00:00:20,954 -- 00:00:23,855
j&j& [ Classical ]
2
00:01:57,650 -- 00:01:59,584
I tell you, you've got nothing
to worry about.
3
00:01:59,686 -- 00:02:01,586
- The plane is perfectly safe.
- Can I have -
4
00:02:01,688 -- 00:02:04,680
- It ran a little low on gas when it got
into all that fog, that's all.
- Thank you.
5
00:02:04,791 -- 00:02:07,760
So they had to set down in -
Give me that one again, Max.
6
00:02:07,861 -- 00:02:10,728
A rooster? Oh, Aroostook.
7
00:02:10,830 -- 00:02:15,130
Aroostook. And where is Aroostook
supposing to be it shouldn't happen?
8
00:02:15,235 -- 00:02:16,964
It's in the general neighborhood
of Nova Scotia.
9
00:02:17,070 -- 00:02:20,062
And from this general neighborhood,
maybe you can tell me...
10
00:02:20,173 -- 00:02:23,472
how tonight at philharmonic
he is a concert conducting?
11
00:02:23,576 -- 00:02:25,567
By "telewision, " I am presuming.
12
00:02:25,678 -- 00:02:27,976
Is it a very bad fog?
13
00:02:28,081 -- 00:02:30,743
- Make him tell me the truth, Hugo.
- Of course it ain't.
14
00:02:30,850 -- 00:02:33,785
- Don't worry, honey.
-[ Man ] It's hardly a fog at all, madam.
15
00:02:33,887 -- 00:02:36,253
It's - It's more of a mist, really.
More of a -
16
00:02:36,356 -- 00:02:39,689
- Yes, Max?
-Just something to make the engines run better.
17
00:02:39,792 -- 00:02:41,783
- Don't worry, darling.
- Correction, please.
18
00:02:41,895 -- 00:02:44,921
- [ Woman ] What is it?
- It was not Aroostook. It was Antigonish.
19
00:02:45,031 -- 00:02:47,829
And where is this mudhole,
if I ain't too optimistic?
20
00:02:47,934 -- 00:02:50,459
In the general neighborhood
of Nova Scotia, I believe.
21
00:02:50,570 -- 00:02:53,437
- [ Hugo ] What a neighborhood.
- Hugo, do try to find out.
22
00:02:53,540 -- 00:02:55,440
- Correction, please.
- Shh.
23
00:02:55,542 -- 00:02:57,908
It turns out it wasn't Antigonish after all.
24
00:02:58,011 -- 00:03:01,003
It was Apohaqui.
And it didn't get there, it left there.
25
00:03:01,114 -- 00:03:04,106
- Apohaqui!
- Then where is it now?
26
00:03:04,217 -- 00:03:06,845
In the general neighborhood of Nova Scotia.
Where else?
27
00:03:06,953 -- 00:03:08,853
[ Man ]
Far, far from it, my friend.
28
00:03:08,955 -- 00:03:11,515
As a matter of fact, there it is, coming in...
29
00:03:11,624 -- 00:03:13,524
- Hooray!
- directly behind you right now.
30
00:03:13,626 -- 00:03:16,959
- What an airline.
- There is one reassuring thing about airplanes...
31
00:03:17,063 -- 00:03:19,793
- they always come down.
- Come on, stupid.
32
00:03:19,899 -- 00:03:22,493
[ Bell Dings ]
33
00:03:22,602 -- 00:03:26,834
[ Hugo ] Am I glad to see you, Alfie .
Again Wolfgang is sick.
34
00:03:26,940 -- 00:03:30,706
So our concert got to be shoved up.
Tonight we are giving it yet.
35
00:03:30,810 -- 00:03:32,710
Did you think of me every night?
36
00:03:32,812 -- 00:03:34,780
Of course I did, my love.
37
00:03:34,881 -- 00:03:36,781
Did you take my picture to bed with you?
38
00:03:36,883 -- 00:03:38,783
Of course I did, my darling.
39
00:03:38,885 -- 00:03:42,719
Are they kidding? If she wasn't my own sister,
I'd have a name for her that'd make -
40
00:03:42,822 -- 00:03:44,722
Dream of me after you went to sleep?
41
00:03:44,824 -- 00:03:47,520
Every single night, my love.
42
00:03:47,627 -- 00:03:52,530
- Only I - I didn't sleep very well.
- Will somebody get me an ice pack?
43
00:03:52,632 -- 00:03:54,691
Put 'em back on your nose
and learn something.
44
00:03:54,801 -- 00:03:57,531
At least did you get some rest
on the plane last night?
45
00:03:57,637 -- 00:03:59,605
- Frankly, not a particle.
- Oh.
46
00:03:59,706 -- 00:04:02,004
Then I'm going to take you
right straight home...
47
00:04:02,108 -- 00:04:04,008
put you into a nice hot tub -
48
00:04:04,110 -- 00:04:06,010
I really don't think
they ought to do this in public.
49
00:04:06,112 -- 00:04:08,512
Of course, it's better to do it in public
than not to do it at all.
50
00:04:08,615 -- 00:04:10,515
[ Woman ]
And then we'll have our little nap.
51
00:04:10,617 -- 00:04:15,020
And then I'll wake you up with a nice
frosted bottle of brut champagne.
52
00:04:15,121 -- 00:04:17,021
I found same Pol Roger '34.
53
00:04:17,123 -- 00:04:19,751
- And then-
- You see, some men just naturally...
54
00:04:19,859 -- 00:04:22,419
make you think of brut champagne.
55
00:04:22,528 -- 00:04:25,190
- With others, you think of prune juice.
- [ Laughs ]
56
00:04:25,298 -- 00:04:27,425
You have nothing to laugh at.
57
00:04:27,533 -- 00:04:30,434
So then you'll go down
and rehearse your men.
58
00:04:30,536 -- 00:04:32,868
- Oughtn't that to be time enough, Hugo?
- Look...
59
00:04:32,972 -- 00:04:35,600
it ain't as if you was
a rehearser anyway.
60
00:04:35,708 -- 00:04:39,872
He's a hypnotist. Out of what dogs
have I seen him coax it out of.
61
00:04:39,979 -- 00:04:42,641
Of course it'll be soon enough.
It's the men who really count.
62
00:04:42,749 -- 00:04:46,378
All I do is wave a little wand a little,
and out comes the music.
63
00:04:46,486 -- 00:04:50,718
A little magic wand, darling,
dipped in a little stardust.
64
00:04:50,823 -- 00:04:53,018
[ Bell Dings ]
65
00:04:54,093 -- 00:04:57,426
j&j& [ "Jingle Bells'' ]
66
00:05:00,933 -- 00:05:04,733
- j&j& [ Cranks, Stops ]
- [ Speaks Foreign Language ]
67
00:05:04,837 -- 00:05:08,534
Don't that drive you nuts, always leaving
you hanging up on the meat hook like that?
68
00:05:08,641 -- 00:05:11,075
[ Man ]
I confess, it is quite irritating, sir.
69
00:05:12,812 -- 00:05:15,508
I suppose I ought to wake him up
if he's gonna see anyone before the concerts.
70
00:05:15,615 -- 00:05:18,880
Oh, give him a couple of minutes.
Ain't you ever been in love?
71
00:05:18,985 -- 00:05:22,045
j& Da, da, da, da, da, dee j&
72
00:05:22,155 -- 00:05:24,453
j& Da, da, da, dee j&
73
00:05:24,557 -- 00:05:27,287
- j&j& [ Piano Continues ]
- [ Knocking ]
74
00:05:31,497 -- 00:05:35,490
- I'm so sorry.
- Oh, isn't it customary to knock
before coming into a bedroom?
75
00:05:35,601 -- 00:05:37,660
- Or am I just old-fashioned?
- I did knock, Sir Alfred.
76
00:05:37,770 -- 00:05:41,001
- Extremely sorry. I didn't hear you.
- I just wanted to make sure you were awake...
77
00:05:41,107 -- 00:05:43,735
and ask you what to do about
the morning delegation of crackpots.
78
00:05:43,843 -- 00:05:45,606
Oh, dear.
79
00:05:45,712 -- 00:05:48,272
Among them a lady reporter who wants
to know why you conduct with a stick.
80
00:05:48,381 -- 00:05:50,315
What's she expect me to use,
an umbrella?
81
00:05:50,416 -- 00:05:53,442
- She says Stokie uses just his hands.
- Ah, but they're so beautiful.
82
00:05:53,553 -- 00:05:58,456
So large. So white. So free and easy on the draw.
Mine look more like nutcrackers.
83
00:05:58,558 -- 00:06:00,822
- Here, darling.
- Thank you, sweetheart.
84
00:06:00,927 -- 00:06:03,020
She also wants to know why
you conduct from a score.
85
00:06:03,129 -- 00:06:06,155
Because I can actually read music.
I also play an instrument, the flageolet.
86
00:06:06,265 -- 00:06:08,165
- Don't forget to tell her that.
- Certainly, Sir Alfred.
87
00:06:08,267 -- 00:06:10,167
- I'll get you a light.
- Thanks.
88
00:06:10,269 -- 00:06:12,931
Also, Mr. Pedasta, your concert master,
would like to discuss with you...
89
00:06:13,039 -- 00:06:16,839
the fingering in the fourth, fifth
and sixth bars before letter "H"...
90
00:06:16,943 -- 00:06:19,173
in the Tannhuser overture.
91
00:06:19,278 -- 00:06:22,042
Oh, dear. The fingering's standard.
What's the matter with him?
92
00:06:22,148 -- 00:06:24,912
He says because it's the Paris version
with the Venusberg music.
93
00:06:25,017 -- 00:06:27,042
- Do you want the French fingering?
- That old story.
94
00:06:27,153 -- 00:06:29,621
Tell Mr. Pedasta I'll walk with him
to the rehearsal and discuss it on the way.
95
00:06:29,722 -- 00:06:31,622
- I've got to get dressed now.
- Certainly, Sir Alfred.
96
00:06:31,724 -- 00:06:33,624
Then there is a citizen
who wants you to endow...
97
00:06:33,726 -- 00:06:36,695
the De Carter Foundation
for the Diffusion of Serious Music.
98
00:06:36,796 -- 00:06:39,629
Well, throw him out.
Nothing serious about music.
99
00:06:39,732 -- 00:06:42,200
It should be enjoyed flat on the back
with a sandwich in one hand...
100
00:06:42,301 -- 00:06:45,134
and a bucket of beer in the other
and as many pretty girls around as possible.
101
00:06:45,238 -- 00:06:48,036
- Oh, Tony, if you repeat one word of this stuff.
- I won't.
102
00:06:50,510 -- 00:06:53,104
You know, the only trouble with you is
I never feel like getting up...
103
00:06:53,212 -- 00:06:55,112
I never feel like getting dressed...
104
00:06:55,214 -- 00:06:58,479
I never feel like going out into the world
to wrestle it and bring it to its knees.
105
00:06:58,584 -- 00:07:02,748
I think the successful, energetic men must all
have been married to women who looked like -
106
00:07:02,855 -- 00:07:05,449
Oh. Well, I will now leap
into a cold shower.
107
00:07:08,127 -- 00:07:10,095
- [ Doorbell Buzzes ]
- I'll take it.
108
00:07:16,836 -- 00:07:18,736
Some flowers for Lady de Carter.
109
00:07:18,838 -- 00:07:21,773
- Oh, how nice.
-[ Hugo ] I'll take 'em.
110
00:07:21,874 -- 00:07:23,774
Say- Oh, there you are.
111
00:07:23,876 -- 00:07:25,776
- Give him a dollar, Hugo.
- A dollar?
112
00:07:25,878 -- 00:07:28,745
Well, it's only 62 and one-half cents,
you know, at the moment.
113
00:07:28,848 -- 00:07:31,112
- There's 62 and a half cents for you.
- Thank you, Sir Alfred.
114
00:07:31,217 -- 00:07:33,117
I'll pretend it's a dollar.
115
00:07:33,219 -- 00:07:36,552
- [ Speaking Foreign Language ]
- I wonder who sent her these.
116
00:07:36,656 -- 00:07:39,784
Why don't you grab yourself a look
and treat yourself to a surprise?
117
00:07:39,892 -- 00:07:42,520
'Cause it's none of my business.
They're probably from some poor devil...
118
00:07:42,628 -- 00:07:46,496
who was madly in love with her,
nearly perished when she married me...
119
00:07:46,599 -- 00:07:49,033
and once a year, on the anniversary
of their last farewell...
120
00:07:49,135 -- 00:07:51,501
sends her this little bunch of snapdragons.
121
00:07:51,604 -- 00:07:54,903
- Or could they be hollyhocks?
- In this box it could be a skeleton.
122
00:07:55,007 -- 00:07:58,534
- He could've sent himself.
- Don't be gruesome, Hugo.
123
00:07:58,644 -- 00:08:01,875
- Oh, I see they came, Sir Alfred.
- Hmm?
124
00:08:01,981 -- 00:08:03,881
I tried to get all long-stemmed roses...
125
00:08:03,983 -- 00:08:06,042
but they must have filled out
with a few chrysanthemums.
126
00:08:06,152 -- 00:08:09,019
Oh, these are the flowers that I - Lovely!
127
00:08:09,121 -- 00:08:11,021
That you asked me to send
on the way in this morning.
128
00:08:11,123 -- 00:08:14,149
- Of course.
- I scratched out the name on one of your cards...
129
00:08:14,260 -- 00:08:17,286
and wrote instead, " For my love.''
130
00:08:17,396 -- 00:08:19,296
Remarkably efficient.
Thank you very much.
131
00:08:19,398 -- 00:08:21,730
And have this razor honed for me, will you?
132
00:08:21,834 -- 00:08:24,394
- It's duller than one of my brother-in-law's jokes.
- Certainly, Sir Alfred.
133
00:08:24,504 -- 00:08:27,598
- Mr. Henschler is on his way up, by the way.
- Oh, what does he want?
134
00:08:27,707 -- 00:08:30,767
- He did not inform me.
- I've already seen him once today.
135
00:08:30,877 -- 00:08:33,812
I mean,just 'cause he's married
to my wife's sister doesn't entitle him to -
136
00:08:33,913 -- 00:08:38,213
- Really, what a bore he is.
- Look, he's got one hundred million dollars.
137
00:08:38,317 -- 00:08:41,047
Don't be expecting also Mickey Mouse.
138
00:08:41,153 -- 00:08:43,587
I have a few million myself, you know.
It doesn't entitle me to -
139
00:08:43,689 -- 00:08:47,523
You ain't got a hundred million.
It's that last zither that cooks the goose.
140
00:08:47,627 -- 00:08:52,587
That miser. Every fur coat he gives his wife
he inherited from his grandmother.
141
00:08:52,698 -- 00:08:55,861
Every pearl from his aunt.
Every diamond from his blasted -
142
00:08:55,968 -- 00:08:59,233
- Stop. You're breaking my heart.
- It's silly of me to allow him to annoy me so...
143
00:08:59,338 -- 00:09:04,139
but do I haunt his hotel constantly
sending messages I'm on my way up to see him?
144
00:09:04,243 -- 00:09:06,905
Do I use the vaguest of all relationships...
145
00:09:07,013 -- 00:09:10,039
two strangers who marry sisters,
as a wedge for the purpose of-
146
00:09:10,149 -- 00:09:12,117
Mr. August Henschler, sir.
147
00:09:14,554 -- 00:09:16,852
Good morning again, August.
I've never seen you looking better.
148
00:09:16,956 -- 00:09:20,687
- Well, I, uh -
- Do you want to see me alone or in committee?
149
00:09:20,793 -- 00:09:22,818
Or is it really necessary
for you to see me at all?
150
00:09:22,929 -- 00:09:25,454
Well, if it wouldn't be too much trouble-
Good morning.
151
00:09:25,565 -- 00:09:28,398
How do you do?
Remember, you have a lot of other jerks...
152
00:09:28,501 -- 00:09:31,368
waiting for you in front room
after you get through in here.
153
00:09:31,470 -- 00:09:34,098
I'll take the razor down to the barbershop.
154
00:09:34,206 -- 00:09:38,006
Now, my dear August,
what happy updraft wafts you hither?
155
00:09:38,110 -- 00:09:41,102
Thank you.
