just get started.
The interview lasted about 30 minutes...
...covering topics ranging from his overly arrogant hiring process...
There's no one who's better at hiring than I am.
I can tell more about someone in the first 5 seconds than even their on parents can.
...To his sexist reason for hiring predominantly women.
Women are hormonally optimal for working at this company.
I like women. I can read women.
Even better than I can read men.
Women are malleable and I like malleable.
But it was one part of the conversation that stood out over all the rest.
Something that resonated with me in ways that I couldn't even begin to understand.
I like employees who enjoy submitting to authority rather than challenging it.
They make the best employees.
Why because that way you're always in control?
I'm entitled to control. This is my company.
You'd be surprised. People like being told what to do.
You don't.
No.
I don't get off on it.
I get off on control.
I get off watching other people submit to it.
People enjoy that rare sense of freedom when someone else is in the driver's seat.
I don't think controlling someone liberates them.
Do you think you're liberated?
Yes I do actually.
Well you're not.
Excuse me but...
....I don't think you're as good judging people as you think you are.
I'm very liberated.
I'd like to see your version of liberated and then show you mine.
[announcer speaks]
Have her hold.
I've got to take this call.
I hope I didn't offend you.
I'm just not usually one for self-restraint.
That's too bad.
Thank you for your time. Uhh...
...it was a pleasure.
Has anyone ever told you that you are absolutely breathtaking!
Everything about you.
Breathtaking!
In that moment my world turned upside down.
William Frederick found me breathtaking?
I wanted to laugh out loud I was so happy.
This is what people always talked about.
Those insane attractions to another person that leaves your head spinning.
And no matter what I did I couldn't shake the thought of him.
The intensity of his stare.
The casual way insults rolled off his tongue.
The sexual undertone of his conversation.
I imagined it all.
I couldn't shut off my brain from thoughts of him.
I craved his scent.
His taste.
His touch against my body.
You never sleep this late. What's wrong with you?
Nothing.
What's that?
Well ... I stayed up all night arguing with Greg...
...about where we're gonna have our engagement party.
He wants to have it at some sports bar!
Anyways by the time I got to sleep at 8 am this morning...
...some asshole delivery guy comes knocking on the door!
He says he has a telegram marked "urgent".
I didn't even know people still sent telegrams!
Who's it from?
William Frederick.
Who's that?
No one.
Emma!
The pleasure of your company yesterday was worth any jab you took at my character.
The day of your graduation...
...you will receive information...
...about an opportunity that will change your life.
Do not contact me before that time or I take the offer off the table.
William B. Frederick.
Well what's it say?
Nothing.
So someone sent you a telegram...that says nothing?
Whatever.
Uhh.
Graduation was nearly four months away! Four months!
Four months of waiting in anticipation without even a hint of what William Frederick was offering.
And my curiosity had become an obsession.
My mind an endless barrage of unanswered questions.
Why did I have to wait? What was this amazing opportunity?
Was this even a legitimate offer or merely a mind game in an attempt to control me?
Me...who always had to be in control.
Who always had to have the answers.
Who always had to have things neatly tied off and logically explained.
And so I did the only thing I could do to make the time pass more quickly.
I worked on my thesis tirelessly.
And I got off on the fact that as much as I hated to admit it...
This man had complete control over me.
And I absolutely loved it.
[phone rings] Hello.
It's driving you crazy isn't it?
Who is this?
Do you really have to ask that?
How'd you get my cell phone number?
And more importantly how'd you get my address?
Those sorts of things are not particularly challenging to someone with money and resources.
Of course they're not.
So...
...is it driving you crazy?
You're the expert at reading people.
Why don't you tell me.
It excites the living hell out of you.
Not particularly.
You're a bad liar.
You've thought of nothing else.
I like knowing you're frustrated.
Ohh!
Do you realize how pathological that sounds?
I'll see you soon.
If you know how to follow instructions.
Hello.
Four months passed like four decades.
But the day was finally upon me.
Dear Emma...
Meet me at 6 pm at 2134 Olympia Drive tonight.
Shower first.
Put on a cocktail dress with thigh-high stockings and heels...
The door will be unlocked. Let yourself in.
Go immediately to the dining room and wait for me.
Bring the signed paperwork with you.
