1
[Laughter]
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[Applause]
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My.
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Well that's terrible
say Sam keep your mind on your work will
you oh what's the matter now
nothing much it seems the entire bands
out of tune all except you yeah
why are you always picking on me when
you know I can I'll play anyone in the
band that's just the trouble you not
only can but do come on now let's see if
we can all do it together just once why
can't we quit now no use getting too
good
there's no danger say that guy like
sittin bull' look like a man of action I
could play at a sleep well come on let's
go hey I wonder where Rudy is who cares
he's such a bum sax play he's no Russ
any Ho Chi if he could only play like he
can sing here he comes now if we were
paying salaries I'd be tempted to docq
I'm sorry but I was waiting for this to
arrive look it's a brand new gold-plated
super toned deluxe Ted grant saxophone
listen to these low notes
sounds like he's given himself a bird
that bird reminds me of Fritz Kreisler.
Questers no saxophone player neither is
he hot quit your kidding and let's go
we've wasted enough time already and
let's play it slowly so we can hear
those low notes.
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[Applause]
[Music]
How'd you like that it was great wasn't
it boys
well I've certainly got a hand it to you
Rudy but where did you learn to play the
saxophone like that yeah you weren't
playing like that six months ago I got
it from studying with a greatest
saxophone player of all time from Ted
grant you mean that that mail-order guy
sure why he discovered been burning Ted
Lewis I read all about it in his ads do
you believe everything you read never
mind
he's a remarkable man why it's his
influence that made me practice hours
every day he's a great guy you'll like
why say he's got one of the biggest band
organizations in the country and if we
could only hook up with his outfit ah do
you mean to say a man like Ted grant
would be interested in a small-town
outfit like this why not why he's almost
a personal friend of mine
just see the way he writes to me read
that last paragraph and in concluding
this course let me tell you that at all
times I shall follow your work as my
pupil with heartfelt interest and hope
that you will bring your problems of the
future to me as an old friend cordially
Ted grant imagine it following the work
of all his pupils like that and that is
normal read this
[Applause]
Mr. grant has rented a home in the smart
summer resort of long port Long Island
where hereafter he will spend his idle
hours scanning the work of his pupils as
received by mail in the hope of finding
promising material for the many
profitable positions awaiting the
graduates of the Ted grant
correspondence method well it sounds all
right but how are we going to get to him
I have it we'll jump a train to Long.
Point go right out there and see him
personally and get thrown out or he
wouldn't treat a graduate of the
correspondence course that way why not
leave it to me as leader I know the man
will take our instruments our clothes
we'll go out there and play for him and
I know he'll sign us right up
silly girl now listen Ted about next
week's work work say give me a rest with
you're wasting your talents managing me
you ought to be managing a war on our
sea here Ted you have been the right to
talk to me like that
well you don't appreciate the analogy
that I'm giving you doubling in two
shows with your radio date in your
nightclub work and now the best
money-making proposition that we've had
yet a correspondent School of Music yeah
and running me ragged with it me the
greatest living bandleader the man who
made America jazz minded men discovered
been Bernie Ted Lewis the six Brown.
Brothers you left our Sousa well I'm too
tired to think why should a man of my
ability have to remember who we
discovered no reason at all
so you put out a lot of newspaper
publicity about this long port house
that's caused me more no incident 24
hours not getting the whole season in
town phone calls and telegrams from not
amateurs in every part of the country
yeah but don't you see that's
advertising the Correspondence School of.
Music and you get 10% of the returns on
that and a hundred percent of the
troubles I wish I'd never let my name to
it since I moved in yes tea I'll bet I
answered that phone
40 times before I had the service cut
off they even come in person yeah but
listen there's only one done that he's
equal to 40 himself well just keep on
refusing to see him he'll wear himself
out
and these people next door this mrs.
