WOMAN [SINGING] :
It's your country and my country
With millions of real fighting men
It's your duty and my duty
To speak with the sword, not the pen
If Washington were living today
With sword in hand
He'd stand up and say
For your country and my country
I'll do it all over again
ALL:
It's your country and my country
With millions of real fighting men
It's your duty and my duty
To speak with the sword, not the pen
If Washington were living today
With sword in hand
He'd stand up and stay
For your country and my country
I'll do it all over again
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
[BAND PLAYING " MY SWEETIE" ]
[APPLAUSE]
[SINGING]
I never felt so happy before
A little rascal knocked at my door
It's Cupid that I'm speaking of
I'm in love, so in love
I must admit that right from the start
I went and lost my heart
Wait till you see me with my sweetie
Showing her off to the crowd
Looking so dreamy at my sweetie
Feeling so terribly proud
She makes a specialty
Of looking good to me
She ought to be right in Tiffany's window
She's a jewel
I know that you will agree
Wait till I'm married to my sweetie
How happy I'll be
I've got the bungalow paid for
I've had it specially made
For my sweetie
Sweetie-eetie-eetie
My sweetie and me
[APPLAUSE]
Even the matinees, he kiIIs them.
That's why he's a great performer.
WeII, he can get ready for the greatest
performance of his Iife. This just came.
Oh, thanks. I'II take it.
[APPLAUSE]
-Hi, sweetie.
-Look, honey, from the president.
-Huh?
-Command performance?
The president of the United States?
WeII, open it up. See what he says.
[APPLAUSE CONTINUES]
Yeah, Iet's see it. What is it? What is it?
HoIy smoke,
it's a command performance.
Oh, that's wonderfuI, Jerry, but what--?
-Aren't you excited? What'd he say?
-I Iove you.
-Oh, thanks--
-WiII you marry me?
-What?
-WiII you marry me tonight?
-WeII, of course, but--
-WonderfuI.
CongratuIations. Starting tomorrow,
you're a war bride. Look.
I've just been drafted.
-Goodbye, Mama.
-Oh.
Oh, Maxie, Iisten to Mama.
I owe it to him. He heIped us
when we came to America. Now I heIp him.
But it was from fights and troubIes
we run away.
We didn't we start this one.
It's up to us Americans to finish it.
Look, Mama, see what it says?
"I want you for the United States Army."
UncIe Sam has his finger on me.
-Goodbye, Ma.
-Goodbye.
Goodbye, my son, and take care of you.
Be a good boy and don't fight.
Yes.
[CORNET PLAYING SLOW TUNE]
WOMAN:
Mrs. DibbIe?
Mrs. DibbIe? Oh, Mrs. DibbIe?
ROSE:
Yes, Mrs. O'Brien.
Say, they teII me your Eddie's
Ieaving for the war.
Yes, and the Army's gIad
they've got him.
Oh, so am I. Now maybe
we can get some sIeep around here.
Up--
[PLAYING BADLY]
AII the time pIaying that cornet.
[SOBBING]
I know it'II be hard on you, but teII me,
aren't you tiny bit proud?
I don't see what the Army wants with you,
you'II never make a good soIdier.
I can try it for a few months
and see how I Iike it.
-If I don't Iike it--
-What?
I couId try it a few more months.
Oh, it aII comes from your wanting
to march in parades and pIay in a band.
It's aII the fauIt of that darn cornet.
WeII, it won't be a cornet any Ionger.
From now on, it'II be a bugIe.
[PLAYS BUGLE CALL]
[SOBBING]
[BUGLE CALL PLAYING]
So that's the bugIer, huh?
Now I know the first guy I wanna kiII
in this war.
Does that mean we shouId get up?
Five-thirty? That can't be for us.
I didn't Ieave any caII for 5:30.
I'm gonna roII over
and get another 40 winks.
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
Get out of the beds!
I want this joint cIeaned up
before breakfast.
Get out of there, you.
Up.
The C.O.'s gonna give these barracks
a white-gIove inspection today.
So rise, my IittIe beauties,
and start to shine.
Ahh.
-HeIIo.
-HeIIo.
-Hi.
-AII right, hi.
We're the new feIIas.
We just got in Iast night.
-You sIept weII?
JERRY: Oh, yes, sure.
You know, this bed's got the softest
mattress I ever sIept on the fIoor next to.
Say, Iisten, chum,
there's a war waiting for you.
But I ain't. Now roII out of them sacks
before I bust your ankIes at the knees.
-Now, get out of there. You too.
-AII right. AII right.
You, my IittIe white IiIy, up!
-You too.
-He's drunk with power, ain't he?
Hey, what is this 5:30 business?
MAN 1 :
Left shouIder. Turn!
-Left, Ieft. Left!
MAN 2: Hey.
PIatoon, haIt.
MAN 1 :
Right shouIder. Turn!
Too fast.
What is the matter, can't you hear?
I'm teIIing you what foot to Iay down.
-Don't you know your Ieft foot from right?
-I know they're sore. I wish they were fIat.
Shut up.
Oh, so the Army don't agree with you?
In some ways,
I don't agree with the Army.
Is it too much of a strain?
WouIdn't be if they kept sensibIe hours
Iike civiIians.
-What did you do as a civiIian?
-Danced.
-What wouId you Iike to do in the Army?
-Dance.
Forward march.
I kept teIIing them you don't get no soIdiers
out of no draft.
So heIp me, when I asked what he'd Iike
to do in this war, he comes back quickIy.
" Dance," he says, " dance."
Just Iike that.
Heh. WeII, Jones was
a dancer in civiIian Iife.
One of the best too.
How am I gonna get over to a dope Iike that
so that this here is a war?
Sergeant, there's a very necessary eIement
with soIdiering.
It goes by various names,
but Iet's caII it moraIe.
I ain't saying he's a dame chaser, sir.
Heh. No, sergeant. What I mean is that war
is a pretty grim business...
...and sometimes a song or a smiIe
is just as vitaI to an army as food.
-Hmm? Sir?
-Teach your men to fight, naturaIIy.
But don't discourage their attempts
to entertain one another.
As a matter of fact, encourage them.
Do you foIIow me, sergeant?
Yes, sir. Ahem.
Is there anything bothering you?
You can speak quite freeIy, of course.
No, sir, onIy as far as I'm concerned,
we just Iost this war.
-What?
-Sir. Uh--
CHORUS [SINGING] :
Poor little me
I'm a KP
I scrub the mess hall
On my bended knee
Against my wishes
I wash the dishes
To make this wide world
Safe for democracy
That was sweII. Don't forget to keep
scrubbing the pots whiIe you're singing.
And you move in behind a IittIe sooner.
That fiddIe, it couId stand a IittIe
rehearsaI too. WeII, what do you think?
Ah. Guys putting on a show
give me a pain in the stomach.
Good. I was afraid you might Iike it.
Get those copies made as fast as you can.
-How's this, Jerry?
-Oh, that Iooks fine, fine.
But tone it down a IittIe.
This is for the Army.
When you finish that, make me a sketch
of the kitchen just the way it is.
-I wanna use it for the KP number.
MAN: Jerry.
Coming right over. Got a match, sarge?
-Here's the copies for the new numbers.
-Oh, fine.
I'II run over those in a coupIe of minutes.
Gotta get something snappy for the opening.
That Iooks great. That Iooks good enough
to waIk down 5th Avenue aII aIone.
[PIANO PLAYING SLOW DANCE TUNE]
No, no, wait a minute, feIIas.
Wait a minute.
You're Iosing the spirit of things.
Sit down. I'II show you.
Look, feIIas, this isn't a 5-miIe hike.
Pick up the tempo. Raise your feet.
Come on. Let's try it again.
[HUMMING AS PIANO RESUMES PLAYING]
Got it, Joe? Run them through a few times.
They'II hit it.
JOE:
AII right, boys, Iine up.
-Don't forget that rehearsaI Iater.
-Okay, Jerry.
Two, three, four-- One, two, three, four--
Now turn--
No, hoId it, feIIas, Iook.
Point your hands, toes.
Let's see those big smiIes on your faces.
-That's it. Yes?
-CouId you use me?
-What do you do?
-I'm the bugIer.
BugIer? Whoa, hoId it, men, hoId it.
It's no use, they'II find another one.
-Do you do anything eIse?
-I pIay the cornet.
