I had a dream to never return.
("FLY" by Domenico Modugno)
I painted my hands and face blue.
Then suddenly I was abducted by the wind,
and I started to fly in the infinite sky.
Flying, oh, oh
Singing, oh, oh, oh, oh
Into the blue painted blue
I was happy to be there.
And I flew flew happily,
higher than the sun, and still higher.
As the world slowly disappeared far away,
soft music played only for me.
Flying, oh, oh
Singing, oh, oh, oh, oh
Come, come, come.
Oh-oh, a damned barrier. Bang!
Sorry. I don't speak English very well.
I'm from Roma. My job, as you can see,
is to see that the traffic move.
I stand up here, and I see everything.
All people. I see life.
In this city, all is a story.
See that young man over there?
He's a Roman, Michelangelo.
Oh, uh... Excuse me.
Um... Trevi Fountain?
- Uh... so it's two blocks...
- Uh-huh, two blocks...
- and then across the piazza.
- OK, and that's Piazza Mignanelli?
- No.
- OK, no. Piazza di Spagna is this... No?
- No. This is Piazza Venezia, right?
- OK.
Look, I'll show you.
Um... this is Piazza...
I don't... I don't know.
Uh, look, you know what?
I'm going that way, I can show you.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
You speak very good English.
That's because of my work.
I visit New York often.
Oh, that's where I'm from.
- What do you do?
- I'm a lawyer.
- And you're, let me guess, a tourist.
- For the summer.
- I'm Hayley. Hi.
- Hi. Michelangelo.
It's been an unbelievable summer.
We read about in all those romantic
novels, American goes to Rome,
meets handsome Roman at Trevi Fountain.
No, he's utterly adorable.
Now, Antonio and Milly
were also a young couple in Rome.
They married in the little town of Pordenone,
and came to Rome for their honeymoon
with plans to settle there.
And then there was that well-known
American architect,
concluding his vacation
with a few days in Rome.
And finally, we meet Leopoldo Pisanello,
an average Roman citizen of the middle class,
dependable, agreeable, predictable.
I think it happened so fast.
I can't wait to bring you home
and introduce you to my parents.
I can't wait to meet them.
- It is delicious.
- Buono, mama.
And what do you do, Hayley?
Uh... I'm self-employed.
I help clients find art.
My background is in fine art.
He's lawyer. I'm very proud.
All my children, I work night and day
so they get to education.
We want to meet your parents.
They come to Rome?
Oh... well, yes, as a matter of fact,
they're on their way.
Ladies and gentlemen, we're beginning our
descent into Fiumicino airport in Rome.
We may experience some turbulence.
Please keep your seat belts fastened,
and make sure all trays
are in appropriate position.
Great, turbulence!
My favorite!
No. You just relax and
stop clenching your fists.
I can't unclench when this turbulence...
You know I'm an atheist.
I don't like this. It's bumping.
The plane is bumping.
- I don't like it moves like that.
- I can't wait to meet her fiance.
You know he's a communist.
There's not even a communist party here anymore.
No, he's just very very left.
Hey, listen, I was very left
when I was his age too.
But... but I was never a communist.
I couldn't share a bathroom.
Ok... He's not a communist,
he's just a do-gooder.
What... what does it mean, "a do-gooder"?
Who believes not into
material possessions, you know.
What? Well, look,
if she's gonna marry an Italian,
I want her to marry somebody with,
you know, with material possessions,
with a yacht, with a couple of Ferraris,
with... with a villa in Sardinia, you know.
Don't you want our little Hayley
to marry into a "Eurotrash"?
Wow, I don't like it.
- I don't the plane does that!
- Just stop it!
- It's not...
- Stop it! Just relax.
- I don't like it. I get a bad feeling.
- OK? Breathe.
Please.
Thank you.
- You like this? - A lot.
- It's beautiful. - Yes, Yes.
Look, love, it's late.
My uncles are coming. Come on.
Yes, but what if they don't like me,
what will we do?
- Love, but what do you care?
- Be... - You are so beautiful!
You just have to be yourself.
Don't worry.
They are important people. Maybe a little
harsh, but not put off.
They are nice.
Next week I will be working in their company.
I do not want to say or do things that could compromise...
.. this wonderful opportunity that they offer.
- You will do nicely. Trust me.
Will I? - Of course.
Listen, what I was saying
on the train...
Yes, I will probably miss
Pordenone,...
.. But it is a job that I cannot refuse.
Do you realize!
If all goes well, we will live in Rome.
We will meet wonderful people.
We will have children.
And maybe one day we will have a
villa with servants, like my uncles.
Yes, but I have to go to the hairdresser.
I look like a schoolhouse teacher
with this hair.
- I should be a little 'more chic.
- It 's late. You have to go now?
- It'll only take a moment. I'll be quick.
- I would not make them wait...
- Okay. Hurry though, eh?
- Okay.
- Goodbye.
- Hurry up, eh.
I'm sorry,
the hairdresser is full.
- There is no one else around here?
- Sure.
You leave the building, go right,
second left,...
.. Pass under an arch,
immediately to the right, there is a bridge.
After the bridge, the first
left, straight ahead.
- It is on the right.
- Thank you.
The food is better than Malibu,
I would say that.
I can't wait to do some sight seeing.
Oh, John can show us around.
He used to live here.
Oh, God, Carol.
It was thirty years ago.
So?
- It must've been great then.
- That was fabulous.
I was young and in love,
and a complete fool.
But it's the eternal city,
it never changes.
And I too want to go to see the ruins.
It is Rome after all.
All those old ruins just depress me.
I'll get Ozymandias melancholia.
Besides, I saw it all when I lived here.
So we'll leave you and then
we'll hook up later. OK?
I'm just not a good sightseer.
I prefer just to walk through the streets.
"Ozymandias melancholia",
where did you get that phrase?
"ARRIVEDERCI ROMA" by Renato Rascel
(Instrumental Version)
Excuse me, are you...
are you John Foye?
Yes. How do you know that?
Right. I recognized your picture
from the Herald Tribune.
You designed all those shopping malls.
- That's how you're picking me?
- No, I'm an architect.
- Well, studying to be, anyhow.
- Really?
Yeah. You... you working
on a project in Rome?
Uh... no, on vacation. I lived in Rome
for a year when I was your age.
- Really? Whe... Where?
- Here, Trastevere.
Yeah? I... I live here,
I'm on Via dei Uffiti.
That's my old stomping ground.
I've been wandering around all day,
I can't seem to find it.
Really? No, it's literally
two blocks up to the left.
- Well, I...
- What?
- Do you... do you want me to show you?
- I don't know if I should revisit it.
But... OK, why not?
This honey is from the square in Rome,
right in the middle.
Two euros! But it is good! Oh!
Come on, finish your breakfast. Thank you.
You have to eat. Camilla where is it?
Did you see?
Do you know why there's all this unemployment?
Because people are spoiled
by the latest technologies.
- What movie? - It is too late!
- Mangia! Always late!
I think the world will end now that all
the planet speaks Chinese.
- Who wants your opinion!
- I'm telling you.
They don't give a damn about anyone
or what we think.
- We just have to pay taxes.
- We pay taxes, right.
Look who it is.
Where were you when I was in the elevator
stuck for two hours?
Being young and unmarried...
Or, at least, one of the two.
- Did you see when she did that?
- Beautiful!
- Don't believe it. - Why?
- The weekend is on his mind.
But when?
Always.
- If you want my opinion...
- Again?! - Can I say something?!
I think...
- It was a romantic movie, very interesting.
- I did not understand anything.
It's a most beautiful story of "The King's Speech."
- It was most beautiful.
- What do you mean? - I do not understand.
- What was intended by the author.
- Why?! - Not at all wanted!
- The incomprehensibility of life...
- Let's eat?
- Do you see that...
- Yes.
- If I had to vote for an Oscar,
I'd have doubts. - But you do not vote...
- Who is it? Maria! - I want to see.
- If I had to vote...
I can't see who it is,
but I think it's Brad Pitt.
"This week we are
interviewing Tony Blair,...
... the winner of Miss Universe,
and Johnny Depp."
Oh, my God, look at this city!
You're tipping him in euros.
When you realize what you just gave him,
you're gonna have a heart attack.
Well, you know, they gave us
such a great room, Phyllis.
- Yeah.
- And I'm delighted to be here.
- This is great.
- See, you always used to travel for work.
Isn't it nice to be some place for pleasure?
No. I... I miss work.
I don't like being retired.
You know, I... I keep having
fantasies that I'm gonna...
gonna wind up an old person...
in a... in a hotel lobby
watching a communal television set,
drooling with a colostomy bag or something.
- You equate retirement with death.
- Yes, exactly. Exactly.
Yeah, but it's a fantasy,
because you're not dying.
No, I'm not dying now!
But, you know, it's conceivable
I might one day.
You know, I'm... I'm talking
fifty, sixty years from now.
