Man! Ain't nothing better than Two
Thousand Maniacs! I tell you. Right, Cigrit?
You damn right, Floyd.
That Herschell Gordon Lewis. Genius.
He started it all.
That man, he could take a crap on a plate
and I would sit down with some popcorn
and watch it.
Mmm-hmm. He was like
the Frank DiCaprio of his time.
He started it all. There wouldn't be
none of them movies, would they?
- The Chainsaw Massacre...
- That was all him.
- We saw the original right here.
- Right here.
Yeah. Y'all gotta watch it.
Tune in next week.
Tell them why they gotta tune in next week.
Next week? Blacula.
Oh, man. When you are right,
you are so gosh-dang right, Cigrit.
They are gonna be so scared,
their pants will be full of urine cakes.
That's what gonna happen.
Tune in, 'cause this
is the best dang show you got here.
And it's the only show you got here.
Tune in, or I'll shoot you dead!
- I've seen him do it.
Yes, siree!
You all better tune in
and watch the Trailer Park of Terror.
Pretty girl.
Today's the day, babe.
You come work for Miss China.
Give Asian massage.
Pretty girl make big money!
- Well, hey, Norma!
- Hey, kiddo.
Hey, Freddie.
- You ain't leaving me, are you?
- I wouldn't leave you.
Where you slinking off to like that,
pretty girl?
I don't recall giving you permission.
I don't answer to you.
- What's it matter to you, anyway?
- Hell, girl.
It don't matter a damn.
I was just curious, that's all.
Aaron's coming here.
We're going to a school dance.
Aaron?
- Stop it.
Oh, now. Lookee here!
Lookee here, y'all!
- Look at that, baby. Yeah.
- Stop it. Give me that.
- He's here for me.
- Sure he is.
- Marv...
- Boys like that don't come
to places like this for girls like you, Norma.
They come for something else.
And I was just figuring
on letting him know...
Get out of my way!
...how sweet you are
behind that pretty little dress of yours!
You ain't never gonna lay a hand on me
ever again. You understand?
What's wrong?
- Stop it.
You ain't never getting away
from us, girl!
Well, you looking like a bitch in heat.
Y'all can shove that possum right up
your ass and be happy you're still alive.
You don't fucking talk to me like that.
I smell fresh meat!
- Norma, you ain't leaving us, are you?
- No, honey, I'll see you later.
But it's our business so you mind your own
Well, here come Norma, so hot and sweet
She's looking just like a dog in heat
I bet that bitch can turn a crank
And make a dead man come
like a Sherman tank
Hi.
Hi, Aaron.
- These are for you.
- Thank you.
I prefer roses.
What the hell do you think
you're doing, Roach?
Me and Aaron here
are just getting acquainted.
Just ignore him. He don't know
no better, just like the rest of them.
Hell, ain't you just like the rest of us,
candy pants?
No. I'm not.
Hell, Norma, you got us under your skin.
You ought to know that by now.
- Let's get outta here.
- Hey, hey, hey. Whoa, hey, now.
Let's mind our manners.
We ain't got acquainted with your fianc.
Marv, leave us the fuck alone.
We gotta make sure his intentions are pure.
We was watching out for you. Your
rich daddy buy you this sweet ride, boy?
Get outta the way, Stank.
- Roach, give me those keys.
- Look what I got!
You are a rich boy, ain't you?
No. I bought it on my own.
Yeah, not everybody's
a worthless shit-ass like you!
Did you hear that, Marv?
We got ourselves an achiever on our hands.
Well, well. An achiever.
- Goddamn world-beater.
- Leave him alone!
I'm just talking to Big Bank Hank here.
Figure I might wanna hire him
to be part of the team.
You could use an apprentice,
couldn't ya, Stank?
- You cannot find good help these days.
- That's right.
You need good help,
and you gonna need some money
to keep up with sweet cheeks here.
- Don't touch her!
- Don't touch me, Marv!
I'm gonna tell you something else.
You gonna need some skill and experience.
- The kind that a man has, not a boy.
- We're just going to a dance.
Just going to a dance.
- It's gonna be a hell of a long dance...
- Put it back!
- Leave him alone!
- Hey, mister!
- You listen to me and you listen good!
I'm gonna give you
a little marital advice, buddy.
Don't be expecting on your honeymoon,
when you dive deep into that well,
to look for pure water,
'cause I done primed that pump already.
- And it's...
- You're a lying son of a bitch!
