Um...
[sighs]
I've been thinking a lot,
especially the last few months,
about this-
this book I read in college.
It's this story about a boy.
He's the reclusive son of this
disgraced noble family,
and buys a turtle.
But he thinks that the-
the turtle's shell is too plain,
so he has it covered
with jewels,
diamonds, sapphires, rubies.
And it's- and it's beautiful,
but the weight of
the turtle's shell is so heavy
that it- it kills the turtle...
crushed under the weight
of the ornamentation.
And it's not the turtle's fault.
Anyways...
?
? I am the very model of
a modern Major-General ?
? I've information vegetable,
animal, and mineral, ?
? I know the
kings of England ?
? and I quote the fights
historical ?
? From Marathon to Waterloo
in order categorical ?
? I'm very well acquainted too,
with matters mathematical, ?
? I understand equations both
the simple and quadratical, ?
? About binomial theorem
I'm teeming with a lot of news ?
? Hmm.
? With many cheerful facts
? about the square
of the hypotenuse ?
? With many cheerful facts
? about the square
of the hypotenuse ?
? With many cheerful facts
? about the square
of the hypotenuse ?
? With many cheerful facts
? about the square
of the hypotenuse ?
? I'm very good at integral
and differential calculus ?
? I know the scientific
names of beings animalculous ?
? In short, in matters
vegetable, animal, and mineral ?
? I am the very model of
a modern Major-General. ?
? I know our mythic history King
Arthur's and Sir Caradoc's ?
? I answer hard acrostics,
(stumbling over words) ?
? I've a pretty taste
for paradox-- ?
Aw.
[laughs]
[song continues]
I don't even know
why you bother, Charles.
You haven't won
in fifteen years.
That's the Blackworth boy
again, isn't it?
-Well, uh--
-I thought you
were gonna try a self-portrait
this time, Charlie.
?
Bye, mom.
Love you.
Oh, wait a minute.
Come here, birthday boy.
Mmmm.
Okay, I gotta go.
?
Do you swear
to tell the truth,
the whole truth
and nothing but the truth,
-so help you, Mary?
-No.
Good.
Ursula, the witness is yours.
Thank you, Your Honor.
The victim was so very young.
So full...
of promise.
Talented painter, loving friend.
Never really had a boyfriend,
but he did have a Jewish stomach
that gave him a lot of problems.
We lost a lot
of good men to IBS.
[chuckles]
Thanks, guys.
Poor Charlie's early twenties,
gone too soon.
Well, that's alright, Ursula.
We can't all
be twenty-three forever.
Ooooh.
[laughs]
Yeah how many twenty-third
birthdays is that now, Urs?
This many.
Alright, order, order, order-
Wyatt, what are you wearing?
-Yeah, what is this?
-I said formal attire.
I came directly from work,
so I could make
your precious banner.
-Oh.
(Ursula)
Almost, Wyatt.
Okay, great.
Let's eat.
[grunts]
Nah--
Oh, Carmen.
Has the jury come to a verdict?
I have to iron your shirt.
Oh my God, thank you.
I would love
to present the defense.
-Yeah.
-Mmm.
I think I've heard
everything I need to hear.
Sorry, London.
[clears throat]
The judge and jury
find the defendant,
Charles Kinberg...
[trumpet fanfare]
guilty!
[cheers/ad-libs]
Of murder in the first degree!
Twenty-six lashings!
Lash him!
Wait, no!
What?
After reviewing the case,
I hereby sentence
Mister Kinberg
to reside here
with me indefinitely.
What?
Are we still playing the game?
You're my best friend,
Charles, and I need you.
I mean, I'm- I'm
here all the time anyway.
[whispers]
Please.
I'll think about it.
If you come out tonight.
[sighs]
[growls]
Don't do it.
You're just gonna
be torturing yourself.
What?
(Ursala) Wait.
Oh my goodness.
Nothing's ever happened
between you two before.
Why would it now?
If you let go of me,
I will kill you.
Who's that?
-Hold your breath!
-Just wait!
[song playing]
I love this song.
[groans]
Other people.
Hey, there.
Hello, there.
Hot.
Come on, don't worry.
Let's have fun.
[piano playing/singing]
[applause]
Excuse me.
Piano man.
Tim.
Sure.
For my best friend's birthday,
I would like you to play
Modern Major General
from
Pirates of Penzance,
please, and kick it up
three half steps.
I'd really like
to show off my midrange.
I'm sorry, man,
I don't know it.
Okay.
[laughs]
I'm gonna go get a drink.
(Ursula)
I'm coming.
(London)
Me, too.
Hey.
Tim, was it? Right?
-Cool, I'll just--
-Where are you going?
You're very handsome.
[laughs]
You can't just
say that to somebody.
No?
-No, I mean--
-Thank you?
So what's your move?
My move?
To talk to a boy you like.
[hoots]
Uh...
Well, I- I pine from afar.
Yeah, I'm a piner.