- Can I get a little water, or...?
- Sure.
You know, I haven't made my mark, I haven't
really achieved what I wanted to do.
Oh, you did just fine. Your problem was
you just a little ahead of your time.
Hey, I'm way ahead of my time.
You know, you married a very bright guy.
I got... I got a 150, 160 IQ.
You're figuring it in euros,
in dollars it's much less.
Hello!
- Oh, darling!
- Hi, Mom!
- Hi, Dad! How are you?
- Good, good.
- This Michelangelo.
- Hi.
- This is my father, my mother.
- Nice to meet you.
- Did you have a good trip?
- Good trip? Yeah, we have a good trip.
I thought it was all bumpy
when we're landed, but... you know...
Probably you'll read
about it on the paper,
if the airline ever
recovers the black box.
So our plan is to get married
around Christmas.
Oh, really? Uh... you...
you're a lawyer, Michaelangelo?
"Michel".
- Michel... Michel? They call you Michel?
- Yes.
Yes, for the oppressed,
those who cannot pay.
Ah, pro bono.
So... should be taking in washing soon.
- Um... would you like to drink or something?
- Sure.
- Yeah. Water?
- Um... I'm...
- Would you like water or...?
- Yeah, water. - Water is fine.
Hayley told me that you're working
in the music business?
I did. I'm retired. I...
I used to work for a classical music
division of a record company.
I was an opera director for many years.
You know, Michelangelo's
great grandfather knew Verdi.
Really? Well, I... I staged
some Verdi, I did.
Basically, I did avant-garde staff,
atonal things.
But I... I jazzed up a couple of classics.
You know, I did... I did a production of Rigoletto,
where all the characters were dressed as white mice.
I did... I did Tosca once,
and all in a phone booth.
Jerry was ahead of his time.
Yeah, I was... I was a little, you know,
a little fast for mass appeal, but, uh...
you know, then... then the productions
got between the critics, and cost the unions...
I'm sorry. You don't like the unions?
Well... you know, the unions...
You know, without the unions,
the worker would be ground into dust.
Yes, I understand where...
what you're saying, Michaelangelo, but I...
"Michel", Michelangelo.
- What?
- "Michel"!
"Michel"? Yeah.
That Michaelangelo, the painter!
Only with... with him, for some reason,
he's "Michel". Um...
Michelangelo feels very deeply
about the workers.
Excuse me... Excuse me, can you tell me where
this address is?
Er... Er... Ah, yes... ah, yes...
Take the first right.
Go a hundred meters.
You will find an ice cream parlor.
Then go straight for 50 meters
when there go left.
- Thank you.
- Your welcome.
At the next traffic light crossing...
There is a seafood restaurant,
you cannot go wrong.
It is straight on, turn right, then again
- Do you follow me?
- Yes, yes, thank you. Thank you. - Your welcome.
Here, this is where I live.
Christ, this might have been my exact street!
- Can I ask you in for a coffee?
- Coffee?
Yeah. Yeah, come on in.
Sally makes great espresso.
- Sally?
- Yeah, my girlfriend.
She's a... she's studying here.
- Hey, Sally!
- Hi!
Hey, I brought someone home
who used to live here.
- Oh, my gosh!
- Yeah. This is John Foye.
- This is Sally.
- Wow, hey.
- Hello. - I know.
- Sally. That's so... Wow!
- You're right. She's lovely.
- She's the best.
Oh, can I give you something to drink?
I can make some coffee.
That'll be great, honey, yeah.
Thank you very much.
Oh, my gosh! Uh... my friend, Monica,
she called, she's going to be in Rome,
and I told her she could stay with us.
Ah, well, so I'll finally get to meet her.
She just broke up with her boyfriend,
so she's a bit at loose ends.
Trouble . . "Trouble in River City".
What trouble? Why... why trouble?
You just gonna love her.
She's smart and funny, and interesting.
Men just adore her.
I think it's because of the sexual vibe
that she gives off.
- Um-hm, and how long is she coming for?
- Oh, I don't know.
Between the breakup and...then
her acting career isn't going that well.
Jesus Christ, can't you see
the situation is fraught with peril?
Come on, give me a break.
Her friend is coming. Why do I care?
I'm not looking for anything?
I'm perfectly happy with Sally, and uh...
Actually judging from Sally's
description of Monica
as kind of like a neurotic
unpredictable type.
Beautiful, funny, smart,
sexual, and also neurotic.
It's like filling
an inside straight.
"Monica"... even her name is hot.
- Congratulations. - Yes?
- I have a super gift for you.
- What gift?
-A special gift for a special man.
- What is this special gift?
- It's Me!
I'm already all paid for.
I'm all yours, all yours.
- Look, there must be a mistake.
- You can do whatever you like.
- Ah, yes? Please, go away.
- I cannot. You're upset.
- Who...?!
- They told me that you're stressed and
you'd be surprised.
- But you are the lucky winner.
- Winner of what?!
- The winner of the contest.
- But what contest?
Domi and Fabio have paid me and told me
to congratulate you.
That they were wrong and that you need
to accept their apologies.
- These two gentlemen I do not know them.
Will you leave?
- I will not tell.
I am here to fulfill your dreams.
Please, Miss. Leave!
But you're Mr. Debroca,
room 504.
I'm not Mr. Debroca
but the room is right.
- Please, leave now...
- Is anyone there?
- Sorry, sorry.
- I told you to wait.
No, it's not like you think.
Have a seat, please.
We were to meet at noon, the door was open...
- So you do not enter without knocking!
- Nice way to meet your wife!
- This is not my wife.
- No!
I hope you're joking.
Of course I'm kidding.
She's my wife.
I am Uncle Paul.
Giovanna.
Uncle Sal.
Aunt Rita.
Anna.
- Anna! But isn't your name Milly?
- Milly?...
Milly, of course, Milly.
Anna is the second name.
- Milly!
- Milly.
We will be waiting downstairs,
don't worry. Come on.
- Paul... - Yes
- Yes, yes. - See you later.
I want to die! My life is over!
I am ruined!
Tell them the truth,
that there was a mistake.
But how?! They've seen us
on the bed! I am in my underwear...
They won't understand...
What they'll think...
I'll never convince
them, it's useless.
They will think I called an escort.
Why did you jump on me?
I was paid to make love with Mr.
Debroca.
- And leave the door open! - Yes
- Are you an idiot? - I thought it was closed.
They're the kind of people who think
they are in charge of everything.
Milly's coming.
We have to get out of here.
You have to pretend to be my wife.
I pretend to be your wife?
I'm no actress. Plus...
-You just called me an "idiot".
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I need your help because if
Milly comes, I'll jump out the window.
- Do you not understand that sooner or later
they'll discover everything?
I need time,
then I'll think of something.
It is important that we leave immediately
and get away.
- Can you walk faster?
- I'm walking fine. Relax.
Her flight should've landed.
Right, by the time she goes through customs
and luggage it'll be about an hour.
I hope you don't fall in love with her.
In love with her? What...
what the hell does that mean?
- Well, men always just go crazy for her.
- Well, I'm... I'm crazy for you.
OK, That... that's her.
Monica!
- Hi!
- Hi! It's so good to see you!
- You look so great!
- Stop it!
Nothing special, right?
No, nothing special at all.
Like... I got no buzz.
I mean, look at her,
this... this is the hot "femme fatale"?
Of course, she has been flying for 14 hours.
But you would admit
there is something about her.
All I can say is that if something
is clicking, it's so subconscious,
I'm... I'm totally unaware.
She's no big deal, certainly not
some formidable heartbreaker.
She's...
she's a disheveled, out of work actress.
...for so long, now you're here. I just...
- Hi! Hi, I'm Jack.
- This is Monica.
Hi, it's so nice to meet you.
I'm sorry. I mean, I must look awful.
- Please don't make any snap judgments.
- No, you look fine.
I just... I can never sleep on the plane.
I had a Scotch and three Ambien,
but still...
Pretty cozy this ride into town.
I keep telling you
I have no interest in Monica.
I just hope having her around is
not gonna interfere with my work.
But there is an element of excitement,
a germ, a spark, one molecule...
God...
I see it so clearly now.
But I'm older.
- Thank you, the dinner was great.
- Thanks.
Ah, yeah, you're becoming
a really great Italian chef.
Well, I figured it was just her first
night here, so...uh, why not stay in?
Yeah, it's perfect,
just the three of us.
- Wha... what are you reading?
- Oh, the poetry of Yeats.
"The gong-tormented sea."
Yeah... yeah, you know it?
Do you wanna talk about
the breakup with Donald?
Well, Donald was gay. Um, it was my ego
that thought I could change him,
and I couldn't. Believe me, I tried.
Yeah? How does one try?
Well, I mean... I don't wanna
get graphic, but...
I mean, let's just say that
I gave it my all.
And it's such a shame,
because he's so brilliant,
and he's so wonderful out of that.