Looking back it seems almost unbelievable how relaxed I was.
I had no clue why he invited me here or what to expect.
The paperwork ended up being a non-disclosure agreement.
Asking that I keep my conversations with him confidential...
...in order to protect his privacy from the media.
It seemed reasonable enough.
Sit.
Well with a place this big I half expected you to have a butler.
No.
No butler.
I don't really like inviting people into my world.
Thank you for agreeing to meet with me.
Well the...the curiosity is killing me. I'm sure you already know that.
Eat.
You are going to tell me why I'm here right?
I've been waiting for nearly 4 months.
It's a date.
A date?
When was two people getting dressed up for dinner not a date?
Okay it's not a date.
Here.
Read that. Tell me what you think.
Up until this moment...
...nearly everything about William had been a mystery to me.
Who he was what he was about what made him tick.
But now....mapped out in the finest print on watermarked paper...
...were his innermost secrets so perverse...so shocking I never could've dreamt them up.
This document that he casually slid across the dining room table was not so casual at all.
Words like fisting flogging and nipple clips stood out.
Words like dom and sub and master and slave were thrown around with no consequence.
Is this a contract soliciting me...
...for a BDSM relationship?
What if it was?
Is it?
Wow! [hmmm]
Thank you for the ... life-changing opportunity Mr. Frederick.
But...
...I'll have to pass.
I prefer being the one in control.
Not the one being told what to do.
That's where you're wrong!
Because if it was true then why show up tonight?
Shear curiosity!
I told you that.
Fair enough...
But...
...that's not why you're wearing the thigh-high stockings I told you to wear is it?
You are wearing them aren't you?
I like.... being in control.
Is that a fact?
No I want you to get undressed.
It was out of character for me.
Following orders but for whatever reason....
...I wanted to obey him.
And your underwear.
Now I want you to touch yourself.
Look at me while you do it.
Yeah.
Come on. Get yourself off.
Good.
Now sit on the table.
Now take my clothes off.
Look at me.
Now the zipper.
Give me your hand.
Look at me.
Hands behind your back.
When I woke the next day as much as I wanted to convince myself that this was a dream it wasn't.
And last night's sex marathon....
...had ended in a series of negotiations that I'm still fuzzy about.
Come or go or stay.
Is yours of course.
You can leave anytime you want.
And...I won't chase you.
Although I'll probably want to....
I don't ... nipple clips...
....and absolutely nothing involving suffocation.
...choking...
I can't believe I'm having this conversation!
Go on.
I'm also not a fan of gynecological devices.
And...
...I'm definitely nervous about the punishment part.
And I'm on the fence with anal.
Pain is the pleasure.
We'll see.
As for the other things they can go.
But anal stays and we'll revisit that when the time comes.
So...do we have a deal?
Not yet.
what?
Give me a job at your company.
And in a position that I can...control my own life.
Huh! You drive a hard bargain.
Well...
Well...
I might look submissive but I can assure you I'm not.
Huh....
I'll give you a position at my company...
But...
I'd like to extend our little arrangement...
...to the workplace.
It could be fun.
Only from the hours 8 to 5...
...and once the work day is over so is your obligation to me.
...until the weekend.
Give me a salary of $75000 and we have a deal.
I'm not sure why this arrangement initially appealed to me.
I think it had more to do with my attraction to him.
...and any genuine interest in pursuing this lifestyle.
Patience and submission had never been my forte.
Yes...
We have to stop this. People are starting to stare at me.
Come to my office immediately.
Now...
Lift up your skirt.
Right here.
Don't ask questions. Just do as your told.
Now bend over the desk.
I don't want you to hurt me.
You don't follow instructions...
...you'll be punished.
You know this.
There are no gray areas with me Emma.
[smack...uhh!]
What am I even being punished for?!
Our level of discretion is my decision not yours.
Your job is to follow instructions given to you by me.
[smack] Uhh!
From the hours of 8 am to 5 pm...
...I control what you do...
...how you act...
...what you say...
...what you think...
For this relationship to work...you need to surrender completely.
[smack]
So surrender. Do as your told.
[smack]
Now get back to work.
The sting of the paddle permeated every fiber of my body.
...A throbbing pain that was so real so raw that I was still recovering from the shock of it all.
