1
( distant choir singing )
Man on radio:
It's 8:00 a.m. and a glorious 74
here in downtown Dallas.
Let's kick things off with the our own
hometown sweetheart Beth Boothby.
Beth:
J' I know where I'm going J'
J' I know who goes with me J'
J' I know who I love J'
J' My dear knows who I'll marry J'
J' I have stockings of silk J'
J' Shoes of bright green leather J'
J' Combs to buckle my hair J'
J' And a ring for every finger J'
J' Featherbeds are soft J'
J' Painted rooms are bonny J'
J' But I would give them all J'
J' For my handsome J'
J' Winsome Johnny J'
J' Some say he is poor J'
J' I say he is bonny... J'
I'm so glad
you're going with me.
I couldn't let you loose among
all them heathens, honey,
not on your lonesome.
J' Handsome, winsome Johnny J'
J' I know where I'm going. J'
Hi, Beth. Autograph?
J' He hath filled the hungry
with good things J'
J' And the rich he hath sent
empty away J'
J' He hath helped
His servant Israel J'
J' In remembrance
of his mercy J'
J' Spoke to our fathers,
to Abraham J'
J' And to his seed J'
J' Forever. J'
( cheering )
We are gathered here today
to say Godspeed
to Beth and Steve--
two of our young redeemers
who are going to give two years
of their young lives to God
and to bringing
His message
to the lost people
of Scotland.
( cheering )
Seemingly,
there are people there
that have forgotten the Lord.
Many, I hear, don't even
believe in angels.
- ( crowd murmuring)
- Don't even believe
in angels, folks.
Beth, I want you to know
that we are all
real proud of you.
But you are going out there
to do some service to God.
And, Steve,
you take real good care of this
lovely little lady, do you hear?
Yes, sir.
( applause )
May God bless you both
and bring you back safe,
successful and pure to us here.
And we will give you
the wedding of the year.
And that's a promise. Amen.
( crowd cheering )
( cawing )
( saw buzzing )
( muttering incoherently )
I'm up to my oysters
in shite!
( reporters clamoring )
Beth. Beth.
- You look gorgeous.
- Give them some space.
Over here, Beth.
Over here.
Photographer:
Just one more, Beth.
Thank you, darling.
Delia, welcome indeed.
As you can see, your young guests
are already here.
This is Beth Boothby.
She and her friend
are looking forward
to preaching door to door.
God bless them.
Beth, this is
Sir Lachlan Morrison--
Pleasure.
--the patron for our concert
here today.
We're just so grateful
to you, sir,
andlady?
Oh, call us
Lachlan and Delia.
We don't stand
on ceremony here.
And who is this?
I guess you could call Steve
my fianc.
Nice to meet you, sir, ma'am.
See our silver rings?
- Oh, the same rings?
- How charming.
To show
that you're engaged?
As a sign
of our chastity, ma'am.
Photographer:
Beautiful. Thank you.
Well, I guess it don't appeal
too much to some young folks here,
but thanks to your invite,
me and Beth--
we've come over here
to try and change that.
- Right, baby?
- Yeah.
Beth, I think
they're ready for you.
Excuse me.
Fans:
Beth, Beth.
( tuning instruments )
Great.
- Thank you. Bye.
- Come on, out. Out.
They're both perfect.
I was afraid we'd have to look
further afield this year.
What a little star,
especially if she can sing.
And rather beautiful, too.
In a corn-fed, apple-cheeks
sort of way.
A perfect mate
for a cowboy, then.
Absolutely.
I bet she smells
of the dairy,
a musky bush, milky tits
and just a hint of warm
cow shit behind the ears.
So you approve of her, then?
Oh, and that poor Steve,
wearing that ridiculous
silver ring
and waiting
till his wedding day.
It really is another world
over there in America, isn't it?
Oh, look, they're fixing up
the mic for her.
None of these pop people
can really sing.
(organ playing)
J' I know that my Redeemer lives J'
J' What joy the blessed
I need to have a word
with that cowboy.
Why not?
J' He lives, He lives J'
J' That once was dead J'
J' He lives... J'
You must be very proud.
Oh, I sure am.
For me, that voice of hers
is always just awesome.
Papa says
she sounds like an angel.
Oh, of course.
That's what she reminds me of--
an angel.
Do you believe in angels?
Doesn't everyone?
Hats in church--
it's one of our local to-dos.
It makes you look even more--
well, now, what would
the Americans say?
--cute without it.
Beth:
J' In time of need J'
J' He lives, my Savior J'
J' Still the same J'
J' What joyful bliss J'
J' The assurance gives J'
J' I know that my Redeemer J'
J' Lives. J'
- ( camera shutters clicking )
-( reporters clamoring )
( door opens, closes )
Steve.
( laughs )
I do not believe
how that Lachlan talks.
And did you get that he's a real sir,
like a knight?
Oh, I mean,
they're just so kind
and enthusiastic,
but, like, totally polite.
It's awesome,
and in that amazing
accent of theirs.
You're just used to kids, honey.
Those dudes are old.
But, boy, did they love you.
Whoo!
And how about you, cowboy?
That new singing gal is me.
Do you still love me?
I loved you when you had
braces on your teeth, Beth.
And, boy, I love you now.
Silver ring, Steve.
Silver ring, honey.
Sometimes I just don't think
I'm ever--
ever gonna get used to...
Abstaining?
Well, that is the new
Beth Boothby.
