It's not my first trip!
I know, but it's no time
to go to Paris, Mr Fernand.
If you're cold, there's a blanket
and tea in a thermos.
Why not a Sherpa too!
I'm going to Paris, not Tibet!
Mr Fernand,
the fair will be busy by Sunday.
If you could get back...
I said I'd take two days!
Can't you display
ten tractors without me?
And don't break down again!
What broke down?
The breakdown truck!
"Louis in town.
Needs you urgently."
Needs you urgently...
Not a peep out of him
for fifteen years.
Deported for fifteen years.
He must be in a tight spot
if he sneaked back from Mexico.
Either he needs dough
or he's in an awful jam.
We've been waiting for you.
Tough trip?
Tough enough!
Glad to see you.
The Mexican's getting impatient.
He's back? It's no gag?
I wouldn't do that.
It's still a surprise.
You've got some more
surprises coming.
Mr Fernand.
He's here.
Send him in.
I thought you'd never get here...
or that you'd get here too late.
I had to put 500 miles behind me.
I'm glad to see you,
you old bum.
So am I.
I didn't want
to kick off down there,
without ever seeing a friend.
And I thought of you.
It's not that I didn't want
to see you, but...
you can't always do
what you want.
What about you?
The cops didn't invite you back.
What got into you?
Thanks, doc.
Tell them to come up.
Don't you think...
Shut up! We've got no time.
Give the doc
a hundred thousand.
What's up, Louis?
I came back to die...
and to be buried
in the family plot.
America is fine
if you want to make a pile.
At a pinch, you can live there, too.
But there's only one place
to croak: France.
Yes, I'm cashing in my chips...
and I'm leaving a kid : Patricia.
I want you to take care of her.
That's a great idea!
You knew her mother.
Susie the Smile.
You mean...
you knew her mother.
I'll leave you
all the dough you need.
My business runs itself.
Folace, my attorney will explain.
With my roulette wheels...
I make a clean 60 per cent.
And you rake off
No, your kid
and your business are fine,
but I got a business, too.
And mine is legal.
Yeah... a fair-weather friend...
I didn't say that.
You didn't say that
but just the same...
you'd hand my little Patricia
over to the vultures!
My angel...
To hell with your angel!
You've gone straight.
You forget about crooks.
The world is full of them.
My little girl
won't stand a chance.
They'll pick her bones
clean as a whistle.
I sent her to a convent school.
I had her learn English.
I gave her everything.
She'll end up walking the street...
and it'll be your fault!
All your fault!
Leave it out!
I've seen you
put on this act before!
About dope, dames... anything.
Moaning is what you do best.
But don't try to pull it on me.
You louse! She's going to lose
her father. I'm dying!
You would, too!
I drop everything to see you
and I have to listen to this.
What a jerk I am!
You could have
come up alone, Theo.
Does he raise your fever?
Yes... when the men talk,
the girls go out to play.
- I'll wait downstairs.
- I won't be long.
I'll make it short.
I've left my shares to Fernand here.
Yes, he'll take over from me.
You promised to tell me first.
Yeah... I could have
held a vote, too.
But I decided to do it this way.
Any objections?
Because... that's all I have to say.
I think everything is clear...
Isn't it?
Jesus, Louis!
You won't have to wait long.
Don't be a damn fool!
I know what I'm talking about.
Want me to open the window?
Look, it's daylight.
Yes, and from here,
I can only see the sky.
To hell with the sky!
I'll be up there soon enough.
No, what interests me...
is the streets.
They yanked me right off the plane
into an ambulance.
I couldn't see a thing.
Everything's changed , hasn't it?
Not so much.
Tell me about it anyway.
Day's breaking...
the way you like it.
The way we liked it.
Girls are leaving the Lido...
same as ever.
Remember?
That's when we'd pick them up.
I never thought
he'd die in bed .
" Man's life
between heaven and earth...
"is like a white foal
leaping a ditch.
"A flash...
"and it's over."
China, 4th Century B.C.
You're born... you live...
and you die.
- We all go the same way.
- Not necessarily.
I mean we don't all die in bed.
I'm bushed.
Got something to eat?
Sure.
- Those yours?
- Help yourself.
I always thought the Mexican
would go the hard way.
What saved him
was his psychology.
We're all not that talented.
I got my own psychology:
draw first.
It's crude, but it can work.
The Mexican was a real ace.
They'll talk about him
But he was on the skids...
I mean, in his head.
At the end,
he'd say anything.
He'd get moody, throw tantrums...
You talked to him.
Didn't you notice?
Notice what?
You didn't take
his last will seriously?
I shouldn't have?
Well, I was wrong.
There you are.
No need to get excited.
Mr Fernand agrees.
Some guys would turn on the heat,
but we're straight.
What can we do for you?
Get the hell out of here!
I told my buddy
I'd take care of everything.
OK, so I was wrong...
But right or wrong,
I'm the boss.
Look...
We don't know you.
