But, Daddy, you all know Michael loves me
and I love him.
"You can't call that a sin,
his feelings for me."
That' s where my brother breaks in,
Mr. Jacobs.
All right, where is Mr. Johnson?
- He's outside taking a smoke.
- Joe, go get him, will you?
Everybody be on your toes.
Mr. Jaffe's taking rehearsal today.
All right, skip that part, Miss Plotka.
Go to the place where you hear your father
has just killed Michael.
Come on, make your entrance.
"Mary Jo, where are you all, Mary Jo?"
"What is it, Emmy Lou?"
"Your father just met Michael.
He's out there on the lawn."
"Emmy Lou, what are we going to do?"
- You hear a shot.
- Two shots, isn't it, Mr. Jacobs?
Yes.
"Oh, Lordy, Miss Mary Jo.
Your daddy just killed Mr. Michael."
That' s where I scream.
There's going to be a lot of screaming
around here, young lady...
and it isn't going to be by you, either.
But you said we were just walking through.
- I know we were walking through...
- Max.
All right, go ahead, everybody.
Go through it again.
"Daddy..."
Now that Hoboken Cinderella
isn't going to do.
That kind of acting is for pins
in a basement.
You're telling me.
She's hopeless, and the worst of it
is that Jaffe's going to blame me...
for the fact that a lingerie model
hasn't turned out to be a Bernhardt.
The more you direct her, the worse she gets.
Max, which one of these foul guinea hens
is named Lily Garland?
Not so loud, Owen.
We're discussing something.
Listen, you foul Corsican,
these are orders from on high.
I just encountered Mr. Jaffe in the lobby,
all of a twitter.
- Is he here?
- Yes, he's here...
and he wants her pulsing life story
trumpeted through the press...
by tomorrow morning.
Where is the little baggage?
Who are you talking about?
Lily Garland, you business giant.
There's nobody of that name
connected with the organization.
And please, don't come around here
when you've been drinking.
- It doesn't make for discipline.
- Isn't that too bad?
Call the roll. Lily Garland, front and center.
Come on now, fess up. Which one of you
pretty witches is named Lily Garland?
Say, what is this wall of silence,
a conspiracy?
Maybe you got the name wrong.
Where's the phone? I can still hear, can't I?
No, the master spoke with his usual clarity.
Hello, Myrtle, put the wizard on the wire.
He's in the sanctum.
I'll tell him you wish to speak to him.
I don't wish to be interrupted now,
Miss Schultz.
Mr. O'Malley.
I don't want to talk to you now, Owen.
I gave you your orders. Carry them out.
Yes, Lily Garland. She's on the stage.
She is, is she?
Send me down your ouija board
and I'll try and get in touch with her.
Can't you carry out your orders?
Say, listen, sire, there's only one blonde
roosting on this foul stage.
You, with the legs, what' s your name?
Mildred Plotka.
She claims her name is Mildred Plotka.
That' s her.
I forgot to tell you with all the other things
on my mind.
Her old name didn't seem suitable.
I changed it to Lily Garland.
Tell Mr. Jacobs he has exactly three minutes
to get everyone assembled.
I'm coming right down.
Yes, sire.
- What is it? What' s the matter?
- Hold your bonnets.
The all-highest is on his way down
amid a shower of meteors.
Thank you, child.
- Good morning, Mr. Jaffe.
- Good morning.
Well, O.J., welcome to our midst.
I don't like anyone chewing gum
on the stage, Oliver. Spit it out, please.
- Good morning, ladies and gentlemen.
- Good morning, sir.
Sit down, please.
I have been looking forward
to this little occasion for some time.
There's no thrill in the world
like launching a play.
Watching it come to life little by little.
Seeing the living characters emerge
like genii from the bottle.
Now, before we begin...
I want you all to remember one thing.
No matter what I may say...
no matter what I may do on this stage
during our work...
I love you all.
The people who have been through
my battles with me...
will bear me out in testifying...
that above everything in the world...
I love the theater...
and the charming people in it.
All right, Oliver, call the rehearsal.
They're all ready.
Thank you, Max,
for carrying the ball thus far.
How does it feel to you?
I'd like to talk to you for a minute.
Indeed.
What appears to be on your mind?
I'm afraid Miss Plotka, she isn't going to do.
Miss Plotka? Who is she?
Mary Jo, the lead, your latest discovery.
You mean Lily Garland? What about her?
Let me explain, O.J.
I took a little liberty last night.
I think it was an inspiration.
Another one of your inspirations?
Well, out with it.
I happened to run into Francine Anderson...
and we got to chinning about the show
and I told her the truth.
It slipped out.
What slipped out?
About Plotka, Garland,
being such a disappointment...
such a washout.
And to make a long story short...
I talked Francine into stepping into the part.
You did?
No, don't. Wait a minute, O.J.
So that' s what you've been doing
behind my back. Undermining me again.
- Listen, O.J.
- Francine Anderson.
That piece of human tripe. In my play.
Now, wait a minute.
What do you know about talent?
What do you know about the theater?
What do you know about genius?
What do you know about anything,
you bookkeeper?
You try to force that palooka
down the public's throat...
and you'll find out what I know.
I've had enough of your treachery. Get out!
From now on, I close the iron door on you.
Okay. I'll take that job with the Schuberts.
- Leave my theatre, you gray rat!
- I'm...
And don't have that fat wife of yours
come around again, pleading for you!
Let the rehearsal begin.
- Places. Act 1.
- No.
We will start with Miss Garlans entrance.
That' s you all, Mary Jo.
Where'll we send the body?
Come on.
I'm at the tiller now, Mr. Jacobs.
Now, don't be nervous, child.
You're not Lily Garland anymore.
You're little Mary Jo Calhoun.
The scent of jasmine...
is floating through the open window
of a summer evening.
You've just kissed your lover goodnight.
You're full of vibrations.
The scene is pure purple...
as you come drifting
into this old Southern mansion.
All right.
The door is opened
by the old family retainer, Uncle Remus.
- Yes, sir.
- All ready.
Just a moment.
That is the way an iceman
would enter the house. Not Mary Jo.
Shyly, please.
Try it again.
"Daddy."
Just wait, dear.
You're in America now.
Don't you know the Old South
does not yodel?
Once more, please.
"Daddy.
"Hello, Daddy."
Come on, dear child.
Are you nailed to the floor?
"You all were talking to somebody
on the lawn. Who was it?
"It was Michael, wasn't it?"
Frightened, acting frightened.
- "It was Michael, Daddy."
- "I thought so."
- "Stanley."
- "Where are you all going, Daddy?"
Where's the brother?
Come on, Brother. Downstairs.
Throw yourself into the room.
"What' s all the matter, Daddy?"
Take out your pistol, Father.
"Take your sister to her room, son."
"Yes, sir."
"No, Daddy. You all don't..."
Just a minute. Where are you going?
This is like a scrimmage.
Get me some chalk, Mr. Jacobs.
- Mr. Jaffe, I'm right, this is the...
- I'm sorry.
All right, Brother.
I'm terribly sorry.
It' s all right, Mary Jo. Where's the chalk?
Get to your respective places.
Now, Mary Jo, I'm going to lay down
tracks for you. Here's the door.
Now, when you come on, you stop here
and say, "Daddy."
Then over to here.
I'll mark it "two."
Then when you hear your brother
coming downstairs...
you come over to here, three...
then quickly back to here, four.
Then, when your father rushes out...
you won't be knocked down like a ninepin.
Come, we'll start afresh. Entrance.
You're off the track.
Let' s get her a trolley.
Quiet, please.
It' s very distracting, that muttering.
Now, Mary Jo, remember what I told you.
- Mr. Jaffe.
- Who's that?
- Excuse me, Mr. Jaffe.
- What?
This is the combination of the safe.
It' s the only copy.
Why do you bother me with details like that?
What do I hire you for?
But you...
You hothead.
Go over there, sit somewhere
and sit down. Keep out of my way.
Now, come on, Mary Jo, remember...
shy but vital. Give it essence.
Give me the chalk, please.
Brother's all right.
Did you get some more chalk?
Where are you going to get chalk
in New York at midnight?
Try the public schools.
Borrow some from a teacher.
School has been out
for some time now, sire.
No cooperation from anybody.
Never mind. I'll carry through alone.
Come on, Mary Jo.
Mr. Jaffe, I'm afraid I'm all in.
Nonsense, child.
You'll get your second wind in a minute.
Where's Uncle Remus?
- Yes, sir.
- Father?
- Where's your little chum Emmy Lou?
- Right here.
Come on, child, get to your place.
We're in the sitting room now.
