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Tremors 4: The Legend Begins (2004)
Awful soft dirt in here.
Make sure you shore it up good. It's like working inside a cow down here. Una vaca plata that is going to pay off my ranch. Your ranch. It's like a woman. It's all you ever talk about. Meanwhile, she's taking all your money. And you, you spend all of your money on whiskey. But you're going to miss me soon. Victor? Victor? Jefe. Jefe. Jefe, Victor is gone. - What do you mean, "gone"? - We were working the face. I know he couldn't have got past me. But now he's just gone. Jefe! Jefe! Aaaaargh! Dammit. Juan! Where are ya? So many people leaving. Is everyone rejecting us? No, Fu Yien. They are leaving because the mine is closed. Maybe we need a different name. - Perhaps it was not the best choice, huh? - Maybe not. Son... Juan Pedilla, you've been looking at that hat for a month. Buy it or don't buy it. No, no. I can't afford it. You take it on credit. Pay us later. No credit! Stan Kelton is leaving. Loading up his wagon. Stan too? Now we're a town without a blacksmith. It'll end up as a ghost town if that mine doesn't reopen. If everybody leaves, who will buy our things? No one. And we'll go back to China. Only way you going back to China is if you learn how to swim. What does I Ching say? "Expect arrival of great conqueror." The mine will not stay closed. That ore is turning out a hundred ounces to the ton. - Two hundred, my friend. - Two hundred? Well, nobody's walking away from riches like that. Nobody. Well, if you saw what I saw, you might walk away. You never really told us what you saw. I saw nothing. But the nothing, it was worse than anything I have ever seen. You're not thinking of pulling out too? No, I cannot do that. - I would lose everything, like you. - Like all of us. Listen. It's about the mine. The owner of the mine is coming. All the way from Philadelphia. He say "Low profit from mine unacceptable." "Proceeding with all dispatch." "Will take matters into hand personally. Signed, Hiram Gummer." That's a real two-dollar name. I'll wager he gets this thing solved faster than a bee with a horse on its tail. Betcha. The stage is coming! It's coming! Tecopa! Miss Christine! The stage, it's coming! - What do you think he looks like? - He's probably fat. Rich people are always fat. Oh, my word. - Anybody in there? - It's full of luggage. - It's about time. - Indeed it is. - Let me in. - Can't wait to leave this place. No one got out. Mr. Hiram Gummer? I am he. I am Tsang Pyong Lien. Pyong Chang. This is my market. - You're not very fat. - Quiet! Whooee. You must have enough money to burn a wet mule, huh? Mr. Gummer, I'm Christine Lord. Proprietress of the local hotel. You're lovelier than Fifth Avenue in spring. - Welcome to Rejection. - Aptly named, it would seem. I'm here to see Andrew Beckwith. I've sent him three communiqus, all unanswered. - I want to speak to him forthwith. - That might prove difficult. - Why? Where is he? - On that. The last stage out of here. Wh? - That's just dandy. The last? - Too few passengers. The mine closed several weeks ago. That is why you're here, isn't it? Closed? The mine closed? I feel I've not been privy to most needful information. You don't know what happens at the mine? 17 miners were killed in one day. The workers abandoned it. 17? What on earth happened? - No one knows. - Must you speak in riddles? - The only one who knows is Juan Pedilla. - Then I must see him straightaway. Well, he's out riding his land. We expect him back shortly. Please. You must be tired from your traveling. Let me show you to the hotel. Oh, very well. Come, I'll need assistance with my kit. This is our bank. Closed, of course. Our blacksmith, also closed. - And our post office. - Closed. - Of course. - Quite the bustling metropolis. - "Great conqueror". - And this is my hotel. Welcome. Right this way. An impressive arsenal. Are you a collector? The miners came west to strike it rich. When it came time to settle their bills, many of them had only their firearms left. - Now I collect payments daily. - Nonsense. Just keep a running tab. Your man is rather impudent. Tecopa is not my "man". He is my friend. But