You're hiding something.
What?
Trust me.
Nothing gets by me.
Give me your hands.
You just are very forward.
[chuckles]
[sighs]
Oh, I was painting.
You used to play the piano.
Yes.
How did you know that?
I can always tell.
[clears throat]
Whiskey, please. Straight up.
(Bartender)
Get out of my bar,Blackworth.
Whoa.
What is your problem?
We don't serve criminals here.
Excuse me?
Forty?
Lower.
[laughs]
[laughs]
What's going on here?
Trying to score
some downtown pianist?
Charlie Kinberg,
is this humus even kosher?
(Charlie)
Sebastian.
Kosher?
(Sebastian) Come on,
let's get outta here.
Now?
Yeah, I'm over it.
Let's go.
-Um, I guess I should--
-Stay?
And sing?
(Sebastian)
Come on, Charlemagne.
Your chariot awaits.
(Charlie)
How did he know I played piano?
Name one little gay boy
that hasn't taken piano lessons.
-Oh, come on.
-Seriously.
He looked at my fingertips
and he said that I --
(Reporter)
Hey, Mister Blackworth.
What are you doin'
out tonight, huh? Huh?
Go.
(Wyatt) Come on, man.
Leave him alone.
(Reporter)
Whose money are
you spending, Sebastian?
Hey, Sebastian--
I hope your father
rots in jail forever!
Time to go home.
Go home.
Come on.
Guys, Leave him alone!
I said leave him alone.
Stop!
Open up!
Hey!
Hey, Sebastian!
You knew about the
transfers, didn't you?
Ah--
Hey, Sebastian. Come on.
(Charlie)
You okay?
Never again.
[horn blowing]
(Rabbi)
These are our high holy days.
It is at this time of year that
we reflect on all that has been
and think of that which
we can do in the new year.
Please be seated.
[cell phone vibrating]
[whispers] Who's calling you
during Rosh Hashanah services?
Remember your love for us,
the covenant you made with
Abraham on Mount Moriah.
[whispers] Sebastian.
Oh, poor thing.
I still can't believe
his father.
You know,
I never did like Dick.
[snickers]
[laughs]
Oh, stop.
[laughs]
Oh God.
[laughs]
After our
closing benediction...
Mint?
[laughs]
...the cantor and I
will lead the congregation
to walk to the East River
where there, together,
we will symbolically
discard our sins
into the moving waters-.
[whispers]
So how is he?
I just worry about
him when he's alone.
There, in the ceremony
of Tashlich,
we have the opportunity...
He asked me
to move in with him.
[normal voice]
Are you crazy?
Shh.
[whispers] You have
got to move past this.
This is not healthy.
We turn now to page
one hundred and twenty...
There, I've said it.
for Avenu Malekeinu.
Would you please rise.
We offer ourselves anew.
[sings in Hebrew]
? Avenu malkeinu sh'ma kolenu.
[whispers]
I love this part.
? Avenu malkeinu
chatanu l'faneycha. ?
[cell phone vibrates]
[sighs]
[whispers]
I'm sorry.
What?
Where is he?
Is he okay?
Please tell me
he's not on the roof.
He locked himself
in the bathroom.
Oh, Charlie.
Thank God.
My shift started
a half hour ago.
I have to get downtown
to the restaurant.
-How long has he been in there?
-
Charlie?
[clears throat]
Sorry,
I was fixing the sink.
Yeah, and a drink?
Yeah, well,
Mother took all the Xanax with
her to Jackson Hole last month.
[sniffles]
Wyatt, you want to be a dear
and get me some more whiskey?
[sighs]
Apparently,
he tied some sheets together.
[sighs]
Although, knowing my
father's delusions of grandeur,
it was probably just
some
Great Escape
plan.
You know,
scale the prison walls.
Uh, he's on suicide watch.
[scoffs]
I'm sorry.
I don't want
to talk about it.
Where's Carmen?
She's gone.
I had to um...
[sighs]
There's no money, so...
[sniffles]
I'm sorry, I know
that's gauche to talk about,
but it's uh,
they've taken it all back.
Sebastian, we need
to get you outta here.
No, I can't
leave this apartment.
[cries]
[sighs]
Charlie, please.
It's only good
when you're here.
[sighs]
?
(Sebastian) I can't get it.
(Charlie) Are you sure
you know what you're doing?
[grunts]
Okay.
[shrieks]
[laughs]
Oh...!
[shrieks]
No!
Oh my God!
[laughs]
[sighs]
Hey, stainless steel wipes?
My mom said
they were essential.
What is this?
Don't touch it.
-It's called Sebastian.
-Hmm.
I was gonna
show it to you later...
but okay.
Well, I think you captured
my beauty quite well.
I painted you as
a traditional odalisque.
Mm-hmm.
But by taking the traditionally
male gendered viewer's gaze...
-Mm-hm.
-and setting it
upon a male subject,
I'm essentially
-queering the viewer's eye.
