1
And so, my fellow Americans,
ask not what your country can do for you.
Ask what you can do for your country.
Ask not what America will do for you,
but what together we can do
for the freedom of man.
Very good, Lawrence.
If you'd like to crawl under the
table, I'll let you see my hold card.
- Cretin.
- Smithy.
All right.
200, and
Three no,
no, no, no
Let's make it an even 500.
Is there an ashtray around by any chance?
Your 500
500 more.
500
And 1,090.
You better not be bluffing, asshole.
I fold, god damn it.
Come on.
Wonderful, wonderful.
I can't remember when I've sat
through anything so exciting.
Why don't we get the hell out of here?
Well, we might as well
I've peaked.
Gentlemen, next time, my room.
Hey, wait a minute!
- What did you have?
- I forgot.
Fuck you! You fuckin'
understand what I'm saying?
- Just barely.
- I'm gonna carve you up in little pieces.
I'm gonna cut up your momma and papa.
- I'm gonna cut up your relatives!
- You have a coat?
I'm gonna stick this up your ass! I'm
gonna open up a dog food factory
- and get rich off your meat!
- Two A.M., game's over.
- We were just leaving, Albert.
- Nobody bluffs this pro!
- Now that's enough.
- Squeeze it.
- You gonna be sorry you was ever born!
- Ciao.
- 2,200 in one hand.
- Not bad,
now you only owe me $14,000.
What the hell, Lawrence, it's only money.
Graduation is tomorrow.
When do you plan to make good?
Albert, my only Italian friend,
by necessity, you will have your money.
The Lakers are playing
the celtics tomorrow
for the championship,
last game of the season.
What say we bet the entire 14 grand,
double or nothing?
You know, Lawrence, I'm gonna miss you.
Ain't many underclassmen with your style.
You run up a tab of 14
gs in one semester,
and now you stand to lose 28 gs
Plus vig
- Albert, it's a lock.
- Yeah
Who's a lock?
I don't know.
Let's see
Lakers, and two points.
How do I know you are
good for it if you lose?
God forbid
That'd be one for my diary.
Albert, please
Lawrence Bourne III,
son of Lawrence Bourne, Jr.,
textiles, lumber, paper, we're the
family that owns the state of Maine,
- so fear not.
- I'm bored now.
Yes, of course, lambchop
Have to hurry, Albert,
- I think she's losing the mood.
- All right, L.A. plus two.
But if they lose,
you've got just the day
to come up with 28 big ones.
A sure thing.
God!
Again, again,
don't stop! Don't stop!
Come on already, Bourne.
Now, now, now!
- Now, now, now!
- No, not yet!
Now, god damn it!
I'm awfully sorry, Lawrence,
but it's after 8:00.
Really?
Well
We'd better get down to the
actual sex then, bootsy.
Who is this cutie?
This is my roommate, Kent sutcliffe.
Kent sutcliffe, bootsy weidner.
Bootsy weidner, Kent sutcliffe
- All of this junk is Kent's.
- Where are you going?
- The peace corps?
- That's right.
I was joking.
No, my roomie's joined up.
He's off to expose the
less-privileged of the world
- to self-styling adorn.
- Really?
Well
When do we start?
I'm leaving tonight,
11:00 P.M
Idlewild. Some people are
coming to see me off.
And some people are having dinner
with their parents. I'm sorry, Kent.
If it's any consolation,
though, I am planning
to learn how to spell Thailand.
Thailand
It does sound like such fun.
Bootsy enjoys the idea of working
with sweaty young men from distant lands.
Graduation breakfast
is at 9:00, Lawrence.
Shit, my speech.
My speech
Christ, I don't even have a theme yet.
I'm valedictorian at Smith.
My god.
It is our responsibility today
to live in our own world,
and to identify the needs
The din in Boston garden is unbelievable.
It's a 107-105 game.
The Boston celtics lead.
But here come the Lakers. Down
the middle comes Tommy Hawkins.
Between the wrong
people, while the real problems
of our times grow and multiply,
fertilized by our neglect.
There is a - dribbling down the
floor, takes it in to bill Russell.
He turns to his left and he is
fouled as he tries to shoot.
Hello darling, wherever you are.
The second one is good. And we've
got a 108-107 Boston lead.
The Lakers, with only seconds
remaining, come down the floor.
They feed the ball to their
great captain, Elgin baylor.
He takes a three-bounce dribble. He's
in the air. He fires a 32-footer,
a desperation shot.
It is no good!
The celtics get the rebound
Down the floor
superior
vitality, and strength
and he
banks it up and in.
It's 110-107, the celtics.
The Lakers have been defeated
by the world champion
Boston celtics.
The final score:
Boston, 110;
Los Angeles, 107.
What a basketball game, fans
Now, the 1962 candidates
for graduation.
Benjamin Norman
Andrews, Jr.,
Peter cardin-armentrout,
crystal hope brobagos.
Lawrence dautrey Bourne III,
Nicholas cowen,
Joan Chester-carr,
rich Louie diggot
Mr. b said you got
until this evening.
So I ain't gonna fuck with you here.
But after dark, cool breeze,
your ass belongs to me.
Don't go away. I want you
to sign my yearbook.
Richard Allen arrington.
To my sister's boy,
my father's grandson,
and my favorite nephew.
The eighth generation
to live in this lovely house
and to be graduated from Yale.
- To Lawrence.
- Hear, hear.
Very nice, thank you,
aunt eunice, excellent.
Could we have a little chat?
I could use some fatherly advice.
From me?
When was the last time
we did this sort of thing?
Never, we're breaking new wind.
Well?
Lawrence, how have things
been for the last four years?
Fine. I need $28,000 to
pay off a gambling debt
or else I'm a dead man.
Don't worry, though, it'll
never happen again.
$28,000?
That doesn't surprise me very much.
You've been a constant
source of embarrassment,
irritation, ever since your mother and I
brought you home that day
from the orphanage.
Orphanage? Father, I am not adopted.
I am your son.
I know, I know, but please
allow me that little fantasy.
I need the money.
No, not ever.
You're going to have to learn
to be responsible for yourself
and to others. This is an
ideal step in that direction.
See, they're coming
to break my hips, father.
Son, in the years to come,
you'll thank me
for the gift of self-reliance.
