[Joy] Hi. My name is Joy.
My parents named me
after the feeling
they had when I was born.
[shoes clicking]
That faded fast.
Peace out, bitches.
I'm good, how are you?
I'm good, how are you?
I love your bangs today.
I have a boyfriend too.
Is that a new baby?
I love your baby.
And then he said, "I love you."
[chuckles]
When I say, "I love you,"
what I really mean is,
[rasping]
"Do you love me?"
These are gonna look
so hot in my coffin.
[shoes tapping]
I actually wasn't
always this miserable.
One time,
in seventh-grade band,
I challenged Bobby Hendricks
on the drums for first chair.
I fucking won.
[imitates cymbal crash]
That was the moment I peaked.
[chewing] Mmm.
[shoes tapping]
You know that huge,
gaping hole in your soul?
Lots of people find ways
to fill it up...
Drugs, booze, porn, food,
gambling, shopping.
[slurps]
I've had my own ways.
This is Rob.
This is Greg.
This is Enrique.
But it's never enough.
I always need more.
You're the one.
You're the one.
You're the one!
Ooh... Oh, boy.
[exhales]
[breathing heavily]
I'm a piece of shit.
[electronic pinging]
I can't do anything right.
[music powers down]
[retches]
[coughs]
I couldn't even get
killing myself right.
[TV]
This monkey is an orphan,
separated from his mother
since the day of his birth.
[nonchalant keyboard music]
A soft cheesecloth pad
is his only companion
and his only comfort.
Once a day, the pad
is removed for cleaning.
He may die for want of love.
[cheers and applause]
[phone line trilling]
[phone rings]
Hello, we are unable
to answer the phone right now.
Please leave a message,
and we'll call you back.
[machine beeps]
Hi, Mom.
It's me, Joy.
I'm just calling to see
if you wanted to do something
for Mother's Day.
Doesn't have to be a big deal.
We could go on a walk or...
-Hello, who's this?
-[Joy] Mom?
It's Joy.
Tell Dad I said hi.
[speaking Tagalog]
[speaking Taglog]
Do you need money again?
We can't give you any money.
No, I don't need any money.
I was just wondering
if you wanted to do something
for Mother's Day on Sunday.
Oh, Mother's Day.
[whispers in Tagalog]
[speaks Tagalog]
Your dad wants to go
to Sonoma Raceway this Sunday.
Oh.
It's the Sprint Cup
Series now.
You know he has to see it.
Do you have to go with him?
[whispers in Tagalog]
Mom?
[speaks Tagalog]
Are you eating?
[lively music]
-Hello?
-[phone] ...to make a call,
please hang up and try again.
Pierogies, please.
[overlapping conversations]
[resonant echoing]
[echoing laughter]
[echoing] More pierogies!
[laughs]
-[Director] Action!
-[Joy] Today is brought
to you by...
Wait, what do I--
today's show--
Today's show is brought
to you by hugs, got it?
Okay, got it.
All right, action.
I hug my family.
I hug my dog.
I hug my best friend.
I hug a log.
-[Both] Hug a log
-I can't hear it.
-I can't hear it.
- Give me a hug
-Cut!
-Sorry.
Can we make sure her
earwig is in?
Okay, guys,
let's just hold real quick.
Okay, we're going again.
Take 12 for Joy. Action.
It's okay to hug your mom
'Cause she loves you
and that ain't wrong
And it's okay
to hug your dad
Because he loves you
and that ain't bad
[All] It's up to you,
you, you, you
To give a hug,
hug, hug, hug
And it's okay if
you don't want a hug
That doesn't make you
a cold hard thug
And it's okay
to hug yourself
'Cause it shows
you love yourself
-[Both] Yeah, love yourself!
-Cut.
All right.
Beautiful, beautiful.
Ben?
[muttering indistinctly]
No, it's great.
You're just so right
-for this character.
-Thanks, man.
Get out of that
hot suit, huh?
Everyone eventually
nailed it.
-You were great.
-[Joy] Dang it.
Thank you very much.
[indistinct chatter]
[tense instrumental version
of "Give Me A Hug"]
Hey, man, what are
you doing this weekend?
No solid plans, man.
What's up?
I'm shooting a music video
up in the hills.
Sick ass mansion,
infinity pool.
We need a black dude
for the hot tub scene.
-Oh, snap, for real?
-Yeah, are you down
to take your shirt off,
hang with some models?
-Hell, yeah, man.
-All right, man.
It doesn't pay anything,
but, uh,
they got an awesome EP.