Whitehall I suppose she wear herself out
yeah but she hasn't called in person no
but she called up three times and sent
two messages will I play their musical
tonight out of neighborliness imagine me
at a hick musical what's that
yogi I'll get it tell him I'm in bed
with a small Park mr. Grin know what the
blazes you don't know me mr. grinds oh
yes I do
you're the guy I've refused to see five
times already today right now we'll make
it an even half-dozen but I want you to
listen to me that is too uh now wait a
minute kid you can't expect mr. Grant to
match his time it's worth a thousand
bucks an hour against yours is worth
probably two bits a month but mr. Grant
there's one artist to another now listen
son it's no use I'm not looking for any
more musicians and I wouldn't listen to
another amateur Bedford Texas guy
yourself you don't understand we've come
all the way down from Waterville just to
have you listen to us well I'm a
graduate of the Ted grant Correspondence.
School taurima will you throw him out
come on come on
[Music]
What do you say.
No.
No.
Well what are we going to do now I don't
know
bajiru D we got to get in there we've
got to play for this guy
I tell you what's that dude there must
be some way of getting in here oh come
on boy let's get in there and set up and
and play for this guy that's a good idea
come on he's got to listen to us what
are you saying come on here what's the
idea
you and I going back to town for a rest
or now say listen be reasonable
reasonable my eye I'm going to spend the
next three days down Times Square when
they don't read the other guys publicity
yogi leave a note then tell them I will
be back on Tuesday but you just moved in
oh shut up who's running this oh come on
yogi you'll drive us down with their
honor we amateurs neighbors our musicals
or any other darn thing okay all right.
Steven.
Oh
Andy dear who do you suppose they are
other bankers gangsters oh I call the
police
I call me
[Music]
See there's nobody here maybe they're
all upstairs there don't you think we're
kind of forcing ourselves on him that's
the only way you brought us all the way
down here to play for this bird and
we're going to play for him no matter I
guess you're right
you know what doing him a favor giving
him first chance to hear all this new
talent well if he's the guy you say yes
we wanted to have any trouble landing
with him well let's set up how that will
knock him dead but it's first to milking
hello hello is this a police station oh
yes well I want to report a burglary yes
yes yes yes yes
mmm this is mrs. F a better fighter
speaking yes mrs. White all herself
yes yeah well my niece and myself saw a
gang of strangers breaking into a
neighbor's house yes yes the house
rented by mr. Broun the bandleader yeah
y-yeah yes you'll be right up oh oh yes
well we are awaiting idea you remember
that robbery of two weeks ago you know I
owe my perils I remember I just let
pearl oh my
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Hey there's nobody in any of these rooms
yes you're right the house is empty
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Wonder who it can be
I'll say
don't move any on you stand right where
you be step in miss Whitehall I got him
cornered that's right these are the dead
all right
are you sure you recognize him I do
I saw them breaking in the side window
not five minutes ago breaking in hey I
suppose you know that the Lord in the
house breaking young Paulo LA here the
last gang I caught get a year we on
housebreaking nobody's being at all is.
Jeong Jeong well that isn't junk salsa
band instruments I know that van there
summers I suppose you know the law
against stealing them too don't you we
weren't stealing them we were we were
playing them why I'm I'm the leader here
leader well you better get ready to
leave this bunch to jom don't you see.
Annie it's mr. Ted grant himself and his
band nonsense
mr. Grant wouldn't break into his own
house my job that was it exactly forgot
his key that's right isn't it mr. Graham
why yes I I forgot my key yeah well you
don't look like any sex or horny wizard
to me oh but he is
he's a wonderful saxophone player isn't
be boring yeah except when he forgets
the key yeah well if you're Ted right
let's hear you on this sure this band
play something on these instruments just
trying to get away with is suddenly come
on boys let's show him what kind of a
band we really are yes come on they're
good
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My.
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I love
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There's me
my
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Oh mr. Grant I'm so pleased to meet you
how could we ever make a silly mistake
oh don't don't apologize it it might
happen to anyone
but you see we are your nearest
neighbors and this this is my niece Jean
you must mind Andy she so wanted to meet
you
that's why she was so anxious to protect
your property did you want to meet me
oh I've always wanted to meet Ted grant
well then that's who I am all right
oh then you got my notes about the music.
Allen
oh yes yes of course
I got them all right well and you'll
come Oh mr. Graham please say you come
where to buy to play at my musical ha ha
you didn't answer me but I shan't
chastise you I know you're going to come
all imagine imagine mrs. Todd on her
when she knows that mr. Ted grant is
going to play for us that's Annotated
social rival it does seem silly but it's
so important to her
not at all my dear not at all it's
simply because Illi was then very much
the way mrs. Mrs. tada the hundred acts
on our benefit committee meetings I
trying to run the whole show and
everything just because she knows a lot
of opera singers.