And in the meantime,
if that should come to pass,
you'll simply
have to learn to
Use one of those
What do they call them?
- A Walker.
- Lawrence, dad
You don't seem to understand.
I have nowhere else to turn,
if I don't give them 28
grand by midnight tonight,
- they're going to beat the crap out of me.
- You know what upset me
About the graduation ceremonies?
Was how tacky the university
grounds looked.
The lawns looked as if they needed to
be seeded, trees weren't as ancestral.
I don't suppose this
occurred to you, did it?
You are a true peckerhead.
There's a gentleman here
to see Lawrence III.
- A Mr. Cicero.
- He's here for the money.
Well, he's not going to get it.
Mr. Cicero,
Mr. Lawrence Bourne, Jr.
Good evening.
I'm sorry you've had to
drive all the way up here,
but I'm sure we can
conclude these matters
really very quickly.
What do you say to
4% interest?
For five years, and let's say
a down payment of $5,000,
which I am quite sure that Lawrence
can get to you within the week.
Out of my way, you peckerhead.
Sutcliffe!
- Kent!
- Lawrence!
Thank god I'm not at Yale, Kent.
You made it!
You actually made it.
- I knew you would.
- I wouldn't have missed this for the world.
And on that, I have a
special favor to ask.
- Sure, but I've only a minute.
- All the better then.
Kent, old pal, I'd rather take
your place on this old plane.
- What?
- Some very dangerous and primitive people
are after me, and I have no
money and nowhere to run.
You're my last chance, believe me.
Next. Come on,
let's move it.
- I'm serious.
- You are.
Lawrence, you can't.
This is the peace corps,
the most important decision of my life.
Traveling halfway around the world
to help a bunch of half-starved
- oppressed human beings.
- Well, here's the thing, Kent, old pal.
- I'm going to die.
- I've been through training.
- The government is involved.
- All the more reason to expect mistakes.
- But my name is on the list.
- I'll wire my father.
- He'll straighten the thing out.
- What'll happen to me?
Nothing! Nothing. And when the
heat is off, I'll be back
with some tropical, parasitic
disease that might have been yours.
Kent!
Okay.
- But on a couple of conditions.
- Name it.
- Next, move it, gentlemen.
- What? Anything in the world.
- Bootsy weidner.
- Bootsy weidner?
Fine, have her.
Everyone else has.
- And your car.
- My car? You shit!
Not just the keys, I want the
registration signed over.
I didn't think you had it in you.
You're a douchebag, sutcliffe.
- My hat is off to you.
- Come on, gentlemen, let's move it.
Well, good luck, Kent.
- Come on, sutcliffe, you're holding up the parade.
- So long, kiddo.
Pan am flight 29,
you are cleared for takeoff.
Runway five
Hey!
I'm gonna slice off your face
and use it for a dartboard.
Fuck you!
I'll kill you!
I'll kill you and your mother
and your father, and your kids,
Pan am 29 air, be advised
there is a person or persons
attached to your aircraft.
Roger.
- Okay, you're clear.
- Roger.
Backs and tray tables
are in ful upright positions.
Sorry.
It's been a hell of a day,
and if you don't mind,
I'd just as soon sleep
through this whole thing.
- That's a good man.
- No problem.
No turning back now?
No, siree.
Yeah, two years or bust.
Tom tuttle, Tacoma, Washington.
- Lawrence Bourne III.
- Hi, Larry.
What's your specialty?
Mine's engineering.
Washington state, 3.95,
but summa cum laude.
I've also dabbled extensively
in a relatively new field
Psychological and motivational management.
You ever heard of it?
Not many people have, really.
In a nutshell, it teaches you
to manipulate human behavior
to achieve maximum productivity.
I'm the first expert on it
in peace corps history.
The higher ups have got
a lot of hope for it.
A challenge?
You bet it is.
But I'm ready for it.
You know, I was president
of the engineers club,
treasurer of the honor society,
then, of course, I was youth of the year
in Tacoma, twice.
- Stewardess?
- I was public works chairman
- stewardess?
- For a while, with the boys' state
- Can I help you?
- Yes, I need to send
a telegram, right now, this instant.
- A telegram
- When I got out of school,
I could relay something
to the captain - there was
- he could pass it along.
- Nothing there to test me.
That's when I looked to the peace corps.
- I liked what I saw.
- To Lawrence Bourne, Jr. number one, Bourne Lane,
- imagine changing peoples' lives.
- Darien, Connecticut.
Lawrence, have made grave error.
Have joined peace corps
and gone to Thailand.
Please arrange for my immediate return.
Your loving son,
blah, blah, blah
- Lawrence.
- Are you sure about this?
Do I look like I'm associated
with this hootenanny?
Okay.
Thank you.
And when you come back,
bring me anything with alcohol.
Let's not pull any punches.
We're both men, right?
We're both adults.
Let's just say it.
You're scared.
And you've got a perfect right to be.
Albert spear once said,
"fear is
victory's fuel."
You spend a few years with me, pal,
and we're gonna turn
that fear into high octane.
Larry, wake up!
The coliseum!
God is it gorgeous.
It may not be one of the
seven wonders of the world,
but it sure is in the Tom tuttle top 10.
Do you know they had plumbing back there?
Trough kind of things.
Did you ever see a sketch of a
Roman urinal? Let me show you.
Fascinating things.
There were dozens
of them. What they did,
was they built them for midgets.
- Good morning, darling.
- Good morning.
- I'm sorry
- It's no, no it's no problem at all.
We're all here to lean on
each other, aren't we?
Kent sutcliffe?
Kent?
I'm Beth Wexler.
Beth! Beth Wexler,
yes, yes
- Of course
- Well, you don't know me.
- Do you know me?
- I know the name,
we're gonna be stationed together
Loong ta?
Beth Wexler,
yes, of course, I'm sorry.
You know, what with finals
and then graduation,
and my brother
dying so tragically
My god, I'm so sorry.
Yes, well, he lived that kind of life,
you know, fast cars,
fast times. It was
Inevitable, I guess. I'm just so glad
to have the whole thing behind me.
Kent sutcliffe.
Beth Wexler.
- I gotta tell you
- What?
You're completely different from the
way I pictured you in your bio.
- Really? How so?
- I don't know.
A soil science volunteer,
hometown, canton, Ohio.
I just sort of pictured this
Sweet-natured doofus.