It sounds so good.
-No, thank you so much.
-Hey, you killed it today.
Oh, thank you.
Blessings, blessings.
Great work, great work.
[Joy] I can twerk.
I took a pole dancing
class once.
I could be in the music video.
Monkey, come on.
I mean, you're too cute
to be a booty girl.
Hey, no, don't get mad.
Look, I got you something,
all right?
Hold on.
This is my promise
to you that you're mine.
You're the one.
Thank you.
I love it.
Hey, are we still
gonna see your mom
this weekend for Mother's Day?
-I got a new dress.
-Shit.
That's the same day
as the shoot.
[sighs] I just can't pass up
this opportunity, you know?
Not at this crucial time
in my career.
Why don't you go see
your mom, you know?
-I love you.
-[engine turns over]
I love you!
-I love you!
-[engine roaring]
"Why don't you go see
your mom for Mother's Day?"
Pierogies, please.
[grunting]
Babe.
Babe.
Hey, babe, which one
of these headshots
do you think looks more "CSI"?
That one...
Or that one?
That one...
Or that one?
-That one?
-Ah.
Hi, monkey.
[exhales] I'm gonna
make us some pancakes.
Pineapples and pancakes.
Up, up, up.
Nobody ever got famous
sleeping in.
You got pierogies.
I didn't want to.
Jesus Christ.
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
I don't know.
I felt abandoned.
I promise I won't do it again.
Joy... God.
I got scared
that you don't really...
No, that's not gonna
work anymore, Joy.
You're the one, Ben.
I want you
to be the one so bad.
Yeah?
Yeah?
Did you fuck him?
We're done.
Ben. Please.
Get help.
-Bonnie, sex and love addict.
-[All] Hi, Bonnie.
[man] Rick, sex, love,
and fantasy addict.
[All] Hi, Rick.
I'm Maddie,
sex and love addict.
[All] Hi, Maddie.
Well, I, uh...
This room is very special to me
because exactly
eight years ago today,
I came crawling... Uh,
for the second or third time
on my hands and knees
for help, right here.
My childhood
was fairly textbook.
Never knew my dad,
and my mom was either
working or drinking,
sometimes drinking
and working,
and my brother
and I were starved
for her attention and love,
and she never gave it.
And sometimes we were
just plain starving.
I'd dig through the change jar
and go down to the store
to buy licorice.
That was the only way I could
get my brother to eat.
Never really learned what a
healthy relationship could be,
and I just sort
of started cycling
through one bad relationship
after another.
Alcoholics, addicts.
I kept thinking I could
fix them, change them,
make it all better.
And then, uh...
I married one of them,
and that brought me
pretty resolutely
to my very lowest low.
His needs, his happiness
always came first.
It was exhausting.
And the more I gave,
the emptier I became.
Then I found this room
and you people,
so I thank you so much
for letting me share.
Yeah.
-Joy, sex and love addict.
-[All] Hi, Joy.
Uh, this isn't
my first time here.
I tried a few
of these meetings,
like, a couple years ago?
I didn't think I needed it.
I thought you guys were weird.
[chuckles nervously]
No offense.
Anyway, I'm back
because I guess I need help.
Proud of you for that.
Can't complain
about that, right?
Well, thank you,
thank you for everything.
Bye-bye.
Hi.
Hi.
I liked what you said.
Oh, which part?
Uh, the part about
getting better,
about beating the addiction.
I'm still an addict, I just
learned to make better choices.
-That's a cute ring.
-Thanks.
I had one like that.
We get what we think
we deserve.
Hang in there.
-Wait, will you be my sponsor?
-No. [laughs]
-No?
-I would if I could,
but I can't.
Oh.
Just keep asking.
There's a lot of people
in there who want to help.
Give me your phone.
You can call me if you
can't find anybody, huh?
And maybe I can introduce you
to someone
who might be a good fit.
Okay. Thanks.
[vibrator buzzing, Joy gasping]
[vibrator buzzing, Joy gasping]
[vibrator buzzing]
[front door slams open]
-I did it.
-Did what?
I got help.
Oh, Joy just stop, all right?
I'm an addict, Ben.
I'm sick.
Yeah, that's a pretty
convenient excuse.
I... I like cereal.
Does that make me
a fucking cereal addict?
Ben.
You have two days to get
your stuff and move out.
[cell phone vibrates]
God, you're so fucking hot.
I want to marry you.
I like you so much.
Mmm. [inhales]
You want a beer?