-Queering the viewer's eye.
I know.
You've been saying that
since before you
came out of the closet.
[clears throat] I swear to God,
you came out of the womb
with a master's in queer theory.
What's that Joubert quote?
[clears throat]
"When my friends are one-eyed,
I look at their profile."
[sighs]
Thank God you only
look at my profile, Charles.
[laughs half-heartedly]
Glass of Pilot Noir
for table three.
[sighs]
It is way too early
to look at something
that depressing.
No, your tips were actually
extra great this week.
Maybe I should get
real person job like London.
Vogue
is a real person job, Urs,
even if it is only part-time.
[chuckles]
Hey,
look who's paying rent
on time this month.
Alright, up top.
I'm gonna walk away.
(Ursula)
You still buy newspapers?
(London)
It's a two-page expos.
(Ursula)
And?
And I didn't get the job.
I thought the final
interview was a formality.
(Charlie)
Hey.
(London)
Yeah, so did I.
Okay, so maybe Thatcher
wasn't a good fit for you.
(London)
No.
I didn't get the job
because of this picture,
because of Sebastian.
Shh-shh-shh-shh
shh-shh-shh-shh.
Please, please.
No one our age can get a job.
You think you're special?
What picture?
[door slams]
But didn't they already know
you were working at Blackworth?
Yes, they did.
They just didn't know that
I was, how did they put it,
fraternizing with
the heir-apparent
to the most hated
man in New York.
You know, I think I need a break
from all of us for a while.
London, no, come on.
We can just use
the back entrance
of Sebastian's building
from now on.
Charlie, no offense,
but I'm not gonna take
advice from you
right now, about Sebastian.
-Oh, come on..
(London) Look, you guys.
You don't get it.
Things cannot stay the same.
You're being such
a drama queen right now.
God forbid you're
not partner by thirty.
[laughs]
Please, Ursula.
(Londom) At least,
I have long term goals.
(Ursula) Yeah!
Oh, of course.
All of that climbing up
the corporate ladder
from Mobile, Alabama
for nothing.
Hey, stop it.
Come on, uh--
Okay, you know what?
It's not for nothing!
And I don't wanna
have to go back there.
So if I don't get a job,
that's what I'm looking at.
I get the money thing.
You think I work two jobs
seven days a week
because it's really fun?
This is a question of loyalty.
[sighs]
I gotta go.
(Charlie) London.
What are we
gonna tell Sebastian?
Nothing.
(Sebastian)
I can't believe he's in there.
What do you think?
Nope.
(Sebastian)
Let's go.
[orchestra warming up]
[Charlie whispers]
Why are we even here?
(Ursula)
I told you.
I'm covering the
opening reception forVogue
.
I'm already bored.
[chuckles]
Shh-shh.
[whispers]
Sorry.
[whispers]
Be sophisticated.
One of us should
have stayed with him.
[applause]
Oh my God.
Oh my God, what?
[under breath]
Oh my God.
[playing piano solo]
Tim Mallek, devilishly
handsome star pianist.
Mmm.
Mmm.
Admiral Kinberg.
Hey.
Go forth and investigate.
Go forth.
No, Wyatt.
Charlie, from the bar.
Tim, from the on stage.
-Oh God.
-Yes, Tim, from the on stage.
But, you know,
my friends just call me Tim.
Colonel, we actually have
to get back to the house to--
Well, Colonel,
let's not use titles
'cause we don't know
what they mean.
Hi.
Uh, Tim, this
is Ursula and Wyatt.
-Guys, this is--
-Tim Mallek.
I remember you both
from the piano bar.
Mmm, mm-hm.
Ursula and I know
each other from high school.
-Ah.
-We need some wine.
And uh, Wyatt is
our token straight boy.
Ah, very useful.
Listen, there's something
that we need to do.
We need to get more wine.
Okay.
And then we have
to go see Sebastian. Yes.
Actually, Tim.
We've got to be going.
-He's waiting for--
-Uh, it was great to meet you.
What are you doing?
I was talking.
I can't believe
he's flirting with a guy.
He's an old man.
I should actually
catch up to them.
[cell phone vibrating]
Is that your
boyfriend checking in?
Is he prettier than me?
Can he play Chopin like I can?
No.
No.
No, he's just Sebastian.
He's my best friend.
Phew.
So, nothing more.
Is everything okay?
Yeah, he's just
going through some stuff.
Then what's the problem?
(Tim) Come on.
[horn blares]
[laughs]
(Charlie) Oh my God.
So how does a star
concert pianist end up at a bar?
(Tim) Chamber ensemble.
It wasn't that big of a deal.
(Charlie) Chamber ensemble
piano, whatever.
How do you end up at a-
at a hole-in-the-wall
showtunes piano bar?
(Tim) I swear,
nothing makes me happier.
If it paid the bills,
I'd settle down in New York
and play there full time,
instead of moving
from job to job.
Or San Francisco.
(Charlie) San Francisco?