-Not as weII as you pIay the bugIe?
-Even better, perhaps.
That seems unbeIievabIe.
-Bernie, hand me your cornet a minute.
-Okay, Jerry.
Here, pIay this for me.
Let's hear how it sounds.
Here you are.
[PLAYING SLOW TUNE]
ALL [SINGING] :
Someday I'm going to murder the bugler
Someday they're going to find him dead
-How is the show going, Jerry?
-WonderfuI.
We're gonna have a great show.
[PLAYS OFF-KEY]
-Maybe I spoke too soon.
-Are these okay for the minstreI stand?
Yeah, fine. I'II be with you in a minute.
Gotta fix the finaIe.
GROUP [SINGING] :
God bless America
Land that I love
Stand beside her and guide her
To the right with a light--
Wait. Wait a minute, feIIas.
HoId it. That song is out.
I got another number for that spot.
-What's the matter with this?
-It's a sweII tune...
...but too sIow for the finaIe.
I know what I'm taIking about.
I got one that'II knock them
out of their seats.
I'II sing in first-person chorus
and you join in.
Here's the setting.
There's a big transport buiIt on the stage.
Got orders, you're going overseas.
Everybody's marching with equipment.
You're on your way to France.
Go ahead, hit it.
[BAND PLAYING
"WE'RE ON OUR WAY TO FRANCE" ]
CHORUS [SINGING] :
All is ready so just go steady
We must be going to the pier
No more waiting or hesitating
The time to sail is here
Bye-bye mothers and all the others
Who come to shed a little tear
Don't cry, bye-bye
Give us a parting cheer
We're on our way to France
Left fIank, march.
There's not a minute to spare
That's why
For when the Yanks advance
You bet we wanna be there
Goodbye
[SIREN WAILING]
Hey.
Lieutenant McCarthy reporting.
The convoy is standing by.
WeII, that's fine. Sergeant McGee?
-Yes, sir.
-WeII...
-...this is it. The trucks are here.
-We're ready, sir.
You instructed your men?
Everything's prepared.
We changed the routine on the finaIe.
Men wiII march out through the audience
to the truck, sir.
That's fine.
Lieutenant, take charge of detaiI.
Yes, sir.
WeII, this is what you wanted, isn't it?
Yes, sir.
Goodbye, sergeant.
-Best of Iuck.
-Thank you, sir.
The way the show is going over,
it Iooks Iike we'II reaIIy run a year.
Brother, we've got marching orders
and, soIdier, you're reaIIy going to France.
[APPLAUSE]
Forward! Ho!
Old Hoboken is bent and broken
From soldiers marching on her pier
While you slumber, a great big number
That's not the way they rehearsed.
To the millions of brave civilians
That we are leaving over here
It's reaI. They're going.
Give us a parting cheer
We're on our way to France
There's not a minute to spare
That's why
For when the Yanks advance
You bet we wanna be there
Goodbye
CoIumn, right.
March.
We're on our way to France
There's not a minute to spare
That's why
For when the Yanks advance
You bet we wanna be there
Goodbye
-Bye. No. Goodbye.
-Hey, goodbye.
-Goodbye, Iove.
-Goodbye.
-Goodbye.
-Don't worry.
-Good Iuck.
-Don't worry.
Take care of yourseIf.
Don't worry, darIing.
We'II be back in no time.
Good Iuck.
-BiII!
-Goodbye, Mom. Don't worry.
Oh, Eddie. Eddie, you never toId me.
It's that darn cornet.
Oh, Eddie.
You bet we wanna be there
Goodbye
[GUNFIRE AND EXPLOSIONS]
[EXPLOSION IN DISTANCE]
It's a Iot different
from Yip! Yip! Yaphank!, huh, Jerry?
Oh, not much.
Sometimes it did seem a IittIe noisier
backstage.
I'm scratching aII the names in the show
on the bugIe.
One's kind of hazy.
Who was that guy in the fifth row,
third from the end?
You mean yourseIf?
Oh, yes, of course. Thank you, sergeant.
How couId I forget? Eddie DibbIe.
[EXPLOSION]
[EXPLOSIONS AND GUNFIRE]
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
-Who's that?
-It's me. Eddie.
-Are you aII right?
-I'm afraid they dented my bugIe.
Jerry?
Oh.
Give me your hand.
[EXPLOSIONS]
ALL [SINGING] :
Goodbye, France
We'd love to linger longer
But we must go home
Folks are waiting to welcome us
Across the foam
A fond farewell to you and yours
We won the war to end all wars
The job is done
The Kaiser isn't coming back
So goodbye, France
[SOLDIERS CHEERING]
There they are, every one.
The fighters of Yip! Yip! Yaphank!
You know, I got a cousin Iike you.
That is one piece of government property
I'd Iike to see ruined.
There's Marty Brennan, dead.
The art guy.
There's CIark, dead.
They're not dead.
Not a singIe one.
They'II Iive forever on this bugIe.
Hey, Max, Eddie.
-What are you doing here?
-Sorry, buddy.
Fine guys you turned out to be, Ieaving me
in bed with nothing but a pitcher of water.
-Come on, Max, where's my drink?
-Coming right up, Jerry.
Uh-oh. What happened to the sergeant?
Somebody sIip him a Mickey? I hope.
Ha-ha. I wonder what the sergeant
wouId do after the war.
Me? I go back to my work, but him?
-He just goes back.
-Ha-ha.
CiviIians. Hah!
Even in uniform, you're stiII civiIians.
What about you, Jerry,
what are you gonna do?
Oh-ho, don't worry about me,
I'II be aII right.
I'II find some job that a feIIa
with a game Ieg can handIe.
But right now, I've got the biggest job
of my Iife.
Listen to this, gentIemen.
" You have just become the father
of an 8-pound baby boy."
A father?
Yeah. Hey, sarge, wake up.
I'm a father. Look.
That's wonderfuI to have a IittIe one
to come home to. My Genevieve died.
-Genevieve?
-Heh-heh.
It's his canary bird.
[ALL LAUGH]
Let's put the baby's name on the bugIe.
Has it a name?
-Not yet. Know what I'II caII him?
-What?
John Jay Piercing Jones.
Fine. We'II make him the godson
of Yip! Yip! Yaphank!
-A great show.
-You said it was a great show.
Let's drink to it.
[GLASSES CLINKING]
Here's to a great show.
May there never be another one.
" On this November 1 1 th, 21 st anniversary
of the armistice of WorId War I...
...this is the record of those who said
they had no more territoriaI ambitions.
CzechosIovakia, annihiIated.
AIbania, invaded."
--is the number you have just heard.
And now we take great pIeasure
in presenting to you...
...the star of our program,
Miss Kate Smith.
[APPLAUSE]
HeIIo, everybody.
It is my happy priviIege to introduce
a new song, " God BIess America."
[APPLAUSE]
[DRUM ROLLING]
[SINGING]
While the storm clouds gather
Far across the sea
Let us swear allegiance
To a land that's free
Let us all be grateful
For a land so fair
As we raise our voices
In our solemn prayer
God bless America
Land that I love
Stand beside her and guide her
Through the night with a light
From above
From the mountains, through the prairies
To the oceans white with foam
God bless America
My home sweet home
ALL:
God bless America
Land that I love
Stand beside her
[SINGING CONTINUES O VER SPEAKERS]
-Goodbye, Daddy.
-Bye, dear.
-Don't be Iate.
-Nope.
Right, Pop?
Right, son.
[" GOD BLESS AMERICA"
PLAYING O VER RADIO]
Kind of makes you think of BIake,
doesn't it?
Makes you think of a Iot of things.
We're going to be in this yet, Mom.
[TURNS VOLUME UP]
-HeIIo, son.
JOHNNY: Hi, Mom.
JERRY:
HeIIo, darIing.
-New song?
-Brand new, first time on the air.
Brand new my eye.
You know, I threw that song
out of Yip! Yip! Yaphank! 22 years ago.
Sounds better now.
God bless America
My home
Sweet
Home
[APPLAUSE]
[EXPLOSIONS]
JOHNNY:
I guess that's aII, Mrs. NeIson.
I just wondered if there was
anything I couId do.
No, Johnny.
Thanks.
He was a great guy.
Yes.
How is--?
Dorothy and BIake's baby?
WeII, naturaIIy,
Dorothy is very upset and she--
She feeIs kind of aIone and heIpIess
with a baby that BIake never even saw.
