Now.
- Left Gauge?
- Check.
Regulator?
Check.
Transmitters?
Transmitters, five, check.
Don't plant one
until you're sure.
How can I be sure?
By the cold?
By the cold and by
the steady pressure
of the deep water coming up.
How 'bout a kiss goodbye?
- Aren't you coming back?
- Sure. Kiss good luck, then.
Hey!
What is it?
Hey, mom, there's something
weird in the water.
Then go play someplace else.
Hey, mister, you
better watch out.
- Watch out for what, Sonny?
- That.
Look out, don't
let him touch you!
Ugh!
Oh my god!
Hey!
Will you look at this?
Will you just look at this?
I can't leave you for two minutes
without you getting in a mess.
For Christ's sake, louellen,
i didn't put that stuff there!
If there was one dog pile
on the whole golf course...
you'd step in it.
Well, I don't need that crap
from you on top of this crap!
Ugh, I'm gonna tell that Forbes
what he can do with this dump!
- Definitely negligent.
- Look at this. Gimme that towel.
Mr. Bennett, Mrs. Bennett,
I'm terribly sorry. I don't know what-
oh, hell, Forbes, we know
it wasn't your fault, nah.
Listen, this is
the tropical palace.
Anything that happens
there or here on the beach
is my responsibility.
- Are you hurt?
- No, just slimy.
- He does it all the time.
- Oh, of course.
The very least that I can do is offer you
a couple of drinks on the house.
Mike!
Make a couple of zombies for
the bennetts here, right away!
Thank you very
much, Mr. Forbes.
Do you have any idea
what that stuff was?
Chum, live bait,
that's what it was.
Some crumby fisherman
who doesn't give a damn
just threw it in the water
and let it wash ashore
and attach to me!
Yes, chum, chum,
that's what it was.
Fish bait.
Never happened here
before, though.
Clean yourself up and
have a drink on me.
Excuse me, I've got to
see a man about a dog.
Zombies, huh?
He's not such a
bad guy after all.
I took that girl's towel!
- Hello?
- Gimme Rachel.
She's on water
patrol, Mr. Forbes.
Water patrol.
Hello, Mr. Forbes.
- Thank you for the hand.
- Rachel, did you see that?
- Did I see what?
- Don't ask. Come with me.
Hi.
Hi, Mr. Prescott,
hi, Mr. case.
How you doing?
Come on.
Are you enjoying
your vacation?
I can't stand it, I can't
stand another minute of this.
Would you relax and
tell me what's happening?
Oh, god, I don't know,
but they're trying to ruin the hotel
and get rid of all of us,
and they are trying to
humiliate me personally.
Wait!
Why should I wait for
the sullivans to ruin me?
- Don't sit on that!
- Oh my god, what's that?
You don't have to take my word
for it, they did that too!
Oh, don't be silly.
First, they swindle my
guests and embarrass me,
then they dump chum all over
the beach, and now this!
- It's dead.
- Why, of course it's dead.
It's nobody's fault.
Rachel, you're workin' for me,
and I'll be the one to
say whose fault that is.
Now, look, if
you're going to blame
Mr. Sullivan and Greg for this,
you're gonna suffer
reprisals from the locals.
Rachel, I'm seething.
I want you to get down there
to that scummy little harbor.
And I want you to
tell that swindler
and that beach bum
nephew of his
that they are banned from
hotel property in perpetuity!
Rachel, do you hear me?
I want you to tell them
that they are banned
from this property
in perpetuity!
- Who do I remind you of?
- I give up, sir.
Hey, fooled you again, huh?
How 'bout a little drink?
Yes, sir.
I don't know why
you're being snippy.
I'm the one that fell
in the fish guts.
It just caught up
with me, that's all.
Throwing money away didn't help.
Well, we're not spending any.
Oh, ed, you know when I get this way,
I've gotta buy something.
Well, will you get
a load of this crap?
Have you ever
seen a day-gk) God?
- Hey, how come this one's not for sale?
- Because it's real.
Yeah, well, how much you want?
- A hundred bucks.
- Oh, ed, no.
- A hundred bucks? How come?
- It's for good luck in the sea.
Boy, he is an
ugly little devil.
You know, I think he'd look
good by the swimming pool.
- By the pool? No!
- Yeah.
- We'll make a lamp out of him.
- Eh. Hey, I'll give you...
This is none of my business,
old buddy, but that god...
- That one?
- It's a fake.
Oh, I knew that.
You're sharp.
Hey, my name's ed.
- Greg.
- Nice to meet you.
Hi.
Listen, don't give that
old snake more than 50.
- $50, huh?
- In light of, uh...
Hey, okay.
' Hey, kid 1...
- I'll give you $25.
- $80.
' $30!
' $70.
