1
[GROANING]
Shit.
Hello.
Hey, did you turn off my electricity?
- Well, I knocked.
- I was in the bathroom.
- Well, somebody hasnt been paying since June.
- It wasnt me! I just moved in!
When?
Two days ago?
Youre going to have to take
that up with Con Ed, honey.
I already shut the power off.
Please, you cant leave me like this.
Look I swear to Christ I didnt know, look!
[TELEVISION NOISE]
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
I dont understand why you couldnt let me know.
We all thought you went back upstate.
Bro, you dont even have a phone.
Anyway, Rickys is closed.
Yeah, I noticed, Im standing
right outside the fucking place.
No, you fuck. Its closed for keeps.
The goddamn place is condemned bro.
You hadnt picked up a shift in over a month.
Go to Ishmaels, get a coffee or something.
I dont want coffee I need a job.
What?
I said I dont want coffee I need a fucking job.
Whenever youre ready...
Im just gonna... fill out...
I think youre going to like this place,
its only twenty-five minutes from Manhattan.
Youll love this neighborhood, its really erectric, uh...
So uh, if you want to get to the city
you could take the Metro North.
Its not the colored Bronx. Its the white Bronx...
White as marble. Thats why
they call it the Marble Hill...
Shalom motherfucker.
You wouldnt happen to have
a cigarette by any chance?
Oh hello, can you help me out please?
Can you help me out?
Shitheads.
You cant do that!
Those are your fucking kids!
[GRUNTS]
[BACKGROUND FIGHTING]
- Uh, hello?
- Hello, who is this?
Oh, um, I didnt think I would get anyone...
May I speak to uh - a mister uh, Victor...
How on earth did you know he would be here?
Oh, this is the number he gave us...
This is David Sykes, Im the manager
at Ishmaels Cafe and Bookseller.
Oh, oh yes yes indeed,
what can I do for you sir?
Well, wed like Victor to come in for an interview.
Really?
Really. Is this his primary
place of residence?
Could we possibly speak to Victor?
Oh, yes yes it is indeed.
What time would you like
Victor to come in?
Uhm, tomorrow first thing if thats possible
but maam is he there?
Could we speak directly with Victor?
What time?
Uh, nine o clock.
OK, got it.-OK great, may I ask who I am-
Leslie, I know youre fucking in there
I hear your spic music let me in.
Youve exhausted all your continuances.
Were going to trial next week
and you have no case.
Leslie!
The Marshalls are coming.
Youre done, you hear me? Youre done!
I got you, you little beastie.
Oh yeah right Victor,
let me in, come on!
- Les what are you doing?
- Im looking out for that goddamn tecado.
Who, Dena?
Uhm, yes.
Victor, what are you constipated or something?
How did you know?
Tell you what...
Im going to do the remolacha for you
and cook you up a taste sensation
with those beans that will be your very best.
What about the green tea?
Youll see babes, youll see.
Ill come by later and maybe youll finally get to
meet my son Anthony, OK babes?
OK?
OK, yeah.
Uh, excuse me you?...
You know why we got you dont you?
The beer?
Now you were in here
two days ago, am I correct?
I dont think so.
Oh no?
Uh oh... Uh oh!
Who dat? Who dat?
Thats you. Thats you!
We let you get away with it that time,
but what happened?
- I got cocky.
- You got cocky.
Now have you stolen anything else today
that you might want to share with us?
- Just a mustard, I think.
- The mustard?
Woah!
Mmm.
Huh... Kevlar!
Holy cow crackhead, that there is a lot of meat!
What are you going to do feed the whole
Yonkerss canoe club with that?
Thats a display item,
you cant eat that.
Let me ask you something,
between you and I, old friends...
Are you constipated my man?
Vic!
Yo Vic!
Come back down here I got
something for you.
- Hey Rick, how you doing?
- Damn man what did I tell you about that?
- Oh, right, Im sorry.
- Nobody taking me serious around here.
A brother cant handle this kind of derision.
I do, I do!
Its alright baby...
You having a blessed day out this or what?
No man, I just got
busted in the store.
For real? What for?
Stealing... Beer... Bunch of other stuff...
Damn Vic, you stay drinking right?
You got one of them for me?
Hey my man, you got a lighter?
