Cut his ass.
- [ Grunting ] | - Go ! Now let's go !
[ Shouting ]
- Heads up ! | - [ Grunting ]
[ Man ] Take him down ! | That's it, that's it !
- Hey, Coach, how you been ? | - [ Laughing ] Lynn Swann.
Now, why ain't l surprised...
to see you snoopin' around my | football field first day of practice ?
Well, that's because you got | a good-lookin' football team.
Maybe good enough to add another | national championship trophy | to the old case downstairs.
That's kinda like my old man | told me one time, Lynn.
''The only thing better than a crawfish | dinner is five crawfish dinners.''
Hey, here comes | the shithead.
lt's clean.
lt's cold.
Now that's what l call | high-quality H2O. Oh !
Ooh ! | Right in the head !
lt's over there !
any unused magic in that | legendary green playbook of yours, Red ?
l may have a couple | squirrelled away in there...
for a rainy day.
[ players Yelling ]
See what we got here.
- Not exactly what l'd call | constructive criticism. | - [ Whistle Blowing ]
- Smell like you could use | a shower, stinky. | - Oh !
Listen, you-you could think what you | want a-about my personal hygiene,
but, please, | don't-don't waste any water.
That-That's bad policy. lf you | need to amuse yourself at my expense,
just-just rough me up | or something.
- Fair enough. | - [ Groaning ]
- [ Laughter ] | - [ Sighing ]
[ Waterboy Mumbling ]
Laski, get over here !
- Yes, sir, Coach ? | - [ Sighing ]
What is that moron | doin' here ? Huh, huh ?
Didn't l tell you as plain as l could | speak to get rid of his ass last year ?
Yes, sir, but l didn't think | you were serious, Coach. | Besides, he does a great job.
Disrupting my football team, | you idiot ?
Eighteen years of this | is enough !
Hey, Waterboy !
Yes, Mr Coach Beaulieu !
You're fired !
Okay.
[ Man ] | Get out of the way, you moron !
When l was just | a little boy
l stood up to | my daddy's knee
My papa said, son | don't let the man get ya
and do what he done to me
- Born on the bayou | - Oh.
Born on the bayou
Bobby Boucher, | come give your mama a kiss.
- Hi, Steve. | - [ Braying ]
Oh. Why you home so early, | my precious angel ?
Mama, s-somethin' bad | happened today.
Somebody hurt you, my boy ? Who hurt | you ? You tell Mama who hurt you.
Nobody, Mama. | lt's just that...
l lost my position as the team's | water distribution engineer.
Why, that's the best news | l heard in a dog's age.
Now you be able to spend your days | at home where you belong.
Yes, but--
l-l was-- l was thinkin', Mama, | maybe l-l could--
l could try to-to get another | waterboy job for-for a different team.
Don't you raise your voice | to me, Bobby Boucher.
l-l wasn't raising | my voice, Mama.
l don't like confrontation | 'cause l'm a Virgo.
Who told you | you was a Virgo ?
Vicki Vallencourt, | that-that-that-that girl.
a girl ?
Bobby Boucher ! Don't you remember | what your mama told you about girls ?
l remember, Mama.
a girl was so nice out at | Wasser's Creek this morning.
- Really ? | - We looked for crawfish together. | Her's name's Vicki.
l don't ever want you | associatin' with little girls.
- Why not, Mama ? | - Because little girls are the devil !
Mama, it-it's just | that l'm a waterboy.
The team gets thirsty, | and l bring them the water.
They-They need the water, and l likes | to be the one that brings it to them.
Yeah. They like to give you a boot | in the patoot for all your trouble.
Bobby, you don't have what they call | ''the social skills.''
people don't understand you. | That's why you never have any | friends, except for your mama.
all l know is this, Jimmy: | Next Friday, august 29, | at the Baton Rouge Exposition Center,
l'm gonna open a can | of whoop-ass on Herculon,
and l'm gonna drive him back into | whatever galaxy it is he came from.
and that's a promise !
Strong words from a strong man, | Captain lnsano.
Now let's take a call. lt's our | old friend from Jackson's Bayou, Mr B.
Hello, Jim.
l-ls it possible | to speak to Captain lnsano ?
- Shoot, Mr B. | - Captain lnsano,
l notice sometimes | when you are wrestling--
or-or openin' up a can of whoop-ass, | as you like to say--
- you seem to be sweating | quite profusely. | - Yeah ?
l was wondering if, | perhaps, you might need...
the services | of an experienced waterboy.
[ Chuckling ] | That's pretty cute.
How old are you, kid ? | Eleven, twelve ?
l-l am 31 years old.
[ Both Laughing ]
[ Captain lnsano ] | l guarantee, that guy's still a virgin.
Oh ! Oh, my God !
[ Laughing Continues ]
[ Engine Whirring ]
My mama said
That your life | is a gift
and my mama said
This much weight | you will lift
and my mama said | leave those bad boys alone
and my mama said
This is where | they strip the ball from us.
and then we miss one tackle. | There, two tackles.
Joey drops the ball.
Whoops, he has time | to pick it up and dust it off | and run in for a touchdown...
before our guys even know | what's goin' on.
- [ Sighing ] | - [ Knocking ]
- Hello ? | - My name is Bobby Boucher.
and l am inquiring as to whether | you have the need for | an experienced waterboy...
on your upcoming season.
Nice suit.
Thank you. | l-l-l-lt was my daddy's.
- Hold that thought. | - Yeah.
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. | Come on. Come here.
Come here. Come on. | Come on, everybody.
- all right, this is it. | This is the play. | - Okay.
This is the play. | This is the play. Okay ?
The quarterback. Two receivers | lined up to the left, one to the right.
There's a flanker lined up to the left | behind the quarterback.
- Oh, okay. | - He gives the ball-- | No, he doesn't get the ball.
The receiver goes | all the way over there to the left.
Once the quarterback has the ball, | he fakes to the left.
No. He fakes to the right. | He doesn't fake.
He thinks about faking. | He pretends to fake.
l don't know | where l am.
l can't breathe.
Or, this room is getting smaller. | l have to sit down.
Hang on here. | Take some water.
all right, there.
This is good. This is much better | than what l serve.
- That is the water that | you serve to your players ? | - Uh-huh.
lt is imperative that you allow me | to be your waterboy.
l can't hire you. | l can't hire anybody with the--
You do not have to-- have to pay me. | l-l will do it for free.
Just promise me that you will | never distribute the contents | of that jug to any human person.
- That's a deal. | - lt's a deal ?
Thank you so-so much, Coach Klein. | l-- l will not let you down.
- Good day. | - Good day.
l-l-l'll see you | at practice.
- Boom, boom, boom, boom | - [ Yelling ]
Bang, bang, bang, bang
Boom, boom, boom, boom
Bang, bang, bang, bang | Hey
Hey
Quit hoggin' that. | pass it over.
[ Mumbling, | lndistinct ]
Okay.
Just have the defence | run sprints.
[ Mumbling Continues ]
Yo ! Water's better cold.
Yes, l agree, but to guarantee that | the H2O is-is purified,
i-it's good to use | the heating source, Sterno.
lt's like my mama always says, | ''Better safe than-than sorry.''
My mama says that too. | aren't all mamas the same ?
- Yes. | - Derek. l kick | the field goals around here.
Will you listen up ? l need | your cooperation. l need it now.
ls he gonna be-be | all right ?
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He has | his good days and his bad days.
Used to be an assistant coach | at some big football school,
but he had a mental breakdown | or something.
Don't worry. | He'll snap out of it.
- Let me know when it | cools down, baby. all right. | - Yes.
[ Chuckles ]
[ panting ]
Hey, did you all get a load | of the new waterboy ?
Let's make him feel right at home. | Jerry, go right.
Casey, go left. | Way left.
