1
(GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
Oh, Danny boy, the pipes,
the pipes are calling
ANDREA: What?
From glen to glen
- And down the...
- Are you bored of this?
No, sorry, it
helps me not to cum.
Okay.
Down the mountain side
The rose
You know, it sort of helps
me not to cum as well.
Okay.
- Uh, I'm sorry.
- No, it's okay.
NICK: Nah, come here.
Can we start again?
Can I cum on your face?
Not until I've
met your mother.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
(LIGHTER CLICKING)
You're not gonna get
obsessed with me, are you?
Would you like me to?
Well, look, I, um,
I just split up
with my girlfriend,
so I'm not really available.
When?
No, I mean I'm not, like,
available, you know, ever.
No, I mean, when did you
split up with your girlfriend?
Oh, um, yesterday.
Was that after the
party, after we met?
Yeah, I felt so bothered by
how much I flirted with you
at the party that I broke
up with her afterwards.
Right, right.
She was in love with me.
I mean, we weren't together
that long, but she was, she was,
she was in love.
Maybe she wasn't as in
love with you as you think.
Maybe she was just in love
with the man in your book.
No.
Used to happen
to me all the time.
Still does, actually.
Sorry, I've, uh, I haven't
got round to reading your book.
No, I remember, like, wanting
to when it first came out,
when there was all the
fuss about it, you know?
Mm, it was all fuss.
You might have told me
that you had a girlfriend
before I came over.
Would it have
made a difference?
( "KISS THEM FOR ME" BY
SIOUXSIE AND THE BANSHEES)
It glittered and it gleamed
For the arriving
beauty queen
A ring and a car
Now you're the
prettiest by far
No party she'd not attend
No invitation
she wouldn't send
Transfixed by
the inner sound
Of your promise to be found
Oh
Nothing or no one
Will ever make
me let you down
Kiss them for me,
I may be delayed
Kiss them for me
if I am delayed
It's divoon, oh it's serene
In the fountains
pink champagne
Someone carving
their devotion
In the the heart-shaped
pool of fame
TARA: What's wrong?
- I feel I'm being mocked.
- How am I mocking you?
It.
You're watching the cat
the whole fucking time?
I've been trying not to, but.
- Fuck.
- Oh, no, no, no.
Hey, come back, come back.
Come on, we've never
had unsuccessful sex.
TARA: Yes, we have.
(CHUCKLING)
(CAT PURRING)
ANDREA: So, he fell in
love with a Palestinian woman
when he was a volunteer
doctor in Gaza,
and then she ended
up getting killed.
I can see how that would
sell a million copies.
Mm, two.
Does he fuck heroically?
All one night stands
are acts of bravery.
Or defeat.
Hey, if you're going to work,
do you think you could give
me a lift down the hill?
Andrea, you really need
to learn how to drive,
you know that?
Or else you're just not really
engaging with the city at all.
It's better this way.
I get more writing done.
Why, 'cause you're trapped?
Yeah, it's good.
So, can you give me a lift?
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
I slept with someone
I just met last night.
Was that whore-ish?
Was that a whore-ish
thing to do, do you think?
Oh, well.
You have a whore-ish
vibe about you.
How?
How?
Your clothes, your hair,
I mean, your manner, really.
When I first met you,
I thought, she's, uh,
she'd be open to anything.
- That is not true.
- I know.
I know it's not, and I know
that you've moved down here,
you have got yourself clean,
you go to your meetings.
You got yourself together.
Yeah, I have,
it's been a year.
Right, so?
This is the first untogether
thing you've done in a year.
That's not really
a big deal, is it?
What do you think
of these Clooney news?
Haven't you heard he wants to
play you in the adaptation?
Uh, I kinda think that
George Clooney looks
like a dirty old uncle.
Oh, god, no, were you abused?
No.
Ah, ah. (LAUGHING)
You saw a bestselling
memoir right there
in front of your
eyes, didn't you?
No, no, I mean, I
don't know, maybe.
You're something else.
No, no, no, I'd take any
book you had to offer me,
you know that.
I'm just waiting for you
to tell me what it is.
Otherwise, why would I be
here sweating in California
when I could be in civilization?
NICK: I'm sorry, it
was a happy childhood.
No, no, good, that's good.
Good, jolly good.
Look, I'm a doctor.
I wrote a book
that moved people.
I don't really know anything
about his world of celebrity,
- all that's...
- Hi, um,
I just wanted to tell
you that your book
is the most beautiful love
story I have ever read
in my entire life.
Oh, thank you.
- Okay.
- Nice seeing you.
Thanks.
Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.
What are you thinking about?
I was trying to conjure
up what Naima looked like.
It's been too long now that
I feel I've almost lost her.
No, she's on the page forever.
She's in our hearts forever.
Oh, no, I'll get this.
- No, I'd like to.
- Oh, no, no.
'Cause I can expense it.
Don't be ridiculous.
No, no, no, I would like to
because you're a
woman and I'm a man.
(GENTLE PIANO MUSIC)
- You're really beardy.
- Mm.
TARA: I've done
everything I can,
but it's pretty hard with the...
Yeah, I know, it's limiting.
I told my wife it would be
but she said this is one
great anniversary present.
TARA: Mm.
It's not you.
You're very good, actually.
I know.
(SPRAY HISSING)
- Oh, what is that, it's...
- Really soothing.
It's got a little bit of
orange, a little bit of clove,
- and myrrh.
- That sounds biblical.
Yes, I do a toner,
and then I do a microdermabrasion,
and then I take a sword
and I sacrifice you
to a vengeful lord.
Just kidding.
God steps in and
saves you at the end.
So what do you do?
I'm a rabbi.
- You're kidding.
- No.
You're just saying that
because of what I just said.
You're just making fun of me
because you have a beard...
That I grew just so I can
tell people I'm a rabbi?
No, why are you so surprised?
I just didn't think
that you'd be able to,
to do something like this.
- Why?