- Oh, so you ready for some good news?
- Yeah.
I got something youll want to hear.
You know that nigga Dave?
The nigga that robbed you?
Yeah, I remember.
Well, they got him.
What? Really?
Yeah Jackie too.
Probably somebody else
just like he did you.
Jackie? They got Jackie?
Yeah... How was that pussy?
She was always nice to me.
Dave will be gaining weight in Valhalla
for the next eighteen months so
you dont have to worry about him much.
Wow.
Rick, oh Rick, Rick help me honey!
I got it.
Oh Rick, help me take them from me.
I cant handle it!
Follow me!
Let me just get this thing...
Get back Vic and wait!
I said wait!
Dont worry about my stupid friend
he dont mean no harm.
He just simple sometimes thats all.
...Coming up on people like that!
Here you go sweetie, thank you.
Now, this is for you.
Oh, thank you maam,
thank you, appreciate it.
You alright now? Have a good day.
You want to smoke?
Yeah.
Anyway, its way lower than you think...
You cocksuckers!
Eat the turf!
Stay down dont get up.
Hey... Hey!
What the fuck are you doing?
Get him! Get him!
Jerk off!
No, mommy!
Oh my God. Victor is that you?
Dude are you OK?
Uh huh...
Jesus are you fucked up or what?
Cigarette... Need a cigarette...
Sure, no problem.
Come on, lets get you in.
Careful.
Jesus.
Leslies vanished again.
If you see her
I havent, I havent since...
Tomorrow.
Well if you do stay away from her.
Shes got CPS coming after her.
Whats that?
Child Protective Services.
Jesus, really?
Yeah, shes beating the kids.
Ive seen her smack Christine in
the mouth right in front of me.
- What?
- Nothing, nothing...
Dude, you are really fucked up.
I know. I got to lie down.
Oh hey! I got another basement apartment
just opened up on Hawthorne!
Seven hundred dollars a month. Its a little
smaller than this one, no kitchen...
Course you got to pay your own heat but hey,
you dont have to worry about that now.
And hey, the previous tenant left a microwave.
I think Im going to hang on to this one for a while.
OK, take a nap will you dude?
And remember, stay away from
that fucking orbing porpus.
Oh wait, here...
Oh really?
Yeah, yeah, yeah I got a carton in the jeep.
- See you later dude.
- Thank you.
Victor, let us in!
- Leslie no, I do not want to be in the middle of this.
- Do something for once in your life!
- Oh, I do plenty.
- Really?
Yeah, I have a bloody interview tomorrow
if you would just leave me alone.
Oh fuck this.
- Victor!
- What?
What about Christine?
Victor!
Ill bring beer.
You know what? Just, just give
me one second, OK?
Les... Les?
OK just, Im gonna
Can I... Can I see?
OK babies, Im back.
What the hell is that?
The beer silly. I brought cervecitas,
and your things remember?
I didnt have time to prepare them sorry.
Victor, how come your stove dont work?
Victor, you are a hot ass mess I swear.
Must be the goddamn pilot.
OK...
Must be one of these then.
Les, wait I dont
Santa Maria Dios mo!
Victor, you got a oven pan?
Mommy, how old is Victor?
Why dont you ask Victor mama?
Victor, are you middle aged?
Uhm, I dont think so not quite.
Are you seven?
Yes, I am, but Im
gonna be eight soon.
Mommy why does Victor live alone?
Because some young men do mama,
thats Victors choice.
Because their mommies and daddies
dont care about them anymore?
Mommy, does Victor have a nanny?
What are you a retard?
What did I tell you ask him!
Victor, do you have beans?
Uh, uh I, I - what?
Do you have penises?
Uhm actually theres...
No, no I do not.
So then do you have a vergina?
Yes, I suppose I do.
Good, cuz Im a lezaben!
Dont look at me, thats your problem now.
...OK.
Shit, the remolacha!
Oh God, Les!
These are out of this world!
Really, I thought they would
have come out like rocks!
What did you do to them
to make them taste so good?
Sazn. That fucking shit make
anything taste fucking good.
You know, you got to get yourself
some kitchenware babes.
Mmhmm.
You know, we could go shopping sometime.
Mmhmm.
Ill take you to my old hood in Marble Hill,
they got a Marshalls there and everything.
