1
ALEX: Just go, go!
Shit!
(GASPING)
ALEX: Oh, shit.
Oh shit.
(PANTING)
ALEX: Come on, come on,
Sarah, come on.
(PANTING)
This way, this way!
SARAH: Help us!
MAN: Wait...
(THUD)
(WINCES)
ALEX: Fuck, Sarah...
ALEX: No, no, no,
no, wait!
(MUSIC PLAYING)
NARRATOR: Welcome to Moldova.
An affordable gem nestled in
the heart of Eastern Europe
where the old meets
new in surprising ways.
Meet Becky Westlake,
a successful artist
and potter.
After 10 years in the hectic
Los Angeles craft scene,
she is looking for some
Old World inspiration.
BECKY: Running the
gallery has been great
but I think it's
time for a change.
I wanna slow down,
focus on my life,
my relationship.
My name is Goran Potsnik.
I think people know
who I am, but okay...
Professional soccer player.
What else do you wanna know?
(CHUCKLES)
BECKY: Goran was cute,
athlete, very different
but, um, actually I think
that's what turned out
to be the nice part,
we're very different.
GORAN: Well, we meet in,
uh, in Lisbon in, uh...
In a bar and here we are.
BECKY: A healthy relationship.
NARRATOR: Becky wants a
house where she can set up
her pottery studio,
with enough room left
over to raise a family.
To find a bargain, Becky
has enlisted the help
of local real estate
broker Vladimir Filat.
Moldova has very
complicated laws
with taxes,
land titles, religious zoning,
and gypsy prohibitions.
Not to worry.
Vladimir is best
broker in Moldova.
NARRATOR:
And as Vladimir says,
"Only broker in Moldova is
best broker in Moldova."
BECKY: Moldova's beautiful.
It's, um, got a
sense of history.
And I wanna be
a part of that.
NARRATOR: To find a house
on Becky's limited budget,
Vladimir directs them to
the remote farming hamlet
of Pavlovka.
She'd be trading a modern
city of 8,000,000 people
for a rustic village of 200.
So rustic that the
local legend contends
that there was once
a witch-burning here.
But the people are
much friendlier now.
(EAST EUROPEAN MUSIC PLAYING)
NARRATOR:
A few miles outside of town
is a cottage home right
out of Hansel and Gretel.
Becky may like
Old World charm,
but does she really
know the difference
between rustic and a wreck?
No one has lived
here for long time.
It's very remote, very cheap.
Many opportunities
for improvement.
Well, for the right price,
I don't mind doing the work.
Really? You can't
handle this much work.
This must be the worst
house in Moldova.
Nobody can fix this.
(CHUCKLES) Come.
Bedroom.
It's small.
I guess families were
closer back in the day.
(WATER DRIBBLES)
How 'bout some drinks?
NARRATOR: The
interior needs some work,
but the bones of this
old house are strong.
(CHUCKLES)
Voila.
BECKY: (CHUCKLES)
Oh, this is seriously feral.
I see media room.
What is this, an outhouse?
It is, uh, a bread
oven, very traditional.
Oh, God, I could turn this
into a kiln for my pottery.
Yes, this is what
I thought as well.
This is good for
spanking, no?
(CHUCKLES)
(CAT HOWLS)
(SCREAMING)
Oh, what was that?
It's, uh, in Moldova,
good luck.
NARRATOR: And there's
one last surprise under
the master bedroom.
A cellar with
hidden potential.
This used to be
wine cellar originally,
but I thought maybe,
uh, you want to use
as pottery studio.
Oh, my, I could
entertain down here.
What is this?
It's, uh, a pit for,
uh, stomping grapes.
For making wine.
Hot tub!
Bow chicka bow wow.
Is that... What is that,
a painting?
VLADIMIR: Perhaps,
artist lived here before.
Much like yourself.
I like it.
I like it all.
You serious?
NARRATOR: Becky's clearly
taken on a big challenge,
but this artist promises
renovation magic.
After the break, we return
to Pavlovka six months later
to see the transformation.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
SARAH: What? No!
She actually bought
that place?
This house is a
literal nightmare.
What could she have possibly
done with it in six months?
GREG: That's what
we're here to find out.
I bet you any money she
hasn't done a goddamn thing.
It happens,
it happens all the time.
(HORN BLARING)
Fuck off!
There was this chick in
Portugal, this blonde.
We went back
six months later.
You know, she bought
one of these wrecks.
We go back there
and she has literally
not fixed up
one single thing.
SARAH: No way!
It was a complete disaster.
She'd not changed one thing
about the place in six months.
GREG: It was horrible.
So that made for a really
spectacular episode reveal,
I can tell you.
That being said, very nice,
uh, bikini pics on Facebook.
SARAH: What?
Very nice.
Wait, are you Facebook
friends with the buyers?
(GREG LAUGHING)
Uh, it sometimes
happens, sometimes happens.
Only the chicks, however.
GREG: How long does it usually
take for them to unfriend you?
Yeah, that's a
very good question.
How 'bout you
unfriend this, dick?
GREG: Whatever.
Alex, this is a $40,000
camera, man, come on.
ALEX: Oh, my God,
I'm sure it's fine.
GREG: I swear to God,
it was like,
Sarah, daggers come
shootin' out of her eyes.
What? Kate seemed nice.
(LAUGHS)
"She seemed nice."
SARAH: Yes!
Have you actually
met this woman?
SARAH: Yes.
My Uncle Wallace
introduced me to her
like three years ago.
Okay, see, this
is fascinating.
Speaking of nepotism,
actually,
and on behalf of those who
actually earned their jobs.
What we were wondering was...
GREG: Not cool, man.
Out of curiosity,
what the starting salary
for the boss's niece is.
GREG: Alex!
What? Dude.
Be cool, please,
all right?
Don't go all special
forces on me.
We're not
in Afghanistan, man.
SARAH: Afghanistan...
Greg, did you fight
in Afghanistan?
Uh, no, the only thing
that man shot in Afghanistan
was the news.
What?
Yeah, okay, I'm
goin' on a Doina run.
What was that about?
GREG: Nothing, I just, uh...
I was an embedded
cameraman in Afghanistan.
It's boring, I just don't
wanna talk about it.
Look at this, unbelievable.
Oh, my gosh.
GREG: What?
Okay, it's fine.
There's a big bug.
(GREG CHUCKLES)
It's kind of cute,
it's fine.
This seems
dramatically unsafe.
GREG: Right?
Where's, like, Ralph Nader
when you need him?
Who?
ALEX: They're
sold out of Doina.
What kind of hick,
backwater gas station
sells out of Doina?
What is the point
of a gas station
if it does not have Doina
is what I wanna know.
How long is it gonna take us
to get to Pavlovka?
GREG: You in a
hurry or something?
Yeah, doesn't everybody dream
of being a production slave?
GREG: Swear to God, Kate
is gonna slap that smile
off your face so fast,
you have no idea.
Oh, God, how much
you wanna bet?
Twenty dollars,
she's already pissed
that we're late.
She's not gonna be
pissed at us. She took
an earlier flight.
She can't be mad
at us for that.
You keep tellin' yourself that
while you're cryin' yourself
to sleep at night.
Hold on, guys,
world's biggest pothole.
(CAR RUMBLES)
GREG: Careful, man,
she's sleeping.
ALEX: "Be careful..."
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Is the princess sleeping?
Then I'll just,
I'll just make sure
there's no more potholes
in the roads.
ALEX: Beautiful Moldova!
ALEX: The poorest
country in all of Europe.
The average Moldovian
believes in vampires,
lives in a tin shed,
apparently,
and has an average
of four teeth.
You are mean.
ALEX: Moldovanites don't just
enjoy record-setting rates
of tuberculosis, they're also
the world's heaviest drinkers,
pounding back more than eight
gallons of alcohol per year.
That's six times
the world's average.
Just drivin'
through a shitty town
In a shitty van
You can get in on
this if you want.
GREG: Uh, but, what is the
Pavlovkan national anthem.
Do we have one?
That is the Pavlovkan
national anthem.
(GREG LAUGHING)
I was just singing it,
that's that thing.
GREG: Everything is
brown in Pavlovka
ALEX: Oh, my God, Greg,
look, it's your mom.
GREG: You fuckin' asshole.
(LAUGHING)
ALEX: Would it be,
would it be awkward
if I hit on your mom?
ALEX: Here's the local
Stalin impersonator.
SARAH: This is like
the longest drive ever.
ALEX: I don't even know
what to do about this.
I mean, who has
the right of way here,
me or the horse?
Welcome to the Pavlovka Ritz.
This is it?
KATE: And take care
of the fuckin' cockroach
in my room.
GREG: Hey, come on,
let's do this, man.
This is gonna be fun.
KATE: Are
you telling him?
VLADIMIR: Yes, yes, yes.
He says, "Step on
it yourself" or...
KATE: Step on it?
Step on it?
It's bigger than
my fucking foot.
ALEX: Kate.
Maintenance man will
not be here for hour.
Jesus Christ,
where the fuck
have you guys been?
Before you freak out,
three hour delay in Berlin.
Kate, you've met
Wallace's niece.
This says that you're on time,
right here on the website.
GREG:
And the flight was great,
thanks for askin', Kate.
Oh, fuck, the fucking
Internet here is
fucking retarded.
Kate, Kate, Kate.
(SHOUTS) Fuck!
Relax, it's Pavlovka.
The cell phone service
is, uh, not so good.