Let's listen
to the old Beth Boothby
in "Trailer Trash Love."
J' I got nothing to sell,
I got favors for rent J'
J' And the lovin' I give
is heaven-sent J'
J' If you buy me a beer
and want to try your luck... J'
Oh, no, no.
J' Then take me for a ride
in your pickup truck J'
J' Call me cheap,
call me a whore J'
J' That may be true
if you get in my door J'
J' There are pleasures in heaven
from God above J'
J' But, baby, nothing compares
to my trailer trash love... J'
Oh, I just hate her
( laughs )
But it's you, baby.
Not anymore, she ain't.
J' I was born in a car... J'
( turns off TV )
Oh, where are you
going, Steve?
To my room, honey.
Listen, I promise
that when we're wed
you're gonna know you married
a real little old Jezebel.
( phone ringing )
Delia.
Yeah, that concert
was wonderful.
Oh, you and Lachlan
are so kind.
No.
Steve's gotten us a whole bunch
of maps, but thank you.
Sure, we've got your numbers.
We'll call if anything comes up.
Yeah, we'll let you know
how it goes.
I really appreciate it, Delia.
Night
It would make such a difference
if you could just read through these.
- No, no, no, thank you.
- If we could just leave them with you.
- No, no, thank you. No, thank you.
- Please just take--
And if you just
take a look here at--
No, no, no.
If you just let Jesus
into your heart, sir.
Those city folk just hated our guts
- as soon as they saw us.
- Yeah, but--
A country soul
is as good as a city soul
any day in my book.
A soul is a soul, Beth.
And I think we've got a real
good chance to save some,
- thanks to our friends here.
- Steve's right, Beth.
What is the point of having
doors slammed in your faces
by these city pecple?
Now, our country neighbors
may seem like a bunch
of heathens to you,
but they will hear you out.
And that I'll promise you.
Okay.
Okay, I know we're doing
the right thing.
And don't for a minute think
that I'm not real grateful
to y'all for the invite.
It's just maybe we gave up
on them city folk too soon.
Forget it.
I'm just being dumb.
Ain't this a Rolls-Royce?
No, Steve, sir.
This is a Hotchkiss.
On a Rolls, sir,
that figure would be
the Spirit of Ecstasy.
But this here is
our goddess Sulis.
Sir Lachlan
had her made special
for this classic Hotchkiss,
built 1929,
as part of his collection
of great cars of the past,
as you may see.
Delia: Sulis is our
Celtic name for her.
Of course, the Romans,
when they were here,
called her Minerva.
And she doesn't
suffer fools gladly.
She is the goddess
of the bright, intelligent people
we all like to think we are.
So about this goddess--
you were kidding, right?
I take it that both of you
are what you call
born again.
Yeah.
Delia: And do intelligent
people like you believe,
as 14 million American born again
apparently do,
that the day Jesus returns,
everyone who is not
born again
will bleed to death--
even innocent children
in Borneo
who've never even heard
ofJesus?
Do you believe that?
Heck, I don't know.
But if it says so in the Bible,
yes, ma'am,
because we believe
that everything--
that every word in the Bible
was inspired by God.
So it must be true, right?
Interesting.
Sir Lachlan.
Thank you.
Hello, everybody.
I'm so glad
you two can come.
This is going to be fun,
trying to convert us heathens.
You're quite the famous dude
around here, sir.
How comes that?
What makes him famous around here
is that everyone works for him.
Infamous, more like Monty Burns
in "The Simpsons."
Anything goes wrong--
I'm usually the villain.
Morning, Lolly.
How's my Prince today?
He's been missing you,
Sir Lachlan.
That's Beth Boothby, isn't it?
Whoa.
Delia and I are throwing a special party
for her at the manor house on Sunday.
Everyone's invited,
so spread the word.
Beth, of course,
is our very special guest.
Lolly here is our head groom.
- What a beauty.
- Steve.
The horse, Beth.
If that ain't one beautiful horse.
I'm terribly sorry.
This is Steve.
As you can see,
he's from America, too.
- How would you like to ride him?
- I'd like it fine,
but I think young Beth here
would kill me first.
And you'd deserve it.
You know very well I'm asking Steve
if he'd like to ride Prince.
Ride that horse?
Are you kidding me? You bet.
Go on.
( geese honking )
( cawing )
Morning, Jack.
An American guest for us, Jack.
How about a greeting?
( Stuttering )
"'Prophet!' say I, 'thing of evil!--
prophet still,
if bird or devil!--
On this home,
by horror haunted--
tell me truly, I implore--
ls there--
is there balm in Gilead?--
tell me--
tell me, I implore!"'
- Nevermore.
- Whoa.
Oh, stop showing off, Jack.
It's one of his party pieces.
He can't resist
trying it out on strangers.
He doesn't really think
you're a prophet.
We can't understand a word
he's saying half the time,
- so we call him the Oracle.
- Oracle?
Yes, it's like a--
like a prophet,
like Ezekiel in your Bible.
You're kidding me.
I probably am,
but don't take offense.
Now, Steve,
mindful of your silver rings,
we're splitting you up.
Beth will be staying with Mary Hillier,
our housekeeper,
while you will be left in the capable
hands of Peter McNeill here.
He'll look after you.
Won't you, Peter?
Thanks, bud.
Welcome, Steve.
Nice to meet you, sir.
This way.
Sorry I'm late.
Bad news, Orlando.
I've got to be back by 8:00.
8:00? Oh, that's really not fair.