- How 'bout $40?
- $60.
Look, $50's my limit.
- You got it.
- Great.
Hey, kid, lemme buy you a drink.
- Gimme a 'weiser.
- No thanks, ed, I have one.
Look, I just want you to
know I really appreciate it.
I feel much better now.
Are you a Jimmy?
You look like a Jimmy.
- No, ma'am, I'm a Greg.
- You live around here, Greg?
Yeah, I live on a boat.
- A boat?
- A fishing boat?
- Hey, gimme the check.
- Yeah, I live with my uncle.
- Ed, you a fisherman?
- Well, hey, now and then.
I'd love to see your boat!
- Hey, c'mon, let's go!
- Great! Hey, gimme the check.
Jocko, stick that
on my tab, will ya?
No, no, no, gimme
the whole thing.
Uh-oh, here comes the boss.
He's alone.
Where's Sandy?
Throw me a line.
Got it.
I got ya, I got ya. Come on, boss!
Go on, get up there!
What happened to Sandy?
You wanna see me, doc?
I have to report
a missing person.
Sandra Kane.
I think she drowned.
You see it happen?
No, I was in the boat.
You let her dive alone?
None of your
business, Sullivan!
Oh, shut up. You can change all
you want back in Scranton.
Yes, master, I'll
just sweat and smell
and you keep on stepping
in you-know-where.
Oh, when did you
ever smell, louellen?
Now, forget it!
You smell like the
goddamn rose of tralee.
Hey, not bad!
I expected something a
little less pretentious.
Oh ho ho!
- 'Loo-hoe! Greg?
- Ahoy there'.!
Request permission to
come aboard, captain.
- Sullivan tours?
- Right!
Ed! Wrong boat!
Earl, they're here.
They want fish, mostly,
but I think they'll bite on anything.
Ahoy there!
Request permission to
come aboard, cap'm!
- Oh, just go on downstairs.
- Below! Not downstairs, below!
I never would have guessed.
Hello. Nice little place you've got here.
Lovely, eh?
Well, sit down and
have a drink, mates.
- Thank you.
- You like rum?
Well, rum's a
real sailor's drink.
Greg, get some ice
out of the bait locker.
Yes, skipper, comin' right up.
What kinda trouble
can I get you all into?
Oh, no trouble, captain.
Just wanted to try
some of that fishin'
your nephew's been
tellin' us about.
What you wanna fish for?
Marlin? Sword?
Can you pass that
to my uncle, please?
Mahi mahi?
Maybe a little ivory
or Jade or kahuna maru?
Greg, open that bottle
and bring her topside.
Yes'm, skipper.
Save some for me.
Think I'm overdoing it?
You could sell
'em smallpox, man.
Sit down.
Sit down, have a drink.
Well, thank you.
Hey, rum.
They built that big yellow
house up on the hill there.
Richest damn jap
family on the island.
Come Pearl harbor,
they decided to shag ass out.
They shoved everything the
owned into their yacht,
including their
priceless art collection.
Then they hayaku dozo'd
right out for Yokohama.
They got about six miles out,
and they got hit by one of those
shitty little twists of fate.
Zero.
It came zooming
in over puka bay,
and they dropped
their 50-pounder
right in the middle
of their sukiyaki.
- That was the kahuna maru?
- I love it.
We've been diving
the reef for years.
Found this.
But the ivory and the
Jade, still down there?
Yeah.
Coconut Joe mccullogh
found a samurai sword
with an ivory and
Jade inlaid handle.
- Sold it for about $800 bucks.
- Son of a bitch.
Greg, I have to talk
to you about something.
It's really important.
- Yeah? How's the big job?
- It's great, I love it.
- But why were you whispering?
- Earl's got the shakes.
He's really gonna get the
shakes when I talk to him.
You wouldn't believe
what I saw today.
- It was incredible.
- A girl drowned today.
Drowned and dead and gone away.
Who was it?
Did I know her?
No.
Hey, Greg, have
you been dumping bait
in front of the hotel?
Can you hear me?
I'm talking to you!
Have you been dumping bait
in front of the hotel?
- Bait?
- Yeah, shark's heads.
Nah, just elephants.
Now, come on,
I'm really serious.
Just the head?
Well, it's more
than we needed.
- Just the head?
- Why do you keep saying that?
Rachel, we wouldn't
dump anything.
You know, Oscar's at
the end of his rope.
Why can't he hang himself?
You know, you and
your unspeakable uncle
are gonna have to stop
conning our guests.
Rachel, be fair.
You con 'em, we can con 'em.
No, that's not true.
Mr. Forbes left a
message for you.
This is a direct quote.
He says that you and your
uncle are banned from the hotel
in perpetuity, and do
you know what that means?
That means for a long time.