this is a tent. Yes. You're observant. Which would you like? This one right here. Dandy. What time will luncheon be served? Well, since the mine has closed the supply wagons have stopped, so our menu's a bit limited. I could fix you a pot of beans. Nonsense. Surely you have flour, molasses and ginger? I should like a gingerbread cake. Yes, that should do nicely. You want me to strangle him? No, we need him. Delightful music and a passable meal. Which I should like to end with an aperitif. Wouldn't we all? Fu Yien, would you like that last piece of gingerbread? Yes. Then go to my small carpet bag, the blue one, and fetch my bottle of peach brandy. Yes, sir. - What happened to the gingerbread? - I ate it, of course. - But you said I could... - A word of advice, young man. Anyone can be taken advantage of, and if you can, do. That is terrible advice to give a child. The boy must learn the ways of the world. I assure you, he knows them. - Juan's here. He's over at the store. - "Juan"? Juan Pedilla, the miner. Oh. Yes, yes. No, no, no, no. The mine is not played out. Not at all. There's plenty more silver in there. It's just no one wants to go in and get it. Seven more men go up since accident. None come back. My ancestors talked of spirit beasts that live inside those mountains. "Spirit beasts"? Beasts from the underworld. Blind to all but killing. Have you all taken leave of your senses? Juan, gather up the remaining miners, hunt down whatever is doing this... And fill 'em full of more holes than a cabbage leaf in a hailstorm. Precisely. Seor Gummer, there are some miners camped north of town. I can talk to them. But they are not going to go back unless you pay them. Maybe even double wages. - Pay them? To earn their own jobs back? - I'm just telling you, they are scared. Very well. To ensure my resources are not squandered by this cabal of hooligans, I shall accompany you myself, first thing in the morning. Now you're talking. What kind of gun did you bring? Betcha it's big and fancy. I don't own a firearm. Yes? This is the Wild West, Mr. Gummer. You don't read the dime novels? You see a bad guy, you gotta smoke him up. Seor Gummer, your horse is ready. Seor Gummer... Morning. Seor, it is a hard day's ride over very rough country. Uh... This is the cross-country model. The horse can carry my kit. Off we go! Deplorable road conditions. Um... No, no, I'd like some, uh... Maybe just... Thank you. Ah, very good. I haven't been on a horse since I... since my sixth birthday party. No, actually, that was a camel. - Mr. Gummer? - Yes? - This is for you. - I beg your pardon? This is the Wild West. Never go unarmed. No, indeed, um... Thank you, son. Thank you. You really think he is "great conqueror"? Only if he rides a camel better than he rides a horse. Let's not judge yet, Tecopa. He's the only chance we have. Howdy, gents. - This is our army? - These are the only ones willing to go. All the better. No need to waste my money on cowards. Men, this is the patrn, Mr. Hiram Gummer. These are the Walter brothers, Brick and Stony. - This is Big Horse Johnson. - Mr. Johnson. And this is Soggy. Soggy? Indeed. Well, in you go. - And what? - And report back to me. Oh, very well. As none of you possess sufficient leadership skills, I shall supervise the endeavor myself. Juan? Vmonos. - Wait. - That was our foreman. My hat. Urgh. Here. He ain't gonna need it. Try it on. Thank you,jefe. Oh, my. This is the end of the mine, where Victor was. Well, we're still alive. Whatever attacked you, it would seem to be gone. Gentlemen, I declare this mine perfectly safe. Dang right. Ain't nothin' in there but ghosts. You don't need to pay them no wages. I pray that we are correct. Well, sun's gettin' low. Might as well set up camp. We can't camp here. I need trees. It's better for the posture. Oh, damn. You gonna start torturing that thing? Helps me sleep. - And the horses like it too. - Well, go play it for them. Ain't my fault you lack a musical ear. How soon do you think you can reopen the mine? Posthaste. The sooner the better. Good. Because I need to keep working if I don't want to lose my ranch. I thought you were a miner. Well, I am a miner, but my father