But you're in for some sleepless
nights, some real headaches.
A "nervous breakdown"
as they call it nowadays.
I'm strong as a horse.
I've lived in the countryside
for 15 years.
Early to bed, early to rise.
The Tomato wants some help.
Three guys are breaking up the game.
- It happens often?
- Never.
I guess we can negotiate.
If you want to get home fast,
take a look.
It's right on your road.
Don't worry about the Volfonis.
"The toad's spittle
does not halt the caravan."
Mind if we go together?
I don't mind
but you might not like it.
I'll let you know.
ls he a phony big wheel
or a real sucker?
To me, he's nothing.
One phone call
and, ten minutes later,
he doesn't exist.
They look stupid ,
but I wouldn't trust them.
They're experts.
The Volfoni brothers
know gambling.
They've raked in chips
all the way to Las Vegas.
What about the pretty boy?
The Kraut?
He puts out the booze.
Times change.
The Mexican never hired
fags like him before.
I guess he was getting old.
He even helped out
Foreign Legion guys.
If it was for charity,
that's another matter!
This is the Tomato's pitch.
I thought it was a big deal.
It's a shack.
The Tomato says...
a gambler only looks at the table.
He doesn't even see
what's around him.
Get down !
On foot, they'd have had a chance.
But no one likes
ground combat anymore.
The infantry spirit is dead.
It's a shame.
Who planted them?
The Volfonis?
It might be one of their jokes.
Let's not rush things.
They may be expecting us again.
I'm not giving orders...
but stay in the rear.
On the retreat from Moscow,
the guys in the rear got it.
You made all the noise?
Excuse me.
- Mr Fernand , the new boss.
- I didn't know.
Now you do.
I'm the Tomato.
I run the place.
Why all the shooting?
Nobody would jump you here.
Somebody did.
Send Freddy out to clean up.
There's a heap outside
with two guys in it. Looks messy.
- Where are the others?
- What others?
The guys raising hell.
Raising hell here?
I don't get it.
Neither do I.
Didn't you call us?
It's been a very quiet night.
There must be a misunderstanding.
Henri's number?
Henri won't be
explaining anything...
to anyone.
Three sudden deaths
inside half an hour.
inheritance taxes
are really high.
The Mexican told the occupant
he could live here until his death.
Three months later...
an unfortunate accident.
What a buy!
He's dead.
We couldn't get here right away.
We had some litigation.
Besides...
somebody knocked off Henri.
The Volfonis?
When the lion dies,
the jackals fight over his empire.
Charlemagne's sons
did the same thing.
I'm Mr Folace, attorney.
I regret the circumstances
of our meeting.
Your room is ready.
The Mexican gave orders.
That's very kind , but...
I'd like to settle
everything today.
Were you a very old friend of Louis?
His oldest friend.
Miss Patricia will be sad.
The subject is forbidden.
No false notes!
The deceased's wishes are clear.
As long as possible,
she must think her daddy is alive...
in the Mexican mountains
where the mail is slow...
so he can't write letters.
I've got to go.
Mr Folace can reach me.
I live with my mother.
I'm glad you're here.
I can't handle the child.
I've known her too long.
I was at her baptism.
A beautiful ceremony.
She was exquisite even then.
Take up Mr Naudin's bags,
my good man.
Look, let's be serious
for a change.
A kid can pull
some crazy stunts,
but that's not our worry. Right?
It's not my worry anymore.
After all, you're here.
What do you mean?
Didn't you agree
to take care of her?
You'll go through
what I've gone through.
Visits to principals, excuses,
letters of expulsion.
You mean,
she's been thrown out?
From everywhere.
She has never lasted
more than six months.
Just long enough
to wear people down.
Yes, I'm delighted you're here.
Not for long.
Things are going to change fast.
She'll stay in her next place...
or I'll put her into
a military school with bugle calls.
Tell her.
- I will. Where is she?
- She's asleep.
Her little party
kept us up until three.
What he means is:
"Your room is ready."
Isn't your Limey a lush?
Oh yeah... And he's no more
British than you or me.
The Mexican found him .
Where?
Here. Right in front of his safe,
Jean had cracked
the Louis XV sideboard.
The Mexican grabbed him
just as he lit his blowtorch.
I can see it now.
The boss couldn't call the police,
nor pay for the damage.
So Jean worked here
three months to pay the bill.
Then it got into his blood.
He liked the job.
After all, he gets
his room and board.
Till then he'd spent
half his life in prison.
He chose freedom.
Funny, I thought
you were taller and darker.
But it's all right.
You're Uncle Fernand?
We should kiss, you know.
It's done.
Well, if it's done...
let's do it.
Good thing I shaved.
Daddy told me
you'd be here.
When?
In his last letter...
about a month ago.
Surprised?
He wrote all about you
and your adventures...
and everything
you've done for him.
I'd like some tea
with a little bread and butter...
maybe some bacon and eggs.
Can you take care of it?
Tea at 7 o'clock at night!
