I remember the day
I defended my thesis.
It was late June.
Genoa was sweltering
But the board was captivated
by what I was saying.
Genoa lost again.
As always.
My whole family was there.
My dad, Michele Vernia,
marshal with the Tax Police,
born down south near Bari.
He'd been waiting for this day.
Aunt Vittoria, his sister,
who raised me like a mother.
And this...
This...
is Uncle Duilio.
A true Genoan,
a real bundle of energy
They won't make him read meters?
Does an engineer read meters?!
My thesis had
fascinated everyone.
They were
all struck by it.
What's up?
Congratulations!
It's been a long time
since we heard
such a finely argued defense.
I hereby award you a masters
in electronic engineering,
accompanied by the academic kiss.
- Please, don't bother.
- No...
I insist. You deserve it.
Regards to the Marshal.
I'd heard those words before.
That watch...
I'd seen it before too.
Put these fakes in the van
and have them destroyed.
Corporal, you can go.
I'll see to this.
We can handle it, sir.
Corporal, I gave you an order!
I said I'll see to it.
Is that clear?
The body of Christ.
Father, I never went to catechism.
That's ok, you'll do it later.
Regards to the Marshal.
Regards to the Marshal.
Vernia...
You're in a real fix.
Me?
With your degenerative
chronic asthma...
I don't have asthma!
You do. You're unit for service.
Regards to the Marshal.
Enough with the watches, Dad!
It's corruption!
Calm down, young man.
It would be if they were real
but since they're fake...
it's a polite gesture.
Auntie?
Call it added value.
Enough of your tax shoptalk, ok!
Where's your brother Jonny?
The only one missing.
Yo, bros, where's the can?
- Upstairs!
- Thanks, bro.
My brother is kind of special.
He's always been crazy about music.
We could never figure out why.
'Nth age, it's gotten worse.
- What're you drinking?
- Soda pop.
Can I have soda pop?
He was such a fan of John Travolta,
we all started calling him Jonny.
YOU'RE AWESOME, BRO!
Milan! The New York of Italy.
Where a graduate
makes his dreams come true.
Milan never sleeps.
Milan has jobs for everyone!
Thanks, but we're not hiring.
Thanks, but we're not hiring.
Ok. Goodbye.
Thanks, but you're not hiring.
Goodbye.
But, in Milan, a highly qualified
electronic engineer
always ends up with a top-notch job.
I'm the printer guy.
Follow me, I'll show you.
How do we sell this alarm clock?
Take my breath away
We have some really original ideas.
The printer guy..
That's the third one so far.
One that works would be nice.
- Yes, sir.
- Where were we?
We have some pretty original ideas,
pretty effective ones...
Here's the first
His is the first
"Wake up, guys!"
Shit happens...
Let's hear the other genius.
"It's time for the future!"
You think I'm dumb?
I knew it.
He knew it!
- What's so funny?
- It's nothing serious.
The papers blocked.
You don't need a technician.
Ok, genius,
since you're such hot stuff,
give us your idea.
- Me?
- Yes, you.
When he set the alarm clock,
my dad always said,
"Being first is a matter of seconds. "
Being first is a matter of seconds...
- That's beautiful!
- Really beautiful.
You guys won't even understand
in 20 years.
He's good, huh?
Really good!
Sometime later
- Hello?
- Giovanni?
Who is it?
Who do you think'? Your father!
Dad, what's up? it's 6:30 AM.
Were you sleeping?
No, I wasn't.
You're getting sloppy in Milan, son,
sleeping so late!
Listen to your dad.
I'm trying
to get your lay about brother hired.
I asked a friend,
Marshal Vincenzo Di Prima,
to get him into the Tax Police.
You remember Di Prima?
Sure, we played with his son as kids.
What's that music?
What?
You play music
while talking to your dad'?!
Anyhow, as I was saying,
Marshal Di Prima pulled strings
and got him through the written exam.
Now he has the oral.
Do I care?
You should.
Your brother's oral
is in Milan.
No, Dad.
Can't we sleep around here?
You can't do this!
I can. You only need to put him up
for a week.
But when?
Who knows? Your brothers unpredictable.
Like the IRS.
Aren't you getting the entry phone?
Enough!
- Who is it?
- Tax Police!
Come up, jerk!
He just got there!
Be nice to him
I'm wasting my breath!
Ok, Dad, I have to go.
Remember, I only want good news.
What's this racket?
There, that's settled.
Who is it?
Federica... My brother.
Hey, sister!
Number one, bro!
Who's this?
My girlfriend, Federica.
Awesome...
- Thanks.
- No, the ish pool.
- You like ish?
- Yeah, it's wild when they roar!
There my babies.
Hungry? I'll get you breakfast.
Be good now
Francesca's nuts.
Federica.
Same difference.
I'll get your food.
Ok, I need breakfast, bro.
Why didn't you warn me?
He turned up unannounced,
if you didn't notice.
You're really alike.
We're twins. Know what twins are?
Two identical people.
Yeah, but he's nice.
Got any soda pop?
'Mid pizza!
Mr. Berman, you have a great product.
As sales director,
after talking to our chairman...
Her dad.
...we've decided to give
the full campaign
to our very own
Giovanni Vernia.
Her boyfriend.
Ok, I've made fantastic pizza.
You make fantastic slogan.
Now try Crazy Pizza.
I already ate.
- Try Crazy Pizza!
- I'm ok.
Eat Crazy Pizza!
I know it's good. After lunch maybe.
- You eat.
- Eat it, Giovanni.
I'm eating.
