Las Vegas.
For 100 years, people have flocked to
get a taste of its forbidden fruit.
In the 1930s and '40s, it
was the Mafia and gambling.
In the late '50s, America's first topless
showgirls appeared at the Dunes Casino.
And in the '60s, it was all
about Frank and the Rat Pack.
But today, damn! Vegas has
become Disneyland for adults.
And let me tell you something. What
happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.
See, in this town, you don't
know if it's day or night.
And guess what? You don't care,
because you're in Vegas, baby!
From the casinos to the clubs,
the pools and the strip bars,
it's the best place in the world for
men and women to get their freak on.
Okay, just be careful
because it's a wedding dress.
Why are you stressing?
It's beautiful.
Unless, of course, they
go together as couples.
Zeke?
Zeke the Freak! It's
me, Marty. Remember?
Marty the One Man Party!
What up? What up, man?
Oh, man, wait till I tell
Luis the Freak is back in town!
Two of my wildest nights
ever was with Z to the F.
I can only imagine.
Oh, baby, you don't even got to
imagine. We got this on video.
She don't wanna see that.
- She ain't about that life?
- No.
That's sweet. This man is a
god. A legend with the ladies.
We used to get him drunk
just to get his leftovers.
I was young, I used to come
by here once in a while.
Sounds like you came here a lot.
You remember Marco's big
blow-out bash last year?
That was a few years ago.
- Them strippers was off the chain.
- Marty, this is my woman, Mya.
Nice to meet you.
No! Wait!
You took him down?
Lower the flag, baby!
Retire the rubbers.
Zeke the Freak is getting married!
No! No, dude, God, no.
We just here for a friend's
wedding. Mya just made the dresses.
- Designed.
- Designed the dresses.
Well, I'm just saying, if
you can get away later on,
Luis is having an after-party
at the Chicken Ranch...
I'm right here!
- Well, this how we do, baby!
- Let me just get with you later.
All right. Get your girl in check, she gonna
make me look bad out here in the street, man.
Wait till I tell Luis
the Freak is back in town!
I don't know that dude, really. I met
him one time. He drives and cuts hair.
- Hell, no.
- Zeke the Freak is back in town, baby!
Now, my opinion?
The only thing worse than going to Vegas
as a couple is going as man and wife.
Babe, you see the car?
Look at these hookers.
Tish, honey, those are not hookers.
They're just girls having fun in
Vegas. It's really not a big deal.
They probably got no dad in their life,
low self-esteem. It's very sad, actually.
By the way, Bennett, that fanny-pack
really screams "Vegas Weekend."
Yeah, Tish got it for me. It's safer to
keep your money in the front in Vegas.
- Plus, she gave me a bonus.
- Bet she did.
And I can get to the money if I
need to. It's right in the front.
I can't wait to get to the room.
All right.
Okay, good, there's gonna be like an
hour between check-in and separation.
- For what?
- We're trying to have a baby, ASAP.
I waited nine years to get
married, so we're, you know.
Congratulations!
I'm so happy for you!
- I hope for your sake it's a boy.
- Why?
Well, you know, when you have a
boy, you just worry about his wiener.
When you have a girl, you have to worry
about all the wieners coming at her.
Smacking her around.
You remember how it is.
The romance and magic
of scheduled sex.
- Girl's not gonna wait forever.
- Yeah, no, I get it.
She doesn't want
to be the "old" mom.
I can't believe it,
man! You as a father.
I know, right? I can't
believe it either.
She's like a drill
sergeant, on a schedule!
It's like there's a shot clock,
constantly winding down to one,
and I gotta hit the last shot.
Last week, I thought I sprained it.
You know, the worst part about
it is I had to stop smoking pot.
- No! You? Pot.
- Yeah. Me.
- It's like saying goodbye to an old friend.
- Why?
Because I can only deal with one
stoned child at a time, that's why.
- She heard us.
- She hears everything.
Fortunately, some couples know exactly
how to embrace the true spirit of Vegas.
Okay, all right.
So they hadn't seen each other for 10
days because of Lauren's business trip.
Now you know what they say.
Absence does make the heart
and other organs grow fonder.
Despite its reputation
as Sin City,
Vegas is still the number one
destination in the country
for couples to do the craziest
thing of all, get married. Dummies.
It is the perfect setting.
Everything is perfect. You
know, this kind of looks like...
Ancient Rome, like Spartacus.
Excuse me, when have
you seen Spartacus?
At Grandma's, when she falls
asleep during Grey's Anatomy.
I do not fall asleep
when I'm babysitting you!
So, Candace, the bride
will enter from here,
and right there is where...
We get married.
So, remember, you must be here on time
so we can begin your ceremony promptly.
- We cannot hold up the next wedding party.
- Yes.
Perfect timing! Your wedding
programs just arrived.
I've got that.
It was so sweet of your mom to
splurge on French linen paper.
Candace, you are the only
daughter she's ever gonna have.
And I think this whole process
has really been healing for her.
Especially after the
passing of Deacon Johnson.
Aunt Winnie said he died
in bed with Miss Loretta.
But at least he had a happy ending.
There you go.
Thank you.
- What?
- What?
"Michael and Tandis"?
Seriously?
No, no, no!
Oh, baby. They
probably misheard her.
Do not have a mama's boy
relapse on our wedding weekend.
No. Baby, I'm gonna give you
the perfect wedding. All right?
Nothing's gonna go wrong.
I arrived the only way a sane person
should for a weekend in Vegas.
I'm talking about solo, people!
After Gail pissed on
my iPad for no reason,
our marriage counselor suggested that we
have a trial separation for one month.
Which meant I was free to do whatever
I wanted, starting right now.
- How you doin'?
- Doing very well, sir, thank you.
Name is Ward. Cedric
Ward. I'm staying in the...
Constantine Villa. Welcome, Mr.
Ward. We've been expecting you.
Your dedicated concierge
is awaiting you inside.
Listen, I'm gonna need you to
dedicate yourself to something.
See this car right
here? It's a rental.
And I passed on the insurance 'cause
they wanted me to pay the extra five.
I'm not talking about dollars,
I'm talking about hundred.
So I need you to
watch this car like
your life depended on it.
Can you do that for me?
Welcome to Caesar's
Palace, Mr. Ward.
Well, hello!
- Hello.
- Hi.
This is what I'm talkin' about!
Welcome to Caesar's
Palace, Mr. Ward.
I'm Vanessa, here to accommodate your
every need during your stay with us.
Well, I got a lotta needs,
so let's get to accommodatin'.
I understand you're part of
the Hanover-Hall wedding party.
You're looking at the best man.
I'ma hook it up.
In my opinion, the Constantine Villa is
the most elegant suite in the entire hotel.
Were they able to put the
stripper pole in the room?
I'm doing a little after-party at the
bachelor party, like an after-after-party?
- Unfortunately not.
- Damn it.
But your personal butler Declan
can take care of your other needs.
My personal butler?
I didn't pay for no butler.
It's on the house.
Well, I like this house!
- We aim to please.
- Well, you have succeeded!
Just sign here for your
balance and incidentals.
I'll take you upstairs for a
personal tour of your villa.
Private tour? Okay. This
is pretty standard, right?
- You should read it.
- Nah, it'll say the same stuff.
Been to one hotel,
been to them all.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
I'm waiting on you.
Vanessa!
Cedric! What up, man?
Zeeky! What's up?
- Wait a minute.
- Hey, Mya.
Hold on, hold on.
Let me get this right.
Gail let you leave the house
and come to Vegas by yourself?
Don't you start with me, Zeke.
You lyin', I know she
here. Gail, where you at?
Zeke, look at me right now.
- You look amazing.
- It looks good, right?
It's H&M. Men's line.
Hey. I want to introduce you
to my new friend, Vanessa.
Zeke the Freak?
Vanessa...
You son of a bitch!
- What the hell?
- What are you doing?
- Where's my passport?
- I don't have your damn passport!
Why did you do that?
- Zeke, I thought she was gonna drink it.
- Excuse me, excuse me!
Miss Martinez, I am shocked and
appalled. In my office, immediately.
Man, chill out.
Watch your back.
Thank you, Zeke. 'Cause
I had that in the bag.
That was about to get booked.
She was supposed to
give me a tour, sir.
I will give you your personalized,
private tour of the villa.
Well, I don't wanna be rude,
but you can keep that shit.
I want Vanessa, I
don't need your tour.
Sir, look at my face. I'm in the
Constantine. The Constantine...
- Constantine.
- Constantine.
I can't talk to you right now.
Are you okay? Your baggage
is gonna catch up to you, man.
Mya, are you all right?
You gotta be strong. I get it.
Did she go this way? Vanessa!
Cedric!
- See you later.
- All right.
- Nice to meet you.
- Thank you, nice to meet you.
The whole crew was back together.
Without even realizing it,
the men and the women had divided
themselves into opposing teams.
Look! We both got on green
shirts and we both got blue eyes!
It was a sign of things to come.
- Let's go get a drink, man.
- Please.
You can really clear
a room out, Bennett.
- Tell me, what are we doing tonight?
- No, no, no!
I want to go see Jersey Boys.
We're not going to see no damn
Jersey Boys, Bennett.
- Why not?
- What do you mean, "Why not?"
Because we're men. We're at
a bachelor party in Vegas.
We're here to make bad decisions
and regret them the next day.
Story of your life, right, Zeke?
I say we take a vote.
Bennett, we're not taking no vote.
Okay, you know what?
I wanna talk to everybody.
Before we all start
power-trippin', okay?
Understand that Michael
had the opportunity
to choose anybody standing
here to be his best man.
I want you all to
remember that he chose me.
You know why? 'Cause I'm
the best man with a plan.
I didn't want to drop that ball on
y'all, but y'all didn't leave me a choice.
Now I'm the bad guy.
So, I've been giving this a lot of
thought. I want you to be my best man.
- Me?
- No, Ced, actually, I was talking to Do...
No, listen, don't say
nothin' right now, man.
Like, I knew you and I had a
connection, but this is crazy!
Let me tell you something, this means so
much to me. I'm not gonna let you down.
Let me tell you something, I'm gonna be the
best best man in the history of all best men.
I've always wanted to be a best man,
and you want to give me that opportunity?
We came here to golf, and now
you gonna give me this blessing?
I gotta go to the bathroom, Dom!
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
You made the right choice.
All right, couples, listen up!
Come on, put a little
pep in your step.
Listen up, people. You
got exactly one hour
to go settle into your
room and say your goodbyes!