I guess I'm still
on Mexican time.
It must have been something
when you pulled him out of the river.
- Who?
- Daddy.
He wrote: "Fernand saved me
when I was really in deep."
He didn't say
what river it was.
Look, I'm dying of hunger.
Will you get my food?
You won't tell me?
It's not easy to remember.
There are rivers all over the place
down there.
Full of crocodiles.
Are you happy?
Let me wash.
We'll talk later.
We must have a long talk.
- A serious talk.
- Yes, uncle.
Mind if I say uncle?
Did you kill a lot of them?
Crocodiles.
There are rivers all over the place
down there.
Well, I'll take care of your tea!
Since you believe in firmness,
I'll give you a chance to try it.
On what?
On money...
money that isn't coming in.
The Volfonis haven't paid rent
on the barge for two months.
The Tomato and Theo are late, too.
ls this a revolt?
No, sire, a revolution.
No one's paying .
Are these guys
grabbing my niece's dough?
Looks like it.
Did Louis know?
I didn't tell him .
He was too trigger-happy.
If it had made the papers
and the child had seen it...
you can imagine, can't you?
What I see is that you'd rather
I did the shooting.
A legal guardian isn't the same.
His head chops off
just as easy.
Who's asking you to do it?
We have Pascal.
Shall I call him?
If I wasn't due at the Avignon fair,
I'd say no.
But I'm short of time.
And it's not good
to leave bills uncollected,
or to let the hired help dream.
Dream? Do you dream in color?
Antoine Delafoy,
Patricia's most faithful friend.
I admire you, sir.
Patricia always praises you.
You are the gaucho...
the legendary uncle.
She never praises you.
She hasn't had time.
But I can praise myself.
That can be amusing,
for I always take credit...
for the exploits of famous men.
ls he always like this?
No, it's just a front.
He needs to talk
but he's really very shy.
I know that he will charm you.
- Oh , he charms too?
- I don't charm, I enchant.
About your dreams in color...
Borowsky says
they're caused by eating fish.
I prefer Freud.
He's more witty.
- What do you think?
- Nothing.
I don't dream in color
or black and white!
I don't dream !
I haven't the time!
Adding water would be a crime.
It's ten years old.
Uncle is so overworked.
Coming with us tomorrow night?
Where?
What a sense of humor!
Frankie Mills
is making his debut.
Beethoven and Chopin
are silly, I know.
But Mills makes them
sound wild, ferocious!
Everyone's going.
Yes, I know people
take their uncle to the circus.
But you'll have to go without me.
Tomorrow evening
I'll be in Montauban.
And Patricia will be studying.
Right, Patricia?
You're right.
We must be gentle with him.
What's going on now?
Our friend will be delighted
to explain.
The Volfonis are holding
a meeting on the barge.
A committee meeting,
if you see what I mean.
Behind your back!
Where did you get this?
I can't say.
I promised I wouldn't.
It's not nice.
There are two possible solutions.
We can look into it
or we can ignore it.
Of course, it wouldn't hurt
to take a look.
We're going!
Can I squeeze into your car?
If the meeting gets lively,
I have a calming influence.
Do you prefer
foie gras now or later?
Tomorrow.
I've got a board meeting.
You're not dining with us?
And I told Jean
to bring champagne...
I'm deeply touched
by your invitation.
It's phony.
It's not. We buy it in Strasbourg.
Costs a fortune.
No, I mean his board meeting.
If you ask me, your uncle
from the pampas is out on the town.
You think so?
We walked the streets
I won't be a call girl
for his ghost.
Street-walking... call girls...
You purposely use words
that hurt people.
He's being literary.
That kind of literature
shouldn't be allowed.
Louis wasn't progressive.
He was right-wing.
If you asked for a raise,
he pulled out his gun.
But he gave us security.
You mean... he gave us crumbs!
Do you know what he cost us
in 15 years?
Do you know?
Tell them, Paul. I can't.
And 30 million a year
from our take.
Know what that makes?
Half a billion francs!
And you kicked in just as much.
Didn't you?
I didn't say a word.
I'm not paying!
I invite you to do likewise!
You're inviting us...
It's nice of you,
but some invitations...
What's bothering you?
The climate.
It's like Stalingrad.
Once was enough.
I prefer to stay out of range.
You're trying to pin it on me?
Then say so:
"You knocked off Henri
and the two other guys.
"Plus the Mexican.
"And the Archduke of Austria..."
It's me, Pascal!
I'm coming.
Who's with you?
I'm with the lawyer.
You're three, not two.
I announce the help...
not the boss.
Maybe, but I got my orders.
It's funny the way sailors need
to try and communicate...
If you stick with me,
what can he do? Sue us?
Don't.
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
I didn't invite you.
You didn't have to...
I own the joint.
What's this? A seminar?
I called them in
to talk about the Mexican...
about his funeral.
If you mean
the Mexican's funeral,
that's my business.
If you mean Henri's,
you might take care of it.