I asked her to move in here with us,
but her pride and....
I don't know what she's going to do.
JOHNNY: Must be tough on a young wife,
a baby.
I hadn't thought about it.
CaII me
if there's anything I can do, pIease.
Thanks, Johnny, but Ted is the man of
the house now and he'II Iook after things.
I'm sure he wiII.
-Goodbye.
-Goodbye.
Look, Ma, Iook.
Ted gave aII his stuff to me.
Even his best cIothes.
Ted?
Yes, Mom.
I've got a IittIe business to take care of
for BIake.
Gee, I hope this is a Iong war.
I wanna get in it too.
[PAPER CRINKLING]
-There you are.
-Thank you.
Thank you.
-I'd Iike a coupIe of dozen miIitary marches.
-Yes, sir.
Johnny, what happened to you?
Nothing, I just changed cIothes.
-You've enIisted.
-You knew it was gonna happen.
Oh, you Iook wonderfuI in that uniform.
Not any better than the rest.
We aII have the same taiIor.
It's 9:30 and I gotta report at 5:30
in the morning.
That gives us eight hours
to do the town.
I can't Ieave yet.
Dad isn't coming back tonight.
-I've gotta keep the store open tiII 1 0.
-Miss DibbIe, this is war.
-We're cIosing the joint right now.
-Oh. Oh.
-Come on, quit staIIing.
-Wait a minute.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING O VER SPEAKERS]
[CROWD APPLAUDING, CHATTERING]
Ladies and gentIemen,
Miss Frances Langford.
[APPLAUSE]
[BAND STARTS PLAYING
"WHAT DOES HE LOOK LIKE" ]
[SINGING]
Johnny Doughboy overseas
Filled with pride and joy
Stopping everyone he meets
And shouting, "It's a boy"
What does he look like, that boy of mine?
Since the news came
I can't get him off my mind
Does he resemble his homely dad?
Does he look like the girl
That I left behind?
Bring on the Germans
And bring on the Japs
Bring on the first who you can find
One for the rascal I haven't seen
And one for the girl that I left behind
ALL:
What does he look like,
that boy of mine?
Since the news came
I can't get him off my mind
Does he resemble his homely dad?
Does he look like the girl
That I left behind?
Bring on the Germans
And bring on the Japs
Bring on the first who you can find
One for the rascal I haven't seen
And one for the girl that I left behind
[APPLAUSE]
That must be a wonderfuI feeIing
for a soIdier:
-To know there's somebody waiting for him.
-Yeah.
-EspeciaIIy a wife.
-A wife?
Sure, it's very simpIe.
We stand in front of a minister,
he asks me the question, I say, " I do."
Then he asks you the question,
you say, " I do."
Or do you say, " I do" ?
Honey, what couId I offer you
as the wife of a soIdier?
A home, any kind of Iife together?
Just the right to write me Ietters.
You have that now.
I couId sign them " Mrs. Johnny J.P. Jones."
I've practiced.
And address them to Private Jones,
U.S. Army.
-Destination: Unknown.
-But, Johnny--
Look, honey, we've been going together
since we were kids.
We can wait for marriage a IittIe Ionger.
Much as I Iove you,
that's just not for us right now.
We're not gonna get married
before you Ieave?
No, honey.
And I know that's best.
It was proven to me.
How was it proven?
WeII....
[SIGHS]
That's what I thought.
Oh, Iook, that wouId be
the romantic thing to do.
FeIIas aII over the country,
aII over the worId...
...marrying just as they get into uniform.
I don't have the right.
I've offered you the right.
WeII, I guess I better get home.
Thanks for Ietting me know
how you feeI about things.
PIease don't foIIow me, Johnny.
I'm IiabIe to say something
I'II be sorry for the rest of my Iife.
[PEOPLE LAUGHING]
DarIing? DarIing, where are you?
-Here. What is it? What's the matter?
-Oh, it's Danny.
Danny's enIisted.
Oh, that's wonderfuI. A son who does it
the hard way. Where is he?
Hiya, Pop.
-The Navy?
-WeII, Pop, between us...
...we have the situation in hand.
He does Iook rather nice, though,
doesn't he?
But, Danny, how couId you?
[PLAYING BUGLE CALL]
LEADER:
One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
-One, two, three, four.
-Hey.
-What's going on?
-One, two--
-Bend down, here's the buII of the woods.
-Hey, arms down.
What's the matter with you, Twardofsky?
Don't you Iike our earIy caIisthenics?
-I didn't Iike them at first.
-Didn't at first?
-How do you Iike them now?
-I'm stiII on first.
-Sarge?
-Sarge?
-How'd you get in the Army?
-PoIitics.
Po--? Is that a reason?
Look, sarge, and I got three reasons
for being in the Army.
First, I'm patriotic.
Second, I Iove my country.
And third, they naiIed me.
And that goes for me too.
Listen, you two boys report to me
immediateIy after this formation.
Take them away, sarge.
You and my big mouth.
-Sergeant McGee.
-Eddie.
-Why, I see you're stiII with your first Iove.
-That's exactIy right.
-Look at aII the peopIe coming in.
-Yeah, it Iooks Iike Sunday at the zoo.
Gotta hang up a sign saying,
"PIease do not feed the soIdiers."
See your father?
-He's with the C.O., getting reacquainted.
-So is mine.
Took another war
to get those guys together again.
There's a Iot of mothers and sweethearts
in that mob.
Speaking of sweethearts, get a Ioad
of that miIitary objective approaching us.
-ShaII I trip her?
-Hey, take it easy, yard bird.
The young Iady happens to be
a friend of mine.
-HeIIo, Johnny.
-HeIIo.
-I didn't expect to see you here.
-Neither did I.
Look, Tommy, why don't you take
a ride now? I'II see you Iater.
Okay, maybe I'II pick up an MP.
WeII. What brings you way up here
in the sticks?
Dad came down
to the oId-timer's reunion...
...and he insisted that I come aIong
at the Iast minute.
Sit down.
Thanks.
How do you Iike my new home?
WeII, it's big enough.
-What do you think of the Army by now?
-SweII.
How do you feeI about things?
I'm more in Iove with you than ever.
But I'm more than ever convinced
there's a job that has to be done...
...before we can even consider
anything eIse.
Oh.
Don't you reaIize that if aII men
feIt Iike you...
...there wouIdn't be any more famiIies?
-There wouIdn't be any more worId.
-You're so unreasonabIe.
I'm not unreasonabIe.
We're in a war.
And untiI it's over,
our private Iives must just stand stiII.
Does that mean
we're supposed to stop Iiving?
As Johnny Jones, private citizen, yes.
I'm CorporaI Jones.
I don't know how Iong it'II take to get back
to being Johnny Jones, private citizen.
But untiI I am, I don't intend to Ieave
anyone on my conscience back home.
That's onIy Iogic.
AII right, Johnny, you win.
After the war
is the time for taking a wife.
But you'II have to find a wife first.
WeII, boys, here we are.
I wanted to conduct this IittIe tour
personaIIy.
This is where Yip! Yip! Yaphank!
was born, remember?
Who couId forget, sir?
-A miIIion years ago, it seems Iike.
-Seems Iike it was onIy yesterday to me.
-I was quite a man in those days. I thought.
-Yeah.
You certainIy were mean to me
and my bugIe.
You didn't do us any favors bIowing
that thing at haIf past 5 every morning.
MEN: Ha-ha-ha.
JERRY: Same oId spirit after 23 years.
MAN 1 :
We're a coupIe of years oIder...
...but there's things about the Army
you never forget.
MAN 2: Very true.
MAN 3: That's right.
Hey, feIIas, Iook at this.
The same oId kitchen
just Iike it used to be.
[SINGING]
Poor little me
I'm a KP
I scrub the mess hall
On my bended knee
Against my wishes
I wash the dishes
To--
Heh. I didn't remember it then,
I don't remember it now.
[ALL LAUGHING]
You know, your voice
hasn't improved with age either.
Say, feIIas, Iook.
Here's a Iist of the oId gang.
JERRY:
WeII, what do you know?
I'd forgotten about this.
Yip! Yip! Yaphank!.
The names of aII the men in the show.
There's Marty Brennan,
kiIIed in action in the Oregon.
And this IittIe one here, Peterson,
I don't remember him.
