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Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines (1965)
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Ever since man started to think, he's wanted to fly. But flying was strictly for the birds... and continued to be so for thousands of years. Man, eternally optimistic, kept trying. Encouraged by his many successes, man kept trying. Through his genius and his inventiveness, he managed to get his machines off the ground, and sometimes he brought them down again. Bravo! Bravo! All over the world, early pioneers were making flying history. And in Italy, Count Emilio Ponticelli... made what many people claimed was the first long-distance flight. There was no doubt about it, by 1910, flying had become the rage. Man had conquered the air, and people everywhere were all agog about... those magnificent men in their flying machines. Those magnificent men in their flying machines They go up tiddly up up They go down tiddly um down They enchant all the ladies and steal all the scenes With their up tiddly up up And their down tiddly um down Up, down Flying around Looping the loop and defying the ground They're all frightfully keen Those magnificent men in their flying machines They can fly upside down with their feet in the air They don't think of danger They really don't care Newton would think he had made a mistake To see those young men and the chances they take Those magnificent men in their flying machines They go up tiddly up up They go down tiddly um down They enchant all the ladies and steal all the scenes With their up tiddly up up And their down tiddly um down Up, down, flying around Looping the loop and defying the ground They're all frightfully keen Those magnificent men In their flying machines Hello, Richard! Oh, Richard! Oh, Richard, please take me up. Oh, no, not today. No, it's much too windy. Come on. We'll swing her round. And anyway, strictly speaking, I'm still on duty. Lift! It isn't too windy for you to fly. Come on. Give a hand. Oh, Richard, look at that bird. It can go wherever it likes, whenever it likes. - You're so lucky. - Yes, I know. Oh, I'd like to soar through the air and look down on the world. Right, let her down. I think I'd make a very nice bird. Yes, I daresay. Thank you, Carter. Richard, isn't the rigging a bit tight? It seems to be stretching the fabric. You're getting rather good at noticing things. Well, I should jolly well hope so. Thank you, Carter. After all the work I've done on this contraption. Uh, Patricia, did you get a chance to talk to your father about my idea? Yes, he's very interested, but you'll still have to talk to him. Oh, well, I can do that, all right. Tell him it will increase the circulation of his newspaper. Wave the flag. You know, Britannia rules the sea, but she doesn't rule the sky, and all that sort of thing. Yes, I know exactly what to say. Good. Then, when he's agreed to your idea, you're to ask him if you can take me flying. Hmm. Yes, I might. This afternoon? - All right. - Oh! Patricia, not now. I'm in uniform. Oh, Richard, don't be so silly. Follow me in your motorcar. I'll try not to go too fast. Oh. - What's the trouble? - Oh, nothing. - Father doesn't know about this. - Oh. Won't be a minute. - Well? - Very nice. You look just like a girl. Thank you. You know, one of these days, your father's going to find you out. Mmm, I know. Exciting, isn't it? The trouble with aviation today is that too many good ideas.. . are being dissipated in too many aeroplanes. If we could bring together all these different types from all over the world, then everyone could learn from each other. From all over the world? If possible, Lord Rawnsley. The French and the Americans are well ahead of us. - I never knew that. - Well, it's our own fault. Believe it or not, no Englishman flew until three years ago. Really? Britannia may rule the waves, sir, but she doesn't rule the skies, not yet anyway. Have some more Madeira. Oh, you haven't finished. Damn it. We should rule the sky. I can see you're going to be a real enthusiast, sir. Anytime you should care to come up- No, thank you, Mays. I may be an old fogy, but I think that if the Lord had intended me to fly, he would have given me... wings. You travel by train, Father, but you haven't any wheels. Do you really mean no Englishman flew until three years ago? That's right, sir. Hmm. Come and see me again in a few days. Meanwhile, I'll discuss your idea with my circulation people. Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you very much. Uh, by the by, sir, there's one other thing. I wonder if I might take Patricia up this afternoon. Up? Where? Oh, into the sky, Father, flying. Certainly not! I absolutely forbid you to go up, and I absolutely forbid you... to take my daughter flying, today or any other day. - Is that understood? - Yes, sir. Absolutely, sir. Thank you, sir. "I absolutely forbid you to take my daughter flying, today or any day. - Patricia, darling- - Is that absolutely understood?" "Oh, yes, sir. Absolutely, sir." Three bags full, sir! It's not my fault. Now, Patricia, you can't blame your father... for thinking that flying is dangerous. It is. But when he gets enthusiastic about the idea, he'll change his mind. Now, you'll see. Oh, Patricia. No, Richard. You're in uniform. If you won't take me flying, I shall find someone who will. Oh, all right. I suppose you wouldn't like to go have lunch at Windsor. You could drive the car if you like. - Me? - Yes. Oh! Come on. Well, that's my idea, gentlemen. Not a festival but something which will fire the imagination of the world, which will bring together all the different types of flying machines... and, at the same time, increase the circulation of my newspaper. An air race, gentlemen, initiated, sponsored and rewarded by the Daily Post. An air race which will show that Britannia not only rules the waves... but intends, in future, to rule the skies. An air race between the two most important capitals of the world- London and Paris. But that means flying across the English Channel. Well, of course it does. That's the whole idea, Gascoyne. Well, the French fellow did it last year. I presume some progress has been made since then. - Of course there has, sir. - Very well. I shall leave the details to be worked out by my staff.. . and you gentlemen of the Royal Aero Club. You, Gascoyne, will be my liaison officer, an aeronautical correspondent. I shall expect you to go aloft as often as possible. Yes, sir. Um, may one ask what the prize will be, sir? 10,000. 