always dreamed of having a ranch for us one day. And? He was killed in a cave-in when I was a boy. My mother, she moved us from mining camp to mining camp. They always need a woman to do the laundry and the cooking. I've been without my cook for weeks. You always had everything, didn't you? Several of everything. I'd just like to get one of something. What on earth? Aw, damn. We'll be hours finding them horses. Soggy, you sorry sack! - I'm gonna pound you blue! - Easy, everybody. You pound 'im, Brick! Aw, he's always fartin' around. Where the hell are you? It won't do you no good hidin'! Cllate! You hear that? Soggy! The longer I look, the madder I get! Aaargh! - Good Lord! What the? - Tarnation! Brick? You all right? Stony, don't you go shooting blind out there! Brick! Well, where is he? Don't know. He ain't out there. Who's there? Who's over there? We've got guns over here. Wh... wh... What in God's name? You gotta shoot faster! Kill them, man! - We gotta get up somewhere! - Where? Over on that rock! Seor Gummer! Over here on the rock! On the rock! Big Horse! Over here! You gotta get off the ground! Big Horse! Here! - No! Big Horse, you can't shoot it! - This way, man! Quickly! Get on the rock! Good heavens. What a dreadful odor. I smelled it in the mine. It was them. They came up through the soft dirt. At least it can't penetrate rock. It has no eyes. How did they find us? It's the sound. Every time we made a sound. Even your teapot. That's how they hunt. We can't just stay here. These foothills are made of rock. We can walk on them all the way to Rejection. - Walk? - Well, unless you can fly. Tecopa, what are you doing? Diggin' a spot for a flagpole. A flagpole? Does it concern you that Nevada hasn't yet adopted a flag? We will one day. I'll be ready. They're back! They're back! It's Juan and Mr. Gummer! They're back! I'd have walked twice that far to get away. Those are the most savagerous beasts I've ever seen. Well, didn't you let loose? Let fly? Barrels blazing? Old Fred, you don't understand. When they're not underground, they're... flying. Very fast. - Dragons. Dirt dragons. - We never had them in China. Big Horse, Juan - they tried to shoot them but couldn't. You'd have to be an unparalleled shootist. But wait, that's it. A telegram. We must send a telegram immediately. Let me do it. I know how. Here. "Wanted - gunfighter." "Town of Rejection, Nevada, seeks experienced quick-draw artist, calm in face of danger." "Salary negotiable." Send that to the Territorial Enterprise, the Denver Post and the Wichita Eagle. - You're going to hire a gunfighter? - I think that is a good idea. But is it wise? A gunfighter's usually mean, wild... Drink, shoot inside house... - But we need someone with fortitude. - Someone with a little fan in their craw. Exactly. Someone who is proficient with firearms who can... Shoot the nuts off a squirrel at a hundred paces. - Thank you. - Someone like Doc Holliday. - Except one that ain't dead. - Doc Holliday's dead? OK, it's done. Now we wait. - Handsome, no? - Oh, very. It's me. Very few men have statues of themselves. A cigar-store Indian? Oh, a salesman gave that to me when he couldn't pay his bill. Well, it could be me. - Mr. Gummer, I fixed your wheel. - Impossible, it's a complete loss. Nope. Well, I... My, my, that's... Remarkable. Um... Thank you. Thank you very much. That'll be five dollars, please. Now listen here. No workman would dare ask more than two bits. I'm the only wheel-fixer in town. No one else till Carson City. - But that's highway robbery. - A word of advice, Mr. Gummer. Anyone can be taken advantage of. And if you can, do. Fu Yien, I'm a trifle short of cash at present. May we barter instead? For services rendered, you may have the bicycle. It's yours. I'm becoming quite the expert horseman. Dandy, Mr. Gummer! There you go. No, um... Oh, here, here, here, here. I'll steady you. Get your balance. Now, when I push, press the pedals and keep the front wheel straight. Ready? Off you go. Not bad. Not bad at all. How long is this bedlam to last? Oh, a few more days. We're deepening our well. We're quite proud of our engine. It's going to run our electric lights one day. - If you can abide