Mary Jo, this time when you hear
of Michael's death...
remember what I told you about the scream.
It comes from here.
Your insides turn to jelly
when you hear the news.
And a good long pause after the shot.
Let' s proceed.
"Where are you all, Mary Jo?"
"What is it, Emmy Lou?"
"Your father just met Michael.
He's out there on the lawn."
"Emmy Lou, what are we all going to do?"
One, two, sway. Stand there swaying.
Come on, Uncle Remus.
"Oh, Lordy, Miss Mary Jo.
Your daddy's just killed Mr. Michael."
What was that?
What?
That squeak.
Why, Mr. Jaffe...
We're going to stay in this theater
till Miss Garland learns how to scream.
Dismiss the cast.
All right, everybody. 11:00 tomorrow.
I can't stand it.
I've done it a thousand times.
You can't hammer at me this way
any longer.
Making a fool out of me
in front of everybody.
You squalling little amateur.
On your feet. Get up.
Take that hump out of your back.
You're not demonstrating underwear
anymore.
I've taken all the bullying from you
I'm going to.
No man living can kick me around
for eight hours until I can't see straight.
I'm a human being, do you hear?
A human being.
Now, Miss Garland...
My name is Plotka.
It' s a good name, too, just as good as Jaffe.
I wanted to be an actress, but I won't
crawl on my stomach for any man.
You find somebody else.
She's marvelous, just as I thought.
Fire, passion, everything.
The gold is all there, but we must mine it.
Lily Garland, I only heard one thing:
that you want to be an actress.
That' s all I want, too.
Look at me.
Duse had that modeling.
Now we're going to teach little Mary Jo
how to scream.
Do you trust me, child?
Yes.
I'm going to find the soul that' s there
and release it...
so it' ll fly, soar up to the top gallery.
- Oliver.
- Yes, O.J.
Go up there. I want you to listen.
- Now, listen, O.J.
- Go on.
Now, you're going to lift Mr. Webb
out of his seat with that scream.
Come on, child. I'll take all the other parts.
Do you want the manuscript?
I slept with that manuscript for six months.
Come on now, dear. Take off your coat.
We're going into action.
There are 2,000 people out there.
All the way up, I said, Oliver.
Go on.
We'll go back, so that when we come
to the scream, you'll be in the mood.
Now, Emmy Lou comes on.
"Mary Jo, where are you, Mary Jo?"
"What is it, Emmy Lou?"
"Mary Jo, your daddy just met Michael.
They're on the lawn."
"Emmy Lou, what are we all going to do?"
Remember the pause. Sway.
Keep swaying. Come on, Uncle Remus.
"Oh, Lordy, Miss Mary Jo, your daddy's
just gone and shot Mr. Michael."
Perfect! Marvelous! How was it, Oliver?
Okay from here.
Splendid. Excellent. Brava. Magnifico.
Great, Lily. I always knew you'd do it.
It' s a smash. The people are waiting
to draw your carriage through the streets.
- Where's Mr. Jaffe?
- Never mind. Come on.
Make way for Miss Garland there.
- But, Owen...
- I'll get him. Go on in.
Say, Mr. Jaffe, it looks like a knockout.
I want to see Mr. Jaffe.
You can't see Mr. Jaffe now. He's busy.
Was I all right? Was I what you wanted?
I came to pay my respects to a great actress.
Go outside, Sadie.
I came to apologize and be forgiven...
for all those mean things
I said during rehearsals, Lily.
Forgive you? Don't talk like that.
Everything they applauded was yours,
everything they liked.
I felt it was you out there
going through the performance.
That' s very generous of you,
but the diamond was there.
I merely supplied a little polish.
I'm so happy.
And the scream, was it all right?
I saved the pin as a souvenir.
The sorrows of life are the joys of art.
I suppose you have a lot of engagements
this evening?
I was going home and dream
about everything that happened tonight.
Tonight' s merely the beginning.
You're at the foot of the golden stair.
Lily Garland...
I'm going to take you by this little hand...
higher and further than any woman
of the theater has ever gone before.
The beauty and glamour that were mine
for a little while during those rehearsals...
when you thought I was so cruel...
now belong to the world...
forever and evermore.
- Are you there, Mulligan?
- Yes, Mr. Jaffe.
It once hung on Bernhard' s door.
I almost wish it weren't there.
Why?
It' s the golden mark that henceforth
sets you apart from the world...
beyond the reach of any one man
to have and to hold.
Don't say that. It frightens me.
Would you let me kiss you goodbye?
Yes.
Oscar, don't leave me now.
I'm nothing without you. I never will be.
Where are you going?
It' s been ringing 10 minutes.
Let it ring. Is Mr. Jaffe.
He can stand there pushing that bell
till he rots.
Remember the last time
we tried to keep him out? He had fits.
Fits.
I'll give him fits. Plenty of them.
Oscar, I'm going to...
Playing possum?
- So Oscar sent you up?
- Nothing of the kind.
I wouldn't answer the telephone,
so he gets you to carry his messages.
You got it all wrong.
I was passing by
and saw your light in the window.
I'll make your dirty work easy.
I'm going out tonight to the Ritz.
You can tell Mr. Jaffe.
The first good time I've had in three years.
Sadie, my chinchilla coat,
the one with the silver lining.
And her shephers crook, Sadie.
Say, what' s the meaning of this,
skulking behind barricades?
- Did he tell you what the fight was about?
- Well, I...
I gathered that in some obscure way...
you destroyed his career.
Get off that bed. It' s real lace.
How do you sleep in this contrivance?
Be all right with a pair of oars.
Sadie, get me a bottle of gin.
I've only got an hour to live.
I wish that were true.
Owen, I'll tell you exactly what happened.
That Mr. Whatsit of the Mayfair Club
called me up...
and told me they were having
a Lily Garland night and would I come?
Oscar was right there beside me.
Rowing?
Never mind.
He heard the whole conversation,
heard me accept it and never said a word.
I didn't think anything had happened
until I got to rehearsal...
and it was "Miss Garland" this
and "Miss Garland" that all over the place.
Then he started making those awful faces...
simply because he doesn't want me
to mingle with what he calls riffraff...
and that' s everybody in the world
except us two.
We just sit here and discuss his genius.
I'm going out tonight and have a look
at some plain human beings for once...
and act like one.
I've got a new dress.
The first in three years
that doesn't make me look like a Quaker.
- Lily.
- You, too? Is he calling out the militia?
Can I speak to you confidentially?
Go easy, warden, she's got a case.
Get out, Owen.
This is a question of life or death.
I'll go to my cabin.
- Lily, it' s up to you.
- What is?
I'm afraid for him, Lily.
He's got that look in his eyes.
I don't care what he's got in his eyes.
- You don't understand him, Lily.
- I don't?
When he's wounded,
he's capable of anything.
He's not capable of keeping me
from going to the Mayfair Club.
Sadie, don't wait up for me. I'll be late.
It' s none of my business, but after all
he's done for you, I'd go a little easy.
He made a million dollars off me,
if that' s what you mean.
And I'm not catering
to his senseless, neurotic...
egomaniac jealousies any longer.
I'm no Trilby.
Get out, boys.
- O.J., can I speak to you alone?
- No.
What time shall I call rehearsal tomorrow?
Tomorrow.
Goodbye, boys.
All right, D'Artagnan.
We'll be lurking on the drawbridge
if you need us. Come on, Oliver.
Oscar, I don't want a scene.
I'm all dressed up and I'm going.
Stop making those awful faces.
I'm not doing anything
you could possibly object to, Oscar.
I won't have a scene.
You can't bully me.
For three years, I've never done anything,
read anything, eaten anything...
without asking your permission twice.
Never met anybody.
I can't even see my own mother.
That' s not love, it' s pure tyranny.
Goodbye, Lily.
Oscar.
Our little comedy is ending,
just as I always knew it would.
You remember that night
you won your spurs...
and we tacked a golden star
on your dressing room door...
and I told you, you were not for one man
to have and to hold?
Go on, Lily.
Go and dance in that lovely dress
at that awful place.
Let them paw the beauty and glamour
that is mine...
for a moment.
- What are you talking about? I'm just...
- Please.
They're waiting for you. You'll be late.
What are you going to do?
Nothing, while you're here.
New York.
It received me once when I came here,
a little farm boy.
It' ll receive me again.
I remember on many a winter's eve...
Lily Garland, I haven't finished yet.
Some night when the curtain comes down...
and that little world of yours sits there
applauding you, you'll remember me.
You'll know I helped a little.
Goodbye.
Oscar!
You horrible fake. Be a man.
You're not going to jump out
of any window.