'Cause for the next 24 hours, the
boys are gonna be with the boys...
And the girls with the girls.
Tomorrow, you can all go back to
that miserable and sexless
existence that is marriage.
- No offense, Mike.
- You don't gotta worry about us.
We gonna be happy and sexy.
Well, you better
treasure that. Okay.
What? Gail? No! Not now.
Let me tell you something, Mike.
Truth is, Gail and I were both
happy and sexy for 22 years.
See? There you go.
Then we met each other.
That ship sailed.
Like the Titanic...
Come on, baby, we only got an hour.
Before you all go, listen to me.
- Real quick, guys.
- So weird.
Let's discuss meeting points.
The teams were chosen,
the players were ready,
and it was time for
the pre-game warm-up.
Everybody else to their room.
I don't know where mine is.
In basketball, you have to know
what kinda offense you runnin'.
But no matter what it is, the
goal is to outscore your opponent.
The Constantine Villa, all
12,000 square feet of it.
The ultimate bachelor party pad.
Yeah. I had definitely scored first.
- Your key, sir.
- Right, right.
If there's anything else you need,
your personal butler
Declan is here to serve you.
Okay.
- Well, thank you, Marcel Heffer.
- Haffer.
Haffer.
"Marcel" will work
just fine, thank you.
I'll call you Marc. Thank you.
Declan!
Morning, sir. I trust everything
is up to your standards, sir.
Now, I understand that
you made an inquiry
about making some structural
changes to your suite, Mr. Ward.
You got the poles! Yes!
A certain member of a certain royal
family left more behind than just memories.
Yes, you can almost smell the
aristocratic DNA from here.
I don't know what that means.
It doesn't matter.
Now, I shall be next door.
So if you need anything, just
press number one on your keypad.
Right.
Hey, hey, hey. Let me tip you, man.
- No, sir, I couldn't...
- Please, stop.
- People don't think black people tip.
- I do this for the love of the job...
Well, thank you very much,
sir, that would be lovely.
I wasn't gonna give it all to you.
I'll give you a certain amount, sir...
- Thank you, sir.
- No, thank you!
No, the 10%... Okay,
you're welcome.
You gone?
Oh, shit!
What's that?
That's a big-ass table!
The race was on.
No matter what Lauren had planned
for the bachelorette party,
it didn't matter, 'cause
she was already behind.
Declan, can you get
that smell out of here?
Babe, we got a really
great view of the Strip.
Come on, we don't have much time.
- Let's go.
- All right.
Hang on, let me get these...
I want three good shots
before we go out tonight.
- Three?
- Yeah. Yeah.
My belt is stuck. Help
me. Your hands are cold.
Yeah, no, no.
That's never happened before.
Yeah, I just need a
minute. Gotta reload.
- Is it me?
- No, no. I just need a second.
- You know what we need?
- What?
Role play.
- Role play?
- Yeah.
Okay.
- What, you brought stuff?
- Yeah, I came prepared, babe.
What's this?
This is Game of Thrones.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
I am Daenerys,
the virgin princess
of dragon blood.
And you, you are Khal Drogo,
my fierce nomadic king.
Take me, you barbarian! Take me!
Babe, babe, babe.
I just need a second, okay?
Yeah. Yeah, sure.
I need to get stoned.
Don't tell me you brought
pot through the airport.
Not pot. Pot strips.
Breath strips as far as
airport security is concerned.
Kills germs that cause bad breath
and is the equivalent
of three great bong hits.
- It's a great product.
- Jeremy, we talked about this.
We're in Vegas, Kris,
for a party weekend.
You remember what it's like to
chill out and have fun, right?
You don't think I'm fun?
You're like Louis Gossett, Jr. in
An Officer And A Gentleman.
- I'm sorry, I didn't wanna say it.
- Please. This is fun.
- It's wild!
- Come on.
For your information, me and the girls
are gonna get our freak on tonight.
With Lauren in charge. What, is
she gonna enroll you in a 401 K?
You know what?
Daenerys, you actually
need that more than I do.
Now, by being the groom,
Michael figured that
it couldn't be any easier
than an uncontested lay-up.
- Do you hear that?
- What?
Silence.
I think we're finally alone.
Imagine that.
Michael, careful.
I can't believe how
much of a klutz I am.
Come here. Let me help you take
this off. I have to. You're wet.
We have not had sex in 90 days.
So tomorrow night can be special.
No, I am not caving now.
Maybe I am caving a little.
Ma!
Oh, my goodness, Loretta!
Sorry, sorry. Didn't
know you were here.
Of course she's here.
Your Uncle Tony sends his regrets.
- Where did she come from?
- I have no idea.
But while I have you, I'd like for
you to sign off on the centerpieces.
Yes.
Well, they're stunning,
but those are peach
roses and I wanted white.
Yes. Yes, yes, yes, I know.
But Fernando thought, you know,
this being your second wedding and
all, perhaps white was not appropriate.
We could always go darker.
Lavender, brick. Brick is good.
Mom. We discussed this, okay?
This is not Fernando's wedding.
This is Candace's wedding and
she would like white roses.
All right, all right. To hell with
what's appropriate and respectable.
I'll call Fernando right now
and just forget I was ever here.
I'm sorry.
Are you in the adjoining suite?
Yes. What a coincidence.
It is.
Come on now. Don't worry.
Once the door closes you
can barely hear a thing.
Ta!
Did you know that she was
in the adjoining suite?
Of course not. No.
Don't you think that's
a little Norman Bates
to have your mother
sleeping in the next room?
- On our wedding night?
- Yes, yes. Yes, I do.
The doors are soundproof,
and I'm sure she's gonna respect
our wishes and our privacy, so...
Okay.
Sorry! Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Forgot my cell phone.
Proceed.
Norman Bates, my ass.
Damn! That was like being
blocked from behind by LeBron.
It's called pre-game jitters,
people. Happens to the best of us.
Michael's been bitched,
and Jeremy's shot was flat.
Now it was time to see
how Zeke was doing.
Is it steamy in here,
or is it just you?
It's just me.
Okay.
What do you think?
- Zeke!
- It's nice.
It's nice?
No, that is beautiful. I didn't
expect it to look that expensive.
You didn't expect it
to look this expensive?
No, you're a fashion genius. What
do you want me to say? I love it.
- Babe, can't the hotel do that for you?
- No.
Look at this Grecian tub.
Let me fix you a bath.
We got enough time
for two quickies.
Stop. Stop. Not in the
mood. Not in the mood. Okay?
Besides, I'd like to be the one
woman you haven't slept with in Vegas.
Really? Wait. Hold up.
Mya.
I slept with one woman.
You know, counting is
so damn high school.
We all have a past. It's
not like I lied about mine.
Yeah, but you
definitely downplayed it.
Who doesn't downplay? You
downplayed your fling with Kanye.
That's not the point.
All I'm saying is that I don't think it's fair
that my past is an issue and yours is not.
What I'm saying is that I feel...
I don't feel like you're being...
I don't feel like your letting me in.
How am I not letting you in?
I'm trying to let you in right now!
I'm saying you're giving me
half-truths, not telling me everything.
- Ask me what you wanna know.
- Anything?
I'll tell you whatever
you wanna know.
I wanna know what you guys are
doing for the bachelor party tonight.
You know, it's nothing extravagant
because it's not in the budget.
It's just a night
out with the guys.
Get a steak dinner,
maybe some gambling.
And hit a couple clubs.
See? I just told you
and you don't believe me.
You?
Or "Zeke the Freak"?
Damn! Rejected.
Hey!
That was masculine.
Relax. You haven't got
anything I haven't seen already
in a much, much larger size.
You know, the air
comes in low, right...
Hey, Miss Loretta.
Welcome to the Constantine Villa.
Are you ready for the tour?
- Are you ready to be slapped?
- No, ma'am.
I don't want that.
Now listen very carefully.
I've got a list of the dos and don'ts
for Michael's bachelor party tonight.
I don't think we need a list...
My Michael is a good Christian boy.
He's always been a
good Christian boy.
Some stuff... He has.
And I want him to still
be a good Christian boy
when he gets married tomorrow.
- Are we clear?
- Yes.
Are we clear, short man?
No, we... I'm seeing through what
you said. That's how clear it is.
Thank you.
And put some clothes on. There's
nothing attractive about that.
Yes, ma'am.
Miss Loretta, you didn't have
a key, did you? You just...
She got ass.
Well, with the warm-ups
looking pretty bleak,
we had to turn to the one
member of our team that
we could always count on to score.
So, how are you?
Good. Great, actually.
Subscriptions are up 11%
since the Michelle Obama issue,
- and I just closed this amazing deal...
- Baby, baby.
- Yeah?
- How are you?
Better now.
- Wait. I totally forgot to ask.
- What?
How was it catering the TED talk?
They asked me back for next year.
- Really?
- And the best part.
Chef Cotillard told
me I had a gift.
In fact, he's making me and the guys
a special tasting menu just for us.
I am so proud of you.
Thank you.
Don't get it.
- No, I'm just gonna see who it is.
- No, don't get it.
Oh, my God. I have to get
it. It's Lee Fox. CEO! Lauren.
Lauren, it's Lee.
Listen, a position's opened
up at the parent company.
I think you'd be perfect for it.
Grabbing a shower.
For what?
COO of our Global Media
Group. Are you interested?
Are you kidding me? Absolutely.
Great, I got a meeting with the
board of directors this afternoon.
Things could move fast. I need you settled
in New York by the first of the month.
Wait, New York?
That is where our headquarters
are located, Lauren.
I got a good feeling
about this. Now go.
I did, too.
You look beautiful in that light.
How'd it go?
It went good. Great, actually.
- Dominic, we need to talk...
- Housekeeping!
The guys are here.
- Yeah.
- Hello.
And you know what?
You should get that.
- No, they can wait.
- No, they'll get us put out.
- They're so loud.
- That's true.
- All right, I'll take care of it.
- Okay.
Come on, Homeo and Do-me-yet!
- Open up the door, Dom.
- Yo, yo, yo, yo.
- Button up. I'm insecure enough as it is.
- It's a little early.
- Let's go.
- Give me a sec. Give me a sec.
What up, Lauren? You look good,
girl. What kind of lotion you wearing?
You been on the treadmill?
So, I gotta go.
Okay.
- Is everything all right?
- Hurry up, man.
Yeah.
Hasn't this part burned out yet?
You guys still all like
each other and stuff?
God, I just love you so much.