Uh, no thanks.
[snoring]
[all snoring]
[water bubbling]
[exhales]
All right, so how much
do we owe you?
Because I know we didn't really
discuss all the, uh... Holes.
It's usually a little extra.
Here, I'll give you
a little extra.
All right, hey,
thanks for a great night.
I mean, Chad... [laughs]
The guy was
in beast mode, right?
He's gonna remember
this forever.
Who's Chad?
Jeez... The groom.
[snores]
Hi, Joy.
It's Sam.
You missed your call time.
Logan's been thinking
about this a lot.
He's got to let you go, okay?
We'll put your last paycheck
in the mail.
[phone line trilling]
Hey, you've reached Ben.
Please leave...
Hey, you've reached Ben.
Please leave a...
[line trilling]
Hello, we are unable
to answer the phone.
[retches]
[spits]
[line trilling]
-Hi.
-Hey, it's Joy...
From the meeting.
I'm...
Will you pick me up?
Hey.
How are you?
I lost my boyfriend.
I lost my apartment.
I lost my job.
Oh, and I just banged
a bunch of random dudes
at the same time,
and I don't remember.
I don't know what
to do anymore.
I think I need help.
You have any friends
you can stay with?
They're his friends.
Family?
No fucking way.
My family wants
nothing to do with me.
I don't have anybody.
Why won't you sponsor me?
It's a huge commitment.
Please.
You have to save yourself.
I can't do this for you.
I know.
It's gonna suck, and it's
gonna feel impossible.
You're gonna want to give up,
but you can't.
You have to listen to me.
Anything you say, I will do.
I promise.
There's a guest house
at my grandma's,
and you can stay there
for a little bit until
you sober up,
get your feet on the ground.
Thank you.
Thank you.
There are gonna be very
strict rules at Nana's house.
Rule number one:
I need you to go 30 days
without contacting Ben,
and that includes
all forms of social media.
-Rule number two...
-Sorry.
You should not be alone
with other possible partners.
No sex.
No sexting.
No flirting.
No intrigue.
No weird Internet stuff.
Rule number three:
no masturbating.
Rule number four:
keep going to meetings.
They're your lifeline,
and they will keep you
on track.
All right,
this time is about you.
Just you.
-Thanks, Maddie.
-All right.
Yeah, all right.
Uh, the key is under the mat.
Nana's caretaker
knows you're here,
but please don't disturb him.
If you need me, call me.
But only if you really need me.
Okay.
[exhales]
Just 30 of these.
NBD.
No big D.
Me time.
[phone]
Hey, babe, I'm walking home.
You know, I'm thinking
of picking up
a goddamn pineapple, huh?
Pineapple Fridays.
We should totally start that.
That's gonna be our thing.
Um, let me know if you want
anything else, all right?
I love you.
Bye.
Hey, babe, I'm walking home.
You know, I'm thinking
of picking up
a goddamn pineapple.
Let me know if you want
anything else, all right?
I love you. Bye.
Hey, babe, I'm walking home.
[vibrator buzzing]
You know, I'm thinking of
picking up
a goddamn pineapple, huh?
[vibrator buzzing]
[gasps]
Pineapple Fridays.
We should totally start that.
That's gonna be our thing.
[moaning]
[exhales]
I love you.
Bye.
[punk music playing distantly]
[distant melodic whistling]
[whistling continues]
[whistling]
[cell phone vibrates]
Please be Ben,
please be Ben, please be Ben.
[vibrating continues]
I can't do it.
I just feel so crazy.
I don't know how to be
anything but crazy.
I used to be crazy too.
I don't believe you.
Well, after my first
six months in the program,
I went right back
to my boyfriend.
That's not crazy.
And we kept getting together
and breaking up.
That's not crazy.
And then I started
working two jobs
so I could buy him a car,
which he totaled.
DUI.
And then we got married
while he was in prison...
And while I was fucking
my therapist...
And his son.
Okay, that counts.
[both laugh]
So, what are your hobbies?
Besides crippling anxiety?
I mean, what do you
like to do?
A big part of recovery is
finding something to live for.
You ought to try things.
Read, learn... Play.
Get curious.
[snare taps]
[drums banging]
[drums banging distantly]
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Excuse me!
Hi.
You can't play those.
I'm sorry, who are you?
I live here.
You can't play those.
Oh, Maddie didn't tell me
you live here.
Maddie's my sister.
Oh, hi. I'm Joy.
Nice to meet you.
Okay, great.
Now, please get out
of my garage.