And who is this
wonderful woman here?
I have not met you.
Oh, no, hi,
my name's Sarah.
I am Vladimir,
it's a pleasure.
Nice to meet you, Vladimir.
I, uh, have a little,
uh, gift for you.
Pick a card, any card.
It's your lucky day!
It's Vladimir.
Everybody knows me because
I make your dream house
appear like magic.
Thank you.
Jesus Christ, whatever.
Just check them in.
GREG: Fancy.
Okay, here.
Why are you standing
around, dummies?
Go unpack the van.
ALEX: Achtung, achtung,
unpack the van.
Fine, do it.
Why are you still filming?
GREG: Memory cards are cheap,
I don't wanna miss a shot.
Oh, my God.
ALEX: All right, it
breaks down like this.
Greg is camera one.
When sound is
not a priority,
I am camera two.
Your job is primarily
to fetch us
batteries, memory cards,
stuff like that.
Keep our walkies refreshed.
Et cetera, et cetera.
Um, when do I get
to shoot something?
Do you know how
to use a camera?
Yes, I took a lot of
film classes in college.
Oh, oh, my God, Greg,
she, she took film classes
in college.
(STAMMERS) I'm so sorry.
I didn't know we had
an expert on the crew,
so when you are not
being our fetch monkey,
you can be camera three.
You drop this thing,
it is $1,500 out
of your paycheck.
Okay.
Okay, it's 2K, waterproof,
even shoots night vision.
Night vision?
Yeah.
SARAH: For Home
Hunters Global?
Bow chicka bow wow.
SARAH: What does that mean?
Yeah, what does
that mean, Alex?
It means, you know,
in case somebody
wants to hook up
with the buyers.
Yeah, 'cause they're
definitely not gonna wanna
be able to see him when
he's hooking up with 'em.
Oh, see, he's very mean.
(SARAH LAUGHS)
You thought he was so
nice, but he's so mean.
This is why I love him.
'Cause he's a meanie.
Alex loves... He loves
my inner asshole.
So much!
This is called a boom pole.
It's not to be taken
internally. If you
catch my drift.
SARAH: Oh, so you
guys haven't heard
of sexual harassment
then, huh?
What happens in
Moldova, stay in Moldova.
Small cameras,
um, very versatile.
We use these for window
mounts, car mounts, uh,
chest mounts,
if you are so inclined.
SARAH: Chest mounts, for
hooking up with the buyers?
No, for hooking up
with the crew members.
(SARAH LAUGHS)
No, this is actually
for maybe theoretically
recording Kate
when she's screaming at you
and hopefully we can get her
fired one of these days.
Listen. See if we can
figure this out.
SARAH: Are we gonna put it on?
Yeah, just kinda
hold it over here.
SARAH: Okay,
can you see that?
No, I think it's great.
Mmm-hmm.
All right, let's get
kitted up, all right?
We need to, uh, get
some B roll of donkeys,
cobblestone,
that sort of thing.
You know how
Kate loves donkeys.
Yep.
SARAH: Donkeys, really?
What, I don't mean,
you know, real donkeys.
SARAH: Okay, sure.
I mean, you know,
men who are hung like donkeys.
SARAH: Yep, I got it.
That's good, just relax,
let the camera be your eyes.
I've done this before.
ALEX: Hmm, yeah,
and she's got the
student loans to prove it.
GREG: Oh boy,
look at this one.
Ah, now you see
that really sexy,
healthy looking American
couple in the window?
(LAUGHS) Yes.
Yeah, don't.
That goes for all crew,
all right, especially Kate,
Kate sees herself
in a, in a shot,
she'll slit your throat,
and that goes for
car windshields,
mirrors, I don't know,
wishing wells,
it doesn't matter.
Nothing ruins the
illusion of television
like catching the man
behind the curtain.
Or woman.
Or, yeah, whatever.
Dude. We're done
with this, right?
Can I just get rid of it?
SARAH: Oh, I feel
like these houses
are looking at me.
GREG: All right,
pan down at me.
Come on, film school,
that's way too fast.
Anything quicker than
an optic foot per second,
people at home are
gonna start throwin' up.
Nice and slow,
nice and steady.
Nice and...
Fun lady.
Come closer, come closer,
come closer, come closer,
come closer.
Okay, now it's just awkward.
(LAUGHS)
Somebody had onions
for lunch, obviously.
Back off, back off.
SARAH: Okay.
That's it.
All right, now follow.
Here we go.
SARAH: I got it.
ALEX: Follow, follow, follow.
SARAH: I got it,
I'm following.
ALEX: And stop.
(SARAH LAUGHS)
SARAH: Sorry, sir.
Alex, she's a pro.
No, man, no, she
went to film school.
And God said,
"Let there be Doina."
(LAUGHING)
Doina, Doina,
I'll give ya Doina.
Baby, you want Doina.
Give you some Doina.
Baby, what you
got there, baby?
I got some Doina, baby.
There is not one single
Starbucks in this entire town.
How do they live
without caffeine?
This is important.
SARAH: Kate is
gonna be so mad at us.
No, you have to
be in the middle.
To the left of us.
Five, six, seven, eight.
Two, and back, back.
Kick, shuffle, shuffle.
Doina.
Doina.
Do... Is mine
upside down?
It is. Shit.
Doina!
Oh, shit.
(SNICKERING)
Ladies and gentlemen,
the President of Moldova.
Your Excellency?
No?
Yeah, so like this is
pretty much how we filmed
the Black Hawks
in Afghanistan.
It was pretty fucked-up shit.
Greg, you know, you
should just maybe, just,
just bend me over
now and fuck me.
Yeah, just fuck me like
you fucked the Taliban.
Dude, you're in the shot, man.
Ah, you are selling weed.
What a coincidence,
because I am buying weed.
Guys!
Yep?
ALEX: I'm goin' to, um,
I'm gonna go shoot
some stuff in the market.
Okay.
Okay.
ALEX: Okay.
Eat a dick.
(BELL TOLLS)
Did you get me in the shot?
SARAH: Oh, sorry.
Listen, let's, uh...
(CLEARS THROAT)
(BELL TOLLING)
(TAPPING SOUND)
Man, this is great.
This is local color.
Come on, let's go.
SARAH: Greg,
look, it's your mom.
GREG: (LAUGHS)
Just keep walking.
(DISTANT CHANTING)
(TAPPING CONTINUES)
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
The cameras?
We can't have cameras?
Okay, that's no
problem, we'll just, uh,
we'll drop 'em off,
that's fine, that's okay.
Yeah.
Sarah.
Sarah.
It's fine, let's just, uh,
let's just turn
this off, okay?
SARAH: Are you sure
this is a good idea?
Yeah, this is the sort
of thing Kate wants.
Okay, that's, that's fine.
It's off.
Thank you.
(CHANTING CONTINUES)
SARAH: This place is so cool.
GREG: Yeah, look at this.
Look at the fresco on
the wall over there.
SARAH: Are...
Are they burning her?
Shh.
3:00 on a Wednesday,
these people are at church.
That's crazy.
SARAH: What is that painting?
GREG: I don't know.
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
GREG: Oh, fuck,
it's a funeral.
SARAH: Oh, my gosh,
those were kids.
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
That's three kids.
Greg, we should...
I think we should
get outta here.
Greg.
I don't... I don't
have a good feeling
about this.
Can we just...
(RATTLING)
Greg.
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
(STATIC HISSES)
KATE: What the fuck
are you two fucktards doing?
GREG: Sarah.
SARAH: How do I turn
the fucking thing off?
GREG: Where the
fuck's your walkie?
SARAH: Greg, I don't know,
I can't turn this thing off.
I didn't realize...
SARAH: Wait!
(SARAH GASPING)
(SHOUTING IN OTHER LANGUAGE)
Greg, watch out!
(SHOUTING IN OTHER LANGUAGE)
Sarah, get over here.
SARAH: Okay.
We're sorry, sir,
but those men were...
Sarah, just stop it.
These people are upset
that you have filmed
something which is
very personal.
I have explained to them that
you did not understand.
Which is not true.
You should go now.
Okay, thank you.
All right.
Come on.
SARAH: Thank you.
(SHOUTING IN OTHER LANGUAGE)
Okay, thanks. Thank you.
Let's go. Walking. Let's go.
Turn around, keep going.
Keep going, Sarah, go.
Go, go, go, go.
SARAH: Okay.
It's called the
biggest donkey.
You take donkeys from
villages around county.
They feed the donkeys as much
as possible for three months.
At the end of three months,
they weigh the donkeys.
The one with the
biggest donkey
wins all donkeys.
He's very rich man now.
Yeah, yeah, I will
pitch that to Wallace
as soon as I get home.
Yes, you get finder's fee.
Clever idea
for reality show.
KATE: Where the fuck
have you guys been?
We just accidentally
filmed a funeral.
KATE: Jesus Christ.
(VLADIMIR EXCLAIMS)
SARAH: And we
almost got beat up.
There was three kids.
Three... These people,
they don't believe
in immunization.
ALEX: Why didn't you just
tell 'em you're Americans?
KATE: 40 hours, guys.
That's when our plane leaves.
We need to be at Becky's
getting exteriors.
All right,
then let's go, come on.
Enough sittin' around.
VLADIMIR: I teach you
happy song.
Jesus Christ, fuck!
VLADIMIR: I teach
you song on the way.
KATE: Is it about donkeys?
It's happy.
