DONNA:
Every story starts somewhere.
And mine begins in a small town
called Silver Springs, Nevada.
My mother was an ex-show girl.
Emphasis on the "ex. "
There's my father.
He came by for the beer.
Whoa. Oh, my God.
Look at this.
Oh, my God!
Happy birthday, Donna
Whoa, whoa
I didn't get to blow out
my candles.
But I do remember my wish.
That I could get as far away
from Silver Springs
as possible.
Well, that didn't happen.
Come on, sweetie.
My mom, always optimistic,
was on her fourth
husband, Pete.
Come on, baby.
Come on.
RODNEY:
Ugh. What happened?
Rodney. His son.
No need for DNA testing
on that one.
I still had my mind
on a different life
beyond Silver Springs.
Then I met Tommy,
the high school quarterback.
Boy, was he a great kisser.
Together, I knew
we were going places.
He went as far as
assistant manager at Big Lots
and used his pull to get me a
job in the luggage department.
This is the best bag
money can buy. Bar none.
You've got the nylon twill
with DuPont protective coating.
This is the bag you use
when you fly?
Well...
I've actually never been
on an airplane,
but if I ever get to go on one,
this thing is gonna follow me
around like my own little dog.
My birthday came,
and I didn't have to make
the same old wish.
Tommy and I had found
our way out.
Hey. I caught you.
Donna. Hey.
I thought you didn't get off
till 8:00.
I got Becky to cover for me.
Oh.
Oh!
Now that you're here...
Let me have the card.
No, no.
It's silly.
Just forget about it.
It's actually kind of corny.
Hey, I brought that dress
that you like.
Want to watch me change?
-No, hey, Donna.
-Ah!
Don't read that.
Come on.
I like things that are corny.
You're breaking up with me?
In a birthday card?
Why?
Well, they don't make
breaking-up cards.
[ Gasps ]
I thought that...
We had plans.
[ Sighs, groans ]
Donna, don't take this
the wrong way.
I decided to take
somebody else to Tucson.
Somebody else?
Yeah.
Linda from Lawn Chairs.
Actually, it's Brenda
in Barbecues.
Look, Donna,
you're a great girl.
Really, you are.
But with this promotion
and transfer to Tucson,
I just need to
shake things up a bit.
Business is business.
Come on, Donna.
Face it.
You're a small-town girl.
You belong here.
ANNOUNCER: We're back
with more "Pure Oxygen,"
talking to Sally Weston.
Can you tell our viewers
the moment you decided
to change your life?
I left my job at Big Lots
and thought about becoming
an alcoholic.
Just kidding.
[ Sighs ]
But then something happened.
There I was
with garbage in front of me.
The worst moment of my life.
I thought,
"What am I gonna do?"
For a second I was real scared.
Since I was a girl,
all I heard from people was,
"You are nothing.
Nothing is what you deserve."
But that night
something clicked.
And I just knew
I was worth something.
From a little girl
in West Texas
to the world's most famous
flight attendant.
Author of "My Life in the Sky."
Can we get a shot of that?
Motivational speaker.
I'm curious.
Why'd you pick flying?
No matter how much I love
that sleepy little town,
none of my dreams
were waiting down there.
They were waiting up there.
And frankly, people,
no matter where you're from,
no matter who people
think you are,
you can be whatever you want.
But you got to start right now.
Right this second, in fact.
But how?
You should start
by buying my book.
I agree.
But you can't have my copy.
"My Life in the Sky."
We'll be right back
with more "Pure Oxygen."
[ Tires screech ]
I took Sally's advice.
Sure, Sierra Airlines wasn't
the biggest and the best.
It was the smallest
and the absolute worst.
But everybody
has to start somewhere.
Donna, why do you want to be
a stewardess?
Well, for all
the travel opportunities.
And for the excitement.
We're a budget airline.
We fly from Laughlin to Fresno.
Once a week to Bakersfield.
We got five planes.
We fly gamblers and drunks.
Right.
I want to provide
those gamblers and drunks
with the best service
in the sky.
You're gonna love
the uniform.
Our motto is "Big hair,
short skirts,
and service with a smile."
Sir, please fasten
your seat belt.
[ Toilet flushes ]
You nervous?
I'm Sherry.
Donna.
Welcome to Sierra.
As much as you can today,
sweetie, just stick by me.
I hear we're full,
but it's a piece of cake.
Okay.
Okay, the overhead bins are
closed and the cabin is secure.
Good job.
I'll do the safety.
Go tell the captain we're ready.
Okay.
Welcome aboard Sierra Airlines
flight 312 to Fresno.
There are three emergency exits.
Captain, we are --
[ Snoring ]
Captain?
Is he all right?
Don't worry about him.
He'll be fine.
I'll poke him with a stick,
and he'll get at it.
If not, I'll give him
his blanky and...
take matters into my own hands.
Steve.
Steve Bench.
Call me Copilot Steve.
I'm Donna Jensen.
I'm a trainee.
You nervous, Donna?
Nah.
Well, yeah.
A little bit.
Well, don't worry.
I've had only two near-misses
and a couple of minor crashes.
I chalk it up to experience,
and I'm feeling better about it.
I'm joking.
I knew that.
If there's anything I can do,
you come up here. Okay?
Put your hands on your knees.
They don't want them
flailing about if we crash.
I'm gonna teach you
All about lovin'
Sit yourself down
and take a seat
All you gotta do
is repeat after me
A-B-C
Easy as 1-2-3
As simple as do-re-mi
A-B-C
1-2-3, baby,
you and me, girl
It's just like a roller coaster.
You ever been
on a plane before?
Well, yeah.
I mean, you know.
Sometimes it helps
if you don't look down.
[ Breathing heavily ]
I'm doing great.
[ Whirring loudly ]
Shit!
-It's just the wheels.
-We lost the wheels?
No, Donna. Relax.
[ Breathing heavily ]
I am relaxed!
[ Whimpers ]
Oh! Oh!
We're gonna crash!
Oh, my God!
We're gonna crash!
-Come back here!
-We're gonna crash!
We're gonna crash!
[ Screams ]
MAN:
Sit down!