[stuttering]
I need you to leave now.
My name is Jim.
[panting]
[moans]
[sighs]
Fucking shit. Fuck.
[guitar playing]
[door clatters open]
Hi.
[imitating slow drum beat]
[same beat playing]
Right hand on the high hat.
One, two, three, four.
[playing guitar riffs]
Don't squeeze them
with a death grip.
Hold them like baby birds.
Let them breathe.
Good.
Okay, now same beat, please,
and no showboating.
[drums playing]
Salamander sidekick
riding out the storm
Hell is raining sideways
and heaven's getting warm
Cold, oh
Cold-blooded
Blood like ice
Cold
- Cold-blooded
-[playing drum fill]
-[Joy] I-I-Ice
-[guitar stops]
What are you doing?
I said no showboating.
-I was backing you up.
-No, no.
You know what?
You got to go.
Go.
[man]
I think every woman I date
is the woman of my dreams.
If a woman is even nice to me,
I've already pictured her
in a wedding dress,
and when she does
make herself available,
I just want to go
find someone else.
Another fantasy.
[Joy]
Thanks for everyone's shares.
I really related
to all of them,
so thank you.
Um...
My dad was obsessed with women.
Our garage was...
Covered in centerfolds.
Naked women everywhere.
And he watched a lot of porn.
Whenever I was home alone,
I'd sneak into the garage,
and I watched it.
I think I was, like,
five or six
when I started doing it.
I remember, the first time
I watched it, I was like,
"I don't know
what the hell this is!"
But... My body felt crazy.
I wanted to watch it
all the time.
I looked at all those women...
And I thought...
"That's what I want to be.
That's who my dad loves."
I don't know, whatever.
Thanks for letting me share.
Hey, you didn't tell me
your brother
lives with your grandma.
He didn't bother you, did he?
No.
[sighs] Well, he's got real
problems, mental health issues,
and he's basically a recluse.
I'm surprised he even
came out of the house.
I saw him checking the mail,
and I introduced myself
to be polite.
No biggie at all.
Good.
Just leave him alone,
and he'll leave you alone,
okay?
[slow beats playing
through speakers]
[knocking at door]
[funky music playing]
Slip on a banana peel
Slip on a banana peel
Big old bunch
of ripe bananas
Slip on a banana peel
Do what you feel
Slip on a banana peel,
do what you feel
[lo-fi music playing]
You're not gonna
Love me anymore
[acoustic music playing]
Oh, my
Beautiful world
Oh, my
boys and my girls
I love you, I love you,
I love you
I love you, I love you
I love you,
I love you
-[water bubbling]
- My beautiful world
[knocking at door]
If you could grow
some wings
You might learn some things
Wouldn't it be great
if you could levitate?
Time
Time travel
Time
Time travel
It's not only way
To get around,
to get around
Time
Time travel
Time
Time travel, I'm a supersonic
seed for a tree
[plays simple drum fill]
Growing backwards
in the ground
Growing backwards in
the ground
Growing backwards
in the ground
Growing backwards in
the ground
[cheers in a whisper]
That was tight.
So good.
Holy shit, that was tight.
We got to record
that next time.
Yeah.
My recording setup is
pretty lo-fi, you know,
but it sounds good.
I can add some reverb,
dip the treble.
Yeah, yeah, verb the trebs.
What's your grandma like?
Nana? She's cool.
She basically raised
me and Maddie.
She takes care of me.
I take care of her.
It's a symbiotic relationship.
She likes watching musicals
and enjoys the works
of Shakespeare.
What else do you want to know?
I'm hungry.
You want to eat?
Keep the change, my man.
Come on, let's eat
at the table inside.
Oh...
I probably shouldn't go
in your house.
I promised myself I'd only go
as far as this garage.
You really like orange juice.
I love orange juice.
So you're in 12-step
with my sister?
Mm-hmm.
Is she your sponsor?
Yeah.
Do you like her?
Yeah.
-Do you?
-What?
Do you like her?
Yes.
You're not hungry?
It's been really hard
to eat... And sleep,
and, like, be a human being.
Everything's a fucking trigger.
What does that mean?
Trigger?
Uh, something that intensely
makes you feel a feeling
that you really
don't want to feel.
It makes you react
compulsively.
Oh, I have a lot
of triggers then.
Exactly.
The whole fucking world
is a trigger.
I know.
I'm triggered by everything.
I'm triggered by pancakes.
Pancakes?
My boyfriend...
Ex-boyfriend
made good pancakes.