(Tim) Yeah, I love it there.
But this is the dream.
One day I'll be playing
here with the Philharmonic.
(Charlie) This place
reminds me of Rosh Hashanah.
(Tim)
Oh yeah?
(Charlie) Tashlich.
(Tim) Tash what?
[Charlie chuckles]
Tashlich.
It's the service where you
throw your sins into the river.
It's my favorite part
of Rosh Hashanah,
(Tim) I thought Jews
don't believe in sin.
(Charlie) It's a metaphor.
(Tim) Mmm.
I have an idea.
Yalla -
(Charlie) It's okay.
We can see it another time.
Why isn't the Highline
always open like Central Park?
Fuck!
I'm sorry.
I just really wanted
to show you this.
I like you.
(Tim)
What are you doing?
It's okay.
It was a valiant effor--
How did you learn
to do that, MacGyver?
Hebrew school.
Seriously?
No.
Who are you?
(Tim) Okay, so I was
twenty-six, your age,
and I was dating this
crazy guy back in Beirut,
and I couldn't bring myself
to break up with him,
even though he
was reading my mail,
and we'd fight,
screaming, wrestling fights.
So, instead of
breaking up with him,
I moved to America.
Wow.
Yeah, pretty bad.
Yeah.
Okay.
Tashlich!
[laughs]
(Tim) What?
You don't have
to yell "Tashlich."
Sin-throwing is fun.
Your turn.
When I was eleven,
I was living with
Sebastian and his family
for a few months.
My mom and I were
going through...
Uh, it was bad.
And I would not come out
from under the bed for days.
So, Sebastian climbed under
and stayed with me for hours,
just holding my hand.
I wouldn't stop crying,
and so he kissed me.
On the lips.
It was so soft.
Only two or three seconds,
but it was enough time for me
to realize that I was...
different from other boys.
Which was scary.
And so the next day,
I told everyone at school
that he had kissed me,
that he was "a gay."
So, what happened?
Sebastian wore his mother's
pink nail polish to school
the next day.
-No.
-Yeah.
(chuckles)
Anyway, fifteen years later,
I still feel bad about it.
Right, let's
see what you got.
[grunts]
Okay, now give me a good one.
What?
That wasn't good?
I outed my best friend.
When you were eleven.
Fine, I'll go.
Last Christmas, I punched
my father right in the face.
Knocked him out.
Blood, everything.
Seriously?
Well, he drinks,
and sometimes with my mom,
he's just, he's not very nice.
For a second,
I thought I'd killed him,
and I didn't care.
That's a terrible thing,
isn't it?
You ever do anything
like that to your old man?
No.
He died when I was eleven.
I'm sorry.
Well, that explains
the crying under the bed.
It's okay.
We weren't very close.
It wasn't much of a loss.
Gay men and their dads.
I think we need both of us
to hoist this one over.
[laughs]
(Tim) One, two, three.
(Both) Tashlich!
Hey!
Shit.
You know you're
not supposed to be here.
[Tim laughs]
(Tim)
Slow down.
[Charlie laughs]
?
? You'll say a better
Major-General ?
? has never sat a gee.
? You'll say a better
Major-General ?
? has never sat a gee.
? You'll say a better
Major-General ?
? has never sat a sat a gee.
? For my military knowledge
? though I'm plucky
and adventury ?
? has only been brought down to
the beginning of the century ?
? But still, in matters
vegetable, animal, and mineral ?
? I am the very model
of a modern Major-General. ?
[laughs]
I did it.
?
[soothing voice on tape]
Give yourself permission
to leave your day behind.
(Charlie)
This help's you relax?
[tape continues...]
[Charlie snickers]
(Charlie) Why are there whales?
(Tim) Shut up.
[Charlie snorts]
(Tim) They're very soothing.
[Charlie laughs]
I love seeing you in my shirt.
Tim, I need
to tell you something.
What?
'Cause I wanna
be honest with you...
'cause I like you.
I lied to you.
I tell people my father's dead
all the time, but...
the truth is he left
when I was eleven.
Just left.
Never said goodbye.
Sebastian knows the truth, but
[inhales]
with everyone else, it's just
easier to say he's dead.
He lives in Long Island now,
with his new family,
which is fine.
I never really see him.
Anyway, I wanted to tell you.
'Cause that's what
boyfriends do, right?
They tell each other things.
Boyfriends.
[music/voices/glass shattering]
What the...
? Three little maids
from school are we... ?
(Wyatt)
Oh!
Charlie!
(Charlie)
What the hell is going on?
It's a fucking
mess in here, guys.
He was sad,
so we're making him....
(Wyatt) Oh!
(Charlie) Jesus Christ.
(Ursula)
...happier.
(Wyatt)
Oh, no.
- We're making him happier.
There you are.
I- I'd completely
forgotten what you look like.
(Charlie) What are you doing?
We are redecorating.
[laughs]
(Ursula)
This goes over here
(Sebastian)
Yes.