Beautiful tuxedo you're wearing.
Dinner jacket.
- I hope you didn't rent it.
- No, no.
The folks threw me sort of a
Graduation-slash-
good-luck-in-saving-the-world party.
I come from that kind of money,
something I wish you would overlook.
Now, if memory serves me correctly,
you are from
- Long island.
- Long island,
- long island university, right?
- Right.
Say, were you as fed up with the
bullshit of college life as I was?
Yeah. I made
some good friends,
- but I felt that
- I have to tell you, I feel so good
about what it is we're doing here,
without sounding incredibly corny,
but it is amazing.
I mean, here we are,
traveling halfway around the world
to help out a bunch of half-starved
and oppressed human beings,
I mean, I am right there,
you know what I mean?
Please make sure your seatbelts
are securely fastened.
We will be landing in Bangkok
in approximately seven minutes.
Bangkok already.
Well, we've been talking now
for my,
10 hours, 22 minutes.
Kent
I'm really lucky to be assigned with you.
You know, Beth,
we're going to be awfully
busy once we get to
- Loong ta.
- Loong ta, yes, of course.
What say we
You and I
take the first night out
just for ourselves?
A bit of dinner, maybe a few drinks,
and then see a little bit of the city?
There really is only one
thing we haven't shared.
Very funny.
Thank you just the same.
Beth, now we've been
moony-eyed since Istanbul,
why fight it?
Kent, why are you doing this?
I thought we were becoming friends.
Well, this is what I do with my friends.
You mean, you've just been
trying to go to bed with me?
Well, I think I've put
in the hours, don't you?
You are the most crass,
arrogant human being I have
ever met in my life!
Hold that thought for
just one minute. Tammy!
Tammy
How would you like to see a bit of
Bangkok with me this evening
Have a little dinner, maybe a
few drinks, then who knows?
- My god!
- I'd love to, Lawrence, but I'm engaged.
Come on, Larry, let's get a move on it.
- Lawrence?
- I didn't tell you, did I?
Lawrence Bourne III.
You see, Kent and I had to change places,
nasty matter of a
large-scale gambling debt
By the way, you were right about him,
Just get out of my way,
you you Ivy league
Schlemiel!
I think you're taking the narrow view.
But, I guess
I should've known
Just another sexually-repressed,
guilt-ridden Jewish maid,
running off to hide in the peace
corps so she won't have to face men.
What did I say?
Augustus Clay, Betty cronk, -
Steve Jones,
rozie rousse, Betty cronk,
I want you kids to stow your
gear to the rear of the air
Aircraft.
Hello.
Welcome to thaild.
- What?
- Welcome?
I'm John Reynolds, with the
American agriculture mission.
I help out with the new arrivals.
- Welcome to Bangkok.
- Thank you.
- I'm with the peace corps, Beth.
- Beth Wexler.
- Right.
- You've come a long way from home, Beth.
The least I could do is know your name.
Come on, sugar.
Jesus h. Christ,
we must be a mile from the sun.
Pardon me.
Excuse me. I'm just
going by height of course,
- but, are you in charge here?
- Yes, John Reynolds.
Lawrence Bourne III, Johnny.
Bourne, I've got a telegram for you.
- Last chance.
- Over my dead body.
Interesting.
You must have some friends in
pretty high places, Bourne.
Well, we do consider
Washington our general store.
Damndest thing I ever saw
training waived, location approval.
Just like that, you're
officially in the peace corps.
Beth.
Hey! John,
John, John,
this is ridiculous,
really, I am obviously
not of peace corps fiber.
It's not that I can't help these people,
it's just that I don't want to.
Looking at you, I think two years
in loong ta might do you some good.
Hi, Tom tuttle from Tacoma, Washington.
- Ere do we saddle up for loong ta?
- He's going, too?
- Hey, Larry.
- I'll be taking you all by chopper.
Chopper, holy cow! I call
shotgun on this one.
I got dibbs on that, Larry, sorry.
- Tom tuttle, Tacoma, Washington.
- Hi, Beth.
- Are you going to loong ta?
- Loong ta? I'll give you a hand over here.
- That's great!
- I'm stationed with him?
John, for what I'm about to
do, you should be ashamed.
I'd like to go home, please?
Please, can I go home? Just let me go home.
Can I go home?
Loong ta is one of the
most primitive villages
in the golden triangle. If we
get a bridge across that river,
it'd change the villagers' life 100 fold.
We want you three to concentrate
on the building of that bridge.
Tom will obviously be in charge of that.
You'll also find we've
laid in all the equipment
you'll need for the job
Cables, saws,
axes, blueprints
You name it.
Is this on?
In a week, I'll have that
town running like Pittsburgh.
Now, the jungle's pretty dense.
I wouldn't wander too far from the
village, there's commie guerrillas nearby.
You'll also hear talk about
an old Chinese warlord-
black marketeer, who runs
the whole upper river.
We better not take any chances, then.
We'll run up an American flag.
That ought to scare them.
You're just gonna
have to rely on each other.
Go peace corps, go!
What lovely flowers!
- Opium poppies.
- Poppies.
Poppies.
Well, hello.
Hello. Hello, there.
Yes, yes, Lawrence Bourne III.
I whistle a happy tune,
so let me entertain you?
That's right, that's right.
Rich American?
Yale, 1962. I bet
you're impressed, aren't you?
Hello, hello.
There you are.
Yes, very good.
Say, listen, how were the
crops this year?
Good rainy season?
Plenty of moisture?
We're now approaching the
ceremonial gates to the village.
This is al po. He is
the elder of loong ta.
He's my god,
he's blind!
Well, we're too late to help him.
Maybe the next generation.
Helen Keller was once asked
whether she'd rather have her
hearing or her sight restored.
She said her hearing,
'cause being deaf is so lonely.
You're one
lucky guy. Yes, you.
He looks so wise, so old.
He's probably 30.
Let me tell you this.
In his whole life,
he never set foot on the
other side of that river.
We've gotta build that bridge, then,
- if for no other reason.
- Everything's taken care of here.
They've even prepared a
couple of huts for you.
Other than that, you're on your own.
- You're not going right now, are you?
- I'll be back in a month.
My work is done here
Or maybe sooner.
If y'all need me, you got the radio.
Until then, vaya con dios.
Goodbye!