[ Screaming continues ]
SHERRY:
Thank you. Fly with us again.
-Enjoy the sights.
-Thanks.
How you doing?
I was terrible.
I couldn't walk.
I spilled the coffee.
I totally freaked out
the passengers.
It wasn't exactly
a frozen lake up there.
Turbulence is tough.
You'll get the hang of it.
Am I gonna get fired?
-I'm gonna get fired.
-Nobody's getting fired.
Really.
You're gonna be a pro.
You're going places.
You think?
I'm a pilot. It's my job to know
where people are going.
One for you.
Put your seat
in the upright position.
Ma'am, would you put
your tray table up?
To fasten your seat belt,
insert the metal fitting.
Before long, I was flying
full-speed ahead.
I even got my own trainee.
Christine.
There wasn't a lot to do
on weekends.
There was always tanning
at Lake Havasu.
I can't believe your boyfriend
owns this whole houseboat.
If you don't marry him,
I am gonna kill you.
First of all, sweetie,
Herb ain't asked me.
Oh, my God!
What's wrong?
[ Laughs ]
My clasp broke.
There's some safety pins in
a shoebox in the bedroom closet.
CHRlSTlNE:
Go topless.
You are a very bad
influence on me.
Thank you.
[ Horn honks ]
[ Horn honking ]
SHERRY: Mmm-mmm.
Lake Patrol at 2:00.
Hey, Sherry.
Herb around?
Don't know.
Might be inside.
What'd he do?
Take a leak in the lake?
The guy ran off with my
flare gun and never returned it.
Well, you have my permission
to teach that man a lesson.
[ Chuckles ]
Oh, Ted, this is Christine.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
Hey, let me know if you need
any backup.
I might take you up on that.
[ Clattering ]
-[ Grunts ] Freeze!
-[ Screams ]
I am so sorry.
I thought you were Herb.
Do I look like a Herb?
No, ma'am.
You look nothing like a Herb.
I'd appreciate it
if you could find it
in your heart to forgive me.
It's all right.
Who are you, anyway?
I'm no one.
I mean I'm Ted.
My name's Ted.
Well, Ted, I'm Donna.
You can uncover your eyes now.
It's nice to meet you, Donna.
My clasp broke.
I was looking for a safety pin.
Don't move.
Help is on the way.
Clasp, huh?
What are you gonna do
with those?
Turn, please.
[ Whistles ]
Okay.
You new around here?
Yeah.
I work with Sherry
down at Sierra.
Oh.
Uh-huh.
Okay. All set.
Thank you.
It was the least I can do.
Being that you're new
around here, I have to tell you
that it is my official duty
to give all newcomers
a special guided tour
on my boat.
-Oops.
-Oops. There you go.
Hey.
You mind if I come with?
Okay, sure. Yeah.
Suddenly
you're in this fight alone
[ Engine roaring ]
-Whoa!
-Whoa!
And the night's
the hardest time
When the doubts
run through your mind
'Cause suddenly
you find yourself
[ Engine shuts off ]
Beautiful, huh?
Thank you.
It really is.
Ted, would you oil my back?
Okay. Yeah.
-Thank you.
-Sure.
So, how'd you become
an officer of the law?
Oh, I'm not.
I'm a student.
A law student.
Or I was.
At Ohio State.
My family's from Cleveland.
Was?
Yeah, I quit my final semester.
And then I went bumming around
for a few months.
And now I'm here for a while.
Yeah, I quit high school.
Would you do
my shoulders for me?
Why'd you quit?
-Well, I was...
-I don't...
Everything was on track.
I was on my way to being
a big-shot attorney.
I had a hot law firm
all lined up.
And then I thought,
"What am I doing?
Is this what I want?"
My whole life was over
before it had begun.
I wanted to travel.
I wanted to see the world.
Eat, drink, enjoy myself.
And then I had this crazy idea
that I would look for the thing
that would make me most happy.
Would you mind
if I saw you next weekend?
-No, I swear, they do!
-[ Women giggling ]
Can you believe
we had to refuel here?
I mean, where are we?
Bedrock?
-What was the bathroom like?
-Awful.
-I love that lipstick.
-Chanel.
Remind me. As soon
as we get to New York...
I have to go straight
to Vuitton.
-Are those new earrings?
-The guy in Rome.
The guy in London.
Thank God we're out of here.
I think I need to take
a flea dip.
[ Laughter ]
We better go.
Don't forget you wanted to go
to the gift shop
and get a Toblerone.
Right.
You know what?
What?
We are as good as they are.
-We are?
-We are?
We don't have to spend our lives
working at Sierra
for some weaselly ex-bookie.
You know,
I once worked for Pan Am.
Three whole months.
Uniforms were natural fiber.
What happened?
They went bust.
So you started working
for Sierra?
I needed a job.
Nobody else was hiring.
Well, they're hiring now.
Royalty Airlines job fair.
This weekend at the
Marriot Hotel in San Francisco.
You guys,
this could be so good.
Who's in?
Oh, oh
Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand
We can make it, I swear
Oh, oh
Livin' on a prayer
Ohhh, we're halfway there
Oh, Oh
Livin' on a prayer
Take my hand
We'll make it, I swear
Oh, Oh
Livin' on a prayer
WOMAN:
This is our brochure.
If you have any questions,
feel free to ask.
"No person may serve
as a flight attendant
unless that person
has demonstrated
to the pilot in command
familiarity with
the necessary functions
to be performed in --"
Oh, my God.
You dot your l's
with little hearts?
That's so cute.
Yeah, well,
it's my trademark.
That and my hickeys.
Well, a girl's got to have
a skill.
I was excited to be interviewed
by the legendary John Whitney.
He had been with Royalty
a long time.
Hi.
I'm John Whitney.
Maybe a little too long.
This one.
Head of the Royalty flight-
attendant trainee program.
T ell me, why do you want to work
for Royalty Airlines?
I believe that I have a lot
to offer your airline.
Because the planes are...
They're so much bigger.
Oh. My gum.
Why do you want to work
for Royalty Airlines?
Oh, well...
[ Chuckles ]
I've got a lot of answers.
