1
Your call
could not be completed.
Do you wanna fucking die?
Oh my God, oh my God.
Look, look, look, look, look, look.
Clean fingers.
Yeah, you're fucking disgusting, God.
It's just a little bit of
blood, don't cry about it.
Oh a little bit of
blood on day three, okay.
I'm the one who should be hysterical.
Right.
I'm a good friend.
Are you?
Yeah.
So I'm gonna dry your tears.
No, do not.
Stop!
That is so fucking gross!
Goddamn you!
Day three, complete.
God I am calling Kristy.
Wait, seriously?
You're calling Kristy.
You're gonna tattle on me.
To Kristy.
Your call has been forwarded
to an automated voice messaging system.
Kristy is not available.
She's not answering.
Oh my God.
That's 'cause Kristy doesn't care.
She didn't answer
your phone call either.
Well,
yeah.
Do you think she's okay?
Kristy?
Do not worry about Kristy.
Kristy's fine.
What?
Dude.
You suck at your job.
It doesn't exist.
This house doesn't exist.
Penis!
Goddammit!
When are you gonna get
your own mailman truck?
I don't know, not till
I'm full time I guess.
Wait, they don't trust you,
with a mail man truck?
Son of a bitch.
It literally does not exist on my phone.
Dude, I give up.
This is ridiculous.
Let me see.
What are you doing?
Why?
The house doesn't exist.
The letter doesn't exist.
Food exists.
Let's go eat...
Oh shit dude.
It does exist.
Oh my gosh, that really hurt.
You know what Pete?
Thank you man.
You actually helped me out with that one.
Let's go.
There's your stuff.
Let's do it.
I gotta pee.
All right, well hurry up.
You know I said I gotta pee?
Yes?
I lied.
Why?
Just pick me up on the way back!
What, dude!
Pete!
What the hell man!
Don't forget about me!
You dick!
When she said
Don't let it all go to your head
Get away
Get away away from here
Get away
Get away away from here
Fuck me.
Kristy?
Is there a Kristy Jordan here?
Kristy?
This is a
cellular telephone mailbox,
please speak your words at the beep.
This is a cellular telephone mailbox,
please speak your words at the beep.
This is a cellular
telephone, fuck you James.
This is a
cellular telephone mailbox,
please speak your words at the beep.
Beep you James.
Kristy!
Come out to play!
Holy shit.
Kristy!
Holy fuck.
Oh my God.
Ashley.
- Ashley!
' OW! What!
Did I just see his dick?
Okay yeah, this is not cool.
Ashley?
What?
Ashley?
What?
Ashley!
What!
What the fuck?
Shit.
Goddammit.
Is he dead?
Hi.
Where am I?
Why are there so many
creepy fucks out there today?
I don't know.
Do you live here?
Are you Kristy?
What do you know about Kristy?
What?
Kristy!
You're not Kristy?
Are you Kristy?
No.
Then who are you?
Who are you?
I'm the mailman.
What are you doing all the way out here?
Delivering the mail?
Don't be an ass!
I don't like him.
I don't like him either.
What the fuck?
Oh shit!
I'm sorry.
What the fuck!
I'm so sorry.
What the fuck!
Did you see his face?
Oh wow.
I literally pissed my pants.
Holy shit!
You fuckin' pissed yourself!
This is a
cellular telephone mailbox.
Fuck!
Fuck!
Oh shit.
That was not easy.
That's not as easy as it looks.
Well done.
Yeah, you should the three way.
There's a three way?
Wait, where the fuck is Kristy?
I don't know.
I'm gonna call her.
Oh shit, can I use your
phone real quick first please?
Why, are you trying to get away from us?
No no no no, I just left my
friend on the side of the road
like a freakin' idiot.
He's probably flipping
out wondering where I am.
Oh my God,
What?
Green jacket, beanie,
beard, little penis?
Yeah, you've seen him?
Hey, oh,
hey.
Are you okay?
Stay right there, I'm
gonna get your friends.
I'm gonna get help.
I'm so sorry.
So you're like, like a real mailman?
Like a real live mailman?
Yeah.
That like takes my and
then puts it in the box,
and then drives away in the truck.
Yeah, basically.
That is so cool.
Thank you.
Someone drank way too much.
Oh no, it's shark week.
It's what?
Shark week.
That's cool.
Day four.
The revenge.
She has the ugliest
vomit face in the world.
Yeah she really does.
I know, oh my God.
That's really disgusting.
Oh God.
Hey-
I'm wet.