Trying to make me believe, you cheap ham.
You can't talk to me like that.
You forget who I am.
I'll tell you what you are. A fake.
Go on, jump. Kill yourself.
You washwoman's daughter.
What did you call me?
Soaking yourself in perfume like a hired girl.
Half undressed for other men.
You don't fool me.
Go on, hit me.
I'm not stopping you.
Lily, I wouldn't hurt you
for anything in the world.
Do what you want. Go anywhere you want...
only just love me.
Say you forgive me.
It' s all right. Just don't talk.
Put your arms around me. Just hold me.
What a glorious morning. I'm so happy.
Do you want me to wait for you, sweet?
I don't think so, darling.
You run along and rehearse without me
for a couple of hours.
I'm going over the manuscript again,
polishing.
Oscar, do you mean to say you're going
to trust me to go to the theater alone?
Lily, that' s all changed.
I meant every word I said. You'll see.
From now on,
I'm not going to be jealous anymore.
When you're like this,
I don't want anybody but you.
You know, I've had my lesson, Lily.
Something happened to me last night.
That moment at the window.
A sort of change of soul.
From now on
you can go and come as you please...
and no questions asked whatsoever.
I trust you implicitly.
- Goodbye, sweet.
- Goodbye, my lovely Lily.
Sadie, did you call the car?
- Yes, ma'am.
- Well, hurry up.
Hello.
Bleeker 82711.
Hello, is this
the McGonigle Detective Agency?
Mr. McGonigle speaking. Who?
How do you do, Mr. Jaffe?
Glad to hear from you.
What can I do for you this time?
I have an actress in my employ
named Lily Garland.
Yeah. That' s right.
I want her watched, every move,
day and night. Her mail...
and can you tap the telephone wires
in her apartment?
Yes, Mr. Jaffe.
Tapping telephone wires is our specialty.
These are the telephone reports of all calls.
Forty minutes conversation
with the dressmaker...
and never told me anything about it.
The bill is for $1,200.
Send him a check.
Yes, sir.
Good morning.
Why aren't you at rehearsal?
- You don't need me every minute.
- O.J., just between us, is Lily all right?
I mean, has there been any trouble
in the last week or two?
Certainly not. Whas the matter?
You've gotten her upset again.
I told you not to upset her.
I was just wondering
if there was any special reason...
why she didn't show up at rehearsal today.
She was all right when I left.
She sounded all right to me this morning.
- Get her on the phone.
- I did talk to her.
There seems to be some interference
on her telephone.
I've arranged to have someone
go over it from stem to stern.
You've done what?
You see, O. J...
the Vice President of
the telephone company is a friend of mine...
- and he promised immediate action.
- You gray rat.
Mr. Jaffe, Mr. McGonigle is outside.
I think something's happened.
Have him come in.
Mr. McGonigle.
Mr. Jaffe, I'm resigning.
I undertook this job in good faith,
under the seal of secrecy.
What happened?
She was laying for me in the vestibule.
She jumped out with a stick in her hand
just as I was collecting the mail.
Who told her that phone was tapped?
Stay where you are, Judas Iscariot.
McGonigle, did you deny it?
Did you throw the lie in her face?
I stuck with her until she got on the train.
- She almost tore my clothes off.
- What train?
We had an awful lot of trouble
through traffic.
- She was in her car and I was following...
- Stop babbling.
What train did she take?
The one to Hollywood.
- Hollywood?
- Yes, sir.
And she told me to tell you
that she was through with you forever.
Oliver, did you hear that?
She's left me.
Say the word, O.J., and I'll kill myself.
Gone. Lily.
How could you do it?
I'll go find her.
I'll bring her back, wherever she is.
No. Put me back in the bullring.
Sew me up like a picador's horse.
Blind me eyes. Let life run over me.
I'm willing to do anything
to make amends, O.J.
Mockery.
Take that name off. Block it out.
Look out, O.J. You'll hurt somebody.
We'll have a lawsuit on our hands.
Anathema. Child of Satan.
No more Lily Garland.
Wipe her off the face of the earth,
back into oblivion, Lily Garland.
- What' s Rembrandt up to?
- Owen, look.
Oblivion.
Owen, have the evening papers
gone to press yet?
- In about an hour.
- Get out your pencil.
You're in no mood to talk to publications.
- Lie down for a while.
- Are you still here? Get out.
I want to make a statement to the press.
I have just fired Lily Garland.
I've thrown her out of my theater
like a dead rat.
Now take it easy, sire.
What are we going to do, O.J.?
The announcements are up for the opening.
- We'll open.
- But how?
Do you think I need any Lily Garland
to open a show of mine?
There's no actress in town
who can hold a candle to her.
There isn't? I'll show you.
- But who? Who, O.J.?
- Quiet.
You, come here.
- Now listen to me, O. J...
- Quiet.
- What' s your name?
- Valerie Whitehouse.
Give Miss Whitehouse Miss Garland' s part.
I know it, Mr. Jaffe.
O.J., you're crazy. This girl can't act.
She hasn't had any experience.
She's just out of stock.
You remember a little lingerie model
named Mildred Plotka...
who was once on this stage,
who couldn't act?
I don't care. I'm not going to let you do this.
You're making a fool of yourself.
Lily Garland' s been putting up with
all this tripe you've been getting away with.
You amoeba.
It' s the truth, whether you know it or not.
Owen, take this creature...
who came to me as an office boy,
as Max Mandlebaum...
and who is now Max Jacobs
for some mysterious reason...
and throw him into the street.
You don't have to throw me. I'll go.
- By the scruff of the neck.
- But I'll tell you something.
Out!
I close the iron door on you.
Okay.
Let the rehearsal begin.
Miss Whitehouse,
we'll take your entrance in Act 1.
Oliver, give me some chalk.
Chicago. What a town.
They should never have taken it away
from the Indians.
It' s a good town for a good show.
The Worls Fair proved that.
Yeah. Fan dances and flea circuses.
When you came here two years ago
with Lily Garland...
the sheriff didn't have
to tack a sign on the stage door.
True, my good mignon, but the sheriff
has been playing a very important part...
in our last four productions.
All right. Okay. We'll see about that.
- What' d he say?
- The sheriff won't listen to reason.
If he doesn't get his money by tomorrow
morning, Jaffe don't leave this town.
- Kind of tough on Chicago.
- "Joan of Arc."
There was absolutely no excuse
for that show. I told him so.
He's going to end up in the breadline...
unless he finds out
that these horse operas...
with a lot of people staggering around
in foul iron suits ain't entertainment.
Where did you leave Jaffe?
At the Morrison Hotel
under the name of Hemingway...
which he's adopted in his grief.
What are his plans,
further than returning tomorrow?
He's going to shoot himself with a gun.
If he gets on that trapeze again,
I'm going to hand him the revolver.
He won't kill himself.
Id please too many people.
Give me a double bicarbonate of soda.
Thas the fifth I've had today.
Oliver, look.
Oblivion.
The biggest thing in pictures.
We could use her.
Four flops in a row since she left.
Five. I blame her for everything.
When she left Jaffe,
she took his genius with her.
Do you know how much he paid for
long-distance calls to Hollywood last year?
$1,800, and she hung up on him every time.
In some Humpty Dumpty way,
that was true love.
Yeah, Romeo and Juliet.
20th Century leaving for New York
on Track 6. All aboard.
Say, listen, my fine-feathered friend,
you're just wasting your time...
patrolling this lonely coast.
Mr. Jaffe is not getting on this train.
I'll say he ain't.
I've got four men watching every gate.
He ain't going to leave this state
without paying up...
and if you're a smart young fellow...
you'll stop making a nuisance of yourself.
So you're gonna get personal?
I'll cool you off in 17 shades of lavender.
Here, what' s going on?
This demigod thinks he's in darkest Russia.
Now, just a minute, Owen.
Who is your immediate superior?
Never mind that. You see this picture?
The minute I lay eyes on this fellow, Jaffe...
he's going right over
to the South Clark Street Police Station.
I beg your pardon, sir.
May I trouble you all for a match?
Sure thing, brother. Here.
Thank you.
I'm taking the 20th Century.
I hope I ain't late.
No, it' s over there. You can just make it.
Thanks for your courtesy, sir.
That' s perfectly all right.
There's no use quarreling with
this gentleman. He's only doing his duty.
If he's going to arrest Jaffe,
he's going to arrest him.
- We can't prevent it.
- All right, Oliver.
- Goodbye, sir.
- Goodbye.
Thank you all for your hospitality, sir.
Come down and have a julep
with we all sometime, sir.
I will, thank you.
Very clever, O.J.