I mean, so much fun to be with.
I... I tried to show him
how sex with a woman...
...could be as exciting or even more so
than with someone from his own sex.
Then he tried, he... he did try.
But in the end, I... uh,
I struck out. So...
I remember you saying how much fun
you have when he took you to Paris.
Have you ever had sex with a man?
Me? Se... sex with a man?
God! No...no, no!
I mean, no. It's not something
I'm interested in ever doing...
Why are you blushing?
Probably because you wanna try it.
Look, I always had a little yen
for sleeping with a woman,
and when I finally did,
and it was... was very intense,
it was very exciting but unnerving.
I really have no repressed...
I... I shot this TV movie once, and...
one of the scenes it was with this
incredible lingerie model.
I mean, she was to die.
And... and for whatever reason,
I... I get this message one day...
...from the assistant director that Miss Lee
would like me to go to her dressing room.
And why she was so suddenly
obsessed with me, I don't know.
And... and I go.
And she's in her robe.
And she takes it off,
and gives me a big hug and kiss.
And I just become crazed.
I mean, I become so excited.
I mean, she was just
too beautiful to turn down.
We had the thing for like. .
three months. Yeah, it was like
being in an erotic dream.
And... and on the one hand,
yes, it was very exciting,
but on the other hand,
just very confusing.
And... and that's when I started seeing
the shrink five days a week.
Well, fortunately, Jamal came along,
and we had a great relationship.
And as great as the orgasms were
with Victoria.
They were stronger with Jamal,
and just a lot less bewildering.
Excuse me.
She is something, isn't she?
Yeah, give me...
I need a few minutes to recover from
her story, it's still vibrating.
I think she's so fun.
Yeah, but look, finally what she got,
I mean, no... no real acting career,
no relationship that's remotely stable,
sleeping pills, shrinks...
You sound like you try to convince yourself.
Hey, I've got a great idea.
Let's go for a little walk tonight.
Oh, no, I'm exhausted.
But, um... why don't you take her, Jack?
Oh, no... no... no!
God, no! That will be a catastrophe!
Why are you so worried?
You think of me as the seductress,
this is your problem.
Bullshit! You deliberately made up this
provocative story with some lingerie model.
It was true, most of it. OK?
I... I exaggerated a little.
I like to embellish.
It's part of my creative charm.
Come on! Come on,
why don't you come?
Sally, you've go to go along with them.
What's the matter?! Are you crazy!
Go! You have the wrong person!
Sofia! Sofia!
- Sofia! Whats happening?!
- What do you want?!
Call the police!
Go away! I am serious!
I'm going to work!
I have to go to work! These people are crazy!
- What is this car?!
-You'll be late for the studio.
- But I'm late for work!
- Get in, Get in.
Sofia... come with me.
Hello and welcome to TG3.
Today we have a special guest:
Leopoldo Pisanello.
- Welcome, Mr. Pisanello.
Welcome to TG3. - Thank you, yes...
Excuse me, but why am I here?
To answer our questions,
for our interview.
- What did you have for breakfast?
- Me?
Er... coffee latte and two slices of bread with butter and jam.
Two slices of bread... And how was it?
Good... toasted.
- Ah, so you prefer toast.
- Yes, that's right, yes.
Why? Can I ask you?
I don't know. I just like it.
I usually prefer toast.
- White or whole wheat?
- White.
So we can say without a shadow of a doubt...
.. Leopold Pisanello prefers two slices of bread toasted.
Yes, and a latte... without sugar.
Do you shave before or after breakfast?
- Extraordinary!
- Me?
Me?
Still here? Enough! Go! Sofia!
Sofia! Go away!
Leopoldo! You were great!
- The phone hasn't stopped ringing.
- Yes, but...
They want you on tomorrow's news at 8 pm.
- What are you saying! Me? But why?
- You're famous!
-95 -95
Oh, I don't know.
I can't find the address.
This is 91. So it's...
This goes down.
- That's 93.
- Uh-huh.
Can't be 95.
- Oh, then we're right!
- What do you mean, we're right?
Mr. Santoli is a mortician.
You're kidding?
He owns a funeral parlour,
and don't make an issue of it.
Jeez, the kid's a communist,
the father's a mortician.
Does the mother run a leper colony?
I guess they live upstairs.
- Excuse me, 9... 95's... 95?
- Yes. 95. Santoli.
Yes, yes.
- Someone dead.
- No, but it's early.
No, no.
We're Hayley's parents.
- Hayley's parents?
- Yes.
Welcome, welcome!
Such a big pleasure to meet you!
Oh... I'm sorry. I've not cleaned up.
I work all day, but...
Please, come to our place.
We live over there.
- Please, follow me.
- Thank you, thank you very much!
- Did you have a nice trip?
- Oh, it was wonderful, wonderful.
Please, come in.
Mariangela, come here!
- Hayley's parents have arrived.
- Oh, hello!
- Phyllis, Jerry.
- So nice to meet you.
Good morning.
- Oh, Mariangela don't speak good English.
- No... - No.
- What do you drink?
- Well... wine would be great.
Michelangelo and Hayley
should be here any minute.
But if you excuse me now,
I need to go to clean up.
- Mariangela, open the bottle and pour him a drink.
- I'm going to open it.
- Meanwhile you sit down.
- Ok. - Be right back. - Yes
- Hello!
- mama!
- Hi. Hi!
You just find the place OK, right?
We just followed a passing hearse,
and here we are, you know.
- You have arrived! Well! - Hello.
- Taste my specialties.
Oh, Mom, the green ones are
like Tapenade. They're so good.
- You should try them, they're amazing.
- Oh, OK.
Oh...
Well... I'm sorry.
Excuse me. It's great.
I mean, I try and make this,
but I never get this taste.
She could teach you.
Teach her to make croutons.
- Yes, OK.
- No. Oh, no, really.
- Come on, free cooking lesson.
- I... I don't wanna be...
Have one. I have to kinda...
Please.
Formaldehyde!
(Giancarlo) The time has fled...
(Giancarlo) And I die in despair!
And I die in despair!
And I've never loved life so much!
Victory!
She showed me how to make these, Jerry,
but, of course, she gets mozzarella
fresh everyday from Naples.
- What do you do, Phyllis?
- I'm a psychiatrist.
Oh! A psychiatrist.
I've never been to Naples,
but I hear it's beautiful.
There's no cooking like in Naples.
You see much of Italy, Jerry?
Jerry, he's asking you a question.
Yes... Naples.
Have you... have you ever
taken singing lessons, Giancarlo?
Singing lessons? No.
What for?
You, well, you have just a natural voice.
I'm no singer.
I sing for me.
Since I was a boy.
- You have a very very beautiful gift.
- Yeah.
But, no. She says that I make only
too much noise around the house.
And no one's ever heard you?
No, he's our own private Caruso.
You have a fantastic voice, have you
ever thought of doing anything with it?
He sings for pleasure, not for money.
Well, there's a great deal
of pleasure in money.
You know, it's green and crinkly,
you can fondle the bills.
Listen, uh... I'm no singer.
I... I don't know, I...
Is it possible that... that, um...
after dinner, you could sing something for me?
Me? No... I don't know.
I... I become too embarrassed.
No... no, right here,
just among us... right...
No... no. Please, Michelangelo,
please tell him too.
I... you know, I... I have a friend
in town here, who's in the recording business.
And... and if... if you would just...
if you would just sing.
He's a very knowledgable man.
And... and... you know, if you just...
When you... when you're not busy,
when you're not cremating anybody,
- and we just...
- Look, he's already said no.
Dad's not a singer. I'm sure you don't
want him to make fool of himself.
Jerry, back off.
OK, forget it.
I... I'm not gonna say another word. I...
Forget it.
But the guy has a fantastic voice!
This is... You have...
OK, I'm... I'm finished.
The subject is closed.
But... his voice is great,
somebody's got to do something
with this, because he's... he's...
- Jerry!
- Not me! I'm not saying I would.
But... but he's got a fantastic...
- The man is a genius,
- That's enough.
he's got a natural... great natural...
I'm not saying anything, you know,
I'm... I'm off the subject.
Great voice. Fantastic.
Big star...
- What's the name of the hotel?
- I can't remember.
- It's in the center? - Yes, more or less.
It was... was red...
We're here. Sorry for the delay.
We have been waiting for you.
Er... yes... uh...
You couldn't find
something more simple?
We need to meet people rather important.
- We like you dressed like that.
- Like how?
But some of our friends
may not understand.
- I lost my suitcase on the train,
- Then that's it. Oh, well.
Well, we have organized a trip,
a private Vatican tour.
- Beautiful. True love? - Yes,
I know him well. - Come on, then.
- I hope they let us in.
- I don't want to go in!
- Miss... are you okay?
- Yes, yes, thank you.
Thanks, but...
Oh, but... but... but you are...
But you are Pia Fusari?
