Oh, I just don't know where to begin
Though he says he'll wait forever
It's now or never
But she keeps him hanging on
The silly champion
She says she can't go home
Without a chaperon
Accidents will happen
We only hit and run
Used to be a victim
Now you're not the only one
Accidents will happen
We only hit and run
I don't want to hear it...
- What you lookin' at?
- Shut up!
Allow it, man.
You almost started a fight.
There's so many fish in the sea...
- Tyson!
- #... They say you're so young
Your mind is made up
But your mouth is undone
Accidents will happen...
... He used to be your victim
Now you're not the only one...
First one, was it?
Always a choker, first time out.
What did they give you?
Let's have a look. Sick leave,
post-traumatic stress...
- Seven days only?!
- You saw the trauma team?
Asked if I wanted counselling,
or someone in the cab.
One of them counsellors is hot.
- You should ask for her.
- First one stays with you.
Never forget it. Second one,
maybe you remember, maybe not.
But the third one...
The third one, what?
What?
- D'you fancy a pint? Take your mind off things.
- Nah... wouldn't seem right, thanks.
Oof! You know what, bruv?
You wanna get out more.
Somebody help me, yeah
Somebody help me now
Won't somebody tell me
what I've done wrong?
I need someone...
- Mind the gap.
- #... I need a girl to hold me tight
Someone who can make me feel
Make me feel all right-ight-ight-ight-ight...
This train terminates
at London Bridge.
... Somebody help me, yeah
Somebody help me now
Somebody tell me
what I've done wrong
- # Somebody help me!
- # Somebody help me, yeah
- # Somebody help me
- # Somebody help me now
- # Somebody help me, yeah
- # All right
Somebody help me now
Won't somebody tell me
what I've done wrong
What I've done wrong...
Accidents will happen
We only hit and run...
- Big issue!
- # Now you're not the only one
Accidents will happen
We'll only hit and run
I don't want to hear it
'Cause I know what I've done...
Train approaching.
Please stand behind the yellow line.
There's so many fish in the sea
- Pauly...
- Pauly...
- What are we going to do with you?
- Second in a month? Becoming a habit.
- Wasn't my fault.
- Don't, don't, don't say that.
He was dead before I hit him. I tried to stop...
Course you did.
C'mon. Just a bit of bad luck, that's all.
The psychological effect
is still the same, innit?
- It all counts in the big game.
- Shh.
What "big game"?
The one nobody talks about.
- So why are we talking about it?
- 'Cause we care about you, Pauly.
You all right, Paul. See ya later, fellas.
- See ya later, Rob.
- Yeah, see ya later, Rob.
- Three is the magic number.
- The rule, man, the rule.
- What rule?
Three and out.
You hit three people in a month,
they pay you off.
They retire you, 'cause they reckon
you can't deal with it up top...
Three is the charm. It's three...
...and out
- And we're talking ten years' salary.
Lump sum. Thank you very much.
- How much?!
- No-one's ever done it. Not in a month.
- Whoa...
- No, you nearly did in '98.
But I missed it by three days.
Ten years' wages.
- So, how long did he get?
- Caught him at the biscuits.
Gave him six months.
Out in two with good behaviour.
Tell you what. You wanna get
yourself on the Central Line.
- They is always at it.
- Argh...
When does your month run out?
Erm... week today. Monday.
What? Seven days. That's pushing it.
When you on next?
Monday. They gave me the week off.
A week off?! That just gives you till, what?
Monday? Bastards! You know why that is?
That's so you ain't even got a chance.
Yeah. Never mind, mate. Another time, eh.
Oh, it's you... Landlord was here today.
He was looking for you. Again.
- Says you owe him two months' rent.
- I've got it right here.
Whoa! Don't shoot the messenger.
I don't care whether you pay him or not.
Hey... Do you want to come up?
Er... No, thanks. I've got some work to do.
Well, if you change your mind...
- The rule, man, the rule.
- Ten years' wages.
Three is the charm. It's three...
... and out.
You hit three people in a month,
they retire you, 'cause they reckon
you can't deal with it up top.
- Three...
- ... and out.
- Capital...
- ... 95.8.
It's been a London landmark
for over a hundred years,
but after a rise in fatalities
the bridge in Holborn
is gaining a reputation for copycat incidents.
Now the authorities are increasingly
concerned about the rising suicide rate.
- Ten great songs.
- London's music station.
Are you feeling tired, stressed
or do you need a break?
With Special Places...
Fuckin' hell.
Yeah, hi, erm... I was wondering...
I've got some time on my hands
and I thought maybe I could...
you know, volunteer,
do the odd afternoon or... whatever.
A training course? Oh, right.
I couldn't just drop in and...
No.
Oh, right. Information pack?
No, no, I'm fine.
No, I've changed my mind. Bye.
Excuse me, sir.
Erm... you're obviously on your last legs.
I was wondering...
I'm gonna find ya
I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha
One way or another
I'm gonna win ya
I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha
One way or another
I'm gonna see ya
I wanna meet ya, meet ya, meet ya, meet ya
One day, maybe next week
I'm gonna meet ya
I'm gonna meet ya, I'll meet ya
I will drive past your house...
... And if the lights are all down
I'll see who's around
One way or another
I'm gonna find ya
I'm gonna getcha, getcha, getcha, getcha
One way or another
I'm gonna win ya
I'll getcha, I'll getcha
One way or another
I'm gonna see ya
I'm gonna meet ya, meet ya, meet ya, meet ya
One day, maybe next week
I'm gonna meet ya,
I'll meet ya, I'll meet ya...