Yes, it must be really good because...
Salami and candy a heavenly match.
We'll soon find a slogan.
They'll go crazy in Naples!
They'll be fighting over it!
Come on...
"Teliot"
Lorylipsum,
the new show from DJ TV
that uses the Net's top videos
and makes them into stories
by Matteo Curti.
Lorylipsum, every day at 8 PM
on DJ TV
Hi, bros.
What you lookin' at?
You guys still hungry? Ok, I get it.
Uncle Joni will get your chow
Not Auntie Francesca's stuff.
This is way better.
Let's see what records they have.
Dyer Straights, Boot Springstring,
Zucchero,
Roby Willyams,
Frank Sinapas...
Maybe this one...
Guanito Mirabal, sabor de Cuba...
Latin American... Disgustin'!
Get it off me!
It's Albertino. Meet me tonight
at Milan's legendary Gilez club
for a wild party!
If you're into house music, be there!
Right on, bro, thanks for the invite.
Little bros, whassup with you?
You don't dig the cereal?
Breathe, little bros, breathe.
They're not breathin'!
C'mon...
Mega-bummer!
Sparkling or still?
Slightly sparkling,
in a closed bottle unlike usual.
I was wondering...
This seafood salad, what's in it?
Seafood. Octopus, calamari, tuna...
Fresh tuna or...
Fresh from the sea.
Caught in Maratea this morning.
South of Naples?
And it's here already?
It flew straight from the driftnet.
Sorry, but Europe has banned
the use of driftnets.
Europe isn't Maratea.
They do what they want down there.
Fuck them.
- Good one, Peppi.
- Thanks, Toni.
Ok, one seafood salad
that does what it wants!
Right on!
Four seafood salads, four coffees,
one slightly sparkling water...
Wow... Propaedeutics
of Perceptive Psychology"-
- Who studies that?
- I do.
It's called psychology
That's including the tuna's Night?
You're so beautiful.
You know I'm crazy about you?
You bet, when a guy
acts as dumb as you do.
I act dumb but I'm a nice guy.
Just kidding.
I know
See you around maybe...
- He's had his eye on you a While.
- Who, Camilla?
Him. He likes you. I know men.
Even if it were true, it's a bad time.
Come dancing tonight.
No, not tonight,
I have to study for an exam.
Always studying!
Live la vida local
You're so silly.
Get back in here
before you frighten the customers!
Says Mr. Dreamboat...
That's more great news from Radio DJ.
Back with the non-stop beat
after the break!
Great number, huh?
Excellent. Fresh and lively...
What's that noise?
Hiya, All You're awesome!
Thanks for the invite!
I'll be there tonight!
You're the best!
Thanks.
See you, bro.
Ginger, call security
There's a madman outside.
This years designs...
I really don't like them much.
Have you seen this, countess?
Rania of Jordan wears it.
No good then.
Maybe an animal print?
Let's see. This is cute.
Won't it broaden my hips?
Absolutely not.
All right, let's try it. Come.
Beautiful. How much, bro?
- 3,500 euros.
- Ugly, ugly.
Awesome!
Can I try them on?
Sure.
The sitting room?
The fitting room's to the right.
That way!
Thanks, bro.
Sold!
Where have the boys gone?
Call them for me.
Bros, get in here!
The old dame wants you!
Shit job, bro.
- The ball!
- Got it, bros!
Little bros...
Right on!
Passin' you...
Passin' you...
Passed you.
Hi, Jonny.
Where are you going?
Dancin' at Gilez, bro.
Sorry, feet off the table, please.
Thank you.
I couldn't find any soda pop...
but I got lots of goodies.
But first...
let's feed the fishes!
C'mon, let's feed the fishes.
Don't be silly.
I know you love feeding the...
That's a duck!
I know
Where did you put the ish?
Giovanni!
I'll find them.
Come on, calm down. I'm here.
Don't touch me!
We can work this out.
Just shut up!
DIDUNT MEEN TWO!
Comin' to Gilez?
Get rid Of him!
C'mon, bro, it's late.
Ok, let's go.
You're awesome.
Deming, I'll take him and come back.
Fuck off!
Isn't this place wild, bro?
We're gonna have a blast here.
Excuse me...
For parking?
Leave keys in car. I see to it.
- It's double-parked!
- No prob.
See you inside.
I'll wait in the line.
- How much?
- 10 euros.
I give you your change later.
Have fun.
Bro, what you doin'?
Leave the jacket or pay the cloakroom.
You're right.
Just a second... May I?
What a loser...
Goin' clubbin' with a jacket on.
Sony, bro.
- Have a good evening.
- You too.
Keep hold my hand, bro.
I'm on the list.
Excuse me, bros.
Excuse me, I have an invite.
Hold my hand, bro.
Excuse me, I have an invitation.
But I can wait too.
- You?
- I have to go in.
Invitation only.
- So I can't go in?
- No!
I don't get it, bro.
Who are you?
What's up? You grabbed my hand!
Stand aside!
- How many?
- Four of us.
Go on in.
- How many?
- Three.
Who's with you?
Go on in.
It's invitation only, ok.
Do you have one?
Yeah.
- Who invited you?
- DJ Albertino.
Get outta here.
I came to Gilez for this.
Albertino will be mad not to see me.
He won't be happy. I know him, see.
Jonny?
Jonny me?
You know me?
Yes, come on
or we'll get into trouble.
I don't believe this. Jonny..
How are you?
Ace. But who are you?
You remember
your friend Ugo from Genoa,
the Marshal's son?