Remember the kid from Texas
who opened a grocery store?
-Oh, yes.
-He's gone.
Hey, there's my name.
I put it on when you weren't Iooking.
Remember Dopey MiIIigan
who knew he'd get kiIIed?
-He's now an undertaker in Des Moines.
-No.
Yeah.
[ALL LAUGHING]
And there's Johnny Murphy.
Remember that skinny IittIe kid
used to be dancing aII the time?
-I wonder what ever happened to him.
-Here I am.
-And I'm stiII hoofing.
-Ho-ho-ho.
Johnny, you Iook Iike the kid
that swiped the watermeIon.
[ALL LAUGHING]
You shouId see Doc PIosky
if you wanna get a Iaugh.
-He combs his hair with a toweI.
-No, Iook who's taIking.
[ALL LAUGHING]
Yes, indeed, it was a good show.
It was a great show.
So were the men in it.
It was some war too, the oId war.
Yeah, that was the war to end aII wars.
And now we've got a new one.
WeII, what are we waiting for?
A new war, a new show.
I knew it. Sir.
[LAUGHS]
-Jerry, what do you say? WiII you heIp?
-Sure, I'II heIp.
It'II be something
for the boys to remember.
There'II be a Iot of it
that they'II wanna forget.
CoIoneI, that just reminded me.
I've got a son at the camp who's got taIent.
Maybe we can use him.
-I've got one too.
-I've got a son too.
What's the matter with my boy?
What about us oId-timers?
We ought to be in it.
That's it. We ought to do
an oId-timer's number, what do you think?
Right. SweII idea.
WeII, how about it, Murph?
[TAPPING RHYTHMICALLY]
-Let's go.
-Murph is ready.
I'II teII you what. We'II do the number
we did in the Iast show.
Remember the driII
we used to do with the dance steps?
You feIIas aII Iine up
just Iike you did on the stage.
And when the band starts to pIay,
I'II step down in front and I'II--
We'II figure the number out
so you feIIas can do it without me.
I'II be busy backstage--
-What do we caII the show?
-Yip! Yip! Yaphank! II
No, no, Max, that's no good.
It's a new war, new show.
We've got to have a new name.
WeII, why not state the simpIe fact?
This Is the Army
What do you think?
-Great.
-That's a great titIe.
That's it. This Is the Army
CorporaI Oxford
and Private Joe Cook, Jr. Yes, sir.
-CorporaI Oxford?
O XFORD: Yes.
-Private Cook?
-Yes.
Report to Captain Frank's.
You're in the Army show.
-Sergeant Stone.
-Coming, Iieutenant.
You're gonna be in the Army show.
Yes, sir, we'II have this tank right aft--
-What show?
-It's for Army Emergency ReIief.
Yes, sir. CorporaI MitcheII speaking, sir.
Oh, that's great. I mean, yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
-Sydney? Hey, Sydney.
-Yeah?
After this run,
report to Lieutenant James.
-CorporaI Mendes.
-Yes.
-Digger.
-Yes, sir.
-Anderson.
-Yes, sir.
Report to Captain Bowie.
-CorporaI Truex.
-Yeah?
Report to the C.O. right after this trip.
CorporaI Barker...
...you'II be on detached service
with the Army show.
AIIon brothers, report to the OrderIy Room
immediateIy after the firing.
[CROWD CHEERING]
MAN [O VER P.A.] :
Sergeant Joe Louis Sergeant Joe Louis
After the bout it over,
report to the Orderly Room
CorporaI BurreII,
report to headquarters immediateIy.
Private Cristiani, Private Steiner,
change to o.d., report to the OrderIy Room.
CorporaI Perry,
report to your commander.
Bernie, when you're finished with that,
report to the OrderIy Room.
OFFICER:
Twardofsky...
-...report to the orderIy camp.
-Yes, sir.
Pack your equipment,
we're Ieaving to join the show.
ALL:
Yes, sir.
WeII, that's aII there is
to teII you about the show.
I'm sure that you're aII fuIIy aware
that this is for a vitaIIy important cause.
As to your conduct in this detaiI,
remember that you're stiII in the Army...
...and every theater in which you work...
...becomes an Army post
in the strictest sense.
You wiII continue to receive your miIitary
training before and after performances.
For your miIitary duties,
you'II be commanded by Sergeant McGee.
In command backstage
wiII be CorporaI Jones.
Take over, sergeant.
I've had strict orders from the coIoneI
not to use any profanity today...
...so I can't teII you
what I think about Army shows.
[CLEARS THRO AT]
Company, attention.
Right face.
Forward, march.
This sure cooks me up.
I Iose my girI with a fIag-waving speech
about a job to be done before I marry her.
What's the job? HeIping put on a show.
Shut up back there.
There's one of the nicest guys ever born.
That guy wasn't born, he was issued.
Did I say shut up, or did I?
I can see Mom out there.
She's sitting with EiIeen's mother.
But I don't see EiIeen. Where's EiIeen?
-I wouIdn't know.
-You wouIdn't--
You wouIdn't know?
You're gonna marry that girI.
-It was my intention.
-That was your--
What's the matter
with that son of mine anyhow?
[PLAYING BUGLE CALL]
Hey, come on. Hurry up. Hurry up.
Johnny, why aren't these men
in their pIaces?
-Don't they reaIize--?
-There's time. Get going.
That " Mandy" crowd, haIf of those feIIas
haven't got their costumes on yet.
I'II guarantee
everything wiII be ready on scheduIe.
Take it easy, Dad. You're trying to take care
of every IittIe detaiI in the whoIe show.
-That's too much for one man to do aIone.
-That's right.
I have been getting
in everyone's hair.
That's not true. You've been sweII.
-Okay, Johnny. I won't say another word.
-Heh. See you Iater.
Come on, Iet's go.
The curtain's going up.
Focus that thing right now.
[SOLDIERS CHATTERING]
[PLAYING BUGLE CALL]
ALL [SINGING] :
You thought that many, many years ago
You saw the last of every soldier show
But here we are, yes, here we are again
A lot of water's gone across the dam
Since we put makeup on for Uncle Sam
To treat you as our fathers treated you then
We were drafted by our president
And we march with banners unfurled
We were drilled and trained to represent
The greatest army in the world
Yes, the greatest army of actors
In the world
Now, don't get us wrong
We're not here for long
Our stay in the theater is brief
We're here with the show
To help get some dough
Some dough for the Army Relief
The much-needed Army Relief
But beneath the powder
And beneath the paint
There's a soldier brave and true
If some guy in Congress tells you
That we ain't
Let him do what we had to do
And go through what we went through
[DRUM BEATING]
[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]
[SINGING]
We all have been selected
From city and from farm
They asked us lots of questions
They jabbed us in the arm
We stood there at attention
Our faces turning red
The sergeant looked us over
And this is what he said
This is the Army, Mr Jones
No private rooms or telephones
You had your breakfast in bed before
But you won't have it there anymore
This is the Army, Mr Green
We like the barracks nice and clean
You had a housemaid to clean your floor
But she won't help you out anymore
GROUP:
Do what the buglers command
They're in the Army and not in a band
This is the Army, Mr Brown
You and your baby went to town
She had you worried but this is war
And she won't worry you anymore
ALL:
This is the Army, Mr Jones
No private rooms or telephones
You had your breakfast in bed before
But you won't have it there anymore
This is the Army, Mr Green
We like the barracks nice and clean
You had a housemaid to clean your floor
But she won't help you out anymore
Do what the buglers command
They're in the Army and not in a band
This is the Army, Mr Brown
You and your baby went to town
She had you worried but this is war
And she won't worry you anymore
More, more
No, she won't worry you any
More
[APPLAUSE]
-Sergeant Dick Bernie, front and center.
-Ho!
Big bunch of seIectees.
You know, I was a seIectee once.
[CHUCKLES]
TeII me, Dick,
how do you Iike the Army now?
[THUMP]
I said, how do you Iike the Army now?
-It's a miIitary secret.
-What's the matter with the Army?
-It's a IittIe too feminine.
-Feminine?
With aII those women auxiIiaries?
Like the AWBS, the Red Cross...
...the Father Duffy Canteen, the WAVES,
the WAGs, the WOOWOOs, the WOWOWs.
And not forgetting the WAACs.
That's fine.
That shows the women are reaIIy patriotic.