I've arranged the whole outing.
It's my first evening off
since I've arrived here.
Come in, come in, Lolly.
Can't be seen kissing
in the street, not in uniform.
Oh, well, why don't you
take off the uniform
and let me see that lovely
Italian body of yours?
Orlando--
such a sexy name.
More sexy than Lolly?
And apart from my granddad,
I'm as Scottish
as you are, Lolly.
( Cawing )
Let me get this for you, miss.
Beth.
That's Mary Hillier,
our housekeeper.
Oh. ( laughs)
- Hello. I'm Mary.
- Hi, Mary.
Welcome, welcome.
Come on, shall I take you in?
- Yeah.
- Okay. Yes.
Mary:
Now this is it.
So what do you do, Jack,
aside from feed those birds?
S-s-sometimes I hunt
for haddocks' eyes
among the heather bright
and work them into
waistcoat buttons
in the silent night.
My daddy done that.
He was shitfaced
with moonshine,
thought I'd turned into some
Godzilla or some darn thing.
I was lucky the other
five shots missed
and hit some poor
old cow.
Would you care for a game
of cards, Steve?
I mean, we only play
for pennies.
Oh, no, no, no, sir.
I don't gamble no more.
I used to before I was saved.
I like cards.
What I really like is to read them
the same as I read the Bible.
Would you all guys
like to see?
- Of course, yeah.
- Aye.
Well, when I see the ace,
it reminds me
there is one God.
And the deuce
reminds me
the Bible's divided
into two parts--
there's the Old
and the New Testaments.
And when I see the three,
I think of the Father,
the Son and the Holy Spirit.
And when I see the four,
it reminds me of the four evangelists
who preached the Gospel.
And the five--
( chuckles )
I think of the five wise virgins
who trimmed their lamps.
There were 10.
Five were wise and saved.
Five were foolish
and shut out.
The six--
I think of the six days
it took God
to make this great heaven
and this earth.
And when I see the seven,
it reminds me
that on the seventh day
God took His day of rest.
And when I see the eight,
I think of the eight
righteous persons God saved
when He destroyed
all on earth.
With the nine--
Just a minute. May I?
Go ahead, bud.
When I see the nine...
( laughs )
I think of the lepers
our Savior cleansed,
and nine out of the 10
didn't even thank Him.
And when I see the 10,
I think of the 10 commandments
God handed down to Moses
on a tablet of stone.
And when I see the king,
it reminds me there is but one
King in heaven-- God Almighty.
And when I see the queen,
I think of the blessed
Virgin Mary, queen of all heaven.
And the jack--
why, he's the devil.
( laughter)
J' Will you go, laddie, go J'
J' To the braes 0' Balquhidder? J'
J' We'll crown the laddie's queen J'
J' And we'll feast the night
together J'
J' Will you go, laddie, go? J'
Woman:
J' When the spring is in its prime J'
J' And flowers are
freshly blooming J'
J' And the wild
mountain thyme J'
J' All the moorland perfuming J'
J' Will you go, laddie, go? J'
Oh, my God.
It really is Beth Boothby.
Our surprise guest.
No, Morag.
Could I?
Could I get a wee autograph?
It's not for me.
It's for our Johnny.
He's wild about you.
That was a real pretty song
you were singing, Morag.
It's one of our May Day songs.
Do you celebrate
May Day in America?
Like the Easter parade?
Chocolate bunnies?
( laughs )
Not quite.
Well, Easter's definitely
a big deal in the church--
you know, Jesus
and the resurrection.
Our May Day is much much
older than Easter.
Few Christians realize
that the timing of their Easter
is controlled by the moon.
Our goddess.
May Day is the day
that we celebrate
the rebirth of everything
in nature--
the blossoming trees,
the new crops,
the sap rising
in our own bodies.
( Giggles )
Do you not feel it?
Would you like to see
the May Queen's dress we're making?
I'd love to.
Would you like to try it on?
You'd be the first to wear it.
- Really?
- Uh-huh.
(women humming)
Oh, wow.
J' The light lilting chorus J'
J' Will you go, laddie, go? J'
Can I see it?
Mary: Okay.
Oh, wow.
(giggles)
This is the coolest dress.
Oh, you guys are so clever.
I wish y'all could make something
for my next gig.
I'm being really selfish.
Why don't y'all try it on?
The May Queen
is elected, Beth.
No one tries on the queen's dress
except the queen.
We made an exception
for you, Beth,
because I happen to know
that Lachlan and Delia
rather hope you'll consent to be
the May Queen yourself.
I shouldn't have
told you that,
cause I know they want
to ask you themselves.
( mews )
(moaning )
Orlando!
Orgasissimo!
Oh!
Whew.
Five times?
Sure.
Why not
seven?
I'm sure you, Orlando,
could do it.
Italian men are
such wonderful lovers.
What a great idea.
Are you on?
Nobody would touch
that record.
You keep records here?
No, not really.
Well, quite informally.
You really are a treat, Orlando.
Scots and Englishmen
can always find their way
to the pub,
but when it comes
to the clitoris,
they think it's an island off Greece
famous for its ouzo.