Do you want me to
run you back now?
You didn't hear
anything I said.
What time can I pick you up?
You show your face
around the hotel,
Mr. Forbes is likely
to just shoot at it.
I gotta see the shark.
Well, then come and
pick up the shark.
How do you know she didn't
walk up on shore someplace?
It's a long way out.
- Let's hope she did.
- Let's hope she did.
Hey, doc!
Well, I better
write this one in.
Easy come, easy go-
hang on there, tom.
Easy come, easy go?
Sandy was a brilliant student
and a dependable assistant.
Yeah, funny thing, though.
We all had the idea you
and she was into it.
That must've been just rumor,
'cuz you'd have
taken it a lot worse.
Check you later, doc.
Hey, doc! We got some more
freakies for ya!
Hand 'em up here.
- Say, them things got names?
- Some of 'em.
Took that one at 30 feet.
This little guy is
sacropharynx midi.
Never been found
above 18,000 feet.
Goddamn, what's
that one called?
I'll think of something.
And now we see the
demon of the deep.
Oh, it's only a
plastic octopus.
- On a phony treasure chest.
- Look, kids.
Aw, whoever saw a
mermaid with a wristwatch?
Now, there's a sharp kid.
And now, if you look real sharp,
you'll see were comin'
to the ruins of an
ancient civilization.
Aw, it's just a
bunch of TV aerials.
Still winning, Mr. Holland?
Remarkable.
Mr. zuki, that's a beautiful
dead fish you have there.
You are royal, Mr. Forbes.
Ah, good evening, miss.
Still hard at work?
Yes, I am, Mr. Forbes.
I give you Mr. lesou,
the French author.
Oh, author!
What I am doing now
is a book of travel
called the age of new wellness.
And in this, I compare the
new beach resort like this
to the great luxury
liner of olden.
Mr. lesou, of course there
are no beaches on boats.
Oh, Mr. lesou,
we have everything
the queen Mary had,
except dramamine.
We have seven restaurants,
nineteen bars,
and five miles of the
most beautiful beach
that face every
point on the compass.
Mr. lesou, please allow me.
- No, no!
- It's quite all right!
Excuse me, that's for the
other table, Mr. Forbes,
and Harry wants to
see you over there.
Thank you.
Mr. lesou, excuse me.
Thanks, old chap.
Champagne, darling?
Now what?
Listen, Mr. Forbes, I found
something you should know about.
Well, leave it on my desk.
- It's a human arm.
- Well, then, keep...
you found what?
A human arm,
a woman's, I think.
Good god, where?
On the reef.
- The currents have been...
- but not on hotel property?
No. What do you want
me to do with it?
It's not my responsibility.
Do what you like.
Throw it back.
I wouldn't divulge the
exact location to anyone,
but the general
vicinity is over there,
around mother-in-law rock there.
I love maps.
When you're finished
with it, can we have it?
I'll lacquer it and
put it in the den.
Take it off, cowboy,
or I'll cut it off.
Mr. Holland, Mr.
and Mrs. Bennett,
I think you should know
that these two swindlers
have been banned from hotel
property in perpetuity.
Mr. Forbes, do you mind?
These men are phonies,
swindlers, and cheats!
He's jealous.
Has he asked you to go diving
on the wreck of
the old Billy yet?
No, just the kahuna maru.
Hey, you didn't tell
us about old Billy.
Gimme a chance.
Forbes, you're the
only phony around here.
Kahuna maru? We'll just see!
Phony, phony,
staff, staff, staff!
Those two on the end,
throw 'em out.
Let's get outta this flea hole.
We don't need this crap.
Come by the ship and we'll
bleach your kidneys out
with some fine Ol' rum,
how 'bout that?
You get out and stay out!
Mr. Forbes, we came a long
way to have a good time.
Don't spoil it for us.
Aw, Christ, we're
never gonna be alone.
I thought we were alone!
I miscalculated.
I've never seen the sand
rise to meet us before.
Anyway, we'll ride with
the wind from now on.
Little too close.
Is this where you'll
come to get married?
Oh, I don't want
to be tied down.
Don't worry, someday you will.
I'll remember to come here.
Well, in every paradise,
there's always a flaw.
In this case, it's the ants.
The ants?
We must protect the cheese!
But I think we could outsmart
them by eating on the rocks.
Oh, beautiful rocks!
Most people
wouldn't even notice.
Please make a
position to that stone.
Now to that one.
You shouldn't bother
taking pictures of me.
You should wait for Iris Lee.
She's coming this afternoon.
Lovely.
Iris Lee?
Sounds like a Chinese flower.
She's an English playmate,
you know what I mean?
Oh, yes!
And falling from the sand there.
Smile!
The sun's in my eyes.
Holland's gonna want to
find plenty of junk, mate.