Hell, yeah! Boy, be a hero!
- He is an achiever! God damn!
- Let's see how big a one he is!
- Aaron!
Hell, Stank,
never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
Fuck you, Roach.
You know I didn't mean to.
No, no. Aaron! Aaron!
Oh, my God.
You pack of murdering
faggot bastards!
Fuck you! Fuck you! Huh, Marv?
No, don't you even look at me!
You want to touch me? You...
Baby, I'm sorry.
All I ever wanted... All I ever wanted was
for somebody to love me for me! For me!
Not the fucking whore that you think I am!
Get me outta this fucking hellhole!
You can all go straight to hell!
You're gonna all go straight to hell!
Howdy.
You don't look so good.
I said you don't look so good, honey.
Do I know you?
No, you don't. But I know you.
Everybody around here does.
You're Norma, the trailer-park queen.
Least, that's what all the boys say.
- Get out of my way!
- You see, a girl like you
grows up with nothing,
probably ain't gonna be nothing.
- It's just the natural order of things.
- What do you know?
A lot. I know a lot.
I been around a long time, and I've seen
a lot of things. And it ain't your fault, child.
Yeah? Well, whose fault is it then?
It's their fault.
There's people holding you down,
kicking you,
keeping you on their level,
taking away everything you ever had
and everything you ever wanted.
How do you know about that?
Listen to me. Do you want to get even
with everybody, with this shit,
with the world?
If you want to get even,
you gotta start now.
You see, I always say,
"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned."
Or one that's been shit on all her life.
You know, the weaker ones among us
would have you believe
that violence never pays.
I am not one of those people.
I say therein lies salvation
and eternal gratitude.
Now, do we have a deal?
We have a deal.
Norma.
No! No!
Let's all get outta here now!
Born into this life,
thought I was free
But they held on like demons
Never let me be
So come to me, Satan
Come take me, please
I've lived, I'm done
I'm tired as can be
All right, people, let's go.
Make it quick.
Jesus!
Hey, y'all.
My name is Bridget, and I'm a quitter.
No. Actually, I guess,
I never quit anything in my life.
That's why Mommy and Daddy
sent me to Jesus camp.
- Fuck you, Alex.
- I was abused as a kid.
So that means I can do whatever I want
and just shit on everybody else.
- No, you don't know anything about me.
- Oh, yeah. That's right, Goth bitch.
Like I don't know you turned to a liar
to save your own ass!
But then I guess God just decided
I needed another challenge.
Thank you, God.
Thou shalt be teamed with a...
- What do you fucking want?
- Do you ever take a break,
- or are you always like this?
- I can take care of myself, okay, Michael?
I'm always like this.
- Yeah. You don't think it's sad?
I'll tell you what, computer boy.
If I smacked your geek head to the ground,
and then kicked your fucking face in
until your whole goddamn queer body
stopped moving,
- that would be sad.
- Yeah.
Hey, that's enough!
Amber, you got something
you wanna add to the conversation?
Respect, people!
- Stop staring at my ass, Jason.
- No, I wasn't.
I don't know anything about your ass.
Whoa, whoa! Yo, Twinkie.
Haven't you noticed in the time
you've been here that, that one's taken?
- Hey, people!
- You got that?
- Yeah.
- Bathroom, soda, snacks.
Hey, hey. Hey!
Get inside. We gotta get back on that bus.
There's a storm coming. Come on.
Officer. How are you?
Just running hauls up in Cincinnati...
- Yeah.
I don't know why
he wanted to take that run.
Please be advised,
a line of severe thunderstorms are moving
across middle Tennessee,
northern Alabama and Georgia.
These storms are associated with strong
upper-level cold pressure systems...
Vertical Trinity. What's that about?
Dragging us up to the mountains
and trying to save our souls.
Something like that.
Hope you plan
on buying those snacks, son.
Yes, ma'am, he does.
Hey, pay the lady.
a severe storm warning
for the Tri-State area.
Travelers are well advised to seek shelter.
This is a dangerous storm
accompanied by heavy rain, high winds
and a strong possibility of tornadoes.
We are now getting reports of flooding
and landslides on Highway 24,
and the highway patrol has closed
the route until further notice.
Just great.
Travelers, please be advised,
a line of severe thunderstorms
are moving across middle Tennessee,
northern Alabama and Georgia.
That's some bunch of hell raisers
you got there, mister.
They're not as tough
as they like to pretend.