You recognized me?
Yes, but you... Oh, my God, but you
are one of my favorite actresses!
I'm flattered.
But you walk down the street here
like a normal person?
We're making a movie here.
- You want to come and see?
- Me?!
Yes!
But that is Juliet Falcone!
No! There is Luca Jump! I love
Luke Salta, he is so charismatic!
No, I do not believe it!
It 's amazing. He painted the ceiling
lying on scaffolding.
Working all the time lying on one's back!
I can't imagine it!
I can, perfectly.
Shoot, I'm gonna be late to class.
- Could you take Monica around today?
- No, I can't. I'm working on my drawings.
Oh, please.
She doesn't know Rome at all.
No, I can't.
I do not have time to go...
- ...to the Colosseum for the millionth time.
- Please... just...
Just, please, for me.
Could you do it for me?
- Er... OK.
- Thank you.
- That is so impressive.
- Oh, I know.
- The lines, the empty space...
- Yeah, exactly. There's a lot of negative space.
Are you sure I'm not taking you away
from anything important today?
No, I think... I'm just worried
I was taking you away from something,
- if you had work to do.
- No, no, I'm fine.
This is actually my favorite thing to do.
Yeah. If you weren't here,
I'd probably be doing this alone.
I mean, it's incredible
that the Colosseum
is still standing after
thousands of years.
You know, Sally and I have to retile
the bathroom every six months.
These guys were truly...
truly brilliant architects.
I just find it so ironic
that there was once this
magnificent civilization
and now just these ruins.
I... I call that futile feeling
"Ozymandias melancholia".
OK.
This is just kind of
thing you wanna build?
Oh, I would be very
proud if I'd done this.
Did you always wanna be an architect?
Ah, you'll laugh if I tell you
what my ambition is.
What? No... no, I won't.
To build radical structures, I mean, to be
scandalous, to change the architectural landscape.
Are.. are you interested in architecture?
I'm interested in Gaudi,
Antonio Gaudi.
I mean, for me La Sagrada Familia
is poetry in stone.
Oh, bullshit!
You went six months of college.
You know nothing about architecture
but a few names.
You saw the movie, The Fountainhead.
I just find something so sexy
about an uncompromising artist.
I mean, I would do anything
to spend a night with Howard Roark.
Oh, God save me, save me!
Another young woman who wants to
give her body to Howard Roark.
Come on, I mean, she is fun to talk to.
Yes, and you buy into her bullshit because
she seems to know all the right things to say.
She knows names,
she knows buzzwords,
she knows certain cultural phrases
that imply she knows more than she does.
The Anxiety of Influence,
the Bartok's string quartets,
the perversion of the dialectic,
La Sagrada Familia,
"The gong-tormented sea".
So what? I should press her and not let
her get away with the namedropping?
But you didn't.
Yeah, I mean, it's sort of charming
that she's a con artist.
Yes, she does have a certain
something which trumps logic.
So, go ahead, walk into the propeller.
So was it OK with Monica today?
Or did she just drive you crazy?
Yeah. I don't have enough time to spend
squiring her around, you know, I'm trying to work.
I started having those insecure
thoughts again today.
- Please stop.
- No...
Because I thought maybe it was a bad idea that
I put you guys together for the whole day,
because what if you ended up attracted to her.
Please stop worrying. She's a
self-obsessed pseudo-intellectual.
I mean, she's pretty, but so what?
- She is, she's very pretty.
- Yes, she's very pretty.
- I mean... I mean, not conventionally.
- I'd like to see her with someone.
Who do we know?
We must know someone...
- Grazie.
- ...to fix her up with?
- Yeah, I'm sure we can scare somebody up.
- Who?
What about Leonardo Basso?
Yeah, we exercise together. He's...
he's nice-looking, and he's smart,
and he makes good dough.
Actually, I think he broke up with
some girl who was also an actress.
I think he'd be the perfect
choice for Monica.
That's great. Could you...
can you call him.
- Yeah. I'll be the matchmaker.
- Great.
Please sit down, Mr. Pisanello.
- This will be your new office.
- My new office!
.. but I'm not an employee.
Very funny.
Serafina, come. Look. We have
a famous person in our company.
- Good morning.
- Take care of him, Give him everything he needs.
- All day.
- With pleasure. - Thank you.
- You will take care of me all day?
- Yes
- Whatever you need, I'm here.
- Yes
Calm down.
- How was your day?
- My day?
- Yes
It's been good.
Oh, I did spill coffee on some documents,
but I avoided spilling all of it.
The rest of the day went good.
Did you hear that? Mr. Pisanello
happened to spill his coffee.
But his reflexes avoided a tragedy...
.. with no probable loss of human lives.
Why did he spill the coffee?
It will be on the news at 9 pm,
with our distinguished guests...
.. the leaders of Italy,
the ambassador of Brazil, and the UN.
Mr. Pisanello...a statement.
- A statement!
- Yes, a statement.
- A statement... so?
- Tell us anything. - So?
I think... I think...
Ah, maybe it's going to rain.
You heard it. Pisanello Leopold
says it might rain.
Can you tell us how you will sleep tonight?
Normally I sleep on my back.
Leopoldo Pisanello says
he sleeps on his back.
You never sleep on your stomach?
No, I suffer a bit 'of gastritis.
Not a serious thing...
- On my belly I don't like like it that much...
- How much?
- Enough! Please! Stop it!
- It 's important! - Enough!
Enough! Go!
What do you want from me?! How to sleep...
What do you think? I only have these printed dresses.
I have to buy something now that you're so famous.
Sofia, I'm tired, I have a headache.
Forget it.
I had a terrible day.
Let's not go to the premiere of the film.
But we must go!
We have to keep up our image.
Sofia, but who cares!
Do you really think anyone cares if Leopoldo Pisanello
doesn't attend the premier of a film?
- Sure!
- But Sofia, I am Mr."Any Fool".
And you're my wife, the wife of
Mr. "Any Fool".
But you said you'd go.
It's Gina Francone.
Ah! It's Tony Branca.
There he is. Good evening.
Good evening.
But who do I see? Here he is!
Leopoldo Pisanello.
He is accompanied by the lovely Sofia.
Very elegant, with that dress.
Yes, Sofia is wearing a printed cotton dress.
.. And a coat that seems to match.
- Yes, definitely.
- And I I've never... a ripped stocking.
We're checking. Yes,
it is a run in the left stocking.
Lady Pisanello, the run in the stocking,
tell us, is it intentional?
- I have a run?
- Yes, very impressive, very fashionable.
You see, Martina?
- Then we will see you soon in Cannes?
- Absolutely.
- Well, sorry, but there's Gina Franconi.
- Please.
- Mr. Pisanello.
- Yes?
I am Marisa Raguso,your fan.
- Thank you.
I think you are very, very sexy,
more than all these "frocetti" actors...
.. Making superhero movies.
Sure.
It would be nice to have a
little more time to talk.
Let me know what you think of the
cultural situation in Italy.
Me?
Tell you what, I'll give you my phone number.
Call me.
- Your Number?
- Anytime.
All right.
- Mr. Pisanello, tell us the truth.
Do you wear briefs or boxers?
- Boxers, large, white.
- I knew it! I always knew!
It 's clear, a type of boxer.
It 's cool! I knew it!
Do not forget my words, girl
You don't know that love
is a beautiful thing like the sun.
More than the sun, it gives warmth
down slowly through the veins
and gradually reaches the heart...
So, er... what're you thinking now that
you've fixed her with your pal?
I don't know.
Sally and I thought it would be a fun idea
to come out and visit these ruins.
Yes, so then what occurred?
What is it?
I don't know. I just... I know
I regreted introducing her to Leonardo.
Yes? You're jealous?
Yeah, all of a sudden,
I want to get her alone in a room...
...and tell her I've loved her.
Isn't that stupid?
I had never felt anything until
this afternoon, and suddenly...
Her face got to me, and I...
I loved how she... she wore her hair.
She looks great.
- How do you like Monica?
- Oh, she's lovely.
- I can't wait to see her again.
- Oh, yeah? You're gonna... gonna see her again?
- Tomorrow night.
- I think Sally and I are free Tomorrow night.
I think it's better
if there's just the two of us...
- Please. Right away. . .
- could you bring the menu, please?
Giancarlo, I took the liberty
of calling my friend,
and I set up an audition for you
with the recording comp...
I told you, "No".
But why? What do you
have against live people?
You... your whole life, you can't just
deal with people that have rigor mortis.
You've got a great voice.
You should be...
you should be singing
Pagliacci for multitudes.
- You... you know.
- Pagliacci?
Pagliacci, yes!
You... you were born to play that.
- I've always dreamed of singing Pagliacci.
- Yes, I know!
Of course, 'cause you're a natural.
That's... uh, you know, stick with me,
we can go very far, really.
- We?
- We, yes!
I would... I would manage you,
and I... I will direct you or put on
the greatest production of Pagliacci.