Hello.
Are you Paul?
Erm... yes.
Hello, I am Maurice.
I'm pleased to make
your acquaintance.
Please. Eat.
I made them myself. My own recipe.
I am so pleased to meet you, Paul.
There are not many people who would do this.
- Glad to help.
- So, where will we do this thing?
In your apartment?
Well, no, on the underground. Tube.
Ah, yes, but how is this possible?
Well, I'll be driving the train
and you can... you know... jump.
Jump! Are you crazy? I'd be killed.
Well, that's the general idea.
- But what about the cooking?
- Cooking?
Mais oui. The cooking and the eating.
Sorry? What cooking?
I wish to watch as you eat...
Piece by piece.
Eat what?
Me!
First we cut off my penis.
Then we fry it, er... perhaps with onions.
Then we do the legs,
and the arms, and so on,
until I am all gone.
Don't worry, Paul.
Many people have done this before.
Don't you read the news?
It tastes a little like pork.
How is your sausage?
What? Is, er... too spicy?
There's been a mistake. I'm sorry.
One way or another
I'm gonna lose ya...
... I'm gonna give ya the slip
A slip of the lip, or another
I'm gonna lose ya
- # I'm gonna give ya the slip...
Hey! Shit!
- Wait! Don't do it!
- Oh! What the?
- Hold onto me!
- Let me go, you fucking arsehole!
- Jesus Christ! Grab my arm.
- My fucking coat's caught on something.
Look... just... get me...
Pull me up, come on! Pull me up! That's it.
You interfering little shite!
Why can't you leave a man be, eh?
You fucking do-gooders,
you think you can just...
- Stop. I can't breathe.
- Good.
Police! Police! Police!
That's all I fucking need.
Hey, get in!
- How about I buy you a drink?
- I think you fucking owe me one.
Ah.
- Didn't think I'd taste that again.
- Cheers.
Never mind the "cheers".
What's your fucking game, eh?
What are you? One of these religious types?
- Waiting like a vulture to save a poor soul?
- I'm a tube driver.
- You can forget about that.
- I'm not religious.
I've done all the praying I'm gonna do.
I want you to kill yourself.
Keep it down will you, gobshite.
You can shove
that reverse psychology up your 'hole.
No, it's true.
I want you to kill yourself.
Well, you've done a bloody good job
of stopping me up until now.
What is it you're after? Me organs, is it?
You're going blind,
you want me eyes? Is that it?
I was wondering...
if you'd be interested
in throwing yourself in front of my train.
I'd pay you, of course.
You'd pay me? Right, yeah?
Pay to run me down?
I was thinking in exchange for this... service,
I could give you, say, fifteen hundred quid.
Oh, right. And I just throw
myself under your train.
- Presumably with a smile on my face?
- Yeah, basically.
And fifteen hundred quid
in my cold, dead hand, eh?
Jesus, that's a fantastic deal.
How could I refuse?!
What the fuck am I supposed to do
with fifteen hundred quid when I'm dead?
- Buy myself a fancy headstone?
- No, no, you won't be dead...
I mean, you will be,
but not until Monday morning.
So you've got a whole weekend
to spend it on whatever you want.
- A woman, lots of women.
- What do you think I was doing last night?
OK. So... eat, drink and be merry one last time.
I'm already fat, my liver's shot
and I don't feel like laughing. Next.
There must be something you always
wanted to do and never got the chance.
There is.
Excellent! What is it? We'll do that.
I want to swim with a great white shark.
No cage. Just me and the beast.
Eyeball to eyeball.
There's a fella does it.
South African, saw him on the telly.
He just gets right in there with them, no worries.
He's never been bit yet.
I'd fucking love to do that.
Yeah, well, the thing is,
we've only got this weekend.
It has to be Monday.
What about the London Aquarium?
Have they got sharks?
- Are you taking the piss?
- Something else, then. Give it to charity.
Isn't there somebody you know
that could use some cash?
What about your family?
My family?
They probably think I'm dead already.
There you go. Be a nice surprise for them.
- Maybe this isn't such a good idea.
- Yeah, probably best not to involve family.
Always gets messy.
What about a day at the races?
Just take the money and blow it.
Fuck. It's been seven or eight years.
I can't go. Not now.
Let sleeping dogs lie and all that.
I wanted to go, you know?
I'm not a completely heartless bastard.
I wanted to say goodbye. Make my peace.
- Just didn't seem right, you know.
- Definitely. I think that's...
How could I turn up looking like this?
Like a knacker without a penny in my pocket?
But that fifteen hundred, well...
I'm not a religious man,
but maybe... maybe this is God's way
of giving me one last chance
to make up for all the shite
I've rained down on them.
Ah, fuck. Carpe diem.
Seize the day, huh.
Now, listen, son.
If we do this thing,
I have to make one thing clear.
- What's that?
- A deal's a deal.
There's no backing out, no fucking around.
We shake on this, it's as good as done.
You'll do it?
A deal's a deal.
Where's that cash?
Live alone, do you?
Yeah, why?
Oh, nothing. Just a wild guess.
What did you do? Rob a bookshop?
That a computer?
What's it for? Playing with yourself?
No. I'm a writer.
A writer that drives a tube train?
Yeah, well, not for much longer, hopefully.
Grand chair, though.
Ohh.
So, where's this fifteen hundred quid?
Well, hand it over.
