Hello. My name is Marty DiBergi.
I'm a filmmaker.
I make a lot of commercials.
That dog that chases the covered wagon
underneath the sink? That was mine.
In 1966,
I went down to Greenwich Village
to a rock club called The Electric Banana.
Don't look for it. It's not there any more.
But that night, I heard a band
that, for me,
redefined the word "rock'n'roll".
I remember being knocked out by their...
their exuberance, their raw power,
and their punctuality.
That band was Britain's
now legendary Spinal Tap.
Spinal Tap is still going strong.
And they've earned a place in rock history
as one of England's loudest bands.
So in the late fall of 1982,
when I heard that Tap was releasing
a new album called Smell The Glove
and was planning a tour of the US
to promote that album,
I jumped at the chance
to make the documentary,
the, if you will, rockumentary
that you're about to see.
I wanted to capture the sights,
the sounds, the smells
of a hard-working rock band on the road.
And I got that.
But I got more.
A lot more.
But enough of my yakkin'.
Whaddaya say? Let's boogie.
Gives me energy. Makes me happy.
Heavy metal's deep.
The way they dress, the leather.
- Is this La Guardia?
- No, this is JFK. New York, New York.
Watch its mouth!
It's like you become one with the guys
in the band. I mean, there's no division.
You just...
The music just unites people...
with the players.
Comin' live, direct from hell... Spinal Tap!
You're hot, you take all we've got.
Not a dry seat in the house
Next day we'll be on our way
- But tonight I'm gonna rock you
- Tonight I'm gonna rock you
- Yeah, tonight I'm gonna rock you
- Tonight I'm gonna rock you
Tonight!
We are Spinal Tap from the UK!
You must be the USA!
DAVID ST HUBBINS
Lead Guitar
NIGEL TUFNEL
Lead Guitar
DEREK SMALLS
Bass
MICK SHRIMPTON
Drums
VIV SAVAGE
Keyboards
Little girl, it's a great big world
but there's only one of
Me!
Let's talk about your history.
Nigel, you and David originally started
the band back in... when was it, 1964?
Before that I was in a group
called The Creatures-a skiffle group.
I was in Lovely Lads,
and then we looked at each other
and said we might as well join up,
you know?
So we became The Originals.
And we had to change our name.
There was another group
called The Originals
- And we had to rename ourselves.
- The New Originals.
- Then they became...
- They changed back to The Regulars,
so we could've been The Originals,
but what's the point?
We became
The Thames Men at that point.
Stop wastin' my time
"POP, LOOK & LISTEN"
(British TV - 1965)
You know what I want
You know what I need
Or maybe you don't
Do I have to come right flat out
and tell you everythin'?
Gimme some money
Gimme some money
Your first drummer was...
- The Peeper.
- John "Stumpy" Pepys. Great, great...
Tall, blond geek with glasses.
- Good drummer.
- Great look. Good drummer.
- What happened to him?
- He died.
He died in a bizarre gardening accident
some years back.
It was one of those things.
It was... the authorities said
best leave it, you know, unsolved,
really, you know?
- And he was replaced by?
- Stumpy Joe. Eric "Stumpy Joe" Childs.
And what happened to Stumpy Joe?
Well, it's not a very pleasant story.
- But, er... he died.
- He passed on.
He choked on... The official explanation
was he choked on vomit.
- And he passed away.
- It was actually someone else's vomit.
There's no real...
They can't prove whose vomit it was.
They don't have facilities
in Scotland Yard.
You can't really dust for vomit.
Here we go.
- SoHo, they call this. SoHo.
- So-what?
OPENING NIGHT PARTY
New York City
How are you?!
lan... Hi, fellas!
How ya doin'?
I want you to meet everybody.
- Bobbi Flekman.
- Who's that?
- Bobbi Flekman.
- Who is it? With the record company?
Yes, Bobbi Flekman!
The hostess with the mostest!
You know! You know!
Hi, handsome. How ya doin'?
I want you to all meet Sir Denis
Eton-Hogg. He's the head of Polymer.
You don't talk so much.
Just smile and look smart.
Denis, come here! Come here.
I want you to meet Spinal Tap,
our guests of honour.
- How very nice to meet you.
- This is Sir Denis Eton-Hogg.
- This is Nigel.
- Thanks a lot for letting us... er...
Let's go over here
and we'll take a picture.
Where's my photographer? Come here,
honey. What's your name? Christine?
OK, right over here.
Good! Good!
- He's not into Negro music.
- No, it's not Negro.
Guys, you look fantastic.
You would never know you're almost 40.
If I looked this good
from the stage, too-it's amazing.
- I did the bird.
- Do the dead bird.
Get the dwarf cannolies.
- I did the bird.
- Don't talk back. Mime is money. Move it!
Now, we here at Polymer,
we're all looking forward to a long
and fruitful relationship with Spinal Tap.
We wish them great success
on their North American tour.
And so say all of us - Tap into America!
Excuse me.
Are you reading Yes, I Can?
- Yeah. Have you read it?
- Yeah. By Sammy Davis, Jr?
Yeah.
You know what the title
of that book should be?
Yes, I Can... If Frank Sinatra Says It's OK.
Cos Frank calls the shots
for all those guys.
Did you get to the part yet where
Sammy's comin' outta The Copa,
and it's about three o'clock
in the morning, and he sees Frank.
Frank's walkin' down Broadway
by himself...
Fuckin' limeys.
Well, they're not used to that world,
and Frank Sinatra.
It's a different world that they're in.
You know, it's just people like this,
you know... They get all they want,
so they don't really understand
about a life like Frank's.
You know, when you've loved and lost
the way Frank has,
then you know what life's about.
The New York Times may do something.
IAN FAITH
Manager, Spinal Tap
When do we get the album released?
It doesn't matter how good the press is...
As I explained last night, we're not gonna
saturate the New York market.
Now, Philly is a real rock'n'roll town.
The album will be available
all through the Philadelphia area.
So you are hitting that market...
We're certainly...
I'm doing everything I can.
You know that we're not blaming you.
But these guys have
an effect on an audience.
Kids go to their concert,
have a great time.
But it's... It's a passing thing. It's, uh...
I would never tell them this,
but this is a... this is a fad.
FIDELITY HALL
Philadelphia
The bigger the cushion,
the sweeter the pushin'
That's what I said
The looser the waistband,
the deeper the quicksand
Or so I have read
My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo
I'd like to sink her with my pink torpedo
Big bottom
Big bottom
Talk about bum cakes, my girl's got 'em
Big bottom, drive me out of my mind
How could I leave this behind?