the racket. - The work would go faster if you'd help. A man of my means doesn't engage in physical labor. Which brings us... to your bill. - You're running a tab. - I didn't agree to that. Mrs. Lord, in any civilized place my name alone is quite sufficient. Well, out here in the rough-and-tumble West, we tend to use cash. That is a twenty-dollar gold piece on your watch fob, isn't it? And the watch itself is gold, of course? And the cufflinks? Genuine diamonds? Are you proposing that I barter with you as I would a street vendor in Calcutta? Don't be absurd. You will run a proper tab until this pathetic town has a proper bank to which I can wire funds. Here, now. What is going on? Why aren't you riding that wheel? No time. I'm working. You men will take forever. Using a boy to do a man's work? Very narrow down there. He's the only one small enough to widen it. The moment it is wide enough, I expect to see one of you down there in his place. And he back on that bicycle. Mrs. Lord, I should like to apologize. The truth is, my coin, watch and cufflinks are all I own in the world. I beg your pardon? My father, in his final demented days, sold all his holdings and invested everything, the entire family fortune, in a certain silver mine. I see. I was rude earlier. I apologize. Once I get the mine running, I'll pay my bill in full and be on the first stage out of here. As Old Fred would say, that's a real gullywasher. Don't look at me. I had nothing to do with it. I hope Old Fred made it to the muling station before this hit. Yesterday a desert, today a monsoon. Once I reopen the mine, the whole town will prosper. You'll be able to afford whatever your hearts desire. And what is it that your heart desires, Mr. Gummer? To return to the life I had. To wake up every morning and wonder "What will I spend my money on today?" I'd venture it matters not how you spend your money, but how you spend your life. - Mr. Gummer? - Don't interrupt your elders. Never you mind, Miss Lord. I'll amend my misspent life when the Grim Reaper comes calling. I recommend that you keep that hog leg skinned, unless you got a desire to be jumpin' over hot coals in hell. And who might you be, sir? - Kelly. - "Black Hand" Kelly? I'm lookin' for Hiram Gummer. That would be me. - You posted yourself an advertisement? - I did. Yes, I did. So who do you want me to kill? That Injun over there? No, no, no, no. It's not so much a "who" as a "what". They spring from the ground like, uh... like some demonic trout. We call them "dirt dragons". This stuff sure must be a whole lot stronger than it tastes. We're well aware that it sounds fantastic, but we can assure you it's all quite true. - They're ferocious and fast. - It takes real backbone to face 'em down. Amigo, I like to fight with rattlesnakes just for the fun of it, and I give 'em first bite to boot. Hyperbole aside, you are accurate with a firearm? - Questioning my abilities, sir? - As an astute businessman, I'm simply... Hey, boy! - Toss me one of them apples over here. - See, I knew it. Shoot inside house. - Throw it high? - No, no, no. - You throw it right straight at me. - OK. - You ready? - Anytime. - What? - We thought you shoot apple. Obviously we were expecting to see a demonstration of... You're hired. - In China, no one shoots in wall. - In China, no one has gun. Before I sign up for anything, talk to me about that "salary negotiable" part. Do you like silver, Mr. Kelly? I reckon I do. Upon dispatching all the aforementioned creatures, and upon the reopening of the mine, you'll be paid in silver. Say, um... as much as you can carry on a strong horse? Well, now, I just bet that you could charm a cow right out of her calf with those fancy words. But now, for myself, I sorta need a little something up front. We don't have any money. Ah, well. Thank you for your time. Double eagle. A down payment. Tell you what. You throw in them there cufflinks and, uh... you got yourself a deal. This is one sorry collection of lead pushers you got here. I'm not running a gun store, Mr. Kelly. Juan, you take this here big old 45-70. Hiram, pick yourself out something that feels right in your hand. And you give us all these blue whistlers