1
A while ago I started
thinking about Mom.
She gets up alone
every morning...
and then she goes to work.
She's alone most of the day,
and then she gets home
and goes to sleep alone.
It's really sad.
And when I started thinking like that, I
thought I will never become like Mom.
I will never be alone.
But I just understand it.
I'm lonely.
I can tell.
I don't know if going to Bergen
will make me less lonely.
I hope it does.
But I'm not convinced.
I thought moving out would
make everything better.
It would all be perfect and
I would have my own life.
Now I'm not so sure anymore.
But you are so young.
Listen to yourself.
I probably sound
completely crazy, right?
When I tell you I'm lonely, I
don't want you to think...
your sister's saying there's
nothing to look forward to.
I'm still looking for it.
So you're really going to do it?
Yes.
Really?
Yes, of course. What
are you trying to say?
I don't know.
I'm sick of doing things
that mean nothing.
Here it is.
So I'll just go into the
water and then I'll do it.
But please let me come with you.
I want to watch it.
What if you die?
Oh, but I won't die.
It'll be fine.
I have to do it alone.
You have to wait.
You go in there.
What if nothing happens?
What does that mean?
I don't know.
Will you see God?
I don't know.
Will you hear him then?
If you don't, what
does that mean?
I don't know.
Maybe it's proof
that there's a God.
Or maybe if nothing happens, then
that's proof that there's nothing.
Or maybe it's proof
that there's something.
What happened? Are you okay?
I'm hoping that Embla
will be surprised.
I think she will be.
I'm excited to see her.
Has it been long?
It's been quite a while.
She's living with her
boyfriend in Bergen.
So that will be nice.
And Mom has fixed
me up with a job.
Do you remember Bengt?
Yes I do.
I'll be working in his store
and living in a room above it.
Short trip to work.
Really short trip,
so that's perfect.
You'll have to visit.
Oh yes, we will. And you'll
visit your Grandfather there.
Yes I'll do that.
You must.
He'll love it.
I'm excited actually, even
though it's a bit scary.
A little scary, yeah.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
- Astrid, you're coming, right?
- Sure.
Goodbye, Astrid.
It feels like water.
I won't let go.
It's so wonderful that
Bergen never changes.
Yeah. Lovely that it's
the same, always.
I want to do everything
that we usually do.
But that's what we're doing!
I'm free from work.
- You're the best.
- We can do whatever we want!
I'm excited.
When you left I thought
I'd never see you again.
I know it's really strange, but I
thought that was the last time.
- Do you ever get that feeling?
- No!
You're supposed to be
the sentimental one.
You're the one who likes to
talk about death and life...
and reincarnation.
When have I ever talked
about reincarnation?
But you like to talk about
nature and swimming and stuff.
You're so weird sometimes.
OK, well, if that didn't get you
excited, I've got better news.
Better news than us being in Bergen
and there actually being sun.
What?
I am moving here.
I'm moving here.
Are you serious?
Yes, of course I'm serious.
I'm living above a store
owned by a family friend
who moved here awhile ago.
I start working there in a week.
I'm moving in right now.
- What's happening?
- Sit down.
I have bad news.
- Are you pregnant or something?
- No, oh my god!
I'm moving, too.
Jarle and I are
moving to Stockholm.
When did you decide?
A few weeks ago. Well...
maybe...
Jarle's parents? They
live in Stockholm.
You knew that?
Jarle and I started thinking, and
then we fell in love with the idea...
then we found an apartment,
rented the apartment...
Now we're ready to leave. We're leaving.
We're moving there.
I can't believe I
didn't tell you before.
What were you going to say?
Maybe I'll stay.
But you...
You can't stay just
because of me.
Right?
Four? Then you'll need...
then you'll need more rebar.
When did you want it delivered?
Tuesday.
I'll have to check with the
driver to see if it's alright.
So you're Bengt.
Yes, that's me.
It's been a while.
Nice to see you.
You too.
What a nice store you have.
Thank you so much.
It's small, but...
You've grown since last time.
Wow!
You were just this small.
I wanted to say thank
you very much from Mom.
It's really nice of you to
let me stay and work here...
It's really nothing.
We know each other
already and everything.
You've still got the
same nose, I see.
A little bit like...
Little jump.
But I won't keep you. You can
see your room if you want to.
- OK, where is...?
- Walk outside, past three garage doors,
around the corner, through a
door, and then up a staircase.
It should be open.
I think I'll find it.
A brown door. Well,
there's only one door.
And if you need anything
else, I'm right here.
He's acting strange. He's
not usually like this.
He's hilarious.
I think we need to
get him some air.