I met her on Monday,
'twas my lucky bun day
You know what I mean
I love her each weekday,
each velvety cheek day
You know what I mean
My love gun's loaded
and she's in my sights
Big game is waiting there
inside her tights, yeah
Big bottom
Big bottom
Talk about mud flaps, my girl's got 'em
Big bottom, drive me out of my mind
How could I leave this behind?
Let's talk about your reviews,
regarding Intravenus de Milo.
"This tasteless cover is a good indication
of the lack of musical invention within."
"The musical growth rate of this band
cannot even be charted."
"They're treading water in a sea
of retarded sexuality and bad poetry."
That's nit-picking.
The Gospel According To Spinal Tap.
"This pretentious, ponderous collection
of religious rock psalms
is enough to prompt the question,
what day did the Lord create Spinal Tap,
and couldn't he have rested
on that day, too?"
I never heard that one. That's a good one.
The review on Shark Sandwich, which
was merely a two-word review, just said:
"Shit sandwich."
- Where did that appear?
- That's not real, is it?
RECORDING INDUSTRY CONVENTION
Atlanta, Georgia
All those arguments about touring...
We belong on tour.
All that stuff about you being
too old and being too white...
What about the album, lan?
This is beginning to be a refrain here.
There's no way
to promote something that doesn't exist.
It's just that they're
just experimenting with, er,
with new packaging materials.
Experimenting?
They got monkeys opening it?
The other thing is
that the Boston gig has been cancelled.
I wouldn't worry about it.
It's not a big college town.
You boys got an album
coming out or anything?
Smell The Glove. It should be out...
- Smell The Glove?
- Smell The Glove, yeah.
- Provocative title.
- Wait till you see the cover.
Very provocative indeed.
Bobbi, can I tear you away from all this?
- Do you have a drink?
- I don't really need one.
But, um, listen. I really do have to
talk to you a bit about this...
lan, just tell me what's on your mind.
- The issue of the cover.
- Yeah.
Um... we, er, I mean, we feel,
and it seems to be fact,
that the company's rather down
on the cover. Is that the case?
- Yes.
- You can give it to me straight.
Listen... they don't like the cover.
- Well, that's straight.
- They find it offensive and sexist.
What do you find offensive?
lan, you put a greased,
naked woman on all fours
with a dog collar around her neck
and a leash,
and a man's arm extended out up to here
holding onto the leash and pushing
a black glove in her face to sniff it.
You don't find that offensive and sexist?
- This is 1982!
- That's right, it's 1982.
We don't have this mentality any more.
You should've seen the cover
they wanted to do!
This is something you have to talk about.
- We're not laying down any conditions...
- A sexy cover isn't why an album sells.
You tell me - The White Album?
What was that?
There was nothing
on that goddamn cover.
Excuse me. We'll talk about this after.
Hello?
Oh, hi, Denis.
Uh-uh. OK.
Why don't you tell him?
OK, hold on. Lan, it's Eton-Hogg.
He wants to talk to you.
- OK. Thank you, darling.
- You're welcome... dear.
Hello? Sir Denis!
Hi. How are you?
Oh...
Fuckin' old poofter!
But it's really not that offensive,
Sir Denis! Come on!
OK. I'll call you
absolutely first thing in the morning.
Oh, shit!
They're not gonna release the album,
because they have decided
that the cover is sexist.
So what? What's wrong with being sexy?
I mean, there's no...
Sex-ist!
OK, I wanted to tell you this,
but I didn't know
what Denis's decision was going to be.
But at this point,
both Sears and K-Mart stores
won't handle the album. They're
boycotting it because of the cover.
If the company is behind an album,
it can shove it down their throats!
Money talks and bullshit walks.
And if the first album was a hit,
then we could have told them...
- Every cut on this album...
- I don't give a shit...
It was a joke
and they're making it a big deal.
If we said she should be forced
to smell the glove,
then you'd have a point.
But it's all a joke.
- We're making fun of it.
- She should be made to smell it.
But not over and over.
We can work something out. I'll talk to
Denis and maybe we can compromise.
A new design concept
we can all live with.
- You guys were schoolmates?
- We... We're not university material.
- What's on your finger?
- My gum.
- Why is it on your finger?
- I might need it later.
- Put it on the table. It's terrible.
- I might forget it on the table.
- Can't take him anywhere!
- How old were you guys when you met?
About eight years old. Eight or nine.
- You were eight and I was seven.
- That's right.
Do you remember
the first song you wrote together?
All The Way Home.
- All The Way Home?
- Yeah.
Can you remember it?
I'd love to hear it.
Christ! Some black coffee,
maybe we could do it.
How's it go?
- I was standin'
- Beside the railroad track
And I'm waitin' for that train
to bring you back
Bring you back
If she's...
If she's not on the 5.19
Then I'm gonna
know what sorrow means
And I'm gonna cry, cry, cry,
all the way home
- All the way home
- All the way home
- All the way home
- All the way home
- Cry... cry, cry, all the way home.
- Cry, cry, cry, all the way home.
There was about six words in it.
Just repeating them over and over again.
Let's talk about your music today.
One thing that puzzles me, um,
is the make-up of your audience.
It seems to be predominantly young boys.
Well, it's a sexual thing.
Aside from
the identifying that the boys do with us,
there's also, like,
a reaction of the female to our music.
Really, they're quite fearful.
They see us onstage with tight trousers...
We've got, you know,
armadillos in our trousers.
It's really quite frightening, the size.
And... and they run screaming.
VANDERMINT AUDITORIUM
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
lan, can I have a word with you?
Yes, of course. What?
There are a couple of problems
with the arrangements backstage.
- What exactly?
- Well, there are some problems here.
I don't even know where to start.
- Sound check? What?
- No, no, no, no. This. Look.
There's a problem with... Look. This.
This miniature bread. I've been working
with this for about half an hour.
I can't figure out... Let's say
I want a bite, right? You got this...
- You'd like bigger bread?
- Exactly! I don't understand...
You could fold this.
- Then it's half the size.
- Not the bread. You fold the meat.
- Then it breaks apart like this.
- No, you put it on the bread like this.
- But if you fold it, it breaks.
- Why fold it?
Everything has to be folded.
And then it's this, and I don't want this.
I want large bread, so that I can put this...
So then it's like this,
but this doesn't work because it's all...
Because it hangs out?