Nothing a good crack upside the head
wouldn't straighten out, huh?
No, no. At Vertical Trinity, we don't believe
violence is appropriate discipline.
These are decent kids, they really are.
They just need a little guidance, that's all.
I think what he's trying to say
is that we're fuck-ups.
Language?
Start rounding up the others for me,
will you please, Bridget?
We're all about faith intervention.
By challenging these kids' limitations
and negative self-images,
we show them there's nothing they can't do
without faith and God's help.
Tell you what, while you keep on believing,
how about you reach in your wallet
and count me out the 20 bucks
for the porno rags your little angel lifted?
- They're really not bad kids.
- Yeah, and sometimes when I
turn my head just a certain direction,
I kinda think I look like Julia Roberts.
That ain't really worth a whole hell of a lot
in the rest of the world now, is it?
I guess not. Let's see here.
I think I can take this bypass here.
- You ain't serious?
- Why wouldn't I be?
That there road's hell in a storm.
And it ain't even real good
in the broad daylight, neither.
- He ain't from around here, is he?
- About 8 miles, the road comes to a "T,"
you wanna take a left,
and that'll take you up to the bypass.
All right, hey! You two got about
A full five more than you need, right,
minute man?
- Excuse you, Goth whore.
- Well, there's no excuse for you.
Hey, let's get a move on, troops...
- You know you want this.
- Yeah. Like leprosy.
I got her! Hey, Tiff!
Hey, Tiff. Hey! What are you...
Do you know
what I had to do to get this?
I think I have an idea.
I finally get some shit,
and you dump it all over the ground?
Jesus, Tiffany. Did you not get
anything out of this past week?
Yeah. A serious crave.
But thanks for helping me with that, mom.
You know what? The bus is leaving.
Let's go. Come on.
- Now.
- Fuck!
- Now.
- Man!
Jesus, this sucks!
Yeah. Do it. Do it. Do it.
Hey, yo, Pastor. We there yet?
For real, though. I just wanted to
thank you for this past week, man.
It was enlightening.
No, really.
I think you worked miracles, man.
In fact, you got a whole bus full of them.
But, no, seriously, though. I'm seeing
big changes, Pastor. Big changes.
I mean, take my man Michael here.
I mean, I think the dude's
actually starting to notice girls. Yeah.
Tiffany, I think she's just gonna
stick to smoking dope now,
instead of scoring the hard shit all the time.
Jason, he's laughing, man,
'cause he knows he's changed.
He's downgraded his shoplifting
just to soft-core porn now.
Which is good, 'cause the amount
he whacks off, he'll be blind within a year.
And my girl Bridget, yo, her days
of five guys all at once, they're done.
She's just strictly
a threesome kinda girl now.
Man. Her days of telling tall tales about her
messed-up childhood? Done. No more!
Take my old girl Amber.
I guess there's just some people
you can't save, you know what I mean?
- You know what, Alex? This is a process...
- Look out!
Jesus Christ.
Everybody all right? Anybody hurt?
My head. My...
- Oh, fuck!
- Anybody have a signal?
- Looks like a dead zone.
- Nothing.
- There's no keys, nothing!
- Oh, God.
- I don't get it.
- Who leaves a truck
- in the middle of the damn road?
- It's fucking weird, if you ask me.
Yeah, it is fucking weird. I guess we'll
bow to your expertise in that department.
- Fuck you!
- Hey, there's a sign!
What?
- "Trailer park." Let's go check it out.
- Dude, look at the sign!
- What?
- The thing is probably long gone by now.
- Let's go. Follow me. Come on.
No!
- Oh, yeah. That's a great idea.
We're stranded in a thunderstorm,
everybody head for the trailer park.
There won't be any freaks there.
But if there are,
at least we have the Lord on our side.
Hey, don't you think
someone should stay with the bus?
Bridget, wait up.
Come on, baby. Catch up.
Hey, there's a light!
- Hurry up.
I cannot believe
someone actually lives here.
Come on, guys.
Come on, let's get out of the rain now.
You two. Hey, come on.
Hello?
Anybody home?
Hello?
Hello?
We've had an accident.
We just need a phone.
Oh, ma'am.
Ma'am, we didn't mean to barge in, ma'am.
A man in my home.
- This is really awkward.
- And me still putting my face on.
Children? Goodness, children!
Oh, where are my frigging manners?
Come on in.
Sit! Sit. Sit, sit, sit!
