1
Lobster fennel.
Okay, chard, arugula,
mesclun, radicchio.
Okay? No beet greens,
no beet greens.
Tell eduardo that dairy
delivery gets here at 10:00,
not 10:15, not 10:30.
Okay, go, go. Freddie,
what the hell is this?
Salmon.
Salmon.
I know it's salmon,
But why does it have
scales and a mouth?
If we serve it like that,
it'll scare the customers,
right?
I just thought...
Yeah, don't think.
Fillet, fillet like
the wind, freddie.
Two beef, one salmon, one rib.
Two beef, one rib.
Chicken's up, lobster's up,
how long on that snapper,
freddie?
Freddie: Thirty seconds.
Ladies.
Samir, what's the word, stud?
Steady as she goes, chef.
That's my boy.
That's my boy
right here.
Who do we
have this week?
Oh, henna.
Okay, you know what?
Give me that.
Horny henna?
Heterosexual henna?
Just give me it.
Honey-dipped henna?
Just give me that.
You know,
I'm gonna give your mom
my e-mail address,
She's obviously
wasting her
time on you.
You know what?
You are a sick man,
and I have to go.
Hey.
Please try.
Okay.
Henna: So,
you're a cook?
Yeah, I'm a
sous-chef right now.
The sous-chef
is the, you know,
And oversees all the cooking,
takes care of administration,
inventory,
And basically
solves any problems
that come up.
And the chef is
the one who gets
all the credit, so...
It's not easy to
get to be the chef,
But my boss
is part-owner
of a restaurant
And that looks like
that job is pretty much
mine for the asking, so...
So...
If we get married,
I want to have
a lot of children,
And my mother
would live with us.
Samir: All right,
okay, chard, arugula,
mesclun, radicchio.
Go, go, go, go.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, stop, whoa.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
Right, it's called
cilantro oil,
not cilantro water.
Right. The thing is,
your cilantro oil was
coming out flavorless,
So, I'm finishing
it with water
instead of oil.
You changed it?
Okay, you just
transferred here
from red grill?
Yeah.
Okay, carrie,
If this is not
the best cilantro oil
That I've ever tasted
in my entire life,
You'll be back
at red grill
by dinnertime.
Get your hair out of your face.
This is a kitchen,
not a rock concert.
How's everyone doing?
All right?
Rosie, what's good?
Thank you. Louis?
Watch that seasoning,
son, all right?
Louis: Got it, chef.
You can talk to him now.
Do it now, don't be a pussy.
Shut the fuck up.
Chef, chef, I wanted to...
It's not my fault.
Is that table 11?
That better not be 11.
I've got vips on 11.
I got it.
Come on, let's go.
Chop, chop.
Samir: I'm gonna need this.
Coming through, corner.
Okay, thank you, freddie.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Yo, this is for table 23.
Yeah, don't worry, freddie.
Hey, wait, that's 16's salmons.
Don't worry.
Hang in there.
Samir.
Pea puree.
Carrie: Pea puree.
Potato puree.
Potato puree.
Saffron.
Saffron.
Turnip.
Turnip.
Cabbage.
Cabbage.
Team work.
44th and 10th.
Are you indian?
Yeah.
No.
No.
Whoa, hey, hey, watch it.
Watch it.
So, what's your name?
Samir.
What do you do?
I'm a chef.
You...
Oh, really?
Hey, that's wonderful!
You know, I used to cook
for the oberoi sheraton.
The finest hotel
kitchen in all of mumbai.
Whoa.
I met indira gandhi
when she came there
for a banquet.
I created
a special pulao
in her honor,
And she was so taken
by it, that she came
Back to the kitchen
to thank me personally.
Hey, hey, hey, whoa,
watch it. Watch it.
So, do you cook indian food?
I make a murghi masala
that will haunt you
like a lost love.
Okay, could we
just not talk, please?
Oh, yeah.
Sure, sure, boss. Sure.
Hey, mr. Samir.
Better keep my card.
Samir: Ken fucking curzon?
Just calm down,
buddy, all right?
Dude, this is my job.
This is my job, you know it is.
And you give it to
fucking 25-year-old
Fucking ken fucking curzon?
Come on!
I know you're upset.
I'm upset.
Yes, I am upset.
I have six years in the line,
I have two as your sous-chef.
I know, pal,
and you're the best damn
sous-chef I've got, okay?
Oh, great. But what?
Huh?
Look, samir.
Samir, you...
You are an incredible cook.
All right?
But to be the chef,
that's, I mean,
You got to be more
than just a good cook,
man. You know?
No, no. You've got to
be a creative force.
You've got to be
the man with the magic.
The bing, the bang,
the boom, the pop.
And ken curzon,
he may be 25 years old,
but he's got that magic.
When he slices salmon,
it's fucking pornographic.
I get a boner
watching this guy cook.
That's a chef.
Frankly, samir, I know
you've been doing this
for a few years,
But your cooking's cold.
I'm sorry,
buddy, but you know what,
it's paint by numbers.
It's by the book.
And as a businessman,
I have to ask myself,
"where's the magic?
"where's the emotion?
"where's my boner?" hmm?
Hey, hey. Samir!
Where're you going, buddy?
I heard you quit,
I'm sorry about that.
It's all for the best, you know.