J' Bonny lads
0' Gala Water J'
J' I'll kilt my skirt
upon my knee... J'
( piano playing )
Woman:
J' I tempted him with apples J'
J' All golden in the light J'
J' He laid me in the orchard J'
J' Till the day turned
into night J'
J' And since he plucked
my cherry J'
J' All juicy, red and ripe J'
J' He sampled all the berries J'
J' Till the taste of me he won J'
J' A tryst is in the forest J'
J' Where no one else
will come J'
J' And he don't want
any gooseberries J'
J' A-spoiling all our fun J'
J' Oh, the fruits
of the forest J'
J' And the fruits of the tree J'
J' I'll give to my love
( Caws )
( Caws )
( birds chirping )
( car approaches )
Lachlan: Steve.
Steve, wake up.
- Good morning, Steve.
- Good morning, sir.
You remember Prince?
We thought you might like
to look around the countryside,
so we brought him along
for you to ride.
All right!
I'll be right down.
So which way, ma'am?
If I were you, I'd take him
to the old castle--
left at the end,
over the bridge,
follow the river.
You might want to shorten
those stirrups a bit, Steve.
Oh, no, no, no, ma'am.
I always ride like this.
Thank you very much.
Morning.
He's going to the castle.
Man:
He won't get far.
Whoa.
Down, boy. Down, boy.
Ah, Steve.
So what do you think of Prince
now you've ridden him?
Awesome.
That's one real special horse.
The Anthea lady--
she warned me about the stirrups.
I nearly hit the dirt
back there.
- Why don't you come for a swim?
- Oh, I really can't do that.
Sulis is real welcoming
this morning.
It'll make your skin feel velvety.
It's giving me good vibes.
I just can't believe
this is for real.
You want me to come in?
Oh, what the hell?
Sulis-- ain't that
some kind of goddess?
How did you know that?
I saw her on the front
of Lachlan's vehicle.
She's cute.
I'm glad you approved of her.
I posed for the wee statue.
It was a great honor.
This is Sulis's
sacred spring.
Wow, Sulis.
You gotta be kidding me
about this.
This is just some
warm water, right?
You believe a certain virgin
had a baby, don't you?
Why can't you believe, like I do,
that this water has a holy power?
I believe whatever's written
in the Bible, Lolly.
That's Holy Writ.
Come on, Steve.
It'll make you feel
out of this world.
Are you thinking
about Beth?
I can let you into a secret.
Lachlan wants her
to be the May Queen.
I think he might like you to be
the Laddie. Would you go for that?
What's the Laddie?
The Laddie?
You've not heard tell of the Laddie?
He is the brightest
and best,
the handsomest,
the kindest, the goodest,
perhaps the best rider.
I have known him to be
the best lover.
I never dreamed
it could be like that.
Think it might go on
forever and ever.
Kind of hoping it would.
I always look for something
that l know
even Sulis cannot give me--
a child.
But I know
that if it does happen,
it will have happened here.
What do you mean,
"always"?
Well, I am what the goddess
wants me to be--
all things to all men.
We've got a word for that
back in Texas, yeah,
and it ain't pretty.
Still,
I reckon somehow
you're different.
I'm glad.
Lost something?
Yeah.
I guess it don't matter no more.
You lost it, you lost it.
Ain't no going back.
Here comes the big,
unreadable book
that's supposed to
explain everything?
A big pile of these in the house--
I used them as a doorstop.
- ( chuckles )
- Now, what we have here
is the latest report on what we've done
in the 10 years since the accident
to make our environment
entirely secure.
Naturally, you will have
some questions,
but I asked you here to rebut
some absolutely untrue
reports in the press.
Yes, Patricia.
You've been protesting
about my piece in "The Ecologist"
with which Magnus
absolutely concurs,
so will you not just agree
that nuclear is just too expensive
and just too damned dangerous
to live nearby?
Patricia,
the greatest power station
in our solar system
is dangerous-- the sun.
It creates deserts,
melts icecaps,
causes cancer.
We've been living with it
since our ancestors crawled out
of the primeval slime.
Respect and understanding
for these forces of nature
is the key to controlling them,
Patricia.
Nuclear is just one of them.
( chuckles )
I'm convener here for my union.
Do you think I'd risk
my members' lives?
Can I quote you
on your "slimy ancestors,"
Sir Lachlan?
Yes, of course.
Man: Patricia said we're the best
double act since Laurel and Hardy.
( laughs )
After the accident,
the press went on
about the danger
of a nuclear catastrophe.
Funny that they never do
their homework.
A river is a river,
but the water table
is another thing.
One flows.
The other is static.
Lachlan: Journalists--
thank heavens they have
the attention span
of wet hens.
The accident did poison the water table.
Now the villagers are infertile.
Sick babies they might notice,
even deformed babies.
But virtually no babies--
no comment
so far.
( cheering, applause )
We have come a long way
to remind you folks
about Jesus,
because I just know
you've already heard about Him,
just like you've heard about
Rob Roy or Braveheart
or Mr. Bell--
the great Scottish man
who gave us all
the telephone.
It's just many of you
may have forgotten
that Jesus was braver
than Rob Roy
because He gave His life
for all of us,
and not just the people
of His time,
but the people of all time.
And you may have forgotten
that Jesus was not
just a great inventor,
He was the greatest of all
because He invented
a new kind of love.
Now, what was that, friends?
Can any of you remember?
It is love of everyone
but yourself--
really hard,
wouldn't you agree, Beth?
Delia, that is
such a good question.
And I see Steve would like
to answer you.
No, ma'am, no.
If you can love other folks
like Jesus loves us,
then there's no other reason
to love yourself.
Cause you're so full of love,
you're like some
great, big light.
- Like a beacon?
- Right.
And like Jesus.
Now, friends, I'd like
to ask Steve to pass among you.