Do you have time?
Yes.
I haven't decided yet.
I'm still thinking about it.
I understand.
OLD HOSPITAL - EXI What are you going to do?
What would you do?
Kill me.
Seriously.
I know it's wrong
to think like this.
It's just that we've known
each other for ten years
and you've only
known him for one.
No! You know how it really is!
I didn't know you
were moving here.
I know.
There's a part of me that feels
like you're choosing him over me.
It's not true.
I know it's not true.
Damn unwashed shit!
Fucking...
banana!
Banana rinse!
Ass pubes in the
face of a goblin!
Fucking washing machine!
- Washing machine?
- Yeah.
Do you remember when
we walked up there?
Yes. I remember that.
That was nice.
I was there about a month ago.
I was like they had
closed off the area.
It used to be beautiful.
But hey?
What's going to happen next?
You have to tell me so
it's not a surprise.
You're going to leave, right?
I have to.
It's okay.
- You're allowed.
- I'm allowed?
I will miss you so much.
It's strange. We've been
apart for so long, but...
I don't think...
I've missed you as
much as I'm about to.
I'll miss you a little, too.
I feel embarrassed.
Why?
I shouldn't have just come here
and assumed you'd stay forever.
No.
It was supposed
to be a surprise.
I'm so damn stupid.
So damn stupid!
But I'm not the key to
you being happy here.
That's you.
Damn airplane of Satan!
Fucking banana peel!
We're going to a
retirement home together!
Retirement home!
We're gonna sit in wheelchairs!
Dagny's gonna be old!
You're gonna be old!
I'd love to have a wheelchair!
Fucking banana milkshake!
I'll put you in a microwave
oven and grill you!
Please don't do that!
I hate soccer and fruitcake!
Fruitcake?
Goodbye, Embla.
It feels like water.
It feels like electricity.
It sounds like a humming fridge.
How quickly this
could all be over.
And it's in this realization
where everything becomes clear.
This big moment when I think about
everything I've pushed aside,
all these important and
great truths, all at once.
I have never felt a
light like this.
It feels like the loudest loud.
And then,
with no warning...
it's silent.
Hey, Bengt?
What do you do when
you're not working?
What did you say?
What do you do when
you're not working?
Not working...
I'll watch a good movie.
What's your favourite movie?
Heathers.
It's an incredibly good movie.
It's about a girl
named Veronica,
and she's this really
great girl, you know,
and there's this clique of
shallow girls called "Heathers",
and it looks like your typical
American high school comedy, but...
all of a sudden this
boy named JD shows up
and he really raises hell.
He goes around killing
people in the school.
And Veronica, she's in
love with him at first.
Then she even kills
some people too.
It's very unexpected
and very twisted.
I just thought it was brilliant.
How they changed it around.
The blood is flowing, the
language and mood is very dark.
Very funny.
Cool.
I remember when it came out.
I saw it...
'88.
I love how it's so twisted
and not what you'd expect.
So, yeah, you expect it to be
this American high school comedy,
but it's so much more.
Cool, I'll have to watch it.
Yeah, absolutely.
But you've been
missing something.
We've been talking
this whole time but...
you haven't noticed
something important.
Something I forgot to do or...?
No.
You're going to need
to help me out here.
Use your eyes!
Oh, yeah!
- Your shirt!
- Yeah, my shirt.
It looks nice.
Yes, it's actually very nice.
Just a little cool.
I figured it was about time, now
I've got someone working with me.
You know, we're kind of a team.
And that's... Yeah.
It's okay.
Yeah, that's good.
I actually have a
surprise for you.
Just a moment.
I wanted to say that...
since you've been here, I've
noticed a sales increase of 15%.
And that is good news.
I know you've only been here
for two and a half weeks so
it may be a coincidence.
But there's something I've noticed
that I wanted to tell you.
It's that I appre...
You are a valuable asset to
the business and the team,
and I appreciate your diligence,
loyalty, hard work...
and last but not least,
your friendly appearance.
So...
in recognition of the increased
revenue and your fine work ethic,
I'd like to give
you this uniform.
Custom made.
- Wow, for me?
- For you.
Here you go.
It looks like it fits.
Try it on.
Wow!
You look simply great.
I'm so happy to see this,
I just want to hug you.
But that wouldn't be appropriate,
of course, so I won't do that.
Bengt, I just want to say
thank you for the shirt.
- Yeah?
- Yes, I really appreciate it.
Yeah, you're welcome.
- Sorry, that was a little bit...
- That's fine.
Yes, but...
Maybe it's time to lock up now?
Or what do you think?
Yeah, it's about time. I
have to tidy up a bit.