I'm triggered
by family, sad songs...
Pierogies.
I could see that.
What is happening right now?
What are you doing?
Nana taught us to do that
when we were little.
She said, "Cookies
don't create my fortune.
"I create my fortune."
And she taught us that
there are many
much better
tasting cookies in the world,
and we shouldn't waste
our dessert on a shit cookie.
Nana's amazing.
I know. She's cool.
You're cool.
I'm glad Maddie's
sponsoring again.
I didn't think she would.
Why?
Well, she used to sponsor
this girl Kelly.
She stayed here too.
Oh, really?
What happened?
She killed herself.
[sighs] She was
a really nice person too.
Nana's about to wake up
from her nap.
Her naps are always
two hours long.
Not a minute less,
not a minute more.
How'd she do it?
What?
How'd she kill herself?
Oh, she just took
a bunch of pills
and passed out in the bathtub.
Pretty standard stuff.
[Joy] Hi, Kelly.
It's me, Joy.
I don't want to be weird.
I just wanted to say hi...
And I'm sorry, and...
I get you.
I'm gonna try harder
for the both of us, okay?
[folk music playing]
[humming]
We dumped out your booze,
fixed the hole in your wall
We buried your shoes,
we don't answer your call
Mama gave up,
now we go it alone
So Daddy
Don't you bother
Coming home
Daddy
Don't you bother
Coming home
How did it sound?
I think we got it.
I can do it faster.
Do you want me to?
Hey, can I ask you something?
Why did Kelly kill herself?
How can I answer that?
I mean... Did you have any
sense of what was wrong?
No.
Did she give you
any warning signs?
Maybe she knew
she was terminally ill.
Maybe she was bored.
Maybe she got dumped
and was sad like you.
Well... Nana's still sleeping.
What are you doing right now?
[TV] I hope so.
Bobby certainly has
taken charge of those boys.
[Joy mocking] "I'm just
a helpless woman
"with no self-worth because
society says I'm nothing
"unless a man saves me.
"Save me, save me!
"Your breath smells like farts,
but save me."
"These mouth farts
are just for you, my dear.
"My mother never ever loved me,
"but you look just like her
so I'll take it."
[both giggle]
-Trigger.
-What?
Trigger.
Trigger.
[both] Trigger.
[laughs]
It's okay
to hug yourself
Because it shows
you love yourself
[All] Yeah, love yourself!
You like this show?
Love yourself.
-Happy-Happy loves you.
-I'm sorry.
You didn't say trigger.
That was Ben.
Who's Ben?
My boyfriend.
My ex-boyfriend.
The hedgehog?
Yeah.
Your ex-boyfriend
is a fuzzy hedgehog?
You got dumped by a hedgehog?
[laughs]
Joy, come on.
It's okay.
No, it isn't.
He's clearly a loser.
You could do better than that.
It's okay.
It's okay.
Come on, stop being a baby
and just get over it.
I can't just get over it.
I wouldn't need to be here
if I could just get over it.
Yeah, you can.
Maybe if you weren't
so self-centered,
you'd realize the world
has much bigger problems.
So just let go
and move on already.
I'm sure he has.
You're an asshole.
[Joy] I am strong.
I am smart.
I am beautiful.
I am enough for this moment.
"I am Happy-Happy,
and I'm a fucking douchebag."
I am a good person.
I am a pizza.
[distorted knocking on door]
[knocking continues]
Joy?
You know, I can see you.
Joy, do you want
a popsicle that's made
of American flag colors?
I can't.
Oh.
I'm busy.
Yeah, okay.
Thanks!
[Jim singing in the distance]
Dreamed I saw a fork
beat up a spoon
Dreamed that you and I
danced in a summer swoon
Dreamed I saw a logo
on the moon
[knocking on door]
[whistles melody]
Dreamed I saw a logo
on the moon
Dreamed I saw
a fork beat up a spoon
Dreamed that you and I
Danced in a summer swoon
I dreamed
I saw a logo on the moon
[humming]
[whistling tune]
[whistling continues]
Okay, let's get you out, Nana.
Today is August 19, 1998.
It's 1:33 a.m.
[guitar tuning]
Honey
Honey
Baby doll
Sweet thing
Darling
I'm so sorry.
What are you doing?
-No one's heard these.
-Don't!
-They're gonna be
buried with me.
-Don't do that!
So what do you think?
About what?
The song.
I thought it was beautiful.
Do you want to see something?