- On one. Ready ? | - [ all ] Break !
Set ! Red, 22 !
Red, 22 ! Hut !
[ Grunting ]
- [ Cheering ] | - [ Laughing ]
l-l-l-l think you zigged | when you should've zagged on that play.
- Sorry. | - Hey, Waterboy, check this out.
[ all Laughing ]
[ Laughing Continues ]
Hey, Waterboy ! | Check this out.
- [ Laughing ] | - [ Grunting ]
- Yes. | - [ Grunting Continues ]
Well, my, my, my.
Was my little aquatic engineer about | to bash one of my football players ?
Well, he spit | in the c-c-cooler.
He happens to be | a finely tuned athletic machine.
and l ain't gonna have him hit | in the head by some idiot waterboy.
[ Echoing ] | Do you understand me ?
- are you all right ? | - What ? l wasn't gonna | do nothin', Coach.
Well, you better do something. | You gotta defend yourself here, Bobby.
But they're-they're-they're | finely tuned athletic machines.
l am not telling you | to go on a shooting rampage.
But you have to stand up | for yourself, or they're | gonna ride you all season long.
Believe me, | l've seen it myself.
Hey, moron !
Hey ! Moron ! Duh !
[ lmitating Bobby ] | L-Look at me. l'm the w-w-waterboy.
Duh ! l got | a wooden spoon. Duh !
Smell like you could use | a shower, stinky. [ Cackling ]
You're fired ! | [ Cackling ]
[ Both Laughing ]
Stop makin' fun of me.
Red, ready ! Hut !
- Wow ! | - Damn !
[ Mumbling ]
- l'm sorry. | - [ Groaning ]
Who that ? | Who there ?
So that's what openin' up | a can of whoop-ass feels like.
Son, you just opened | a whole case of whoop-ass.
l would be honoured if you | play football for this team.
- Me ? play football ? | - Yes.
Thanks, but no thanks. My mama | won't let me play no football.
We're gonna go home. | You and l, we're gonna talk to Mama.
M-Mama said-- M-Mama said-- | My mama said-- Mama said--
- My mama said-- My mama say that-- | - She's gonna say yes.
[ Zapper Buzzing ]
Mmm, that snake | looks delicious.
What part do you think | l'm about to eat ?
Uh, basically | a snake don't have parts.
But, uh, if l had to | call it anything,
l would say | it's his knee.
Great. His knee.
and what are we having | for dessert ?
[ animal Chittering | ln Zapper ]
- Squirrel. | - [ Squirrel Thuds ]
Excellent.
Let's talk about Bobby | playing football.
l don't like it, Mr Coach Klein. | l don't like it one bit.
You see, my boy is too delicate | to be playin' ''fool's ball''--
or whatever you call it-- | with them gargantuans.
l don't think you understand, | Mrs Boucher.
No, you don't understand me, | Mr Coach Klein.
My boy is all l got left. Ow !
- [ Steve Braying ] | - Mama, here.
lt's the brain pain, Coach.
You see, my husband Robert,
one day back in 1966, | pick up sticks,
and me four months pregnant | with this precious angel.
He decides he wants to go | and help the foreign peoples.
He's gonna go | and join the peace Corps.
and he promise me | that everything's gonna be okay.
Just like you | promisin' me now.
But everything wasn't okay. No.
He got lost in the middle | of the Sahara Desert.
and he died. | He died !
- Couldn't get no water, Coach. | He died of the dehydration. | - and we were left all alone.
l would've gotten my daddy some water, | but l was just a little baby | inside Mama's stomach.
and now you wanna take away | the only part of my Robert l have left.
But don't you want the only part you've | got left to get a college education ?
- Nah. | - Me, a college student ?
Yes. Bobby, think about it.
a whole new world | will open to you.
Boy, Mama, that-that-that sounds nice. | Me-Me, a college man.
Coach, my Bobby's | a sweet boy,
but he ain't exactly what you'd call | ''college material,''
so don't you go fillin' his simple head | with all those crazy dreams...
of school and college | and things of that sort.
But Mama, l-l'm tired | of everybody callin' me a dummy.
l'm-l'm tired | of not havin' any friends.
and my ass is tired sittin' here | jawin' all night. l'm goin' to bed.
Nice to meet you, Mr Coach. | Good luck with your fool's ball.
Bobby, after you let Mr Coach out, | you come into my bedroom.
Mama'll brush your hair.
- [ Door Closes ] | - You know, when l was your age,
my mother told me not to get a tattoo... | of Roy Orbison.
But what Mama don't know | won't hurt her.
l trust you'll make | the right decision.
Oh, yeah
Huh | l'm
Gonna get under your skin
- Sooner or later | - Damn, l don't want that ass | on the team.
Everybody's gonna | laugh at us.
Everybody's already | laughin' at us.
We ain't won a game | since 1994.
- Sooner or later | - Hey ! What's up, baby ? | - Hey.
- Where's your helmet ? | - Derek Wallace, they-they | don't got no more helmets.
Here. You can share mine.
Try it on, man. | See if it fits.
- all right. | - Thanks, friend.
- What a dink. | - [ Whistle Blowing ]
Come on ! | Huddle up !
- [ Mumbling ] | - [ Coach Klein ] all right, | we have an announcement to make.
Our former waterboy, Bobby Boucher, | is gonna play some linebacker for us.
[ lmitating Bobby ] | Ooh, l'm a f-f-football player. | [ Grunting ]
- Coach, l'd like to tackle him | right now, please. | - Not yet.
all right, now l wanna work with the | offence. l wanna work with the defence.
- Special teams, go with | Farmer Fran, do some laps. | - Shit.
[ Farmer Fran Mumbling ]
Line up on the ball.
- [ Man ] Let's go. | - all right ? Third and ten.
Third and ten ?
Yeah, you know, that's | the offense's last opportunity...
to gain ten yards | before they have to punt.
Gee, he's gonna run | the option.
Option ?
- [ Grumbling ] | - He ain't never gonna be able | to figure this out, Coach.
Yes, he is.
Now, Bobby, you've waterboyed | for 18 years.
Didn't you occasionally | watch the game ?
Oh, l had a lot | to k-keep me busy.
- Checking the pH levels, | refillin' the cups. | - all right.
Well, then let's just | keep it simple.
Casey. l want you | to tackle Casey...
like you did Gee yesterday.
- Right now ? | - Right now ! Go !
- Does he know about this ? | - Doesn't matter. You're a warrior.
Go.
- [ Man ] Boy, what you doin' ? | - [ players Grumbling ]
[ Coach Klein ] | all right. Bobby, Bobby.
Don't be afraid to use | all of your strength, you know ?
He's resilient. | He's a resilient guy.
Okay ? Come on.
[ Man ] Hey, Casey, | l think he wanna make out with you.
- [ Whistle Blowing ] | - Okay, that's enough. Thank you.
ls there any sport that you | do watch ? You know, a physical sport ?
- Boxing ? Hockey ? | - Wrestling.
Wrestling ! Wrestling is good.
Who's your favourite wrestler ?
Well, even though he was slightly | discourteous to me recently,
l'm gonna have to say | Captain lnsano.
Okay, okay, | l want you to do to Casey...
what Captain lnsano does | to the bad guy.
Go.
- Ow ! Ow ! | - [ players Gasping ]
- He poked me in the eye. | - Captain lnsano shows no mercy.
Bobby, where was the intensity | that l saw yesterday ?
That was no intensity. You said it | was all right to fight back,
and l-l just started thinkin' | about all the people who-who'd | been mean to me over the years.
That's it. | That's it.
l want you to think about | all those mean people.
- They're gonna be your tackling fuel. | - Tacklin' fuel.
- We're gonna use them to play football. | - Tacklin' fuel.
l want you to pretend | that Casey...