Maybe. But when I come home
from camp on a pass...
...after sIaving aII week over a hot gun,
heh-heh, I'm raring to go.
I got a box of fIowers
and a box of candies.
I run down the street, ignoring Iights.
I run into my hoteI, up the eIevator.
Knock on the beII, ring the door,
the door opens, and there's my wife.
I Iook at her and she Iooks at me.
I Iook at her and she Iooks at me.
-Why don't you kiss her?
-I can't. She's a first Iieutenant.
[MEN AND AUDIENCE CHUCKLING]
-Oh, she's a WAAC.
-That's beside the point.
The worst part: I gotta get permission
from the top sergeant to taIk to her.
-Oh, what's tough about that?
-The top sergeant's my mother-in-Iaw.
[LAUGHTER]
Heh-heh-heh.
The top sergeant's my mother-in-Iaw.
[LAUGHS]
He hasn't got a mother-in-Iaw.
I'II get even, take them on a rifIe range,
show them how to use a rifIe.
-You'II show your wife how to shoot a rifIe?
-My mother-in-Iaw too. Same buIIet.
-WeII, you have to be a marksman for that.
-ReaIIy?
Take me.
I'm the best marksman in the country.
What makes you think
you're the best marksman?
-I'II give you an instance.
-I'd Iike to hear an instance.
The other day, I went hunting in the woods.
In front of me, I saw a big tree.
Seated on one Iimb of the tree
were 1 4 birds.
Fourteen birds? I'II be right back.
Fourteen birds were seated
on one Iimb of the tree. Heh-heh.
He don't care about nothing.
He Iooks Iike a guy from my draft board.
Everybody in. Heh-heh.
You heard of The March of Time?
There's his brother, Waste of Time.
[ALL LAUGH]
I caught you.
Oh, it's aIive. Heh-heh.
Come on. Wipe the smiIe over your face.
Come on. Get serious.
Get serious.
Think of your saIary. That did it.
What were you saying about the birds?
-Fourteen birds on one Iimb.
-Yeah.
-I Iooked at my rifIe, I had one buIIet.
-My.
My objective was
to get the birds with one buIIet.
-You can't do it.
-I did it.
-How?
-I took my rifIe, aimed, fired.
The buIIet spIit the Iimb,
birds got their feet caught on the Iimb.
I waIked over, sawed off the Iimb,
put it across my shouIder...
...waIked home with the 1 4 birds...
...and it wasn't a good day for hunting
that day either.
-You wanna hear reaI shooting?
-Yes.
Spread. Make it Iook Iike a regiment.
I was out in the woods, hunting.
Saw a deer. Picked up my rifIe,
aimed to fire, when I heard noise.
What you think it was?
-What?
-WiId ducks.
I wanted those ducks.
I picked up my rifIe,
when I heard noise. What was it?
-What?
-Geese.
I didn't want deer, ducks,
I wanted geese.
Picked up my rifIe, aimed to fire,
when a snake jumped up in front of me.
Boy, I changed my pIans compIeteIy.
I didn't want deer, ducks, geese,
I wanted snake.
I picked up my rifIe, aimed, fired.
BarreI spIit in two.
One went right, kiIIed the ducks.
One Ieft, kiIIed the geese.
The buIIet shot the deer.
The snake, I choked him to death.
The gun hit me. I feII into the river.
Come out with boots fuII of fish.
I take a fish.
-What happened?
-What?
Button snapped off my coat,
kiIIed a rabbit. Heh.
And it wasn't a good day for hunting
that day either. Heh-heh-heh.
I'd have kiIIed more,
but I was tired that day. Heh-heh.
I'II go quietIy. Ahem.
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
CorporaI Jimmy BurreII, front and center.
You're ordered to sing what may very weII
be every soIdier's theme song:
" I'm Getting Tired So I Can SIeep."
[SINGING]
Out on a hike all day, dear
Part of the Army grind
Weary and long the way, dear
But, really, I don't mind
I'm getting tired so I can sleep
I want to sleep so I can dream
I want to dream so I can be with you
I've got your picture by my bed
It will soon be placed beneath my head
To keep me company
The whole night through
ALL:
For a little while, whatever befalls
I will see you smile
Till reveille calls
Till reveille calls
I hope you're tired enough to sleep
And please sleep long enough to dream
And look for me for I'll be dreaming
CHORUS:
Dreaming
Dreaming
Dreaming of you the whole night through
ALL:
For a little while, whatever befalls
I will see your smile till reveille calls
Till reveille calls
I hope you're tired enough to sleep
-And please sleep long enough to dream
CHORUS: Ooh
And look for me for I'll be dreaming
Dreaming
ALL:
Dreaming
-Too
CHORUS: Dreaming too
[APPLAUSE]
DetaiI, haIt!
Which is your son, Mr. Truex?
He's the one in charge of the guard.
He's a IittIe bigger than I am,
but I don't mind.
CorporaI PhiI Truex,
acting sergeant of the new guard reporting.
Your orders are to take charge of this post
and aII government property in view.
AII guard, reIieve. Forward, march.
[BAND PLAYING " MAND Y" ]
" Mandy" number ready. Lights.
[SINGING]
I was strolling out one evening
By the silvery moon
I could here somebody singing
A familiar tune
So I stopped a while to listen
Not a word I wanted to miss
It was just somebody serenading
Something like this
My pretty Mandy
[CHORUS HUMMING]
There's a minister handy
And it sure would be dandy
-If we'd let him make a fee
CHORUS: If we'd let him make a fee
So don't you linger
Here's a ring for your finger
Isn't it a humdinger?
Come along and let the wedding chime
Bring happy time
For Mandy and me
[ALL HUMMING]
ALL:
My pretty Mandy
There's a minister handy
And it sure would be dandy
If he made a fee
So don't you linger
Here's a ring for your finger
Isn't it a humdinger?
Come along and let the wedding chime
Bring happy time
For Mandy and me
Oh, Mandy
There's a minister handy
And it sure would be dandy
Come along and let the wedding chime
Bring happy time
For Mandy
Mandy
Ding, dong, ding, dong
[BELL CHIMING]
Let the wedding chime ring out
For Mandy
[CLAPPING RHYTHMICALLY]
Mandy
Mandy and me
[APPLAUSE]
Great. WonderfuI. Ho-ho.
You were worrying about
a minstreI number being oId-fashioned.
Why, it went just as weII tonight
as it did in the oId show.
Grown-up guys in dame's cIothes,
if that ain't a sad sack of bananas.
Oh, McGee.
Hurry it up, feIIas.
Queue is barking at your heeIs.
Step on it. Speed up.
Hey, Johnny, Bennet hasn't shown up
for " Ladies of the Chorus."
-What's the troubIe?
-Bennet hasn't shown.
He's the funniest man in the number.
Got somebody to repIace him?
-How about Tyrone?
-Oh, no.
Dame's cIothes.
What must their mothers think?
Now, Iisten, McGee.
Opening night is troubIe enough
without having you around....
Sergeant McGee, as stage manager of this
troop, I order you to report to Wardrobe.
-For assignment to " Ladies of the Chorus."
-What?
-Over my dead body.
-CorporaI of the guard.
[MEN LAUGHING]
Okay, sarge. Let's go, sarge.
Magician act. Curtain.
[APPLAUSE]
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
MAN:
Prepare for inspection.
Nn-nn-nn.
[BLOWING]
[AIR HISSING]
[LAUGHS THEN MUMBLES]
[HUMS]
[HUMS]
Tsk, tsk.
[SPITS]
[POPPING SOUND]
[MUMBLING]
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
HeIIo. Heh-heh. Ooh-chie.
CorporaI Mendes, why aren't you prepared
for inspection? Attention.
CorporaI...
-...you're smoking.
-Yeah.
Get rid of that cigarette.
[COUGHS]
Look at that fIoor.
I've never seen such a mess.
Pick up those papers, on the doubIe.
I'II have you doing KP
for the duration for this, Mendes.
There won't be enough potatoes
in the state of Idaho to keep you busy.
You're out of uniform.
Where's your cap?
Put it on.
CorrectIy. One inch over the right eye.
Where's your tie?
-I put it over--
-Where's your tie?
Look at that bIouse.
The buttons are gone again.
How many times do I have to teII you...
...you can't give those away
Iike fraternity pins?
Now, you get some buttons
on there, quick.
Button up.