(VLADIMIR VOCALIZES)
Hey, sing with me.
Come, sing.
Why, why are you
coming with us?
Because, I, I...
In last six months,
Becky and I have become,
uh, good friends.
We're very close.
I wonder what she's
done with this place.
I... You know what
I hope,
I hope that she's
fixed up the barn.
You remember that barn, Kate?
That was a great barn.
Actually, Greg,
come to think of it,
you should take Sarah
out to see the barn
'cause she'd like that.
Think she'd probably
really like that.
(ALEX BEATBOXING)
She is out in the boonies.
Alex!
Shut the fuck up!
(SIGHS)
(HUMMING)
Jesus.
SARAH: Oh my God.
KATE: Vladimir, is it,
like, National Ax Day?
What the fuck is this?
ALEX: Hi, homey.
VLADIMIR: This is,
uh, villagers.
They are probably just...
ALEX: What the fuck was that?
They go out,
they chop wood.
It's for fireplace.
(ALEX LAUGHING)
Right here.
Oh, wow.
SARAH: Oh my gosh!
GREG: Wow.
VLADIMIR: Wow.
KATE: Oh, my God.
VLADIMIR: It's beautiful.
Easy fix!
SARAH: She really fixed it up.
GREG: Are you sure
this is the right house?
(ALEX LAUGHING)
BECKY: I thought you
were coming earlier?
KATE: Me, too.
ALEX: Look at this.
Alex, Greg, I'm so
happy to see you guys.
ALEX: Amazing.
Hi.
Becky.
Holy shit, this is amazing.
BECKY: Thank you.
KATE: Hi.
Wow, this is quite
a transformation.
Thanks.
VLADIMIR: Becky.
Vladimir, right?
Yes. (LAUGHS)
She kids.
This is Sarah.
She's, uh, she's new,
she just joined us.
Hi.
SARAH: Hi.
Nice to meet you.
Your house looks great!
Thank you.
KATE: Is Goran here yet?
Um, no, he's
actually, um, traveling.
So he's not gonna be
here for a few days.
I know he's sorry
he missed you guys.
No Goran, that sucks,
'cause he was just
a really nice guy.
How does it look, Greg?
Do we have enough
light to shoot?
No, Kate, I'm sorry,
we're not shooting
Ghost Hunters Global.
KATE: That's funny,
that's very funny.
Yeah?
Yeah, all right, let's
get, uh, back in the van.
No, no, no,
you guys came
all this way.
Um, just come in
for a minute.
I have Starbucks.
(SARAH GASPS)
Our viewers love it
when a fixer-upper
comes together like this.
Well, I really
couldn't have done
any of this without Goran.
He's done so much.
And not just with the house.
I feel like now that
we're together, he's, um,
he's helped me become
who I was really meant to be.
You know, two years I spent
on a Canadian
home renovation show
and they never got anywhere
close to this level of work.
You and Goran should
be really, really proud.
Well, if you guys like what
I've done with the kitchen,
I can't wait to
show you the cellar.
Ah, that will have
to wait until tomorrow.
It's getting late
and we need to get
back to town.
Kate, come on.
No, you know
the roads, let's...
No, well, I just saw you
looking at him a little bit.
If you think he's cute,
you should go for it.
SARAH: I work with him!
KATE: Sarah, let's go!
I want dinner and bed
so we can come back here
early.
SARAH: Okay. Will you
show me your pottery
tomorrow, Becky?
Sure.
SARAH: Okay.
KATE: Sarah!
I'm coming!
In Moldova, they say if
you do not like weather,
you wait 10 minutes.
It's run, sun, snow,
all on same day.
You guys, Becky was so nice.
You know, it's a shame
you didn't meet Goran
because he's
a real people pleaser.
GREG: Alex.
KATE: Jesus Christ.
SARAH: Oh!
ALEX: Sorry.
Oi.
KATE: Watch it, Alex.
ALEX: Sorry.
KATE: Great
fuckin' day, guys.
Okay, we go to nice
restaurant for dinner.
We meet in lobby
in 50 minutes.
It's time for shower.
Come.
KATE: I'd say it's
time for a shower.
You are overdue.
SARAH: Oh, am I
early, Mr. Abernathy?
I thought we had
your interview scheduled
for 7:30?
Sarah, we still
have 30 minutes.
SARAH: Oh, that'll
be plenty of time.
I only have a few questions.
GREG: To sleep!
SARAH: You can try to sleep,
but I'm not goin' away
until I get my story.
Really?
Mmm-hmm.
SARAH: Wow.
Mr. Abernathy, that
is quite unexpected.
May I ask you what the
circumstances were behind?
Well the, uh, the terms
of the settlement agreement
prohibit my mentioning
specifics, but, um,
there might have been,
uh, an altercation.
SARAH: An altercation?
Between myself
and Mr. Torini,
during which Mr. Torini's
eye may have become...
SARAH: Wait, wait, wait.
You punched Alex?
(EXCLAIMS)
Oh, my gosh.
(CHUCKLES)
So, Miss Ellroy,
viewers are dying to know,
to what do you ascribe
your meteoric rise
in the film world?
Oh, well, uh,
my unique vision
comes from a lifetime
of suffering, naturally.
I, uh, I had to fall
back on my safety school
when Harvard refused me
my private parking space
for my BMW.
Oh!
It was terrible!
The fools.
Fools!
I don't like to talk
about it really, so.
Next topic.
Moving on from tragedy.
Moving on.
I hear that your
stunning documentary work
has made you the
toast of Moldova.
(LAUGHS) Well, as they say,
only filmmaker Moldova,
best filmmaker Moldova.
I've heard this
about Moldova.
(LAUGHING)
You're staring.
I am, yeah.
You like having
the camera on.
I don't
wanna miss anything.
Like what?
Um, what is all
this news about Goran?
(LAUGHS) Seriously?
(LAUGHS) Yes.
All right, um, okay,
you want, uh, come on,
I'll show ya.
Okay.
I won't!
Not even, not even
like one single breath.
If you, if you say
one thing to Kate,
and you get us fired...
(STAMMERS) I don't
even know what I'll do.
I will, I will sell you to
Vladimir is what I'll do.
Girl scout's honor.
She's a girl scout on
top of everything else.
This is amazing.
Now, just remember,
you wanted to see this.
Okay.
All right?
Okay.
Okay.
(FROG CROAKS)
(SPRAYING)
Who's a good guy.
You a good guy?
The little guy.
GREG: Hey, man, have
you seen Goran anywhere?
I need him for his interview.
No, I haven't seen him,
go ask what's his face.
Disco Dracula.
GREG: Disco Dracula.
Hey, man.
Greg, my good friend.
How can Vladimir be helping?
GREG: Uh, I'm
looking for Goran.
Have you seen him anywhere?
I think I see Goran and
your producer in barn.
Come, I take you.
So, uh, Alex tells me
you were in Afghanistan.
GREG: He does, huh?
Alex has a big mouth.
The reason I ask is
because I have friends
who can get things
into Romania.
And if you have friends
maybe get things
out of Afghanistan, we can.
We can...
(SPEAKS IN OTHER LANGUAGE)
GREG: Vladimir, are you, uh,
are you asking me to
smuggle heroin for you?
Is camera on?
I... Vladimir would never
suggest such a thing.
GREG: No, man,
film's expensive,
I wouldn't just be
rolling it like that.
Think about it,
it's all I ask, huh?
Oi!
GREG: Hey, Kate.
KATE: Oh, Jesus, Greg,
get the fuck out of here!
Get out of here!
GREG: I'm so sorry.
KATE: Fuck!
(SHOUTING IN OTHER LANGUAGE)
KATE: Jesus.
GREG: Goran, don't.
Hey, what the fuck
are you doing, man?
GREG: Nothing.
What the fuck is this?
GREG: It's nothing.
What?
What's okay,
what the fuck is this?
VLADIMIR: The
camera is not on.
We were just talking
about this, it's not on.
GREG: It's not on,
it's fine.
(VLADIMIR SPEAKS IN
OTHER LANGUAGE)
GREG: I just need you
for an interview.
GORAN: Fuck off!
That's the face,
that is why I do this.
It is for that face.
Your shock sustains us.
What?
It's a beautiful thing.
(CHUCKLING)
I can't believe you
guys didn't get fired.
We get fired?
Why would we get fired?
She's the one got soccer
dick up her snooze hole.
What do you think
she's gonna tell
your Uncle Wallace
back in New York,
that I walked in on her
fuckin' the buyer's
boyfriend? Come on.
(BLOWS RASPBERRY)
This is like...
This is our, this is our
get-out-of-jail-free card.
And we only show it
to pretty much everybody
we meet, so...
Yeah, only, only
pretty much everybody.
What would she
have done if Goran
would've been there today?
She would have been fine,
she's a total pro.
She just would
have been like...
Stop!
Goal!
(LAUGHING)
Okay, can you just...
Wait, can you come here
and play this, like, last
part just one more time.
Why, is it workin' for you?
Is this gettin' you hot?
No, there was, can you...
There's just, like,
something that's bugging...
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
...me a little bit
at the end.
Yeah?
KATE: Dinner,
dummies, let's go.
We're comin'.
All right, Kate.
Next time, Sarah provoked.
Let's go eat.
Uh...
You guys, what am
I gonna do with this,
like, laptop?
Okay, wait up, guys.
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
SARAH: Um. I'm sorry,
ma'am, could you...
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
And now go,
now go home. Go!