- is insulting you. | - pretend ?
l want you to visualize all those | people that have been mean to you.
and then l want you to attack. l want | you to visualize and then attack.
- Can you handle that ? | - l'll try.
He's gonna try.
What's the matter with you, boy ? | You too s-s-stupid...
to do what your coach | tells ya ?
- [ Coach Laughing ] | - No !
- No what ? | - [ Yelling ]
[ players Murmuring ]
l didn't mean to hurt you. | Coach told me to pretend.
Bobby. Bobby ! Can you do this for | me every single game ? Can you do this ?
Coach, not only | will l do it for you.
l-l-l-- | Yes, yes, l'll do it for ya.
[ Chattering ]
So, uh, why you pick this class anyway ? | lt's pretty hard.
Oh, beautiful view.
Correct.
all right, all right !
Y'all shut up now !
Now, last week, | we talked about...
the physiology | of the animal brain...
as it pertains | to aggression.
Now, is there anyone here | that can tell me why...
most alligators | are abnormally aggressive ?
- l know the answer to this question. | - Raise your hand.
anybody ? anyone ? | Yes, sir. You, sir.
Mama says that alligators | are ornery...
'cause they got all them teeth | but no toothbrush.
[ Chuckling ] | Yo mama said,
alligators are ornery | 'cause they got all them teeth...
and no toothbrush.
Wow !
anybody else ? | Yes, sir. You, sir.
alligators are aggressive because | of an enlarged medulla oblongata.
lt's the sector of the brain | which controls aggressive behaviour.
- That is correct ! | The medulla oblongata. | - But Mama said--
The medulla oblongata...
is where anger, jealousy | and aggression come from.
Now, is there anybody here can tell | me where happiness comes from ?
- No, man. | - anyone ?
all right, let's hear what | Mama has to say on the subject.
Mama say that happiness is | from magic rays of sunshine that | come down when you feelin' blue.
Well, folks, | Mama's wrong again.
No, Colonel Sanders, | you're wrong.
- [ Students ] Ooh ! | - Mama's right.
You're all wrong. | Mama's right. Mama's right !
Somethin' wrong | with his medulla oblongata.
- [ Class Laughing ] | - [ Yelling ]
lt's okay to fight back. | Coach Klein said l could.
Mr Coach Klein said l could. | lt's fine, fellas.
[ announcer ] Well, Mud Dog | fans, it's time to kick off...
another year | of Mud Dog football.
With the weight of a 40-game | losing streak on their back,
everyone seems to be diggin' in | for the long haul.
There's blood in the streets | lt's up to my ankles
There's blood in the streets | lt's up to my knee
Blood on the streets | in the town of Chicago
Blood on the rise | lt's following me
What you doin', Bobby ?
Oh, Lord, that-that-that's some | heavy-duty armpit saturation.
That's an early warning sign of | the dehydration. You gots to have H2O.
- please, for me. | - Look, you need to stop | worryin' about water, baby,
and start worryin' | about the game today, okay ?
Here. Now, just do whatever you did | to Colonel Sanders,
and you'll be fine.
l-l will, thank you. l-l-l just-- | l feel bad about lyin' to my mama.
l wonder what | she's doin' right now.
[ Country ]
[ Braying ]
- [ Grunting ] | - [ announcer ] and he's down | with a three-yard kickoff return.
- The Mud Dogs offence takes the field. | - Okay, come on, here we go.
Come on, everybody. | You can do it. Gain some yards. | put some points on the board.
Hey, Walter, | l'll bet you 50 bucks...
Gee Grenouille throws a touchdown pass | on the first play.
Check it out.
Set, fool, 22, hut !
[ Shouting ]
[ Man Laughing ]
You owe me 50 bucks.
- You said it was gonna be | a touchdown pass, you crazy asshole. | - Go, go, go, go !
Hold 'em, hold 'em, hold 'em. | Okay, you can do it. Come on.
Bobby, Bobby, this is | just like we practised, okay ?
Okay, go, go, go. | Come on.
Watch where you're going, needle dick. | [ lmitating Bobby Grunting ]
[ Whistle Blowing ]
[ Shouting ]
Set ! 390 !
- Time for retard to find out what | college football's all about. | - [ Laughing ]
390 ! Check, check.
Red, 18 ! Red, 18 !
Needle dick ! Needle dick ! | Needle dick !
[ Bobby Grunting ]
Yeah !
Your name is needle dick.
- [ Grunting ] | - l knew that this was a good idea.
[ Bobby Grunting ]
Yes !
- Time-out from the game. | - What's he calling time-out for ?
- Man, what are you doin' ? | - Here, this is for you.
Enjoy.
- [ Coach Beaulieu ] | Hey, Waterboy, you're fired ! | - Stop it !
Yes ! Bobby !
[ Cheering ]
- Ooh-la-la. Yeah, man ! Yeah ! | - Yeah, yeah !
- Slap hands ! | - Whatever.
Waterboy's killin' 'em.
He's the best tackler | l've seen since Joe Montana.
Joe Montana was a quarterback, | you idiot.
l said, ''Joe Mantegna.''
[ announcer ] | We're tied at seven with | 30 seconds to go in the fourth quarter.
Eagle cover two. | Eagle cover two. Ready ?
Best of luck to you | on-on-on the upcoming play.
-l'll be playin' with your mama tonight. | -Sixty-two.
- Move, 22, hut ! | - [ announcer ] Bernard drops back.
- Looks like a screen pass. | - [ Cheering ]
Sixty-two ! Sixty-two ! | There you are !
- [ Groaning ] | - Thank you.
[ announcer ] | Number 62 is headed for the end zone.
He's at the 40, the 30. | He's almost--
Man ! Touchdown ! | Reds lead.
[ Bobby Grunting ]
Dropkick. Looks like Boucher | knocked him out cold.
l love my mama very much. | Now you know that.
- [ Crying ] | - [ Crowd Moaning ]
The waterboy handed them the game. | What an idiot.
Waterboy, you stink !
Nice job, shithead. | You just lost us the game.
l'm sorry. Would you please | still be my friend ?
No ! Get away from me.
Okay.
Excuse me ? | May l help you ?
Hey, stud.
Vicki Vallencourt, this is-- | this is quite a pleasant surprise.
Yeah, well, l just got out of jail, | and l heard you were playin' football.
Yes, well, l-l-l've--
[ Mumbling, lndistinct ]
[ Bobby ] | Yes.
[ Mumbling, lndistinct ]
So, let's say we go and get | somethin' to eat, catch up on things.
Oh, uh--
Mama's not a-a-a big fan | of restaurants...
or of-of me going to one.
But if-if you'd like, | sometimes,
Mama, she, uh-- she like to-- | on a Sunday afternoon--
There-There's a-a-a grill | with the charcoal b-biscuits.
- You want me to come to a barbecue ? | - Yes, that's it.
[ Chuckling ] | Sounds great.
and by the way, l hope you like | what l did to y'all lawn mower.
[ Steve Braying ]
You know that old hag that does | astrology on Good Morning america,
she really ought | to pack it in.
Listen what she said | for Sagittarius. She goes:
''You're gonna be faced with | a difficult decision today.''
But the thing is-is-is, we're all faced | with difficult decisions every day.
- That's like sayin' | you're gonna eat today. | - Yeah, m-maybe...
by leaving her predictions | vague and generalized,
there's less of a chance of someone | findin' out she's a phoney.
Whatever, college boy.
-Don't say college boy. Here comes Mama. | -Oh, okay.
That looks nice, Mama.
[ Sighing ]
- Mmm, here you go, Vicki Vallencourt. | - Thank you.
Mama, Vicki's | an astrologist.
l don't believe in that sort | of thing, personally.
astronomy is one | of the many tools of the devil.