I'm telling you I know exactly what to do,
I... You have to believe me.
I... I don't know why I'm shouting,
you know, you're two inches in front of me.
Trust me.
Nessun sleeps! Nessun sleeps!
Even you, oh Princess,
in your cold room,
watch the stars which tremble with love,
and hope!
But my secret is hidden within me;
No one will know my name!
No, No! On your mouth ...
set, you stars!
Victory!
Victory!
How did it go?
You know what? Ask your father.
Uh-oh...
- I'm so sorry, Jerry. I let you down.
- No...
You should've seen his face.
He knew it was terrible.
It wasn't terrible, you know.
Yes, if you... if it was at La Scala where
they would've been throwing fruits and vegetables,
yes, they would have.
But, uh... this was a cold audition room.
It's all fantasy. You imagine
his voice is better than it really is,
because you're searching for an excuse
to come out of retirement.
Hey, don't psychoanalyze me, Phyllis, OK?
You know, many have tried, all have failed.
I didn't... My brain doesn't fit the usual
id, ego, superego model.
No, you have the only brain with three ids.
If we eat something,
surely we will feel better.
I'm not hungry.
It was a foolish idea to begin with.
Well, you father is a grown man,
I mean, he can make his own decisions.
I don't know why you showed up at all.
You know, you were sitting there
with a disapproving face,
very sour through the whole thing.
Maybe you made your father nervous.
I came because he's a simple man.
And I didn't want to send him alone
into a tank of music business sharks.
- Tank of sharks?
- Wow, you think my father is a shark?
In the aquatic world, I've been likened to
a spineless jellyfish, but that's about it.
Look, you defend your father,
bacause he's family, and I understand.
- But he is wrong.
- No, I defend him because you're wrong.
There's no sin in trying something and failing.
I don't want to say anything,
but I told you:
You choose projects that are doomed to fail.
You get some kind of a payoff out of failing.
What projects do I choose
that are doomed to fail?
Rigoletto, with everyone
dressed like white mice.
Can you hear him?
Is that not a gorgeous voice?
Sure, what good it is
if he can only do it in the shower?
Well, but you admit he can...
He is right, Jerry.
Everyone sings great in the shower.
That's right...
He does it in the shower.
Dad, even you sing in the shower.
I know, I...
In life I have a terrible voice, but
when I'm soaping myself under hot water,
I sound just like Eartha Kitt.
You look strange.
Phyllis, I'm having...
There's a psychological term for this.
I'm having a breakthrough or an epiphany...
Wha... what is that term for what I'm having?
A death wish.
Bravo, you were fantastic. Come,
let me introduce a fan of yours.
She has seen all your movies.
Milly, right?
- Yes, Milly.
- Hi. - I'm sorry.
- So you're one of my fans. - Yes
I have seen all of your films.
- I'm so flattered.
- No, it's true. - Yes? -
I believe that you are an amazing actor.
When you play an Arab or
terrorist or a divorced father...
- I always dreamed of being able to meet you.
- Can we have lunch together?
- What? You and I! - Eh.
- Together? - I only have an hour.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
You are the sexiest man in Rome,
second in World Film. Did you know?
Yes, that's what they tell me.
- Shall we?
- Yes
Thank you.
- Do you want to have many children?
- No, children? No.
You become their slave.
Diapers, schools, diseases...
Then they grow up, they leave,
and you never see them anymore.
Not so.
For me it was so.
You see, I ran away from home.
My father was a drug dealer and
stole for my mother in stores.
What could I do?
Was I not right?
- Look!
- He's a great actor.
- There is the actor, Luchino Salta.
- Where?
- Yes, that's him.
But he's married.
Who's that with him?
What's up? What is it?
I'm fine, I'm fine.
I cannot believe you are having lunch with me.
But I am the lucky one, you know?
I usually eat alone now.
No! You alone? You are married,
it is written all over the papers.
Marriage is like wine:
it is a wonder if it is good, if not...
We split up. The press does not know.
It's still a secret.
Of course.
No, I won't say anything.
- What are they doing?
- He looks into her eyes. He wants her.
I'd like for you to stop by and watch me
on the set this afternoon.
So you can give me some advice,
and you can tell me what you think...
Then, perhaps,
we can go to my hotel to talk about it.
Because, you are interested in my ideas?
- Should I be interested in something else?
- No, no.
- Ah.
- No, absolutely
It's just that Anthony, my husband, always says
my head is in the clouds.
This, perhaps, is a bit true, but...
He doesn't take your ideas seriously?
No, not seriously, respects them, but
they are scientific.
Yes, because I am a high school teacher.
I teach astronomy.
- Who would have guessed?
- Yes
So I doubt you are interested in
my ideas for acting.
Astronomy, then the sky,
the planets, the stars...
- You're... you are... Wait, I don't mean. .
- I'm saying nothing.
- Are you a Libra?
- No, I'm a Sagittarius.
- Oh...
He took her hand.
- She should give him a slap.
- No, actually, I'm sure she likes it.
- Are you hurt?
- No. .. no.
Good morning. We are at the home of
Mr. Leopoldo Pisanello.
It's half past seven, and Mr.
Pisanello is shaving...
.. an event that we document
from first to last gesture.
Mr. Pisanello is having his hair cut.
- Look, just a trim.
- He opted for only a trim.
Sorry. We are all full.
There are no tables.
- You must be wrong. My husband booked yesterday.
- There must be a mistake.
- How is this possible?
- There's no table? Okay, we'll come back again.
- No, Mr. Pisanello.
- Please, this way.
- What a shame!
- What manners!
- How dare you!
But we are loyal customers!
- They are right.
They were in line before us.
- Nonsense.
Please, this way. Come in.
When I saw you in the office I couldn't resist.
They say that power is an aphrodisiac.
- And who is she?
- My best friend.
I promised her
you'd have sex with her after me.
This will be one of the happiest days of her life.
You know, he's worried
because he is married.
Mr. Pisanello, for you rules do not count.
You're special.
Yes, yes, I... I...
I agree with you completely.
I mean, this first time I read The Myth
of Sisyphus, my whole life changed.
- Yes, yes.
- And, of course, the Russians.
Dostoevsky, thank you.
Stavrogin's Confession?
And Kierkegaard.
I mean, you can feel his pain.
Didn't you say that Rilke
was your favorite author?
Ah, Rilke!
"You must change your life."
Or was it Ezra Pound?
"Petals on a wet black bough."
Look at this. She knows one line from
every poet just enough to fake it.
I have such a great idea:
Tonight, after they're closed,
we should sneak into the old Roman baths.
Sneak in?
- Leo, you know a way, right?
- Yeah.
He knows a way in.
Well, it'll be dark, it'll be spooky,
it'll be fun.
You know what? Jack doesn't
do spooky. Believe me.
I love entering places illegally. So...
No, I mean... Sure, I mean, I don't wanna...
I don't wanna a spoilsport.
First it's Camus and Kierkegaard,
and now I've run out of name dropping,
so let's break into some baths. Pretty soon,
she'll have you holding up filling stations.
I understand from where you sit
it sounds crazy, but from where I sit...
Oh... Oh, isn't this great?
My God, I can't believe we snuck in here.
- I've never seen it at night before.
- Yeah.
It's amazing. How're you doing?
I'm fine... I'm fine. I'm just...
It looks like it's gonna rain, doesn't it?
- He can't break any rules.
- Wow... wow! OK! That was lightening!
- Hey, guys, come on! Let's go!
- Are you afraid? Come on!
Well, I'm not afraid.
We're just sitting ducks here. Come on!
- Unbelievable!
- OK, let's go back to the car.
- OK, now it's definitely raining.
- Just a little though.
- We have to go. We have to come out.
Sally! Sally, come on!
Here! Here, Monica! Here, Monica!
- Sally!
- Come on! Ah!
- Monica!
- Oh, this is amazing!
- Wow! Yeah.
- It's a little loud. Huh! OK.
- That means it's close. It's very close.
Actually I went to school where was
a boy who... who got killed by lightening.
Do you hate it?
No, no, I mean, I didn't
mean to imply that I hate it.
I just think the storms are so romantic!
You know... you're actually...
You're really beautiful... although wet.
- Ah, you're so sweet to say that.
- No...no, really. You do.
You know, I just, I... I love it here.
I mean, I... I... think Rome
is so charismatic!
Oh, God! Here comes the bullshit!
Will you keep out of the goddamn scene,
and lemme have a moment alone with her?
OK, I will allow you your moment,
but remember, I know how it turns out.
I feel like I have completely
fallen in love with Rome,
just this little while that I've been here.
I feel like I... I could spend my whole
life here and just never go back.
I'm sure... I'm sure meeting Leonardo
has a lot to do with that.
- Oh! Oh, my God!
- Oh, that one scared me.
- Yeah...
If we die, we die together.
Love forbids you not love.
