|
Two if By Sea (1996)
%% Do you remember
that sunny day %% %% Somewhere in London %% %% In the middle of nowhere? %% %% Didn't have nothin' to do that day %% %% Didn't want to do nothing %% %% Anyway %% %% You got a way of walkin' %% %% You got a way of talkin' %% %% And there's somethin' about you %% %% And now I know %% %% I never ever wanna be without you %% %% I wanna be haunted by the ghost %% %% I wanna be haunted by the ghost %% %% I wanna be haunted by the ghost %% %% I wanna be haunted by the ghost %% %% Of your precious love %% %% You got a way of walkin' %% %% You got a way of talkin' %% %% And there's somethin' about you %% %% That's the kind of girl I am %% %% He's my kind of guy %% %% And now I know %% %% I never ever wanna be without you %% %% I wanna be haunted by the ghost %% %% I wanna be haunted by the ghost %% %% I wanna be haunted by the ghost %% %% I wanna be haunted by the ghost %% %% And now I know %% %% I never ever wanna be without you... %% By the way, I, uh... I like your hair. No, you don't. No, I do. It's, uh... it's nice. Thanks. You think for 150 bucks they could make it all one color? Honey? Yeah? Shut up. This style happens to be very popular in New York right now. All the top models are wearing it. Christy Turlington, Linda Evangelista... Yeah, well... Claudia Schiffer. Maybe in New York you can walk around like that. But walk around Boston like that, you look like you can't make up your mind. I'm from New York. I think I know more about fashion than you do. So, you drive down twice a year to New York, and all of a sudden you're Christie Brinkley? We live four hours from the cultural and entertainment mecca of the Western Hemisphere. What are you talking about? I'm talking about restaurants, I'm talking about museums, and I'm talking about the theater. I'm talking about Cats. We have seen Batman Returns 12 times now. No, no. We've seen three different Batman movies four times each. You know what? They all sucked. I'm not driving four hours each way just to see fags dressed up in tights and fake whiskers pretending to be cats. How about bugs? They got their own show yet? A guy dressed up like a bat, that's O.K., right? But a guy dressed up like a cat is a fag? Yeah. Batman's different. He's got the cape and... and the cowl... And spends all his time with a teenage boy. Talk to the hand, all right? [Sniffs] You know what? You smell like smoke. Huh? Did you have a cigarette back there? No, I didn't. I haven't had one in two months. You had one, didn't you? No. Read the map. Did you have a cigarette back there? Read the fucking map and tell me where I am. - Read the map yourself. - Great. That's just fucking great. Ow! [Horns Blaring] What's wrong with you? This requires a plan. This is big time. I planned it. Yeah, like Homer Simpson. "Beano's got a job for me. "All I got to do is pick up a painting and drive to Rhode Island." "Think of it as a ride in the country. It's a ride in the country, honey." This is a ride in the country. If you'd changed the oil in your 1972... Nova. Nova. Fucking shitbag, then I wouldn't have to steal this car, the cops wouldn't have seen us, and we'd be on our merry way. [Tires Screeching] What are you doing? Taking a right. You don't even know where you're going. Remember the map? Those were the fucking days. The map days. [Giggles] [Chuckles] See you later, fellas. Wow! Oh, my God. Hey, I got you something. Oh, my God. It's a little... cat. Did you steal this from the house? No. Honey... Yes. I love it. [Hisses] Oh, I want to look at this. Ow. Oh, honey, that's beautiful. Yep. Take a good look, because she's worth about 100 grand. My cut's 10 thou. Our cut, honey. Right. We're a team, honey. We do things together. My little pookie. Mm-hmm. My little stud muffin. [Giggles] In the back. What? Go in the back. In the back? Well, you've got to... Honey, no. Take your jacket off. Just take your jacket off. Shit, honey, we're on the painting. Oh... Mmm. Shit. Honey, I lost the cat. What? I lost the cat. I lost the cat. Fuck the cat, honey. [Train Whistle Blows] Holy shit. A train. Tickets, please. Narragansett station stop next. Next stop Narragansett. Perfect. Train to the ferry. Hit the island. Perfect. What time we meet the buyer? 5:00. Good. Good, good, good. Sunday. What? Surprise. Honey, today's Thursday. I know, but Beano wanted me to steal a painting on Sunday morning, do the whole job in one day. But I figured, why not make a weekend out of it? Tickets. Two for Narragansett, please. Shit. My wallet. What? I must have left my wallet in my... other pants. Oh, please... allow me. [Whistle Blows] You left the stolen car at the train station. Stolen car, train station, police... These aren't college graduates we're talking about. These are cops. They're like... like garbagemen with guns. And second of all, sometimes the best way to do something is to do the most obvious thing in broad daylight. People don't even pick up on it. Oh... ho. O.K., then... Oh. O.K. O.K. [Sirens] Follow me, Einstein. Frank, the painting. Shoot. Shoot. Give me your, uh, your screwdriver. Open for Mommy. Open. All right. O.K., honey. Oh, jeez. All right. 1... 2... You're going to jump? I got it. I got it. Come on, honey. Come on, sweetie. Just back up again. Honey... Honey, you O.K.? Come on. Give me... O.K. I got you. [Frank] What are we going to do now? [Roz] We wait. [Clearing Sinuses] Oh, Frank. Why don't you use a tissue or something? Honey, that wasn't me. [Flicks] [Hoofbeat] [Gasps] [Moo] Oh! [Moo] [Moo] Ohh, Frank, they're so cute. Honey, puppies are cute. These are just cheeseburgers with legs. Come on. [Moo] O.K., Frank... Frank... Frank... Frank! Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey. What are you doing? [Grunting] Roz... Frank, come on. No, no. Don't take off your shoes. Just come on, honey. Jump. O'Malley. FBI. O'Malley? Yeah? Why? L... I don't know. I just thought you'd be more, uh... More Irish. Yes, sir. Top o' the fucking morning to you. Yes, sir. It appears the perpetrator made forced entry through the rear via use of a blunt object, possibly a shoe. Lose the legalese, Burke. He kicked the door in. What's that? Plaster, sir. The suspect may have worked with plaster recently. The perpetrator then entered the living room, where he absconded with the painting in question... Odalisque With Red Culottes by Henri Matisse, approximate worth $4 million... according to the owner. What was that? $4 million... The guy's name? Henri Matisse. He's French. I know he's fucking French, but you're not French, so say "Henry." Also missing, one black ceramic cat, approximate worth $3.79, again, according to the owner. A what? A ceramic cat, sir. It was her favorite. Excuse me, sir. There's no smoking in here. House rules. [Snaps Fingers] What's with the TV? It appears that the perpetrator tried to, uh... Tried to cop a TV. Yes, sir. We feel it was too heavy for him. Guy lifts a $4 million painting. What does he want with a TV? Maybe he thought the ceramic cat would look good on it. What do you think? Phil the Shill, huh? Don't start with me, Peters. I forgot. Phil the Shill is dead. Who would know that better than you? Did he ever tell you the story about Phil the Shill? Who? I'm not in the mood today, Peters. [Chuckles] Yeah. Back in 1982, O'Malley was assigned to some big art heist. Figures it was the work of this famous New York thief named Phil the Shill. Anyway, he spent the next 18 months tracking this guy. And one day, guess who drops dead in the Cayman Islands? Phil the Shill. Bingo. Case closed? Not for O'Malley here. He spent the next year and a quarter million dollars on what? Trying to find a dead guy. He faked it. He faked his... own death. Yeah, sure. Oh, God. [Retching] O.K., honey, we're walking. We're walking. We're walking. [Coughs] We're making a right. Oh. Here you go. [Coughs] You want a breath mint? Can you hold this, please? O.K. How do we make a weekend on $8 and... 75 cents? Follow me, hon. What? I'll get Beano to wire us some money. He won't give you money when you're standing in front of him. What makes you think he's going to wire it? He sent me here. He'll do it. Christ, Beano, the thing don't work. What do you expect for 50 bucks? Next time, steal it yourself. [Telephone Rings] Yeah? Hey, Beano... phone. Come on, Jimmy. How you doing? O.K. Yeah? Hey... it's Frank. What'll you give me for the whole box? 50 bucks. What are you, nuts? Me? You're the guy carrying a box of phones. O.K. 75 bucks. Hold on. Big job, Frankie. Big job. Thanks. [Frank] Actually, Beano, I... I already did the job. Huh? [Phones Ring] Will you answer these phones? [Ring] What job, Frank? You know, the, uh, the painting. 'Cause I figured what the heck? Make a weekend out of it... Whoa! Make a weekend out of what? The painting. You stole the painting already? Yeah. I got it right here. This is not my day! Hello? Frank, what the hell? Uh, well, see, the thing is... we don't get away that much, so... "Rappaport." We? Who's we? Me and Roz, see, 'cause we don't take a lot of vacations... [Beano Yelling] Ow! Ah! Oh! Rappaport. Rappaport. Rappaport. [Frank] No. I just thought... Rappaport. My mother was right. You are retarded... You and that Jewish broad of yours. Leave Roz out of this. You could have dated a neighborhood girl. But not Frank. I got it all figured out. Why don't we make the drop today, since the painting's here? Then get the buyer... You think I just pick a day? Sunday. Sox are out of town. It's set up for a reason. The buyer's out of town. He's due back on guess what day? Sunday? Lucky guess. I got to think. Check in the hotel, don't leave that island, and make sure you're at that fish plant at 5:00 on what day? Sunday? Memorize it! Look, Beano... uh, how will I know the guy? If the wrong guy turns up at the abandoned fish plant at the end of a deserted pier on Sunday with $20,000 in cash... Yeah? Sell him the fucking painting! [Dial Tone] Did you tell him you lost your wallet? I didn't lose it. I know exactly where it is. It's home... top of the bureau. Found it on the driver's seat. Different name every credit card. Seems pretty small time, you know, sir. It's a $4 million painting, Burke. That's never small time. What's this? It's vacant till Sunday. That's all that matters. What do you say... back door? No. All right. They'd expect us to go to the back door. We go to the front. Hey. Hey. This ain't Boston, Frankie. All right? O.K. What, you looking for a key? No, I'm looking for your brain. You think somebody would actually leave a key? It might be up here. The front door of a house? This key right here? Is that what you're talking about? I'm just checking. [Giggles] Wow. Mmm... nice. Yeah. Here. You carry it. Wow. Wow. This place is a gold mine. Not here. It's bad karma. Where'd you learn that... Night school? Ooh-ah... what have we here? Yes. [Humming] "Dear Todd, please make sure to water the plants and pick up the newspaper..." Aspen. [Hums] "Hi Mom & Dad, having a wonderful time. Dale Jr. And Vivian." "We'll see you on Sunday the 11th. We'll be flying back from Chicago. Joan Rappaport." Don't think so, Todd. Ahh. Where's the TV around here, huh? Police in Newport, Rhode Island, are investigating the theft of a painting from one of the most prominent art collectors. FBI spokesmen say the painting, Matisse's Odalisque With Red Culottes, is valued at approximately $4 million... Buyer said it's worth 500 grand. You told Frankie it was worth 100 grand. ...believe to be part of a major international ring took the painting from the mansion... I'm going to get that painting and sell it myself for real money. This is a horse that still runs six panels in a buck five. I don't think they're going to negotiate on the stud fee. Let me call you back. We ran the prints off the toy cat. "Francis Michael O'Brien. "Drunk and disorderly in Fenway Park in '79. "Possession of fireworks. "Scalping tickets in front of a Ticketmaster." That's a new one. With all due respect, sir, let's leave this one to the state police. We're going after him, Burke. They got a Jacuzzi in there. The bathroom's the size of Madison Square Garden. There's a quiz in here called "Are you in a dead-end relationship?" There's no TV in this house. Now, if this was our house, I'd have a TV, like, right in here. A bar or something. Who