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To Write Love on Her Arms (2012)
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I wrote this story for Renee because I wanted to believe in the happily ever after. Now, her story isn't unique, but she is. The way she speaks the truth. The way she sees the world. Once upon a time there was a girl who loved fairy tales. Her mind painted the brightest day. And the darkest night. But her imagination turned on her and found her wherever she would hide. It's okay, it's okay now. There, there, sweetheart. Good night. Now, where are we going to go in our dreams tonight? My garden. Good, good. Now you draw your beautiful garden. So she imagined the most beautiful garden. But even the sun could not outshine the gray. When her best friend, Jessie, lost her mom, she realized not every story has a happy ending. So the girl grew up and left fairy tales behind, but her music, art and friends made her feel something... ...even if it wasn't happily ever after. - Yep? - Hello? You left this on the counter last night. Crazy pills. No, no, bipolar is not crazy. What were you doing when the memory part of my brain was forming? - I forget. - You what? - Take them. - Okay. Only in Orlando. Monday play list. Track four. One, two, three... - What? - Sean sighting. You ladies coming tonight? I'm not a lady. - Thanks. - See you there. He smells like leather. He smells so good. - No. It starts at midnight? - So? - We can be there for 10 minutes. - It's Halloween. - Are you kidding me? - Who cares? My dad will kill me, Renee. - You know that. - He will not. It says dancing on here. Is it, you know, like sexy dancing? Or, you know, girls getting really close and... We're going. I don't want to get shanked in strobe light hell, so can we, you know, please get out of here? - Yeah, let's bounce. - Let's explore a little bit. - No. - Let's explore. There's nothing over there. - Renee! - Jessie! We need to go home. No. Where'd she go? Where did... Are you drunk now? - It was so beautiful. - Hey, hey, come on. You know what, this place sucks and you're trashed and I wanna go home. No, no, no. I like how this place is. - No, well, I don't care, we're going home. - You're not my mom, Jess! - Walk your ass home then. - Why don't you just... Nice one. Way to go. Don't leave like that. Don't worry, I got you. That was bad. I'll take you home. I think these swings are broken. - Need me to push you? - I think I do. You're Superman! Michael, come on. Dinner time. - You wanna get higher? - Shit, Mackey! And, yes, I do have the shit. Come on. Got it? There you go. Unbelievable. Damn kids. You know what I thought about the first time I got high? What? That Adam and Eve must have been cavemen. What? Think about it, we grow up and they tell us about Adam and Eve, and then we go to school and they teach us about cavemen. The whole point of our education is to get rid of those fairy tales. I think Adam and Eve is the truest story I've ever heard. 'Cause things are perfect and then you ruin them. Man's gonna cope. Speaking of which, word is it's snowing in Daytona. - At Echo's? - Yes. Yes! - Ready? One, two... - Go! Man, leave that poor fish alone. Children's stories are sick, man. You got Humpty Dumpty chillin' on the wall, right? I wouldn't be on the wall if I was an egg. That's suicidal, man. You know, for real. Maybe he was a crackhead. He was just a dumb egg. He's not an egg. - Yeah, he was. - No. The nursery rhyme never says he's an egg. The artist drew him like that. Whatever, man. The shit's set. Who's in? This ain't free. If you wanna hang out You gotta take her out Cocaine If you wanna get down Down on the ground Cocaine If you got bad news Gonna kick them blues Cocaine When your day is done And you wanna run Cocaine Cocaine! Yeah, yeah Don't forget this fact You can't get it back Cocaine Cocaine! She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie... Everybody! - Cocaine! - Cocaine! - One more time, come on. - One more time! She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie Cocaine Cocaine Cocaine Cocaine No! No! Cocaine No. Cocaine No! Cocaine She don't lie, she don't lie, she don't lie Cocaine She don't lie, baby! - Yeah! - Love cocaine! Hey, where you goin'? Leave me alone. I do believe you've got something of mine. Come on, baby, get in the... Shit. Cut her off. Hey. Hey, it's Renee. I'm sorry to call so late. I kind of need you. - Hey! - Hi. Look at this ride. No, it's not mine. It's my boss's. - How you doin'? You look so good. - Good. You look... You look so different. Can we go? Hi, Jess. Old friends, huh? So, I'm working for a big music manager now. By working for him, I mean I'm just interning, you know, for free. He still hasn't heard me sing yet. So why were you in Daytona? Thanks for getting me. So where are we taking you, your parents' house? Or you wanna go to a crack house or where do you wanna go? I don't know yet. It doesn't matter. Wherever it is, I have to get the car back to my manager first and then wherever. He's your boss. You have got to be shitting