Ii, I, I, I, iamaman
- you know that song "when i
fall to pieces" by patsy cline?
- Yeah.
- Well that's like her
biggest hit, right?
Then she goes and dies
in a plane crash last march.
She actually fell to pieces.
- You're so romantic, del.
The most.
- I'm romantic.
- You're a germ.
For some reason I'm still
on the hook with ya.
You're my germ.
- Hmm, well...
Oh, I was comfy.
- Ah, sorry.
You know, speaking of germs
and being on the hook and um...
Uh, jeepers, I'm flipping.
- What's your story, weirdo?
- I want-- I wanted to,
ah, I was wondering...
Thinking mainly, just, ah...
- Your hands are shaking.
- I practiced this fifty times
and now I'm gooping it all up.
- Gooping what up?
- You know we've been going
steady for about seven months
and two weeks now, I reckon.
- Uh-huh.
- And um, I'm just gone
over you, sue.
- Okay-
- and I wanted to ask.
- Oh.
Oh, oh, oh, oh...
- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no
what's wrong, what's wrong?
- No del, del, I've been
waitin' for you to ask me.
Just keep goin'.
- Um, ah,
well, I love you, sue.
' Oh, yes!
- Oh, come on.
Now you've rattled my cage.
- No, you're doing great!
- Ah... okay.
God...
Here, ah, here.
Sue, you gotta go
like this... you gotta.
Oh, dammit.
- Did I get it?
- Dammit, sue.
Come on.
- What is it?
- L just didn't expect it
to go down like this.
Just ask me!
- Christ, sue.
Okay, um, ah...
I want you to be mine forever,
I want to buy you
soda pop and candy
for the rest of our lives
until we die
just take the ring, please.
- Will you just say yes, sue!
Yes?
Yes? Yes?
- Oh yes, I will marry you!
Yes, I will--
- okay, oh--
- I'm going to be
Mrs. howison.
We're going to get married
and everything is gonna be
perfect forever and ever.
- Daaaaddddyyy!
- Did you hear that?
- Shh, shh.
Sue. Sue, listen.
- Daaaaddddyyy!
- Who said that?
- It sounds like
someone's hurt.
We gotta go.
- Isn't this where that--
- listen, sue. Listen.
- Daaaaddddyyy!
- Hello!
Do you need help?!
- Isn't this where that
boy died on Halloween?
- That mongoloid crowley kid?
- That's mean, del.
- Everyone says
he was a monster.
- Sad what happened to him.
- It doesn't matter now.
He's dead.
- Come on, let's go home.
It's gonna rain.
- Someone could need our help.
- Daaaaddddyyy!
- See. Someone's hurt.
Come on. Let's go.
Hear anything?
- Whoever it is,
maybe they're gone.
- Sounds like it's coming
from right over there.
- The hell you doin' out here?
- Where'd you come from?
- That you two
doin' the hollering?
- No. No.
We heard it, too.
Figured someone
was in trouble.
- Let me give you
a word of advice
and listen close 'cause it might
just save your life someday.
Never--
[blood squirting,
- sue, get back to the boat.
Run! Run back to the boat
right now, sue!
What? What?
Oh, fuck.
Fihud]
Please no!
No!
- Once upon a time
there was a boy
named Victor crowley.
He was born horribly deformed.
Part of a voodoo curse
put on his parents.
Other children were
cruel to Victor
so his daddy kept him
hidden in his house
out in honey island swamp.
One Halloween night
some mean kids threw
firecrackers at his house.
They were just tying
to scare Victor outside
so they could see him
but the house caught fire.
When Victor's daddy got home
he tried to chop down the door
with a hatchet and save him.
He didn't know that Victor
was on the other side
trying to get out.
It was an accident...
But he hit him in the face
with that hatchet
and poor Victor crowley died.
Legend says that
that voodoo curse
turned Victor crowley
into a ghost.
That he returns to
honey island swamp every night.
And if you listen,
you can still hear
Victor crowley
roaming in the bayou,
crying for his daddy.
But beware,
for once you've heard his voice...
It's too late.
You're already dead.
- Yes, thank you,
thank you, thank you.
Welcome back.
Welcome back.
My guest today is the lone
survivor of the horrific
honey island swamp massacre
that happened ten years ago
this month.
Authorities still don't know
exactly how many were murdered
due to the fact that
so many of the victims
could only be identified
by the pieces
uncovered at the scene.
But to date
they still speculate
that at least forty
were left dead
at the hands of who
is now known as only
"the bayou butcher".
Only one man survived
the tragedy and his book,
I, survivor,
hits shelves today.
So,
help me in welcoming
back to the Sabrina show,
Andrew yong.
Yes.
Andrew.
Welcome back
to the show, Andrew.
- It's uh,
great to be here, Sabrina.
- It's the ten year anniversary
of this gruesome,
gruesome tragedy.
How you holdin' up
a decade later?
- The first few years...
With all the press...
The interviews...
When I first did your show...
Were tough.
Having to basically
relive the whole thing
over and over again
every single day
was a never ending nightmare.
- And of course there
was the 2008 trial,
the civil lawsuits,
the accusations, the...
- Our divorce.
- Uh-huh.
Authorities never did find
any evidence to support
your claims about
Victor crowley,
and they did find your DNA
on two of the victims.
Many still believe that
you are the bayou butcher.
- The whole DNA thing
is still a mystery
but as we all know I was
of course found innocent
on all charges and exonerated
across the board.
Yes. Thank you...
Ma'am.
- So, I, survivor,
tell me more about it.
- Did you read it?
- It's on my list, yeah...
- Well, this book was
probably the hardest thing
I've ever done in my life.
- Wow, besides single-handedly
defeating the alleged ghost
of local legend "Victor crowley"?
- Not alleged.
- There hasn't been
any sightings
or incidents
since the tragedy.
Why wait ten years
to write this book?
- I had started
and stopped a few times.
It was hard. I mean,
obviously I've never
written a book before.
- Obviously.
- But thankfully they paired me
with a far more experienced
writer to help me
named Joe knetter.
As you know, I was just
a paramedic before all of this.
- Ten years later!
