No, no, no!
You have no step
unless you get your leg up.
All right, come on, watch.
Give me that dicer.
Hit it, the last 16 bars. Now, watch.
- What time you got?
- Ten to 3.
Take over, Eve. Last chorus.
All right, well, pick up.
Hello, Jerry. Bix.
Ran out, huh?
Well, look, give me a $20 parlay...
...from Laughing Boy in the seventh
to Happy Eve in the eighth.
You heel.
Can't even pay a hotel bill.
In debt up to your ears, and it's horses.
Horses every second you're awake.
Horses, horses, horses.
I don't drink or smoke.
You, Elwin Bixby, a man of talent,
a genius of Broadway.
The brightest future of anybody
in show business.
Take five, kids.
Had hit after hit, season after season...
...now beating out a time step
in this broken-down saloon.
Take 10, sweetheart.
Take 10?
I've been taking 10
ever since I've known you.
Watching you fight your way
to the bottom.
- I don't fight, baby. I'm a lover.
- Don't change the subject.
You fought with Ziegfeld, Harris,
Hammerstein, Eberhart, always battling.
But you know who you're really fighting?
Yourself.
Where do we go from here?
We'll land right on our feet,
and when we do:
That tune went off my hit parade
long ago.
Sorry, but here goes the bride.
Eve, Eve, you haven't heard
the whole story.
Heard it? I could put it to music.
"Meet me at the city hall. This is it.
We'll have our honeymoon in Bermuda."
"Had to postpone it."
- Something happened to the money.
- Something always happened to the money.
Answer it. It's probably your bookie
with another sure thing.
- Hello.
- Bix, old boy. How are you, fella?
I've been combing the town for you.
Where you been? How do you feel?
When did you start being interested
in the state of my health?
Oh, now, Bix.
You know I've always been interested
in how you're doing.
Listen, I've got a proposition for you.
Go blow your brains out, you thief.
Eberhart.
- Harry Eberhart?
- Yes, offered me a job.
You fool.
The only producer in town
who'll give you a job and you insult him?
I wouldn't work for that chiseler
if you put a gun in my back.
Well, that does it.
Pick up the phone when you roll out of bed
around 2 tomorrow afternoon.
Call my two-room,
cross-ventilated basement.
Ask for Eve.
She won't live there anymore.
Oh, now...
Sit down, sit down, sweetheart.
You're overheated.
- Bix, I'm leaving.
- Yeah, sure, sure.
I've been offered a job to do a single
and help stage the dances...
...at a hotel in Las Vegas.
Eve, you can't do that.
You're my feet, you're my memory.
I couldn't work without you.
You better start getting used to it.
All right, Eve, Eve.
So help me, word of honor, word of honor,
no more horses.
- Word of honor?
- Yeah.
You don't know what it means.
Sorry, Bix. I gotta pack.
- I'll be up to your place as soon as I finish.
- Won't do any good.
Save yourself the bus fare.
You might need it.
Bix, every year at West Point,
the cadets put on a musical...
...the 100th Night Show.
They call it that
because it's a kind of a celebration.
The winter's over,
only a hundred days till June.
Well, I made a special trip up there
to look over the show.
It's wonderful what those kids have done.
Of course, some of the material
was amateurish.
But I've seen a lot worse on Broadway.
Bix...
...l'm gonna help those boys.
That's why I sent for you.
- Did you say something?
- I didn't say anything.
You know, Bix, you and I have done
a lot of shows together.
I can't think of a man
with more on the ball.
That's why I gave you such a big build-up
with those cadets.
Don't you talk to me about West Point.
That is the greatest collection...
...of big-headed, salute-happy,
station-house characters in any man's army.
I took it for four years from those muzzlers
from Camp Dix to the Rhine.
And all the way, nothing but trouble.
And how do they get that way?
They have a special factory up there
for putting square heads into brass hats.
West Point?
But, Bix, I'm asking this
as a personal favor.
Why should I do you any favors?
Bix, I've got a nephew up there,
Tom Fletcher.
The kid's written the music
and he's putting on the show.
He's my only sister's boy.
The kid's dad died when he was 3.
There isn't anything in this world
I wouldn't do for that boy.
As a friend, go on up there
and whip that show into shape.
Now, suppose...
...you tell me the real story.
All right.
I've got a big musical for the fall.
Can I put it on?
Not without a leading man.
And where am I gonna find
a good-looking guy that can sing?
Don't tell me, don't tell me.
- West Point.
- Exactly.
My own nephew, Tom.
Oh, a tremendous voice.
Believe me, and the chump
wants to be an Army officer.
Now, what kind of a career is that?
I tell you, I've tried every angle
to get that kid out of there.
Now, come on, Bix, go on up there.
Give them that stuff.
Let that kid get a taste of applause.
Get under his skin.
You can make him listen.
He'll make us a fortune.
- Who'll wind up with it?
- We will.
Harry, you got your start
robbing a blind man.
Six years, you sat on
the broad end of your back...
...collected the dough, took the bows
for hits that I made for you.
You fired me and had me blackballed
with every producer in town.
And now, when you need me...
Now, wait just a minute, Bix.
Just one minute.
- What did you do to me?
- Do to you?
- Jan Wilson?
- Yes, Jan Wilson.
You stole her out of my own show,
right from under my very nose.
Stole her? I found her.
Now, Bix, Bix, you stole her.
You signed her to a personal contract
and then sold to the pictures.
- Of course I did, to give her a break.
- And never even cut me in.
Cut you in?
You chiseler.
- You had her buried in the chorus.
- Now, all right.
Let's let bygones be bygones, shall we?
Now, I know that you've been
having a little trouble lately...
...so here's my proposition:
I'll give you 5000 as an advance
against 2 percent of the gross.
- lf you'll get the b...
- No, there is no if.
I will not steal your nephew
out of West Point.
Get yourself another boy.
- Oh, Bix?
- Yes?
- How's Eve? Seen her lately?
- Yeah, why?
Nice girl. I heard she'd been having
kind of a hard time.
You know, a friend of mine
owns a hotel in Las Vegas.
Las Vegas?
Friend of yours?
That's throwing them in there
pretty low, even for you.
Five thousand against 2 percent
of the gross if you deliver that boy.
- Ten thousand.
- Seventy-five hundred.
That should straighten out
a lot of troubles for you and Eve.
You got a deal.
Detail.
Forward, hut.
Isn't this wonderful?
Think of this place,
its history, its tradition.
Think of all the great men
who came from here.
General Grant, Eisenhower, Pershing.
Benedict Arnold. He tried hard
to give this joint to the British.
I think he should
have his case reviewed.
Look at that scenery, those buildings.
Alcatraz on the Hudson.
And get a load of this weather. Cold enough
to freeze the medals off a brass general.
Oh, Bix, stop beefing.
Say, buddy,
how do we get to the Army theater?
To reach your objective,
proceed through that entryway...
...between the academic building
and the barracks.
Walk west on Jefferson Road,
past Thayer Monument...
...opposite Washington Hall.
That, sir, is our cadet mess hall.
Turn left on Scott Place.
Proceed until you approach
a yellow brick building.
That's our gymnasium.
Proceed to the northeast corner,
where you will see nine doors.
Enter any of these doors,
proceed to the second floor.
There you will find the Army theater.
Couldn't you just point?
That way, sir.
- Thanks.
- Pardon me.
Are all those men
walking just for the exercise?
No, they're walking punishment tours.
They broke rules or regulations.
See that? Wasting shoe leather.
Who pays for it? Taxpayers, me.
Taxpayer? You wouldn't know
a tax return from a racing form.
Wait for your laugh.
- Where do you think you were going?
- Extra instruction, sir. French, sir.
Don't you know that even when you're late,
you don't use Diagonal Walk?
- That's reserved for upperclassmen.
- Yes, sir.