me. Relax. Okay? This is where my boss is. It's just... It's kind of crazy that there's a thing on addiction and stuff. Wow. What a coincidence. The way I see it, you kind of owe me one. All right? So just think about going in there and listening to an ex-drug addict who happens to be my manager. He's your boss. My boss slash future manager is in there talking about how he used to be a crack whore, and I would say this is really good timing. He was a crack whore. You're calling me a crack whore then? No, you're not a crack... It's the first... It's the only drug slang thing I know. I don't... What else would I call you? I mean, I'm not calling you that. Just, whatever you do, if you don't wanna go in there, stay here, I'll be back in 10 minutes. - Okay? - Fine. Excuse me. Can I have a cigarette, please? If you have an extra one? Thank you. Rough night? - Rough life. - Cheers. So are you addicted to Jesus? Doing a favor for a friend. You? Here for the communion wine. I think it's probably watered down. I'll see you in there? - Nope. - Okay. Here you go. Not a scratch on it. You rescue your princess? Yeah. This is her, I mean, this is Renee. Pleasure to meet you, I'm McKenna. Princess Renee. So, you're Dylan's manager? Manager? You a rock star now? Well, if you'll excuse me, rock star. That's the crack whore? Don't call him... Between us, all right? All right, are you gonna come in? The very first line of cocaine that I ever took, the first bump, if you like, man, I was in love, okay? It was the love of my life. Any doubt, any insecurity that I had, gone. It was bigger than my job, bigger than my family, my friends, you know, bigger than me, and I was a god, remember? I think rock bottom for me was a three-day cocaine binge. I was a mess. I was, you know, bloody nose and I wasn't sleeping obviously and I'd run out, I couldn't get anymore. So I was scrabbling around on the floor looking for crumbs in the carpet. And I drank a bottle of vodka and my heart stopped and I flatlined. I actually ended up withdrawing on my own at my parents' house, I was lying on my... My parent's couch and my father just sitting there holding my hand and... He had his other hand on my head the way that... I don't have any conclusions for you guys. I'm very much a work in progress myself. But if you take anything from today, let it be that addiction is real. It's bigger than you are. Shit, shit! I know a place. - You want me to make a... - Yes, yes. You know, down there there's a trampoline, somewhere. Renee Yohe? So I'll take it. When can I move in? So do you have drugs in your system? Yeah. Don't most people who come here? So what drugs have you taken in the last 72 hours? Some uppers, mostly just coke. That it? Alcohol. Ecstasy, but not that much. What about legal drugs, prescriptions? You know, for conditions. I'm here because I have a drug problem. Not prescription drug problem. You ever been diagnosed with any mood disorders? Miss Yohe? I don't see how that has anything to do with anything. Sorry. How long have you been off your medication? Are you gonna let me in or no? Is my audition finished? You need a dance or a little song or something? No, but I do need to see your arm. Congratulations, guys. You brought me to the only rehab that doesn't take drug addicts. I didn't make the cut, let's go. - This isn't a detox center, you know that. - Yeah, but... You need to bring her back when she's clean. - Are you kidding me? - Like... Is that a joke? - Guys... - Guys, just give me a second. Conrad, let her detox here. What's the problem? We're not equipped, we're not insured to deal with detoxing. You can't take drug addicts? Then who gets rehabbed here? Bring her back in five days. She can't sit in a room without drugs for five days. That's why we came here. That's why she's here. Okay, everybody just needs to calm down. No, you don't understand how hard it was to get her here. Stop! Stop! This is why I can't. Let's just go, please. My God. Who does that? So how do you know this girl? We just met. Come on, let her in. Look, you saw her arm. She could trigger the other girls. I can't... I can't risk a fresh cut. You know the deal, David. Just bring her back. Hey. Where you been, why haven't I seen you at meetings lately? You know, business. Yeah. I know bullshit. This might be a very good thing to happen for you, you know. - Nothing is happening to me. - Five days, no drugs, no new cuts. I can't commit to that! Well, I remember somebody committing to that for you. - You're an asshole. - Bring her back. I can't do that. Wow, I haven't seen your parents in, like, forever. Yeah, me neither. - Renee! - Hey, baby! Oh, my God, I haven't seen you in forever. Think you can stay? April, honey, go inside, please. Can Renee come in? Honey, inside, please. - Hey, Dad. - Hello, Renee. I... I'm gonna go to rehab in a few days. Good, good, that's really good. And I just need to... Actually, I was wondering if I could stay here for, like, just until I go. I'm sorry, I can't do that. Crap. He's not gonna let her stay. Can she stay at your place? No. My dad's not into