Sure, but it's ages since I saw him.
Awesome! Where is he?
Look at me carefully.
Who do you think I am?
Ugo's gin!
Awesome! I met Ugo's gin!
Awesome!
Priscilla, Raffaella... Jonny.
Hi, sisters. Hey, is Ugo here too?
More or less.
What's so funny?
Ignore them, they're idiots!
Ok, sisters, I'm goin' dancin'.
Tell Ugo.
I dance house,
not that commercial stuff,
not even if they roast me...
or toast me.
I don't do it.
House is this way
- Thanks, sister.
- See you later.
Awesome, Ugo's girl. Who'd believe it?
I come to Milan in Tuscany and meet her!
C'mon, guys, let's go.
Dance with Chico!
We won't let you out until 6 AM.
Gilez, Italy's sexiest club!
Al, here I am!
I'll look round and come back!
You're the best!
Who's that idiot following me around?
Hi. One.
Fifty
Fifty euros? Who's playing, U2?
Damn, I left my wallet in the car.
It's in my jacket, see, in the car.
The valet has the keys.
Can you call him?
Over your earpiece maybe?
Franchino...
Have we ever had valet parking?
Excuse me!
They stole my car!
Lucky you, I never had one.
Let's make the night last forever
at Gilez!
Kevin Pasquanelli
from "Guys and Babes"
You're awesome, bro!
Can I take a photo?
Stand up, dude!
Step to the side.
Thanks, bro, that chairs a blast!
Let's see your hands in the air,
Gilez!
Ok, girls!
High, low...
middle and down the hatch!
We go with the first guy we see!
The Latin American room
is full of hunks.
- See my blackheads?
- No, you're good.
Alice! Come on.
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to Gilez!
On the tables tonight,
DJ Albertino!
Only here at Gilez!
Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to house heaven!
This is house heaven!
And who's at the heart of it?
We are, we are,
we are heaven!
Let's go!
That guy's wild.
- What's your name, genius?
- Jonny.
You're wild, Jonny.
He's hot stuff
We are, we are,
we are heaven!
We are...
Signor Silvano, why isn't the emcee
announcing me?
Sony, but why should she?
I need to say hi to my fans!
What fans? You have fans?
But I brought my throne from home.
- You're Pasquinelli, right?
- Right.
You see that guy?
He's setting the place on ire
and he paid to get in.
You want 5 grand
but no one gives a shit about you!
Pisquonelli, go fuck yourself!
Just go sit on your throne.
- Had a good time?
- No, Fede...
I guess so, you're home so late.
It's your brother's fault.
After everything that's happened,
you should be ashamed.
You could at least
say something sweet.
They stole your car.
I can't stand you two anymore!
- I'll take the couch?
- Yes!
Awesome!
Hey, sister, this is the men's room.
Since you don't understand,
I'll make you understand.
You really don't recognize me?
- I'm Ugo!
- Ugo?
Ugo, Marshal Di Prima's son.
I used to come over
to play with Barbies.
The wooden puppet with the long nose!
I always lost.
Ugo... Whove believed it?!
You've changed massive!
- You're hot now.
- Really?
The dental braces
never suited you, bro.
You're still the same.
It's great to see you again.
Don't trust this guy.
First he takes your hand,
then he dumps you.
Your go-go guy's here.
Good luck.
A croissant.
- Cream or chocolate?
- Chocolate.
"We are, we are... "
I'd never have guessed.
What?
You always seem so conventional but...
But?
Don't play dumb.
We waved to each other last night.
- Last night?
- At Gilez.
Gilez, right!
Yes, I was at Gilez last night.
So hows it go, Jonny?
"We are, we are... "
There's a mistake.
You were the only good thing
the whole evening.
Tell her the truth
or you're a worm.
Sorry, you talked about a mistake?
A mistake...
in the hand movements.
In the dance you're doing,
the hands go like this.
Like this, see.
that's it.
The cow-print pants...
Where did you get them?
Where did I get them?
Good question.
Where did I get those pants?
Where did I get them?
How should I know?
But why talk about the place?
What remains
isn't the memory of a place.
What remains are the scents,
the atmospheres,
the emotions.
I remember
the horses, galloping horses,
the dust
and that little kitten
mewing on a myrtle branch
and I knew then and there
that the little girl's dad
wasn't her dad.
Imagine...
the drama of such emotions...
Imagine the feelings
that I experienced...
We don't understand a damn word
and we have work to do.
I thought of something like,
"Crazy Pizza...
"Take a bite of America. "
But I didn't like it.
Thank God.
Instead, I'd go for something like...
But not "do it", "do eat".
Get it?
Is there a problem?
No, the paper tray's jammed.
In that case, if it's jammed...
- You take your case...
- it's ok.
Off you go. The doors that way.
Goodbye, thank you.
All right.
Where was I?
You were at "at".
Eat...
Dad lent us his car.
Sweet, isn't he?
Yes, really sweet, as usual.
- Shit!
- Giovanni, I was thinking...
- Where are you?
- Here.
- What's wrong?
- Shit, this is a beautiful door.
- It is?
- You bet.
I already have a headache,
so out it out.
- Let's go.
- Now?
When else?
Where's the handle?
Look, interior carpeting!
Of course, it's a car.
Your cell's ringing.
Answer it.
"Blocked number".
Blocked numbers are a drag.
Why? I always use a blocked number.
Answer it.
- Hello?
- Tax Police.
Jonny, out the crap.
Hi, bro!
I'm goin' back to Gilez tonight.
I'm in love.
Come too and I'll introduce you.