Sorry, we would
have invited you,
but I know how busy
that you have been.
Sebastian.
[drops bottle]
(Sebastian) London, too.
[clears throat]
Whose clothes are these?
Whose do you think they are?
Wanna toss some with us?
Let me show you.
Let me show you.
Wanna toss that in the air?
Like this.
This isn't what
he needs right now.
Well, I think you're wrong.
I actually think this
exactly what he needs.
I can- I can take it from here.
You don't think we can take it?
(Ursula) We've been managing
just fine without you
for the past two weeks.
Why don't you guys go?
Hmm?
-Go!
(Wyatt) Alright.
[knocking]
(Charlie) Hey.
Just wanted to come
say good night.
Oh, you're not
staying with Jim tonight?
You know his name is Tim.
And, no, he has rehearsal.
He's too old for you.
I don't know what you
could possibly see in him.
I didn't think
I'd miss him, you know?
He ruined my life,
and I miss him.
He's still your father.
Of course you miss him.
Do you ever miss your dad?
All the time.
Charlie?
Yeah?
Do you...
do you think I'm a good person?
Of course.
You had to think about it.
That can't be good.
Sebastian...
you're not a good person.
You're the best person I know.
Well, you're the only one
that thinks so.
Please.
I'm begging you.
He misses you.
He needs you.
You're the responsible one.
-He does not need me.
-Fine, I need you.
See, this is the problem
with Sebastian.
It's all about Sebastian
all the time.
People grow up.
They grow apart.
It's okay.
I'm not abandoning him.
?
(Tim)
I'll just be a minute.
Just have to grab something.
(Charlie)
I can't see a thing.
(Tim)
Just wait over there.
[sighs]
[lights clicking on]
[gasps]
Not bad, huh?
-Are we allowed to be here?
-No.
[laughs]
Oh my God.
Maybe breaking into places
can be our thing.
Yeah, right.
[piano playing]
? Take all these,
you lucky man ?
? take and keep them
if you can, Charlie. ?
[laughs]
You learned some
Gilbert and Sullivan.
Gondoliers.
I never break a promise.
Your turn.
Come on.
[sighs]
You pushy Lebanese.
[laughs]
You- you uh-- Okay, why not?
Uh, okay.
[playing piano]
? Take a pair
of sparkling eyes ?
? hidden ever and anon.
What?
I love you.
I know we haven't been
seeing each other for that long,
but that's just what I feel.
I love you.
Wow, I uh--
You don't have to say
anything yet. It's okay.
I know you feel the same.
Um...
What's wrong?
How do you know?
[chuckles]
How do I know?
I just do.
When I'm with you, I never
want to be anywhere else.
I love you, Charlie.
Uh...
What is it?
I don't know.
It's a lot to process.
I mean, I like you so much.
I guess I just didn't realize...
[sighs]
It's this friend of yours,
-I knew it.
-What?
You and the Blackworth kid.
No.
-God.
-Wait, you know who he is?
Everyone in New York
knows who he is.
[sighs]
Hey.
How could you
be in love with that guy?
What?
Don't say it like that.
You don't know him.
So what?
Have you been sleeping
with him all this time?
No!
Sebastian and I have never...
anything, ever.
But you're in love with him?
No.
I mean, how could I be? No.
You don't get it.
Oh yeah.
Please, I get it.
Everyone has a Sebastian.
Hey.
[whispers]
Hey.
Listen.
I wanna be with you.
[scoffs]
Okay?
It doesn't matter.
You're so young.
I forget sometimes.
What?
You think you
don't deserve love?
[scoffs]
Whoa.
Way to take
a huge leap there, Tim.
Let me tell
you how this ends.
You don't end up
with your Sebastian.
It's not real love.
It's a childhood obsession,
an idea of a person.
And really,
it's a poor excuse.
What?
Like this fucked up
umbilical cord,
so you never have to open
yourself up to anyone.
[sighs]
[voice breaks]
Wait, Tim! I--
It's okay. You know, just...
call me when you're ready
to let someone else in.
[gasps]
?
Wyatt!
God, I love this holiday.
(Wyatt)
Indians, your land is mine!
(Ursula)
Your hat looks weird.
You know, I think
I'm gonna do a lap first.
Kinberg, where's Tim?
Don't wanna talk about it.
(Ursula) Hmm?
(Wyatt) You got it.
Oh, okay.
[slurps through straw]
(Ursula)
Okay.
Whoa there, es.
No, honestly, I'm so-
I'm so fine, Ursula.
I can have as much drinks
as I want because I'm dumped.
Well--
Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.
Tim doesn't understand.
Why don't people
understand us, Ursula?
We've got each other.
[sighs]
Okay, enough about Tim.
What's up with you?
What's happenin' with Ursula?
Hmm?
Well, a new, full-time
position opened up at
Vogue
.
-Cultural Features Editor.
-Amazing.
I don't know if I'm gonna
put myself up for it, though.
What?