And he'll be handing out
some thoughts on Jesus
that we'd like you to read
real closely
and also some real pretty hymns
for us to sing together.
Now, please, friends,
the hymns words
are real important.
Just try and believe
what you're singing
and you'll open your hearts
to Jesus.
J' Would you be free J'
J' From the burden of sin? J'
J' There's power in the blood J'
J' Power in the blood J'
J' Would you o'er evil J'
J' A victory win? J'
J' There's power in the blood J'
J' Of the Lamb J'
J' There is power, power J'
J' Wonder-working power J'
J' In the blood J'
J' Of the Lamb J'
J' There is power, power J'
J' Wonder-working power J'
J' In the precious blood
of the Lamb J'
- J' There is power J'
- J' Power J'
- J' Power J'
- J' Power J'
J' Wonder-working power J'
J' In the blood of the Lamb J'
- J' There is power, power J'
- J' Power, power J'
J' Wonder-working power J'
J' In the precious blood
of the Lamb J'
J' Would you be free
from your passion and pride? J'
J' There's power in the blood J'
J' Power in the blood J'
J' So come for a cleansing J'
J' To Calvary's tide J'
J' There's wonderful power
in the blood J'
- J' There is power, power J'
- J' Power, power J'
J' Wonder-working power J'
J' In the blood of the Lamb J'
- J' There is power, power J'
- J' Power, power J'
J' Wonder-working power J'
J' In the precious blood
of the Lamb J'
- J' There is power, power J'
- J' Power, power J'
J' Wonder-working power J'
J' In the blood of the Lamb J'
- J' There is power, power J'
- J' Power, power J'
J' Wonder-working power J'
J' In the precious blood J'
J' Of the Lamb. J'
( crowd cheering )
Hello, Jack.
Oh, be off with you, Nevermore,
you wicked old bird.
Go on.
S-s-say I'm weary,
say I'm sad;
Say health and wealth
have missed me;
Say I'm growing old,
but add--
Lolly kissed me.
Can you keep a secret?
There's somebody
I want to see,
but I don't want them to see me.
Does that make sense?
You're in love
with a wonderful guy?
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
Yes, you are.
Yes, you are.
( both snicker)
The day after tomorrow,
we will crown the May Queen.
Can anyone think of a more
perfect queen than Beth?
( cheering )
Do you accept this?
I'm deeply honored.
Sure, I accept.
( cheering )
Lachlan's told us
how the next two days
are like very special
holidays for y'all.
After they're over,
Steve and I hope
you'll come talk to us
about Jesus.
Like, we'll be waiting
and hoping...
And praying that y'all come.
J' Will you go, laddie, go J'
J' To the braes
0' Balquhidder? J'
J' We'll crown the laddie's queen J'
J' And we'll feast the night
together J'
J' Will you go, laddie, go? J'
J' Will you go,
laddie, go J'
J' To the braes
0' Balquhidder? J'
J' We'll crown the laddie's queen J'
J' And we'll feast the night
together J'
J' Will you go, laddie, go? J'
And here,
to crown the queen,
is her Laddie.
Mary: This used to
be a hunting lodge once.
Oh, but they tried
to ban all that.
Fishing will be next,
they say.
Too painful
for the poor wee fish.
(giggles)
( goose honking )
(Mary humming)
There.
This will be
nice and cozy for you.
We thought you'd like
a wee moment to yourselves,
my lambs.
So, some punch
to celebrate.
Now, Delia will be here
to collect our queen a little later.
And Sir Lachlan is coming by
with Prince, laddie,
to go rehearse
for your ride tomorrow.
It was better than I could
have dreamed, wasn't it, Mary?
They loved you, my lambs.
Couldn't you tell?
We all thought you
were just perfect.
You're just so kind.
Oh.
You have a problem, Steve?
I mean, wasn't that a triumph
beyond our wildest dreams?
Sure,
in some weird way,
I guess.
Steve.
Steve.
I want out, Beth.
I don't mean tomorrow.
I'll do the Laddie bit
like they've asked.
I'll stay and I'll watch them
crown you and all.
But after that,
I'm high tailing it home.
I'm just a dumb cowboy, Beth.
I mean, this ain't me.
I just want out.
Out?
You can't mean that, Steve.
You're a redeemer like me.
You can't suddenly run out
on what that means.
What is it?
Tell me.
Something happened?
I know what I do well, Beth--
ride a horse.
I'm not worthy to be
no redeemer.
No ways.
I'm a sinner,
big time.
About what happened
in that hotel in Edinburgh
when we suddenly thought
about our silver rings?
Steve,
where's your ring?
I lost it.
I'm not the guy
for you, Beth.
Can you be a believer
and a sinner?
I guess you can't,
cause that's me
I'm real sorry, Beth.
Please forgive me.
Tomorrow I'll be the Laddie.
And after that
hopefully we'll-- we'll--
we'll gather in a whole wagonload
of souls for Jesus.
Then I'm gonna go back home
to Texas where I belong.
And I so hope
you'll come with me, baby.
Lachlan:
Now, the thing to remember
is don't let them trap you
before you get to the castle.
Keep your eyes open.
Keep watching
180, 360 if you can.
They can come
from any direction.
Thanks to Prince,
you can always outride them.
Oh, and one more thing:
Don't let anyone tell you
which way to ride.
It's an old trick.
So if I win,
what happens next?
Well, inside there's an ancient chair
made of stone.