10,000? Most generous, sir. That should attract fliers from all over the world. That's the idea. Nevertheless, I shall expect the prize to be won by an Englishman. "Great London-Paris air race. "Daily Post offers 10,000 prize. Competitors will actually fly across English Channel." That's not bad, eh? Could you add, um, "Foreign newspapers, please copy"? That's already done there at the bottom of the page. - Here are some more invitations. - Good. You know, between these invitations and the newspapers, we should reach every flying man in the world. Emilio Ponticelli- Italy. Pierre Dubois - Dieppe, France. France. Right. Mademoiselle, s'il vous plat. Monsieur Dubois! Monsieur Dubois! Monsieur Dubois! Monsieur Dubois! - Mon Dieu! - Dear me. Il est mort! Oh, am I dead, or am I dreaming? Ah, merveilleuse. You are so charming. - What's your name? - Brigitte. Brigitte? Oh, formidable. Concussion. Sir. Monsieur, perhaps it is important. It's from England. Nom de chien! 250,000 francs? - You? - We must get down the machine. - Yeah, What, me? - Yes, you. Quick! Read it, please. "His Imperial Majesty the Kaiser commands.. . "that a German officer wins the- the London-Paris air race. You will make arrangements accordingly." - Rumpelstrosse. - Herr Colonel? Order another flying machine. Jawohl, Herr Colonel, another flying machine. But there's no one else who can fly. It cannot be difficult, otherwise Winkler couldn't have done it. - Not that he was any good at it. - Of course, Herr Colonel. - So, Rumpelstrosse. - Herr Colonel? You will fly the new machine. Jawohl, Herr Colonel. But how will I learn to fly? Same way as we learn everything else in the German army- from the book of instructions. Come on! I don't mind your being interested in the ladies. That's natural. But it ain't natural to stand up and wave to 'em when you fly past them. I lost my head, George. Yeah. You lost most of my investment too. I told you I could fix it. Maybe we better just call it a day, Orvil. Go back to work like ordinary people. George, you just don't have the flying bug. You don't fly, so you don't know what it's like up there. It ain't the going up that discourages me. It's the different ways you keep finding of coming down. Boy, when you're up there, you get a sense of freedom and power that- well, that you just don't get from anything else. No, sirree. I'm never gonna give up flying. Hey, Orvil, look at this. "London to Paris air race. First prize- $50,000." - Whoo-ee! - "For further details, turn to page six." Whoa! Somewhere out there is page six. Where is the great Ponticelli? Ah! There he is! There he is over there. Emilio! Emilio, have you heard the news? Papa. Emilio, now you give up flying, huh? I promise, cara. No more flying. Finito Ohh! Emilio, are you all right? Every bone in my body is broken. Emilio, have you seen this? - Sophia? - Eh? Look. I shall enter. I shall win... for Italia. - But you promised. - Is postponed. Come, we go and make-a the plans. I'll buy the best-a flying machine in the world. Like-a Caesar, we go to England! Bella, Bambini, andiamo! Bravo! Bravo! Emilio! Emilio! Italia! Yamamoto! 10,000. Just imagine, do you know we've had 83 entries? Forty from the continent alone. Ha! Interest in the race is worldwide. I really think it's one of the best ideas I ever had. Shh! Your go, Patricia. Another entry, from Phoenix- - Arizona, milord. - Arizona. Arizona? Oh. Well, for someone to come all that way, must be either very rich or very confident. Well, as he's American, he's probably both. I say, there you are! You didn't invite that bounder Sir Percy, did you? No, of course not. Then, what the devil's he doing here? I don't know. - Hello, Miss Rawnsley. - Hello. Rawnsley, Mays. Just popped in for an entrance form.. . for that little junket of yours to Gay Paree. If you are referring to an official entry form.. . for my London to Paris air race, my office will send you one. Well, considering the fact that I'm one of England's foremost aeroplanists, it's rather jolly inefficient of them not to send me one before. I say, excuse me, if you'll hold your mallet like this, you'll play that shot much better. I shall hold my mallet as I've always held my mallet. In that case, you'll miss the shot. What did I tell you? Missed the shot. Well, I expect we'll be seeing you again soon, Sir Percy. - Mm-hmm. - Glad you're going to join the race. I'm not only going to join it, dear boy. I'm going to win it. Do you really think you have a chance, Sir Percy? Miss Rawnsley, I never leave anything to chance. Hang on to the tail. I'm revving up. Hang on. Hey, Orvil, look at that. Wow! So this is Brookley, huh? - That's what you gotta beat. - Yeah. - Whoo-ee! - Oh! Hey, you take over. I'll be right back. - You all right? - Yes, of course. Oh, dear. Thank you. No, no, the other way. This way. - No, it's the other way. - Ohh! - Oh, look what you've done. - What I've done? Oh! Haven't you ever seen legs before? Well, sure I have, lots of times, particularly when you take girls flying as often as I do, you get to see lots of legs. And bloomers too. Oh, but none of them as pretty as yours. If that's supposed to be a compliment, I'm not flattered. Did you say you took girls flying? Well, sure I do, all the time, only back home. I'm strictly here to race. - Oh, you're one of the Americans. - Uh-huh. Oh, well, that explains everything. - My bicycle, please. - Oh, sure. Say, uh, do you work around here? No. Why? Well, I thought that, uh- Well, I'd like to see more of you. You could have worded that better. I'm afraid it's impossible. I'm not being stuffy, but we haven't been introduced. Well, do we have to be? But of course. English girls don't care to be picked up. So, until we are properly introduced, good-bye. Ah, there you are, Mays. - Oh, hello, sir. - I'm glad you're in. I want to have a word with you. Oh, certainly, sir. Inside or out? Out. Well, I expect you know what I want to talk to you about. Oh, yes, sir, the race, of course. No, no, not the race- Patricia. She's getting