Now let me see. How to begin.
156
00:09:41,213 -- 00:09:43,841
- At the beginning.
- [ Chuckles ] Yes, quite so.
157
00:09:43,950 -- 00:09:47,249
You are no doubt aware, Alfred,
that I have a deep sense of family obligation.
158
00:09:47,353 -- 00:09:49,253
I wasn't aware of it,
but I'm willing to take your word for it.
159
00:09:49,355 -- 00:09:51,619
- We are brothers-in-law, aren't we?
- I'm afraid we are.
160
00:09:51,724 -- 00:09:53,624
There's not a blasted thing
we can do about it.
161
00:09:53,726 -- 00:09:56,718
Oh? It may come as quite a shook to you
to realize that I don't actually relish...
162
00:09:56,829 -- 00:09:58,797
being your brother-in-law
any more than you relish being mine.
163
00:09:58,898 -- 00:10:00,365
- No?
- Yes.
164
00:10:00,466 -- 00:10:04,266
In the first place, I hate music,
which doesn't relieve me from having to snore...
165
00:10:04,370 -- 00:10:06,497
through every confounded soiree
that you promulgate.
166
00:10:06,606 -- 00:10:08,506
- Soiree.
- Precisely.
167
00:10:08,608 -- 00:10:10,803
And in the second place,
I am embarrassed about the product...
168
00:10:10,910 -- 00:10:12,810
that your family made its money out of.
169
00:10:12,912 -- 00:10:16,211
- And in the third place -
-Just as good as sucking mortgages,
if you should happen to ask me.
170
00:10:16,315 -- 00:10:19,876
It may be, but I prefer mortgages.
And lastly, as a humble American...
171
00:10:19,986 -- 00:10:22,386
the only titles that I have any use for...
172
00:10:22,488 -- 00:10:24,888
are in my vault in
the Guaranty Title and Trust Company.
173
00:10:24,991 -- 00:10:26,891
I see. Well, you have
my deepest sympathy, August...
174
00:10:26,993 -- 00:10:29,052
but I am a baronet, I am a bandleader...
175
00:10:29,161 -- 00:10:32,892
and my family's product has
kept England on time since Waterloo.
176
00:10:32,999 -- 00:10:37,060
There it is. Now, if I may inquire again
for the reason for this happy visitation.
177
00:10:37,169 -- 00:10:39,569
I'll come to the point at once.
When you left for England...
178
00:10:39,672 -- 00:10:41,867
and asked me to keep an eye
on your wife during your absence -
179
00:10:41,974 -- 00:10:44,499
- Keep an eye on my wife?
- I naturally accepted in the same spirit...
180
00:10:44,610 -- 00:10:47,408
that I'd expect you to display
had I asked you to keep an eye on my wife...
181
00:10:47,513 -- 00:10:51,005
- while taking off, let us say, for Zanzibar.
- When are you leaving?
182
00:10:51,117 -- 00:10:53,017
- I said " if.''
- Oh.
183
00:10:53,119 -- 00:10:55,280
What I didn't know, and I don't see
very well how I could have...
184
00:10:55,388 -- 00:10:58,983
was that my dear mother, who is probably
public hypochondriac number one...
185
00:10:59,091 -- 00:11:01,423
would wire me the same day asking
me to join her in Palm Beach...
186
00:11:01,527 -- 00:11:04,360
- because of a slight indisposition.
- Oh, I'm distressed to hear it.
187
00:11:04,463 -- 00:11:06,363
I suppose she's related
to me also in some way.
188
00:11:06,465 -- 00:11:08,399
- So faintly it's hardly worth mentioning.
- Good.
189
00:11:08,501 -- 00:11:10,492
- I'm sorry anyway.
- Oh, we're quite used to it.
190
00:11:10,603 -- 00:11:12,503
If it isn't one part of her that's ailing,
it's another.
191
00:11:12,605 -- 00:11:15,733
And she seems to have so many parts,
for a woman of her age, that is.
192
00:11:15,841 -- 00:11:18,742
However, to return to our muttons -
you asked me to keep an eye on your wife...
193
00:11:18,844 -- 00:11:22,109
and I assure you that had it been possible
for me to do so, I would gladly have done so.
194
00:11:22,214 -- 00:11:26,173
I don't doubt it for a second. But if it was
any trouble, or inconvenient in any way-
195
00:11:26,285 -- 00:11:28,185
Nothing is too much trouble
for the busy man.
196
00:11:28,287 -- 00:11:31,688
If you ever want anything done, always ask
the busy man. The others never have time.
197
00:11:31,791 -- 00:11:34,521
Now, you asked me to keep an eye on your wife,
and I assure you that -
198
00:11:34,627 -- 00:11:38,688
You keep repeating " keep an eye on your wife,''
as if it had some special meaning.
199
00:11:38,798 -- 00:11:42,495
I don't know that you're leading up to,
but for some reason I feel my back hair rising.
200
00:11:42,601 -- 00:11:46,059
Well, you see Alfred, being a little nearsighted,
I couldn't keep an eye on her from Palm Beach.
201
00:11:46,172 -- 00:11:48,072
Nevertheless, I did not fail you.
202
00:11:48,174 -- 00:11:50,836
Again, something's happening
to my back hair.
203
00:11:50,943 -- 00:11:54,572
I don't recollect saying anything to you
at the airport except possibly good-bye.
204
00:11:54,680 -- 00:11:58,639
But if I did say keep an eye on my wife for me,
I meant see if she's lonely some evening.
205
00:11:58,751 -- 00:12:00,810
And if she is, take her to the movies,
you and Barbara.
206
00:12:00,920 -- 00:12:03,616
But you didn't say that.
You said, " Keep an eye on my wife for me.''
207
00:12:03,723 -- 00:12:06,317
Well, supposing I did,
how could you do it from Palm Beach?
208
00:12:06,425 -- 00:12:08,655
- With detectives.
- With detectives.
209
00:12:10,262 -- 00:12:13,857
With detectives!
You stuffed moron!
210
00:12:13,966 -- 00:12:17,561
Control yourself, Alfred. Control yourself. This
is entirely uncalled for. Kindly release my scarf.
211
00:12:17,670 -- 00:12:21,299
You dare to inform me you had
vulgar footpads in snap-brim fedoras...
212
00:12:21,407 -- 00:12:23,307
sluicing after my beautiful wife?
213
00:12:23,409 -- 00:12:26,469
I believe it's called " sleuthing.''
Kindly let go of my shirt. You're tearing it.
214
00:12:26,579 -- 00:12:28,911
There's nothing to be so upset about.
I merely had her tailed.
215
00:12:29,014 -- 00:12:31,414
You merely had her what?
I give you my solemn word, August...
216
00:12:31,517 -- 00:12:34,748
if I don't regain control of myself
in a few minutes, concert or no concert...
217
00:12:34,854 -- 00:12:39,052
I'll take this candelabrum, and I'll beat that walnut
you use for a head into a nutburger...
218
00:12:39,158 -- 00:12:41,718
- I believe they're called.
- Please try to k-k-keep cool, Alfred.
219
00:12:41,827 -- 00:12:44,159
K-K-Keep cool, Alfred, my sainted aunt!
I am outraged!
220
00:12:44,263 -- 00:12:46,891
- Please, Alfred.
- Low as my opinion has always been of you...
221
00:12:46,999 -- 00:12:49,627
little as I ever expected of chivalry
or even common dignity...
222
00:12:49,735 -- 00:12:51,965
today you've sunk below even yourself.
223
00:12:52,071 -- 00:12:54,733
This is the sewer,
the nadir of good manners.
224
00:12:54,840 -- 00:12:56,967
I really think you're exaggerating
a little, Alfred.
225
00:12:57,076 -- 00:12:59,738
I've always used detectives to some extent,
and so has my whole family.
226
00:12:59,845 -- 00:13:02,939
One of my aunts even married one,
although I admit she was elderly at the time.
227
00:13:03,048 -- 00:13:07,109
Then your whole family is contaminated. No man
who employs detectives should ever be disappointed.
228
00:13:07,219 -- 00:13:09,244
I hope every time
you've engaged these vermin...
229
00:13:09,355 -- 00:13:12,984
you've discovered that you had antlers out to here,
that you were the laughingstock of the city...
230
00:13:13,092 -- 00:13:15,560
that you came crawling out
of the agency, your face aflame...
231
00:13:15,661 -- 00:13:19,153
your briefcase stuffed with
undeniable evidence of your multiple betrayal...
232
00:13:19,265 -- 00:13:22,393
dishonor dripping from your ears
like garlands of seaweed.
233
00:13:22,501 -- 00:13:24,833
I forgive your insults on the grounds
that you are excited.
234
00:13:24,937 -- 00:13:27,235
I forbid you to forgive me anything
on any grounds whatsoever...
235
00:13:27,339 -- 00:13:29,239
and I may still punch you
in the nose at any instant!
236
00:13:29,341 -- 00:13:32,333
Get out of here and never speak to me
again unless it's in some public place...
237
00:13:32,444 -- 00:13:35,106
where your silence might cause comment
or embarrassment to our wives!
238
00:13:35,214 -- 00:13:37,739
Oh, dear.
239
00:13:37,850 -- 00:13:40,751
I don't imagine that you'd be much interested
in the operator's report.
240
00:13:40,853 -- 00:13:43,549
- Yes, I would!
- Although it contained a couple of passages...
241
00:13:43,656 -- 00:13:45,556
- that I, for one -
- That you for one what?
242
00:13:45,658 -- 00:13:47,649
Now get out of here
before I do the same to you.
243
00:13:47,760 -- 00:13:51,218
I suppose I'll see you at the concert this evening.
I've already bought two tickets.
244
00:13:51,330 -- 00:13:54,697
I suppose so.
I'm usually there on the nights I conduct.
245
00:13:54,800 -- 00:13:56,700
I see.
246
00:13:59,271 -- 00:14:01,171
[ Door Opens, Closes ]
247
00:14:10,149 -- 00:14:12,310
[ Clattering ]
248
00:14:37,009 -- 00:14:40,376
What is that supposed to be?
You angel.
249
00:14:40,479 -- 00:14:43,846
It's supposed to contain flowers.
It might easily turn out to be a rowing machine.
250
00:14:43,949 -- 00:14:46,440
[ Sighs ]
You sweet love.
251
00:14:46,552 -- 00:14:51,387
Well, I just wonder where we're going
to find anything big enough to put them in.
252
00:14:51,490 -- 00:14:55,927
- I wonder if the kitchen would have anything.
- You really do love me, don't you?
253
00:14:56,028 -- 00:14:59,725
- What?
- You really do love me, don't you?
254
00:14:59,832 -- 00:15:02,699
I don't know what I'd be doing here if I didn't.
255
00:15:02,801 -- 00:15:04,996
I don't either.
256
00:15:05,104 -- 00:15:08,232
By the way, you didn't do anything
you shouldn't while I was away, did you?
257
00:15:08,340 -- 00:15:11,400
I mean, like, falling in love with anyone else,
or anything like that.
258
00:15:11,510 -- 00:15:16,106
How could I fall in love with anyone else
when you took my heart with you?
259
00:15:17,149 -- 00:15:20,141
No man ever had a better answer than that.
260
00:15:20,252 -- 00:15:22,777
Will you meet me at La Lotte's about 1 :00
on the way to lunch?
261
00:15:22,888 -- 00:15:25,288
- La Lotte's? What for?
- 'Cause you haven't a thing to wear.
262
00:15:25,391 -- 00:15:27,985
I'd like to buy you a little something.
Would you do that for me?
263
00:15:28,093 -- 00:15:31,358
- But, darling, I have closets full of-
- And then lunch with me?
264
00:15:31,463 -- 00:15:35,024
[ Sighs ]
Of course I will. But I don't really need a thing.
265
00:15:35,134 -- 00:15:38,900
- I have -
- It says here in very small type.
266
00:15:39,004 -- 00:15:41,370
- I'll see you at La Lotte's.
- All right, darling.
267
00:15:44,410 -- 00:15:46,878
j&j& [ Classical ]
268
00:15:49,114 -- 00:15:51,480
j&j& [ Surges ]
269
00:16:28,520 -- 00:16:30,420
j&j& [ Ends ]
270
00:16:30,522 -- 00:16:34,481
[ Alfred ] And now, gentlemen, merely to follow
the wishes clearly expressed by the composer...
271
00:16:34,593 -- 00:16:37,357
pizzicato con molto vibrato.
272
00:16:37,463 -- 00:16:39,556
Like a dentist chipping out an old filling.
273
00:16:39,665 -- 00:16:42,190
- [ Laughing ]
- j&j& [ Resumes ]
274
00:18:34,346 -- 00:18:36,314
j&j& [ Humming With Melody ]
275
00:18:58,570 -- 00:19:00,902
Keep playing, gentlemen.
I don't want to waste your time.
276
00:19:01,006 -- 00:19:03,065
- Dr. Schultz.
- Yes, Sir Alfred?
277
00:19:03,175 -- 00:19:05,473
Yours is my favorite instrument
in the entire orchestra.
278
00:19:05,577 -- 00:19:07,807
I've been looking at you,
but I can't hear you.
279
00:19:09,815 -- 00:19:12,875
I was afraid of being a little loud, Sir Alfred.
You know, vulgar.
280
00:19:15,888 -- 00:19:19,289
As a small boy I was learned always
never to be vulgar.
281
00:19:19,391 -- 00:19:23,487
Be vulgar, by all means,
but let me hear that brazen laugh.
282
00:19:47,519 -- 00:19:49,783
j&j& [ Cymbals Crash ]
283
00:19:51,223 -- 00:19:53,691
[ Chuckling ]
284
00:19:56,995 -- 00:19:59,225
[ Laughing ]
285
00:20:08,774 -- 00:20:11,208
- j&j& [ Continues, Faint ]
- Okay. Follow your nose to first door...
286
00:20:11,310 -- 00:20:13,403
open door, walk through,
come to wall, stop.
287
00:20:14,913 -- 00:20:17,541
j&j& [ Humming With Melody ]
288
00:20:20,652 -- 00:20:22,552
Shh.
289
00:20:42,541 -- 00:20:44,975
j&j& [ Cymbals Crash ]
290
00:20:51,416 -- 00:20:54,180
j&j& [ Cymbals Crash ]
291
00:20:54,286 -- 00:20:56,754
j&j& [ Cymbals Crash ]
292
00:21:26,551 -- 00:21:28,451
j&j& [ Ends ]
293
00:21:28,553 -- 00:21:31,249
Splendid, gentlemen. Splendid.
It's already much too good for them.
294
00:21:31,356 -- 00:21:32,823
[ Laughing ]
295
00:21:32,924 -- 00:21:35,654
Besides which I've got an appointment
with a beautiful young lady.
296
00:21:35,761 -- 00:21:37,956
- I'll see you later.
- [ Chattering ]
297
00:21:43,268 -- 00:21:45,099
j&j& [ Humming ]
298
00:21:46,872 -- 00:21:49,204
This gentleman says
he has something for you.
299
00:21:49,308 -- 00:21:52,141
- He's from the hotel.
- And I ain't a gentleman. I'm the detective there.
300
00:21:52,244 -- 00:21:55,509
- You remember me, don't you, Sir Alfred?
- Yes, I think I've seen you skulking around.
301
00:21:55,614 -- 00:21:57,582
You're what's known
as the house dick, aren't you?
302
00:21:57,683 -- 00:21:59,583
That's me.
Can I see you alone a minute?
303
00:21:59,685 -- 00:22:01,585
I suppose so. I shan't enjoy it.
304
00:22:01,687 -- 00:22:03,587
[ Sighs ]
Hot work.
305
00:22:03,689 -- 00:22:06,852
I'd like to make this alone,
if it's all the same to you, buddy.
306
00:22:06,958 -- 00:22:09,256
Oh, very well.
307
00:22:09,361 -- 00:22:11,488
- [ Man ] Beautiful music, sir.
- [ Alfred ] Thank you.
308
00:22:11,596 -- 00:22:13,496
Just beautiful.
309
00:22:15,567 -- 00:22:18,229
Thank you very much,Jules.
310
00:22:18,337 -- 00:22:20,328
Now what do you want?