Maybe.
No, not till after dinner, punk!
Men!
- Oh honey, youre bleeding!
- Les, its fine!
- Oh honey, my bad!
- Really, Les
- Come here babes, let me help.
- Would you stop!?
Oh, looks like the remolachas
are working already!
Come here and Ill show you
I know what Im talking about.
Come mama.
You see...
This way your anus is dilated
and pointed to the floor
straightaway like the toes of a ballerina
when she on the balls of her feet.
Actually... Your feet are her toes
and your anus are the balls of her feet...
You see, like this...
Its actually how we should always go.
Every time you get a perfect S
like this, every time.
And sometime you even get a clean break
no matter what you eat.
...Sometime you get two.
Its like I tell my kids...
Its not about how much toothpaste you use,
its how you brush.
That perfect S is a day changer.
Victor, can she pee?
Please.
Wait! Help me!
No, thats OK, let me get it...
That probably Anthony.
Stay with her right quick,
she want you to anyway.
Anthony.
Did... Did you pee?
Na, Im waiting for wipes.
Anthony, what in Gods name
happened to your lip?
You get in another fight? Get your little ass
whooped just like your daddy?
Damn! I slid on some rocks
down by the water...
OK wipes, need wipes? I got wipes...
I got wipes.
I got wipes right here...
There you go, there you go,
got your wipes right here!
OK, now come on, lets pee.
Can I see your vergina?
No, you cant.
Why?
Cause... its all... plugged up
now come on lets go.
No show me please!
OK, OK, if you go pee now Ill go after you
and then you could see, OK?
OK.
OK, OK lets go pee, OK?
OK, pee pee time USA!
Up you go!
Oh Victor, you hot mess,
get out of there!
Come mama!
Jerk off.
What?
I said I know you were jerking off behind that bush
watching me and my friends
and beating off, wishing you could
give us rim-jaws.
Oh yeah? Well its rim-jobs,
you little fuck.
And I know that you do didnt have
any fall on any little rocks
so why dont you just keep your
little ass shut, alright?
You better not fucking tell her
I got in a fight.
OK well Im no pervus, alright?
Victor, could you come back
in here please?
But I...
What about Anthony?
Leave him. Leave him be,
let him explore a little.
Victor, where your toilet paper?
I dont have any.
What you mean?... Why come?
What do you mean? I told you why?
What about your prick,
dont you gotta wipe your prick?
His what, mommy?
Nothing baby.
What?
Is that another name for Victors coolie?
Yes, exactly mama.
I wanna see, Victor promised me.
Victor, go!
You promised her! Its not like
she never seen one.
I dont understand, then why did you
shake your head when she asked if I had one?
Yeah, what?
Nothing sweetie,
you wanna see Victors vagina?
Well then hell make do.
Come on.
Its just like mommys.
OK! There it is, lets go eat!
No mommy, he said he would make pish too.
Alright, come on!
Les, I cant do this.
Please, let me off, another time, I assure you
I will piss gold for you and Christine.
Oooh!
Oh Christine, no, no, no!
Its the remolacha, you stupid little bitch!
Victor, the exterminator comes first of the month,
pay your rent, youll find out.
Anthony, lets go!
Oh, your one to talk, you fucks!
You fucks!
The fuck?
Oh shit Vic, you came back?
Of course I came back, fucker.
Alright, fucker.
Rick, whered you go off to man?
Hey, whatd I tell you about that?
You fucking knocked.
I tried to keep you up but you puked all over
like a drunken fucking frat boy.
Then them kids showed and...
I couldnt stick around to chance it.
OK... OK.
Just dont say I left you.
Aint that the damndest...
What is it?
They deadheading.
What?
Deadheading. Its a transit term...
Theres a yard down Van Cortlandt,
theyre probably headed there.
One time I saw a car deadheading.
Had no tractor attached to it, in front or behind.
Just sailin down the middle of the street
like one of them old trolleys.
But from where I stood... Matter of fact
from where we stand at this very moment...
I could see a whole family of red and green orbs
bouncin around inside of the car.
Thought I was bugging... Then I read about it and found out its a thing, an actual occurrence...
And that the red represents something
possibly not even of this Earth...
- And the green...
- Something?