rather keen on you. Oh. Well, are you intending to propose to her? Well, with your permission, sir. My dear fellow, you can take that for granted. Your father was at school with me. There's just one snag, sir. Oh? It's finding the time for married life. What do you mean? Well, I'm soldiering all day, and I'm rather busy in the evenings too. Monday I dine in. Tuesday's card night at White's. Wednesday I play snook with the adjutant. Thursday, uh, well, we like to end up at Romano's. Uh, that only leaves Friday. Yes, but what about the weekends? Well, that's flying, sir. It's the only time I've got. But I could give up my card night if you like, sir. Oh, I don't think that's necessary. We don't want to spoil the girl. You do love her, don't you? - Oh, I do, sir, very much. - I thought you did. Well, glad to have had this little talk. Nice to know you're serious. So few young people are these days. Good-bye. Good-bye, sir. Well, over there are the hangars. When you get delivery of your plane, you will put it in the one nearest us. First-a class for a first-a class plane. Wait till you see it. Oh, my darling, it's-a wonderful. I'm going to be very happy here. And I'm very happy for you too. What is all that water? Actually, it's the sewage farm. What is sewage? Actually, it's rather nasty, really. Drains and all that. Jolly useful. Most of the pilots crash over there sometimes- - Crash? - They don't consider themselves aeroplaners until they have. - Oh, oh. - Well, now, uh, you'll want to know all about the practice times. You are scheduled for 7:30 in the morning.. . and 4:00 in the afternoon. Ah, first-a class. You'll be following the French. I no follow any Frenchman. Italy come-a first or no come at all. We go! Finito. Andiam' a casa. Andiamo. Sir! Sir! I say, sir! Sir! Sir, if you feel so strongly about it, sir, you can go before the French. I can? - First-a class. - Okay, steady on. Sophia, we go before the French. - Who is this? - It's Lord Rawnsley. Ah. This is the English milord. Good morning, milord! Good heavens. He's brought his entire family. Who is he? Emilio Ponticelli. Richard says he's not only a great pilot, he's one of the richest chaps in Italy. Never stops buying flying machines. A great enthusiast for everything. - Morning, milord. - Morning, sir! Righto, lads. Heave-ho, onto the field. Achtung! Brigitte! Oh, wonderful! Every time I see you, my heart sings. Brigitte, no. Ingrid. I am Swedish. - Swedish? - Ja. - But didn't I see you in Normandy? - It's possible. Come. Come and teach me to fly. Oh! Oh! Look, Father! He's teaching her to fly! How ridiculous. Anyone can see that young woman.. . isn't in the least mechanically minded. - Good heavens, what's that? - Does 35 miles an hour! Wingspan of 30 feet! Now, when you get up to about 40 flaps a minute, use the top power and you're away! You are sure it will fly? Of course it'll fly! What do you think it's gonna do, lay an egg? This has the power of an eagle, the- the grace of a swan. - And it's a bargain for 350 guineas. - Emilio! Don't-a worry. It's-a going to be first-a class! Put it on for me, please! No, I don't want that. Is guaranteed. Emilio, put it on for me, please! Ah, Sophia. Eh. All right! Take it away! Up! Up! Up! Up! Up! Oh, God. Oh, well, we all make mistakes. Easy with her. - Watch the tail skid, Charlie. - Right. Morning, sir. Morning, madam. Morning, Sir Percy. I hope your hands are clean. Come on, Courtney! - Switch is off, sir? - Switch is off, Courtney. - Switch is on, sir? - Switch is on, Courtney. Contact, sir? Contact, Courtney. Come on, Courtney, you lazy loafer! Hang on! I haven't revved up yet! Useless lot! You! Yes, you! Go and stand over there! Give my chaps a hand, will you? He's not supposed to carry passengers. Ooh, heck. Stand by, lads! It's Sir Percy! Make for the sewage farm! Uhh! Oh! Buzz off! What the hell are you doing? Whoo, that's my toe! Get your backside out of my face! What the hell are you doing down there? I can't land the plane! Back to the sewage farm! - He's gonna crash! - Yeah. You bounder! Look what you've done to my aeroplane! I'll kill you! Aaah! - Come on, Courtney! Get on! - Ooh! Achtung! Halt! Is this where the Yankee fellow hangs out? Yes, governor, this is the place. Are you quite certain he's smaller than me? - Oh, yes, governor. - Right. Stay there. Hey, you there, Yankee chap. Oh, howdy. - Did you want me? - I certainly do. You caused me to crash my flying machine. I therefore intend giving you a jolly good thrashing. - Ready? - Ready. I suppose you think that's funny. - Well, pardon me. - Eh? You might wanna thrash someone else with this. Yes. Got a cold, governor? Ooh-ooh You're late. Ooh, Richard. Ooh, you taste of castor oil. Ew. Did you fix the extra petrol tank? Yes. And changed the oil. Did need changing. You were quite right. Of course. I'm always right. And now you're going to help me grease the undercarriage. - Whoops! - Now, come on. Right. You begin greasing here. On the axle? Mmm, it could do with it. Say, you've really got yourself something here, don't you? - Anything I can do for you? - Well, I was, uh- I was hoping that you might let me borrow a monkey wrench from you. Monkey wrench? Oh. Well, I can let you have an adjustable spanner if that's what you mean. Well, I guess that's what they call it in England. - You're Orvil Newton, aren't you? - That's right. - I'm Richard Mays. - Howdy-do. I'll get it for you. Oh. May I present Miss Patricia Rawnsley? Well, howdy-do. Now, wouldn't you say this constitutes a formal introduction? Well, y-yes, I suppose so. Do you have to do that every time we meet? Oh, please. Well, I- Go on. Hurry up! Thank you! Your monkey wrench, Mr. Newton. Well, thank you. Thank you very much. I'll bring it back just as soon as I'm through with it. Where'd you meet that fellow? Oh, I- I met him here. Oh. Good-looking chap, isn't he? Is he? Oh, I-I didn't notice. Come on, Richard. On with the greasing. Oh, thanks, dear. Here. Just a wee dram to warm me up a bit, eh? Oh! Ingrid! You are working here. My name is Marlene. I'm German. But I've met you somewhere before, I'm sure. - Oh, it is possible. - Oh, never mind. We have met now. And I would like you to know I adore Germans. Howdy. May I sit down? Let me make quite sure my skirt is out of the way first. How is the food? Everything's off but the chop and chips. Oh. Well, uh, well, that's what I'll have then. Can I order you anything? Oh, no - no, thank you. I'm just going. Not bad, huh? Oh. Oh, yes. It's a very beautiful aeroplane. - No, I meant me. - Oh! - Oh, is that you? Oh. - Mm-hmm. Well, I don't normally carry my photograph around. It's just that, uh, well, Mr. Gascoyne of the Daily Post, well, he wanted it, you see. Oh, uh, please begin. That's a Wright biplane, isn't it? - No, that's a Curtis. - Oh. Is that the one you take passengers up in? Mm-hmm. It's got an Anzani engine in it, developing 70 horsepower. And you brought it all the way from Arizona? - Mm-hmm. - Well, you must be very rich. Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you, ma'am, but we came all the way across by cattle boat. We're in hock way up to our eyebrows. Now, if I don't win that race, I'm going to lose my plane and everything. Say, do you know that you are very beautiful? Oh, yes, I know I am. I also have a very good figure, I'm rich... and I'm in love with an extremely handsome man. - Mmm. - Is he in love with you? - Well, I think so. - Well, hasn't he told you? Well, no. No, not exactly. I mean, yes. Yes, he has. - Hmm. - Well, let's talk about you. All right. What do you want to know about me? Would you take me up? Well, sure. Anytime. Tomorrow? All right. First thing in the morning, huh? Say, um, you have flown before, haven't you? Yes. Yes. Hundreds of times. Well, I- I just love it. I- Oh, I have to go now. Until tomorrow then. I'll be looking forward to seeing you outside my hangar. Yes. Sorry to keep you waiting. I've brought the car to the door. Been sitting with that American, have you? Yes. He was telling me all about Arizona. Oh, you were quite right, Richard. H is very good-looking. Well, I didn't fancy the way he was looking at you. Richard, I do believe you're jealous. Me, jealous? I've never been jealous in my life. If I catch him looking at you again like that, I'll give him a good hiding. Oh, don't be so pompous. Who's first off this morning, Courtney? Mr. Dubois, sir. Oh, he's one of the dangers. I know, sir. He's got a better flying machine than you have. I don't admit that. But if he has, it'll have to be nobbled. You're not going- You're not going to sabotage it, governor? I certainly am not. You are. Get back. Get back. Bonne chance, Pierre! Okay! Bon voyage, Pierre! I think the Frenchy's taking off. - Shall I call the lads out? - No. It's a lovely day. He'll be all right. He knows what he's doing. You all right, Chief? Halt! Today we fly, Herr Rumpelstrosse. You will taxi across the field, take off, fly one circle and return. Understood, Herr Colonel. Taxi across the field, take off, fly one - Aaah! Oh! Aaah! Ach, Schweinehund! Take up your flying machine at once... and show those French idiots what a German officer can do! Jawohl, Herr Colonel. On the double! Eins, zwei, drei! Rumpelstrosse! Come back! Herr Rumpelstrosse! Rumpelstrosse, you fool! Stop playing the games! Aaah! How can I stop this damn thing? Get out of the way! I can't stop! Oh, go away! Idiotic instructions! Stop in the name of the- Oh! Come back here! Hey! Just a minute! Here! Here, what- Go faster! Put your foot down! Leave my fire engine alone! - Hey! No! - Look out! Where's that flying machine from? Somebody do something! Hrr Rumpelstrosse, no! Not again! Aaah! Hey, Orvil, where you going? Orvil, you're supposed to be practicing! Follow that flying machine! Hrr Colonel, what shall I do now? - Look in the book, fool! - I already did so! - What's he trying to do? - Stop it, I suppose. Oh, isn't he brave? Oh, well done! Whoops! Oh! We're heading for the wall! Come on! We gotta jump off! Stop! Stop! Stop the plane! He's stopped him! Hear! Three cheers for the American! Hey, Orvil, have you gone crazy? - What do you think you're doing? - Somebody had to. You're supposed to be flying! Hey, put that man down! You hear me? Bravo, Orvil! Well done! It's another German! Can't stop! Rumpelstrosse! Herr Colonel! Come back! Rumpelstrosse, save me! Rumpelstrosse! Rumpelstrosse! Hang on! Hang on! Hey, Orvil, what you doing? What's that contraption you're sticking on there? It's a scoop. Produces more pressure up in the engine. Yeah, well it might blow up the engine. Ever think of that? - You ever think that cigar might too? - Mmm. Ah. No, I need the speed. All these monoplanes around here... are a lot faster than this old buzzard. Since we've been here, I been looking around, - getting some new ideas. - Yeah. Um, may I come in? Oh. Well, how do you do? Boy, you sure are pretty. I, uh- I waited as long as I could this morning. Oh, I wanted to apologize, but I just couldn't get away. - Why not? - My father insisted on coming down... to watch everyone practice. What's he got to do with it? - He's Lord Rawnsley. - Lord who? - Oh! Didn't you know? - No. But this is his race. Ha! Well, I guess he's got every right in the world to watch it then, huh? Oh, I get it. Well, he won't allow you to- to fly, will he? Hmm. What'd you ask me to take you up for then? You want me kicked out of the race? Why didn't you ask that fellow you're supposed to be in love with to take you up? Oh, I couldn't. He gave my father his word that he wouldn't. Richard's a man of principle. Oh, yeah? I asked you to take me flying.. . because I like you. Oh? I like you very much. And I'm dying to fly! Well, I have to go now. Just a second. Look, I'm going all out to win. Now, do you think I have a chance? Well, that's entirely up to you. Isn't it? Well, yeah. I guess it is. I'll see you tomorrow at Dover. Those are the rules, gentlemen. Now for the route. First day, first leg- London to Dover. Emergency landing fields here, here and here. First aid stations here, here and here. Refueling points here and here. What is all this fuss about? Why do we have to go to Dover by road? Why can't we fly? Good heavens! You can't expect these machines to fly 62 miles nonstop! You've got to reconnoiter by road. None of you foreigners know which railway lines to follow anyway! On my left, landmark number seven. The level crossing five miles west of Tunbridge. Mark it on your maps, gentlemen, and follow the railway line to Dover. It's a hell of a long way to the other side. - Yeah. What do you