Okay, I'm just gonna put my face on.
I'll be right back.
- If we could just use the phone.
- Phone? Why would I have a phone?
I still think somebody should have
stayed with the bus.
Let's just relax.
This woman might be able to help us.
How is she going to help us
if she doesn't have a phone?
Maybe she has a car.
Yeah. Maybe she's got a private jet
out back on blocks, too.
Alex, that's not helpful.
Maybe she got some ponies
we can all ride, one for each of us.
- Wouldn't that be fun?
- That would be nice.
Oh, shit!
Those are some fucking ponies.
- Alex. Stop it.
Sweet tea?
You didn't have to do that for us.
Thank you.
Oh, it's nothing. Come on.
Thank you.
- Oh, you're welcome.
- Thank you.
- Precious, precious darlings.
Thank you.
- I'm Norma.
- I'm Pastor Lewis.
We had a little accident up there in the rain.
We're with the Vertical Trinity Ministries.
- That's nice.
- This is swell and all,
but I think we should be
getting back to our bus.
Let me know if you all want yours
a little harder.
- This better?
- Yeah.
- Look, ma'am...
- Norma, darling.
- We could really use some help.
- If y'all are looking for help,
you came to the right place.
Jesus!
- Great.
Now, just calm down.
- Hold on.
This always happens. Don't worry about it.
It's gonna be fine.
It's gonna be okay, Tiffany, all right?
- It's gonna be fine.
- Let's tell a scary story.
Great.
Come on. I love a scary story.
Come on, who's got one?
I know one of you has got one.
How about you, pepper pot? No?
Dark shadows, what about you?
Hell, you already look like
one of the devil's daughters.
- I know you got a scary story.
- I don't. I'm sorry.
Nothing.
- What about you, cupcake?
- No.
Come on, lady, look at her.
She is a scary story.
Screw you, Alex. You're so fucking twisted.
Wrong again, Tiffany.
That would be your last name.
- Let's knock it off, people.
- What about her?
Why don't you tell us her story?
Well, every picture has one, right?
Shall I?
Well, once upon a time,
there was a lovely princess,
and she lived in a kingdom
ruled by evil men.
She lived with her mama
and her wicked stepfather.
You shouldn't do it. I don't know
why you let him do this to you.
Norma, not now.
But you gotta see what he is, Ma.
He's just taking advantage of you.
I know what he is. I could do worse.
- Listen...
- Honey, I haven't got time to listen.
Damn it. I'm out of lipstick.
Mama, who gives a damn
about your stupid lipstick, okay?
Stank ain't got a right
making you do all that.
Who says he makes me do anything?
What, you like it?
That's the art,
making them think you like it.
Mama, you're not a good enough actress
to make anybody think
you like stupid, fat Sheriff Keys.
- He don't have to make you do that.
- Well, it's all I know how to do, honey.
Look, would you just run over to China Girl
and get me some more lipstick?
Come here, honey. Come here.
Come to your mama.
Come sit down on your mommy.
I wish I knew who your daddy was.
Your eyes are so beautiful.
- Shut up, Ma.
- You are. You're so beautiful.
And you're so smart, and I love you.
But I gotta do what I gotta do,
so that you don't have to.
So you have a choice out there.
- Not everybody's so lucky, honey.
- Norma, get your ass out here!
Sorry, Mama, I gotta go.
Marv's paying me to help him with the load.
Okay.
Norma!
I'm coming!
Don't get your panties in a wad!
You looking fine today, Norma.
Roach! Quit jerking off!
Get your lazy ass down here
and help with this trailer!
Fuck you, Marv. I got my good shirt on.
Man. You're breaking my goddamn lock!
What're you doing, brother?
- You worthless piece of shit.
- Get that fucking thing out of my face.
You gonna get up in there
and help us unload this,
or you gonna stand around
and wait for your helmet to get polished?
Hey, man, let's get something straight,
all right?
We got a deal.
See, I drive the truck, and you rob me.
You wanna gnaw on a man's pecker
in the process? That shit's up to you.
Mack! Hey, you come now!
You come in for number-one massage!
Oh, I'm coming! You know that, rice cake.
Hey, little girl.
I don't pay you to stand around
and watch your tits grow.
Now get your ass up there.
Get some smokes over to China Girl.
Get the salad dressing to Stank
for the product meat. Let's go.
I'm on the clock here, fucking people.
I do not have time! God damn it!