You sure played great | yesterday, Bobby.
- What did my boy play great ? | - Uh, um--
Waterboy. Yeah, waterboy. | He played-- He played waterboy great.
Everybody who was thirsty | got a drink right away...
yesterday at the-- | at the football game.
Fool's ball ! Bunch of overgrown | monsters manhandling each other.
Remember when that man wanted you | to play fool's ball, Bobby ?
Yeah, l-- He-- | Roy Orbison--
Coach Klein. | l-l-l remember.
So, Bobby, did they ever catch | that gorilla...
what escaped from the zoo | and punched you in the eye ?
No, Mama, he-- | The-The search continues.
What would you think if Bobby | did play football, Mrs Boucher ?
Well, l wouldn't | think much of it at all.
and to tell you the truth, | l don't think much of you...
and all your snotty questions, | Miss Vallencourt.
l'm quite disturbed to see | that you're so interested in my boy.
l'm very, very interested | in your boy, Mrs Boucher.
- Really ? | - Mm.
Well, did he tell you | about how much his feet smell ?
- Mama. | - He has to wear two pair of socks.
Well, men are supposed | to have stinky feet.
Well, are men | supposed to wear pyjamas...
featuring a cartoon character | by the name of Deputy Dog ?
- Mama, please. | - Well, you know what ?
l happen to find | Deputy Dog to be...
very, very sexy.
Did he tell you about | a little bedtime problem ?
- Mama, l'm beggin' you, don't. | - That's his sheet back there.
lf you'll excuse me, ladies, | l'm gonna go hang myself.
- Now you see what you done ? | - What l did ?
Now you listen here, cupcake. The | ''onliest'' woman in my boy's life is me.
Nobody's gonna take him away, especially | not some godless Jezebel like you.
Oh, yeah, well your Bobby | is a grown man.
and guess what ? He can hang out | with whoever he wants !
Oh, yes, he can. | Whoever he wants. 'Cept you !
Bobby, that-that woman | is the devil.
- l want you to stay away | from her, you hear me ? | - Yes, Mama.
Now you come on inside before that | little ol' witch casts a spell on us !
l'm sorry, | Vicki Vallencourt.
Whatever.
lf you want it, you got it | You feed it, you love it
Say that you need it | You never--
When we report on the S.C.L.S.U. | Mud Dogs here on Sportscenter, | it's usually to add...
another number to their amazing | losing streak, which now stands at 41.
But now, Bobby Boucher | has given us another reason.
ln the Mud Dog's latest loss | this past Saturday,
the amazing 31-year-old freshman | set a new N.C.a.a. record...
by sacking the quarterback | 16 times,
shattering the old record | of seven.
and, oh, by the way, Bobby Boucher | is also the team's waterboy,
which, of course, | begs the question:
What exactly are they putting | in the water...
down in Jackson's Bayou, | Louisiana ?
There is a house | in New Orleans
They call The Rising Sun
[ announcer ] We're deadlocked | at three with less than a minute to go.
[ Coach Klein ] | We are one family with one dream.
There are 40 of you | on this team, not just one.
Bobby can't do this by himself. Now get | out there and make something happen !
- all right, sacrifice | your bodies. Go, go, go ! | - [ players Cheering ]
Thank you. Bobby, you're gonna | have to do this by yourself...
because there is nobody | on this team that's any good.
Now look, l can't stand | losing any more.
We've got to win one game. Can you | go out there and make something happen ?
- Visualize and attack. | - Yeah.
- Visualize and attack. please ! | - Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes.
- please ! | - [ Mumbling, lndistinct ]
[ announcer ] Central Kentucky's down | to their third straight quarterback.
Good news, folks. | First-string quarterback, Tommy Gardner,
does not have a broken neck.
Blue, 52 ! | Blue, 52 ! Hut !
l forbid you to talk to | that enchantress. She's the devil !
She's not the devil. She's the | most beautiful woman in the world.
- l never said she was the devil. | - She's the most beautiful woman | in the world.
Oh, please, don't hurt me !
Follow the-- | Come on !
You crazy man ! | Okay, okay, okay !
lt's a safety ! | They win, they win, they win !
With the help of Boucher, | the losing streak is over !
l'm so sorry, Mama. | please, forgive me.
l love you so much, Mama. | l love you.
- l love you too. | - [ Derek ] We won !
We won, baby ! lt's gonna be a big | party tonight, and you're going !
- Me ? party ? | - Yeah, baby !
[ Cheering ]
[ Chanting ] | party ! party !
Let's groove tonight
and share | the spots and light
Hey ! Nice suit.
Thank you. | lt was my daddy's.
Mama don't know l'm here, | but l took these outta the icebox: | Louisiana frog cakes.
Thanks.
- Come on in. | - [ Woman ] Hey, Bobby Boucher !
Look who's here: | Sergeant Stutter.
- Want a beer ? | - l'll take a Scotch and water. | Hold the Scotch.
- You just make a joke, Bobby ? | - Yes, l did.
[ Chuckling ] | Good one.
Now that you finally won a game, right, | you feel looser, the pressure is off,
and that will lead | to a lot more victories.
- Yeah, that and a waterboy | getting 20 sacks a game. | - That too.
- professor ! | - [ Gasping ]
We still havin' that test on amphibians | and reptiles next Friday ?
Yes, sir. That is, | if it's all right with you.
- Of course, it is. | - My best regards to your dear mama.
[ Woman ] | Let's talk to the waterboy.
You played amazing | at the game today, Bobby.
and you are so cute. | ls there a girl you're seein' ?
Seein' ? Uh, uh, l see | a lot of girls.
l see a lot of guys too.
l think that's sexy.
You ever been with a guy and a girl | at the same time ?
Oh, yeah, plenty of times.
The other night, l was with my mama | and Coach Klein at the same time.
You are a bad boy. | l wish you were my boyfriend.
Oh, thank you, but, see, there's | this girl, Vicki Vallencourt.
She may be the devil. | Mama said that.
Consequently, l am prohibited | from contact with her.
But l hope to get past that | one day 'cause she's nice to talk to.
[ Mumbling, lndistinct ]
Oh, oh.
[ Rap ]
Take me and break me off | Baby, let me play the clothes | and l'll take me off
'Cause l've been checkin' out | your style from across the stand
and l'm much more than your waterboy | and average fan
You ask me why | perfect practise makes perfect game
[ Rap Continues ]
Sit-ups and pull-ups | 92 octane, premium, fill up
l'm doin' my thing | for much more than the thing
l'm doin' my thing | for much more than the thing
l'm doin' my thing | for much more than the thing
l'm doin' my thing | for much more than the thing
l'm doin' my thing for | much more than the thing
Yo, we have a very special | guest here today.
Let's have a warm L.T. welcome | for Bobby Boucher. Come on, Bobby.
- [ Cheering ] | - Thank you, Mr Lawrence Taylor.
Tell me, what is your secret ? | How do you find yourself | in the right position all the time ?
That-That-That's | a good question.
What-What happens is, the-the-the | centre has-has the ball first.
and-and-and the quarterback | will say, ''Hike.''
That's when the c-center puts the ball | in-into the hands of the quarterback.
So what l do is, | l-l start tacklin' the quarterback,
unless he give the ball | to-to s-somebody else,
in which case, | l-l try to tackle that person.
Hmm ? Gentleman, which brings me | to my next point:
Don't smoke crack.
- [ Chattering ] | - [ Horn Honking ]
Vicki Vallencourt. | What you doin' here ?
Oh, nothin'. | l was just thinkin'...
about stealin' L.T.'s porsche | over there.
But l suppose l ought to | be movin' on before l get you | in trouble with your mama.
Well, Mr Coach Klein said that | what Mama don't know won't hurt her.
So maybe we could | ride home together.