What the frick?
You guys, did you see
that old lady upstairs?
(LAUGHING)
Oh, my God, finally,
I'm starving.
Come on, guys, let's
go, she's here.
SARAH: Did you
guys not see her?
Hey, Sarah, come on,
let's go, we're eating.
SARAH: Greg, that lady
that was your mom is
upstairs right now.
It doesn't matter, look,
come on, we haven't eaten
since Berlin.
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
Best restaurant in town.
Of course, only restaurant
is best restaurant.
Huh, come on.
GREG: What's it,
what does it mean?
It means the Burning Stake.
GREG: Okay, good
enough for me.
They're gonna burn my steak.
All right.
SARAH: What?
This is the table.
KATE: This is the table.
ALEX: Hi, Buddy.
SARAH: Shit, Greg,
those are the guys
who were at the church.
Sit down, don't worry.
Just don't make eye contact.
Dude, dude, how 'bout
takin' those guys on?
Don't make eye contact.
They look like
cool guys.
KATE: Let's just order
some food. Can you get
the waitress?
Vodka, vodka, vodka.
KATE: Vodka all around.
ALEX: Vodka,
vodka, vodka, vodka.
All right.
Sarah, get in on this.
Becky's tomorrow.
SARAH: Yeah, I want one.
Amsterdam for three days
and then, God bless us,
back in the States.
Hey, to the States.
Hey, to the States.
SARAH: States.
Amsterdam. Amsterdam.
Famous Soviet magic trick
make vodka disappear.
Watch, focus pocus.
(CHUCKLES)
Focus pocus?
(LAUGHING)
It's disappear!
I know that trick,
I know that trick.
Cheers.
I'm a magician, too.
Two sevens in a
row means bad luck
for the rest of your life.
Okay, well,
two sevens in a row
means I get to roll again.
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
Oh my God, I've had five...
Did we eat dinner yet?
SARAH: (CHUCKLES) No.
We haven't eaten?
Really? Nothing?
SARAH: (CHUCKLES) No.
(ALL CHEERING)
GREG: The pride of
Humboldt Country right there.
SARAH: The food's here,
the food's here. Finally.
Oh, my gosh,
that looks so good.
KATE: Thank you.
And, oh, I think
that's yours, Alex.
ALEX: That looks
more beautiful than...
(SPEAKS IN OTHER LANGUAGE)
What are you talking about?
Nothing, I'll tell
you when you're older.
Nerdy R and C girls?
Ask your father.
Ask your dad...
You stop laughing!
You don't even know
what's going on!
Eat your goat dick
and shut up.
(LAUGHING)
And you stop laughing.
ALEX: Okay, I'm rollin',
let's hear it.
(EXHALES)
Many years ago,
beautiful woman builds
home outside Pavlovka.
She never bother nobody.
But she is stranger.
And these were very
cautious times.
So one day,
it happens in town.
The cattle get sick.
Children get sick.
People start to die.
Villagers want to know why.
Why is this happening?
Who is to blame?
They don't understand
germs, these people.
So here you have single woman,
beautiful single woman.
She live outside of town.
She never go to church.
And she has black cat.
She must be witch!
(LAUGHS) Yeah.
What happened?
Well, villagers
go to her house.
They tie her to stake,
they burn her alive.
End of story.
Millions times this happens.
They burned her alive?
Da.
Yeah, people
suck all over, man.
That's just the way it is.
That's just the way it is.
I mean, it's no different
than what we did in
Salem in the 1600s.
Yes, but in Pavlovka,
this happens only
100 years ago.
100 years only.
That is awful.
Not really, it's
good for business.
ALEX: Oh, shit, the
restaurant's called
the Burning Stake.
(LAUGHS)
The Burning Stake.
The Burning Stake.
(SPEAKS OTHER LANGUAGE)
Nasty, nasty.
Nice to know ya.
Nice to know you.
(SPEAKS OTHER LANGUAGE)
Nice to know you.
There's no "T" in borscht.
ALEX: There is a "T"
VLADIMIR: It's borsch.
ALEX: It's at the
end of the word "borscht."
SARAH: Everyone in America
says it with a "T," Vladimir.
VLADIMIR: You're,
you're wrong.
(MAN SHOUTING
IN OTHER LANGUAGE)
(KATE AND GREG LAUGHING)
ALEX: Shh.
CONSTABLE: The streets
are full of drunks.
(SPEAKS OTHER LANGUAGE)
Come on, come on,
come on, come on.
Do you know your
back way to hotel?
We know the back way.
I only go back way.
I never go front way.
VLADIMIR: Shh. Quiet, you.
(SPEAKS OTHER LANGUAGE)
ALEX: Take me
to your back way.
Come, come on.
ALEX: I have to
piss like a tiger.
It is Friday morning.
We are still in Pavlovka.
And check this out.
She's been standing
there for like 20 minutes.
(KNOCKING)
(GASPS)
KATE: Sarah, let's go!
SARAH: Coming!
Alexi!
SARAH: Look who it is.
Let's not, let's
just not do that, okay?
CONSTABLE: Hello!
SARAH: Oh, good morning,
Constable.
Good day.
SARAH: Sorry about
yesterday at the church.
Just a misunderstanding
between people.
Different cultures.
Maybe I visit today.
SARAH: Uh, I, well,
I don't think
I'd be the person
to talk to about that, but...
Uh, uh, Constable,
hi, I am Kate Banks.
Hi.
Uh, this is my crew.
(LAUGHS)
Now, I, I know that they
can be a little enthusiastic
but I assure you we won't
use any of the footage
that we shot in your church.
That would be appreciated.
Now I must ask, will
you be finished today?
Yes, absolutely, yes.
We would love to
spend more time
in your
beautiful town, but...
ALEX: Well we'd just
love to stay in your
beautiful town.
Jesus, Kate.
What the fuck did
you want me to say?
The guy had a gun.
(LAUGHS) Kate, you
think like native.
Gun always wins.
Okay, okay, all right, shh.
Okay, now just...
Daddy doesn't feel good.
KATE: About last night.
It sounds like you
guys had so much fun.
I wish I would go
in town more.
Hey, are you gonna film
absolutely everything?
SARAH: Yeah, it's
just something we do.
KATE: So we've got six more
hours of good light.
Guys, get set up.
Sarah, you're with me,
come on.
SARAH: Okie-doke.
KATE: Becky, I think it's
great right by that tree.
Let's get a close up.
Uh, just be natural.
Right, okay, uh...
SARAH: (LAUGHS) Perfect.
All right, so, uh,
to camera.
Okay.
Do you have a lot
of neighbors close by?
No, my nearest neighbor
is about two miles away.
And do you have them over?
Do you have dinner
parties with them?
I think they think I'm weird.
Like, who would live
all the way out here
if they didn't have to?
SARAH: Oh, they don't
find country life romantic?
(LAUGHS) Yeah,
no, guess not.
(SARAH LAUGHS)
I have some ferns,
of course, you know.
Um, very hot peppers.
Um, I have, uh, mandrake.
SARAH: Mmm, growin'
some aphrodisiacs, huh?
KATE: Okay, we're done.
Sarah!
I know that you're
Wallace's niece,
but out here I'm
your fuckin' boss.
I was tryin' to help, Kate.
Sarah, shut the fuck up.
ALEX: Oh, come on, Kate.
I know that you just
graduated from film
school and you think
that you know everything,
but you don't.
Okay? You don't.
And the only way that
you're going to learn
is by keeping your
fucking mouth shut
and watching
the professionals
do their jobs.
You understand?
Do you understand?
ALEX: Sarah, are you okay?
Just stay out of her way,
stick with us for a while,
let her calm down.
All right?
Okay.
It isn't all bad, I promise.
SARAH: Are you guys
sure I'm not in the way?
ALEX: No, you're okay.
BECKY: Hey, guys.
GREG: Hey.
ALEX: Yo.
Are you filming
the cellar now?
Uh, we're not,
we're gonna shoot
the ground floor
while the light's good,
but later, yeah, for sure.
Okay.
GREG: I promise
we'll get to it.
BECKY: Okay.
Fuckin' cutie patootie.
ALEX: Mmm-hmm.
Uh-huh.
SARAH: What, Alex,
is she your type?
(LAUGHING)
I wanna get
this fireplace
but I'm thinkin'
that hot spot off the window,
it's not gonna look good.
ALEX: How the
fuck did I do this?
Uh, you can just shoot it
from where she's standing.
Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah, it
looks great from here.
GREG: I need the reflectors.
How's that?
That's better.
Becky, in your own time.
And it, it's just, I mean,
the whole house smells warm.
The food comes out, like,
beautifully just because...
Pump, I don't know if
you remember before
but the water was,
you know, kinda came out
dripping and kinda green.
And all of this wood
here is salvaged wood
so everything is getting
a renewed life, you know?
So Goran did so much
on the outside here.
The staining,
detailing, these slats.
Anyway, um, if you come
inside, I can show you
some of my work.
Here.
Um, ooh, and this fire
I have to tend to
constantly.
Placement really
matters, you know.
It's not like working with
a commercial kiln at all
but it's really cool.
You know, uh, you go
back to the old ways,
be part of tradition.
And the best part is, um,
I made myself something
to remind me of how it was
when we first got here.
And here's my little friend.
SARAH: Oh, it's the cat
from the first segment.
That is so cute.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Go make yourself useful.
And go get me
some B roll shots.
All right, shoot some
fucking trees, some cows.