think? - I don't know. What do you think? Can you swim? Look! You can see France. Yes, but there's an awful lot of water in-between. It is impossible to cross, Herr Colonel. Nothing is impossible for the fatherland. Aren't you afraid of getting "drownded," governor? Sorry to disappoint you, Courtney. If anybody's going to get his feet wet, it isn't going to be me. Uh, I say. Pardon. Uh, pardon moi, monsieur. Uh. est-ce qu'il. uh, um, landing field- Calais- Oh. What's going- Oh, I say! Oh, boy! They're all enjoying themselves, sir. I should hope so. It's costing enough. Hey, waiter. Thank you. Mr. Newton! Orvil! - Wanna drink to my health? - What, the seawater? No, I mean champagne. That was a very charming gesture. It is most strange. I have been to every seaside resort all over the continent, but never have I seen a German dive. Perhaps their skulls are too thin. Come, Rumpelstrosse. We are going to dive. Come in, Colonel. The water is magnificent. - You don't like our little joke, Colonel? - Schweinehund! - Uh, Newton, may I have a word with you? - Why, sure. - What's on your mind? - I think I should mention... that if you continue to make advances to my fiance, I shall knock your block off. Champagne? Well, she's not. uh, officially engaged to you. It's an understood thing between Lord Rawnsley and myself. But Patricia hasn't agreed, and until she does, well, I'll make all the advances I want. You really are being most tiresome. What are you doing? Are you two fighting over me? Oh, good! I say! I say! The Japanese chap has arrived! It's Yamamoto! You know he's flown all the way from Japan? - Really? - Yes. - We don't have the facts yet, sir. - Don't argue with me. We must get to the landing field and welcome him. Come along, everyone! Lieutenant Parsons, Royal Navy. How do you do? How do you do, sir? - Mr. Richard Mays, Coldstream Guards. - Excuse me. Yamamoto, excuse me, sir. First-a class-a flying machine. Thank you. - May I? - Of course. Now that the Japanese are here, nobody's going to stand a chance. He's right. This'll be the one to beat, governor. In that case, we'll have to nobble the man and not the machine. Perhaps a little cascara in his chop suey. Shut up. Excuse me, sir. May I have a word with you? You must've had a remarkable journey. Ten thousand miles, wasn't it? Did you fly it all? Of course. First I came by mule train to Yokohama, then by ship to Vladivostok.. . to catch the Trans-Siberian Express. Good heavens! From Moscow, overland to Paris, then to Dieppe, where I took the cross-channel ferry to Folkestone. Quite a remarkable journey. But at Folkestone I boarded my machine and flew all the way here! Four miles! Amazing. - Orvil. - Oh, hello. I've been looking all over for you. Well, here I am. - Listen, I've got an idea. - Yeah? While everyone's still here, you know what we could do? I know what we could do and I know what I'd like to do, but do you think we dare do it? Motorcycles go very much If we left now, we could be back at Brookley before everyone else. - And then? - Then... you could take me up in your flying machine. Oh. You're really determined to get me into trouble, now, aren't you? Don't you think I'm worth it? All right. Come on. Bonjour, mon capitan. Oh. Colonel. The name of your second, please. My second? Who wishes to be my second? Oh, Jean Pascal. Colonel Baron Manfred Von Holstein... demands satisfaction before the race. - I suggest at dawn tomorrow. - Anything you wish. But you are not serious? This is 1910, you know? I'm aware of the date. Tell the idiot I agree. He agrees. The choice of weapons is yours. Do you wish to use pistols, sabers or rapiers? Balloons. - Balloons? - And blunderbusses. You are trying to make the fools of us again. On the contrary. There is an historical precedent. - N'est-ce pas? - Mm-hmm. A similar duel between a Frenchman and German took place in, uh- - 1817. - Is right. The Frenchman won. In that case, I accept. Come along, everybody. Let's get back to the motors. I expect you'll be flying back. Come along, Richard! Where's Patricia? I thought she was with you, sir. Well, of course she is- What the devil is my daughter doing in that contraption? Going back to Brookley, I think. You don't think she's persuaded him to take her up? I absolutely forbid it. Stop him! Stop him at once! Absolutely useless. Faster. Richard. Faster! I'm doing nearly 40 miles an hour as it is, sir. Come down at once! I absolutely forbid it! Marvelous! - It's fun, isn't it? - Yes! Oh, look, look! Look, there's Father. Let's give him a fright. Oh, rats! I broke a wing strut. You take over the stick and keep it steady, will ya? Oh, no. I- I- I can't. Okay. I said keep it steady! Orvil, help! Orvil! I can't keep it straight! Orvil! Help me! I can't do it. Hurry! - Did that girl fly the machine herself? - Yes! - Are you all right, Patricia? - Of course I'm all right. - How dare you take my daughter up! - He isn't to blame! This race was organized to help flying, not for brainless boneheaded nincompoops to give joyrides. I tell you, Father, it was my fault. It didn't occur to you, I suppose, that if you'd crashed with a woman onboard, you would have put flying back 20 years. - You might've killed her. - Now, look, I knew exactly what I was doing. And I know what I'm doing. Oh, Richard! Patricia, come with me. Yes, Father. Niven, I'll have that machine scratched from the race. - Certainly, sir. - Oh, not now, Not in front of everyone. - I am entirely to blame. - I know that. This is the last time you'll go up flying... and this is the last time you'll ride a motorcycle. Yes, Father. And that includes... the one you have hidden in the garden. - But- - Get into the motor! Oh! She's at it again- disobeying my instructions. I don't think so. It's the American. The American? What's he doing prowling around in my garden? - You suppose he has a gun? - Why should he, sir? Well, the fellow's from the Wild West, isn't he? - It's only a motorbicycle, sir. - Oh. He's trying to get back into the race, just as I've been telling you for some time. Well, he's not going to. He may have changed your mind. Nothing is going to make me change mine. Nothing! Well, go and tell him so! Well, don't stand there! - Anyone thinks you're afraid of the fellow! - Yes, sir. I'm sorry, Newton. but Lord