sleepovers. Not since my mom died. She can stay with me. Yeah, that's a great idea, Dylan. What's wrong with his? I don't know. Just his mother being a raging alcoholic might get in the way. No big deal. Dad, I literally don't have anywhere else I can go. I'm sorry. I promised myself it wasn't going to happen again, okay? And the last time you stayed here, - it was your... Please just listen to me. - I know... No, don't... It was your sister who found your blood. Okay, I am aware of that. It's not going to happen ever again. You don't understand, Dad. If you don't let me stay here... - No, I do understand. - ...I have nowhere else to go. Five minutes. Thank you, thank you very much. - David? - Yes? - Can she stay with you? - No, she can't. I can't let it happen to your sister and I can't... Dad, you can't! You have to let me stay here. - Please. - No. She's your friend, mate. But you just stood up in church and said how important it is for people to have strong support. I know what I just did and I am having a tough time at the moment, Dylan. - I've got a lot on my... - Please. I know. So is she! - You love me so much? - I would do anything for you, but... You don't want me to sleep in my room so I can get better? - Dylan, please. - ...go home to something like this. - Can I just have five seconds to try... - She trusts you. - And you have a huge house. - You have a huge house? - Well, it's big! - Fine! You shut up, and you stop sulking, and you're all staying at my place. ...one of the things I can't do... You would not do anything because you're not letting me sleep where I need to sleep! Mr. Yohe, my name's David McKenna. Do you mind if Renee stays with me for a couple of days? She's gonna need to get some things. Lovely. You moving out or you moving in? Not sure yet. This is fancy. - Hey, Renee. - Yep. In this house there's no booze and no drugs. Okay? Just sleep, coffee and cigarettes. My number one rule, we don't get tired and we don't get hungry. Okay. - You in? - I'm in. Let's do it. Okay, kitchen, my quarters, hot tub, you lot can park it upstairs, middle room's my office, no kids allowed. We clear? And you got first dibs. You two... Addiction is a very complicated relationship. We've been friends with Renee for, like, 12 years. - Trust me, we know. - Okay, all right. This is not Renee. You have to think invasion of the Body Snatchersor something, okay? Every single thing in her, every fiber of her being wants one thing, is thinking about one thing, cares about one thing and it's not you, and it's not me. It's drugs, okay? So what do we do? What we do is... Okay, the game plan is distractions, distractions, distractions. Okay? Dylan, you're on snack duty, okay? Take Renee, don't let her out of your sight. Come straight back. She'll ask you to go someplace else, you don't go, you don't deviate, you come back here. Half an hour, 30 minutes. All right? Or I'm coming after you. Jessie? Jessie, take all the knives and anything sharp in the house and hide them. You want me to hide all the knives in the house? Did you see her arm? Look, all the ways you want to punish Renee for being a shit friend will pale in comparison to the ways Renee will punish herself. Now get on with it. All right, let's go. Dylan? Don't forget my Lucky Charms. Animal crackers! Oh, yes! I missed you. Yeah, I mean, why did we stop hanging out in the first place? What is this? What are we doing? We're hanging out. We used to hang out, like, every day together and now you're a completely different person doing different things and I don't know... Different things? You know what I'm talking about. - I know what you're talking about. - You know. Why did you do that to your arm? It just looked right. Well, I like the way you look without it. 'Cause it's not true. Crap, sorry. I didn't know this was... No, no, no. I got this. I got this. Okay. Whoa, McKenna, whoa! Jamie! You nearly gave me a heart attack, you wanker. When did we start sounding the alarm? Today. And when did we get new friends? Keeping her safe. - Obvious enough. - Renee, meet Jamie, my sometimes housemate, who I'm guessing missed his flight. Jessie. Good night. Dylan took your room, so you can bunk with him. All right! Bunk buddies. See you up there. This is David McKenna. Everything's fine, false alarm. Want some Lucky Charms? I know this isn't any of my business, but you all right, Renee? I'm a coozer. - A coozer? - It's coke and booze together. I made it up, do you like it? Yeah. I don't think McKenna coozes much. He's such a quitter. So what's you're... Who do you... What's your deal? I'm actually a lot more interested in you right now. I'll bet. I need a place to detox for a few days till I go to rehab and McKenna is donating to my charity. Nosy. I didn't mean to be nosy. I'm just really... That's really brave. I'm happy for you. Why doesn't he have knives? So what do you do? I am a rep for a surf company. McKenna's nice enough to let me crash here when I'm in town. - You're like a traveling salesman? - Yeah. Legit job. Office. Grown-up stuff. But what I really wanna do is write. You