You are like the oj Simpson
of honey island swamp,
wouldn't you say?
- Ah, no, I wouldn't.
- We'll be right back with more
ghost stories from Andrew yong
when the Sabrina show returns.
- He is so hot.
I want to have
fifteen babies with him.
- Babe, I'm sitting right here.
- We already agreed
Andrew yong is my free pass.
- Yeah, well that was before
there was a chance
you might actually meet him
because free passes don't work
if you're going to meet
the person in real life.
- Wait, how is that fair?
You could run into
a celebrity anywhere.
Especially once
our movie gets made.
We'll be going to premieres,
Hollywood parties...
- Andrew yong
is not a celebrity.
- Is that jealousy I detect?
- No, it's not jealousy.
Jealousy?
Yeah, right.
This guy is so full of shit
he could probably open up,
like, a shit restaurant...
With shit... whatever.
- Ooh, sick burn, Alex.
- Will you just stay
out of this, rose.
I'm tired.
- You used all the hot water.
- I took a shower last night.
- It's your fault.
- It's always your fault, Alex.
Rose!
- They're just boobs, Chloe.
- Friends aren't supposed to
see each other naked this much.
- I'm okay with it.
- Don't even.
- Hey, you're the one who said
I couldn't have my own room,
Ms. director.
If I have to share this
condemned hotel with you
and listen to you two awkwardly
do it all night long,
I think you can deal with
my tits for a few minutes.
- Wait, you heard us?
- Depends.
Do you mean the minute long
one at around midnight
or three minutes
at around two-thirty?
"Do you think
she can hear us?"
"Oh, no,
she's definitely asleep."
"Oh, stop! Stop!
Exit only, exit only!"
Which by the way, Chloe,
you're missing out
in a major way, you prude.
- I'm sorry that you
couldn't have your own room
but we're on a budget, okay?
- Clearly.
I think I just got gonorrhea
from the shower.
I need to stop on the way to
get more supplies for my kit.
- Wait, but we'll miss
the book signing.
- Do you want fake blood
in your horror movie or not?
- Alright, well
let's get a move on then.
Alex, change your clothes.
- Hey, you know what
I've always been wondering?
Why do they movie
commercials "trailers",
if they play them
before the movie?
- Alex, you had one job.
- What?
- I got the face wrong,
didn't I?
- There, ah, wasn't any other
daytime show I could've done
besides my ex-wife's?
- Sabrina's producers offered
the most amount of money.
And who cares?
As your publicist,
I'm telling you,
you killed it in there.
- No, I didn't.
That was a disaster, Kathleen.
God and she still
treats me like a criminal.
- People are gonna think
whatever they wanna think,
as long as they buy your book,
why do you care
if they hate read it?
- It's a good book.
- It's an amazing book.
- I think people are going
to be very moved by it.
- Are you kidding me?
I think everyone in the world
is gonna love it.
How could they not?
- You haven't read it either?
- It's on my list.
- Murderer!
- I was exonerated!
Almost a decade ago,
but everywhere I go,
people still act
like I, I, i--
- like you chopped up forty or
something people in the swamp
and you blamed it on
a make believe ghost?
- Whose side are you on?
- Come on.
We gotta go.
Listen to me.
It's almost over.
All you have to do is cash out
on the anniversary
of this bullshit
and then you
put it behind you
and you spend
the rest of your life
counting your money
back in Japan.
- I'm from Baton Rouge.
And I'm Chinese!
- Are you sure?
- Hey, you're shaking.
- No, I'm not.
- I can see the outline
of your excitement
dripping down
the inside of your jeans.
- You're not helping, rose.
Do these jeans make me
look unprofessional?
- No, you look great.
- I mean, if I was presenting
myself as a director,
I probably wouldn't
have worn jeans.
I'm losing my shit, you guys.
We're about the meet the only
guy to ever see Victor crowley
and live to tell about it.
- Yeah, yeah.
I mean, if you believe in
that kinda stuff, right.
- Are you with me or not?
- Of course I'm with you, yeah.
I believe in you, Chloe.
I believe in you, I don't
believe in any of this stuff
but I love you, Chloe,
and I know for a fact
that one day
I am going to see you
win an academy--
- it's him.
Oh my god, that's him.
- Excuse me.
Thank you.
Excuse me, he's here.
Yes, he is.
Okay...
- Ah-huh, yeah.
Really?
Oh my god.
- Hang on here.
One, two...
Oh, this is a big one...
Three.
All fixed.
Perfect.
- There you go.
- Oh my god.
Hi.
- Hi.
- Do you mind?
It's Kristina,
Kristina with a k.
- Sure, Kristina with a k.
Um...
Should I...
Which... which one?
- Ooh, could you do one
to Kristina with a k
and one for my dad?
His name's bill...
With a b.
- How much do you wanna bet
that every other person
in this line
is pitching him
on being in their movie.
He's probably going to be
in every single movie now.
- Probably not though.
- Well, when we get back
from this trip,
I'm going to have
a kick-ass mock trailer
to add to my
presentation package.
But, if could also tell
potential investors
that I got the real
Andrew yong
to, to agree to be in
the actual movie...
Can you imagine what
they would say?
- Yeah, they'd be like,
"who the fuck is that?"
Nope.
No, they'd say,
"wow, it's the Asian
tom Hanks,
here's a hundred
million dollars."
- Can I have the
production folder, please?
- You're holding it.
- That's right.
- You see this?!
Huh!?
Look at him!
You murderer!
- Okay-
- look at his face!
His name was Chad
and he was my brother
and you murdered him!
- Oh god,
I'm sorry for your loss
but I lost people
in that swamp, too.
- Yeah, I know you got off,
but you're not gonna
get away with this.
You better watch
your fucking back.
You know what?
Keep it.
I hope his face haunts
you to your grave!
- It's okay, skip.
He'll get what's
coming to him.
He'll get his.
You...
Are going to burn in hell.
Do I have any security?
- You're an ex-paramedic,
not Steven Tyler.
Oh, this is Kathleen.
- Hey there.
- Yeah, I'm not
gonna buy your book...