- Would you hold this?
- I wouldn't want to put that in my mouth.
And then we move on to this. Look! Look!
Who's in here? No one.
Then in here, there's a little guy.
It's a complete catastrophe!
You're right, Nigel,
but calm down, calm down.
- It's no big deal. It's a joke.
- I'm sorry.
It's just some cracker university.
I don't want it to affect your performance.
It won't affect my performance.
Don't worry.
I just hate it. It does disturb me.
But I'll rise above it. I'm a professional.
It's better in a hellhole
You know where you stand in a hellhole
Folks lend a hand in a hellhole
Girl, get me back to my hellhole
Do Stonehenge!
Do you play...
Do you actually play all these?
I play them and I cherish them.
This is at the top of the heap.
No question about it.
Look at the flame on that one.
It's just... It's quite unbelievable.
This one is just... It's perfect, 1959.
You know, it just... Listen.
- How much...
- Just listen.
- The sustain-listen to it.
- I'm not hearing anything.
You would if it were playing.
Because it's famous for its sustain.
- You can just hold it...
- So you don't...
You can go and have a bite
and you'd still be hearing that one.
- Can you hold this a sec?
- Sure.
This one... This, of course,
is a custom three pick-up.
This is my radio unit.
So I strap this piece on
right down in here when I'm onstage.
- It's a wireless.
- Wireless. Exactly.
- I can play without all the muck.
- You can run anywhere onstage with it.
This is special, too. Look, see?
It's still got the tagger on it.
Never even played it.
- You just bought it...
- Don't touch it.
I wasn't gonna touch it.
- I was just pointing at it.
- Don't point.
- Don't even point?
- No. It can't be played. Never.
- Can I look at it?
- No. You've seen enough.
This is what we use onstage.
But it's very, very special
because, if you can see,
the numbers all go to 11.
Look. Right across the board.
- And most amps go up to ten?
- Exactly.
- Does that mean it's louder?
- Well, it's one louder, isn't it?
It's not ten. See, most blokes
are gonna be playing at ten.
You're on ten here,
all the way up, all the way up.
You're on ten-where can you go
from there? Where?
- I don't know.
- Nowhere. Exactly!
If we need that extra push over the cliff,
you know what we do?
- Put it up to 11.
- Exactly. One louder.
Why don't you make ten louder,
make ten the top number,
and make that a little louder?
These go to 11.
Are you Spinal Tap?
- This is Spinal Tap.
- Welcome to Memphis.
- Gentlemen, we have a slight problem.
- How slight?
- You wanted seven suites.
- Seven suites.
He's put you on
the 7th floor with one suite.
That's considerably more than minor.
But it's a good-sized room.
It's a king leisure.
How are we going to get 14 people
in a king leisure bed?
- Don't tempt me, sir.
- Have a good time.
- I'll take care of it.
- Welcome, gentlemen.
- Very attractive...
- Listen to me!
We want these suites. These people are
tired. We've a sound check in an hour.
- What's the problem?
- Give me a hand, please.
I'll tell you what's wrong.
This twisted old fruit here
- Tells me that...
- I'm just as God made me, sir.
What's the difference between
golf and miniature golf?
Uh-oh, here they come.
Duke! Duke! Would you...
Can I have your autograph?
Duke. It's OK, we know him.
It's Spinal Tap.
- David St Hubbins, Spinal Tap.
- How ya doin'?
Derek Smalls.
- We gotta get going.
- Where are you playin'?
We're doin' the... Enormo Dome.
We sold it out.
That's a big place. You sold it out?!
We really should run, you know.
Good heavens! How are you?
Great to see you, Ter.
- Um... Liam!
- Lan.
lan!
We'd love to chat, but we gotta sit
in the lobby and wait for the limo.
- OK.
- Great to see you again, Terry.
- Cheers!
- Cheers!
Great. Great to see you.
- Good days. Good days.
- Nice to see you.
Fuckin' wanker. What a wanker.
He's got this much talent.
This much if he's lucky.
We had to apologise for him with our set.
People were still booin' him
when we were on. It's all hype.
- We got our rooms. Big fat suites.
- Can I ask you something?
Have you seen
Duke Fame's current album?
- Um... yes.
- You've seen the cover?
- No, I don't think I have.
- It's a rather lurid cover.
It's, like, naked women and...
He's tied down to this table and they've
got whips and they're all semi-nude.
- What's your point?
- It's much worse than Smell The Glove.
He releases that and he's number three.
But he's the victim. Their objections
were that she was the victim.
If the singer's the victim, it's not sexist.
- He did a twist on it.
- We should've thought of that.
If we'd had you guys tied up,
that would've been fine.
It's such a fine line between stupid and...
- And clever.
- It's just that turnabout.
I have a piece of bad news.
Although it may not be that bad.
We're, er... we're cancelled here.
- At the hotel?
- No, the gig is cancelled.
Fuck!
"Memphis show cancelled
due to lack of advertising funds."
The last time Tap toured America, they
were... booked into 10,000-seat arenas
and 15,000-seat venues. And it seems
that now, on the current tour,
they're being booked into
I was wondering, does this mean
the popularity of the group is waning?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, not at all.
I just think that... that their appeal
is becoming more selective.
I notice you got this cricket bat here.
- Do you play?
- No. I carry this partly out of...
I don't know. Sort of...
- I suppose... What's the word?
- Affectation?
Yes. It's a kind of totemistic thing,
you know.
To be frank, it's come in useful
in a couple of situations.
Certainly in the
topsy-turvy world of heavy rock.
Having a good solid piece of wood
in your hand is quite often... useful.
I miss you too, darling.
Um, not too well, actually.
We got to Memphis
and there's no gig in Memphis.
And we find out
this promoter in the Midwest
has pulled out of St Louis
and Kansas City,
and, um,
oh, Des Moines.
I don't know. It's in Indiana or something.
I thought...
Oh, don't tease me. That's not until April.
Great! We'll do it! Oh, fuckin' great!
Milwaukee. Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
I have no idea.
You might have to fly to New York
and then go to Milwaukee from there.
Oh, God, I love you too!
OK. Bye.
Well, my problems are solved, mate.
Jeanine, she's gonna come meet us.
She was supposed to do this window
layout for Neil Khyatt's boutique, but...
- Is she coming to drop some stuff off?
- No, she's coming on the road.
She's gonna travel with us.
She's gonna go on the road with us.
She says she can hear that
I'm eating too much sugar on the phone.