No, not tonight.
I want to stay in tonight and relax.
I'm tired, ok.
He hung up.
So you're staying in tonight?
To relax.
What day is it?
- What day is it?
- Wednesday
Cuban music is emotion, vibration,
feeling...
Live it to the full.
Like life itself.
Sure he's Cuban?
- Totally Cuban.
- Yeah?
Something bothering you, Jovani?
No, this is fun.
Come on then! Butt tight...
And your eyes in your niOa's eyes
to pass the heat on to her.
I'll pass that on, thanks.
Watch the moves, ok,
I have my eye on you!
Don't let me down!
Cute!
'Excuse me, I'm way up the list!
Hi, sister!
Hi, Jonny!
Jonny, hi!
The phenomenon's back!
Jonny, getup here!
People, Jenny's back!
All together now...
We are, we are...
And now it's time to listen
to my master,
Guanito MirabaL
You have the record I lent you?
Paquito has it.
Put it on, Paquito.
- Ain't workin'.
- Plug it in!
Wow, that's central Havana dialect.
Look.
Guanito's record...
What's the problem?
What the fuck?
Thanks, bros!
I've worked in a lot of clubs
in Rome,
Ibiza, London...
- Bravo, you're something else.
- Thanks.
- What's your name?
- Jonny.
Good, Jimmy I like you.
- Want a drink?
- Please.
What? Jack n'lemon?
No thanks.
- A Mautau?
- I don't drink that.
Sky n'water?
A goulash?
Who drinks goulash?
- Have a drink. What'll it be?
- Soda pop.
Soda pop?
Like Tony Manero.
Two soda pops.
One for him, one for his friend Tony.
Remember, this place is your home now,
tu casa, mi casa.
Do what you want. Come dance,
have fun, you, everyone.
Silvano, we don't have any soda pop.
So find some.
Where, at this hour'?
How should I know.
You get it, it's your job!
A nice cold soda pop coming up.
- Thanks, bro. Can I dance after?
- You have to!
You have dancing in the blood!
- Off you go, Puppi.
- Thanks, bro.
That Puppi is hot.
- I was a dancer.
- Who gives a damn!
He's nothing but trouble.
First my aquarium, then my car,
Pepe's record smashed to bits...
He's the biggest moron ever.
You're right, Fede, what can I say?
I never even spoke about him.
He's our black sheep.
How can I have a brother like him?
We're so different.
You want to know the truth?
I'm ashamed of him.
Don't be so upset, Giovanni.
At least he's out of our hair.
It's just you and me, ducklin' sister.
I didn't give you a name yet.
How about Lady Gaga?
You look like her too.
I love you, Lady (Saga.
Say you love me
and you'll never leave me.
Thanks, sister.
We'll be like a family
You and me,
we'll always be together.
Even Lady Gaga doesn't love me.
Fine, Dad, Jenny's studying.
Ok, let me speak to him.
He's studying.
Don't disturb him,
he's studying for once.
When your dad says do something,
you do it!
Ok. Jonny...
Dad wants a quick word with you.
Comin'.
Hi, bro Dad.
Everythings cool.
Hows your brother treating you?
Good.
Awesome!
His girl's awesome too.
You should see how awesome!
Your aunt's here too.
She wants to say hi.
Here you go.
Hello?
Hi, sister Auntie.
Giovanni, out it out.
Put your brother on now.
Hi, Auntie, you recognized me?
I wanted to ask you something.
Will you do me a favor?
Tomorrow can you
take Jonny to the exam?
If he goes to a club tonight,
he'll forget and your dad will be mad.
- Can we go? We're late.
- Sure.
Is that Princess Sissi?
It's Federica.
"Can we go? it's late. "
- You have to leave her...
- Give me the phone!
I don't like her.
The storeowner's niece was perfect.
She was crazy about you. Crazy!
Understand?
I can't really hear, Auntie.
Giovanni, she's a bitch!
Give me the damn phone!
Ok, bye, Auntie.
- She says hi.
- Can we go now?
Can't I even have a quick word
with my nephew?
- He's more my son than your nephew!
- Your son!
Can't I get some peace here?
Move it or I'll give you peace!
Can't I have a little nap?
No, you're always yelling,
yelling all the time,
and I can't get a wink,
not a damn wink!
Not a damn wink...
He's not ashamed of you,
he was just saying that.
No, he really said it.
My dad said the same:
"You won't live that way here. "
You've been here 10 years now.
And no one's ever come looking for you.
He's different.
His brother loves him.
He does, sweetheart.
Awesome! Whose clothes are they?
They're our costumes
for the drag shows we do.
I'm Pink Panther.
I'm Lady Queen.
And I'm Maya the Bee.
Why don't you wear them to Gilez?
We can't work dressed like that.
Why not, sisters?
There's only one place for us
at Gilez...
The kitchen!
Useless...
Tonight, Insomnia is taking you
to the legendary Gilez club
to meet...
To the cry of "We are",
let's meet...
That sucks.
...The legendary Jonny Groove!
Look at him...
We're going to interview
Jonny Groove.
I found him.
I invented Jerry Grug.
Jonny.
As the king of Gilez,
you have loads of female admirers?
Sure, but I have a girl, sister.
Breaking news: he has a girl!
That's quite a scoop!
What's her name?
I don't know
- I call her One Night.
- Like the perfume.
I never thought of that.
Why One Night, Jonny?
Because I saw her one night only.
She waved to me like this
and I knew she was my girl.
Great!
We're really curious now.
Tell us what she's like.
Beautiful.