That you would slight me I reject.
When I hold your hand,
your eyes say, "I love you"
if your lips say, "I will love you!"
You were absolutely fabulous.
This guy created a sensation today.
I... I see a big future here.
What does this "future" mean?
Well... I see New York,
I see the Vienna Opera House,
- I see Paris...
- All in the shower?
Yes, they love it that he sings in the shower.
They... they identify.
You know, he's gonna be the most
popular opera singer in the world.
Certainly the cleanest.
You don't want to really take
this further, do you, Dad?
Why not?
Yes, I've got big plans for him. I...
I wanna do now a production of Pagliacci.
You father was born to sing that role.
This is decadent stupidity!
My whole life has seen that role
while I'm in the bathroom.
He wanted to do this his entire life.
You're gonna deny your father his shot?
It's your shot, not his!
I resent your tone with my father.
I happen to think out of the box.
Oh, well, the box! That's a
very interesting choice of words.
Listen to me: You're retired.
You equate retirement with death.
Giancarlo's an undertaker.
He puts people in boxes,
but you want to think "out of the box".
It's true. If you're channeling Freud,
ask for my money back.
What "Pagliacci"?! What plans?
What airplane?!
Where do you want to take my husband?!
I... I failed high school Spanish.
I really don't...
This is crazy! What does he say?!
They already took away your son.
Now he wants to take away you too!
He's gonna be a big star, big opera star.
Star? But you cannot sing!
It's not true!
He sings only in the shower!
No, he cannot sing! No!
- Enough, enough...
- I'll kill him! It will make me feel better.
- Oh! No!
- Hold it!
Hold it! Hold it! Interpose yourself!
Right... right. Great, go ahead!
She... she probably won't stab a woman.
- No!
- Go ahead! Go a...
- Calm, Calm! Relax, relax!
- What?! What?!
You have an attitude problem.
Put the knife down.
We're... This is gonna be our...
our mother-in-law here?
We want to introduce you to some people.
Mr. Massucci, the administrator of your company
has organized this festival to welcome you.
It 's an opportunity to learn about the
top business people in Rome.
He spoke very highly of you
and we are eager to meet you.
It would be a nice chance for your wife
to make a good impression too.
- Oh, sure.
- Don't drink too much, honey.
-I'd better have a coffee.
- Does anybody want a drink?
- No. - Coffee? - No.
Look who's here! Come on.
I want to introduce my nephew.
- Good morning! Thank you. Beautiful party.
- Meet Antonio.
Pleasure. So, here's the famous nephew.
I've heard such great things about you.
You have the perfect image for our community,
and image is very important to us.
- Do you follow football?
- No.
- Is that you?
- Yes.
- What are you doing here, Anna?
- Milly!
My wife...
- Hello, how are you? - Well, thank you.
- Pleasure. - All mine. - Milly.
- We have to go. - Yes - Sorry.
- Hello. Coffee? Thank you.
Coffee with milk, please.
- Anna!
- Hello!
- Milly. - Since when?
- I'm Milly. - Ok.
- There's my wife.
- Do not worry, do not worry.
- I was just going to call you.
How about Tuesday? - Usual hours?
- Anna!
- Oh God!
- Oh, Lady! Hello.
I did not expect to meet you here. - I am Milly.
Ah, Milly? Anyways, Milly,
can you come by my office
tomorrow at about three?
- I don't know, I have plans.
- Okay, I get it.
Well, if you feel like it, come by at about 3:00.
- I recommend wearing the black bra...
- Yes - The thong... - Yes
- But do you go sailing?
- No.
- Hunting?
- No.
- Anna, how are you? - How are you all right!
- Milly. Milly, Milly.
I'm so nervous!
I can't afford to make a fool of myself.
The most important men in Rome are here.
- Yes, the "cream of the cream".
- It 's the whole list of my clients.
- I'm so nervous...
You're too tense, my friend.
Relax or you'll have a heart attack.
How can I relax when my
life is falling apart!
How does your wife put up with you if
you're always so nervous?
Because she loves me for who I am.
- And who is she ... smooching with that
Luchino actor ... what's his name?
- Salta.
- What smooching?!
- You know.
You said that they only held hands.
No, there must be an explanation, because
for me Milly is like the Madonna.
The explanation is simple:
He's a movie star, a sex symbol.
And Milly is beautiful and has never looked
at another man.
But women don't always know themselves.
Especially those who have a hysterical husband
who fears his own shadow.
Why the hell does he have to smooch
if he seduces with his eyes?
You probably couldn't seduce a woman with your eyes.
I want this job, but
I look like a small minded idiot.
Was your wife a virgin when you married?
- None of your business.
- I bet she was, yes.
- We did wild things together.
- What do you mean by "wild things"?
Having sex with the lights on?
Believe me, I was not a virgin.
Okay, I was a virgin.
- You need a lesson!
- By whom? Certainly not from you.
And why not?
Everything is already paid for. It 's free.
- But there are people around.
- I don't see anyone.
- Don't let me forget the carrots.
- OK.
- You really need all this pasta?
- Yeah, I think we need more pasta.
More pasta? We're not
cooking for a small village.
- Tomatoes.
- OK.
- Whose idea was this enterprise?
- Uh... it was hers. It was Monica's.
We all agreed to have dinner together.
Since Leonardo's at work all day,
and Sally's at school,
Monica suggested we do the cooking.
- Can I make a prediction?
- What?
- She can't cook.
- Apparently, there are some things she can cook.
- Like what?
- Like chocolate brownies.
Brownies? You're going to have
brownies as the main course?
Yeah... yeah, I think it should be fun.
- Do you think it needs more wine?
- Hmm, no...
I mean, I know the Italians
cook with a lot of...
There's a lot wine in here.
I can really feel it.
I don't know, it's... you know,
I think it might be the French.
No, let me see...
- I just... I don't want it to be too subtle.
- No, it's definitely not subtle.
- Can I taste it?
- Yeah, of course, please.
Hmm... You know, I think it needs...
You know, I'll get some...
that other wine, that's there.
The other wine? Are you sure?
We've already finished this one.
- Uh...
- OK.
Oh, oh, we have to put the brownies in.
- Can you bake?
- Can I bake? You said you bake.
Well, no. I can't... I have... I just...
I left the, um... recipe in Los Angeles.
But, you know, I'll do it. I can do it by
memory. I'm sure I can do it by memory.
Hey, you wanna just
order from a restaurant,
and maybe dirty up the kitchen
a little bit, and say we cooked it?
Well... Yeah, let me check this sauce.
Yeah, you know what?
I'm gonna check it too, actually.
Oh, do you want, um...
penne or rigatoni?
Don't put the pasta in now.
They're not gonna be home for hours.
- Hmm... What?
- I think I'm a little drunk.
- Really?
- Yeah.
We can just... We can fake it.
- Yeah, I'm... I'm done with this.
- Good.
- I'm done with the cooking.
- OK.
I just... I promised Leonardo that
I'd make a really great dinner.
Yeah... You know, I'm so... I'm so glad
that worked out between you and Leonardo.
Really. Because, you know,
I'm the one that got you together.
Yeah, I mean, he, uh... he's nice.
Sexy. I think you told Sally.
Hmm... hmm...
You know, I... Look, this is...
this is the wine talking.
He's not the most soulful character,
and he's not, um... he's not a sufferer.
What's... what's so great about suffering?
Well, I just...
There's something
attractive about a man
who's sensitive to the
agonies of existence.
God, you would... you would be perfect
to play Miss Julie? The Strindberg play?
The Miss Julie tactic, I learned
it from a friend of mine,
who's a theater director.
Tell any actress who would be
perfect for the role of Miss Julie,
- and you could have your way with her.
- Just so amazed that you would say that.
I mean, Miss Julie is... is the role
that I was born to play.
She is me!
How could you know that?
I have... a kind of non sequitur
question to ask you now?
What?
How would you feel if I kissed you?
Oh, um... That is a non sequitur.
Our little miss shocked.
Didn't you see that
two minutes ago she popped tic-tac.
What do you think that's about?
I'm serious. I'm serious.
What... what would you think?
I would think that you're living
with my best friend.
Yeah, this is true.
And yet, I can't stop myself.
- Oh, that's not good!
- Why? You didn't like it?
No, I... I liked it,
and that's what's not... good.
And you? Will you ever recover from it?
No, no, she's... she's perfect. I mean,
this is... this is too good to be true.
If something is too good to be true,
you can bet it's not.
I have to have her.
What are we gonna do about this?
Are you acting?
Was it a performance?
I can't do this to Sally in her home.
No... no, it's OK. It's OK, trust me.
She... she won't be home for hours.
- No, I just mean I...
- What?
I don't wanna do it here.
For Christ's sakes, what is all this posturing about?
If you're gonna screw your best friend's boyfriend,
does it really matter what the venue is?
- You will never understand woman.
- That's been proven.