I just got to think
of the right one.
Take your time.
Collect. Gather. Go.
Because I'm organized
and efficient.
I worked for Sierra Airlines,
you know.
I put that down there.
Yeah, right above Hooters.
Hooters.
Right. Oh, yes.
If there is a task,
I will not stop
until I have completed it
perfectly.
Did I say "organized"?
-Got a question for you.
-Okay.
What's your tolerance level
for pain?
Physical pain.
Like, sexual pain?
Would you consider yourself
a people person?
Oh, definitely.
Big people person.
-Not just big people.
-Not just giants.
-You got it.
-Okay.
To learn and to follow through
with all the tasks.
I'm just gonna say a few words.
-Okay.
-Okay.
Didgeridoo.
Scooby Doo-Doo.
Tectonic plates.
Tectonic plates.
Dishware.
-Do you handle surprises well?
-[ Both laugh ]
Do you handle surprises well?
[ Both laugh ]
I scared you, didn't l?
No, no.
It has always been my dream
to work for the best.
And I think you guys
are the best.
That's just terrific.
You're terrific, how about?
No. This one.
It's called strabismus.
There's no business
like "strobusiness."
I get to make jokes.
Does anything frighten you?
Oh, you mean the eye?
I didn't notice.
Oh, my God.
You're kidding.
That's the way
the cookie crumbles.
But this is so unfair.
You're a better flight attendant
than we'll ever be.
I'll be fine.
I been thinking about
quitting anyway.
I'm sure gonna miss you guys.
We're gonna miss you, too.
Study hard.
And make me proud.
Congratulations
to Donna Jensen.
Getting into
the Royalty Learning Center.
[ Sighs ]
I'm nervous.
People say it's really hard.
A lot of people don't make it
past the first two weeks.
I don't want to be one of them.
Are you kidding me?
They would have never
picked you
unless they thought
you could handle it.
You're smart. You're beautiful.
You're charming.
You're gonna do great.
Wow!
You give one hell of a pep talk.
I got a lot of that back home.
My parents are big cheerleaders.
Sally always says that the
greatest asset somebody can have
is having people
who believe in them.
Who's Sally?
Your aunt?
She's kind of like a friend.
[ Donna laughing ]
-Oh.
-Yeah.
Oh, you know, we're gonna have
a little goodbye party
Friday night
from 7:00 to whenever.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I'm probably
not gonna make it.
Why not?
I can be happy for you
that you're leaving for an hour.
But 7:00 till whenever,
the smile won't last.
Yeah, our timing is
kind of terrible, huh?
I had a really good time,
and I was hoping you'd be a jerk
so I wouldn't feel like I was
missing out by moving to Texas.
Well, I'm parked out there.
Yeah, I'm...
Right.
So...
[ Sighs ]
The only kiss we got here
is a goodbye kiss,
which, as kisses go,
not my favorite.
So...
[ Clears throat ]
-Goodbye, Donna Jensen.
-Bye.
Good luck in school.
Oh, thank you.
Don't run with scissors.
Why can't all choices
be simple?
Why can't they all be
window or aisle?
Coffee or tea?
Not career or romance.
JOHN:
B. That's a fun one.
Now take off.
[ Laughs ]
-Hi.
-Hi.
I'm John Whitney.
Head of the Royalty flight-
attendant trainee program.
Welcome and
congratulations, Dana.
It's Donna.
Sure. Okay.
Good to see you, Mary.
It's Christine, actually.
Sure. Okay. Great.
What we have here is your
Royalty Airlines amenities kit
containing airport codes
and regulation manuals,
your registration packet,
campus rules,
and information
about our mentor program.
Yeah.
You two will be staying
in dorm C.
That's a fun one. Yeah.
Questions?
None. Good.
All right.
Take off.
-Hi.
-Hi, Cindy.
-Oh, my God.
-Janette.
Sure. Okay.
Sally Weston is a mentor?
Sally Weston!
So, who is this
Sally Weston person, anyway?
Who is Sally Weston?
Only the author
of "My Life in the Sky."
Hmm.
Sally Weston represents
an ideal
of poise and beauty
and accomplishment
that every flight attendant
should strive to achieve.
Oh, I like her hair.
[ Telephone rings ]
Hello?
Yes, this is she.
We'd love to.
Oh, my God.
Would you like to ride
in my beautiful balloon?
Would you like to ride
in my beautiful balloon?
We could float
among the stars together
You and I
For we can fly
Up-up and away
Howdy!
Welcome aboard!
ALL: Howdy!
More white wine, girls?
ALL: Yes, please.
Oh, I'm sorry.
How about you, Randy?
Just consider me
one of the girls, Mr. W.
This is a really big house
you have, Mrs. Weston.
Thank you.
Jack built it.
Along with the rest
of Rancho Esmeralda community.
-The whole thing?
-With my bare hands.
How did you all meet?
Oh, that is a cute story.
Jack was flying to Maui to build
the Kaanapali Towers resort.
I was serving him.
This was first-class.
He must have pushed
that call button 20 times.
"More warm nuts.
More warm nuts."
No man alive could eat
that many warm nuts.
So then,
when I saw this huge pile
of warm nuts under his seat,
it hit me.
It wasn't the nuts he wanted.
It was me!
ALL: Oh!
Where have you been
all my life, Mr. Man?
What was it like, Mrs. Weston,
when you started flying?
Sally, please.
Oh, it was wonderful.
The exotic cities.
Yeah, I hear all those
Europe guys are uncircumcised.
Nope. Not all.
So, is it difficult to get
those international routes?
-You have to have seniority.
-Should I apply now?
And even then, you have to
speak several languages
and serve impeccably.
Oh, but it was worth it.
It was different then.
People dressed for flights.
It was like every night
going to the opera.
Every night was...
Magic.
-Oh!
-[ Laughs ]
-You scared me.
-Sorry.
There's something
I want to show you.
This is all yours?
You bet.
It's everything I wanted.
You can have everything you
want, too, if you stay focused.
Follow your head,
not your heart.
What do you mean?
I sense something in you, Donna.
Something special.
What is it?
Hunger.
You do?
Mm-hmm.