What are you going to do?
I'm going to paris.
You got a job in paris?
Yeah, I'm going to stage
with jacques renaud.
Really?
At la cantatrice?
Yeah.
Wow, that's amazing.
Well, it's just
a stage, you know.
Call me crazy,
but most people would
seem happy about it.
I am happy.
Good luck.
Wait.
Here.
Wow.
This is good
stuff. Thanks.
If you're
gonna be working
in this madhouse,
You're gonna need
it more than me.
I need directions
to the discotheque.
Stanton: You know,
you don't have to
actually go to paris,
No, no. No, no, no, no.
No, you don't understand.
This was me telling myself
what I already knew,
But I didn't know yet.
Right.
Samir: Look,
I go to paris,
I stage with the great ones.
Renaud, verge,
robuchon, troisgros.
Whoever will take me in.
But you know what?
When I get back,
Doors are gonna fly open for me
That I didn't even know existed.
Stanton: Have you told
your folks yet?
I've been waiting.
For what?
The last minute.
Shoes.
Samir. Oh!
Mmm, mmm, mmm!
Aw!
Hi, mom.
So...
So?
What happened with
that girl, henna?
How did it go, beta?
Mmm...
Oh, samir.
Why am I breaking my head?
I don't know, ma.
Beta, how will I answer god,
If you're still
without a family
when I'm gone?
Mom, listen.
Okay, all right.
I need to talk...
Never mind. Chalo.
There's more than
just fish in the sea.
Come on.
What about her?
Ma, I don't think
that would work.
Why not?
What's wrong with her?
I just don't like architects.
Oh, beta.
You're too old
to be this picky.
Ma. I have some news.
Where is shereen
from connecticut?
I know I bookmarked her.
Okay, ma, listen.
Um, I need to talk
to you, okay?
She used to be a waitress,
working in a restaurant,
just like you.
I'm not a...
I'm not a waitress
working in...
Okay, look.
I just e-mailed
this to you.
Now, you make sure
that you call her
when you get home.
Where's dad?
Is he at the restaurant?
Yes, yes.
Rasool is delivering
the meat this morning,
So, of course,
your father has to go
Down there to be
cheated in person.
Beta.
You'll end up with a widow.
Samir.
Oh, hello, uncles.
A table for one, sir?
Oh, no, I'm fine.
Hey, man, I was just
thinking about him
And here come the manhattan son.
Patel: Hey, did you read?
We beat the bloody brits
in the second test.
Oh, you know, I don't
follow cricket, uncle.
You see? This is
the bloody problem
with our children.
No culture.
Cricket is culture.
Yeah.
Cricket is the gentleman game.
Exactly.
You have to wear a sweater.
I'm gonna go find my dad.
Oh!
Ow!
You really shouldn't
put that there.
Rasool: Khuda hafiz,
hakim-bhai.
Hakim: Ah, thank you,
rasool-bhai.
Khuda hafiz.
Bloody bastard crook.
Look at this bullshit.
Dad.
Hakim: Samir?
Everything okay?
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Everything is great.
Okay.
I just wanted to
let you know that
Even though the reason
that I actually came...
New clothes? Hmm?
No.
Maaf karna, I'm sorry, boss.
"maaf karna,
sorry, boss."
Huh!
Hello?
I told you I sent it
on Thursday.
What you mean it bounced?
Wait, wait, wait.
Uh, just calm down, calm down.
Hello? I'll call you back.
I have a bad connection.
I can't hear you.
I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
Um...
So, dad, I wanted
to tell you that
I'm probably...
Hey! Hey.
Hello.
Hello.
Please, please come in.
We are going to
be open for lunch
in just five minutes.
Oh, we were just
looking at the menu,
thank you.
You can eat in, take away,
Whatever your pleasure.
Free papadam.
Listen, dad, I...
I need to tell you
something, okay?
So tell.
I'm going to paris.
Why?
Well, I quit my job.
Why?
Well, I'm doing a stage
With this very,
very important chef.
Stage.
What is stage?
Well, it's like a job.
Like a job.
I see.
What does it pay?
This "like a job"?
It doesn't pay anything, okay?
It's like an apprenticeship.
I see.
So you are quitting
your job where you
are making money
To go to France to
do the same job, mmm?
For free?
You are a bloody
brilliant businessman.
I didn't come here
to argue with you, okay?
That this could be
a tremendous opportunity.
For what?
Going backwards?
What's wrong with you?
Do you know that
you're a bloody old man?
Keep it down.
If your brother
were alive today...
He would've been a doctor
and you would've
been respected,
And he would've had a wife,
and a family and kids,
I understand and
I'm doing nothing...
Badtameez!
You are making mockery
of your brother's memory.
I'm not making
a mockery, okay?
I'm just...
Your poor mother
still thinks a woman
will make you change.
But you are not interested
in bloody anything.
Money, business,
a career, wife,
family. Nothing?
You just want to be a loser.
So, go, go, go.
Go to France,
go to England,
go to china.
Marry a bloody
chinese clown-girl,
And invite your mother
to come and cry at
the bloody wedding!
Dad, relax, all right?
Would you just...
I just came to tell you...
You okay?
Dad. Dad!
Samir. Samir.
Dad? Dad, come down,
come down. Oh, my god.