I'm going to take off then.
Yeah, I'm going home, too.
Yes, but we'll see
each other tomorrow.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
How did I get here?
Everything that I've done,
everywhere that I've been,
has led me to this moment,
laying here in this exact bed.
I remember my old room
and the bunk bed that
eventually became too small.
I remember the sound and my heart
breaking when my dad took it down.
My room at home.
Hearing my mom
through the floor.
She would be in the kitchen,
talking on the phone,
telling jokes,
and sometimes crying.
The bed my brother
and I shared...
on a family vacation to Mexico.
The back seat of our
family station wagon.
The seats were red and yellow.
Falling asleep with
a big day ahead.
Falling asleep after a big day.
Sitting up in bed the night
before my first day of school,
the window wide open.
Freedom was about to disappear,
but in the summer air I
could still feel it.
Watching the stars as I fell asleep
in the basket of my dad's bike...
on the way home from Vattedal.
Driving past the home I grew up in.
A new family lived there.
The street was the
same as always.
All the neighbours we grew
up with were still there,
but for some reason, I felt
that I was no longer welcome.
Picking apples at my Grandpa's
house when I was seven.
Coming home with buckets full,
lining them up in beer flats and
selling them to neighbours.
Watching our first house get torn
down to make way for condos.
I remember sleeping in a strange bed
at a party that my parents were at.
The sheets were red and
smelled different than home.
I could hear the adults
laughing on the second floor...
and smell the distant
scent of cigarettes.
I wondered what they
were talking about.
Were they talking about me?
Would they remember
to take me home?
Comforting my mom...
when she broke down crying
in the laundry room.
My dad's living room,
him sitting beside me.
The last walk...
through my grandparents'
house when they both died,
saying goodbye to each
room with a kiss.
I remember my bed at my
grandparents' house.
The floral bed covers,
and the way my grandma
would wrap me up in them.
I remember waking up in front
of a TV that wasn't on,
without knowing how I got there.
The last day in the
house I grew up in.
Looking at the ceiling and
the things I never noticed,
swearing to myself that I
wouldn't forget any of it.
Fantastic!
I can't beat that.
You win, I lose. I always lose.
Can you grab the plaster
that was just delivered?
It's in the back.
Next to the boxes.
Fantastic.
What is it?
This stuff is for floors. Right?
Sorry, you almost had it.
It's right beside it.
Oh, you can't win 'em all.
You can't win 'em all.
But I fall at the first hurdle.
Have you heard
those two phrases?
"Can't win 'em all" and
"Fall at the first hurdle"?
That's like you and me, kind of.
You: Can't win 'em all.
And me: Falling at
the first hurdle.
But it's not whether you win or
lose, it's how you play the game.
I had a dream last night.
What did you dream about?
Well, it was quite funny. I
think I had won a car race.
And at the end I received
all these prizes.
You know those dreams where you
wake up and everything is gone?
I was in an open space in
the middle of a desert,
and there was a river there,
and so many great prizes.
You know the kind of stuff you win in
game shows, right? Amazing prizes.
Like stuffed bunnies?
You were there and you kissed me
when I won and you were so happy.
And there were these amazing
cars and speed boats
and everything was just... Yeah.
If you're a little unsure, I
can just leave these here...
and you can come back.
OK, I'll see you later then.
Have a good day!
Dagny?
I've been thinking
about what I said.
I actually haven't stopped
thinking about it.
I'm sorry I told you
about the dream.
It's totally alright. Let's
just forget about it, OK?
Are you sure?
Yeah.
So...
everything's alright between us?
Yeah, yeah.
To be honest, I've been
getting very little sleep.
And my diet's been
a little strange.
I feel like I haven't been
getting the right nutrients...
- Hey, Bengt?
- Yes?
And my back has been
a bit bad also!
So that's been
affecting my sleep...
- Bengt?
- Yes?
It's completely alright.
We'll just forget it, OK?
Alright?
It's a little nicer in here now.
I've put up pictures and stuff.
It's kind of cozy.
The only thing is that
it's a little bit cold.
I just have to save some
money to buy a heater.
I'm supposed to ask
Bengt about that?
I can't do that.
He's given me a job and a place
to stay, and I can't just...
No, Mom. Hello.
I guess I have to be cold then.
Yeah, I will.
No. He's nice, a little
weird, but that's okay.
Hey, Dagny!
Have you locked up?
Yes.
Hey...
I need to pick up some
supplies tonight,
so I was wondering if you
could give me a helping hand.
It would be really nice if you could.
It won't take long.
I need to get some food.
I'm starving.