Probably just torrent
the audio version,
but ah,
can you sign this?
You can make it out to Linus.
- Sorry, I, I, i
don't sign... those.
- I just saw you
sign that girl's tits.
What are you, homophobic?
- Kathleen?
Kathleen!
I can't stop looking at it.
- What's your problem?
Just sign my cock.
- I'd really like to--
Kathleen, seriously?
- Hey!
Get out here with that shit!
Go on.
Move!
- I'm telling everybody
on the Facebook
that you're a homophobe.
- Oh, whatever.
Most people call him a murder,
so take your best shot!
- Thanks?
- Hi, ah, Mr. yong.
My name is Chloe Benjamin.
I messaged you on Twitter.
Do you remember?
Um, I'm making a movie
about the crowley murders...
Hatchet face.
Um, we're here in New Orleans
shooting a mock trailer
to help raise the rest
of the financing for the film
and I wanted to ask
you in person,
well, I was wondering if--
- sorry, kids.
We just got the offer
of a lifetime.
We are leaving now.
- No, no more appearances
or signings.
I told you, alright.
- Oh my god, totally.
Except for this one.
- Kathleen, I just--
- okay-sorry!
Sorry, signing's off.
- No, but we flew
a long way to be here.
- Ah, well that's really great
but the autograph
session is done.
- Ma'am, we are making a movie
about the 2007 massacre
and we just need a minute--
- I can't wait to see it,
Wes craven.
Excuse me, everybody,
but mr yong has
a family emergency.
Thank you so much for coming
and enjoy the book.
Come on. Come on.
- Um, wait but...
- Now! Fast!
- Son!-
- excuse me.
- Andrew, wait!
- I told you that guy
was a douchebag.
- Come on, Chloe.
- Absolutely not!
- It's real crime stories,
Andrew.
It's primetime
network television.
It's just one more interview.
- I don't care what
show it's for, okay.
I've told you
a thousand times,
I'm never going back
to that swamp.
- It's two hours,
three hours tops.
I mean, maybe five hours,
whatever,
but they take us
and a small camera crew
and a host and they fly us
in the private network jet--
fancy, huh?
And then they have you
looking down on the area,
all you know,
sad and reflective,
and whatever the fuck,
and then we land
and they get the exclusive
and then we get paid.
Well, you,
you get paid a fuck ton.
- I'm not doing an interview
at the site of the murders.
- Yes, we are
and we need to hurry up
because we need
to stop at my place
so I can change my outfit again
because I can't meet the
real crime producers in this.
- Stop, Kathleen, okay?
No.
- It's okay.
I have another outfit
in my trunk.
It's perfect.
- Over my dead body
am I going back.
For any amount of money.
- They offered
six-hundred thousand.
But I got them
up to a million.
- I feel sick.
- I didn't realize you
were so scared of flying.
- I'm not scared of flying,
I'm scared of what's in
that swamp.
- You mean the swamp that's
as busy as bourbon street
with all the tours
they do now?
There's nothing left in there
but a bunch of morbid sickos
wanting to see the scene
of a mass murder.
Ugh, people today
are just broken.
Would you like a Xanax,
Ambien, valium,
Vicodin, dilaudid,
Percocet, oxy?
I've got heavier stuff
if you want it.
- I'm good, thanks.
- Okay.
I get migraines
when I do stuff.
Oh, excuse me,
Mr. pilot.
- Yes, ma'am.
- I didn't see the Indiana
Jones plane landing things.
How do we land in the water?
- This aircraft
doesn't do water landings.
- No. We're actually landing
on a private runway
in slidell about two miles
outside of honey island.
- So we do have
to get on a boat?
- We don't.
- I feel so sick.
- Stop it.
I was fixing my shoe.
- Give me that back.
Give me that back.
Sit down.
Relax.
Not in front of the crew.
Could you be professional?
- Child, please.
You aint foolin' no one,
everyone knows
you two are bangin'.
- So who's interviewing me?
- Oh, you know,
probably like ed Bradley
or someone respected.
- Ed Bradley died.
- Ah, would you look at that.
- Ahh, good afternoon.
This is, ahh,
co-pilot Craig borden.
Ahh, flying time
to slidell today,
a, ahh,
quick thirty five minutes.
Ahh, apologies for the delay.
We had, ahh, minor issue
with our right engine,
but we are... all clear
and... ready to go.
Smooth skies today,
though,ahh,
might have some minor turbulence
over, ahhh, Jean lafitte.
Ahh, word from the tower
is that we are...
Second in line for takeoff.
Ahhhhh...
- L just wanna point out
that it's kinda fucked up
that you could
afford to pay a guy
for a private overnight tour
while I share the same room
in motel hell with you two.
- She didn't have
to pay this guy.
- Oh.
- Stop it.
Turns out one of the
tour guides here
just so happens to be
an aspiring actor,
so I promised him
a part in the movie
and that he'd get
his sag card
if he'd do this
for us for free.
- Already promising actors
things you can't deliver on?
You might make it in
Hollywood after all, Chloe.
- Do you guys see this?
This is disgusting.
Victor crowley dolls.
- There are collectors
that will pay a fortune
for one of gacy's clown
paintings or whatever,
a Victor crowley doll
is nothing.
- Yeah but what kind
of a sick freak
buys something like that
for a child? That's...
- For my niece.
Well alright, pilgrims.
Let's get a movin',
we're losin' daylight.
You lookin' at me?
- It's "talking".
Are you looking at me?
- I think it's "talking to".
Wait 'til they get a load of me.
Hey.
Alright, guess this one.
It's me, Christopher walken.
Christopher walken.
I'm still work shopping
that one.
What's up? I'm Dillon.
Actor.
Tour guide.
But mostly actor.
- A blow job would have
been way less painful.
- Hey, Dillon.
I'm Chloe the director.
- Oh, yeah,
we spoke on the phone.
- Yeah, uh--
- did you check out my...
- Sure.
- Okay.
- This is Alex, my boyfriend,
uh, who's helping out
and playing the role of Benjamin Schafer.
- Great.
- And this is rose,
she's doing makeup effects
and everything else.
- Rose, by any other name.