Here, sit down, sit down,
sit down, sit down, okay.
You okay? You okay?
Dad, sit down, sit down.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
Dad!
Call 911!
Call 911!
Dad. Dad! Dad. Help.
That boy's killed his father.
Dad. You're gonna
be fine, okay?
Don't worry.
Don't worry, ma.
I'll take care
of the restaurant.
Yeah, hi, jfk to paris.
Um, next week.
Yeah, the 13th.
Okay.
I'll hold, yes.
So this guy, he rips the teabag,
And pours it into the water.
I don't like teabags.
Will you shut up?
So I tell him,
"arre-bhai, that's
not the way you do it.
"you take the teabag
and you dip it into
the water like this."
Okay, so now he's very thankful.
So I go to the toilet,
and when I come back,
guess what?
He's putting
the sugar packets
into the water.
Thank you, bhai,
you ruined my joke!
Huh, it is old joke.
Not as old as you.
Loose tea is better.
Never mind the tea business.
He's giving you
the joke, listen.
But loose tea is better.
But loose tea is better.
He's giving you the
joke and you say,
"tea, tea, tea."
Loose tea is better.
Loose tea is better, yes.
That bloody restaurant
will be the death of you.
Hakim: I know.
I don't want.
And now, this bloody
heart-attack-whart-attack
business.
No good.
Honestly, no good.
Hakim, you've got to get smart.
I'm telling you,
franchising is
the wave of the future.
And of course, I'll make
you full partner-whartner,
that is not the issue.
Let me think it over.
Mmm.
Did I show you?
My nimith is on msnbc.
Really?
Talking about municipal bonds
and such matters, you see?
Very good.
...The government has
put into the economy.
That they essentially
primed the pump.
So, with the s&p right now...
My ali used to listen to me.
But samir...
I don't know.
He has always defied me.
Never wanted to listen.
And now it's too late.
Hakim-bhai.
It's never too late
to be a father.
Sure, easy for you to say.
Foot massage?
That feels so good.
Do you remember
when you and ali
massaged my feet?
And as a joke,
you rubbed blue ink
all over them.
For two weeks, I had blue feet.
And then mrs. Sanchez,
right, she thought that
it was a religious thing
Because she'd seen
a picture of a hindu
god that was blue.
Listen, ma,
I looked at the books.
It's pretty bad.
He's not even making
any money anymore.
You should just
sell the place
to amit-uncle,
He'll give you
a good price for it.
He'll turn it
into some franchise.
Kfc.
So what?
So what?
When you look at the restaurant,
All you see
is peeling paint,
broken chairs...
You know your dad
never wanted to
run a restaurant.
He dreamed of being a doctor.
I know, I know, I know,
and dada couldn't
Afford to send him
to medical school,
So he came to
this country instead.
I know this story, ma.
Do you?
Do you know
that when he came
to this country,
He became
a third-class citizen?
America wasn't like it is today.
People had never
seen an indian before.
He worked as a janitor.
He worked as a dishwasher
in a white man's restaurant.
He was so determined.
And slowly, slowly,
He saved up enough money
to start his own business.
He worked 18 hours a day,
Just so that he
wouldn't have to
tell his children
That he couldn't
afford to send them
to college.
And now, one son is gone.
And the other son
only sees his failure.
Doctor: He's a fighter,
but remember,
his heart is still weak.
He should stay home
the next couple of weeks,
you know, take it easy.
Make sure you
monitor his blood
pressure regularly,
And above all, no stress.
You hear that, hakim?
No stress.
I'm not deaf, woman.
Please, madam, my cat
is stuck in your tree.
Excuse me, waiter?
Repeat after m.
Waiter!
Hello.
Yes, yes.
This is what you
serve to your customers?
This greasy slop?
Oh.
You should be
ashamed of yourselves.
Excuse me.
Stop eating, come on.
I've had high
blood-pressure.
I didn't want to
come to this place.
I can't believe
you brought me here.
Samir: Hey, hey,
listen to me.
This is too greasy.
Okay? Look at this grease.
Look at that, okay?
It's too much.
The customers
are complaining.
Okay? Too much ghee.
Ghee. Ghee, there's
too much ghee. Too much.
I'm talking to you here.
And this. This is
a health violation,
all right?
This has to go in the trash.
Okay? It's disgusting.
Oh!
Fuck!
Fuck! Look at this.
Fuck?
Look at my shirt?
Fuck?
You fuck to me?
What?
I fuck to you.
What?
You fuck to me,
I fuck to you!
I fuck to you!
What? Where
are you going?
I finish.
I finish.
Where are you going?
What's he...
What are you doing?
Hey.
Hey, hey!
Come back. What the...
Don't speak to me!
Hey, hey, you can't quit.
Health violation...
This is your job!
Big shit, I am leaving.
What? Okay, come back.
That's over. Over!
Uh-uh, come finish.
Hey!
Great!
Just be a few more minutes.
Tikka masala, tikka masala.
Okay. Onions, garlic...
Okay, onions.
Um...
Onions... Ah!
Onions.
Okay, lamb, lamb, lamb.
Is this lamb or beef?
Yes?
No, what kind of meat is this?
Yes?
Thanks for your help.
Let's call it lamb, shall we?
Yes?
Thought so.
Okay. Garam masala.
Garam masala.