Her eyes?
Beautiful.
- Her hair?
- Beautiful.
- You know her?
- No.
Why can't I find her?
Let me take care of it.
If the gin with beautiful eyes
and beautiful hair
is watching this,
come down here,
Jonny Groove's waiting for you!
At Gilez.
Beautiful...
Cut it out, Camilla.
A phenomenon!
I have to thank Jerry Grups.
Jonny.
Same difference.
Start with my close-up
then slowly reveal the place,
show the atmosphere here...
Then swish pan
and track in on the key area
of the club.
Soda pop is the real new thing here!
And it's all down to this guy
who's changed the rules of the game!
- Jolly Groove!
- Jonny. He's as thick as a brick!
He said something really important.
Jonny, let's send a message
to young clubbers
Sure, give me the number.
No, not like that.
Let's say something.
Ok. Bros, this is important.
Go dancing, have fun,
have a blast every night!
But when you leave the club, bros,
keep your wits about you
and do what I do!
Get your hand-stamp
or you can't get back in!
Get your hand-stamp...
The guy's too much.
Fuck this!
You're listening to Radio DJ
Nicola who's hot, hot, hot
on this hot summer day.
Good morning.
- Hows it going?
- Fine.
You got your hand-stamp last night?
What hand-stamp?
Ah, the hand-stamp!
You saw me on TV last night?
Yeah, I was clowning around as usual.
You know the way I am now
You see me in this suit
but it's not a suit, it's a shell.
This tie
is a noose that imprisons my instinct.
My instinct that wants to fly free
like a falcon in Wyoming.
But I'm forced to be here.
Why the strange look'?
You think I'm mad?
But I'm not mad. I'm a free spirit.
If I don't want to go to the office,
I don't.
Yes, that's the way I am.
When I want to do something, I do it.
Too bad you have to work, Alice,
or I'd take you...
Where would you like to go?
To the sea.
I'd take you to the sea
but you have to work.
It's ok, I can hold the fort here.
What are your bosses going to say?
They're not here.
They'll be back.
They're in Rome,
auditioning for Big Brother.
Big Brother'?
Until tomorrow
- They're here all year...
- But not today!
What an incredible coincidence...
it's beautiful.
So, if we wanted,
you and I could take off
just like that.
So let's do it!
Who needs a bill?
This is between you and me.
Outflow and inflow...
We don't discuss this over the phone.
Yes, that's fine.
What a loser, that guy...
Talking of losers, where's your guy?
Give him a minute, Dad.
I want his Crazy Pizza campaign.
Where is he?
He was working all night.
He's totally committed.
He'll soon be here
with a big surprise.
What surprise?
We're not selling Kinder eggs.
We're selling pizza, ok!
Pizza isn't the same as...
Are you listening?
Is it that cold?
Hi, Fede...
I had to come to Genoa.
My aunt was taken ill.
I'm in this really grim hospital...
Coconut!
- Coconut.
- Streptococcus, the doctor says...
- Thanks, doctor.
- Coconut!
Sorry...
I'm coming, doctor.
Sorry I have to go.
He took her to the sea.
He took her to the sea!
- How do I look?
- Great.
- A swim?
- Sure.
It's freezing!
Giovanni, come on, it's beautiful!
A shark!
Screw you, moron!
- What a great day.
- Better than the bar.
Know who you remind me of?
- Who?
- My granddad.
Your granddad?
He brought me to the sea as a girl.
I thought you meant physically.
No, he was more handsome.
I'm kidding!
There are no men like him now.
Every guy I've ever met was a shit.
Especially my ex.
- Why?
- Because he was cheating on me!
"If there's someone else, tell me!
"You're so slimy tell me!"
My only regret is that I didn't
kick him hard in the balls.
Giovanni, are you ok?
I'm suffering for that guy.
You see how he's using his fist?
He'll break it that way.
I was a junior judo champ.
- I don't believe you.
- You don't?
I'll show you then.
I'll show you?
I'll show you then.
You don't believe me? I'll show you.
If you strike like this,
you'll break your wrist.
You need to twist your body,
torso straight,
nice and loose,
eye on the barycenter right here...
When you're powered up,
let all hell loose!
- Oh, God!
- Damn, what a blow!
I thought you were the ball.
A little ice will ease the pain.
Bye!
A little ice...
Hold on a second.
I'll give you a little ice!
Faster!
Damn, I'll get you!
He's gone...
- You're really funny
- Why?
I don't know but you make me laugh.
You'll laugh
if that Minotaur finds me here.
Anyhow, he's gone.
So what do we do now?
Ask the crocodile.
You know how?
It's not easy for me to trust a guy.
I don't know...
What would Jonny say now?
Right now,
Jonny would probably say...
Jonny... Oh God, Jonny.
Oh no, bummer!
The exam!
Where did you sleep?
I'm not talkin' to you, I'm mad.
Sorry I've been a real...
Shit.
You said you were ashamed of me!
I was wrong, I'm sorry.
I was wrong.
I was wrong about everything.
My life here's wrong.
Should I be working for a guy
who weekends in Monte Carlo?
Or Federica nagging me
about staying in...
She busts my balls
over that Latin American shit.
You said "Latin American"!
I'm an engineer
but I work in advertising!
I have to sell that gross pizza.
They want to launch it?
I'd launch it right out the window!
That's howl like to see you.
Truce?
Ok, bro, truce.
Did you study for this?
It's important for Dad.
No, I'll copy from someone.
Copy? it's an oral!
That's what I forgot.
Take the next right,
then pull up outside the barracks.