- Wasn't it vain?
It feels vain, yeah.
Do you feel like an asshole?
I, uh.
I'm sorry, I'm
a really bad Jew.
I feel weird even touching you,
like I'm touching the Torah
on my period or something.
(RABBI GROANS)
I'm not, I finished
four days ago.
Three days ago.
Oh, well, that
explains a lot, I guess.
Thanks for sharing.
(LAUGHING) I'm sorry.
Am I blotchy at all?
TARA: No, you're glowing.
Oh, good, yeah.
I feel like a foreskin.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
I don't know why I said that.
Listen, Tara, thank
you very much.
Aw, thank you.
You did great.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
RABBI: It was a lot
of hard work, believe me.
All right, bye.
I wish that I had asked
my dad more about Jew stuff,
but I don't really think
that he even knew
that much himself.
I mean, he grew up in England
and they kinda kept it quiet.
My grandparents sent him to
boarding school when he was four
so he would become less Jewish.
That is awful.
Listen, if you wanna
reconnect with your roots,
feel free to come to
my congregation, okay,
I think you'd really enjoy it.
Okay.
(GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
RABBI: Come before I die.
(TARA GIGGLES)
(PHONE CHIMING)
(PHONE BUZZING)
You don't write very
well for a writer.
Um, I'm a doctor.
I could do a post-coital
removal of your spleen
but I think you'd be
even less inclined
to sleep with me again.
- Again?
- Yeah.
What?
I thought it went well.
It went well like
a Scrabble game?
Look, we can have a fling,
if you want, an affair.
A flingair?
Yeah, a flingair.
How would you define that?
Something that's
so light as air
that neither one of us
could possibly get hurt.
You know, I bought my cousins
a toy once called a flinger.
It was this sort of long,
stretchy jelly hand thing,
and you could fling
it at other kids or,
if you were feeling
bold, at an adult.
Um, did you take my shirt?
No.
Maybe we're just
better as a one off.
You know, like all those
beautiful one hit wonder bands.
No, no, I wanna see you again.
I just, I guess I feel that I
don't wanna have to call you.
If you don't want to call me
and you do want to
have sex with me,
then how will I know
if you want sex?
I'll text you.
(GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
You look really great.
Thank you, you too.
It's been a really long time.
Did you fall in love again?
You must have, tell
me, you did, you must,
because you love love so much.
Why, did you?
No, I didn't fall in love.
I did get married again, though.
Wow, you like getting married.
Oh, the first one
doesn't count, right?
I mean, you were
practically a child bride.
Oh, sure.
And are you still taking smack?
Yeah, yeah, I do, I
do still take heroin.
I smoke it.
You, um?
Uh, you know, I got clean.
- 20th time lucky.
- Ah.
MARTIN: But you're
so different to her.
Yeah, well, I had Good Dad.
You saw me when he died,
he was the love of my life.
It's not her memory of him.
How old?
- What?
- No, no, your dog.
Your dog, no, six?
Six. (CHUCKLING)
Ha, yeah, you're
really good at that.
Thank you, she broke
up with me for a month
and all I did was
sit on the couch
watching The Dog Whisperer, so.
Ugh.
Baby, I've got some news.
TARA: What?
I have, uh, I got a gig.
The house behind
The Canyon Store?
No, no, no, not
that type of gig.
Like, I mean, like a gig gig.
I am putting the
band back together.
- What?
- Yeah, yeah.
Just, I mean, just for a night,
- just for a night.
- Oh, my god.
But if it goes
well, if it goes well,
then I'm gonna do it
for another night.
And then another night,
and then another night,
and then another night, and.
(TARA GIGGLING)
TARA: Mm.
(GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
The internet is
actually fast food
that you can eat
without chewing.
That's his wife.
RABBI: Yes, it's made
the world a smaller place,
- they say,
- I've met her.
RABBI: but is that
really a good thing?
She can be a
controlling bitch.
RABBI: Libraries are the
loneliest place in town...
I'm Rachel.
I'm the daughter.
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
The things we need most
are not informational.
Can Siri Google your soul?
I'd like to end tonight
by reminding you
that at the end of the month,
we have our rally for
our Syrian refugees.
I'd like you all to be there
because somebody was
there for us when we came.
Somebody was there for your
grandfather when he came.
Somebody was there for your
great-grandfather when he came.
Somebody was there.
So be there for them.
(LIVELY KLEZMER MUSIC)
(CONGREGATION CLAPPING)
(CONGREGATION LAUGHING)
Shabbat shalom.
Hello, again.
Thank you.
TARA: Hi.
I had a feeling I
would see you here.
- You did?
- I did, I did.
How does my skin look?
- Fine.
- Good.
(TARA GIGGLES)
This is actually my first
time at a temple ever.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Except for, um, when
my dad died last year.
- I'm sorry.
- We were more cultural Jews.
- Bagels...
- Woody Allen.
Albert Brooks.
Albert Brooks, Lost in
America, fantastic movie.
Your daughter is really nice.
No, she's not.
(TARA LAUGHING)
I'm just kidding, yes,
she's lovely, thank you.
I had nothing to do
with that, believe me.
Will you come to the rally
at the end of the month?
I can't, my boyfriend
is actually playing a show
that night, he's a musician,
he used to be a rock guy
before I knew him,
before I was born.
No, just kidding.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
But, uh, yeah, I
should go to that.
Okay.
(TARA CHUCKLES)
Why don't you bring
him next time?
- He's not Jewish.
- It doesn't matter.
We extend the branch to
people of all faiths.
And you see how important
music is to the service.
I'd love you to bring him.
This was a rocking
Shabbat, was it not?
TARA: Yes.
RABBI'S WIFE:
Wait, is it Talia?
No, it's Tara.
Oh, my bad, I Italianized you,
which is the secret wish
of all Jewish women.
(ALL CHUCKLING AWKWARDLY)
What are you wearing?
It smells amazing.
I don't think it's anything.