Just get the fuck
outta my face.
SARAH: I paid
$150,000 at film school
to film trees.
We got it, we got
the B roll you needed.
We got this big-ass stump.
Want some B roll
of some stray dogs?
Here you go.
The barn of passion.
Transformed from a
place where animals eat
into a warm and
stylish fuck pad.
Fink.
Huh, looks like Becky
ran outta steam.
Ah, hello, Senor Frog.
(FROG CROAKS)
Whoa.
What the hell is that?
(FROGS CROAKING)
(STATIC HISSES)
ALEX: Who's a good dog?
Who's my good boy?
You wanna be a TV star?
SARAH: Alex.
ALEX: I do, Alex. I do
wanna be a TV star.
Alex.
What's up?
Something's wrong
with the camera.
ALEX: Oh great,
Kate's gonna love that.
Just go show it to Greg.
He's inside setting up a shot.
ALEX: Good boy want a Doina?
Does a good boy wanna Doina?
What's this? It's a Doina.
Yeah, you don't like Doina?
Uh, Greg, there's something
wrong with the camera.
GREG: Let's take a look.
Did you try turning
it off and on?
Sometimes that works.
SARAH: Yes.
Well, it looks
like it's working.
It was totally
fritzing out before.
Yeah, well,
looks good to me now.
So, uh, what are
you doin' later?
I don't know,
I got this thing.
Yeah.
What?
Bumpy ride, bad food.
Oh, the bumpy ride,
bad food thing.
Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, I've got
one of those, too.
Yeah.
How 'bout after that?
KATE: Isn't gonna get
this done, so here we go.
How hard could this be?
Ah, excuse me, yes,
I am Kate Banks,
host and producer of
Home Hunters Global.
I know.
Oh, I've got more fans.
Okay. (LAUGHS) Oh,
you guys are so great.
So, uh, what's your
favorite part of the show?
VLADIMIR: Kate.
Kate, Becky, she wants
to show us something
inside, come, come, come.
KATE: All right.
(VLADIMIR SPEAKING
OTHER LANGUAGE)
So you guys remember
the wine cellar, right?
KATE: Right, yeah.
You are not gonna
believe what we found
when we started
fixing this all up.
KATE: Cases of wine?
Yeah. (LAUGHS)
All right, hold on.
Here we go.
Oh, can you grab that light?
(SCREAM)
KATE: What was that?
SARAH: What the hell?
That's Alex.
SARAH: Alex!
SARAH: Oh, my gosh!
(GUNSHOT)
(DOG WHIMPERS)
SARAH: Oh, my God,
Alex, your arm.
Oh shit.
Shit, shit, shit,
come on, come on.
KATE: Grab the dog!
What we need right
now is a blanket.
We don't have
a fucking blanket.
Then take off your jacket
and put it over his shoulder!
(ALL CLAMORING)
KATE: What kind of
hospital is this?
SARAH: Can't believe this
is the only doctor in town.
Only doctor in town
is best doctor in town.
We should've stayed
and finished the shoot.
Really, Kate, with
a dead sound tech?
I'd love to see you
explain that to Wallace.
Fuck Wallace.
Fuck this. How am I
supposed to do a show
with a bunch of fuck-ups?
I need some air.
SARAH: (SIGHS) Greg,
is he gonna be okay?
That was a lot of blood.
Yeah, I think Alex is going
to be fine, that wasn't...
Wasn't that much blood.
SARAH: So...
Uh, what happened
in Afghanistan?
(DOOR OPENING)
Game of badminton, ladies?
GREG: It lives.
It does.
SARAH: Are you okay?
GREG: Like Lazarus.
Yeah, no, man,
it was gnarly.
Let me tell you something,
this dude right here
has the best painkillers
in the city.
That's my boy.
If it's good enough
for pigs,
it's good enough for me,
right, my man?
GREG: Okay.
Put it up here.
Thank you very
much for your help.
That's right.
Let's go, let's go.
That's my boy
right there.
Sarah, let's get
the fuck out of here.
ALEX: That's my guy.
I tell you,
you haven't lived
till you got a brain
full of narcotics
and a belly full of
hog balls, people.
(SNIGGERING)
It's heaven.
Those guys are
still staring at us.
That's really great.
ALEX: I know,
they are big starers
in this town.
It's a little village,
little people.
Naturally curious,
like monkeys.
SARAH: Creepy monkeys.
You know, we could just
order them some drinks.
Ah!
It's cheap, it's easy,
they'd like that.
KATE: Great idea.
Greeks, this they like.
Good idea.
That's not going to...
Vladimir,
make that happen.
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
GREG: Cheers.
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
(VLADIMIR GROANS)
KATE: Okay, someone's
getting up.
ALEX: Oh, shit.
SARAH: Greg?
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
VLADIMIR: Hey, uh, Greg,
he only ask
why you filming
everything.
Hey, cheers, guys.
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
Booze buys happiness,
every time.
(SNIGGERING) Ah!
(CHANTING IN
OTHER LANGUAGE)
(ALL CHEERING
AND WHOOPING)
(APPLAUDING)
(SPEAKING OTHER
LANGUAGE) Go!
(ALL CLAMORING)
(SPEAKING
OTHER LANGUAGE)
(CHEERING AND LAUGHING)
(ALL CHEERING LOUDLY)
(VIOLIN MUSIC PLAYING)
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
Vladimir, get some
fucking alcohol.
Come on, man.
Hey!
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Hey!
Holy fucking kid.
(CLAPPING)
(WHOOPING AND CHEERING)
(EXCLAIMS)
Okay, Greg,
here we go.
(TAPPING)
Okay.
Ah!
(SHOUTING AND CHEERING)
(INDISTINCT)
Yeah!
USA, USA, USA!
USA!
SARAH: You, uh,
drunk enough
to tell me
about Afghanistan?
(MUSIC PLAYING CONTINUES)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
SARAH: You ever going to
talk to me again?
Ugh. (CHUCKLING)
You're name again
is Margarita, right?
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
And you're, Margo what?
(SPEAKING
OTHER LANGUAGE)
Margarita,
that's nice.
What? What is she saying?
What's your name again?
Luma?
(SPEAKING
OTHER LANGUAGE)
Not-ser-ay, that's a
nice name, Not-ser-ay.
Not-ser-ay and Margarita.
(SPEAKING
OTHER LANGUAGE)
So what was I
talking about?
Oh, yeah, I don't like
her new haircut.
I don't think it's hot.
SARAH: Your earrings
are gorgeous.
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
SARAH: Uh, Vladimir,
how do I say gorgeous?
(VLADIMIR AND SARAH
SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
Yeah.
SARAH: You're welcome.
Hey, Vlad, how
do I say, uh, beer?
(ALL SPEAKING IN
OTHER LANGUAGE)
(INDISTINCT CLAMORING)
ALEX: Can I say vodka?
VLADIMIR: Vodka.
Vodka, that's like
international, man,
everybody knows that.
(YELLING)
Vodka? Vodka!
WAITRESS: Vodka...
KATE: How do you say
"bedroom"?
(SPEAKING
OTHER LANGUAGE)
(ALL CHEERING)
I don't want this,
this isn't for me,
this is...
You've got to
give it to her.
SARAH: Uh... (GUFFAWS)
Vladimir, how do I say
"I'm sorry."
(SPEAKING
OTHER LANGUAGE)
(CHEERING)
(INAUDIBLE)
(SPEAKING
OTHER LANGUAGE)
Excuse... Wait, what?
(SPEAKING
OTHER LANGUAGE)
SARAH: Hmm.
(SPEAKING
OTHER LANGUAGE)
SARAH: What does
that mean?
It means,
"I am asshole."
ALEX: Wait, um,
how do you say, uh...
(CLICKS TONGUE) "Do you
have any diseases that
I should be worried about?"
Jesus, how do you
say "moron"?
(SPEAKING
OTHER LANGUAGE)
We got a big ass prost
over here!
Dick-wad, how do
you say dick-wad?
(SPEAKING
OTHER LANGUAGE)
(ALL CLAMORING)
I can't believe you just
went kakanad on me.
I went kakanad.
You frigging prost.
KATE: I've got a good one.
How do you say
"spoiled brats"?
(SPEAKING
OTHER LANGUAGE)
(WHOOPING AND APPLAUDING)
(KATE YELLING IN
OTHER LANGUAGE)
SARAH: That is so mean.
How do you say "witch"?
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
(SARAH YELLING IN
OTHER LANGUAGE)
(MUSIC AND CHATTERING STOPS)
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no.
(SPEAKING
OTHER LANGUAGE)
All right, just go, guys.
Come on, come on, come on.
(SPEAKING
OTHER LANGUAGE)
KATE: So stupid.
Next time, keep your
fucking mouth shut.
I'm sorry, I didn't mean
to say something like that.
It just...
It's bar, people get drunk,
they fight, it's okay.
KATE: No, it's
definitely not okay.
Tomorrow, we finish
up at Becky's
and we head straight
to the airport.
Kate, we've all
been there, okay?
Just back off.
KATE: I didn't come
to this shithole
to get into
a stupid bar fight.
ALEX: Yeah, why did
we come to this shithole?
Ugh, Greg, are you
still filming?
Turn that fucking
thing off.
Bitch.
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
No, they've been here
since this morning.
You guys didn't hire
them or anything?
They're not, I thought,
maybe extras or something?
SARAH: Mmm-mmm.