- I have a dick.
- So where'd you study?
- I went to undergrad
at Salem state.
- No, where'd you study acting?
- Ah, I never studied that.
- Alright,
well don't sweat it, okay.
I'll show you the ropes.
I'm the king of improv
in Jean lafitte parish.
- Awesome.
- Headshots.
I brought em'.
Standard headshot.
Construction worker.
- Sure.
- Army guy.
And then I printed out a regular
headshot but black and white.
I didn't know if this
was a period piece
or anything like that so...
- You know this is just like
a fake trailer though, right?
- Did I tell you that every
character in my script
is named after
an actual victim?
- I got it but I didn't get,
you know, a script...
- Boo!
If we have to get on
a boat anyway,
explain to me again,
why we gotta fly in?
- We're flying in because
we're getting footage of you
looking down at the spot
at magic hour,
you know,
right as the sun sets.
- I wasn't asking you.
- In fact,
we should get you mic'd.
Austin!
Can you please get
a microphone on Mr. yong?
- Copy that.
- Casey.
- Yeah.
- What do you need
to be ready to shoot?
- Just sound, last looks
and I'm ready to roll.
- Oh, did I hear,
"last looks"?
- Hold tight just one second
until audids finished, Jay.
Not much room
to move in here.
- Copy that.
- So no lights for this,
Casey?
- Are you kidding?
No, no, no lights at all.
Unless I can plug
them into your asshole.
- I heard that.
Hey, pledge, how about
a hot brick standing by?
- Yeah, ten-one.
- It's "copy", Zach.
Ten-one means
you're taking a piss.
- Oh, yeah, sorry.
Copy.
- Oh, Mr. Zach.
Do you happen to know
what a ten-two is?
- Ah, is it, poop?
- Ding, ding, ding, ding,
what do you know,
the pledge knows his shit.
You sir, may have
a nice long future
in production after all.
- I thought there
would be tours going.
- Yeah, most tours only run
until midnight on weekends
but after about four years,
business slowed down.
Now there's just not
enough customers
to make weeknight
tours worth it.
- Babe, are you hearing this?
The reviews are in,
Victor crowley's
not relevant anymore.
- Whoa!
Not true, man.
They're shooting like,
five Victor crowley movies
as we speak.
Two are like
straight up slashers,
one's some jump scare
ghost movie thing,
and I think the
other two are remakes.
- Remakes?
- Whatever.
Fuck those other movies,
they're all gonna suck.
- How do you know?
- Because they didn't cast me.
- Hey, how you doin', buddy?
I'm Austin.
- Andrew.
- All right.
Nice to meet you, Andrew.
I need you to do me a favor.
Just drop the back of that cord
right down your shirt there.
- Like that?
- That is perfect.
Thank you.
- Where in New York
are you from?
- Let me guess,
the accent gives it away?
Staten island actually.
You ever been?
- No-
- well, you gotta go.
It's the Jewel of the
east coast, my man.
It's gorgeous, but I had
to come down to Louisiana
about nine years ago
because it was booming
for production jobs,
now I'm probably
going to Atlanta
because that's where it's at.
- So, what,
no interest in la?
- No, I'm not an asshole.
You were really there
when all that crazy shit
went down ten years ago?
- I was.
- And you actually saw
that swamp monster ghost guy,
Vincent Crosby or whatever?
- I did.
- Dude, that is funny.
- Yeah, it's hilarious.
- Hey, Chloe.
- What's up?
- How do you pronounce this?
- It's, urn... I don't know.
"Una-dolama ree-culla
ey-yoo-neesus" whatever.
It doesn't matter if you
get it exactly right,
'cause no one is going
to know the difference.
' Hey, babe!
What language is that?
- I don't know,
but it's supposed to be
the actual voodoo curse
that shyann crowley
put on her husband
and the slutty nurse
that he knocked up.
- How do you know that?
- The Internet told me.
- Hey, you know, YouTube
is an excellent resource
for black magic
and occult rituals.
- Okay, I thought it was
just cat videos
and dipshits
watching other dip fshits
play video games.
- I watch a lot of that.
- Hey, you know maybe we can
see how someone else says it...
- The correct way
to say the curse
that created Victor crowley,
necru...
- Say a few words for me.
- Words?
- Yeah, just like,
count to ten or something.
- One, two...
Una-dolama-ree-culla...
- Three...
- That's it!
All set.
' 9h my god!
- Jay, my man.
It's all you.
- Okay-
- hgy-
- okay-
- jassa-ree-yoo...
- Hey, is this really necessary?
- The curse that created
Victor crowley?
It's only the most important
part of the movie I'm making.
- I know, I'm just saying,
we could do the
voiceover in post.
- I want to get a closeup
of rose's mouth
whispering it, okay?
So just be cute
and stay out of it.
- You know,
I'm gonna stay out of it.
- Acting, right?
You know what they say,
it's all hurry up and wait.
- Hey there, Mr. yong.
- Hgy-
- what, who me?
No, I'm just here to make you
look fabulous real quick
so do me a favor and go on
and look up for me.
- What?
- Up.
Up,up,up,up,up-
- oh, oh.
- There you go.
Find your happy place up there.
It's beautiful, isn't it?
Good.
So is it true that you were
there when everything went down
ten years ago?
- Yes.
I saw Victor crowley.
- Ooh, freaky, mmm.
But I got to know,
what did he look like?
Listen,
don't be scared, honey,
it takes a lot more than
a little bit of turbulence
to take down
a big old plane.
I've been traveling
internationally,
in fact, Japan is one
of my favorite places--
- help! Help me!
I'm burning!
I'm burning!
- There's like, fifty
different ways of saying this.
- I told you,
it really doesn't matter
if you get it exactly right
because--
- what the hell!
Oh my god, where the
hell did that come from?
- Wait, wait, everyone wait.
He's dead.
- No shit!
He just fell out
of the fucking sky.
- That's not a real person!
People don't just
fall out of the sky.
- That sounded like
a plane crash.
- Oh my god.
No.
- Where are you going?
- To help!
There might be survivors!
- She's hyperventilating.
Stay with her.
Call 911!