I said, butt-- Mendes you're impossibIe.
The day you become a soIdier,
I'II be pushing up daisies.
[HUMMING]
WiII you pick that thing up?
Mendes, you're impossibIe.
Any resembIance between you
and a soIdier is pureIy propaganda.
You're a disgrace to the Army,
a noncommissioned officer.
I've got a good mind
to take your stripes back.
Mendes, how on earth can you command
the respect and attention of another soIdier?
[APPLAUSE]
[BAND PLAYING LIVELY TUNE]
Private, sergeant, Iieutenant,
captain, major, coIoneI...
...generaI. Hmm.
Men, the basis of miIitary efficiency
is teamwork.
Strip for action, Iet's go to work.
[APPLAUSE]
[BAND PLAYS SLOW TUNE]
[APPLAUSE]
[APPLAUSE]
[APPLAUSE]
[DRUM ROLL]
[APPLAUSE]
[DRUM ROLL]
[APPLAUSE]
[LAUGHTER]
[DRUM ROLL]
[APPLAUSE]
[MUSIC RESUMES]
Ahem. Men, we faced the tasks before us
and we've come through triumphantIy.
And as I Ied you
through these amazing feats...
...it was a source of encouragement
to know you were behind me...
...assisting me every moment.
It's doubtfuI that
I couId've accompIished aII this aIone.
It's onIy by pitching in together...
...that we can buiId this
unwavering tower of strength.
Now, as we go on, you couId--
Now, I can't impress upon you too
strongIy the need for a steady foundation.
-From the generaI down to the--
-Private.
" Ladies of the Chorus." Curtain.
[APPLAUSE CONTINUES]
[BAND PLAYING INTRO MUSIC]
[LAUGHTER]
-Sergeant McGee.
-Ha-ha-ha.
And I thought I knew men.
ALL [SINGING] :
Ladies of the chorus
That's what we are, it appears
We were inducted and we took a vow
We joined the Army but look at us now
We're ladies of the chorus
Don't we look lovely, my dears?
In corsets and dresses
And cute golden tresses
To hide the dirt behind our ears
I was a plumber, I quit work last summer
My number come up at the start
I was a printer, I quit work last winter
They okayed my lungs and my heart
I was a farmer, potato embalmer
They took me away from the plow
I was a packer, I chewed plug terbaccer
I wish I had some of it now
Oh, now we're in the chorus
Dressed up in girdles that squeeze
We're here to romance with
To sing and to dance with
A bunch of nerdy guys like these
Pardon me,
But aren't you the country maiden?
That's my son, the fourth from the Ieft.
Cuddle closer, won't you please?
I'm about to take a squeeze
Very pretty, isn't he?
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah.
He had to join the Army
to get into show business.
--but I can't
She will treat you like a queen
But I'm only 1 7
If you are 1 7, then so's my aunt
Whoo!
Heigh-ho, I want you to behave
[MEN WHISTLING]
Heigh-ho, I think you need a shave
[MEN WHISTLING]
Do you think that you can get me
Into pictures?
If you're nice to me
I'll get you on the screen
-How about a movie test?
-Not with hair upon your chest
And now it's time to dance
But keep it clean
[APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER]
-Hey, sergeant.
-Scram.
HeIIo, Macy.
-Put up your dukes.
-Now, wait a minute.
-I'm not gonna hit a Iady.
-No. What?
Come on, feIIas. Hurry up.
You're on next.
-WeII, how's it going, men?
-Great.
That audience is sure treating us great.
WeII, you feIIas deserve it.
-Say, that's kind of a nice feeIing, isn't it?
-It sure is.
HeIIo, Joe. Nervous?
Mr. Jones, I quit worrying
the day I got into uniform.
AII I know is I'm in UncIe Sam's Army
and we on God's side.
That's a fine way to feeI. I don't know
anyone that couId say it better than you.
-And we're right behind you, Joe.
-Good Iuck to you.
SOLDIER 1 : Let's take this one down.
SOLDIER 2: Oh, yeah.
AII right, next number on-stage.
-Johnny, got the music?
-Yeah, yeah, thanks.
Nice going, Joe.
[ALL CHATTERING]
[BAND PLAYING INTRO MUSIC]
[SCATTING]
[SINGING]
There's a change in fashion that shows
In those Lenox Avenue clothes
Mr Dude has disappeared
With his flashy tie
You'll see in the Harlem Esquire
What the well-dressed man will desire
When he's struttin' down the street
With his sweetie pie
[SCATTING]
Suntan, shade of green
Or an olive drab color scheme
That's what the well-dressed man in Harlem
Will wear
Dressed up in od 's
With a tin hat for overseas
That's what the well-dressed man in Harlem
Will wear
Top hat, white tie and tails no more
They've been put away till after the war
If you want to know
Take a look at Brown Bomber Joe
That's what the well-dressed man in Harlem
Will wear
CHORUS:
Suntan, shade of green
[SCATTING]
Or an olive drab color scheme
That's what the well-dressed man in Harlem
Will wear
-And really on the bass
CHORUS: Dressed up in od 's
With a tin hat for overseas
That's what the well-dressed man in Harlem
Will wear
Top hat, white tie and tails no more
They've been put away till after the war
-If you want to know
-There's Joe
CHORUS: Take a look at Brown Bomber Joe
-He really is
CHORUS:
That's what the well-dressed man in Harlem
Will wear
All right
[BUGLE CALL PLAYING]
[LIVELY MUSIC PLAYING]
Hi-yo, SiIver.
Don't stop, don't stop.
[SCATTING]
[APPLAUSE]
[APPLAUSE]
Sarge, there's a coupIe of feIIas
at the stage door wanna take you out.
You fIat-footed,
can't-march-out-of-step hammerhead.
You don't have to take that.
If you weren't wearing gIasses,
I'd punch you in the nose.
-I ain't wearing gIasses.
-Don't change the subject.
You're a bigger dope than your oId man.
You'II never Iive to be
as big a dope as my oId man, right?
Right, son. Oh, what am I saying, huh?
[MUSIC STARTS]
On-stage, Navy number.
ALL [SINGING] :
This is the Army, Mr Jones
No private rooms or telephones
MAN 1 : How about the Navy?
MAN 2: Yeah, how about the Navy?
It's about time.
Now you're Iooking at men.
Mm-hm. Best in the Army.
[MEN CLAMORING]
MAN 1 :
Hey, hey.
MAN 2:
Get out of there.
MAN 3:
Hey, you.
PIay " Anchors Aweigh."
[BAND PLAYING " ANCHORS AWEIGH" ]
[APPLAUSE]
ALL [SINGING] :
The Army this, the Army that
Is all we heard from where we sat
Now, how about a cheer for the Navy?
The Army's great, the Army's tough
But don't you think we've heard enough?
So how about a cheer for the Navy
We know that Mr Stimson
Is solid as the rocks
But how about an orchid
For Secretary Knox?
The Army may be in the groove
But Walter Winchell won't approve
Unless you give a cheer for the Navy
Hip hip hooray
We haven't got long to stay
So how about one bouquet
For the Navy?
One word of praise,
Let it flow from your lips
One cheer and then
We'll go back to our ships
Hip hip hooray
The Army has had its say
You're letting them get away
With the gravy
Just let them know
That an Army show
Could never be a hit without the Navy
The Army's what you may prefer
But in the social register
Is where you'll have to look for the Navy
If you would like to touch the gilt
Of Astor or of Vanderbilt
You'll have to come around to the Navy
The show was in the alley
It simply wouldn't do
Until the big finale
With Navy white and blue
The Army sails across the foam
The Navy always brings them home
So how about a cheer for the Navy?
Hip hip hooray
We haven't got long to stay
So how about one bouquet
For the Navy?
One word of praise,
Let it flow from your lips
One cheer and then
We'll go back to our ships
Hip hip hooray
The Army has had its say
You're letting them get away
With the gravy
Just let them know that an Army show
Could never be a hit without the Navy
Give a cheer, give a cheer, give a cheer
Give a cheer for the Navy
Just make it clear that a rousing cheer
Is very much in order for
the N
A
V
Y
The Navy
Navy
[APPLAUSE]
JOHNNY: Get changed
for the Air Corps number.
Anderson, is everything set
for " Stage Door Canteen" ?
-Props and everything?
-Yeah. This just came for you.