Oh mr. Grant she's going to bring them
with her tonight to my musical just to
show how important she is really really
it's to noise yes it it certainly is Oh
mr. Grant if you would come to our
little affair then bring your boys with
you then we could introduce he was our a
friend
well I'll tell you mrs. Todd hunter I
mean this is Whitehall we had originally
intended to leave town on the 6 o'clock
train hey what's this I was just that
tomorrow is Sunday and the first train
doesn't go out till 6 o'clock we thought
that maybe I mean this note that says
here notice to train
mr. grand a ladle Tuesday please hold
all deliveries oh that yes that says
you're Winkle Tuesday you think so you
can't believe anything you read trying
to kid the country cafe he means he was
thinking of going and then changed his
mind.
Oh and left this note on the door huh oh
yes that's it we were just thinking of
going yeah but you're not going now no
of course not
why should we yes why indeed oh then
you'll be here bra musical tonight won't
you oh yeah I guess we will oh that's so
good of you mr. Grant Oh madam I party
mr. Grant and his band to vote oh really
I'm eternally grateful and so alive well
we're delighted aren't we boys yeah
I think you're very nice mr. Grant we
won't forget the vine
don't forget the musical's at 8 o'clock
tonight
goodbye for the moment
goodbye oh and gene and I I want you to
know that we hope to see a great deal of
all of you boys why do you stay here
yeah and I wish to tell you that I I
don't care for ground office no no no
I'm - American - American jazz oh I I
just a door jazz I don't know it does it
that it kind of does something to me
just an Indian
hey buddy don't forget I got my eye on
you you and your band to boot
[Music]
Hey I don't like that to boot what did
you want to tell him that I was Ted
grandpa well I hate jails they're so
cold and damn that was a deliberate
deception a lie I hate doing a thing
like this ha ha
don't hand us any of that saying well
that girl said she was crazy about
meeting Ted grant you began to look more
like him than he does himself I know it
I entered into this thing deliberately
that's why I feel so rotten now what do
you mean I mean we could have told the
truth we could have explained not to
that cop oh yes we could but I stood for
it because well I wanted to make a hit
with that girl
what yes you see I've always wanted to
be a great Orchestra director just like
Ted grant and when I saw how she felt
about him I let her go on believing I
was him now I've gone and balled up
everything forever no you have an old
boy tell you what we'll do now we'll
play at this trick party tonight because
well because we'll have to and we'll
stay here until tomorrow and grab the
six o'clock train tomorrow evening why
that cop can't stop us oh nothing to be
ascared not a thing
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Jihad
dear Santa your friend sing beautiful
really they've made quite an occasion of
your little party heaven say mrs. Rifle
I almost feel it as your parting My dear
oh yes it does brightness soiree if one
can count my ones guests a few of the
people who really about you something
your self for example do mrs. Todd.
Hunton so nice of you to say so my dear
I think the pianist is trying to catch
your eye oh oh yes I must now introduce
some of the other singers don't tell me
you two have some famous artists just
the poor little orphan I thought it'd be
sang tonight it might advertise them for
our benefit tomorrow haha yes it is hard
to make a problem for these little
musicals unless one knows the right
people precisely my dear
[Music]
Friends friends I wish to announce the
next numbers some bitter children from
the orphans home as you know tomorrow
sees the opening of our benefit
performance for these poor children a
very program each and every night for
the next two weeks in the garden
amphitheater so graciously donated by
mrs. Todd hunter the benefit committee
of which I am chairman hope should buy a
great many tickets and bring your
friends for it must be a complete
success for the orphanage cannot carry
on their work for the year.
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I just love children don't you
I guess our likes are pretty much the
same and now my dear friends I wish to
announce the final number mmm
a very dear friend and neighbor of mine
mr. Ted grant and his famous band hmm
they are here soon as my guests
[Music]
Funny I've never met a girl like you
before interested in a thing like a
charity benefit and I've never met a man
like you before you're not at all the
way I thought you'd be not a bit like a
famous jazz band leaving
you're not the way I thought you'd be hi
well you could have thought of me before
you didn't even know I was on there oh
yes I did I always knew that I was going
to meet a girl like you someday
by the boys are playing a song that I
wrote about that go
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I'm going to sing it to you right now
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The only girl in the world
and I.