You can't pin
the massacre on me, too.
We'll settle that later.
We've other things to do now.
Let's talk business.
Let's start at the beginning.
Ladies first.
- Madame Mado, I presume.
- In person.
Madam, Mr Folace informs me
of a weakness in...
your balance of payments.
It's temporary, I trust.
ls there an explanation?
There are two:
a recession and a labor shortage.
The customer has
other things on his mind.
For example,
the casual client has vanished.
The one who dropped in
to be neighborly.
Now, after dinner,
he watches TV.
We can't compete
with the soap operas.
The Sunday lover
has vanished too. Why?
- I ask you.
- TV again?
He has a car, Mr Fernand ,
he has a car!
By the way, you mentioned
a labor shortage.
The situation is catastrophic.
They're scarcer than maids.
They're emigrating!
The call of Africa!
They're ready
to swim to Timbuktu!
Thank you, madam.
We'll discuss this later.
Who's the moonshine artist?
I assume you are
referring to me.
Your racket
isn't booming either.
But the French
still drink pastis.
Less than before.
Young Frenchmen drink sodas
for their health.
Ode Frenchmen drink mineral water
for their livers.
Worst of all, there's whiskey.
Meaning?
Whiskey is our tragedy.
I never saw that. ls it new?
It's this year's Beretta.
Just the thing
for a close-up job in the subway...
But, at this price,
you got to work to pay for it.
There's no substitute for quality.
But it doesn't come cheap.
- Who got it?
- Uncle Antonio.
- Berthe's brother?
- Yes.
I hope
you now understand...
why pastis sales
are going down all the time.
The clients are
more and more choosy.
It's a buyer's market.
Take the case of tractors...
I hope it's still hot.
And now, it's our turn.
Gambling is hotter than ever.
You think so?
Figures are your trouble.
You're men of action.
I've done it for you.
What if we don't agree?
Don't worry.
I picked the simplest system of all.
We carry over last year's figures.
Stop it, you!
That was a record year.
You'll beat the record this year.
You all look happy and dynamic.
He has to rub it in.
You'll collect
a week from today.
And if we don't pay,
you'll chill us!
Gentlemen, I thank you
for your attention.
Show these gentlemen out.
Raoul Volfoni, you really are...
What?
A born leader.
That guy doesn't know Raoul!
He's going to have a rude awakening.
I wanted to save you the bloodshed,
but it's too late for that.
I'll beat his brains out.
I'll have him crawling on his knees,
begging for mercy!
I forgot...
If you're late, you pay 10% more.
He dared to hit me.
He doesn't realize...
That party made
a new man out of me.
Mr Naudin mussed up...
a little bit Ode Man Volfoni.
My compliments, sir.
What's going on now?
Just when the flute started!
What a boor!
It isn't done, uncle.
Take it easy.
What's wrong?
Do you have business worries?
Hardly any.
I'd like an explanation.
Put your shoes on.
You look ridiculous.
What must I explain, my dear sir?
All this...
soft lights, sweet music.
Your shoes
on a Louis XVI chair.
An understandable confusion.
Define your terms more accurately.
Oh, it's not Louis XVI?
No, it's Louis XV.
But you were warm.
Corelli's sonatas
aren't sweet music.
I think they are.
And it's my house!
I accept your thesis
as a starting point in discussing...
music in relation to its setting,
the container
in relation to the contents.
Patricia, sugar...
I hate to be
vulgar or old-fashioned.
The gaucho may be unrefined
but he's always courteous.
But I must be frank: your Antoine
is starting to break my balls!
Let's talk about me
while you eat.
Go to your room.
'Night, Antoine!
As for you, young man...
- I know the way.
- Try to forget it.
But Uncle Fernand...
Mister Fernand to you!
Protocol will win over affection.
Too bad !
We'll stay strangers!
I'm disappointed in you.
You weren't very nice to Antoine.
Your father couldn't stand
bums like that either!
A bum? Antoine is a great composer.
He's a genius.
Geniuses don't go barefoot.
What about Franoise Sagan?
What a way to make a social call...
in the dead of night!
We didn't want to ring the bell
and wake everyone up.
The young lady might get ideas.
Especially at her age...
We wanted to talk to you.
I've seen you.
At the Volfonis'.
I was on the other side.
Sit down while I eat my meal.
You're too kind.
There's a reason
why both of us are here.
Bastien is my father's
sister's son.
Sort of like a first cousin.
Do you see the problem?
No, not yet.
You didn't give Mr Fernand
my references.
Top gun for the Volfonis.
Five years in the game,
day and night,
and never a scratch.
Don't you see the hitch?
Suckers would call this
a matter of conscience.
We call it:
a point of honor.
The weather looks bad
around you and the Volfonis.
What if it gets stormy?
Bastien and me are bound
to wind up face to face, gun in hand.
We're too honest not to shoot.
This could wipe out a family.
Yes, I see.
Want a drink?
- Never between meals.
- That's my rule, too.
