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On the late father advice...
I first became a thief.
but then I discovered thieving
gets your hands cut off.
or your bits smashed
with a hammer.
or hanged...
like my father.
So I gave up being a thief
and did the next best thing.
I joined the church.
Not as a priest, though
it has good prospect.
No.
As a painter.
An artist.
I could do it all.
Angels, devils, virgins and nuns.
Painting bones on angels is not
a bad way of earning a living.
And I was happy.
Then everything changed.
Not just for me....
For everyone.
The rich, the poor,
everyone...
This boy, Lorenzo, he always in trouble.
Always pushing his luck.
Lorenzo's a gambler, a winner,
but his luck has run out.
This time he won
against the wrong person.
Gerbino Della Ratta.
They had this fight you see.
And Gerbino's a bad loser.
A really bad loser.
Gerbino Della Ratta would resent
losing a dirty sock in a wager.
That's the kind
of person he is.
-Come down here and fight me.
-So you can put a scar like that on my cheek?
I've improved your looks, you ugly shit,
but I'm far too beautiful.
You're next.
Into the shit,
where you belong.
Why is he still alive,
Andreuccio?
I told you, I
want him dead.
Lorenzo De Lamberti was not the
first to have a thing for Pampinea Anastasi.
Although he was the
last one to admit.
The richest girl in town.
Pampinea is not so much spoiled...
as laviously as
overindulged.
Poor little rich girl.
But that was before the plague.
Not now.
Everything changed.
Even for Pampinea.
Lorenzo, quick!
Gerbino waiting for
youre at your house.
He won't rest until
you're dead.
Get the hell out.
Now!
Having painted the bones on 14 angels,
I was still waiting to be paid.
-Did you tell him?
-He's still asleep.
Wait there.
There.
Plague.
Just my luck.
Looks like we're
not getting paid.
Go home.
Your done here.
Then I heard voices.
Come and join us.
Priest, right!
They got it all!
Food, money.
And of course,
the key to the convent.
All those beautiful nuns.
Rumor has it, Gerbino Della Ratta
is a bit short on his equipment.
You know, not much going on
downstairs in the trouser department.
It's funny, cause I always thought
he was the biggest dick in town.
Pampinea.
I offer my sympathy.
-Thank you.
-It's a tragedy.
This plague...
Terrible
Terrible...
Tragedy
What would you do now,
Pampinea?
I promised to marry
Count Dzerzhinsky.
He's on his way here
from Russia to marry me.
Thank you for
your assistance.
Pampinea.
Before he died, your father
asked me to protect you.
-From what?
-His estate.
He was in debt.
Massive in debt, with his business failing.
To who?
To who was he in debt?
Business people.
Merchants. But I paid them off.
You?
It's what's known
as a secured loan.
Your father borrowed money
from me, to pay his debt...
against the security of this house
and all his other assets.
All this. None of this
belong to him anymore
-Who does it belong to then?
-Me.
Unless you pay me
the money he owe.
You don't have to worry that
Pampinea, I am here for you.
Your father and I discussed this
before he died, and he agreed.
-Agreed to what?
-That you should marry me.
I'm promised to marry
Count Dzerzhinsky!
This is a badly arranged marriage.
Your father told me before he died...
He much prefer me.
Pampinea, I am
devoted to you.
Marry me.
I'm your to command.
May I kiss your hand?
That always been a problem isnt it.
You know. Theocracy.
She should've done something about
about that, it doesnt cost anything, does it?
Hey you!
Where does this road lead?
-Bet your wondering what I'm doing?
-No, not really. No.
-My friend.
-What's the matter with him? Is he drunk?
-No.... Guess.
-Is he dead?
Right!
Good guess!
"I am dead, check out.."
-Please tell me, where does this road lead to?
-I'm gonna tell you the answer...
to this one, because you'll never
guess and we'll be standing here all day.
-That's what I was thinking.
-This road lead to...
Wait for it... the Sacred Sisters
of the Bleeding Heart.
The convent.
What was he doing in a convent?