Now, I'm going to make
a soldier out of you...
...from the top of your head
to your toes.
First thing, put that hat on properly.
Pull in that chin. Lots of wrinkles.
Get those slimy green eyes off me.
Now let's see you pop that chest up.
Touch my hand.
You heard me. Pop up that chest.
Suck up that horrible gut.
You can't run around with that
stomach dragging on the pavement.
Get those knees together.
Report to my room, 1423, immediately
after extra instruction. Got that?
Drive on.
Pop up that chest! Touch my hand!
You don't have to break it off.
If you don't like this place
and you don't like Eberhart...
...why did you get on that train
at 125th Street...
...drag me off
and sell me a bill of goods...
...about coming up
to do an amateur show?
Just for you, sweetheart. Just for you.
First classmen wait
For the dance to come
With all the joys they bring
So join us and sing
One hundred days till June
June will come soon
Lieutenants we will be
With the shining bars of gold
On our Army OD
We'll cast one glance
At these old gray walls
We'll bid a fond farewell
Oh, join and sing
Of 100 days till June
Oh, join and sing
Of 100 days till June
Is that coming out of him?
- Mr. Bixby?
- Yes.
I'm Colonel Martin. Glad to see you.
Mr. Eberhart's told me so much about you.
Welcome to West Point.
Thank you. Eve Dillon, my assistant.
- How do you do.
- How do you do, miss.
- Oh, Mr. Fletcher.
- Sir?
- Mr. Bixby.
- Fletcher.
My uncle phoned me
you were coming, sir.
- This is Colonel Martin, our faculty adviser.
- Met the colonel.
- Hal Courtland.
- How do you do, sir.
Eve Dillon, my assistant.
- How do you do.
- How do you do, Miss Dillon.
This is Bull Gilbert, sir.
He's our princess in the show.
Too bad you couldn't find a big one.
"Honey Blond, Red Head, Ash Blond,
Strawberry Blond, Auburn."
"Brownette..." Somebody can't spell.
"Blond, Brunette."
Now, these characters with the signs on,
what are they?
Our chorus girls, sir.
No women in the show?
This isn't Broadway, Mr. Bixby.
This is West Point.
You see, sir, all our girls are men.
But every one's a lady.
That makes it cozy.
Something Rodgers and Hammerstein never
thought, a musical show without women.
We're about to do
one of our numbers, sir.
- Suppose we do it for you?
- That'd be fine.
Now, you'll have to imagine
that this is Flirtation Walk.
And that chair is the Kissing Rock.
Bull here is the princess.
This the Flirtation Walk,
that the Kissing Rock...
...and this is the princess.
You've been kissed, I know
In the very last row
When the love scene is on
At the movie show
But wait until tonight
And you'll be kissed but right
By the Kissing Rock
It's a lovely spot
And believe it or not
If you'll just care a little
You'll care a lot
So let's dispense with talk
And take a little walk
By the Kissing Rock
A girl once refused to kiss a lad
The lad was a man of honor
He warned her
She'd make the rock real mad
And the legend is the rock fell upon her
That was years ago
And it must have been so
'Cause from that day to this
Not a girl said no
And that's the story of
Whoever falls in love
By the Kissing Rock
How'd you like it, sir?
Wouldn't hiss and wouldn't cheer.
Got a copy of the lyrics?
Right here, sir.
Colonel, you mind if I go to work?
- Not at all. Go ahead.
- Thank you, colonel.
- Tom, would you come down here?
- Yes, sir.
Son, don't give it everything
you have in the first eight bars.
Don't belt it at them, like this:
You've been kissed, I know
No, it's no good.
Singing a song is like a horse race.
You don't ride a horse from wire to wire,
you rate him.
Now, rule one: Like your audience.
They're all nice people.
They bought tickets,
they want to hear your story.
Tell it to them simply, sweetly, warmly.
You like them and they like you.
Hit it. Eve.
You've been kissed, I know
In the very last row
When the love scene is on
At the movie show
But wait until tonight
And you'll be... but right
By the Kissing Rock
It's a lovely spot
And believe it or not
If you just care a little
You'll care a lot
So let's dispense with talk
And take a little walk
By the Kissing Rock
A girl once refused to kiss a lad
- And the lad was a man of honor
- You'd know.
He warned her
She'd make the rock real mad
And the legend is the rock fell upon her
That was years ago
And it must have been so
'Cause from that day to this
Not a girl said no
- That's the story of whoever falls in love
- That's the story of whoever falls in love
- By the Kissing Rock
- By the Kissing Rock
Ham.
Well, there's an idea.
- It was great.
- I could've done it better with two legs.
We'll open in one, go to full stage.
Now... Well, bring on the rest of your
dancers and we'll see what we've got.
We won't have any more time today, sir.
No more time?
I wanna hear the rest of your score.
You see, we have to spoon up
for mess or we'll get slugged.
But meet us tomorrow
at the Boodlers at 1600...
...why, we can have a drink...
- Cherry phosphate.
- we'll play the whole score
for you then.
See you tomorrow, sir.
Did I hear him right?
Let me translate. He means they won't
be off again until tomorrow at 4.
Fletcher and his roommate
can meet at the Boodlers.
Now they've got to stand formation
for supper.
Whoever heard of breaking
into rehearsals for supper?
West Point, Mr. Bixby.
Rules and regulations.
Oh, rules and regulations.
Well, they'll have to take a tuck
on the rules and regulations.
Make a note of that, Eve.
Long before I knew you
I knew you'd be as you are
How did I know?
Don't ask me to explain
Do you suppose the budding rose
Would question summer rain?
My heart led me right to you
Or was it my lucky star?
I don't know if you
Believe that dreams come true
But long before I kissed you
I knew
- This is going to be fun.
- You think we have a show?
You got a few good jokes, a few
good songs, but a show, I don't know.
It's gonna be a lot of hard work. Hal?
- Yes, sir?
- I like your dancing. Nice style.
- Thank you, sir.
- Don't let the Army flatten those arches.
You got a lot of voice.
Lot of voice. Like to talk about it sometime.
Good jokes, songs.
You did the material yourselves?
Yes, sir, Hal and I.
What happens to the show
when it closes?
- Nothing.
- They put it in the archives.
- Any chance of a fella getting it?
- Not a chance, it's West Point property.
- How about buying it?
- It's not for sale, sir.
I'm afraid I gonna have to call time
on you again.
- First call for supper.
- More supper.
I want you guys at the gymnasium
promptly at 4:00 tomorrow. Four o'clock.
In the Army, sir, it's 1600.
Sixteen hundred, 1650,
I won't give you a cent more.
Be there at 4:00.
After reading this book
and hearing this score...
...I think these kids
have really got something.
You know, this story is charming.
A Brooklyn GI in Europe
falling in love with a girl...
...who turns out to be a royal princess.
Romantic, isn't it?
Sets me on fire.
And that Bull Gilbert
is such a fascinating wench.
Then the princess comes to America,
to West Point...
...to see her GI, who is now a cadet.
But because she's a princess
and he's a commoner...
...the romance gets the cadet
into trouble.
However, being royalty,
she asks for amnesty and gets it.
Right out on the stage?
- Amnesty means a pardon.
- No.
Then she gives up being a princess,
moves to Brooklyn with her GI...
...and lives happily ever after. Cute?
If you ask me,
the whole plot needs amnesty.
He gets out of trouble
because she's a princess.
What gimmick is that?
Nobody's gonna believe it.
The tunes are good and that boy Tom...
Tom's great.
That Gilbert is a cute hunk of cadet,
but he's no princess.
Why not use a real girl? A local.
A daughter of one of the officers, maybe,
to play the part?
There are to be no females
in this show.
One woman couldn't hurt.
That's what Adam said, Eve.
No, no, no!
No!
How many times you guys have to be told?
This is a march tempo.
Don't you guys know how to march?