locks the bar? Honey, answer the question. "You just had a big fight. "Does he A... resume normal activity, "B... go for a walk, or C... pour himself a drink and turn on the ballgame?" There is no TV in here. Wow! Now, that's what I call class. A... resume normal activity. O.K., number 2... "An old boyfriend comes into town "and asks you to dinner. "Do you A... accept the invitation "as long as your current boyfriend can come along, "B... sneak off to the dinner but don't tell him, or C... turn down the invitation and keep it to yourself?" Hmph. There's a tough one. You'd tell him to go fuck himself, and then I'd beat the shit out of him, right? That's not what I did last time. Very funny. [Knock On Door] Was is that prick Andy Porcini? Shit. Andy, there's somebody at the door. You just called me Andy. Honey, you just said, "Andy, there's somebody at the..." No, I didn't. Roz, that's what you just said. You said, " Andy, there's someone at the door." Shh! I was kidding, all right? I can tell when you're joking, O.K.? That was not a joke. Think he's a cop? He's too good-looking. What? [Knock Knock] First you said the thing about Andy Porcini, then he's... this guy's... Hello. Hi. Sorry to intrude. Evan Marsh from just across the way. Who are you people? We're friends of the Rappaports. Uh, my name is Roz. How are you? Oh, hi. This is Frank. There's not supposed to be anybody here. We're friends of Dale Jr. And Vivian's. We go skiing with them every year in Aspen. Dale didn't mention that you were, uh... Well, it was because it was so last-minute. We just... we just got on the phone, we called Todd. Todd. Said, "We'll take care of the place for the weekend. Just take your cares elsewhere." They were, uh, they were in, uh... Chicago. Chicago. And... We just saw them up... we saw them... At Easter. Easter. With... Up in, um... The cape. Because, uh, we had this party. The party. And Dale was shitfaced. Remember? Drunk. Well, this is propitious. I'm having a little bash at my place tomorrow night. Cocktails. Perhaps you'd care to stop by. L... I would, uh... I would love to. I mean, if you don't want to. Sure. No, no. Frank, you know, he's... I would love to. Well, I'll see you tomorrow night. O.K. Good night. All righty. Think he's gay? No. Look at his pants. Honey, gay people wear tight pants. Here it is. "Propitious... favorable, auguring well, gracious, and favorably inclined." You know, it just means, like... He could have just said wicked good. Oh, my God, honey, look at this. This is the painting that you stole. Oh, my God. "Odalisque al... a la... Cu... Culottes." This is "Culottes." "Rouge." Oh, my God. "Henri Matisse," the guy who painted it. It's pretty old. This place is nice. Huh? Uh-huh. You know? Yeah. This bed... the books. The books? Yeah, the books. They look nice. Nice books? You're always saying we never go anywhere. Here we are. Oh, I know what you're doing. I know what you're doing. Don't even... don't even try. Don't even. Come on, now. Know what? I was wrong about that dye job. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I like the color. All three colors. Now that I'm lying here half naked, it's not so... what'd you call it... weird? Is that what you called it? That's a horrible thing... [Giggles] What? I don't know. It's just... You know, even though I hate what we do... Mm-hmm. You know, well, what you do. It's just... sometimes it's just really exciting. It's, like, where we are on the water and the house and all the books, great bed. Great books. We got a great bed and great books. Honey. %% Got a great bed %% %% Got a great bed%% Relax. I would never hurt you. You know what we should do? We should get out more often. We should go to my sister's place down on Long Island. We'll have the whole place to ourselves. What's the matter? What do you want? Kiss me. Yeah. Get some of those candles. Those oils. Yeah. Get almond oil. That's my favorite. 'Cause it tastes like peanut butter? And get the... candles. Maybe, uh... maybe we should... What? Nothing. I was just thinking of this thing I told Jimmy about, but I can cancel it. What did you tell Jimmy? No, it was just this thing with Jimmy. What did you tell Jimmy? Honey, it was nothing. You said this was going to be the last time that you pull a job like this. You were going to pull this job then go work for your uncle. That was the plan, right? But, no, it's not... No? No? It's not what you think it is. He's got a truckload of hotel TVs coming in... I just collect the money. It's 3 grand. You say 3, you come home with 500. All right, you were guaranteed $1,000 with your uncle, honey. $1,000. I hate that job. Plastering walls eight hours a day. You're either a contractor, or you are a thief. You're a contractor or a thief. How many thieves you know got day jobs? How many you know? A lot. Me... Jimmy... fucking... Fucking... Fucking... Fucking Nicky, fucking... you suck. Don't touch me, all right? You suck. Honey, all right. Don't. You're a cashier at Barnes and Noble. It's not like you're some... Don't even go there, all right? I'm a cashier, not a thief. Look. Look nothing. I don't want to do this anymore. What do you want? We're having this argument, like, all the time. You want to know what I want? I want a lot of things. I want... I would like to have a house. We talked about that. You want me to list these things off? I'd like kids and to go to Europe. Europe? What the fuck? I'd like to see Italy. Italy? You're fucking Jewish. What? Get out. Look, honey, let me... let me... Don't touch me. Get out. What happened here? Don't talk to me. Is this one of those hormone things? Beer? Forget the beer and get in the car! Only taking three cases. That ain't going to last us till Sunday. Where's my phone? In the box. In the box? Did your mother take thalidomide? When? Get in the car. Hey, Beano, Frank is on the phone. Hey, Fitzie, come with me. The French impressionist painting by Henri Matisse said to be worth more than $4 million. Thieves dumped their car a few miles from the mansion, then stole another vehicle before leading police on a high-speed car chase. High-speed car chase? FBI? What are you, Burt Reynolds? W-what about the $4 million, Mr... Mr... Mr. L-Liar? What the guy told me I told you. I swear on my mother's eyes. Your mother's dead, Beano. The point is, Frank, we're going to get more money. Don't worry. Just stay put. Where are you? I don't know. Some house. ...the past seven years. 