You gotta whet his appetite.
Oh, I'm gonna plant
some good stuff, huh?
Some of those gold coins?
That old junk clock?
All I mean is that
kahuna maru story's
gotta look extra good this time.
Yeah, we hooked 'em,
now we gotta reel 'em in.
Oh, don't worry.
He's gonna be happy
with what he finds.
We oughta root up
something special.
Don't go overboard, Greg boy.
I have licked my
wounds so often,
they begin to refuse to heal!
Are we running a soup
kitchen here for indigents?
Let me answer that question.
The answer is that we are not.
When the portion is too large,
the consumer is offended and
the phenomenon of waste occurs!
Rachel, what's the
matter with you?
Are you pregnant?
Mr. lesou.
Oh my god, you've been raped!
Mr. lesou, that
little dumpy man?
He's dead.
What?
How?
He was pulled into the water
by a fish, or a crocodile,
or something.
There are no crocodiles
in the Hawaiian archipelago!
It just disappeared.
Rachel, where were you,
out on the reef?
There, there, listen,
Rachel, it's all right.
For god's sake, don't flip out.
Just snap out of it, Rachel.
Will you call the police?
The nearest
police are on Maui,
and you know what that means.
You have to call the police.
Rachel, there's no sense
letting this get
out to our guests.
After all, it
didn't happen here.
Don't mind if I do.
All right.
Yeah.
God, what a Clay, huh?
Blue skies, blue water,
a good drink and no wife.
Clearest water I ever
saw was in the red sea.
Oh, yeah.
Until I came to this place.
I never heard of the ala mahu.
There they are!
Mother-in-law's teeth.
This is it.
- Oh, yeah.
- Slow her up, we're here!
Hey, you know what?
This is a hell of a good boat.
I really like it.
Where'd you get it?
From a Portuguese at gilo.
Traded him two whores
and a case of empties.
You are a character!
Yeah.
Hey, Roger, throw
out the stern anchor!
Wanna buy her?
The boat?
I'll tell you what.
I'll swap my wife for your boat.
You drive a hard bargain.
There.
Don't wait up.
- Drink?
- Don't mind if I do.
What, what?
What's he matter, what happened?
Let's get outta here.
He's dead.
Hey, what's the
scuttlebutt, skipper?
Big storm comin'.
Take my glasses
and get up there.
Hurry up, get up there.
- But, uh...
- come on, get up there!
There's a typhoon comin', dummy!
What about Mr. Holland?
Roger, pull in the hooks,
will ya?
I said pull the rope,
and keep your eyes
on the north horizon!
Good god, kid, you look
like you saw death.
- What happened?
- He found it, Earl.
He found it before it got him.
Wait a minute.
What did he find?
Ivory and Jade.
I always thought you
made up that story.
No, but I...
I didn't believe it.
Did you mark the spot
before the shark hit?
It's no shark!
Have we landed?
I'll be back in a minute.
Welcome to the tropical
palace, miss Lee.
- Thank you.
- Nice, Iris, nice.
They're gonna love it!
' Woo!
- Good! 900d!
Nice, nice, leg up, leg up!
Oh, look at the pretty fish!
Do fish like bubblegum?
How do you like
Hawaii, miss Lee?
I've never been there.
This is Hawaii, Iris.
Oh, it's very nice!
And who is that?
- That's Iris Lee.
- It's Iris Lee!
- Iris Lee, wow, Iris Lee!
- This way, Iris.
Come on, Iris,
another smile this way!
Okay, okay.
Fine, Iris, another one.
What a lovely day.
Okay-
how can I tell anybody, Earl?
I can hardly believe it myself.
Just don't.
Okay-
it's in for the goddamn
army, the Navy, coast guard,
we never would get close to it.
Okay, all right.
Must've been an ugly
son of a bitch, huh?
Think of what a
kick it's gonna be
when we slice open
that fat belly
and all of those
goodies roll out.
Shut up, Earl.
I don't wanna hear it.
- You'll be rich, boy.
- Why don't you just shut up?
Hey, we're coming in!
How come you didn't
go out with them?
I get seasick the
minute I look at a boat,
especially with
my husband around.
Sonny, what's wrong?
Holland's gone, swept
out to sea, he's drowned!
Holland is gone?
How?
- It must've been the storm.
- What storm?
Anybody else see it?
No, there were only the the
two of us there on the beach.
Hey, neiberg, I got
a drowning to report.
You too?
What do you mean, me too?
Who else made a report?
I better call Barlow.
He'll send somebody over
in a couple of days.
You've both seen it.
How big was it?
Look, it's important you
tell me all you know.
Did it have an
phosphorescent properties?
Get lost.
Where were the eyes, huh?
Did they seem blind?
Get outta here.