Hey, Ashley, you're probably confused
that this isn't Kristy's voice
talking to you right now,
but the reason I'm calling
you with her phone is
I'm with her right now,
and I don't know where we are exactly,
but yeah, Kristy,
she's alive but she's not moving.
I don't know what happened,
but I'll let you know as soon as I can.
Just call me back, please.
Oh, and I'm Pete.
Also I think you're the girls who saw me
in the woods a few hours ago, so...
I hope you enjoyed the show.
Call me, just, call me.
Goddammit.
Kristy holy...
Fuck!
Fuck, on...
Dammit!
Shit!
Fuck it.
We're gonna do it right here.
Right here?
Yeah.
Okay.
Go get my sleeping bag.
It's there in...
Yeah, right.
Yeah, yeah by the fire, yeah.
And then your beer, 'cause we need that.
Of course, okay.
Sleeping bag and beer.
Yes, then we're gonna
just fuck.
- Two things, okay.
Okay.
And you're gonna hurry.
'Cause we need those things.
Obviously, yeah.
So beer and sleeping bag.
Yeah.
Okay.
And then we're gonna fuck so...
Awesome, yep.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. hey!
That's mine.
Oh.
Oh shit.
I'm sorry about that.
Oh!
They're both mine.
Could I borrow one?
Shut the fuck up!
James!
Hurry UP!
Okay look, I will owe you so much.
Just please, just one
of 'em, doesn't matter.
James!
Please,
I promise, I have to pee!
I'll owe you.
Please?
Okay yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
Fine, whatever.
Fuck yes, okay, thank you.
Oh but, James.
What?
There's something you
should know about Lyndsey.
James!
She's a virgin.
No.
Virgin.
What?
Virgin.
James!
Fuck.
Who the fuck is that?
That a girl?
Oh, is that a naked girl?
Oh shit, I don't have my phone.
Someone take a picture for me.
Oh.
Kristy called me.
What'd she say?
Did she leave a message?
I don't know I'm gonna find out.
What the hell is she doing?
Hey!
You can come join us if you want!
Right?
Do you need help?
'Cause...
Lyndsey.
There's a canoe if you
think that, if you...
What the fuck is wrong with her?
Lyndsey.
What?
What'd she say?
Hey, Ashley,
you're probably confused
that this isn't Kristy's voice
talking to you right now,
but the reasons I'm calling
you with her phone is
I'm with her right now,
and I don't know where we are exactly,
but...
I think that's Pete.
Yeah, Kristy,
she's alive but she's not moving.
I don't know what happened,
but I'll let you know as soon as I can.
Just call me back, please.
Oh, and I'm Pete.
Fuck.
Also I think
you're the girls who saw me
in the woods a few hours ago, so...
I hope you enjoyed the show.
Call me, just, call me.
Hope you enjoyed the...
Oh shit I'm sorry.
I'm sorry it's just that's fucking funny.
No, yeah, okay.
Let's find your friend.
Let's do that.
Knock that out.
Then we can find Pete.
Whose dick is not funny.
His dick is not funny at all.
'Cause it's a dick.
I think you should call
an ambulance or something.
I'm already on it.
And AAA too.
On it.
Look at you reading my mind.
Look at you suggesting not even remotely
obvious at all suggestions.
I'm good like that.
Yes, it's 1289 Timmy Creek Road.
Thank you.
They said they'll be 25 minutes.
So they'll be here in an hour.
If we're lucky.
Great.
I have two bottles
of whiskey in my glove compartment.
You serious?
Yeah, unless you wanted
to go back over to Lyndsey?
Why would I wanna do that?
She's all the way over there.
Ashley!
There's six weeks.
James!
Yeah, why not?
What?
Why not? She won't care.
No way.
There's something wrong with her.
She's standing right in front of us.
Completely nude.
There's nothing wrong about that.
I'm serious.
Hey guys, I'm really
drunk right now, but,
why is Kristy naked?
Get away from her!
Ashley?
Yes?
What are we gonna do?
I don't know!
Get Lyndsey inside!
Break the lock if you have to!
What are you gonna do?
I'll be there in a minute just hurry up!
And don't let anything happen to Lyndsey!
Please don't worry,
I'm not gonna fuck him anymore!
I wasn't going to fuck you.
Yeah you were.
I don't want your first
time to be in a sleeping bag.
You kidding me?
What?
Did she tell you I'm a virgin?
Did you tell him I'm a virgin!
Are you saying you're not a virgin?
Wait, so you're not a virgin?
What the fuck James?
It's sturdier than it looks!
Break the glass!
Yeah I was gonna do that next!
You're gonna stay right there.
Sit right there.
Break the glass.
Break the glass.
Piece of shit.
I'll break your fuckin' ass right now.