- Shh. Clam down, Chloe.
Just breathe, alright?
Rose!
Rose, I need your phone!
Chloe, no don't
look at the body.
You don't need to see this,
alright.
Just don't look at the
dead guy, look at me.
- Malala-una-dolama
ree-culla e y-yoo-neesus...
Austin, I'm stuck!
Help, I'm stuck.
- Okay, baby, hold on.
Alright, hold on.
Hold on.
Look, I have to get help,
okay?
@wmm
- Austin, are you okay?
- Yeah, I think so.
My ribs hurt
and I think I broke a foot.
How about you?
Ooh.
There.
Yeah, okay, listen.
Just stay there, alright?
Don't move yet.
What happened?
- We crashed.
" How?!
- I don't know!
It sounded like
the engine exploded.
- Are you alright?
Are you hurt?
- No, no, no!
Don't! Don't!
- You gotta be
fucking kidding me.
Kathleen.
Kathleen.
Hey, wake up!
- Are we there?
- We were in a plane crash.
- Oh, I hate that.
- Wake up,
the plane crashed!
' 9h my god!
Am I okay?
- Oh, shit!
- What's that?!
- Hey! Hey!
We can't open the door
from the outside!
- Open the door!
- Hey, there's people out there.
Thank god!
- Can you get it
from over there?
- Help?
- Hey, hey, it's okay.
It's okay.
L got you.
My name's rose.
What's your name?
- Austin.
- Over here.
- Hey, hey.
How many people are in here?
- I don't know...
- Help.
I'm stuck.
- Oh, shit.
Okay, listen up!
My name's Dillon.
Your plane has crashed.
Alright, I've got a boat
not far from here.
We're gonna get you all help
but first I need everyone
to get off the plane.
Can you walk?
- Uh, yeah.
Yeah, I think I can.
- Alright, if you can walk
i need you to move.
Alright, come on let's go!
- Okay-
hey. Hey-
hey man, you okay?
Oh! Oh, god!
- Is that person...?
- Don't, don't, don't look. It's bad.
- Shit.
Hey!
You're that guy!
- Not, not now.
- Guys, I think the water's
getting higher.
- Give me a hand.
- Jesus.
Alright, it's stuck,
it's stuck!
What's your name?
- I'm, I'm Casey.
- Alright, Casey.
Listen, I just need you to hang
tight for a little bit, okay.
I've got a boat,
it's got tools on it.
I'm gonna cut you free.
- No.
No, please don't
leave me here.
Please don't leave me here.
Where's Austin?
Austin!
Austin!
- Casey, Casey, Casey.
I don't know how
to tell you this but
Austin's dead.
- Dude, I'm right here.
- Austin's alive.
He's alright!
I thought those legs, you know...
- Austin!
- Okay, stay with him,
we're gonna go on his boat.
- Okay, you're Austin.
- Yeah, I'm alive.
Fuck.
- What?
Fuck what?
- Nothing, nothing.
You're okay.
- I don't wanna drown.
Please, baby,
i don't wanna drown.
- No, you're gonna be okay.
I promise.
We're gonna get you off this
plane in a couple of minutes
and we're all gonna be okay.
- Promise me.
Promise me
I'm not gonna drown.
- Listen, I'm not
gonna let you drown.
- It's super important for
my life that I don't drown.
- I promise.
We're gonna be okay.
- We have to make it.
- You and I will.
- Me and you...
Me and little you.
I told you to pull out,
you asshole.
- Somethings wrong.
Why aren't they back yet?
- They probably just
found some survivors
and they're just helping them.
- We should be helping.
- Are you okay?
Can you breathe?
- Yeah, I think I can.
I don't wanna be here.
- Come on.
Let's see if we can go help.
- Okay-
- "ree coola-ey-yoo-neesus-
favalla. "
And that is the correct
way to say the curse
that created Victor crowley...
- Listen up.
That woman, Casey, inside.
She's trapped underneath
the chair rails,
the water level's
rising pretty quick
so we're going to head
over to my boat,
I think I have some tools.
- What are the chances
of you guys being out here
in the middle of the nowhere?
I guess tonight's
your lucky night.
- Daaaaddddyyy!
- Get back on the plane!
Now!
- Bullshit.
Hey guys,
it's someone fucking with us.
- Come on. Come on.
Come on.
- Help!
Hey!
We need help!
We're over here!
We're on the shoreline
about four hundred yards
from the boat landing.
- You are going
to stop yelling
and get on that
fucking plane right now
or I am going to kill you,
understand?
- Jesus. You really are
a psychopath like they say.
- Oh, you think I'm scary?
That thing in the woods
is death itself
and it's coming for all of us.
Now get inside if you
want to live through this.
- Understood.
- Did you hear that?
It sounded like
someone yelling.
- We must be close.
The plane's gotta be this way.
Come on.
You good?
- Yeah.
- Oh my god.
What the hell?
I guess this was his house.
- It's part of the tour.
- Huh?
- See.
- They made this place
a memorial?
What's next, a petting zoo
and a roller coaster?
Jesus!
It's a motion sensor.
- Daaaaddddyyy!
- Oh, come the fuck on.
- Alex.
- It's a...
It's a speaker.
I bet they've got speakers
in all of these trees
trying to scare the tourists.
- Well it's working because
I'm about to shit my pants.
- Shh.
- Daaaaddddyyy!
- Hide in here.
- What the hell was that?
- What was that?
- What was that?
- Please,
please, it's too loud.
- Hey, hey!
Stop it!
- Guys, there's too much
weight, she's gonna drown!
- Shh, quiet.
- Guys, you have to get
off the plane right now
or Casey's gonna drown.
- No one gets out
of the plane.
- Dude, did you hear
what the fuck I said?
- Back the fuck off.
- And he has a knife!
- Fuck this.
- You.
You said this door couldn't
be opened from the outside?
- I think so but I didn't
design the plane.
- So then we're
safe in here, right?
From whatever's
yellin' out there?
- He's got,
he's got things, alright?
A belt sander,
he cut through a metal wall
in my ambulance boat.
- Well, hopefully no one left
a belt sander out there
for the past ten years, right?