You had us both fooled for a minute.
I never thought I should sink so low
as to become an actor.
It was humiliating.
Too bad you didn't play Joan of Arc.
Never mind that, Owen.
You've been drinking again.
Go and order lunch.
Tell them to put me by myself
at a large table.
How do you suppose I'm going to do that?
The diner's packed.
Tell them it' s for me. Go on.
If you want privacy,
why don't you travel in a balloon?
O.J., we might as well get it over.
I've got some unpleasant figures here.
Do you know what I was thinking about?
On the way to the train?
Nothing morbid, I hope.
That of all my 68 productions...
the most artistic was Joan of Arc.
Yes, it would have been fine if the audience
had known what it was all about.
Audience.
I saw the play five times
and cried like a baby.
That fire effect was pure genius.
I've never done anything better.
Fire effect and all, we're $74,000
and a few pennies in the hole.
Care to look at it?
What a magnificent failure.
If I'm a genius, Oliver,
it' s because of my failure.
Always remember that.
May I take your bag, sir?
Just keep your hands off my bag
and don't bother me.
I don't want to see you again
from here to New York City.
Yes, sir.
"Repent, for the time is at hand."
Get Flannagan.
Yes, sir.
Listen, O.J.
Don't talk about money matters now,
Oliver. Do you mind?
I've got to. The first thing
they're going to do tomorrow morning...
is to land on the Jaffe Theatre with a writ
and take it away from you.
- And whiskers won't save you.
- They wouldn't dare.
Now listen, O.J., there's one way out of this.
Not exactly pleasant, I grant you,
but we can't afford to be squeamish.
Now, I had a telegram this morning
from little Max Jacobs.
Communicating with Max Jacobs?
- Now listen, O.J., I know...
- Treachery?
Max Jacobs, that office boy that I fired.
All right, office boy,
but he's got a cold million in the bank.
Now, he's produced three straight
dramatic smashes in a row...
while you've been laying one bad egg
after another. Now that' s fact.
I've had enough of your treachery.
- Max Jacobs...
- Get out!
...is the only man that can save you.
You Judas.
Go to Mandlebaum or whatever his name is.
You're fired.
I know, the iron door.
Okay, I've had enough.
- Say, Oliver...
- And I mean it.
I understand how you feel,
but tell me what happened.
I was sitting there reading,
when all of a sudden...
I felt something hit my head.
Did you see anybody pass?
No, but when I took off my cap
I found this sticker on it.
"Repent, for the time is at hand."
Who do you suppose
could be doing such a thing?
I don't know, but I've got a pretty good idea.
There's a certain drunk on this train
and I'll talk to him.
Come on, Flannagan.
- This has gone just far enough.
- What' s biting you?
We had to wash all those things off
with soap and water.
- What things?
- You don't know anything about it?
What are you yapping about?
- You've got one on your hat.
- Keep your hands off me.
- Is this the same one?
- Yeah, it sure is.
- Is this an insane asylum?
- It' s the work of that man who's with you.
- Mr. Jaffe?
- No, the other one.
I'm going to turn him over to the authorities.
This is vandalism.
- You got a drink?
- See here, young man...
Let him alone. I can handle him.
Redskin, me, want firewater.
Plenty wampum. Quick.
I paid $12 for that derby.
Why did you paste this?
That' s kindergarten stuff.
You'll clean this train
with hot water and soap...
and remove all the stickers.
You're screwier than a pretzel.
"Repent for the time..."
Are you accusing me
of circulating that propaganda?
Somebody just went to the dining room
and put stickers on all the windows.
- What?
- I guess that exonerates Mr. O'Malley.
He won't get away from us this time.
Come on.
- Did you see him?
- Whoever he was, he's pretty smart, sir.
- What a trip.
- Join Jaffe and see the world.
- Don't mention Jaffe's name to me.
- What' s the matter now?
Same old thing.
He doesn't know it yet, but I'm through.
I've let that egomaniac jump up and down
on my stomach for the last 16 years...
but this is the end.
Maybe when he's hanging from the rafters
with all of Broadway pecking his eyes out...
maybe he'll realize
what I've done for him. Yeah, maybe.
- Englewood.
- Owen.
- What is it?
- Look.
Lily Garland.
Look out, she's getting on.
Look out. Don't let her see you.
All right, hurry up. Get out.
Everything's all right.
Oh, another compartment.
I told you to get a room with a bed in it,
so I can sleep.
- There isn't any bed.
- You're a liar. Go ask the conductor.
Just a minute, darling.
This moron is driving me crazy.
- What' s the trouble now?
- The company promised me a bed.
Sadie, it' s on the train somewhere.
- Go on, step on it, Sadie.
- Go on, please.
There isn't any bed on the train.
Calling me a liar? Go on.
I'm sick and tired of this whole trip.
You're mad? Well, you...
I despise temperament.
George, darling, goodbye.
I'm going to miss you so much.
But it isn't goodbye. I'm not getting off.
I'm going to New York with you.
Darling, don't be silly.
What will people think?
"Famous film star
smuggles young society man aboard train."
- All aboard.
- Darling, I'm going to miss you. Goodbye.
- I'm missing you already.
- But you needn't, dear. I'm not leaving you.
- What are you talking about?
- Just what I said.
- I'm going with you.
- George, we're moving.
- I don't care.
- The train is moving.
- Do as I say.
- I will not get off this train!
It' s too late now anyway.
- This is fine, isn't it?
- Go on. Rave on.
I suppose I'm seeing the true you at last.
Fame, success, empty words.
What is therein?
- Stop making those awful faces.
- Stop acting.
This is going to be a pleasant journey.
George, you annoy me.
Let' s tell His Highness
they've pitched their wigwam next door.
I'm not talking to him.
If I was, I'd tell him something.
- About what?
- About a million dollars' worth...
if Jaffe and that girl
could get together again.
Yes, Russia and Japan
might get together, too.
I don't know whether you realize
but I've had an influence with her.
Me, too. Once I actually compelled her
to admit it looked like rain.
Do you think there's a chance
of them getting together?
- The quickest way to find out is to ask her.
- Not me. Count me out.
Mr. Jaffe fired me once too often.
All right, stay there and pout if you want to.
I still don't see why you wanted
to go to New York alone.
- George, you've got to believe in me.
- Yes, when you're dead.
Hello, you peculiar witch.
How's the baby Bernhardt?
The foul Corsican himself.
Who let you on this train?
Say, if you only knew all the trouble we had
getting on this gondola.
- Who is we?
- Guess.
Holy Moses!
You two mind letting me in
on some of these trade secrets?
Mr. O'Malley, Mr. Smith.
- How do you do?
- I didn't get the name.
Is Oscar Jaffe on this train?
You'd better tell me.
Right in there. The Little Corporal
is returning from another Moscow.
His head bloodied but still unbowed.
Jaffe? That' s why you didn't want me
aboard the train.
Shut up. I didn't know he was here.
This is the limit.
Listen to me, Lily. I've got to know it.
- Are you going to see this man?
- See him?
You think I'm out of my mind?
Thank you for telling me.
I won't step outside this room.
He knew I was on this train...
but it' s not going to do him any good.
Owen, I'm free from Mr. Jaffe
and I'm going to stay free.
What are you all so scared of, Mary Jo?
Scared? That man's belittled
and tortured me for three years.
Ran around telling everybody, "Where would
Lily Garland be without the great Jaffe?"
Well, I think I showed him.
Right on top of the ladder and going up.
The lies he told about me and my mom.
Called himself my Svengali.
- Hello, Lily.
- You, too?
- Coming back into the fold?
- Am I what?
- Did Oscar tell you to ask me that?
- Lily, don't fly off the handle.
Confidentially, I'm not with Jaffe anymore.
Ask Owen.
If that egomaniac were in his grave,
the way I feel now...
I'd take a rope and tie it around his neck
and take him on a cook's tour.
- He's played his last dirty trick on me.
- I don't care what you do.
I want to tip you off to something.
Is it all right to talk in front of...
You can get right out now,
that' s what you can do.
I happen to be calling on Miss Garland.
I want you to listen.
Oscar's broke.
They're going to take his theater away.
That' s kind of interesting.
They've got him across a barrel.
I'm afraid he's going to do the Dutch act.
Still jumping out of windows?
Old fainting Bertha.
Don't laugh at him, Lily. If you don't
come across for him, it' s curtains for him.
You're his only chance.
I would rather drop dead where I'm standing
than ever do another play with him.
- It might be a smart bet for you.
- What?
You go back and tell that fake Svengali
I wouldn't wipe my feet on him...
- if he were starving, and I hope he is.