She says my larynx is fat.
You might want to come next door.
The radio's playing a bit of your past.
Are you happy for me?
- I don't believe it!
- Just have a listen, man.
How sad it must end
but I'm glad I've a friend
Sharing cups and cakes with me
And cakes with me
Oh, yeah! Goin' all the way back to 1965!
Doesn't it feel good with
The Thames Men and "Cups & Cakes"?
The Thames Men later became Spinal Tap
and had a couple of nice-sized hits.
They're currently in the
"Where Are They Now?" file.
Johnny Q with you on Golden 106,
and right after we...
I'm not sure this was a good idea.
I don't feel any better.
GRACELAND
Memphis, Tennessee
He was gonna do a TV special
from here before he died.
Yeah, a musical version
of Somebody Up There Likes Me.
Well, since my baby left me
I found a new place to dwell
Well, it's down at the end
of Lonely Street
At Heartbreak Hotel
- Do it with the harmony parts.
- All right.
Well, since my baby
The same key, though, I think.
Well, since my baby left me
If I'm going:
Since my baby left me
- Me
- No, you can't hit that note.
Since my baby left me
Well, I found a new place to dwell
- That's all right.
- Not really.
- It sounds raga. You don't wanna go raga.
- Not with this, it don't.
- Since my baby left me
- It sounds fuckin' barbershop.
- Barbershop raga.
- Watch the language.
- You're in the presence of the King.
- Oh. Sorry.
This is thoroughly depressing.
Really puts a perspective on things,
doesn't it?
Too much. There's too much fuckin'
perspective now.
In 1967, that was the first time
Spinal Tap came into existence.
The whole world was changing
in those days.
We had the world's ear because we had
just released an enormous-selling single.
- Listen To The Flower People.
- Flower People.
We toured the world.
We toured the States.
- Toured the world and elsewhere.
- A dream come true.
Listen to what the flower people say
"JAMBOREEPOP"
(American TV - 1967)
Listen, it's getting louder every day
Listen, it's like a bolt out of the blue
Listen, it could be calling out for you
In the Flower People period,
who was your drummer?
Stumpy's replacement,
Peter "James" Bond.
He also died in mysterious
circumstances.
We were playing a jazz blues festival.
Where was that?
- Blues jazz, really.
- Blues jazz festival.
That was in the Isle...
The Isle of Lucy jazz and blues festival.
And it was tragic, really.
He exploded onstage.
- Just like that.
- He just went up.
He just was like a flash of green light...
- And that was it. Nothing was left.
- It's true. This really did happen.
There was a little green globule
on his drum seat.
- Like a stain, really.
- More of a stain than a globule.
You know, several... dozens of people
spontaneously combust each year.
It's just not really widely reported.
SHANK HALL
Milwaukee, Wisconsin
Testing!
Test, test, test.
This is mike number one.
This is mike number one.
Isn't this a lot of fun?
OK, he's got the mikes.
Let's do GSM, all right? GSM.
Stop wastin' my time
You know what I want
Heavy up!
You know what I n-n-n-need
Or maybe you don't
Or do I have to come right
smack-dab out and tell you everythin'
Gimme some money!
Gimme some money!
Oh, yeah
Hello, darling!
Hello! I've got a surprise for you!
- Where'd you come from?
- Where do you think I came from?
The bloody aeroplane, didn't I? Right?
David?
David? David?
David?
Oh, that feels good!
Oh, I've been wanting to do that
for a long time!
- Want me to carry it about with me?
- What's all this?
That's the film crew. I told you about this.
- Martin, this is Jeanine.
- Hello.
Here it is! Here it is, lads!
Smell The Glove, me old beauties!
Gather round. Where's David?
David! David, get up here!
David, Smell The Glove is here.
Hello, Jeanine.
The moment we've all been waiting for!
- I never thought I'd see the day.
- Plenty for everybody!
- What do you think?
- Is this the test pressing?
No, this is it.
- This is Smell The Glove by Spinal Tap?
- That's the jacket cover
- That's going out across the country.
- This is the compromise you made?
- Is it going to say anything here?
- Nope, it's not gonna say anything.
- So it's just gonna be all black?
- Simple, beautiful, classic.
It does look like black leather.
You can see yourself in both sides.
It's like a black mirror.
I think it looks like death.
It looks like mourning.
Every movie in every cinema
is about death. Death sells.
I think he's right. There's something
about this that is so black,
it's, like, how much more black could
this be? And the answer is... none. None...
You're rationalising this whole thing
like it's something you did on purpose.
I think we're stuck with a very stupid
and dismal-looking album.
It's something you wear around your arm.
You don't put it on your fuckin' turntable!
This is the turning point, OK?
I think this is... We're on our way now.
It's time... It's time to kick arse.
When there was darkness
and the void was king
And ruled the elements
When there was silence, and the hush
Was almost deafening
- Out of the emptiness
- Salvation
Salvation
Rhythm and light and sound
'Twas a rock'n'roll creation
'Twas a terrible big bang
It was the ultimate mutation
Yin was searching for his Yang
And he looked
and he saw that it was good
I look to the stars
and the answer is clear
I look in the mirror and see what I fear
'Tis the rock'n'roll creation
'Tis the absolute rebirth
It is the rolling of the ocean
And the rocking of the earth
And I looked and I saw that it was good
Given the history of Spinal Tap
drummers in the past,
do you have any fears, uh... for your life?
When I did join, they did tell me.
They took me aside and said,
"Mick, you know, it's like this."
And it did kind of freak me out a bit,
but it can't always happen to every...
Can it?
The law of averages says you will survive.
Yeah.
Whoa, quite exciting.
Quite exciting, this computer magic.
- How many planets have you destroyed?
- About four for a fifth time round, I think.
We're doing really fine.
A few galaxies gone, you know.
- This is Cindy's first moustache.
- Is it?
- Can I take it off now?
- Why, are you too hot in it?
No, it's... I thought I might go back
and see what they were up to.
I don't think they need to see this
until you're finished with it, you know?
You were reading. You can read here.
Yeah, but they got
the new game back there.
I thought I could maybe
have a look at the new game.
- It's like a submarine thing.
- You've got stuff over you again.
Before I met Jeanine,
my life was a shambles.
I was using whatever Eastern philosophy
happened to drift through my transom.
And she sort of sorted it out for me.
Gave me a path, you know, to follow.
Do you have as much influence
over his musical expression?
Oh, yeah. I mean, I listen to him
when he's experimenting-don't I?