Rawnsley's quite adamant. Not only are you out of the race, but he expects you to remove yourself... and your flying machine from Brookley as soon as possible. Are you sure you told him that I had to see him? Look, if I don't get back in that race, I'm gonna lose everything. Boy, we don't even have enough money to get back to London, much less Phoenix, Arizona. You should have thought of that before. Let's face it, old chap. H only has one daughter. Yes, but- Aw, shucks! Well, I wanna thank you for trying to help me. - What are you going to do? - Oh, I don't know. I guess I'll have to sell my flying machine. Oh, I'm sorry. But at least you're in the right place to do that. Well, good-bye, and the best of luck to you. - You know your way out. - Thanks for everything. Orvil, I'm- I'm terribly sorry. Oh, well. You were worth it. Winning the race meant a great deal to you, didn't it? Mm-hmm. If I'd have won it, I'd have been somebody. I might've been able to go up to any girl, even a rich and a beautiful one, and say to her what I wanted to say, ask her what I wanted to ask. Only it can't happen now. Oh, pl-please forgive me. I've been very, very selfish. I'll never forget you, Patricia. - Good-bye. - Oh, no! No. Wait. I'm going to talk to Father. It won't be easy, but I'm going to get you back into the race. Well, uh- He'll soon change his mind.. . when he hears what the American ambassador's got to say about this. Well, does he know the American ambassador? No. Neither do I. But Father doesn't know that. Achtung! No one knows better than you gentlemen of the international press that- I guess a lot of innovations have been introduced by the various competitors. Oh, yes, indeed! I- Well, uh, take young Parsons of the Royal Navy, for instance- the fellow alighting now. He's got a marvelous new naval idea for stopping his flying machine. Look. Uh, what's that? It's a flying machine, I think. Yes, it must be a flying machine. It's got, um, propellers. - Any other questions? - That's one out. You guarantee this one will fly better than the last? There was nothing wrong with my ornithopter, just rotten piloting, if you ask me! You'll like this one. Just start the engine, and you're off, all right? Contact! Hmm? Oh! Gentlemen, prepare your weapons! Gentlemen, I count 10... and then you will fire! One, two, three, four, five, six. seven, eight, nine- Nein! Get back to your position. Monsieur Dubois! Schweinehund, you are not following the rules! - We always follow the rules! - No! You didn't! The French always follow the rules! Vive la France! This time I'll count to five! One, two, three, four, five! Fire! Sabotage! Sabotage! You idiot! Ooh la! Ooh la! Ooh la! Ooh la! Ooh la la! Ooh. Colonel! Rumpelstrosse! Hello. "With only 16 hours to go.. . "before the start of the greatest race of all time, "temperatures have reached boiling point here at Brookley. "Not surprising perhaps, "when so many different nationalities are involved. "You will be glad to know that the slight technical difficulty... "which it was thought would keep Orvil Newton out of the race... "has now been ironed out. "Tonight, along with the other competitors, "he is attending a small eve-of-the-race reception, "a gathering which one hopes may foster the spirit... of peace and goodwill amongst the aeronautists." That's the idea. It won't take a minute. If you could just turn round too, sir. Could we just get your photograph? Sir, if you turn this way- Yes. Hand-to-hand, hands across the sea. That's the idea. Now, if you could just give us a big smile. That's the idea. Now, hold it. I always thought that the English were noted... for their sense of fair play. - Oh, we are, indeed. Yes. - I'm ready, gentlemen. Well, you punched me when I wasn't looking. My dear fellow, if you continue to pursue a certain party, I shall take the greatest pleasure in punching you when you are looking. Well, you're gonna have your hands full, because I'm gonna marry that certain party. I'm afraid that's going to be rather awkward, because I'm going to marry her also. Gentlemen, could we have a nice smile, please? Thank you so much. Oh! I beg your pardon. Ooh! Buzz off. Hello! Care for a glass of wine? No, thanks, old chap. I only drink whiskey and water. Oh. Sir Percy. Very kind. Is that mine? Thank you very much. Ahhh. Serves him right, the greedy blighter. Come, Courtney. We've got work to do. We can't do nothing tonight. There's guards all over the place. Besides, everybody's going to sleep by their planes. Not everybody. Yamamoto's still inside, and, uh. I've given the Frenchman... the address of a very lovely young lady. Oh-ho-ho. I'll bet she's a bit of all right, governor. Well, you should know. She's your daughter. But, governor, she's an innocent young girl. Not is, Courtney- was. Come on. Now, drop me at the American's hangar, then pop into Yamamoto's and see what you can do with this. What are you gonna do to the Yankee? It's no business of yours, Courtney, but if you really want to know, I'm going to arrange that one of his wheels falls off. That's a bit dirty, isn't it, governor? If he can't land on one wheel, he shouldn't be in the race. Yeah, but he might kill himself. There are plenty more Americans where he comes from. Now, sir, just one without your cap. Certainly not. I'm a naval officer. Oh, well. perhaps a bit of a smile, sir? Oh, very well. Just a bit of a one. Lieutenant Parsons, where have you been? Everybody's been waiting for you. You've not got your logbook filled in or your starter's forms or anything. - Meet Nelson, my passenger. - You can't take that with you. - Why not? - It'll muck up my starter's forms. And for another, no one has yet taken an animal aloft. Nelson doesn't go, neither do I. Absolutely out of the question. - Go on. - Oh, very well then, fill these forms. Well, that's everybody- all 14 of you. Oh, no, it isn't. Where are those blasted Germans? Over at the hangars, old man. I don't think they know anything about your starter's forms. Rumpelstrosse, the great moment has arrived. Come. Herr Colonel, it is no good. I'm a sick fellow. I cannot fly. You must fly! For the emperor and the fatherland! For the emp- Excuse me. It's going to be a busy day for our lads. All spectators away from the flying machines! Spectators away from the flying