Come on, boys!
That was pathetic!
I wanna see sweat!
Hey, you playin'?
Timothy needs a ball!
He needs my balls!
You wish.
- Ready, boys?
- Ready, sir!
Ready,
fancy feet?
Excellent, men!
Showers!
Hey, you're gonna be late
for that Shakes-queer crap.
Who cares!
That crap's like 400 years old.
It doesn't make sense.
It does to anyone with a brain.
A brain, but no dick!
All I know is rugby!
Rugby rocks! Give it up!
Good try.
We're so proud of you, Timmy!
My name's Timothy.
My name's Timothy, too!
- Need some ice?
- I can handle it.
Nice eye shadow.
Gentlemen!
You will not disrespect
a soul in here.
Today, I challenge you
to write in verse.
Remembering
William Shakespeare,
scribe away your thoughts
and feelings boldly on a page.
"What angel wakes me
from my flow'ry bed?"
"What angel wakes me
from my flow'ry bed?"
"I pray thee gentle mortal,
sing again."
"I pray thee
gentle mortal, sing again. "
"Love looks not with
the eyes, but with the mind;"
"Love looks not with the
eyes, but with the mind;"
"And therefore is wing'd
cupid painted blind."
"And therefore is
wing'd cupid painted blind. "
# OH, TIMOTHY...
TIMOTHY #
# OH, TIMOTHY... #
Timothy...
Oh, Timothy.
A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM...
the spring senior play.
Auditions are Friday.
I'm not an actor.
All the world's a stage.
Awaken and empower
what's within.
I'd rather not.
Here he comes!
Your boyfriend is... mmm!
You like watching us
out there?
I love watching you play.
I bet you do.
Haaa!!!
Someone's jumpy today.
What the hell
happened to you?
Ouch!
- Was it a golfball?
- Nope.
Right, no blood.
# POOR PATHETIC GAY FOOL,
IN AN ALL-DUDE SCHOOL #
# WHERE ARE THE
POLICE OF STEREO TYPE? #
# SAVE OUR BOY FROM ALL
THIS OVERLY BELEAGUERED #
# AND OBVIOUS HYPE #
- Was it a basketball?
- Not in season.
# OH I'M IN A TIZZY
'BOUT MY FRIEND TIMMY #
# IT'S SUCH A PITY,
MY FRIEND TIMMY #
# POOR, POOR, POOR,
POOR, POOR, POOR... #
Baseball?
# THE BALLS THEY JUS DON'T STOP COMIN'
# TOO BAD THEY AIN' THE BALLS HE'S WANTIN'
# THE IRON Y
IS JUST AS SAD #
# AS THE POOR HORN DOG
BEFORE MY EYES. #
It was a dodgeball.
That's boring.
Where's the PE-free school?
State law...
Fags play one hour of sports
a day and they get beat up.
Need a bodyguard?
What you need to do is stand
up and fight for yourself.
Since when did you start
giving advice like that?
Since I started my own
personal revolution.
You gonna be
in Ms. T's play?
I don't have a choice.
Come on.
- I heard she's a dyke.
- Ms. Tebbit?
Drinks soy milk.
I drink soy milk!
Plays guitar...
makes her own
clothes,
emancipated herself
from her parents
when she was 16.
I'm not a lesbian.
That's your fantasy!
I'm hetero-flexible.
You know, why don't you
two just get it on already!
I've tried.
Have you?
Hetero-flexible?
I'm straight, but shit happens.
Let's go, lovebirds!
# OH I'M IN A TIZZY
'BOUT MY FRIEND TIMMY #
# IT'S SUCH A PITY,
MY FRIEND TIMMY #
Timmy?
Timothy, sugar!
I need your muscles a minute.
Thanks for the help, boys.
That's fine, honey.
I'll get it later.
You're home early.
No, I'm not.
What happened?
It was an accident.
So was that.
Why do I work my ass off
to put you in that
goddamn school?
You finally got a job?
You're father was right.
I don't have a father!
I should just lock you
up in your room.
Do you know
what I'm sacrificing?
Tell him I did get a job.
It was just a dodgeball.
Honey!
So what do you
think of these?
They're perfect, actually.
Harder!
- I look sexy.
- You look really good.
Smile, bitch.
Just 'cause I'm wearin'
this dress doesn't mean...
Hey, girl!
Hot fire! Hot fire!
So what dead drag queen was it
that you stole these boots from?
It was my mom, actually.
Oh, your mom? She died?
What?