18 Beach Road. Amahonsett. 18 Beach Road. Got it. And, Frank, if the FBI comes down on me... The FBI's not going to come down on anybody. What do they got to go on? The only name that checks out is Beano Callahan. He's been arrested twice for fencing stolen goods, and he's O'Brien's cousin. It can't be this easy. O'Malley, you give me a break. You expect me to authorize travel expenses for another Phil the Shill wild goose chase? He's dead. I got information that the fence is on the move. I think he'll lead us to the painting. You want to go back to a desk? No, sir, I don't. You got till 9 A.M. Monday morning. Where's my money, you asshole? The 50 bucks! What are you talking about? I work for these people. I know you're not supposed to be here, and you took my money. If I don't get it back in three seconds, I'm calling the cops. 1... 2... Money's not in my hand. You blew it big time. Go ahead. Call the cops. See if I care. Got any I.D.? Uh... I.D. Driver's license? I got a kid over by Sea Cliff Road says no one's supposed to be here. Which shower did Dale say... I'm sorry. I'm sorry, ma'am. I'm so sorry. Pardon me. I didn't know anyone was here. We had a report. Nobody told us. You know what? Jeez, that's Dale for you. Ugh! Hello. Hi. Good morning. Hello, Herbert. I see you've met Roz and, uh... - Frank. - Frank. Frank. They're here for the weekend. Is there a problem? We had a report there were intruders. They're friends of Dale Jr. Have you caught that raccoon yet? We're working on it. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Thought you might like to go sailing. Yeah... Uh, we can't go sailing because, uh... Roz hates boats. Frank, I don't hate boats. You hate the boats. I don't hate the boats. [Moans] You O.K.? Shouldn't have eaten that celery. Rain Man and Terminator 2. Did you ever see Fast Times at Ridgemont High? It's great. Phoebe Cates is in it. [Laughs] I need the phone. I got to go. Bye. What's up? You found the raccoon. Where's that number Dale Rappaport left me? The hotel in Chicago? What's going on? I don't know. Got a hunch, though. Just remind him he's overdue on Basic Instinct. Mr. Dale Rappaport. Could you ask him to call Sheriff Horn? He knows the number. Thanks. Bye. Repeat... the car is a '69 Chrysler Newport. Maroon with black top. Massachusetts license 3-9-1- Tango-2-Foxtrot. They've had this make since last night. No sign of it yet? They'd have to be morons to be still driving that car. You morons, you want food? We got food. I'm going to lose control of my bowels. I hope this place is clean. I don't give a shit. Look at this. "Breakfast special... three eggs, bacon, home fries." All for 1.99. You better start cutting back. You're going to take a heart attack. No butter or mayonnaise. That's the secret to my health. Oh, no, Beano. We ain't eaten in 12 hours. This is unhumane. I had my heart set on eggs. That was a real pisser. Tomorrow let's get our gums scraped. Tonight, the dress? How do we dress? You look great just as you are. How about me? Don't talk to him like that. I was trying to be nice, and you're throwing attitude around. I think he's a gentleman. I think he's an asshole. I want my money! Jesus Christ, who is this person? Wow. How'd you do that? Who was that? Todd. That is Todd? Yeah. You want to have kids? Not like Todd, I don't. Kids today are on crack. I don't want anybody stopping them. We need a clear path. You're not going to stop them? Do you have any idea how much that car is worth? I know people! My husband's a lawyer! There better not be a scratch on it. Maybe we shouldn't go to this party tonight, you know? [Coughs] Stay home and watch television. I don't want to stay here by myself. You know? Generally, you have a pretty good time on your own. Huh? Generally, you have a pretty good time by yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Should I be worried? No. It's fine. %% I don't know what you got %% %% But it sure is gettin' to me %% %% Makes the whole night hot %% %% Hot chills just go right through me %% %% All the power %% %% Baby, is in your hands %% %% 'Cause you got me hummin' %% This is worth a lot. It's fur. It's fake fur. It's faux fur. O.K. You got to look at this stuff. Very scary. Why don't you just wear, like, a sweater... What's with the sweaters? They got money. They don't need taste. They're going to see your underwear. %%... At night %% %% I can't go back to sleep %% Elton John left his glasses in the drawer. Elton John comes out. He's gay. They don't care if he comes out in a dress. He doesn't come out in a dress. If he came out naked, it would be fine. It's a more open thing. You don't have to be a homosexual to be open. You know, I-I'm open. What do you mean? I have openness. Open to what? You know, ideas, new experiences, things like that. Opening my mind to things. I don't think we should go. You're opening yourself up for something, you know. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I'm talking about personal, innermost... Was there a thing on Oprah or something? A... Elton John does not wear dresses, B... you don't have to be a homosexual to have openness, and C... I can't find anything to wear. What was "C"? There's no "C." I can't find anything to wear. Wow! %% You got me hummin', ooh, ooh %% %% You got me hummin', ooh, ooh%% What did you decide to wear? Wow. Ha! You look great. And this is a very good look for you, too. I was actually still sort of looking for stuff. Hon, why don't we stay... hon? Honey. Honey. Honey. Hon. %% They called us crazy %% %% Behind our backs %% Liposuction, tummy tuck, tits, eyes, chin. The whole package, 100,000. You tell me. Do I look 51? Hi. What's going on? Hi. Feeling better, I see. Glad you could make it. We're just trying to work out what this is. Piece by a local artist. Isn't it great? Looks like a raft to me. Don't touch it. It might