Damn! Come on, boy.
I love you too, babe.
- Get a room!
- We're in it!
Well, stop.
- Behave.
- I'll be good.
Okay, please.
Hey, Lauren. Your
afterglow is amazing.
Move.
He was killing that.
Shit.
So, even though we were a
little confused on how to score,
it was time for the
first quarter tip-off.
Your guests are here, sir.
There they go!
Welcome to my crib, gentlemen.
Damn, C, I knew you had a good year,
but how big was your bonus, man?
Dom, you only get
to be best man once.
Besides, I got a great deal. Real good
deal. I'm paying four grand a night.
- What?
- For all this?
- It's gotta be at least 10.
- No, it's not.
You sure you don't need
us to chip in for this?
Silence! Don't insult me like that.
Guys, he says he's
good. Let him treat us.
Listen, me being here with my best
friends, that makes it worth every penny.
Every damn penny.
Ced, put some clothes on, man.
You guys want some drinks?
- I'll have a drink.
- That's the only reason I'm here.
Okay. Declan, let's do that.
I'm sorry, sir.
I thought you were trying
to turn the lights on.
No.
All right, gentlemen, let's
get these glasses up in the air.
To a night that we
will never forget.
You guys realize this is the
first time in three months
we've been together
for even a drink?
Sad, what happened to us?
- Work, man.
- Nah, relationships.
- Weddings.
- Kids.
Fellas, that's why we need
to embrace this moment,
because for one blissful
night, gentlemen,
we are free from all
of our obligations.
Preach on.
From all of our responsibilities,
and we're definitely...
We're free from our
women. How about that?
- Look, mine's down.
- This is Zeke.
Zeke, let me talk to
Cedric. It's important.
You picked the right best man.
He knows it. You know it, too.
- It's Gail.
- What?
- She says it's important.
- Tell her I'm busy.
- She knows I'm with you.
- So, why you pick up the phone?
- Because it was a private number.
- Lower your voice.
- Lower your voice.
- It was a private number.
You don't answer private
numbers. Give me the phone, man.
- We expecting strippers to call.
- Just give me the phone.
- Listen, you drunk Muppet.
- Gail.
I tried to use my credit
card. It was declined.
- Declined? What are you talking about?
- You heard me.
If I was there, I'd
kick you in your throat.
I may have went over
the limit a little bit.
How much, Cedric?
Gail, listen to me. This is a
once-in-a-lifetime type thing.
- I'm gonna kill you!
- Okay, this...
Hello?
Gail?
Declined?
Here you go, sir. This should
make you feel a little better.
Thank you, Declan. I'm serious,
I needed that right now.
This is so refreshing to finally
live with someone who understands me.
Likewise, sir. I think we're like
soul brothers from different mothers.
I don't think that's it, but...
- I'll have some more.
- So what's the plan, Ced?
See those flyers right there?
I made those up for the after-party.
Now look, each guy here is
responsible for five girls a piece.
That's how I did the
math. Five, 10, 15, 20, 25.
- Guys, guys...
- I make 30, okay?
Guys! I don't need this.
Tomorrow is the
biggest day of my life.
- Here we go.
- Get to marry my queen.
I need you guys on
point and on time.
No, you're right. Did you remember
to wax your vagina for the weekend?
Think like a man!
Just for five minutes.
- I am acting like a man.
- You're not acting like a man.
You got the rest of your life to follow
this woman around a grocery store.
- Stop!
- Tomorrow's a big day.
- This is your bachelor party, Michael.
- And this is wisdom.
I'm your best man. Let me do my job.
I done printed these flyers and shit.
Why don't we see a
show or something?
Don't worry, there will be a show.
Wait. Criss Angel's still in
town. We could start off there.
Jersey Boy won eight Tonys.
We had decided to run
the motion offense.
Which means keep moving and
keep your problems to yourself.
The maid of honor was about to
put her game plan into effect.
Or so she thought.
Hello, sweetie.
I heard you were having a little
get-together for the bridesmaids
and thought I'd bring
a few refreshments.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
You won't be needing this.
Another one.
Put the tea over to the left.
Girls are gonna love this.
- Ladies.
- Hey!
Sonia! You came already.
- My God, your outfit is so cute.
- Thank you!
But it is not complete without
- this.
- There you go.
Thank you, guys.
You know what, though?
I think there's still
something missing.
- Does feel like something's missing.
- There's definitely something missing.
Candace, meet Idris.
Give me your arm.
- Awful.
- Come here.
So you can get used to being chained
to one man for the rest of your life.
- My very own Idris.
- Let's hit the pool.
Mr. Ward?
Yes!
Hey, guys. I'm sorry, she just
called me. Let me get through y'all.
Excuse me, I'm sorry.
Just let me get through.
Excuse me! Sorry! Hercules.
Hi. Welcome to Venus
pool. I'm Leikula.
I'm Cedric. How are you?
I just spoke with Declan and
we have your cabana prepared.
I'm following you.
- Perfect.
- Patience.
Oh, yeah.
Every player knows during the day,
the real action's at the pool.
It's the place to hook up and strut your
stuff and check out everyone else's.
And the best part?
Chlorine kills everything.
Is this a topless pool?
Nah, Mike. They just got T-shirts
with their breasts on them.
Why do you think the line was
so long, baby? Come on, man.
I hope this meets
your expectations.
Oh, no. Sweetie, this has exceeded
our expectations. Thank you.
- You're welcome. Enjoy.
- I appreciate it. Okay.
- What'd I tell you? What'd I tell you?
- All right.
I suggest you all look at some
of this scattered ass around here.
We thought we hit the jackpot.
But the danger of Vegas
is the mirage it creates.
The men were putting on a cool
front. But let me tell you something.
From underneath, trouble was
brewing like a pressure cooker.
Do you see what I am
walking around with?
I see it.
Unfortunately for the girls,
their set offense had run
into a nasty zone defense.
Shit!
- Un-cuff me!
- I don't have the key.
Un-cuff me!
I got it. Watch out.
Ladies.
- Hi!
- Hi!
- Just go. Hide the cuffs.
- Come right on in.
High tea.
Damn! Look at that.
Dude, can you imagine
having a woman like that?
Just keep this in mind. For every
supermodel you see, every hot girl you see,
there's some dude
that's sick of her shit.
Zeke, you and Mya having
problems again, man?
- Obviously.
- She's suddenly fixated with my past.
That whole "Zeke the Freak" thing.
Oh, God!
Imagine that.
Take a second to look at this damn
view. This is what it's about, man!
Fellas!
Bennett!
- Get your ass up! What's wrong with you?
- Clay Aiken! Asleep.
What are you all doin'?
- MotorStorm: Apocalypse, baby!
- And somehow, he's whooping my ass!
I'm about to whoop both your asses.
Do you know where you are right now?
At the pool.
- We're in Vegas!
- Why are you screaming?
- Mr. Ward?
- Yes.
- Care for another drink?
- You know what?
Yes. You know what?
Give me something strong.
And give me five more
shots of testosterone
for these ladies that
I'm with right now.
- Thank you.
- Yes.
Boy, I'd like to climb that mountain
right there, I'll tell you that much.
That is a big badonkadonk.
All of a sudden, you're
good at video games?
Listen, I play this
every night with Duke.
Duke's a great kid.
He cracks me up.
You know what he
asked me earlier today?
If, after the wedding, if it would
be okay if he called me "Dad".
Time out.
Let me ask you a question. That
doesn't freak you out at all?
What?
Out of nowhere, all of a sudden...
You're an instant dad, just like that.
You're responsible for
this whole other human.
- No.
- Not a cat, not a dog.
This is a human, with teeth
and hair and bones and blood.
What if they hurt somebody?
What if they get kidnapped?
Or if they kidnap somebody? Either way, it's
all down to you for the rest of your life.
That doesn't freak you out?
No. I'm excited about it.
I don't even know
why I ask you stuff.
I want you to stand
up and enjoy this...
What?
Man, you gotta take one of these.
What's that?
We're looking for
people for amateur night.
You're looking at the wrong people,
man. You need to be looking in the pool.
You got your pick of
the litter out there.
They look good, but we need
some men, and you fit the bill.
- No, no, no.
- Yeah.
'Cause I got my shirt off, you probably
judging by my amazing physique that
that's my cup of tea, it's not.
There's huge cash prizes. You
come down, you win some money...
- I'll take one.
- Bennett, sit your ass down.
Free hot buffet.
So, some hot chick
just rolls up on you.
She's like, "Do you mind helping me
with a little bit of suntan lotion?"
- What do you do?
- It'd never happen, but I'd stand my ground.
Hello, Blue Eyes.
I was hoping you could help me.
There's a couple of spots I can't reach.
I probably, probably shouldn't.
You probably should.
What, you're in a
relationship or something?
Yeah. Yeah, I am.
So am I.
- Really?
- This is Vegas, baby. Lighten up.
You heard her, Dom. It's Veg-Ass.
Vegas. Yep.
I love her.
All right.
Sweetie, sit down.
- Let me show you how it is around here.
- Okay, no.
'Cause my hands... I'm sorry,
did you just spit at me?
'Cause we gonna talk about that.
Excuse me, what is
going on? Talk to me.
Spit it out, Dom!
- It didn't...
- What didn't?
- She just wasn't quite...
- She wasn't what?
- She wasn't tall enough.
- Dom, let me tell you something.
You know that men spend their
entire life savings to go to Brazil?
You just had Brazil come over
here, and you're gonna turn it away?
You know what, y'all?
I'm sick of this Non-tourage.
'Cause that's what I'm with right
now. I'm gonna get me a new crew.
Ced, you being dramatic.
I'ma roll with some sailors
and some congressmen.
- Republicans!
- Shut up, Bennett!
You know, I'm done.
Turn up, that's what I'll
do. I'ma have me a good time.
- You gonna join the fun?
- Girl, you damn right I'ma join the fun!
Yeah!
See what I'm saying? Y'all wanna
sit over here on lounge chairs.
I'm about to get in the
water with some titties.
That's what I tried to give you, Mike. You
didn't want this life, I'm gonna take it!
It's too deep! I can't swim!
It's like Finding Nemo.
One of you bitches grab me!
Should we help him?
Nah.
Help!
Turns out, I wasn't the only
one in need of rescuing.
Where was I?
The article.
Yes, yes, yes, the article
in the O Magazine.
They talked about all
the craziness that goes on
in these bachelor and
bachelorette parties.
I read the same article. And the women
are getting just as wild as the men.
