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Toad Road (2012)
I met a guy once,
who told me about a place that contained the seven gates that lead to Hell. I thought that it was the most beautiful thing I had ever heard. What's up, man? You all right? Cold as shit outside. You out here camping? Look like shit. Look man, if you ain't gonna talk, I'll just let you out here. I'm trying to be nice. You got any friends around here or anything? Get off of me! He is fucking foul. - Get up. - Who the fuck just said that?! Me. I'm gettin' out. - Let me lay down for a sec. - Fuck you. Hold on! Take my cigarette! That was James' head. James, wake up. I got him. - I've got to go pee. - The bathroom is that way! Killing me! Oh my god! Asshole! Beat him up when he's upstairs! Oh my god, Nicole is beating James! James, I should help you! Let me stand up! This bathroom is repulsive! No, it's OK. The bathroom downstairs is repulsive. This one is too. No! All right. You're good. Oh God! Oh god! Ow, my nose! Please pull your pants up. All right, all right, all right. C'mon. Ride 'em like a surf board! James. I have heard something about you obviously, over the years. Yep. I know you're not thrilled about being here, but I'm sure there's a reason why you're coming to see me. Uh, my father will continue to pay my rent as long as I come and talk to you for however long we have to do this, and that's what I'm going to do. I want to try to figure out exactly what your conception of a normal relationship is. Um... - Be gentle. Be gentle. - Oh! - Oh my god. - Oh your burnt him! - Shit. - Oh my god. See that's one of the problems that Bob has brought up to me. He feels that in some cases your friends, or the relationships that you key in to your friends, um, I guess to put it in a different way, are not reaching the heights he'd like you to reach. I know how he feels about my friends. Is it music that aligns you with these people? Is that a common bond? I'm wondering if music is a key; An alliance here that builds up? It's a symptom, rather than, y'know, the cause. It's a downward slope too. It's a gradual progression. You start out going to shows and meeting these people. And then it grows from there. Their circle of friends becomes your circle of friends. And deeper and deeper down the wild world we go. You fucking dick! What's up? What are y'all doing? This fucking guy - ridiculous. You take the scissors out. I'll tell you when. That looks all right. Dirty ass. Just grab the tweezers. That's gross. I'm not doing that to you. Sure you don't want any? No thanks. All right. Hold up. Gay chicken. We're playing gay chicken! Gay chicken! Gay chicken! James! Gay chicken! Watch out! Watch out! I fuckin' win! I win, you fuckin'... You won't do it. Gay chicken! You have to! Gay chicken that bitch! I'm callin' it right now! You guys won't do it! I can't do it, dude. - You all right? - Yeah. - You sure? - Yeah. What's up? You guys get them shrooms? Want some? Why not? C'mon. Grow some balls. Hey, I'm not playing babysitter while ya'll are trippin'. So are they all eating mushrooms? Yeah. I guess it's really nice out. It's a good day for it, right? Yeah, they're gonna have a blast. - You want to do 'em? - I want to do 'em. You are fuckin'... Not havin' that... Watch this. What are you doing? Table toppin'. I forgot how to do it. Ow! Ow! This is called a cradle. Ow! I know that one hurt. I'll help you up whenever you're ready. Na, I don't need your help. Fuck! Ow! Dammit. Hey, can you do this? Who's the boyfriend now? You gotta stir it. There you go. Our jumbalaya's not gonna turn our so good. See, like I'm dropping shit left and right. The worst experience I ever had was, um... that night that we all ate acid... The acid was great when we went to that show at Barclay House like... It went off without a hitch. Then we got back and me and Scott, like everybody were up in his room, and rippin' those three foot bongs. Like everything I saw around me was manufactured by like some greater, like evil malicious like thing. Like I thought that I was like stuck in this like... Like some how in a past life I had done some wrong or something so my entire life up until that point was like... Always like my parents were at war with my friends... See that's the thing. I don't have the experiences I've never done like, drugs like that. I mean, I'd like to. You become accustom to the fucking culture itself and you surround yourself with drug people then by the time you realize like where you are, waking up in places you've never been before, like it's beyond the point of no return. You know, it's like you cannot... Where