That's all, that's natural?
TARA: Yes.
Oh, so the last
time I saw you,
I was naked
- and covered in honey.
- Hello.
I work at a spa. (CHUCKLING)
- Okay.
- Okay.
Tara, thank you
so much for coming.
- Thank you.
- It was delightful
- to see you again.
- Yes.
- I appreciate it.
- Can I, you know who she
- really reminds me of?
- Who is that, dear?
Maria Schneider in
Last Tango in Paris.
- Oh.
- I...
- No, I'm telling you.
- I'll Google it.
Maybe not.
- It's rather racy.
- Oh.
She's a grown
woman. (CHUCKLING)
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Shabbat shalom.
- Shabbat shalom.
Shabbat shalom.
He marched with
Martin Luther King
in the civil right movement.
He's like this
electric, famous orator.
He's a total, total rockstar.
ANDREA: Is he a charlatan?
No, why would you say that?
I wouldn't trust anyone
you called a rockstar.
Except Crosby, Stills,
Nash, and Young.
You trust all four of them?
No, not Neil.
I don't know why, though,
there's something...
Is it because he looks like
a horse peed on his jeans
and he just left them on
and let them dry in the sun?
- Yes.
- Mm-hmm. (GIGGLING)
Why are you wearing
a bloke's shirt?
This is just my nightie.
You had a one night stand,
now you're wearing his nightie.
It's mine, I earned it.
It's not even a good one.
How do you know?
'Cause I used to be
able to afford them.
Stop.
You should send it back.
You know where he lives?
'Cause you don't wanna be
smelling it and giving you ideas.
What ideas?
Well, that it's more
than a one night stand.
It's not, I said that.
He actually asked me if I
wanted to have an affair,
and I said no.
( "HALLOWEEN BY THE SEA"
BY BART & THE BEDAZZLED)
I watched the sun go down
On the USA
Suburban boulevards
Cities in decay
People in dismay
(ANDREA MOANING)
Do I own you now?
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
I heard the sun go down
Okay, I'm late for work,
but I told Andrea
that you were here
in case she wanted
to do the groceries.
And I might be, uh,
late home again tonight
because I think I'm gonna
stop by the temple again.
Hmm.
Again, already?
Yeah, I just, I've
been missing Dad a lot,
and I feel like it's a good
place to connect with him.
I understand.
Wasted on the beach
What a scene
When I was 13, we were
living on the Lower East Side
of New York City, and
two floors above us
was a young man named
Mickey Schwerner.
Ah, that's a Jewish name.
That's like being called
Joey Rabinowitz. (GIGGLING)
Well, Mickey and his wife
Rita lived two floors above us,
and he was older than I was,
but he was very good to me
in a way that older boys are not
'cause they don't like to be
seen with the little kids.
Mm-hmm.
And they were activists.
They worked for CORE.
CORE?
Congress of Racial Equality.
Hmm, that would definitely
be an abs class now.
And they were
very brave people.
They were Freedom Riders
in the truest sense.
They would go down South
and register African
Americans to vote.
They would boycott businesses
until they desegregated.
Mm-hmm.
They were very
inspiring young people,
and it was Mickey who
taught me about Dr. King.
And I read everything I could.
And I listened to
him whenever I could.
And I just was awestruck.
(ANDREA WHISTLING)
I know you make
a solid living,
but I've never seen
you actually painting.
I am starving.
Do you wanna get breakfast?
Doing the walk of shame, huh?
No, I don't feel shame.
Oh, you should.
It's a very useful emotion.
You are so fucking judgmental.
You must have been
a shit rockstar.
No, I was good,
actually, and beloved,
which your sister will find out
when she comes to see the show.
I sat next to Mickey
just so by osmosis
I thought I could become
a better person, you know?
But it doesn't work
by osmosis, no,
you have to walk the walk,
talk the talk, ride the bus.
And 50 years later, organize
a rally for Syrian refugees.
Sorry, I didn't mean
to say Syrian refugees
like it was a bad thing.
It is a bad thing.
Is that pink?
Are you gonna be doing
a cover of Barbie Girl?
- By Aqua?
- Yeah, I fucking know
who sings Barbie Girl.
You've got me pegged
wrong, sister.
You've got me in the
one hit wonder count,
but I had two hits.
Two bites at the cherry, so.
You know, I have a picture,
George Harrison, in my office,
because I thought he
was the one Beatle
that was truest to his ideals.
Yeah, he also spoiled at
least three classic albums
with his love of sitar.
(RABBI CHUCKLES)
Wait, um, do you guys
want to come with me tonight
to a book party?
She's busy.
Okay.
Well, do you want to come?
(MARTIN SCOFFS)
No.
No, you're rude.
You're rude.
You look like velvet but
you're Velcro, scratchy.
So then what happened
with Mickey Jewinowitz?
Mickey was murdered
in 1964 in Mississippi
along with two fellow
civil rights workers,
James Chaney, Andrew Goodman.
They were beaten, shot to death,
and buried by
members of the KKK.
(GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
Long time ago.
But that's what got me started.
I didn't know where
that story was going.
I'm sorry, I was just trying
to make you laugh, and...
Tara, no, no, no.
You didn't know what
I was about to say.
So, what did you wanna ask me?
Oh, um, your boyfriend
is a musician, yes?
Yeah.
Oh, so I was thinking that
maybe you could talk to him
about organizing an
interfaith concert
in support of the rally.
Uh,
- yep.
- Yes?
- Okay.
- I think it'd be spectacular.
I will do that
when I get home.
- Thank you very much.
- Okay.
I'm really sorry about Mickey.
Thank you.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Hey.
Oh.
I'm Sevan.
Seven, like a
Seven Nation Army.
No, it's just like Evan
with an S on the front.
Hmm.
You're dressed in all '50s.
'60s.
You know, I once wrote a
story for The Paris Review,
it's about this beautiful girl,
she worked in a vintage store...
I don't work in
a vintage store.