This is not gonna be some ongoing
affair behind Sally's back, right?
This is one rainy afternoon,
I'm a little bit drunk...
And yeah, I'm... I'm turned on by you,
but... just not here, not in her home.
OK. Look, the time for debating
is... is long passed.
Let's go down to the car.
Well, the car is different.
You can fuck me in the car.
I'm fine with that.
Smile! Smile!
My God, you cannot!
my cousin!
We met by chance.
I don't have anything to say, nothing. Come on.
Nothing, nothing! Please...
We met by chance!
I was waiting for my wife.
Be respectful
at least for the procession.
Roberto, I can't take it anymore.
Why me, Roberto?
- What's going on?
- Sir, you must face it.
- You are very, very famous.
- But why?!
Look at this, the pills...
This morning it was full.
Ah. - mama Mia!
- Why am I famous?
- Why? You are famous for being famous.
But I haven't done anything, Roberto.
Excuse me, but, as I see it,
don't all those who are famous deserve it?
I don't know! You can see that!
You ask for my opinion?
Everyone's asking for my opinion.
I do not know!
All I do is answer questions.
My life is a living hell!
A journalist asked me two days ago if there is a God.
I said, "What do I know? I don't know,"
and she was upset.
"Mr. Pisanello doesn't know if there is a God"
And I do not know!
Everyone asks me things...
"Pisanello"
"How do you scratch your head?
With the right or the left?"
"With both hands."
"Oh, he scratches with both!"
There! I scratch my head with
whatever hand I think is best. Okay?
Some secret! - The way I see it, sir,
I kind of agree with them.
Being a celebrity,
excitement, special privileges...
.. The adoring crowds who want an autograph,
every woman's dream.
Women! But you do not know...
"I love him!" They kneel!
"Ah, Pisanello! How beautiful!
He's so beautiful!"
They all want to be in bed with me...
in threes, fours...
I have enough problems with two...
The wife of a man of your caliber
knows he has to be shared with the public.
It's not normal...
Don't interrupt me...
Can't I speak to someone without being interrupted...
Enough!
Take me home! Enough!
I'll report you for violation of privacy!
You are heartless!
Bravo!
You're better than I had imagined.
- Why are you so quiet?
- Because I have committed adultery.
Consider it part of your training.
We did some things I've never done before.
Never.
- Why not?
- Because of Milly. They would upset her.
But with me you had no problem.
Is it because I'm a prostitute?
With you I felt uninhibited.
But now I feel guilty.
Milly would never commit adultery.
She would never betray me.
Maybe she wouldn't mind
that you learned something.
Some things I can't do with Milly.
She's like a saint.
Yes, like Madonna.
Only where is Saint Milly?
You were the virgin at the wedding, not her.
- Like this?
- It 's beautiful here!
- Want a drink?
- No, thanks, I cannot.
But why not?
- Here.
- Thank you.
I love the old songs,
those of my childhood.
- they are very beautiful.
- when I once danced.
Eh, yes?
- Eh? - You are very good.
- Yes, so are you...
Ma .. didn't you want to talk?
- Nostalgia is my weakness.
- Memories are so beautiful.
Did anyone ever tell you
that you're beautiful?
It is not true, no. My husband maybe
once but never a movie actor.
Please don't think of me as an actor,
I am a human being like everyone else...
.. with the same feelings, the same
vulnerabilities, the same desires.
I'm sorry,...
when you kiss those beautiful women in the cinema...
.. You seem to me, how should I say...
A crazy man.
A kiss is just fiction on film.
Yes, I know, but I've always wondered
.. I wondered what it would be like
kissing Luke Salta.
Now you know.
- That was beautiful! - Wonderful?
- No, no more.
- Wait. Now we take a nap.
- What? A nap?
Well, at this point
I can't go back.
- You're so charming.
- No, no, no, no. What a mess!
- I don't see the problem.
- Yes there is a problem.
I would love to make love with you...
.. So I could tell my grandchildren something,
but I can't commit adultery.
Forget the semantics...
I love all of you.
My Lady, I don't know what to do.
I do not know what to do.
I love my husband, but I am so curious.
Life is so short, there are certain moments
already written in destiny.
- This is one of those moments.
- No, wait a moment, please.
I must go to the bathroom.
Don't move. Don'tt move from there.
Do not go.
I swore we wouldn't do this.
I know... I know, I know. Me, neither.
I, uh... I have to tell Sally.
But you said your relationship was winding
down, I mean, this cannot be because of me.
No... no, don't say that!
No... no, it is, it is. It's winding down.
I... I had fantasies yesterday
of us being together.
Really?
Exploring Italy, and...
looking at all the great architecture
of Milan and Venice and Naples.
- You could teach me.
- I'm a good teacher.
We could stay in little towns
in bed-and-breakfasts.
Listen, Sally's taking her exams
next week at the university, I just...
I just don't wanna bring this
to her before then.
No, of course.
Yeah, but right after, right after.
I... I love you.
Okay.
Who is that?
He seems interesting!
We're on the road with Aldo Romano.
It is true that you are a bus driver?
What do you want? I don't understand?
- It 's true that you bring your clothes to the laundry?
- Yes, but what do you want?
- Do you like hamburger?
- No, I don't like it.
- Is that a stain on the jacket?
- Yes, it's marinara sauce.
- How did this happen?
- Do I have to tell everyone?
I was eating a plate of rigatoni.
Why does it matter to you?
- Gabriel, Camilla, Sofia.
- Hello, Dad! - Hello! - Hello!
You know it's all over?
It's back to business as usual.
I'm so happy!
Now Aldo Romano is all over the news.
To celebrate we'll go get a pizza in Velletri.
I'm buying.
- Who is it?
- Aldo Romano.
- I think I did really well on the exams.
- Of course, you did.
Yeah, you sailed through it,
because you studied hard enough.
I worked hard.
Yeah, you did. She doubts herself
for no reason, I don't know why.
- Do you guys want something else?
- Uh...
- Sure. No!
- No.
Oh, OK. Alright, well...
OK.
You see how confident she is?
So I'm gonna... I'm gonna take her to dinner,
and I'm gonna tell her tonight.
- OK. Are you sure?
- Yeah, yeah, of course.
In fact, I planned out an
amazing trip for us.
Believe it or not, I've never been
to the Acropolis or the Parthenon.
- Can we go to Sicily?
- Yeah, of course. You know what?
Actually, we could... we could hire a
sailboat and go around the boot,
- if you want to.
- I've always seen pictures of Palermo,
- I just think it is so romantic.
- Well... you can see pictures compared...
...to nothing to being there,
in the real place. We...
- If you wanna... Yeah, sure.
- Excuse me.
Hello?
No, I can't... Hello?
- OK, I'm gonna see if I can...
- Sure.
Hello?
- It's sad.
- What is?
That you're in love with Monica.
I just... something about her.
- You know that Sally's in love with you, right?
- I know.
And your common sense tells you that
Sally is the much more sensible choice.
Yeah, I know.
I know all of that, and yet...
- I can't explain it.
- I understand.
- Guess what?
- What?
- I got a part.
- A part?
I get a part...
...in a movie. It's a high budget,
it shoots in Los Angeles and Tokyo.
- But where?
- I have to leave tonight.
What was that about sailboat and Sicily?
- They need me for like five months.
- Five months in Japan?
Uh... one month in Los Angeles,
four in Japan.
I mean, assuming it all goes on time.
Oh, I cannot wait to go!
I mean, it is like my dream and life
to spend time in the far east.
- That's your dream?
- Who's in it?
Justin Brill, Ricardo Ramirez...
Ricardo Ramirez?
He's a very attractive man.
And I worked with Justin Brill before,
like when he was married to Rebecca Wright,
- and he had this big mad crush on me.
- Well, he's available now.
This is so exciting!
I can't wait to get back to Los Angeles,
see my acting coach.
I mean, no matter what it is like to
visit a place, there's nothing like home.
- Who's the directing?
- Max Trommel.
I... adore him.
I adore his work.
And you know what?
He's like the only director...
...that I would trust to direct
the nude scenes that I have to do?
And although, I mean he does a lot of drugs,
and somehow, that burnt-out look is
just so... it's just so sexy on him.
I have to lose some weight.
I mean, the writer saw me on that TV thing,
and he just... he flipped out over my quality.
I'm like five pounds or so. . .
"I'll just start running again.
I'll start running again."
This part is such a great show case for me.
I... I just hope I can bring my dog.
I hope it's not like London
where it's so hard to bring a pet.
Milly Stay calm, stay calm.
Is it better to go to bed and have a regret...
or just leave and have a regret for life?
What shall I do? Better remorse, no?
Better remorse, absolutely.
- Yes, better remorse.
- Shut up.
What?
- Shut up or I'll kill you.
Now open the door and let's go.
Not a word.
- Are you ready love?
- Don't even open your mouth.
If you do what I say
it will be okay.