What was he doing in a convent?
We'll give you a clue.
-He was working there as a...
-Gardener?
Right again!
Very clever.
-Do they need a new gardener?
-Do you have special skills.
That's not a trick question,
he has special skills.
-Like what, dying?
-No. Guess. Guess!
-I don't know. How the hell should I know?
-Don't get dirty.
-What then, what?!
-Ow, together!
-Come on, tell me!
-He was deaf, and dumb.
Deaf, therefore dumb.
I told you, he had special skills.
Being deaf and dumb is not a skill.
It's a handicap.
For him it weren't.
Bye!
Hello there!
I bet your wondering what I...
Straight from heaven.
He's beautiful.
Strong.
Look at him.
He's....
Beautiful.
-Is he hurt?
-I don't know.
Do you think we should take off his coat
to see if he broken any bones?
I think we should...
Just to be sure.
Where should we start?
Your turn.
His mouth.
Kiss his mouth.
Sisters?
Mother,
He's alive.
He has said nothing mother.
We believe he's deaf and dumb.
Can you hear?
Can you....
speak?
A miracle.
An angel.
He fell from heaven.
Take him to
the bathroom.
Clean him.
For the first
time in her life..
Pampinea Anastasi feels
the need for friends.
Filomena!
Did you tell the others?
We meet them
in the church.
Alright you lot.
Girls in front, boys step back.
Quino, I didn't expect to see
you here, I must say.
You can say, but youre
not allow to talk.
No problem, I'm sure you have
enough to say for everyone, for me.
-This is the girl you wanted to marry?
-Can't wait.
I could eat her alive.
My father has a house in the country.
A villa.
We could all go there
to escape the plague.
Good...
lets go.
My parent's dying wish was I
to marry Count Dzerzhinsky.
The marriage will take
place at the villa.
You'll all be the guest.
Pampinea.
This is an arranged marriage, yes?
Maybe you should try it first.
At least take a look.
Melissa!
That is an insult to Pampinea's
pledge to chastity.
-We're all virgins here.
-Yes, but some are more virgin than others.
Speak for yourself.
I would rather die than relinquish
my virginity before marriage.
I always thought you had
a thing for Lorenzo.
What's this?
What are you doing
here all of you?
Praying.
We're praying for the dead.
Any one of you thinking of leaving the
city, could prove extremely dangerous.
Go home, all of you.
Like good children.
I recognized these two.
They're friends of Di Lamberti.
Perhaps, we should
take a walk.
I knew I should have
kept my mouth shut.
What do I care?
Even if he was
going to kill them.
Then I heard those
damn noise again.
Keep your mouth shut! Keep your mouth shut!
Keep your mouth shut...
Keep your mouth shut!
Oh what the hell!
I did have a big trap.
You! All of you leave.
Take your swords and
leave the church!
This is Gerbino Della Ratta.
No one speaks
to him like that.
This is the house of God,
and I speak with his voice.
Who are you?
I'm the servant of God.
I speak with his voice.
You ran across of our Lord.
When did you last take your confession?
The plague that walks our
streets, steals our soul.
Its the Armageddon.
See your face again?
I'll take your blood,
send it to your maker.
Gerbino!
Is he dead?
Lorenzo Di Lamberti?
If I were you, I'll
consider him dead
I've never talked, such
bollocks in all my life.
Thank God for
being a priest..
Is this it?
I thought you'd say
could get a carriage?
This is Uncle Bruno.
He's not very bright
but he's very strong.
Isnt that right
Uncle Bruno?
And he's a virgin.
Aren't you Uncle Bruno?
I am.
I'm saving myself.
-Who's that?
-It's the priest, Father Tindero.
If this to be a wedding,
you'll need a priest.
After hanging around in a square for
a couple of hours, waiting for Pampinea.
We discover she'd gone to a convent to escape
from Gerbino and wait for her Russian Count.
What better place to preserve her virginity
than amongst other virgins?
Or so she thought.
-Who's that man?
-He's our gardener.
Sent from heaven.
-He's dead and dumb.