- Really ? | - lf you'd like to.
[ Giggling ] | Okay.
[ Man ] | Who got the hooch
Who got the hooch | Baby
Who got the only | sweetest thing in the world
- Who got the hooch, baby | - [ Snoring ]
Who got the only | sweetest thing in the world
Who got the love | Who got the freshy freshy
Who got the only | sweetest thing
- ln the world | - [ Braying ]
You can sit down, | if you'd like.
[ Braying Continues ]
Vicki Vallencourt, | l figured...
'cause you're interested in astrology | and mystical stuff like that,
you might appreciate this.
That's water | from a glacier in alaska.
lt-lt was blessed | by a-an Eskimo medicine man.
- lt's cold ! | - Yes, it's always cold. | That's why it's so special.
That-That was-- | That-That-That-That happened--
That-That happened to be | my-my first time with-with lips...
and-and-and-and-and | and-and-and-and-and the-the tongue.
That was your tongue. | l-- l believe it was--
l never did that before.
Well, if that was | your first kiss,
then l bet it's the first time | you've seen a pair of these.
Yes, yes, that is | a-another first for me,
and l-l appreciate what-what-what | you're showin' me right now.
[ Snoring Continues ]
Vicki-Vicki Vallencourt, | l-l think Mama's up.
[ Mumbling ] | Devil, devil, devil.
You better get goin'.
My God, Bobby, l mean, sometimes, | l just don't know why l bother with you.
You ain't even a man.
[ announcer ] lt looks like | the Cinderella S.C.L.S.U. Mud Dogs,
led by linebacker | Bobby Boucher,
are gonna fall one victory short | of that Bourbon Bowl bid.
lowa could win the game | by nailing this 20-yard field goal.
Yeah, but the Mud Dogs have played | a sensational football game.
Let's take a look at the way Boucher | entered the Hawkeyes' last drive.
Here we see Boucher | instantly penetratin' the pocket.
[ Grunting ]
There's a lot of pain | and shame in those eyes.
Friends, it's all over.
- [ Man ] My leg ! | - Wow, that is a disturbing image.
Difficult to watch, Chris. | [ Exhales ]
Whoo ! My God !
Gonna kick some names | and take some ass !
Bobby !
Water sucks. | Gatorade is better.
- What ? | - Use it on the field.
[ Crowd Chanting ] | Waterboy, Waterboy, Waterboy !
Gatorade not only quenches your thirst | better, it tastes better, too, idiot.
You're-You're-You're drinkin' | the wrong water.
- Gatorade. | - H2O.
- Gatorade ! | - H2O !
Water sucks, lt really, really sucks | Water sucks
- lt really, really sucks | - Stop saying that. You don't | mean that. You're bad people.
[ Bobby Whimpering ]
- [ Cheering ] | - [ announcer ] and my friend, Chris,
the Mud Dogs are goin' | to the Bourbon Bowl.
With yesterday's come-from-behind | victory, the S.C.L.S.U. Mud Dogs...
earned a New Year's Day date with Red | Beaulieu and the Louisiana Cougars...
in the first annual | Bourbon Bowl.
But not only has the waterboy | changed S.C.L.S.U.'s fortunes,
he's got other teams looking | around the sidelines for talent.
ln fact, yesterday, Michigan, | devastated by injury,
experimented with their towel boy | at wide receiver.
- [ Groaning ] | - But the towel boy ran into | a laundry list of problems.
[ Cheering ]
You know, when l see | so many of you here tonight,
it reminds me just about how special | this season really was.
Not just for the team.
Not just for the students.
But for each and every | one of you...
in our small corner | of Louisiana !
- [ Cheering ] | - You can do it !
Oh, yes, we can, | and, yes, we will.
Because we've got...
a young man who has been | so vital to our success.
a wonderful student-athlete.
and a wonderful friend.
Ladies and gentlemen, | Bobby Boucher !
[ Band ]
- [ Together ] Waterboy, number one ! | - You can do it !
Thank you so much...
for bein' my friends.
- [ Crowd Cheering ] | - You can do it !
l'd also like to take | this opportunity...
to tell you that my mama | don't know how l play football,
so if-if you could not tell | my mama l-l play football, | that would be for the best.
[ Cheering ]
[ Band Resumes ]
[ Horn Honking ]
We must be a little lost. We're tryin' | to get to the Bourbon Bowl.
Looks like we ended up | in Retardville, U.S.a.
Hey, Waterboy, you fixin' | to tackle all of us ?
- Kick his water-lovin' ass, Greg. | - l asked you a question, dumb ass.
You even exhale, | and l will saw your head off.
You can do it ! | Cut his fucking head off !
Hold it, hold it. Just a minute. | Now what is the problem here, honey ?
l mean, whatever it is, | we don't want this to get physical.
Right, Klein ?
[ Vicki ] Yeah, well, your team actin' | like a bunch of shitheads.
This is not how ambassadors | for the University of Louisiana | are supposed to act.
So now you just get back on the bus. | [ Chuckling ]
However, | assault with a deadly weapon,
very, very serious offence.
Officer, get her | little country ass outta here.
- [ Crowd Murmuring ] | - Thank you, Vicki.
Let's go.
ah ! lt's the waterboy !
l got something for you.
This is his transcript from | South Lafayette High School...
in Cherokee plains, | Louisiana.
Now, the problem with that...
is there ain't no South Lafayette High | School in Cherokee plains, Louisiana.
- So obviously, this is a fake ! | - [ Crowd Gasping ]
However, this is not a fake.
This is from the N.C.a.a.
They don't think you ought | to play football no more.
So allow me to say this to you | one more time:
You're fired.
Oh, no ! | We suck again !
Ever see a championship ring ?
- Don't be messin' with the champ. | Come on, Laski. | - You didn't go to high school ?
l was home schooled. | l-l didn't know l needed--
- Forged a fake transcript. | - No, no, l-l-l didn't.
- The waterboy's a cheater. | Cut his head off. | - [ Crowd agreeing ]
Listen, everybody ! | This don't change nothin' !
We played as a team, | we won as a team.
and just because | the waterboy's a cheater,
don't change the fact | that the real Mud Dogs...
are gonna kick | some Cougar ass.
Mud Dogs ! Mud Dogs !
[ Together ] Mud Dogs ! | Mud Dogs ! Mud Dogs ! Mud Dogs !
Mud Dogs ! Mud Dogs ! Mud Dogs ! | Mud Dogs ! Mud Dogs !
Mud Dogs ! Mud Dogs ! Mud Dogs ! | Mud Dogs ! Mud Dogs ! Mud Dogs !
- That's the way ! | - [ Cheering ]
Sorry, Bobby.
Oh, what a lonely boy
Believe me, | l-l understand.
Yeah, and you're | deeply appreciated, Mr Dodd.
Thank you so much. | Bye-bye.
Good news, Bobby.
- The N.C.a.a. is gonna allow you | to play in the Bourbon Bowl. | - Yes.
You just have to pass the high school | equivalency test.
lt's not the test, Coach.
Everybody hates me.
That's not true.
One man said he wanted | to decapitate me.
Nobody else thought that | to be too bad of an idea.
Somebody made me | look like a-a-a cheater.
l did it. l did it. l did it ! | l did it ! l did it !
- lt was me. | - Why ?
Because l wanted you to play. | Because you were my way out, Bobby.
'Cause it was the only way | to get you in.
l am so sorry.
Why didn't you s-stick up for me | down by the river ?
The truth is, l fled.
l came into my office, | l went under my desk, l cried.
l cried. l cried | like a ten-year-old girl !
[ Groaning ]
Red and l have a history.
Twenty years ago, | we were assistants to Coach Cavanaugh...
at the University | of Louisiana.
Red ran the practices, | and l used to come up with the plays.