What's an oral?
Here I go, bro.
You can't got to an exam like that.
I didn't have time
for the tannin' zalon.
Tanning salon...
Just put this on, ok.
Nice!
Ok, Jonny remember.
Focus and blow them away.
You can be number one.
So nice.
Come back after.
Don't go out on the town.
What if the ish gin gets mad?
If she does, don't worry,
I'll handle her.
- Know what?
- What?
You're awesome, bro!
The barracks is the other way.
I'm confused.
Seventy and seven in.
'Scuse me, bros, can I come in?
I put down cards, we're even.
Vemia?
Hello. Come in.
- Hi, bros.
- Have a seat.
Hi, bro.
Friendly kid, huh?
I'm Marshal Di Prima.
I'm Marshal Di Prima.
The primer?
He has a sense of humor!
The force needs new blood.
- Right.
- Absolutely
All right then...
I feel like changing how we do this.
After all, it's obvious
this young man has studied.
So...
Do you smoke?
He said he doesn't smoke.
Leave the cap alone, Jonny.
Leave it alone.
Jonny, do you drink'?
No. Only soda pop.
He only drinks soda pop.
Leave the cap alone.
It breaks otherwise.
You broke it.
I'll have to get it stitched back on.
Nice and easy...
I would say that'll do.
What more do we want to know?
We need healthy elements on the force.
You know the Tax Police?
You bet I do, bro.
They live in the woods,
have a blast...
We build tires, go into the woods...
- How's it going in here?
- Very well.
A total blast, bro.
We've finished with him
and it all went beautifully.
Are these yours?
- You bet, bro.
- Fake.
You bet, bro!
I never buy originals.
This pair cost 5 euros.
They're 200 in stores.
Are you nuts?
The boy knows a bargain, he's smart.
Smart, economical... Bravo.
Can I ask a question?
Why?
Why ask another question?
Vile have other applicants.
I'd dismiss Jonny
Jonny?
His first name? You know him?
He mentioned a primer
but he never gave me one.
What a sense of humor.
I'm Marshal Di Prima.
Get the joke?
Marshal Di Prima!
I know who you are, bro.
You're my dad's friend.
He told me,
"Take the exam,
he'll pass you for sure. "
You know his father?
He's just kidding.
I met him once or twice.
No, he was always at our place.
He stuck like glue.
All right,
let's ask this friendly guy
a really simple question.
- Come on.
- Let's.
What is the Personal Income Tax rate?
That's a tough one.
- We don't know.
- After all, there were times
when I didn't know it myself.
It happens.
A simpler question then.
Much simpler.
What does 730 call to mind?
What?
What's 7 and 30?
When...
When? What does 7 and 30
mean to you?
I know!
- He knows!
- I know
Ok, bros, 7:30
is the happy hour.
But don't go then.
No one goes at 7:30.
Go at 8:30
with the hot babes.
What do hot babes have to do with it?
Hot babes are always involved.
You don't know 730,
you don't know tax rates...
What about IVA (=VAT)?
- You know her?
- Who?
- Iva, his son.
- What do you mean?
Look, we shot this last night
at his place.
I can't see without my glasses.
Don't look.
If your dad could see you.
Marshal Di Prima...
That's Iva. She used to be Ugo.
The one with the red hair?
- Yes.
- Beautiful.
Come back here!
Stop, you son of a bitch!
I know him...
I just want to say hello!
Sorry, bro, I didn't mean to.
Didn't mean to.
That guy started yellin' at me
and I panicked.
I'm goin', ok.
Thanks, bros.
This'll blow you away!
You win.
Fede?
So hows Auntie?
She's feeling better
but she gave us a real fright.
I can imagine.
You know, I was so upset...
I thought about calling your father.
But I didn't.
I thought maybe you needed
to be together.
But now she's better...
we can focus on the Americans, right?
And after the Americans,
things will change here.
So many things will change.
They won't change that much...
They will.
They'll change.
Believe me.
- Yes?
- Tax Police.
Come on up, jerk.
- Who is it?
- Jonny.
What's Jonny doing here?
I said he could come back.
He slept rough.
You're certainly taking
the initiative lately
I don't understand your tone...
- Tone? What tone?
- You seem...
On edge?
I'm not at all on edge...
You just seemed...
- Come on in.
- Giovanni Vernia?
I'm the "jerk".
You're under arrest.
Gangway, move along!
Where are you going?
No idea! Call my dad, it's a mistake!
We have the Americans tomorrow!
So call my father!
Don't mention my aunt or he'll worry.
Move it.
You'll pay for this!
Hello?
Signor Michele?
It's Federica.
What does she want at this hour?
I don't know!
Federica dear, lovely to hear you.
What's wrong?
Sony to call so late
but I have some important news.
It's important she says.
They must have set a date.
Don't even joke about that.
So let's hear the great news, Federica.
They arrested Giovanni.
Michele!
Someone knocked?
Duilio, give me a hand here.
Vemia, this jacket...
Is it yours?
Yes, it's mine.
Note that then.
The jacket belongs to the accused.
What accused?
Shut up! You're dead meat!
You try to blow up a barracks
then dump your jacket and papers
in the trash?
- I never dumped...
- Einstein's in the building!
- I did nothing.
- Vernia...
Are you screwing with me?
- Never!
- You're screwing with me!
- I swear I'm not.
- Write...
"The criminal... "
- What criminal?
- Quiet!
"The criminal is misleading
the investigation. "
What investigation? I did nothing!
Fetch Marshal Di Prima.
He works here.
We're family friends.