fall apart. Can I get you anything, a cocktail, pair of shoes? Yeah. I'll have a martini, very dry. When did you start ordering martinis? With or without an olive? I'll take it... I'll take a couple olives. Do me a favor, Frank, don't talk. Who are you trying to impress? What? What, Frank? Honey. What? He was hitting on you on the boat, wasn't he? You're drunk. Just go home. I've had three drinks. Then you're drunk. Go home. I can drink, like, nine martinis. Then drink them and go home. Maybe I will. Good. Evan bred that horse. Yeah? Looks great. Great. You know Donald Trump? We were at his house two weeks ago. No, we weren't. She doesn't get along with Marla, so it was me and Donald. Great guy. - He thinks you're an asshole. - Oh, yeah? Says who? Don Johnson. Oh, yeah? Well... fuck the two of them. Excuse us. See you later. Take it easy. Can... can we just... This is it. This is that moment in your life when you'll look back on it and regret it. Why are you embarrassing me like this? - I'm not. - You are. Double olive. Jim and Marcie Kellerher, I'd like you to meet Roz - and Fred... - Frank. Frank... Porkavitch. Porkavitch? Porkavitch. Excuse me. What do you do, Frank? You're looking at it, pal. I just party, party, party. That's me. In fact, last week I was out drinking with, uh, Tom Brokaw. Guy loves to drink. I'll tell you, he really... [Marcie] Really. Mm-hmm. Well, last summer, James and I went camping with Dan Rather. Oh, really? Well, Roz blew Peter Jennings. Top that. Yeah. Yep. Uh... See you later. Rich, pretentious bastard. Could... could we... just... Frank, would you do me a favor? What? Oh! I'm going to see if I can stay with Janice for a while. But Janice hates you, though. No, Frank, Janice hates you. You want to go see Cats, we'll go see Cats. Frank, it's like talking to a cross-town bus with you. You want to know the problem? I'm 30. You are 35. We've spent seven years together, and what have we accomplished? Nothing. We got no... no house. We got no kids. We got no money. And as of today, we got no car. I'm sitting here wondering, what do you have planned for the next seven years? I rest my case. All right? %% Once upon a time %% %% You gave your love to me %% [Roz Coughs] %% Now we've grown apart %% [Cough] %% Wish I knew %% %% How to love you %% %% Wish I knew %% %% How to make you mine %% [Cough] %% Seems the harder that I try %% %% You run from me %% %% Well, I guess I'll %% %% Never hold you again %% %% The times we shared together %% [Coughs] %% Were like a dream come true %% %% But now my life is empty %% %% Without a-holdin' you %% %% My mind is so confused%% [Loon Calls] Hon? What are you doing? I'm waiting for a cab. What, are you... painting? Yep. Why? Is there a law against it, Officer Porkavitch? Well... I mean, wh... what do you think, you just... wake up one day and start painting? I mean... you know, you got to go to school for this. I mean... Well, what are you, uh... what are you... painting? I don't know. See? That's why people go to the class and... Where you going? Evan invited me to go horseback riding. You're not invited. Honey, you know, you've been getting way too much sun. You're going to get one of them things. What things? Those things that, uh, Reagan had in his ass. Ha ha! God, Frank, you are something else. Uh... uhh! O... K. Gahh. Sorry. Sorry. Stay... doggie. Uh... Uh... Uh... Hi. Ah. Am I doing this right? I feel like I'm flopping all over the place. Well, you are a bit. Ha ha ha! O.K. Well, what do I do? I got to look good doing this. I don't know. You look pretty good to me. How do you feel? I feel, uh... Come on. Hyah! I feel pretty good! [Panting] Here! Here's your money. Too bad about your girlfriend. Huh? Girls really like Mr. Marsh a lot. What would you know about it? A lot, actually. You want to see? See what? Come on. Uhh! I don't believe this! These things don't break down. That's why they cost so much. You must've done something wrong. Yeah, I did something wrong. I hired Frank. Ho-oh. What's this? - I got to feed my fish. - Watch out for snakes. Oh, no, Beano, not the truck. I only left it for a few minutes. A few minutes too long. It's not my fault. Who'd be stupid enough to steal a cement truck? I always wanted to ride in one of these things. Move your legs, Fitzie. Watch my balls, you fag! Fag? I'm just curious. Shut up! What do you say we get some tunes going? [Snapping Fingers] Damn. The radio's broken. Oh, I didn't go to college. Where we're from, you don't really go to college. People go to college from New Jersey. But in the neighborhood I'm from, you basically have kids. You... get married... hang out in the neighborhood. You know. You don't really go anywhere. How old are you? None of your business. You don't ask someone how old they are. I think you're the sexiest woman I've ever met. You don't get out much, do you? What are all these videotapes? Those are surveillance videos of everybody on the island. I have people picking their nose, sitting on the toilet, having affairs, and farting. - I can blackmail people beyond their... - What's going on in here? This is my friend Frank. He's staying at the Rappaports' house. And why are you here? Here... In this room, here? Um, I'm doing his resume. Yeah. And, um, how long were you at Burger King? Two years. Two years. I see. [Clears Throat] My nanny. All right. [Todd] There he is. Look at that tonsil hockey going on. When's this from? Um... two summers ago. Great. A lot of good it does me. Oh, this is great! This is way too easy. And work out at the gym or something. You know. Girls like muscles. It was on America Online recently. They like muscles and romantic dinners. Kid, I'm, like, 35. Don't you have friends your own age? Yeah. I've got plenty of friends. Yeah? Where's your parents? - My mother in France with her boyfriend. - And your father? He's dead. Oh. Sorry. It's O.K. Well... go eat your dinner. O.K. Eat all your spinach. Girls like guys with muscles, right? Yeah, and they also like romantic dinners, remember? Here I come, fishies. Nothing more romantic than catching your own. Yep. Wow. You can see them. All right. Yeah. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Ah... Damn it. Shit! Fuckin' rocks. Whoa! Ooh. Come here. Come here. Come... uh... here. Jesus. Hey... Come on. Oh, boy. O.K. Yeah. O.K. Yeah. Easy as pie. Come on, fishy. Come on, little fishy-fishy. Yeah. Fuck you. I'll be eating you in half an hour. Simple. Look at that. Uhh! Aah! Oh! Ohh! Oh! Jeez! Aah! Aaahhh! Ohh! Ohh! Oh! Jesus! Uhh! Ahhh! Ohhh! Whoo! Yeah. Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah? Yeah, pal? Yeah. Unh! Oh! Shit. [Sizzling] Hello. Hon? Got a little surprise for you. [Sizzling] Hi. What are you doing? You don't know how to cook. Yeah? Don't know how to fish, either, but... hey. You don't think this is going to change anything, do you? Well... at least we won't be hungry. [Pop] O.K. This stuff looks pretty good. O.K. All right. Dig in. So, uh... when'd you learn how to fish? ESPN, you know. They got a fishing show. It's, like, a wrist thing. It's, like, a little whip. Must've been a... bottom feeder. So... um... how's the painting going? Good. L... I think I'm, uh, finished... I think. Yeah? Mm-hmm. Well... What? Can I see it? No. Come on. Please? You really want to see it? Yeah. I mean, you know. Um... [Draws Breath] What do you think? Wow. It's, um... it's unbelievable. L... Do you like it? You really painted this. Yeah. Wow. It's, uh... I know, I know. I really surprised myself. Yeah, I'll bet. It's a boat, right? Mm-hmm. I like the, um... blues and the, uh... greens and... It's very, um... Messy. Well, that's not... that's not the point. The point is, how does it make you feel? Well, it, um... makes me feel like l... I wish it was... a little, um... neater. Well, this is my point of view. This is how I see it. If that's your point of view, maybe you should get some... glasses. L... I'm... O.K., wait. Sit down and have some fish. It was a joke. Fish. You know what, Frank? You are narrow-minded. You always see things the same way. That's why your life is never going to change. Right. And... and you're a whole new person just 'cause you slapped some paint on a piece of cloth? No. At least I want to try new things. I want to meet new people. At least... All you ever do is go to Breen's and get drunk with Tommy O'Shannahan, and you guys gamble. That's all you do. Why don't we ever go out with my friends? You know, you always do this. You start one argument, and then in the middle, you shift gea... We're talking about the painting, and then suddenly - we're talking about your friends. - And? It doesn't make sense. It makes perfect sense, Frank. It makes perfect sense to me. It does? Yeah. Right. Huh. Uh, look... you think you can just, you know, change overnight? Is that what you think? No. 'Cause you can't. O.K.? You think, like, just because you take, like, a... a night course at some community college that that... like that's going to make you different. Well, it doesn't, Roz, O.K.? All right? You know, we're not like these people. They have stuff we're never going to have. They have these houses. They have boats. They have foreign cars. They got money in the bank. You know? They got privilege... connections. You're a cashier. I'm a thief, honey. That's the way it's always going to be. O.K.? People like us, see, we don't even win the lottery, for Christ's sake. We're born in little houses, and we die in little houses, and... we got to find happiness somewhere in between. Well, Frank, if you want to die in your little house, you go right ahead, but I got bigger things planned. Honey? Roz... Look. Uh... uh... What? What... l... what I was trying to say... Frank... I'm not blaming you, all right? I'm blaming me. I'm blaming me, because I knew that three, four years ago, what I wanted from life was completely different from what you wanted... but every time I'd try to go, you'd do something absolutely great, and I wouldn't know how to go, and now it's made it all that much harder for me, Frank, and I can't. I can't anymore. [Sighs] [Snapping Fingers] Seven Red Sox batters retired in order... What the hell are you doing? Reading the Bible. The Bible? Jesus Christ! Any big revelations? Haven't got to that yet. Hey, Quinn, bring me a beer! Get him a beer. "Out of the heart of man precede evil thoughts." The money they're paying you, you should get hit by the pitch. Beano, when are we going home? I got to feed my fish, and my cat's sick, and my mom is kind of missing me. Why ya here, Quinn? Huh? 'Cause you drove me? Ohhh... Oh, my God! No. Because I promised your brother I'd keep you out of the joint. Tomorrow at 5:00, we'll meet the buyer at that fish plant in Amahonsett. We get our money. You'll be home by Monday. You can feed your little fishies till their belly bursts. [Loon Calls] Hey! Oh! You scared me. Did you cook her dinner? Yeah. And what happened? Didn't go too well. Put my big fat foot in my mouth again. Hey, could you teach me how to catch eggs? That was so cool, what you did yesterday. How about tomorrow? Jeez, I can't. I have a big day tomorrow. Come on, please? Five minutes. Sorry, I just... It's O.K. Hey, you should be getting home, shouldn't you? It's kind of late. You sound so much like my mom. Sorry. [Sighs] [Bell Tolls] I'm starving to death. There's a fuckin' headline for ya. Want me to go warm up the truck? Holy shit! It's a cop car. We're dead, Beano. We're dead. Shut up. You been dead for years. Shut up. When are we eating? Sh... Oh! No, Beano! Don't! No, Beano, not a cop car! [Tires Screech] [Screech] Tell ya, these cop cars are great. Never sat in the front before. O.K., O.K. Move around. Circle. That's it. Move around. So I don't really understand the point of this. Are we trying to bore him to death? Is that the goal here? No, you're just trying to exercise the horse. And do wha... Mmm. Mmm. Oh... [Sighs] What is it? Um... it's, uh... timing... I guess. Uh... you're with the same guy so many years, you know, l... Kind of puts a wrench in the old thing there. And you know, I g... I g... I'm leaving tonight, and I got... I got a job, and... I'm a cashier, and... I don't want you to go. Whoo. Wow. You know what? L... I got to go. But you know, I'll call you later. Yeah, I'll call you later... um... and we'll talk. Roz? Honey? Holy shit. Ha! Stop it. That's it. Look. What? - It's that painting. - So? So it's stolen. Guy's an art thief. I knew he was a liar first time I met him. Where's my camera? This island's great. Fresh air, and it's so quiet. We should get some mopeds. That ferry made me queasy. I think I'm going to puke. Wait! Yes. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah, Beano, go for it! Ice cream truck! ...house down to the... to the old boatyard. And Kenny... O'Malley. FBI. Who's in charge? Hands above your head. Please? [Gasps] Ohh. Shh. Shh. The sheriff's in your house, and he's got your girlfriend. Hey, kid. Do me a favor? What you've done is very serious. Breaking and entering, trespassing... and I wouldn't be surprised if you'd stolen from them, too. [Window Opens Upstairs] Excuse me. Oh. You bet. He's upstairs. [Officer] Hey! Ugh. Here's the painting, O.K.? O.K., so? So, it's... stolen. Says right here, "never recovered." O.K. What? Stolen painting, his house... Oh, Frank. I've seen... I've seen a thousand Mona Lisas, and I never thought that they were stolen. Let's go. Unh. You all right? Fine. I fell myself. I can take care of myself. Pardon me, ma'am. Yes? Could you tell us where there's a fish plant? Uh, yes, but it's been closed, oh, about 23 years now. Oh, we know that, ma'am. Uh, but we have some, uh, business. What kind of business? Uh, we're delivering ice cream. Takes four of you to deliver ice cream? It can get very heavy. I hope you're not lifting with your back. You're supposed to bend at the knees. That explains my disk. See, I've got this herniated disk. Cut the shit and find out where the fucking fish plant is! Language, language. I've been trying to tell them. [Dog Yelps] What is this? You really like this guy, or is it money or what? I don't know, Frank. He talks to me. I don't... he just talks to me. He listens to me. He tells me how he feels. You never ever talk to me, Frank. What do you mean? [Sighs] I don't feel important to you, Frank. I don't. How could you say that? I don't feel important. He makes me feel important. When I'm around him, I feel like if I left I'd be important. I don't feel important to you. Well, honey, I'm not the, uh... I'm not like... the kind of guy that, you know... that says a lot of the stuff that... that I feel, you know. I mean, stop talking about the stuff I talk about. Talk about the stuff that I do. Like remember that time we broke up in '88? Remember that? Yeah, Frank. You agreed to do that. I know, I know. I thought it was... What? That it would be good. I thought it would be a big party and then me and McFadden chipped in and we got those, uh, box seats behind the dugout, for the playoffs... Frank, I know all this, all right? That's all that you talked about the entire summer, all right? You... That's one of the reasons we broke up. I know, I know. The tickets were $2,000. But I never even went. I gave the tickets to McFadden's cousin. I never went. I never even ended up watching the games on TV at the house. Why didn't you go? Why didn't you tell me that you didn't go? Just fucking baseball, you know? Frank. Come on. [Roz Sniffs] Mmm. Smells delightful in here. Did you pick this place? No. This is the place he said to come to. What time is it? 10 after 5:00. Who is it? Frank? Beano. You got the painting? I got the painting, you scumbag. Don't bitch at me, pal. You're the retard that screwed us over! It's 10 after 5:00. Where's the buyer? You keep your big mouth shut. Don't talk to my girlfriend like that, Beano. Ex-girlfriend, thank you. Eh? Come on. Give me it. I don't want to hurt you. No, no. Give it, give it! Give it to me! Give it back! Careful. Careful. It's a priceless masterpiece. [Gunshot] Holy shit! What was that? Sounded like a gunshot. You think we should go help Beano? [Tires Squealing] [Everyone Coughing] Where's the painting? Aw. Don't tell me... Hey. Somebody's coming. [Beano] Must be the buyer. [Roz] Frank, I'm blind. Frank? [Beano] Frank, I'm going to kill you. Frank, he locked the door. [Beano] Oh, get Frank to open it. He's good at that stuff. [Roz] Go on. [Coughing] [Beano] Move it, move it! It's raining. [Beano] So what? O.K. O.K. [Coughing] This is way too easy. Once again, I do not know this man. I do not know nothing about no stolen painting. I am a businessman from Boston here on vacation on this beautiful island. Put him back in the cell. [Beano] I want a lawyer. I know my rights. Ooh! Take it easy with him. Bring the woman out. I'm going to remind you that you may, if you wish, have legal counsel present. If you answer my questions... Leave her out of it. You shut up. Your cooperation will be noted, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Now... what did you do with that painting? You can make this easy on yourself. Where is the painting? O.K. Fine. What were you doing in a fish plant? She doesn't know anything. I told you to shut up, goddamn it! [O'Malley] Sweetheart... I've seen guys like this all my life. They're all headed for the same place. Spending his life pulling these nickel-and-dime jobs, waiting for the big payday. Well... this is it. The big score. Huh? Welcome to easy street. [O'Malley] Well, listen to me. You can piss your life away on a small-time loser like this, or you can do what you know is the right thing. Now, what do you say, huh? [O'Malley] Hmm? What are you going to do? I did it. I stole the painting. Roz had nothing to do with it. She's too smart. Actually, she tried to talk me out of it, but I wouldn't listen. So... I stole the painting and, uh, Beano set everything up with the buyer, and then the buyer ripped us off at the fish plant. You blabbermouth! Ooh! Ow-ow! [O'Malley] I still don't have the painting or the buyer. Well... if she walks, I can get you the painting and the guy who bought it. [Tires Squealing] [Siren] This is really bad. Hey. Why don't we do like a... like a jailbreak? You know, like in the cowboy movies? You know, we could get a rope, tie it to the bars, then pull out. Beano could come out the window. Did your parents hold you underwater a lot when you were a baby? Jesus. Well, you have a better idea? You