Sarah, do me
a favor, don't point
the camera directly
at them.
SARAH: Okay, sorry.
Kate, call it, please.
I mean, should we
get in touch
with that constable?
What are we doing?
I have no signal.
ALEX: Great.
Same.
Maybe I should
just go talk to them.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
ALEX: No.
No, let's just do our jobs
and get out of here quickly.
Please?
I agree, let's shoot it,
let's, uh, go home.
ALEX: Oh, fuck me.
We'll be fast, okay?
Fine, fine.
KATE: Come on.
We can get this done.
Alex, camera.
Let's do it fast and
let's get outta here
before they go all
Deliverance on our asses.
KATE: Uh, Becky, do you
have a paring knife?
Big knives look
threatening on camera.
Oh, uh, yeah,
of course.
Um...
Perfect.
Jeez. (CHUCKLES)
Yeah.
Let's get a nice
shot of these.
Ooh, that's really creepy.
Make sure to get that.
And there's
a couple of things
I wanted in the bedroom.
GREG: Drop
your boom, Alex.
ALEX: Yeah.
So I really couldn't have done
any of this without Goran.
Here we go!
So excited to show you.
GREG: Oh, that's cool.
BECKY: Come on down.
SARAH: I'm sad I
didn't get to meet Goran.
BECKY: I know,
but his plane doesn't
even get in
until tomorrow.
ALEX: Holy crap, Becky.
KATE: Oh, my God.
Wow!
Becky?
Holy shit.
GREG: This is great,
did you paint this?
BECKY: No, can you believe
anyone ever covered this up?
I sent pictures
to a friend of mine
in Venice
and he dated the floor to
the time of the Roman Empire.
GREG: Wow.
BECKY: A national
treasure in my basement.
KATE: Oh, it's beautiful.
GREG: I want to get
it from over here.
And what about this
wine-stomping vat,
holy shit.
BECKY: Oh,
I just use that to, uh,
store paint thinner
and stuff, you know,
the smell.
Oh, but here's
the best part
and I wanted to show
you guys all at once.
Ta-da!
ALL: Wow!
ALEX: Oh, my God.
KATE: Crazy.
ALEX: Vladimir's
story about the witch.
VLADIMIR: You, uh, are
very good painter, Becky.
BECKY: Oh, no.
I didn't paint this,
it was here.
They've been using torches
down here for 100 years
so it was covered under
all this soot and smoke.
KATE: Uh, Greg,
our flight leaves
in seven hours.
You want to go
get all your gear and get
set up down here?
GREG: Yeah, yeah,
okay, I got it.
BECKY: There's more
on this wall.
I was hoping to finish it
before you guys got here
and I ran out of time.
KATE: This is an
amazing find, Becky,
great work.
Thank you,
I'm really proud of it.
ALEX: I don't know
if I'd wanna sleep
with this in my basement.
This is kind of creepy,
don't you think?
BECKY: Oh, no.
I'm not superstitious,
it's not scary.
It's just history.
KATE: You know,
I have some friends at
the Learning Network.
They might build
an hour-long special
from this.
I mean, they'd pay
you of course, Becky.
It will also make
great tourist attraction.
Uh, bed and breakfast.
People from Netherlands
eat this up with spoon.
Uh, you could get rich.
BECKY: (LAUGHS) I'm not
interested in money.
I just want
everybody to experience it,
every bit of it.
You know, it's funny,
I moved here
to be an artist,
and here I find
I'm not the first.
Like I'm part of a tradition.
In a weird way, it just
makes me feel connected.
GREG: Hey, guys, guys!
What the fuck?
Wow, so does this
mean we're not getting
our rental deposit back?
How could they have done
this with us right inside?
GREG: Guys, I think
we need to call the cops.
ALEX: How are we gonna
call the cops, dude?
We don't have any
cell phone signal.
VLADIMIR: There's not enough
people out here for tower.
Oh, God, Jesus.
Becky, can we
use your phone?
BECKY: Um, I, I
don't have a landline.
KATE: Great.
Can you give us
a ride to the airport?
Sorry, I only have my bike.
Well, so we're
fucking stuck here.
Should we call a cab or...
Yeah, that's great, Sarah.
Why don't you walk into town,
go hail one,
and bring it back.
Well, good luck with that,
because whoever did this
is still out there.
Oh, God, if they wanted
to start something with us,
they would've.
We were 10 feet away.
This is passive
aggressive bullshit.
I don't know, Kate, it doesn't
look too passive to me.
Yeah, well who's
fault is that?
I told you all to keep
a low profile in town.
GREG: Kate, how are
we supposed to do that?
We're carrying cameras around.
Start by not filming
funerals, Greg.
ALEX: Wear it live, sister.
GREG: Hey, you know what,
at least I didn't get
their dog shot, right?
And this one,
yelling "witch" in
the middle of a bar
full of psycho Euro-hicks.
Way to win over
the locals, Sarah.
Well maybe I should
just fuck them instead!
You little bitch!
GREG: Hey, hey, hey, Sarah!
VLADIMIR: Don't
fight, don't fight, stop.
ALEX: No, no, no, no, guys.
VLADIMIR: Stop!
I go, I go to town.
Everyone loves Vladimir.
It will take me a while,
but I will get help.
ALEX: Are you serious,
you wanna go out there?
Only volunteer
is best volunteer.
There's just a
few things in here.
In case you need 'em.
Thank you.
KATE: Vladimir,
this is for the car.
I bring back change.
ALEX: Dude, I
want you to have that
in case of emergencies.
KATE: Wow.
(SPEAKS OTHER LANGUAGE)
GREG: Later, brother.
Bye.
Oh.
KATE: The fuck?
My heart attack!
(GROANS)
No, kidding, just kidding!
I kid, I be okay,
don't worry. (VOCALIZES)
Tension relief, fail.
(GREG CHUCKLES)
So it kinda looks like rain.
Anybody want some coffee?
Yes, please.
KATE: Yeah, that
would be great.
BECKY: I'll make it.
SARAH: All in.
ALEX: All right,
let's dance, lady. I call.
What you got?
SARAH: Two
pairs, number eight.
ALEX: You bitch.
Good hand.
Not as good as five
Vladimirs though.
Yeah, sorry.
SARAH: Have you been playing
with those cards
the entire time?
ALEX: Read 'em and weep.
KATE: Wallace is gonna
hit the roof over this.
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
This is one of my...
See, I love this guy,
he's great.
Uh, you know, this is...
I lost my virginity
to that guy.
What does that mean,
"Assuming the bridge is okay"?
Um, well,
last spring there was, uh...
It washed out a little bit.
But I think it'll be okay.
It washed out?
Oh, shit, I mean it's
not raining that hard
right now, is it?
No, it'll be okay.
Are you laughing at me?
Did that sound kind of
panicked when I said that?
I meant that to be more
of, like, a masculine
kind of, like,
"It's not raining."
You, uh, do this at home?
You have a lady
at home waiting
for you to cook for her?
If I had a lady at home
doing this for me,
I'd have no idea
how to do this.
(LAUGHING)
No, I mean, you know,
I wanna direct
my own stuff, I think.
It'd be nice, not that
it's not super fun
working for Kate.
Who's just really
the nicest lady you
ever wanna meet.
(WHISPERS) She's a bitch.
That's terrible.
(LAUGHS) She's a bitch.
Not that I don't like it here.
Not that I don't like it here.
It's just that I
don't like it here.
(LAUGHING)
I think we can add those
peppers now, you ready?
ALEX: Dude, you're
gonna, like, pay $10,000
to get one from a scalper?
GREG: No, you just get online.
SARAH: No, I'll
get you guys tickers.
ALEX: What is, what was that?
You'll get us tickets?
Mmm-hmm.
You mean Uncle Wallace
will get us tickets?
That's very nice of him.
I should write him
a thank-you note.
BECKY: Kate, are you
not gonna eat your food?
BECKY: Pretty cool.
Like this?
Yeah, but don't try
to hold it steady.
It's just gonna make
you shake it more.
Yeah, listen to her,
she went to film school.
GREG: And they
taught her well.
You taped it,
didn't you?
GREG: What are
you talkin' about?
You know what
I'm talking about.
You taped it, you lied.
You said the camera was off.
Which one of you
showed her?
GREG: Kate.
KATE: Alex.
GREG: All right.
You know what, Kate,
don't do this,
not now, okay,
not in front of Becky.
BECKY: Um, maybe
I should just go.
No, Becky, Kate's done.
This is your house.
You don't have to
go anywhere.
Listen, we'll have
all had a rough day.
Let's try to
keep it together.
Vladimir's been gone,
what, two hours?
He's caught a ride into
town, he's gonna be back.
Really, yeah, when?
Soon.
Becky, why don't I teach
you how to pull focus?
BECKY: Oh, okay.
SARAH: Put your fingers
like this right here.
I begged Wallace
not to make me
come back here with you.
Manganese granular.
You just put it in the glaze
and then it comes
out like this.
ALEX: The rain's
definitely letting up.
We should get outta here soon.
GREG: That suits me.
It's getting stuffy in here.
SARAH: Becky, those
are really beautiful.
Thanks, I have a lot more.
You wanna see them?
They're in the kiln hut.
SARAH: Yeah, absolutely.
Let me grab a battery.
There's this really cool
crafts fair in Chisinau.
Once a month, I go there
and I sell my pots.
SARAH: Yeah? Do you make
a lot of money like that?