that you got. Juan. - Take this. - Oh, pero no. I still can't afford it. No credit. It's a gift. Gracias. What? No one goes without a hat in China. OK, boys, let's jingle some spurs. No. No. No spurs. In fact, no jingling of any kind. I tell you, these things are attracted by the slightest noise. They could leap from the ground at any moment. Juan killed one right here. Shh, shh, shh. Cudate, seor. There ain't nothin' here neither. Maybe they gone deaf. Or maybe you two boys are playing me for the fool. After what I paid you? - We will just have to keep looking. - Juan, if you please, some help. Gummer, dag nab it, ain't you got no pride? Get up on the horse by yourself! Should I ever again require horsemanship, I will engage a tutor. Well, I'll tell you one thing. I ain't got your book-learning, but I know this: Being full-growed don't make you a man. Look, look, look, look. Here, here. They appear to be... shells. Eggs. Well, if that's what they are... then they came out of one big chicken. Or maybe you two aren't as crazy as I've been thinking. This is where we pipe the hot spring from the mine. The water cut through the dirt, you see? And the eggs fell out. Perhaps the warm water hatched them. Juan, this tells us how many there are. There are four. And I killed one already. - Three left. - But where could they have gone? Well, we're just gonna keep on ridin' till we find them, cos I'm gettin' awful anxious to unravel me some cartridges. We piped that hot water out only six months ago. Then those creatures grew large quite quickly. That's a part of one of them. These scaly things were on their backs. Yeah? Well... Maybe one of them there "things" died. Or maybe... maybe he shed his skin, like a snake. Who is that? It's Old Fred. At least, that's his wagon. Good Lord. This does not bode well. Now, that is one catawampussly chawed-up rig. As I keep say... saying, these things are not to be trifled with. Old Fred? Old Fred? Old Fred? Maybe we should have made it longer. Well, I'm not totin' no more rocks. - We should say something. - I didn't even know the man. Take off your hat. Fred was an old man. That is why we called him Old Fred. He drove the freight. He had bad breath. But I don't want to say that. All right. All right. "Fear no more the heat o' the sun, Nor the furious winter's rages." "Thou thy worldly task hast done, Home art gone, and ta'en thy wages." Cymbeline. Act four, scene two. We'd best get going. - Wait. Let's make camp here. - No, we'll go to the ridge. Camp on solid rock. As we have every night. Oh, no. That is three miles back there. That's hard country. If you think I'd risk sleeping on the naked earth... We could go down to the muling station. Down the canyon. - Is it safe? - Yes. There are thick beams on the floor for the wagons. The dragons can't break through. - Might there be someone here? - No. They stopped the supply wagons now that... Now that the mine is closed. The bitter refrain of my life, it seems. We must secure these horses with certainty. The last time, they got away. You just make sure that gate is tied up tight. Mr. Kelly! You can't see the door if you're facing this direction. Always be prepared. Aaargh! Slvame, Dios! What in God's name? - So was that them? - No. No. Something new. You said to pick one I was comfortable with. You're right. I did say that. What in Sam Hill is that smell? It's them. That's the smell. Remember, seor? But they've changed so. Become long and thin. There's six of them, or even nine. We'd better bring the horses inside. Chingada! They're gone! Again! We can't go on foot. They'll get us for sure. All right. All right. That means we have to stand our ground here. Hiram, it's about time you learned how to use a real piece. That's your job. If I need a gun fired, I hire a gunman. If you want to bed down with a real pretty woman, I s'pose you just hire somebody to do that too. Spare me your tiresome analogies. Hiram. Now, I said this once, and I'm gonna say it one more time. There are some things a man has to do for himself, and right now shootin' is one. And give me that stupid hideout piece. It ain't gonna do you no good now. OK, Juan, you keep your eye peeled for them