We're gonna miss his wit around here.
Look out, loong ta, here we come.
Well, honey, we're home.
Please.
Well, hello there.
Well, now whom do you know?
This is the nicest hut in town.
River exposure?
A view of the swamp.
Tuttle and I are in it.
I'm busy.
I can see. I'm the main attraction
from 5:00 to 7:00 tonight.
Beth
I am not going to apologize
for trying to make you. I
do have my principles,
but, I guess
I was just a tad deceitful,
and, in that case, I do deserve
a firm slap on the wrist.
Lawrence, if I accept your apology,
that's also accepting
the fact that you're here.
I don't plan to do that.
It's a small village, but, if we're
lucky, we'll keep missing each other.
And maybe I'll have dinner
with you on the plane home.
Spunk.
Coffee.
Yes
Thailand.
All right,
quiet down, quiet down, please.
Quiet down, settle everyone.
Good morning, good morning.
I am Tom tuttle.
Tom tuttle.
Tom tuttle.
Good. We
Will build
A bridge
Bridge.
Bridge
build bridge..
Blidge.
Bridge, good.
All right,
this is good.
Now, we're going to use
that wood there, the teakwood there.
Yes. No, no, it's good wood.
That listen to me
That is very good wood.
And we will chop, op, chop the wood.
Where are you going?
Where are you
Come back here.
I have not dismissed you yet.
The
The psychological motivation
course you took
Did you find that on the
back of a matchbook cover?
I don't understand it.
I explained the bridge,
everything was a-okay.
Then I mentioned the teakwood we'd be
using and they went heathen on me.
The problem is you're an asshole.
All right, let's not get personal.
Who said that?
It should've been me.
You're an asshole, peace corps guy.
You can't cut down those trees.
They're sacred. The spirit
that guards the village
live in those trees.
Don't they teach you nothing?
He might be just a marvelous mimic.
You speak english?
As good as him.
You better pick another set of trees,
'cause no one touches those, champ.
- Champ?
- Champ?
- Who are you?
- I'm at toon.
I spent four years in
American school in Bangkok,
I'm the sharpest thing
this village ever seen,
so they sent me.
Big deal.
- Less headaches here.
- Astonishing.
Believe it, hot rod.
That wood is teak wood.
- Yeah?
- The strongest fiber we can find.
If we can finish building this bridge,
you won't need to worry
about spirits, little man.
Why do you guys think you can come here
and turn everything upside down?
This is not American city
where you put up an empire state building
over a weekend, you know?
We have a certain way
of doing things here.
We don't rush, rush, rush.
These are my kind of people.
All right, there's some wood over
there that looks fairly sturdy.
All right!
All of you! Yo!
Speak english!
More walking, less talking.
At!
Lawrence Bourne III, ugly American.
You, I like.
He'll be awhile.
You smoke?
This wouldn't be the dung
of one of your ancestors, now would it?
Hello.
It's okay, it's okay.
Now, I take the four aces,
and put them back in the
middle of the deck.
Where do they go,
you ask? Well,
watch.
Where are the aces, you ask?
Well
Ace, Ace, Ace, Ace.
Thank you. I'd like
to thank lady bertrand Russell
for teaching me that trick as
well as one or two others.
Yeah!
This is perfect.
This is what you build Bridges of.
I like this.
I like this.
You're a big kitty-cat.
Yes, you are.
What a big cat.
See? Friend.
Look. A big mouse.
Very nice here.
Good, good kitty.
Okay, baby.
Okay, 'atta babe.
Stay there. Yes,
you a big cat.
You
Damn! Trapped in a
tiger trap by a tiger.
This could be a setback.
Boy, am I glad to see you.
Tom tuttle, from Tacoma,
Washington, pleased to meet you.
All right, gentlemen.
It is my deal;
Blackjack is the game.
Place your bets.
Guys, wait.
Take it easy now.
We have all night.
All right, here we go.
All right.
Who needs a card?
No one? Well, dealer pulls ho!
Mighty tough to beat. Let's
see what we have here.
Blackjack! A winner,
Blackjack, a winner.
Blackjack, a winner,
Blackjack
Blackjack
What's going on here?
We learn fast in this town.
You owe me.
All right, back, back, back
Double or nothing, redeal, come on.
Come on, come on.
I'm gonna keep my eye
on you douchebags this time.
Lawrence, Tom hasn't come back yet.
I think he's missing.
Guys you know Beth Wexler.
-
- The guys, they say hi.
I'm really worried. I think
we should go find him.
By going out in the jungle at night?
No, no, no.
Fine, I'll go myself.
Why don't you just relax, Beth?
I'm sure Tom
just went skinny-dipping in the river,
- and discovered himself.
- I'm gonna call John.
That's a good idea. Have him bring the
flash and the green hornet in on the case.
I should've known better
than to come to you.
All right, now,
the name of this next game
is new england baseball.
What it is, is regular five-card stud
except deuces are wild for white men.
Well now, who the hell are you?
I wish
to get into your game.
Well, that'd be all right by me,
but gee, the rest of the fellows
don't look too excited.
Lawrence
Asshole
I wish to get into the game.
You're in, you're in.
You put up some of that fruit salad,
and I'll put up a comb. You
ever seen one of these?
Asshole! Do you know
who you're talking to?
That's chung mee. He
runs the black market.
He runs everything.
He comes into this village,
we give him whatever he
wants, he is a motherfucker.
This is the black marketeer?
Mr. mee!
Lawrence Bourne III.
I really must apologize for my rudeness,
although the hair does look ridiculous.
I didn't know who you were.
But I've heard an awful lot about you.
I was just graduated
from Yale, class of '62
Jeez you didn't
let me finish.
Don't kill me! I
haven't had a woman yet!
What a break this is, at,
meeting him face to face
and getting taken right to his home.!
I'm not gonna let him off easy, I'm
gonna ask for a major share of the pie.
- They say he has a testicle collection.
- He's not gonna hurt us.
If he wanted to kill us, we would
have been dead on the spot.
- Well, maybe he didn't like us enough to do that.
- No, no, at,
- this is capitalism at its most prime.
- What's capitalism?
At, sometimes you Asian
people just slay me, really.
Glorioski.
I'm going, I'm going!
Don't say nothing, Lawrence.
Don't say nothing!
They wanna use me like a woman.