All right, come on, give me a pickup.
And go.
And go!
Now, you got the idea?
Try it. Once more.
Hit it.
Sorry we were late, sir.
It's about time you prima donnas
got here. What's the excuse?
- Lacrosse practice, tried to get here.
- I had mathematics.
I was attending intercollegiate
student forum on geopolitics.
- You see, sir...
- Don't "sir" me. I'm a civilian.
And you, princess, the beauty parlor?
Problem in fluid mechanics, sir.
The 300-ohm resistors and the venturi tubes
are giving me trouble.
- That's a new one.
- Mr. Bixby, I'd like to explain, sir.
We have to do this show
on our spare time.
- Rules and regulations.
- Rules and regulations.
All I wanna do is get a show on
and get out of here.
All right, girls, places.
Fast, fast. Come on.
Hit it.
No, no, no!
Quiet. Quiet. Quiet!
This is murder!
Murder.
Call a rehearsal and 50 percent
of the company's absent.
Punishment chores, studying for a quiz...
...lacrosse, venturi tubes.
I've heard a great deal
about the discipline in this joint.
You're supposed to be famous for it.
Well, I haven't seen a sign of it
in connection with this show.
There's more discipline
in a broken-down burlesque troupe...
...than you have up here with all your
salutes, your "Yes, sir"s, your "No, sir"s...
...your fancy uniforms and parades.
Discipline in the theater
means being on time.
Getting the job done.
Rehearsal is called for 2:00,
it's not 2:01 or 2:02.
If an actor is late, he apologizes
to the entire company.
If he's late a second time, he's fired.
Now, two of you men have taken
the trouble to put together a good show.
A show worthy of Broadway.
Well, if it's worth doing at all,
it's worth doing well.
And if it weren't...
...I wouldn't have stayed here 24 hours.
So from here in...
...punishment chores can wait,
studies can wait, lacrosse can wait.
And we'll throw out
some rules and regulations.
Rehearsal is called, you'll be on time.
You'll know your words
and you'll know your routines.
You're gonna work harder
than you've ever worked.
I'll show you what discipline is.
Because I don't like this brass-hat factory,
and I never expect to like it.
Tell him not to go away mad,
just go away.
Quiet. Quiet!
The next guy that opens his kisser
gets thrown out of the theater.
That's final.
That goes for each and every one of you.
- Is he always this violent?
- The Army did it to him.
It started when he asked
for a size 8 shoe...
...and they gave him a 12.
Never been the same since.
Catch me on this.
And, princess,
you and the rest of the girls watch.
We'll take that again.
See what I mean?
Discipline.
Gentlemen, this conduct of Mr. Bixby's
cannot be tolerated.
But, sir, the men don't seem to feel
it's entirely Mr. Bixby's fault.
It takes time for an outsider
to get to know West Point.
That I can understand,
but this request is very unusual.
Unusual, yes, colonel,
but not without precedent.
George M. Cohan did it
to get material for a play.
Damon Runyon
for some newspaper stories...
Gentlemen, I'd like to read you some excerpts
from Mr. Bixby's record in the Army.
"During four years of active service,
Elwin Bixby fought two wars...
...one against the enemy
and one against the Army.
He'd gripe from reveille to taps.
He was insubordinate to all ranks...
...and he went AWOL so many times,
it was impossible to keep count.
In Africa, he sold a B17 to an Arab
for a crate of eggs.
He swiped mattress covers
and pillowcases from QM supplies...
...and sold them to Arabs
for Sunday suits.
And after being missing for two weeks,
he was found in residence in a harem."
This was quite a man.
"He was ordered court-martialed five times,
always bluffed his way out.
But his courage was incredible.
In Italy, he saved his company...
...from being trapped
by superior enemy forces.
In France, when action became dull,
he went AWOL...
...and joined the French underground.
He was wounded twice.
He was awarded
the Distinguished Service Cross...
...the Silver Star
and the Mdaille Militaire.
He was finally promoted
to the rank of sergeant...
...but for an infraction of a rule,
was broken back to private...
...on the day of his discharge."
A very interesting career.
You are at the
United States Military Academy.
You take a sock at a cadet...
...you're taking a sock
at the United States government.
Now you're barred from the post.
Come in.
- I have news for you.
- What did they say?
- Are they gonna let him stay?
- That depends.
They took the case
to the commandant's office.
He was pretty reasonable about it.
He realizes that punch-happy over there
isn't the first civilian to come up here...
...with a chip on his shoulder.
And he's willing to give Bix
another chance.
Well, they figure
if Bix got to know them better...
...he might get to like them better.
Who wants to like them better?
You see, Harry, it's no use.
That ham always...
Shut up. Yeah, what else, doll?
Well, on one condition
would they allow him to stay:
They have invited him
to become one of them.
- I told them he'd do it.
- You told them what?
I accepted their invitation for you
to become a cadet.
You what?
You heard me.
And I just accepted an invitation for you
to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel.
Now, who goes first?
Eve, darling, you're wonderful.
I love you.
Look, Bix, this is great.
You move right in,
you become one of them.
Go to work on the boy...
...the boy discovers what he's got,
what we can do for him.
- Work on what boy?
- What?
Oh, well, you know, Hal and Tom.
You know, to make them good
in the show.
Oh, Bix, you'll become a cadet.
What do you say?
What do I say?
No!
No, he says.
Oh, Eve, why do you put up with him?
Harry, you think that job in Las Vegas
is still open?
If it isn't, I'll open it.
Stop off if you're passing through
Las Vegas.
I'll put in a good word for you
if they need an extra busboy.
Now, Eve. Eve...
Las Vegas.
You reached way out into left field
for that one, didn't you?
And now I should become
a West Point cadet.
I think it's a great idea.
Really, a great idea.
We still got a deal.
Bixby. Hey, Bixby.
- Reveille.
- Cut it out. Cut it out. Cut it out.
Reveille, Bix, you have to be
in formation by the two-minute bell.
The middle of the night.
Out of the sack, Mr. Dumbjohn.
You don't sleep all day.
- Gee whiz, now, fellas...
- Close your window.
- Yeah, sure.
- This way.
Come on, mister, move.
This your gear? Come on.
Hut, two, three, four.
Hut, two, three, four.
Hut, two, three, four.
Attention.
A company present and accounted for.
What are you,
the tail gunner, Mr. Do-willy?
About-face.
About-face.
Now, let me see you function.
Put a brace on those shoulders,
Mr. Ducro.
Stretch up from the top of the head.
Touch my hand.
Break forward.
Pull in that chin.
More. More.
Why can't you pull in that chin?
- Don't taste nice.
- Don't answer me.
Now, look military, Mr. Dumbjohn.
Suck up that gut.
Pop that chest up in the air.
Lift it up. Lift it up.
Straighten that cap.
You were instructed to get a haircut.
See that it's done.
Report to my quarters after recall.
Do you keep those clippers on the ice?
It's all part of a plebe's life, Bix.
Anyhow, it'll be over...
...when upperclassmen shake your hand
and recognize you.
- How many lights in Cullum Hall?
- Three hundred and forty, sir.
Next, how many gallons
in Lusk Reservoir?
Ninety-two and 210 million gallons,
when water's over the spillway.
What do plebes rank?
The plebe rank, the commandant's dog,
the superintendent's cat...
...the hellcats and all the admirals
in the cockeyed Navy.
A 12:00 boy in a 9:00 town,
that's me.
There's another thing
I don't like about this place.
Too much buttoning and unbuttoning.
- All right, 641?
- All right, sir.
- All right, 642?
- All right, sir.
- Hey...
- All right, 643?
- All right, sir.
- Everybody in a rut around here?
- What is this "all right" business?
- Oh, it's a bed check.
When you answer "all right,"
that means everyone's present.
- They take your word for it?
- Certainly.
At West Point, your word is your honor.