With the Magic Mike
strippers and the bridesmaids dares.
Or faking an orgasm, you know.
All of that in a crowded bar.
Or doing Jello shots
off a stranger's abs?
I don't know why women can't
have just as much fun as men.
She's right. Getting a lap dance
at your bachelor party is expected.
But if women have fun...
You're whores!
- Did she just call us whores?
- Yeah.
Fortunately, I don't have to worry about
all that behavior with you, Candace.
All that girlish foolishness.
You're much too old for that!
Much too old.
I heard you the first "old".
So, what are you
guys gonna do tonight?
Nothing too wild, you know, just girl
time, you know, girls of the same age.
And cocktails at a couple
clubs. Maybe take in a show.
Good. Then you'll
have plenty of time.
Time? Time for what?
- I've gotta get away from her.
- I know, I know.
Anybody got any sleeping pills?
Don't worry. I can get rid of her.
- How?
- I can handle that old battle-ax.
Ladies, I've got another surprise.
We've got reservations tonight...
Excuse me. Miss Loretta, I am so
sorry to disappoint you, sweetie,
but we already have plans.
I was able to squeeze in a reservation
for five at Nobu. Corner booth.
- Isn't that a coincidence?
- How so?
Andre the concierge
was able to score reservations
for seven tonight at Nobu.
At the head table.
So we're going, girls!
I can't believe you
were gonna exclude Tish.
Damn, she's good!
Welcome to the rest of my life.
Okay, you guys, there's gotta
be something that we can do.
What does Miss
Loretta want or need?
She needs to get laid.
Wait a minute.
When does your Uncle Eddie arrive?
Didn't you say he flirted
with her at the couple's party?
- No, it will never happen.
- Never say never in Vegas.
Floyd "Money" Mayweather!
I'ma get my dollar sign...
Stop!
Floyd! Can you let
him go, man? Please!
- Let him go! Let him go!
- Bennett, get up!
He's way too aggressive!
Listen, Floyd, he didn't mean no
harm, man. He just a fan, that's all.
I follow you on
Twitter and MySpace.
That's all that is. Dude,
we didn't mean no disrespect.
We here, my friend's getting married.
We having a bachelor party tonight.
We gonna do it at the Caesar's
in the Constantine Villa.
Nice.
I'm just trying to splurge
and show him a good time.
That's what you
call $40,000 a night?
He doesn't have a gold
card. That's the problem.
Dude, one of you guys
gotta research that for him.
You know what? You gotta just look that
up yourself, but it's a good investment.
Let me get you this. This is
where we gonna be at tonight.
Just read it, guys!
It's a flyer, man!
Here, Floyd? Floyd, can you see me?
Let me slide it.
Floyd, can you get that?
Get the flyer.
Floyd, did you see it? All
right, that's where we at, man.
I'm gonna come check this out.
Cool. Well, okay...
You know, you all goin'.
'Cause you all got stuff to
do. Goin', man. Thank you again.
- There goes Justin Bieber's best friend!
- Champ, champ, champ!
In this battle of the sexes, whichever group
came back with the best stories would win,
and I was determined to
keep us ahead of the girls.
This is where it
happens at, fellas. Okay?
We on home base right now, casino
floor. Now look, let's pick our poison.
- What is your problem, Bennett?
- Where you goin"?
Slots! Pharaoh's fortune.
Tish gave me 200 bucks to
gamble with this weekend.
Bennett, you walking around with a purse
on, you talking about playing slots?
What is your problem?
It's a fanny-pack,
it's not a purse.
I don't care what it is,
it's attached to your spine!
- What's wrong with slots?
- Everything is wrong with slots!
We're not a group of old women that
just bussed in here from Bakersfield!
Now listen to me. We
came here as a group
and we gonna play as a
group. Let's play Blackjack.
I only played blackjack
once and I lost 300 bucks.
- So what?
- I lost 600.
Spring Break, my junior year, it was my
entire money for weed the whole semester.
- I almost dropped out of school.
- Okay, now. Hey! Hey!
Y'all got negativity
floating all in the air!
I'ma take it, and I'ma put it
in my pocket, and guess what?
You're not getting that back. Okay?
Now we will keep the fun train going.
Let's keep tchoo-tchooing, guys!
You rolling with the
pros. Just follow our lead.
- Thank you, Dom! Thank you.
- No!
Guys, there comes a time in a man's
life when he has to take a stand.
- Can I go play slots?
- Take your ass to that slot machine.
- Don't bring that negative energy here!
- Is there a bathroom that way?
What are you doing? Mike?
- Guys, can I get a second with Mike?
- Guys, I'm just going to the...
- Just y'all go ahead. Just go ahead.
- Take all the time you want.
Dude, what is going on?
I cannot do the job that you asked
me to do if you don't allow it.
I got a great time for you,
man. I got some shit set up.
We gonna have a good... Dom!
I told you don't pick no table!
Ladies, shall we?
Damn it!
- Hit me.
- You split those!
- You said never split the aces!
- I said always split the aces!
You feeling all right?
Don't be getting in my head,
Randy, all right? Hit it.
Damn it!
Hit me, baby, hit me!
The greens are how much?
Twenty-five.
Oh, God! You gotta be kidding me!
Ced, Ced, come on, man.
I'll give you some chips!
No!
- This ain't over, Randy.
- I'm here every night, son.
This ain't over.
Yes, can I please have
a martini, straight up?
Come here, come here,
come here. Cancel that.
Candace.
Alcohol is the leading cause
of hangovers and bloating.
I am glad I'm not the bride.
Ladies, I've got another surprise.
Tickets to see Dionne Warwick
tonight, fifth row center!
Score!
Dionne Warwick?
Yeah, you... You told me you and your
mother love Dionne Warwick, right?
Right, but I...
Good, then. It's settled.
Thanks, Candace.
Hanover bridal party
is right over there.
- Uncle Eddie?
- Ladies.
Uncle Eddie! What
are you doing here?
I had to come and toast my favorite
little niece before her big day!
- I got your message.
- Thank you.
Miss Loretta.
I'm so sorry to hear about the
untimely passing of Deacon Johnson.
I know what it's like
to have loved and lost.
If there's anything, and I do
mean anything I can do to help,
just let me know.
Now, how many times have you
used that line on a woman?
I've said it plenty of times to
plenty of women, Miss Loretta.
But it's the first time
I've said it to a lady.
Excuse me, she also has tickets
to go see Dionne Warwick tonight.
- And no one to go with.
- Nobody.
Dionne Warwick? No kidding.
You know, my church choir just
sang I Say a Little Prayer...
Hallelujah!
If you'd allow me to buy
one of these tickets...
No, no! You can have mine.
- Please.
- Take mine!
Hey, hey, hey!
I'd love to accompany you.
How about it's my treat? I mean, after
all, That's What Friends Are For.
Looks like Miss "Whore-etta"
is back in the saddle.
Momentum had suddenly swung
in the girls' direction.
And the guys were about to commit
the first of many turnovers.
Word on the street is, Kristen is
trying to have a baby like right now, J.
Right?
Word on the street. Yeah. No,
we're both really excited about it.
When you ain't getting no sex,
let's see how excited you are.
- You ain't lying about that!
- "I don't feel sexy right now."
You ready for fatherhood or what?
- Fatherhood's gonna be awesome, Jeremy.
- Thanks, Big Mouth.
I think Jeremy's fears
are somewhat justified.
Think about it. How does
a child raise a child?
Zeke, really?
- Finally!
- You too, Mike?
No, my frat brothers. Isaac
and Terrell just got in town.
These two are the biggest
party animals I've ever met.
Hopefully, they can contain you.
'Cause you such a wild animal.
Maybe you can find a water park.
Chef. The tasting
menu is exquisite.
My friends and I, we
thank you. It's incredible.
He has to say that. How
about the rest of you?
- How about perfection?
- It's amazing.
Michel, a round of
whatever it is they want.
So, fellas, if you could spare
your friend, I have a few minutes
if you want a tour
of the restaurant.
Lead the way.
I love Ratatouille.
It's one of my favorites.
So, Dominic,
I took a look over your prospectus,
and I must say I'm very impressed.
But I'm not looking to
invest in another restaurant.
Right.
'Cause I am opening
a new one myself
and I'm in the market
for a new sous chef.
And I think you are my guy.
Me?
Your new sous chef?
Well, say something.
Are you really offering
this to me? Now?
Your fusion tapas inspired
a whole new entree,
which is a fancy way
of saying I stole them.
I can't believe this is happening.
Did I mention my last three sous chefs
went on to create their own restaurants?
- That's the dream.
- And you could be next.
They are breaking ground on the
new space at Planet Hollywood.
Why don't you stop and take a look?
Planet Hollywood? Here in Vegas?
Excuse me, Chef?
I really think this can be huge.
Yeah.
I'm very excited about this.
Oh, boy.
Ladies. You guys. I'm gonna
say goodnight to you now.
Thank you so much for including
me in the day, it was so much fun.
- It was our pleasure.
- Thank you.
Tish, what are you
gonna do tonight?
Well, I'm gonna
have a "mom-cation".
I'm going to play the
slots a little bit by myself
and then I'll just go nose
around the gift shops by myself,
take selfies with
the statues by myself.
I don't know, just like
drink alone in my room.
It might be a crazy night, but
you're more than welcome to join us.
- That's so sweet.
- Yeah, come.
Fine, I'll do it!
I do not wanna be alone
in my room in Vegas.
Okay, Tish.
If you're gonna join the bachelorette
party, I have one cardinal rule.
- You must dress up.
- Yeah.
Yeah, because we have to be
able to get into the club.
So you're gonna have to pull
it together a little bit.
- Like, belt it?
- No.
You know what? I have
a different twin set.
That's rule number two, is that
you can't wear a twin set ever.
Okay.
Get a cute little dress
and some shoes, some heels.
These are the highest heels I'm allowed
to wear, because I have rolling arches.
Well, this is all I brought, so I don't
know what else you want me to wear.
Bebe!
Come, come, come.
Shots up!
To Mike! I'm sending
you off the right way.
I'm the best best
man anybody can have!
You want Ceddy, baby?
Coco, did I ever tell you
that I love a woman in uniform?
Did I tell you I love a woman
without a uniform? Go, Coco!
Dom. You all right?
- Yeah, I'm good.
- You been really down since dinner.
- Seriously, what's up, man?
- Stop babysitting your drink, Dom.
I'm fine, I'm fine.
Oh, yes, you are fine.