Night, sugar.
Don't screw this up.
Yes?
Hi, I'm Donna.
Not interested.
What is it?
I'm here for the training.
Oh... Donna.
Do come in.
It's quite atrocious out there.
I thought you were due
to come on Thursday.
Oh, well, c'est la vie.
How are you this afternoon?
Your spirits?
- I'm good.
- Good - No.
First lesson:
You're never good;
At Nora Fay, you're grand!
Don't worry, darling.
It's only water.
Lu, lu, lu, lu, lu...
I'm better without the piano.
I'll take your word.
This shit is thick.
Well, don't rub so hard, dear.
Here...
Like that, you see...
Gently.
There.
Now let's move on to lips.
Is that your normal shade?
Let's see...
With your coloring,
I would say maybe...
Lilac Delight.
Yes!
Strong women wear lipstick.
Too strong.
"I see their knavery.
This is to make
an ass of me.
To fright..."
Is this a girl's part?
You are dismissed.
Just so you know,
I'm growing out a goatee.
Oh?
Delightful!
Time's up!
We have ten minutes more.
What a team.
Your time is up!
Your little warriors
may enter in ten minutes.
Until then, the stage is ours.
That stage made
for better storage.
Where were we?
I was about to make
a fool of myself.
My dear, do not limit yourself.
Nora Fay can take you
to the edge of your imagination
and beyond.
Is this you?
Was.
- You a singer?
- Was.
Was this your husband?
Is.
Really?
In front of Morgan Hill?
Enough questions...
My kid just started there.
Did yours go there?
Oh, God, no!
I bore no children.
I thank the Lord above
for the grace he gave me
just to spawn Nora Fay.
Come, dear.
"And the youth, mistook by me,
Pleading for a lover's fee."
I don't even know
what I'm saying.
That will come.
"Shall we their
fond pageant see?
Lord, what fools
these mortals be!"
Agreed, indeed!
Let's sing.
Sing?
Now you.
- I don't know it.
- Follow me.
Lu, lu, lu...
With the lyrics...
A deep breath.
# WE FAIRIES, THAT DO RUN #
# FROM THE PRESENCE
OF THE SUN #
# WE FOLLOW...
DARKNESS #
# LIKE A DREAM... #
# LIKE A DREAM #
Who's that?
# WE FAIRIES,
THAT DO RUN #
# FROM THE PRESENCE
OF THE SUN #
# WE FOLLOW...
DARKNESS #
# LIKE A DREAM... #
# LIKE A DREAM #
# ALL BE AS THOU
WAST WONT TO BE #
# SEE AS THOU WAS WONT TO SEE #
# BE AS THOU WAS WONT TO BE #
# SEE AS THOU
WAST WONT TO SEE... #
Looks like I'm one
of the lovers.
I'm not shaving.
At least you're not
the jackass.
At least the jackass
doesn't have to wear a dress!
What is Thisby?
Is that a chick?
Congratulations, gentlemen.
Awaken and empower
what's within!
Nice pipes.
I heard your audition.
I saw the list.
Good afternoon.
It's going to be superb.
So many fascinating...
I thought I told you my boys
don't got time for those parts.
Must I remind you that
Morgan Hill philosophy
clearly states that academics
transcends athletics?
Larry'll side with me
on this one.
I'll note you in my
book of memory.
Puck!
He's Puck in the play.
- What play?
- The senior play.
He's the main fairy.
- A fairy?
- It's a great part.
A fairy?!
A kick-ass fairy.
You have lines to memorize.
We need a plan of attack.
This is great.
Sick, aren't they?
Sick.
"I jest to Oberon
and make him smile
When I a fat and
bean-fed horse beguile,
Neighing in likeness
of a filly foal:
And sometime lurk I
in a gossip's bowl,
In very likeness
of a roasted crab,
And when she drinks,
against her lips I bob"
This is for Helena.
Where's the rest of it?
One of my personal favorites!
Patience, Dr. Bellinger.
I've not forgotten
about your frock.
These are for the
Pyramus and Thisby finale,
which I have reinvented
as an incredibly hip song.
That's hot, Ms. T.
Shakespeare was meant
for the masses.
"How now, spirit!
Whither wander you?"
"Either I mistake your shape
and making quite,
Or else you are that shrewd
and knavish sprite
Call'd Robin Goodfellow:
are you not he that frights
the maidens of the villagery?"
"Thou speak'st aright;
I am that merry wanderer
of the night."
Now remember, my dear -
there are no limitations.