Now, the definition of leather,
they'll be sure to ask you that one.
And put some soul in it.
The definition of leather.
And put some soul into it, right.
If the fresh skin of an animal,
cleaned and divested of all hairs...
...fat and other extraneous matter...
...be immersed in a dilute solution of
tannic acid, a chemical compound ensues.
The gelatinous tissue is converted...
...into a non-putrescible substance
impervious to and insoluble in water.
This, sir, is leather.
Beautifully done, Hal, beautifully done.
Only one thing wrong.
Not enough straw hats.
Harder.
Although I am a princess,
I'll be happy to marry you...
Let's hear it. Let's hear it. Come on.
This whole business
will follow me for the rest of my life.
- I can't say that.
- Put a "sir" on it, understand?
- Yes, sir.
- You are a princess.
A princess, and he's a GI.
You met in Europe and fell in love.
Why, I don't know. Don't know.
He's asked you to marry him
and live in Brooklyn.
You hear? Now, get up.
Suck up that royal gut.
Extend that lovely little pinky.
Attaboy. Now, give us a lovely,
lovely smile with those pearly-white teeth.
You're a doll. A doll.
All right. From the beginning.
I wanna talk to you, Tom.
Why, Hal, that's sweet of you to ask me.
I'd love to.
Doing a little research, doll face?
Look, son.
I've been wanting to talk to you.
- Yes, sir.
- Talk to you about your future.
I think you should give it
careful consideration.
Just something that you don't,
you know, pass over lightly.
I wanna know, what are you
gonna do with that voice of yours?
Sing the regiment to sleep?
What do you mean?
You have an annuity in your throat.
Why don't you cash in on it?
Go into show business.
My uncle been talking to you?
Only from the floor.
Look, son, I've been working
with talent all my life.
All I've got to do is listen once
and I know. Now, you've got it.
Where you got it, how,
don't know.
But what are you gonna do with it?
Are you gonna waste that voice
on a parade ground singing:
"To the rear, harch.
To the rear, harch."
- Bix, do you like your profession?
- Sure.
Well, I like mine.
Ever since I was an enlisted man,
I considered the Army a profession.
Just like law or medicine.
And that's the thing that people like you
and my uncle refuse to understand.
He wanted me to go to work for him.
Well, maybe you should have listened
to your uncle.
I wouldn't have listened even if
I'd liked him, which I don't.
Neither do I, that thief.
Now, look...
What I'm about to say to you
is just between us.
You and me.
What I wanna do is sign you
to a personal contract.
Bixby exclusive.
You'll be working for me
and I'll be working for you.
I'll teach you everything I know.
Take a couple of years to bring you along.
Then I'll set you in a Broadway show.
Good part. Good part.
And you'll wind up with a lousy fortune.
- Thanks, Bix, no sale.
- No?
When I graduate from here in June,
I've an obligation to the government.
But you could quit. People have been
known to change their agents.
But you don't quit West Point, Bix.
You don't even get busted out.
Unless you break some strict rule
or regulation.
Like violating honor,
or getting found in your studies...
...or getting married.
You see, Bix, what the gentleman
is trying to tell you is no.
Well, think it over,
you might change your mind.
No, not a chance.
But don't think I'm not grateful.
Well, that wasn't only a brush.
He threw in the comb and mirror.
I like that kid. I like them both.
I heard you.
I saw that huddle you were in with Hal.
- Yes.
- He's going to drag me.
By what?
He's taking me to the hop.
I'm gonna be his little old drag.
- And where do you suppose I'll be?
- Plebes aren't allowed to attend hops.
And you're just a little old plebe.
Little old plebe just got an idea
Little old plebe just got an idea
Little old plebe just got an idea
Come in.
Well, Mr. Dumbsquat,
what do you want?
- Cadet Bixby reporting to ask a question.
- Proceed, Mr. Bixby.
Well, sir, I was just wondering...
...if you were dragging anyone
to the hop Saturday night.
Why? You got any ideas?
Ever hear of Jan Wilson?
The movie star?
- Why, sure, who hasn't?
- Friend of mine.
That's the kind of friendship
I'd like to make.
At ease, Mr. Bixby.
Well, sir, you see, I kind of
helped her up the golden ladder.
She's in New York.
I might be able to coax her up here.
As my drag?
I could try.
And you might persuade her
to play the princess in the show.
Wouldn't you rather make love to her
than Bully Boy Gilbert?
Start persuading, Mr. Bixby.
I didn't sleep again last night
And I'd like to discuss the matter
The nerves to which I'm strung are tight
And I'm as beat as a bowl of batter
If old man Rip Van Winkle
Thought his long sleep was a curse
I know how the old man felt
Because I've got his problem in reverse
Ten thousand
Four hundred and thirty-two sheep
How long can I toss like this?
Ten thousand
Four hundred and thirty-three sheep
What did you put in that kiss?
I've tried all the remedies
The well-known good advice
Took a hot tub and an alcohol rub
Did the alphabet backwards twice
Ten thousand
Four hundred and thirty-four sheep
We'd better get married soon
Ten thousand
Four hundred and thirty-five sheep
I'll never hold out till June
How much do I love you?
Just in case you didn't know
You get a mental kiss
With every sheep I count
And I've still got a million sheep to go
- Did you ever try seeing a doctor?
- A doctor?
I went to see a noted doctor
Who's a famous analyst
And he led me to the couch
And he gently took my wrist
I paid him $50
- Well, that sounds pretty cheap.
- Cheap? I should have paid him nothing.
'Cause I still can't sleep
Ten thousand four hundred
And 36 sheep
And one sheep that got away
He took it on the lamb.
- Ten thousand four hundred
- And 38 sheep
Won't night ever turn to day?
Oh, what a fool I am
How much do I love you?
Just in case you didn't know
You get a mental kiss
With every sheep I count
Add them all together
That's a large amount
- 'Cause I've counted a trillion sheep
- How many?
- I've counted a billion sheep
- How many?
Well, at least a million sheep, I know
How the numbers grow
And I got about a million more to go
Ten thousand, 9000
Eight thousand
Seven thousand
Six thousand, 5000
Four thousand, 3000
Sheep.
Hey, Steve,
will you get the door, please?
- Thanks, boy.
- Bix!
- Well...
- Of all people...
- Hello.
- I'm so glad to see you.
What's this uniform?
- Are you the doorman here?
- Lower than that.
Superintendent's dog, commandant's cat,
hellcats and all the admirals.
- What?
- All right, boys, everybody out.
Walk, don't run to the nearest exit.
Women and children first.
I'm rehearsing for a record date tonight.
All these men are from the press.
Leave your names.
Anything comes up, we will call you.
Wait, I'm handling things here.
I'm the press agent.
Your secret is safe.
Now, join the others like a good boy.
- But wait a minute...
- Yes, all right, fine.
I'll do the same for you sometime.
Jan Wilson, Jan Wilson.
Hollywood hasn't done a thing,
not a thing...
...to tarnish that unspoiled loveliness.
Oh, that haircut.
This you'll have to sit down for.
Sweetheart, you're in for a shock.
- What?
- Yup. I...
- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes, yes.
I'm a West Point cadet.
- You're a what?
- Yeah.
If things are bad,
I'd better unload my government bonds.
I had to get in the act.
I'm putting a show on for them.
The place will never be the same,
old boy.
I had to bring you the news.
I took a poll up there to find out
who's the top favorite...
...of the movie stars
among all the cadets.
All 2500 of them.
And who do you think they picked?
Who?
- You, Jan Wilson.
- Really? Oh, isn't that nice?
- Vindicated my judgment.
- What's your angle?
- What's your angle?
- Angle?
You've always got one. What is it?
Oh, now, Jannie.
All right, all right.
I do need a favor.
They're giving a hop for the cast
next Saturday night.
All great kids, great kids.