This is my rent money. How do I know
you won't just take it and run?
What did I say, uh?
A deal's a deal.
That means you give me the money
and I don't run away with it. Understand?
Give me fucking the money.
- There's twenty quid over.
- Call it a bonus.
No, let's call it
fifteen hundred quid. A deal's a deal.
Don't mind if I crash here, do you?
- Oh, by the way. What's your name?
- Oh, God, yeah, of course. Paul... Callow.
Tommy Cassidy.
Eh, Paul, turn off the lights now,
when you're going out.
Get some kip.
Shit.
Bollocks.
Thought you'd gone.
Thought I'd had it away
with your money, did you?
What did I say to you last night?
What did I tell you?
I dunno. Deal's a deal?
Right. A deal's a fucking deal,
and I don't want to have to say it again.
What's the story with the car?
Well, I couldn't show up on a bus, could I?
I've always wanted one of these.
Plus it's a rental, so I can batter the fuck out of it.
Come Monday,
they can swing for their money.
Wait a second.
Eh, eh, I can't wait.
I don't want to hit the traffic.
... all the time
It's gonna happen, happen
Till you change your mind...
- What are you doing?
- I'm coming with you.
Like fuck you are. I only came to say
goodbye. I'll see you Monday morning.
No way.
Look, I'm not having you around
for my last weekend.
Your miserable face'll kill
what little joy I have left.
You won't even notice me.
I'll keep quiet in the background.
Exactly. Like the Grim Fucking Reaper.
- You're staying here.
- Come on.
I know a deal's a deal
but I don't know you from Adam.
I just want to see this through.
All right, but if you piss on my parade
I'll have your balls on a plate.
Nice suit.
Rosemary always
fancied me in a pinstripe.
Everything goes when you're dead
Everything empties from
what was in your head
No point in waiting today
Stupid revenge is
what's making you stay...
- Hello?
- Paul, mon petit chou.
You are very naughty to run away.
Do I not look tasty?
I'm sure I will be flavoursome.
Perhaps with a soupon of raspberry jus.
I make you a very tasty jus...
- You all right?
- Fine.
Fuck off.
- Never been to Liverpool.
- I'll give you the grand tour, will I?!
What now?
I was married in this church.
Eh! That's sacrilege for a Protestant.
How do you know I'm a Protestant?
You've all the spirit
of a wet weekend in Blackpool.
What else could you be?
Isn't it a sin to commit suicide...
if you're a Catholic?
Isn't it a sin to deliberately run
someone down with your train...
if you're a human being?
Bless me, Father, for I have sinned...
Hey! They're 20p each.
Isn't that just for Catholics?
Callaghan! Bastard.
He must have paid off the whole
council to get that contract.
But I knew him when he was digging ditches.
That fucker owes me big time.
- This where you used to live?
- Yeah, lovely, isn't it?
- What you doing?
- I can't show up empty-handed.
Not after all these years.
What are you looking for?
Tell me what's going on.
That's a crowbar?
I thought you wanted a present.
Shut the fuck up, or you'll be using it
to get my foot out of your arse!
What the hell are we doing here?
It's none of your business.
I didn't ask you to tag along.
Oh, fuck.
Stop pushing.
Will you get off of me!
Bloody hell, what are you doing?
That's breaking and entering.
Shut up and hold that.
Ah, fuck.
Watch this.
No, no, no, no, don't...
Shit! Shit.
Get your hand off me arse.
Ow...
Hey! Hey! Paul! Come in.
Get in here, for fuck's sake!
Can you stop?
This is madness. Let's go.
Will you shut up!
This is mental.
What happens if we get caught?
There's no-one here. They won't
be back for hours from the club.
- Whose house is this?
- The Callaghans.
No! This could screw up everything. Come on!
You listen to me, you little fucker.
You've a choice to make.
Either do this my way or don't do it at all.
- I can always get someone else.
- Go ahead.
But you're not getting
your money back, oh, no.
I'm doing this whether you want to or not,
so if you want to fuck off, be my guest.
- I thought so. Are you done?
- Yes.
Shhh!
- Jesus!
- We've got to go! We've got to go!
Listen. They didn't hear me put the window
in downstairs, they won't hear us now.
Fuck.
She must be wearing it.
What?
Shh...
We'll have to use soap.
Should be some in there.
What the fuck?
Oh, Jesus!
- Uh.
- If he moves, hit him.
Michael Callaghan!
You dirty, old bastard!
What the fuck?!
Oh...
What are you doing down there?
- Hit him! Hit him!
- Fucking hell!
Uh...
Oh, fuck, oh, shit...
- You...
- Oh, fuck, oh, shit, oh, fuck...
That's enough now, Paul.
Turned to burglary, Cassidy? That all you got left?
I just came for what's mine, Callaghan.
There's nothing here belonging to you, Cassidy.
Tommy Cassidy?
Jesus. What the bloody hell
d'you think you're playing at?
I'm sorry, Maureen. I just came for me ring.
- What ring?
- The sapphire.
What are you on about? Your ring?
It were an anniversary present, that.
- I've had it years.
- I know. You've had it nearly eight years.
I've heard enough. I'm calling the police.
- How do you know?
- He won it from me in a game of cards.
It was all I had left.
I'd just had it repaired for Rosemary.
Don't listen to him, Maureen,
he's talking out of his arse.
- Go on.
- I said I'd give him the cash,
but the fucker, he... took a shine to it.
Said he needed something for your anniversary.
I couldn't face Rose after that.