- Yes, sir, shithead.
- Hey, Marv, I forgot.
Don't even contemplate fucking me
out of my percentage, you got that?
That's my jellyroll, big daddy.
China.
Number-two massage.
Hey, hey, hey! Easy on that product.
Shit! Oh, shit! Fuck!
You just look at one of these things
cross-eyed, they take you off at the knee.
What the hell is that?
Somebody's been getting in my pot fields.
Nobody touches my shit. Nobody.
Boom!
"Boom!"
Get that shit to Stank. God damn it.
- Mama said to tell you she's ready.
- Sheriff Keys here yet?
Yeah.
Y'all take these on over to Larlene's.
She done paid for them.
Hell, no!
- Take them now, you hear?
- No! She's nasty. She smells like a wet dog.
I ain't asking you to! I'm telling you to!
There is a difference.
Well, we was in a shit heap,
no doubt about that.
But me being a brave, young,
death-defying princess and all,
well, Marv and Stank,
they didn't put fear in me.
There wasn't much that could.
But then there was Larlene.
I smell meat.
Hello?
Give me my meat.
Come here.
I want to smell you.
Get back in here, you juicy little bitch!
I can catch you if I want to!
Stupid bitch.
Shit, man. Marv's on the move.
Stank's going to heaven.
Thank you for the lipstick,
Miss China.
- Hey, that's my truck!
- No, no, no. Lay down. Relax.
God damn it. Someone's stealing my truck!
It means some fucking redneck's
going to die. Get the fuck...
Do what job?
What am I gonna do? Stick it up my ass?
What's the matter with you?
I ain't sticking that up my ass!
I didn't ask you
to stick it up your ass.
I won't let you
stick it up my ass.
I ain't paying for lip now,
God damn it! I'm paying for pussy, by God.
Well, if you're paying
for pussy, then pussy's what you'll get.
I'll even give you some ass!
But Stank knows
I don't do that kind of shit!
What the fuck's going on?
What, did somebody come through the
trailer park here and brought morality in?
Put the camera down, Stank!
You gonna let her get by with this shit?
No, Sheriff, she's feisty.
- Put the camera down!
But she knows
what puts her food on the table.
What? Your fucking pork rinds?
Your possum rinds?
- Yeah, I've been living off that!
- Come on, God damn it!
- Just let him do it and get it over with!
- Do what?
It'll just leave a few bruises.
You can cover them up with all that
fucking makeup you wear anyway.
Let's get this job done.
- Fuck you!
- Hey, watch the camera!
- Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!
- Hold the camera. I got her.
- Get your ass back here.
- There we go. Speed!
Quit fucking around and stay still!
Hold you back. Get in. The close shot.
All right.
- Fuck off! Fuck you!
Mom?
Oh, shit.
God.
- Did I scare ya?
- Oh, shit!
That's a cool-ass story, lady.
- So, what happened after that?
She got the hell out of there, right?
Actually, no.
I had to finish the video
with Sheriff Keys myself.
Oh, that is so fucked.
Completely fucked.
- Yes!
Hey!
Well, I guess
it's like the old saying goes, you know.
Being beautiful, it's a blessing and a curse.
Wait. You hear that?
Rain's stopped.
I want to get out of here.
I'll figure it out
in the daylight.
Okay. Now, I've kept you guys
way too long.
So y'all are staying here tonight.
I won't hear any argument. I got
plenty of space to hold you till morning.
- Hey!
- Oh, jeez.
What the fuck is this place?
Well...
- The House of Fun?
you probably don't realize it,
but y'all are standing
in a little bit of history right here.
Long ago, truckers far and wide
used to stop here for a little R&R
in the middle of their long haul
through the good old southern U.S. of A.
So this used to be
some kind of whorehouse?
- Asian massage.
- Dibs.
- I could sleep here, if that's okay.
- That's disgusting.
Gross.
Don't you worry yourself,
sweetheart.
I got something more upscale
in mind for y'all.
Come on, girls.
Let's go. It's okay.
Well, come on in.
Don't be getting shy on me now.
I think there's a light in here somewhere.
Oh, right.
I know, it's a bit musty in here,
but just pretend like it ain't.
And there's just the one bedroom,
but y'all will figure it out, I'm sure.
- Mr. Lewis? This is worse.
- It'll be fine. It's just for the night.
Let's just be grateful
that God has provided.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
Oh, no problem. This was the home
of a genuine war hero, ladies.