- Marshal Di Prima?
- Yes.
Marshal Di Prima is in the ICU.
What happened?
You ask me that? He asks me!
Give me the cell keys!
Drink this herb tea,
it'll buck you up.
Get me 20 more watches.
Michele,
you're losing your marbles.
Don't cry like that, Michele.
Come on, don't cry.
It'll all work out, don't worry
Such a tragedy in our home...
Federica, where are you?
The Americans are here.
What do I say?
I don't speak English.
Actually Giovanni...
Yeah, sure, I know Just move it!
...Got arrested.
Milan trams. The automobile show.
Big mess.
Know the one
about the three carabinieri
and the Polish American?
A quick coffee?
Hi, little bros.
Missed me?
I missed you too, real bad.
What are you doing here?
Giovanni told me to come back.
Just get lost.
I don't care what he said.
This is my home, you understand?
I understand.
So get out!
Whyd' you hate me?
What did I do to you?
What?
You mined my life
and Giovanni's too!
I thought
I was with someone different.
Understand?
Sure, you two are
as dumb as each other!
You bet, we're twins.
That's true...
You're twins. Identical twins!
That's perfect! Come with me...
She's wacko!
Good morning.
Hold this.
I'll take these.
Beautiful here.
Don't take any initiatives.
Just do as I tell you.
Let's go.
Say hello.
- Hi, bro.
- No. Say "good morning".
Jonny, remember, we can do this.
Stop doing that!
When I go like this,
you go like this.
When I go like this,
you go like this.
So what do I do?
Good morning everyone.
Sony we're late.
You know how the traffic is.
We had it all this morning, sir.
Come on, Giovanni.
Sit down here.
You a singer?
We're very excited
about this campaign.
So, Giovanni, let's hear your ideas.
A fabulous idea.
I'll run through it for you.
You dubbing him?
Can't he speak?
You can't speak?
He went to the dentist.
You went to the dentist, right?
The poor thing, Dad... sir.
It's because he saw the dentist.
Awesome!
That's the reaction we want
from Italy to Crazy Pizza.
A quick coffee?
No more quick coffees.
Come on, Giovanni,
how will you launch
our Crazy Pizzas in Italy?
What did they give him?
They want to launch it?
I'd launch it right out the window.
Crazy Pizza.
The pizza to eat on the fly!
The pizza to eat on the fly!
What did I do, bro?
Kids today...
All's well that ends well.
If ever you're in Genoa,
stop by to see us.
I will, Vernia.
You too,
on the Adriatic in August.
If only...
Goodbye and all the best.
Thank you for everything.
You gave him a gold watch too?
The watches are his babies.
Without my babies,
Mr. Engineer would be locked up
like a treasury bond!
Michele, don't mess up our heads
with your taxes again.
I need to call Federica.
Excuse me.
Sure, call the princess.
- Michele...
- I have to sort things out for Jonny
He's the bane of my life,
like guys who don't issue receipts.
They let me go, I'm on my way.
Don't bother. Your brother
landed the US contract.
He's a genius!
My brother? Jonny?
Believe me, he's a genius.
We're celebrating at the villa.
Bring everyone.
It's going to be unforgettable.
Come on, call him back!
I tried three times.
His phone's always off.
It'll make me look desperate.
- I'll call him then.
- No, Camilla!
I'll call him one last time.
- It's ringing!
- Told you so.
Sorry, I called a lot.
Sorry I didn't call you back,
I'm working all the time.
I'm still at the office now.
When can you see him?
I was thinking...
When can I see you?
When can you see me?
I don't know...
Are you free tomorrow evening?
Am I free tomorrow evening?
- Totally!
- Yes, I'm free.
I'll call you.
Call me!
Bye, kiss you...
See, easy. Just wait till tomorrow...
Cut it out!
Want us to put a slow number on?
Move it!
I told you to hire foreigners instead.
Here, on the lei. Move it!
I have a recipe
for a really good one...
- Giovanni!
- Hows it going?
Everything's just fine.
Auntie's happy if you're happy
You're happy, right?
Good evening, signora.
Lovely to see you.
You're so elegant.
Who are you this evening?
Princess Sissi?
You're very elegant too.
You like it?
Then I'm happy
Congratulations,
this place is really beautiful.
Yes, we're fond of it.
Really beautiful.
The beautiful part's still to come.
I'll see you later.
Sure, get lost.
What a slut!
- Auntie!
- She's a slut. What can I do?
How do I have to put it?
I can't stomach her.
You get it?
I get it. '
Try another canap then.
I'll see you later.
The poor boy's crazy!
Vanished!
Everything ok?
Wonderful, he's telling me
some great stories.
What were you saying?
You're swam to secrecy.
This villa...
it's beautiful, right?
Well, it doesn't exist
where the tax service is consumed.
It doesn't exist. it's a miracle!
Let's have a drink.
No, I'm interested in this.
Go on.
I'm talking to your dad.
It belongs to a company
that's part of another company
based in Antigua,
which doesn't exist
because it's a palm tree.
A dead palm tree!
Hear that, the palm tree died!
I heard. It died. Let's go.
No, the dead palm interests me.
Go on.
He's interested.
- Let's talk about the Maserati.
- All Fight.
- Got a minute?
- I love these stories.
It's in my uncle's name.
And where's my uncle?
- I don't know
- Where is he?
- He's dead.
- He's dead, Dad.
- Like the palm tree.
- Under the palm tree.
Get it, Giovanni?
This guy's a fiscal ghost!
You're something else!
Did I mention the Filipino maid?