I'm sorry to sound sharp...
311
00:22:20,439 -- 00:22:23,272
but I feel extremely unsympathetic
towards all detectives this morning.
312
00:22:23,375 -- 00:22:25,275
All in the line of duty for me, boss.
313
00:22:25,377 -- 00:22:28,813
Just shows you the kind of service
we're giving you at the Towers, that's all.
314
00:22:28,914 -- 00:22:32,577
We don't know just how it got in the hall.
We're investigating that.
315
00:22:32,684 -- 00:22:34,743
But we found it and saved it for you.
316
00:22:34,853 -- 00:22:37,083
It's a detective's operator's report.
317
00:22:37,189 -- 00:22:40,124
- I glued it together myself.
- I see.
318
00:22:41,159 -- 00:22:44,253
- You, uh, read it, I presume?
-Just enough to glue it together.
319
00:22:44,363 -- 00:22:47,423
I see. You concluded
that when I tear papers up into small bits...
320
00:22:47,532 -- 00:22:50,695
and throw the bits into a wastebasket
and kick the wastebasket out of the door...
321
00:22:50,802 -- 00:22:53,669
it's because I wish to keep the papers
that go to make up the document, correct?
322
00:22:53,772 -- 00:22:57,674
Well, we didn't know, Sir Alfred.
The head maid seen this basket come flying out...
323
00:22:57,776 -- 00:23:00,267
and she called me,
and I just used my own judgment, that's all.
324
00:23:00,379 -- 00:23:04,509
Very astute. Do you customarily shove your nose
this deep into other people's business?
325
00:23:04,616 -- 00:23:07,414
- Look, boss, as far as I'm concerned -
- Have you a match, at least?
326
00:23:07,519 -- 00:23:09,714
- Huh?
- A match. One of those little wooden things...
327
00:23:09,821 -- 00:23:11,721
that you strike on the side of a box.
328
00:23:11,823 -- 00:23:13,723
- Yes, sir.
- Light it, please.
329
00:23:13,825 -- 00:23:15,793
Yes, sir.
330
00:23:15,894 -- 00:23:18,692
Now get it going well.
That's fine.
331
00:23:18,797 -- 00:23:20,697
Now hold it steady.
332
00:23:21,833 -- 00:23:24,802
- Nix, boss.
- You see? It was very important to me.
333
00:23:24,903 -- 00:23:26,734
Cut it out, boss.
Take it easy, will you?
334
00:23:26,838 -- 00:23:29,898
- I hope you don't know any way
of bringing it back to life this time.
- No, sir.
335
00:23:30,008 -- 00:23:31,908
Now watch closely.
336
00:23:32,010 -- 00:23:35,070
You see? Now why don't you
go back to your work at the hotel.
337
00:23:35,180 -- 00:23:37,171
There may be
some important things for you to do...
338
00:23:37,282 -- 00:23:39,807
like spying on decent people
through looking through keyholes...
339
00:23:39,918 -- 00:23:42,148
and standing on ladders
and picking through the garbage.
340
00:23:42,254 -- 00:23:44,848
Look, boss, I'm sorry.
I only meant to -
341
00:23:44,956 -- 00:23:46,981
- Look out!
- [ Fire Roaring ]
342
00:23:48,026 -- 00:23:51,553
[ Groaning ]
Ow! Ow! I'll get something.
343
00:23:51,663 -- 00:23:55,895
- You'd better come out,Jules.
There's been a bit of trouble here.
- I'll get the extinguisher, sir.
344
00:24:02,040 -- 00:24:03,940
[ Chattering ]
345
00:24:05,977 -- 00:24:08,309
[ Alarm Blaring ]
346
00:24:11,850 -- 00:24:13,750
[ Yelling ]
347
00:24:15,487 -- 00:24:17,421
Turn on the water!
348
00:24:17,522 -- 00:24:19,615
I am turning it on.
349
00:24:19,724 -- 00:24:21,624
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
350
00:24:38,076 -- 00:24:40,977
Watch what you're doing!
351
00:24:41,079 -- 00:24:43,570
- [ Siren Blaring ]
- I'll be careful.
352
00:24:44,816 -- 00:24:46,875
Bring it over here.
353
00:24:46,985 -- 00:24:49,078
Not over there!
Over here!
354
00:24:52,357 -- 00:24:54,655
- I've got it!
- [ Yelling ]
355
00:24:57,963 -- 00:25:01,865
Wonderful. Beautiful.
356
00:25:02,901 -- 00:25:05,028
Would you take the telephone, please?
It's Sir Alfred.
357
00:25:05,136 -- 00:25:07,604
- Oh, thank you.
- What a lollipop.
358
00:25:07,706 -- 00:25:11,142
Hello. Hello, sweetie love.
Where are you? You're late.
359
00:25:11,243 -- 00:25:13,507
I'm dreadfully sorry.
There's been a little excitement down here.
360
00:25:13,612 -- 00:25:15,739
I'll join you as soon
as I get into some dry trousers.
361
00:25:15,847 -- 00:25:19,283
Darling, I can't hear a thing you're saying
with all those bells going off.
362
00:25:19,384 -- 00:25:21,318
Some silly ass set fire to my dressing room.
363
00:25:21,419 -- 00:25:24,616
Uh, who'd you say set fire to it?
364
00:25:24,723 -- 00:25:26,782
No. He set fire to it himself.
365
00:25:26,892 -- 00:25:28,792
- Insurance.
- Oh, shh.
366
00:25:28,894 -- 00:25:31,089
I said if you see anything pretty,
be sure to buy it.
367
00:25:31,196 -- 00:25:33,494
- But I don't want to buy anything.
- Well, buy several.
368
00:25:33,598 -- 00:25:37,159
It's always nice to have a change.
And I've told Tony to pick you up for lunch.
369
00:25:37,269 -- 00:25:39,829
Are you the party that started this " confloration''?
370
00:25:39,938 -- 00:25:43,032
Yes.Just one minute, Colonel.
I've just got to answer some questions, darling.
371
00:25:43,141 -- 00:25:45,837
There's a nobleman in a white hat
waiting outside the booth for me.
372
00:25:45,944 -- 00:25:48,435
You didn't get in any trouble, did you?
I'll come right over.
373
00:25:48,547 -- 00:25:50,538
- You didn't get burned?
- What are you talking -
374
00:25:50,649 -- 00:25:53,982
On the contrary, I'm sloshing wet,
and I don't think I'm in the slightest trouble.
375
00:25:54,085 -- 00:25:56,747
Uh, I'll be with you
in one second, General.
376
00:25:56,855 -- 00:25:59,790
Good-bye, my darling.
I'll join you at the earliest possible moment.
377
00:26:03,628 -- 00:26:06,529
j&j& [ Classical ]
378
00:26:09,067 -- 00:26:11,558
- Hello, Annie.
- Hello, Sir Alfred.
379
00:26:11,670 -- 00:26:13,763
Thank you.
380
00:26:13,872 -- 00:26:15,772
[ Chattering, Laughing ]
381
00:26:15,874 -- 00:26:19,503
- Hello, Louie. Is my bride here?
- Certainly, Sir Alfred. She's in 44.
382
00:26:19,611 -- 00:26:23,377
- [ No Audible Dialogue ]
- Hi, darling.
383
00:26:23,481 -- 00:26:26,177
- I think I'll have a quick brandy.
- Certainly, Sir Alfred.
384
00:26:28,954 -- 00:26:31,616
- I was in a slight fire.
- Sir?
385
00:26:31,723 -- 00:26:33,623
- Put that on my check, will you?
- Yes, sir.
386
00:26:33,725 -- 00:26:36,853
- [ Man ] Conduisez monsieur au 44.
- Thank you.
387
00:26:36,962 -- 00:26:38,896
-[ Man ] Sir Alfred.
- Hello,Josef.
388
00:26:42,100 -- 00:26:44,796
What are you two doing here?
Why aren't you all lunching together?
389
00:26:44,903 -- 00:26:48,737
- We didn't wish to intrude.
- They look so cute together.
390
00:26:48,840 -- 00:26:51,206
Well, why shouldn't they look cute together?
391
00:26:51,309 -- 00:26:53,209
See you later, pretty one.
392
00:26:54,713 -- 00:26:56,613
May I?
393
00:26:58,483 -- 00:27:00,383
Oh. Excuse me.
394
00:27:01,419 -- 00:27:03,979
j&j& [ Continues ]
395
00:27:05,523 -- 00:27:07,423
- So sorry, my darling.
- Ah.
396
00:27:07,525 -- 00:27:10,323
- Thank you so much, Tony, for bringing her.
- Not at all, Sir Alfred.
397
00:27:10,428 -- 00:27:13,158
- Thank you.
- I was simply famished, sweetie love. I had to eat.
398
00:27:13,264 -- 00:27:16,290
And you were awful to buy me those dresses,
and I adore you for it.
399
00:27:16,401 -- 00:27:19,302
Tell me about the fire. Did you burn
down the whole thing or only the back half?
400
00:27:19,404 -- 00:27:22,168
Sorry to disappoint you - it was just
a curtain and part of a venetian blind.
401
00:27:22,273 -- 00:27:24,867
I think they broke the leg off a piano.
It was very unimportant.
402
00:27:24,976 -- 00:27:27,570
Why aren't Barbara and August sitting with you?
403
00:27:27,679 -- 00:27:30,204
I haven't the slightest idea.
They seemed quite cool.
404
00:27:30,315 -- 00:27:32,783
- They seemed or he seemed?
- They both seemed.
405
00:27:32,884 -- 00:27:35,682
- What's she got to be cool about?
- What's he got to be cool about?
406
00:27:35,787 -- 00:27:40,121
That's another matter. He may have misunderstood
something I said, taken it the wrong way.
407
00:27:40,225 -- 00:27:42,125
- ByJove.
- What's the matter, darling?
408
00:27:42,227 -- 00:27:44,695
Excuse me one second, darling.
I'll be right back.
409
00:27:48,867 -- 00:27:52,030
Excuse me, Barbara, I'vejust had a-sit down-
revolting thought, August.
410
00:27:52,137 -- 00:27:55,038
Would those people who shall be nameless
be apt to have additional copies...
411
00:27:55,140 -- 00:27:57,131
of that which I did you know what with
this morning?
412
00:27:57,242 -- 00:27:59,403
- 'Cause I will not have them around.
- Uh -
413
00:27:59,511 -- 00:28:01,979
If you can figure that out,
you're smarter than I think you are.
414
00:28:02,080 -- 00:28:05,140
Why not forget the whole thing, Alfred,
and concentrate on your music?
415
00:28:05,250 -- 00:28:08,151
I will tell them to dispose
of those things at the earliest opportunity.
416
00:28:08,253 -- 00:28:10,244
I'll tell them myself.
Give me one of their cards.
417
00:28:10,355 -- 00:28:13,256
- I suppose you carry them around with you
in case of emergency.
- I -
418
00:28:13,358 -- 00:28:15,656
[ Barbara ]
What's all the mystery? Did he-
419
00:28:15,760 -- 00:28:19,662
The mystery is you're married to a square from
Delaware, if you're familiar with the appellation.
420
00:28:19,764 -- 00:28:21,732
That's no mystery.
The whole world knows it.
421
00:28:21,833 -- 00:28:25,735
- There you are, Alfred, but I still think that -
- Thank you very much indeed.
422
00:28:25,837 -- 00:28:27,737
Thank you.
423
00:28:27,839 -- 00:28:30,672
Well, what's the matter with him?
He's getting nuttier than you are.
424
00:28:34,479 -- 00:28:37,107
You weren't challenging August to a duel,
were you, darling?
425
00:28:37,215 -- 00:28:39,183
- I saw you passing cards around.
- A duel?
426
00:28:39,284 -- 00:28:41,980
I'll take him by the back of the neck
and drop him into a dustbin.
427
00:28:42,087 -- 00:28:45,147
I've just remembered something I've got to
attend to at once, so if you'll excuse me -
428
00:28:45,256 -- 00:28:48,191
- Take care of lunch, Tony.
- But you haven't had anything to eat, darling.
429
00:28:48,293 -- 00:28:50,193
I don't want anything to eat at the moment.
430
00:28:50,295 -- 00:28:52,456
Perhaps you'll have
a sandwich for me at the hotel later.
431
00:28:52,564 -- 00:28:55,397
Of course I will. You're all nervous, darling.
It's that plane flight.
432
00:28:55,500 -- 00:28:58,901
I feel a lot better already.
I'll see you in a little while, my love.
433
00:28:59,003 -- 00:29:00,903
All right, dearest.
434
00:29:02,207 -- 00:29:03,640
[ Car Horn Honking ]
435
00:29:05,276 -- 00:29:07,244
[ Car Door Closing ]
436
00:29:16,321 -- 00:29:19,222
[ Buzzer Buzzes ]
437
00:29:19,324 -- 00:29:21,383
- You are Mr. Sweeney?
- Who me?
438
00:29:21,493 -- 00:29:23,654
Why not O'Brien?
What do you want to see him about?
439
00:29:23,762 -- 00:29:27,493
About business, I suppose.
I suppose you'd call this a business.
440
00:29:27,599 -- 00:29:30,432
- Well, what would you call it?
- I'd call it a criminal invasion...
441
00:29:30,535 -- 00:29:32,435
of the rights of decent people-
442
00:29:32,537 -- 00:29:35,404
an assault upon the very privacy
which is the cornerstone of self-respect-
443
00:29:35,507 -- 00:29:37,839
an infamous pursuit
without shame or ethics-
444
00:29:37,942 -- 00:29:40,433
a vile calling, masquerading
in the cloak of respectability...
445
00:29:40,545 -- 00:29:42,945
but actually sprung
from the cesspools ofhumanity.
446
00:29:43,047 -- 00:29:45,743
- Look, mister-
- Seepage of civilization.
447
00:29:45,850 -- 00:29:49,616
- Does that answer your question?
- Look, mister, I'm the tailor from next door.
448
00:29:49,721 -- 00:29:51,621
I'm just here to eat my lunch.
449
00:29:51,723 -- 00:29:54,089
I mean, I was trying to eat my lunch
and answer the telephone.
450
00:29:54,192 -- 00:29:56,092
A favor, that's all.
451
00:29:56,194 -- 00:29:58,128
With much of what you got to say-
and believe me...
452
00:29:58,229 -- 00:30:00,220
whatever you are doing,
you are wasting your time...
453
00:30:00,331 -- 00:30:03,323
you should be in Congress -
confidentially I agree...
454
00:30:03,434 -- 00:30:06,198
but what good is that going to do you?
455
00:30:06,304 -- 00:30:09,330
About a blue serge suit,
my opinion is worth something.
456
00:30:09,440 -- 00:30:13,638
- But from ethics -
- Then where is the director of this enterprise?
457
00:30:13,745 -- 00:30:17,044
Here he is now climbing. Tell him.
458
00:30:17,148 -- 00:30:19,048
- Good day.
- Good day.
459
00:30:20,418 -- 00:30:22,784
[ Buzzer Buzzes ]
460
00:30:22,887 -- 00:30:24,787
A gentleman to see you, Ed.
461
00:30:27,158 -- 00:30:29,353
[ Buzzer Buzzes ]
462
00:30:29,460 -- 00:30:33,692
- You at last are Mr. Sweeney, I trust.
- And you are Sir Alfred de Carter.
463
00:30:33,798 -- 00:30:36,665
How I've looked forward
to this moment, Sir Alfred.
464
00:30:36,768 -- 00:30:42,229
I was at your maiden concert in this country-
your " de-butt'' - down there at Aeolian Hall.
465
00:30:42,340 -- 00:30:44,900
People said, " What do you want
to hear that limey for?
466
00:30:45,009 -- 00:30:46,909
" What does he know about music?
467
00:30:47,011 -- 00:30:51,175
It takes an Italian or a Russian
or a Dutchman to bring it out good.''
468
00:30:51,282 -- 00:30:55,241
But something inside of me said,
"Give the limey a chance.''
469
00:30:55,353 -- 00:30:57,378
- And I did.
- Did you?
470
00:30:57,488 -- 00:31:02,721
And am I glad I did.
That hunch has paid off in golden dividends.