You'll just have to show
'em you can take it like a man.
The bridge you are building
When will it be completed?
The bridge?
You're interested in
In our bridge.
Permit me.
As I said, it would be
very difficult to say.
We do have a very fine young
man working on it right now,
but why do you want to know?
Opium is my business.
The bridge mean more traffic.
More traffic mean more business.
More business mean more money.
More money mean more power.
Well, before I commit
any of that to memory,
would there be anything in this for me?
Speed is important in business.
- Time is money.
- You said opium was money.
Money is money, - well,
then what is time again?
When bridge is completed,
you can have whatever you need.
I see.
And they told me to go on those
business interviews at Yale.
Well, gosh, first of all,
I would like to run
everything in loong ta.
Then, whenever I was ready,
passage back to Bangkok
and an airline ticket
back to the United States.
And this is hardly worth mentioning,
but, 28
$48,000 in cash.
I have some library books
that are overdue.
- Nice knowing you.
- I want bridge finished in six weeks.
Or you are finished in seven.
You're going along with that?
Hey! -
No problem, commander,
the bridge is yours.
You are mine.
Well, it's only fair.
Business is completed.
After business come pleasure.
Pleasure is also my business.
- For me?
- If I say yes and not no.
- You want me to translate?
- No, no, I got that one,
it's a little incentive, isn't it?
You are a slyboots,
you really.
Hello, hi.
Lawrence Bourne III, junior partner.
You must be
What it means is su-ru-sirre.
- Pardon me?
- What it means is su-ru-sirre.
I'm sorry, what?
Lucille, her name is Lucille.
Lucille. Now
that's highly erotic.
I love Lucille. Tell me, how
did you get a name like that?
With mama's engrish.
- What?
- That is her name?
- She's staying for dinner, of course.
- Yes, but you are leaving.
But I just got here.
What do you see in him?
Are you some sort of a
chubby chaser or something?
Lucille is my bodyguard.
She does not like it when
my orders are questioned.
Thank god my fly was zipped.
Thank you for dinner and not killing us.
Glad to be aboard,
Lucille, any night of the week, I'm free.
Did I mention that back
home I drive a corvette?
Nothing can stop that boy now.
When the task is done,
you may deal with him.
Do you think you can
find Tom with the helicopter?
We'd never spot him from up there.
What about organizing a search party?
I'll be honest with you, Beth,
I'm figuring on the worst.
There's a lot of ways into that jungle,
and precious few ways out.
So we just give up?
Keep on what you're doing,
Beth. That's best.
Bourne's a sharp fellow,
and, you know, I got a feeling
he'll come through for you.
Bourne?
He's useless.
He's probably down at the river right now
paying the young girls
to wash themselves.
This bridge is going to last forever.
Your children, and your
children's children
will use it and remember you.
In America, Bridges are monuments.
People come from all over to visit them,
to admire them, to end
their lives off them.
Now you people are so gosh darn lucky
to have this opportunity.
Gosh darn
Take advantage of it.
Seize it.
And work quickly.
Thank you.
Lawrence, Lawrence, Lawrence
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Good morning. I just
put a stick in the ground.
John, welcome back to our
little corner of the world.
Is your chin getting bigger?
Can't you just stay a day or two?
Well, I wish I could. I
really do, but Mike and me
been so goll darn busy these days.
I get lonely. There's nobody
here I can really talk to
Especially Lawrence.
- Who's Mike?
- Mike's my knife.
We been traveling together
ever since I was 16.
A good companion, Mike.
- Your knife.
- Beth
Words come hard for a fellow like me,
but my heart soared when
you radioed last night.
I been thinking about you ever
since you walked off that plane.
Really? I didn't
know you cared at all.
Beth, there's a lot of things I
want to tell you about myself.
I - there's a lot
of things I want to know.
When we get back, we're gonna
make the time, you and us.
- Us?
- Mike.
Yes, Mike.
Until then, I brought you
a little something
I'd like you to keep near your heart.
It's a present,
just from me to you.
It's a Burmese prince.
There's kind of an art store in Bangkok
that specializes in these type things.
I go there a lot.
When you're in the city,
I'd love to take you through the place.
Well, thank you.
Thank you.
This is really unexpected.
See that Mike?
I knew she'd like it.
Tom tuttle from Tacoma,
do you know where you are?
My guess is I'm in the clutches
of the angry pink menace.
I am souvanna.
We will be spending much time together.
You'll get nothing from me but my scorn.
Tom, this is the people's army.
From here, we strike out and
bring hope to the oppressed,
the oppressed who are still slaves
to running-dog, foul-breathed,
capitalist vermin like yourself.
We exist only to spread the word.
Tom tuttle from Tacoma
- You will be brainwashed.
- Me?
America's son?!
That will be a challenge.
You bet.
Our enemies are all those
in league with imperialism.
The bureaucrats, the big landlord class
and the reactionary section of the
inteligentsia attached to them.
Very good, Tom. You quote
the chairman well.
Ouenemies are all around us.
We must always be on our guard.
Sure, we'll lose a lot of
snooze time, but that's okay.
- We'll catch up after the revolution's over.
- That's enough, Tom.
The leading force behind our revolution
is the industrial proletariat.
Our closest friends are the
entire semi-proletariat
- and the petty bourgeoisie.
- That's enough.
- But there's so much more.
- I said that's enough!
The time has come
to tell you your mission.
- My mission. I'd like that very much, comrade.
- Good.
Tom, the bridge you were building
for the lying, malignant,
snake-infested peace corps,
That bridge is important to us.
It gives us an easy
access across the river.
We can drive our brand-new
people's truck across it,
and plaster the words of the chairman
on every tree, rock, and animal
- for miles until we run out of the people's gas.
- Yes!
You, Tom tuttle of Tacoma,
are going to ensure that
that bridge is built,
and that no one in loong ta
interferes with our plans.
In a week,
I'll have that village
running like Peking.
And if someo does stand in your way?
That's enough, Tom.
Enough!
Enough, enough, enough.
The bridge that couldn't be built.
Well, I say "bullshit" to that.
A bridge is nothing when you've
got strong arms, strong backs,
guts, determination, courage
Break!
Take a break.
Take a break?
Wait a minute,
you had a break not two
hours ago, now come on,
hey, hey, Beth, now
Beth, I'm surprised at you.