Why wouldn't you?
Just- I just don't know if it's
like the right time, you know?
No, no.
Plus, what if I don't get it?
It's my dream job.
There's nothing more depressing
than the death of a dream.
(Charlie)
What if we never get our dreams?
You want to know
whose fault it is?
Yeah, I could take a guess.
Bill Clinton.
Wow.
I would not-
I would not have guessed that.
No, because when we were
growing up, Bill lied to us,
because he said,
that you could do anything.
You could be a dreamer during
the- the Clinton administration.
You remember that?
Yeah, dude.
Tim just dumped you
because of Bill Clinton.
What? No, shut up.
You're ridiculous.
That's what you said, right?
Oh.
[slurps]
(Ursula)
Charlie?
You gotta put yourself
up for that job, Ursula.
You have to go after
the things you want in life.
You gonna boot?
Where's your uh, hidden cave?
Tell me it's closer
than Transylvania.
Yeah, it is.
It's in Bushwick.
[laughs]
Doesn't anyone
live in Manhattan anymore?
Oh, don't worry, little lamb.
-I'll protect you.
-Little Lamb?
I don't know
if anyone told you,
but I'm really a wolf
in sheep's clothing...
Why don't you go get us a drink?
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
He's cute, right?
A Ginger?
[chuckles]
Who knew there were
so many cute boys in Brooklyn?
Yeah, I really should invite him
back to the apartment,
but you know how these boys
scare so easily about money.
[laughs]
Charlie. Uh.
[chuckles]
Good fangs.
God, you bit my nose.
Who bites someone's nose?
-Stop it!
-We can practice.
[sighs deeply]
[laughter/talking
coming from other room]
You're an asshole!
[clears throat]
What?
Are we just
not gonna talk about it?
(Sebastian)
What?
I know you know.
I know you know
my feelings for you.
What are you doing?
Get out.
-Should I go?
(Sebastian)
No.
My friend, he's just
having a little stroke.
You just like
the attention, right?
You just use me to feel
better about yourself?
Can we talk
about this later?
No, I waited fifteen years
to talk about this.
We're talking about this.
Great.
Well, then you can watch.
I kissed you.
Yeah, you were drunk.
It happens.
And we'll talk about it
in the morning.
-I should go.
(Sebastian)
No.
Why him, huh?
Why not me?
Oh, well, thank you.
What?
(Charlie)
Let's do this. Sebastian --
We're perfect for each other.
We spend all our time together.
We- we already love each other.
Oh, love?
It's a--
[sighs]
It's a different thing.
(Charlie)
Look at me.
Is this ever gonna happen?
Us?
Sebastian, us?
Is this ever gonna happen?
Stop being so dramatic.
Why can't you answer?
I don't mind if he joins.
(Charlie) What?
Why don't you join?
(Charlie)
I can't do this anymore.
Do what?
Tim was right. I'm never--
I'm never gonna be able
to love anybody else.
(Sebastian)
Will you stop saying love,
like it's the same thing!
Charlie, stop!
What is going on?
I'm leaving.
That's what's going on.
Well, um, what's the point
of having gay friends
if you can't sleep with them?
You're doing it wrong.
[sighs]
[breathing heavily]
[door closes]
You're way cuter anyway.
Please go.
Alright.
Why do you want
to ruin what we've got?
So we can have some
bad sex for a little while?
Then what?
Hmm?
I don't know.
Then we break up.
And that's it.
Fifteen years of friendship
down the drain.
Yeah, you're right, and um,
I can't be here.
You know what's
gonna happen, right?
When you stop loving me,
you're gonna realize
what a terrible person I am.
[door closes]
[sobs]
[growls]
[breathing heavily]
[moaning]
[whispers]
Hi.
Okay.
[scat singing]
I love you.
I love you.
Can I say it again?
I love you.
I love you, I love you.
Mmm.
I love you.
Mmm.
Yeah.
Yeah-yeah-yeah.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
Who was that?
The San Francisco Symphony.
No.
-Yes.
-No.
Yes.
Oh my God.
Oh my God! That's--
They want me
to start in January.
Are you gonna take it?
It's a full-time position.
-Principal pianist.
-Yeah.
Come with me.
What?
I can't do that.
You only have one more
semester left anyway.
And you're not even
in classes anymore.
You can work from there,
and come back
for your thesis show.
-The plane ride is nothing.
-But-
but my mom and-- I-
I can't don't that, can I?
No, um...
we- we could do um,
long distance or something.
No, long distance never works.
Trust me.
What's holding you back?
Nothing, I guess.
Oh God --
Oh, my stomach hurts.
-Ooh, uh- uh--
-Come here.
Oh, no, no.
I love you.
I love you, too.
I don't want anyone else.
Do you?
No.
Then let's do it.
Come with me.
What if we just stayed here?
This is my chance for
something permanent, Charlie.
To stay in one place.
And it's your chance
to do something for you,
to get away from...
New York.