You're early.
Oh... we could...
Couldn't wait one moment more
to show off my newest protege.
Nora Fay!
I'm honored.
Did you bring the new lotions?
Darling, we brought everything!
Go ahead!
She doesn't get it.
This year's varsity rugby team
is one of the best
in the history
of our institution.
So, this has nothing to
do with time requirements?
We are concerned
about the tradition -
members of the rugby team
portraying females?
Truth be told!
It's bad for morale.
You're embarrassing them!
Only because you've
trained them
to cast judgement
upon each other.
The Academy is concerned that we
are sending the wrong message.
The Academy has been
staging Shakespeare
in this fashion
for 56 years.
We live in a different time.
Your ignorance of the history
of this Academy
and the history of the
theater is offensive.
Women were prohibited by law
to act on the Elizabethan stage!
Men filled the void.
If this confabulation is about
your insecurities with sexuality
or the sexuality of
your warriors...
I don't have issues
with my sexuality!
A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM
is the senior play.
The cast is chosen.
Thank you, gentlemen.
- Jock boy?
- I think he wants you.
I think he wants
to kick my ass.
I think my star quality
is rubbing off.
Why don't you rub up
on Max a little bit?
Maxie...
It's never gonna happen.
Well, stop waiting for him.
# MAYBE THAT'S WHY
MAX DON'T EVEN TRY #
# TO RUB AND KISS
AND SUCK MY THIGH #
# OR GIVE ME
THE TIME OF DAY #
# 'CAUSE HE'S GAY,
HE'S GAY, HE'S GAY! #
He's not gay!
Mom!
Mom?!
Hey, Ms. Tebbit needs
a band for the play.
Really?
Hey!
Where we going?
It's wet out here.
You'll catch cold.
You look beautiful.
Right.
Training was good?
Apparently, I've got a lot
of learning to do.
She said that?
I know I could sell the shit
if she'd just let me
out the door with it.
I miss your daddy.
- Dad's an asshole.
- We were better off.
What?
- You didn't even try.
- He kicked me out.
You left!
You can have him.
I'm fine.
So, you'd rather live
with Frankie again?
She a better mother?
You're my mother!
Like it or not.
Why are you gay?
What did I do?
You didn't make me queer.
Don't use that word, Timothy!
Nobody did.
I'm just queer.
- So deal with it.
- Go to hell!
I do deal with it, Timothy.
Every day I deal with it.
You're not the only one
who has it rough around here.
Every single day I come out
of the closet just like you.
This is not just your problem.
It's both of ours
and I'm trying!
I'm open.
Over here!
Good form.
"What angel wakes me
from my flow'ry bed."
Good form?
He said that?
Isn't he like super jock?
Come on, keep going.
Demetrius says,
"Yea, art thou there?"
"Follow my voice:
Will try no manhood here."
You'll need that manhood
for your jock boy!
That's not what it means.
Manhood!
"Courage! They're about
to fight for love."
"My gentle Puck, come hither.
Thou rememberest
that very time I saw,
but thou couldst not,
Cupid all arm'd:
a certain aim he took at
a fair vestal throned by..."
"Vestal throned by the west.
And loosed his love-shaft
smartly from his bow,
As it should pierce
a hundred thousand hearts;"
Go on.
"Yet marked I where
the bolt of Cupid fell:
It fell upon a little
western flower,"
"Before milk-white,
now purple with love's wound."
Luscious. Continue.
"Fetch me that flower;
the herb I showed thee once:
The juice of it on
sleeping eye-lids laid
Will make or man
or woman madly dote
Upon the next
live creature that it sees."
"I'll put a girdle round about
the earth In forty minutes."
"Having once this juice -
"I'll watch Titania
when she is asleep
And drop the liquor
of it in her eyes."
"The next thing then
she waking looks upon...
She shall pursue it
with the soul of love."
We'd love to have you
stay for bible study.
- I have wings to make.
- It's a potluck!
No, for my son.
He's a fairy.
- A fairy?
- In a play.
Well, in real life, too.
He's gay.
My son is gay...
Or queer.
But the wings
are for the play.
A man shall not
lie with man...
Do you want the damn
eye cream or not?
Now, with the soul of love
I ask of you the memorization
of act three tonight.
Timothy.
How is your text coming?
I'm trying, but I don't
understand half of it.
Unite rhythm with words
and they will unlock
to empower you -
like A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S
DREAM come true.
"Take pains;
be perfect: adieu."
Down... up... 9!