Uh, well, not really
because you kinda
have to be there a long
time, but I do sell some
and it's pretty great.
Oh, my God.
SARAH: What?
Oh, my God.
(GAGGING)
SARAH: Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh.
(CHOKING)
SARAH: Are you okay?
GREG: We're filming
everything from now on.
We can't let these people
get away with this.
It's fucked up.
We shouldn't have
come back here.
KATE: What the fuck?
Oh, my God!
(GASPS)
SARAH: Oh, my God.
ALEX: Oh, Jesus Christ.
KATE: What the fuck is that?
(FROG CROAKS)
(ALL SCREAMING)
KATE: Will somebody please
explain to these assholes
that we are Americans?
GREG: Becky, help me.
BECKY: All right, I'm gonna
close the bedroom.
GREG: I need
the goddamn hammer.
Kate, give me
a hand already! Come on!
I'll get the hammer.
GREG: Go, go, go, go, go,
that's good, that's good.
KATE: Okay, is there anything
else you guys can think of
that we can do to, like,
trap ourselves in here?
Look, I would rather be
in here than out there,
all right?
GREG: We're safe.
Safe? If they want us,
they're gonna come
in here and get us.
Nobody's getting in
here, Kate, don't worry.
And if they can't come in,
they're just gonna
fucking burn this place down.
We need to head
out to the woods.
The woods?
Yes.
Kate, we don't,
we don't have any gear.
We don't even have a compass.
Where the hell
are we gonna go?
Anywhere but here.
Jesus Christ.
Becky, Goran,
you said Goran's coming
in tomorrow morning.
What time does
his flight land?
What?
Goran. His flight,
when does he land?
Um, 8:00 a.m.
He said he was
coming straight here.
Okay, 8:00 a.m.,
okay, right?
It's a two-hour flight, Kate.
ALEX: Yeah.
He's in his car by 9:00,
he's here by 11:00,
noon at the latest.
All right, assuming that
he didn't miss his flight.
SARAH: I'm sure he
didn't miss his flight.
Or the bridge isn't out.
GREG: Jesus Christ.
Or those fucking
maniacs out there
didn't cut him up
the way they fucking
cut up Vladimir!
GREG: Enough!
(SOBS) I'm sorry.
Sorry.
Oh, that's fuckin' great,
Kate, that's fuckin' awesome.
Guys, listen, here's the plan.
We're gonna stay here tonight,
we're gonna wait for Goran,
and we're gonna drive
outta here in the morning.
You don't give orders, Greg.
This is my production.
SARAH: We're not making
a show anymore, Kate.
And yet you're still filming.
That's because we film
everything from here on out.
Everything.
None of you ever liked me.
(SCOFFS)
Do you know how many times
I covered for you guys?
You've all been laughing
at me this whole time.
SARAH: Sun's going down.
Shit!
(SHELVES RATTLE)
Just makin' sure.
We need to
get some sleep.
Yeah, that's great,
who the fuck can sleep?
All right, great, man,
you take the first watch.
Ladies.
You can take this room.
Okay, thanks, Becky.
Listen, Sarah.
I want you to keep
that camera rolling
and then change
the batteries,
all right?
Thank you.
And, um, Sarah, if you're
okay with doubling up,
you can share this
room with me, okay?
See anything?
SARAH: No.
Have you had
a lot of problems
with these people before?
Well, I don't speak
the language yet.
But, um, I've gotten some
hard stares at the market.
Single woman and all,
living this far out of town.
You know.
And I don't go to church.
So I haven't gone
out of my way to
become part of
their community.
But this is...
I'm really gonna
miss this house.
(SARAH GASPS)
(WHISPERS) Oh, my God.
Oh, my God, what was that?
Oh, my God.
(SARAH GASPS)
(BREATHING RAPIDLY)
(FROG CROAKS)
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Yo.
What are you doin' up?
SARAH: Can't sleep.
Yeah, I know,
tell me about it.
Kate went to sleep,
like, 10 minutes
after you guys left,
stuck me with all this
fuckin' guard duty.
SARAH: Well,
Greg and I are gonna
take over in an hour or so.
Mmm, that's great,
then I can go
and not sleep in there.
SARAH: Listen,
Goran's gonna be here
in the morning.
All we have to do is
last through the night.
Yeah, I mean, that's assuming
he shows up in that SUV
and doesn't ride in here on
a fuckin' Vespa or something.
Look, I know Kate
is being a bitch
but this plan really does
have a lot of holes in it.
You know, what if he
does miss his plane?
What if the bridge
is washed out?
What if he doesn't get here?
And you know what?
If he does get here,
how do we know we can even
trust this fuckin' guy?
He's one of them, right?
SARAH: Vladimir
was one of them.
I don't know.
SARAH: Greg.
(GREG SCREAMS)
What the fuck, get off me!
Get the fuck off me!
SARAH: Greg, it's me,
it's Sarah, it's me,
it's Sarah.
It's Sarah, it's Sarah.
ALEX: You guys all right?
SARAH: Yeah, it's
okay, we're fine.
ALEX: Then stop
freakin' me out!
(GREG PANTING)
SARAH: Greg.
We were shooting
at an all-girl's school
to...
I don't know.
To show how things were
changing over there.
And we were...
Finished the shot,
we were leaving,
we were walking
through the door
and these two local
Taliban showed up.
And this is the south,
I mean,
this isn't hardcore
Swat Valley Taliban.
These were just local police.
You know, guys like
this, they just...
They just come in and they
break some windows.
And they flip some tables.
And they burn books
and then they lecture
the women,
and then they fuck off.
But this time
it was different.
Because this time
they see me.
And they see my camera.
And the chance to
make a splash.
To make the news
in America.
(WEAKLY) So they take
this little girl...
She may be 10 years old.
She'd just learned
to read and write.
She was learning English.
I mean, fuck,
the future of the country.
And they pulled
out this big knife.
They made me film it.
(SNIFFLES)
SARAH: Greg, there was
nothing you could've done.
They had machine guns,
there's not... (SNIFFLING)
You couldn't have done
anything to stop them.
I didn't even try!
I didn't even try!
I didn't even try.
(GREG SOBBING)
(BREATHING HEAVILY)
Hey.
What is it?
Nothing.
All right,
come on, let's go.
SARAH: What is that,
a pipe?
Hey, wake up.
What?
GREG: What the hell
were you thinking?
What, I'm sorry,
I was trying to take
the edge off.
GREG: Dude, why the fuck
would you want no edge?
SARAH: You guys,
where's Kate?
I don't know.
Oh, shit.
GREG: Becky, get up,
we got trouble.
SARAH: Becky, Kate's missing.
BECKY: She's not
in the cellar.
Shit!
Way to go, Alex.
What do you want
me to say, dude?
I'm sorry, okay.
Why would she
sneak off without us?
'Cause Kate looks
out for number one,
that's why.
Exactly. Even if
I was awake,
what am I gonna do,
talk Kate from going
out the fucking door?
SARAH: Shh.
WOMAN: (CRYING) Help me.
(SARAH GASPS)
SARAH: We have
to do something.
(CRYING) Help me.
(CRYING) Help...
SARAH: We can't just
stand here, you guys!
I'm going.
(STAMMERS)
Don't, don't go out there.
They're trying to lure us
out there, it's a trap.
I swear to God,
Greg, please.
He's right, he's right,
you can't do it alone.
ALEX: Thank you.
Okay, we'll all
go out together.
What the fuck!
Why, why?
Kate wouldn't do it for us.
What? She wouldn't.
You guys good?
Yeah, yeah.
All right,
come on.
ALEX: Aw, fuck me, man.
GREG: Watch yourself.
ALEX: I can't, I...
(GREG SHUSHING)
BECKY: Shit, hold still.
GREG: Don't fucking wave
that poker in my face.
If you poke me
in the eyes...
(CLATTERING)
SARAH: Um, sorry,
sorry, sorry.
GREG: Becky.
BECKY: Okay, I know.
GREG: Shh.
Sarah, what do you see?
GREG: I can't see anything,
Sarah, can you see anything?
(WOMAN MOANING)
GREG: I hear something, Sarah.
Sarah.
ALEX: I can't see
my fucking hand
in front of my face.
GREG: Alex, shut the fuck up.
There's people
out here, come on.
(WOMAN MOANING)
ALEX: I heard something.
God, God.
(CRYING) Help me.
Oh, my God.
GREG: Shh.
I can hear her.
BECKY: Oh, my God.
GREG: I can hear her,
guys, come on, come on.
Guys, stay low.
BECKY: Wait, wait, wait.
SARAH: Quiet, quiet, quiet,
quiet, quiet, quiet, quiet.
(WOMAN MOANING)
GREG: Sarah, can
you see anything?
GREG: Stop. Stop.
BECKY: Oh, my God.
No. Shh, listen.
(WOMAN WHIMPERING)
Oh, my God.
GREG: I can hear her,
I can hear her.
Alex, Alex.
ALEX: Kate?
BECKY: I heard her.
ALEX: Kate?
GREG: Kate?
BECKY: No, I can't hear it.
GREG: Sarah, what do you see?
SARAH: I can't see.
GREG: Sarah, what do you see?
SARAH: What do I...
I think it's the trees.
ALEX: I think
we're at the barn.
SARAH: Oh, my God!
(ALL CLAMORING)
BECKY: Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
(ALL SCREAMING)
ALEX: She's dead,
I'm going back to the house!
SARAH: Alex!
GREG: Sarah, Sarah,
Sarah, just wait.