That's the Laddie's throne.
You sit there
and we'll come for you.
Does it piss you off, sir,
that I figure
you guys are out of your minds
with this Laddie thing?
( Lachlan laughs )
Does it matter to you
that you think that?
Getting to ride Prince--
that's a prize in itself.
No, sir.
It's cool with me.
Well, Steve,
if it's cool with you,
it's cool with me.
J' I got nothing to sell,
I got favors for rent J'
J' And the lovin' I give
is heaven-sent J'
J' If you buy me a beer
and want to try your luck J'
J' Then take me for a ride
in your pickup truck J'
J' Call me cheap
call me-- J'
Laddie, can I have
your autograph?
You sure can.
What's your name, bud?
Angus McClintock.
But just write "To Angus."
Okay. Hey, you're the only kid
I see around here. How come?
There aren't very many kids
around here.
Right on. You want me to sign
myself just "Laddie"
or you want
my real name?
Both, please, Laddie.
Angus, shouldn't you be
at home?
Laddie, are you a cowboy?
I mean, for real?
I sure am.
So where are your shooters, then?
( imitates gunshots )
Go on, Angus.
You're bothering the Laddie.
Get on home
before I call your dad.
No, Pete, it's cool.
I left my shooters
back home in Texas
'cause those airlines-- they don't
like me having them on the plane
Thanks for the autograph, Laddie.
I just wish you'd
brought your shooters.
You really could have
used them tomorrow.
Angus, I'll call your dad.
Ah, so that is what the modern
missionaries are wearing these days.
Or are you trying
to tell us something, Beth?
Okay, I'll admit it.
I'm mad as hell at Steve.
But you're throwing a party for me
and I plan to enjoy it.
Carla made the dress for me
to wear after a gig.
I don't know why I packed it.
It must have been
a premonition.
So do you plan
to forgive Steve?
Say, tomorrow?
You must remember
to err is human,
to forgive-- divine.
I'll probably forgive him
in half an hour.
You know why?
Because I love
that son of a bitch cowboy.
( Delia chuckles )
J' The feast shall cloy not J'
J' Nor the chase shall tire J'
J' Nor music cease forever J'
J' Through the hall J'
J' The gold and jewels J'
J' Of the Land of Youth J'
J' Outshine all splendors J'
J' Ever dreamed by man J'
J' Thou shalt have horses J'
J' Of the fairy breed J'
J' Thou shalt have hounds J'
J' That can outrun the wind J'
J' A hundred chiefs J'
J' Shall follow thee in war... J'
Dear God--
I've got to get this
in the right order.
Thank you, as always,
for my wonderful voice
and for making me
so okay-looking.
And thank you for making
that amazing prayer meeting
such a success.
And, God,
Steve--
I want him back.
I know that you help those
that help themselves.
And I guess I didn't use
my womanly wiles
any too wisely
where Steve is concerned.
But, please, God,
rekindle in Steve's heart
the love that he used to
have for me.
Amen.
- ( knocks on door)
- Who is it?
Beame: It's me, miss,
with your hot milk.
Come in.
Just there.
Magog, M3909-
- Come here, come here.
- No, no, no, no, leave him, please.
I like cats.
Very good, miss,
if you're sure.
I'm sure. Thanks.
Good night.
Good night, miss.
( Cat purring )
That's not for you, Magog.
It's too hot.
- ( glass shatters )
- ( Magog mews )
- ( Orlando grunting )
- Sitting astride a horse all day
makes me horny as hell
sometimes.
Oh, here, let me help you
off with that.
( panting )
That was number six.
Lolly, you said
you were gonna tell me
about that cult that's been
reported around here
if we got to six.
Seven.
I said seven.
Seven is going to be
the best yet.
Of course,
everybody knows about
the old great scarf act.
I'm sure you do...
but not the way I do it.
( Orlando moaning loudly )
Lolly's latest--
Orlando Orgasissimo.
( Orlando moaning loudly )
(siren wailing)
Lolly's hospitalized
the copper.
Well, I'm afraid we have not been
successful with Beth.
Magog is dead.
Must have got to the milk.
Beth, however,
seems to be all right.
Well, Beame, you'd better deal
with Miss Beth after breakfast,
give her a shot
of the usual.
Yes, sir.
Beg pardon, sir,
what if she's awake?
Then put her to sleep.
Good God, man,
how long have we been doing this?
Oh, pity about Magog.
We will miss him.
Yes, well, the mice won't.
( chuckles )
Beame, get her ready for tomorrow
before there are any more mishaps.
Yes, Sir Lachlan.
Get cook to help you.
Daisy always frets a bit.
She doesn't really like
helping me.
"Gruesome" was
the word she used.
Oh, well, the weaker sex.
Although not of course you,
my lady.
Mary Hillier asked me
an odd question yesterday.
She wondered, do I--
do you really believe
in what you've led us
to believe?
Hmm, yes.
It's a very good question.
Am I a sincere believer?
Why have you put in
the Laddie?
Oh, it's you.
I've always wanted
to paint the bridge.
And then I thought,
'Imagine the whole of Tressock
will be riding after the Laddie."
Poor wee Laddie.
That bridge has seen so much drama
over the past few centuries.
Poor wee Laddie.
Hunting him
is a game of chance.
You've often said
that what you believe in
is the natural order of things--
the food chain.
Cruel or benign,
for you,
everything under the sun happens
because it just happens.
That's fate.
But can fate be altered?
This is a question
that every religion
have tried to answer.