No.
Garam masala?
Garam masala?
Yeah. Okay.
Thank you, pierre.
Two saag paneer,
one palak paneer,
one chicken vindaloo.
Yeah, seven naan.
Seven, okay?
Yeah, it's tandoori palace,
7414 37th avenue. Yeah.
I know it's an
indian restaurant.
Just come to
the back. Yeah.
Okay, credit card is...
Oh! Oh, shit!
Have you any idea
how many taxi drivers
There are in new york
named akbar?
Okay, well,
He said he was an amazing cook
And he used to cook
for indira gandhi.
No, man, good luck to you.
Well, I guess
I'll just have
to go and beg
Munnamia to come
back and cook for us.
No wait!
No, no, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
Whoever he is,
we'll find him.
Whoever he is.
Wow!
Hey!
Um, thank you very much.
Look, this would not be
a permanent position
or anything like that.
Oh! That's perfectly
all right.
I've never had
a permanent
position in my life.
Oh.
Oh, that's quite
an accomplishment.
Okay, so it's a standard
menu, pretty much.
Whoa, what is it?
What are you doing?
Hmm! Masala.
Masala is the soul
of indian food.
And food is the soul of india.
Smell it.
Of course you
can't really tell
until it's in the oil.
The masala is the symphony,
And the oil is the orchestra.
The greatest
chef in the world
taught me that.
Really, who?
My mother.
Come on,
come on! Move!
A man should have
three passions in his life.
His country,
his religion
and his cricket.
What about his wife?
Wife is not a passion.
Wife is an expense.
Oh, man.
Oh, there.
It was wonderful!
We're going to
tell everyone we know.
And she knows everyone.
Good night.
Thank you again.
Lovely!
Wonderful meal!
Good luck to you.
It's been a pleasure.
We'll see you again.
Okay, bye-bye.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Woman: Oh! Lester,
what's gotten into you?
Delivery man not back yet.
Oh.
And we have backup.
Uh, backup? Well,
who goes usually?
It's never happened before.
Oh, man!
Oh, no!
You okay...
Oh, samir?
Hey, hi.
Hi. Yeah.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
Well, what...
What are you
doing here?
Oh, we live here.
We live over
on 78th street.
And this is my
daughter, abigail.
Oh. Hi, abigail.
Well, what are you doing here?
I mean, shouldn't you
be off in paris making
terrines or something?
Yeah, no, I'm doing that.
Yeah, I just got
a little bit delayed.
Just had a family emergency.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
No, it's totally fine.
It's all good.
Oh, god!
Okay. Well, maybe
"fine" is not the word.
Mmm, this is really good.
Really?
Yeah, it's...
Where's this from?
Um, well, it's...
My family owns
a restaurant
On 74th street.
Tandoori palace.
That's why I'm helping
out making deliveries.
I know that place,
I used to go there
all the time
When I first moved
here from buffalo.
But I don't remember
it being this good.
Back then, all
I could afford was
the free papadam.
Um, we're going this way.
Oh, okay.
But...
Pumpkin,
look at your face.
It's all over you.
Do you mind?
I need to get
a wet nap for her.
Uh...
Please?
Okay, okay. All right.
Thanks.
Hi. Hi, pumpkin.
Thank you.
Hi.
All right.
Oh, gosh!
Uh, you know what?
I actually have a napkin.
I think
I can probably
take care of it.
There you go, there.
She has very good taste.
It's one of our most
favorite dishes.
Okay, I think she's clean.
Well, thank you.
Say, "thank you."
Thanks.
And, uh...
Okay, I'll see you.
See you.
See you around. Yeah.
Good to see you.
Hey.
Get together sometime
and get a bite to eat.
Yeah, sure.
But only because
we're neighbors.
Right.
And I'm off on wednesdays.
Yeah, I know.
I made the schedule.
Thank you.
Everything was delicious.
Thank you.
I've never tasted
curries like that.
Well, that's that.
Shall we settle up?
Yes. So, I was hoping
that maybe you'd
come back tomorrow
Or finish out the week
if you're free.
Well, yeah,
of course I'm free,
but as for coming back,
I'll think it over. Hmm?
Well, when will you
know for sure?
Um...
Tell you what,
may I borrow your pen?
Hold that for a second.
I'll give you my address,
You come over
to my house
tomorrow morning,
And we'll discuss
issues large and small.
Hakim: Wake up! Samir!
Wake up!
Ow!
Wake up, samir!
Wake...
Okay, all right, okay.
What's happening? What?
Go, wash yourself.
It's time for
morning prayers.
When did you become religious?
Hakim! Hakim,
are you all right?
Please, woman,
you stay out of this.
I'm teaching our son
how to say his
morning prayers.
When did you become religious?
Just follow my movements, huh?
Okay.
I'm going
to pray aloud.
No, no, no.
Don't be crazy.
Come on.
Shh!
This is...
Stop talking.
Okay, just be
careful, all right?
Follow my hands.
Allah...
You see! You see?
This is what happens.
Okay? You can't do this.
Come on, hakim.
Would you just,
please, sit down.
Don't do this.
Sit down!
Jesus!
Never mind bloody jesus.
Jesus is not going
to teach you namaz.
Nobody is going
to teach you namaz!
Only me, your father.