Bollocks, Cassidy. You're a
fucking liar and I've heard enough.
Cards? Gambling? Lying?
Passing me off with your sordid winnings?
I tell you, Maureen...
He's a fucking liar. I wouldn't, I swear.
I bought that. You saw the shop where I bought it.
Get it, Paul.
Leave it.
Put it away, you old fool. It's not even loaded.
Michael Callaghan.
You lying, conniving, cheapskate little toerag.
I always knew you were a rat,
but this is the lowest you have sunk!
Or is it? What else don't I know?
Owl
- Come back.
- Come on, mate. You're nicked.
Wait a second, I can explain.
Look, I'm a friend... I'm a friend of the family.
- Get in the car.
- This is a miscarriage of justice.
Fuck. Shit.
Oh, shit!
Back to square one.
- Hello, good morning.
- A single to London, please.
- Right, that'll be 107.50.
-
- Hello.
- Paul, mon cher. It is I, Maurice.
- Just leave me alone.
- Paul, it is your destiny to eat me.
Why not start with my ear?
Listen, I don't want to eat you,
neither your ear or your penis
or any other part of you. Do you understand?
Just fuck off and leave me alone.
Charming. Is that any way
to speak to your father?
OK, Paddy, your son's here.
- Hello, son.
- Hello, Dad.
You got two minutes, all right?
Where the fuck did you get to?
I hid. Once they got you,
they didn't seem bothered about me.
Never mind that now. Have you got the ring?
Yeah.
- What does that mean?
- I...
I thought I'd get caught. It would be
evidence. It was kind of a mistake.
- You didn't.
- It hasn't...
come out yet, but it shouldn't be
too long, I'm pretty regular.
That's going to be lovely, isn't it?
Don't strain yourself on my account.
The magistrates don't sit till Monday.
No, no, no, no. Oh, God.
There must be some way
of getting you out of here before Monday.
You known Tommy
and Callaghan a long time?
They used to work on my gang
on the railways. Nothing but trouble.
- What kind of trouble?
- With Tommy, it was usually the gambling.
Callaghan, well, he always
had an eye for the ladies.
- And still does. Dirty fecker.
- Does he now?
You've got a fucking nerve coming here...
I'm asking you nicely. Will you
drop the charges against Tommy?
Save your breath for the law, son.
OK...
We all know what you're saving
your breath for, Mickey Callaghan.
Mary! Mary Loughlin.
How's your bollocks?
That rash cleared up, has it?
What are you doing here?
That's a funny thing,
I was talking to that lad there.
- He says he knows you.
- Knows me? He tried to fucking rob me.
Knows you and your wife.
Forgot to mention her on bonfire night, didn't ya?
When you wanted to put your
big, fat rocket in me flower-pot.
Went off with a right explosion,
didn't it? Do you remember?
No? Shall we ask your wife?
All right, all right, all right.
Who'd have thunk, eh, you were so smart?
It's not funny. Jesus, Tommy.
What if I got nicked too?
You're going to screw everything up.
This was part of the deal.
Let me sort things out.
With your family, not some bloke
you used to play cards with.
Lighten up.
Isn't it about time you had a shite?
- It's all right. I cleaned it.
- I hope you washed your hands.
Shall we?
I don't know.
I'm not sure this is such a good idea.
I should just leave them some money.
That'd be more use than my apologies.
What's the worst that can happen?
She slams the door on you?
You've obviously never met my Rose.
So what?! I haven't come
all this way to watch you back out.
What happened to
"seize the day"? We're going.
And you're going to say whatever it
is you've come to say.
Come on. It'll be worth it.
How do I look?
- Ah... do... bu...
- What?
Are you fucking my wife?
I don't know. Hang on a minute.
Eh, Sandra...
You married to an old Irish bloke?
No!
Sandra? Sorry.
I... I must have the wrong place.
- Who's it you're looking for?
- Rosemary and, er... Frances Cassidy.
Erm... Sheridan.
Used to live here, did they?
You don't know
where they might have gone, do you?
Hurry up, Derek.
We can't hold this position much longer.
We'll let you get back to your, er...
I'm really sorry but... it was a
long-shot after all this time.
- Let's go back to London.
- You need to have a little faith.
You shouldn't be so defeatist.
Something'll turn up, you'll see.
Oi! I found this. I think it's them.
- No.
- Ever been to the Lakes?
... and I've spent all my money
on whiskey and beer
And now I'm returning
with gold in great store...
... no more
And it's no, nay, never
- # No, nay, never, no more...
- There.
Will I play the wild rover?
No, never, no more
I went into an ale-house
I used to frequent...
Well, it's not exactly
the country cottage she dreamed of,
but you can't have everything.
She'll be happy enough.
OK?
Oh, Jesus!
She doesn't seem
very pleased to see you, mate.
She'll run out of cups in a minute.
Hey, Rosemary. Ah, Jesus!
Excuse me.
- Mam. I got the afternoon off.
- Mam, where are you?
- In here, love.
Have we got visitors? Whose is that fancy c?
Frances...
Wow, is that you?
Frankie!
Now look what you've done.
What? All I did was say hello.
You can't turn up after eight years
and expect her to welcome you back.
- What was I supposed to do?
- You should have thought of that before you left.
Don't start in. I've only just got here.
And you're lucky I let you over the frontstep!
"Don't start in"?!
Eight years without a bloody word
and you think you can turn up here
in a fancy suit telling me what to do?
Start in? I'll bloody start in, all right.