Bitch.
Fuck!
Ow.
That seriously hurt!
Seriously.
Seriously!
Seriously?
Looks like you could,
use a little bit of help.
This glass is too thick.
Look, I think we should stay here.
I really think we should go inside.
You got this!
I know.
Door please?
Oh my God!
How long have you been standing there?
Mister Kristy?
Ow, what the hell?
Oh, you're a fucking creepy ass old man!
Lyndsey!
What?
He is.
It's Kristy's grandpa.
No it's not.
What?
Who are you old geezer?
Do you think we could figure out
this grandpa not grandpa
shit inside please?
Let's go.
Open the door!
Philip!
What the fuck!
Run!
Oh come on let us in!
Let us in man!
Please open up!
Let us in!
Come on let us in!
Fuck!
What the fuck!
Okay.
Shit, okay.
Okay.
Ashley!
Lyndsey!
Lyndsey!
Lyndsey!
No! Lyndsey!
This way!
Move your ass!
Barricade the fucking door.
No!
Philip.
What the fuck?
What the fuck is he doing?
Don't mind him.
She's not coming in here.
See.
The fuck is going on here?
Who are you?
And what
is that?
Excuse me children.
You son of a bitch!
I's afraid we have some
unfinished bidness here.
It's gonna require your help.
I don't think so.
I do.
Boy.
Children.
Uh uh uh uh uh, not you.
You stay right where you is.
Unfortunately for the both of us
my family here gonna have
to require your presence
just a little longer.
Til we get this thing fixed up right.
Who are you?
Now what do we have here?
And who is she?
Don't worry, I'll tell ya.
I'm Francis.
That's Philip, and Felicity.
And that there,
that's my sweet little reborn bride.
Why does she look like Kristy?
What the fuck did you do to her?
Don't make no sudden moves girl.
We's all in this now.
Whether you like it or not.
Daddy?
Are they gonna die tonight?
Take the sample Felicity.
You don't need to be concerning
yourself with this now.
Hell no, no fucking samples.
You're not touching me.
Or her.
They already got you boy.
What?
What the fuck?
You mother fuckers.
No need for that tone boy.
Lest you want a bullet
tween your eyeballs.
Or maybe you want a bullet
tween your nether parts?
Ah fuck.
Fuck come on.
Okay, okay.
That's what I thought.
Stop.
Lord God Almighty, goddamn girl.
You're taking all day.
Won't you just do like the
real men do?
Put it in and screw.
What are we gonna do?
What are we gonna fucking do?
I don't know.
Daddy.
They're not gonna die tonight, right?
I told you, Felicity.
You don't have to concern yourself
with these things Felicity.
Are ya fucking deaf?
Huh?
Philip!
Philip!
Philip!
You don't have to do this.
Yes ya do.
What the fuck!
What the hell are you
people doing in there?
Want me to tell 'em?
Prepare the altar.
Didn't you say you was gonna tell 'em?
I lied.
Don't you do nothin' girl.
You got what you needed from us.
Just please let us go.
Felicity.
The blood.
Philip, take her to the altar.
No, no, no.
No no no, no no no!
No!
Goddamn you insane family
of Satan worshiping cunts!
Ah, James?
Burn in Hell!
You stupid ignorant fool.
I got what I needed from you,
and now, now I'm gon'
complete the summonin'.
You hear that baby?
You just hold on one more minute.
Hold on one minute longer.
No!
Oh goddammit Felicity!
This ain't how you said
it was gonna be Daddy.
That ain't Momma.
I know it ain't!
It's all wrong!
This whole thing's all wrong.
I know it is.
It all just went all wrong.
But we gon' fix it.
I'm gon' fix it.
My baby's finally coming back to me.
Philip.
Philip.
Won't you bring Momma
on in here with us son.
Go.
Felicity.
You remember when I
said, I was gon' bring us
all back together again?
Yeah.
You remember when I said that,
I said no matter what the cost?
No matter what the cost,
you remember when I said that?
Now what'd you say to me?
I said,
thank you.
Say it for me, one more time baby.
I wanna hear it one last time.
Thank you Daddy.
That's my sweet Felicity.
No matter what the cost.
No matter what the cost.
I'm a real sumbitch Dad.
Don't you dare disrespect your...
Thank you Philip.
What do we do now?
Y'all know how to read?
Yeah.
You do?
Okay, all right now.
Good.
There you are.
You too boy.
Start readin'!
Philip?
Grab that chalice and
freshen up this pentagram.
Oh and Philip?
Hand me one of them guns.
I got it.
Read!
What are we supposed to be looking for?