do you go? It's all you know. It's like, it's like fucking... It's like a walk down Toad Road for Christ's sake. Like, you're there. You're fucked already. What's Toad Road? Oh yeah! You're a city girl. You don't know about Toad Road. All right. Well, um... Toad Road is uh, like the local high school local legend. It's only in York. Like, it's this, uh this road that used to be behind this mental ward or mental institution or something, and uh, you walk down this road and like you go through this first gate. Like right at the front of this like big woods, wilderness. It's just a little, tiny trail. And then as you go, you see like your second gate and your third gate, and you keep going through and like things keep getting more and more fucked up. Like you start, like... It's like a bad trip. Which I know doesn't mean anything to you, because, but maybe it will, if you had it your way. You go through you first gate then your second gate and like you start hearing things and seeing things and like people are following you. Things that just aren't there and time changes and... Well have you ever been there? Na, of course not. Because it's a fucking... It's like the, the man in the mirror. The fucking Bloody Mary shit. It'd still be fun to go. Like will you go with me? No! It's the opposite of fun. It's getting drunk and going down a trail at night, with a bunch of people who don't know where they're going... What if you're tripping? Then it would be even fucking worse. You would never even make it home. You'd get lost in the middle of the woods. If you really want to, this weekend, me and like you know, the gang are going to that cave up off of like, in uh, where ever, it's that little like, landmark cave and we're going to do mushrooms in there. And that'll be scary and spooky. It'd be better than Toad Road, though. And I can eat some mushrooms? Yeah. I'm not gonna give you permission. I don't need your permission, but if I'm going to be with you... Whoah! Wow! Look at you. I already made up my mind. -Clearly. Oh well, that's fine. That's fine. Do what you gotta do. I'll be there. So when is this? This weekend? - This weekend. - All right. Oh my god. It feels amazing. Are you ready? It smells great. This is fucking amazing. This is gonna be nice on mushrooms. So uh, we have to go through... You see right there? - Down there? - Yeah. So I guess I'll put my backpack up here for a second. Help you up if you want. And we'll go straight down there. Ow, that wasn't good. I'll let you guys hit the piles afterwards so you can help out now even out a little bit more. We doing this all together? That's a big fucking... It is a big one. Big bastard. I'm takin' the big kahuna right here. Look at these two. This big one is gonna hurt. They're so big and nasty. You still haven't eaten all of yours? No. Better get 'em down. Takin' my time. Fuck you guys. The only thing I got to say about it is: Fucking retarded, dude. I expected come out here and you know, and chill in the fuckin' cave with y'all and you gotta always take shit to the extreme. Why are you always acting like you're better than us? I wouldn't came out here if I thought I was better than you. Always act like you're smarter and the more mature one because you don't get fucked up. Um 'cause I don't wanna get retarded and wanna trip in caves. I'm sorry. We're just havin' a good time. If that's your idea of a good time then fuckin' more power to you, but I'm not gonna be helpin' you out when you're trippin' around, fuckin' fallin' on rocks and shit. I'm not doing that again so you can... - Don't do it then. - I'm not. You didn't have to come. Dude, I'll be out then. That's all you gotta say. Fuck. Gimme my fuckin' flash light then. - See ya. - Fuck you. I'm fucking not doing this shit again. Are you just gonna go back and sit in the car? Pussy. Fuck both of you. Can't even make a smooth fuckin' exit. Shut the fuck up. I got your keys too, dick. Donnie! You're such an asshole. No. You can't just let him leave. I'm sick of his shit. Why don't you just stay with us? - No, I'm... - He's a big boy. Maybe eventually he'll get the hint that no one is after him. Well, I'm after him 'cause I'm not gonna let him sit there. Sit down. C'mon. Hey! Sit! James? James?! Oh my god. Sara. Sara! You all right? We're going right now, all right? We're gonna get you out of here. When you're introduced to LSD and unless you've taken some other drug, for instance, like marijuana, you know it's an all together new thing. You actually can have a religious experience. And it can be even more important than reading the bible like 6 six times, or becoming