there snake things. Pay attention, Hiram. Now, this is a single-action Colt Army. This is the finest wheel gun ever made. Don't be holdin' it like it's some skunk. Now, it's an extension of your hand, OK? It's part of you. - And take a stance, like you mean it. - Mean what? Like you mean that every last lead plum that comes out of that barrel is gonna kill whatever you aim at. OK. OK. Take yourself a shot at that can over there by the window. You line up this blade with this notch then you just squeeze the trigger. You don't jerk it. It's all right. They cannot break through the floor beams. Now, you just relax, you just let your eyes, your brain, your hand, your trigger finger, all becomes one. It's all right. You got consistency now. - This is a waste of time! - What do you expect? You wanna learn in 20 minutes what took me 20 years? They cannot break through the floor, so they are tearing it apart. How could a snake be so strong? - Look at that. They decoyed us. - Good Lord. How smart are they? Est malo. We're gonna have nothing left to stand on. - Telegraph? - It is no good for us. - We don't know the clicking code. - Click anything. Someone will hear us. I don't know what it is. It's not Morse. It's been going on for more than an hour? Maybe a tree is touching the wire. That happened before. This is different. The telegrapher at Carson City wouldn't allow foolishness with his equipment. - Maybe not Carson City. - Not Carson City? Where else? This is from Carson City. Where's that one from? This is from the muling station. It must be Mr. Gummer. He's the only one out there. - When will Tecopa and Pyong be back? - One, two days. Gone upcountry. Getting firewood. All right then. I'll go myself. Must you tap so loudly? Let your lead fly, man! What the hell are we up against? They... they grew. Those snakes are not snakes. They are tongues. Three tongues! - Each creature has three tongues. - And we saw nine before. - So there's still only three animals. - That's supposed to make me feel better? Good God, man, those things are the size of eight-mule freight wagons! - Well, shoot them, like you're hired to do! - You got to know your enemy, Hiram! I oughta be totin' some eight-bore firin' solid shot. Or some damn punt gun. Not these weapons I got. All right. All right. I tell ya what we're gonna do. We're gonna... we're gonna... We're gonna hold our fire till they come after us. And then... and then we're gonna go toe to toe, point blank, full bore, throw all the lead we got at 'em. And then maybe we'll get a... a lucky hit. A brain shot or something. - There is not much floor left. - They'll be makin' their move anytime. Get ready. This may be it. Now what are they up to? Oh, no! Mr. Kelly! Eat this! I'm out! I'm out! Christine is coming, Seor Gummer! Christine! Over here! Just drive the wagon! - Where's Mr. Kelly? - Dead. Go on! Go on! Go! Well done, Mrs. Lord! Are they following us? I can't tell. Yes, they are following us. Faster! - They're at their limit. Hyah! Come on! - We shall see. They're enormous. Ravenous. "Spirit demons from dark places, eating souls that live in the light." Part of our legend. We put bullet after bullet into them. It didn't even slow them down. Will they come here? To our town? They'd have to get through the pass. Lots of rocks. Maybe they cannot do it. It hardly matters. The mine will remain unapproachable. So what is your intention? My intention is to leave this godforsaken place, as should all of you. But the mine... Are you listening? The mine is lost. Forget the mine. Go on with your lives as if it never existed. Start your lives over, just as I will have to. No stupid animal is going to make me leave my land. I'll go to Carson City, get some blasting powder. Juan, we were lucky. Dumb lucky. If a man like Black Hand Kelly is no match for them, what chance do we have? Pyong, why would you stay? Take Fu Yien and the missis back to China. Lu Wan forgets. China not perfect. No place perfect. We will not leave our new home. I'll send for my belongings, and see that the horse and equipment are returned. That won't be necessary. You can keep the horse, and the saddle and the rifle and the knife. In trade for