Please, please, woman, please.
You have never
wanted to learn
anything from me.
Never wanted to
listen to me about
anything in life.
Okay, okay.
Please stop.
And now, now...
Okay, you know what?
I'm done. Okay?
I'm out of here.
All right, I have to go.
Beta, it's 6:00
in the morning.
I'm meeting someone
for breakfast.
Meeting?
Whom are you meeting?
Samir: Nobody you know.
See what you did?
Now he has a meeting.
Please, please, woman.
I'm sorry I'm a little early.
You're right on time,
my friend. Come on in.
That was a present
from the granddaughter
of a maharaja.
Oh! Wow,
it's beautiful.
You didn't need
to go to all this
trouble, really.
No trouble at all.
Sharing breakfast with
someone is very good
for the digestive system.
Wow!
Mmm-hmm.
Oh, my god!
Is that you with
the queen of England?
Yeah, yeah.
You know, I was in charge
of an orphanage in delhi
way back in the '60s.
She came over for a visit.
What a wonderful,
wonderful woman.
Such a pity about her kids.
Wait, I thought you
said that you were
a cook in mumbai.
That was after
I came back
from pakistan.
I was in partnership
with three pakistani
guys in karachi.
We were all going to
be bloody millionaires.
Hmm, I thought my
future was worked out.
I even proposed
to the daughter of
a wealthy nutmeg merchant.
Oh, you can't believe
how good she smelt.
Really?
Hmm.
And then her father
married her off
To a carpet tycoon from kashmir.
Never heard from her again.
Hmm.
You ever think about her?
Hmm.
Every time I drink eggnog.
How is the dosa?
It's good.
Mmm.
It's...
It's really good.
How do you...
How do you
get this texture?
Ah, you noticed?
Mmm-hmm.
It's the stone.
A griddle has
a will of its own.
But with a dosa stone,
You can determine
the character of the dosa
according to your mood.
Hmm. Seems like
you're in a pretty
good mood today.
Wish I could say
the same about you.
Well,
I had some plans that changed.
Ah! I had
a million and one
plans that changed.
Even the ones
that worked out didn't work
out the way I had planned.
Listen, um...
About the restaurant, I was...
Hmm. Come on, let's go.
Cumin. Cumin.
It's a saucy wench.
Give you great pleasure,
but she herself
is never satisfied,
So be careful.
Okay.
Coriander seed,
Like a young girl
walking through a lemon
grove by the ocean,
Wondering what her future holds.
Ah! Cloves and cinnamon.
Hmm, like a crazy
aunt and uncle.
Very noisy, very funny,
very opinionated.
But a little goes a long way.
And turmeric.
Ah! Glee!
The golden spice.
Makes everything glow.
You know we used to use turmeric
To color the elephants
at the delhi circus?
You were with the circus?
Yes, of course
I was with the circus.
Come on, come on,
you're lagging.
Whoa! Don't you want
to measure that?
A man who measures life
will never know
his own measure.
What, did you read that
on a fortune cookie?
Actually, yes.
So what, you never use a recipe?
Everything I need is here,
here and here.
And a little bit here.
All right.
Here, come on,
you try it.
Me?
Yeah, of course you, who else?
No, no, I don't work like that.
Well, come on,
give it a try,
my friend. Come on!
Come on!
I don't even know
the proportions.
Oh! Guess-timate!
I thought you said
you couldn't tell
until it was in the oil.
Um, sometimes you can tell.
I'm sorry, is everything okay?
It's delicious.
It reminds me
of my grandmother
cooking back home.
How happy I was then, you know.
It's so spicy.
Farrida: Samir,
are you in there?
Mom, I'm on the phone.
I'm busy.
Why are you
taking the phone
in the toilet?
Mom, I just want
some privacy, okay?
Samir, are you doing phone sex?
Mom.
What?
Samir, please be a good boy.
Mom!
Akbar.
You nasty little egg!
Couple of them got
the door loose.
They're crafty.
Okay. Why are there live
chickens in the kitchen?
Fresh meat.
It's much tastier than
that frozen stuff.
And it's healthier, too.
We can't have
live poultry
in the kitchen.
This is new york.
They will shut us down.
Nobody's going to find out.
There are feathers everywhere.
Oh, we'll sweep up.
Besides, we have
to do something.
I just fired that meat guy.
You did what?
What...
Rasool?
Yeah.
Oh, I chased him out
of here with a shank.
He's a bloody crook,
that fellow.
I know he's a crook.
Oh, my god!
What are these?
Menus.
Really? I know
they're menus.
They're too limited.
I prefer to improvise.
Oh, really? What if
people don't want
what you improvise?
People don't know
what they want.
They know what they've had.
So let's give them
something new.
Listen to me, okay?
Mmm-hmm.
I asked you to work here.
I want you to work here.
But I am in charge here.
Do you understand?
So before you
go hiring people,
or firing people,
Or ordering live
chickens, okay, you
have to ask me first.
I am the boss.
Do you understand?
Oh, yes, boss.
Here, have some lunch.
Take that thing off your head.
But I was told...
Would you just take it off?
Yes, sir.
I know everything
that is going on.
You tell my chef to
fuck himself while
he's praying namaz.
What?
Namaz.
Please, calm down.
Your heart.
And you could use a nicer word.