I have food in my car from
today that I haven't eaten.
It'll be fast.
Come on. Come for a ride.
Alright, but only if you let me
open the store later tomorrow.
Yeah, yeah.
OK.
Is that everything?
Yeah.
There's something I
should tell you.
I think I'm going
to sell the store.
I think it would be good to start
over and do something different.
It would obviously
affect you, too...
but I haven't quite decided yet.
I don't know what you
think about that.
Yeah, it would be so good
to, like, get a new life.
You know what...
That's not what I'm
trying to say.
What I'm trying to say is...
I'm so lonely, OK?
So incredibly lonely.
I just open the store, run the store,
sit behind the counter, lock up and...
go home.
I don't have the will
to do anything else.
It's like I can't keep up
with everyone else and...
I just feel so insignificant.
I have no energy.
What I see every day is
just customers coming in.
They don't really
come to see me.
They could just as well
go somewhere else.
So, I...
I feel...
I don't feel like I'm worth anything.
I don't have anything.
It's like I've never
had anything.
But then your mom called,
and said...
that the girl of my dreams...
was coming to live with me.
She didn't say that.
But you are.
I haven't been this happy...
The last month has been
the first time in...
maybe my entire life that
I've been truly happy.
I haven't known
how to handle it.
I've been so full of emotions.
I haven't...
I haven't been able to figure
out how to act, you know?
And I've been thinking that...
One day I'll die.
You're going to
die one day, too.
I think if we don't do
this, we'll regret it.
I just want to...
grab your head and...
shake it.
And tell you I could give you
everything you've ever wanted...
Please stop.
Yes, but...
If you would only let me, I would make you
the happiest girl in the whole world.
It would make me happy if you
stopped talking about this, Bengt.
You are so fucking
stupid, Bengt.
You're so fucking stupid,
so damn pathetic!
Nobody wants to be with you, Bengt.
Fuck, you're so stupid, fuck!
You're so goddamn stupid,
you fucking crybaby.
Please.
Please!
Please!
- No more!
- Yes, but please, listen to me!
I love you.
I've loved you since you
were a little girl.
Don't you understand?
Of course you couldn't
know that but...
but when you were little I watched you.
I could watch you all day long.
I just thought... that one day if
something wonderful could happen,
you and I could be...
I saw you.
You were outside
playful, having fun.
You were so happy,
you were so joyful!
Do you know how painful
that was for me?
Do you know how painful
it was to see you?
I wanted to be the one to make you happy.
Do you understand?
I wanted to be the one... I wanted
to be the one to make you happy!
Do you understand?
I couldn't be there anymore.
I had to get away.
I couldn't stay there anymore!
What if I say I never
want to see you again?
What will you do then?
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
Where are you going?
I know exactly where
you're going.
Where are you?
Dagny!
Dagny! Are you here?
I didn't mean to scare you, OK?
Dagny!
I have no one else!
Dagny...!
Goodbye, Bengt.
It feels like water.
It feels like electricity.
It sounds like a humming fridge.
It's holding the water.
If there was ever such a thing.
Water made shapeable and
malleable in your palm.
We, living in this lifetime,
are only here for a flash.
And in that miniscule amount of time, there
is a remarkably shorter measurement,
which is this moment right here.
Did I do everything alright?
It feels like happiness.
It feels like remembering
faces and words.
It feels like a discovery.
This discovery yields the notion
that our souls, like silk,
are suspended on nothing.
It feels warm.
Everything will be okay.
Good morning. Were
you late last night?
Yes, I'm sorry. I hope
I didn't wake you.
Do you want a waffle?
- Yes, please.
- One? Two? Four?
One is good.
Hey.
I don't think I've told this one before,
but a friend who worked at a pizza place,
he told me about a
guest who came in.
She ordered a pizza,
and so he asked the lady,
"Should I cut it
into four or eight?"
And she looks at him and says,
"You'll have to cut it in four because
I don't think I can eat eight!"
Oh, well, bad joke.
I thought it was funny, Grandpa.
When I need to be by myself,
I take walks.
Look, I'll draw you a map
so you can see where
it's nice to take walks.
I usually walk through
the cemetery.
There it is extra peaceful.
Then you'll get to gather your thoughts
and, at the same time, think new thoughts.
Look here, I'll show you. You
walk up along Haukeland hospital.
Then you're here.
The main building, right?
Then you have the other blocks
over here, the old ones.
And here lies Mllendal.
Did you know your great
grandpa is buried there?
You knew that?
And when you want to come
back, you have two options.
Either you can walk along
Store Lungegrdsvannet,
by the train station,
or you can go over the
Old Nygrd Bridge.