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Oh
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Nothing.
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In this one.
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And the same.
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Yeah
ah.
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Such wonderful things
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One
you
they are
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And
they are
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[Applause]
[Applause]
That was all mr. grant
you are the evening wasn't to you mrs.
Todd hunter it was quite interesting so
different though from the trained
operatic voices but we haven't secured
our managers permission but suppose me
secured permission
well I'm afraid a plain jazz band
wouldn't be quite suitable on a program
with real concerts and operatic artists
mr. Gramps is hardly a plain jazz band
well I'm sure my operatic friends would
view it as such I know the artistic
temperament
they would never intend to appear on a
program which lacked artistic dignity
I'm quite right by drive so good of you
to say so mr. Grant you understand
[Music]
Oh mr. glass I hope you're not offended
not at all really but you have every
right to be
she was so tactless but I can tell you I
do benefit program you can be sure of
that but I don't want her to end cess
she won't let you be insulted in her
house an orphanage benefit can't have
too much dignity
no one can impose on anyone she gets her
back up she'll do anything to get even
with anyone who tries to enter her
social prestige and make a fool of her
you don't say if she's really angry
she'll do anything to get even with
anyone she's like one of those Queens
who chop people's heads off or sent them
to prison for life to prison if they
stand in her way
precancerous what auntie hate.
I tell you I wouldn't be the person to
have her after me for anything in the
world
she had her dressmaker fined $5,000
months for pretending to sell her
imported models and then there was that
cook of ours who swindled us on my
household account she had him sent to
jail yes
actually to jail that's why I'm so glad
she likes you for she really does
maybe I'd better go get him it's getting
me a train time it's all your fault for
telling her II was Ted grant and he'd
better be Ted grant to let six o'clock
train pulls out that cop was around here
again this morning yeah doing what
asking questions about Rudy he said the
more he looked at him the less he
reminded him of a great bandleader my
nerves are shot to pieces my all pipe
down
I got a voice let's play that new love
did he he loves to well I wasn't called
a little kiss each morning a little kiss
each time great idea okay let's play
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This has been the most wonderful day of
my life
that's strange I feel the same way you
know it seems as though I'd always known
I wish we always have known one another
that melody it's a song that was meant
just will be so happy will always sing
if we remain
one level
all Iraqis
to morning
let's eat
who cares if
[Music]
Maybe an MP Carver.
Oh
[Music]
Dreams may disappoint
they offer new
bring your tears to me
I'll bring mine the hair so go
my time Cobra
I'll call you
and always.
I
see to me
it's almost half past five your car
should be here almost any minute now I
wish you didn't have to go into town for
that rehearsal I wish I didn't - oh
you've made me forget all about my music
I've always wanted to know a real
musician an artist with sincerity
sincerity that's what your music makes
me feel about you
you just couldn't be anybody but
yourself when you sing like that I wish
you'd go on forever would you be willing
to go on with me
or ever
[Music]
Why I pardon me
is mrs. Whitehall here
no Adam I have a telegram father just
leave it on the table
now I wonder with that telegrams about
so do I it's funny that Andy hasn't come
home something must have happened at her
committee meeting.
[Music]
Say we'd better go get that guy you wait
here
were you be coming back tomorrow if I
wasn't would you mind
what a silly question
I might have to stay in town for
instance then I come down and see you
and hear you play I'm gonna be a Ted
grant fan well supposing I wasn't Ted
grant if you weren't famous I'd like you
just the same no matter who you were
gene I've got to tell you something
maybe I'll make you hate me but I've
just got to tell you I'm not what you
think I'm I'm
[Music]
Oh mr. Grant what a relief to find you
here yes I was I was just going Oh
haven't you haven't gone it's very
important why Annie what's happened I
won all right what that's the committee
meeting of course your band your your
band please tonight you mean mrs. Todd
hundred consent to let mr. grant head
the program I should say she didn't and
what a piece of my mind I gave her and
the committee back me up especially when
I told him how anxious mr. grant was to
help us of course I did want to help but
were the other artists on the program
objecting the program anymore not at all
not at all they've all moated back to.