The sun was in my eyes.
When you get over the shock,
come and see me tomorrow.
- I have to work.
- I'll come and see you.
Barlow said he'd send
somebody over in a couple days.
Sure, he will.
Get lost!
It'd take a week
to check this place.
Have you checked all the beds?
What are you, a smart ass?
Hey, is that her?
Oh, wrong cheekbones.
- Someone missing?
- Iris Lee.
- Did she go swimming?
- Oh, she didn't go for anything.
Why shouldn't she
go in the water?
When's the last
time someone saw her?
Everyone saw her
in the round bar.
She was havin'
a pink squirrel.
She was trying to
talk the bartender
into goin' skinny
dipping with her.
Well, there isn't any law against
that here, is there, Rachel?
- Moonlight beach.
- Moonlight beach?
Why are you going there?
What could be wrong
at moonlight beach?
That's public domain. The ocean's safe.
I go in it all the time, I drink it!
There's nothing wrong
at moonlight beach.
Is that her?
No, but that's her towel.
I've never seen
the tide so high.
Are those her shoes?
Yeah. Iris? Hey, Iris?
I don't think you'll find her.
Don't be asinine, Rachel.
Somebody looking for me?
Jesus, Iris, you shouldn't go
in the water at night!
But it's nice!
I don't think you should
go in the water at all.
Are you kiddin'?
We gotta do a lot of
shooting out there tomorrow.
There's something out there.
Sharks?
Sharks? There are no sharks in
the Hawaiian archipelago!
Hey, are you waiting for me?
Well, miss, I don't
know who else to talk to.
- Well, what is it?
- I found part of a human body.
Iris Lee?
Oh, no, she's out
there on the trimaran.
- Hi.
- What's happening?
I found a lady's
arm with a death cage.
I put it on ice in
the fish locker.
Did you tell Forbes?
- Yeah. You know Mr. Forbes.
- Yeah.
I'm gonna call
the harbor master.
Harry, will you show
me where you found it?
Yeah, out on the reef.
Rachel, see you at the Marina.
- Howdy, doc.
- C'mon in.
- You got a minute?
- Yeah, what can I do for ya?
I was just wonderin',
who dreams these up?
Nobody.
They're all abyssal fish.
Too deep for me.
Which one's your pet?
Look, if this is a social visit,
you'll have to excuse me.
I'm on my way to the hotel.
Oh, yeah. How about a lift?
My car decided to sleep in.
Sure.
This any relation
to your fish?
I dunno what
you're talking about.
Well, I think you do, doc.
Why you tryin' to hide it?
It's a new species.
I've never seen it before,
but it has to be.
Nothing else i
know acts that way.
I don't wanna talk about
it until I've published it.
Ain't nobody gonna
wait that long.
We'll talk about
it on the way.
- Got a couple of rifles?
- Why?
- Just in case.
- I can do better than that.
What are these for?
Opening day of
zebra season, Harry.
No one told you?
There's a big one
out there, Harry.
Ate a lot of people on
my private property.
We gotta get it.
Ow!
I couldn't reach him.
- We won't need him.
- Let's go!
Okay, put all
that stuffing in there.
Come on, all of it.
That's fine, that's fine.
Tie him up.
See?
Hey, remember what I told you.
Don't cook it too
long, or it'll shrink.
You know about
the chef who died?
Gently, gently,
don't break it up.
Take it easy, that's it.
Hey '
uh, plain coke. I'm working.
That's a hell of a
rough tale, Ol' pal.
Let me buy you another drink.
Thanks, pal.
Why didn't you stay
and look for him?
The typhoon.
Greg's uncle said that
the currents were changing
and the water was getting
colder, or something.
- Remind me not to go in.
- I will.
Ed, old chum!
Say, dinner will
be ready at sunset.
Is everybody having a good time?
Mr. Bennett has just
told us about the drowning.
- Bad luck.
- Drowning?
Oh, that's right, I heard.
Happened at that old harbor, they say.
Say, fella, you seem
to have forgotten
your bathing suit, haven't ya?
Well, Mr. Forbes.
I'm Bob durrell, of the
Honolulu star bulletin.
I don't see how a
common everyday accident
can be called newsworthy.
We're always interested
in fairy tales.
Fairy tales?
Yeah, like for instance,
what happened to that girl?
- What girl? I don't know any girl.
- Sandy Kane.
Afraid I haven't
had the pleasure.
Excuse me, I've gotta
go rattle my saber.
Hey, wait a minute.
Okay, no more Mr. nice guy.
Before you start
pissin' and moanin',
I got a business
proposition for you.
Earl, if you don't
get outta here,
I'll have you killed.
That's not funny.
Forbes, you need a
friend, and I need a drink.
Let's get bombed.
Earl!