like Paper Route? They're playing at the Florida Music Fest tomorrow. Yeah. We should go. You think the warden will let you out? I will dig my way out. Right on. So you out tomorrow morning or... Actually the day after, if that's okay with you. Yeah, the more the merrier. All right, thank you. No problem. Appreciate it. And congratulations on your new life, Renee. - Good night. - Bye! Pretty good. How are you feeling? Like my soul got kicked in the nuts. Good. Well, not good that you feel like your soul's been kicked in the balls, but it's good you're being honest. Secrets make you sick. I like that, McKenna. - Remember it. - Yes, sir. Thank you for all of this. Somebody did it for me, you'll do it for someone else. All right, thanks for the sandwich. Sleep tight. This is slave labor. I prefer the term internship. It's all gonna be back next week. So will you. It's a test of wills, mate. - Hey. - There she is! You all right, sleeping beauty? You have an extra one of those... Thank you. Hey, boss? I have three... No, I have four questions for you. - I'll answer two. Maybe. - Okay. One, why don't you have any furniture? Two, where'd you get your tattoo, three, how come you left England, and four, I'll ask you later. One, I just haven't found the right sofa yet, I wish people would stop pressuring me, and two, I got that bad boy in prison. Prison? What did you do? Only answering two questions. - Hey! Right on. - Hey, Jamie! Looking great, guys. So what are you doing your last night in Orlando? I was thinking Florida Music Fest. I mean, your band's playing, right? We'll all go together. You have bands? McKenna, I wanna go. One band, and, no, you can't go, you're staying with the babysitters. I thought she needed distractions. Yeah, if there's music, I'm not thinking about drugs. No, there's no drugs at a music festival. It's a great idea. Exactly. I don't have extra tickets anyway, so it's settled. Turns out Hurley's sponsoring the event. Made a call, got us VIP treatment and Paper Route's playing. And we'll be there to support your band, Between the Trees. Why thank you, Jamie. What would you say if I told you that I'm not giving up? However long it takes It's clear that things have changed Since when we started But we can't just walk away, babe So I am telling you that I know things aren't quite like what they used to be Different faces, different places I needed this. Thank you. You're welcome. Boys, nice one, well done, more of the same please. That was the bollocks. So when are we gonna meet Stevo? Just let me handle the business. You're going to meet him right after the second set. Go make daddy proud. Where have I landed I don't quite remember I fell to pieces one night in December The memories of losing you You're like a ghost Tracing where I said to you I wish you would listen - Lift me up! - Oh, no! Yes, Dylan, lift me up! Lift me up! Come on! Please, you guys, if anyone is doing drugs up there, I will come right down immediately. They might be. No, no, no. McKenna will kill me. - Please, please, Dylan. - Just watch from right here. Come on, one... Be right back? Girl scout's honor. One, two, three! Looking for love like a bride looks for dresses The memories of losing you You're like a ghost Tracing where I said to you I wish you would listen I wish you would listen I wish you would listen To get through it I wish you would listen McKenna? - Stevo. - What's up? - How you doing? - Good. - Safe trip? - All good. Okay, good. Anyway, listen, are you a Between the Trees fan yet? - We'll see. - Okay. When can I meet the band? I'll introduce you right after the second set. Listen, would you excuse me a minute, yeah? Hey, where's Renee? She's up there, we just put her up there. Tell me you are joking. You put her up there? We're at a music festival! It's fine, McKenna! Well, she's not there now! I told you this was a bad idea! Okay, Jessie, you go that way, you get back in the crowd and you come with me! - Yohe! Yohe! - Hey! Where you been? What happened to you back in Daytona? What, you get saved or kidnapped or something? A little bit of both. I lost my group I came with. Why don't you get in, I'll take you around the front by the stage. Hey, wanna go downtown? I got some mad snow not far from here. No, no more snow. I'm done with that. Two days sober, man, three days to rehab. How Hollywood of you. Come on, you sure you don't want to go out with a bang? No. Take me back. All right. - Renee! - Hey, hey, hold on. Hey, all right. Thanks. Sure thing. Stay safe. Yeah, you too. Hey. Is that one of your boyfriends? What's your problem? No, no. What's your problem? Did you just go use with that guy? - Did I just use with that guy? - Did you just go use with that guy? No, I didn't go use with that guy, Jess! Just go home, dude, if you don't want to be here, you don't have to be here. I'm sure you'd love that, wouldn't you, so you could have a house full of men all to yourself, right? What are you talking about? We used to be a family. - Do you know how much that means to me? - Yes. You gave up everything for some prick