- Something to drink?
- No thanks.
Why're you here?
I'm working. And you?
Me too. it's a party for the agency.
All these people...
I saw your colleagues.
Your boss too.
You saw her'?
Yes, she was around earlier.
You spoke to her'?
To say what?
Nothing.
Since we're both here,
why not go back to the city together?
After? Me and you?
Great idea.
Excuse me, may I have
your attention, please?
Giovanni...
Can you come up here?
What does she want now?
All my boss ever thinks about
is work.
What a drag. Sorry
- Off you go.
- I won't be long.
Good evening.
- What is it?
- Come on.
Forgive the interruption
but I have some important news.
All right...
Giovanni and I,
after two years
of a long and happy engagement
have decided to marry.
Someone doesn't seem too happy.
Speech!
You want a speech?
I'll give you one.
Mr. Berman, let me start with you.
I've wanted to say this
for a long time now.
Mr. Berman, your Crazy Pizza
is a piece of shit!
Enough.
No. You want a speech,
you're getting one.
Federica, I'm sick
of the advertising agency,
your dad, the fishes, Cuban salsa...
Don't take it personally.
Federica, I'm sick of you!
What the hell is that idiot saying?
He's an idiot!
How could you imagine marriage?
How could you think of it?
I don't want to marry you.
I don't love you!
I love someone else.
That's Auntie's little Giovanni!
Bravo!
You love someone else?
Then get the hell out of here,
right now! Understand?
- Go.
- I go?
Just go, Giovanni.
You get the message!
Dump the Milanese bitch,
she fooled y'all
but she couldn't fool me,
I saw her true colors!
Know what?
She can keep all this shit!
The villa, the grounds
and the whole shebang!
Sorry.
I get carried away now and then.
Don't cry.
No, baby... Don't cry!
You're lucky.
You're rid of that jerk!
You're a failure! A loser!
You'll never get ahead
without us!
- Who's the failure?
- He is!
- My son?
- Exactly!
Let's see who's the failure now...
Marshal Michele Vernia,
special officer with the Tax Police.
- Not the Tax Police...
- Yes, the Tax Police.
- It's not fair...
- No, it's fair.
Alice, stop!
You're a bastard like the others!
- Let me explain.
- Drop dead!
We're gonna have a blast tonight!
Let me explain, Alice!
One Night?
Alice!
One Night?
Oh, my God...
She fainted.
Poor dear.
What did you do to my gin?
She doesn't even know you!
We waved to each other at Gilez.
What do you know?
She's not in love with you.
She fell for me,
thinking I was you.
I played along to make her love me.
Get it?
So she loves me?
No, she loves me!
- No, she loves me!
- No, me!
Enough!
We'll let her decide.
Ok, bro.
Which one of you is Giovanni?
I am.
He is, he is.
Sometime later
So that was that.
Jonny arrived
and changed my life in a Hash.
I returned to electronic engineering...
Giovanni, the new personnel manager
wants to see you.
Federica changed lives too.
- All right, Cuban music is...
- Emotion!
- It's...
- Vibration!
- It's...
- Feeling!
The music!
Paquito, put the music on!
Dance!
I love you, baby.
Keep that butt tight!
Someone's dancing at the agency too.
That's 2004 finished,
now let's move on to 2005.
Can't we tum a blind eye?
Sure...
Let's turn a blind eye,
two eyes, the mouth, both ears
and shut down the whole company!
Not the company...
My friend, remember this:
the Tax Police...
no peace.
Jonny turned up and everything changed,
fortunately.
How's the love of my life?
The love of your life is fine.
Want to say hi to Dad, sweetheart?
She says you're awesome.
Keep her away from Jonny..
All right.
Come on in, Vernia!
I have to go.
Ok, bye.
Love you.
You're doing a great job, Vernia,
with excellent results.
I have some good news for you.
I see you're from Genoa, by the way.
I'm in love with Genoa.
Such a beautiful city.
There's a great restaurant
by the harbor...
- What's it called?
- There are a few.
This one has a sea view.
It's by the harbor...
Enough small talk...
You're the new section head
for your department.
Happy?
Very happy.
In this company you soon pick out
the people of merit from the rest.
- Right?
- No way!
What are you doing?
I've had it!
I've had it with these goddam watches!
Enough!
I want to get ahead on my own!
Is that clear?
What have you done?
You destroyed the birthday gm.
from my wife!
Go, Vernia.
Just go.
Was the restaurant Gino's'?
Out!
Only Jonny is still the same.
No doubt about it,
Rome's beautiful.
- It's wonderful.
- Fantastic.
Fantastic but shabby.
Look, that place is full of holes,
a ruin.
Why don't they knock it down
and build a great club?
That's Italy.
The guys in power don't give a damn.
To my mother
I know him,
I want to say hello!
- Sure.
- Let go of me!
Where are you?
Wait till I get you...
They took everything.
I'm poor.
Join the club, pal.
Know where to put
the roses?
This'll blow you away!
Damn, if I catch you...
Crazy Pizza, the pizza
to eat on the fly!
You're totally nuts.
Holy Madonna!
Vote to decide
who joins the house,
Tonino or Peppino!
Phone in your votes,
guys.
I'll give you ice
if I catch you!
Sony, pal.
Regards to the Marshal.
How come
our scene isn't here?
- Did you plug it in?
- Oh, right.
Not that, the webcam.
What the fuck...
Paquito, put that awesome
number on.
That's what I call music!
We are, we are,
we are heaven...
We're vanishing!
The movie's over!
Awesome!