Come on, Rose, I've driven
all the way from London...
Well, you can get back
in your stolen car and drive back there.
- It's not stolen, it's...
- I've heard it all before and I don't...
Listen, I'm...
I'm going to leave you to... I'll take a walk.
You'll want a cup of tea, I suppose?
Yeah, that'd be... that'd be grand.
Oh, best china here, Rose?
You're a guest. Guests get china.
Anyway, the rest is broken.
I thought you were dead, Tommy.
All the other times you always came back,
maybe a week later, maybe months, but...
you always came back to me.
And I was stupid enough to take you back.
I'm telling you, things are different now.
I'm different...
So, what do you want, Tommy?
- Can't I just...
- No, Tommy, you can't.
You can't just waltz back in here,
upset everyone, and disappear off again. No.
Which is exactly what you're planning, isn't it?
- Well, I...
- So, it's business as usual?
Well, I'm not having it, Tommy.
I'm not having Frankie upset like that again. Ever.
'Cause you have no idea what that little girl
was like when you left.
- If I could talk to her...
- You're too late, Tommy.
She won't have anything to do with you.
And what about you, Rose?
I'll hear you out...
and that's as good as you'll get.
You'll want a sandwich, I suppose?
- So, how's she doing?
- She's fine.
Well, as fine as any young girl can be.
I feel like putting up a sign outside,
"Beware of the Daughter".
That's my fault.
Yeah.
Well... Not all of it.
Ninety five per cent.
But, erm... is
she doing well at school, though?
School? She's twenty-two, Tommy!
I... I knew that. I meant college or...
She's working now. Up at the Travel Lodge.
Oh, right you are.
Boyfriends?
More than I know. You've seen her.
She's a fine-looking girl.
Takes after her mother, huh.
Just as well.
What's with
the fancy hairdryer, and stuff?
It's mine.
You need all that for your hair?
I'm a hairdresser.
You? A hairdresser?!
Mm. I found something I love doing
and I'm bloody good at it.
Just locals, mind, but...
- Extra money comes in handy.
- Well, I...
Fair play.
I could do with a bit of a trim meself, huh?
I could've done with a husband for the last eight
years, but we don't always get what we want.
And your man? The chatty lad. Who's he?
Ah, just a fella I know.
Bit of a sad sack, really.
Not too much
going on upstairs, you know?
I just thought I'd take him out for a bit.
What do you think of the suit, Rose?
You always liked me in a pinstripe, didn't you?
I did that.
But a fancy suit aside, you look like
five pound o' shite in a three-pound bag.
You don't look after yourself.
Where've you been?
What've you been doing?
- I...
- No. Don't answer.
I don't want to know.
That's enough about me, anyways.
How've you been? I mean, in yourself.
What, you mean after working at four jobs
to pay off the debts you left behind?
Struggling to put food on our daughter's table?
Me? I'm grand.
Actually, I am.
I've made a new life for us up here,
and for the first time in ages, I'm grand.
And I want to stay this way.
That my ring?
It is, yeah.
- You found it. How?
- Oh, just...
Don't ask.
I always wanted Frankie to have it.
Put it on.
It'll still fit you.
You haven't put on a pound since...
You're a bastard, Tommy.
You are a bastard!
Oh... Rose, Rose...
Oh...
- I was bored, all right?
- Bored?
You listen to me, you little shit. This is my time.
I've got 36 hours to do as I fucking please.
Go and be bored somewhere else.
- Everything OK out here?
- Everything's grand.
Our Paul here was just wondering
where the local hostelry is.
It's over by the lake.
I'm surprised you didn't see it.
Oh. Thanks.
I'll go and take another walk, then.
- Why did you bring him here?
- Eh?
He's an arsehole. If you're
his mate you're an arsehole too.
- I'm not...
- Take him back to the hole he crawled out of.
- He's nothing to me.
- Is he bothering you?
No, I'm not.
No, leave him.
I want to hear what he's got to say for himself.
Yeah, well... if you need us, we're here.
I'm like a shark, yeah?
And what does that mean?
I think... like if...
If I stop swimming... I'll die.
Can you smell something?
- Come on, now, Rose.
- I know what it is.
- Bullshit, that's what.
- Well, what do you think I am?
If a shark is cold-blooded, selfish
and only concerned with its own needs,
- well, then you're not far away.
- Is that what you think I am?
Me? No. No, I think...
you're a lying, cheating scumbag,
who gambled away everything we had and more
and then disappeared without a word.
Not once, not twice, but three times.
You're the lowest of the low, and I...
I don't know why I have you in the house.
I guess that's not very good, then.
No, Tom, it's not.
If you don't really know him,
what are you doing here?
Research. I'm a writer.
Well, I hope you're
not writing about that shitbag.
- Unless it's a tragedy.
- No.
Nothing like that. I'm just
soaking up the atmosphere, really.
Looking for new ideas.
Only came along for the ride.
- He's a fucker, so watch yourself.
- He's all right.
I mean, no. Obviously he's a complete shit, but...
You must really hate him.
Did you never get on?
I guess so.
He was brilliant when I was little.
Just filled up the place.
Like a big bear.
And then, when he left,
there was like a big hole where he'd been.
So... a writer, eh?
Anything I might've read?
Erm...
no. Not yet.
- One day.
- Mm.
Ah. Another?
- What the hell is that?
- Get it down you.
Is there no chance
of them getting back together?
Mum and Dad? No way!
... around me
Inside I'm feelin', oh, so cold
Oh, yes...