I'm a writer.
Oh, that's fantastic.
Oh, man, you should
definitely work in that
until you make it.
You know, don't give up.
I'm a published author.
Okay, okay.
So, what's the book about,
that you're trying
to get published?
It's been published in
several different languages.
Hey.
Hi.
Where's my wine?
I don't work here.
Oh no?
- Yeah.
- Oh.
You look like more of
a waitress than I do.
(LIGHTER CLICKING)
NICK: Hey.
Hi.
Fancy seeing you here.
Yeah, I didn't know
you knew Ben and Ginny.
- Yeah, hi.
- Hello.
I like your vintage dress.
Thanks, it's my
superhero costume.
Is it?
Always.
Um, you are quite the amazon.
That's why she's
good to have at a party
where we're trying to
sell a lot of books.
Hey.
Hey.
Do you know Andrea Moore?
She wrote Anxiety is
Freedom when was, what, 23?
Oh, yes, of
course, great book.
Right, right, so,
who are you, mate?
Sorry, who are you?
Oh, I don't matter.
Come on, man,
everyone matters.
(MARTIN SCOFFS)
Everyone's got a good book
in them too, you know?
I don't.
(MARTIN COUGHING)
(ANDREA CHUCKLES)
I'd better go. (COUGHING)
NICK: Sorry, man.
No, can I talk to
you for a moment?
Yeah.
I, I,
I do not like that guy.
And I don't like this party.
- I'm going.
- I'm staying.
How are you gonna get home?
Yes, I do remember that book.
It wasn't bad at all,
although I don't agree
with the philosophy
behind the Anxiety is Freedom.
Even understand anxiety,
it's such a foreign
concept to me.
You can go, it's fine.
What would you sister say
if I just abandoned you here?
She doesn't care.
She doesn't do what
you want her to do,
why would you do what
she wants you to do?
MARTIN: Ugh.
EDITOR: So, you're
English, are you?
- Yes.
- Yeah, where are you from?
Golders Green.
- Golders Green.
- Yeah.
Yes, I know, Golders Green,
on the end of the tube line.
Yeah.
So I haven't followed
you since your first book.
There hasn't been another one.
There hasn't been another one.
Andrea moved coasts,
so she's got an epic
masterpiece under wraps.
Never leave too
long between books.
That's what I always
tell my clients.
So, I'm so sorry,
but your really, really
remind me of someone.
It is on the tip of my tongue.
So just give me
three, two, I have it.
I have it and I bet you
get it all the time.
Amy Winehouse.
No.
I never got that.
- It's a compliment.
- Hmm.
(GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
How was your night?
Can't complain.
(INHALES SHARPLY)
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
Some people spend a lifetime
- Hmm.
- Wait.
Hmm?
What do you think would
be the most difficult song
to make love to?
You're always playing
this mood music.
And I feel like you play it
for all the girls, but like,
what would be a challenge?
NICK: Oh, god.
Free Nelson Mandela?
- You have that?
- No.
- Punk would be tricky.
- No, it's not.
Oh, okay, I've got it.
Yes, yes, ah!
NICK: This better be good.
ANDREA: Just wait for it.
( "SHINY HAPPY PEOPLE"
BY R.E.M.)
(NICK LAUGHING)
Shiny happy people laughing
Meet me in the
crowd, people, people
Throw your love around,
love me, love me
Take it into
town, happy, happy
Put it in the ground
where the flowers grow
Can you leave your
scrubs on, please?
NICK: Of course.
(Andrea giggles)
Gold and silver shine
(GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
Is this okay?
That I do this in front of you?
Yeah.
I never had a
problem with drink.
You do, though.
Don't you have work to do?
No.
Today's my day off.
It's my drinking day.
Look at you.
You're so fucking sexy.
I fucking love fucking you.
You're not exactly a
natural wordsmith, are you?
NICK: Yeah.
Come back.
I've got a conference
call with my agent.
Do you still have an agent?
I don't know, to be honest.
Come back.
( "LECHA DODI" BY
DISTANT COUSINS)
(SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
(CONGREGATION CLAPPING)
Hi.
Hi, careful, my hair clip, oh.
Why are you reading TMZ?
If you're gonna waste your time,
can't you read a
less disgusting site?
It's founded by one of
your fellow congregants.
- Well, it's disgusting.
- I know.
And that's why everyone
hates the Jews.
That's not why.
Everyone does not hate the Jews.
You just say that
'cause you had Bad Dad.
Right, so I have good reason.
- I don't wanna read it.
- Neither did I
until I got sucked in correcting
all the grammatical errors,
which took forever.
You copy-edited
the Daily Mail?
I tried to upload
the fixed version,
but they weren't very receptive.
No more talking
to crazy people.
You spent a really long
time trying to get well.
You should be talking
to sane people.
What sane people?
There aren't any left.
I don't have an agent.
I can't talk to Nick.
He's much too
successful to just talk.
And you guys don't
wanna hang out with me.
Okay, that's not true.
(TARA SIGHS)
These are so good.
MARTIN: Angel, what's wrong?
Hmm!
Nothing, it's just
that time of the month.
Hmm.
Is there anything I can do?
- Hmm?
- No.
Hmm, hmm, baby, hmm.
You're so wonderful.
You women, the way you
cleanse yourself, hmm.
Hmm, hmm.
- Hey.
- Hmm?
I just want you to
feel close to me again.
Do you wanna come
to services with me?
I thought you'd never ask.
Hmm, hmm.
(LIVELY MUSIC)
(SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
It's really nice
that you brought me.
But
I should go to band practice
'cause we've only got a
week left, should I go?
Right?
Everybody, clap your hands
- Oh, fuck off.
- Martin.
Any thought
Any prayer
That is whispered
In this world
And the next world
And the next world
And the next world
Enjoy yourself. (SPEAKING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
- Hi.
- Hi, there.
- Hi, there.
- Hi.
- And you must be?
- Martin.
Martin, I'm David, Josie.