ownership of the mine. - You can't be serious. - It's the best offer you're gonna get. When I reach Philadelphia, I intend to sell that mine for at least $50,000. You will be preceded by a telegram to the newspapers describing in detail the creatures plaguing the mine, and why it is unworkable. That's blackmail. You wouldn't betray me like that. We voted. Four to one in favor of doing exactly that. At least one of you has some sense of ethics. I voted to drop you off a cliff. Stay with us, Hiram. Stay and fight. You're wasting your lives. You can have the cursed mine. Whoa. Whoa. Mr. Gummer, please don't leave us. Fu... Fu Yien, I can't help you. Madre de Dios. Hyah! Hyah! We were wrong. They're coming. The dirt dragons, they got through the upper valley pass. I don't know when, but they are definitely coming. Maybe they not find us, keep going south. No, no, no, no. They hunt by sound. We are the only thing making noise between here and Carson City. What do the sticks say? "Expect a ferocious arrival." Well, this is it, then. The end of Rejection. One ticket for your next train to Philadelphia. Sleeping car. - One way. - Yes, sir. Fools. - I beg your pardon? - The people up in Rejection. Funnier than a dancing bear, eh? Here's one they sent yesterday. "Giant worms have left upper valley." - "May find town." - May I? "Need immediate help." "Giant worms." One ticket. Sir? Your ticket? I was thinkin' I could make a sled for it. We could pull it behind the last wagon. There's no room. Time to let it go. Juan, where will you go? There is a new strike down near Tonopah. I'm thinking of heading that way. Where will we go? - We are going to San Francisco. - And then back to China. All our money is put in the store, and now it's all gone. And you are not going to work on the railroad like momma and poppa. They're coming! No, no, no, no. Wait, wait. They will come from the north, not from the south. That is something else... or someone. What poor soul would be coming here now? It's Mr. Gummer! Come on! Whoa! "A ferocious arrival"? Well, now, maybe I'll let you keep him after all. Stop! Whoa, curse you! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, you intransigent beasts! - Delighted to see you're all well. - Hiram, they could be here any minute! - I know. - Whatever are you thinking? That this idyllic Western retreat shall not fall prey to these mindless predators. I have a cache of weapons that would impress even the late Black Hand Kelly. One Sharps.52-calibre buffalo rifle. One Remington 45-120 Rolling Block. One Henry repeating rifle. Smaller caliber, but impressive rate of fire. One eight-gauge Remington... um... derringer. One LC Smith ten-gauge stub twist coach gun. And this. A two-inch-bore punt gun. Hiram, how did you get all of these things? You don't have any money. A wise friend once told me it's not important how you spend your money, but how you spend your life. Hiram Gummer, what is it you think we are going to do? Hm? Madam, I intend we throw our visitors a little corpse-and-cartridge occasion. That we stand our ground and fight these despicable beasts to the death! We will fight! Right. It takes me two years to make you leave China. You think I want to go back? - We do it. - We'll stomp 'em like snakes. - We will burn them down. - We'll smoke 'em up! Ah, Juan. Knowing you, you'll need a spare. Gracias, amigo. They'll probably be coming from the north or the northeast. Then we go out there and shoot them. Too dangerous. They can come up anywhere. We dare not face them on their terms. - Stake a horse. When they go for it... - Tecopa, that's cruel. Well, these are cruel times. Can't we make noise with something else? That is a good idea, Fuito. Any noise works. It doesn't have to be a horse. We could make noise on something like this. Then when they come up, we shoot them. Yes, an ambush. We will lead them into our very gun muzzles. We will make Rejection our last bastion, our last line of defense. - Our Alamo. - Juan, we were the losers at the Alamo. Speak for yourself, gringo. More cans. I need more cans. I'm eating as fast as I can. What is all this? When they come, how do we know they come? We cannot see them. - Well, that