And the answer is
almost certainly no.
But we keep trying.
I'll tell you what I believe:
if I am a rabbi
Jehovah is my God;
if a mullah--
Allah the Merciful is He;
if a Christian--
Jesus is my Lord.
Here in Tressock,
I believe the old religion
of the Celts
fits our needs at this time.
Isn't that all you can ask
of a religion?
( chattering, laughing )
In a few moments,
my friends,
I will introduce you,
those who have not already met him,
to your Laddie.
Here he is.
This year we are
exceptionally fortunate
to have selected someone
who is both handsome
and an excellent horseman.
He really is a good man,
worthy to be your Laddie.
People of Tressock,
all hail the Laddie!
( cheering )
You know your way
out of the village.
In three long minutes, we'll be
after you. Remember what I told you.
Now 99!
( crowd cheering )
Man:
Go, Laddie, go!
( screams )
Just lie nice and still, miss.
This will not hurt.
You'll wake nice and fresh
tomorrow.
( Beame screaming )
(whimpering )
( Beame moaning )
( screams )
Hurry, hurry, hurry
She'll be making
for the village.
Oh.
- And what is that?
- Alum.
( screams )
That American bitch.
Can you believe the laird
could have chosen a woman
that wicked as queen?
Be still, man, will you?
You big baby, you.
She nearly severed
one of your googerlies.
We've just got to stop the bleeding
and you'll be fine.
( moans )
She'll be making
for a telephone.
She'll need money.
She's got no money, Daisy.
( exhales )
(whimpering )
Oh, Mr. Beame,
you'll not forget
she's the queen?
You'll respect that, man?
Promise.
Oh, aye.
She'll be in mint condition
for her coronation.
I promise you that.
The bitch!
Oh.
You'll forget you heard that.
( snickers )
( knocks )
Hey!
Open the door.
Come on.
Lolly: Steve!
( Gasps )
You're the guy with the raven.
Isn't that right?
O wicker tree, O wicker tree,
tell me, what do you see?
I'm sorry, sir,
I just need to use your phone.
I need the cops-- police.
You do have police?
O wickerish tree,
O wickerish tree,
t-tell me, w-what can you see?
Oh, for God's sake,
where's your phone?
My wickerish tree,
tell me, what do you see?
- J' Don't eat people J'
- J' Oh, no, not again J'
- J' I won't eat people J'
- J' All the day long J'
- J' Don't eat people J'
- J' He keeps on repeating J'
- J' Eating people is wrong... J'
- It says, "Press 3."
Um... No. One?
This is crazy, mister.
How do you do this?
J' Eating people is bad J'
J' But people have always
eaten people... J'
- Bitch.
- ( screams )
What's this music you're playing,
you miserable wee prick?
Beth:
Put me down!
Let me go!
It's a trap, Steve.
Follow me, quick.
Sure. It's just a game, Lolly.
Lolly:
No, it's not a game.
Please don't go, Steve.
Steve!
Oh.
( crowd shouting )
Come on, come on.
(villagers yelling )
Morning, Mr. Beame.
Morning, Mary.
Yes, well,
I think we have excelled ourselves
this year.
Beth really inspired everybody.
Such a lovely girl,
and that beautiful voice--
the perfect queen.
I've always wanted to ask--
why the oil?
It's not as if you're going to
cook her.
No, it just makes the skin
more flexible.
It's easier to peel. I could use
the analogy of a peach.
That's quite enough, Mr. Beame.
We don't want to hear
the gory details,
do we, Mary?
Oh, no.
She's still breathing.
Oh, yes.
She's just sedated.
Mr. Beame likes the queen
to be absolutely fresh
when he starts
to work on her.
What are you looking for?
It's just one of these eyes
are not at all
the right color.
Where is my bowl of eyes?
It was on the shelf over there,
I could swear.
( gasps )
That Dougie--
he forgot to give them back.
Are you mad, woman?
You lent the queen's eyes,
which are absolutely sacred
and irreplaceable,
to that idiot Douglas McCrea?
He'll be riding after the Laddie
just now.
You'll have to wait
until after the feast.
Daisy: As I thought--
hazel green,
a wonderful color.
Sleep a good sleep,
my lovely.
( crows cawing )
Hey, what took you guys
solong?
Hope you brought some food
'cause I'm starving.
Laddie,
you are a prince
among men, a king.
We all--
all salute you.
You will give your life
so that a new generation
of our people
will be born
blessing your name.
Children will be called
after you.
Hallowed be thy name.
Oh.
Oh, God.
Where am I?
And now we will sing
the hymn
that you and Beth
taught us.
J' Would you be free J'
J' From your burden of sin? J'
J' There's power in the blood J'
J' Power in the blood J'
J' Would you o'er evil J'
J' A victory win? J'
J' There's power in the blood J'
J' Of the Lamb J'
J' There is power, power J'
J' Wonder-working power J'
J' In the blood J'
J' Of the Lamb J'
J' There is power, power J'
J' Wonder-working power J'
J' In the precious blood J'
J' Of the Lamb. J'
O blessed sun,
our ancestors feared
one terrible winter's day
that you would set
in the western sky,
plunging us
into perpetual night.
And yet you shine
upon us still.
O glorious sun,
accept our sacrifice
that we may be fruitful
once again.
We pI'aY
that we may once more
hear the sound
of children's laughter
in our midst.
( crowd growling )
( screaming )
( screaming continues )
(=n/ins )
Steve.