at a bullshit rave. Whoa, you don't know what happened with Sean. Okay? I don't care what happened, Renee, 'cause it's not about Sean, it's about you giving up everything for the slightest bit of attention. Listen to me right now. I will tell you everything right now. He... Stop right there. Just stop right there. I don't care and I don't want to hear it. I'm so sick of hearing your stories and your sadness and seeing your pity scars all over your body. I'm so sick of it. I'm done. I want to see what I dream I want the inconvenience I hope you see that when you fall in love... Stevo, no, no, Stevo's fine, yeah, yeah, yeah, he loved it. Yeah, he really did, yeah. Yeah, something came up. Just let me deal with the contracts, all right? No, no, no, no, I'll be there. Yeah. No, I wouldn't miss it for the world. Yeah, okay. You going out for a smoke? Don't you have a plane to catch? It's delayed till we get you to rehab. When I was a little kid I used to say that planes were like these big friendly giants and if I had, like, a bad dream, bad idea, a plane would just fly them away. Sounds beautiful. Just wanna escape all this shit. Yeah, you know, you remind me of my friend, Zeke. Zeke. He'd say the worst part of his day was the paddling back to shore. - Surfing? - Yeah. He was a surf buddy. He died two months ago. Took his own life. Now, I don't know if I could have said something. But I wanna be the guy who can say the right thing. You know? I think people might need more than words. Maybe. - You all right? - Yeah, I think I... I think. Is she okay? Is she all right? - No. - Need some water? - A blanket? - She needs a bed. Here's a bucket, in case you need to... - I'm so cold. - It's all right, I got it. My dad put this by my bed every time I was ill. Let me get you some water. Is this normal? This is the worst part. Great. I'll be next door, okay? Yeah, hang in there. I missed you. You wanna go for a ride? No. Am I ever going to be okay? Why did you make me like this? No, ma'am. What are you thinking... She's hurting herself. She's cutting herself, and I don't understand. What is wrong with her? Those pills are nothing. I don't want her... I don't want her taking all those pills, do you understand? Why does she keep doing these things? It doesn't help to ask why. Why can't we help it? Why is she doing these things? She's hurting herself. What did I say? All business comes and goes through me. No, that's... No, I... No, you... No, you... Will you let me speak? Please? You really wanna have this conversation? Three months ago you were performing for a bunch of drunks in a bloody toilet. Don't you ever speak to me like that! Shit! Patio. It's nice, huh? - Bombay Bitches. - What? Your third question. The reason I left England. For a band. I got stuck here in Orlando for a few more. Bombay Bitches. Yeah, yeah, all right, I do know it, you can stop, thank you. They were also the reason I hit rock bottom fairly predictably. So is that how you did it? You started over somewhere new and... No. That didn't work for me. The problem was always me. Wherever I went, there I was. A friend once said to me that I should never be left unattended because what I get back to is me. And me is the problem. You need other people. What's today's date? The 15th. - I have to go somewhere. Please. - Not a chance. Please, please. I'll take Dylan. It'll be fine. Please. It's important. Take Dylan. One hour. I'm trusting you, all right? Thank you. Your dad said you were here. I'm really sorry we forgot. I miss you. It was like you died too, you know. I didn't. I miss her so much and I can't lose you, too. Why did you stop calling us? It was just overnight, you just stopped calling us. I just... Something happened and I just didn't want to talk about it. I wanted to be alone and it just got... It got out of hand. What are you talking about? Halloween party. Sean pulled over in a parking lot so I could throw up. And he raped me. I mean, we had no idea. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry about everything I said at the concert. I'm sorry about everything. I'm sorry. Will you please come back to McKenna's? I'll come back. I promise. All right, everyone, pay attention. She is never alone. Got it? And no crowd surfing in the record shop, please, thank you very much, if you don't mind. Daja Grace. - I think it's Dasia, isn't it? - Man. - What? - Look. - You don't need that. - I know. It's just the idea of eternal sobriety scares me very much. - One day at a time. - Right. Yeah. At least that's what my mom said right before she relapsed. Good. Now that is impressive. - Coffee? - Thank you. - That's cool. - Yeah. The metalmark is the most beautiful butterfly. And it's the most fragile, as it only lives a week. Isn't that sad? I wanted to ask you something. - Yeah? - Don't get angry. It's kind of crazy. I love crazy. I'm insane. I want to write. I want to tell your story. - You want to write my story? - Yeah, I do. It's powerful and because nobody says... Nobody talks about all the things that happen to you. - You know? - I know. And I just... I think it will help somebody. - Oh, God. - You think it'll help... - I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. - No, no, no, no, no! Jamie, I'm just... You think it could help people, like... Yeah, I do. Okay, then do it. Sure. Thanks for coming out to open mic night. - First up is Dylan Landers. Dylan? - What? Shit! Did you hear that? Get your stuff. We're going to the front. Hello. My name is Dylan. Sorry. So this is a... I've never really done this before. This is my first time. So today, tomorrow, actually, my best friend, Renee, is going to rehab. For drugs. And... Not, like, to get drugs, but... 