is a concern. - When the ground shakes... we know they are here. Dandy. What is a punt gun? Something to do with shooting ducks. A great many ducks. "Pour in one pound of shot or balls. Ram it down tight..." Yup! Hyah! Won't we need the horses? I mean, if we lose the fight? Can't have them making unnecessary noise. Might spoil our trap. And we're not going to lose, Fuito. Shall we begin? Maybe we should try again tomorrow. Perhaps Pyong was right. Perhaps they've bypassed us for Carson City. I don't know. The ridge at the south end of the valley is all rock, like a big wall. - I don't think they can get past it. - They gotta be somewhere. No! Fu, get inside! - But I want to fight too! - Fu, Fu. The store is our fort. We can't ever leave the fort unguarded. You stay inside and keep guard. You missed! With a cannon! - Where did it go? - Maybe the noise scared him away. Mr. Gummer, it's coming! It's coming back! Hiram, quick! Yeah! It worked! Ugh! It stinks! - There! - Two more to go! Take your positions! Fu Yien, back inside! Juan! Did it do that on purpose? Juan, look out! Cannot shoot through dirt. Hyah! Hah! Come on, you son of a bitch! Ay, caramba! Tecopa, gracias. Aston... Astonishingly clever, my man. - It take your gun. Did it know? - I fear they are very intelligent. - But not as smart as us. - No. Not as smart as us. And there's only one left. Where the hell is it? Let it show itself! Tecopa... - Is it leaving? - No. No, it's circling. Listening for prey. What do we do? It seems our rifles aren't strong enough to kill it. Without the punt gun, I fear we're lost. So we just stop the fight, then? Give up? Maybe we take traction engine. Try to get away. - It moves so slowly. - And you would leave our town? You have ideas for killing it? A man must learn to sail in all winds. We must do what we can with what we have. Well said. You have black powder. Maybe we could blow it up somehow. Sure. We make big firecracker. I know how. Excellent - but quietly. Move very, very slowly. Fu Yien, you go inside and get twine for fuse. OK. - What are you doing? - Powder for the fuse must be very fine. Almost there. Just another few minutes. Fu... Fu! - I can't see the door. - Fu, stay very quiet. Make noise! Out here! Hey! Why doesn't it come for us? For the noise? I don't know. They keep learning our every trick. He's over here. Fu! Good boy. Good boy. Hurry up. The wagon! In the wagon! Get on. - Oh, good Lord! - Let's get the rifles. The bomb! - Pyong, you must finish the bomb. - I need more time! We'll never have time to finish that! I have an idea. Hijo de puta! Pyong, that big belt. Excellent, excellent. Tecopa! Help us here! - What we need is some kind of hook. - I know where. Over here, Juan! Go. Go! Watch out! Yes! - Mrs. Lord, are you well? - Yes. Are you all right? Yes, I am. Gracias, amiguito. - You got 'em, Mr. Gummer. - Yes, Hiram. You got 'em. No, no. We got 'em. Well done, well done. Hiram! The bank has approved your loan. You can hire new workers, reopen the mine. Well, if I recall, it no longer belongs to me. It's yours, Hiram. It's your mine. We couldn't cheat you that way. You need it worse than we do. That's very kind. But I'll only assume ownership under two conditions. "Conditions"? We agree never to tell anyone about the dirt dragons. If word of them ever got out, no one would ever settle here. And the second condition? That the first proceeds of the mine are used to build a hotel and a market with real walls, to pay off Juan's land, and, uh... Tecopa, what do you want? A new statue. One that looks like me. And to commission a statue for Tecopa. Does everyone agree to this? I am fearfully outclassed. It's good you've decided to stay. I shall personally supervise the mine - I mean, as soon as I learn how it all works. And I've selected an excellent location for my home. On high ground. Readily defended. It will even have a basement. That's a lot of room for one person. Ideally, it... won't be for just one. - Oh, I really am hopeless. - You'll get better with a little practice. In the meantime I bought something that might aid in your success as a marksman. Dandy. Hiram? |
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