Banishment, banishment,
banishment, banishment.
Banishment, apparently.
Felicity none of this is in English.
Banishment,
banishment, banishment, banishment.
Felicity!
None of this is in English.
The fuck?
Banishment, banishment, banishment.
Shit!
Hey guys?
Think I found something.
Fuck yeah I found it!
By the unholy name, I banish thee.
From the grasp of the roots that choke,
by the name of the she-goat of the womb,
and by the blood of the son
of the lamb of the flood,
Yes. yes, yes!
All right.
I think I might need a band-aid.
Classic Philip.
Are...
Either of you virgins?
What?
No.
No, no.
No, I'm not.
I'm not a virgin.
Okay.
Well shoot.
A ton of girls.
Give you a list.
Give you a list right now.
Ashley.
You're a very special, special girl.
Three and three, come to thee.
Drink and the end shall come to he.
But tonight, it comes to she.
I'll have to improvise a bit but,
I reckon I can make this work.
Philip?
I've got some very special news for ya.
Philip?
Philip!
Come on now!
Shit.
No!
No.
No no no no no, shit!
You was a real good son of a bitch.
May he have mercy on your goddamn soul.
Okay, we're gon' have to move fast.
I mean real fast.
I think with little bit Of luck,
and if we follow these instructions,
we can make it outta here.
Alive.
You understand me?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh shoot, no you don't.
Exactly as I say.
Exactly.
Else we ain't gonna like the results.
Fuck.
Just tell us what we need to do.
Good.
All right.
We got me.
We got you.
We got you.
Got you.
Perfect.
Take off your pants.
What?
We need her too.
Ashley, Ashley, Ashley,
Ashley, three in three.
Pure and free.
Our numbers just ain't enough.
What the fuck?
What are you talking about?
Ashley, what is she talking about?
Ashley I know you know what I mean.
The revenge.
And she is as pure as an angel.
Okay, okay.
Come on now.
Oh.
With Philip and me, she makes three.
It's the only way.
Okay, okay.
Okay, yeah.
Okay, okay.
Okay.
This is gonna be messy.
Uh uh.
What?
Turn around.
You ain't lookin'.
Get.
All right, now let's do this.
No, okay.
Felicity.
I got this.
All right.
Just tryin' to help.
Oh don't be a pussy.
Here, give it, I got it.
That's not normal.
That's fucking unnatural.
You done good.
You done real good.
Please tell me that's it.
Only one remains.
Drop your pants.
What?
Now!
Drop 'em!
Stop dickin' around, hurry up now!
Just do what she says!
Okay!
Fuck!
Oh shit.
Six seconds!
I'm sorry.
Impressive.
Fuck I'm sorry.
It's okay, just
thought my first time was gonna
be a little bit different.
What do we do now?
That's it.
You gotta do exactly as I say.
Yeah.
All right, let's begin.
What the hell?
Fuck!
What the fuck is this shit?
This better fucking work!
The time is come!
Dammit!
For my daughter, we bestow praise.
Shit!
I'm done.
I'm done, fuck this!
Fuck this.
Fuck!
From a sister we bestow
everlasting damnation.
Wait.
Come on.
Get it down.
Done good Ashley.
You done real good.
What?
From the brother we
relinquish the unclaimed souls,
the inferno whence she came.
Drink it!
Just drink it dammit!
Just fucking do it!
Swallow it!
Swallow it James.
Swallow it.
Baby I need you to swallow this right now.
Baby, baby, baby, I
need you to swallow it.
All right, else this
banishment will come undone.
Swallow it!
Swallow it James!
For tonight she comes,
and tonight she shall return.
You got this.
You can do this.
Burn demon, burn!
No!
You simple fucking fool!
Go James!
Fuck this!
Fuck!
You bitch!
You fucking, little...
Fuck!
And that's for me!
Pete?
Pete?
Where are you off to boy?
Fuck you.
Fuck you too.
I wanna stay out late tonight t'
I swear we'll make it
back before the sun 'll rise
We can leave the games to ourselves A'
And talk about all that we can before
Before the time's up
Oh
So I
I'll be by later tonight
I hope that you
Will be something else
There was something else
I wanna hear that story again'
The one you always seem
to tell a hundred times
We can leave the games to ourselves A'
And talk about all that we can before
Before the time's up
Before the time's up yeah
So I
I'll be by later tonight
I know that you
Will be something else
There's something else'
I thought I saw your face again
Hidden deep inside the
crowd of lonely faces
I had a hand in my pocket
Running back to where you would be A'
To ask you again
Hey now I
I'll be by later tonight
I know that you
Will be something else
I'll be something else