Oh, boy, was l good.
l would write these foolproof plays | in my little green notebook that l had.
- The opposition | didn't even know what hit 'em. | - [ Door Knocking ]
and when Coach Cavanaugh | was going to retire,
me and Red, we just knew that one of us | was gonna be his successor.
[ Disco ]
- Hey, Red. | - How ya doin' ?
Come by to wish me luck ?
Well, not exactly, no, no. | actually, l come by to get you | to do ol' Red a little favour.
Sure. What's up ?
Well, you know that green | notebook you use to write | all them football plays in ?
Well, l need to show Cavanaugh that | l can come up with some good play ideas.
But you didn't come up | with them.
They're my plays. | l need them.
Klein, l'm gonna have | this book one way or another,
so you might as well let the damn | thing go, 'cause if you don't,
it's gonna get awfully, | awfully physical around here.
and l don't think | you want that, do you ? Huh ?
[ Cackling ]
Of course, Red got the job. | Next day, fired me.
Once he had my notebook, | he didn't need me any more.
l didn't take it very well.
No, Grandma, | l didn't get it.
l can't believe it myself.
l know. | l'm so numb.
l just hate him, | l hate him, l hate him.
That is a terrible story, Coach.
- But why-why don't you just | come up with some new plays ? | - l tried.
- l can't. | - Yes.
l guess l have a mental block, | you know, ever since Red took | my playbook and my manhood.
l knew what he was gonna do !
and l just didn't fight back.
Well, you're gonna show him | that you're a man on Saturday.
and l'm gonna show everybody | that l'm not a dummy.
l'm gonna go study.
[ Fiddle ]
Mama, maybe you could stop brushin' | my hair so l can read.
Read ?
You don't have to read.
- What you readin' for ? | - 'Cause l enjoys it, Mama.
Don't look like to me you enjoys it, | sittin' there all grouchy.
Mama, l gotta read this book | and six other books tonight, | or else l can't play foot--
ball.
Fool's ball ? You playin' | the fool's ball behind my back ?
The only reason l'm doin' this | so, so l can go to school.
School ? You goin' to school ? | [ Screams ]
- [ Steve Braying ] | - Sorry, Mama. l wanted to tell you.
You off gallivantin' with your fancy | fool's ball friends at school,
while l'm sittin' here all day | with nobody to keep me company, | except Steve ?
The chickens are comin' home | to roost, Bobby Boucher.
You reap the fruit | of your selfish ways.
You're gonna lose all your | fancy fool's ball games...
and you're gonna fail your big exam, | because school is--
- The devil ? | - [ Gasps ]
Everything is the devil | to you, Mama !
Well, l like school, | and l like football !
and l'm gonna keep doin' them both | because they make me feel good !
and by the way, Mama, | alligators are ornery...
because of their | medulla oblongata !
and l like Vicki, | and she likes me back !
and she showed me her boobies, | and l liked them too !
The Louisiana High School | Equivalency Examination...
consists of 300 | multiple choice questions.
You have three hours. | Good luck to you, sir.
[ Knocking On Window ]
Well, l was born | in a small town
and l live | in a small town
lf l could die | in a small town
Or the small communities
Ben Franklin.
Mama, when did Ben Franklin | invent electricity ?
That's nonsense ! | l invented electricity.
Ben Franklin is the devil !
l can't believe | you got a 97 !
l-l-l can't believe | that l-l-l told Mama...
that l got feelings for you.
Well, welcome to your manhood, | Bobby Boucher.
When we get a little more time, | l'll welcome you properly.
Yes, once again, l'm not quite sure | what that means, but--
- [ Siren Wailing ] | - You know, we should get goin'.
l told the coach that | l'd drive to the game with him.
[ Tyres Screeching ]
l was with you from two to four | last night. You-You tell them.
- [ Brakes Screech ] | - [ Car Door Opens ]
Bobby, your mama got sick this mornin'. | She's in the hospital.
Mama, what have l done ?
l'm so sorry, Mama.
Doctors say... they can't figure out | what's wrong with her.
But l know what's wrong.
She got a broken heart | because of me.
Bobby, that's ridiculous.
Everybody else in this town | turn on me at the drop of a hat.
Mama is the only one who really cares | if l live or die.
She my whole world.
Will you just | leave us alone ?
She'll be fine, Bobby. | We better get going.
God knows what the team is doing | with just Farmer Fran watching them.
- [ Shouting, lndistinct ] | - [ Rock ]
[ Woman On p.a., | lndistinct ]
Everybody parties | on the New Year's Eve
- You really made it look like home. | - Waiting for the countdown
Make a lot of promises | they never keep
party with the lights on
- How's that, Steve ? | - [ Brays ]
Holding a glass | of champagne
- Everyone having fun | - [ Steve Braying ]
Trying to get out | of the rain
Everybody parties | on the New Year's Eve
party with the lights on
Take a look. The crowd has | never been bigger. You know why ?
- Look who's on the television, Mama. | - [ TV Continues ]
The devil.
500,000 intimate--
party on New Year's Eve
- Tell me what to see | - [ No audio ]
The peak of | the holiday season
- Everything's all right with me | - Who there ? Who there ?
Bringing in a new year
[ Crowd ] | Three, two, one !
- Happy New Year ! | - Happy New Year, Mama.
- [ ''auld Lang Syne'' ] | - My resolution is to | never hurt you again.
[ Snoring ]
Should auld acquaintance | be forgot
- and days of auld lang syne | - [ Crowd Chanting ] | Waterboy ! Waterboy !
Waterboy ! Waterboy !
[ Cheering ]
Bobby Boucher, all these folks | are here tonight...
to tell you that | they're sorry--
that they're sorry | for not supportin' you...
when it meant the most.
But you do have friends, | and one of 'em wants to say somethin'.
Come on.
l am not what you | would call a handsome man.
The good Lord chose not | to bless me with--
with charm, athletic ability | or a fully functional brain.
You see, | you're an inspiration...
to all of us who, | who weren't born handsome...
and charming | and cool and--
[ Sobbing ]
- l can't ! l can't ! | - lt's okay.
Bobby, if your mama | could only hear us right now,
we would tell her...
what a fine boy she raised,
and how much your playing football | means to this town.
But she can't hear you, | 'cause she's unconscious.
l'm sorry | to disappoint you all,
but please keep | your voices down...
so my mama | can get her rest.
[ all Groaning ]
Well, wake her ass up ! | We gotta win tomorrow !
[ Woman On p.a., | lndistinct ]
Mama ! Thank God, you're okay. | l'm so sorry.
l was so bad, Mama. | You were right about everything.
- l've been a real knucklehead. | - Oh, hush, baby.
You should've seen this | a long time ago.
Oh, my word !
- ls that my daddy ? | - No, no.
That's a guy l dated | before l met your father.
Oh, you could iron | a shirt on his stomach.
Well, that was lust, not love. | Turn the page.
There's your daddy.
- So handsome. | - Oh.
Read on.
''Dear Helen.'' | Who's Helen ?
That's my first name, Bobby.
Ohh !
''l have arrived here | in New Orleans.
''lt is even more beautiful | than in the picture books.
''l'm sure l'll have | no problem finding work,
''so you can expect my next letter | to contain lots of money.
Your loving husband, Robert.''
That's nice, Mama.
''Dear Helen.'' | That's you.
''l found a job | as a lemonade vendor,
''but sorry, | no money yet.
''New Orleans is | an expensive city.
''Expensive, but fun. | Hope all is well.
Robert.''
''To Whom lt May Concern:
''This will be my last letter.
''We have grown apart | over these last six weeks.
''l now have | two loves in my life:
''big-city livin' and | a voodoo woman named phyllis.
Ciao, Roberto.''
He changed his name | to Roberto.
l guess he thought | it was more exotic.