- Look at all this shit.
- At least we found the light.
- Ah, leave it to us
to find the only hiding place
without a door.
When we get outta
here I'm gonna--
Alex, I can't breathe.
- Baby, baby, I need
you to calm down, okay?
There's nothing out there.
Alright?
- Look, see?
See, I don't even think
it's a motion sensor.
I think it's on a timer
or something.
I mean, if we're
gonna hide in here
we may as well turn off the--
- run, Chloe!
Run, Chloe!
- Is this even working?
- I don't think so.
- There's too much weight.
We're just makin' it
sink faster.
- So go back outside!
- If we go out there
we all die.
- God, enough with your
ghost bullshit, man.
' Then
see what happens!
God, I'm trying to keep as
many of us alive as possible!
- Oh, says the accused
mass murderer,
holding the knife!
- She makes a good point.
- What?
I've got complete strangers
who want to kill me everyday.
You'd have something
for protection, too.
- He makes a good point.
- Chloe and Alex.
They're still at the boat.
- Hey, if you can call them
we can get them
to bring the boat around.
- Yeah.
- My phone's back there
with them.
- Hold on.
Nah, mine's on the boat
charging.
@wmm
- alright, alright, who in here
still has a working phone?
Kathleen, is mine
still on my seat?
- No, I don't see it.
It must have fallen out.
- Mine's in the water.
- No one has a phone?!
- Oh wait,
wait, wait, I have mine
and it's okay.
Oh, shit,
there's no service.
- Hey, I got it.
If I break this window
and hold the phone out
just far enough,
I may be able to get a signal.
Stand back.
- That's not...
~ ah!
Ow!
- ...gonna work.
- Yeah, thanks.
- Fuckin' asshole,
that window's open right there.
- Yeah, but the cell tower's
on this side.
I know the area, okay?
- Oh, my god.
I have to get outta here.
Guys, I can't breathe.
I can't take it
in here anymore.
I gotta get outta here.
I can't take it in anymore.
I gotta...
- What about the radio
in the cockpit?
- Nah, dude,
the cockpit's destroyed.
There ain't nothin'
workin' in there.
Trust me, dude,
you do not wanna go in there.
Guys, listen!
- What are you doing?
- I'm looking for something
to break the window with.
- Again with the
fucking window?
- If the windows were breakable
there would be crazy people
trying to smash them and
take down planes all the time.
- Guys, I have to tell you
something about--
- I can't take it
in here anymore.
I have to get outta here.
I have to get out!
- Kathleen!
Kathleen!
Look at me!
You can breathe just fine.
See.
Just fine.
" My pills.
Where are my pills?
- Everywhere!
- Oh, wait.
There's my bag!
- Chloe!
Go to the door!
- Rose, let me in!
- Chloe, go to the door!
Chloe!
- I can't hear you!
Oh my god!
- Wait! Wait!
Turn around!
Where-- where'd she go?
Where-- where'd he go?
- Damn!
- Help... me...
- Aaaarrgghh!
- Austin, I can't hear anything!
What's going on?
- What the fuck was that?
- I told you.
I told you he was real.
He's gonna get all of us!
- Hey, hey, hey.
Ls she okay?
- Yeah, yeah. She just
swallowed some water.
But there's something I'm
trying to tell you guys. She's--
- pregnant!
That's what he's
trying to say.
I'm fucking pregnant.
Wow, really?
Don't everybody
celebrate at once.
No.
No gifts, you guys-
no party-
just get me out from
under these fucking seats!
- I can't stay here!
I can't breathe!
- Watch her.
Hey, hey, hey... you.
- Dillon.
- Dillon.
How far's your boat?
- I don't know. Like,
fifteen minutes, ten if we run.
Hey, you're not suggesting
we go out there now?
- Look,
I've been here before,
pinned down on
an ambulance boat.
He's gonna find
a way in here somehow.
All this did is
buy us some time.
Alright? And time...
Time just ran out.
- But you survived, right?
You made it.
- Because he was distracted
by something else!
There was these voices
yelling off in the distance
and then he just
took off after them.
Next thing I know,
the national guard was just there
with their helicopter
picking me up.
I thought you single handedly
fought off Victor crowley
and tried to save
as many as you could?
At least that's what he
wrote in his bullshit book!
- So you did read it!
- The publisher
had my ghost writer
embellish some parts,
alright?
- Fucking Joe knetter...
But the rest of it
is almost all true-ish.
Look outside!
You still don't believe me?
- Oh, I don't know
what's more humiliating
about that fucking book.
The fact that you described
our wedding night
or that cheesy dedication
to me on the first page.
Those were song lyrics.
- Good night moon
is a children's book,
not a song.
And it didn't even
make any sense.
"Good night kittens
and good night mittens,
I miss you, Sabrina."
What?!
- Fix your wig.
- Ahh!
- Okay look.
We've got two options:
Wait here to die and watch Casey
drown under our own weight...
- Ah, no.
- Or Dillon and i
make a run for his boat.
We'll call for help,
come back with the boat,
pick everyone up.
You do have a radio
on your boat, right?
- Yeah, but...
- I'll do it. I'll do it.
Let me go.
- What?
Austin, no!
I'm fast, case.
I ran track in high school.
- I hate to break it to you
but high school was
a long time ago for you!
- Alright, yeah, I put on
a few pounds. So what?
- I've seen men
try and run out
after they knocked up
their on set hookup
but this is some
next level shit.
- I'll pretend there's some
free donuts out there, alright.
I can make it.
- Austin, please!
- I wanna save you, case.
- Please, Austin,
just stay here.
- Hey, Austin,
you don't know where
the boat is buddy, alright.
He does.
- She's still breathing.
Chloe, she's still alive!
- It's a trap.
- She's still alive.
- He's using her as bait
to get us out of the plane.
- We can't leave her
out there.
- He wants us
to open the door.
Stop!
You're gonna get yourself
killed and all of us with you.
- She's my best friend.
- I'll do it.
- What?
- I'll go get her.
Shit.
- What are you doing?
- Looking for something
to fight back with
when hatchet face
shows up again.