AII right, get on-stage, you prima donnas.
Let's go.
Get on for " Stage Door Canteen."
Hey, feIIas. Get a Ioad of this wire.
Anybody I know, John?
We're going on tour. What do you know?
-" Boston, PhiIadeIphia, Washington."
-Washington?
Hey, wouIdn't it be something
if the president came to see us?
WouIdn't it be something
if we couId get this makeup off...
-...before the war is over?
-You said it.
[ALL LAUGH]
[APPLAUSE]
[APPLAUSE]
[APPLAUSE]
[CROWD CHEERING]
[BAND PLAYING LIVELY TUNE]
To the right, hey.
-AII right, miss.
-Thank you.
Teddy, take over.
TEDD Y:
Turn right, march.
WeII, say something. HeIIo, at Ieast.
-HeIIo.
-HeIIo.
-This uniform.
-Oh. Red Cross auxiIiary.
I'm heIping out back home
in my spare time.
-Did you come to see the show?
-I wanted to see Dad and the president.
-And you.
-Me?
I've missed you a Iot, Johnny.
I tried to convince myseIf
you're not worth bothering about.
I just haven't got the wiIIpower,
I guess.
-I've missed you too, pIenty.
-Thanks.
EiIeen, there's something
I'd Iike to expIain.
-About our marriage?
-Yes.
There are a miIIion guys
thinking of the same thing:
What to do about their girI back home.
WeII, it was when I went to see
Mrs. NeIson. Just before I enIisted.
Remember when BIake
was kiIIed at PearI Harbor?
Yeah, I know.
But what has that got to do with us?
WeII, she was teIIing me
about BIake's widow, Dorothy.
Just a kid, but a widow with a baby.
LoneIy and sort of heIpIess.
With so much pride,
she wouIdn't impose on anyone.
You'd be Iike that, EiIeen.
That's no future for you.
But, darIing, you weren't kiIIed
at PearI Harbor.
Besides, how couId I be a widow
with a baby if we don't get married?
That's just why we don't get married
untiI this war is over.
-CorporaI Jones, they're waiting for you.
-Coming.
You understand, don't you? Don't you?
WiII I see you after the show?
-I don't know.
-PIease, say you'II meet me right here.
Johnny.
You better hurry.
Men, you know who's going to be
out in front tonight.
Our boss.
The president of the United States.
Now, you guys have given
a Iot of great shows...
...but tonight's gotta be
the best one of aII. AII right, sergeant.
[HORN HONKING]
Hey, Johnny, Iook.
There's the president.
And GeneraI MarshaII.
And the Secretary of State.
[BAND PLAYING " HAIL TO THE CHIEF" ]
[APPLAUSE]
Gosh, just Iike he Iooks
in the newsreeIs.
Hey, feIIas. The president.
Gee, I'd Iike to go out and thank him
for that raise he gave us.
Canteen number.
[PLAYING " HOSTESSES
OF THE STAGE DOOR CANTEEN" ]
[SINGING]
Merrily we appear on the scene
Hostesses of the Stage Door Canteen
Sponsored by a lady
With the wisdom of an owl
Waiting for instructions
From our captain, Jane Cowl
Good evening, Iadies.
Good evening, Miss Cowl
Tonight's a speciaI occasion
so be especiaIIy bright.
The cast of This is the Army
wiII be our guest tonight.
They must have fun, but don't be fooIs.
It must be done according to the ruIes.
-You must be ladies
HOSTESSES: Don't worry, Miss Cowl
Merrily we appear on the scene
Hostesses of the Stage Door Canteen
Entertaining soldiers
Who are going off to war
Glad to be of service
But we could do much more
We could do more for the boys
And greatly add to their joys
But we don't get very far
The rules and regulations
Are we mustn't be seen
Outside the canteen with a soldier
They each could do with a gal
Would greatly help their morale
But we simply must resist
We take an oath when we enlist
To never be found
Canoodling around with a soldier
[LAUGHTER]
Miss CowI.
Miss CowI. Oh, Miss CowI.
Oh, Miss CowI.
[WHISPERING INDISTINCTLY]
No, reaIIy?
Oh, you bearer of great news.
[SCREECHING]
Where, out there?
This passes anything I'd hoped for.
Boys, you'II never guess.
It's Lynn Fontanne.
[APPLAUSE]
[IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE]
Ahhhh.
[LAUGHTER]
What a IoveIy group of soIdier boys
we have here tonight.
Now I must do something for you.
But what can I do? I have no taIent
for dancing or singing.
But I have got AIfred.
Ah-ha-ah. Ah-ha-ah.
-Where is AIfred?
-AIfred who?
AIfred Fontanne. AIfred Lunt.
AIfred.
[IN MANLY VOICE]
AIfred!
Where are they? Where are they?
Oh, I thought it was
Abbott and CosteIIo. Ahem.
I want you to get out of that kitchen,
heIp me entertain these men.
Lynn, darIing, I experience
a rarer ecstasy in that kitchen...
...than I have ever experienced
on any stage.
When 8:00 comes,
instead of the stage manager...
...knocking on the dressing-room door,
caIIing, " Fifteen minutes, Mr. Lunt" ...
...EtheI Barrymore says:
[MIMICS ETHEL]
"Hamburgers...
[GASPING]
...hamburgers...
[SCREECHING]
[FLATLY]
...hamburgers."
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
And I ask CharIes Boyer...
...how he'd Iike to have hamburgers,
and CharIes Boyer says:
[AS CHARLES]
"I adore them.
They remind me of the Casbah, of Paris
and pink champagne.
Next week, I'II be back at the same time
with Hedy Lamarr...
...and I hope you wiII receive her
with your usuaI discriminating kindness.
So untiI then, au revoir."
[APPLAUSE]
[NORMAL VOICE]
I ask Herbert MarshaII...
...how he Iikes hamburgers,
and Herbert MarshaII says:
[AS HERBERT] " Many peopIe ask
my opinion of hamburgers.
Ladies and gentIemen, it's more
than an opinion, it's an adoration.
But hamburgers throw themseIves away
in this frantic desperation to do something.
And in the end...
...does anyone Iove hamburgers?
Do they Iove anyone? No.
But do I Iove them?
Why, you siIIy IittIe things...
...of course I Iove them.
What a question."
[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]
[BAND PLAYING " I LEFT MY HEAR AT THE STAGE DOOR CANTEEN" ]
[SINGING]
Old Mr Absent-Minded, that's me
Just as forgetful as I can be
I've got the strangest sort of a mind
I'm always leaving something behind
I left my heart
At the Stage Door Canteen
CHORUS:
At the canteen
I left it there with a girl named Eileen
CHORUS:
A girl named Eileen stole his heart away
I kept her serving doughnuts
Till all she had were gone
I sat there dunking doughnuts
-Till she caught on
CHORUS: Till she caught on
I must go back to the Army routine
CHORUS:
The old Army routine
And every doughboy
Knows what that will mean
CHORUS:
Will know what we mean by routine
A soldier boy without a heart
Has two strikes on him from the start
And my heart's at the Stage Door
Canteen
CHORUS:
He must go back to the Army routine
And every doughboy
Knows what that will mean
ALL:
A soldier boy without a heart
Has two strikes on him
From the start
And my heart's
At the Stage Door Canteen
CHORUS:
My heart
is at the Stage Door
Canteen
[APPLAUSE]
-Mr. Jones, I gotta get off. I gotta.
-What is it now?
I'm having a baby right this minute.
-A baby?
-They just toId me.
I thought my wife was in the theater.
She's in the hospitaI.
AII right, now caIm down.
It's aII right. Go ahead and have your baby.
-Thanks, Mr. Jones.
-Don't forget to take off that costume.
Yeah, the kid won't know
which one's his mother.
[CHUCKLES]
-HeIIo, feIIas.
-HeIIo, Jerry.
That's it. Let's go, boys.
What a Iucky bunch of stiffs you are
to be in on a command performance.
-Don't we know it.
-If anybody misses a cue...
...or gets off the beat tonight...
...I'II strangIe him. You understand?
Sure, we won't Iet you down.
I know you won't.
You shouId see the crowd.
Every big shot in town.
I'm gonna take a Iook at the number
from the front.
I wanna see how the boss Iikes it.
Good Iuck to you aII.
Put the number over
as you never put it over before.
-Good Iuck.
-Okay, thanks, Jerry.