a pope, or something like that. The one thing that happens when you explore psychedelics is that um, you have a sense that there are a lot of other options and other possibilities, other forms of consciousness, dimensions of reality, and like what we're living in is not... I think the function of awareness can go into the past, the future, or the hidden present equally. Why? Because when you go into an altered state, you go beyond the framework of space and time. Those locations to which one makes a pilgrimage, they are spaces containing the meeting of worlds and standing on those intersections one may be in both worlds at the same time. Hello. Hey, are you at school? No I'm still at home actually. Oh. Why? Well, do you wanna roll? We have some E pills. Who are you with? Scott, James, Jamie, you know... Everyone? Yeah. You have E pills? Yeah. That might help my mood a little bit. Yeah, definitely. I'll make sure you have a good time. All right, yeah. Then maybe I'll come over. I'll leave soon. All right. Awesome. All right. Bye. If you can stand it, putting it up your butt is pretty intense. You curl up in the fetal position for like a half hour and just wanna kill yourself. And then you take a shit and it hurts. But then you're fucked up. So, it's a Vicks thing but instead of sniffing it, you turn it around and there are little holes so you put your mouth over the holes and you blow the medicine into his eyes and rub his head at the same time and it pretty much feels like heaven. Less talk, more Vicks. It's gonna be really strong, the first one. -Good. Jesus Christ. I'm fucked up. Wow! I can't see. I can't see! Oh my god! You ever had sex on a roof period? You ever have-ooh boy, you don't know what you're missing, man... I fucked that girl Leah on Brent's roof one time and that shit was just like... Hey! There's downtown Baltimore City! It was the most amazing fuckin' thing I ever did! The view is better than the pussy. I fuckin'... You know, I had a week or two where I just keep coming up with shit that I really like. And then I'll have like 3 months when there's like nothing there because it's like I'm not doing anything right... This is like too fucking intense. I need to go like fucking rub my face with ice or something. I'm fucking sweating and sobbing. Are we still going to the roof? No, but yeah. Oh, since everyone's on sexstasy, I brought condoms. Jamie can do his condom trick. Spermicide burns really bad. So it's gonna hurt. Dude, that looks like ice cream. That tasted really bad. Aren't you cold? No. Are you cold? - It's raining outside. - So? It's nice out. Nice?! Are you serious? What are you reading? What are you reading? - Books. - Books. It's just something for school. I've been sitting out here all day. Reading that. How depressing. School work and rain. It's not depressing at all. - You are cold. - I'm not cold. Yes you are. Come here. Let me hug you. I'll warm you up. So like, I wanted to like talk to you. I guess tonight would be a good nice since I'm here. OK? OK well, you're still fucking James. So what am I suppose to do? Just stop hanging out with James? Do you have a territory problem? This is the first time in my life that I've been able to do whatever is I want to do and not feel guilty about it. And not feel like someone is judging me. Like the further this goes, the more I get feelings and... So what, are we just supposed to stop hanging out then? I don't wanna stop hanging out. I don't want to cause problems between you and one of your friends that you've known for such a long time... -Fuck James! Hey, I'm sorry. Don't give me that look. Can we do that stuff now? - Are you serious? - Yes. It will take like two minutes. I really, like I really wish that I thought that you could understand. I don't really know what to say. I mean... You know everything that I've been thinking about going through I can never turn off. It's, it's good. It's a good thing. It's not a bad thing. There is nothing scary about this. I am piecing everything together. Everything. This is something that is happening to me. Holy shit! Whoah! This doesn't make any sense. - It's like you're tripping... - But you're drunk. Yeah. Exactly! It's awesome! Whitleigh is not a back up plan. Whitleigh is another influence. I'm not saying that she is. You're fucked up and if you wanna throw that in my face that's fine, but these are the obstacles that I overcome because I care about us. James, this past... Are you going to let me speak or not? I'm doing this. I'm doing this because I feel like I need to. Can't you just smoke a bowl and do the dishes like a normal fucking person? Why do