So, tell me about London.
I don't see it.
Underground most of the time.
Underground?
Er, yeah. I'm a tube driver too.
A writer who also drives a tube train, eh?
Very glamorous.
Research for your novel, I suppose.
Yeah. That's right. It's all about a tube driver.
Handsome, comes to the Lake District,
meets this feisty, young girl
who gives him a really fucking hard time,
and they get drunk.
Oh, yeah? How does it end?
Tragically.
Oh!
Hello, Paul's phone.
No, I'm sorry, he can't get to the phone
right now. Can I take a message?
Oh... OK. Bye.
Some foreign bloke says he makes
tasty crackling and you shouldn't be afraid.
- What's that all about?
- It's... just... a mate.
He's a chef. Wants me to try a new recipe.
See? I don't know any fancy foreign chefs.
Don't tell me it's not exciting living in London.
It's not exciting living in London.
- Oh, come on. It must be.
- It's not.
It's like some huge ant hill
where nothing works properly.
Millions of people just getting in
each other's way. No space, no air.
So, why don't you leave?
I'm trying, but it's hard. With money
it's bearable, but if you're skint, you're trapped.
Try living here.
Everybody knows you,
knows everything about you.
Nothing changes, nothing ever happens.
Their idea of a good time is getting
shit-faced as quickly as possible
and then shag anyone who'll let them,
and then do it all again tomorrow.
Now, that's being trapped.
To escaping.
To escaping.
And a big, fat win on the lottery.
- What?
- I was just thinking about Wicklow.
What about Wicklow?
When you disgraced yourself
running round half naked?
No, not that. The singing competition.
Oh, you were a star that night.
My Rosemary. First prize.
- Sing for me, Rose.
- Hm?
- Sing for me.
- Get away out of that.
- Do you think I'm the Rose of feckin' Tralee?
- Go on. Please.
I can't, Tommy. Jesus, it's been years.
Course you can. You've a gorgeous voice.
Please. For me.
Not like that. Do it properly.
Like you did in Wicklow.
Now, go on.
You're a menace, Tommy Cassidy.
Oh, please ne'er forget me...
... Though the waves now lie o'er me
I was once young and pretty
And my spirit ran free
But destiny tore me
from country and loved ones
And from the dear land
I was never to see
A poor immigrant's daughter
Too frightened to know
She was leaving forever
The land of her soul
Now, that's all you're getting.
It's more than you deserve.
Beautiful.
- I can die a happy man now I've heard that.
- You'll outlive us all.
Only the good die young.
- Quiet, isn't it?
- It's the country.
- It's always quiet.
- Yeah, but... it's a bit creepy, really.
Yeah.
Where were you planning
on staying tonight? Or weren't you?
Ah... You know...
I'll find somewhere.
I'll sleep in the car.
You know me. I can sleep on a rope.
You're a feckin' torment, Tommy.
Well, look at that sky. Look!
- There's a shooting star.
- That's a satell...
A satellite, yeah. I know. I was just checking.
I saw two shooting stars last night.
- # I wished on them...
- #... but they were only satellites
It's wrong to wish on space hardware
I wish, I wish, I wish you'd care
I don't want to change the world
I'm not looking for a new England
I'm just looking for another girl
Thanks.
Come on. Let's get home.
No, Tommy.
- You smell gorgeous.
- I said no.
You know you love it.
A bit of the old Tommy magic.
It doesn't work anymore, Tom.
Shit. Ooh, shit!
Wait... Why me?
- 'Cause you're different.
- OK.
My love, you got me spinning
like a wind-up toy
Hot kiss, won't you tell me
what you miss, boy?
My love, you got me spinning
like a wind-up toy
Oh, Father! I pray to thee!
I got a man, so blind I can't see
I'm his favourite toy
Like a beach ball
Bang it up and down
Or throw it against the wall
"Oh, Tallulah," he said
"You're so dramatic!"
"What's all that shakin'
goin' on in your attic?"...
... My love, you got me spinning
like a wind-up toy
Hot kiss, won't you tell me
what you miss, boy?
My love, you got me spinning
like a wind-up toy
You can't knock it, or rock it, or be-bop it
It's an itch you can't scratch
Nothing's gonna stop it...
Oh... you're up.
I thought I'd bring you a cup of tea.
Er... come and sit down, Tom.
There's... something I'd better tell you.
I'm going to divorce you, Tommy...
...'cause I want to get married again.
He's...
He's a good man.
He lives in the next village.
He's a plumber.
Oh, come on. You didn't think
I wanted to grow old on my own.
Well, speak to me, then.
I'll bring this in to Frances.
She'll probably be glad of a cuppa.
- Frances, can I come in?
- No. Go away.
Oh, please. Hear me out, Frankie,
will you? I brought a nice cup of...
- Did you listen? I said no.
- Please. I just want to talk. Huh?
Here...
I don't know where to start. Er...
Maybe I should let you talk.
You tell me what you feel
- and... and... and how I let you down.
- Please, not now.
Right, right. It's not my call. Er...
Erm... the thing is, Frances...
I hate meself for what I've done.
Much more than you ever could.
You know?
I know that doesn't change anything
or make it better... God, I'm terrible at this!
All I want to say is...
I've been... a terrible father...
but... that doesn't mean I, er...
don't care or... feel...
What the fuck?
Jesus! You...
Get out! Get out!
- Get out of my room!
- Stop it!
- Don't start!
- Get out!
He was in the bed!
I don't care, don't even...