( Cawing )
J' Come with me,
be with me J'
J' Play with me
and love with me J'
- J' Come with me, be with me... J'
- Oh.
J' Play with me
and love with me J'
J' Come with me,
be with me J'
J' Play with me
and love with me J'
- J' Oh, tell me it's all right... J'
-( pounding )
- J' Stay with me tonight... J'
- Beth: Hello?
Let me out!
Beth: Help!
Let me out!
Oh, God.
Where's Steve?
I tried to save him.
I begged him to follow me.
He's dead, Beth.
You're lying.
Where's Sir Lachlan?
The Laddie is--
is a sacrament.
He's the perfect sacrifice.
Beth, you have to believe me.
I tried to save him.
He thought it was
just a silly game.
They killed him?
They killed Steve?
It isn't possible.
Don't go that way.
Don't you know what
they're going to do to you?
Get on this horse now
and we'll go.
If Steve's really dead,
I'm certainly not gonna run away.
The Lord has chosen me
for this, Lolly.
He saved me from Beame
and He will protect me now.
You're forgetting
you're the Queen of the May.
You're next.
That's right.
I am one Queen of the May
that no one is ever
gonna forget.
( People grunting )
J' Wicker is woman J'
J' She is a tree J'
J' Soft and most tender J'
J' And free J'
J' Wicker is man J'
J' And hard wood is he J'
J' Strong are the arms J'
J' Of the wicker tree J'
J' Insatiable tree J'
J' Part he and she J'
J' O wicker tree J'
J' Wicker tree. J'
Paul.
Paul, what is it?
It's the queen.
Where's Steve?
ls he really dead?
Steve won, dear queen.
You really should be
very proud of him.
He was the finest Laddie
we ever had.
Had?
Danny,
is Steve really dead?
Aye, he is, my queen.
And no one will ever
find his body.
It is all gone.
But his soul,
his new self--
it is in a heaven
beyond our imagining.
Remember the song?
He shalt have a horse
of the gods' own breed
He shalt have hounds
that can outrun the wind.
Lachlan: Up there, nothing will be
too good for our wonderful Laddie.
Steve was chosen
for his innate goodness.
He is our gift to the gods,
and they will love him forever
and reward us with renewed life
here in Tressock.
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
- it is time to--
- Murderer!
( screaming )
No.
Don't you have a song
for this?
Auld Lang Syne," perhaps?
What, you don't like that one?
How about your "Laddie" song?
I don't really know the words,
so you'll have to help me.
J' He shalt have horses J'
J' Of the fairy breed. J'
Oh, come on, Danny, sing.
Your king is dead.
Will you sing for your queen
and for my Laddie?
J' Delightful is the land J'
J' Beyond all dreams J'
J' Fairer than aught J'
J' Thine eyes have ever seen J'
J' There all the year J'
J' The fruit is on the tree J'
J' And all the year J'
J' The bloom is on the flower J'
J' There with wild honey drip J'
J' The forest trees J'
J' Nor pain
nor sickness knows J'
J' The dweller there J'
J' Death and decay J'
J' Come near him
nevermore... J'
(humming)
( cawing )
I told Laddie he should have
brought his shooters.
What's the use of a cowboy
without his shooters?
Shooters?
Steve-- where did you
see him?
Last night.
He was at the inn.
It's so unfair.
I'm not supposed to leave the house
during the May Day celebrations,
but my mom and dad
wanted to go to the feast.
I have to wait till I'm a man
they keep saying.
Sweetheart, where's the nearest
village to Tressock?
Am I going
in the right direction?
Lancart's over there.
Beth, if you want to avoid the road,
it's best to follow me.
Okay, let's go.
Come on.
Beth:
I just want to go home.
( crow cawing )
It's just a little bit further.
No. No.
Stay still.
Beth: God!
(woman screaming )
LoHy,push,push.
Push.
We have a little cowboy.
Find us a man
to give us another.
- And another.
- And another.
(whirring )
J' I know where I'm going J'
J' I know who goes with me J'
J' I know who I love J'
J' My dear knows who I'll marry J'
J' I have stockings of silk J'
J' Shoes of bright green leather J'
J' Combs to buckle my hair J'
J' And a ring for every finger J'
J' Featherbeds are soft J'
J' Painted rooms are bonny J'
J' But I would give them all J'
J' For my handsome J'
J' Winsome Johnny J'
J' Some say he is poor J'
J' I say he is bonny J'
J' Fairest of them all J'
J' ls my handsome J'
J' Winsome Johnny. J'
J' Cry not for me J'
J' With the voice J'
J' Of the angels J'
J' Think not on me J'
J' Though I'm far J'
J' From your mind J'
J' Dream only of me J'
J' When you lie J'
J' When you're sleeping J'
J' For I have not gone J'
J' From time's passing frame J'
J' Though the sun, it will rise J'
J' Cast a shadow over me J'
J' I still see the picture J'
J' Through time's passing frame. J'
J" Life is J"
J' The journey we must make J'
J' To lead us J'
J' To peace J'
J' Ours is J'
J' The Kingdom J'
J' And a new life J'
J' ls born again J'
J' Born again J'
J' Love is J'
J' The answer J'
J' Follow me J'
J' Join in ourjourney J'
J' We must pledge with love J'
J' And with faith J'
J' Over the mountains J'
J' Where the sun rises J'
J' Follow me, follow me J'
J' Love is J'
J' The answer J'
J' Follow me. J'