- And I made them a promise.
- What?
- I promised you'd appear.
- I've got two recording dates...
...three personal appearances,
radio broadcasts, interviews.
- I can't do it.
- Can't do it, huh?
Well, I can't find the time to do it.
All right.
All right.
- But, Bix...
- Oh, it's all right, it's all right.
Just don't worry about a thing.
Bix, I'm sorry.
Oh, I said it was all right.
All right. I gave it the old college try.
But just think of me
when you're counting your money.
But I said I was sorry.
Oh, well.
Look, sweet, I thought
you might as well have these.
The dancing shoes you wore
the day I took you out of the chorus.
You didn't tell me you saved these.
Oh, well, how many stars
can a guy make in a lifetime?
But you can't blame a fella
for being sentimental.
I went without lunch
a whole month to buy them.
Then you didn't know
what to do with them.
Remember that first time step
I showed you?
- Air taps.
- Oh, don't tell me I looked like that.
That was on your good day.
Now, here was one you never could do:
Move over, old boy, watch this:
- Oh, now, look, sweetie.
- What?
Life isn't all taking. There comes a time
when you gotta do a little giving.
It isn't as though
we were absolute strangers.
You just can't let old friendships
go unheeded.
And, pal, I do need a favor.
All right, I'll do it.
There's my girl, my girl.
Knew all the time
you wouldn't let old Bix down.
Knew it all the time.
My studio's gonna blow a fuse.
It'll be more fun
than making a living anyway.
Why, you phony, no-good,
two-timing character.
- Oh, Bix, it's just like old times.
- Oh, no. Your aim is better.
I can't believe it.
Somewhere along the line,
I must have been a very good boy.
Now that I'm here,
couldn't we dance together?
Someone may walk between us,
you know.
- Buttons, they're guided missiles.
- I see what you mean.
Changing the guard, sir.
Every time I see you in that uniform,
I break up.
Cute, don't you think?
What cooks?
You didn't bring me up here
just for laughs.
Step into my office.
Now, look, sweet.
That cadet
you were just dancing with, Tom?
- That is Harry Eberhart's nephew.
- He is?
Now, I'm gonna bust that kid
out of this joint.
But when I do, he's not gonna sign
with his Uncle Harry.
He's gonna sign with Bixby.
And what felony
do you want me to commit?
I want you to give the kid a taste
of show business.
She's here, all right, but why?
- Well, didn't you know?
- No.
Well, Bix got her to come up
as a blind drag for Tom...
...and Tom got Bix special permission
to come to the hop.
Now, tonight, he's gonna ask you
to be in the show.
I told him to do it.
And when he starts selling,
baby, you start buying.
I came up here for one night,
not to make a career out of this.
Now, didn't we say
that this was time for a little giving?
And just think, just think...
...the first dame
ever to be in a West Point show.
Do you think I can swing it?
With what you have to swing?
Start swinging.
I thought you might enjoy
a little refreshment.
Say, that's nice. For you.
After you, sir.
- Do your boys have this?
- Yes.
When she comes up here,
give her an introduction...
...and send her right into it, huh?
- Right.
You did a number in your last picture,
the "Military Polka."
- We liked it up here.
- Oh, thank you.
- How about doing it for us now?
- Oh, really, I don't want to sing now.
- Come on, they'd enjoy it.
- But I didn't bring my music.
Please.
- All set?
- All ready.
Put your arms around her shoulder
When the order's "Shoulder arms"
Take a full, firm grip
Of the lady and her charms
If her heart is your objective
You can win it right away
When they play the "Military Polka"
"To the right flank" is the order
And the dancers gaily twirl
- Then it's:
- Left about-face
So you face your neighbor's girl
But you turn back to attention
Love's the order of the day
When they play the "Military Polka"
Hut, two, three, four
Hut, two, three, four
Hut, two, three, four, here they go
See those military men in line
See their uniforms
Their buttons all a-shine
It's amazing how erect they stand
And your heart begins to beat
Begins to beat to beat the band
And the band's terrific
It's positively great
When they play for marching
And when they syncopate
Get set
Fall in
They're all set to begin
Hut, two, three, four
Hut, two, three, four
Hut, two, three, four
Put your arms around her shoulder
When the order's "Shoulder arms"
Take a full, firm grip
Of the lady and her charms
If her heart is your objective
You can win it right away
When they play the "Military Polka"
"To the right flank" is the order
And the dancers gaily twirl
- Then it's:
- Left about-face
So you face your neighbor's girl
But you turn back to attention
Love's the order of the day
When they play the "Military Polka"
See the dancers marching forward
Straight across the ballroom floor
If he steals a kiss
All is fair in love and war
From now on there's no retreating
'Cause you'll fall in love to stay
You can bet your boots
You'll all be recruits
When they play the mil...
Military
The "Military Polka"
- Would you like a little air?
- Fine.
You see, up here, every spring,
we put on our show.
- Well, that's the musical without girls.
- That's right.
- Not much fun in that, is there?
- Well, we have to break out sometime.
Sort of celebrate
the end of the gloom period.
Look what I've done.
I'm all thumbs.
I'll get it.
What's the name of that song
they're playing?
- Oh, that's the ballad from our show.
- Is it? Sing it for me.
No, no, I'm out of my class.
You're used to professionals.
Oh, come on. Tonight you may lose
your amateur standing.
You love me
The miracle of miracles
You love me
In every dream
You seem so unattainable
It's not explainable
And yet you're mine
You're mine
Believe me
Believe me
I'm sure this heart of mine
Would not deceive me
And even if you never say it
This I know is true
You love me
Just as I love you
Tom, that was just wonderful.
Oh, and I love that song.
Really, your voice just thrilled me so...
Here. Don't spill it.
Kiss her.
Kiss her!
Not on the hand. No.
On the mouth.
Look.
Like that.
- What's that?
- That's "Army Blue."
It means we have exactly one hour
to get back to barracks before taps.
Will you please tell me
what this is all about?
You know that idea you had
about the local playing the princess?
I've thought it over. It's positively great.
That's not a local, that's a movie star.
And she's cadet-happy.
And the cadet is movie-star-happy.
And in about five minutes...
...they'll be on Flirtation Walk.
Doesn't that make you wish
you were young again?
I suppose you know
this crooked little path is famous.
This isn't the road
that's paved with bad intentions, is it?
- Rocks in your shoes?
- Feels like a whole quarry.
I'll get it.
Wonderful little pebbles.
Scattered in the most convenient places.
Slows down the enemy...
...and brings her into range.
Something tells me
I'll be safer as a moving target.
Warn you: Flirtation Walk gets darker.
Also previously arranged?
You know, the girls
sometimes call this Temptation Walk.
Tom, you know,
you really have a beautiful voice.
What are you gonna do with it?
You know my uncle too?
Well, yes, but you can't throw away
talent like yours.
You could have a great career.
You could be a star.
Well, right now I'm concentrating
on a star on my shoulder.
Incidentally, Tom,
it was nice of you to ask me.
It was wonderful of you to come.
Oh, I mean about the show.
- Do you really want me?
- Want you?
Well, I mean, if you do,
I could arrange my schedule.
That'll be wonderful.
- And what a lovely princess you'll make.
- Thank you.
Well, what do you know.
By a fortunate coincidence,
we're under the Kissing Rock.
Nice maneuvering, general.
- Now what?
- Well...
You've been kissed, I know
In the very last row
When the love scene is on
At the movie show
But wait until tonight
And you'll be kissed but right
By the Kissing Rock
It's a lovely spot
And believe it or not
If you just care a little
You'll care a lot
So let's dispense with talk
And take Flirtation Walk
To the Kissing Rock
Now, a girl once refused to kiss a lad
And the lad was a man of honor
He warned her she'd make
The rock real mad
And the legend is the rock fell upon her
That was years ago
And it must have been so
'Cause from that day to this
Not a girl said no
- And that's the story of
- Whoever falls in love
By the Kissing Rock
- What's this for?