Wait, there's nothing
we can do for her.
(SARAH WEEPING)
(FROGS CROAKING)
GREG: They're still out here.
(SARAH GASPS)
GREG: Sarah.
Sarah, come on.
SARAH: Greg.
GREG: Guys, let's get
the fuck out of here.
Becky.
(GASPS) Let's get
back inside.
(SARAH WEEPS)
Sarah, come on.
Yeah, go check the
bedrooms, go, come on!
SARAH: Greg, can I talk
to you for a second?
Sarah, go! Just go
fucking help Alex!
No, I have to
tell you something!
Quit fucking around, come on!
SARAH: God damn it!
Alex, Alex, Alex.
This is some
fucking bullshit.
SARAH: Goran's car's
in the barn.
ALEX: What?
SARAH: Goran's car
is in the barn right now.
Goran's here?
SARAH: No, his car
is in the barn
and it's covered in dust.
What are you saying?
SARAH: Oh, my God,
the barn.
Holy shit,
where's your laptop?
What the fuck are
you talking about?
Give me your laptop.
Come on,
where the fuck is it?
(MAN SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
Come on, come on.
What? What's okay,
what the fuck is this?
VLADIMIR: The camera
is not on.
We were just talking
about this.
It's not on.
SARAH: (SOFTLY) There.
ALEX: What is that?
Oh, shit.
(SNIFFLING)
Oh, shit.
What are we
going to do?
She's right the fuck
out there.
Okay, okay, okay.
So she's
a fucking psychopath.
She saw it,
she killed Goran,
she killed Kate.
Why the fuck did
she kill Vladimir?
I don't know!
(GASPS) Because he saw.
BOTH: Greg.
Oh, shit, Greg,
Greg, Greg, shit.
What?
(GLASS SHATTERING)
Hurry, come on,
let's go!
Come on, come on!
(ALL CLAMORING)
No, no, no, I can't go
down there with her.
Will you listen to me
for once in your life?
I'm not gonna stand around
debating this with you.
Go downstairs now!
(CRASHING)
ALEX: Jesus!
SARAH: Oh, my God, Greg!
Oh, my God!
Jesus fucking Christ,
don't touch me.
Get the fuck away from me.
SARAH: Greg, Greg.
Oh, my God, I don't
know what to do.
Don't touch it,
don't touch it,
don't touch me,
don't touch me!
(SHUSHING)
Greg!
(CRASHING AND SHATTERING)
(SHUSHING)
(CRASHING AND THUDDING)
(MUFFLED SPEECH)
(CRASHING AND THUMPING)
(BECKY GASPS)
(CRASHING)
(THUMPING)
GREG: Alex, breathe,
just breathe.
SARAH: Alex.
(ALL BREATHING HEAVILY)
(PANTING)
(THUDS)
SARAH: Alex.
(GASPING)
Sarah.
SARAH: Alex. (SOBBING)
ALEX: Sarah.
SARAH: I'm right here.
ALEX: Sarah.
SARAH: Help.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
SARAH: Greg, I have to
tell you something.
I keep this down here
in case of emergencies.
GREG: It's 3:00.
We've got eight hours
until Goran shows up.
We got to take
that out of you.
SARAH: Greg.
No, we're not
taking this thing out!
GREG: We're gonna
bandage it up,
I've done this before.
Trust me, come on.
(GRUNTING)
SARAH: Greg, I have
to tell you something.
Here, take this.
ALEX: Greg.
Put this in your mouth,
bite down on it.
(MOANING)
Bite down on it,
just fucking put it
in your mouth.
I've got you down.
I've got his arm.
(MUFFLED PROTESTS)
BECKY: Don't scream.
Take it out.
(WAILING)
Okay, one, two,
three, that's it!
That's it, that's it,
that's it, that's it.
Can you deal with this?
Bite down, bite down
if you have to.
(MUFFLED SCREAMS)
All right,
you done screaming?
Done screaming?
Fuck you.
That's it.
Yeah, fuck me.
(ALEX PANTING)
BECKY: Okay, okay.
GREG: You got it,
you got it, you got it.
ALEX: (SHIVERING) Fuck.
GREG: You got it.
SARAH: What the heck?
ALEX: Oh, fuck.
BECKY: It's okay. Shh.
Alex, Alex,
it's gonna be okay.
Trust me.
SARAH: What is that?
(SARAH GASPS)
Oh, my...
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, no.
Oh, my God!
Oh, shit!
Oh, my gosh.
(SARAH PANTING)
Do you like it?
GREG: What the
hell's going on?
SARAH: Greg, she's crazy,
she killed Goran.
And she killed Kate.
And she killed Vladimir.
GREG: Sarah,
what the hell are
you talkin' about?
She saw them
together in the barn.
His car is in the barn!
All right, just...
Just calm down.
I'm not gonna
fucking calm down,
look at this mural
right now, that's us!
That is us!
She planned this
whole entire thing.
No.
SARAH: She painted about it!
I didn't paint that.
That was always here.
I was always here.
GREG: What?
I was just waiting
for Becky.
For you.
GREG: Becky, what
are you talkin' about?
ALEX: Dude,
she is fucking
psychotic, okay?
Listen to me,
she thinks she's a witch
and those hicks
up there do, too.
All right, just back
the fuck off, all right?
SARAH: They're not
here to kill us.
They're here to kill her.
(SOBBING)
We're just in the way.
No.
I want you here.
To record what happens.
Like in the mural.
Let's start with a close-up.
GREG: Becky, what?
(SARAH WHIMPERING)
GREG: Becky, Becky...
Let go of Sarah, Becky.
SARAH: (SOBBING)
Oh, my God!
GREG: Oh, Jesus Christ.
SARAH: It's Goran!
GREG: Oh, Jesus Christ.
No, Becky, Becky,
what are you doin'?
(SARAH GAGS)
GREG: Okay.
(SARAH SOBS)
ALEX: Oh, God.
GREG: Becky, listen to
me, it's Greg, Becky.
Becky, just put
that down. You don't
have to do that.
All right,
let's just talk.
Becky.
ALEX: Greg.
SARAH: Greg.
ALEX: Greg!
(GRUNTS)
SARAH: Greg!
(GRUNTING)
Alex, get outta here!
Go, now!
(GROANING)
SARAH: Greg!
(STATIC HISSES)
(METAL CLANKING)
Sarah, we've gotta
fuckin' go!
(SARAH SOBBING)
(CLATTERING)
(SARAH SCREAMS)
(GUN FIRES)
(SARAH SCREAMS)
(ALEX SIGHS)
ALEX: Shit,
give me the camera,
give it to me.
Sarah, Sarah,
go, go, run!
(FROGS CROAKING)
Ow, shit.
ALEX: We gotta go.
Just go, go!
(SARAH SCREAMS)
ALEX: Just go, go, go!
Oh, shit, oh, shit.
Come on, come on,
Sarah, come on.
This way, this way.
SARAH: Help us!
ALEX: Wait, Sarah!
(SARAH GRUNTS)
ALEX: Oh, fuck!
Sarah!
(ALEX PANTING)
No, no, no, no,
wait, wait!
Fuck!
(GUN FIRES)
(GROANS)
(GUN COCKS)
(GROANING)
(MAN SCREAMS)
(ALEX PANTING)
What the fuck?
(GRUNTS)
(HOWLING)
(ALEX GASPING)
(ALEX PANTING)
(VILLAGERS SHOUTING)
ALEX: Oh, fuck me.
Oh, fuck me!
Fuck me!
Fuck me!
(SHOUTING) Fuck me!
(VILLAGERS SHOUTING)
No, no...
Shit!
Fuck!
(ALEX GASPS)
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
Oh, shit!
(ALEX SOBBING)
Shit, shit, shit.
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
(ALEX GASPING)
(GROANS)
(ALEX GASPS)
(CRYING)
(GUN FIRES)
(SCREAMING)
(ALEX PANTING)
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
(METAL CLANKS)
ALEX: Jesus!
Great, great!
(WAILING)
(WOMAN SCFREAMING)
(SHOUTING IN OTHER LANGUAGE)
(ALEX GASPING)
Oh, shit, shit!
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Wait, wait.
No, no, no, wait.
(SPEAKING OTHER LANGUAGE)
No, my, my shoes?
I'm not even American.
I'm Canadian.
I'm a Canadian.
Good Canadian shoes?
Oh, no, no, no, no!
(BLUDGEONING)
(MUFFLED SCREAMING)
(GASPING)
(MAN SCREAMING)
Okay, okay, okay,
okay, it's okay.
You want me to film it.
Okay, okay, I'll film it.
Okay.
(WAILING)
(ALEX PANTING)
Shit.
Oh, my God.
I can't believe she
actually drank that shit.
Oh, shit.
(WOMAN SPEAKING
OTHER LANGUAGE)
ALEX: Oh, my God,
that's not a good idea.
That is not a good idea.
Oh, shit.
(SCREAMING)
ALEX: What did I say?
Oh, God.
Oh, shit!
Shit.
I used to have a painter.
Now I have a director.
Unless...
You don't want
to be my director?
ALEX: Oh, no,
shit, that's cool.
I mean, who doesn't
wanna direct?
Good.
Show everyone.
(FROGS CROAKING)
(PANTING)
How the fuck am I gonna
explain this to Wallace?
(CONTINUES PANTING)
(EAST EUROPEAN MUSIC PLAYING)
(CROWD CHEERING)