Hello, nice to meet...
I hear you're a
fantastic musician.
And I'll paint your
house for a 100 quid.
Wow, is that good?
No, not really.
(LAUGHING)
Well, we're big fans
of your girl here.
Yeah, more woman.
I always end up explaining that.
To whom?
Um, myself, I think.
I really love the dancers.
- Well, that was Josie's idea.
- Oh.
And they're part of the
rally at the end of the month.
I'm sorry you can't make that.
- Hmm, unfortunately we can't.
- We can't.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Boy, the Holocaust was a
terrible business, wasn't it?
I mean, just terrible business.
(STRUMMING GUITAR)
(CAT MEOWING)
Why is it taking you
so long to write again?
ANDREA: I got clean.
When was the last time
you went to a meeting?
Um, I go twice a week.
So last time I went
was a month ago.
That guy, that is
a serious, look it,
he's a seriously
good-looking guy.
Look, pfft.
He's not a writer.
He's a doctor.
He doesn't slave over sentences.
He's just a chancer
who got lucky.
Fuck me, you're
in love with him
and jealous of him as well.
There is no true love.
Only a finely tuned jealousy.
Oh.
- Did you write that?
- Yes.
No, you didn't.
It's a Manic Street
Preachers B-Side.
My influences are diverse.
MARTIN: Oh.
All I'm saying is that
something really
sad happened to him,
and all he had to do
was write it down.
He had to feel it.
He had to translate the feeling.
There ain't
hardly been a time
When that's been
too good to lose
When I should know
That I'm always
free to choose
TARA: Good day's work?
I'm sorry, I was just
really focused on this thing.
I got you a Torah.
You're proselytizing now?
No, I just thought that you
might get something out of it.
Thanks.
What's wrong with Perry?
What do you mean?
I mean he looks really weird.
He always looks weird.
(PHONE CHIMING)
Right, I'm gonna
take him to the vet.
Okay, Perry.
Perry, I'm gonna
take you to the vet
just as soon as
I get back, okay?
(GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
(BOTH BREATHING DEEPLY)
I keep thinking of
you there in Gaza
and all that you went through.
NICK: Yeah, come here.
Oh, god, everything I
wanna say is so crazy.
I just wanna be stopped.
(ANDREA CRYING)
Hey, you okay?
Yeah.
- No.
- I'm sorry.
When you say to me,
when you say to me
that you wanna own me,
why you say that?
'Cause you're so beautiful.
Why do you wanna be owned?
'Cause I wanna be
corralled by someone.
I wanna be led to some sort
of safety in confinement.
I wish you didn't
do this to yourself.
So do I.
It was the strangest thing,
waiting for my dad to
come home from tour,
just waiting for him to
pay attention to anything
but his fucking band,
you know, and just.
But he couldn't, because
then he would come home,
then he would come home and
just want to get strung out.
That's horrible.
So then, when I was 15, I
decided to join him, and I did.
And I did.
Jesus Christ.
It worked then
for a few weeks.
But then he was so
upset by what he'd done,
and he got clean.
NICK: Something
cracked in him, I guess.
And I got stuck, you see?
I got stuck, I got hooked.
I got hooked and I
couldn't get off of it.
(ANDREA CRYING)
NICK: You're all right.
(ANDREA GROANING)
I'm here.
(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC)
Perry?
(SMACKING LIPS)
Perry.
(SMACKING LIPS)
(SIGHS) Perry.
(PERRY MEOWING)
Oh!
So your cat hadn't
urinated in over four days.
He has crystals in his urine
that can't pass through the
tip of the urethra in his penis
because it's too narrow.
In extreme cases,
we castrate them and
we reconstruct a vagina
so that the urethra is wide
enough for the crystals to pass.
I'm afraid that's what
we need to do to Perry.
You're joking.
I'm serious.
He'll die otherwise.
Be happy you got
him here in time.
And that you gave
him a unisex name.
TARA: Hey.
Where the fuck were you?
Yeah, I was helping the
rabbi archive his sermons.
Of course you were.
What's that supposed to mean?
You think this man is
gonna change your life
like some magical unicorn?
I don't think that
he really unicorn.
You think he's a Pegasus?
Some sort of Yiddish leprechaun?
One who's going
to grant your wish
and lead you to
your pot o' gelt?
Oh, so should I be like you?
Chasing a man in the
prime of his career
and screwing every girl he can,
texting you when he possibly
remember to give a fuck?
Ladies.
Calm down.
EDITOR: Ahem.
Hi, gorgeous, missed you.
All right, no, you can't be
here to talk about promotion.
We're flogging a
dead horse here.
No, I'm not, we're
not flogging anything.
Um, you excuse me a minute?
Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
It's okay.
Fuck.
Fuck!
(GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
If I get the risotto,
you'll help me out
with that, would you?
The ninth printing of
your memoir has been halted,
effective immediately.
Why?
All existing copies are
being pulped and you know why.
I don't know why.
Ah, god, don't do
this, this is dull.
Are we really gonna do this?
I don't know why.
Can you fill me in?
Hmm. (CHUCKLES)
You see, Nick, there
wasn't a Naima.
You made her up.
Your whole tragic love
story was an invention.
I'm so sorry.
EDITOR: I actually
don't think that you are.
When I realized that
you'd figured it out,
I went into the bathroom and
I vomited into the trash can.
Show me the vomit.
What?
If you were in the
bathroom, by a loo,
why would you vomit
into a trash can?
You see, Nick,
it just doesn't make sense.
I'm sorry you found out.
Are you all right?
Can you come by?
Tonight, please,
come by, tonight.
I need to talk to you.
Because I feel like I can.
Shiny happy people holding
Shiny happy people...
Hey, um,
do you think that Martin's
gonna be okay for his show?
Yeah, I mean, he's
certainly excited about it.
Mainly for you to be there.
You've never seen
that part of his life.
Right, but do you
think that he's ready?