machines, please! - Ought to be starting them, sir. - Nonsense. I haven't wished the competitors good luck yet. What's the Japanese for "good luck"? I have it here, sir. One moment. Here we are. Thank you, sir. Good luck. Get out of it! - Aren't you sitting the wrong way round? - Of course I'm not. You take me for an idiot? This is my latest invention. It's an idea I had in the bath.. . when sitting with my back to the taps. You see, the wind resistance on the tail... is less than it would be on the wings. Heh. I shall most likely be in Paris... before any of this lot have even got to Calais. It's pathetic, isn't it? - I don't know what he's talking about. - Neither does he, sir. Well, let's see, now.. . what was the French for "give us the money"? Ah, bonne chance, Monsieur Dubois. Ah, merci, monsieur. Mmm. Mmm. Wrong frog, sir. Bonne chance, Monsieur Dubois. Ah. Bonjour, mademoiselle. Really, Monsieur Dubois! Uh, forgive me, mademoiselle. I was carried away. The spirit of the occasion, sir. The entente cordiale. If you ask me, too much entente and far too cordiale. The trouble with these international affairs is that they attract foreigners. Achtung! Ja! But I thought Captain Rumpelstrosse was your pilot, Herr Colonel. I am taking his place. H is indisposed, sir. I didn't know you could fly. Oh, there's nothing a German officer cannot do. So, "'Number One. Sit down." Ah, so- Surely, you're not taking your family with you, are you? You always make-a the joke. They come to wish their papa good-bye. No, no. Sophia, no. No, no, no, no, no. Sophia. I see you have another new flying machine. Presented to me personally... by his majesty the King of Italy. Generale Parlonni. Fsst. Fsst. Well, good luck to you and the King of Italy. Thank you, milord. Thank you, milord. No, no, Sophia. Sophia, no, no, no. - Can you tell me where you come from? - Phoenix, Arizona. Good luck. If it wasn't for my daughter's persuasiveness.. . and my native sporting instinct, you'd be out of this race. Fortunately, I am a very reasonable man. Good luck to you. At least if he breaks his neck, my daughter won't be with him. - Good luck, Orvil. - Oh, thank you, Patricia. Say, will I get to see you in Paris? There's something I want to talk to you about - something very important. Oh, yes, I'll be there. Mm. We're going over on Father's private yacht. Richard. Oh. Well- Oh. I'm not going to wish you luck, my boy. - I expect you to win without it. - Well, I'll do my best, sir. Thank you. Well, good luck, me dear fellow. Thank you, sir. Good luck, Richard. Uh, well, thanks. And thanks for all your help too. Listen, Patricia, as soon as I get to Paris, I've got to talk to you. It's very important. You'll be there, won't you? Yes, I'll be there. Bye. Bye-bye. There they are, Courtney. - I've done everything you said, sir. - Good. Right, now get down to Dover and carry out the rest of your master's instructions. Oh, can't I just wait and see the nip take off? All right. Don't think you're gonna get treats like this all the time, Courtney. I say, the wind's getting up a bit, sir. - We're 20 minutes late as it is. - We've just got to start. I can't start without Lord Rawnsley. Well, can you start it quickly when he does arrive? Of course. I've only got to do this to start it. Look. They're off! I didn't tell them they could start. A knife! Get me a knife. You ain't going to commit hari-kari? Of course not, you bloody fool. I've got to cut my way out, haven't I? All right, Courtney, shoot off. You've had your treat. - Yeah- - Well, go on! Away you go! - Mama! Mama, he's up! - Yes, but he's got to get down again. Oh, Dio. Oh, mamma mia. This is indeed an unwarranted intrusion into our privacy. Be good enough to remove yourself and your machine immediately. Sisters, return to your work. - Un momento. - What is it? I cannot leave unless I have-a some help. I need-a men to hold down the tail so I can take off. Fsst! Men are not permitted here. No men, no take off. Mother, perhaps, uh, the sisters- - Certainly not. - A pity. We are the first aviators to make-a the race from London to Paris. We are not interested in worldly matters. I understand, Mother, but it is a pity.. . that the race. it will now be won by a Protestant. Protestant? Sisters, don't stand around gaping. This good Catholic needs our help. Brava! Superiore! Oh! Ooh! Don't push! What's the idea? Damn silly thing to do! Nearly frightened the life out of the memsahib! I'm terribly sorry, sir, but I had no alternative. Fuel pipe blocked. You haven't got a pipe cleaner I could run through it, have you? Why, we haven't got a pipe cleaner, have we? Oh, wait a minute. Would that do? That's just the thing. Thank you very much, madam. I'm a competitor in the Daily Post Air Race. I suppose you've read about it. - No. I only read the Times. - That's right. Hold on, please. I think I'll get one of those, Muriel. I shouldn't, Willy. You're near enough to your wings as it is. Come on. Right over here. Could we just have a photograph- Oh, I say! There's the French chappie. Very good effort. Well done, sir! We'll take care of the machine. Well done! Hey! Hey, you! No! Come on! Quick! Over here! Danke schn. Danke schn. Hey! Hey! Hey! Assassin! Assassin! Hey! Ah! Whoo! - Are you all right? - Yeah, I'm all right. It's my flying machine I'm worried about. - Looks like you're out of the race. - I wouldn't say that. Say, do ya think they got any spare wheels on this landing field? Well, possibly, but it'll take all night to repair that. - Is there anything wrong with working all night? - Well, no. - All right then. - Good luck. - Any more to come? - Let's see now. Of the 14 starters, eight have landed, two crashed on takeoff, three crashed on the way here, and one. .. is on his way to Scotland? - Ah! - Marlene, what are you doing here? Marlene? No, Franoise. I am Bulgarian. But aren't you - I mean, haven't I met you somewhere before? - It is possible. - I see. Have a drink? D'accord. Your attention, please! Uh, your attention, please! I-I have a sensational announcement. Sir Percy Ware-Armitage has taken off for France. H is crossing the channel even now in the dark. Stop mucking about! Useless lot! Oh, evening, sir. Great honor having your eminence onboard our little brig, sir. I say, careful of that wing. Courtney! I