I think she likes you.
No, Dom, we can see when the wheels
are turning, man. Come on, outwith it.
Chef Cotillard offered me a job.
- What did he say?
- The Chef offered him a gig.
That's huge, Dom!
- That's a celebration right there.
- Especially if I take it.
- Why wouldn't you take it?
- It's in Vegas.
- Lauren and I live in LA.
- This is a pattern with him.
It's called the Dom Syndrome.
- It's called, he's officially her bitch.
- That, too.
What are you all talking about?
We talking about the fact that she
dumped you, and you took her back!
- I know what I want.
- Stop!
So, now you telling me you gonna
give up the job of your dreams,
the job that could make
you, for that woman?
- For the woman.
- Spoken like a true...
Do not say it again.
It's actually kinda romantic.
You swimming in the Kool-Aid.
What good is a dream job
if he's gonna be miserable?
Let me ask you a question. Do
you all synchronize your cycles?
There's an app for
that, and I'm serious.
But wait, I got one
question, then I'ma back off.
Do you honestly believe that
she would do the same for you?
Wait a minute!
Good question, Zeke. How
do you do it? Tell me.
Can we have Coco
to the main stage?
Let me help you down. Jesus.
Excuse me, Coco. Thank
you for the dancing.
It's show time. My frat brothers,
Isaac and Terrell? They just showed up.
There they go!
What's up, man? I'm Cedric.
I'm the best man with
the plan. What's up, baby?
Ced, it's not them.
There they go!
Birds of a feather
all flock together.
What fraternity did Mike pledge?
Abercrombie and Fitch Epsilon.
This is Isaac and this is Terrell.
What kinda white woman
names her son Terrell?
I'm just messing with you!
- Chain him up!
- Get it on.
Guys, guys, guys!
Why didn't you think of that, Zeke?
Probably because black men
don't put chains on black men.
White men put chains
on black men. Django.
D is silent. I saw that movie.
Guys, what's a pickaninny?
Guys, you gotta meet my
frat brothers. This is Isaac.
- How are you doing, little guy?
- And this is Terrell, guys.
I've heard so much about you
guys, and none of it is true.
Where are your drinks,
ladies? Come on! What is this?
Is this a Shirley
Temple and a club soda?
- Whose bar mitzvah is this?
- You gotta take this night...
Absolutely. You and me are
gonna die tonight. Let's go.
I told you, you're
gonna love these guys.
Yes!
Come on, Tish!
Girl, those are three-inch heels.
These shoes are killing me.
- Miss Harris? I'm JP, your driver.
- Yes?
Ladies, your ride awaits.
Wait! This is our ride?
It is now!
Wait, you stole the boys' ride?
Genius!
- After you, ladies!
- I love that!
- How are they gonna get around?
- Who cares? That's not our problem.
What the hell is this?
This isn't my ride. I ordered the pimped-out
party bus with a stripper pole in it.
- It's got a pole.
- Cedric, what the hell is that?
Zeke, don't start, man.
I'm liking your gay vibe, man.
Stop. Everybody stop for a second.
Do we look like a group of guys that's
gonna roll to a spot in something like this?
As a matter of fact, you do.
Man, this is Vegas.
I've seen it all.
Are you gonna get in the car? 'Cause
you're getting charged regardless.
Dude, I'm not gonna argue
with you. We walking.
Ced, you know how long
these Vegas blocks are?
- Let's do it!
- I'm getting in the car, bro.
20% gratuity is non-refundable.
The women had not only taken our
ride, they had taken our mojo.
All right, what's on the agenda?
Actually, I have about 10
agendas for us this evening.
I fear them already.
As you should.
Okay, the first one is...
Is someone vibrating?
- You're not gonna answer that, are you?
- Put it on silent.
I have to get this.
Hello, Lauren Harris.
Please hold for Lee Fox.
- Who wants a cocktail?
- Me!
All right.
That food was garlicky.
You guys got any gum?
I think I have something
in my purse, side pocket.
- I'll have one of those.
- I definitely need one.
Me, me, me.
- And a Benadryl, if you have one.
- Pass me one.
Earthy.
- Lauren, it's Lee.
- Hi, Lee.
All I can say is
congratulations. It's unanimous.
You're officially COO of
our global media group.
Did you hear me?
Yes. I'm...
I'm just, I'm stunned.
I'm speechless.
Welcome to the Big Apple, Lauren
Harris. And to the big leagues.
Now go, have fun
with your bridesmaids.
We'll lunch on Monday.
Okay, here we go. There you go.
Are you okay?
Lauren?
- Someone's gonna throw up later.
- You're ready to party.
Let's go!
Vegas!
- Hello, Sofia. How are you?
- I'm wonderful, Zeke.
Guys, guys.
This is the lovely Sofia.
Sofia, this is the boys.
- Hello.
- Hey.
- How's it going?
- Easy. Easy.
- Let's go. Take your time, man.
- Let's give him some space.
So, how are you?
Zeke had to call a time-out after
running into yet another old flame,
who made it clear her life
was much better without him.
Turns out that he was still holding on
to the fantasized memories of his past!
But the real question was, if ladies
no longer saw him as Zeke the Freak,
then who was he?
Let me ask you something, how
did you let that slip away?
I think I was just an asshole.
Sometimes, you gotta wait
to find the right woman.
The perfect woman. And
that's who you marry.
Zeke ain't getting married!
What the hell is going on?
We here to have a
bachelor party, men!
Can we do that?
Saying the same thing over
and over again to you all, man.
Nobody answer any phones.
- Solidarity, brothers!
- I like that.
Gailzilla ain't gonna
mess up my trip this time.
What did you call me, Cedric?
You know I can hear you.
What do you want, Gail?
Why the hell do I have over
$40,000 worth of charges
- on my frozen company credit card?
- What're you talkin' about, 40,000 what?
You're dead, Cedric.
You are dead!
Baby, who you talking to?
- Who was that?
- I gotta go.
- Gail!
- This isn't over.
Everything all right, C?
I gotta... God damn it!
Is Gail here?
Don't worry about
it, I'll go get him.
You guys go ahead. I'll
meet you at Planet Hollywood.
This music is so intense!
Yeah. The beat just
moved right through me.
I feel like I'm on a conveyor belt.
These bitches are trippin'!
Excuse me. I'm so sorry. Sorry.
Hey, Marcel!
Mr. Ward. How can I help you?
I think there's a little
glitch with my bill.
Well, let's have a look, shall we?
I booked the Constantine Villa under a
very special promotion on my gold card
- for 4,000 a night.
- No. "Off."
I'm sorry, what?
Pardon? What'd you say?
The promotion is for
$4,000 discount a night.
Normally, the Constantine
is $44,000 a night,
but with your special promotion,
you are getting an amazing savings.
Plus, you're getting
40,000 gold points.
I don't give a damn
about them gold points.
You know what, Marcel?
- Actually, you know what I just realized?
- What?
- That room is too much. It's too big.
- Too big?
'Cause it's too big for one person.
It's cold, it's
lonely. I can't sleep.
Do you think I can move to a
more, lesser, a more lesser room?
- Smaller room?
- Something smaller, with one bed?
Absolutely, I can do that for you.
There would be no additional charge since
you are staying in the Constantine tonight,
which requires our standard
72-hour cancellation.
Oh, God.
But you know, you
know what, Mr. Ward,
I think that we can see to just
charging you for the one night.
- One night?
- Does that help?
Yeah.
Is there something else
I can help you with?
Where is the... Where's the ATM?
The ATM is right there.
Marcel, just say it, where?
- To your right.
- Over here?
- Just right over there.
- Whose is this?
- This is for guests as they enter.
- Well, I need it.
Ced, what happened?
What are you doing?
- I gotta win some money, Dom.
- For what?
- I gotta win money right now.
- Ced, wait! Stop, stop. Talk to me.
- What, Dom, what?
- What happened?
The room was a lot more
than I expected it to be.
All right, cool. So, how much?
$36,000 a night more.
You ain't got it, Dom.
My heart, man!
Give it back, man.
Just give it back.
Ced, one second.
Just tell me what happened.
What do you mean, tell you what happened?
I just told you what happened, Dom!
Am I speaking Spanish?
- I got you.
- No, you don't got me!
What makes it worse is I put the
entire $40,000 on Gail's company card.
- What did you do that for?
- You think I meant to do it? Shut up!
- She gonna kick yo ass.
- No shit, Dom!
You're saying everything I know,
you making this a lot worse!
- You think?
- I gotta get my life back and fix it.
The only way I'ma fix
it is the way I know how.
I gotta win my money back.
But Ced, here's the problem. No one
ever wins when they need to in Vegas.
Who are you, Nega-Tron? I got two
words for you, Rain Man.
Rain Man, right, okay,
let me call the guys.
No, you're not calling nobody!
This is Michael's day, man. I'm not
gonna ruin this for him, all right?
And I don't want those guys
around me while I'm gambling!
They gonna throw off my vibe.
Now what I need you to do,
I need you to be my friend.
Be my wingman right
now. Buy me an hour.
All right.
One hour, Dom, that's all I need.
Heart Bar. Meet us
there in one hour.
- One hour, that's all I need.
- One hour, Ced.
I just told you the time,
Dom! Don't say it no more!
Stressing me out!
- What do you think the boys are doing?
- Strip club!
Michael specifically said that he did not
want one of those skanky Vegas ho weekends,
and he hates strip clubs.
Girl, they are men!
And what about his
creepy little best man?
And let's not get started
on his first lieutenant!
I don't give a damn where
they're at or what they're doing
or if they have stoned sperm or
if they even want kids or not!
- What did Jeremy do?
- Not me!
He compared me to
Louis Gossett Jr.!
- No!
- Apparently, I'm not fun anymore.
You are so fun!
- I know! Exactly! Next round's on me.
- Gotcha.
Speaking of fun, for your challenge
at the Gallery Club, Miss Hall,
you have to dance on a bar,
table or in a go-go cage!
No!
You think Jeremy's right?
'Cause they say
where you're at in your sex life
is where you're at in real life.
What if I'm just controlling, you
know? What if I am a drill sergeant?
I'm fun, all right?
I'm fun, okay?
I'm back, Randy.
All right. We're gonna take
you guys back to the '90s.
Hey, here you guys are.
- Cedric okay?
- Yeah, he's good.
Where is my best man?
Still the best. You guys need
another round? It's on me.
I'm full, man.
Cedric got about two more minutes and
then I'm designating you the best man.