you have to just... There is no bigger picture to drugs... OK so that's the entire problem: Is that, that's what you think. I know what I know. This isn't about the bigger picture because I'm getting fucked up. You've chased it! I've found it! I am this close! You can come with me or you can stay behind. Who has Adderall? Um, nobody anymore. There is no more at all? Well, there's a little bit, but I'm saving it for a little while. I just want like a bump. I'm going to fucking pass out. Well, we just did a shit load. I know. I saw you. I have one more and I don't want to share it with 3 people like I just did. No. No. No. We can split it. We can split it. I just hurt my fucking arm so bad. I really did. I just cut it on a thermometer or something. You cut your arm on a thermometer? You see it? Sit down. Sit down. Yeah this is the only people that need to be here. Can you snort it?! Give me! Some times there's distance, or some times there's your lover or girlfriend or whatever the fuck... Does things you don't agree with. But you still try to at least be there to watch over them, or make sure they don't do something stupid, or get too far in to it. All of a sudden, your role has, in this relationship has become similar to mine to you. Listen to yourself. Make sure what you are saying is true. Make sure that what you're saying is you in that you're not steering yourself and her to some place you don't want to go. All right everyone, here's your answer to the seven gates of Hell. Right here. There's the first gate. You're gonna wake up dead one of these days. So then what are you gonna do? I'm going to try to stop being such an asshole. Long term, I need a goal, you know... I need something to keep me in line. I was thinking, it seems like What if I went to school? I'm failing school right now. But I mean if you wanna go... I mean, it gives you a sense of direction or a purpose, you know. You might find yourself, like, you know. Inspired you to move away from your family and you ran in to us. And granted, that might not have been the best thing in the world for you, but maybe, maybe it's time to cut the cord and run again, you know... -So you would go to York then? It's an option. I mean... I'm gonna be wherever you are, but what if we both just kind of ran away and fucking' left Jamie and all those idiots in our the dust? And actually did something with our lives while they go piss and puke on themselves. It's an option though, you know? Yeah. I mean, if you're serious about it... Yeah, I kind of am. Then let's do it while you're actually feeling motivated. That's my point. I don't know how long this is going to last. I kind of have an opportunity. I got to seize the moment. I can probably finally start putting my life together and living like a normal human being. We could both be and be a lot better for it if we just came up with a plan, you know, and did right by each other. It's not too late to turn back if you're getting cold feet. It's cool. All right. So, how much further? Well, I was hoping we could go the whole way. Are you OK with that? Well, what whole way? I mean it's the woods Sara, it doesn't really end anywhere. I know, but no one has ever made it past the fifth gate. So, I'm trying to go. Because there are no gates. People just get lost in the woods. I know, but you can't see the gates till it gets dark. You can't see anything in dark. We didn't bring any flash lights or anything. I know, but the real gates are gone so now when it gets dark... We don't need flash lights. What do we need flash lights for? All the fucking gates are torn down and you can't see them, so when it gets dark is when shit apparently really starts happening. OK. Like what? Well, from what I've read, at the first gate, you start feeling like things are watching you. At the second gate you start hearing things. At the third gate you actually start seeing things. At the fourth gate, apparently people pass out. Good. That's great. No one passed fifth gate. Apparently, time starts to warp and change and you lose grip on anything that's happening around you. And no one knows what the sixth and seventh gates are 'cause no one has gotten past the fifth. But that's what I want to find out. We're gonna find 'em? Is that the idea? Well, I just kind of wanted to drop some acid and see what happened. I know you think it's stupid. No. I just think... I don't think it's stupid, I just think that what's going to happen is you're going to drop acid and then yeah, you probably won't have any trouble finding the gates that make you see and hear things that aren't there. James, after the cave, I haven't