He served his country, and he did it proud.
Well, it looks like
he got nothing in return.
- Hey.
- Thank you.
Thank you. We'll survive.
Good night.
- Good night.
Lock the door. Lock it.
Check it out. It's a soft floor.
I wouldn't do that if I were you.
- It's gonna hold.
- Would you do this? Would you do this?
Ew!
I got the bedroom, losers.
There's no way I can sleep here.
Tiffany, it's just one night.
Right.
Ma'am, I can't thank you enough.
My back door's always open. Nighty night.
"It is with passion that we praise..."
You can't do this, Gordon.
You can't... Christ.
Jesus!
- Dude, you freaked us out!
- So?
So don't be sneaking around
like that, asshole.
I was gonna knock, but the window
was closer. And it was scarier, huh?
Where's Amber? She is here, right?
No, fuck-nut.
She upgraded to the honeymoon suite.
It's time for you two to leave.
What?
- Now.
- We're not going anywhere, Amber.
- Oh, okay.
Then you can just watch us.
I'm sure you'd get into that freaky shit.
Yeah. Yeah!
You like that? Yeah?
You wanna watch, you fucking bitch?
Yeah, you know
she's into that freaky Goth shit. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
It's official.
This night cannot get any shittier.
Sorry.
- Watch it!
Damn.
- Just calm down, okay?
- Oh, man.
This place is
really freaking me out.
Wait!
You gotta be kidding me. Pink flamingoes?
It's a trailer park.
Hello?
Hello?
Oh, man.
Come on.
No, don't. I don't wanna see what's in here.
Just try not to think about it
and go to sleep.
God forgive me.
We shouldn't be doing it.
This is wrong. We gotta stop.
No, we can't. This is sin.
Well, hell, ain't that
half the fun of it, Reverend?
This is wrong. We gotta stop.
Go.
What are you?
- What are you?
- Oh.
I see.
I'm not the same girl that you first met.
I'm not the girl you fell in love with?
I've changed. Is that it?
Bring it back.
- I can't.
Bring it back!
- I can't.
To hell with you, Reverend!
Bring it back.
Come on, bring it back!
Yeah? Well, how's about a little head?
Well, damn.
Don't you know it ain't good to leave
your woman drying out in the sack?
Hey, Mike, you hear that?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Whoa!
The Norma lady said we could stay.
I didn't know anybody else was here.
Number-one massage.
Come.
I don't know.
So good for you.
- Yes?
- No. No, no, no.
Very good for you.
- Okay.
Whoa!
Good boy!
Somebody's got smoke.
Yes. Such a good boy.
Such a big, big boy.
Hello?
Is this your stuff?
Fuck.
Stop.
- Why would I wanna do that?
God! Will you just fucking stop
for a second?
Stop playing. What?
I have to go.
Go! What do you mean you gotta go?
- Go where?
- You know. Go.
Well, hurry your ass back.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
It's about goddamn time.
Oh, fuck. Oh, yeah, Amber.
Oh, fuck! You are such a dirty girl, babe.
Alex?
What the fuck?
Amber.
You are so fucking dead, bitch!
- You got that backwards, darling.
- Amber!
Howdy. I'm Marv.
Come here, boy!
Marv!
Get over here and tell me
if this bitch is prettier than me.
Shit, darling. She ain't nothing.
She looks a little used up, if you ask me.
Ain't much for my taste.
- Oh, God, God! Please help me.
- God?
God took his ass out of here
a long time ago, sweetheart.
If you want help,
you best be asking Norma.
It's okay, baby.
Hey, Marv,
bring these assholes over to my trailer.
I just got me some inspiration.
What now?
Some fun.
- Shit, Norma.
We ain't got the goddamn time.
We gotta get a job done.
Shit! Now, God damn it,
let's get the job done
and just have some fun, me and you.
God bless you, you're jealous.
It don't look good on you.
Well, nothing look good
on you anymore.
You would.
- "You would."
Let's go, shit-stains! Come on!
You want a happy ending?
Come on.
No happy ending?
No happy ending!
Massage?
Oh, shit!
You took my shit.
Nobody touches my shit.
Oh, fuck! I'm tripping.
- You wanna go on a trip, baby?
- Yeah.
Oh, man,
this is some scary shit.
No.
This is the scary shit.
Give me a hand, baby!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Where'd I go?
You can't see me.
Bridget.
Bridget. Bridget!