You know what? Let's do some shots!
I gotta pee.
Yeah, hurry back.
Told you not to break the seal.
You'll be peeing all night.
All right, let's do another shot.
Guys, I'm ready to go downstairs
to see my best man on a table.
It actually looked like he was up.
Your bachelor party!
Stop it!
Sorry I'm not the perfect woman for
your perfect son, Miss "Whore-etta!"
But I want my white roses, biatch!
Hell, yeah!
They gonna fire you, man!
You ain't gonna be able
to work here no more.
In other business news, Yanex
Media has promoted Lauren Harris
COO of its global media division.
Miss Harris has quickly risen to the top
of the conglomerate's Los Angeles office,
and will change coast to helm operations
at Yanex's hub in New York City,
one of the nation's biggest...
- What the hell?
- Yes!
- What's going on?
- I texted you like 27 times!
- Listen to me!
- Dude, it's been an hour!
Don't come over here
with that negative energy!
Okay? Not right now, man, I'm up!
I'm up like eight grand,
and I can win a lot more.
Go over there, go throw
a ball or something!
Listen! Are you the best
man or the worst man?
The worst man?
Okay.
I don't see any boobs in his face.
You know what? You're 100% right.
J. Crew and Ralph
Lauren are right, man.
Dude, I'm serious,
Mike. I've abandoned you.
- You didn't abandon me.
- No, Mike, stop.
I abdicated my duties and my responsibilities
for my own personal wants and needs!
Cedric, you're good,
you just been gambling.
That's not why you
made me best man!
You made me your best man
because I'm responsible.
And you can trust me,
unlike anybody else here.
Tomorrow's a new day,
gentlemen, but tonight,
tonight, Cedric is back
on duty. You hear me? Okay?
Let's go, guys!
And, Randy, it's been a pleasure.
Right behind you, Bennett.
Go ahead, Zeke. Hey.
What did I ask you for?
I said buy me some time.
- I did the best I could!
- I could have had all the money back, Dom!
Damn!
Guys, it's midnight. It's
midnight. Guys, guys, listen.
And this is not the
alcohol talking, guys,
this is the biggest day
of my life, gentlemen.
This is the day I get to marry
the woman of my dreams, man.
Come here, man. 'Cause
I know how you feel.
This is the 15th.
This is my wedding day.
And there's nobody
I'd rather be with.
Mike, you said today's the 15th?
- Yeah, the day I get to marry Candace.
- Oh, my God, that's a sign.
Mike, stop! I get it.
You're getting married.
People do it every day. Stop.
This is a sign!
- Of our love.
- Mike, will you shut up?
Please! Listen, I lost my
virginity when I was 15, okay?
On the 15th.
Me and Gail have been
separated 15 times. It's a sign!
God, I get it!
It's a sign!
Just calm down!
$10,000 on black 15.
- You're melting down! Get it together!
- Listen to me!
All that negative energy you're putting
in the air, take it out right now!
This is a sign. $10,000,
black 15. Right now. Move.
$10,000 on 15, table max.
- Don't nobody talk to me right now.
- We shouldn't let him do this.
- Cedric, are you serious?
- Zeke, don't talk to me no more.
Somebody say something else to me,
I'm gonna get really upset. It's a sign!
Are you letting him do this?
Black 15.
- Cedric.
- Black 15.
Black 15.
Black 15!
Black 15!
No more bets!
Black 15.
Winner, black 15, winner.
Yes, yes, yes! I told you!
$350,000!
I told you!
Cedric.
- You didn't win.
- Hold on, Zeke. Wait, stop, stop!
Where's my money?
I put $10,000 right there.
I was trying to help you, so
I made a safer bet for you.
- You did what?
- Remember what you said? Negativity...
So, I don't get the $350,000?
- Listen to me!
- Do I have $350,000?
Wait a minute, Ceddy.
Take it out of the air.
Hold on, Zeke. Hold on, man.
I'm gonna choke you out!
Get your hands off me!
I'm gonna kill you,
Zeke! I'm gonna kill you!
Get off of me!
I'm good. Get off me. Where's Zeke
going? I just wanna talk to him.
Zeke, run! He's coming after you!
It was the third quarter, and
it was still anybody's game.
I can't believe you
guys are hungry again.
We need our energy
after that performance.
- True.
- Look, it's midnight!
It's officially your wedding day!
Oh, my God, it is!
- What's wrong?
- It's all right to have wedding day jitters.
It's not that. I was just thinking, when
you marry someone, you marry their family.
And I can't marry Miss
Loretta. She hates me!
Hate is a strong word.
- And she is a strong woman!
- She's a bitch.
Yeah, she is.
And no matter how hard he tries,
with a mother like Loretta,
Michael is always
gonna be a mama's boy.
Accept what you cannot
change, or it will destroy you.
My grandma Eleanor told me
that the day I married Bennett,
and it's gotten me through 15
wonderful years of marriage.
I feel like that's so passive!
What, did you just give up?
I believe that I can affect
change in my relationship.
You can, but you can't
change a man's nature.
- Exactly.
- She's right.
You can't force a man to do anything.
Gotta let it happen naturally.
So, basically,
I'm just wasting my time.
Nobody's saying you're
wasting your time.
You're still mad over
the Zeke the Freak thing.
Yes! No!
I'm not mad about that, it's just,
I feel like he's pulling away,
and every time I talk
about this wedding
or your dress or the fact
that I'm a bridesmaid,
he gets this look on his face
where he just looks horrified.
Maybe he's just afraid
of being married.
But I never said anything about getting
married, so why would he think that?
Probably because all his
friends are getting married?
All men are terrified
of getting married,
because it reminds them of everything
they're never gonna get to do.
"Tish, I think we
should try a threesome."
"Really, Bennett? Do
you know what that is?"
"Yeah, it's when two girls
and a guy freak dance."
Time out!
"Is that why you
need your inhaler?"
Ladies, we're not gonna
talk about fear of marriage
a few hours before my best
friend Candace gets married.
- Plus, we have that last dare to complete.
- Yes.
You, my friend, have to get a lap
dance by a hot, sweaty, steamy stripper!
Ladies' night. To the strip club!
Now, while the girls' team
seemed to be coming together,
my team was falling apart.
Look at us! Just stupid.
- Save me? I'm already saved, Zeke!
- All right, all right!
Guys, stop, stop! You're
ruining my bachelor party.
- He's ruining your bachelor party.
- I'm sorry.
What's up with you?
You guys said the Constantine Villa
should be more than $4,000 a night?
Well, it is. It's 40.
- $40,000?
- How, Cedric?
The day that he asked me to be
the best man, I booked the villa.
- For forty grand?
- Yes, for forty grand, Zeke.
You want me to say it again?
You want me to make it worse?
Yeah, but why would you
do that? You was drunk.
You were buying the
whole bar drinks.
- You don't think I know what I did?
- No.
Bottom line, I had everything under
control. I had the money on the table.
I had Gail off my
ass and everything.
- We gotta cut you off. Listen, stop.
- Yeah, I'll hold it.
- Just give me the damn bottle back.
- You're done. You're done.
- It's my fault. How do I make it right?
- I don't know, Zeke.
What do you want me
to say? I don't know.
World Series of Beer
Pong is at the Flamingo.
- Do you play?
- Champ of my dorm, baby.
Are you joking? You don't go
to a beer pong at a bachelor...
Guys, I got it! I know
how we can get the money.
Easy.
- You kept the stupid flyer?
- Bennett, you're a genius!
Oh, my God. This is it! The
Hustler Club. Ladies Night!
They're doing a big contest
for amateur male strippers.
$50,000 in cash and prizes.
This is bullshit. No way the
winner takes home $50,000 in cash.
- Who does this anyway?
- You're wrong, Dom, look.
1st place, $25,000. 2nd place,
$15,000. 3rd place, $10,000.
Great, even if you win and come in
first, you still don't have enough.
Guys, the first three
places add up to $50,000.
- We can do this, guys.
- We?
Come on, Ced. That's all
right. You've been drinking.
No, Dom, I'm not tripping. This
has got nothing to do with drinking.
- You're fishing.
- Zeke, you owe me!
If I ask you to take your little
black ass out there and shake it,
you, out of all people
here, are gonna shake it!
This is not fishing, this is
reality. We can pull this off!
I think we should do it. It could be
fun. You guys have really good bodies.
Baby oil on black skin always
brings out all your muscles.
Come on, please!
- I say we go for it.
- Thank you.
- I'd like to male strip.
- Yes.
I'm not doing it.
We're in Vegas. This is not going home with
us, guys. It's done. It's a one-time thing.
- Come on, y'all.
- Can't do it, man.
Dom?
There's no way.
Absolutely no way in hell
I'm going through with this.
My mama would kill me
if she saw me in this.
Help me with my fanny-pack.
- How's my body look in this?
- Awful.
- What are you supposed to be?
- A sexy hobbit.
No, I'm a sexy caveman.
Gotta be kidding
me. Black Spartacus?
That's a good idea.
All right, fellas. You got
15 minutes before show time.
Loosen up, bro.
All them ladies gonna
eat you alive out there.
Better watch out, Zeke.
I can't believe this is happening.
I'm actually in a strip club.
Girl, please. We ain't doing
anything our men aren't doing.
Except we're not gonna get caught.
Look at him.
Okay, the action's down here.
Trust me, it's not.
Follow me, ladies.
Lauren! Do we have to do this?
Yes!
Oh, my God. It's your final
dare. Stop being a mom.
Ladies!
Give it up, give it up.
Come on, ladies!
How hard can it be to impress them?
That is a bunch of drunk
and horny women out there.
Wild crowd tonight, guys.
Cute hobbit. Go get them.
Okay. That guy is a professional.
And this is amateur night,
for chrissakes, you hear me?
You win by applause.
Listen up! My first
three amateurs, you're on!
Our outfits are gonna be better.
Look at that pork chop.
- Oh, shit.
- It's a setup.
Man, those are ringers.
Competing for $50,000 in cash...
Take your pants off!
...Sexy Santa and
his little helper.
Come on, ladies!
Come on, ladies, let me hear you!
Are you ready?
I said, "Are you ready?"
Ladies, this is the moment
you've been waiting for.
Do we have any
bachelorettes in the house?
- Any bachelorettes in the house?
- Yes, over here!
We're only gonna bring one, one
lucky bachelorette to the stage
for a lap dance from Santa.
Can I get a Candace? Do we
have a Candace in the house?
Candace, come up on stage.