New York exactly my dear she said that
they refused to appear on the program
with a jazz band no matter how famous of
course the committee insisted on having
mr. Grant and she trying for me I assure
you but Andy without the operatic stars
we can't make the benefit a success the
broadcasting people say that mr. Grant
will be a far bigger attraction why most
of the people will have heard of in New
York many times you may have heard and
seen Ted grant personally you know the
ones you play for the theater and the
smart nightclubs Oh with a baby tape
numbers will be a great success
oh you really do the best you can for us
won't you mr. Graham but I told you
before it's impossible we have to secure
our managers permission oh I've taken
care of that with a wire from the
committee meeting yeah we got your
managers address from the broadcasting
people in New York told him that you
were here wanted to help us and offering
to accept he's done you said that I was
here and that I wanted to play well of
course and your whole band that was
right wasn't it
the answer should be here by now by that
machine that what that gene please
that must be what the butler is trying
to find you for the butler what with you
come on speak up what is it yes calm
calm
well I I really have forgotten well then
I see the butler it must be the telegram
why didn't you want Andy to read that
telegram gene there was something I
wanted to tell you but it's too late now
about the telegram read it why it's
addressed to Andy it will concern you
why don't believe it read it.
[Applause]
Vande operating in your neighborhood is
fake and wired police to arrest all
concerned and hold till I arrived with
mr. Grant
impossible play your benefit as cannot
arrive to late evening J Stein Jean I
wanted to tell you I was trying to tell
you you're not Ted grant know you've
been lying imposing on us.
Oh Jean you don't understand let me
explain
why what's the matter what's happened we
saw the cops coming and beated how far
is it to the station it's a half mile
across country you mean me run half a
mile we'll never make that six o'clock
train without a car then we're so well I
don't mind a brick but gee I hate water
wait a minute I'll take you my car boy
are we going to hide behind a woman's
skirts.
[Music]
Faceman Benjamin was a nice bunch of
criminals plane ride placer crooks
well cooked
[Music]
But how am I going to see you again you
aren't going to see me again
oh I know I've been to blame it's been a
terrible mistake that I'd give anything
to undo you better go you'll miss your
train I'm not going until I know that
you'll forgiving me
have I hurt you so much I don't
understand why did you save us from the
police then oh I just couldn't see you
punished that way we'd have deserved it
you don't know Andy she'd never forgive
you she'd make me give you a prison
sentence well I don't care about her I
want you to know just how sorry I am
it is myself that counts it is Nana's
humiliation it's something far greater
than any of us something you and your
friends have forgotten about that's a
real sucker what is that the children of
the orphanage why what do you mean oh
you spoil the whole benefit and II
trusted you and counted on you
the other artists have gone back to New
York that won't arrive until much later
and there'll be no time to get anyone
else to have the program this evening I
never thought of that we'll have to
return all the ticket money but blacker
the fund must go to the broadcasting
people hardly worth while giving the
other performances if this one is such a
failure what can I do I was too late to
do anything you've had your joke at the
expense of a great charity the one we've
worked so hard for and because he
thought that his children was suffered
oh I could never forgive you for that.
Oh Jane I never want to see you again
[Music]
Come on the trains moving I'm not gone
what these right about that benefit look
suppose he is are we going to miss this
train bye
have you been nook do anything you're
crazy bill Ju I don't care I'm going to
take my medicine
oh come on let's catch this train go
ahead I'll write you from the Rockpile
not me you're wrong because I'm going to
be right there with you what you think
I'd let you take this alone why I'm in
this as much as you are that's right
boys we're all in this together
and if Rudy's game let's stick to oh I
can't let you all do that say if it'll
help them for us to play we'll play
let's get a tag come on hey Maxie
[Music]
Apartness white huh Stevens are the new
how do you do mr. Stevens tell me yeah
who first introduced this impostor to
your friends as Ted grant I see well
when did you first notice your nieces
romantic interest in them but you ran
away with a bag of bone of the hell what
can we get a photograph of this lease
now I don't intend to answer any more
questions but you've got to it's front
page stuff but my dear lady we're giving
you a million dollars worth of free
publicity can't you just see it boys hey.