471
00:31:02,827 -- 00:31:07,457
I've never missed one of your concerts -
within the metropolitan area, of course.
472
00:31:07,565 -- 00:31:11,365
I'm no millionaire, and I can't afford
to travel around the country after you...
473
00:31:11,469 -- 00:31:14,632
to South Dakota and places like that.
474
00:31:14,739 -- 00:31:17,799
Here's to the world's greatest living conductor.
475
00:31:17,909 -- 00:31:20,605
This is hardly what
I came to see you about, Mr. -
476
00:31:20,712 -- 00:31:22,976
The way you handle Handel, Sir Alfred.
477
00:31:23,081 -- 00:31:26,608
For me there's nobody handles Handel
like you handle Handel.
478
00:31:26,718 -- 00:31:28,618
- Really?
- There's you up here.
479
00:31:28,720 -- 00:31:32,121
And then there's nobody-
no second, no third.
480
00:31:32,223 -- 00:31:34,748
Maybe way down here Arturo - a poor fourth.
481
00:31:34,859 -- 00:31:37,726
That is largely debatable.
In any case, what I came to see you about -
482
00:31:37,829 -- 00:31:40,297
And your Delius - delirious.
483
00:31:40,398 -- 00:31:42,593
I usually have my tickets
as soon as they're printed.
484
00:31:42,700 -- 00:31:46,431
That change in schedule
loused me up a little, but I'll get in somehow.
485
00:31:46,537 -- 00:31:48,630
I'm bitterly sorry to hear
that you're a music lover.
486
00:31:48,740 -- 00:31:51,174
I live for music.
Without music I wouldn't -
487
00:31:51,276 -- 00:31:54,109
I had always hoped that music had
a certain moral and antiseptic power...
488
00:31:54,212 -- 00:31:56,680
quite apart from its obvious
engorgement of the senses...
489
00:31:56,781 -- 00:31:59,147
which elevated and purified its disciples...
490
00:31:59,250 -- 00:32:02,378
- lifting them out of professions like this infamy.
- You're just hurt. I can see it.
491
00:32:02,487 -- 00:32:04,387
- Oh, Sir Alfred -
- So spare me your compliments.
492
00:32:04,489 -- 00:32:06,389
The flattery of a footpad
is an insult in itself.
493
00:32:06,491 -- 00:32:08,823
[ Chuckles ]
You mean a flatfoot, don't you, Sir Alfred?
494
00:32:08,927 -- 00:32:11,191
- You don't mean a footpad.
- I mean a footpad!
495
00:32:11,296 -- 00:32:15,392
And now that I know that you like them,
I shall probably cut Handel and Delius
out of my program forever.
496
00:32:15,500 -- 00:32:19,061
- Don't talk like that.
- Please refrain from mentioning
any other of your musical favorites...
497
00:32:19,170 -- 00:32:21,297
and poisoning those for me also!
498
00:32:21,406 -- 00:32:23,874
You're just hurt. I can see it.
499
00:32:23,975 -- 00:32:26,808
You read that report,
and naturally it upset you.
500
00:32:26,911 -- 00:32:31,439
Aw, we fall for these little dames
and try to believe they're in love with us...
501
00:32:31,549 -- 00:32:35,212
when every morning
our shaving mirror yells, " They can't be''...
502
00:32:35,320 -- 00:32:39,381
till one day we find out that youth
belongs to youth, like you just done.
503
00:32:39,490 -- 00:32:41,390
- And then -
- Take your hands off me!
504
00:32:41,492 -- 00:32:44,120
Aw, don't be sore at me.
What have I got to do with it?
505
00:32:44,228 -- 00:32:47,789
I suppose it was me that went down to
3406 in the middle of the night...
506
00:32:47,899 -- 00:32:51,733
wearing only a negligee
and stayed for 38 minutes.
507
00:32:51,836 -- 00:32:54,498
I suppose that's the part that bothered you.
508
00:32:54,605 -- 00:32:56,505
It usually is.
509
00:32:59,143 -- 00:33:01,043
3406.
510
00:33:01,145 -- 00:33:03,045
Yeah, I think that was the number.
511
00:33:03,147 -- 00:33:05,240
I got it here someplace if you want it.
512
00:33:05,350 -- 00:33:07,614
But it's only circumstantial evidence.
513
00:33:07,719 -- 00:33:10,813
- Why don't we give her the benefit of the doubt?
- [ Drawers Rattling ]
514
00:33:12,323 -- 00:33:15,759
Maybe she couldn't open her toothpaste.
You was in England...
515
00:33:15,860 -- 00:33:18,294
so she goes down
and gets this guy to do it for her.
516
00:33:19,397 -- 00:33:23,493
Or maybe she seen a mouse in her room,
and it upset her and she wanted company.
517
00:33:23,601 -- 00:33:25,569
Aw, of course, that one's kind of thin.
518
00:33:25,670 -- 00:33:28,537
Aw, why don't we give her
the benefit of the doubt anyway?
519
00:33:28,639 -- 00:33:31,130
Maybe she woke up out of a bad dream,
and without thinking...
520
00:33:31,242 -- 00:33:33,267
where she was going,
slipped into a negligee and -
521
00:33:33,378 -- 00:33:36,347
Are you presuming
to discuss Lady de Carter, my wife?
522
00:33:36,447 -- 00:33:40,383
Well -Well, you read it, didn't you?
523
00:33:40,485 -- 00:33:43,147
Oh, I thought that's why
Henschler said he wanted -
524
00:33:43,254 -- 00:33:45,154
Holy Moses.
525
00:33:46,524 -- 00:33:49,789
Uh - Here, sit down someplace.
526
00:33:51,529 -- 00:33:54,020
- Is this the only copy?
- Yeah, that's the original.
527
00:33:57,668 -- 00:34:00,694
You're a wise man. I been through it.
528
00:34:00,805 -- 00:34:03,000
Only I wasn't as smart as you are.
529
00:34:03,107 -- 00:34:05,974
So I lost my piano and my savings...
530
00:34:06,077 -- 00:34:08,511
and a little shack I had down at the beach -
531
00:34:08,613 -- 00:34:11,173
and her.
532
00:34:11,282 -- 00:34:14,115
So what have I got now?
533
00:34:14,218 -- 00:34:17,676
Maybe I shouldn't be saying it,
but if it was me...
534
00:34:17,789 -- 00:34:19,780
I'd never have 'em tailed.
535
00:34:19,891 -- 00:34:22,325
I'd never try to find out nothing.
536
00:34:22,427 -- 00:34:26,193
I'd just be grateful for whatever
they was willing to give me -
537
00:34:26,297 -- 00:34:30,927
a year, a week, an hour.
538
00:34:35,873 -- 00:34:38,637
[ Buzzer Buzzes ]
539
00:34:51,155 -- 00:34:53,089
[ Buzzer Buzzes ]
540
00:34:53,191 -- 00:34:55,921
For tonight.
541
00:34:56,027 -- 00:34:59,554
- [ Door Closes ]
- [ Footsteps Departing ]
542
00:34:59,664 -- 00:35:01,564
Sir Alfred.
543
00:35:03,601 -- 00:35:08,061
I'm sure I would know about it, sweetie, although
this joint is a little like Grand Central Station.
544
00:35:08,172 -- 00:35:11,300
- Well, I just thought he might be, that's all.
- Well, I'm sure he isn't.
545
00:35:11,409 -- 00:35:14,173
But wait a minute.
I'll go and ask Casanova.
546
00:35:24,355 -- 00:35:26,983
- Oh.
- Daphne wants to know if you've seen Alfred.
547
00:35:27,091 -- 00:35:29,082
- He seems to have disappeared.
- No, I haven't.
548
00:35:29,193 -- 00:35:31,787
But we're not exactly
on the best of terms anyway, so -
549
00:35:31,896 -- 00:35:33,796
Okay.
550
00:35:37,201 -- 00:35:41,228
No, he isn't, sweetie. There's nobody here but
Sitting Bull counting his money in the other room.
551
00:35:41,339 -- 00:35:43,239
What time do you want us to pick you up?
552
00:35:43,341 -- 00:35:46,367
If he doesn't show up pretty soon,
there may not be any concert.
553
00:35:48,513 -- 00:35:50,413
Wait a minute.
554
00:35:50,515 -- 00:35:54,315
The great man is just coming in now.
555
00:35:54,418 -- 00:35:56,978
Make it about 7:30, will you, darling?
556
00:35:57,088 -- 00:36:00,080
That is, unless we want to get some
hamburgers or something on the way.
557
00:36:00,191 -- 00:36:02,682
Okay. You do whatever you like.
558
00:36:02,793 -- 00:36:05,887
Oh, and what fur are you going to wear?
So that I won't wear the same.
559
00:36:05,997 -- 00:36:07,897
Right. Okay, baby. Bye.
560
00:36:07,999 -- 00:36:11,162
Darling, what happened to you?
Tony and I have been awfully worried.
561
00:36:11,269 -- 00:36:13,396
I finally had to send him
to get dressed anyway.
562
00:36:13,504 -- 00:36:15,938
- Really?
- [ Sighs ]
563
00:36:16,040 -- 00:36:18,668
I've had your nice sandwich all ready, and -
564
00:36:18,776 -- 00:36:20,903
and the ice all ready for your drink...
565
00:36:21,012 -- 00:36:23,207
and the bed all ready for your nap.
566
00:36:23,314 -- 00:36:27,045
Where have you been?
I - I bet you've been out with some girls.
567
00:36:27,151 -- 00:36:29,779
Girls, hah!
568
00:36:29,887 -- 00:36:33,152
Well, then where have you been, darling?
Honestly, I've been awfully worried.
569
00:36:33,257 -- 00:36:35,691
- I've been to the movies.
- The movies?
570
00:36:35,793 -- 00:36:38,284
I saw a very long picture about a dog...
571
00:36:38,396 -- 00:36:40,591
the moral of which was that
a dog is a man's best friend.
572
00:36:40,698 -- 00:36:44,031
And a companion feature which questioned
the necessity of marriage for eight reels...
573
00:36:44,135 -- 00:36:46,695
- and then concluded it was essential in the ninth.
- Alfred.
574
00:36:46,804 -- 00:36:50,501
Also something about " time marching on''
and a newsreel of the royal family...
575
00:36:50,608 -- 00:36:52,508
christening something
extremely out of focus -
576
00:36:52,610 -- 00:36:54,805
a lot of people being saved
from a sinking freighter...
577
00:36:54,912 -- 00:36:56,846
and a cat which had its kittens
in a harmonium...
578
00:36:56,948 -- 00:37:00,941
which made ghostly music and frightened
a Harlem congregation nearly out of its wits.
579
00:37:02,019 -- 00:37:05,819
- You feel quite hot.
- I feel anything but quite hot!
580
00:37:05,923 -- 00:37:09,381
Well, why didn't you take me to the movies?
I love the movies.
581
00:37:09,493 -- 00:37:11,791
Because there are times
when a man wishes to be alone.
582
00:37:11,896 -- 00:37:14,865
This was one of those times.
Any further questions?
583
00:37:14,966 -- 00:37:16,991
Well, no, of course not, darling.
584
00:37:17,101 -- 00:37:20,127
- I hate dry white bread.
- I'm sorry.
585
00:37:20,238 -- 00:37:23,105
Oh, would you like me to run
a nice hot bath for you?
586
00:37:23,207 -- 00:37:25,141
Do I appear to need one?
587
00:37:25,243 -- 00:37:27,143
Well, no, of course you don't, darling. I -
588
00:37:27,245 -- 00:37:30,237
If I decide that I need a nice hot bath,
I will draw one.
589
00:37:30,348 -- 00:37:32,612
If I don't, I won't.
590
00:37:32,717 -- 00:37:34,844
Alfred, you're going to make me cry.
591
00:37:34,952 -- 00:37:37,853
Oh, darling, please, eat some
of your sandwich anyway, won't you?
592
00:37:37,955 -- 00:37:40,389
You can't go all day and all night
without eating.
593
00:37:40,491 -- 00:37:42,618
Thank you for your solicitude.
594
00:37:43,861 -- 00:37:46,557
I hate breast of turkey.
595
00:37:46,664 -- 00:37:48,825
Oh. Oh.
596
00:37:50,434 -- 00:37:54,029
[ Crying ]
597
00:38:00,745 -- 00:38:02,804
[ Crying Continues ]
598
00:38:27,905 -- 00:38:29,805
Good evening, Sir Alfred.
599
00:38:42,253 -- 00:38:44,153
[ Man ]
Come in.
600
00:38:56,634 -- 00:38:58,534
Sir Alfred.
601
00:39:14,118 -- 00:39:16,018
Was there something, Sir Alfred?
602
00:39:42,947 -- 00:39:45,279
j&j& [ Clock: "jingle Bells"]
603
00:39:51,422 -- 00:39:53,322
j&j& [ Cranks, Stops ]
604
00:40:26,791 -- 00:40:28,258
[ Door Opens ]
605
00:40:31,328 -- 00:40:33,990
[ Sighs ]
I don't know what's the matter with you.
606
00:40:34,098 -- 00:40:36,362
And I don't know what's the matter
with my zipper either.
607
00:40:36,467 -- 00:40:38,560
Will you see if you can close it for me?
608
00:40:38,669 -- 00:40:40,569
Turn around.
609
00:40:46,310 -- 00:40:48,210
[ Grunts ]
610
00:40:52,416 -- 00:40:54,316
Suck in a little.
611
00:40:58,689 -- 00:41:00,589
[ Gasps, Screams ]
612
00:41:00,691 -- 00:41:02,625
What's the matter with you?
That's a fine thing.
613
00:41:02,726 -- 00:41:05,286
- I'll have to change into something else.
- Change into something else!
614
00:41:05,396 -- 00:41:09,196
You aren't suffering from any shortage. The
women of England would be lucky to have one dress.
615
00:41:09,300 -- 00:41:11,996
- What's that to do with me?
- You are married to an Englishman.
616
00:41:12,102 -- 00:41:15,435
I didn't ask you to buy me all these dresses.
I can't stop you from buying me dresses.
617
00:41:15,539 -- 00:41:18,736
You're always saying meet me at so-and-so's
and I'll buy you a dress. You know you do.
618
00:41:18,843 -- 00:41:20,743
If you're so worried about
how Englishwomen are dressed...
619
00:41:20,845 -- 00:41:23,109
there's nothing to stop you
from sending them all to them instead.
620
00:41:23,214 -- 00:41:25,546
It wouldn't make any difference to me.
I don't like clothes!
621
00:41:25,649 -- 00:41:28,140
- I've sent the women of England plenty!
- Then shut up about it.
622
00:41:28,252 -- 00:41:31,813
- I forbid you to speak to your husband in that tone!
- That's right. Strike me, you brute.
623
00:41:31,922 -- 00:41:34,584
- So, you don't dare.
- Go and get dressed for the concert.
624
00:41:34,692 -- 00:41:37,320
This is certainly going to be
the most magnificent concert!
625
00:41:37,428 -- 00:41:41,159
- Maybe I'll go to the movies instead.
- Culturally that might suit you better.
626
00:41:41,265 -- 00:41:43,597
And I thought my sister had married the jerk!
627
00:41:43,701 -- 00:41:46,261
Oh - Oh, give me that zipper!
628
00:41:46,370 -- 00:41:48,964
Ohh.!
629
00:41:49,073 -- 00:41:50,973
[ Door Slams ]
630
00:42:02,319 -- 00:42:05,288
[ Whistle Blowing ]
631
00:42:06,357 -- 00:42:09,190
- [ Car Horn Honking ]
- [ Chattering ]
632
00:42:11,228 -- 00:42:13,162
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
633
00:42:14,732 -- 00:42:16,632
[ Whistle Blowing ]
634
00:42:24,642 -- 00:42:27,406
Next aisle over.
The usher will give you a program.
635
00:42:29,480 -- 00:42:31,914
Straight ahead, please.
636
00:42:32,016 -- 00:42:34,780
Last aisle over.
The usher will give you a program.
637
00:42:59,276 -- 00:43:03,235
It is remarkable how many people
will pay out good money for this sort of thing.
638
00:43:03,347 -- 00:43:06,214
Give me the quiet fireside
and an overstuffed chair.