He plays things to me sometimes
when he's worked out...
He's got a new bit
he wants to tell me about.
And I say that's good or that's bad
or that's shit or whatever.
She's very honest. She's brutally frank.
How does that go over
with the other band members?
She gives me the brutally frank version,
and I sort of tart it up for them.
It's so strange because Nigel
and Jeanine are so similar
in so many ways, but they just can't...
They don't dislike each other.
- There's great love between them.
- Oh, yes.
But there's some sort of communication
that's just blocked or something.
- It's pretty.
- Yeah, I like it.
Been foolin' about with it
for a few months now.
Very delicate.
It's a bit of a departure from
the kind of thing you normally play.
Yeah, well, it's part of a trilogy, really.
A musical trilogy that I'm doing
in D... minor, which I always find
is really the saddest of all keys, really.
I don't know why but it makes people
weep instantly if you play it.
- It's a horn part.
- It's very pretty.
You know, just simple lines, intertwining.
Very much like...
I'm really influenced by Mozart and Bach.
And it's sort of in between those,
like a Mach piece.
What do you call this?
This piece is called Lick My Love Pump.
Do you have any metal objects
in your pockets?
- Yeah.
- Put them in the bucket.
Coins... keys...
Tuning fork.
Musician.
I have to stay in tune, you know?
Oh. OK.
- Could you take this jacket off, please?
- Oh, it's the zipper. Sets off the machine.
Let's go, hurry up!
Step over here, please.
Raise your arms.
Departure at gate 12 has been
delayed for approximately 20 minutes.
- Do you have artificial plates or limbs?
- Not really, no.
Would you, um...
I don't need a woman
I won't take me no wife
I got the rock'n'roll and that'll be my life
No page in history, baby,
that I don't need
I just wanna make some eardrums bleed
- Heavy
- Heavy
- Duty
- Duty
Heavy duty rock'n'roll
- Heavy
- Heavy
- Duty
- Duty
Brings out the duty in my soul
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS
Hi. Artie Fufkin, Polymer Records.
How are you?
- How you doing? You are... Derek.
- Derek.
Artie Fufkin, Polymer Records.
I'm your promo man here in Chicago.
I love you guys.
And, of course, Nigel.
I love you. Nigel Tufnel.
I love your stuff. I go back with you guys.
Artie Fufkin, Polymer Records.
- And who are you, darlin'?
- This is my special new friend, Cindy.
- Hello, Cindy.
- And this is Belinda.
Hello, Belinda.
Artie Fufkin, Polymer Records.
And I... Oh, what's going on here? Hi!
Hi, guys. Artie Fufkin, Polymer Records.
Nice to see you. And where is David?
David, hi! Artie Fufkin.
How are you? Nice to see you.
- We've got something happening...
- It's the food! It's the food!
Oh! Thank God! Civilisation!
Where do I put this?
What are you doin' to me here? I thought
we had a relationship. What happened?
Business is terrible. What can I tell you?
A record store with a promotion
and nobody shows up?
This isn't a personal thing.
Forget personal thing.
We had a relationship.
What about our relationship?
I feel like a schlub.
I don't know what's happening.
It's me, that's what is happening. It's me.
I did it. It's my fault.
We were told massive radio support.
We did! We did massive.
We saturated. We over-saturated.
It's me. I did it. I fucked up.
I fucked up the timing, that's all.
I got no timing. I got no timing.
- You know what I want you to do?
- What?
Do me a favour. Just kick my ass, OK?
Kick this ass.
Kick my ass. Enjoy. Come on!
I'm not asking, I'm telling with this.
Kick my ass.
XANADU STAR THEATER
Cleveland, Ohio
We've kept 'em waitin' long enough.
Let's do it.
Come on, Mick!
- Let's go, Mr Shrimpton!
- Rock'n'roll!
Rock'n'roll!
Let's have some rock'n'roll!
Rock'n'roll! Let's go, then.
- It's gonna be a hot one.
- It's gonna be great.
- Not an exit.
- We don't want an exit.
- No, that's true.
- This way.
Yeah, this way. Let's go.
Um...
- Wait. This looks familiar, though.
- Listen!
Shit!
Let's not lose it, let's not lose it.
Where the fuck is lan?
He should be here.
Tap! Tap! Tap! Tap!
We've gotta get to it some way.
We've been onstage, right?
We're in the group.
We're in the group that's playin' tonight.
You go straight through this door here,
down the hall, turn right,
and then there's a little jog,
about 30 feet. Jog to the left.
- We don't have time for that.
- Go straight ahead,
turn right at the next two corners.
On the first door is a sign:
"authorised personnel only".
- Open that door. That's the stage.
- You think so?
You're authorised.
You're musicians, aren't ya?
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Rock'n'roll!
Rock'n'roll!
Let's get it! Let's get it!
- This way?
- No, this way.
Straight through. Rock'n'roll!
Hello, Cleveland! Hello, Cleveland!
- Fuck!
- You must've made a wrong turn.
- We gotta go another way.
- Other way, other way. Other way!
I hate to keep harping on, but the notion
of a black album has cursed us.
We're getting substantial reports
of airplay. Don't worry about that.
But... it might have been better if the, uh...
album had been mixed right.
Well, no use crying over that,
but of course that's true.
Well, it was mixed all wrong, wasn't it?
It was mixed wrong? Were you there?
- But she's heard the record.
- So your judgment is it was mixed wrong.
- You couldn't hear the lyrics.
- You don't agree?
- No, I do not agree.
- Well, I think maybe...
- It's interesting she's bringing it up.
- She'd like to hear the vocals.
It's like me saying you're using
the wrong conditioner for your hair.
It looks sort of frizzy.
- You don't do 'eavy metal in Dubly.
- In what? In what?
- In Dubly. You can't...
- She means Dolby, all right?
You know what she means.
You shan't recover from this one.
Can I have the floor for just one moment?
I've got something I'd like to show you.
Jeanine's been working
on these very hard.
- These are a new direction...
- A new presentation.
The stage look of the band,
based on the signs of the zodiac.
We need a new presentation.
This is a look for Viv. He's a Libra.
There's the sort of Yin/Yang sort of look.
This is Nigel. He's Capricorn.
- Sort of a goat look.
- With a beard.
- Is this a joke?
- This...
- Excuse me. Is this a joke?
- Just bear with us for one moment.
This... I love this.
I wish I were Cancer.
- That's attractive.
- This is your crab face.
Give it a chance.