I don't break training.
Alcohol ruins your touch.
Well, I can't blame you.
The family is sacred.
You have to respect it.
What do you suggest?
Bastien has handed in
his resignation.
And so will you.
It's the least I can do.
You understand?
I understand .
When child welfare
coincides with labor problems,
don't try to understand,
just pray.
"If this definition had not
been used before, we could say...
"that Bossuet depicted God
as He should be,
"and Pascal depicted Him
as He is."
You don't say!
What? They only gave you a B!
I won't stand for it.
You deserve more.
You're sweet, uncle.
Patricia, honey...
When I arrived here
last Wednesday,
we were drifting helplessly...
Phone call, sir.
From Montauban.
The caller sounds
somewhat... rustic.
Farmer maybe...
I couldn't make it by Friday.
I don't know.
In a week... maybe two...
Well, take care of it!
Every time I go away,
it's the same old story.
You're on your own!
"And Pascal depicted Him
as He is."
I'd have given Miss Patricia
an A at least!
Do you know the balance
of our account?
Six million.
ls someone helping himself?
It's much simpler than that.
Payments due last week...
are still due.
The cost of Princess Patricia's
education reminds me of...
the budget of Versailles.
Your expenses are taking on
gigantic proportions.
- Who is it?
- Speak of the devil...
Raoul Volfoni.
It's about time.
So you finally decided
to come across.
You got a fixation!
An obsession!
I'm just telling you
the distillery is in a jam.
Better take care of it.
It's your job, boss.
It's none of your business!
That's not fair. You won't
even let me do you a favor.
Do you think
Raoul fell for it?
He won't miss a chance to give
the other idiot some bad news.
It's funny
that the strong man hasn't phoned.
Some impulsive types
pick up the phone.
Others come in person.
You see.
And Volfoni will take the rap.
Feel better?
This makes
one down and one to go.
Now, it's merely
a matter of patience.
Next month, the Volfonis...
and the Mexican's racket becomes:
Theo, Tomato...
and Co.
Hide all that.
The caveman might not like
your perfumed butts.
OK, I'm coming!
In five minutes...
get going.
- Hurry up!
- I'm coming!
It's you, Mr Fernand?
Well, don't look so amazed!
Volfoni is a fool.
I didn't ask him to bother you.
I wanted a driver.
Well, I'm here now.
By the way, you need radar
to find this place.
I hunted for an hour.
The police have been
hunting for 10 years
and have never found it.
That's why I'll regret leaving it.
What makes you say that?
The weariness of it all.
Haven't you ever felt
stirrings in your soul?
No, I can't say I have.
You don't have the same reasons.
You won the war.
Okay, but I didn't come here
to brag about it.
So what's going on?
This is what's going on.
We have a load
ready to roll.
Six million francs in pastis...
and a customer
waiting at midnight...
in Fontainebleau.
We won't deliver.
Why not?
Our last driver took
a job in the Sahara...
with an oil company.
Overseas allowance...
free medical care...
Love of money.
No sense of values.
A driver can be replaced.
Running booze requires
not only competence...
but honesty as well.
Unlike the run-of-the-mill deal,
payment is immediate...
and in cash.
A simple mind can be tempted.
Well, get in
and deliver it yourself.
It sounds easy.
Why's that?
At night on an open road,
if an armed man in uniform
waves a lamp
and tells you to stop,
what do you do?
I stop, of course.
That's why you still
have a driver's license.
I don't.
Are the truck's papers okay?
Of course.
But you don't intend...
For six million francs,
I'll intend anything!
I can drive anything.
Once I even drove a Patton tank.
It's not my favorite brand.
Where do I deliver?
Fontainebleau is a big place.
Do you know the Pyramid fork?
A black Cadillac
will be waiting there.
We missed him.
Or else the cops picked him up.
That would be great!
He's just behind schedule.
Those windbags
are all alike.
"I can drive anything ."
But not when the chips are down.
I think we have a customer.
He's going to regret
his Patton tank!
What are you waiting for?
Torch her!
That's enough!
Yes, the small businessman
is washed up.
What about the Tomato?
If we have to fire him, we will.
I know just one law:
might makes right.
Can't you kick the habit?
What's up?
Gentlemen,
you're on a slippery slope.
Your debts are mounting .
A truck...
and six million in pastis...
- Explain.
- Some other time.
I'm in no mood for a chat.
I'm irritable!
You still in for 50%?
Sure I am.
Then open the door.
The party began at nine.
I don't think
we're early, old man.
Who invited you...
Pat or Antoine?
I wonder if he's laying her...
Who's laying who?
Just a second, sir.
The family circle
is getting bigger.
Just a drop more...
You've had enough.
Get me another bottle.
Where's Patricia?
And Mr Folace?
In the kitchen.
He believes in helping...
Look, I feel like a criminal.
There you are! And you call this
"a little fireside snack!"
I want an explanation.
Where were you?
- With friends.
- Commando veterans?
You relived the good old days?