639
00:43:06,317 -- 00:43:09,047
- It isn't quite so quiet when you start snoring.
- Barbara.
640
00:43:09,153 -- 00:43:11,121
Five and six.
641
00:43:22,499 -- 00:43:26,162
[ People Chuckling ]
642
00:43:30,774 -- 00:43:33,937
- You ever been in love,Jules?
- Oh, devotedly, sir.
643
00:43:34,044 -- 00:43:35,944
Hmm.
644
00:43:36,046 -- 00:43:38,606
What would you do if you discovered
that your wife had, uh -
645
00:43:38,716 -- 00:43:40,775
this is purely hypothetical, of course -
646
00:43:40,884 -- 00:43:43,785
had, uh -
I wish I could think of a softer word -
647
00:43:43,887 -- 00:43:45,821
uh, been untrue to you?
648
00:43:45,923 -- 00:43:49,222
Untrue to me, sir?
Oh, I think it's most unlikely.
649
00:43:49,326 -- 00:43:51,920
First of all,
where would she find anybody, sir?
650
00:43:52,029 -- 00:43:54,930
And in the second place, if she'd wanted
somebody better looking than me...
651
00:43:55,032 -- 00:43:56,932
she could've had him easy enough.
652
00:43:57,034 -- 00:43:59,229
- I was awful ugly when I was young, sir.
- [ Knocking ]
653
00:43:59,336 -- 00:44:02,169
- Three minutes, Sir Alfred.
- Thanks, Herbert.
654
00:44:02,272 -- 00:44:04,263
[ Door Closes ]
655
00:44:04,375 -- 00:44:06,309
Look! Look!
656
00:44:21,825 -- 00:44:24,555
- j&j& [ Orchestra Tuning ]
- [ No Audible Dialogue ]
657
00:44:27,665 -- 00:44:30,691
Why don't you be more careful?
Why don't you look what you're doing?
658
00:44:39,777 -- 00:44:42,337
Thank you,Jules.
Here we go.
659
00:44:53,357 -- 00:44:55,621
[ Applause ]
660
00:45:30,494 -- 00:45:33,554
- [ Applause Subsides ]
- [ Clapping ]
661
00:45:47,344 -- 00:45:50,905
j&j& [ Classical ]
662
00:46:39,596 -- 00:46:42,622
j&j& [ "Jingle Bells'' ]
663
00:46:48,038 -- 00:46:50,165
j&j& [ Cranks, Stops ]
664
00:46:55,712 -- 00:46:59,648
j&j& [ Classical Continues ]
665
00:47:15,065 -- 00:47:17,465
I, uh, trust you enjoyed the concert.
666
00:47:17,568 -- 00:47:19,502
I thought you were wonderful, darling.
667
00:47:19,603 -- 00:47:22,868
Thank you.
I felt quite inspired tonight.
668
00:47:22,973 -- 00:47:25,874
I know it sounds absurd,
but did you have a peculiar feeling...
669
00:47:25,976 -- 00:47:29,878
that you were watching me conduct
for the last time?
670
00:47:29,980 -- 00:47:31,880
For the last time?
671
00:47:31,982 -- 00:47:33,950
Women get premonitions
about things sometimes -
672
00:47:34,051 -- 00:47:36,747
such as if their husbands
are going to die or-
673
00:47:36,854 -- 00:47:40,085
or even that they are going to, uh,
pass on, I believe it's called...
674
00:47:40,190 -- 00:47:42,283
in refined circles,
or things of that nature.
675
00:47:42,392 -- 00:47:44,656
Why should I have any thoughts like that?
676
00:47:44,761 -- 00:47:48,925
Well, it could have been the music,
which does strange things sometimes.
677
00:47:49,032 -- 00:47:51,330
- Very strange things.
-j&j& [ Classical Continues ]
678
00:47:51,435 -- 00:47:53,369
You know, after all this
somber music of mine...
679
00:47:53,470 -- 00:47:56,439
I think you ought to hear something
a little lighter, something gayer...
680
00:47:56,540 -- 00:47:59,065
something a little nearer your age
as a sort of antidote.
681
00:48:00,110 -- 00:48:02,135
How would you like to go dancing?
682
00:48:02,246 -- 00:48:04,305
Oh, wouldn't that be wonderful.
683
00:48:04,414 -- 00:48:06,439
Yes. Wouldn't it?
684
00:48:06,550 -- 00:48:09,610
I've got to talk to Hugo about
the South American tour for a while.
685
00:48:09,720 -- 00:48:13,281
I might be able to join you later.
Certainly I'll try very hard.
686
00:48:13,390 -- 00:48:15,290
Join who later?
687
00:48:15,392 -- 00:48:18,293
Oh, you and whoever's
fortunate enough to take you dancing.
688
00:48:18,395 -- 00:48:20,295
At my expense, of course.
689
00:48:20,397 -- 00:48:22,297
I insist upon paying.
690
00:48:22,399 -- 00:48:25,425
Oh, I don't think I should like
to go dancing without you.
691
00:48:25,535 -- 00:48:28,868
I can't think of anyone
I'd care to go out with.
692
00:48:28,972 -- 00:48:30,872
Think hard.
693
00:48:30,974 -- 00:48:35,138
I am thinking hard, but I -
I can't think of anybody.
694
00:48:36,980 -- 00:48:38,880
What about Tony?
695
00:48:38,982 -- 00:48:40,882
Tony?
696
00:48:40,984 -- 00:48:43,248
- Oh, you mean Tony.
- [ Chuckles ]
697
00:48:43,353 -- 00:48:46,550
Well, why should I want to
go out with Tony?
698
00:48:46,657 -- 00:48:51,651
I merely suggested Tony because
he's my secretary and therefore convenient...
699
00:48:51,762 -- 00:48:55,755
'cause he's a fine-looking young man
and you must look well together, especially dancing...
700
00:48:55,866 -- 00:48:57,766
and because, uh, being seen with him...
701
00:48:57,868 -- 00:49:01,395
since it's well known that he is my secretary,
would cause no raised eyebrows...
702
00:49:01,505 -- 00:49:03,473
or remarks behind the napkins...
703
00:49:03,573 -- 00:49:06,770
and finally because he has
my complete confidence.
704
00:49:06,877 -- 00:49:09,004
Oh, but he's such a bore.
705
00:49:09,112 -- 00:49:11,512
Oh, he's obviously not as amusing as I am.
706
00:49:11,615 -- 00:49:13,515
[ Laughs ]
707
00:49:13,617 -- 00:49:16,347
I'm not asking you
to fall in love with the young man.
708
00:49:16,453 -- 00:49:19,945
I'm only asking you
to let him take you dancing.
709
00:49:20,057 -- 00:49:22,048
Well, if you really want me to.
710
00:49:22,159 -- 00:49:24,286
I really want you to.
711
00:49:24,394 -- 00:49:27,488
I don't suppose there could be
much harm to it.
712
00:49:27,597 -- 00:49:29,497
How could there be?
713
00:49:29,599 -- 00:49:31,624
I'll go and call him then.
714
00:49:31,735 -- 00:49:35,501
- Do you know his room number?
-j&j& [ Classical Continues ]
715
00:49:35,605 -- 00:49:39,132
I could get it
from the operator, I guess.
716
00:49:39,242 -- 00:49:41,210
Oh, yes. Of course.
717
00:49:42,579 -- 00:49:44,479
Now, what will you wear?
718
00:49:44,581 -- 00:49:47,311
Oh, do you think I should change
just for Tony?
719
00:49:47,417 -- 00:49:50,750
Tony's a very handsome young man.
You mustn't talk about him in that way.
720
00:49:50,854 -- 00:49:54,381
- I never noticed it.
- I'm sure you haven't.
721
00:49:54,491 -- 00:50:00,054
Nevertheless, I'd wear something younger,
something a little less conservative.
722
00:50:00,163 -- 00:50:04,099
It's not as though you were
going out with, uh, me.
723
00:50:04,201 -- 00:50:08,194
Oh, you mean like that purple one
with the plumes at the hips?
724
00:50:08,305 -- 00:50:11,934
Yes. Why not the one
with the plumes at the hips?
725
00:50:13,477 -- 00:50:16,935
Now go and call Tony
and tell him to pick you up in, uh...
726
00:50:18,248 -- 00:50:20,773
1 5 minutes exactly.
727
00:50:21,885 -- 00:50:26,345
And then put on the purple one
with the plumes at the hips.
728
00:50:27,758 -- 00:50:30,158
- Run along.
- All right, darling.
729
00:50:33,897 -- 00:50:35,865
Thank you.
730
00:50:38,135 -- 00:50:41,434
j&j& [ Classical Continues ]
731
00:51:07,230 -- 00:51:10,688
j&j& [ Classical Continues ]
732
00:51:39,963 -- 00:51:44,024
Help. Help.
733
00:51:44,134 -- 00:51:46,762
Help!
734
00:51:46,870 -- 00:51:51,432
Stop! Tony, stop!
735
00:51:58,315 -- 00:52:02,081
[ Alfred On Recording ]
Help. Help.
736
00:52:02,185 -- 00:52:06,952
[ Changes To High-pitched Female Voice ]
Help! Stop! Tony, stop!
737
00:52:13,230 -- 00:52:16,393
Oh! Oh!
738
00:52:16,500 -- 00:52:18,730
[ Groaning ]
739
00:52:18,835 -- 00:52:22,327
Help.! Murder.! Police.!
740
00:52:22,439 -- 00:52:26,466
Murder!
[ Loud Groan ]
741
00:52:29,146 -- 00:52:31,512
[ Chuckles ]
742
00:52:31,615 -- 00:52:35,984
No, I tell you. It was his own idea.
[ Giggles ]
743
00:52:38,355 -- 00:52:41,153
You're sure you -
you won't mind, Tony?
744
00:52:41,258 -- 00:52:43,488
Sure it won't be
too, too much trouble?
745
00:52:43,593 -- 00:52:45,561
j&j& [ Classical Continues ]
746
00:53:02,579 -- 00:53:04,843
[ Chuckles ]
747
00:53:04,948 -- 00:53:07,075
All right, honey.
748
00:53:07,184 -- 00:53:09,379
He said in 1 5 minutes exactly, but -
749
00:53:09,486 -- 00:53:12,353
Well, that was about five minutes ago.
750
00:53:12,455 -- 00:53:14,821
So if you're in any hurry.
751
00:53:15,859 -- 00:53:17,759
Uh-huh.
752
00:53:17,861 -- 00:53:19,761
Uh-huh.
753
00:53:19,863 -- 00:53:21,763
Mm-hmm!
754
00:53:21,865 -- 00:53:24,629
j&j& [ Continues ]
755
00:54:14,351 -- 00:54:16,615
[ Screams ]
Alfred, stop, please!
756
00:54:16,720 -- 00:54:19,188
Oh, forgive me, Alfred.
[ Screams ]
757
00:54:19,289 -- 00:54:21,883
- [ Laughing ]
- No! No!
758
00:54:21,992 -- 00:54:23,892
[ Screaming ]
759
00:54:23,994 -- 00:54:25,962
[ Screams ]
760
00:54:27,097 -- 00:54:29,031
[ Screams ]
Stop, Alfred!
761
00:54:30,634 -- 00:54:35,196
[ Cackling ]
762
00:54:42,679 -- 00:54:46,012
j&j& [ Continues ]
763
00:56:04,694 -- 00:56:06,821
j&j& [ Continues ]
764
00:56:15,372 -- 00:56:17,636
- [ Knocking ]
- Come in.
765
00:56:19,309 -- 00:56:21,470
Good evening.
766
00:56:21,578 -- 00:56:23,273
Ah, there you are, my boy.
767
00:56:25,215 -- 00:56:28,912
Extremely kind and devoted of you
to take my place for tonight with Daphne.
768
00:56:29,018 -- 00:56:32,385
Which I hardly presume amuses you,
as no doubt you like older women.
769
00:56:32,489 -- 00:56:34,389
[ Both Laughing ]
770
00:56:34,491 -- 00:56:36,618
You know as I told you
when I first engaged you...
771
00:56:36,726 -- 00:56:39,957
2 4 hours a day and not a minute less
would be the least I would need you.
772
00:56:40,063 -- 00:56:42,827
I'm very glad to be of service, Sir Alfred.
Any service any time.
773
00:56:42,932 -- 00:56:44,832
I don't doubt it for an instant, my boy.
774
00:56:44,934 -- 00:56:48,301
Maybe I can do something
for you someday. Who knows?
775
00:56:48,405 -- 00:56:50,703
Darling, Tony's here.
776
00:56:51,875 -- 00:56:53,775
Ah, she didn't hear me.
777
00:56:53,877 -- 00:56:56,175
But you know what women are like
when they're dressing...
778
00:56:56,279 -- 00:56:59,680
and putting on something extra special
to go dancing with handsome young men like you.
779
00:56:59,783 -- 00:57:02,513
I wish I hadn't got to talk business
with Hugo. You are lucky.
780
00:57:02,619 -- 00:57:04,519
However-
781
00:57:04,621 -- 00:57:07,454
Oh, I don't think the barber did
an awfully good job on that razor.
782
00:57:07,557 -- 00:57:10,958
- You did ask him to hone it, didn't you?
- Of course I did. Have you tried it?
783
00:57:11,060 -- 00:57:14,621
- Well, not actually, but -
- Of course, I don't know much about
these old-fashioned razors.
784
00:57:14,731 -- 00:57:16,631
Naturally. Not at your age.
785
00:57:16,733 -- 00:57:19,133
Isn't there something about
taking a hair from your head?
786
00:57:19,235 -- 00:57:21,669
Yes, that's right.
787
00:57:21,771 -- 00:57:24,069
Oh, that's splendid.
788
00:57:24,174 -- 00:57:27,007
No, no, no, no.
Hold the - Hold the blade in your hand.
789
00:57:27,110 -- 00:57:29,010
Along your hand.
790
00:57:29,112 -- 00:57:31,410
That's right. Hold it firm.
791
00:57:31,514 -- 00:57:36,042
That's fine. Now, run the -
run the hair along the razor's edge.
792
00:57:38,721 -- 00:57:41,246
- It cut it.
- ByJove, I am surprised.
793
00:57:41,357 -- 00:57:43,951
That must be sharp enough for almost anything.
[ Chuckles ]
794
00:57:44,060 -- 00:57:47,052
Now put it away in the case,
and, uh, not a word to the barber.
795
00:57:47,163 -- 00:57:50,792
I don't want him to cut my throat
next time I go down there. [ Laughs ]
796
00:57:50,900 -- 00:57:52,800
- [ Laughs ]
- Thank you very much.
797
00:57:52,902 -- 00:57:55,063
I must be off.
I don't want to keep Hugo waiting.
798
00:57:55,171 -- 00:57:57,105
Maybe I'd just better
tell Daphne you're here.
799
00:57:57,207 -- 00:58:00,267
Sometimes these girls
keep you waiting all night.
800
00:58:00,376 -- 00:58:03,834
- Darling, Tony's waiting.
-j&j& [ Continues ]
801
00:58:34,577 -- 00:58:36,545
j&j& [ Boogie-woogie ]
802
00:58:45,722 -- 00:58:48,156
Good night, darling.
803
00:58:51,494 -- 00:58:54,292
Well, now she's playing music.
She won't be long.
804
00:58:54,397 -- 00:58:57,093
She's put on a wonderful gown
for you, Tony.
805
00:58:57,200 -- 00:59:01,603
- Purple... with plumes at the hips.
- I am lucky.
806
00:59:01,704 -- 00:59:05,231
Yes, I think you'll be quite bowled over
when first you see her in it.
807
00:59:05,341 -- 00:59:08,435
But don't be impatient.
It's really quite worth waiting for.
808
00:59:08,545 -- 00:59:10,513
- Good night.
- Good night.
809
00:59:11,848 -- 00:59:13,816
Thank you so much again.
810
00:59:13,917 -- 00:59:15,885
j&j& [ Boogie-woogie Continues ]
811
00:59:23,192 -- 00:59:25,160
Good night.
812
00:59:27,697 -- 00:59:29,824
j&j& [ Classical Continues ]
813
00:59:29,933 -- 00:59:31,901
Thank you.
814
00:59:35,471 -- 00:59:37,371
- Good evening.