-What?
He can't hear or
speak a word.
How sad. He looks as if he have
alot to say for himself.
Hear no evil,
speak no evil.
Come here!
Now jealousy is
a funny thing.
It creeps up on you.
Take you by surprise.
Distracted, Pampinea's Russian
Count have slipped from her mind.
What is that?
I am here.
Hello.
I bring gifts for you, your
wife and your daughter.
Soon to be my wife.
You are Pampinea's father,
Yes?
I am Pampinea's father.
No
No?
I am Gerbino Della Ratta,
Pampinea's husband to be.
Sir, there has
been a mistake.
Pampinea Anastasi is suppose
to be married to me.
Count. You don't mind
me calling you a Count?
You look like a big
Count to me...
Pampinea Anastasi
soon to be my wife.
You just didn't hear about it...
That is a mistake.
So you bring me, all the way from Novgorod
to tell me, that Pampinea Anastasi...
is marrying a man, who is
old enough to be her father?
I did not bring you here,
but I suggest you leave.
Florence is very bad for the
health at this time of year.
Gerbino Della Ratta.
Della Rat...Huh?
A rat is a small furry animal.
Yes?
Yes.
Yes, I thought that much.
Sir!
I'm Linguino, servant to Pampinea
Anastasi. She's safe and well.
And no matter what you hear,
is waiting for your arrival...
This letter will give you instructions on
how to get to her villa in the country.
She'll meet you there
for the wedding.
Sir, you are in danger here.
You want to ride straight to the villa.
Be there as soon
as you can.
For Pampinea,
I will do this.
We know you cannot hear
us or speak to us.
But to us, you are so beautiful like an angel
sent from heaven to bring us joy.
And we pray, that God might restore the
miracle of speech to you and your hearing.
So that you can hear
the birds sing and...
-Get on with it!
-I am!
-He has no idea what you're saying.
-Then you do it!
We know that this morning, you met
Sister Catherina in the orchards
and then Sister
Melissabeta in the granary.
We want what
you gave them.
And we want it now.
Come on.
There to Florence, there
I was, stuck on the cart.
This Uncle Bruno farting
more than the horse.
and Miss randy-pant banging
about being a virgin.
Truth is, those that rattle on
about it, cant wait to do it.
God, there she
goes again.
I'm very proud of my virginity,
Melissa. And so is Dioneo.
The boyfriend, Dioneo.
He's suffering from terminal
randiness as well.
Never done it in his life.
Dioneo!
We don't indulge in sex.
Do we?
Not in broad daylight, in the middle
of the road, we don't. No.
I say, we believe in no
sex before marriage.
We're happy to wait,
aren't we?
Forever my love.
Liar.
Who's that?
Are they waving at us?
No, I think they're
waving at me.
See what they want.
Quick before they come!
Me?
Run before they
come into Filomena!
No, No.
You go. You go.
Do we want any
milk or bread?
They said their produce
is very fresh...
and we might want to sample
it, back at their farm.
Its too late.
We can get to them.
Come on.
Come on!
Help yourself.
Fresh milk,
there it is.
How do you get
milk out of that?
City boys.
Where we come from,
milk come out of the jug.
I bet you could do it,
if you tried.
Show us.
This is how its done.
See how its fit nicely
fit into my hands?
I love this thing in my hands.
Don't you, Mira?
Wonderful.
You'd almost say a little
firmer would be better.
Too late,
can't stop now.
Take it firmly in your
hands, and squeeze.
Stroke up.
And pull.
I love this.
Its coming.
I can feel it.
A little strong?
A little faster?
It's coming!
Milky white, hot.
Please! Yesona,
let do it!
Dioneo. Just what are
you doing with that cow?
"Yesona, let do it!?"
Disgusting.
Disgusting.
-I told you, we wasn't there for the milk.
-There's the maid.
Those shou not touch!
Remember?
That include beasts and barns,
especially ones with tits and hairy armpits.
Piss off, its over! You'll never have
sex with me as long as you live!.