even really been talking to anyone about what's been going on; Not even Whitleigh because... Well, good. I feel like something attached itself to me. It's like pulling me along some where but I don't know where the fuck it's going. This is just something I feel like I have to do. And it's been pushing me. And I've been letting it. I don't just take acid like all your fucking friends do and hang out and stare at walls. You know it's not like that for me. This isn't just an urban legend. Everyone thinks the seventh gate is Hell. I don't think it is. I think it might be something better. Something real. I think it probably sucks. I'm not having a good time any more. And if we have to wait for it to get dark... It'll be dark soon. Don't worry. I'll be right back. I'm going to get the... Need help? No. There are seven gates that lead to Hell. When you pass through the first gate, a feeling washes over you that you're completely unwanted. Those things that are pulling at you will rip you to shreds, but you can see them. You can only feel them tugging away. It's hopeless. When you pass through the second gate of Hell, you start to hear things. The wind isn't the wind. The leaves aren't the leaves. And the ground starts to spit out little voices. The voices are your mother or your father telling you how you've disappointed them. As much as it should hurt to feel that, you already knew it. So there's no reason to run. When you pass though the third gate of Hell, You start to see things. The voices start to become faces. Start to become shadows. They move around you. You close your eyes and they're still there. And in the moment of all this confusion, for just a second, you might see someone you know. Nodding, telling you to turn back. As you pass through the fourth gate of Hell, everything around you begins to die. As you move forward, the leaves start to fall, the clouds blacken, the trees cave in. It gets cold; So cold. But even as everything around you freezes and becomes still, you feel warm, powerful, ready to keep marching through. Sara! Sara! Sara! When you pass through the fifth gate, time beings to change. With every step forward... memory falls to the wayside. There is no past, no present, no future. And if you're not focussed, if you don't know exactly where you want to be, you can get lost in there. And that for anyone who fails to keep moving forward, is a completely different level of Hell. Scott! Fuck. All right dude, well we got to talk. People are looking for you. Cops have been looking for you like... What? Is she OK? Where the hell is she? She fuckin' took the bikes. I have to go to fucking Whitleigh's which is fucking humiliating. Try and find her? Everybody's been trying to find her. She fucked up my keys so I can't get into our fucking apartment. We don't have an apartment any more! Fuck you! We don't have an apartment any more. There's no apartment now thanks to you. You got thrown out of the apartment in a day?! In a day? It's been way fucking longer than a day, James. You seriously have been gone all that time and you don't know what the fuck is going on? What the fuck, Jamie! You need to find some where to go. Your dad thinks you just ran off and you're a junkie now. Like you probably can't stay with him. Is she OK? I don't know, Jamie! I don't know. I'm like starting to freak out a little bit, all right. You can't stay with me. Fine. I'm not asking. I don't give a shit, Jamie. Then where are you going to go? I... Goddammit. Whatever. Fine. Take me... Take you? Just take me wherever the fuck you're staying at now. Where do I live, man? Like where's my shit? Where do I sleep? Dude, like, people were looking for you. You need a cigarette? I... Yeah man. I know you haven't already, but like you can not tell anybody about me being here. The cops are fucking looking for me like I gotta, I need to like fucking go! Like I need to hide! Not long after you left, like everything fell apart. Everybody moved home. Whitleigh got her own place. Scott moved home. No one knows where the fuck Sara's at. No one knows where you've been at. Like everyone who's been here has moved home. Like everybody's moved on, dude. Shit's fallen apart since you left. You have no idea. I've got an uncle who can maybe let me crash for a little while. I warned you. I told you the place was a dump. - It's fine, man. - All right. I ain't gonna lock you in, but lock it up when you leave. - Yeah. - All right. Yeah, as I said, it's pretty empty up here. It's not empty, but it's close. Yeah. Just don't do anything stupid like burn it down. Try not to break any more of these windows that aren't already