- You're supposed to put it on.
And now, so the rock won't fall down
and kill us both...
It's just a legend.
Oh, it's a lovely legend.
And a wonderful timesaver.
Would you stop making
a Supreme Court case out of nothing?
- Out of nothing?
- Yes.
How much did Eberhart promise you
to come up here?
Now, look, sweetheart,
I've been doing this all for you.
- For me?
- Yes.
Why do you suppose
I'm in this usher's outfit?
Because I like to play soldiers? No.
All right, I'm gonna get the kid
busted out of here.
Does he know what he's got?
No. But you know, and so do I.
There's gold in them thar tonsils.
After I've had him a while,
we'll own a hunk of the mint.
He doesn't want a hunk of the mint.
I do.
And to get it, you're willing
to upset this boy's life.
All his hopes, plans, happiness.
And you brought me along to help you.
- I've got your future to think of.
- Not mine, you haven't.
Of all the miserable, rotten,
contemptible tricks.
Even for you, this is a new low.
- Oh, now, sweetheart...
- Don't "sweetheart" me.
This time, I thought
you might be on the level.
Well, you're hopeless.
Making you one of the crowd
hasn't changed you a single bit.
I'd stick around if I thought I could
stop you from ruining that boy's life.
But I can't compete with movie stars.
- Let's go inside and talk it over.
- No.
I'm going inside, and tomorrow
I'm going back to New York.
Go back to your barracks
before you're late.
If you don't, they'll throw you out...
...and you won't get your boy,
nor your hunk of the mint.
Oh, Eve.
Mr. Bixby.
Yes?
What are you doing
out of your room after taps?
Have you a pass?
All right.
"All right"?
He shouldn't be saying "all right."
He hasn't got a pass.
At ease, Mr. Bixby.
Mr. Bixby, we've got trouble.
My girl is walking out on me
and you've got trouble.
You gave your word.
You said "all right" when you came in,
and you had no right to say it.
You weren't authorized
to be out after taps.
So I said "all right." What are you
gonna do, shoot me at sunrise?
I don't get up that early.
Mr. Bixby, not so long ago,
I heard you talking about your theater.
Its discipline and traditions.
Well, at West Point, we have ours too.
The heart of it is the honor system.
You give your word, we take it.
But by what you did tonight,
you dismissed it as unimportant.
Now, that may not mean anything to you.
Now, look, son.
There was no intention of hurting anybody.
But you did, you hurt us.
We vouched for you. We went out
on a limb for you and you sawed it off.
You mean to say that you two
personally vouched for me?
That's right, Tom and I.
By special permission, Mr. Bixby...
...you were allowed to become a member
of the corps of cadets.
That's a privilege
rarely granted to an outsider.
But you were absent without authority
and you lied about it.
That's unforgivable up here,
and we can't let you get away with it.
Nobody knows better than we do...
...how much you've done for our show,
and we appreciate it.
But since you can't live here
as we live here...
...then we can't have you.
West Point has no need for you.
I see what you mean.
Sir...
...Cadet Bixby reports himself
late from hop without authority.
Okay, Mr. Bixby.
There he is.
Elwin Bixby, walking punishment tours.
He's on the level.
We have a way of knowing up here.
Look, Eve...
...we need him
almost as much as he needs you.
If you walk out on him,
you walk out on us too.
How about it?
Hey, Bix.
I think she's gonna stay.
All right. Okay, fine, take five.
Hal, I wanna talk to you.
Up to here, show's good and solid.
A lot of good entertainment.
But I think, right about this time,
we need a change of pace.
Now, audiences don't only see and hear.
They feel.
Really feel, and that's where
we're letting them down.
Now, they should hear your songs.
They should feel what West Point means.
Its history, its tradition, its great men.
- You wanna do that in one number?
- They can't shoot us for trying.
We've got the material,
the songs and the poems.
I'll tell you what we'll do.
We'll open with the glee club
singing "The Corps."
The corps, the corps
The corps
To the long gray line of West Point,
to its gallant companies.
The corps bareheaded, salute it
With eyes up thanking our God
That we of the corps are treading
Where they of the corps have trod
In the beginning, as in all things,
it was only a dream.
But the dreamers had names,
like Washington...
...Hamilton, Jefferson.
They stood on a point of land
on the west bank of the Hudson...
...and planned that this fortress
that guarded our newborn nation...
...should become our military academy.
The corps was founded...
...and the father of our country
became the father of a legend.
A tradition.
What made this dream become
the magnificent reality that is West Point?
Duty, honor, country
For a cadet to become an officer,
he must have an understanding of duty.
Duty
He must have respect for honor.
Honor
But for all his duty and all his honor...
...a soldier fights not only because
he is told to fight...
...but because
there is something to fight for.
His country.
Country
Duty, honor, country.
This is why the dream materialized
into the stone and steel...
...and spirit that is West Point.
A dream that can be measured
by the names of its giants...
...striding through the pages
of American history.
Giants whose voices rang so loud
that the entire world trembled...
...yet who once were cadets,
marching nervously across the plain.
Cadets like Lee, Grant...
...Pershing, MacArthur,
Wainwright, Arnold...
...Patton, Bradley, Eisenhower.
And thousands of others who left
this point on the Hudson...
...to end their earthly lives
in the dirt and mud of foreign lands.
Men who didn't want wars
and didn't make wars.
But simply fought them...
...because they had the understanding
and the courage to want a free America.
Because, like Washington,
Hamilton, Jefferson...
...they believed in a dream
that is West Point.
A legend, a tradition,
one of the great guardians of human liberty.
Please, God, may we always keep faith
with them, as they have with us.
For duty, for honor, for country.
Let duty be well performed
Honor be ever untarn'
Country be ever armed
West Point
By thee
Fine, fine.
Couldn't ask that you do it any better.
It was fine, thanks.
Just a minute, Mr. Dumbjohn.
- Mr. Gilbert, do your duty.
- On-stage, Mr. Dooley, on-stage.
Come on, boys. What goes, what goes?
Take me into your confidence. What is it?
Mr. Bixby, every year up here
after graduation parade...
...the plebes are recognized
by all the upperclassmen.
But since you won't be here,
we'd like to recognize you now.
You've taken everything
we could give you.
And you were great.
So from now on,
you're no longer Mr. Dumbjohn.
You're just plain Bix.
We're proud to know you.
Proud to know you, Bix.
Shake hands, boys.
Good boy.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute, fellas.
I've got a speech too.
Bix, in deep appreciation
for everything you've done...
...the fellas in the cast
have whipped up this little token.
It's something
you'll hold dear to your heart...
...because of your deep affection
for all that it implies.
Oh, no, no, no.
Lookie here, now, lookie here.
Well, I'm very happy to see
you got one large enough.
From here in,
I won't be able to blow my top.
Come on, now, Bix, don't let the shine on
that brass hat put a halo around your head.
Yeah, mighty pretty, mighty pretty.
But I would just like to call
your attention to one thing.
Only six stars.
Well, fellas, as a general thing,
I'm not at a loss for words.
But at a time like this,
I can never think of anything to say.
I just want you to know
that you've hit me right in the center.
You really have.
Makes me think of a little guy
I used to know out in Brooklyn years ago.
Curious little fella and...
Oh, look, you'll have to excuse me.
My nose gets awfully red.
What are you crying about?
- What's the matter, Bix?
- I'm worried about Tom.
Jan calls him every day. He persuaded her
to be princess in the show.
You should have seen his face
when he told me about it.
- Kid's on his heels.
- Wasn't that your idea?
Yes, yes, but she's leaving
for California on the train tonight.
- Sure, unless...
- Unless what?
- Unless she's fallen in love.
- Not enough time.
It doesn't take very long.