- Got it?
- Yes
Then give me your
money and jewelry.
- You know who I am?
- No, I don't and I don't give a damn.
- Shut up and stop crying.
- Here.
- Give me your wallet.
- But don't get up.
- Give me your watch. - Yes
- The watch. - Yes
Open up.
Open up, I am in charge of hotel security.
Open up, Luke! I know you're there.
- My wife! That's my wife.
- Your wife?
- Yes
- But you said you were separated!
- Oh, what a fool!
- I do not want to end up like the other woman
in the paper.
- I'm finished.
Oh...
Listen to me.
Let's do this... you're not finished yet.
Let's do this. Go to the
bathroom and hide in the shower.
- I'll put her in bed.
- Yes
- Go and shut the door.
- Together.
- Yes, good.
- Close the door. . . .Go to bed.
Open up!
- Now sir, explain why you didn't open the door.
- Come on.
- Come near the bed.
- Didn't you hear me knocking?
- What's going on? Are you crazy?
- Didn't you hear?
Didn't I hear what?
I'm here with my girlfriend and I was...
He is not the woman's husband?
- We didn't know!
- She said it was her husband.
You're all crazy! I will sue!
Please forgive us and please excuse us.
What have you done?
I do not understand what is happening.
- It was not my fault.
- Leave.
- Look, this was not my fault.
- Madam, be patient!
- I'm sorry. - I'll call lawyers.
- Sorry.
- Anyway, I...
- Come, madam. Thank you.
- It shouldn't have to end like this.
I don't know what happened...
- Take it easy, ma'am.
- But...
- Enough!
- Thank you. A million thanks.
- Imagine.
I take my leave now.
In fact, here is the watch.
I'll also give you my ring. Take it all.
- Thank you. Really, thanks.
- Thank you.
- Thank you very much.
- Goodbye. Thank you. Goodbye.
I can't believe it.
Of course... right,
you're really cute.
- What?
- He's right, you're pretty.
Thank you. Ma .. you are a thief, right?
Yes, I'm a thief specializing in hotels.
- But I also do some mugging.
- Oh yeah?
- Ah. Exciting.
- You're exciting.
You know I've never made love with a criminal.
- My husband is a businessman, very respectable.
- Yes?
- Yes
You know what they say:
Opportunity makes one a thief.
Shall we take this opportunity?
- Sure. - Of course.
- We are in a hotel room.
- We're in bed, you're in your underwear.
- I'm already undressed.
- So. - So what?
- So, anyway...
I guess I'll never hear from Monica again.
Yes, but you can read her about
in the gossip columns...
...dating Justin Brill,
vacationing in his Aspen lodge.
Consider yourself lucky.
You saved your own life there.
A year with her, she would let you freefall
parachuting and adopting Burmese orphans.
- With age comes wisdom.
- With age comes exhaustion.
- Look, here is where we first met.
- Yeah.
I should be getting back
to the Excelsior.
Oh, it's a nice hotel.
Obviously you're doing well.
- There's a lot of dough in shopping malls.
- You sold out.
As a foolish man once said,
"Stuff happens."
- I'll leave you here.
Goodbye.
How nice!
Tonight there's a film preview.
We can go without casino
and enjoy the film.
We can't be out there posing for journalists.
- Look, we were not invited.
- Ah...
Then we can stay at home and enjoy the film.
And I no longer have to share you with
models, actresses and sexy secretaries.
Ma .. Hey! Hey! Hey!
I am Leopoldo Pisanello.
Good morning, ma'am.
This morning I had breakfast...
.. I put butter on two slices of bread,
and jam.
Then I made lather with the shaving gel
Because that's how I shave
with gel. I really like the lather.
I am Leopoldo Pisanello.
Good morning. Want an autograph?
I'm Leopoldo Pisanello. You want it?
I'm Leopoldo Pisanello. Lady!
I'll give you a scoop: I wear boxers.
Do you want to see them?
Do you want to see the boxers? Here they are.
I wear white boxers, large.
Here they are. It 's a scoop!
Lady! I'm Leopoldo Pisanello.
Do you think a trim would be better?
And she's my wife.
Miss, look. A tear in her stockings.
The run is fashionable.
It's a "trend".
Do you want to see Pisanello on one leg only?
Here it is, on one leg.
E 'scoop exceptional.
This morning I had breakfast...
Enough paparazzi!
Enough paparazzi! Enough!
- Excuse me, but I know you. - Yes ..
- Yes, I remember the face.
You are... What was your name?
- I'm Leopoldo Pisanello.
- That's it.
You want an autograph?
- Yes, if you want to... my notebook.
- I'll give you an autograph.
Thank you.
- I'm Leopoldo Pisanello, if you remember.
- Thank you.
It's me.
- You see?
- Yes, let's go home, our children are there.
Come on.
Here, here.
Surely he remembers me.
This gentleman was once my driver.
Right?
- Yes - There.
- I told you life is sometimes very cruel.
It doesn't give satisfaction,
neither to the rich and famous . .
.. nor to the poor and unknown.
But, between the two,
being rich and famous is definitely better.
- Goodbye. - Goodbye.
- Thank you. - Lord. - Goodbye.
Come on.
- You know what he said?
- Yes, I understand... I get it.
- Milly? Milly?
- Where were you? I was worried.
- What happened to you?
- I went to find you.
Then I lost the phone.
I was lost in Rome.
But where were you?
With my uncles, but I was thinking of you
every single minute.
- Did it go well?
- We're going home.
- Home?
- Yes, let's go back to Pordenone.
- But we just got here.
- It doesn't matter.
You don't want to meet my uncles
and their jerk friends.
I don't want that job.
I want my old job back.
Maybe we won't be rich,
but we will have a better life
.
- Don't you still want to teach?
- Yes. Yes, but... - No "but".
We'll go back home and have a life...
.. A life much better, with children.
And I can... I can paint a little.
Okay. I'm surprised.
I don't know what to tell you.
Don't say anything. Let's make love.
- How?
- Before leaving, we'll celebrate.
Now I'll teach you something about the stars.
- I will ravage you. So, don't be surprised.
- Ravage me.
I'll say my lines.
A great show for twenty-three hours.
Put on your costume...
.. and your face.
The people pay and they want to laugh.
And if a Harlequin shall steal your Columbine,...
.. laugh, clown...
.. and everyone applauds.
Laugh, clown...
.. your love is broken.
Laugh.
- No! - The name!
- Devil! But really...
(chorus) - What are you doing?
- To you! To you!
In the throes of death you will tell!
- Help!
- Edda!
Ah, are you? So be it!
The comedy is over.
Dad, the critics says you were wonderful,
"a voice from the golden era".
It is so great, I... I can't believe it!
But no more for me?
- I've proved myself enough.
- You are beautiful here.
Mama don't fly, I don't tour,
my life is fulfilled.
I've had a great family. I stay home.
I relax. I bury people. I'm happy.
- You're not going away then?
- No. I've had enough.
Tonight I owe everybody an apology.
We should get to the Spanish Steps
for Max's cocktail party.
We're late?
No, I mean, he's an old
friend of my father,
he's not gonna mind
if we're a bit late.
- But we should go soon.
- Alright.
- Do you forgive me?
- Oh, I'm so happy for your husband.
And as for you, how can I
not forgive you? I love you.
"Another Caruso, and in difficult conditions."
Oh, goodness, they weren't very kind
to my father, were they?
Uh... Wait, I think it's better
you don't hear that.
No, no, I can take it.
Just don't tell my Dad.
Thankfully, he doesn't understand
the word of Italian.
Alright, um...
"Except from Mr. Santoli's magnificent voice...
Magnificent! His voice is the most beautiful of all!
- Whatever, "whoever imbecile..." imbecile?
- Yeah, imbecile.
"whoever imbecile conceived
this moronic experience...
"...should be taken out and beheaded."
Oh, well, he's gotten worse.
This has to be the most beautiful
terrace in all of Rome.
Yeah, for my wife and I is a
privilege to live up here.
Yeah, I mean, the Spanish Steps
right there, the people watching...
Phyllis, the review was so great.
I mean, the press... what...
The press called me, um...
not... not, what's the word they used?
not a maestro,
but uh...uh... an "imbecille"!
- I... What... what does it mean?
- Means you're ahead of your time.
Ahead... you know, your mother,
I'm happy to say, lucky woman,
married an "imbecille".
- So I toast to my future father-in-law.
- Ah, well, good luck to you guys.
- Honey, let's go to see the piazza.
- Yeah. - Get a click.
I'm so glad to see them.
They make a lovely couple.
Oh, this city is unbelievable.
I think we should get married
right in front of the fountain there.
Anything you want.
Oh, I could stand here all night.
It's so beautiful.
It's me, that knows Rome best,
not the traffic policeman or anyone.
I see all from here.
The Romans, the students,
the lovers on the Spanish Steps.
There're many stories.
Next time you come.