- Good evening, Sir Alfred.
815
00:59:37,473 -- 00:59:39,873
Have you seen anything of
my manager, Mr. Hugo Standoff?
816
00:59:39,976 -- 00:59:44,413
- Well, no, I ain't, boss, but, uh -
- I'll ask the operator. Maybe he's called. Thank you.
817
00:59:51,254 -- 00:59:53,154
Good evening.
818
00:59:53,256 -- 00:59:55,486
- Oh, good evening, Sir Alfred.
- Been any calls for me?
819
00:59:55,592 -- 00:59:59,858
- I've been expecting my manager, Mr. Hugo Standoff.
- No, Sir Alfred. I haven't had any.
820
00:59:59,963 -- 01:00:02,796
- Maizie, have you had any calls?
- No, I haven't, Sir Alfred.
821
01:00:02,899 -- 01:00:04,799
He should be here by now.
822
01:00:04,901 -- 01:00:06,926
There's been plenty of time.
823
01:00:09,272 -- 01:00:11,740
[ Screaming ]
824
01:00:13,276 -- 01:00:15,244
Help.! Stop.!
825
01:00:17,180 -- 01:00:19,671
- [ Woman ] Number, please.
- Daphne!
826
01:00:19,782 -- 01:00:23,218
- Oh.! Oh.!
- [ Gasps ]
827
01:00:23,319 -- 01:00:26,345
Stop.! Tony.! Oh.!
828
01:00:26,456 -- 01:00:28,356
Daphne! Daphne!
829
01:00:28,458 -- 01:00:31,484
- What is it?
- Wait a minute. It's your apartment, Sir Alfred.
830
01:00:31,594 -- 01:00:33,494
It's Lady Daphne.
She's calling for help.
831
01:00:33,596 -- 01:00:37,123
She said, " Tony, stop! Tony!''
[ Screams ]
832
01:00:37,233 -- 01:00:39,360
- Do something! Do something!
- Stop, Tony! Stop!
833
01:00:39,469 -- 01:00:41,903
- What's the matter?
- Call the police. Quick, follow me upstairs.
834
01:00:42,005 -- 01:00:46,635
No, Tony.! Police.! Murder.!
835
01:00:46,743 -- 01:00:49,143
[ Tony ]
Daphne.! Daphne.!
836
01:00:49,245 -- 01:00:52,237
Get the police, quick!
I want a policeman.
837
01:00:52,348 -- 01:00:54,316
There's been a murder!
838
01:00:54,417 -- 01:00:57,250
Oh, Tony.
Tony, what have you done?
839
01:00:57,353 -- 01:00:59,913
I tell you. I had nothing to do with it.
You know that, Sir Alfred.
840
01:01:00,023 -- 01:01:01,923
- j&j& [ Swing ]
- Somebody turn off that lousy music.
841
01:01:02,025 -- 01:01:04,550
- Yes.
- But, Sir Alfred, you know I speak the truth.
842
01:01:04,661 -- 01:01:08,256
- j&j& [ Stops ]
- I was just where you left me waiting for her
when I heard the screaming.
843
01:01:08,364 -- 01:01:12,630
- Then I ran in here.
- Oh, Tony, Tony.
844
01:01:13,670 -- 01:01:16,104
What's that on the floor?
845
01:01:16,205 -- 01:01:18,298
Oh, it's the razor.
846
01:01:18,408 -- 01:01:21,343
- Don't touch that. Might have fingerprints on it.
- [ Tony Sobbing ]
847
01:01:21,444 -- 01:01:26,245
Oh, Tony, Tony. What have you done?
848
01:01:27,350 -- 01:01:30,478
The sentence of the court is
that you are to be taken from this place...
849
01:01:30,586 -- 01:01:33,316
to a lawful prison
and thence to a place of execution.
850
01:01:33,423 -- 01:01:35,391
No, I didn't do it!
I didn't do it! No!
851
01:01:35,491 -- 01:01:38,858
- I didn't do it!
- [ Laughing Uproariously ]
852
01:01:38,961 -- 01:01:41,930
j&j& [ Classical Continues ]
853
01:01:55,611 -- 01:01:57,579
[ Laughs ]
854
01:02:32,715 -- 01:02:34,683
j&j& [ Ends ]
855
01:02:37,453 -- 01:02:39,148
Bravo!
856
01:02:39,255 -- 01:02:41,155
[ Tony ]
Bravo!
857
01:02:43,960 -- 01:02:45,928
[ Tony ]
Bravo.!
858
01:02:57,940 -- 01:02:59,567
Hooray!
859
01:02:59,675 -- 01:03:01,199
- Bravo!
- Bravo!
860
01:03:01,310 -- 01:03:03,335
[ Tony ]
Bravo.!
861
01:03:07,216 -- 01:03:09,684
- Never.
- What?
862
01:03:09,786 -- 01:03:14,018
Never since the "inwention" of that
most beautiful of all musical instruments-
863
01:03:14,123 -- 01:03:16,614
- Come on,Jules.
- the symphony orchestra-
864
01:03:16,726 -- 01:03:18,751
has it been played like you just done.
865
01:03:18,861 -- 01:03:20,761
- Don't flatter me.
- Flatter you?
866
01:03:20,863 -- 01:03:23,263
Compared to the truth,
I am insulting you.
867
01:03:23,366 -- 01:03:27,029
What did you have in your head?
What visions of eternity?
868
01:03:27,136 -- 01:03:31,197
Armageddon, the final battle of
the planets and the end of creation...
869
01:03:31,307 -- 01:03:35,744
to bring music like that
from that bunch of cat scratchers?
870
01:03:35,845 -- 01:03:38,575
You'd be enormously surprised
if you knew, Hugo.
871
01:03:38,681 -- 01:03:41,707
[ Chattering ]
872
01:03:43,686 -- 01:03:45,654
[ Applause ]
873
01:03:46,856 -- 01:03:48,983
Hooray! Hooray!
874
01:03:50,092 -- 01:03:52,492
Oh!
875
01:03:54,230 -- 01:03:55,993
Oh!
876
01:03:56,098 -- 01:03:58,896
- [ Applause Continues ]
- I'll get them.
877
01:04:17,520 -- 01:04:18,646
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
878
01:04:23,626 -- 01:04:25,526
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
879
01:04:27,897 -- 01:04:30,457
[ Applause Subsides ]
880
01:04:32,735 -- 01:04:36,193
j&j& [ Somber Classical ]
881
01:05:12,241 -- 01:05:16,905
j&j& [ Classical Continues ]
882
01:05:37,533 -- 01:05:40,900
- Poor baby.
- Why?
883
01:05:41,003 -- 01:05:42,937
'Cause you know that I know.
884
01:05:43,039 -- 01:05:48,500
You can feel it. It's made you all small
and ashamed and unhappy.
885
01:05:48,611 -- 01:05:53,139
As if we could control our love -
lead it by the hand like an obedient child...
886
01:05:53,249 -- 01:05:55,444
and order it to do our bidding.
887
01:05:55,551 -- 01:05:57,451
I don't know what you're talking about.
888
01:05:57,553 -- 01:05:59,953
Yes, you know what I'm talking about.
889
01:06:00,056 -- 01:06:03,025
'Cause love took you
by the hand and led you...
890
01:06:03,125 -- 01:06:07,459
albeit shyly and reluctantly, into the presence
of this beautiful young man and said...
891
01:06:07,563 -- 01:06:10,430
" See, little Daphne,
what I had intended for you.
892
01:06:10,533 -- 01:06:13,127
" Gaze upon your destiny.
893
01:06:13,235 -- 01:06:17,934
" See how gently the tendrils
of his lustrous hair curl behind his ears.
894
01:06:18,040 -- 01:06:22,374
" See how respectfully he lowers
his silken lashes when addressing you.
895
01:06:22,478 -- 01:06:26,437
But notice the spark that leaps from his skin
to yours when accidentally your hands meet.''
896
01:06:26,549 -- 01:06:28,449
Oh, no. No.
897
01:06:28,551 -- 01:06:31,019
I don't blame you, darling.
898
01:06:31,120 -- 01:06:33,213
- You didn't want to.
-j&j& [ Classical Continues ]
899
01:06:33,322 -- 01:06:35,688
I'm the one to blame.
900
01:06:35,791 -- 01:06:37,850
Entirely and alone.
901
01:06:37,960 -- 01:06:40,724
I'm deeply ashamed, Daphne,
for what I've done to you.
902
01:06:40,830 -- 01:06:43,822
You? Ashamed?
903
01:06:43,933 -- 01:06:47,130
- I'm the one.
- No, darling.
904
01:06:47,236 -- 01:06:50,535
The one who knows the most
carries the responsibility.
905
01:06:50,639 -- 01:06:54,040
He, and he alone, must judge
the chances of success...
906
01:06:54,143 -- 01:06:56,043
or failure.
907
01:06:56,145 -- 01:06:59,740
A union between a man of the world -
a seasoned traveler-
908
01:06:59,849 -- 01:07:02,716
and a child from Porthole, Michigan...
909
01:07:02,818 -- 01:07:05,480
I suppose was doomed from the start.
910
01:07:05,588 -- 01:07:08,352
Porthaul.
911
01:07:08,457 -- 01:07:11,051
I'll never remember it.
912
01:07:11,160 -- 01:07:14,186
A baby with bows in her hair.
913
01:07:16,966 -- 01:07:19,264
That wonderful night.
914
01:07:19,368 -- 01:07:22,565
- Pity we couldn't keep it up.
- [ Daphne Sobs ]
915
01:07:22,671 -- 01:07:25,231
Oh, don't cry, my darling.
916
01:07:25,341 -- 01:07:27,571
I couldn't understand music
as well as I do...
917
01:07:27,676 -- 01:07:30,144
if I didn't understand
the human heart a little.
918
01:07:32,181 -- 01:07:34,945
Neither of you has done anything wrong.
919
01:07:35,051 -- 01:07:37,747
Youth belongs to youth.
920
01:07:37,853 -- 01:07:40,947
And beauty... to beauty.
921
01:07:44,660 -- 01:07:48,391
I want you to be rich,
comfortable and free.
922
01:07:49,565 -- 01:07:52,056
I don't want you
to have to worry about...
923
01:07:52,168 -- 01:07:56,867
rent or clothing or food.
924
01:07:59,141 -- 01:08:02,736
Any of the unromantic things
which should always be provided for you.
925
01:08:02,845 -- 01:08:05,439
j&j& [ Classical Continues ]
926
01:08:13,622 -- 01:08:16,523
That little head was never made to worry.
927
01:08:18,961 -- 01:08:21,225
Nor these little hands to work.
928
01:08:27,703 -- 01:08:29,728
Only to love.
929
01:08:30,806 -- 01:08:33,434
To love so dearly.
930
01:08:33,542 -- 01:08:37,308
j&j& [ Continues ]
931
01:09:01,804 -- 01:09:05,069
- j&j& [ Ends ]
- [ Applause ]
932
01:09:05,174 -- 01:09:07,108
[ Audience Shouting ]
933
01:09:12,982 -- 01:09:14,882
[ Blows ]
934
01:09:21,891 -- 01:09:23,859
[ Cheering ]
935
01:09:28,664 -- 01:09:31,394
Hooray!
936
01:09:32,501 -- 01:09:34,469
Magnificent.
937
01:09:34,570 -- 01:09:37,232
[ Man ]
Bravo.!
938
01:09:37,339 -- 01:09:40,137
Bravo.!
939
01:09:40,242 -- 01:09:43,769
- [ Applause Increases ]
- Bravo.! Bravo.!
940
01:09:47,183 -- 01:09:49,083
[ Daphne ]
Oh, darling.
941
01:09:51,554 -- 01:09:53,522
Darling, I simply couldn't
wait until the end.
942
01:09:53,622 -- 01:09:56,853
I had to tell you now how wonderful it is.
It's just wonderful.
943
01:09:56,959 -- 01:09:59,052
- Absolutely wonderful.
- I'm relieved to hear it.
944
01:09:59,161 -- 01:10:01,686
Personally, I thought every emotion
was enormously exaggerated.
945
01:10:01,797 -- 01:10:04,891
- Darling, it was just wonderful.
- Yes, you've already said that - both of you.
946
01:10:05,000 -- 01:10:08,197
- If you'll forgive me, I've got a dry shirt waiting.
- Can I help you, darling?
947
01:10:08,304 -- 01:10:10,363
I've gotJules for that, thank you.
948
01:10:10,472 -- 01:10:12,440
Why-Why, you -
949
01:10:13,842 -- 01:10:16,367
- Oh, come on.
- [ Audience Chattering Softly ]
950
01:10:16,478 -- 01:10:19,379
- You look exceptionally pretty tonight.
- What did you say?
951
01:10:19,481 -- 01:10:22,609
- I said you look exceptionally pretty tonight.
- I can't imagine why I should.
952
01:10:22,718 -- 01:10:25,983
- Maybe it's the music.
- With me music goes in one ear and out the other.
953
01:10:26,088 -- 01:10:28,818
- Oh, there you are.
- How is he?
954
01:10:28,924 -- 01:10:31,119
I don't know what's
the matter with him tonight.
955
01:10:31,227 -- 01:10:33,787
Too much temperament.
Give me the simple viewpoint.
956
01:10:33,896 -- 01:10:37,229
- You've got it, boy. You don't have to yearn for it.
- Barbara.
957
01:10:42,638 -- 01:10:45,402
[ Applause ]
958
01:10:45,507 -- 01:10:47,475
[ Cheering ]
959
01:11:02,958 -- 01:11:04,926
[ Applause Subsides ]
960
01:11:06,428 -- 01:11:09,886
j&j& [ Dramatic Classical ]
961
01:11:48,671 -- 01:11:52,198
j&j& [ Dramatic Classical Continues ]
962
01:12:08,957 -- 01:12:11,721
Well, what is it, Alfred?
963
01:12:11,827 -- 01:12:13,988
First of all, I want to
apologize to you both...
964
01:12:14,096 -- 01:12:16,326
for being so abrupt with you
backstage at the concert...
965
01:12:16,432 -- 01:12:19,162
but somehow when you happen to be
perfectly aware of the fact...
966
01:12:19,268 -- 01:12:21,668
- that your wife is your secretary's mistress -
- [ Gasps ] Alfred.
967
01:12:21,770 -- 01:12:23,670
- Sir Alfred!
- Didn't you know that I knew?
968
01:12:23,772 -- 01:12:26,741
Don't try and hide behind Daphne, Tony.
You'll never hide from me.
969
01:12:26,842 -- 01:12:29,037
I - I - I don't know
what you're talking about.
970
01:12:29,144 -- 01:12:31,908
You know precisely
what I'm talking about, both of you.
971
01:12:32,014 -- 01:12:35,040
You've been dreading this moment,
hoping against hope it would never happen...
972
01:12:35,150 -- 01:12:37,345
but knowing in your secret hearts
that it would.
973
01:12:37,453 -- 01:12:41,753
And now the moment's arrived
you're wondering what I'm going to do, aren't you?
974
01:12:41,857 -- 01:12:47,159
Knowing that I hold all the cards and that
the unwritten law will protect me to the end.
975
01:12:47,262 -- 01:12:49,162
I thought of killing you, my dear.
976
01:12:49,264 -- 01:12:52,427
I cut your throat with my razor.
Your head nearly came off.
977
01:12:52,534 -- 01:12:55,594
- Oh!
- But it was your fingerprints
they found on the razor, Tony...
978
01:12:55,704 -- 01:12:58,468
and you they burned,
screaming your innocence.
979
01:12:58,574 -- 01:13:02,738
- [ Both ] Alfred.
- It's a relief to hear that in the past tense, isn't it?
980
01:13:02,845 -- 01:13:06,281
Then, such is human idiocy,
I forgave you.
981
01:13:06,382 -- 01:13:08,577
Wrote you an enormous check.
982
01:13:08,684 -- 01:13:12,017
Grew maudlin over the necessity
of youth for youth.
983
01:13:12,121 -- 01:13:15,056
Where and why is this necessity?
By what logic does it flourish?
984
01:13:15,157 -- 01:13:17,819
What's so precious about the young female?
[ Chuckles ]
985
01:13:17,926 -- 01:13:19,826
No, no, Daphne.