- No, I mean what are
you doing... I'll go.
- I got this, okay?
Just promise me one thing.
- What?
- When I get back,
i get a kiss.
Just one kiss.
In case we don't
live through this.
- Are you fucking kidding?
- No-
hey, you are the most
beautiful thing I've ever seen.
My heart's been pounding
since the moment
i laid eyes on you.
One kiss when we get back.
- Save my best friend
and I'll fucking marry you
when you get back.
How about that?
- Fucking white guy hero night
up in this bitch.
- I'm gonna hold you to that.
And I don't care
that you have a dick.
- I don't... have a dick.
It's a thing from earlier.
What was that?
- Huh?
- Tell me that was you.
Oh my god!
- Stop! Stop! Stop!
- Stop! Stop!
It's just a water snake,
it's not gonna hurt anybody!
- I can't die in here!
- Hey, hey, hey!
- Kathleen! No!
- Hey!
What are you doing?!
- Oh, shit!
Oh my god!
Those are his brains!
- Oh god.
What are you doing?
- He's coming!
He's coming! Run!
- 911, what's your emergency?
Ma'am, what is your location?
Fihud]
- Ma 'am, I'm afraid
you're breaking up.
- Ahh!
- Ew.
What's going on?
Austin!
Oh, thank god.
Please don't leave me.
I don't wanna drown!
Please, Austin.
Austin, please
don't let me drown.
Don't leave me.
- You bastard!
No!
- Everybody hold on!
- What?
- Everybody hold on!
Fuck you!
- He's on the roof!
He's on the roof!
We're sinking!
- Ahh!
Ahh!
No!
No!
No!
'Zzz
I tried.
- It's bullshit.
I survived this thing
ten years ago
and I'm right back here again.
Only this time,
I'm not gettin' out.
This is fucking bullshit.
- Why did you
come back anyway?
- Because even I'm too stupid
to say no to a million bucks.
- I'm sorry.
What?
A million dollars for what?
Not for this?
- Yes, for this.
Kathleen said
i as getting a mil.
- Ohh.
Oh, I hate to break it
to you, buddy,
but there was no way in hell
you were getting
a million dollars.
- That was the deal.
- Oh, you dumb,
stupid man.
Maybe that's what your walking
pharmacist of a publicist
told you before she
straight up fisted herself
but you were getting
twenty five grand
and that's before taxes
and commissions.
- Wait. What?
- We have interviewed
holocaust survivors.
We have spoken
with firefighters
that were inside the
world trade center
on September 11th
and you think that you,
Andrew yong,
a fucking nobody,
self-important piece of shit,
are worth a million dollars
just for telling
the same damn story
you've been tryin'
to cash in on for what,
a decade now?
You're not a hero.
You're just a pathetic little
man who turned a profit
on other people's deaths.
Oh, oh, wait.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I forgot to mention failed,
wanna be musician.
Isn't that right, Andrew?
Oh, oh, holdup.
Y'all never heard of
the band haddonfield?
Glam metal sucked
in the eighties
and it sucks now, Andrew.
And after tonight,
you'll still be nothing
more than a number
in a news story's body count.
No one will even
care about you
or ever love you,
Andrew fucking yong.
- Ex-wife.
- It must be really hard
to be a talk show host.
To build a career
out of talking to people
who actually have interesting
experiences to share.
To know that in just
a year or two,
a younger, prettier version of
you's going to take your spot.
To have no skill
other than being pretty
and being able to read words
that other people wrote
off of a teleprompter.
Congrats on your
amazing achievement
of being born pretty.
- I will have you know--
- eat my asshole,
discount Oprah.
I'd look under my seat
to see what wonderful gift
your producers left
there for all of us
but I think I've seen enough
dead bodies for tonight.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
- No, fuck you, too.
The only worthwhile thing
you've ever done
is when you signed
that guy's cock
at the bookstore
earlier today.
- Ah, I didn't sign it.
- You've made a living
cashing in on people's death.
You're just a raging
sloppy garlic cunt.
And I'm here because
i was helping my friend
make a b-slasher movie
about a real life tragedy
where real people
got massacred
so I'm no better
than any of you.
Maybe we're all getting
what we deserve.
- I, I, I didn't do
anything bad.
- Shut up, Dillon!
- Quiet. Listen.
- What?
- Is he gone?
- Shh.
Hey, hey, come here?
You work these tours, right?
- Obviously.
' Whv tonight?
The swamp has gone
a decade with incident
and it's become this theme park
for all things crowley.
So why's this all
happening again tonight?
- I blame you.
- I don't know.
Maybe he, you know, the ghost
comes back every ten years...
Like the loch ness monster,
or like slender man.
Or, honestly I'm just
making this fucking shit up,
I don't know!
- We did this.
My friends and I.
- Hey, no, don't say that.
- Chloe wanted to film me
saying the voodoo curse
that brought Victor crowley
back way back when...
We couldn't figure out
how to say it
so I pulled up all these
videos on YouTube
that had all these losers
in their mom's basements
saying the curse.
Maybe that's what
brought him back. I--
- maybe YouTube brought Victor
crowley back from the dead.
Do you even hear yourself?
- I had a YouTube channel.
If anybody's interested.
It's called
"chillin' with Dillon".
I've got 86 subscribers.
Well, 85 now.
Hey, what if Victor crowley
comes back every ten years?
- We played the curse.
Like, a ton of times.
Here in the swamp.
Do you have a better idea
what brought him back?
- Maybe he comes back
every ten years.
- A different better idea.
I kissed you.
- It was awesome.
- Okay, whatever the case,
he's out there
and we're in here.
He only haunts the swamp
at night, right?
- Yeah, I mean,
that's the legend.
- So, we wait it out in here.
The sun comes up
and we walk right outta here.
Done.
- No. The sun is still
a long time away.
- I am sure people
are looking for me by now.
In fact if--
Jesus!
What... well, don't touch it!
- Her phone might still work.
- Are you kidding?
It has been inside...
It has been inside--
oh, that is fucking sick.
- I can't get it loose.
It still works!
Guys!
- Well, what the fuck
are you waiting for?
Call for help!