The raids... the close combat...
You played with flame-throwers?
Straight or soda?
I feel right at home.
You said that I could
invite some friends.
They're all from excellent families.
Do you know who he was?
Admiral Letellier's son.
You want me to get my diploma?
Then be logical.
A diploma without pull
is like a cart without a horse,
an omelet without eggs,
a niece without her little uncle.
It's not worth a thing!
Never thought of that, did you?
- ls that all?
- By the way...
what are you thinking about?
Montauban.
I never should've left!
Charming evening, isn't it?
Know how much
this is costing?
Some waste money...
others collect it!
What do you say to that?
Those anchovy sandwiches
go like hot cakes.
Here are the overdue payments,
and with a fine to boot.
The Volfonis tried
to knock me off.
It's not their style.
That shows
they've changed their style.
Yes, you have to keep up
with the times.
Would they dare to come here?
Damn fools dare anything.
That's how you spot them.
You're sure
it's the right joint?
I'm always sure...
of everything!
- Scotch or fruit juice?
- Nothing!
If this is on our dough,
there'll be blood.
Hey, you!
ls your boss here?
Whom do you wish?
- Mr Fernand Naudin.
- " Mister"! Pain in the ass!
Fernand the thief...
I call him!
- Follow me, gentlemen.
- You bet!
You coming?
Gentlemen, you may enter.
Don't make a move.
Hands on the table.
We got the fire power
of a cruiser!
Let me relieve you of it,
gentlemen.
Boys, we're out of sandwiches.
Uncle, if your friends
want to dance...
Hurry, gentlemen.
Someone might get
the wrong impression.
Someone almost did .
Know what I ought to do...
just for fun?
Isn't this getting monotonous?
I told you this was
the wrong approach.
Men of action should
give way to diplomats.
We're living in an age
of discussion and goodwill.
What do you think?
I don't say no.
We didn't come here
to butter sandwiches.
Why not?
Domestic chores can have
a certain nobility too.
Especially if they lead
to fruitful negotiations.
Mr Folace,
ditch the casus belli.
I know human nature, Mr Paul.
But to get back to housework,
what you said
is very pertinent,
and it steadies you.
How very true!
Yes, the devil finds work
for idle hands.
Where's Jean?
Why?
We're out of ice
and we're out of scotch!
Give her some fruit juice.
You know what you can do
with your fruit juice...
Patricia's uncle says
there's no scotch.
Then buy some... with that!
Hands off the lolly, bitch!
Drinking at that age!
It's a scandal.
But we're not minors.
We might have a little snort.
You can say that again.
The fact of the matter is...
the kids pirated
all the usual merchandise.
We'll have to try
a new taste thrill.
- Oh , memories!
- We're saved.
Saved?
Let's wait and see.
You broke out the vitriol?
What do you mean?
It looks okay.
As a first impression,
I would say...
it looks pretty weird.
The Mexican made it
when he was in his prime.
But we had to stop production.
People went blind...
It was bad for business.
Yes, you can't deny it.
It's got body!
You're right, it is weird.
I knew a Polish girl
who drank it for breakfast.
But you must admit
that it's a man's drink.
Know what it reminds me of?
The juice we used to drink
in a joint near Saigon.
Red shutters...
and that big blond lady who ran it.
What was her name?
- Montmartre Lulu.
- You knew her?
I can taste apples.
They're in it.
That's where
Lucien the Horse got it.
You know who did it?
I got amnesia!
Montreal Teddy.
A crazy who only used dynamite.
Those were the days.
Sulking?
Me sulk?
Don't be ridiculous.
But I'm fed up
with clandestine love.
Kissing over the telephone
even twice a day
is very cute, but...
I'm a man!
It's all your uncle's fault.
You all act like
you're scared to death of him...
I'll talk to him.
About what?
I'll talk to him...
about our marriage.
About you,
about me...
about us!
Say that again.
About you...
About me...
Just the first word.
I liked that one best.
Okay, I'll grant you
that, near the end,
Jo the Jolter
was losing his grip.
But during the dark days
of the Occupation,
nothing could stop him.
He even wiped out
a Panzer division.
Was he running a tank?
No, a milk bar.
Why don't you listen?
I can't think straight.
Jo had a secret formula.
Where?
Down the hall to the right.
A sack of spuds,
a sack of sawdust...
and 25 quarts of Napoleon brandy
came out of the still.
Jo was a magician.
And that's why
I feel free to invite...
certain disrespectful quarters...
to shut their goddam yaps.
You can't tell me...
there's not just apples in it.
There's something else.
It wouldn't be
sugar beet, would it?
They're in there, too.
What do they teach you
in school, honey?
Pretty girls
always learn too much.
Know how I see your future?
You wanna know?
I'll tell you anyway.
I see an international career...
travel...
Egypt, for example.
Nice place, Egypt.
And the best thing is they know...
how to treat artists right.
Do you want anything , sir?
He offered me a trip to Egypt.