It'll be good for
you to take a walk.
Thank you, Grandpa.
Tomorrow?
I'm excited.
It'll be nice to see you.
OK.
You too.
Bye.
You alright?
My name is Andrew.
My name is Andrew.
I think you have a
very nice face.
ART IS LONG, LIFE IS SHOR Shooting star!
Goodbye, Andrew.
It feels like water.
It feels like electricity.
It sounds like a humming fridge.
Some part of my brain is telling
me that it's not pleasant,
that I have to fight it.
So I fight it.
Then, after a few
moments of fighting,
I realize that there's
nothing I can do,
that it's not going to stop.
So I accept it.
And because I've told
my brain that it's OK,
the water turns into
something nice.
Then, it's all around
me and I am home.
I go underwater.
Back to the womb.
It feels so good
to become nothing.
I feel my chest getting lighter.
I feel peace.
This is peace.
And I hope you have a good life,
whoever you are.
GRANDFATHER
Hi, Grandpa.
Good morning.
You're up early.
Yeah, when you reach my age
you don't need much sleep.
Will you stay for awhile?
I have to go out to the
airport and pick up Embla.
She arrives at eight.
But I can stay for a while.
You can borrow my car.
I'd like that.
Good. So, you had
another late night out.
But that's good, young people
are supposed to stay out late.
Your grandma and I, we used
to stay out until dawn.
When people say they used
to stay out all night,
they might be exaggerating,
but we danced until sunrise.
You danced?
Yes, but Grandma was the best.
She was really good.
I've never been a good dancer,
but that didn't stop me.
I would have liked to see that.
Why did you stop?
Maybe I lost my confidence.
No, dancing was fashionable, it
was modern, but fashions change.
We eventually found other
ways to spend our nights.
It was always Grandma who initiated it.
I joined because I knew she liked it.
You're a good man, Grandpa.
You know, I loved her.
So...
you were out dancing?
No.
I was at a party at
someone's house.
I met a new friend.
His name is Andrew.
We talked about a lot of things. Not
the answers to everything, but...
it was nice to have
someone to talk with.
You'll never find
all the answers.
I've seen a lot firsthand, but I'm
still left with a thousand questions.
What kind of questions?
No, we don't need
to talk about it.
No, that's alright,
that's alright.
I guess one question is...
have I done enough
to honour her?
Maybe I should go on
an extravagant trip.
But what would be the
purpose of that?
It might not be of any
importance at all.
It's a little silly, but I
ponder these questions.
Impossible questions.
Do you think it helps to ask
yourself these questions?
I don't have an answer
for that either.
But I know you just have
to do whatever you can.
You must take responsibility
for what you have received.
You can't rely on others to do it for you,
because eventually, they won't be there.
It's up to you.
Are these questions about Grandma?
Or about yourself?
These are questions about
all kinds of things,
but mostly about myself.
I have accepted what has happened.
I am who I am.
People tell me...
I should move on, but I
don't understand that.
Move on to what?
Where do they want me to go?
Maybe I am just misunderstood. I don't
intend to shut the door behind me.
She never did.
Like I said, I don't intend
to forget about my past.
But memory is fleeting,
especially for a man like me.
More and more time passes
between when I think about her.
Right after she passed away,
I thought about her all
the time, every hour.
Then once a day.
Every other day, once a week.
As time moves on, it's only
natural to begin to forget.
And then suddenly you feel like
you're in the same room as them.
You see their light in
friends and family.
Even in people that
you don't know.
It's their way of still being
with you, of checking in.
Their mannerisms
appear in odd places.
That feeling of being
near them returns.
You remember for a brief moment.
It's a great comfort.
Could Grandma speak?
Very well.
Almost to the very end, which
I am very thankful for.
You know, she didn't go so quickly
that I couldn't say goodbye.
I got to say goodbye properly.
And I'm glad she understood
all that I said.
Not many people are able to do that.
I remember saying,
"Thank you, thank you, thank
you," again and again.
I'd ask her how she felt, and
she would say, "Not good."
The next day I'd ask again,
and she'd say the same thing,
"Not good."
Eventually she said,
"What's the point of asking if you
know I'm going to say 'not good'?"
I guess I was hoping that one
day everything would be better.
I'd never been in a situation like
this so I never knew what to say.
I just wanted her
to be comfortable.
The next day, when she woke
up, I asked her how she felt.
There was a different
look in her eyes.
She took a breath and said,
"It feels like water."
"It feels like electricity."
"It feels like a
humming fridge."
And she said...
that she saw...
the people who loved
her the most.
Goodbye, Grandpa.