You promised not
to make a scene.
I'll have a drink
with you, just one.
All right, that's my man!
C' mere.
What's your poison?
I hadn't thought of poison.
We've got a big fish.
It probably killed Sandy.
I don't know why, but there's
been a shift in the currents,
and all sorts of unfamiliar
deep-sea creatures
have been coming up
around this coastline.
Comin' up to kill people?
No, no, the fish
are just confused,
but they won't stay long.
I wanna get the big one before
it goes back down forever.
Gonna study it for science?
That's right.
Get your name
in that book, huh?
Why not?
Fuck everybody else
who goes swimmin', right?
Hey, the fish
were there first!
I'm sorry I was
rude to you yesterday.
Rude?
You weren't rude.
Yes I was, about dumping
the bait and everything.
That's not being
rude, that's your job.
My first big one, too.
Sounds pretty impressive.
You know, we're not really
trying to con the guests.
We're just selling
them a good time.
Everybody likes
to get screwed.
That's Earl's quote.
Well, they're just about there.
What the hell's that?
That's it, let's go!
Help!
Rachel!
Grab on to this!
Let's get that son of a bitch!
Here's a nice flower, Iris.
I just feel more
attunuated to music,
especially trombone players.
Yeah, well, let's go down to
the nut and get a few shots.
Ow!
Ooh, looks like fun.
Toss it over to Johnny,
roll over, and beg for mercy.
Okay-
okay-
- arch!
- Ouch!
I've got an itch.
I'm getting hot.
Let's do the underwater
pictures, huh?
Okay-
keep going.
Keep going.
Damn.
What's that?
- What?
- It's getting away from us.
Hey, Sullivan, come on back!
Come on!
Hurr
hurry!
Easy, easy, don't drop it!
Take it easy, take it easy.
I don't care
what anybody says.
If it weren't for
that goddamn fish...
what fish?
I don't know any fish!
I have an idea how
we can get rid of it
and make a lot of
money doin' it.
Get rid of it?
How can you get rid of
it when it doesn't exist?
Can't you understand that, Earl?
If a thing doesn't exist,
then it's impossible
to get rid of it!
Talking about ruining the hotel
is what you're talking about.
You're talking about
humiliating me personally.
Oh, shit!
I don't give a damn
about you personally.
- I'm talking about business.
- Business?
- I'm taking about a contest.
- Contest?
- Sell tickets.
- Tickets?
Kill the monster fish.
Oh my god, you
want me to advertise?
You want me to tell
the whole world
that I've got a problem?
Well, if I don't tell them, Earl,
then I don't have a problem.
Can't you see that, Earl?
Head for the bay!
Get outta the
water, move, let's go!
- It's coming this way!
- Everybody out of the water!
Come on, move it!
What the hell's going on?
Everybody out of the water!
Get out!
Jesus, look at that!
You son of a bitch!
I'll kill it!
I'll kill it!
I'll kill it, I'll kill it!
No, you fool!
There are people out there!
I shot my foot!
Oh my god, it's
a monster fish!
I'll have a scotch and soda.
Oh, should we run too?
Hell no.
True.
Don't panic!
Don't panic!
Oh!
Oh, god!
Don't let it get me!
Snap out of it!
Fish can't walk!
Everybody's running!
Fish can't run, either!
- May I offer you my arm?
- Oh Lloyd! Oh Lloyd!
- Oh, something took over me!
- There, there.
You'll lose that
toe if you pick at it.
I hate you.
I wanna see the fish!
Let's go, let's go.
Quiet.
Quiet!
I said I wanna see the fish!
I don't care if
you haven't finished,
we have to go back to Chicago.
We can't go
back looking like this!
What do you mean,
looking like what?
Like a white ghost!
Doctor!
Doctor, doctor, help me!
Free drinks are being served
in the friendship room.
- Free drinks?
- And the rats are leaving.
The bar must be sinking.
You know, that must've been
a hell of a party we had last night.
No one would suspect by
looking at the optimistic decor
of this great tourist hotel
that a killer from the deep
has probably
destroyed its chances
of regaining its former glory,
or of even remaining open.
Oh, miss McNamara!
Miss McNamara!
As public relations director,
you must have had some
hand in this cover-up.
I've only one
thing to say to you,
and that's "no comment".
Well, "no comment" seems
to be the official version
of this Hawaiian tragedy.
You know, we still
got two days left
on this crummy tour deal.
Are you kidding?
This place is a death trap.
Only if you go in the water!
"Only if you go in the water."
Hey, you know, we
could use the pool.
We could go next door at home
and use the dogstadter's pool.
Huh, Dr. whiting.
Come in here and sit down.
Have you seen this?
Well, you're a little late,
but I can see where this is
gonna solve all your problems.