- And this is...
- David, wait, please. Wait a minute.
Have you any idea what it will cost
to dress up the band as animals?
- Oh, it don't cost nothin'.
- They're not animals...
It's a way to fight the drabs.
We've got the drabs.
That's true. I think mine would look better
in Dubly. If it was done in Dubly...
Shut up!
- If you're not open-minded enough...
- David...
There are solutions to our problems.
- I think we know what they are.
- I've yet to hear them.
We can take a rational approach.
We can say...
- May I make a suggestion?
- Oh, let's hear your suggestion.
Stonehenge. Stonehenge.
Best production value we've ever had.
But we haven't got the equipment.
We haven't got Stonehenge.
Please, please. Just a moment.
- Musically, we all know it.
- It's not a bad idea.
No problems musically.
We go right onstage and it's quite simple.
lan can take care of this.
But we don't have
that piece of scenery any more.
I know! So we build a new one.
- And this is it.
- Consider it done.
You're just gonna take care of it like that?
Using that as the plans?
- Let's try.
- If you can do it, I'll do the number.
Do you feel that,
in collaboration with David,
that you are afforded the opportunity
to express yourself musically
- The way you would like to?
- Well, I think I do, in my solos.
My solos are my trademark.
Perfect. It's the right proportions.
- It'll be this colour, right?
- Yeah.
That's just terrific.
It almost looks like the real thing.
- You got it.
- Yeah.
When we get the actual set,
it'll follow exactly these specifications?
Even these contours?
Um... I don't understand you.
The actual piece?
- When you build the actual piece...
- But this is what you asked for, isn't it?
- What?
- Well, this is the piece.
- This is the piece?
- Yes.
Are you telling me that this is it?
This is scenery?
Have you ever been to Stonehenge?
The triptychs are 20 feet high!
You can stand four men up 'em!
lan, I was asked to build it 18 inches high!
Look. This is what I was asked to build.
It's specified, 18 inches.
- I was given this napkin.
- Forget this! Fuck the napkin!
In ancient times,
hundreds of years
before the dawn of history,
lived an ancient race of people.
The Druids.
No one knows who they were
or
what they were doing.
But their legacy remains.
Hewn
into the living rock
of Stonehenge.
Stonehenge-where the demons dwell
Where the banshees live
and they do live well
Stonehenge-where a man is a man
And the children dance
to the pipes of Pan
And you, my love
Won't you take my hand
We'll go back in time
To that mystic land
Where the dewdrops cry
And the cats meow
I will take you there
I will show you how
And, oh, how they danced,
the little children of Stonehenge,
beneath the haunted moon,
for fear that daybreak
might come too soon.
The problem wasn't that the band was
down. The problem may have been
that there was a Stonehenge monument
in danger of being crushed... by a dwarf.
All right? That tended to understate
the hugeness of the object.
- You're making too big a thing out of it.
- Making a big thing was the idea.
Nigel gave me a drawing
that said 18 inches.
I know...
Whether he knows the difference between
feet and inches is not my problem.
But you're not as confused as him. It's not
your job to be as confused as Nigel is.
It's my job to do what I'm asked to do
by the creative element of this band.
- The audience were laughing.
- So it became a comedy number.
Yes, it fuckin' did, and it was not pleasant
to be part of the comedy onstage.
Backstage, perhaps it was very amusing.
Maybe we just fix the choreography,
keep the dwarf clear.
- What do you mean?
- So he won't trod upon it.
That's not the issue.
I think it's symptomatic of taking on more
than you can, er... er... handle.
It's not the first time
you've messed things up, is it?
There have been some gaping holes
in the business end...
Excuse me. This is a band meeting, right?
Are you here for some reason?
- She's with me.
- Is she now in the band?
I care what happens to the band.
David, whenever a single ruffle comes
into this adolescent fantasy world
you guys have built around yourself,
you start screaming like a bunch
of poncey hairdressers!
It's just a problem! It gets solved!
It doesn't! If it got solved, that would be
all right, but it doesn't get solved.
I mean, what got solved tonight?
For one single thing that goes wrong,
a hundred things go right.
Do you know what
I spend my time doing?
I sleep two or three hours a night.
There's no sex and drugs for lan, David.
You know what I do?
I find lost luggage.
I locate mandolin strings
in the middle of Austin.
I prise the rent out of the local Hebrews.
Get someone else to find luggage,
and you concentrate on the stage.
- You'd like me to be road manager?
- No! All bad blood aside...
What Dave is trying to say,
if you'd let him get a word through,
- Is you could maybe do with some help.
- Some help?
- Managing the band.
- It's very simple.
Maybe there's someone already here...
We don't have to pay insurance.
We don't have to pay extra room...
since she's already here, among us,
- And she's capable of taking over.
- "She"? Wait a minute.
Who do you think I'm talking about?
I would never have dreamed
it was her you were talking about.
I am offering to help out here.
You're offering to co-manage
the band with me.
Yes, that is exactly it.
I'm not gonna co-manage with some girl
just cos she's your girlfriend!
Oh! "Girlfriend", is it? I don't know
what you're doing managing the band!
- Why don't we just...
- Shut up!
This is my position. I am not managing it
with you or any other woman.
Especially one who dresses like an
Australian's nightmare. So fuck you!
Fuck all of you! Because I quit, all right?
That's it. Good night.
Can I raise a practical question
at this point?
Are we gonna do Stonehenge tomorrow?
No, we're not gonna
fuckin' do Stonehenge!
OK, we're all set. Thank you.
All right, fellas. I got the tickets. We're on
the 3.10 flight at gate 24, all right?
It arrives at 4 o'clock in Colorado. Then
we got a limo to take us to the Lodge.
It's about 100 yards
from Rainbow Trout Studio.
What I've done is to arrange
a whole load of charts.
- This is so great.
- We know that the band's sign is Virgo.
You see, Saturn's in the third house,
and it's a bit rocky.
But because Virgo is one of the most
highly intelligent signs of the zodiac,
we're gonna pull through this
with great aplomb.
Has someone not got one?
Nigel hasn't got one.
Nigel! Nigel! We got pages for you here.
He's got one. He's got it.
Think what a jumble
a tour book usually is...
- He's got one.
- Right.
What I want to explain to you
is that Denver...
How would you characterise your
relationship with David over the years?
- Has it changed in any way?
- Not really.
I mean, you know, we've grown up...
but really it's not...
No, not really.
We feel like children much of the time,
even when we're playing.