- That' s no way for you to talk. He made you.
He what? Get out of here.
- You've said enough.
- I thought you were a bigger woman, Lily...
- but I see I was deeply mistaken.
- Get out. Right outside.
Well, we asked her.
Let' s tell the earth-shaker.
I thought I told you he fired me
for the last time, and I meant it.
Come in.
Are you down, O.J.?
And almost out.
What was the name of the minnesinger
who cracked about:
"It' s always darkest before the dawn?"
I don't know, Owen, but he was an ass.
Did you ever hear of a female
entitled Lily Garland?
Don't be humorous, Owen.
O.J., suppose, just hypothetically,
of course, that you, Mr. Bromo...
could get together again with Miss Seltzer.
I wouldn't take that woman back if she and I
were the last people in the world...
and the future of the human race
depended on it.
Besides, she's 2,000 miles away.
No, she ain't. She's right on this train.
- O'Malley, you're a liar.
- Okay, but she's right in there.
- I wonder if she's doing this deliberately.
- I shouldn't think so offhand.
- Owen, it' s a miracle.
- What?
She made the first move being here.
I'll meet her halfway.
I'll make the supreme gesture.
You mean you're going to let Lily
work for you again?
How did you guess that?
I'm going to forgive her.
As a matter of fact, sire,
we've already broached the subject to her.
What did she say? Tell me everything.
You know her. She screamed like a fishwife.
That' s a good sign. She blew up?
That shows the battery isn't dead.
Did you give her any false idea
about her being necessary to me?
- Not a word.
- Are you sure?
We just talked
some good horse sense to her.
- That' s fine. Where's Oliver?
- You fired him.
He's taking advantage of that, is he?
There are only two musketeers left.
Very well, we'll work all the harder.
I want you to send a wire to Maurice,
the florist in Toledo...
and tell him to send every gardenia he has
in the shop to Drawing Room...
- What' s the initial?
- "B" as in "bughouse."
Drawing Room B, this car.
There's a message
I want to go with those gardenias.
Take your pencil out, I'll give it to you.
To my little Madonna of the snows.
No, wait a minute.
We won't use that this time.
Put that down, Owen, it' s very distracting.
I've got it.
From the grave of someone
you loved yesterday.
- How's that?
- A little on the sad side, isn't it?
It' s perfect. Wish I could get playwrights
to write like that.
Can I have a little sip now, O.J.?
So Oliver thought I was through, did he?
It had all the earmarks of a crisis.
That' s when I'm at my best,
with my back against the wall...
disaster staring me in the face.
Joan of Arc, The Bride of Bagdad,
Desert Love.
No money, no credit.
My theater, everything gone.
Everything but the name of Jaffe.
They got me down.
But I'm like a prizefighter who gets up at
the count of nine, staggers for a moment...
and then leads with the fury
of a wounded lion.
You've seen me in action before.
I don't have to tell you.
It' s been my privilege several times, sire.
I'm going into action now.
Now don't interrupt us,
no matter what happens.
Darling, remember that we love each other.
- Who is that?
- Who?
That fellow kissing her.
This is the final irony.
Mousing around with boys...
after Oscar Jaffe.
I always knew she'd head for the gutter.
I can't stand it.
My heart' s breaking. Conductor!
Where's the conductor? Conductor!
Come here, you.
Who is that man with Lily?
- Who is he? What' s his name?
- I don't know.
Yes, you do, you Mata Hari.
- Is he going to New York with her?
- Is that my fault?
- Mr. Jaffe.
- Did you hear that?
There's a law in this country
about riding on trains.
- I call on you to invoke it.
- What?
Stop the train. I want that man
in Drawing Room B thrown off.
- Nobody can stop this train.
- Oscar Jaffe's telling you to stop this train.
Oscar Jaffe or no Oscar Jaffe.
Fires, floods, or blizzards...
this is the 20th Century
and we get to New York on time.
Now if you'll just go in and relax,
you'll feel much better, I'm sure.
Kissing her.
Come back here, you. Hold him, Flannagan.
That' s not necessary, gentlemen.
I'm harmless.
I'm a well-known businessman, Conductor.
Here, that' s my line:
Sunshine Fruit Tablets. I'm President.
I'll pay for anything I've done.
I'm so ashamed of myself, I can hardly talk.
What' s the idea of running around
pasting those stickers?
- Did I put up many of them?
- Why, the place is plastered with them.
Oh, dear.
- Is your name Mathew J. Clark?
- Yes, sir.
Got a wire here concerning you.
- Is it from my nephew?
- It' s signed Harold Clark.
Thas he. Does it convey the fact that
I'm a little crazy but perfectly harmless...
and that he will meet me in Cleveland?
That' s right.
It also says that you're in the habit
of passing out phony checks...
for large amounts
and not to accept any of them.
You nearly caused a panic among
the passengers. "The time is at hand."
They got to worrying
about a wreck or something.
That' s terrible. Don't tell my nephew.
- What did you do it for?
- I don't know.
It' s a sort of spiritual call.
But I'm entirely normal now,
and if you'll allow me to go to my room...
I give you my word of honor
not to cause you any more trouble.
- How are you feeling?
- Fine.
Entirely over it. It' s quite gone now.
Here, let me pay you for the trouble.
No, we don't want your money,
but I'm sorry you've got this disease.
Thank you very much.
Let me give you the rest of the stickers.
This whole thing is so humiliating to me.
I just hope we can keep it
out of the newspapers.
I'll take care of that. Remember, boys,
not a word about this to anybody.
If you'll just go to your drawing room
and rest...
I'm sure you'll be well taken care of.
The reason I'm taking you back
is on account of your wife.
I see.
No need to have the innocent
suffer with the guilty.
I have to change my plan of campaign.
The first thing to do
is to get rid of the lover, eliminate him.
Now get out your pencil.
We're going to draw up a contract
between Oscar Jaffe and Lily Garland.
- O.J., stop chasing rainbows.
- Make it out in legal form.
She's going to sign a contract with me
before she leaves this train.
Listen, O.J., if you'll allow me to presume.
- What now?
- Now I know this may cost me my job...
but if you ask me,
we're not getting anywhere.
- What?
- What we need is a play...
something she can read, see herself
walking up and down the stage in.
- I'll find a play.
- Where? You can't pull one out of a hat.
I was born under the sign of Sagittarius.
That' s the archer.
You draw up that contract.
Wait a minute.
That may be Lily now.
Come in.
Excuse us, please.
That' s him.
Maestro.
- What is this?
- Now run along, we're busy.
Stop that, Oliver.
You know I always see people.
What is it you wish, gentlemen?
Maestro, this is a great honor.
Spit it out.
Maestro, I want to say...
Maestro, perhaps...
you have seen us sometime.
Actors?
We are belonging to the Passion Play.
- The Oberammergau players.
- Ja.
I should have recognized you.
The Oberammergau Players
are the purest branch of the theater.
Oliver, stand up.
Hello, boys.
They are the only true actors we have left.
Not like our cheap Broadway hams.
They are devoted to their art from infancy.
Yeah, I see.
- I am the Judas.
- He's the Judas and I am...
Yes. Now, how do you boys
like the United States?
We don't like it so good.
We have had lots of troubles.
Our manager has run away
with all our money.
- And now you want to borrow some.
- Thank you. Yeah.
You see, we got nothing to eat
till we get on the boat.
- Moochers?
- Ja.
I thought so.
Sit down, gentlemen.
Oliver, it' s an inspiration...
at the eleventh hour,
with my back against the wall.
- How much money do you need, gentlemen?
- $54.
- Give it to them, Oliver.
- What? We don't even know these people.
While you were chatting over here,
my mind was active.
The Passion Play:
the greatest drama of the ages.
At last I've found something
that is worthy of me.
O.J., can I speak to you a moment?
Come on, boys. Get out.
- O.J., I've got to speak to you alone.
- What?
- Are you crazy?
- Never mind who's crazy.
Go on, boys, I'll attend to you later.
I thought you were going to sign them up.
Of course I'm going to sign them up.
- Wait a minute, O.J.
- Call them back.
Now, O.J., I'm going to undertake
a terrible responsibility.
Now, I know you won't believe me...
but I'm more than just an employee.
I'm the best friend you've got on earth.
Now, go easy, Oliver. Remember your heart.
I'm not going to let you do it.
You've done enough.
I'm not going to let you get mixed up
with any phony art.
Now the trouble with you is...
you don't know whas happened
to the public in the last three years.
I'll tell you. I know.
I've had my ear to the ground like an Indian.
This is what they want
and I'm going to give it to them.
At least we won't have to worry about
any goose chase with Lily Garland.