That and the fact that deep down in my demented mind...
...I liked it.
...Oh my god!
What happened to you?! Nothing.
That is not nothing!
It really is nothing. I fell on the way into work yesterday.
Oh my god! You fell smack on your ass?
Oh that was so embarrassing!
Oh my god I would've shot myself.
Well... I was just going to tell you dinner was ready.
Yes.
I felt like a deviant. Here I was headed down a strange new path....
...strange new life that nobody would have suspected from looking in....
It was my own little Pandora's box of pleasure....
And it was a secret that only William and I shared....
It was the start of my first weekend with William...
...and I'd be lying if I said I didn't get off on not knowing what awaited me.
...the anticipation was like foreplay without any touching or human contact.
The ultimate mind-fuck.
Hi. Hi.
I got lost in his touch.
His gentle nature masked such intense power.
I felt instantly safe wrapped in his arms.
I spoke of the gift he left for me at work.
My concern over his presumptive nature that I would one day succumb to anal sex!
What do you want me to do with them?
They'll prepare you...
for...
...anal
he derived great pleasure from my honesty.
assure me that...
Look nothing in this relationship happens without you being okay with it. You know that.
But what if I'm never okay with it?
Don't worry. You'll be begging me for anal before you know it.
It didn't seem to compute. The possibility of my begging for something I never wanted.
But I wasn't going to over think things.
I wanted to relish in this moment.
Him spoiling me.
Him worshiping me.
He was the perfect balance of pleasure and pain.
And it was intoxicating!
The first few weeks served as a mini-boot camp for sexual deviance ....
...as we both solidified the rules of our relationship.
My bedroom is off-limits.
When you're here you sleep in one of the guest bedrooms.
You wear what I tell you to when I tell you to.
No resistance.
Our weekends begin at noon every other Saturday.
Enter the house and kneel at the front door.
Until you are instructed to do otherwise.
Do not get up no matter how long you're forced to wait.
No matter how long you're forced to wait.
I control your orgasm.
Which means absolutely NO masturbation.
Absolutely no touching my face ever!
You call me Mr. Frederick.
And nothing else. Your coffee Mr. Frederick.
You make me happy.
[keys snap]
And as each week progressed....
So did our individual commitment.
Discovering the pleasure of pain....
...and the sweetness of reward.
He continued to test my limits.
You beg me to.
And my personal boundaries.
I enjoyed the deviance.
And relished in the tenderness!
And before I knew it... I wanted nothing more than to give him everything he desired.
He was right.
I don't believe....I was begging for it!\
Uhhh!
And slowly...my walls began to crumble.
The closer and more connected we became.
And eventually everything came easy.
Like we were free falling.
[foot steps]
I'm ready.
Woo.
[breath catches] Ohh.
Please give it to me!
Please you've been so good.
Do you want it now? Yes please.
I want it! I want it please!
Go ahead and give it to me now please!
Go slow!
Oh please!
Oh thank you.
But like they say...
...nothing worth having...
...ever comes easy.
I really can't decide. I really like teal but Sidney hates teal. Though it really shouldn't matter to anyone but me.
Hey guys.
Teal or no teal for the bridesmaid's dresses?
I thought you weren't trying to make a big deal out of your wedding?
I'm trying not to but everyone else seems to.
Well everyone looks good in teal so just go with teal.
How 'bout magenta?!
Did you see her arms?
No.
She had rope burns all over her wrists!
Rope burns?
Like restraint marks.
I read about it in GQ.
Something about BDSM relationships.
It's where they like tie people up.
...beat them! What?!
Yeah it's this whole underground world of freaky bizarro sex!
Oh my god!
You know the other day when she came home from work...
...she had a big bruise on her ass.
She tried to pretend like it was no big deal!
Huh she's a closet freak!
Should I say something to her?
To be honest I wouldn't worry about it.
You can't reason with freaks.
Judgment had reared its ugly head.
And right when my guard was fully down...
...it suddenly had popped back up.
The only solace I had ever known...
...was with Mr. Frederick.
And as he had always done before....
I hoped that this time he could provide me with some much needed clarity.
I think I'm falling in love with you.
What makes you say that?
I just get this feeling whenever I am with you.
Like I'm finally at peace.