We're closer than brothers.
Brothers always fight.
Sort of... disagreements and all that.
We really have a relationship that's way,
way past that.
- He can't play any more.
- You know the parts.
If he knew the fuckin' part,
he'd play it, wouldn't he?
- Are you walking out? Great!
- Just tell me what we're supposed to do.
We're supposed to play the fuckin' thing!
- We've spent an hour and a half...
- I'm doing my part!
You know what would make this a lot
simpler? I hate to cut right to it here.
Why don't you play this alone, without
some angel hanging over your head?
Jesus Christ!
This is fuckin' all we need.
You can't fuckin' concentrate
because of your fuckin' wife!
- It's your fuckin' wife!
- She's not my wife.
Whatever the fuck she is,
we can't fuckin' do the track!
- This is unbelievable!
- No, it's not unbelievable at all!
Am I losing my fuckin' mind?!
Could you check me on this?
I don't understand
what this has to do with anything!
We're very lucky, in a sense,
that we've got two visionaries in the band.
David and Nigel are both like...
Like poets,
like Shelley or Byron or people like that.
They're two totally distinct
types of visionaries.
It's like fire and ice, basically.
I feel my role in the band is to be
kind of in the middle of that,
kind of like lukewarm water, in a sense.
SEATTLE, WASHINGTON
There's no time to go to the hotel.
You'd better go straight to the base.
- Base?
- The gig.
- To the Civic Arena, right?
- No.
Wait a second. Hold it. Do you know
about this and we don't know about this?
- We're going to the air-force base.
- Why go to an air-force base?
Because the original gig fell through!
- Lieutenant Hookstrat?
- Hookstratten.
- You are Spinal Tarp?
- I'm Jeanine and this is Spinal Tap.
Spinal Tap. I'm Bob Hookstratten.
Welcome to Lindbergh Air Force Base.
Is this your first visit
to a military facility?
May I start by saying
how thrilled we are to have you here.
We are such fans of your music
and all of your records.
Not yours personally,
but the whole genre of rock'n'roll
and the exciting things in music today.
Let me explain what's going on.
This is our monthly at ease weekend.
It gives us a chance to let down our hair,
although I see you have a head start!
These haircuts wouldn't pass
military muster!
My hair's getting a little shaggy, too.
Better not get too close. They'll think
I'm in the band! I'm joking, of course.
Walk this way, please.
Right through here.
Did you ever run into a group, works out
of Kansas City - Four Jacks And A Jill?
If you're ever there and wanna hear some
good music, you might wanna drop by.
I would like to get the playing on
about 1900 hours, if that's satisfactory.
- When would that be?
- I make it now... it's about 1830 hours.
- So that's what? 50 hours?
- 120 hours?
That's actually about 30 minutes...
give or take a few minutes.
I don't wanna rush you. The idea is
we can get it on and we get it over with.
And would you play a couple
of slow numbers so I can dance?
Working on a sex farm
Ploughing through your bean field
Gettin' out my pitchfork
Pokin' your hay
Sex farm woman,
I'm gonna mow you down
Sex farm woman,
I'll rake and hoe you down
Sex farm woman,
don't you see my silo risin' high?
High, high, high
Hi-i-i-i-gh...
Working on a sex farm
Tryin' to raise some hard love
Gettin' out my pitchfork
He totally ruined the gig there.
He walks off and then...
He can't sit at home and get money.
We gotta get someone else in there.
Has he done this before?
Has he quit the band before?
No, but you gotta understand that,
in the world of rock'n'roll,
there are certain changes
that sometimes occur.
And you've just got to
sort of roll with them.
You saw exactly how many people
have been in this band over the years.
over the years.
I mean, six months from now,
I can't see myself missing Nige
any more than I might miss
Ross McLachness
or Ronnie Pudding or Danny Uppam
or Danny Schindler or any of those.
I can't believe that. I can't believe that
you're lumping Nigel in with
the people you played with
for a short time.
Well, I'd feel much worse if I weren't
under such heavy sedation, but
you've gotta be realistic
about this sort of thing.
So what happens to the band now?
- What do you mean?
- He's not coming back or...
No. We shan't work together again.
THEMELAND AMUSEMENT PARK
Stockton, California
- Oh, no.
- Great.
If I told them once,
I told them a hundred times
to put Spinal Tap first
and Puppet Show last.
It's a morale builder, isn't it?
You got a big dressing room...
You got a big dressing room.
A bigger dressing room than the puppets?
That's refreshing.
I've got some of this Mendocino rocket
fuel that's supposed to be really nice.
Can you play... Excuse me, Viv.
Can you play a bass line
like Nigel used to on Big Bottom?
Can you double that?
You remember it? It's in fifths.
Oh, yeah, yeah. I got two hands here.
- So we can play that one.
- Hole is out, Heavy is out.
Right, right, right, right.
America we can't do. It's Nigel's tune.
It's not my tune.
- That's a nice, cosy ten-minute set.
- What are we gonna do?
- We got nothing to play.
- I'll tell you what we're gonna do.
- What?
- Jazz Odyssey.
We're not about to do a free-form jazz
exploration in front of a festival crowd.
You are witnesses at the new birth
of Spinal Tap, Mark 2.
Hope you enjoy our new direction.
On the bass - Derek Smalls.
He wrote this.
END OF TOUR PARTY
Los Angeles
So tonight's the last show of the tour.
Is this your last waltz?
Are we talking the end of Spinal Tap
or are you gonna try to milk it
for a few more years in Europe?
Well, I don't really think that the end...
can be assessed... er...
as of itself as being the end.
What does the end feel like?
It's like saying when you try
to extrapolate the end of the universe.
If the universe is indeed infinite,
then what does that mean?
How far is all the way?
And then if it stops, what's stopping it?
And what's behind what's stopping it?
"What's the end?" is my question to you.
- It's a good crowd, good crowd.
- It is, isn't it?
Yeah. Some of these things,
you know, don't mean much.
It's hard to get at the last minute.
You can't arrange it all overnight.
David, we had a 15-year ride, mate.
Who wants to be
a 45-year-old rock'n'roller farting around
in front of people less than half their age,
cranking out some mediocre
head-banging bullshit we've forgotten?
- It's beneath us. Who wants to see that?
- Absolutely right.
We can take all those projects
we didn't have time for.
We didn't have time because of Tap.
Bring 'em back to life, maybe.
- Do you remember what...
- At the Luton Palace,
we were talking about a rock musical
based on the life of Jack the Ripper.