[
O Holy Night
playing]
[song continues]
[guard radio chatter]
Merry Christmas.
You know I can't
play this in here.
I know.
It's just the cover.
[chuckles]
You remember?
Yeah,
Penzance
.
Our first
Gilbert and Sullivan together.
[sighs]
That was nice.
So you came here after
all this time to give me this?
No.
I came here to see you.
Well, I'm glad you did.
How's Charlie?
I don't know.
Look,
[clears throat]
I need to talk to you
about relaunching the fund.
What?
You're gonna have to be
in touch with your mother.
She knows the security codes
for all the offshore accounts.
So, I want you to get her
to wire twenty million
as seed money.
What are you talking about?
The other investors
will need to know
that we own
ten percent of the fund,
-then you'll s-
-Come on, stop.
And then you call-
you call Blankstein...
and you buy
twenty million and--
I'm not
re-launching anything.
Can we please talk
about anything else?
What do you want?
I want you to just be my dad.
That's uh,
[sighs]
that's what I need.
I was broke at your age.
I know how to fix this.
You do not
know how to fix this.
What are you
gonna do for money, huh?
Who's gonna hire you now?
I'll figure something out.
I did go to an
Ivy League school.
Right, after I
endowed a building.
You can live off
some of the money
from the offshore accounts.
I'm not gonna
take any of that money.
That money should go back
to the families and charities
that you've swindled.
We already
settled with them.
Oh, come on.
God, you always were
incredibly naive and selfish.
I'm the selfish one?
Do I need
to remind you why you-
why you're still out there,
and I'm stuck in here
for the rest of my goddamn life?
No.
I know you think that just
because you're a faggot
that you're different from me,
but you'll always
be a Blackworth.
Time's up!
You only get
one family, Sebastian.
Maybe.
But it sure as hell isn't you.
[Major General
playing]
[phone rings]
[clears throat]
Charlie?
Uh, no.
[clears throat]
Sorry. Yes, this is he...
[music continues]
I can't believe that his
mother didn't show up.
I can.
You okay?
Y'all, they don't even
have desk chairs.
We sit on bouncy balls.
[laughter]
Are you sure that you work
at an actual internet start-up
and not just
some hippie commune
that you accidentally
wandered into?
(Wyatt)
Uh, Ursula
has some news as well.
I don't.
No-no-no.
I'm proud of you.
Ursula is now the
Cultural Features Editor
at
Vogue's
website.
-Yay!
-That's amazing.
It's just digital,
so it's not--
I'm so proud of you.
So, Tim, how are things
at that ghastly old piano bar?
Hmm.
Well, I actually just got a job
at the San Francisco Orchestra.
Principal pianist.
Wow.
Oh my God.
Oh my God, dude.
That's great.
San Francisco?
[chuckles]
Congratulations.
Thanks, man.
Well, we'll be
sad to see you go.
Charlie,
you must be devastated.
Mm-hm.
Ooh, and after you learned
all that Gilbert and Sullivan.
[laughter]
Yeah, why all
that Gilbert and Sullivan?
Well, for one, it's right
in my vocal wheelhouse.
Mmm.
You don't have
a vocal wheelhouse.
Actually,
it was Sebastian's dad
that introduced us...
to it.
It's okay.
No, it's nice to
remember the good things.
Anyway,
I'm ready for a fresh start.
And I feel like having us
all here, finally, is--
[sighs]
I don't know, I feel like things
are really gonna be okay.
To...
new beginnings.
To new beginnings.
Hmm.
Cheers.
[glasses clink]
[sighs]
I'm also selling the apartment.
I'm selling everything,
actually.
And I'm gonna take the money,
and I'm gonna give it
to all the people uh--
You know.
I'm proud of you.
Me, too.
So I thought maybe I could
stay with you and your mom...
just for a little while
until I get on my feet.
What do you say?
Um, well,
it- it's just--
[sighs]
Um, you wanna-
you wanna
talk about this later?
Charlie, why?
What could you have to say
that you couldn't say
in front of everyone?
I mean,
we're all family, right?
Why don't I go get us
some more wine?
Is this about Halloween?
-Sebastian.
-What?
(Tim)
Halloween?
What?
You didn't tell him?
-Sebastian.
-What happened on Halloween?
Maybe you'd know, London,
if you weren't so quick
to abandon your friends.
Okay.
Sebastian, that's a conversation
that you and I should--
He's a fantastic kisser,
isn't he?
Sebastian.
(Wyatt)
Why don't we
put on some music?
(Ursula)
That is a great idea.
How about a little Mikado?
? Mikado!
Talk to me. Hey.
Sebastian, we are
here to investigate.
-Would you shut up, Ursula!
(Wyatt)
Hey!
Don't speak to her that way.
Look, whatever happened,
I don't care.
I know I've got you now, okay?
What does that mean?
[sighs]
I'm going with Tim.
(London)
What?
(Ursula)
Wait, what?
(Charlie)
I didn't want
to talk about this today.