I see you, baby!
The King is coming!
Somebody help me!
Oh, yeah!
They're gonna write songs
about what I do to you, bitch!
Fuck!
Fuck! Hey! Hey!
You better watch your step over there,
little girl!
You never know what kind of surprises
I may have left in there!
Hey, hey, could be anything!
Somebody help me!
Oh, Jesus! Tiffany.
Maybe I laid a mine right there.
Maybe I didn't.
You know what?
I can't remember
what the fuck I did do!
Boom!
Oh, God!
Hey, hey!
It don't matter, no way!
You're still fucked, honey bunny!
You better hope they don't put me back
together again, bitch!
'Cause if they do...
Shit, yeah!
Marv! Stank!
My penis!
My meat!
Where's my meat?
Where's my meat?
I smell meat.
What kind of sorry shit
are they sending me?
You're half-eaten already.
Please, God, I don't wanna die!
Please. I don't wanna die.
Sausage biscuit, I'm sorry.
I think maybe you best just go
and get some help.
Missing your chicken wing
like you are there.
Honey, I was just kidding!
- You think I'm gonna let a prime...
- No.
...piece of rump roast like you
out of my Crock-Pot?
No!
- Sit down.
- Fuck! We won't tell anybody.
Of course you won't tell nobody.
Shut the fuck up.
Aw...
- Beautiful.
- Christ.
All right, I know y'all are young
and you're full of lust in your hearts.
And I know y'all were back there
having what they call
sex. Am I right?
Well, that's a goddamn
fucking shame! Huh?
Pastor Lewis trying to teach
you shit-ass kids a lesson
and you can't give him anything
but disrespect.
Maybe you just ought to apologize
to the reverend.
Get your black ass back on that bed.
- No.
- Fuck.
Matthew 14:15.
The Bible says
having sex before marriage is a sin!
Jesus fucking...
Drinking is a sin!
Drugs is a sin!
John 3:16, cuss words is a sin!
Acts 12! Jim Beam 40:11. Pussy's a sin.
Fucking's a sin! Sin! Sin! Sin! Sin! Sin!
Well, Reverend knows best.
So go ahead, apologize to the man.
- Go on! Say you're sorry!
- Okay, okay, okay.
- Okay, okay.
- That's it.
I'm sorry.
So, if I let you go,
you'll stop your sinning ways?
Yes. I'll stop.
I'll stop.
Do you promise in Jesus' name
you'll stop your sinning ways?
Yes.
Rev's dead, asshole!
Apologies ain't worth shit!
- Apologies ain't worth shit!
- Fuck you!
Go to hell!
Oh, I already been to hell, darling.
I already been to hell.
Did you get all that, Stank?
Fuck.
I forgot to hit "record."
We've gotta take two.
Fucking idiot, Stank!
You don't do shit right,
you jarhead, cracker-ass piece of shit!
This is what I get
for making a shit-ass deal!
Oh, God!
What the fuck was that?
Bitch got one of my grenades.
- You sure that duct tape's gonna work?
- Yes. It always works.
It don't always work. It don't always work.
- What did you do?
- Oh, shit.
- What're you doing, man?
- Where do these go?
That goes on the inside!
- What's wrong with you?
- Here, hold this.
Hey, that don't go there!
Trying to get the leg on.
- Put that back in there.
Roach, you jackass!
What'd I tell you about them claymores?
Damn it, Norma. I ain't in the mood.
It wouldn't have happened
if you hadn't been messing around
with the goddamn things in the first place.
Hey! Now, damn it,
didn't I just say I ain't in the mood?
In case you can't tell,
I'm a little out of sorts.
Hey, fuck the leg.
The arm. The arm, man! The arm!
God damn it, Roach! If you all just listen
to me one goddamn time!
Well, we don't now, do we?
Them days are over.
God damn,
I can't believe I let that bitch go!
Got blowed up
by my own goddamn claymore!
Just, hey, get my playing arm on
straight now. I feel a song coming on.
That's right.
You gotta play at our wedding.
That is right, Roach.
You gotta play it, all right.
What is that song like? What is it?
- Heart Full Of Dirt.
- Heart Full Of Dirt.
Hot damn, that's it!
And it is gonna be beautiful,
Norma, darling.
It's gonna be beautiful.
I imagine that wedding's gonna be just
as beautiful as you want it to be, Marvin,
'cause it's only gonna be happening
in your head.
- Nobody hurts me like my baby!