986
01:13:19,928 -- 01:13:23,364
You shall have no money, and fate
will decide which man you are to have...
987
01:13:23,465 -- 01:13:25,592
and how much of a man he is.
988
01:13:26,635 -- 01:13:31,197
- Here we have all the necessary apparatus
for a genuinely amusing game, Tony.
- [ Both Gasp ]
989
01:13:31,306 -- 01:13:34,275
Invented by some czarist officers
who cared little for their lives...
990
01:13:34,376 -- 01:13:37,209
but much for bravery
and the conquest of emotion.
991
01:13:37,312 -- 01:13:40,110
The idea is for each of us
to pull the trigger once...
992
01:13:40,215 -- 01:13:43,013
aiming it at our own temples
with a perfectly steady hand.
993
01:13:43,118 -- 01:13:47,987
- [ Both Gasp ]
- Of the six bullets, I remove five.
994
01:13:49,425 -- 01:13:51,689
One only I put back in the cylinder...
995
01:13:51,794 -- 01:13:53,728
which I spin like this...
996
01:13:53,829 -- 01:13:55,729
for the lucky winner.
997
01:13:55,831 -- 01:14:00,029
The odds then are 1 -to-5 for,
5-to-1 against.
998
01:14:00,135 -- 01:14:02,262
Better than I've had in many a casino.
999
01:14:02,371 -- 01:14:05,238
So, you see, Tony, it's not really
a very dangerous game at all...
1000
01:14:05,340 -- 01:14:09,242
and will vouchsafe you a magnificent opportunity
to show Daphne how brave you are...
1001
01:14:09,344 -- 01:14:13,405
how icy cool in the face of
this, uh, small adventure.
1002
01:14:13,515 -- 01:14:17,178
- No.
- I'll spin it once more now,just in case you peeked.
1003
01:14:17,286 -- 01:14:21,222
And then, as the seducer of my wife
and the destroyer of my home...
1004
01:14:21,323 -- 01:14:23,655
you shall have the honor
of playing the first hand...
1005
01:14:23,759 -- 01:14:26,193
of this enthralling little game
called Russian roulette.
1006
01:14:26,295 -- 01:14:27,523
- Oh, no.
- No!
1007
01:14:27,629 -- 01:14:30,154
- Exciting, isn't it?
- Alfred, stop it. Stop it.
1008
01:14:30,265 -- 01:14:33,325
What a fuss we're making.
Here, Tony.
1009
01:14:33,435 -- 01:14:35,369
No, no. Not at me.
At your temple.
1010
01:14:35,471 -- 01:14:37,371
That's right.
Now, cool and collected...
1011
01:14:37,473 -- 01:14:40,203
with nerves of steel,
with steady hand and cheerful eye...
1012
01:14:40,309 -- 01:14:44,006
Mr. Anthony Windborn,
the celebrated wife-stealer, will demonstrate -
1013
01:14:44,112 -- 01:14:47,172
- Sir Alfred, please, no. Sir Alfred, please!
- Alfred, I beseech you.
1014
01:14:47,282 -- 01:14:51,218
Can it be that I detect a thread of saffron
in this otherwise perfect fabric?
1015
01:14:51,320 -- 01:14:55,051
Come, come, Tony.
You, the fearless cavalier? You hesitate?
1016
01:14:55,157 -- 01:14:57,921
Then watch me closely
while I show you how it's done.
1017
01:14:58,026 -- 01:15:00,358
I spin the wheel of fortune once more.
1018
01:15:00,462 -- 01:15:03,329
You see?
Then, with a rigidly steady hand...
1019
01:15:03,432 -- 01:15:06,629
and without any quaverings
or sniveling yammerings -
1020
01:15:06,735 -- 01:15:10,000
I would ask you to notice, Daphne -
I place the muzzle here.
1021
01:15:10,105 -- 01:15:13,506
And with a simple " Godspeed''
in case I should be unfortunate...
1022
01:15:13,609 -- 01:15:15,509
I pull the trigger-
1023
01:15:17,813 -- 01:15:20,111
- [ No Audible Dialogue ]
-j&j& [ Classical Continues ]
1024
01:15:32,928 -- 01:15:35,897
j&j& [ Continues ]
1025
01:15:43,505 -- 01:15:46,338
- j&j& [ Ends ]
- [ Cheering ]
1026
01:16:00,923 -- 01:16:03,357
[ All ]
Bravo! Bravo!
1027
01:16:07,296 -- 01:16:09,196
Bravo!
1028
01:16:09,298 -- 01:16:13,064
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
1029
01:16:13,168 -- 01:16:15,136
[ Cheering Continues ]
1030
01:16:28,650 -- 01:16:31,414
[ No Audible Dialogue ]
1031
01:16:47,936 -- 01:16:49,904
Anybody there?
1032
01:17:11,193 -- 01:17:13,787
j&j& [ Clock: "jingle Bells"]
1033
01:17:17,866 -- 01:17:19,766
j&j& [ Cranks, Stops ]
1034
01:19:42,377 -- 01:19:44,402
[ Woman ]
Number, please.
1035
01:19:47,649 -- 01:19:49,617
Number, please.
1036
01:19:52,320 -- 01:19:54,254
[ Crunching ]
1037
01:19:57,492 -- 01:19:59,460
[ Glass Shards Clink ]
1038
01:20:14,009 -- 01:20:15,977
Number, please.
1039
01:20:18,446 -- 01:20:20,346
Hello. Who is this?
1040
01:20:20,448 -- 01:20:23,713
Some jerk on the line.
Hello. Are you trying to get a number?
1041
01:20:31,159 -- 01:20:33,127
Number, pl -
1042
01:20:48,743 -- 01:20:50,711
[ Muffled Snap ]
1043
01:21:00,655 -- 01:21:03,021
- [ Alfred Yelps ]
- [ Crashing ]
1044
01:21:04,159 -- 01:21:06,457
Are you trying to get a number?
1045
01:21:06,561 -- 01:21:09,997
- Did you want a number?
- I don't want a number.
1046
01:21:10,098 -- 01:21:12,362
What makes you think
I want a number?
1047
01:22:09,157 -- 01:22:11,125
Number, please.
1048
01:22:11,226 -- 01:22:13,194
I do not want a number!
1049
01:22:42,257 -- 01:22:44,225
Ah.
1050
01:23:08,249 -- 01:23:10,217
[ Crashes ]
1051
01:23:26,735 -- 01:23:28,225
[ Crashing ]
1052
01:23:39,681 -- 01:23:41,649
[ Groans ]
1053
01:23:49,958 -- 01:23:52,426
[ Glass Shards Crunching ]
1054
01:24:14,382 -- 01:24:16,350
[ Sighs ]
1055
01:24:58,793 -- 01:25:00,761
[ Sneezes ]
1056
01:25:46,174 -- 01:25:48,142
[ Sneezes ]
1057
01:25:56,518 -- 01:25:58,486
[ Crunching ]
1058
01:27:01,816 -- 01:27:04,046
[ Phone Ringing ]
1059
01:27:09,524 -- 01:27:12,186
[ Ringing Continues ]
1060
01:27:19,334 -- 01:27:23,794
[ Ringing Continues ]
1061
01:27:32,680 -- 01:27:34,910
- [ Daphne ] Hello. Hello?
- [ Gasping ]
1062
01:27:35,016 -- 01:27:36,916
- Hello, who is this?
- [ Gasping ]
1063
01:27:37,018 -- 01:27:39,680
- Sounds like a talking dog.
- [ Sneezes ]
1064
01:27:39,787 -- 01:27:41,948
- Oh.
- [ All ] What's the matter?
1065
01:27:42,056 -- 01:27:46,015
- Well, it sounded like an explosion.
- Hello. Hello, Alfie. Where are you?
1066
01:27:46,127 -- 01:27:48,595
Where do you think I am?
Since I'm here answering the phone.
1067
01:27:48,696 -- 01:27:50,596
- What happened to you?
- Is he all right?
1068
01:27:50,698 -- 01:27:53,462
Yes, I merely felt a slight -
[ Gasping ]
1069
01:27:53,568 -- 01:27:56,628
- Hello, Alfred. We'll be right up.
- [ Sneezes ]
1070
01:27:56,738 -- 01:28:00,265
I don't want you up here. Perhaps you'll be
kind enough to send my wife home...
1071
01:28:00,375 -- 01:28:02,741
if she's nothing better to do.
1072
01:28:02,844 -- 01:28:04,903
He don't want nobody but you.
1073
01:28:05,013 -- 01:28:06,913
- Then take me home quickly, Tony.
- Certainly.
1074
01:28:07,015 -- 01:28:09,347
We'll take a cab.
1075
01:28:09,450 -- 01:28:11,418
Is there any insanity in his family?
1076
01:28:11,519 -- 01:28:13,578
I don't know,
but there's plenty in mine.
1077
01:28:54,195 -- 01:28:56,663
[ Buttons Clicking ]
1078
01:28:59,767 -- 01:29:01,735
[ Cranks ]
1079
01:29:23,391 -- 01:29:25,359
[ Cranks ]
1080
01:29:46,848 -- 01:29:49,840
[ Feedback ]
1081
01:29:56,657 -- 01:29:59,125
[ Feedback Continues ]
1082
01:30:07,502 -- 01:30:09,402
[ Feedback Continues ]
1083
01:30:10,438 -- 01:30:12,406
[ Feedback Stops ]
1084
01:30:27,722 -- 01:30:30,714
Help. Help. Oh!
1085
01:30:30,825 -- 01:30:32,793
Oh. Oh.
1086
01:30:32,894 -- 01:30:34,862
Oh.
1087
01:30:45,940 -- 01:30:49,307
Help. Help. Oh! Oh!
1088
01:30:49,410 -- 01:30:51,378
- Aaah -
- [ Cranks ]
1089
01:31:02,123 -- 01:31:05,524
Help. Help. Help!
1090
01:31:05,626 -- 01:31:08,094
Murder! Police!
1091
01:31:08,196 -- 01:31:10,892
Spare me! Spare me!
1092
01:31:10,998 -- 01:31:13,489
Tony, what did I ever do to you?
1093
01:31:13,601 -- 01:31:15,626
Tony. Tony!
1094
01:31:15,736 -- 01:31:17,636
Help. Help.
1095
01:31:17,738 -- 01:31:21,401
Police! Murder!
1096
01:31:29,750 -- 01:31:32,947
[ Alfred On Recording ]
Help. Help.
1097
01:31:33,054 -- 01:31:35,022
Help. Help.
1098
01:31:36,791 -- 01:31:41,057
[ Deep, Slow Voice ]
Help! Murder!
1099
01:31:41,162 -- 01:31:43,460
Police!
1100
01:31:43,564 -- 01:31:45,964
Spare me!
1101
01:31:46,067 -- 01:31:48,627
Spare me!
1102
01:31:48,736 -- 01:31:53,764
Tony, what did I ever do to you?
1103
01:31:53,875 -- 01:31:57,140
Tony. Tony.!
1104
01:31:57,678 -- 01:32:02,081
[ Deep Voice ]
Help.! Help.!
1105
01:32:02,183 -- 01:32:05,516
- Police.!
- Alfred?
1106
01:32:05,620 -- 01:32:09,283
Alfred, darling.
Darling, are you all right?
1107
01:32:09,390 -- 01:32:12,120
- Alfred, are you all right?
- Why shouldn't I be all right?
1108
01:32:12,226 -- 01:32:15,787
What are you doing down here on the floor
in the middle of all this disaster?
1109
01:32:15,897 -- 01:32:18,365
I was making an experiment.
People do, you know.
1110
01:32:18,466 -- 01:32:20,934
Without them, there'd be
very little progress in this world.
1111
01:32:21,035 -- 01:32:24,471
I think I'm well within my own rights.
I'm doing what I like in my own house.
1112
01:32:24,572 -- 01:32:27,006
They say in England
that an Englishman's home is his castle.
1113
01:32:27,108 -- 01:32:29,372
Of course you're within
your rights, darling, but -
1114
01:32:29,477 -- 01:32:32,776
Well, you've made kind of
a mess out of your castle.
1115
01:32:32,880 -- 01:32:34,780
- [ Sneezes ]
- Oh, bless you, darling.
1116
01:32:34,882 -- 01:32:37,942
- [ Tony Chuckles ]
- What are you laughing about? Did I invite you here?
1117
01:32:38,052 -- 01:32:40,418
Have you got to be in my house
morning, noon and night?
1118
01:32:40,521 -- 01:32:42,853
Please go back to 3406
and wait till I send for you.
1119
01:32:42,957 -- 01:32:46,586
- Certainly, Sir Alfred. I was only-
- Spare me your explanations until I ask for them.
1120
01:32:46,694 -- 01:32:50,630
- What's he done?
You're acting like a bear with a sore paw.
- That's right. Side with him.
1121
01:32:50,731 -- 01:32:55,293
- Well, why shouldn't I side with him?
- I'll be in 3406.
1122
01:32:55,403 -- 01:32:57,871
- Hmm. Craven.
- Darling, let me feel your head.
1123
01:32:57,972 -- 01:33:00,167
I don't wish to have
my head felt, thank you.
1124
01:33:00,274 -- 01:33:03,903
- Apart from marrying you, my head's been
perfectly all right for quite a long time.
- [ Gasps ]
1125
01:33:04,011 -- 01:33:07,344
Alfred! Oh. Oh.
1126
01:33:07,448 -- 01:33:09,882
Alfred. Heavens.
1127
01:33:13,588 -- 01:33:15,488
- [ Sneezes ]
- Bless you.
1128
01:33:15,590 -- 01:33:17,888
Alfred, what in heaven's name
is the matter with you?
1129
01:33:17,992 -- 01:33:21,086
I mean, even if you are a musician
and an Englishman...
1130
01:33:21,195 -- 01:33:24,255
don't you think that you're carrying things
just a little bit too far?
1131
01:33:24,365 -- 01:33:28,563
I mean, you walk out with 2,000 people
standing up and yelling for you...
1132
01:33:28,669 -- 01:33:31,797
and you've completely
wrecked the apartment and...
1133
01:33:31,906 -- 01:33:34,500
now you've probably broken
your glasses.
1134
01:33:37,912 -- 01:33:39,937
You have.
1135
01:33:40,047 -- 01:33:42,948
By the way, I will not be able to
take you dancing tonight.
1136
01:33:43,050 -- 01:33:44,950
Why? Who are you taking?
1137
01:33:45,052 -- 01:33:47,816
I mean you'll have to be taken
by somebody else. I have other plans.
1138
01:33:47,922 -- 01:33:49,947
- Taken where?
- Dancing.
1139
01:33:50,057 -- 01:33:53,026
Who told you I wanted
to go danc - uh, dancing?
1140
01:33:53,127 -- 01:33:56,756
You're coming down with a heavy cold,
and I feel about as much like going dancing as -
1141
01:33:56,864 -- 01:34:00,265
Really. Wouldn't you like to
go dancing with Tony?
1142
01:34:00,368 -- 01:34:02,302
With Tony?
1143
01:34:02,403 -- 01:34:04,303
Have you ever seen Tony dance?
1144
01:34:04,405 -- 01:34:07,602
I saw him once with Barbara,
and he gets up on his toes like a rooster...
1145
01:34:07,708 -- 01:34:09,608
and he pushes you over sideways...
1146
01:34:09,710 -- 01:34:12,406
and then he shoves your head back
till you think it's gonna drop off.
1147
01:34:12,513 -- 01:34:14,538
Why, compared to him,
you look like Arthur Murray.
1148
01:34:14,649 -- 01:34:17,413
- I don't need any compliments, thank you.
- You are not getting any.
1149
01:34:17,518 -- 01:34:19,509
Besides, the way
you've been acting tonight...
1150
01:34:19,620 -- 01:34:22,919
I feel about as much like going dancing
as I feel like cutting my throat.
1151
01:34:23,024 -- 01:34:25,458
All I feel like doing is crying.
1152
01:34:27,161 -- 01:34:29,857
How did you happen to use that simile?
1153
01:34:29,964 -- 01:34:31,864
What's a simile?