(London)
Charlie, when?
Uh, after New Year's.
Is this really a good time
to bring this up right now?
(London)
Charlie, what about school?
(Charlie)
I'm working on my thesis,
and I- I can do that anywhere.
I know it's fast, but um,
I love him.
So, can someone
turn off the music?
What?
I think this is great!
Guys, look at him.
He's happy.
You know,
whenever you find love,
I think that you should uh,
dive right in, you know?
Look, uh, buddy,
if you need a place to stay,
you can stay at my place.
It's not much, but--
-Okay.
-Seba-
You guys, is he--
(Charlie)
Shit!
-Oh my God.
No, no.
You'll just make it worse.
Sebastian!
Sebastian, come down.
[breathing heavily]
Just get down.
Let's talk about this.
You were right to leave.
You found a way to be happy,
and it has
nothing to do with me.
No, that's not true.
Just- just get down,
Sebastian.
[sighs]
I knew about the transfers.
What?
I knew he was
moving customer money,
and I knew it was illegal,
and I- I--
[cries]
I didn't say anything.
I could have stopped him,
you know, and I didn't.
They're right to hate me.
No.
No.
I see you.
I know how good
and sensitive you are.
You're lying.
I'm just like him!
Sebastian!
Sebastian?
S- Sebastian,
how could you
be just like anybody
when you're more yourself
than anyone else I know?
You're- you're not your father.
[gasps]
You're everything.
You're everything, Sebastian.
-Wait.
-What?
You're right.
Let's do this.
It's you and me.
Come on,
let's go away together.
Se- Sebastian.
It's not like that.
You really love him.
What the fuck
is your problem, man?
Tim! Stop!
-Hey-hey-hey-hey!
-No!
You spoiled fucking child!
He didn't mean it!
What?
You took everyone's money,
and now you want
their boyfriends, too?
Stop!
Come on, man.
It's okay.
Come on, hit me.
Hit me.
I deserve it.
[sighs]
I'm sorry. Let's go.
Are you crazy?
Pushing him like that?
You're taking his side?
I'm not taking anyone's side.
[breathing heavily]
You're always gonna choose
him over me, aren't you?
No, Tim. I love you,
-but you can't--
-He's a terrible person.
I'm sorry, I'm done.
I just don't belong here.
No, take him!
Go.
-He's right.
-I'm not leaving.
-Go, go.
-Stop!
Go!
Get out of here!
Sebastian, stop!
Go! Oh!
All of you - Go!
Sebastian, it's okay.
Sebastian.
You-- You weak,
fucking faggot, go!
I don't need you here!
(Charlie) Stop.
-Go!
(Charlie) Stop.
[whispers]
Stop.
[sighs]
It's okay, alright.
[knocks]
My baby boy.
[chuckles softly]
[sighs]
How is he?
Mmm.
He's still asleep.
Poor thing.
How does it feel
being in your old room?
Different.
So, you were gonna
move to San Francisco
without telling your mother?
Sorry.
Well, I'm not
moving anymore, so...
When did you
become such a man?
Don't feel like one.
Hmm?
You know, with Tim,
I- I thought I was, but--
Hmm.
Maybe you need to figure
that out on your own first.
Yeah.
He texted me saying
he's leaving tomorrow
for fucking San Francisco.
Honey, please
don't use the F word.
Sorry.
Well, maybe it was
just meant to end this way.
Are you gonna say goodbye?
No, I don't think he wants
to talk to me right now.
[sighs]
Charles...
get up. Come on.
Why?
Don't leave things
on a bad note.
Charles,
real men say goodbye.
?
[buzzes door]
[buzzes door]
Hey.
Mmm, hey.
Mmm, hey.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, too.
I want you to be happy.
Me, too.
(Sebastian) I don't think
that I can be happy here.
(Charlie) I know.
Anyway, I've got
an apology gift for you.
One time only.
What?
[Charlie's voice breaks]
How did you--
-I went to your house.
-Sebastian called me.
Sebastian?
You've got a good friend there.
-I'm not--
-I know.
[sighs]
Please.
You can't go.
I love you.
[takes a shuddering breath]
It's just not our time.
Yeah.
[sighs]
?
Members of the jury,
we are gathered here today
to investigate the crimes
of the dangerous war criminal...
Ooh.
Sebastian Blackworth.
Even though
he is leaving us,
no matter where he goes,
no matter what
name he goes by,
no matter what
people say about him,
I sentence him
to always be a one-eyed
freak like the rest of us.
Amen.
Wait.
Uh,
[clears throat]
Your Honor,
if I may have one final word
before my sentencing
commences--
If you must.
[sighs]
The thing is,
I was wrong about you.
You don't just
face our good sides.
No...
you stare right at our one eye,
and you find
the beauty in it anyway.
Thank you for always
seeing the best in people,
even when they can't
see it themselves.
To Charles.
To us.
[glasses/bottles clink]
[clears throat]
?