Aris elopes with there what is he
calling Oh Vega bar ante rages secret
love nest her vagabond lover there's a
head point yeah pardon me mrs. Whitehall
I met you with the lathe routes at Palm.
Beach last winner now on the interest of
the police Gazette might I ask you if
your niece has ever been photographed in
a bathing suit
besides boys way uh not so sure she did
run away with these Crocs maybe they ran
away with her well that's my theory
hey kidnapping hot dog would you say
yeah hypnotism had been used well I
wouldn't say positively but you might
print the fact that chief George see.
Tuttle expect some startling disclosures
within 24 hours a to teasin tunnel you
mean in the res Boys we're gonna roast
these crooks and put them where they
belong she was my name is your sea
turtle attached 11th precinct with two
teams I followed them from the operatic
star expected will be unable to appear
mrs. Whitehall promised to replace them
with the tech Batman the game due to
another unfortunate misunderstanding
out of mrs. Whitehall this will also be.
Oh what do you do to be the famous Ted
grand organization and turned out in
actuality to be a small group of amateur
musicians who however rather than let
the evening suffer by mrs. White House
air have gladly contribute their
services to the program weinerman
that means the birds you want are right
at the benefit now and souls of each
from their nerve on them I'll pitch the
whole bunch
do you mean to tell me because young my
god have had the impudence to Avira that
benefit after what is happened oh I
thought the radio saying man my car
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Can you beat that but what do you think
of that nut there's no Ted grant method
stealing my stuff huh wait a minute wait
a minute let's get a lot of that guy
[Music]
[Applause]
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Ever dream
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Remind me.
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We.
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My.
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Hey boy I want somebody there sneak
around that way and come in underneath
there why those hollows are look at me
come on boys come on over here with that
and now the final number from our band
will close the performance
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My.
For the healthy
and I.
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My fragrant flowers then
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Young man we want to see you I
understand I'll take all the blame if
you let the others go I'll go quietly
wait Annie wait what do you mean failure.
Jean where have you been at the radio
receiving telegram and before you say
another word I want you to look at those
but what on earth the radio announcer
says they always get a quick response in
their public oh listen if charity
benefit is as delightful as the
orchestra now playing count us in every
night mr. And mrs. Richmond oh dear
they're all the patients in our Hospital
enjoy the charity benefit orchestra
greatly hip nurse Montclair Hospital Oh
house who reads it never heard such a
soothing voice and band and coming to
benefit just to see them mrs. Roger.
Hackett would be a permanent feature on
the IRA the Sherman family.
Oh radio sensation they note when they
first heard him out there are there are
tons of other telegrams too
oh don't you see Andy he had to major
benefit of failure he's put it over for
you
congratulations mrs. Whitehall and
everyone who has a genius to make a fine
like this and then excited so
magnificently superb showmanship the
committee certainly owes a great deal to
you I recognize the quality in his voice
the minute I heard it's so different to
the trained operatic voices do mrs.
Daughter well aren't you going to have
him arrested that was part of my superb
whatever it was
just this mr. Grant himself advisors on
this he's the injured party
he made the complaint well well of
course officers follow I taught on
cattle was guilty pardon me just a
moment me make a complaint against my
protege well who are you.
Who am I why I'm Ted grant that's who
and I want to tell you I never was power
in my life of any graduate of the Ted.
Mann School of Music why say listen we
are going to use his name in these
testimonials in all of our future
advertising why he's the biggest fine
I've made since Ted Lewis or Ben Bernie
you you've made well of course I'm mr.
Grant I don't care to take any credit
away from you but you must admit that my
courage and superb seamanship business
their advisers if you realize the effort
it takes developing new talent like this
you'd appreciate my feelings tonight
when I heard this new find of mine find
of yours why when I heard the boys sing
at my musical I knew yeah and using the
Ted back method the method that's made
me the greatest saxophone player in the
world.
Oh player well of course what do you
like my energy really with me boy please
effective home so well well you won't
believe you but a couple of times I
hated acting for my salary
[Music]