I had it myself.
I wanted Paris.
First-class international.
And nothing less.
So today this is all mine.
You're just like me, Donna.
My old uniform.
Oh, that is so beautiful.
Well, of course it is.
We're Royalty.
Oh, it suits you.
Feel the fabric.
It's so...
Soft?
And luxurious?
Paris.
First-class international.
Donna, say it.
Paris.
First-class international.
It's the only road
to happiness.
Paris.
First-class international.
It's your destiny.
[ Exhales deeply ]
Ten-hut!
At ease.
[ Chuckles ]
Welcome aboard.
You should all be very,
very proud.
The simple fact
that you're here
at the Royalty Learning Center
means you've joined
a very special family.
The Royal...ty family.
Our first goal
here at Royalty Airlines
is to bring back the style
and the glamour
to the art of flying.
In the coming weeks,
I'll impart to you
the necessary hands-on training
for you to function
at the highest level.
Up there.
But don't expect an easy road.
[ Laughing ]
No, no, no.
An easy road -- comma --
don't expect one.
I will not hold your hand.
I'm not even gonna touch it.
[ Laughter ]
Now, what I want all of you
to do is to stand up.
Come on. Let's go.
Stand up.
And I want you to look
underneath your seat. Go ahead.
Taped to the bottom,
each of you will find a $1 bill.
Now, what did we learn
from this exercise?
We learned you have to get off
your ass to make a buck.
[ Laughter ]
Down.
[ Chuckling ]
Thank you.
Now, we don't actually learn
to make bucks here,
but we do learn
to treat our passengers...
...Iike royalty.
Yeah.
So, shall we get started?
[ Buzzer ]
There's an oxygen mask
up above you...
ALL:
On a hidden shelf.
Before helping the people
who love you,
put it on yourself.
-Excuse me, miss.
-Yes?
This is first class.
I want my hand towels.
I want my little booties.
And I want my warm nuts!
Warm nuts.
Here you go.
You call these warm nuts?
I've felt warmer nuts
on a polar bear!
-Stop it!
-[ Woman gasps ]
No.
What did we learn here?
Upon encountering a DP,
or a disgruntled passenger,
take the following steps.
"A" -- Listen.
Two -- Acknowledge.
And "C" -- Explain.
And on a more personal note,
I have actually felt
a polar bear's nuts. Yeah.
Quite toasty warm.
[ Buzzer ]
Get those masks on!
Louder!
[ Muffled ] There's
an oxygen mask up above you
on a hidden shelf.
Before helping the people
who love you...
JOHN:
We learned to keep our heads,
to stay calm, and to not get
freaked out, okay?
Just remember
the H.A.L.T. principle.
Disgruntled passengers are
hungry, angry, lonely, tired,
and have a skewed vision
of the world.
Okay.
So that's H.A.L.T.S.
Hungry, angry, lonely, tired,
skewed vision.
H.A.L.T.S.V.W.
Go!
"Asses the window --"
Okay. Stop.
CHRlSTlNE: What?
It's assess the window.
Not "asses" the window.
You put the wrong em-phasis
on the wrong syl-lable.
...with a skewed world view,
so really,
it's V.I.C.T.I.M.S.W.V.
But you get my point.
Assess the window!
Is it good to go?
Drop! Drop!
Remove your shoes!
Don't take anything with you!
Whoa! Yes.
Eleven seconds!
The trainee record!
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Mumbling ]
What's the matter?
Who am I kidding?
I'm never gonna fly a 747.
Headed right
for Royalty Express.
Probably wind up in Cleveland.
Christine, stop being so hard
on yourself.
-You just have to concentrate.
-That's easy for you to say.
You're headed for New York
and London.
I am not smarter than you, okay?
Who cares, anyway,
what to do in a water landing?
They don't land
in the damn water.
They crash.
People always say that
everyone's good at something.
That everyone has
some sort of hidden skill.
What if I don't?
What if there's nothing
that I'm good at?
What about your hickeys?
Yeah.
Oh. Come on.
Would you stop
beating yourself up?
You are gonna get through this.
Here's what we're gonna do.
Dry those little eyes.
Where'd you get these?
Oh, from Sally Weston's house.
There's a whole bunch of them.
Aren't they cool?
You stole them?
No.
They're guest soap.
We were guests.
They were there for us.
Yeah, to use, you know?
Not to take.
Come on.
Everybody does it.
It's no big deal.
Excuse me.
Didn't you read chapter 7?
-Chapter 7.
-Employment and ethics.
If you get caught
stealing anything,
you will get fired like that.
You're not mad at me, are you?
No.
Yes!
[ Bell rings ]
Time's up.
Pencils down.
Books closed.
Remember to write
your identification number
on the front of the exam booklet
and pass it forward.
So, how'd you do?
New York, here I come.
[ Applause ]
SALLY:
Thank you.
Thanks so much for listening.
Thank you.
Can I get my picture with you?
I would love that.
Where do you want to do it?
-Okay.
-Can you get the "R" in it?
Say "Royalty."
Repeat after me.
First-class international.
DONNA:
First-class international.
WOMAN: Cincinnati.
That's not that bad.
MAN:
Miami! I got Miami!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
I can't believe it!
[ Cheering, laughter ]
Hey, Donna!
I got New York.
[ Laughs ]
There must be some mistake.
Ms. Jensen, try and take this
news with the poise and grace
that one associates
with Royalty Airlines.
We expect our employees to
behave in a professional manner
and to handle setbacks
with integrity.
Screw integrity!
I am not going back to commuter!
DONNA:
Oh, my God.
I can't believe
this is happening.
This cannot be happening.
JOHN: Royalty Express,
although commuter,
is still a member
of the Royalty family, okay?
It's not my destiny.
I want my destiny.
Well, I'm sorry.
But you'll be eligible
to reapply after one year.
One year?
I was the best in my class.
You were there.
I've seen it a hundred times.
You peaked too soon.
I don't understand.
How do I explain this?
You're what we
in the trainee business call
a "peak-too-sooner."
Yeah.
It happens.
I aced that test.
I want to see it.
-That's not procedure.
-Call Sally Weston.