You're supposed to be
setting an example here.
I don't mind telling you
I'm just a little shocked.
Shut up.
You know, I'm killing myself.
You don't even want to be here and
everything comes so easy for you.
Well, I wouldn't necessarily say that.
How did you learn to speak thai?
I have to communicate, don't I?
You know what your problem is, Beth?
You just take things so seriously,
I mean, who says it has to be so tough?
J.f.k.?
Has he ever done this?
I think not.
You leave him out of this.
I came here to do a job,
something I believe in, the
peace corps helping people.
You're only here
because you're running away.
Beth, nothing is fair.
Wake up and smell the river.
Now, you wanna get this log moved?
First of all, let's get
some more men down here.
Now, the easy way.
Come stand where I'm standing.
Come on, come on.
Now, with great conviction,
say the following
What did I say?
"Move this log, and I'll
sleep with each one of you."
The easy way.
Well, I'm back.
Did you miss me?
Tom! Tom!
Where'd you go? We thought you were dead.
Are you all right?
Me?
I'm okay.
I'm a-okay!
I'm Jim dandy.
A-number one, that's me.
Got a little lost, that's all.
Took the opportunity to give
myself a jungle survival course.
As always, I'm the better for it.
Now I'm back,
and able to build that doggone bridge!
I'm back!
It's open.
It's always open.
Miss Wexler,
Lawrence Bourne III requests
Requests the pleasure of your company
on this special occasion.
Would you come with me?
Go where?
For what?
I'm not allowed to say.
No, no, no
Come on
Be a g guy.
Come on.
- This better be good.
- Yeah, yeah.
Welcome.
I call it Lawrence's.
I don't believe it.
Even from you.
It was actually much easier
than you would imagine.
How did you get -
just a few connections,
a little elbow grease is all, and voila,
loong ta's first public service.
Are you as proud of me as I am?
Can I get you a drink?
Wait a minute, I don't get this.
What's this for?
It's for a job well done, of course.
I've got Johnny Walker, Jim beam,
Jack Daniels. The gang's all here.
- You've got liquor?
- And wine.
The house white is a
delightfully articulate chablis.
I haven't seen a tube of
toothpaste in two weeks,
and you have a bar.
Good nig, Lawrence.
How about a coke?
You have a coke?
Cherry, lemon, vanilla
Or plain?
Plain.
A plain coke.
You have more than earned it.
God
That is fantastic.
I miss these so much.
To friends?
Now
Would you care to dance?
Sam, try that again.
Well, here we are.
I'm having such a good time.
So am I.
Would you
Like to come inside?
No, I don't think so, not tonight.
What?
You see, if I go in there,
I'm going to be tempted
to make a pass at you,
and that's not what you want.
- It isn't?
- No, it isn't.
I like you very much, Beth.
All I ask
Is that you just give me a little chance.
- Good night.
- Good night.
John has come marching home.
John you scared
the hell out of me.
You wanted to know all about me, Beth.
- Tonight's the night.
- John, the clown outfit aside,
- I don't think this is very funny.
- This is no clown outfit,
this is my business suit.
- I beg your pardon?
- Things are starting to happen, Beth,
and I want you at my side when they do.
There's more to me than a
pencil-pushing aggy advisor.
You see, Beth,
I'm not with the rinky-dinky peace corps.
I'm with the company, the a-team.
- You might know it as the c.I.A.
- John
Listen, I like the fact
that you're quiet,
why do you feel you have to play
these weird little jokes on me?
You're not listening to me.
Your John is in charge
of a joint operation
to eliminate the communist
element in that jungle.
The bridge y'all built will
make it a much easier task.
You'll have nothing to worry about, though.
You'll be safe.
Me and Mike'll see to that.
Now come on, Beth, how can you
resist a man in a uniform?
- You're crazy.
- I have to be to outsmart those little pink pagans.
They're gonna be shocked
out of their sarongs.
When they see what we've
got in store for them.
Operation red-belly, Beth.
Operation red-belly.
Very soon, a convoy of trucks is gonna
roll over that bridge y'all built.
And once this spot is leveled,
this village will become an
airstrip, a lair, if you will,
from which we'll be able
to strike at all hot spots
all up and down the delta.
Strong, swift strikes.
One after another.
Again, again
And again.
Where's that Burmese prince I gave you?
I looked through your drawers
and I couldn't find it.
- John, get out of my way.
- Where are you going?
To radio Bangkok. It's for your own good,
you might have malaria or something.
Beth, please
- Don't push me now.
- Don't touch me!
You touch me, and you and
Mike will get 20 years each.
Beth, I must tell you in all candor,
I don't like what I'm hearing.
It's only chloroform.
Beth, honey, you're amongst friends.
Poor Lawrence.
Poor, poor Lawrence.
I, Tom tuttle, of Tacoma, Washington,
hereby declare this bridge
officially open.
How do you like that, Lawrence?
Can you believe I never had lesson?
Where the hell is she?
I haven't seen her anywhere.
Did you speak with her today?
- Who?
- Beth!
Beth? No, I haven't
seen her all day.
That doesn't make sense.
It's way after dark,
she could be lost, maybe
Maybe an animal got her,
maybe the commies got her
There's plenty of places she could be.
At, you are lying to me.
I can tell, your eyes are getting round.
- Get outta here!
- All right, where is she?
Careful, I know the art of kickboxing.
- I know. Where is Beth?
- Okay, okay.
But you're not gonna like this.
I saw Beth last night,
she went into the jungle with John.
Bullshit, with
- You saw them go together?
- She's no good for you, big guy.
You have more important
things to care about.
Yourself.
She led me on.
She led me on,
and then she lets that
weedwhacker diddle her,
that easy bitch!
You know, when you think about it,
there's a lot to be said with
just playing with yourself.
Our enemies are in league
with imperialism.
Imperialism is colonialism.
Colonialism is the
exploitation of the people.
Forget about her, tiger.
You got bigger fish to fry.
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna go back to Bangkok,
and I'm gonna find a phone,
and then I'm gonna call her
parents in New York City collect.
I'm gonna tell them their daughter is
sleeping with a gentile from Texas.
You had enough to drink, Larry.
I'm celebrating now.
Chung mee, you shouldn't have.
Hold your worm, asshole.
You're better off with Beth. That
Lucille is bad news on wheels.