Sometime later, I heard that the
cow was emotional disturbed...
by these events, and
never gave milk again.
Poor cow.
It's a sin what you just said.
And the other two.
Yes, your right.
Its a sin.
A delicious sin.
The four of you in one day!
You should be ashamed.
I think your jealous.
Huh
I hope you'll drown.
Get him, now!
Andruccio.
What's that?
See that?
It's fantastic.
I want that!
Get me that!
Up your ass, ?!
Are you leaving, Father?
From the church...
Gerbino.
He was afraid of me,
wasn't he?
He was afraid of the cross
you wear around your neck.
Allow me to make a
small observation.
All this talk
of virginity.
Yes?
A kissed mouth doesn't
lose its freshness.
like the moon, its
rises new again.
-Very poetic I'm sure.
-Just an observation.
It wasn't me
that said it.
What about
the wedding?
I'll be there.
But first I had to make
a pilgrimage of my own.
Yesona.
Yesona!
Yesona, I'm here.
I love you
my dear.
Yesona, lets take this
ride into the sunset.
You filthy disgusting
beast!
Every day I see you...
I'm drawn to you.
Every night I sleep...
I am with you.
Everyday...
Every night.
I think it farted up with you
Filomena, that's the true of it.
Well, when it comes to farting,
Uncle Bruno, you should know.
Dioneo...
Dioneo!
Stop this sulking!
I'm not sulking.
Please, Dioneo.
Look at me.
Look at me.
I didn't mean to call
you a filthy beast.
A sweetie pear.
Little honey cucumber.
Please, I'm not a child,
or a cucumber.
But I love you.
I love you, cucumber.
-I love you.
-It was only a dream.
I would never be unfaithful
to you, you know that.
Its like being licked by a dog
when you do that, it really is.
Hey listen to me. I love
you and I forgive you.
Look. Your forgiven
with a proper kiss.
And another.
And another.
And another.
Dioneo.
Stop this now.
Me?
Dio, kiss me.
Kiss me.
My God.
Whats that?
What do you
think it is?
When we're married.
Soon. You'll see.
What a treasure I
have for you.
Give me Give me..
Give me the treasure!
Give me the treasure!
Please.
What's happening? Dioneo!
What's going on?
My God!
What happened?
Nothing. Nothing.
It may be nothing to you,
Dioneo Dugalante,
but its a disgrace and
humiliation to me!
One kiss and look
what you've done!
You had your hand.
Get out of my loot.
I did nothing of the sort.
That's the trouble with you.
You just don't know
when to stop.
Hello my little
crazy flower.
Good show.
This way please.
Melissa!
I am Alessandro Felice.
And I am your host.
Welcome.
You're not our host and
we are not your guests.
We are your prisoners.
Show us your body. So beautiful.
The world is waiting for girls like you.
Have you travelled?
I've been to Sienna.
Sienna?
Then you must come with me
to Tunisia. You'll like it there.
-Where is Tunisia?
-Africa.
-Why are you going to Africa?
-What did she just say?
And to work.
Of course.
What you mean, work?
It's easy.
It's relaxing work.
You'll will spend most of
the time on your back.
-Over my dead body.
-That can be always be arranged.
My god... He wants to...?
That is what he
means isn't it?
What are we
gonna do?
Did you see the
way he looked at us?
He's handsome.
He's sexy.
What do you mean?
Look, if you want to get out of here
alive, we've just have to take control.
Lead these dickheads
by the nose.
These is what commonly known...
as a Chef Palace.
Sit down and
be a good boy.
Put these on.
Youre next.
I will not... I will not...
relinquish..
My precious...precious...
jewel.
Not until my Diana...
meet my Apollo...
And the goddess
Venus carries me...
Oh please carry me.
to the threshold...
of my Jupiter.
Who are these guys?
Like...You.
I have waited...
longing...
But still, my Jupiter
has not come.
I pray him to come.
Yearn him to come.
You, my delicious ?.
You are my Jupiter.
Filomena. Please don't let them
take me away. I need a wee!
Oh shut up,
stupid fart!