Don't talk
on your cell phone
[slow synth and bass music]
When you're at the store
See the people around you
See that there's
something more
[music picks up]
Give me, give me the
Give me, give me the time
I'd die for a paycheck,
die for a chance to shine
Faster and faster,
further and further apart
- Disaster, disaster
-This is... Amazing.
Fucking a hole
in your heart
Kill your boob job
Kill your video game
[knocking at door]
-Hey.
-Hey.
It's so cool you're keeping up
with the painting.
Oh, yeah,
just messing around.
I was just dropping off
my nana's meds,
so I thought I'd check in
and see you're doing.
How you doing? [laughs]
I'm good.
No contact with Ben, right?
None.
No acting out at all?
Nope. Totally clean.
I guess I'll go see my nana.
And Jim.
Jim and I are taking a break
from each other right now.
My sponsor suggested it.
I am proud of you.
Thanks.
[laughs]
[Jim] "Rough winds do shake
the darling buds of May,
"And summer's lease
hath all too short a date.
"Sometime too hot
the eye of heaven shines."
I need to talk to Nana.
Hi, Nana.
[sweetly] Hey.
Hi.
It's Maddie.
Hi. [laughs]
[laughs softly]
[Joy]
We could also just be
J and J,
and "All The Way" could be
the name of our first album.
Oh... I don't know.
I haven't really thought
about us as an actual band.
Kind of pursuing
my solo thing, you know?
Thanks, though.
You're a really good artist.
Let's start with
"Here's to the Trigger," yeah?
All right.
One, two, one, two...
All right, what's wrong?
[drums bang]
Come on, Joy, what?
[plays gently]
[drums bang]
[playing slow melody]
[drums bang]
[sharp twang]
[playing drums softly]
[short ping]
[drums bang]
[soft, high notes]
[playing soft, fluid melody]
[melody fades]
You've got
a finger on the trigger
If I could be of use
I tell you,
life gets better
When you slip off
your noose
So open up your eyes
Get down off the chair
Pick up your sticks
[both] Dance like
you don't care
-[tom-tom drum pounding]
- Pound out your worry
Kick out your shame
Sing for the sinners
Fly into the plane
[Jim whistling cheerfully]
[line trilling]
[music fades]
[doorbell rings]
So why do we need
to know about this?
Mom, I told you.
I just want you
to know who I am.
I want you in my life.
I've been working really hard
on being really honest
and looking at my patterns
and talking to people about it.
I'm not the only one.
There are other people
out there just like me
with the same addictions.
We all just want love
and intimacy
and connection, but...
We don't know how to get it
without hurting ourselves.
No one showed us how.
[inhales deeply]
It's okay.
I'll make you spaghetti.
Your favorite.
Your Uncle Louie
was an addict.
Couldn't stop buying hats.
[soft piano music]
I enjoy reading books,
writing,
and playing the piano.
But most of all,
I love dancing.
[cheers and applause]
[Joy] It was so crazy.
I could really see my parents,
you know what I mean?
They'll never be
what I want them to be.
I can stop expecting them
to be somebody else.
They're human beings
who have no idea what
they're doing, just like me.
One, two...
I feel really stupid
right now,
like you're not getting it.
I get it, Joy.
I just want to play.
Do you get it?
I don't think you get it.
I get it.
-Do you though?
-I get it.
Do you even realize
how long you've been talking?
Oh. Okay.
Let's play now.
[pounding drums]
Are you acting out?
Is this acting out?
[cacophonous strumming]
Stop.
I get it, Joy!
I get it!
My dad was drunk and left us.
My mom was miserable
and left us.
My sister won't talk to me.
I miss her.
I'm wearing
my underwear inside out
because I don't care enough
about myself to do laundry,
so, yeah... I get it.
This morning,
I woke up thinking
I was holding someone's hand...
But it was just my other hand.
Sometimes I sleep with
a phone book on top of me
because it feels like love.
I can't eat Gummy Bears
because I think
they have feelings.
[chuckles]
You're my friend.
[chuckles]
Are you asking me
or are you telling me?
You're my friend, Jim.
I'm just saying.
Yeah.
You're my friend.
Weirdo.
You ready to play now?
Yeah.
I wrote a song.
[synth music playing]
Hey Kelly
Can you hear me?
I'm really sad
you had to go
Wish you could have
seen things differently
And why you're gone,
we'll never know
Why she's gone
We'll never know
See, I'm living
in your shoes now
See, I'm walking
on your floor
Trying to find the answer
Why you don't
live here anymore
Why she don't
live here anymore
In another time
In another place
I think we could
both have a chance
In another time
In another place
Oh, oh, Kelly
[both] Oh, oh Kelly
Oh, oh, Kelly
[song playing over speakers]
What the fuck is this?