Um, he's definitely been
eating in preparation for it.
Has he?
Tara, he's gained, like,
10 pounds in the last week.
(PHONE RINGING)
Oh, shh, it's him, hi.
Hi, baby.
It's your baby.
Shh, sorry, babe.
I can't really
hear you right now.
That's because he's
eating the phone.
He's accidentally dialed
the number with his tooth.
- No.
- Shh!
Let me call you right back.
Okay, I love you too, bye.
(ANDREA SQUEALING)
Are you just bathing in
your bras and underwear?
I'm washing 'em, killing
two birds with one stone.
Yeah, but then you're just
stewing in your own filth.
Always.
Pared the set list
down from 12 to 10,
gonna leave them wanting
more, blah blah blah.
And sold 400 tickets.
TARA: Can we get home?
Sir, can I ask you?
How old are your dogs?
Is the one that you're
holding six or seven,
and your son's, three?
Seven and three, yeah.
Seven and three.
I've still got it, baby.
I really, really need to pee.
So go.
Look, right there.
I painted the sign myself.
That doesn't look like a lady.
And yet you know
that that is a lady.
I'll just skip it.
Because I'm not Basquiat,
you'd rather, what,
- piss in your pants?
- Yeah, I would.
Hmm, okay.
Basquiat was an abstractist,
so that wasn't a good example.
Well, Wittgenstein
was a philosopher,
and he basically said
that if you recognize
something as a sign,
then it is a correct sign.
That's a lady.
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
What?
I'm sure I'm not the
first kid to piss myself
on that jungle gym.
You're not a kid.
Just 'cause you're younger
than me, you're an adult.
You're meant to be.
TARA: Is there any situation
in which you wouldn't
be attracted to me?
What?
I'm not attracted to
you right now, okay?
You're scaring me.
What's with you?
What's changed?
What have I done?
- It's like I annoy you.
- Yeah, you're annoying.
You're a fucking cunt!
Do you want those washed?
That was unforgivable.
You're beautiful,
you're not a cunt.
I am, though.
I hate it.
I didn't wanna
spoil the surprise,
but I've written you a song.
TARA: I don't wanna
hear it right now.
I'll play it for
you tomorrow night.
Okay.
Why weren't you answering me?
I was going crazy.
My cat had actually had
an emergency sex change.
It cost $5,000.
They found, like, crystals
got caught in his urine
and they actually
blocked his penis,
so they had to remove
the entire thing.
It kinda felt like a sign,
I mean the castration part.
I think we should break up.
Why?
If what we're having
is meaningless,
what meaning is
there in breaking up?
Have you lost weight?
Why?
Your boobs look smaller.
Do you want your money back?
No, Jesus, what
do you think of me?
Look, you were just so sad
last time you were here,
I was worried.
So worried that you had to
leave while I was sleeping.
I had to clear my head.
I really don't know you.
I mean, other than your memoir.
Look, I'm a good guy, really.
I know, it says
so in your novel.
R.E.M.
I don't want to listen
to R.E.M. right now.
Okay, right, R.E.M.,
they were seen as hollow
just because they were
so fucking popular,
but they were special.
And just because
they were on the fucking
radio all the time,
it doesn't negate the songs
that Michael Stipe wrote.
Are you saying that
you are the Michael Stipe
of this situation?
You know,
I loved the part in your
novel where you say...
Wait.
- ...that the mouth...
- I'm sorry.
You read my novel?
Of course, I had to.
I had to piece it together.
We have great sex.
Thank you.
No, I mean, it's not
you, it's just chemistry.
Okay.
What do you think it means?
I think it means that we
are compatible in some way.
But you don't want that.
No, and neither do you.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC)
(CROWD CHATTERING)
Thank you.
Hello, there.
Um, so, we are in a little
bit of a delay right now.
There's a lot of traffic,
people can't get here.
I guess the moral
of the story is
don't schedule a rally during
rush hour in Los Angeles.
But people are coming in.
We're hoping for a
very large turnout
because this is such, such a
test of people's compassion.
Okay.
Thank you.
Okay, the ones that are
here are really passionate.
Oh, please don't.
There's nobody here.
- Well...
- I can't.
- No, there's...
- Jo.
JOSIE: There's a
really big accident...
- Jo.
- Okay.
- They're coming, though.
- Jo, Jo.
We don't even have enough
for minion man march.
What is wrong with people?
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
- Hi.
- Oh, hey, hey.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Nice, um.
- Andrea.
This is my girlfriend's
big sister.
ANDREA: Big
sis, the older one.
Let's go.
- You, you don't know.
- Nice to meet you.
- It's so smoky, it's like...
- Well, it is a club.
Yeah, but I can't sing.
Can't you stop
being such an old man?
MARTIN: Not really.
(Andrea laughs)
Where is she?
Uh, I mean, she
must be on her way.
She's probably having
trouble parking.
I have to do
something, I'm sorry.
MARTIN: What?
ANDREA: It's going
to help, I promise.
Oh, no, no.
- No, no, no, no.
- Please, please.
Fuck off, fuck off.
ANDREA: I want
you to look great.
Look, I'm, I'm old, I mean.
Yeah, but you can
be old and sexy too.
I just, uh.
All right, oh, sorry.
Okay.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
What gives this
mess some grace
Unless it's kicks, man
Unless it's fiction
Unless it's sweat
or it's songs
What hits against this chest
Unless it's a
sick man's hand
From some mid-level band
He's been driving too long
On a dark windless night
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
With the stereo on
And the towns flying by
And the ground getting soft
And the sound
From down
Unless it's tricks, man
- Hey.
- Hi.
Yay.
I am convinced that I will
not get so broke up again
And on a seven-day high
That heavenly song
Punches right
through my mind
And it pumps
through my blood
And I know it's a lie
But I still give my love
And the heart's
all locked up
For your hands
to pluck off, oh
What gives this
mess some grace
Unless it's fiction
Unless it's licks, man
Unless it's lies
or it's love
What breaks our
heart the most
I'm, uh, happy to see you,
but I didn't expect to see you.