You have to hold on!
-What happened?
-It was boring.
All he wanted to
do was look.
Made me dance around the pole
without my knickers and that was it.
Where did you get that?
-I'm next.
-Follow me, do actually as I do. Got it?
Gentlemen.
Gentlemen!
Your captain has us to
you, for your delight.
For your delight!
Hurray.
This is the lovely
Filomena.
A rad beauty I'll
think you'll agree.
Have you ever seen
such glorious breasts?
Show them.
-They like it!
-Gentlemen, let hear it for Filomena's breasts.
Now, every pussy knows that
there is only one thing matters.
Who get to go first...
And the one to go last.
Who is the biggest
tomcat in town?
Me, Me, Me, Me!
There is only one way to do it.
Off. Get them off.
Let's get a look
at the tackles.
Come along. Come along,
in a line, in a line.
All boys together.
Don't be shy.
On the count to three, you big butch bandits.
Drop those loons.
One
Two!
Three!
Wonderful...
Magnificent.
Behold... manhood
in all its glory.
God, I never seen
one before!
-Now, there's a whole army of them!
-Let's take a closer look.
Order, please, order.
You, stand up straight!
Let me see.
I think you should swap
places with him.
And you with him.
Better.
Where is it?
Oh, there is it.
That's very small...
and shrively.
-I hope theirs not all like that?
-Thanks very much.
Looks like the end.
Don't you, Melissa?
Off you go,
chop chop.
Wonderful display,
well done everyone.
Now this is it.
The moment you've
all been waiting for.
Who...
goes first?
We do, start with the biggest
and work your way down.
No!. The smallest... start small
and work your way up.
We both start in the middle,
and work your way to the end.
-I'm the smallest, I go first.
-You want first, then last?
Watch what you
say, big knob!
-Your asking for a thump.
-Try this for size.
Right, that's it.
Gino!
Me next. Come on Gino,
Cone one. Hurry up!
Having fun?
What does it mean
"over your dead body?".
Naughty man.
Now comes the news
she didn't want to hear.
The Count has
arrived in Florence.
Now Pampinea
has a dilemma.
How does she feels about feeling
leaving Lorenzo alone with all those nuns?
How to you know this?
I heard him,
singing in the garden.
-You are certain?
-Very.
He has a beautiful voice.
It'd just be
hard to resist.
Goodbye...
and Thank you.
The butcher's here. He brought a knife.
A very sharp knife.
His ready to cut off your...
Please!
A miracle!
I can speak!
Get out!
Wanker.
Are you human?
No. I'm the spirit
of this pool.
An enchantress.
I thought that much.
And... am I now
under your spell?
Yes. Now that you
have drunk the water.
You're under my spell.
Where did you
come from?
Before you became...
an enchantress.
Florence.
Where are you
travelling to?
To a wedding.
-Are you the bride?
-If I were the bride...
on my way to be married...
Would you be the groom?
Well, like you I'm also travelling
to a wedding but if...
by chance...
you were to tell me.
that your name...
is Pampinea Anastasi then...
my life would
be complete.
Because you are,
without question...
the most beautiful women,
I have ever seen.
If I'm Pampinea Anastasi,
then you must be...
Dimitri Vyacheslav
Alexander Dzerzhinski.
First son of Alexander
Piotr Abramovich Dzerzhinski.
From the kingdom of
Novgorod and you...
you are Pampinea Anastasi, soon to
be my bride. Is this is not true?
No. I'm an
enchantress.
And you have
answered my call.
At that special
moment....
when a woman must
make her gift.
Of her precious
jewel.
A treasure all women
holds dear...
the greatest gift a woman
can bestow to a man.
Something you
can't wait.
You must tell no one
of our meeting.
Having, succeeding
getting him shut out.
Pampinea backtrack
pass the convent...
just to be certain the nuns weren't
getting what she fancied for herself.
Lorenzo De Lamberti.
Pampinea Anastasi.
What are you doing here?
You know, just...
enjoying the day.
I've been working
as a gardener,
escaping the
city life.