Oh, I just said Egypt
off the top of my head.
I might have said...
Lebanon!
Ah I see! The gentleman
is a travel agent?
No, darling, the gentleman
is a white slaver.
But it's nothing unusual.
I wish I could
get some real food.
Your niece is
with a jealous guy.
I'm talking to her...
you know me,
ever the gentleman...
I know my manners...
when this squirt
looks for trouble.
He used bad words!
It's Mister Antoine! Kicking him
out the door isn't enough!
I guess I'll have to
kick him through it!
I think it's closing time.
Get out!
Dowry hunters don't belong here!
The French family deserves respect!
Over-indulgence
excuses over-familiarity.
Did we drink?
Just apple juice.
I'm gonna teach you tact...
with my foot on your backside!
What were we talking about?
Our youth.
Wake up!
What are you doing here?
I must inform you...
that Patricia didn't
go to school today.
Patricia isn't in school.
The school just called up.
She's going to school.
She's going right now.
She's gone?
That's impossible.
You knew her mother...
- So?
- Heredity.
Her mother was always running out.
Susie the Smile
was a slum kid.
At 1 6, she was a star.
I don't see the tie-up.
We could call the police...
The Mexican would spin in his grave!
The cops looking for his kid?
Sometimes, you're brilliant!
Did you see her leave?
Yes, at eight... as usual.
Notice anything?
Yes, sir. Her bags.
He tells me this now?
It's unbelievable.
A kid leaves for school
with her bags...
and you think it's normal?
Go on, boy, go on
or he'll break your dirty face...
What a bunch of jerks!
Thanks for your help.
What's that?
The license number of her taxi.
You're sure it's here?
Yes, I had to haul the bags.
She's crazy!
We always say that
when dames walk out on us.
Wait for me.
Better call another cab.
If the lady sees me, I won't
look good . No one like a sneak.
In our racket, we try
not to get mixed up in...
the ups and downs
of people's romances...
I knew a hackie
who hauled husbands.
This chick turns him
into a sieve in broad daylight.
- She had a lousy aim.
- OK, OK.
Don't be too tough on her.
Good heavens!
Where must a man go
to find peace and quiet?
To Greenland?
I almost had
an absolute anti-chord.
Absolute! You hear me?
The music of the spheres.
But that's over your head.
Ape man !
Do you mind?
Mr Delafoy, when you've finished
fixing the plumbing...
I expected that!
The plumbing!
Lowbrow irony!
Homespun wit!
Victorian sarcasm!
Mr Naudin, you may know all about
bulldozers and tractors, but...
as for your opinions
on modern art and music,
I advise you to use them
as suppositories...
and in children's sizes, too!
Since you threw me out,
I don't see...
- Where's Patricia?
- I don't see why you're here.
Where's Patricia?
Here I am , uncle!
What are you doing here?
What does this mean?
As you can see:
I cook, I mend, I clean.
In short,
I'm taking care of Antoine.
After all, he's spending
the rest of his life with me...
Spending his life?
You're staying for lunch.
Go to the Italian place.
We're low on wine.
He likes bordeaux or burgundy?
I'll get both.
Don't you feel well?
It's nothing.
I'm going nuts, that's all.
It's burning!
You can come in.
Why did you run off like that?
You had us worried sick.
Why did you throw Antoine out?
- Want my opinion?
- Yes, now you've tasted it.
It needs thyme.
I mean... my opinion
of your Antoine!
" My" Antoine?
You're right there.
He's marrying me.
Let's not lose our heads.
Do you love him?
Enough to marry him?
So much that
it's almost indecent.
I deserve something tragic,
something Spanish...
or even Russian!
Come on, have a little drink.
The hair of the dog.
I didn't have a drop.
Then why were you up all night?
You even took two baths.
Just nerves.
You won't be home late, will you?
I don't want your future in-laws...
to get the wrong idea.
Your Antoine is very amusing
with his airs and graces...
but he's got a family
like everyone else.
The sole survivor of a family
shattered by war with the natives,
divorce and bad driving...
Daddy...
Adolphe Amde Delafoy,
known as " Mr President".
He collects clocks
and traffic tickets,
disappointments in love
and medals!
He only lacks
the life-saving medal.
He yearns for it above all else,
but he can't swim .
A curious man...
A father.
His perversions in art
are akin to yours.
A defender of Puvis de Chavannes
and Reynaldo Hahn.
I don't know him.
He does.
Aside from that,
he's a great man,
with a weakness
for religion and waitresses.
Know the latest?
He's vice-president of the
International Monetary Fund.
What are you thinking of?
The monetary fund ...
it's not bad, you know.
Happy birthday, uncle!
Happy birthday, dear fellow!
That means: "Good health
and happiness, sir."
You're all very nice.
Someone brought this.
From the Volfoni brothers.
Things like this affect a man.
It's a nice gesture!
It must be a clock...
Listen!
He's gone.
Did you see that?
In peacetime!
He sings and then: bang!