say, I hope it isn't going to be rough. Argh! Smooth as a billiard table, sir. Uh, you did bring the money, sir? Oh, I never discuss that sort of thing. You'll have to take it up with my man. Courtney, are these people to be trusted? Yes, governor, if you give them 10 guineas each. Ten guineas? I can get a chambermaid for a year for that. Do they guarantee to get me over to France before dawn? Yes, governor. Courtney, there are 10 of them. Do you realize this is going to cost your master 100 guineas? Uh, a hundred and ten. You'll be paying me the same, I fancy? Well, you fancy wrong, Courtney. Impudent oaf! Any more of this blackmail, I'll have you thrown out of your cottage. - Now buzz off! - Sorry. - Go on! Off you go! - Just a joke. - I say, Courtney? - Yes, governor? You'll be hearing more of this matter when I return from la belle France. Good heavens. Sir Percy is flying the channel at this moment. In the dark? He must be mad. He won't be able to see the railway lines. - What railway lines? - I never thought he had the courage. If we go on deck, sir, we might be able to hear him pass overhead. Or drop into the sea! Five guineas each, wasn't it? Ten, or we go straight back to England. Outrageous! I shall never hire your boat again. Hey! The tide's in! It'll be out in a couple hours. Back on board! You don't think I'm gonna wait till daylight to be caught by the French? You'll have to get your feet wet. You dirty rotter. I had hoped that I should be dealing with a gentleman. So had I. All ashore! Good-bye! Just look at those magnificent men... daring the elements, challenging the gods, trying- nay, hoping - to fly their machines across no less than 22 miles. Yes, that's what I said- 22 miles of sea! Welcome to Calais, monsieur. Give me a hand, will you? No, no, no! Put me down! Don't do that! Go away! What are you doing? I've gotta get to Calais to compete in the race! Put me down, you ruddy idiots! Don't be silly! I haven't got the time! I've got to get to Calais to continue the race! Bon voyage, monsieur! Are you all right, Lieutenant Parsons? Don't worry! We'll soon have you out! Aah! Can you swim? There is nothing a German officer cannot do! The race is not over yet! We've got to get them refueled and off to Paris! Richard Mays, Orvil Newton away from Calais at... 8:50. La amricaine, you can vive who you like, they haven't got a chance. The fabulous Sir Percy took off for Paris two hours ago. He's so far in the lead, nothing can stop him. Nothing at all. Ha! Vive Sir Percy! What am I saying? He's a most ghastly person. Buzz off! Go on! Bug off! Blast it! Driver! Driver! Stop the train! Arretez le train! Blast! Look! Go! Hey, you! Where can I get some- Franoise, what are you doing here? Pardon, monsieur? - Uh, you are not Franoise? - No, Yvette. Why? Hey. Um, where can I get some gasoline? At Amiens. It is five kilometers from here. Uh-huh. Be a good fellow and bring me as much as possible. The honor of France is at stake. - But, Yvette! - You must go. Go, go, go! All right! All right, but I will be a good 30 minutes. We have 30 minutes. Excuse me. Can you see anyone yet? Yes! Ponticelli is first round the Eiffel Tower. There are two more on his tail! This is going to be a close finish, very close indeed. Count Ponticelli's still ahead, followed by... Orvil Newton, Richard Mays. Jump! And here they come now! Here's the winner! It's Richard Mays! Richard Mays of England! You get ready to jump now! - Ponticelli. Ponticelli! You all right? - Eh? - Are you all right? - I'm all right. Emilio! Emilio! Emilio! Ohh! Patricia? Oh, Richard! Oh, Richard! You won! Oh, Richard! You won! You won! You won! I'm so pleased. - What happened to Ponticelli? - Well, his machine caught fire. Orvil was marvelous! He had to stop to pick him up. H could have won though. Hey, Richard! Richard. Richard, congratulations. Well done, Richard! Congratulations! Well, you deserve it more than I do. It was a wonderful thing you did. You'd have done the same thing if you'd have seen him. Well, you did it. Let's call it a tie. We'll share the prize. The city of Paris salutes the gallant victor! Pierre Dubois is coming! Pierre! You remember me, don't you? - Yes, of course. You-You are- You are- - Betty. Betty! Of course. Oh. How could I ever forget? Every time I look at you, my heart sings. Oh! Will you pardon me? I better have a look at my undercarriage. It's been taking an awful beating. I think we ought to go and find somewhere to put- We must have your photograph by your machine, monsieur. Over here. This way. And now you stop flying, huh? - Do I have to? - You have to. Not for me, but for bambinos. By now they're used to it. - Another one? - Uh-huh. In that-a case, I give up. - Emilio. - Sophia. Turn around. - Whoops! - Oh! So ended the 1910 air race. The winner's time: 25 hours, 11 minutes. Today the same distance can be covered by supersonic jets in seven minutes, but it can take longer. May I have your attention, please? We regret to announce that the departure of all planes from London to Paris... have been delayed again, owing to bad weather. Buses are waiting outside to take you back to your hotels. Will you all come this way, please? Will you all follow me? Those magnificent men In their flying machines They go up tiddly up up They go down tiddly um down They enchant all the ladies and steal all the scenes With their up tiddly up up And their down tiddly um down Up, down Flying around Looping the loop and defying the ground They're all frightfully keen Those magnificent men in their flying machines They can fly upside down with their feet in the air They don't think of danger They really don't care Newton would think he had made a mistake To see those young men and the chances they take Those magnificent men in their flying machines They go up tiddly up up They go down tiddly um down They enchant all the ladies and steal all the scenes With their up tiddly up up And their down tiddly um down Up, down Flying around Looping the loop and defying the ground They're all Frightfully keen Those magnificent men in their flying machines Those magnificent men In their flying machines They go up tiddly up up They go down tiddly um down Those magnificent men In their flying machines |
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