There's your killer, right there!
I want it alive!
I'll be right back.
We're closing the hotel.
I'll pretend I didn't
hear that, Rachel.
It can't help but
affect our relationship.
You witnessed the death
of your graduate
student, Sandra Kane.
No.
I can only assume that she
was a victim of the fish.
Which you wanna
bring back alive.
It could help us learn to deal
with any more that
might turn up.
Mr. Forbes has asked
me to tell everyone
that he will be happy to
check you out personally,
and that if you
would like to wait
in our kameha meha lounge,
the drinks are on the house.
You hear that, you hear that?
Hey, come on, the
drinks are on the house!
We're not staying!
Gimme a fanfare, Ralph.
Ladies and gentlemen,
kahnes and wahines,
big news.
We've all heard,
we've been terrorized,
by what some people
say is a sea monster.
Well, I say it's only a fish,
and we're not going to
be intimidated by a fish!
Instead of giving up,
the tropical palace
is going to fight back.
Modesty in the face of
this fish is no virtue.
Earl Sullivan, our
neighborhood pirate,
offers a case of rum!
No!
I'm offering $1,000
for the head of this
despicable animal,
and you can bring it to me in
as many pieces as you like.
$1,000!
Not a case of cheap rum!
And a week in the
presidential suite,
all expenses paid!
He always hated being
assistant manager.
Now let's go fishing!
Hey, hey, wait a minute.
Okay, so what's your plan?
Hey, come on, they're
gettin' all the Spears!
- Shall we share?
- Okay.
Well, I think it comes
out like this here.
This year,
no fishing, remember?
- There we go.
- Ciao.
I will kill!
And now, ladies and gentlemen,
I would like to try a new number
that I thought of
when the trade winds
were blowing through my hair.
We'd better get going.
First, I'm going back to
the room and get changed.
Hell no, first, we're going to
the sporting goods store
and get something
lethal, come on!
Excuse me, sir, can
you describe the fish?
- Enormous! Just huge!
- Did you see it?
Well, not exactly, but big.
Excuse me, ma'am, can
you describe the fish?
As usual, everyone
saw it but me.
I'd say a couple of 30-30s.
Yeah, well, I'd take a
couple of m-16s, myself.
I say both of you oughta
get your head outta your butt.
Hey, a hunting bow
with steel-tipped arrows.
God, look at
the price of this.
I told you we
didn't need a gun.
- That's what we need!
- It's not for sale.
Hmm, we've heard that before.
- There they go.
- They'll be back by Christmas.
Mm-hm.
- How can you tell?
- We promised.
Good morning, Mr. suki.
It's a nice day.
Boats for rent at
the outrigger Marina,
$9 an hour.
Boats for rent at the
outrigger Marina, $9 an hour.
Terrible thing
these men are doing.
Eh, they just
ran out of booze.
No, no, they've gone to
get the boys off the beaches.
$9 an hour?
That's right, each.
- I get seasick.
- What am I gonna do?
Row the boat and shoot the
crossbow at the same time?
I'll shoot the crossbow.
You don't know how
to shoot a crossbow.
I don't know how to
row a boat, either.
- $18 bucks.
- Charge it to my parents.
- Sorry, I can't do that.
- Room 409.
No way.
Wind her up, Jim.
Hey, where you goin'?
Come with me!
What are you doin'?
Hey!
Come on!
Hey, you crazy kid!
I got a date, Earl!
You're throwin' away your cut!
Sorry, Earl!
Lust is better than loot!
Where are we taking it?
Whiting wants us to help
him catch the fish alive.
Me?
Yeah, well, that
part was my idea.
Oh, of course.
Giving us a hand, Greg?
She's paying me double.
If you'd like a
change, miss McNamara,
I think you'll find something
in the cabin down below.
Oh, that's great.
- Sure.
- Thanks.
You wanna catch
this thing alive, huh?
How does it work?
Just keep your pants on, huh?
It'll work.
Believe me, I made
the damn thing.
Sayonara!
Will you hurry? I can't keep this
up much longer!
What the hell? I can't find the crank
on this damn thing!
Now, what am I supposed to do?
There's no...
- what crank?
- The crank on these crossbows.
It's the only way you can
operate the goddamn thing.
Hi, there, Earl.
Where you goin'?
We're goin' fishing,
what are you doin'?
See you 'round!
Look out!
Bye!
- I don't care.
- Yeah, you can go if you want.
Boy, did I get a
sweet deal on this.
Where'd you find
that piece of shit?
Kiss my ass!
You can't get a
boat around here.
You try to get a
boat around here.
Bet you don't even have
any cold beer on board.
Woulda lost that bet.
Oh!
Get your hands off
my flamethrower, boy,
while I get on this here boat.