-She'll tell you.
-Sally Weston.
Although an excellent mentor,
she has no authority
in these matters.
-That is bullshit.
-Want to know what's bullshit?
Eye exams!
That's what's bullshit!
I wanted my destiny, too,
you know!
I wanted to be
a flight attendant, but no!
There's a shit stick out there
called procedure, Ms. Jensen!
And I'm here to tell you
that everyone gets hit
with the shit stick!
Eye exam! Eye exam!
Eye exam!
[ Breathing heavily ]
Forgive me.
[ Chuckles ]
Dr. Tim at the center says
when I get like this,
I need to refocus.
So just give me a second, okay?
[ Bell rings ]
[ Chanting softly ]
[ Exhales deeply ]
Better. Okay.
Look, you can fly
Royalty Express for a year,
or you can leave the airline.
Where am I going?
Let me have a look here.
Welcome to Cleveland
Hopkins lnternational Airport.
Remain seated until the aircraft
has come to a complete stop
and the captain has turned off
the "fasten seat belt" sign.
We know you have a choice
when you travel.
We thank you for choosing
Royalty Express.
I don't know if I mentioned it.
I'm glad I'm working with you.
In Cleveland!
Don't you love it?
Terminal Tower.
Lake Erie.
It's like Paris,
except everybody speaks English
and they're 30 pounds
overweight.
We are gonna look so thin.
WOMAN: When you meet someone
in the daytime,
you can greet them with
"Bonjour!"
DONNA: Bonjour!
-Bonjour!
-Bonjour!
If you are talking to a man,
you usually add "monsieur. "
Bonjour, monsieur.
Bonjour, monsieur.
-Bonjour, monsieur.
-Bonjour, monsieur.
Good afternoon.
Welcome aboard
Royalty Express flight 27.
Two in the rear
and two in the front.
-Cheese sandwich for you?
-Thanks.
Cheese.
We have one cheese left.
-Bologna or cheese?
-Whatever.
Can I take this chair?
Sure.
-Hey!
-What?
You told me to take it.
Ted!
Hey, Donna.
Oh, my God!
I'm great.
Oh. You didn't ask me
how I was.
No, but now that you told me.
What are you doing
in Cleveland?
I live here.
Around the corner. Yeah.
This is Royalty's hub.
Well, express.
You're kidding.
MARY: Ted.
Oh, one sec.
That's my partner, Mary.
Hello.
Hi.
Wow.
She's pretty.
Oh, no.
My school partner.
Oh.
I'm in law school.
Oh, my God!
That is so great.
It's unbelievable, huh?
So I've got one year
in Cleveland.
Then I can reapply.
I've been here for six weeks,
and it's not so bad.
Well, you're basically
halfway there
if you're just really,
really bad at math.
So, why'd you go back
to law school?
I had dinner
with this incredible woman
who was charging after
her dreams and not hiding out.
I thought to myself,
"l could do that."
So I'm here now for a year.
It's flying by.
I really miss my family,
which is uncool.
So please don't tell anybody
I told you.
I promise.
Okay, here's how I look at it.
Cleveland is like this
great, big, giant waiting room.
All we have to do
is put in our year
and somebody's gonna call
our name.
Cleveland's like this great,
big dentist's office,
and we're next on the list.
Exactly.
Now all we have to do
is think about something
to occupy our time.
Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
For once in my life,
I have someone who needs me
Someone I've needed so long
For once, unafraid,
I can go where life leads me
Somehow
I know I'll be strong
For once, I can touch
What my heart
used to dream of
Sometimes, just when
you brace yourself
for a really bumpy flight,
it's amazing how the skies
can suddenly clear.
But between my busy schedule
and the extra job Ted took
to pay for school,
I spent too many nights
ordering pizza
and watching TNT.
[ Knock on door ]
Just a minute.
Small cheese pizza
with everything.
$8 even.
Just call me a sucker
for a man in uniform.
I cannot believe
we got this route.
Oh, my God.
A real business class?
[ Laughs ]
And guess what I get to do
in half an hour.
-Bake cookies.
-Oh, my God.
You are so not
Royalty Express material.
I can't believe on a test
you're as bad as me.
You studied like crazy.
Get out of here.
The more I think
about that test,
the more convinced I am
that something got screwed up.
I might hire a lawyer
to check into it.
Hey, you could help me out
with that.
I'm not a lawyer.
Well, you're gonna be.
You think so, huh?
Mm-hmm.
How is it that
you believe in me so much?
-Somebody's got to.
-[ Chuckles ]
Check out 3B.
Isn't he cute?
Aside from the headphone hair.
When I asked him to put his tray
in its upright position,
he said, "That too?"
I mean, hello.
And those arms.
My God.
He's like something
out of "Men's Health."
Well, I'll root for you
even though it's against policy.
You rat me out and I'll stop
letting you do my paperwork.
All I want is a little
of what you've got with Ted.
Oh, God.
He is great.
Did I tell you he wants me to
meet his family for Christmas?
And that's bad news why?
For me, anything that ever
has to do with family
is always bad news.
Please.
Don't make me cry.
The thing is, Randy,
I've always been this girl
from Silver Springs
that everybody's said,
"You're never gonna do anything,
never gonna get out of here."
I just worry that
if I fall in love with Ted,
what's gonna happen
to everything I've worked
so hard for?
Okay. Fine.
Don't fall in love with him.
That's kind of why
I'm having the problem.
It just takes willpower.
You didn't fall in love
with me, did you?
You're gay.
But it still took willpower,
didn't it?
Thanks, Donna.
MR. STEWART:
Come over here, Justin.
Okay. Who's next?
TED: Grandma!
-It's from me and Ted.
-What?
[ Shouting ]
She can't hear very well!
It's from Donna and me!
Thank you, dear.
What is it?
It's an all-in-one
remote control!
Now you don't have to fuss
with all those gadgets anymore!
Thank you, dear.
Oh, Merry Christmas, Ted.
Thank you, Donna.
Now it's your turn.
You said we weren't
gonna do presents.
Just open it.
He said we weren't
gonna do presents.
TED:
I said that.
-Oh, my God.