'Cause they don't... I don't think they have drugs there. So I want to sing a song for her. It's sort of like... It's kind of like a prayer in reverse. No, it's like, it's good. Here it goes. Come up to meet you Tell you I'm sorry You don't know how lovely you are I had to find you Tell you I need you Tell you I set you apart Tell me your secrets Ask me your questions Oh, let's go back to the start Nobody said it was easy It's such a shame for us to part Nobody said it was easy No one ever said It would be this hard I'm going back to the start - Hey. - Hey, hey, hey. That was a fun day, right? Yeah, fun, fun. Flying out? Yeah, I'm taking the big friendly giant tomorrow. No, don't steal my line. I have a little... I have a little... I just wanna give you something. - But it's weird. - All right. Okay. Ready? Here, hold it like... Okay. I don't trust myself with it and I... I would like to throw it away. But maybe you can do that instead. - Okay. - Thank you. - Let's take a ride. - Okay. Come on. Can you believe he still drives the same stupid truck? Sean is a janitor now. He's a real winner. - Take the first one? - No. Take it. Come on, we're not doing this. - Take it! - This is stupid. No. - I'm not doing this. I wanna go back, please. - Hey, Renee. You need this. You don't even understand how bad you need this. I don't need this. I don't need this. I don't need this. He took you from us. He took you from everything. Stop! Please, I can't. I can't right now. Please. Just forget it. It was a long time ago. You don't have to... Thank you. I've got something for you. I got this at three months sober. It's your watch thingy. Here, look. No way. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, "the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." You have to wind it every day. It's a little reminder to take it one day at a time. You're like my fairy godmother. Did you just call me a fairy? Yes. Don't say it. Don't say a word. - Love you. - Love you too. - How you doing? - Better. Good. Welcome back. In our local hero report, one young man is making a difference in the lives of young people in crisis. Jamie Tworkowski wrote a story about a local girl, Renee Yohe, who was suffering from addiction, depression and bipolar disorder and got clean with the help of her friends. He posted her story on Myspace titled "To Write Love On Her Arms" and it quickly went viral. Remembering her scars, he printed the unusual logo on T-shirts to raise money for her treatment. Friends in bands started to wear our T-shirts. You know, they were really generous with their platform. Then something crazy and unexpected happened. Thousands of young adults found the page and wrote about their own struggles of depression, addiction and isolation, and an online community was born and became a legitimate social movement. Jamie now runs the nonprofit organization that is committed to helping others with similar issues worldwide. Renee Yohe has become a role model for many young people and will be speaking at an event this Friday in Orlando. You know, most people are celebrities before they go into rehab. Next week no one will care. Don't worry. Well, if this is McKenna's doing, I'll skin him alive. Did you give him this? No, no. That's a story he'll have to tell you. Oh, boy. Yeah? You ready for this? I don't know. Six months is not a long time. Thanks, Doc. Hello. Renee... Sorry, we didn't know if the surprise was appropriate or anything. What's going on? - It's like so intense. - I know. I have a manager now and we're playing some shows - and I really want you to come because... - Shut up. Oh, my God! Dylan's a pro. Where's McKenna? He's taking a break sort of from everything. What do you mean? His band fired him. - No way. - Yes. But he'll be back in a few days. - He's just sorting things out. - Okay. Is it my fault? - No, no, no. - 'Cause he was babysitting me? - No. - Yeah, it is. - No. I would seriously tell you... - Hi. I'm going to go make out with your dad. You want some sobriety cake? - It's so good. - Is it? This is my second piece, but I ate the first one in hiding. Are you okay? Yeah. I'm good. It's just a little weird. - I know. - You know what I mean? 