Yeah, this is one of my
favorite fishin' spots.
Well, what kinda fish
are we looking for, tom?
Well, I dunno, but
they say he's a big 'un.
If it weren't for the beer,
we'd be wasting our time.
Hey, why don't you just
shut your face a while, huh?
Hey, look at those
bellhops out there, man.
Hey, Spears.
- Hey, have you been a hero?
- I don't wanna be a hero.
You know what that sucker is?
You think that thing
is really gonna work?
Hey, shut your face.
Now watch, I'm gonna
Jack off this baby here,
doin' it up a
little, there ya go.
Get a little pressure.
Hey, why don't you just
hog it all for yourself?
Why don't you offer
me a goddamn...
oh, look out!
Them fellas ain't
havin' much luck either.
Well, tom, they're fishin'
on the wrong side of the boat!
Not a bad fit.
No, it isn't.
Oh, you guys were serious.
I think you're absolutely insane
to go down there
with that thing.
It won't come up to us.
Do you really think
that's gonna work?
I don't know.
- What is it?
- Tranquilizer gun.
Hopefully, it'll
tranquilize the fish
long enough for us to
get a net around it
and winch it up on the boat.
- Maybe help us kill it.
- I want it alive, Greg.
Hey, Earl!
Where you goin' in
that old bucket?
Gonna catch it alive,
split it down the middle,
get all those jewels!
Ooh, ooh!
Ooh, we got it!
Jimmy!
Hey!
Will you wait for me?
Certainly.
What else have I got to do?
That's the way I saw it, too.
- Here.
- For me?
Yes.
And here's your goose call.
I thought we were
going after fish.
They didn't have a fish call.
Maybe they are
friends of fish.
Maybe.
Hey, the provisions
have arrived!
Oh, good.
If you're not back in three
days, I'll send some more.
Why don't you
bring them yourself?
I'll be lonely by then.
To the right, tally ho.
- Tally who?
- Ho!
Here it comes, hurry!
Will you shut
your face, louellen?
I can't go any faster.
- Oh my god!
- Will you shoot it?
My god, did you see that?
You damn traitor!
Damn it, I'll give ya half!
How the hell...
I mean, what does that
make you feel like,
the way I brought you up?
Just give me a break, will ya?
I'll get the fish,
i gotta get it!
Some people will sell
their mammy and their daddy
and their uncle and anyone
else for a little pussy!
- You one of them kind?
- Screw off!
All right, get those
number four hooks out.
Get some bait out there.
First nibble, pull
the son of a bitch up,
and I'll blow his
fuckin' head off.
- Do you see anything?
- No luck yet.
You'll be all right.
Hang on, buddy.
You'll be all right.
- What happened?
- It hit him.
Oh, no!
Oh my god!
I can't...
pull him up, come on!
Pull him up!
You'll be all right.
You'll be all right.
Please don't throw
me in again, fellas.
Don't let it get me.
I asked him not to do it again.
Please, god.
- His insides are all busted.
- He's dead.
- Get me back to his boat.
- Yeah.
Hey, what's goin' on?
I don't care. Here they come.
I'm goin' out there.
Give me something
to kill it with!
- Greg, what happened?
- Back it down.
- Hold it, I'm coming down.
- Back it down!
Get on!
What do you got?
What's this?
Let's go.
Let's go!
Get your ass into
that goddamn water!
Greg, what the hell happened?
Hey, Dov!
- How's the boss?
- Dead.
What you got here?
Blasting charge, used
for breaking up coral.
Here's the cord
and the detonator.
What'd you get for bait?
Stop the engines!
It's not goin' anywhere.
Bait?
We didn't even think about bait.
What the hell's
goin' on, Roger?
I don't know.
We'll wrap this
explosive around his chest.
We'll use the anchor
lines to pull.
What are you doing?
What are you guys doing?
Don't worry, Rachel.
You can't do that,
it's not right.
You didn't know him, lady.
He would've wanted it like this.
- We need all your help, Rachel.
- No, I'm not gonna do anything!
Gimme a hand!
- No, I'm not gonna do this.
- You guys can't do this!
Pick him up.
Throw him over.
I'll drive.
- What happened?
- Nothing!
It got away!
Damn!
Look at that!
- He broke it!
- No, he didn't, it's not broke.
- It's just disconnected.
- We gotta plug it together.
Yeah.
You're totally insane if
you're gonna go down there.
That damn fish cost me my job.
You have 20 seconds, Greg,
after you plug it in.
All this dying for nothing.
Too many people
have died already.
Let's get him.
I guess I'll plug it in.
Rachel, sit tight.
I'm telling you, i
don't want you down there!
Rachel, don't
let it get tangled.
Hey!
- All right!
- Yay!
- Hey!
- Bonsai!
All right!