-What do you think?
-You like it?
-It's so beautiful.
It has two time zones.
If a passenger asks you
what time it is,
you can think about me.
[ Laughs ]
I love it.
MR. STEWART:
She's a great gal.
I think so.
Oh, you're not out
of the woods yet, Donna.
You got one more present.
-From all of us.
-[ Laughter ]
It's the annual
Stewart family uniform!
[ Laughter ]
I got you a medium.
-I hope you like it baggy.
-Thank you.
Time for the team photo!
Everybody get over by Grandma.
-Come on, Donna.
-Jensen, get in here.
It's a family picture.
Oh, no, Donna.
Don't be shy.
Come on, Donna.
-It's flashing.
-Quick!
TED:
Quick. Smile.
ALL: Cheese.
Well, you survived your first
Stewart family Christmas.
It was good.
I never knew a family
could be like that.
No fighting.
No yelling.
Normally, that "everyone
dressing the same" thing
would kind of freak me out.
But I even like
that dorky red sweater.
Is that all that's going on
in that head of yours?
I'm just not used to all that,
you know?
Dan.
Hi, Donna.
How's life treating you?
All right. I want to get
a confirmation for tomorrow.
Sure.
[ Typing ]
We got you going to Pittsburgh
on flight 285 at 0800.
Any chance of that Dallas route
opening up?
Let me have a look.
Sorry.
Nothing yet.
All right.
Well, thank you.
Have a good trip, Donna.
Oh, my God.
Christine?
Donna!
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
What are you doing
in Cleveland?
My New York-L.A. flight had
mechanical problems,
so they dumped us here
for the night.
Oh, right.
God.
Look at your hair.
Oh, yeah, I know.
I'm going for
a more classic look.
Goes better with Chanel.
Right.
I have the sweetest little
apartment on West 73rd Street.
Oh, you would be
so proud of me.
You know what, Ted?
If it wasn't for Donna,
I would've never made it
through basic training.
Oh, now,
that's not really true.
It is.
Actually, just last week,
I was thinking about
how well you trained me.
I was on the New York-to-Chicago
flight, right?
This guy gets on.
He has this huge musical case.
He's trying to stuff it
into the overhead compartment.
Clearly the thing is too big.
He refuses to check it.
So I thought, "What would
Donna do right now?"
So I politely said to him,
"Either you check it
or you deplane."
That's not what I would do.
What do you mean?
Well, you must,
as a flight attendant,
offer the option of buying
another seat at half price
for that oversized item.
It's section 23.4
of the manual.
Well, I can't remember
everything.
[ Laughs ]
But you should've
remembered that one.
It was the last question
on our exam.
Say, Christine, do you have
any of those little wings?
My nephew's been begging me
for some.
They don't have them
on express.
Let me look.
Let's see
what we've got in here.
Whoa.
[ Clears throat ]
Oh, I love these.
Love it, love it.
I have so much garbage in here.
Ah. Here we go.
Future pilot.
Thank you.
Enjoy.
There.
We could do shots
if you want to.
Let's do shots.
Want to?
SALLY: Paris.
First-class international.
Paris.
First-class international.
[ Airplane engines roaring ]
I think I'm doing very well
at express.
But I just can't
stop thinking there was
some kind of mix-up
with my test.
Some kind
of computer malfunction.
Those things mess up.
They lose luggage or send bags
to the wrong city.
I'm afraid that's impossible.
The tests are hand-graded.
Oh, right.
I forgot about that.
I'm sorry.
I'm sure there's nothing
you can do anyway.
Who says
there is nothing I can do?
I am Sally Weston.
I invented this.
Before me, they just pointed.
True story.
Wow.
I did speak to John.
I asked him
if I could see my test.
I begged him.
He said no.
I asked him if you could see
the test, and he said no.
Don't you worry about John.
Did you see me on "Oprah"?
I scared the hell out of that
little wiener Dr. Phil.
It's test 1047.
Hello.
It's Sally Weston.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
What is it, Donna?
This isn't my test.
It's my number.
It's number 1047.
But it isn't mine.
Look at those little hearts.
Time's up.
Pencils down. Books closed.
Remember to write
your identification number
on the front of the exam booklet
and pass it forward.
So, how'd you do?
New York, here I come.
I can't believe it.
I trusted her.
She was my best friend.
Oh, my God.
These answers.
No wonder we sent you
to express.
We were being nice.
I can't believe
she'd steal my test!
Wait a minute.
That night I had you kids
over for dinner,
someone took my airplane soaps.
Oh, my God.
She is probably
stealing us blind.
Hell, I'll bet she's got
a whole closetful
of airline property.
Headsets. Booze.
Kosher meals.
There's two things
we've got to do.
We got to get you retested.
There's a group next week.
If you do as well as I think,
we can reassign you right away.
How soon can you leave
Cleveland?
I'd just have to talk to Ted.
Who's Ted?
This really great guy
that I'm seeing.
Oh.
Well, I'm afraid you've got
a decision to make.
Yeah.
Well, what would you do?
Well, I know what I did.
And so do you,
if you read my book.
But, honey, it's your life.
It's your decision.
Right.
Well, I'll call you later.
I've got a flight
back to Cleveland at 4:00.
You said there were two things.
I'll take care of that.
Just skedaddle.
Don't miss that flight.
Okay. Thanks.
WOMAN:
Royalty Airlines.
Hello.
Internal security, please.
MAN:
Security.
This is Sally Weston.
I'm calling to report a code
blue for Christine Montgomery.
Put a ghost rider
on her next flight.
If you see any violations,
I want that klepto picked up
as soon as the plane
hits pavement.
-Miss Montgomery?
-Yeah?
I have to ask you
to come with me.
Why? Who are you?
Royalty Security.
Please step this way.
[ Horn honks ]
Hey, Jensen!
You were right.
I can't believe it.
I'm top of my class.
Oh, my God.
Ted, that is so great.
So get your damn coat on,
Jensen.
We're going out to celebrate.
I have to talk to you.
I flew to Dallas today.
Christine stole my test.
You're kidding.
So they're gonna retest me.
Wow.
That's great.
When are they doing that?