Maddie, we're just friends.
[laughs]
I'm so stupid.
I came by to congratulate you
on all your progress.
[sighs]
What the hell are you doing?
Oh, so it's okay
to talk to me now?
Did you make sure
your sponsor's cool with it
or are you breaking
one of the rules right now?
You told me you were committed
to taking care of Nana.
Here we go.
If you can't handle it,
you need to tell me.
She's napping, Maddie.
She's fine.
If you can't do it, Jim,
we're gonna have
to put her in a home.
This is her fucking home!
Oh, you are so selfish.
This is about what
Nana needs, not you.
You have no fucking idea
what she needs!
You're so wrapped up
in your own personal tragedy
and your 12-step cult,
you don't see anything
outside of that anymore.
You've checked
out of this family
a long fucking time ago.
Joy, tell me the truth.
Are you two sleeping together?
You think you know
everything, but you don't.
Nana is doing great,
and so am I.
Not everyone needs saving.
We're happy here.
Oh, of course you are.
You have a new girlfriend.
She's not my girlfriend,
you asshole.
I don't even think she's cute.
You're self destructing.
You know that.
There are rules to follow,
and if you don't,
you will end up right back
where you started,
and it will feel so much worse.
I'm not like Kelly, okay?
You don't have to worry.
Hey, don't mind Maddie.
She's crazy.
[shouts angrily]
[shouts]
[muffled scream]
-Thanks.
-Mm-hmm, yeah.
-Have a nice day.
-Hey.
-Hey.
-[chuckles]
How are you?
Good. How are you?
Good.
-Good... Good.
-That's good.
[both chuckle]
I've, uh...
Been thinking about
you a lot recently.
Yeah, I've been
thinking about you too.
Um...
What are you doing
right now?
Are... Are you busy?
Uh, no.
Um, I'm just
shopping for balloons
because I'm supposed
to love myself
-and do things like that now.
-[laughs]
-Um...
-Okay.
How about you?
I am getting some glow sticks
for Logan's warehouse rave.
Nice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
[softly] Yeah.
Yeah.
[both panting]
-[moaning]
-[exhales]
[laughing] Oh, God.
[panting]
[pants, laughs]
So what else is new?
[exhales] Um...
I'm in a band.
Yeah?
[zipper zips]
Oh, cool.
Yeah, I'm, uh, you know,
glad we've both been doing
our own thing, you know?
I've got some stuff going on
too, so I definitely, you know,
I think we should
keep that going.
It's cute you're
in a band though.
Uh, you're not singing?
[chuckles] 'Cause we've seen
you at karaoke, 'cause...
No, I'm just saying, you know,
you always try to... Monkey...
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
Your balloons!
You...
Hey.
Hey.
I made this for you.
See you.
Who was that?
I have no idea.
What happened to 30 days?
I ran into Ben
at the party store.
I told him I was in a band.
And then you fucked
some random dude?
Yeah, I know.
I'm the worst person
in the world.
No.
But you're acting
really stupid.
I get it.
I'm stupid, okay?
Why would you even care?
I thought we were friends.
We're not friends, you idiot.
I love you.
No, you don't.
Yeah, I do.
No, you need to grow up.
You're a fucking lunatic baby.
Oh, really?
Takes one to know one.
That's what babies say.
You need to need
to fucking grow up.
Look at yourself.
Look at me.
We ruin people's lives.
That's who we are!
Let's get out of each other's
lives and save ourselves.
I'm eating this cake.
[sniffles]
[sobs]
[line trilling]
Hi, you've reached Maddie.
Leave a message.
I'll get back
to you as soon as I can.
Hey, Maddie, it's Joy.
I relapsed.
Not with Jim...
With Ben
and some other people.
You were right.
It's worse than before.
I'm so sorry for everything.
You've been nothing
but kind to me.
When I said I'm not like Kelly,
I just meant...
I'm not going anywhere, okay?
I promise.
Thank you for everything
you've done for me.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Sorry.
[groans]
Not sorry.
[metal sizzling]
[microwave pops]
Jim?
[knocking]
Jim?
[musical playing
indistinctly on TV]
Jim?
Oh, hi.
Do you know where Jim is?
What are you watching?