You made plans to your
boyfriend's show or something.
Yeah, plans change.
Ah, okay.
I wanna tell her that
your love isn't lost
Say, my heart
is still crossed
Scream, you're so wonderful
What a dream in the dark
About working so hard
About growing so stoned
Actually, plans didn't change.
I just wanted to
be here with you.
Believe in the
light on your own
La, la, la, la
Oh, oh, oh, oh
(AUDIENCE CHEERING
AND APPLAUDING)
I didn't realize you
could sing like that.
I didn't know.
Sorry, I'm so impressed.
Where was she?
She didn't tell me
what a big deal you were.
She doesn't really know.
Where was she?
I don't know.
Hi, can I get you a drink?
Oh, um, uh.
Thank you, no, I'm taken,
but thank you, though.
Come on, now.
Are you crazy?
She only wanted to
buy you a drink.
Fuck Tara, she
isn't fucking here.
You want me to
cheat on your sister?
- That's not gonna happen.
- No.
No, I'm not, I would not like
you to cheat on my sister,
but I would like her
to treat you better.
She treats me fine.
Hmm, then where is she?
You're right,
she should be here.
Hmm.
Um.
I can't.
Why?
It won't make me any younger.
It won't make me less
committed to another woman.
Tara, but I can't.
You're gonna make a lot
of mistakes in your life.
I don't wanna be one of them.
(ANDREA MOANING)
Sorry.
You look like her,
you smell like her.
But you are nice to me, and I...
It's okay.
Didn't mean anything.
Just that you're not happy.
So why do you put up with it?
- Because I love her.
- Hmm.
How was it?
(GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
He kissed me
for a second.
He thought I was you.
He wanted me to be you.
Of course he wants
me to be you. (SOBBING)
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
You should have been there.
You missed out.
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
I don't wanna be
with you anymore.
Okay, just
tell me what I need
to do to fix it.
Why don't you kiss
my sister again?
Oh, fuck off.
You're a coward.
(PERRY MEOWING)
Hey, how old is
your dog, nine, 10?
She's one.
(DOG PANTING)
Don't look at my dog.
(TENSE MUSIC)
He doesn't have to
go back to Australia.
I told him he didn't even
have to move out of the house.
Of course he does.
You're so fucking selfish.
I mean,
when you love someone,
your lives intertwine.
You take responsibility
for them.
He took responsibility for you.
Yeah, he's older than me.
You should have taken
responsibility for him.
( "DEAR JOHN" BY RYAN
ADAMS AND NORAH JONES)
A house full of walls
And utility bills
Are you going to be okay?
The company calls
I got a nice bed to sleep on
I don't really have much
of a choice now, do I?
Yes, you do.
You could fall into a pit
of sorrow and despair.
Yeah, that's a choice.
You? (CLEARS THROAT)
ANDREA: I'm going to dwell
and turn the sadness
over and over
in my mouth like a fine wine.
Of course you are.
And the other one's gone
I'm gonna leave you with
some words of wisdom, if I may.
You keep trying to
get inside of this man
and you're banging your
head against the sky
because you can't, but he
is just someone you conjured
so you don't have to
deal with reality.
But most of them went
Last time
'Cause you're always mine
to keep when you're gone
Two silver rings
One's on your finger
and the other one's gone
Went underground
with you, oh John
Oh John
Oh John
Oh John
I miss you
I miss you
Are you free?
Would you like a regular
facial or an express?
Doesn't matter,
regular, I guess.
(GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
I just wanna say that I'm
sorry if I ever hurt you.
TARA: Close your eyes.
I'm just gonna leave
this for 10 minutes.
I'll be outside.
(LATCH CLICKING)
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
(DOOR CLICKING)
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
Dammit.
(DOOR CLICKING)
Time's up.
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
Pfft, it's fucking ridiculous.
Yeah?
I'm not.
Fucking kidding me?
- Andrea.
- Hmm.
Andrea, wake up.
Look, look, look.
ANDREA: What am I looking at?
There wasn't really a Naima.
So who was there?
No one, he's just a man
alone with a story in his head.
That is so fucked.
Are you pissed?
- Uh, no.
- Why?
Because we all make
up stories, we all lie.
I don't.
Yes, you do.
You lie to yourself that the
rabbi was going to marry you.
I'm not saying that as a
judgment, I'm really not.
I mean, I, I've been lying
that I am finishing my book.
You are finishing your book.
- You're almost done.
- No, I'm absolutely not.
The only thing I
wrote this summer
was a few clever texts to Nick.
Oh, and I wrote an essay.
That's good.
I sent it out
about two weeks ago.
Still waiting to hear back.
Oh, you'll like this.
You copy edited the Torah?
Yeah.
There were too many ands.
Look, I'll show you.
And Abraham went
up out of Egypt,
and he went on his journey
from the South to Bethlehem,
and Abraham called out
in the name of the Lord.
It's too much.
But you read it?
ANDREA: Mm-hmm.
The whole thing?
Yes.
So you really are a doctor?
I really am a doctor.
And you really did
volunteer in Gaza?
Yeah.
But there wasn't a Naima.
There was an Arab
girl at a McDonald's
that I thought
was really pretty.
What?
She stayed in my head.
And what happened to her?
She just stayed in my head.
Wow, really, that's amazing.
That's real writing.
That's experience strained
through imagination.
Do you know that?
You know, I only
lied about love.
That was the only
thing I lied about.
That's why
everyone is so upset.
If you had lied
about anything else,
they would have
forgiven you by now.
Then my editor said
that she knew all along
that there was something hollow
about the heart of all this.
She didn't.
No.
She actually wants me to go
on The View to apologize.
Don't do that, you
shouldn't do that.
I don't feel I have to.
I don't think what
I did was so wrong.
I just made it how
I wanted it to be.
What about you?
You think I'm a horrible person?