I got to leave right away.
Okay. Sure.
No problem.
We'll celebrate
when you get back.
The thing is,
if I do well on the test,
I might not be back.
I could get placed
in New York.
That's it?
We don't talk about it?
I come home.
You're leaving?
Well, we've always said
that Cleveland is
just a big waiting room.
For me, the waiting room was
my life until I met you.
I'm in love with you.
I can't let somebody tell me
that I've seen enough.
Not again.
Got it.
Point taken.
I hated leaving Ted.
Ted made me feel
like I'd finally found home.
The problem was, I wasn't
so sure I was ready to be home.
[ Bell rings ]
Time's up.
Pencils down.
Books closed.
Be sure to put
your identification number
on the front of the exam booklet
and pass it forward.
Well, well.
Congratulations.
I just want you to know
that I was against
this retesting at this time.
That's not procedure.
But apparently,
Miss Sally Weston doesn't have
the same respect for procedure
some of us have had to.
So you'll be happy to know
you got a perfect score.
First time in seven years.
The last time was me.
So I imagine you'll have fun.
Up there.
Living out your destiny.
Must be nice.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Mr. Whitney,
I just want you to know
I couldn't have done this
without you.
Yeah, right.
I mean it.
You are an excellent instructor.
I am?
Yes.
That's the nicest damn thing
anyone's ever said to me.
I'd say we're both
living our destiny.
You do it, Donna Jensen.
You do it for those of us
that can't.
I will.
Thatagirl.
Now you get out of here.
[ Chuckles ]
Oh, and, Donna.
Fly away.
It's a long way
out the gate
Just to glimpse your fate
Just to see
whether it all works out
And it's a long road,
a heavy load
You got to really wanna go
And just let the others
walk around you, now
Up and down again,
but this time, it's different
It took some bleeding
to straighten me up again
Oh, in and out of life
At times, it was difficult
I got a new life, baby
It takes some
getting used to, but
No sign of any rain
My skies are clear today
I keep bracing
for that rain
But there's no sign of any
No obstacles in sight
My skies are clear tonight
I keep thinking
I might see that cloud arrive
Oh, but there's no sign
of it
No, no sign of it
I got a new life, baby
It takes some
getting used to, but
No sign of it
No, no sign of it
Donna.
Christine.
-Hi.
-God.
Did you hear the bad news?
What?
I got fired.
Busted for stealing.
Yeah.
So I just wanted to come here
and say goodbye.
Donna.
[ Exhales deeply ]
You know, isn't it amazing
how there was a ghost rider
on my flight?
Well...
And another thing.
I just can't help wondering.
How does someone go
from Royalty Express
to lnternational in such
a short period of time?
[ Breathes deeply ]
Excuse me, Christine.
I had you figured out
from day one, Donna.
What did you say?
You just couldn't stand the fact
that I was prettier than you.
That I was more fun than you.
That everyone loved me.
All I did
was try to help you out.
And you stabbed me in the back.
I never stabbed you
in the back, Donna.
You switched our exams.
Well, if you're gonna nitpick.
And you left me rotting
in Cleveland
while you went
and dotted your l's
with those tacky, little hearts
in New York City.
Someone had to put you
in your place.
Little miss perfect.
"Oh, excellent, Donna."
"Way to go, Donna."
"ls it hard to get international
lines, Mrs. Weston?"
Throwing yourself
all over that stupid Ted.
You know what?
You make me sick.
Leave Ted out of this.
Just because you're pissed off
that he wanted me and not you.
Get your hands off me.
Oh, I'm scared, Donna.
What are you gonna do,
throw one of your books at me?
Don't you walk away from me.
[ Grunting ]
Ow!
Good Lord.
Out of the way, please.
Get her leg.
[ Grunting ]
You know what?
You got that fancy uniform
and that [Spits] $40 haircut!
But I see right through you!
Right to the inside!
Welcome aboard.
-Champagne or caviar?
-Nothing for me. Thanks.
Sir, champagne or caviar?
I'm fine.
Thank you.
Would you care for
some champagne or caviar?
No, thank you.
I would like a vodka
straight up, though.
Champagne and caviar.
Extra-wide seats.
And no bologna or cheese.
This was first class.
Bonne journee, madame.
[ T elephone rings ]
Hello?
Bonjour.
Donna?
I'm in Paris.
Well, good for you.
I knew you'd get there.
Can I pick 'em
or can I pick 'em?
Rudolph, you're not tenderizing
meat, for God's sake!
I really wanted to say
thank you.
Well, don't spend all day
on the phone.
Go out and see the city.
[ Woman singing in French ]
What was I gonna write?
"I love you but I left you"?
I'll just start with,
"Paris is beautiful. "
[ Man speaking French ]
[ Speaking French ]
Miss, thank you very much.
As soon as everyone takes
their seats,
we'll be ready to leave
the gate.
[ Shouting in French ]
[ Speaking French ]
If we're going to be late,
I have to make a call.
[ Man speaking French ]
Oui, oui.
-Oh!
-[ Gasps ]
-Oh, monsieur!
-Oh! Oh!
-[ Speaking French ]
-Oh! Oh!
Thank you.
Good morning.
[ Answering machine beeps ]
This is a call for Donna Jensen.
This is Jim Donahue with Royalty
lnternational scheduling.
You're on for tomorrow.
[ Beep ]
Donna, it's Joan
with Royalty lnternational.
Your schedule has been changed.
You're headed to Lisbon
on flight 432 at 1300 hours.
-You'll be back...
-[ Beep ]
You'll be on flight 643...
[ Beep ]
Donna, Jim Donahue.
[ Beep ]
Hi, Donna.
This is Joan with Royalty.
You're flying to Stockholm
via London.
That's in two weeks.
Flight 602 with Captain Hanson.
[ Beep ]
Hi, Donna.
It's Paige.
I know you just got back
from Geneva.
How about a quick trip
to Brooklyn?
We're having our Christmas
open house tonight.
Please come.
It'll be fun.
Some of the other girls
are gonna be there.
Call me, okay?
Donna!
-Hi.
-Hey.
I'm so glad you came.
-Thanks for having me.