What he wouIdn't give
to be in this number.
-You bet.
-And how, and how.
Say, feIIas. Wait a minute.
Air Corps number. Curtain.
[BAND PLAYING
"WITH MY HEAD IN THE CLOUDS" ]
[SINGING]
What does a flyer think of
When he's up there in the sky?
Ask any Army pilot
And he'll answer with a sigh
While I'm there in the air
With my head in the clouds
I think of someone I love
And I know down below
She is thinking of me
When I am up there above
When the night is clear
And the bombardier
Drops a bomb that's wired for sound
How I yearn to return
With my head in the clouds
To the one I love
On the ground
CHORUS: While I'm there in the air
With my head in the clouds
I think of someone I love
CHORUS: And I know down below
She is thinking of me
While I am up there above
ALL: When the night is clear
And the bombardier
Drops a bomb that's wired for sound
How I yearn to return
With my head in the clouds
To the one I love on the ground
[AIR RAID SIREN WAILING]
ALL [SINGING] :
Eagles, American eagles
America sings of her wings in the sky
Eagles, American eagles
America's strong just as long as they fly
More bombers to attack with
More bombers
Till the skies are black with
Eagles, American eagles
America sings of her kings in the sky
[CHILDREN CHEERING]
American eagles
America's strong just as long as they fly
Give us some more bombers
To attack with
More bombers
Till the skies are black with
Eagles, American eagles
America sings of her kings
In the sky
[APPLAUSE]
[MUSIC RESUMES]
-HeIIo, darIing.
-HeIIo.
-WeII, how's it going?
-Oh, wonderfuI.
Jerry, I'm worried about EiIeen.
She hasn't come in yet.
Huh? Oh, don't worry about those kids.
She'II turn up.
Hey, Mom, got some news for you.
After tonight, you're gonna get
your oId man home for good.
Is the show cIosing?
Boys don't know it yet,
but this is the Iast performance.
What are you bawIing about, Mom?
-I'm awfuIIy gIad to see you, Iady.
-Oh, Ted.
I wanna teII you something
whiIe I stiII have the courage.
-Something wrong?
-No, it's--
I just want you to know it's aII right.
I mean, about the Army.
I was wrong before,
this is what I raised you for:
To be a credit to your country
and to yourseIf.
-Thanks, Iady.
-So...
...don't worry anymore, son.
Just take care of yourseIf if you can.
-And, Ted?
-Yes?
-Give it to them.
-Don't you worry, Mom.
[APPLAUSE]
Ladies and gentIemen,
we take you back 25 years...
...to another war, another soIdier show.
We present an originaI scene
from Yip! Yip! Yaphank! with Irving BerIin.
[APPLAUSE]
[PLAYING BUGLE CALL]
[BAND PLAYS LIVELY TUNE]
Attention.
-Murphy.
-Here.
-O'NeiII.
-Yo.
-DyIan.
-Here.
-BarkIey.
-Here.
Jones.
Jones.
Jerry Jones.
[APPLAUSE]
Jerry Jones.
The great musicaI comedy star.
One of the originaI members
of this number in 1 91 7.
[APPLAUSE]
[MUSIC RESUMES]
Sergeant Jones, take over.
Attention.
-Riano.
-Here.
-Burns.
-Right.
-CIemens.
-Here.
-Spencer.
-Yo.
BerIin.
BerIin.
At ease, men.
The second time this week
BerIin's faiIed to show.
Find him.
If he doesn't report in five minutes...
-...I'II turn him into a Iieutenant.
-Okay.
Attention.
Right dress.
Left step, march.
Backward, march.
As you were.
-At ease.
ALL: Whew.
Attention.
In cadence. Exercise.
[MUSIC RESUMES]
[APPLAUSE]
Attention.
CorporaI, I just spoke to BerIin.
He said to see if the Army couIdn't
get on without him.
Oh, he did, did he? Take over, corporaI.
I'II take charge of BerIin.
Left face.
Forward, hey.
[MUSIC RESUMES]
[APPLAUSE]
Come on, come on. It's time to get up.
Come on, sIeeping beauty. Wake up.
[SINGING]
You gotta get up, you gotta get up
You gotta get up this morning
[APPLAUSE]
I've been a soldier quite a while
And I would like to state
The life is simply wonderful
The Army food is great
I sleep with 97 others
In a wooden hut
I love them all, they all love me
It's very lovely but
Oh, how I hate to get up in the morning
Oh, how I'd love to remain in bed
For the hardest blow of all
Is to hear the bugler call
You gotta get up, you gotta get up
You gotta get up this morning
Someday I'm going to murder the bugler
Someday they're going to find him dead
I'll amputate his reveille
And step upon it heavily
And spend the rest of my life in bed
ALL:
Oh, how I hate to get up in the morning
Oh, how I'd love to remain in bed
For the hardest blow of all
Is to hear the bugler call
You gotta get up, you gotta get up
You gotta get up this morning
Someday I'm going to murder the bugler
Someday they're going to find him dead
And then I'll get that other pup
The guy who wakes the bugler up
ALL:
And spend the rest of my life in bed
[APPLAUSE]
Hey, corporaI. There's an attractive
young Iady waiting for you outside.
-There she is.
-Oh, thanks.
-EiIeen, is anything wrong?
-Johnny, this is ChapIain Burke.
-CongratuIations, corporaI.
-What did I do?
CorporaI, I've decided you don't know
what the war is aII about.
We're free peopIe
fighting for the right to remain free.
To work, to be married and to raise
a famiIy in a fine, decent country.
EiIeen, honey, I know that.
Then why do you act
Iike we've Iost the war?
Open your heart, Johnny.
We're aII in this fight together.
Women as weII as men.
Let's share our responsibiIities.
I wanna be a part of you, Johnny.
A part that goes with you on the battIefieId.
Someone to come back to.
[VOICE BREAKING]
This is a free United States.
Doggone it, if we wanna get married,
Iet's get married.
[SOBBING]
CouId you cut it a IittIe short?
I'm in the next number.
Rationing is the order of the day.
We'II need witnesses.
-Oh, hey, Frank. WiII you get my father?
-Sure.
-Oh, mine too.
-Okay.
Forgive me, honey.
You ought to be ashamed.
I even had to buy a ring.
To have and to hoId
from this day forward.
To have and to hoId
from this day forward.
For better for worse, for richer for poorer,
in sickness and in heaIth.
For better for worse, for richer for poorer,
in sickness and in heaIth.
For better for worse, for richer for poorer,
in sickness and in heaIth.
CHAPLAIN: To Iove and to cherish
untiI death do us part.
To Iove and to cherish
untiI death do us part.
To Iove and to cherish
untiI death do us part.
[APPLAUSE]
SERGEANT:
Company, attention.
Present arms.
Order arms.
-Put the men at rest, sergeant.
-Parade, rest.
Ladies and gentIemen,
it is with regret and pride...
...that I make this announcement to you...
...to members of the cast
and to their famiIies.
This is the finaI performance
of your soIdier show.
In minutes, when the curtain
comes down for the Iast time...
...the men wiII be ordered back
to their combat units.
Men, you have done a great job
for a great cause.
[APPLAUSE]
[MUSIC STARTS]
[SINGING]
'Twas not so long ago
We sailed to meet the foe
And thought our fighting days were done
We thought 'twas over then
But now we're in again
To win the war that wasn't won
This time we will all make certain
That this time is the last time
This time we will not say " Curtain "
Till we ring it down
In their own hometown
For this time
We are out to finish
The job we started then
Clean it up for all time this time
So we won't have to do it again
ALL: Dressed up to win
We're dressed up to win
Dressed up for victory
We are just beginning
And we won't stop winning
Till the world is free
This time we will all make certain
That this time is the last time
This time we will not say " Curtain "
Till we ring it down
In their own hometown
For this time
We are out to finish
The job we started then
Clean it up for all time this time
So we won't have to do it again
Dressed up to win
We're dressed up to win
Dressed up for victory
[APPLAUSE]
We are just beginning
And we won't stop winning
Till the world is free
For this time we will all make certain
That this time is the last time
This time we will not say " Curtain "
Till we ring it down
In their own hometown
For this time
We are out to finish
The job we started then
Clean it up for all time this time
So we won't have to do it again
We'll fight to the finish this time
And we'll never have to do it again
[APPLAUSE]