- Anyone know her password?
- God!
It was just ringing.
Whoever called is probably
going to call again.
You don't need a password
to answer a phone, alright.
So the next time it rings,
just answer it.
- Hey, hey, are we positive
that no one else
has a working phone in here?
- Ah, sure, just be a love
and reach under the seat here
and dig mine out of
the two feet of mud
and water
it's been soaking in.
- Which one?
This one?
- Motherfucker!
Dillon!
- Yeah!
- Lead the way to your boat.
We're gettin' out of here.
- Wait, wait, wait.
Don't we need a plan?
Like, what is the plan?
" Run!
- Hey! Wait!
What's he got now?
- Fuck!
What did I tell you?!
- They did.
Somebody actually left a belt
sander out here for ten years!
- What the hell's that?
- Hold on!
This thing still has power.
- So what.
Even if we still have power
are we just going to just
take off an fly outta here?
- Of course not.
But think about it...
If there's power...
- What?!
If there's still power what?!
Use words!
- The engine outside.
If we can fire it up we'll have
something to fight back with!
Huh?!
Did you ever see a bird
go through a jet engine?
Poof!
Incinerated!
- So we push him in the engine?
- If we can get it started,
yeah!
- It could work!
- Of all the motherfuckers
i coulda been
in a plane crash with...
Fuck me!
- How do we turn it on?!
- Leave that to me.
- Pull!
- I got this.
- We are so dead.
- Ah.
Ah...
I can do this.
Fuck it.
Come on!
Ah!
No!
- Dillon!
We're running out
of time in here!
- Dillon!
Keep that door locked
and stay quiet!
- Then what?
We're going swimming.
- Just turn on,
you slutty whore!
Ha! Ha!
Yes!
That's what I'm talkin' about!
Dillon time!
Oh, why?
Why?
- Which way's the boat?
- What about Dillon?
- What?
- We can't leave him.
- Go. Hide.
- No-
- I'll distract him, okay?
Just go!
- I'm not leaving him.
- Come on.
- Hey!
Remember...
--Me?
- Hey!
I got the engine going!
Guys?
- Oh my god.
- Did you hear that?
Dillon got the engine on.
- Give me that phone.
The phone.
Give it to me.
- We can't use it.
- Give it to me!
- Hey, what are you doing?!
Stop!
- Mayday.
Can anyone hear me?
My name is Dillon...
Captain Dillon mcmaster
of the...
Of the USS fucked.
Our plane is crashed
in the honey island swamp.
Passengers are dead
and ah, we're being attacked
by Victor crowley.
This is not a joke.
Alright, I'm serious.
Can anyone hear me?
We need help.
Mayday, this is
general Dillon mcmaster.
We've crashed in the honey
island swamp and need help.
This is a consulate ship
on a diplomatic mission.
- Oh, oh the boat.
The boat.
Oh, fuck thank god,
thank god, thank god.
- This is first lieutenant,
general commandant
Dillon mcmaster,
the second.
My plane has crashed
in honey island swamp.
Many casualties and I'm
under siege by Victor crowley.
Anyone out there
please help...
- This is a private frequency.
Stay the hell off of it.
- Hello?
Hey, who is this?
Please, anyone!
Help!
Are you out there?
- Open the fucking door!
- Man.
You came back.
- Of course I came back.
Well, look,
i got the engines running
and I've been calling
for help so...
- I dropped my knife.
Is there something in here
we can fight back with,
like a gun or...?
- Urn... shit.
Oh... just a flare gun.
- Oh.
- Hey, hey.
We're almost out of fuel
so if we're gonna make a move,
we gotta make it now.
- Okay, let's go.
I didn't mean now.
Where's rose and that
terrible woman you married?
- Hopefully they
made it to the boat!
I didn't see.
- Whose boat?
My boat?
- No, my boat.
Yes, your boat!
- They're not gonna
get very far.
- Keys, keys, keys, keys.
Where are they?
- Hey! Look!
It's rose!
- He's... coming!
- Don't turn around!
Just run!
Just run!
- Come on!
Shit!
Come on!
- He's coming!
- Come on!
- Run!
- Nice shot.
- Yeah, well, I was
aiming for his balls so...
- Ahh!
- Come on, come on, come on!
Get up here!
- Wait!
I've got this.
Though she be but little,
she is fierce.
'K, shoot him, yong!
Go to hell,
you ugly bastard!
- Maybe, uh,
no more one-liners?
- Ahh!
Fuck my life.
- I would of had your babies.
Ahh!
- No!
- No!
No!
- Fuc--
- we interrupt this program
with a nreaking news report.
Tragedy has once again
hit New Orleans
as at least seven have been
killed in a plane crash.
A private plane that went
missing early last night,
kwaj airlines flight 331,
has been discovered
this morning
in honey island swamp.
We're told that so far only
two survivors have been located.
However, search and rescue
teams are still on the scene
as we speak.
Authorities say that the
aircraft was chartered by--
uh, hold on.
I understand that we have
an eye witness on the phone.
Hello, sir?
Are you part of
the recovery team?
- Yes, ma'am, I'm here.
- Ls there any information as
to the cause of the crash?
- Well, it looks like there's
some kinda fire or explosion.
I mean, we're finding bodies
everywhere though.
I mean, even where we are
now deep in these woods
there's still people
and pieces
turnin' up everywhere.
- Ls it possible that victims
were thrown that far
from the crash?
- Well, that's just the--
I mean, there's just
no conceivable way
that almost everyone on board
was thrown from the plane.
I mean, only three or four
bodies were found inside
the plane and the rest are,
god they're--
- stand by, sir.
I'm being told that what we're
seeing now are the two survivors
of this horrific crash.
Sony?
That one of them appears
to be Andrew yong?
Yes, we have confirmation that
one of the two survivors
is indeed Andrew yong,
the survivor of the 2007
honey island swamp massacre.
Sir, are you still on the line?
- Yes, ma'am.
Ah, we just located another
victim inside a shed here.
It's...
Oh lord, it's on the
old crowley property.
- I'm sorry, sir,
did you say...
- I've been waitin' for you,
motherfucker.