Spirits. Who knows where
it was headed that day...
Back to Brooklyn probably.
Aw, come on guys,
I left something inside.
Uh uh Rick, well past
closing time, man.
Aw come on man, its a gift for my niece
its right inside.
Sorry bro, no can do.
What about the name man, its all about the name.
Yeah, OK, Black.
Disgraceful nigga!
Good luck, white!
Shit Rick, how are we gonna get in man?
I mean, Black.
You fucking crackheads! Get the fuck out of there!
Get the fuck out of here!
So how olds your niece?
You got your stem on you?
Uh, uhm... I must have left it at home.
Never mind, I got mine.
Its just a taste anyway.
Why you looking at it like that?
You want some?
Just ask!
Rick? I mean... Black...
You think I could maybe get some of that?
You gonna throw down so we can cop?
How much you got?
A twenty spot.
Vic, you blew it!
Im sorry.
Rick, is that you?
Rick look, look Rick. Look, look...
Rick!
How the fuck you not go on
and remember that shit?
Motherfuckers been calling me
that shit for years.
Them all motherfuckers better stop calling me by
my goddamn government name I know that shit.
Used to be the motherfucking man in these streets...
Go shut your stupid ass up and
listen some goddamn time.
Fuckers are always talking. Talk. Talk. Talk.
I know what the fuck I be talking about,
I dont know what the fuck you be talking about.
Rick. Rick, dont act like you dont see me.
Motherfucker I know you seeing me.
Hi!
Hey Rick, the ladys got a chair man.
When we get up there, just gimme the twenty.
Ill go down the hall to cop.
Cant I come with you?
Vic you gotta relax.
He dont know you yet...
After you been comin around...
But isnt that like a catch twenty-two,
like applying for a job as a waiter?
He doesnt like white.
Huh?
He dont like white people.
Come on, gimme the money.
Blacks I really want to come!
I told you why you cant come.
Why doesnt he like white people?
Because!
He used to work at this place Rickys, on Central Ave
Ah, the seafood joint!
Yeah...
Yeah, well I used to work there,
maybe I know him!
He was a line cook there years ago,
you wouldnt know him.
Try me.
Shit Vic, I got fuckin underwear
thats older than you.
Take it from me, you dont know the nigga.
Come on we here, gimme the money.
Blacks... Please Blacks, lemme come with you.
No Vic.
Go behind that door and wait over there.
Shit Vic, what the hell you doin?
I told you wait! Now come here.
Now wait!
You came back!
Yeah, surprised?
Shit I aint gonna do you like that nigga Dave.
I like you Vic, you just gotta relax.
Yeah. I like you too.
Lemme see your hand.
Whatchu doin?
I mean open your hand.
Now hold it there.
How old are you Black?
How old you think I am?
Fifty?
Yeah, howd you know?
Yeah? Youre fifty?
Shit most people think Im older.
Yeah?...
No!
Ill tell you what...
Imma give you this for being nice to me.
First?... First?
What...
What am I?
What you mean what you are?
Youre white!
Thats what you are.
White boy on Buena Vista.
How old am I?
Twenty-six?
Yeah?
Yes!
Alright!
Black, would you change your name
for a million dollars?
Nope.
Really?
Riccardo?
Rick, where you at baby?
Go see who that is.
Riiick...
Its that woman!
Shit! Thats Geri, she live here.
Quick lets split.
Wait!
Maybe we should let her in...
Oh yeah?
You lookin for some pussy?
All we gotta do is get her high, shell do us both.
Shit Vic, you turnin pink and shit,
whats wrong baby?
All we gotta do is get her high,
shell do us both!
What are you doing?
I gotta fetch the bitch.
Heres the rest of the shit.
Hold it like I showed you...
You gotta be a little...
Circumspect of this bitch.
Dont get me wrong,
she gonna like you, youll see...
But just be...
Circumspect?
Thats right!
- Right over there
- Where, in here?
- Yeah right back in here.
- You sure?
Yeah come on now...
Aint nobody in here, youre all scared and shit.
I aint scared...
Fuck Rick! What you got waitin for me back here
mother fuckin tales of the crypt?
Oh bitch you one to talk.
You like a goddamned Greyhound with a tit.
Oh!... He cute.