Of course I want it for her.
Why else do you suppose I got it?
- The Passion Play?
- It fits her like a glove.
What a Magdalene she'll make.
Is a perfect piece of casting.
Wait till I tell her.
Oliver, our troubles are over.
Oh, are they?
Where are you going to get $250,000
to produce a spectacle like that?
By waving your magic wand?
Don't talk about money matters now, Oliver.
Do you mind?
I don't care if it kills me.
- Is it all right for you to be out here?
- Yes, thank you, porter. I'm quite all right.
Yes, but the boys are having an awful time
getting those things down.
Porter, have you got any
bicarbonate of soda?
- Yes, sir.
- Get me some in a hurry.
- lf you are in distress, I have just the thing.
- No, thank you.
You're in the theatrical business,
aren't you?
I've often thought I'd like to devote myself
to the theater.
Would you think there might be
a place for me?
Oh, yes.
- Probably fill a long-felt want.
- That' s what I thought.
It might solve my financial difficulties, too.
You know, when one has
so much cash lying around...
it becomes a problem how to invest it,
don't you think?
I have terrible headaches just thinking of it.
That' s too bad.
Why, you haven't taken your tablet yet.
- They're really very good.
- Thank you.
I manufacture them myself.
That' s our ad in the Saturday Evening Post.
- This is your ad?
- Yes.
We're one of their biggest advertisers.
Well.
- And your name is...
- Clark. Mathew J. Clark.
You see, Mr. Clark...
in the theatrical business,
there are no headaches.
- No?
- Oh, no.
Is that so?
George, why haven't you ever asked me
to marry you?
What? I'd no idea that you'd be interested.
George, let' s elope.
Why elope? There's no one stopping us.
- Hurry, Owen.
- I'm coming.
- Come on.
- I'm coming.
What is it, sire?
We're before Waterloo
with Sheridan 20 miles away...
but we can't wait for that now.
- Stand by, Owen.
- What' s the program, Richelieu?
- Where's Oliver?
- He's probably hiding. Who can blame him?
Here. Help me out with this. Hurry up.
- Tie it back of me.
- What for?
This is a little bit of strategy...
in case that young ruffian in there
gets violent.
Hold yourself in readiness.
What are you going to do?
I have got to break a human heart.
How little you know
the real Lily Garland, George.
I've died so often,
made love so much on the stage...
that I've lost track of what' s real.
What is real?
A house,
a home with a little attic and a cookie jar...
and a doorstep,
and little feet, pattering up and down.
I thought it was your voice, Lily.
I just came to say hello.
I don't want to talk to you, Oscar. Please go.
I've nothing to say to you. I don't want
to hear anything you've to say.
I'm warning you
about bothering Miss Garland, and I mean it.
No violence, George. He'll go.
- Let me attend to this.
- No. Sit down.
- He's got to get out.
- A public fight would finish me.
He'd love to splash our names
on the front pages.
Let him throw me out, Lily.
It would be the final irony.
I came here out of a gallant mood...
to congratulate you.
And you can get right out again.
You've no right here.
No right? Doesn't he know about us?
I thought everybody knew.
It was one of the great romances
of our time.
- You...
- I broke it in Chicago.
All right, Oscar.
You've done your usual slimy trick.
You could never stand to see anything
sweet or decent in my life.
You couldn't wait to come in here
and blab everything.
Blab? I'm proud of every hour
that we've spent together.
So should you be. What' s happened to you?
- Are you trying to hoodwink this child?
- I gave you your chance.
Stop! Don't start hammering at me.
I can't stand it.
Comfort her, sir. Is your privilege.
Lying to me.
Every minute with every breath, lying to me.
Yes. I tried to save you pain.
I lied, yes, only to save you.
- That' s from Sappho.
- Get out!
I hate him! I say it right to his face.
I loathe and despise him.
I hate the ground he walks on.
He's part of something horrible in my life.
George, don't leave me with him.
What an exit. Not a word.
Thas what we should have had
in The Heart of Kentucky...
when Michael leaves Mary Jo in the first act.
Go and crawl back under your stone
or wherever you came from.
I'll be back in a few minutes
with a little surprise.
Something I've been promising you
for seven years.
Owen, I've just played a scene.
Sardou might have written it.
I have her in the perfect mood,
and we must strike at once.
Where's Oliver with that contract?
Let' s hurry. Come on. We've got to get at it.
- You're back all ready to forgive me.
- No.
I don't care to be forgiven by you.
You won't be. I came for my hat.
- Get it and get out.
- It happens that you're sitting on it.
Why do people keep hammering at me?
Hammering and hammering...
- You're hysterical.
- It happens I'm as calm as a fish.
Lying to me. Swearing on your love
and honor. You're a fake.
I'm a fake?
What are you laughing at?
- I'll tell you. I have lied to you.
- What?
All those opera tenors, acrobats,
that Italian bicycle rider I told you about.
They're all lies. The only man in my life...
- was that cavalier in there, Oscar Jaffe.
- What are you telling me?
- I was completely loyal to him.
- Loyal?
Of course. He watched me like a hawk.
And you wanted my respect.
Who cares about your respect?
I'm too big to be respected.
Men I've known have understood that.
- Men you've known? Jaffe, you mean.
- Yes, Jaffe.
He'll tell you what I am:
a first-class passenger entitled to privileges.
Oh, an artist.
You're darned tooting I am.
George, you bore me.
Don't worry. It won't be for long.
My last words to you are that I hate you.
I despise you.
Now get out of...
Why do they keep hammering at me?
Hammering and hammering...
- Sadie, I'm all...
- Come on.
Give me my makeup. Stop pushing me.
Come on, Owen. We've got to find that.
That eliminates the lover. Come on, Owen.
Get Oliver with that contract.
I'll do my best, sire, but we've
crossed the river and I've lost the scent.
Hello, Sadie.
I'm surprised
you haven't been around to see me.
Same old rosy cheeks.
Miss Garland is taking a nap.
Poor child. No one understands her.
Now listen, Sadie. Always take care of her.
Promise me that.
She's very delicate. I think I'll sit.
I'm sorry if I woke you up.
- Get out of here, Sadie.
- He sneaked in through that door.
I know. I'll call you if I need you.
What do you want, scorpion?
If it makes you any happier
to call me names, go ahead.
Oscar, you're complete.
The most horrible excuse for a human being
that ever walked on two legs.
You've always misunderstood me, Lily.
No matter what I said, if he'd been a lover...
a real man...
he'd have taken you in his arms,
he'd have been tender.
Instead of that, he stalked out of the room...
like a Reverend Henry Davidson in Rain.
Your philosophy of love doesn't interest me,
Mr. Jaffe.
I wish I could dismiss it like that, but I can't.
When I love a woman, I'm an Oriental.
It never goes. It never dies.
Phooey.
Love blinded me. That was the trouble
between us as producer and artist.
So thas what it was, was it?
How about your name in electric lights
bigger than everybody's...
your delusion
that you were a Shakespeare...
and a Napoleon and a Grand Lama of Tibet
all rolled into one.
- You're absolutely right.
- What?
I'm big enough to admit it.
I never appreciated your real greatness
till I lost you.
How small, how cheap,
what egotism not to know...
that it was Lily Garland
instead of Oscar Jaffe that really mattered.
When you ran around telling people...
that you put chalk marks on the stage
so I'd know where to stand...
that you had to teach me to talk,
like a parrot.
It was despicable.
- I could cut my throat.
- If you did, greasepaint would run out of it.
That' s the trouble with you, Oscar,
with both of us.
We're not people. We're lithographs.
We don't know anything about love
unless is written and rehearsed.
We're only real in between curtains.
- Why, Lily, you're crying.
- Sure.
I turn on a faucet. It' s that sort of scene.
- That' s the devil of it.
- That' s the pity of it, you mean.
Those movies you were in, a sacrilege
throwing you away on things like that.
When I left that movie house...
I felt some magnificent ruby
had been thrown into a platter of lard.
You put yourself back 10 years,
but we can mend all that.
You'll be greater than ever, Lily Garland.
Listen, if all this adagio is...
by any chance preliminary to a contract,
you can save your breath.
- Contract?
- What are you talking about?
You'd give anything
to get my name on a contract.
I came in here with a dream
we both had long ago:
the last step of the golden stair.
The courtesan, the great courtesan role.
"Look out. Look out."
What is it this time...
the big drama about Hairpin Annie,
the pride of the gashouse?
No, Lily.
This happens to be
about the greatest woman of all time.
Just her memory...
has kept the world weeping for centuries.
- The Magdalene.
- You mean that play by Sudermann?