-Come on in.
Oh, my.
That looks so good.
Thank you so much.
Donna, you got to get in there
and start mingling
with some of the straight guys.
We had them shipped in here
especially for you
from Jim's work.
Oh, thank you.
God, you look really nice.
Are you serious?
Man, I'm so beat.
I really need this rest.
Well, I think you look great.
-[ Telephone rings ]
-Oh, shoot.
Can you just give them
the address?
Clinton and Pierpont.
Hello?
Oh, Bob.
It's Donna Jensen.
Oh, when do you need her?
Really? Tomorrow?
But that's Christmas Eve.
You know what?
I'll take it.
Yeah, I could really use
the shift.
Christmas in Paris?
It's a dream.
Okay.
I'll see you there.
Was that Kim and Nancy?
Are you happy with
your long-distance carrier?
-I said you were.
-Can you believe them?
I guess they just figure
everyone's home.
Will you pose for photos?
So I'm waiting by the phone
For the blessed ring
Like a holy grail
For the Fisher King
Time is ticking down
Like a metronome
Rhythm for my brain
And its ceaseless games
I never seem to play them
to the beat I hear
Though my heartbeat
is a beat that beats so near
So I'm changing who I am
'Cause what I am's not good
And I know you love me now
Is that Donna Jensen?
[ Laughs ]
Sally!
What are you doing here?
We're creatures of habit.
Jack and l.
We have Christmas in Paris.
New Year's in New York.
Wow. How exciting.
Really not.
Were you here
for Christmas, too?
Yes, I was.
Gosh.
The Champs-Elysees
and the lights.
I loved it.
Did I ever tell you
about a nasty habit
flight attendants
pick up on the job?
No.
We learn to always keep smiling.
Even when we're out
of Bloody Mary mix.
[ Exhales deeply ]
Do you remember that guy
I was telling you about? Ted.
Of course.
Oh, I just really miss him.
That's all.
Well, what's the problem?
Go fly and see him.
Well, I can't.
I took your advice,
and we broke up.
My advice?
Well, sort of.
In your book, you say,
"Don't ever let anything get
in the way of your destiny."
Darling, I don't think
you read carefully enough.
What I also said was that
every pilot needs a copilot.
And it is awful nice
to have someone
sitting there beside you.
Especially when you hit
some bumpy air.
Oh, I just really miss him.
I just wish
I could get him back.
The last time I checked,
you were a girl
who could make things happen.
So stop feeling sorry
for yourself.
And stop worrying
about what he'll say.
You're right.
I'm gonna do it.
All right.
But we have to move fast.
There is a 9:00 p.m. direct
from Paris to Chicago.
If you got the last connection
out of O'Hare,
that would put you
into Cleveland in...
BOTH:
Who am I gonna get
to cover my shift?
Are you kidding?
I still give
the best oxygen-mask demo
in the business.
Get going.
Pierre, I need a uniform
tout de suite.
Welcome to New York, where
the local time is 7:13 a.m.
I'd like to personally thank you
for flying with us today
and remind you that the last one
off the plane has to clean it.
Lying in my bed
I hear the clock tick
And think of you
Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new
You say go slow
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds
If you're lost, you can look
and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall,
I will catch you
I'll be waiting
Time after time
[ Doorbell rings ]
Hello?
Ted?
Hi, Mrs. Stewart.
I'm Donna.
I don't know if you remember me.
I'm Ted's friend.
We got you that little
clicker thing for the TV.
Remember?
Is Ted here?
[ Exhales deeply ]
I messed up.
I really did.
I thought
that I was getting everything
that I wanted, and...
I thought Paris and...
first class
would make me happy.
But...it didn't.
'Cause...
if you don't have that person
to come home to,
then going away is just...
I love him.
[ Sniffles ]
And I just wanted to tell him
that he made me happy.
Who are you?
You haven't heard a single word
I've said, have you?
I did.
I love you.
And I want to stay.
I do.
Are you sure?
And you're gonna be happy?
Yep.
In Cleveland?
How are you gonna be happy
in Cleveland?
'Cause you're in Cleveland.
I'm sorry.
Me too.
Sally had said
that life is a series
of arrivals and departures.
But I learned
there is more than one way
to spread your wings.
DONNA:
Ladies and gentlemen...
welcome to Cleveland
Hopkins lnternational Airport.
Keep your seat belts fastened
until we reach the gate.
We know you have a choice
when you travel.
We thank you for choosing
Royalty Express.
If this is just
a stopover for you,
we wish you a safe, pleasant
continuation of your journey.
If Cleveland
is your final destination...
welcome home.
Don't stop believin'
Mark.
Mark.
[ Sighs ]
That is bull S.
You want to know what's bull S?
Eye exams!
You can't keep laughing at that.
That's evil.
I'll get it.
[ Muffled shouting ]
MAN: Cut!
Infinity flight
two-niner-niner-zero,
you are cleared for takeoff
on runway six.
Nine!
D'oh!
[ Bell ringing ]
I am a kitten.
I am a kitten.
I'm okay.
Got to take off.
Don't I wish.
I can't do it.
I can't hear you!
ALL: Before helping
the people who love you,
put it on yourself.
This ain't your mama's house!
Questions?
None.
Got to take off.
Don't I wish.
[ Laughter ]
I am Sally Weston.
Muffin! [ Sighs ]
How long do dogs live?
I love being a turtle!
Like the Mutant Ninja Turtles.
Okay.
What did we learn?
Okay. Let me try it again.
[ Whistle blows ]
Okay, class,
what did Randy forget?
-Mary?
-Christine.
No.
Donna?
I know this.
Randy?
I forgot to buy him a drink?
[ Laughter ]
[ Whistle blows ]
And that is procedure.
Oh.
We are Royalty
Flying just as high
as can be
We are Royalty
Safety is our policy
There's an oxygen mask
up above you
On a hidden shelf
Before helping the people
who love you
Put it on yourself
Use your seat belts,
as if you don't know
Make it nice and tight
Take a look at the exits
They're up ahead
To your left and right
We are Royalty
Flying just as high
as can be
We are Royalty
Safety is our policy