But Mama says that-- | l mean, you say that--
Bobby, your daddy didn't | go into no peace Corps.
He deserted us, baby.
No, no, Mama. | You-You--
You shouldn't be dredgin' up these | painful memories in your condition.
Oh, hush. Your mama's | as healthy as an ox,
and as dumb as one to boot.
l was so scared | you'd abandon me too.
and l made you abandon | all those people who depend on ya.
l hid you away from the world, | Bobby Boucher.
But l can't hog you | to myself no more,
because everyone's seen | how wonderful you are.
- Oh, Mama ! | - Now.
You go play fool's ball | with your friends.
[ Man ] Welcome to aBC's coverage | of the Bourbon Bowl.
Good afternoon, everybody. | l'm Brent Musburger, | along with my colleague, Dan Fouts.
and the big story here, Dan, is a game | that's lost some of its lustre...
without its star player, | the waterboy Bobby Boucher.
You know, Red's got a couple | of solid early rounders out there.
l know, but l really wanted to scout | that waterboy. Reminds me of Greg Lloyd.
- Naw. ''Zack'' Thomas. | - Whatever.
- ls she ready ? | - [ Clattering ]
Oh, yeah. | She's more than ready.
Come on, Bobby ! | You'll miss the boat !
Let's go, ladies.
[ Whistle Blowing ]
[ Musburger ] | We are underway !
The opening kickoff | is a beauty !
Holdsworth is gonna bring it out | from nine yards deep.
- Come on. | - [ Grunting ]
- Yeah ! | - [ Grunting, Groaning ]
Dan, they're showing no respect | for this team without Boucher.
[ Fouts ] Good reason, Brent. | 109 yards untouched.
-[ Cheering ] | -Touchdown, Cougars ! They strike first.
[ Yelling, Shouting ]
-[ Whistle Blowing ] | -Time running down in the first quarter.
Cougars lead is 17-0.
Set !
Three ! Thirty-three !
- [ Growling ] | - Three ! Thirty-three ! Hut !
Dan, that quarterback can't even | get the ball off before he's hit.
lt's as if they're in | the offensive huddle with him.
- [ Laughing ] | - [ Muttering ]
are you gonna finish | that hot dog, Jimmy ?
Ugh ! Now l'm not.
[ Bobby ] Mama, you think | we'll make it on time ?
Hang on ! l'll show you what | a.J. Foyt taught me.
[ Musburger ] That's the end of | the half. The Cougars are dominating.
Let's hope the Mud Dogs | can make some adjustments.
- Well, they better, 'cause they suck. | - Mm-hmm.
anybody got an idea ?
Hey.
- Remember the time Bobby tackled | the referee by mistake ? | - [ Chuckling ]
Yeah, that was pretty funny.
How about the time he tackled | the guy from Louisville...
- and threw him into the stands ? | - [ all Laughing ]
Y'all remember when he intercepted | the ball and his pants fell off ?
and then he ran for | the touchdown, bare-assed.
Remember the time Bobby-- | [ Mumbling lncoherently ]
Remember when Bobby Boucher | showed up at halftime and the | Mud Dogs won the Bourbon Bowl ?
[ Cheering, Shouting ]
Hey, sorry about givin' you | so much shit this year.
You're the heart and soul | of this team, Bobby.
and the only one of us | who could've passed that test.
Thank you all so much | for being my friends.
Well, let's wait till later | to hold hands and kiss. | We got a Bowl game to win.
- Right ? | - [ all Together ] Yeah !
- Two, three ! | - [ all ] Mud Dogs ! Woof !
[ Musburger ] | ln a dramatic turn of events,
Bobby Boucher | just arrived at halftime.
and on a fan boat, Brent. His mother | drove him right into the stadium.
[ players Shouting, | Hooting ]
[ Crowd Chanting ] | Waterboy ! Waterboy !
Waterboy ! Waterboy !
Waterboy ! Waterboy !
Fool's ball's | not for the devil.
lt's for my Bobby.
Time to open up | some whoop-ass.
[ Cheering, Chanting | Continues ]
Shit, he showed up. | all right, look.
Just relax. Relax. Go in there and | do exactly like we planned. Go, go, go !
This could be the start | of some high drama, folks.
Or are the Mud Dogs | too far behind ?
Bobby Boucher | is on defence.
- The Cougars are coming out | from their own 20 yard line. | - [ Quarterback ] Hut ! Hut !
The pitch. | lt's a reverse !
Boucher's not fooled.
Fumble ! | Robideaux's got it !
Touchdown, Mud Dogs !
[ Growling ]
- Boy, Boucher knocked | the poop out of him. | - ''poop'' ?
[ all Shouting ]
Slap hands ! | Slap hands !
Drink up, now. l want you girls to | sober up. Have faith in my Bobby.
[ Musburger ] The Mud Dogs are | faced with yet another third and long.
- Hut ! | - Grenouille back to pass.
He's gonna be stuffed again ! | and the Mud Dogs offence is | still unable to move that ball.
But the way their defence | is fired up, they still have | a shot at winning this game.
Blake, come here. Look.
Now, what if we, uh-- | [ Whispering ]
Trust me. Go, go, go, go, go. | [ Evil Laughter ]
[ Musburger ] The Cougars lead 27-7 in | the middle of the third quarter.
- and he takes a knee ? | - [ Whistle Blows ]
- Y'all gonna play or what ? | - [ Chattering ]
[ Laughing ] | How do you all like my new offence ?
[ Musburger ] | all right, it's second and 12...
- as the Cougars line up on the ball. | - Hut ! Hut !
[ Whistle Blows ]
What is Red Beaulieu doing, | refusing to play offence ?
- Dan, this is bizarre. | - [ Dan ] No, it's not, Brent.
lt's brilliant, because Red is | taking the waterboy out of the game.
By kneeling down | three times and punting,
he's gonna make the Mud Dog | offence try to beat him.
and the way they're playing | today, that's impossible.
[ Musburger ] Well, the Mud Dog's | most valuable player,
the linebacker they call ''the Waterboy,'' | is now powerless.
That means Coach Klein will have | to find another way to outfox Red.
- [ Whistle Blows ] | - [ Man ] Mud Dogs call a time-out.
- [ Cheering, lndistinct ] | - Mr Coach Klein. Mr Coach Klein !
Mr Coach Klein !
- Where are you going ? | - l was just gonna get a hot pretzel.
Mr Coach Klein, are you afraid | of Red Beaulieu ?
[ Laughing, Shouting ]
l am petrified of him.
Well, why don't you pretend | that Red Beaulieu...
is somebody that | you're-you're not afraid of.
- pretend ? | - Yes.
Visualize somebody | you're not afraid of.
- and then attack, like you told me. | - l'll try.
Well, he's right over there.
[ Chuckling ]
Little baby.
Yeah.
Hello, little baby. | [ Baby Talking ]
a poo-poo ? | Do you have a poo-poo ?
Yes.
Okay. Now.
This is what we're gonna do. | He's gonna come here--
[ Chattering, Shouting ]
Come and get | this one, Cougars.
Red, 22 ! Hike !
[ Musburger ] | Snap to Grenouille. a reverse !
No, it's a double reverse ! | Oh, what a block !
and Boudier springs free !
Trouble ! Lateral ! | Got him ! What a play !
Grenouille to the 15 ! | To the 10 ! To the 5 !
- Touchdown, Mud Dogs ! | - [ Fouts ] Well, well, well.
l guess Coach Klein does have | a few tricks up his sleeve after all.
What the hell-- | What the hell is this ? Huh ?
We go from a championship | football team to a bunch of dogs !
Right now, we're going to go down to | the sidelines and our man, Lynn Swann.
Swannie, what do | you have for us ?
l'm with Vicki Vallencourt, | who's taking over...