A gardener?
I have a strong
affinity with nature.
Oh.
Well good, we'll see you then.
Maybe. Mingino.
No, Wait, Wait.
-Where're you going?
-On my way to be married.
Yes, I heard about that.
Some short, fat Russian
from Novgorod?
I hear you're very popular...
very much in demand.
You mean
Gerbino Della Ratta?
He's a turd.
I hear you want lesson
for your debt. Mingino.
Enjoy your affinity
with nature.
Perhaps I can
come with you...!
To be your escort.
To deliver you safely
into the arms of your ?
Like all good pilgrims,
I've followed the path.
I had arrived...
Heaven.
They say the Mother
Superior at his convent...
is a woman of unparallel
lust and randiness.
-Who's there?
-I'm a holy Father...
in search for a place of
contemplation and prayer.
I will take you to
the holy mother.
-Father. Have you any skills?
-Such as?
-Gardening, perhaps.
-Gardening? A little.
Good.
All this silence you see
upon, it almost if we were....
deaf and dumb.
We may see many things, but we
speak nothing of them in here.
Understand?
Silence...
Deaf and dumb.
And gardening.
Not quite I have in mind.
Would you care...
for a bath?
A bath!?
I was in.
Perfect place
for a wedding.
Nobody's here yet,
we're the first.
Lorenzo!
Wait...
Lorenzo.
You could stay...
just a little longer.
Blindfold?
Is that really true?
You were blindfolded
when you kissed her?
When she kissed me
You'll soon forget her,
thats what I think.
You'll forget her
and the kiss.
You, Lorenzo Lamberti...
to tell the truth and all.
You don't have
to believe me.
How can you be in love with
a woman you've never seen?
Simple.
It was the kiss.
Everything was in
that one kiss.
How'll you find her?
This woman you never seen,
locked behind convent doors?
I don't know.
Perhaps youre right.
I mean they'll not gonna let me
in that convent, thats for sure.
I think its best you'll
forget her, Lorenzo.
I won't forget her.
What if you
found her?
What if you found her, kissed her.
And your dream dies?
How will you feel?
Its not to dream.
Lorenzo, your memory of that precious
kiss will fade, in a temptational way.
You'll see.
Even if I have to kiss
you myself to prove it.
-Sounds like a challenge?
-Maybe it is.
You were always the girl,
every boy wanted to kiss.
But?
But...you were
always too...
Do what?
Too good,
too clever, too...
Too beautiful.
Too everything,
always out of reach.
Why don't you kiss
me now, Lorenzo?
To see if I can make
you better.
You mean, all the times that I wanted
to kiss you, but never could?
For all those times.
And more.
Close your eyes.
Gerbino, I know it.
Its him!
Run Lorenzo. Please.
He'll kill you for sure.
Run, Run!
Della Ratta!
You shit.
We could smell
you coming.
Lorenzo!
Come on! You want
to kill me? Do it!
Come on!
Come on.
Give me a sword!
Give me a ? to cut you!
Gerbino Della Ratta!
Leave him!
Leave him!
I will not marry you.
Never!
Not if you kill him!
Marry him?
Is that what
this is about?
You marrying him?
Make a mistake,
youre a dead man.
Kill me today, you'll still
be a ugly shit tomorrow.
He's in trouble,
Pampinea.
Alot of trouble.
What kind of trouble?
Theft.
Murder.
I can believe what you said.
Youre not first say it.
But he's only a boy.
Please.
Please.
What?
Don't lean over.
What are you doing?
Please.
Listen.
-Come down.
-Your afraid of height, aren't you?
No.
Just don't want
you to fall in.
How can I fall?
-I've been playing on this well, since I was a child.
-Just get down!
Release Lorenzo, and you
can send for the priest.
Now?
You'll marry me now?
Yes.
But if I marry you, and
you do not release him.
If you have blood
on your hands...
then you'll spend the rest
of your life in a cold bed.
Do you understand?
I'll give you nothing of
what I have to give.
You have my word.
I'll send for a priest.