The guy's sick.
But I know how
to treat his case.
I'll give him a prescription...
A stiff one!
I'll show him who I am!
They'll pick him up in little pieces
like a jigsaw puzzle!
When I'm pushed too far,
I'm dynamite!
I blow up! I blow away!
- We should've stayed home.
- Shut up!
Make sure he's asleep.
ls the big slob asleep?
He'll sleep even better
in a minute.
That joker will hear
the angels sing!
I'm going to send him
back to his maker...
a one-way ticket to the factory.
The dirty dog.
"Truck Fire Puzzles Police"
"In the load of bootleg pastis
were found...
"bottles of gasoline."
They burn better.
But what you did to the Volfonis
wasn't very nice.
It wasn't fair.
What a laugh!
They ambush me,
they kill Henri...
They didn't.
You explain.
If the Volfonis
had sprayed you and Henri,
who would have done it?
Me... top gun!
And it wasn't you.
Theo, our Kraut friend...
how do you rate him?
He isn't snow-white.
Mind running
a little errand for me?
If the Volfonis are out of it...
In that case,
we might be interested.
You might see Theo
out on his country estate.
He probably feels like a chat.
A nice talk...
Since he knows you,
he may confide in you.
I don't see why
he should hide things from us.
Neither do I.
Unless he wants to tease us.
We dropped by the distillery.
Theo wasn't there.
We ran into the Tomato.
Strange, huh?
Why was he there?
Don't worry. He told us why.
Poor Tomato...
I didn't think
he'd leave us so soon.
Well, they spared us the job.
ls that all you can think of?
This means that the other slob
has caught on.
It'll be our turn next.
But now we've got...
the law on our side.
- The law?
- Self-defense.
I don't forgive and forget.
Dear fellow...
we have visitors.
I thought we'd surprise them!
What strategy!
I won't ask if you can open it.
I won't ask
if the gentleman can use it.
Expecting someone, sir?
Do you think
it is an enemy ruse, sir?
Please announce me
to Mr Fernand Naudin.
Whom shall I announce?
Whom am I to announce, sir?
What's the matter?
Speak up, my good man.
President Delafoy.
The father of Antoine Delafoy.
I apparently must announce myself.
I too am delighted
to make your acquaintance.
I see that you move fast.
I don't dislike that.
I approve of action and initiative.
In my younger days,
I used to play field hockey.
Great gods.
Late 18th Century!
A Ferdinand Berthoud!
Gracious!
Unless my daughter-in-law insists,
I would be glad
to make an exchange.
Forgive me,
I'm anticipating things.
Sir, I have the honor...
to ask the hand
of your niece, Patricia
for my son, Antoine.
Your spontaneous reply
does not surprise me.
Well, there we are...
This house is delightful.
This country air... this silence!
Sir, these old homesteads...
are absolutely priceless.
Didn't I hear...
Yes, it's...
It's the gardener.
He's killing moles.
Please tell him
to make less noise.
I'll do my best, sir.
I hope it is a heritage...
or a gift.
But if you found it in Paris,
I shall die.
What?
This.
What's that?
Termites!
They get into everything!
That's the trouble
with these old homesteads.
Nasty bugs!
The goons.
On their own, they're bad news.
Together, they're a disaster!
For once, God is not on our side.
But we won't go home
empty-handed.
I know it's unfair,
but it makes me feel better.
Absolutely perfect.
Not every man can...
wear morning dress like this,
but you wear it
to perfection, sir.
You were born to be a diplomat.
Just send me
your bill right away.
I'm leaving town
the day after tomorrow.
Uncle, it's marvelous.
I didn't know
we had so many friends.
We have more than you think.
You look extremely relaxed,
Uncle Fernand, glad to be alive.
You can say that again.
Besides, I'm no longer
a legal guardian.
As for the businesses
that make up Patricia's dowry,
your dear father
has agreed to run them.
Of course, they may be
somewhat... eccentric,
but a vice-president of the
monetary fund can handle them.
Dad doesn't understand
the past, present or future.
He doesn't understand
the ways of the world.
But he understands everything,
when it comes to money.
ls it phony?
It's the real McCoy.
Theo and his boys are back.
They're at the distillery.
They're loading up
to pull out.
And you're here?
Bastien is on guard.
We could've killed 'em painlessly but
we thought you had first priority.
Some bosses have principles.
Tell Patricia
that I've an errand to run...
and I'll meet them at church.
On such an errand, sir,
I advise you to go prepared.
Do I ever forget anything?
Forgive me, sir,
today is one of those days...
Just go to the church, OK?
I spotted 3. There may be more.
Do we wait until they come out?
Or do we flush them?
I'm due at a wedding at 10.
Let's get going.
Here they come.
What's that?
We might have
to fire a burst...
if they come out all at once.
You think
you're still in the maquis!
Why don't you grow up?
I told you
I was in a hurry!
- Boss...
- Dammit!
The coat will hide it.
Do I look OK?
That was close...