Remind me sometime
to tell you about boys and girls.
But wait until tonight
And you'll be kissed but right
By the Kissing Rock
- What's all this for?
- Flirtation Walk.
The rock, the Kissing Rock.
- See? That's the way it's done up here.
- Oh, is that so?
Now, how do you know
that that's the way it's done up here?
I've been up here four weeks.
Oh, I see.
Well, beginning tomorrow,
I'm putting you on a short leash.
Well, there it is.
West Point.
There's the chapel. There's Cullum Hall.
And that's the Hudson, of course.
Oh, it's just beautiful.
And this is Fort Putnam.
Built in 1778 to keep away the British.
But it serves
a more useful purpose today:
To keep away Mr. Bixby.
Tom, do you know
what they're saying in New York?
- What?
- "Jan Wilson has blown her top.
She goes up the Hudson
like the Albany night boat...
...to see a soldier."
- No.
- Yes.
Bix, I have the most wonderful news.
Tom asked me to marry him. Look.
Congratulations, Jan. I envy you.
That is not news, that's calamity.
- We love each other, Bix.
- Marriage was not part of the deal.
Tom is at West Point,
wives are not standard.
Remember, Cupid...
...you shot the arrow.
He doesn't know what he's doing.
But I'm blowing the whistle on you.
- You're going back to New York tonight.
- How come you're giving out orders?
Do you own
a piece of the Academy now?
- Hello?
- Hollywood...
Miss Wilson? Yeah, she's here, hold on.
California.
Hello?
- Jan.
- Speaking.
Jan, what's the matter with you?
Have you lost your head?
Who told you to cancel
your personal appearances?
But the New York office approved it,
Mr. Jocelyn.
Did the New York office okay your making
a fool of yourself with a West Point cadet?
Now, just a minute, Jan,
I'll do the talking.
I'll tell you about your personal life:
You haven't got one.
You've got a contract.
This studio spent a lot of money
to make Jan Wilson a star.
You think we did that
just so she could marry an Army officer?
He might get shipped to Okinawa
and take you with him.
And we don't make pictures on Okinawa.
I want you back here on the Coast.
You start a new picture in two weeks.
Now, a company car
will take you back to New York.
No, no, no excuses.
You leave West Point immediately.
Goodbye.
Bix...
...l'll never forgive you for that.
- Someday she'll thank me.
- What for?
For bringing her up here,
messing up her life?
- She's young, she'll get over it.
- She's a woman.
She met someone real and wonderful
for the first time in her life.
- Oh, shut up!
- Don't tell me to shut up!
Why not?
Fine, Hal, fine.
Come here, I wanna talk to you.
Look, son, can you arrange to send a car
in to New York to get a costume for Eve?
Sure, why?
I went up to the commandant's office
and got permission for her...
...to do the Brooklyn number with you.
Hey, that's wonderful!
How did you ever work that?
Oh, he just kept talking
and wore the poor man down.
Which, may I say, was not easy.
Bix.
Can I talk to you a minute?
- Tom's checked out.
- He's what?
I found him talking crazy.
Jan walked out.
He's desperate. He's going after her
with all his things.
I'm going after him.
- Can you get leave?
- No, I'll get slugged.
- It'll be worth it if I can get him.
- Wait, I'll go get him.
- You may need me.
- All right. Eve, take over.
It isn't as simple as making a choice
between marriage and a career.
We have obligations.
I understand your life, darling.
Please try to understand mine.
- But I do understand.
- Tom.
At 15, I was singing in a band.
Making one-night stands when other girls
were going to high school dances.
At 17, I had a Hollywood contract.
I'm a commodity now, I'm not a woman.
You know something, Tom?
All my life, I've never known
a boy like you.
I guess I never had time.
I've had plenty of time
to think things out.
Somehow, being a soldier
doesn't seem so important anymore.
Tom, you can't give up your career.
Plenty of people, even you,
said I could earn a living in a theater.
- Bixby wants me.
- Bix?
He can't do anything for you, darling.
He can't even get a job for himself.
My uncle wants me for a show.
I'll get a job.
Jan, will you marry me?
I can't, Tom.
I can't.
All there is?
Please go back before it's too late.
- Thought I told you to go to Hollywood.
- Are you out of your mind?
Why are you here?
You're AWOL, you'll get slugged.
- They'll bust you out on your ear.
- Not me. I resigned.
- Resigned?
- You can't resign.
I sent a letter to the superintendent,
through channels.
Subject: resignation. Intention: marriage.
We've gotta get that letter back.
- You can't, it's too late.
- Oh, no.
Through channels, it takes time
to get to the superintendent's desk.
You are coming with us.
There's a plane leaving for California at 9.
You be on it.
Fletcher, Courtland.
- Yes?
- I've got some bad news for you, Fletcher.
I've got an order
from the commandant's office.
You and Courtland are to return
to your quarters.
You're under arrest.
Okay.
Battalion.
Attention.
"Attention to orders.
By direction of the commandant...
...the 100th Night Show
is herewith cancelled."
I say again:
"By direction of the commandant...
...the 100th Night Show
is herewith cancelled."
Oh, how are Tom and Hal?
I just talked to them.
They're both pretty low, especially Tom.
Bix, we appreciate your effort to square
matters with the commandant.
Too bad it didn't work.
Oh, you know, it's great, really great.
For over a hundred years,
this show has always gone on.
Civil War, Spanish American War,
World War I, World War II.
Nothing could stop it.
Bixby comes to West Point:
Forget it.
How about next year? Will you come up
again and put on the show?
Too far off, son.
Where is Eve?
I spend half my life
waiting for that dame.
We're gonna miss that train.
Eve, come on!
Come on! You wanna miss the train?
Where you been?
I've been doing a little research.
- You what?
- Here, read this.
"U.S. to fete French premier.
General Marcell Donet arrives in New York."
So a Frenchman comes to town.
What can he do?
Plenty. Listen to this:
"The shah of Iran at West Point.
Secures amnesty for cadets."
You see, Bix,
amnesty is a famous custom up here.
Royalty, heads of state,
kings, queens, all diplomats...
...when visiting West Point
are given reviews.
They lay out the red carpet,
and in return, they can request amnesty.
A pardon, remember?
Just like the princess bit in the show.
Sure. Last fall, the shah of Iran.
A lot of us were slugged,
couldn't go the Army-Navy game...
...he came and got us off the hook.
Well, if Donet can do that for us,
I'll have him up here...
...if I have to carry him
all the way on my back.
Now, trick is, how to get in to see him?
Who do we know?
My girl's mother knows
the secretary of state.
- My uncle knows Gen. Eisenhower.
- My father knows Gen. Bradley.
- I know Touture.
- One of our best officers.
How many of you
have weekend leave?
- All of us.
- Well, then, pile in. Come on.
And you, sweetheart, hold the fort
and I'll bring you a Frenchman.
But, David, the whole idea
is absolutely impossible.
But, Dad, if you can't do this little favor,
what's the use of your being a senator?
Sometimes I wonder.
I wonder myself.
Yes.
Yes, sir. I know, sir...
But will you at least mention it
to the honorable secretary of state?
He's in Europe?
Well, whereabouts in Europe?
You can't just brush this off.
This is really important.
- And you tell me you can do nothing.
- I've tried my best, Mr. Bixby.
But the premier is locked up
in conference with the president.
He said he's very sorry,
but it is impossible for him to see you.
A fine way to treat a taxpayer. Come on.
Hello?
Charlie and I waited outside
the French Embassy all day.
We find out the premier went
from the White House to New York.
Then we go to New York.
- Take us to the airport.
- Yes, sir.
This is very tragic, monsieur.
But it is impossible
for His Excellency to see you.
He's very busy.
- I speak English, monsieur.
- Then you know what this mission is about?
Yes, and it leaves me
in the most embarrassing position.