- What do you mean?
- Paul!
Bastard. Oh... oh, fuck!
Come back, you little bastard!
I'll take a fucking bar to you!
Good morning, Father.
I'm gaining on you, you little fucker!
I'll rip your fucking head off,
you little bollix.
Oh! Jesus Christ!
Tommy, let's just talk about this.
- Be reasonable.
- Oh, I'll be reasonable.
I'll be very reasonable.
Ha!
I've got you now, you little shit.
- You're the one that said "seize the day!"
- Seize the day... not me feckin' daughter!
You weren't that bothered two days
ago. She won't even talk to you.
Jesus... I could kill you!
Oh, fuck! Oh, shit! Oh, fuck!
Don't drop me! Please, don't drop me!
Me own fuckin' daughter!
What's so fucking funny?
You! Us! Life!
Life... huh? Is that what you call it?
Start leading one,
instead of following one around.
You're the one who's topping himself.
Like you give a fuck.
- You never even asked me why.
- Because I don't care.
Think you're the only one who's ever
screwed up? Well, boo-hoo-hoo, Tommy.
Life sometimes sucks and that's that,
but not all of us have so much
self-pity we need to kill ourselves.
How the fuck would you know?
With your head stuck up your arse all day!
How the fuck would I know?
'Cause I'm standing on a bridge in the middle of
fuck knows where, covered in cow shit,
fighting a fat, old Irishman dressed in a kimono.
And all because his daughter hates him
and seems to quite like me.
Come on.
Budge up.
Come on, now.
Come on.
Here.
For fuck's sake.
Hey! Where are you going?
Eh, Paul, wait!
Wait, you fucker. Wait for me.
- You can forget about tomorrow.
- Good.
- Find some other poor fucker. I won't be there.
- So?
- Fuck you!
- No, fuck you!
Tommy, you're an arsehole.
Tommy?
That's so childish, mate.
That's... Tommy?
Tommy, mate. Tommy.
Oh, fuck. Don't do this to me, Tommy.
Tommy!
All up!
Don't let them see me like this.
Rose and Frankie.
- I'm serious.
- All right. OK, OK.
He's in the hospital.
I'm off to see him now.
Well, I'm not going.
OK.
If he thinks having a
heart attack can make up for...
Well, he can think again.
Maybe you should go and see him.
- Why?
- I don't know.
You never know when you'll see him again.
Like I care.
What if something happens?
What if it was the last time?
- I'll see you later.
- No... you won't.
- I will, I promise.
- No.
I mean, I don't want to.
Oh...
- OK.
- Just go, Paul.
Well. I'd better get off.
You'll call and let us know how he is?
You'll see that he's all right?
Look out for him?
- I hardly know him, really.
- Promise me.
So say it.
All right. I promise.
Where the hell have you been?
- How's it going?
- Great. You brought me gear.
You have to stay in overnight for observation.
I'm not staying here all night.
No, I've things to do.
You just had a suspected heart attack. Lie down.
Heart attack, me arse.
Just a touch of angina.
More lively than usual.
You're staying here.
What's it to you?
Please don't leave me here, Paul.
Please.
You stay here.
OK.
That everything you wanted to say to her?
Let's go.
- It's because you're ill, isn't it?
- What?
That you agreed to... You know.
I never heard of someone killing
themselves because they had angina.
But it's not, though, is it? It's not just angina.
So, what is it, then?
- What?
- All right, it's not just angina.
So, what, then?
It's terminal. That's all you need to know.
I don't want to die in some
piss-stinking nursing home,
surrounded by people dribbling
and making farm noises.
Whether I've got six months or six years,
it's not gonna be some fucking golden age.
It'll be shite.
Every day worse than the last.
I won't have it.
I'm going out when I say, not when
they decide to pull the fucking plug.
I'm a stubborn, selfish bastard.
I wanna choose when I die.
There are warnings of gales
in Forties, Cromarty, Forth, Tyne, Dogger,
Fisher, German Bight...
Change of plan.
Oh, look, Paul... no. Wait... listen...
- Eh! How are you?
- All right, yeah.
It's not too loud, is it?
Not at all. I just figured,
you know, if you can't beat 'em...
...I'm like a big shark. Shark. Yeah?
I stop swimming and die.
Oi, come on!
Hey! C'mon!
If I should fall from grace with God
Where no doctor can relieve me
If I'm buried beneath the sod
But the angels won't receive me
Let me go, boys
Let me go, boys
Let me go down in the mud
Where the rivers all run dry
This land was always ours
Was the proud land of our fathers
It belongs to us and them
Not to any of the others
Let them go, boys
Let them go, boys
Let them go down in the mud
Where the rivers all run dry
I should've come up before.
Paul, have you got the keys?
- You're not going yet, are you?
- Yeah. Better get some sleep.
We've both got a big day tomorrow.
Don't tell me you've forgotten
our little arrangement.
I'll see you at six minutes past ten. All right?
- Goodnight. It was great.
- Thank you.
Sweet dreams.
Tommy, wait.
- I can't do it.
- Course you can.
- A deal's a deal.
- No, Tommy.
- I promised Rosemary.
- What the fuck did you tell her?
Nothing. She asked me to look out for you.
That's all I'm asking
you to do. Look out for me.
And when you see me, don't stop.
That way, you're not breaking
any promises to anybody.
Tell me, Paul...
What?
Why do you want me under your train?
It's just... I've had... two people
die under my train this month.
Jesus, you're a serial killer!