See what I say? She like you Vic.
Nice tight white ass.
Lemme see that, lemme see that...
Oh Vic, you got it.
Shit Vic, what happened?
You free base it right out your hand?
I was gone five minutes!
Yeah and in that time apparently you forgot
how fuckin muggy it is in here.
Muggy! Yall think New York is muggy?
Give me the shit.
You ever bang in New England?
Try hustlin in Maverick for a week.
It gets muggier there on the streets
than just plain old dick!
Aint nothin plain about that.
Well, thats as plain as I could get it.
Yall know how yall get when
yall been indoors too long.
I know because Im the first one
yall be callin me up.
Im really good at deep throatin.
So what? That make you a
dick cheese connoisseur?
Yeah! Cause Ill be up close.
Especially you Rick,
you got a rind on you like parmesan.
And these uh... Michael Beagon
motherfuckers from from Buffalo...
or middletown, fuckin Binghamton...
Who?
Michael, Michael Beagon, you know?
Michael Keaton?
No, no no. Who he?
Kevin Bacon?
Yeah thats right. Kevin bacon. He still sexy.
Or that new goofy nigga...
Olsen Wilson with the fucked up nose, right?
They stay drinkin! And when they all drunk as fuck
they just gotta do all three,
you know what Im sayin.
So after a couple of sessions that shit
be stankin somethin fierce!
Especially when they got that cocoon dick...
You got that cocoon dick boy?
- I, uh...
- Do you?
- What?
- Well soon find out, right?
Yes you will, you hear that!
What I tell you?
All I know is... While I might not be no...
Denzel...
Might I had a wealth he do
to look good all the time...
More importantly, I keep my shit clean.
You know I fucked him, right?
Yeah yeah yeah! He used to live in Mount Vernon.
We went to the same school, we the same age.
How big was he then?
No no no no,
how big of a movie star was he?
Oh! We was like fourteen
when we boned...
It was a beautiful thing.
You still keep in touch?
Nah. He went away after that,
I dont know what happened to him.
How...
How old are you?
Thats just plain old rude!
You dont stare, you dont refuse a womans food
and you damn sure dont ask a womans age!
So... you live here? Hows that?
Fuck. I dont live in the projects!
Oh, is this a...?
Im just stoppin in, OK?
Visit a couple of my regulars...
Theyre big tippers.
I dont even have sex with my clients
but Im a 9.9 so they pay for what they get.
theyre just dyin to hang out with me.
Im really good.
Shit Vic... My book...
For my daughter. Dont let me forget.
Its right over there.
I thought you said it was for your niece.
Yeah right, my niece.
Give me that twenty back.
- Why?
- Why?
Cause you let the rest of the shit evaporate
right out your hand!
Now you know what we gotta do.
Thank you.
Dont you tell nobody I fell.
I know you. Where I seen you before?
I uhm... I have one of those...
Faces.
Oh yeah?
You ever bang in Maverick?
Im over on... Buena Vista.
Oh yeah? Thats where I cop.
Come on, lets get outta here.
You sure?
You want some help dont you?
Come on. Lets go.
Should we have left Black?
Who?
Black, ya know? Black.
Who, Rick? He a dirty nigga.
He be rippin white boys like you
off left and right.
You sure that was even crack
yall were smoking?
Yeah! Yeah, I think so.
Hes a really good guy, hes a great guy.
Well Im gonna get you some shit off of your own street
thats gonna send you over the hills boy,
over the fucking moon.
- OK.
- Yeah. You take care of me now.
Yeah alright. How much?
Gimme forty now.
Forty? How do you figure?
Twenty for the good shit
and twenty for the head.
Somebody wants his dick sucked, right?
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Well then give me the fuckin money.
This here is Westchester, retart!
I told you I handles upscale clientele.
We could talk if you were callin me from
the Bronx or Inwood but you didnt.
Yeah I didnt call you...
And what is the Bronx have to do with anything?
Whats the difference?
Less yuppies there. This place is goin to seed!
They built a goddamn bridge down by the DMV.
You cant park there! I cant do my car dates no more!
You have a car?
No!
Yeah... This is... reasonable.
Yeah, yeah. It is.
- Shit.
- Geri, you OK?
Yeah yeah, come on come on...