'Cause what are we celebrating, that I'm... It's like, "You're normal, yay, party!" Well, if you don't want anybody to be here right now, - we can get them out. - Oh, my God, Jess. Jess. Renee! Hey! Hi! I'm so proud of you. - Thank you. - How are you feeling? - Much better. - You look amazing. Thanks for all your notes and sending me letters and all that stuff. Of course, of course, of course. We have so much to catch up on. - It has been a whirlwind! - I know. I want you to come down to the office, I want you to see everything that you've created and what's happened. It's beautiful. That'd be great, yeah, I'd love to. Maybe respond to a few e-mails, yeah? Sounds good. - Okay? - Yeah. Babe, come meet Renee! Hi. It's so nice to finally meet you! Renee, this is Amanda. She's my girlfriend. She's down from New York for the show on Friday. Yeah. Jamie talks about you all the time. He's so proud of you. And I can't wait for the event on Friday. It's going to be amazing. Are you looking forward to it? Are... Well, anyway, it's nice to finally meet you, and I can't wait for Friday, and... And we've got to catch up. - It's like it happened overnight, you know? - Yeah, yeah. We've had this office for a couple months now. In this room we put some of the letters from, you know, our followers. Hey, Renee. - Hey. - Hey, babe. That's cool. They write to us, you know. They just want to have a voice. Yeah. Come on in. These people just want someone to talk to, someone to hear them. Yeah. And they feel safe with you. So just click on the messages. - Andvoil. - Yeah. - You okay? - Yeah, yeah. - Be right across the hall. - All right. I can't do life anymore. I just want to die. Everything's so messed up. I don't have friends like you. Why are you so special? I'm writing this 'cause nobody knows about the scars on my chest. Who am I supposed to tell? Hi. My... When I was 12, my dad molested me. Okay. It's the only time that I agree. I know. It was so embarrassing. You know what, would you at least put on your robe before you run for the paper every Tuesday? - Yes. Yes. - Yes? Then the band will play and I'll introduce you. And then you speak. Have you written something up? - About what? - Your story. It's kind of a personal story. Don't you think? Hey, guys, would you mind helping me put the T-shirts in the van? You got a sec? What's going on? What... Why did you write this? For you. For me? Really? How... All this is for me? Yeah. I'm sitting at the airport and I can't stop thinking about you. You and these five days. I just started writing and writing, and my heart poured out and it was beautiful. And it was about you. So then why didn't you just send it to me? Because I thought about Zeke, and I thought about all the people, all the people who were in similar circumstances and I wanted people to know that recovery is possible. What if I'm not recovered? What are you talking about? Talk to me. This is... This is me, all right, you know? Put all this aside. Do you need to go back to rehab? No. I'm fine. Renee, we can pay for it. I'm fine. - I just am nervous. Just nervous. - Yeah. All right. I'm here if you need me. - Hey! Hey. - Hey! How are you feeling? I just wanted to see you and talk about some... It's a bit of a mess. Just hang on a sec. I'm just going to clean up. I've been... Had the... Find some... So you got fired, huh? - What's that, sorry? - You just got fired and now you have to sell your loft because of me. No, no. It's just... It's... It's too big anyway for me. I'm just... No, I've got, you know, irons in the fire... What's wrong with you? I'm just excited, you know? I've got a lot of stuff going on at the moment. It's really a busy time for me. Yeah. Look what I got. Your watch. - And it... Yeah? - Yeah. All right. Well, listen, I'm so sorry I couldn't come, and, you know, have a chance to... To come get you out, meet you out of there. Listen, I'm sick. So maybe don't catch germs from that. So what did you want to talk to me about? What's the trouble? I wanted to know how you stayed sober for so... Such a long time. - You just take it one day at a time, you know? - Yeah? Easy, easy does it is what we... You know, you have to wind this or else... I told you, you have to wind it. You forgot to hide a bottle over there, buddy. I lost the band. I'm eating crap. I lost the band. I'm not doing great, okay? It's been a tough time. Okay. I don't have anybody, okay? I don't either. Renee, come on! Renee! - Hey! Have you guys seen Renee? - Hey! - No. - No. I've been trying to get a hold of her all day. Why, did something happen? You know, it's nothing. She just wasn't herself yesterday. - Did she say anything? - No. I'm going to call her. I'm sure it's fine. I'm going to call her. Hey! My truck! What the hell? You have a kid? Boy or girl? - Boy or girl? - A little girl. A girl. Oh, God! Look who it is! Yohe! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Check this out, check this out! This is my new favorite shirt. I love wearing this thing. So does that mean that you're... 