Come on!
Fellas, go get Candace.
Go, yes, take her!
Give it up for Candace, ladies.
Good one, Lauren.
Yeah, I got her good, didn't I?
Come on, ladies, let me hear you.
- Come on, ladies, let me hear you!
- Lauren!
One more time, from the top, okay?
Five, six.
Five, six, seven, eight.
And step. And snap it.
Get lower, like Beyonc.
Right here. You gotta do
this. This is what they want.
- And then back it up.
- That's your boy.
It's like you got a chance
to put it right in they face.
Here it is. Took it away.
You don't have to do this.
We do have to do this, because
we took an oath, Michael.
- Another one?
- Come on.
You promised!
Y'all see that right there?
It's not gonna be that bad, man.
Just keep thinking $50,000.
Ladies, let's help her
out. Candace! Candace!
I know a Candace.
Where are you going? One more shot!
Candace!
"Kansas"?
Get off my girl!
Michael?
That's my girl right there.
Get your hands off me!
Michael's fighting!
Oh, my God.
Get off her!
That's my friend!
Stop!
Michael!
I got you!
Get off of her!
Stay down, all right?
- Really, dude?
- Shit.
No!
Bar fight!
Michael!
The story you are
about to see is true.
The names have been changed
to protect the innocent.
So the fourth quarter began with
both teams on a downward spiral.
Dom, slow down.
Wait. Mike, wait, wait.
- What?
- Wait, wait.
Slow down.
Look, while we're
in here right now,
I don't want nobody...
All right. Everybody all right?
- It's a door.
- Okay, listen to me.
Don't nobody say nothing
to nobody in here.
- You keep your mouths shut.
- That's a good idea.
You let me do all the talking.
- Hell, no.
- What do you mean?
Why would we let you
do all the talking?
Because I'm a Season
1 holder of OZ.
- Yes. Have you seen it?
- I've seen it.
- Have you seen Season 1?
- No.
Exactly, so you don't
have the knowledge.
Why don't you just
have my back one time?
- Talk some sense into him.
- Don't talk no sense into me!
Zeke's gonna blow
this whole damn thing.
Now look, we'll... Oh, my God,
Bennett, did you just fart?
I'm nervous.
Okay. You...
Listen to me. Listen
to me right now.
On the count of three,
I'm going in. Okay?
One, two...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Three.
Everybody, listen up!
What I need to know
is who's the boss in here?
Whatever you're thinking
right now is wrong.
You know why it's wrong? 'Cause
the new boss just walked in.
That's right!
Me and my crew.
We just took this
over. You got that?
It's a sign of respect.
Mercy, please.
- Mercy.
- Mercy, please.
Mercy, please. We're sorry.
You want the cube, you got it.
We don't need this cube.
Where was y'all at?
Why you up there, Dom?
One thing that never occurred to any of
the players was that both teams could lose.
Come on, ladies, keep it moving.
Let's go.
I'm not mentally prepared
to be someone's bottom bitch.
You know we're probably
all getting Chlamydia
from sitting on
these benches, right?
You know you're all
thinking about it.
My first official
photo on my wedding day
is a mug shot!
This is bad.
This is really bad.
Dionne Warwick in concert.
How 'bout that Do You
Know the Way to San Jose?
Yes, I do.
I had the time of my life, Eddie.
So did I.
So...
But it doesn't have to end.
I could use a nightcap.
Eddie. Eddie, listen.
I'm an old-fashioned girl.
I don't go in for flings and
affairs and one-night stands.
I understand.
So
I'm gonna say good night.
I'm gonna say good night, too.
Good night.
- Good night.
- So let me get this straight.
You're gonna use your one
phone call to call your mother.
She's gonna get us out
of here fast, watch.
Anything?
No, my mom's phone keeps
going to voice-mail.
- Who else?
- Uncle Eddie.
It's Loretta. Please
leave a message.
Who am I supposed to call?
Hello? Hi, could I talk to Kanye?
Can you just tell him
to get on the phone?
No, I'm still not
gonna call him Yeezus.
Mom, if you get this message...
What you mean, where am I
at? Where the hell are you at?
Who's this?
Hell, no! I know there ain't
that bitch in the background.
Listen, I'm in the Clark
County jail. Come bail me out.
That's a rude way to answer the
phone. I don't know anybody's number.
It went to her voice-mail.
I'm getting a new
assistant, she's fired.
Honestly, I don't know
anybody's phone number.
It's programmed in my phone.
Who dials a number anymore?
Hello? Hey, Jonah.
Put Nana on the phone.
She's asleep? No,
don't wake her up.
No, there's nothing underneath the
bed. I checked before I left. What?
What do we do when we're
scared? What time is it?
What time is it?
It's game time!
Any dogs in the house?
Any dogs in the house?
Alls we need is each other!
Alls we need is each other!
'Kay, feel better?
All right, I love you.
We're next, let's go.
'Sup, Ray? So, you
pretend to be Ray Lewis?
For my kids, I'll be Ray Lewis, Jerry
Lewis, or Emmanuel Lewis if it helps.
- But how do you know it's gonna work?
- I don't, I'm just winging it.
My kids just want to know their dad's
got their back. It's not rocket science.
- It was a good Ray Lewis.
- Thanks.
I can't believe you're
making me do this right now.
It's the only number you remember.
- 'Cause I tried so hard to forget...
- Dial.
- Not right.
- Dial.
Hello?
- Who is this and where is Gail?
- She's preoccupied right now. So...
- Preoccupied? What...
- Yeah, it means busy.
Wait a minute, hold on.
Say "preoccupied" again.
Preoccupied.
Is this Drake?
Dude, why you picking
up Gail's phone, man?
This is... This must be Cedric.
Actually, I'll tell you one thing.
You definitely sound the way you look.
That's not meant to be
taken as a compliment either.
At the end of the day, you're light-skinned,
so if I hit you it's gonna show.
- Listen, I'll get Gail to call you back, okay?
- You won't get Gail to do anything.
- That's actually up for debate.
- You know, Drake, honey...
- I'm gonna put the phone down now.
- Put this phone down, I'm gonna...
Hello?
I'm re-thinking the
bedroom chaise lounge.
I like the way you say
chaise. Chaise lounge.
I never really noticed
how nice of a word that is.
Gail!
If you give that light-skinned nigga
some ass... Gail, I know you hear me!
Break!
This was all his idea, not mine.
He just had to have
a Vegas wedding.
I wanted to stay in LA, you know.
I can't believe we're still here.
- Just try to relax.
- Come here. Sit down.
I can't!
Between us and the guys, I'm sure
somebody's already on their way.
Ladies, elbows stay on
the table, no cheating.
Winner! Next!
- Damn, Sonia, you said you had her.
- You get her then!
My fiance is spending
her wedding day in prison.
That's my fault. You
know, I'm just bad luck.
I'm like Mister from The
Color Purple. I'm cursed.
For real.
I mean, maybe I just
want it too bad, you know?
- Dreamed too big.
- You did.
- Tried to fly too high.
- Way too high.
I let you down, man.
But understand something. I was
just trying to be the best best man.
But, you know what, Isaac, you were
right. I am not the best best man.
- I am the worst best man.
- Yeah.
Let's take it a step further.
- I'm the worst best man ever.
- Yeah.
I kind of felt like that's where
y'all were supposed to jump in and say,
- "No, Ced. It's not that bad."
- It is that bad.
We're in jail. Look at
us, man. Look at my pants.
Mike, I told you don't pick them
pants, so, don't put that on me.
This is not how it was supposed
to be. I mean, tonight was crazy...
- It was awesome.
- It was epic.
I'm supposed to be getting
married in a few hours.
All I wanted to do
was hang with my boys.
I didn't want some wild
and crazy Vegas weekend.
Michael, you gotta realize
that the night is just way...
Think about the after-party, too.
Oh, my God, fellas.
The after-party.
- I can't call and cancel that now.
- Seriously?
- Seriously, what?
- That's where you go?
- It's one note with this dude.
- What do you mean I'm one note, Zeke?
- You haven't heard one thing Michael said.
- I just lost $40,000, Zeke!
- Fail.
- What does that mean?
- You fail.
- Okay, you fail.
- You are fired.
- I don't work for you.
I just hired you and
guess what? I fired you.
Cedric, just stop,
man. We've had enough.
It's not about you,
it's about Mike.
It's been about Michael and
Candace this whole weekend.
- No one flew in town for you. Enough.
- I was about to say the same thing...
Look, it's still your big day,
and I promise you we're gonna
do everything in our power
to get you out of here and
to your wedding on time.
You're gonna marry her.
Oh, my God.
Jesus Christ!
Lord have mercy.
Good morning.
Good morning.
Wait a minute.
Hey, Mom, it's me, Michael. Listen,
I'm in the Clark County jail.
Oh, my God, we have to go.
Wake up! Wake up!
We're still in prison!
Wake up, Sonia! Wake up!
Mya! Mya, wake up!
No, this can't be happening.
Wake up! Wake up! Guys!
Bennett, wake up.
Jerm, Jerm, Jerm! Guys!
Wake up! Excuse me, sir.
Tish, wake up!
Oh, God, let me out!
Please! Oh, my God,
please! Let me out!
I'm supposed to get
married in three hours!
I'm supposed to be
in hair and makeup.
Please!
- Dom, you said you'd get us out of here.
- Yeah. We'll get out.
Well, what time is it?
Let's go, ladies.
You just made bail.
We made bail!
Oh, my God, come on! Let's go!
Thanks.
We made bail!
- We're free!
- Please don't leave me, guys!
We're free!
Oh, my God!
- Thanks for holding the door open.
- Oh, my God.
- Where's Michael?
- He's right there.
Didn't I tell you to
keep an eye on him?
There's your boy right there.
- Mom, I'm right here.
- Oh, my God! Michael.
- They hurt you?
- No, I'm fine.
- Where are your clothes?
- Thank you!
Thank you.
This is probably your fault!
Oh, my God!
Can you believe this?
Tish?
- Baby, that's not how I raised you.
- They're my friends.
Oh, God, give me strength.
- Michael.
- Baby, I'm so sorry.
Hello! We have a wedding
to get to, people! Come on!
Guys, let's go!
Sorry!
- We're almost there!
- Hurry up!
Quiet!
Where have you been? I've
been calling you all morning.
- What's going on?
- You missed your time slot.
I told you, you had
to be here on time.
Let me handle this.
Look, miss, there has to be
something you can do to help us.