How the hell do you find
a priest just like that?
You'll have your balls on
the block if we don't.
-Hey, You!
-What?
Father.
Where're you going?
To Pampinea's house.
To the wedding?
How do you know we wanted a priest,
when we've just been sent to get one?
The word of God,
travels fast.
Hey, don't I know you?
Your face is
very familiar.
Its the clothes, all
priests looks the same.
You must go. Leave before
he changes his mind.
Are you really
going to marry him?
Not your concern.
The priest's here.
Leave while you can.
He must hear our confessions
before the wedding.
I'll go first.
So, just to be clear. How many potential
husbands you have right now?
-Three.
-Which one do you want?
Lorenzo!
I love Lorenzo.
But you not met the Count,
the one you promise to marry.
You could fall in
love with him.
-No, only Lorenzo.
-Does he love you?
Yes. No. He love me but
he doesn't know it yet.
It's not easy
being a priest.
Please delay as
long as you can.
and I realized that...
stealing other people's money was far
easier than working for my own.
All those killings?
How many people?
-I can't remember.
-That's quite a list.
Not to mention what you
did to your father.
Do I know you?
Your face is familiar,
I'm sure I know you.
Its the clothes. All
priests looks the same.
To absolve yourself...
from these terrible sins and
hope for an eternal salvation.
you must abstain from all sexual
thought and all sexual deeds..
For a period of 30 days.
But I'm just about to be married!
How can I abstain sex for 30 days?
That's... mean!
and stupid.
Well of course, if you
do something really stupid...
then you must expect to suffer so we
can remain stupid in return...
just to show you how stupid
you were in the first place.
It's called a penance.
That's... really,
really stupid.
God works in
mysterious ways.
Well, I had him by the nuts...
Well for sure.
But how long could I squeeze,
before he squeeze mine?
You know Gerbino sent us
along to kill you, didn't he?.
I kind of guess that.
Dirty business, killing.
-I'd rather be a gardener.
-I know just the place.
Listen. We could
let you go.
But you must
promise not to tell.
Really?
-I promise.
-Good.
That hurts.
Really, really hurt.
Is this the road to the villa of
Pampinea Anastasi?
-It's that way.
-Thank you.
Who are you?
I am Count Dimitri Alexander
Dzerzhinski...!
Ah!
short, fat Russian
Witness, all of you.
You are Gerbino Della Ratta?
You know who I am.
Please don't be difficult.
How can I marry you if you
don't answer the question?
Are you Gerbino Della Ratta?
I am.
-You are Pampinea Anastasi?
-I am, Father.
And when did you both last
take confession? Pampinea?
I've taken confession on
this day, Father.
-Did you confess all your sins?
-I did, Father.
Gerbino Della Ratta.
When did you last
take confession?
-You know when I last took confession.
-Bad answer.
"I had taken confession
on this day, Father."
-I had taken confession on this day.
-Father.
Father.
Then do you both come to me,
pure in body and soul. Hence I do.
- I do.
- I do.
- Have you bathe?
- What?!
Pampinea?
I have bathe, on this day of day
which is my marriage debt.
Witness all of you, this woman come
to us pure, in both body and soul.
Gerbino Della Ratta.
Have you bathe on this day
of day, that is your wedding day?
- Yes.
- When did you bathe?
- I just told you I bathe!.
- When exactly, when did you last take a bath?
I have bathe!
Thoroughly? All the bits
and pieces, downstairs....
-In between your legs?
-What?
Show me your hands.
-You got dirt on your nails.
-Where?
There. I can't marry you if
you have dirty fingernails.
That ridiculous...
I've never heard anything so ridiculous.
I can hardly say, witness all you, this
man come to us, pure in body and soul.
But with dirty fingernails.
Now can I?
You must wash your hands.
The very least.
-There.
-Thank you.
He only doing his job.
Exactly.
Incidentally, there is a
charge for my services.
This is very jolly.
Pour this fine wine...
A little young, perhaps fine.
Fresh fruit, with a...
A musty, a
musty hint...