Down...
up... 10!
Who did it?
Look who just
flew in from Fairyland?
Did you?
Hey, bud, calm down.
- Who did it?
- Let's walk.
Faggot!
Fight! Fight!
Look, guys!
I caught a fairy!
Leave the pansy alone.
Get out of here!
He's not worth it.
"I'll put a girdle round about
the earth In forty minutes."
A girdle?
"I'll put a girdle round about
the earth... In forty minutes."
"I'll put a girdle round about
the earth...
"I'll put a girdle
round about the earth...
Cupid's love juice...
# I SEE THEIR KNAVERY #
# THIS IS TO MAKE
AN ASS OF ME #
# TO FRIGHT ME
IF THEY COULD... #
# BUT I WILL NOT STIR
FROM THIS PLACE #
# DO WHAT THEY CAN #
# I WILL WORK
UP AND DOWN HERE... #
# AND I WILL SING
THAT THEY SHALL HEAR #
# THAT I AM NOT #
# I AM NOTAFRAID... #
# I KNOW NOT BY WHA POWER I AM MADE BOLD #
# BUT STILL YOU FLOU MY INSUFFICIENCY? #
# THE MORE MY PRAYER
THE LESSER IS MY GRACE #
# MY EAR SHOULD
CATCH YOUR VOICE #
# MY EYE YOUR EYE #
# MY TONGUE SHOULD CATCH #
# YOUR TONGUE'S
SWEET MELODY #
# MY TONGUE YOUR TONGUE #
# WERE THE WORLD MINE #
# AND I WILL SING #
# THAT THEY SHALL HEAR #
# THAT I AM NOT #
# I AM NOTAFRAID... #
# FAIRIES AWAY #
# FETCH ME THAT FLOWER #
# UP AND DOWN
UP AND DOWN #
# I WILL LEAD THEM
UP AND DOWN #
# FAIRIES AWAY
SWIFT AS A SHADOW#
# UP AND DOWN
UP AND DOWN #
# I WILL LEAD THEM
UP AND DOWN #
# OH, WHY REBUKE YOU HIM #
# THAT LOVES YOU SO? #
# LAY BREATH SO BITTER
ON YOUR BITTER FOE #
# ON YOUR BITTER FOE #
# WHAT ANGEL WAKES ME
FROM MY FLOW'RY BED? #
# I PRAY THEE
GENTLE MORTAL #
# SING AGAIN #
# I PRAY THEE GENTLE MORTAL
SING AGAIN #
# MINE EAR IS MUCH ENAMOURED
OF THY NOTE #
# SO IS MINE EYE
ENTHRALLED TO THY SHAPE #
# I'LL FOLLOW THEE #
# I'LL FOLLOW THEE...
AND MAKE A HEAVEN OF HELL. #
# I'LL FOLLOW THEE #
# I'LL FOLLOW THEE...
AND MAKE A HEAVEN OF HELL #
# AND MAKE A HEAVEN OF HELL #
# ALL FAIRIES AWAY! #
# FETCH ME THAT FLOWER! #
# UP AND DOWN
UP AND DOWN #
# I WILL LEAD THEM
UP AND DOWN. #
# ALL FAIRIES AWAY #
# SWIFT AS A SHADOW #
# UP AND DOWN
UP AND DOWN #
# I WILL LEAD THEM
UP AND DOWN... #
# ALL FAIRIES AWAY #
# FETCH ME THAT FLOWER #
# UP AND DOWN
UP AND DOWN #
# I WILL LEAD THEM
UP AND... #
# ALL FAIRIES AWAY #
# SWIFT AS A SHADOW #
# UP AND DOWN
UP AND DOWN #
# I WILL LEAD THEM
UP AND DOWN... #
# MY EAR SHOULD
CATCH YOUR VOICE #
# MY EYE SHOULD CATCH
YOUR EYE #
# MY TONGUE YOUR TONGUE #
# WERE THE WORLD MINE #
Hey, I'm here.
Hold on.
Wait out there.
Hey, fairy boy,
you start without me?
What the...
Are you OK?
"How now, mad spirit?"
Timmy?
Oh, God, my mom!
It's so hot in here!
No! No!
Timmy!
Just stay in here.
Anything for you.
Shit!
Mom, I... we're working.
Am I too old to date?
We're really busy...
You gotta see.
I almost finished your wings.
No!
Mom, look, Max is gonna
help me with my... stuff.
Fine.
Later?
You should be proud!
Your mom sold
a lot of shit today!