'Cause you're wearing the shirt, you're sober 'cause... Me? No, I mean, I don't like getting high in your shirt. So there's some internal conflict going on. Man. You! You sobriety celebrity you! Dude, I don't want to talk about this. Aren't you supposed to be at that party right now? I'm the last person who should be telling anyone how to live their lives. I was in rehab for six months. I am exactly the... I'm exactly the same. The thing that people love about you and your story is that it's honest. You're sad. Shit happens. You're trying, okay? Even if it's just a little bit. Where else you got to go tonight? I wrote this story for Renee because I wanted to believe in the happily ever after. Now, her story isn't unique, but she is. The way she speaks the truth. The way she sees the world. And I pray that never changes. Now, Renee was supposed to be here tonight. But she couldn't make it. But in the spirit of Renee, we should open it up to you out there. Now, we've got some friends who are going to be bringing microphones around. They're going to bring them down the aisles. Let's stand up and tell our story. Go ahead. The first time I ever thought about suicide was around the same time I started pulling my hair. Two weeks ago, I did a search for ways to end it and I found the To Write Love site. I read Renee's story. I wasn't used to hearing other people hurting. Her story helped me find hope. Thank you. Anybody else? Hi. Hello. That was... Thank you. I'm not sure what to say, but my friends are here and I know they're worried about me. They think I'm better, and I'm not. But I think that's okay, 'cause I have them. Secrets make you sick. Somebody that I love told me that and it's true. 'Cause when I finally asked for help, I got it. And when my friend asked me for help, I just... I didn't give it to him. I think what this whole thing is about is what I'm going to go do right now. So thanks. Thank you. Anybody else? McKenna? Clever. Clever. Conrad said I should ask you about that. My father put me in prison. Well, selling a shitload of cocaine put me in prison, but my father turned me in. I think he knew it was the only way I'd get clean. And I hated him for it, I hated him for it. And I told him in a letter. And in return, he sends me this. I never knew why he didn't drink, and, well, it turns out, "Like father, like son." He died while I was in there. So "James Terrance McKenna." So I guess that's all your questions answered. I'm sorry. - It's all right. It was a while ago. - No. I'm sorry I left you. I called Conrad. You did? Yep. Asked him if he had any room at the inn. I told him I'd prefer to get sober in an all-girls facility. We all wake to the human condition. We wake to mystery and beauty, but also to tragedy and loss. Millions of people know that pain is very real. We also know that hope is real. When Renee came to us, we became her hospital, her church. Coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms. Rescue is possible. God is still in the business of redemption. The first step to recovery is the hardest to take. But it's worth it. Life is worth fighting for. Hi, I'm Jamie Tworkowski, founder of To Write Love on Her Arms. Millions of people around the world struggle with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. There's a stigma that if you struggle with these things, you're not supposed to talk about it. But I'm here on behalf of people literally choosing to stay alive and choosing to believe that life can change. If you're struggling, or if there's someone you're concerned about, please know you're not alone. It's okay to be honest and it's okay to ask for help. You are living a story, and it's our hope that you will never give up on that story. To Write Love on Her Arms still exists today. We respond to every single message that comes in, and there are more ways than ever to get involved. I called you from the hospital You didn't pick up the phone I was left alone with the crazy fishes Swimmin' in their senseless circle All of us together Smashing our faces in the glass This repetition's definition could be insanity But flip a switch and check the sky as I go Just gotta keep trying Had to keep trying I had said that I'd be better Told you I'd never fall again Countless times and you believed me But I let you down again I'm not asking you to answer I can tell this is the end So I'm goin' to leave you at the tone I know that I won't spend my whole life in a cell I will keep fighting and so be righting myself One foot right in front of the other as they say Even when it's dismal I'm guaranteed change I had said that I'd be better Told you I'd never fall again Countless times and you believed me But I let you down again I'm not asking you to answer I can tell this is the end So I'm goin' to leave you at the tone Goin' to leave you Got to leave you at the tone Goin' to leave you Got to leave you at the tone Goin' to leave you Got to leave you at the tone Goin' to leave you I had said that I'd be better I told you I'd never fall again Countless times and you believed me But I let you down again I'm not asking you to answer I can tell this is the end So I'm goin' to leave you at the tone Goin' to leave you Got to leave you at the tone Goin' to leave you Got to leave you at the tone Goin' to leave you Got to leave you at the tone Goin' to leave you |
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