Take our money and send her away!
$48,000.
All that great, green American currency.
Hey, look at this!
I'll show you what this is
for later on this evening.
And the yes,
the plane ticket home.
Coach?! that
cheap bastard.
My god, I certainly hope
you don't wear contact lenses.
Right, right.
That feels so good what you're doing.
- Asshole!
- At, get out of here now!
Awfully sorry about that. You
really have to excuse him.
He's just jealous.
You see,
he's never had a woman,
and I have to confess,
it's been quite some time
since I've had one myself,
so I hope you don't mind
if it takes me five, six,
seven, eight times
for me to get my legs back.
Larry, I
- Larry, you have to listen to me.
- Shit!
- I she's but wait
- I had more privacy at Yale.
Get out!
That twit has officially broken the mood.
Whatso I get ourselves a drink?
What's your pleasure?
Boilermaker.
My kind of woman.
Say, have you ever actually
slept with chung mee?
He must be hung like a cocktail frank.
That would certainly explain his
less-than-social behavior.
What say you become a bodyguard of mine?
Not that I really
need one, but
Jesus, at!
What was that? Hey!
- I think I'm getting closer.
- She was trying to kill me.
- Were you trying to kill me?
- You know the problem? I think I'm left-footed.
Nobody tries to kill me
and comes that close.
Yankee blood
Dead meat.
If you touch her Beth is a goner.
- How do you know she said that?
- I'm oriental.
Yeah
Beth is a goner?
You told me Beth was with John.
Now what is John doing with chung mee?
He must be in cahoots with him.
I bet they have some big deal
going, and somehow Beth found out
so he had to take her away to
make sure she doesn't tell.
That would mean that
Beth doesn't like John!
God, that is a relief.
Lawrence, Beth is in deep shit!
I realize that.
Shouldn't one of us be
saying, "let's go save her?"
Who goes there?
Who goes there?
It's Lawrence. It's me,
it's Lawrence.
What are you doing here?
Guarding my bridge, that's all.
Can we pry you away from it
for just an hour or two?
It seems that Beth is in the
clutches of some Chinese warlord.
At and I are going up river to save her
and reluctantly, we need your help.
That would mean I would
have to leave my bridge.
- No, you could take it with you.
- I can't do that!
I can't do that, no.
My mission is here.
Fine. If I get
out of this alive,
I'm never leaving the east coast again.
At, did you knock out
Lucille and tie her up?
No, she did it herself.
- You should've been there.
- I can't believe this.
I'm risking my life
for a long island Princess
who thinks motives are more
important than actions,
father would be appalled.
- Doggone it, I must be doing the right thing.
- Larry, be quiet.
We're right under the walls. We
don't want to disturb the guards.
I bow to your expertise.
What do you see?
I see the holding area.
That's probably where
they're keeping her.
Any guards?
A couple of those fat guys.
Kiss, kiss.
Lawrence
God, you are heavy for an Asian.
So, what's your plan?
- What plan?
- You said you were working on a plan.
- I lied.
- Of course.
I do have an idea.
All we have to do
is distract the guards,
then sneak in and get Beth.
You just come up with that
off the top of your head?
It's my responsibility,
so I'll take the hard part.
- I'll get Beth.
- So, what do I do?
It's obvious, isn't it?
Those guards
They like you.
You just approach them,
and, I don't know, bum a smoke
from them or something,
- and before you know it
- Those those guards?!
- No way, hotrod!
- Come on.
Are you that unsure of your masculinity?
I'd like to keep what I got.
Hiya, fellas.
It's a heck of a night.
Got a smoke?
You guys come here a lot?
Yours is a difficult task.
When you step on one ant,
you allow his brother to go around you.
I appreciate your concern, chung mee,
but I assure you, when we
get done with red-belly,
there won't be one goddamn red ant left.
We all must do what we must do.
For if we do not,
- then what we must do does not get done.
- You betcha.
Well, at 0700 hours tomorrow
we roll across that bridge
and secure the area.
And after that,
you'll be free to fly your opium
in any direction you want.
You'll be international, chung mee.
The well is deep.
I wish you well.
Beth?
My god
I had visions of you stripped
naked and chained to a wall.
Imagine my disappointment.
Lawrence, hi.
- You found me.
- Yes.
Shit!
Lawrence
Come on, kiss my little piggy.
Lawrence?
Me and Mike'll make you
forget that no-account,
liver-lipped, milk-toast,
scrawny, pencil-necked geek.
You're gonna love me, Beth,
if I got to keep you
doped up from
Here to armageddon and a day.
- Yikes.
- Bourne.
Well now, you're the last person
- I thought I'd see coming to save Beth.
- So
The surprise worked.
Now, you're gonna have to disappear.
Well, I'm going to do my best.
Kill, kill!
Damn!
You can't do this to me. I'm very
rich, and I have certain rights.
Shit! You ain't nothing now, boy.
You really thought
you was gonna come up
here and save this girl?
You just a smart-talking
little piece of turd.
You been taking up space.
Say your prayers, boy.
Larry!
- Fool with me Good timing, at!
- Thank you.
Come over here, we have
get her out of here.
Come on, come on, Barbie.
This little piggy stayed home.
- This little piggy had roast beef.
- Put her over my shoulder.
- Way to go.
- This little piggy had none.
And this little piggy
went, "wee!"
- It's dark in here.
- All the way home.
I saw this once on route 66.
Let's go, let's go!
- Which way do we go?
- Surprise me.
- Go!
- At!
Come on, Mike.
We got work to do.
A leopard.
I want you people to
spread out and find these folks,
do you understand? And I want you
to bring that girl back alive.
Move, goddamn it!
Yeah!
I'm sure I came through this way.
Nope. Well, this one
Looks all the same to me.
Oops, sorry.
Sorry, chung mee, I've never
been so embarrassed.
Larry, wait for me!
Larry, if we get out of here
alive, I'm gonna kill you.
Well, take a numbe
Howdy-do.
Look, all right now
If Mr. mee were here,
or if I were mee
I would be the first to say
that this is nothing more
than a grave misunderstanding.
Quite simply, it's
Here we go again.
- At!
- Okay, okay, go!
Go, go, go!
It's the river!
- I can't do it.
- It's not like it takes a lot of skill.
My head is swimming.
That's a start.
Wee!