Is there another location you
can offer? Anything. Please.
This is our busiest month for
weddings and everything's booked solid.
I've already checked. I'll keep
trying, but it's gonna take a miracle.
There's gotta be
something that you can do.
I'm sorry.
Sorry, man.
Not now.
You wanna do Baby Boy?
Yeah, Jody!
- You gonna clean the house?
- I'm gonna clean the house, Jody.
- You gonna make me dinner?
- I'm gonna make you fajitas, Jody.
No, it's... No, it's tacos. You make
tacos. I mean, she makes me tacos.
Who cares?
I just wanna be accurate
if we're gonna role play.
But I don't like calling you
Jody. I'm sorry. It skeeves me out.
And your fanny-pack is
digging into my groin.
- His real name is Tyrese.
- I'm gonna call you Tyrese.
- Tyrese?
- Yes.
Take off your fanny-pack,
Tyrese! It's killing me!
If there was ever a time to
chill out, now would be it.
That's a great idea.
Guess you girls really did
get your freak on last night?
Well done.
They did.
Which totally explains how
everything went sideways last night.
So sideways.
You know, Jeremy, I've been
thinking about what you said
about me being a drill sergeant.
- Babe, I'm so sorry. I was being a jerk.
- You were absolutely right.
I don't wanna force anything,
especially not a baby.
I think we should just take
the pressure off ourselves.
Absolutely.
No, I love us without the pressure,
and if a baby comes out of that,
I'm ready.
- Really?
- Yeah.
In fact, I'm ready right now.
Babe, don't you think we
should get a little sleep?
Khal Drogo no need sleep.
Khal Drogo need woman.
I just hope you're still, you
know, of optimum ovulation, 'cause
I'm feeling pretty good.
No, babe. That's not how it works.
It's like the first day of my last period
and then you gotta count a couple weeks.
And your last period was five
weeks ago at Comic-Con, right?
Five weeks? No, that
can't be right, can it?
What?
I'm a week late.
You having a baby?
Possibly.
- Possibly?
- I've been stressed,
so that can totally throw it off.
Are you possibly having our baby?
Is our Halle-Tiger-Jeter baby
possibly in there right now?
Is my baby having my baby?
Okay.
No matter what, I never
want us to stop being us.
Deal.
In relationships, you score when you
relax your demands on your spouse
and yourself.
I should be talking to somebody,
calling somebody, using
my connections, something.
You got a lot of those.
When were you gonna
tell me, Lauren,
about this big promotion
in New York City?
I saw it on television, Lauren.
Dominic, they were not supposed
to release anything until...
Well, it got leaked.
Okay, baby. I can explain.
You took a job in New York
City without talking to me?
Dominic, it's complicated.
Yeah, it is complicated.
I got a job offer, too, Lauren.
What?
Chef Cotillard asked me to be the new
sous chef in the restaurant he's opening.
That could jumpstart your career.
- I was going to turn it down.
- Why would you do that?
'Cause it's in Vegas.
And the woman I love
and I wanna spend the rest of my
life with lives in Los Angeles.
And I just didn't think there was
anything more important than that.
- I can't go through this again.
- Dominic, stop.
I turned down the job, too.
What?
I called Lee Fox back and I
told him I couldn't accept it.
Why?
Let's see.
Well, the second reason
is because the man I love
and want to spend the rest
of my life with lives in LA.
What's the first?
I love his cooking.
Sacrificing to make
your relationship work
is as sweet as an off-balance
fadeaway at the top of the key.
I do it all the time.
The jumpshot, that is.
Well, for Zeke it wasn't
going to be that easy.
He was up against
a full-court press.
Nobody likes a trap.
Mya.
I've been texting you, calling you.
You couldn't just let
me know you were okay?
I needed some space.
You know, Mya, I've been
doing a lot of thinking.
Yeah, Zeke. I've been doing
a lot of thinking, too.
Please, let me get
this off my chest.
I want us to be together.
But you weren't honest with me about
your past. Come on, you know it.
Okay, I give you that. But
let me just explain why.
I already know why. It's the
whole "Zeke the Freak" thing.
You just can't let it go.
No, Mya, it's everybody else who
can't let it go. Okay, I admit,
it's childish and it has been part
of my identity for way too long.
But, Mya, I am so past that. You...
- Oh, shit. This water's cold.
- What are you doing?
Listen, I learned
something about myself.
I'm not that guy anymore. I don't
wanna be that guy anymore, Mya.
I know who I wanna be.
And who's that, Zeke?
I wanna be your husband.
And why now?
Mya, I have known for a while
that I can give myself to you
completely, no
hesitation, without regret.
I've just been waiting for
the right moment to ask you.
Will you please
marry me?
Is that an... That's an answer?
- Yes.
- Yes?
Yes, yes.
Yes!
Oh, my gosh.
It's beautiful.
You know, there's a bridge on the
other side that you could have used.
You score by understanding
that you can't move forward
until you both let go of the past.
You hear that, Gail?
Let the shit go!
Michael?
I am looking for my son.
He's down at the concierge,
still looking for venues.
You know, Candace, maybe
this is for the best.
Sometimes we have to read
the signs in our lives.
Now if you really loved
my son you'd go back there,
finish packing and set him free.
I am ending this conversation
right now, Miss Loretta,
because if I say another
word, we will both regret it.
You got that right.
Both will regret it.
What was that?
How dare you talk to
my fiance like that?
Who do you think you're
talking to, Michael Hanover?
I have no idea.
I would say that you're
my mom, a woman that I love
and admire more than anyone else,
but I don't know who this woman is.
Because this mean, vindictive
person that you are right now,
that's not the
woman that raised me.
And what you need to do right now
is you need to walk into that
room and apologize to Candace.
You know damn well I'm not
gonna go in there and apologize.
Fine.
But please be clear, you're no
longer invited to our wedding.
I love that woman
and I'm gonna marry her
whether you like it or not.
It had to be said.
True.
And, baby, I respect and love you so
much for standing up for me like that.
But I can't marry you, Michael.
Not like this.
Baby, this is no way to
start a life together.
What are you saying?
You have to go in there and
apologize to your mother right now.
Hell, no. She should
be apologizing to you.
Why are you defending her?
Because I am a mother, Michael,
and I love my son more
than anything in the world,
and I can't even imagine
the pain I would feel
if Duke told me I wasn't
invited to his wedding.
So you know what?
She may never like me.
She may never think that I am
good enough for her son but,
what mother does?
She has her flaws, Michael, yes.
But she is the reason
that you have become
the man that you are
and the man that I love so much.
But she should still
be apologizing to you.
She won't, Michael.
She is a proud woman.
Which means it is your place
to walk in there and say...
I'm sorry.
I was out of line.
You're right, Candace.
I never thought you were
good enough for my son.
Until now.
I'm sorry.
Come here.
When you insist on the right
way instead of your own way
nine times out of 10, you score.
That's the thing about Vegas.
When you're up, you're up, and
when you're down, you are down.
Brought you a little pick-me-up
before you leave, sir.
Not in the mood, Declan. I messed
up. I messed up big this time.
I had one job to do.
"Cedric, can you be my best
man?" Couldn't even do that right.
Even though I wasn't really asked like
that, the point is I was the best man.
Instead of providing a good
time, I messed up a great time.
The bachelor party,
the after-party.
That's nice. Prison.
- The pillow, sir?
- I like the color.
Please don't take the lamp.
Everything is my...
It's all my fault.
Well, I can't deny you've been
a bit of a silly-billy, sir,
but we British believe it's
always darkest before the dawn.
Now, speaking of dark,
have you thought
about a night wedding?
You know, when you've worked
in this hotel as long as I have,
you get to know
every nook and cranny,
and there is one picturesque little
spot that I've always thought that
if ever there was to be a Mrs.
Declan, I would tie the knot there.
I do believe that I might
be able to arrange something.
- Really?
- Perhaps you'd like to call your friends
and tell them not to
leave quite so soon.
And in the meantime,
I've got some magic to work, sir.
- Declan, you dog.
- Woof, woof, sir.
And just like that,
I was back in the game.
The best man with
the game-saving plan.
Because the institution of marriage
is not to be entered into
unadvisedly or lightly,
but reverently and soberly.
Too late for that.
Therefore, if anyone here has reasons
why these two should not be married,
speak now, or forever
hold your peace.
What y'all looking at?
Proceed.
Do you have the rings?
The rings.
- The ring. No, you put them in your pocket.
- Did I give them to you?
I didn't put them in my pocket.
- In your right pocket. Right there.
- No, I don't know where I put them at.
I got it. I have it. I'm sorry.
You really are the
best best man, Ced.
The couple would now like
to exchange their vows.
With this ring, I vow
to be a loyal husband,
a constant friend,
and a devoted father
to our son, Duke.
I vow to love, honor,
cherish and adore you.
Baby, I'm going to
adore you forever.
With this ring,
I vow to love you
in good times and in bad times,
in sickness and in health.
I promise to be in your corner
and by your side forever
and ever and ever.
I heard the whole group of them went
to jail the other night. The groom...
Girl, you ain't gotta shush
me. I'm just telling the truth.
Stop.
Okay.
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
You may kiss the bride.
Mikey! Kiss her! Kiss her!
Ladies and gentlemen, I give
you Mr. and Mrs. Michael Hanover.
- Go hug your mother, boy.
- Okay.
You did it, Michael.
You did it and it is perfect.
And I love you so much.
Okay, so it turns out, Vegas isn't
the worst place for couples after all.
You know, maybe I should
come here with Gail sometime,
when it's snowing, or
maybe when it's hailing
or when it's freezing
rain, which means never!
Dropped your dollar.
Bennett, what the hell am
I gonna do with a dollar?
That's like putting a raindrop in the
ocean. Get your ass out of my face, please.
All right.
Survey says...
Yes! $100,000!
That's my dollar, I won!
Yes. Thank you.
Yes. Thank you, Steve
Harvey. Thank you.
That was my dollar, sir.
That was actually my dollar.
No, it's mine. You gave it to me.
I put it in the machine. It's my dollar.
I didn't give you shit!
You gave me the dollar. Remember
the whole "raindrop in the ocean"?
That is his money. We won it.
It's my dollar.
Bennett, you tell your
wife to shut her face!
- Don't tell me to shut up.
- Don't bump, don't bump me.
Hello. Hi, there.
Cedric! You owe me money.
That's my dollar!
You leave yet?
Not quite, sir.
What about now?
Almost.
You there, Declan?
Not really.