A musty hint of what I can
really, only describe as stale fart...
rather like the combination of
this couple here, before me today.
Marry us now,
you bastard!
I declare you man and wife.
There, its done.
Your married. Relax, enjoy.
Consummate, whatever you what really.
Hey!
I am Count Dimitri Viacheslav
Alexandrovich Dzerzhinski.
First son of Alexander
Piotr Abramovich Dzerzhinski...
from the kingdom of Novgorod.
I am here to marry Pampinea Anastasi.
I will kill any man who
try to stop me.
Youre too late.
Pampinea Anastasi is already married.
This is my wife.
This is house.
This is my land.
I'll advise you while you
still have air to breathe.
This lady may
be your wife.
But I'm sorry to tell you, she'll
about to become a widow.
You piece of rat.
You took 4 men who
were close to my heart.
You stole their lives.
An now you must pay!
Lorenzo!
Run!
-Here we go?
-I don't know.
-You go that way, I go this way.
-Who are you?
Lorenzo Lamberti.
The robber on the road. Yes!
I am Count Dimitri Alexander...
I know, I know.
First son!
Only son.
Nine sisters.
Gerbino Della Ratta.
Get her and bring
her to me.
Kill them and throw
them down to me.
Hello.
Tell me...
Are you ready to die?
You dropped your
little sword.
Pick it up.
Fight me.
Fight me or I'll kill
you anyway.
Wait.
We have unfinished
business.
Is that not right,
Gerbino?
You want to kill me?
Why don't you come up here and join me?
I'm sorry my friend.
I've sworned to kill this man.
You kill him before I kill him,
I may have to kill you.
Here, let this decide.
Alright, if you want.
Why not join him.
I'll fight him.
But don't step in.
I may step in.
I may step out.
I may even decide to have
a little dance with you.
Do not worry my friend.
If he kills you,
I'll kill him, either way.
You're going to die.
Do you need help
getting up?
Kill him... Kill him!
Put your sword
into his heart!
Still a gambler, Gerbino.
Want to make a bet?
Go that way,
youre dead.
Come this way
to me, dead.
Go that way...
But who knows?
Going down.
Shit!
Friend.
Take my advice.
Do not drink water
from this well.
Sorry.
-So that one's Lorenzo?
-Yes.
By the way I'm not really a priest.
So you're already married.
I thought you should know.
-Count Dzerzhinski!
-Pampinea Anastasi.
I have travelled here to you,
from my beloved Novogrod.
To keep faith to fulfill
my promise, to marry you...
And to make you my wife.
I'm here.
Hello.
Count Dzerzhinski. You are one of the bravest,
most handsome men I've ever met.
Yes, I know.
But I cannot
marry you.
How can you say this after
everything that happened between us?
What do you mean? I don't understand.
What exactly happened between us?
But...You are not
Pampinea Anastasi.
-She...is Pampinea Anastasi..
-Melissa!
-You know her?
-Know her?
I am in love with her.
Melissa, really,
kissing a perfect stranger.
This doesn't look much like
a wedding, what's going on?
Filomena, there is going
to be a wedding!
I hope there is going
to be a wedding.
Lorenzo?
Where are you?
Lorenzo!
Lorenzo!
Lorenzo!
You have stolen my
heart. I love you.
I love you.
Pampinea...
You're one of the
most... No.
The most beautiful girl,
I've ever seen.
But I gave my heart to
a kiss, I can't let go.
If only I can forget her.
I must find her.
Lorenzo, close your
eyes. Please.
Just close your eyes.
Every day I see you...
I'm drawn to you.
Every night as I come
beyond for you.
Every day.
Every night.
You...
With You.
Now will you forget her?
This girl you kissed?
Never.
This is my reward.
I get to stand of
here like a daisy....
While this lot...
Well... you can see
for yourselves.
So tra la tra la,
Heads up...oohh
Romance.
Passion.
Alright, to hell with this.
I'm back off to the convent.
There's an angel there and
her bottom got my name on it
Close your eyes together.
No...
You close yours.
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