But... Buena Vista is that way.
Imma date you first papi, come on.
Oh, monster, rrrr!
Geri! Wait! Wait!
Your chair!
Geri wait! Please!
Geri come on!
Geri!
Please... Wait!
Geri... Geri wait!
Please!
Im not finished!
Wait... Geri...
What the fuck?
Its Kevin Fucking Bacon!
Sir, he harrassin me.
Dont let him in please.
What the fuck is a security guard
gonna do Geri?
Im not a security guard, Im a cop dammit!
Im sorry sir, I didnt know...
I want my fucking forty bucks back!
I dont owe you fuckin nothing!
Its not my fault you couldnt pop
that little portobellini over a dime!
A dime! Are you fucking kidding me?!
Sir, she stole from me! She owes me!
And different, you said different.
I thought you... I thought you said
I had a monster.
Thats just cause I knew you would blab to that dirty nigga Rick
and I just wanted to make him feel bad
because his little blue penis is almost nonexistent!
- Why do you keep saying that about him?
- Ill tell you what you do have
is a little one eyed unwiped portabellini!
Oh yeah? Well you said you were nine point nine?
Should we go back to that for a minute?
Or what are you the fuckin delusional whore?
Im not a whore!
Oh Geri, you are so old and have so many wrinkles
you look Freddy fuckin Kreuger!
Im not old!
Rude! Im only in my thirties!
Oh yeah? Well even worse because you look
like you were on the goddamned Titanic
and you went down with the ship and got burned alive and then you came back to Elms Street
in fuckin two thousand some odd six as
fuckin Freddy fuckin cocksuckin Krueger!
Wait, wait for me fuckin asshole wait!
Where you gonna go now Geri?
Shit!
Black?
Black?
Please I have an interview tomorrow!
No Geri please dont take my wallet
its all I have left.
Shoulda thought about that
before you called me a whore
you hipster faggot!
Jesus...
Oh Fuck Vic what the fuck?
- What happened to you?
- That scum...
That scum bitch.
Look what she did to me.
Oh Fuck Vic, I told you wait!
- No you didnt!
- I did! I told you what we had to do.
- You didnt!
- I warned you about that bitch
and you left with her anyway!
You didnt! You didnt not that time!
I did, I did!
Im sorry!!!
Its OK...
Now tell me...
what she make away with?
Everything man, fuckin everything...
my wallet, fuckin eighty dollars.
Eighty dollars? What?
Which way she go?
That way, back by Riverdale by the apartment.
Why?
Im gonna get your wallet back!
Black, you got it.
I got it Vic, I got it.
I cant believe it.
I cant fucking believe it...
Wheres the money?
The money? Ha!
Geri takin some time off with the fuckin money,
thats where the money is.
Damn Vic, that shit is ungrateful.
Youre right. Im sorry.
I just... I cant believe it.
Believe it.
Lets just get you home.
I cant... My interview.
- What?
- I gotta go Black.
Its my only gig.
Theyre gonna turn my power off if I dont.
Lets just fix you up a bit first.
Weve all been there, right?
Remember...
They cant come after you for the rent
or ConEd when youre dead.
They gonna do?
Put you in creditors prison?
Alright here it is.
Thank you, Black.
Hey yo Vic!
Hold up...
Gotta go on Central and do a few things...
Get a discman for my daughter.
Tell me how Eazy-E wasnt the
greatest rapper of all time.
Tupac.
Shit, fuck Pac!
Pac was the real deal, man.
How so?
Cause his shit wasnt glamorized, it was gory.
It was all about how not to live his life.
Oh yeah right. That dont make it any better.
It did! It did it was... ugly.
Yeah? Yeah... Eazy-E was.
Without the fuckin sermon, he really was.
Pac is like, hes the Chazz Palminteri of gangster rap.
Fake ass nigga.
What? Ow!
Oh, you OK?
- That was it.
- What?
Thats it, thats the place.
Bus driver, you didnt make that
last stop back there.
You know how it is Rick... You gotta ring the bell.
I aint never had to ring it before.
Somebody always gettin off at this stop.
Come on the kids got an interview.
Im sorry buddy, I cant read minds.
- Alright gimme a sec and Ill pull over.
- Please!
For after the interview.
Good luck, Vic.