No. They weren't my fault.
They got this rule.
If you have three in a month,
they pay you off.
Ten years' wages. Lump sum.
Mm...
What were you planning
to do with this pay-off?
- Buy more books?
- Get out of London.
Go and live in Scotland, on an island.
- Get away from everything.
- Really?
Life in the fast lane get too much for you?
Youth is wasted on the young.
You know, somebody famous said that.
- What were you planning to do on this island?
- Write, I guess.
Write? What about? You've had no life!
Anyway, it doesn't matter. I don't want it anymore.
I didn't know you before. You
were just some bloke. But now...
We're friends. I think.
I don't want to do it.
The money's not important.
It might not be to you, but it is to me.
I want some of that to go to Frances.
Ten grand.
Look, Paul, son.
If this weekend showed me anything,
it's that I want some good to come of my passing.
Now, if I jump from that bridge,
the only thing I would've left behind was
a traffic jam all the way up to the Angel.
This way...
I get to give something to me little girl.
That's something I wasn't
able to do when I was alive.
And you'll get your money.
Everyone's a winner.
- Now that's how I want it.
- For fuck's sake, I don't want the money!
I'm an idiot. I didn't think things through.
It seemed like a good idea at
the time, but it's not. It's crazy.
I can't do it. I won't.
Do you know how many nights
I've stood on that bridge?
How many times I've... climbed over
and stood on the parapet and...
wanted to jump, wanted to end it all?
You want the truth?
The truth is... I'm a coward.
I'm fucking scared.
I need your help.
I need you to be there for me.
The only way I can do this
is if you help me.
You said we were friends. Mm?
Then help me to do this.
Please, Paul.
As my friend, all right?
A man from North London is in
intensive care following a bizarre attempt
to cook and eat his own body parts.
Believed to be a native Frenchman...
My dearest Frances...
... I know you're angry and hurt. You don't
want to hear anything I have to say.
I don't want you to feel bad
for not speaking to me.
I don't blame you at all.
And, of course, you're right.
I don't expect you to understand
why I've done the things I've done.
I don't even understand them meself...
though me pals Arthur Guinness
and Jack Daniels might have an idea.
Anyway...
I need you to know it was
never my intention to hurt you.
I've been stupid, and selfish, and pig - headed.
I don't have much to show for me time...
except you.
And I couldn't ask for more.
Look after your mother.
You don't need me to tell you
she's one of life's good ones.
Far too good for someone like me.
Tell her I'm pleased about
her and the plumber.
It's handy to have a man
with a trade about the house.
She deserves a bit of happiness.
I know I was never the father
you needed or deserved,
but you will always be my beautiful girl...
... and I will always love you.
Always...
always...
always.
He still had six weeks in solitary.
If people don't respect
the law, what have you got?
Anarchy, mob rule, and mice in your garibaldis.
What are you going on about? You think his
mouse brothers come and busted him out?
Mind you...
I think I can see a tunnel.
Ooh... Back already?
Ahh... there's your culprit.
- A bleedin' heart liberal like Paul.
- What?
Yeah, that's it. He's got the hump
about that three-and-out thing,
and he's come down here
and he's let Mickey have it away on his toes.
That's your man, Victor. He even looks guilty.
It was a joke. We were having a laugh.
What you talking about?
You know. The rule, the
big game, three and out.
- What about it?
- You know what?
I think he believed us.
You knew it was a joke...
a wind-up, didn't you?
What? You actually fell for it?
If it was true, everybody'd
be looking for somebody to run down.
You didn't believe us, did ya?
No. Course not.
You know what? Maybe it
wasn't him what let that mouse out.
This train is now ready to
depart. Stand clear of the doors, please.
Jesus, Tommy. No.
Please! No!
Train 208, is there a problem?
Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
A deal's a deal.
Come on, Paul. For God's sake, hurry up.
Train 208...
Come in, driver.
Driver 208. Animal on track.
Line clear. Proceeding now.
You stubborn, old bastard!
Deal's a deal.
"I will arise and go now
and go to Innisfree,
"And a small cabin build there,
of clay and wattles made;
"Nine bean rows will I have there,
a hive for the honey bee,
"And live alone in the bee-loud glade.
"I shall have some peace there,
for peace comes dropping slow,
"Dropping from the veils of the morning
to where the cricket sings;
- "There midnight's all a glimmer...
- Nooooo!
"And evening full of the linnet's wings..."
When you're down and troubled
And you need a helping hand
And nothing, oh, nothing is going right
Close your eyes
And think of me
And soon I will be there
To brighten up even your darkest nights
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
I'll come running
To see you again...
Pack your bags.
There's something we've got to do.
... If the sky above you
Should turn dark and full of clouds
And that old north wind
should begin to blow
You just call out my name
And you know wherever I am
- # I'll come running
- # Running, running
To see you again
You just call out my name
And I'll be there, yes, I will
You've got a friend
You've got a friend
You've got a friend
You've got a friend
Just call out my name
You've got a friend
You've got a friend
You've got a friend
You've got a friend
Somebody help me, yeah
Somebody help me now
Won't somebody tell me
what I've done wrong?
When I was just a little boy
of seventeen
I had a girl
She was my queen
She didn't love me like I loved her
Now I know
Now I'm so lonesome on my own
Somebody help me now
Somebody help me
Somebody help me, yeah
Somebody help me
Somebody help me now
Somebody help me, yeah
Somebody help me now
Won't somebody tell me
what I've done wrong?
What I've done wrong
All right...