- She got you there, Marvin.
Kill me once,
she just keeps right on killing me!
- She'll come around.
- She's coming.
Ain't coming around, Marvin.
You just come when I call.
Oh, now.
You make my south rise again.
What do you think?
Wow! You're beautiful, Norma.
Of course I am.
Too bad you boys
will never have any of this.
Hey! Hey, lover boy.
Get back over here,
and put my ass back together again.
I believe I just had
a little inspiration myself.
Oh, baby, you know you want it
We gonna be some sexy sinners tonight
Come on, now, put your hand on
her leg. Else it won't be all sexy and shit.
Don't make Stank beg
Go on, feel that leg
Now head on up. Take your time.
Don't make me ask you twice, boy.
You get on up to that honey pot.
Keep going!
You know you wanna touch her
You know you gonna crush her
Wow, it's getting awful racy now,
don't you think?
Yeah, Stank,
you wanna take it down a notch?
Move it on up.
On up.
Put them hands on her neck.
She's a naughty little bitch
Go on, scratch that itch
You know you wanna touch her
Yeah, you know you gonna crush her
Don't be a pussy. Get on.
- Hold on a sec.
Hold on a sec.
It's time for my close-up.
Hey, there, baby doll.
Go away. Get the fuck away from me.
You know what really turns me on?
Little girls like you.
All right. I tell you what.
Look at me here, son,
I got a deal for you.
- You kill her and I'll let you go.
- Huh?
At least one of you gets away.
Die! Die! Everybody's gonna die
Cry for the camera, don't be shy
Come on, you asshole!
He can't do it.
Come on, boy.
Don't pussy out on us.
Fucking do the job.
You know you ain't leaving
Till her heart stops beating
Die! Die! Everybody's gonna die
Cry for the camera, don't be shy
Shut the fuck up!
Die! Die! Everybody's gonna die
Cry for the camera, don't be shy
Die! Die! Everybody's gonna die
Cry for the camera, don't be shy
Worked out just fine.
Boy's got some meat on him.
You poor pet.
You poor little bitch.
There, there.
Gotta have me a little company
while I'm working, boy.
You ain't lived
until you've had
a piece of Stank's special jerky.
Now, it ain't quite ready.
Try a piece.
How do you taste?
Fuck you! You fucking freak!
Oh, God. Oh, God.
Bridget, come on, we gotta get out of here.
We gotta go!
Oh, shit. Oh, shit!
I'm sorry.
You're feisty! I like that.
No! Stop! What do you want?
I want your meat, boy!
I found cars, come on!
Howdy, I'm Marv.
Pussy!
I'm your fucking bogeyman!
I'll get you, you fucking bitch!
Stank's jerky's got a few secrets to making it.
Best damn jerky you'll ever have in your life.
First secret's the marinade.
Stank's special recipe.
See, every jerky takes its own sauce.
Hell, I've decided
you just look like one of them Italian
kind of guys.
This might sting a little bit.
Now, the second secret
is the most important one.
Before my flavored meat
goes into the curing shed,
I do something nobody else does.
Up we go.
- Yeah. See, you get a good piece of meat...
- No!
...you can't just stick it up on a hook.
You gotta give it that little something extra.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the
shadow of death, I shall not fear... Fear...
- You gotta fry it.
- As I walk through the valley...
'Cause everything tastes better fried.
Oh, damn it. Damn it.
Fuck!
Somebody help me!
Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on.
I didn't say start your fucking engines!
Start your fucking engines!
Bitch!
Welcome to the trailer park, bitch!
Die, you bastards!
Run, bitch! Run!
Oh, shit!
Fuck this. Fuck this!
You know all I wanted?
All I ever wanted was to be loved
for who I am!
For me, God damn it!
Not just some Goth whore who gives it up!
So I try to fix things
and this is what I fucking get?
Fucking backwards
redneck zombies from hell!
Fuck! You know what?
Fucking kill me, you bitch!
And thanks for the favor!
Pretty girl.
Sun's coming up, Norma.
You go on home now.
Tell them Norma sent you.
Come on.
Darling, let's get you up out of here.
Come on.
Lean on me. There we go.
Nice and easy. Here you go. Here you go.
Lean on me.
I'll get you in there. Nice.
There you are.
Nice, honey, here you go.
Let me get your legs.
One, there's the other one.
All right?
I'll take you to the truck stop,
and you can call somebody
to pick you up from there.