Okay, he wasn't
praying namaz.
He was, like, eating lunch.
You threw his things.
You hit him!
Beta, roti?
No, ma.
I didn't hit him.
I didn't hit anybody.
Beta, man cannot
live on frosty frosty.
How can a human
being do this, huh?
Whose child is this?
What are you...
Calm down, hakim,
he said he didn't hit him.
Beta, it's very bad
to hit someone
when they are praying.
I didn't hit him
while he was praying.
I didn't hit him, okay?
He was eating lunch and
he was spitting paan juice
all over the kitchen
Which is a health
code violation.
Are you bloody
lecturing me
about my business?
Sala, I made
that restaurant
before I made you.
That's not true, hakim.
Please, please, woman.
I'm not talking to you.
Arre, you have hired a bloody
taxi cab driver to cook
food in my restaurant?
Yes, yes, but he was
a chef in mumbai.
Of course he was.
And I used to be
the king of sweden.
You didn't know that, huh?
And your mother
is the bloody
michael jordan.
Anything anybody
tells you, you believe,
except your father.
You know what?
This is exactly...
You know, I'm not
going to fight with
you, all right?
I have to go to work.
Amit-bhai is right.
I should just sell
the bloody restaurant.
One less headache
around my neck.
Akbar: Nah, not yet. Not yet.
You have to wait
until the flavor
Of the aromatics
is fully absorbed
by the oil.
You got to trust your senses.
Now?
Now, now.
There you go!
Give it a stir.
I know.
You think too much, you know.
Always remember,
from here, here
and here. All three.
You cook only
from there, everything
turns out cerebral.
Okay, you know what,
that's great,
But cooking isn't
all just here
and here and here.
Yes, of course,
you've got to have
some structure as well.
You don't put chilies
into a jalebi.
But with indian cooking,
a recipe is like a raaga
in indian music.
You know raaga?
It's just a template.
The important thing
is the interpretation,
The improvisation.
You ever been in love?
Yeah.
I mean, no, I don't...
I don't know.
You don't know?
A person who's
been in love, knows
he's been in love.
Ah, with my wife,
it was love
at first sight.
The first time
I looked into her eyes,
Everything disappeared.
What happened to her?
She died the summer
after we were married
during childbirth.
The baby died as well.
I'm sorry.
I had a brother.
He died in a car accident.
I'm sorry.
You must miss him.
You know what,
I don't know why I'm
doing this, actually.
I'm a chef. I don't
need to learn how to
cook from a cab driver.
I didn't...
I...
I didn't mean that.
Come here,
I want to show
you something.
Come here, come here.
You know, my parents were
killed during partition.
I got that trying to save them.
Of course I couldn't,
I was only a child.
So, I was orphaned.
Throughout my
childhood, I kept
asking myself, "why?"
And then, one day I was
out walking in a field,
a storm blew up.
Right in front of my eyes,
this huge tree got
struck by lightning.
Boom!
It split into two.
And suddenly,
I was filled with
an overwhelming joy.
Why?
Because it was
the only sensible
way to feel.
You're alive.
You brother no longer
has that chance, you do.
I think you should take it.
It'll help your masala.
Carrie: Hello?
Samir: Carrie?
I was wondering
when I'd hear from you.
Samir: I meant
to call earlier.
Carrie: You did,
or at least your
parents did.
I have it on my caller id.
Samir: Oh, right.
Carrie: Oh, busted.
Samir: Hmm.
Samir: Actually, I was
hoping that you'd let me
take you out to dinner.
Carrie: Sure. Will your
parents be coming?
Samir: They will not.
Hi.
Hi.
So you ready to go?
Yeah.
And I have the perfect place.
You know, I made this
reservation at this...
This is better.
Really?
Come on. Yeah.
What? You don't
like my place.
No, I... I was just
expecting something
With a few
more amenities,
that's all.
Like a table, chair,
I don't know,
maybe a ceiling.
Oh, I get it.
What?
You're a food snob.
Samir: I'm not a snob.
I just happen to know
A little about food sanitation.
Okay.
Well?
Mmm!
Good, it's good.
Mmm-hmm.
See? When I eat
something like this,
I remember why
I got into cooking
in the first place.
What about you?
What's the first thing
that you ever cooked?
Samosas.
Yeah,
my brother and I,
we used to sneak
Into the restaurant
kitchen after school.
We used to have this old cook.
He was amazing.
The way his hands moved,
he was like a magician.
He used to let us
play with the spices,
All the colors
and the smells,
and...
It was great.
I used to love going back there.
Hmm.
Sorry, ma'am,
we're not open for
another hour or so.
Oh, well, thank you.
But I was only
looking for my son.
Oh! You must be
samir's mother?
Salam walaikum.
You must be very proud.
Of course, it's evident
where he gets his spirit,
his good looks.
What a fortunate fellow
to have someone like
yourself for his mother.
Excuse me,
but what is your
good name please?
Akbar hamidbhai khambati.
But you can call me akbar.
So, you are from khambhat?
Khambhat, of course.
Baldiwala is my father's
best friend's neighbor.
Because, you see,
my sister married
Baldiwala's sister's middle son.
Uh-huh.
I'm rassiwala's daughter.
Hey, farrida,
the older one.
Yes, yes, of course.