Safe.
I'm glad to hear that.
That's a ... rare thing to feel.
It's just the times I'm not with you that have me worried.
What do you mean?
I mean we're not like normal people!
You know like people that go out on dates and hold hands.
....Fall asleep together.
Do you think people would really accept us with ball gags and duct tape?
Do you really care what other people think?
I'm just trying to understand.
I have no real reference point.
And it's just like...
They don't have relationship experts for people like us!
What are you doing?!
I'd hit a nerve with him.
One that would prove beyond repair.
I want you out of this house!
What?!
Please Mr. Frederick! Wait! Why are you doing this?!
You are not cut out for this!
I don't want you to hate yourself because you are incapable of ending this!
No! I am cut out for this Mr. Frederick!
No! Please!
Everything's just new for me!
Can't I question it?! Can't I wonder?!
Questioning seldom leads anywhere good Emma.
I've been down this road. Let me tell you where it ends!
You will lie awake at night comparing what we have to what other people have.
And you'll convince yourself that there's something wrong with us.
Because we're different.
You can't handle that!
No! No!
I'm doing this for your own benefit not mine!
No! Mr. Frederick please!
Oh!
I'm sorry!
You are not normal Emma!
You're gonna have to figure out a way to deal with that.
I felt guilty for making him doubt my commitment.
And so I did the only thing I could...
...in hopes of salvaging what I feared I had already lost.
No.
I asked him to punish me.
I want you to count out loud!
[Smack]
Count!
One.
[Smack] Two!
[Smack] Three!
[Smack] [Screams]
Red...
The safe word.
Never before uttered.
Now echoed through the entire house.
I was broken.
And trying to come to grips with it all was crippling.
I didn't run from Mr. Frederick that night.
I ran from myself.
I ran from all the fears and judgments that had plagued me my entire life.
I wanted to accept our relationship but my fear of the outside world had paralyzed me.
Emma are you okay?
I couldn't tell Nadia the truth.
She would never understand it anyways.
Nobody could.
I couldn't.
Two days later I resigned from my job.
I knew there was no way I could ever make heads or tails of the situation without any distance.
And just as he'd promised...
He didn't try to stop me.
Good luck to you Emma.
Goodbye Mr. Frederick.
It took a while but...
...Finally I found a new job working for one of the female executives I'd interviewed for my thesis.
And in my free time I helped my sister with her wedding.
Trying to keep my mind off the heartache.
Spending a ridiculous amount of time working on her seating chart.
And watching her wedding plans turn from reasonable to full-blown addictions.
The thoughts of Mr. Frederick were always there.
Lingering beneath the surface.
It was an empty feeling that I couldn't escape from.
Whether in the company of others...
...or completely alone.
Would happiness always elude me?
You're glowing.
Am I?
Yeah.
This is the best day in my life.
Sorry that I...
...wasn't more supportive earlier on.
It's okay.
A lot of people weren't.
Life's about being happy.
Nobody can define that happiness for me but me.
You're absolutely right.
After spending months anguishing over everything that had come to pass...
...clarity somehow found me.
Nadia had found the person she wanted to share her life with...
...why should I deny myself the same thing.
Even if what I wanted was different from everyone else.
Did I need the rest of the world's validation?
Or did I need mine?
Did I make a beautiful bride?
Huh...
I knew there was no guarantee we could repair what had been broken.
But I had to at least try.
I loved him.
And I was safe here at his home.
Safe inside a world in which the power came from simply letting go.
He didn't give in easily.
I didn't expect him to.
But I wasn't going to back down.
I knew what I wanted.
And had he made me wait for an entire year just to prove it I would have.
There was no where in the entire world where I belonged.
Other than his home.
Fully surrendering to the only world that had ever made sense to me.
You've earned this.
I'm gonna play some music for you now.
If at any point you feel uncomfortable and want me to stop....
Safe word.
Good girl.
Some people think of romance as bouquets of flowers on special occasions.
Or champagne and strawberries in the wee hours of the night.
But for me...
Romance is the inner peace I get...
...when I completely surrendered my control to the person that I loved.
Everybody has their own version of normal.
And I had finally come to accept that this was mine.
The beauty of finding someone who shared my same perversions.
And created...a different kind of normal.