Peeking through her window
at me all the while
Then I see her laughing
And my heart beats
out a mile
It must be love
It's the little waves
That she slicks
down her hair
And every time
I see her I just
Stop and stare
When we finally rendezvous
We live without a care
It must be love
It must be love
It must be love
I gotta go.
It was nice meeting you.
The love she has for me
[music continues indistinctly]
[loud taps]
What was that?
[tapping]
[tapping]
[tapping]
[tapping]
[tapping]
[music playing faintly
through headphones]
We dumped out your booze,
fixed your hole in the wall
We buried your shoes
[knocking on door]
Mama gave up
Jim?
So Daddy
Don't you bother
Coming home
Daddy
Don't you bother
Coming home
Oh, let me help.
Thanks.
[grunts] All righty.
I know you're not like Kelly.
What was she like?
Oh, she was... Complicated.
And awesome,
and she had a great big heart,
just like you,
But she didn't have
the strength you have.
She was not gonna make it
through the darkest moments,
but I know you will,
I think about her all the time.
It keeps me going.
Yeah, me too.
[chuckles]
She was lucky to have you.
Thanks.
[engine revving]
Ey!
[bright synth music]
Ey!
[Joy]
Pretty crazy how we can go
through a bunch of stuff
and not die.
Time doesn't exist,
and five-year-old you
is cheering you on.
[cheers quietly]
[woman] So, is there
anybody here today
who has one-month of sobriety?
[applause]
Congratulations.
Three months?
[applause]
Six months?
Nine months?
One year?
[laughs]
[applause]
Hey.
[both laugh]
I did it.
You did it.
Now, the next time I see you
we're gonna have to start
talking about a dating plan.
That sounds terrible.
[laughs] Oh, it is.
And then it's not.
[exhales]
Listen, I want to thank
you for something.
Thank me?
Jim and I,
we love each other so much.
We've always been
the only other stable person
in each other's lives.
I almost really
fucked that up...
And we're so good now, I...
I just wanted to thank you
for helping me
find my brother again.
I love you, Maddie.
I love you too, Joy.
[both laugh]
-Please.
-Come on. [laughs]
[engine revving]
[Jim on radio]
...slip off your noose
-[laughing]
- So open up your eyes
Ah!
Get down off the chair
Pick up your sticks
Dance like you don't care
Pound out your worry
Kick out your shame
Sing for the sinners
Fly into the flame
[whistling]
[Joy]
"Here's to the Trigger"
sounded so tight
with the synth you added.
So tight.
Did you like the hand claps?
Loved the hand claps.
Were the sirens
at the end too much?
I would normally roll
my eyes at sirens,
but you layered them
in there so gracefully,
I hardly knew
what the sound was.
You're really talented.
Thank you.
How are you?
I'm good.
Mm-hmm.
How are you?
I'm good.
How are you really?
[chuckles]
"How are you really?"
Good.
I said I'm good.
I mean, you know,
I missed you.
My music got so much better
playing with you,
and it was fun. [laughs]
I missed you too.
I play acoustic sets
at the Pig and Whistle now
every Sunday.
Nobody pays attention,
but I don't care.
And Maddie
and her boyfriend eat dinner
with me and Nana
once a week.
Pretty cool.
Oh, I started making waffles
with the waffle iron
that I purchased.
That's fucking awesome.
It really is.
I think we're gonna be okay.
We are okay.
Both of us.
[breath hitches]
[sniffles]
[exhales]
God.
[sniffles]
Ah.
You wanna play?
Yeah.
[playing rock music]
[both] Play it too cool,
you'll freeze yourself
Play it too tight
and you'll snap
Play it too loose
and you'll come undone
'Cause what you're looking
for ain't on a map
You can stick out
your thumb
Chew cinnamon gum
You can hop on a freight
You can swallow the bait
You can rub your lamp
With a forever stamp
You can get there
in a dream
But you need more steam
Time
Time travel
Time
Time travel
[both]
It's not the only way
To get around
To get around
Time is not your enemy
Time is not your friend
It's a mystery
that we can't see
And it feels
like it never ends
Like a bucket of sand
that pours through your hand
So you hope for the best
and you bury the rest
If you could grow
some wings
You might learn some things
[both] Yeah, wouldn't it be
great if you could levitate?
Time
- Time travel
- Time
Time travel
[both] It's not the only way
to get around
To get around
Time
Time travel
Time
Time travel, I'm a supersonic
seed for a tree
[both] Growing backwards
in the ground
Growing backwards
in the ground
Growing backwards
in the ground
Growing backwards in
the ground