Bobby Boucher's water duties | for this important game.
Oh, l'm not takin' over. | l'm just tryin' not to screw up too bad.
Well, let me ask you this. | What's your prediction for | the rest of this ball game ?
Mud Dogs are gonna win, | 30 to 27.
That's very interesting. | How'd you come up with that guess ?
Guess ? That ain't no guess ! | That's what it's gonna be.
- Okay. That's fine. | - Oh ! Be careful down there, Swannie.
all right. | Meaney. Where's Meaney ?
- Meaney ? | - Here, Coach.
- Get in there and let's see if | that waterboy can stop you. | - Yes, sir !
Red is sending his best defender in | as a running back ?
What do you make of this, Dan ?
Well, Brent, he's gotta find | some way to neutralize the waterboy.
He probably thinks that Meaney | will just pound it in there like | Fridge used to do for the Bears.
Hey, Waterboy ! ls your girlfriend | gonna save you again ?
Oh, no, sir. l'm gonna take matters | into my own hands.
- You'll see. | - Bring it to the hole ! | Your ass is mine ! Whoo !
Whoo ! Whoo !
You sound like a... | a big choo-choo train.
Whoo ! | [ Groans ]
power bomb, compliments | of Captain lnsano.
Let's go fight | with your might
all right, field goal. | Field goal. Go.
- Derek. Derek ! | - Yeah.
Visualize the attack. | Go kick the ball. Kick it.
- Hut ! | - [ all Grunting ]
How you doin', boy ? | [ Laughing ]
No, no, no ! | [ Screaming ]
[ Cheering, Shouting ]
[ Whimpering ]
[ players Shouting, | lndistinct ]
What the hell is that ?
Where the hell is-- What the hell | is he up to ? That ain't in here ! Huh ?
- [ Cheering ] | - Hey !
[ Musburger ] | Down by ten late in the fourth quarter,
Coach Klein | opts for the field goal.
[ Fouts ] | Then they have to hope for the onside | kick and a touchdown to tie the game.
Dan, look what we have here. | Boucher's in the game as a blocker.
Last game of the year, Brent. | Can't hold anything back now.
Set !
The snap. lt's a fake !
Boucher's out in front ! | a great block !
- [ Grunting ] | - and a second one !
Touchdown, Mud Dogs !
- Boucher led him all the way ! | - [ Screaming ] Yeah !
Red Beaulieu | is steaming, Dan.
Brent, he sees his | perfect season slipping away.
The Cougar's lead | is down to three.
[ Cheerleaders Cheering, | lndistinct ]
The Mud Dogs need the ball back if | they're gonna have a shot at overtime.
and Bobby Boucher is | now on the kickoff team.
- Last game of the year, Brent. | Can't hold anything back now. | - l know.
- [ Horns Blaring ] | - Who's it gonna be ?
Who's it gonna be ? | Who's it gonna be ?
[ Chuckling ] | Oh, yeah. There's my bitch.
[ Musburger ] Remember, | the ball must travel ten yards.
lt's loose !
-Mud Dogs football ! Mud Dogs football ! | -all right !
Mama, l got the football ! | l got it--
Oh, what a vicious hit ! | That was a cheap shot.
- Oh ! | - [ Murmuring ]
- [ Whistle Blowing ] | - [ Fouts ] and what a dumb penalty.
That puts the Mud Dogs | in field goal range for the tie.
- Dan, l'm not sure that Boucher | is able to get back up. | - Oh, my baby !
lt's still cold. | [ Chuckles ]
- [ Chattering ] | - Excuse me. Out of my way.
Dan, you hate | to see this happen.
Now, that's | high quality H2O.
- [ Cheering ] | - [ Vicki ] You go on, now ! | Make it happen, Bobby !
The waterboy | just needed some water.
- Wow, Dan. You think that up | all by yourself ? | - Shut up, Brent.
- [ Shouting, Yelling ] | - are you okay ?
He tried to open up a can | of whoop-ass on me. l wouldn't let him.
Listen, l have an idea for the last | play. You haven't done this before.
all right ? The offence | is gonna line up like this.
- Yeah. | - You're gonna be right here.
[ Musburger ] | There'll be no tie here today.
Coach Klein is sending | his offence back on to the field.
He's going for | the win right now.
[ Fouts ] Yeah, this is | a real gutsy call, Brent.
He'll either be a hero | or a goat because of this.
[ Musburger ] and Dan, | Bobby Boucher is back on the field.
He is now playing offence ! | We know. We know.
Meaney, if they give | that Waterboy the football,
l don't care if you | have to stab him !
Do not let him get away. | Do you understand me ?
- Yes, sir. Yes, sir ! | - Do you understand me ? Get in there !
[ all ] | Break !
- l'm ready, friend. | - Let's do it, Bobby.
Set ! Set !
Forty-three ! Set ! | Forty-three ! Hut, hut !
Touchdown ! They win it ! | The Mud Dogs win it !
Bobby Boucher's the hero ! He's gone | from waterboy, Dan, to saviour !
and it's because he didn't | hold anything back !
Well, Swannie's down on the field | with our hero, so let's go to Lynn now !
We did it ! l can't believe it ! | l can't believe it !
- Vicki, l love you ! | - Whoo ! l love you, too, baby.
We're the champions ! | [ Screaming ]
Mr Coach Klein, you got your manhood ! | You got your manhood !
Bobby, congratulations. | You're the M.V.p. of the Bourbon Bowl.
How do you feel ?
- l love Mama ! | - [ Cheering ]
- There you go, Bobby ! | - Lookin' sharp, Bobby !
[ Man ] | You the man, Bobby !
Bobby, l've been dreading | this day for a long time.
- But you got yourself a fine woman. | - Oh, thank you, Mama.
Good luck, son.
This is the best day | of my life !
You just wait till tonight.
- What's gonna happen tonight ? | - [ Chuckles ] You'll see.
You can do it ! | You can do it all night long !
[ Cheering, Shouting ]
l'm gonna go do it !
- [ Tyres Screech ] | - Bobby, it's me !
- Your daddy, Roberto. | - Daddy ?
l've seen you on the ESpN | when they was talkin' about | you being drafted by the NFL.
Not going to the NFL. | l'm gonna stay in school and graduate.
The hell with school, dopey ! Take the | money ! You and me could be partners,
- just like that Tiger Woods | and his daddy. | - [ Mama Screaming ]
- Uh-oh. | - [ Screaming ]
- [ Grunting ] | - [ all Gasping ]
[ Crowd Cheering ]
- Nice hit, Mama. | - Thanks, baby.
Now, you go on and have | some fun becoming a man.
l don't remember | what day it was
l didn't notice | what time it was
all l know is that | l fell in love with you
and if all my dreams | come true
l'll be spending time | with you
Every day's a new day
ln love with you
With each day | comes a new way
Of loving you
Every time | l kiss your lips
My mind starts to wander
and if all my dreams | come true
l'll be spending time | with you
l love you more today | than yesterday
But not as much as tomorrow
Oh, l love you more today | than yesterday
But, darling, not as much
as tomorrow
Tomorrow may see springtime | just a day away
Day away
Cupid, we don't need you now | Be on your way
On your way
Thank the Lord | for love like ours
That grows ever stronger
and if all my dreams | come true
l'll be spending time | with you
Oh, l love you more today | than yesterday
But not as much as tomorrow
Oh, l love you more today | than yesterday
But, darling, not as much
as tomorrow
Every day's a new day
Every time l love ya
Every way's a new way
- Every time l love ya | - Every day
- Every day's a new day | - Every day
- Every time l love ya | - Every day
- Every way's a new way | - Every day
Every time l love ya
- Every time l love ya | - Every day
Every day
- Every time l love ya | - Every day
Every day
- Every time l love ya | - Every day
Every day