1154
01:34:31,966 -- 01:34:34,434
A simile is a -
1155
01:34:34,535 -- 01:34:37,299
A simile is a -
[ Sneezes ]
1156
01:34:37,405 -- 01:34:41,671
Oh, bless you. What you need to do is
get out of that wet shirt and into a nice hot bath.
1157
01:34:41,776 -- 01:34:45,473
Why are you always trying to put me in
a nice hot bath? I begin to find it sinister.
1158
01:34:45,579 -- 01:34:47,479
Well, would you like
a nice hot toddy then?
1159
01:34:47,581 -- 01:34:50,744
I don't want anything nice and hot.
I'm sweating like a bull now.
1160
01:34:50,851 -- 01:34:53,183
- You mean perspiring, darling.
- I do not mean perspiring.
1161
01:34:53,287 -- 01:34:55,187
If I say I'm sweating, I'm sweating.
1162
01:34:55,289 -- 01:34:57,883
Now kindly go into your own room.
I would like to disrobe.
1163
01:34:57,992 -- 01:35:01,985
- Are you talking to me?
- Unless you have somebody
concealed under the rug, I imagine I am.
1164
01:35:02,096 -- 01:35:05,190
Well, go ahead and disrobe.
Since when did -
1165
01:35:05,299 -- 01:35:08,757
Oh, really, Alfred!
You're getting nuttier than a fruitcake!
1166
01:35:09,904 -- 01:35:11,872
Hah!
1167
01:36:48,803 -- 01:36:50,771
[ Groans ]
1168
01:37:00,147 -- 01:37:02,115
[ Groans ]
1169
01:37:10,791 -- 01:37:12,759
[ Groans ]
1170
01:37:20,334 -- 01:37:22,302
Darling.
1171
01:37:43,057 -- 01:37:45,651
- Darling.
- Oh!
1172
01:37:45,759 -- 01:37:47,989
Oh, Alfred.
Did you hurt yourself? Oh.
1173
01:37:48,095 -- 01:37:49,995
Nothing of the slightest importance,
thank you.
1174
01:37:50,097 -- 01:37:51,997
Oh, yes, you did too.
You cut your thumb.
1175
01:37:52,099 -- 01:37:55,068
- Oh. I'll bandage it for you.
- [ Garbled ] I'll bandage it myself.
1176
01:37:55,169 -- 01:37:58,195
- What'd you say, dear?
- I said I can manage quite nicely, thank you.
1177
01:37:58,305 -- 01:38:01,536
Oh, heavens, Alfred.
Darling, those things are so sharp.
1178
01:38:01,642 -- 01:38:03,803
Here, darling. I'll do it for you.
1179
01:38:05,346 -- 01:38:07,246
Darling, you ought to be
more careful.
1180
01:38:07,348 -- 01:38:09,248
I'm being quite careful, thank you.
1181
01:38:09,350 -- 01:38:11,580
People get blood poisoning.
All kinds of-
1182
01:38:11,685 -- 01:38:13,585
- Gently now.
- All right.
1183
01:38:13,687 -- 01:38:15,587
Oh!
1184
01:38:15,689 -- 01:38:18,214
- Oh!
- Well, hold it still, darling.
1185
01:38:20,394 -- 01:38:23,158
There. Does it hurt very much?
1186
01:38:23,264 -- 01:38:25,255
- No.
- Oh, I'm so glad.
1187
01:38:25,366 -- 01:38:28,426
Well, what are you shaving
at this time of the night for anyway?
1188
01:38:28,535 -- 01:38:31,003
You'd be enormously surprised -
1189
01:38:31,105 -- 01:38:34,302
- Bless you.
- [ Sneezes ]
1190
01:38:34,408 -- 01:38:38,105
Well, if you won't take a bath,
at least don't take your death of cold.
1191
01:39:04,038 -- 01:39:07,235
You do like to do little things
for me, don't you?
1192
01:39:07,341 -- 01:39:09,605
Not when you're like this I don't.
1193
01:39:14,882 -- 01:39:16,816
I'll forgive you anyway.
1194
01:39:16,917 -- 01:39:18,851
Forgive me for what?
1195
01:39:18,953 -- 01:39:22,013
You know perfectly well what I'm forgiving you for,
so kindly hold your tongue!
1196
01:39:22,122 -- 01:39:24,420
- What?
- Lest I change my mind.
1197
01:39:24,525 -- 01:39:26,584
Well, go ahead and change your mind.
1198
01:39:26,694 -- 01:39:28,992
I'll change my mind
if I wish to change my mind.
1199
01:39:29,096 -- 01:39:32,623
If I don't wish to change my mind,
I shan't change my mind. Is that clear?
1200
01:39:32,733 -- 01:39:36,601
Alfred. What do you want to start
paying bills for at this hour?
1201
01:39:36,704 -- 01:39:39,104
Bills? Hah!
1202
01:39:39,206 -- 01:39:42,198
- Can I help you, darling?
- I can manage quite nicely, thank you.
1203
01:39:43,377 -- 01:39:45,572
If it were possible for once
to have a little ink...
1204
01:39:45,679 -- 01:39:48,273
in the fountain pens in this house
like they do in well run houses -
1205
01:39:48,382 -- 01:39:50,714
- I know. Like in England.
- Precisely. Like in England.
1206
01:39:50,818 -- 01:39:53,514
Try the other one.
We drive on the right-hand side over here.
1207
01:39:53,620 -- 01:39:55,520
That's a bright remark.
1208
01:39:55,622 -- 01:39:58,318
Oh. [ Gasps ] Oh, Alfred.
1209
01:39:58,425 -- 01:40:00,985
- [ Sighs ]
- Oh, I'll try to find something.
1210
01:40:01,095 -- 01:40:03,586
Very well. I will not forgive you.
1211
01:40:03,697 -- 01:40:05,665
Suit yourself.
1212
01:40:07,534 -- 01:40:10,697
- What's the matter with you?
- You're not laughing quite so hard now.
1213
01:40:10,804 -- 01:40:14,262
- What are you going to do with that?
- Have you ever heard of Russian roulette?
1214
01:40:14,375 -- 01:40:17,105
Why, certainly.
I used to play it all the time with my father.
1215
01:40:17,211 -- 01:40:20,442
I doubt that you played Russian roulette
all the time with your father.
1216
01:40:20,547 -- 01:40:23,448
I most certainly did.
You play it with two packs of cards, and -
1217
01:40:23,550 -- 01:40:26,246
That is Russian bank.
Russian roulette's a very different amusement...
1218
01:40:26,353 -- 01:40:29,516
which I can only wish your father
had played continuously before he had you.
1219
01:40:29,623 -- 01:40:32,421
- Where are the -
- Oh, Alfred, what is the matter with you?
1220
01:40:32,526 -- 01:40:34,551
You're acting like a crocodile
with a toothache.
1221
01:40:34,661 -- 01:40:37,129
- Where are the bullets for my revolver?
- I don't know.
1222
01:40:37,231 -- 01:40:39,495
You never seem
to be able to find anything.
1223
01:40:40,834 -- 01:40:44,167
Why don't you call Tony and ask him?
He's supposed to look after your things.
1224
01:40:44,271 -- 01:40:46,171
And how he does. What devotion.
1225
01:40:46,273 -- 01:40:49,709
And how you've thanked him for it tonight.
Honestly, Alfred, of all the boors -
1226
01:40:49,810 -- 01:40:54,770
-Just give me one reason why
I should thank him, and I'll call him at once.
- Well, I wish you would.
1227
01:40:54,882 -- 01:40:57,146
- What's his room number?
- 3406.
1228
01:40:57,251 -- 01:40:59,446
- How'd you know that?
- Why shouldn't I know it?
1229
01:40:59,553 -- 01:41:02,488
He's your secretary, isn't he?
I must have called him 9,000 times.
1230
01:41:02,589 -- 01:41:05,387
- But you've never been there?
- Yes, I have.
1231
01:41:05,492 -- 01:41:08,757
- When, may I ask?
- I don't think I want to tell you that.
1232
01:41:08,862 -- 01:41:11,956
- I shouldn't think you would.
- Because it's really my problem. I -
1233
01:41:12,066 -- 01:41:15,035
- Well, unless you want to help me with it.
- I shall be charmed!
1234
01:41:15,135 -- 01:41:17,035
You don't look very charmed.
1235
01:41:17,137 -- 01:41:19,697
- It happened while you were in England.
- Naturally.
1236
01:41:19,807 -- 01:41:22,833
He called me up one night, about 1 :30,
to find out if Barbara was here...
1237
01:41:22,943 -- 01:41:25,104
because she'd told him that she was -
but she wasn't.
1238
01:41:25,212 -- 01:41:27,703
- How was that his business?
- He's married to her, isn't he?
1239
01:41:27,815 -- 01:41:29,715
- Who is married to who?
- August.
1240
01:41:29,817 -- 01:41:32,980
- Don't try and change the subject. We're not -
- I'm not trying to change the subject.
1241
01:41:33,087 -- 01:41:36,113
I'm trying to tell you August called me here
to find out if Barbara was with me...
1242
01:41:36,223 -- 01:41:38,214
because she told him she was -
only she wasn't.
1243
01:41:38,325 -- 01:41:40,657
- Who cares where Barbara is?
- August, I suppose.
1244
01:41:40,761 -- 01:41:43,321
- Oh, very well. Where was she?
- Well, I had this -
1245
01:41:43,430 -- 01:41:45,625
this awful suspicion
that I didn't want to have.
1246
01:41:45,732 -- 01:41:49,691
After all, she is my kid sister, and I always hoped
that when she said those things about August...
1247
01:41:49,803 -- 01:41:52,499
- that she was just trying to be funny.
- It wouldn't be very difficult.
1248
01:41:52,606 -- 01:41:54,938
Anyway, I didn't dare tell August
that she wasn't here...
1249
01:41:55,042 -- 01:41:57,237
and I didn't dare call her
where I thought she was...
1250
01:41:57,344 -- 01:41:59,539
because the kind of a man
who checks up on his wife...
1251
01:41:59,646 -- 01:42:02,945
is the kind of a man who hires detectives
to help him and has telephones tapped.
1252
01:42:03,050 -- 01:42:05,416
You're describing August
down to the last moth in his wallet.
1253
01:42:05,519 -- 01:42:08,386
Anyway, I told him that she had been here
with me and had just left.
1254
01:42:08,489 -- 01:42:11,049
Then I threw on a negligee
and hurried down there,just in case.
1255
01:42:11,158 -- 01:42:13,592
- Hurried down where?
- To 3406.
1256
01:42:13,694 -- 01:42:15,924
3406.
1257
01:42:16,029 -- 01:42:17,929
3406! Of course!
1258
01:42:18,031 -- 01:42:19,999
Well, of course,
since that's Tony's room.
1259
01:42:20,100 -- 01:42:24,127
The door was open a little, so I marched right in
ready to give her a piece of my mind...
1260
01:42:24,238 -- 01:42:27,332
but there wasn't anybody there,
which certainly made me feel a lot better...
1261
01:42:27,441 -- 01:42:30,274
and I started to leave a lot happier
than I had felt when I arrived.
1262
01:42:30,377 -- 01:42:34,040
Then I suddenly realized how terrible it would look
if anybody saw me coming out of that room.
1263
01:42:34,148 -- 01:42:36,048
Because Tony's about my age and -
1264
01:42:36,150 -- 01:42:39,278
To anybody who didn't understand how
you and I feel about each other, it would look-
1265
01:42:39,386 -- 01:42:41,445
- Well, you know how dumb some people are.
- Do I.
1266
01:42:41,555 -- 01:42:44,046
Just before I opened the door
I peeked through the keyhole...
1267
01:42:44,158 -- 01:42:48,595
and right there, near the freight elevator, I saw
this great big old jerk squinting around the corner.
1268
01:42:48,695 -- 01:42:51,926
- A large lumpy man with a face like an orangutan?
- Right. Like a gorilla.
1269
01:42:52,032 -- 01:42:55,661
- Sweeney, the detective! August's detective!
- That's what I was afraid of.
1270
01:42:55,769 -- 01:42:57,964
Anyway, he stood there, and so I waited...
1271
01:42:58,071 -- 01:42:59,971
and he waited and we waited -
1272
01:43:00,073 -- 01:43:02,337
For 38 minutes!
He kept you there himself!
1273
01:43:02,442 -- 01:43:04,410
Well, it felt more like 38 years.
1274
01:43:04,511 -- 01:43:08,675
Why, I actually began to feel guilty. I'd never been
in a man's room before - except yours.
1275
01:43:08,782 -- 01:43:11,546
You wonderful, wonderful,
wonderful child.
1276
01:43:11,652 -- 01:43:15,110
- Why? What's so wonderful about that?
- Telling me this tonight, of all nights.
1277
01:43:15,222 -- 01:43:17,952
Telling you what, my darling?
I have no secrets from you.
1278
01:43:18,058 -- 01:43:19,958
Will you do me a very great favor?
1279
01:43:20,060 -- 01:43:22,858
I'll do anything you like
as long as you ask me that way.
1280
01:43:22,963 -- 01:43:26,194
Will you put on your lowest cut,
most vulgarly ostentatious dress...
1281
01:43:26,300 -- 01:43:28,632
with the largest and vulgarest jewels
that you possess?
1282
01:43:28,735 -- 01:43:30,703
- I thought you weren't feeling -
- Then accompany me...
1283
01:43:30,804 -- 01:43:32,897
to the vulgarest,
most ostentatious, loudest...
1284
01:43:33,006 -- 01:43:35,668
and hardest-to-get-into
establishment this city affords?
1285
01:43:35,776 -- 01:43:40,304
- But your cold, darling -
- There's nothing the matter with me that
a couple of magnums of champagne won't cure.
1286
01:43:40,414 -- 01:43:43,872
I happen to want to celebrate.
I want to be seen in your exquisite company.
1287
01:43:43,984 -- 01:43:46,953
I want the whole world to know
that I'm the most fortunate of men...
1288
01:43:47,054 -- 01:43:49,215
in the possession of
the most magnificent of wives.
1289
01:43:49,323 -- 01:43:54,351
I want to swim in champagne and paint the whole
town not only red, but red, white and blue.
1290
01:43:54,461 -- 01:43:56,759
I want everybody to see
how much I adore you...
1291
01:43:56,863 -- 01:44:00,856
always have adored you,
revere you and - and trust you.
1292
01:44:00,968 -- 01:44:04,301
Also how much I hope
you have of warmth for me.
1293
01:44:04,404 -- 01:44:06,304
But, my darling, I worship you.
1294
01:44:06,406 -- 01:44:10,365
- Then put on your most outrageous dress.
- Shall I wear the purple with the plumes at the hips?
1295
01:44:10,477 -- 01:44:12,809
- The purple with the plumes at the hips?
- Yes. You know.
1296
01:44:12,913 -- 01:44:17,213
It's cut down on one shoulder, and the coq feathers
shoot off one hip like a tail of a comet.
1297
01:44:17,317 -- 01:44:19,308
I know it only too well.
1298
01:44:19,419 -- 01:44:22,252
Wear the purple with the plumes
at the hips, by all means.
1299
01:44:22,356 -- 01:44:25,223
- And let it be a purple lesson to me.
-All right, my darling.
1300
01:44:25,325 -- 01:44:28,692
- Shh!
- What was the matter with you tonight, Alfred?
1301
01:44:28,795 -- 01:44:33,232
Something so vulgar, so utterly contemptible
and unworthy of a love like yours...
1302
01:44:33,333 -- 01:44:35,392
I beg of you never to make me tell you.
1303
01:44:35,502 -- 01:44:38,471
But of course I won't, my darling.
1304
01:44:38,572 -- 01:44:40,699
I know what it's like to be a great man.
1305
01:44:40,807 -- 01:44:42,900
That is, I don't really, but...
1306
01:44:43,010 -- 01:44:45,376
having so many responsibilities and...
1307
01:44:46,413 -- 01:44:48,711
so much tenseness...
1308
01:44:48,815 -- 01:44:51,841
watching out for
and protecting so many people.
1309
01:44:51,952 -- 01:44:53,681
Shh!
1310
01:44:53,787 -- 01:44:56,881
A thousand poets dreamed
a thousand years.
1311
01:44:57,924 -- 01:45:01,223
Then you were born, my love.