- Yeah. Saucy Jack.
- Now is the time to do that.
- You're a naughty one
- Saucy Jack
You're a haughty one, Saucy Jack
It's a freeing up, innit?
It's all this free time.
- Suddenly time is so elastic.
- It's a gift. A gift of freedom.
I've always wanted to do
a collection of my acoustic numbers
with the London Philharmonic,
as you know.
We're lucky.
People should be envying us, you know.
- I envy us.
- Yeah. Me too.
It's gonna be fine, right?
- We'll make 'em miss us.
- Nice thought.
I'm in. I'm in tune.
- The last tuning.
- I think we should go in.
I think it's time to go, right?
- Wanna go?
- Yeah.
We're gonna do Reach Out When You Die
In My Champagne.
Come to see the show?
- Yeah. Hello, mate.
- Nige.
So did you just come here
to hang around backstage?
- Is that what you're doin'?
- I'm really a messenger.
- Oh, a messenger.
- Yeah. I bumped into lan and, er...
lan?
Oh, the other dead man, yeah.
Seems that Sex Farm
is on the charts in Japan.
Spinal Tap's recording of Sex Farm?
It was at number five last week, actually.
So he asked me
to ask you, Tap,
if you'd be interested in re-forming
and, er... doing a tour. Japan.
So you've come back to re-plug
our life-support systems in?
By the grace of your...
By the stroke of your hand...
You're gonna bring us back to life?
Is that why you've come?
- No, I've come...
- I mean... The fuckin'...
nerve that you've displayed...
I'm just passing on the information, really.
Well, it's time to go in. We haven't got
time to discuss this now. Come on.
David,
do a good show, all right?
Yeah, OK.
Little girl, it's a great big world
But there's only one of me
You can't touch cos I cost too much
- But tonight I'm gonna rock you
- Tonight I'm gonna rock you
- Tonight I'm gonna rock you
- Tonight I'm gonna rock you
Tonight!
You're sweet but you're just four feet
And you still got your baby teeth
You're too young and I'm too well hung
- But tonight I'm gonna rock you
- Tonight I'm gonna rock you
- Tonight I'm gonna rock you
- Tonight I'm gonna rock you
Tonight!
Oh, yeah
Nigel Tufnel, lead guitar!
You're hot, you take all we've got
JOE "MAMA" BESSER
Drums
Next day, we'll be on our way
But tonight I'm gonna rock you
KOBE HALL
Tokyo, Japan
Tonight I'm gonna rock you
Tonight!
Little girl, it's a great big world
but there's only one of
Me!
Do you feel that playing rock'n'roll music
keeps you a child? Keeps you
in a state of arrested development?
No, no. I feel it's like...
It's more like going
to a national park or something,
and they've preserved the moose.
And that's... my childhood
up there onstage is that moose.
So when you're playing, you feel
like a preserved moose onstage?
I've been listening to the classics.
I belong to a great series.
It's called
The Namesake Series of cassettes.
They send you works of famous authors
done by actors with the same last name.
So I've got Denholm Elliott
reading TS Eliot on this one.
- Interesting.
- Yes.
I've got Danny Thomas doing A Child's
Christmas In Wales by Dylan Thomas.
Next month it's McLean Stevenson
reads Robert Louis Stevenson.
- Treasure Island, I believe.
- Interesting. Fascinating.
There's also the shorter works
of Washington Irving
read by someone called Dr J.
- That's Julius Irving.
- There you go, in keeping with the series.
- You like this?
- Looks like Halloween.
This is my exact inner structure
done in a T-shirt.
Exactly medically accurate, see?
So, if we were to take
all your flesh and blood...
- This is what you'd see.
- It wouldn't be green, though.
It is green.
See how your blood looks blue?
That's just the vein, the colour of the vein.
The blood is actually red.
Oh, maybe it's not green, then.
Anyway, this is what I sleep in.
Denis Eton-Hogg, President of Polymer
Records, was recently knighted.
What were the circumstances
surrounding his knighthood?
The specific reason why he was knighted
was for the founding of Hoggwood,
which is a summer camp
for pale young boys.
David St Hubbins. I must admit
I've never heard anybody with that name.
It's an unusual name. He was an unusual
saint. He's not a very well-known saint.
- Oh, there was a St Hubbins?
- Yes. That's right, yes.
- What was he the saint of?
- The patron saint of quality footwear.
You play to predominantly...
predominantly a white audience.
Do you feel your music
is racist in any way?
- No, of course not.
- No, not at all.
We say, "Love your brother."
We don't say it really, but...
We don't literally say it.
We don't literally mean it.
- We're not racists.
- But... that message should be clear.
We're anything but racists.
We've grown musically. You listen
to some of the rubbish we did early on.
It was stupid, and now we're...
I mean, a song like Sex Farm,
we're taking a sophisticated view
- Of the idea of sex and music.
- And putting it on a farm.
If I were to ask you your philosophy of life
or your creed, what would that be?
Have a good time
all the time.
That's my philosophy, Marty.
I believe virtually everything I read,
and I think that
is what makes me more selective than
someone who doesn't believe anything.
Do you have a philosophy
or a creed that you live by?
Well, personally,
I like to think about sex and drugs
and rock'n'roll. That's my life.
If you were to have something written
as your epitaph...
Here lies David St Hubbins,
and why not?
- You feel that sums up your life?
- No. It's the first thing I could think of.
It doesn't sum up anything, really.
I'm a real fish nut. I really like fish.
- What kind of fish?
- Well, in the United States, you have cod.
I like cod. And I love tuna.
Those little cans you've got here.
Tuna fish... I love that.
- No bones.
- Yeah.
If you could not play rock'n'roll,
what would you do?
I'd be a full-time dreamer.
I'd probably get a bit stupid and start
to make a fool of myself in public,
cos there wouldn't be a stage.
Probably work with children.
As long as there's, you know, sex and
drugs, I can do without the rock'n'roll.
Well, I suppose I could work in a shop
of some kind, or do freelance selling
of some sort of product.
- A salesman?
- Like, maybe in a haberdasher,
or maybe like a... um...
a chapeau shop or something.
You know, "What size do you wear, sir?"
and then you answer me.
- Seven and a quarter.
- "I think we have that."
Something like that I could do.
- You think you'd be happy...
- "No, we're all out. Do you wear black?"
See, that sort of thing
I think I could muster up.
Do you think you'd be happy doing that?
I don't know. What are the hours?