- This is wet!
- At! Where's at?
- I'm under you, Larry.
- Downstream.
Back to loong ta. Where'd
we leave the damn boat?
Our bridge
Our beloved bridge
At, are you all right,
my pathetic little pal?
I'm fine.
So, I die before I ever have a woman.
I helped build a bridge,
some fat guys touched me
I've had a full life, Larry.
If you want to enjoy any more of
it, we'd better get out of here
before chung mee and his friends return.
At sun-up all hell is gonna break loose.
Sun-up?
And they busted the radio?
Jesus, there's nothing we can do.
- It's too late.
- It's just one of those days, I guess.
I'm gonna get my dope,
what's left of my booze,
you know, the essentials.
- I'm taking my grandfather.
- Fine, fine.
Just pack some of this hooch into
his jumper for me, will you?
What about our genuine persian carpet?
I don't care, just tear it down.
We can always wrap it up
around your grandfather.
Tear it down
Of course
We have the dynamite, we'll
just blow the bridge to bits.
Beth, we are in a hurry here.
Blow it to bits.
That's a brilliant idea!
We'll show those warmongers that the
people won't stand for their tyranny.
Wait a minute Beth, no, no
- yes, yes, yes.
- No, no at, tell her it can't be done.
- It should've been done in the first place.
- Right!
- I'll help you, Beth.
- Thank you, at.
- I said no!
- Put me down!
- No, I'm not gonna let you!
- Why?
Because I love you.
Who said that?
If you love me, you'll help me.
I know I didn't say that.
Lawrence, you can't have me
unless we blow up the bridge.
Okay, fine, I'll blow
up your silly bridge.
- God knows I've done crazier things.
- No, wait.
Lawrence
I'm sorry. I know
that you think
the right thing can be
done for the wrong reason.
But for me, motives are important.
You can't be part of this if
you're doing it for yourself.
What have you learned, Dorothy?
Okay. I'm not just blowing
up the bridge for me,
I'm blowing it up
for you, and for you, at,
and for grandfather, and the people, and
America, and the universe, all right?
But please, now, let's just
blow up the goddamn bridge!
- You really do love me.
- Yes, I do. Can we go now?
- Right away.
- Thank you. Thank you very much.
- What's so funny?
- Nothing.
They weren't too wild about the
bridge in the first place.
Joy.
All right, now
What say we get the dynamite down
to the river, and let's hurry.
Dust to dust, if we must, we must.
Tom! Tom!
Fools! Yankee
imperialist swine!
Running-dog lackey!
Capitalist vermin!
Foul-breathed, counter-
revolutionary terrorists! -
You didn't actually think I'd let
you get away with this, did you?
Hey, tuttle!
This is my birthday. What do you say
you let me blow out that candle?
I'm not afraid to die.
Not for a cause!
Not for a cause!
Sure, there'll be
some things I'll miss
Tuna fish casserole with
little potato chips on top.
And Sandra Dee.
I always loved Sandra Dee.
I've never told anyone that before.
And I know that one day, she
would leave Bobby Darin for me.
I just know that she'd do that.
But that day will never be, now.
Happy birthday, Larry!
I've had all I can take!
I'm gonna relight this
and shove it down his pants!
- What's wrong? Your trying kill us.
- The masses!
The masses must unite! The more the
masses unite, the better we are.
The people's army must
become one with the people
so they can see it as their own.
Such an army would be invincible.
All right, stop it, stop it!
I'll read the book, I'll see the film,
I'll wash the people's truck.
I'll do whatever you want!
It was the commies!
It was the commies!
They wanted the bridge,
they wanted
See, I just wanted a little
snooze time, that's all.
Just a little nap every now
and they kept talking to me,
and talking and talking. I
challenged myself to resist,
- but who was I kidding?
- Tom, what are you talking about?
- Let's hit him again.
- The commies! The commies!
The commies are coming. They're gonna
take over the village, and the bridge.
And I helped them do it!
How's this gonna look on my resume?
Peace corps, 1962. Handed
village over to the communists.
Who's gonna hire me?
Why can't everyone
leave this place alone?
Never mind!
It's almost dawn.
I don't think we have time
to wire the entire bridge.
You don't have to.
One charge of dynamite
placed strategically
in the middle of the bridge,
and the whole thing will collapse.
Those dirty red bastards
They'll never take loong ta.
No, not as long
as there's freedom
And justice
And Tom tuttle from Tacoma, Washington.
Come on, come on!
Let's go!
We'll split off right here.
We'll keep these going all the way down.
Hurry, hurry!
Go, go!
Over here!
Hurry!
Where's the wire?
Out of my way!
Give me the wire!
Shit!
Tom, listen!
Hurry, hurry!
Nice bridge, wasn't it?
- Very nice.
- Blow it!
What have I done?
You screwed it up!
What's wrong?
I don't know. Everything's a-okay.
Must be a loose connection
- Give me the strippers, I'll go.
- Lawrence!
- Got it.
- Don't move, not an inch.
Bourne, this is the end of the line.
You make one move towards me,
and I'll signal my friends down there
and they'll blow us both
to kingdom come, and
- Hey, wait a minute
- I'll tell you what I'm gonna do
I'm gonna kill you, I'm gonna skin you,
and I'm gonna use your
shinbone for a pencilbox.
Ain't nobody around this time, Bourne.
It's just you, me
And Mike.
- Well, that's fair.
- Stand up.
You know, there never was a time
when brains didn't triumph over brawn.
Let's see what you got, boy.
I've got brains.
- Is that a Russian mig-25?
- Where?
Darn!
Hit it!
Lawrence
where's Lawrence?
- Lawrence?
- My god!
Out of the way.
- Lawrence.
- Asshole?
Lawrence.
Dear mother and father,
I never thought I'd say this to you,
but thanks, thanks a bunch.
The peace corps has changed my life.
I've learned the true
meaning of self-reliance,
commitment, and yes, even caring
for another human being.
Now, for the first time in my
life, I'm doing the right thing,
and for the right reasons.
I'm opening a casino, dad.
It's called Lawrence's, after me.
And this is just the beginning.
Night elephant races,
professional kickboxing
- It's going to be my kind of town.
- Lawrence! Lawrence!
Well, I've got to run. Time
is opium money.
Your loving son, blah,
blah, blah, Lawrence.