Sudermann? That German hack?
Listen to me. I'm going to put on
the Passion Play in New York...
with Lily Garland as the Magdalene.
I've had it up my sleeve all this time,
waiting for the right moment.
The wickedest woman of her age...
sensual, heartless...
but beautiful,
corrupting everything she touches...
running the gamut from the gutter to glory.
Can you see her, Lily?
This little wanton...
ending up in tears at the foot of the cross.
I'm going to have Judas
strangle himself with her hair.
No, wait.
Why not have Judas drink the poison
that was intended for me?
Lily, that' s an inspiration. Go on,
while you're in the creative mood.
I'll tell you how I can see the whole thing.
I can see the Magdalene...
as a woman who was an aristocrat
at the beginning...
and after being heartbroken
by some man she loved madly and trusted...
she went down...
down...
Into the depths.
Hating and despising all men.
Laughing at them, so cruel, so terrible.
Lily, if this play runs for five years,
I won't make a dollar.
You can have all the money.
All I want to do is to stagger New York.
A desert scene, with a hundred camels.
And real sand, brought from the Holy Land.
I'm going to have a Babylonian banquet
with your slaves around you.
You're covered in emeralds in that scene,
from head to foot, and nothing else.
Suddenly you catch sight
of your greatest menace...
the soothsayer.
$40 a week.
Nevertheless, you go directly into
your snake dance.
It' s terrific, but it' s nothing compared
to the finish, where you stand in rags...
and the Emperor Nero himself
offers you half his empire.
You answer him
with one of the greatest speeches...
ever written in the history of literature...
with all the lights pouring down on you...
transfigured by love and sacrifice.
And the last we see of you
is this pathetic little figure...
selling olives in the...
- What' s the matter with you?
- You're crazy.
What do you mean?
Coming in here
with camels and sand from the Holy Land.
You're a scream.
You're gonna put on the Passion Play.
Oh, my heavens!
You haven't $100 to your name.
But I can raise a million, two million.
Yes, and I know how you intend to raise it.
Get my name on a contract...
shake down some new angel
on the strength of my reputation.
No, thank you.
I'm through being your meal ticket.
It' s a lie.
You've been listening to my enemies.
I listened to Mr. Oliver Webb,
who told me some sob story...
that you were gonna commit suicide
unless I took pity on you.
Go and commit it! It would be a blessing
to everybody concerned.
What the... Mr. Webb? He is
no longer with me. I fired him for stealing.
Shut up. I've had enough of your lies.
I'm offering you a last chance
to become immortal.
Thanks. I've decided to stay mortal
with a responsible management.
- Who?
- Max Jacobs.
- I can't believe it.
- No? Read the papers tomorrow, then.
- Why do you think I left Hollywood?
- Max Jacobs. He's a thief, illiterate.
He can hardly write his own name.
He writes it on checks all right,
great big checks, too.
So that' s what it is, money.
If I jingled $10,000 or $15,000
in front of your nose...
your mouth would begin to water.
You'd start drooling and squealing:
- "Give me!"
- That' s right, Oscar.
Now get out before I have the porter
throw you off the train.
We'll see who's gonna be thrown off
this train. Traveling with a gigolo.
Get off, you fake, you swindler!
Stop that, you cheap little shop girl!
- Get out before I call the conductor!
- Call the conductor!
- I'll tell the world who's a fake. You are!
- Get away from me!
I taught you everything you know,
even your name!
Lily Garland, I gave you that.
As there's justice in heaven,
Mildred Plotka...
you will end up where you belong...
in the burlesque houses.
Get out of here!
- You coward.
- Who's a coward? You!
Owen.
Where's that scoundrel, Webb?
Selling me out behind my back.
I'll strangle him with these bare hands...
so help me, if I go to the chair for it.
- O.J.
- Come in, you gray rat.
- O.J.
- Come in, you gray rat.
Do you know who I've got with me?
Mathew J. Clark, the patent medicine king.
I've talked him into financing the play
from a religious angle.
You can write your own ticket. Millions.
- Where is he?
- Just outside the door.
Show him in.
Come in, Mr. Clark.
- Mr. Jaffe, Mr. Clark.
- How do you do, sir?
Mr. Webb has told me
all about you and your work.
- I'm glad to meet a noble and pious man.
- That' s very kind of you, sir.
It' s unusual to find a man of your profession
interested in religion.
What is your denomination?
I'm proud and happy to say, sir,
that I am a Baptist.
Will you sit down, please?
You got some more telegraph blanks?
I want to send another one.
To John Ringling.
I'm in the market for 25 camels...
several elephants, and an ibis.
- A what?
- That is the royal bird of Egypt.
Give me the rock-bottom price.
And sign it Oscar Jaffe. Right. Go ahead.
Say, O. J...
where are you gonna
house these monsters?
I'm going to construct a small zoo
next to the green room.
I wish I knew
the name of the Sultan of Turkey.
- I don't suppose you know it, do you?
- No. Not offhand.
What sort of didos are you casting him for?
I don't want him, you fool.
I want his dervishes, the whirling ones.
I want a dozen of them.
Now go and get his address.
I'll go and ask the conductor.
Owen, something tells me you're
not educated enough for this sort of thing.
- I'll have to hire some professor.
- Save your dough, sire.
I yield the lamp of learning to no one.
Owen, did you see Lily?
- I harped on that check for a half an hour.
- Go get her, Owen. Don't fail me.
I'll bring her if I have to bring her
on a stretcher.
- Where are you going, Owen?
- I'm detouring over the Alps again.
- How did you get on, O.J.?
- Listen, I want to tell you something.
I don't quite trust that man.
I want you to get off at Cleveland
and cash that check...
so I can give Lily her pound of flesh.
Get out your pen so I can endorse it.
I'm not bragging,
but I'd just like to point out...
that little Oliver Webb delivers in a pinch.
I'm thinking of promoting you, Oliver.
We'll have to get you a secretary...
a little fat one that you can boss around
all by yourself.
You're not bad-looking, you know...
if you'd only burn that hat.
Now run along, Oliver, and leave me alone.
I'm very busy.
It' s outrageous, that' s what it is.
- But it isn't the conductor's fault.
- What happened?
We were sitting here,
and for no reason at all...
this horrible old man rushed in
and stuck this sticker on the window.
- He's loose again.
- Did you see him?
No, sir, he's just up and down
with those stickers like a ghost.
Our lives aren't safe
with this creature loose.
Don't worry. They're taking him off
at Cleveland. We'll be there soon.
I can't find him anywhere.
All right, keep on the job.
You take these people...
into their car and see
that they're well taken care of.
Happy days are here again
Happy days are here
Is that a new one?
No, same one.
Just had it cleaned and blacked.
Personally, I prefer a derby.
- No, I mean the sticker.
- Same one.
Happy days are here
Say, we're on time, aren't we?
Yes. He's not causing Mr. Jaffe any trouble,
is he?
Who?
- The gentleman in Drawing Room D.
- Mr. Clark? Not at all.
Happy days are here
I see you know his name all right.
Do you happen to know where he's hiding?
No, I don't.
Who are you talking about?
Mr. Clark.
I've looked over every inch of this train.
I can't find him.
Who's after him?
We're trying to keep it undercover,
but it' s a pretty sad case all around.
What are you talking about?
Clark. He's the one
putting up these stickers.
- It' s an infamous lie.
- I'm not going to argue...
but we caught him red-handed.
Here, read this.
If you happen to run into him again,
just engage him in conversation...
and don't let on that you know he's crazy.
Don't be frightened
because he's perfectly harmless.
Come on, Bob, we'll go through this train
with a fine-toothed comb.
I don't know, Owen.
Signing another contract with Oscar is like...
Come on. Pull yourself together.
Here's the historic quill.
Look out! You're ruining my negligee.
Owen, it' s like jumping off a cliff.
What are you saying?
That' s not a contract. It' s a coronation.
Barrels of rubies,
carpets for your pretty feet...
onyx bathtubs,
slews of myrmidons at your beck and call.
No, that' s not what I mean.
Come on,
sign it now while the sap is flowing.
Wait a minute.
I want to run through it once more.
Has she signed yet?
- Not yet, but she's going to.
- Listen, we've been fooled.
- That fellow, he's a lunatic.
- What fellow is that, pal?
- Clark, our backer.
- Odds bodkins. What are you gonna do?
- Me? I'm gonna get plastered.
- You're gonna get plastered?
Give me that.
Now, Oliver, remember your heart.
You know what the doctor said.
Say, what is this?
- Just a formality.
- We're looking for Mr. Clark.
You got the wrong room.