Aaiye, aaiye.
Come in, please.
Uh, music
not bothering
you, I hope.
Oh, no, no, no, not bothering.
I tell you, nobody
can sing a love song
like mukesh.
Wah, wah, wah.
I used to sing
this song to my wife.
But your husband
must also be
singing to you. Hmm?
How could he not?
Well, of course.
In fact, my husband,
he asked me to come here,
Oh, please tell
your husband that
I am most fortunate
To be working with your son.
He runs a very tight ship.
Ship shape.
I'm proud to call him my boss.
Oh! Well...
Good!
Thank you.
Oh, you're welcome.
Oh, uh...
If you want to die,
If you want to die,
Why don't you
just kill yourself?
Darling?
So, did you go
to the restaurant?
Yes.
Ah.
And you saw the taxi driver?
Yes.
What did he say to you?
Many things.
What's wrong with you, huh?
Why can't you talk?
You want to know
what he said to me?
Well, I'll tell you
what he said to me.
He said,
I'm a very beautiful woman.
He said I'm filled with spirit.
And he sang to me
a love song he used
to sing to his wife.
A love song?
Which love song?
Sorry, we're a little late.
You are right on
time, my friend.
Akbar, this is carrie.
Carrie.
Carrie, meet akbar.
This is an honor.
Nice to meet you.
Come in,
come in, my friends.
Welcome, welcome.
I hope you don't mind,
I've invited some
friends of mine.
Notorious reprobates of course,
But they do enjoy fine cuisine.
Sit, sit, carrie, sit please.
Hi, I'm carrie.
Patel.
Shah.
Babu. Howdy?
Hi, nice to meet you.
Shahjahani biryani.
Mmm, it's named after
the mughal emperor
who built the taj mahal.
He was also a renowned glutton.
He tends to be a
show off when it comes
to beautiful woman.
Well, I don't see
anything wrong with that.
Roast leg of lamb.
And chicken hara bhara.
And this is my specialty,
ande ki bhurji.
What's that?
Scramble egg.
Scrambled eggs.
Scrambled eggs.
Yeah, put a little
scramble egg here.
Samir: My goodness.
Pass me that.
Where did you get these?
This?
Oh, I found them
in a chinese market.
They reminded me
of a dish I ate once
in pondicherry.
Oh, pondicherry?
Pondicherry was
a french colony,
you know?
The only french colony in india.
I've always considered it
one of the great
tragedies of history,
That the french in
india never made it
further up north.
Just think of it.
Two of the finest
cuisines in the world.
The french
and the indian
coming together
For an epicurean
meeting of the minds.
Instead, we end up
getting colonized
by the bloody british,
Whose greatest
culinary achievement
in 2,000 years
Is the fish and chips.
Whether it's
a frenchman or englishman
occupying your land,
It's still occupation.
The french cooking is heavy.
But, is there a trick to...
Well, the trick is,
Pick it up, don't flick it.
Pick it up and put
it in your mouth.
And that's it.
You know,
the shah of iran
visited india once,
And he was heard
to remark that
eating with a utensil
Is like making love
through an interpreter.
Mmm!
Yeah, it's good, man.
Why don't you pass
the eggplant? Okay.
Thank you.
Samir: You know,
when I was a kid,
My dad used to bring
ali and I up to our roof,
Just to look out
at those lights.
He used to say,
"in a place with
lights like that,
"any dream can come true."
What happened?
It's time for morning prayers.
Samir, what did you do?
Look what you did.
Who told you to do this?
Nobody told you to do this.
Why did you do this?
I wanted to make it
like it used to be.
Like it used to be.
But things are not
like they used to be.
Don't you understand that?
Samir, I'm not
keeping the restaurant.
Amit-bhai is going
to buy it from me.
Okay, dad,
You don't have to,
because business is
really picking up.
And I'm telling you if we...
Listen to me, samir.
I'm closing the restaurant.
Amit-bhai is right.
It's too much for
me with my heart.
Besides, ali is gone.
And you're grown.
What am I breaking my back for?
Dad, you're wrong.
You're wrong.
Dad, it's your restaurant.
If you just give it away,
then what the hell
was it all for?
Dad, it's our restaurant!
Andrei.
Pierre.
Was it 225?
Yes.
Or was it 250?
Yes.
Pierre, you ever
slept with two woman
at the same time?
Yes.
You, rascal.
I'm sorry, guys.
So, on to new adventures.
Do you ever get discouraged?
Despair is the solace
of fools, my friend.
I tell you, they're
really a fount of wisdom.
Well, khuda hafiz.
Thank you, akbar.
Truly my pleasure, samir.
Samir, what brings you here?
Oh, I was just
looking for steve.
Is he...
Oh, he's upstairs actually.
Okay, thanks.
Hey, congratulations.
Samir, I was about to
call you. What the hell
are you doing here?
Hi. Oh, wow!
Well, I was gonna
get on my hands
and knees
And beg steve for my job back.
Job? What the hell
are you talking about?
You're famous.
What?
Oh!
The times!
You got three stars.
Look, "best indian
in new york." trust me.
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god. Wow!
Three stars and it
would have been four,
Except the decor was for shit.
Oh, my god.
I gotta go there.
Yeah, go, go!
Yeah!
Be careful with that.
Careful with that.