Well, Your Excellency,
I don't wanna take up your time...
...to tell you about the Gls
and cadets up at West Point...
...who fought to help liberate France
and their friendship with the French people.
Yes, but how come, monsieur?
- I'm a guest of your country.
- Yeah.
Your State Department
has made plans for me.
I know, Excellency.
But these cadets need liberation now.
And you are the one man in the country
who can ask for amnesty and get it.
You just can't refuse.
If the French people hear about this...
These things do have a way of getting back.
Monsieur, I'm very sorry,
but it is absolutely impossible.
Impossible?
Well, didn't wanna do this...
...and I'm very sorry
to have to flash that on you.
This is our highest decoration.
Some way or another, monsieur,
it will be arranged.
I shall be very glad to be of service.
I didn't know you spoke French.
Picked it up from a chick
at the Folies Bergre.
Your request for amnesty
shall be granted.
You saved them. Bix, you saved them.
You know, I like kissing you much better
than I do the premier.
Do I have to curtsy?
My girl's out there.
My father and mother are out there too.
I'll never live this down.
- Couldn't I just bow?
- And destroy the whole illusion?
Come on, chin up, princess,
and suck up that royal gut.
Sir, the princess has arrived.
You love me
You love me
The miracle of miracles
You love me
In every dream
You seem so unattainable
- It's not...
- It's not explainable
And yet you're mine
You're mine
Believe me
- Jan's back.
- Yeah.
Relax, princess, you got a reprieve.
I'm sure this heart of mine
Would not deceive me
And even if you never say it
This I know is true
- You love me
- You love me
- Just as I love you
- Just as I love you
Just think.
If we were only opening with this show
on Broadway tonight.
It isn't going to open on Broadway,
and never will.
When that curtain goes down tonight,
they'll stick it in the archives.
And for all the future I have,
they might just as well stick me with it.
How do you like it, Bix, huh?
You look fine, son. Fine.
Don't go far away.
- You'll be on in a few minutes.
- Okay, Bix.
Eve, I've been mulling this thing over.
If that job in Las Vegas is still open...
...I suggest you grab it.
Las Vegas?
Bix, I'm your memory.
I'm your feet.
You can't work without me.
Work?
In a few minutes,
I'm gonna be out of a job.
And jobs are gonna be awfully scarce
on Broadway.
- Especially for me.
- You can say that again.
You double-crossed me again.
Tom was almost busted out of this place
and you got him back in. Now, why?
Because the kid wants to graduate
from West Point.
Being in the Army means more to him
than anything else in the world.
Didn't wanna see his career ruined.
- Couldn't have it on my conscience.
- Your conscience?
Oh, that's a laugh.
Now, let me tell you something.
I asked them to give me this play
to do on Broadway. I'm gonna get it.
But you're not going to do it.
And do you know why?
Because you've double-crossed me
for the last time.
You're through, you're dead,
you're washed up.
You'll never work in show business again
as long as you live.
I'll see to that.
- I'm through, I'm all washed up.
- For good!
Well, in that case,
I've got nothing to lose.
- Hal.
- Hal.
Hal.
Hal.
Are you hurt, huh? Get out.
- How are you?
- I guess I forgot to duck.
How do you feel?
Do you think you could go on?
- All right, I think.
- You think?
Well, get on your feet
and see how you are.
- What is it?
- My knee.
Your knee?
Well, punch-happy, what do we do now?
Go get ready.
Attention.
You there, where are you from?
San Francisco, sir.
- You?
- Well, I'm from Texas.
- How about you?
- Los Angeles.
- You?
- I'm from Boston.
I suppose you're not interested in hearing
where I come from.
- What?
- I said:
"I suppose you're not interested
in hearing where I come from."
- All right, where are you from?
- Me?
I'm from:
B-postrophe, K-no-postrophe, L-Y-N
They know my shield
From Ebbets Field to Cheyenne
You can keep those other places
Just give me that oasis
Where it's "erl," not "oil"
And a girl's a goil
And goils are goils at 28 paces
B-postrophe, K-no-postrophe, L-Y-N
That's the place I make me home in.
They know my shield
From Ebbets Field to Cheyenne
That's a spot out in Wyoming.
The Manhattanites don't want us
Heap abuse upon us
They will gladly yell we are not Chanel
But Chanel don't smell
Quite like the Gowanus
B-postrophe, K-no-postrophe, L-Y-N
Your mother wears suspenders.
Agree or not
We're just as hot as cayenne
And when they ask
"Are you going my way?"
They're asking you
To take a walk up King's Highway
B-postrophe, K-no-postrophe, L-Y-N
It could only happen in Brooklyn
On a street called Avenue D
If you've never been there
You'll tell me it can't
You'll tell me it's fantasy
But this happened to me
I was walking down to the subway
Yeah, I travel by BM When I bumped
Right into a fabulous wench
From some other century
Yes, this happened to me
What a lucky break
That she was going my way
'Cause we strolled down
King's Highway
She murmured:
And I asked her:
"Are you sure?"
It could only happen in Brooklyn
When a he meets up with a she
They get hitched
And after the honeymoon, bam
They're raising a family
This should happen to me
B-postrophe, K-no-postrophe, L-Y-N
They know my shield
From Ebbets Field to Cheyenne
You can keep those other places
Give me that oasis
Where it's "erl," not "oil"
And a girl's a goil
And goils are goils at 28 paces
B-postrophe, K-no-postrophe, L-Y-N
Agree or not
It's just as hot as cayenne
It matters not
What stuff you've been reading
Brooklyn is the U.S.A. 's
Garden of Eden
B-postrophe, K-no-postrophe...
- Manhattan!
- What?
- Listen!
- Who said that?
- We!
- No.
Canarsie!
B-postrophe, K-no-postrophe, L-Y-N
My home
Brooklyn!
Wonderful, Eve.
Oh, Bix, you were great, terrific.
- Thanks. How do you feel?
- Fine.
- Leg all right?
- Sure.
- You able to do the finale?
- Right. Thanks.
Don't thank him. The ham loved it.
Bix.
- All is well?
- Oh, better than that.
- That's fine, princess, fine.
- Just call me Mrs. Second Lieutenant.
- I think we'll be stationed in Brooklyn.
- Still better.
Miss Eve Dillon and Mr. Elwin Bixby.
Eve, Bix, we really wanna thank you.
West Point wants to thank you.
You once said you'd like
to produce this show on Broadway.
Well, on behalf of the
United States Military Academy...
...we'd like to present you
with the book...
Rudy?
- and the songs
from this 100th Night Show.
It's yours.
- Take it with you and make it a hit.
- Well, I just wanna say that...
...nothing like this
has ever happened to me before.
But then, ever since I've been up here...
...every day's been Christmas for me.
Makes me think of a little fella
I used to know in show business years ago.
A curious little guy, and...
What I'm trying to say is
I'm deeply, deeply grateful.
This is the finale
We have finally come to that time
Better known as coat-and-hat time
Here's the place
We get to face your cheers or hisses
This is the finale
It's where the whole cast freezes
Which means reprises are coming up
A reprise is a thing that we sneak in with
We repeat the songs
You hated to begin with
By the Kissing Rock
By the Kissing Rock
Either night or day
All around the clock
You can depend on this
It's always time to kiss
- By the Kissing Rock
- By the Kissing Rock
See the dancers marching forward
Straight across the ballroom floor
If he steals a kiss
All is fair in love and war
From now on there's no retreating
'Cause you'll fall in love to stay
When they play the "Military Polka"
He's from B-postrophe
K-no-postrophe, L-Y-N
That's the place I make me home in.
B-postrophe, K-no-postrophe
L-Y-N
And now that it's over...
...I'll sure miss the going to classes.
Miss you cadets, yes, the brasses.
So take my thanks to all the ranks,
with love and kisses.
This is the finale
The end