What kind of a fellow is this man Clark?
Very religious and a little eccentric.
Is anybody in danger?
No, but we want to get him off the train
before we leave here.
Yes?
I can't see you now, gentlemen. I'm busy.
What are you doing there?
As it happens, I'm reading the Bible.
Is him.
Get him.
Help!
Owen! Oliver!
What are you trying to do?
Let him go, you fools!
That' s Oscar Jaffe.
Owen, they're trying to strangle me.
They can't do that to a theater personality.
All right, I didn't know, Mr. Jaffe.
I'm sure you'll excuse this mistake...
but there's a lunatic on board,
I'm sorry to say...
- and we're trying to track him down.
- A lunatic?
- That' s rather interesting.
- Yes. A fellow named Clark.
He had Drawing Room J, right in this car.
He's hiding from us
and he's given us the slip.
He's harmless.
There's nothing to worry about.
Clark? What Clark?
That' s not Mr. Clark,
the patent medicine man?
Yes, a sad case.
They've had him away for over a year
but he escaped from the asylum.
I hope you'll overlook
the inconvenience, sir.
Lily, I've been bamboozled. I didn't...
This is the last time
I'm ever gonna speak to you.
Lily, my beloved...
You've almost made a fool
out of Lily Garland.
If you ever bother me again,
I'll get a gun and shoot you.
Wait a minute. It' s going round.
I'm dizzy. Oliver!
No, crazy, you fake, you lunatic!
I can't stand it. Open the window. I'm hot.
I can't stand it!
I'm going to break down!
Hello, Lily.
Max Jacobs.
Maxie. My sweetheart.
My darling. My angel.
I got a new Somerset Maugham play for you.
Just came out by plane.
Sweet, thas divine. Is marvelous.
Come in.
The Black Watch, sire, with their bagpipes.
- I suppose you're both drunk.
- Drunk or sober, I'm here, ain't I?
O.J., I'm in no mood
for a lot of fuzzy lamentations.
I won't keep you long, Owen.
Just a few words.
There's nothing more to say.
I've eaten dirt and crawled on my face
through the mud till I'm sick.
I got some pride, you know.
That' s the final touch: pneumonia.
It' s typical of my career
that in the great crises of life...
I should stand flanked
by two incompetent alcoholics.
What' s that?
I'm sorry. I didn't mean for you to see it.
- Give me that.
- Now you know why I called you.
- Please.
- Yes, to say goodbye.
Owen, he's got a gun.
He's asleep.
That' s just like the Irish.
They always fail you in a pinch.
Listen, you foul Corsican, I've been
skinned alive 40 times under your banner.
Cut it out, Owen!
Do you remember the day, not long ago,
when I was Oscar Jaffe?
Stop it, please.
My outer office filled with celebrities...
cabinet ministers.
I ain't hearing a word you say
until you put away that fowling piece.
Please let' s act like grownups for a change.
Yesterday, Oscar Jaffe,
the wizard of Broadway.
Tomorrow, a foolish old pest...
haunting the theater lobbies
on other managers' first nights.
You wouldn't want
to see me like that, boys?
You'll remember me...
whenever you hear that wild sound
in the night.
This is screwy.
Stop it. I can't stand any more joking.
You've made a drunkard out of me.
Goodbye...
pale messenger of death.
Cold passport to the great unknown.
Mr. Jaffe!
Just an act. He'd keep it up
for three weeks if we stuck around.
Hear those banshees. I don't like that.
Kill himself!
He'll outlive us all.
They always do.
It' s a dark night full of unfortunate sounds.
- What was that?
- He's faking.
Owen. Oliver. I've been shot!
He did it, the lunatic.
Excuse me.
Give me that gun. Where'd he get you?
I don't know. I'm bleeding.
Lie down. Easy now. Take it easy.
I'll get a doctor. Don't move.
I did it in self-defense.
He had the gun and pointed it at me.
It was his life or mine.
Owen, I was aiming at myself. He grabbed
the gun away from me and shot me.
That' s the final irony: killed by a lunatic.
Oscar, is there anything we can do?
Nothing. No prayers.
No, don't talk like that.
They can't hurt you.
You'll be on your feet at the count of nine,
you old wounded lion.
I got a doctor. He's coming in.
- How is he? Breathing?
- Gentlemen, I didn't mean to...
- Keep away from him!
- Stay put or I'll crack you.
Gentlemen, it was all a mistake.
- Don't leave me now, boys.
- Never.
- Anything in the world you say, I'll do.
- Keep them out.
Maestro.
Open up here. Here's the doctor.
Here's the doctor. Hurry, Doctor. He's dying.
Maestro.
- Now you'll have to get out of here.
- He's our friend.
We have a contract with Mr. Jaffe.
Brighten the corner where you are!
Brighten the corner where you are!
There you are.
So often the case,
lots of fright and no damage.
- You mean it isn't serious?
- Hardly penetrated the surface.
What do you mean? I'm weak.
It must be internal.
This is the worst I've ever been through.
You can go back to bed now.
You'll be all right in the morning.
Come on,
I'll help you to your drawing room.
Come on. The doc says you're in fine fettle.
Owen, Oliver, I have an inspiration.
Overwhelming.
- O.J., no more shenanigans.
- You got that contract?
She'll sign it this time.
She loves me.
I could tell that through her screaming.
I must reach that love somehow,
bring her to her senses.
Boys, this is the last thing
I'll ever ask of you.
Go on, Owen, tell her I'm dying...
and don't overact.
Stand by. I'll get her Daisy.
It' s a Jaffe production.
Come on, Oliver, we're going into action.
Here, set that chair, center.
Wait a minute, a little bit off-center.
Fix the lights. We're gonna do this
like the last act of Camille.
We'll get it exactly, O.J.
Is it hitting me?
- How's that?
- Perfect.
I can't believe it.
I couldn't believe it either
when I heard it. Hurry.
I'll be right there.
- Oliver, remember what I told you.
- She's coming.
- Here he is.
- Where is he?
Oscar.
- Who's that?
- It' s Lily.
Bring her to me.
I'm here. My poor Oscar, speak.
Speak to me.
I'm going to go mad.
The doctor says is straight
through the heart. He can't talk very much.
Who is that crying?
- It' s Lily, Lily Garland.
- Lily, give me your hand.
Where's your hand?
Why did you do this?
Why did you do this terrible thing?
It was for the best, Lily. Everyone left...
those that I loved and needed.
It' s getting dark. Don't go for a little while.
Oscar, I did it. I drove you to it.
Dear, lovely Lily. No tears.
It wasn't your fault. I only wish
I could have seen you once more.
Held you once.
- Oliver.
- Yes.
Where's the contract,
the last one I drew up with Lily Garland?
Here it is.
- Boys, can you still hear me?
- Yes.
I want this buried with me on my body...
next to my heart
when it has stopped beating.
No!
Where is she?
Is she still here?
I'm here, beside you.
It' s hard to die here...
between nowhere and nowhere.
I should have waited
till I was back in the theater...
amongst the dust and echoes that I loved.
- Oliver.
- Yes?
- Where's the contract?
- Here it is.
Ask her.
Ask her if she'd mind
putting her name on it.
Lily, it' s his last request.
- Yes, give it to me.
- Here's a pen. Sign on the dotted line.
Hurry, while I can still see.
Let me in there. I'm Max Jacobs.
Lily, look out what you're doing.
You're too late, Max Mandlebaum.
D'Artagnan rides again.
I have been looking forward
to this little occasion for some time.
There's no thrill in the world
like launching a new play.
But I want you to realize one thing.
No matter what I may say...
no matter what I may do on this stage
during our work...
I love you all.
Oliver, call the rehearsal.
Act 1. Places, please.
No. We will start
with Miss Garlans entrance.
Miss Garland.
Good morning, monsieur.
Now, don't be nervous, child.
You are Betty Anne.
This ragged little thing they found
wandering in the cotton fields.
Yes, Oscar.
And Col. Merryweather brings you
into this beautiful Southern mansion.
Yes, I know, Oscar.
Places, please!
Make your entrance.
"Col. Merryweather,
why you all look at me so strange?"
Stop. Let' s do this thing correctly.
You've been in Hollywood too long.
I think you've forgotten a lot of things.
- Give me the chalk.
- I want it distinctly understood...
Now I'll show you
how it' s done in the theater.
Now when you enter...
you follow this line here
and you stop right there.
One, then you come over here...
Here we go again, Oliver.
With Livingstone through darkest Africa.
Oscar, you forget who I am.
You can't talk to me this way!
Everyone else in Hollywood
would give their souls to have me!
Oscar, you can't do this to me!