That's my persian
fertility relic.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Hey, samir!
Where are you going?
Akron, ohio.
What?
Akron, the city of the future!
You know, about a year ago,
I met a guy from akron,
ohio in my taxi.
He was in import-export.
I told him,
"way back in the '70s,
"I used to be part
owner of a company
"that exported
lotas from calcutta."
He seemed very
interested in my idea.
Yeah, lotas. You know,
that metal bucket,
That villagers in
india carry water in,
We're going to export
those lotas to paris,
For the french to
chill their champagne.
Okay, you can't leave.
You know why?
Because we got three stars.
Oh-ho, very impressive.
Yeah.
"veritable symphony of flavors.
"inspired choice of spices.
Inspired... Blah, blah, blah,
"one occasion,
the murghi masala
was a little dry."
Ignorant bastard.
So, I need you to come back.
Yes, I do.
Because in about an hour,
There's gonna be
100 people in
that restaurant.
Why, that's wonderful!
That's wonderful.
Yeah, and some of
them may be hungry.
So, I don't know
what you want me to do.
Remember what I told you?
From here, here and here.
It's not my cooking
that they're coming for.
It's yours. You are
the chef. Not me.
You were beginning
to get the hang of it.
Now just don't think too much.
I can't do what you did.
Don't do what I did.
Do what you do.
I don't know what that is.
Don't worry, it'll come to you.
Samir?
Mom. Yeah,
put dad on the phone.
Farrida:
He's not here, beta.
He's gone to
see amit-bhai.
What, he hasn't seen the review?
He hasn't...
Okay, mom,
I have to go.
Please call him and tell him
To come to
the restaurant
immediately, okay?
All right.
I love you.
Andrei: Step back. Step back.
Step back.
Keep it clear.
Step back.
Keep it clear.
We're not to open
for another two hours.
Sounds like it's worth the wait.
I told you, she knew everyone.
I bought you another copy.
Thank you for coming back.
Thank you.
It'll be just
a few more minutes.
Step back.
Keep it clear.
You guys busy?
What am I saying?
Of course
you're not busy.
Come with me.
No, I'm really serious.
Come with me.
Come on. Let's go.
Take this all
back to the kitchen.
Straight back.
Straight back
to the kitchen.
I'll be right in.
Andrei: Excuse me.
It's an even dice.
See, like this.
Carrie?
I...
I figured
that you might
need a little help.
Oh.
And, I got you a little present,
Chef.
Thanks.
Okay, come on, cover up.
You know what, this is crazy.
I think I'm just
gonna get the recipes,
Just to get the basic
proportions. Okay?
Okay, I'll be right back.
No.
Pierre,
you said, "no."
That's it?
That's it.
The magic is all in here.
You sure?
Sometimes you can't tell
until it's in the oil.
So...
Come on, everyone.
Let's get to work!
Okay, whip in this
ghee, all right?
Whip it in nice and good.
Who's on that dal?
Whip it in.
Don't let it puddle, okay?
Samir: All right. Yeah, yeah.
Put some of this in there.
There we go. Beautiful.
Okay, that's looks good.
That's great.
Put in some of this.
Yeah, keep stirring.
Keep stirring.
Okay, don't overdo it
on the tamarind glaze.
Two half tandoori chops of lamb
With gnocchi
in summer pea puree.
Next to it is a
baby goat garam masala
On top of
jerusalem artichoke puree
with cardamom braised carrots.
Just little squiggles,
little squiggles.
That looks beautiful.
Just hurry up on
those garnishes.
You can't hurry a work of art.
Samir: Looks good.
Looking good,
everybody.
What's a guy gotta
do to get a table
in this joint?
Well, you can take
these to table two.
Go.
It's a wild king salmon
encrusted in mustard seed.
Then roasted in the tandoor oven
And finished in
mango-pickle beurre blanc.
Samir: How we coming along?
We're running low on...
Yeah, that.
And otherwise,
everything's good.
Samir?
Not now, mom.
Uh, how's that vindaloo?
Coming, chef.
But, samir...
Not now, mom.
Uh, I need more cilantro sprigs.
But, samir...
Mom, what?
It's just that
they're asking for you.
Oh.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Enjoy your meal.
Enjoy your food.
I think it is time for me
to meet this cab driver.
He's gone.
He's gone?
Who cooked all this food?
You?
Your father was just saying,
How much he regrets
not having tasted
your cooking
And how much he's
looking forward to it.
Isn't that right, hakim?
This is bloody good food.
I'm sorry, amit-bhai.
I'm afraid the deal is off.
I'm going into business
With my son.
You don't introduce us
to your friend, beta?
Mom, dad,
This is carrie.
She's my
Sous-chef.
Sous-chef?
She helped with everything.
That's wonderful.
I'm so pleased to meet you.
Pleased to meet you also.
Very nice.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
You know what?
We should head back.
Oh, yeah, go, go, go.
Don't worry about us.
Go, go.
I'm sorry.
Sous-chef. Hmm.
You believe that?
Not for a second.
Do we care?
Not for a second.
So, sous-chef, huh?
Uh, yeah, well,
I think you're ready.
Really?
What does it pay?
Oh, the pay? Terrible.
But I really think
you gonna like
the benefits.
We are in the weeds,
people. Let's go!