broken. You got fuckin' bugs and stuff in here? Plenty of bees. Just keep killin' 'em. Eventually, they'll stop. We'll cover 'em up some way later. After like twelve or one o'clock... Hey. There's an outhouse over there you can use. Or if you just gotta piss, just go around the side of the building of something. All right? - OK. - All right. Come on, buddy. You and I we go on one week, two week, drink and not remember a goddamn thing, but months man, months have passed. I don't know where the fuck your head's at. Somebody like you or I go missing, James nobody turns there fucking head. Somebody like Sara; That's a good, good, young girl right there. You know, she doesn't live the life you and I live. She's got people looking for her. Her parents, probably her fucking church. Jesus Christ, man, how do you expect to not, not expect people to raise their eyebrows at you? And go "Huh?" Even as far as I'm concerned, man, you're fuckin' up because you're running. - Shut up. Shut up. - No man, it's the truth. The world's a big place, man. You can run as far as the eye can see, but your problems don't go away. You gotta give me something here, James. Thanks for the beer. Thanks for nothing. Don't fuckin' look at me. Seriously, they could jump the shit out of this fence. They could just fuck you the hell up. All you can do is pretend that you're dead. Really nothing. You can't do shit about it. Even that little one. Those two are little. They would still fuck you up. That little ass horse. He still will beat the shit out of you. I missed. One handed? Get the fuck out of here. Don't hit anything on your first shot. Make me feel stupid. Oh! Good shot. Is that the one you were aiming at? Did I hit one? Yes. This one's yours. This one's mine. Keep me updated. James, you've already talked to one guy about this thing here. We checked out your information from before, and we're still having problems coming up with a right answer. Something that's gonna tell us where Sara is. I've talked to your friends. OK? You know what happened to her. You were there. You're the last one to see her. OK. You are the key to this whole entire thing. You're telling' me about hands reaching' up. That feeling that hands are reaching up and pulling you down while you're going on this road. OK? It's a legend. What are you seeing?! Tell me what you're seeing?! She's missing! What are you seeing?! Something isn't real, dude, I... Nothing happened. Something happened. There's no phone calls, but then again, there's no phone calls for you either. So where have you been during this time frame? The Jones' are out there looking for their daughter. You're the only one who can tell me that sort of thing. OK? Six months we've been going after this. All right? They also told me she did a 180 degree change when she met you. Straight A student. We found your stuff out there. That's what started this thing off. And you're telling me you woke up out there. We didn't find you out there! I don't know if she's dead or alive. I don't know! But you're the last person who does! And I can't get that from you. I can't understand why you don't want to help. You're free to go. But also, remember, this thing ain't going away. What you're telling' me and in essence, is absolutely nothing. I don't know what happened... You're a fuckin' piece of shit! He didn't even hit you in the face. Ow! Put it out on your, on his nipple! Ow! Hey, punch me as hard as you can right here. He wants to get knocked out. Right here. Take ten steps back and fucking charge. Oh! Put your head down. Hey, who wants to try to knock out James?! I'll try to knock out James! He's gonna fucking kill me. Knock him out! He wants to get knocked out! He's been trying all night! He doesn't care. If he dies it don't come back on me. Oh my god! K.O.! 1! 2! 3! 4! 5! 6! 7! 8! 9! 10! James is out! As you pass through the sixth gate of Hell, if begins to take over you. As you move forward slowly, it moves upwards, through your limbs, your stomach. Your veins boil. And it penetrates you from the inside out. If you don't sacrifice yourself, it will rip you apart. You have to let it take over you. And leave your old self there on the ground next to you, so you can finally reach the end. Everybody thinks I'm guilty, and I never, I never thought I was until, until you showed up. Am I? Fuck! Fuck! When you pass through the seventh gate of Hell, you realize that you are surrounded by absolute nothingness. There's no time, no pain. Just a great, giant, black void. And you're floating there in the ultimate solitude. Sara! Sara! Sara! |
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