know... I've had just about enough. Enough of you. Enough of your disgusting habits. I ask you not to curse, you curse. Fuck you! I ask you not to smoke, you smoke. I ask you not to pass gas, all you do... Pffllt! Pfft! Hey, I got a gastrotestical intestinal disease, man! The question is... what would Beano do? [Kelly] He'd be thinking of his own ass and getting out of here as soon as he could. This is ridiculous. Mr. Marsh is a highly respected resident. You can't barge in without a warrant. I'll do whatever the fuck I want. I'm the goddamn FBI. Take me to the door, man, and shut up. Your call. Princess Caraboo or Gremlins. Hello there. Sorry to disturb you, Mr. Marsh. Agent O'Malley, FBI. We're investigating the theft of a painting in Rhode Island a couple of days ago. I wonder if you could let us in for a quick look around your house. Uh... yeah. I don't understand. Where do I fit into all this? At this stage, you don't. We'd like to eliminate any likely possibilities. It's not there. It was right there. I saw on the videotape. Mm-hmm. Right. It's got to be here. O.K., Frank. I've had enough of this bullshit. I'm taking you... Frank, come on, man! Frank! Frank! Frank, what are you doing? You're not getting away, you know. There's no way out of here. [Frank] Shit. Not in there. I'm not trying to get away. I'm looking, O.K.? Do I look like I'm trying to get away? Uh-huh. - Wow. - [Frank] See? [Burke] They're all here, sir. [Frank] What'd I tell you? [Wall Creaks] [O'Malley] If I missed my guess... Mmm. A Matisse... [O'Malley] Hmm. [O'Malley] Hmm. [Chuckling] Shit. Ha ha ha ha ha. Reproductions. Well, yes. What did you expect? Mind leaving my house now? Nice plastering job, nimrod. [O'Malley] Oh, yes. These are real. Congratulations, sir. You've done it. You're something else, honey. Jeffrey. I need you now. I need you now! Get here now, or I get another lawyer. I'm getting another lawyer. This isn't a problem. I can get out of this. You are amazing. You are an amazing piece of garbage, you know that? You are. You know what? You're worse than Beano and McFadden and all those guys. You know why? Because they might be liars, deadbeats, and scumbags, but they'd never pretend to be anything they're not. Know what your problem is? What? I get a lot of girls want to fuck their way into all this, but I liked you... but you don't know what you want. So, you're stuck with your deadbeat moron of a boyfriend. I'm sorry, excuse me? Your boyfriend, what's his name? His name is Frank! Why can't people remember that name? What did you hit him with? Um, right hook. So... how propitious. [O'Malley] I had a hunch once. A guy robbed an art museum then faked his own death. No suspects... no evidence... the paintings never even turned up. Burke, put Phil the Shill in the car. Yes, sir. Come on, loser. Sheriff. Uncuff them. You got to be kidding. No. We're letting them go. I ought to put you on the payroll. O.K. Here's the deal. You agree to make a statement and testify in court, and we'll drop all the charges against you. Here's my card. 9:00 tomorrow morning... pal. [Roz] Thank you. We'll be there. That means up at like 7:00. How's 10:00? Frank. Frank. The way you work, you might as well be wearing a badge. I think you'd make a very handsome cop. [Giggling] Honey. The key to catching eggs... O.K. Is soft hands, O.K.? That's all you got to remember. Soft hands. You know Jerry Rice... plays for the 49ers? Um, yeah. You know how he catches? Even on a bullet pass. Nice, soft hands. Let it drop. Ready? - O.K. - O.K. Got it. Not bad. Not bad. O.K. I'm ready. [Frank] Now, underhanded. We need to get a higher one. Nice high one. It's harder. Ready? Oh. [Frank Laughing] Ugh. [Frank] Yup. Coming back? Got to keep working on it. Coming back? I don't think so. But, uh, who knows? Maybe, if you're ever in Boston, you can come visit us. Yeah. That'd be great. So, I was thinking that tomorrow morning after we do this FBI stuff, we could go down to your sister's place, you know? Make a weekend out of it. A little sun... a little surf. What? Do you love me, Frank? Of course I do. All right, then raise your right hand. What do you mean? Do it. Like this? Yeah. Thank you very much. Now repeat after me. I, Francis Michael O'Brien... I, Frank O'Brien... swear... swear... that I will get a job... pay taxes, and settle down like a normal human being. What kind of job? Bye-bye. O.K., O.K. [Sighs] I swear I will get a job. O.K.? Promise. And quit smoking? Honey, I quit smoking. - Bye-bye. - O.K., O.K. I will... "I will..." I can't hear you. I swear I will quit smoking. On your mother's eyes? Honey, unh... O.K. I swear on my mother's eyes that I will do all the things that you just asked me to do. What? What? [Roz] Sweetie. [Frank] O.K., sweetie... Ha ha. [Roz] No need to see... just kiss me. [Roz] Feel your way to the bay. [Giggling] %% I could leave you like that %% %% Just walk out the door %% %% Never come back %% %% I could stay %% %% For my life %% %% With you by my side %% %% And I might call it %% %% Always %% %% I could ask you to change %% %% To be someone else %% %% The one that I dreamed of %% %% But I %% %% Could hope that in time %% %% We both find our way %% %% At the end of a day %% %% You love %% %% Who you love %% %% And if %% %% The waves %% %% Churn storms on the ocean %% %% And if the skies %% %% Grow dark with rain %% %% We will see it through %% %% Clear waters %% %% If each of us %% %% If each of us %% %% Gives just a little more %% %% Hey, babe %% %% I could say %% %% That we were through %% %% And just sail away %% %% To find someone new %% %% Ohhh %% %% All my words %% %% Would be lies %% %% We both know what's true %% %% At the end of the day %% %% You love %% %% Who you love %% %% If the waves %% %% Churn storms on the ocean %% %% And if the skies %% %% Grow dark with rain %% %% We will see it %% %% Through clear waters %% %% If each of us %% %% If each of us %% %% Can give just a little more %% %% Ohhh-uhh-huh %% %% Just a little more %% %% Ohh, baby %% %% We will %% %% See it through %% %% Clear waters %% %% If each of us %% %% If each of us %% %% Can give %% %% Just a little more %% |
|