Yes, I do.
But not because of that.
I actually like you more now.
Oh, don't do that.
What, like you?
Yeah.
Why, does it make
you like me less?
Yeah.
You're a pretty
great girl otherwise.
( "UNTOGETHER" BY BELLY)
I was friendly
with this girl
- Who insisted
- Wait.
On touching my face
She told outrageous stories
I believed them
Till the endings were
changing from endings before
She's not touching
me anymore
Untogether
(CAR HORN HONKING)
(TIRES SQUEALING)
I couldn't help her
I got hard
You can try your life
COUNSELOR: Do you wanna
introduce yourself, Nick?
Do I really need
an introduction?
Please?
I'm Nick, and I'm,
and I'm a doctor.
And I'm also,
I'm also a, I'm also
a kind of a writer.
Well, I was kind of a writer,
but I can't really write,
but I did come up
with a good story.
And?
Mm-hmm, yep.
And, um,
and I'm a prick and a liar,
and I deserve everything
that befell me.
Everything that, um,
I deserve everything
that happened to me.
Befell is overwritten.
(GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
Holy shit. (LAUGHING)
Holy shit.
I'm in fucking rehab
and you're gonna drive
me back to drink.
I don't drive.
Ah, fucking brilliant,
Andrea, New Yorker worthy.
Oh, but wait, it didn't
come out of my mouth,
so why would you
bother using it?
ANDREA: Oh, you
don't like the article?
What are you talking about?
No, I loved it.
I love having my life spread
across the fucking page
for the world to read.
ANDREA: You did it yourself.
I did it to myself?
Are you fucking kidding me?
This isn't even writing.
You made me do things to you
so you'd have something
to write about again.
You realize that?
ANDREA: I didn't
make you do anything.
Except that I'm fucking
here, I'm here, I'm here,
but it's fiction?
ANDREA: Yes, it's fiction.
It's my fiction.
It's from my pen to my paper.
It's mine as soon
as it hits the page.
But you're describing me.
You're describing my cock,
and what I like to drink.
You're writing about
how I am in bed.
ANDREA: So what?
So what?
I wish I'd never met you.
I could have put it anywhere.
I could have had anyone.
It's just filling holes.
Those fucks we had
were not worth it.
ANDREA: They were for me.
Yeah?
Well, you're a fucking vampire!
Crack, right?
CRACKHEAD: Fuck you.
Fuck you!
Fuck you in the ass
with my titties!
Fuck you!
Fuck you in the ass
with my titties!
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello.
- Hi, Andrea?
- Yeah.
WOMAN: Just checking in to
see how things are healing.
Who is this?
VETERINARIAN: This
is the Animal Surgical
and Veterinary Hospital.
Oh, hi, hi.
Yeah, I can't get him to
stop licking the wound.
VETERINARIAN: If he
keeps licking the wound,
it isn't gonna heal properly,
so you have to cover it,
but not with a bandage.
So then, with what then?
VETERINARIAN: A t-shirt.
A t-shirt?
(GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
Look at all the different
elephants, seven, eight.
The holographic one.
(BOTH GASPING)
With the massive
trunk coming through.
So what massive, massive,
massive 3D trunk.
What's the name of that week
long intensive driving course
that you wanted me to take?
Shiny happy people holding
Shiny happy people holding
Shiny happy people laughing
(VOCALIZING)
(GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
Why are you going to him
when you just sent him away?
Because I made a really,
really bad mistake.
Maybe, but you're 23.
You're allowed to get it wrong.
And you can tell him that.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
Um...
All right, I'll
carry it for you.
(GRUNTING SOFTLY)
And this right here.
There you go.
You should check your mirrors,
make sure they're all in place.
Oh, look, look,
you're not gonna get too
far with these on, though.
I get that from the start.
Oh, okay.
(URINE SPLASHING)
(PHONE CHIMING)
I shouldn't have
shouted like that.
My throat still hurts.
I finally had the guts to
re-read what you wrote about us
and this time it made me
want to die 52% less.
I felt the writing was
(PHONE CHIMING)
great.
Haiku for Perry.
Crystals are for
snow and jewels.
Not good in cats.
Girls are better anyway.
Rapunzel, Rapunzel,
let down your hair.
Or your ire.
You can come up here to me.
Okay, then.
I got smacked in the face at
the bus stop by a crackhead.
Jesus Christ.
Did they catch him?
Was a her.
And no, they didn't.
It's the LAPD, do
you think they care?
Probably not.
I care.
Can I stay with you?
Here?
Um,
yes.
But your face is making
me shy. (CHUCKLES)
It's making me shy too.
Do you remember what you
said the first night when we...
None of that means
anything to me.
Can we just start again?
(GENTLE INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC)
Do you wanna drive
us to breakfast?
I can't drive without
passenger who has a license.
All right.
Well, if neither of us
are capable of driving,
then I guess we're just
gonna have to walk.
( "COME TOGETHER"
BY PRIMAL SCREAM)
This is a beautiful day
It is a new day
We are together
We are unified, and
all for the cause
Because together,
we got power
Apart, we got power
Today on this program,
you will hear gospel
And rhythm and
blues and jazz
All those are just labels
We know that music is music
Today on this program,
you will hear gospel
And rhythm and
blues and jazz
All those are just labels
We know that music is music
Gospel
Gospel
Gospel
Gospel
Gospel
Come
Together as one
Come
Together as one
Come
Together as one
Come
Together as one
Come
This is a beautiful day
Together as one
It is a new day
Come
This is a beautiful day
Together as one
It is a new day
We are together
Come
We are together
Together as one
We are unified
We are together
Come
Together as one
Because together,
we got power
Apart, we got power
Together as one
We are together
Come
Together as one
Today on this program,
you will hear gospel
And rhythm and
blues and jazz
All those are just labels
Come
We know that music is music
Together as one
Gospel
Come
Gospel
Together as one
Gospel
Gospel
We are together
Come
We are unified