I missed you.
I'm not sure, but I think
I did something to you.
No! Just stay there.
And put your shirt back on.
Where is that damn page?
"I'll put a girdle round about
the earth In forty minutes."
"I'll put a girdle...
Shit!
"...In forty minutes."
Don't they get how lucky they
are to have you at their school?
No, Max. They don't.
That jock boy
is really missing out.
Not for long.
Do you think
these are too... small?
Mom!
You need to go home, OK?
You need to go home
and think about Frankie.
Don't tell a soul about this.
About us?
My lips are sealed to quench
your sweet desire.
Max, goodbye.
"Parting is such sweet sorrow!"
What now?
If you could make
someone love you, would you?
Shit. Obviously.
I was asleep.
Max helped me
with lines tonight.
Yeah?
He really likes you.
Is that in danger of
changing by tomorrow morning?
He wanted you to know.
OK.
There was an accident.
What?
I'll fix it.
I couldn't sleep either.
Isn't that your
wedding dress?
Was.
Don't run off and
scare me like that again.
"But, gentle friend,
for love and courtesy
Lie further off;
in human modesty."
"Here is my bed:
sleep, give thee all his rest!"
"With half that wish
the wisher's eyes be press'd!"
Sleep!
"Through the forest
have I gone.
But Athenian found I none,
On whose eyes
I might approve
This flower's force
in stirring love.
Night and silence.
Who is here?
Weeds of Athens he doth wear.
And the maiden,
sleeping sound,
On the dank
and dirty ground."
Fag.
Ahh, the fairy brought
his own props.
"Churl, upon thy eyes I throw
All the power
this charm doth owe."
Timothy?
Awww! Nasty!
I can't see!
What in hell?
Careful there, Coach.
Timothy!
What did you do
to my boyfriend?
I missed your bright eyes.
- Come on!
- You promised!
Don't leave me.
Gentlemen, this afternoon
we focus on balance
and coordination!
Essential skills to hone
for rugby won!
Excellent!
Onward to the field, gentles!
Coach!
I'll see you later,
my prince!
You're mocking me, right?
You said he liked me.
How far I've chased you...
Sweet, why flee so fast?
You have practice!
I can see
your heart beating.
I'm not done here yet, sport!
Is this the accident?
You seducing my boyfriend?
- Boyfriend?
- Yeah!
Max was the accident!
I'll fix it, I promise.
Let's walk.
No!
Timothy!
What is wrong with you?
What is wrong
with all of you?!
This is really fucked up!
Donna, darling...
I have got to say,
I vacillated after
that first meeting,
but you surprise me daily.
First impressions
aren't my thing.
They must be.
Lawrence says from the moment
he first laid eyes upon me,
it was true love.
Was it?
There are no limitations.
I have none and you, too,
can rise above.
Remember, what you believe,
you will achieve.
Timothy... that's my son!
Timothy!
You know her?
That's my mom.
I'm Jonathon.
You have a brilliant son.
Oh, shit!
Sorry.
We just had our nails done.
Nora Fay!
Mom, we've got to go.
We've got a lot of...
practicing to do.
Timothy...
pleasure to finally meet.
And Jonathon Cordon!
You look quite luminous.
I'm in love.
Yes.
This is exactly what I meant
by rising above, Donna.
Your son,
compatriots with
Morgan Hill's star rugby player!
We're not compatriots.
We're boyfriends!
I'm sorry.
We have got to go!
Johnny!
Your son is a homosexual?
Ummm...
Yes, he is.
Has your coach
lost his mind?
I've outgrown you.
Is this a joke?
Don't mock my love.
Who would not change
a raven for a dove?
What?
Fly away.
How could he not
desire a woman?
It's unnatural!
Let's go!
Wait here.
You better pick me
up at seven!
You can take your
ugly makeup
and shove it up
your unlimited ass!
May God bless you
and show you the light!
I got your back, Mom.
Both of you!
Get out of my way!
Timothy! What the hell is that?
Ohhhh! My mascara!
Let her walk in one
of my shoes a while.
My eyes are tingling!
Donna...
Donna, Donna, Donna,
Donna, Donna...
Be not so bashful,
darling rare divine,
these luscious kissing
cherry lips are mine.
I'd like to welcome everyone
to the 56th Annual Morgan Hill
Spring Festival!
We are honored to have
several special guests
to help us ring in
this weekend's festivities.
First and foremost,
the honorable Mayor Robbins!
We were also hoping
to have a representative
from one of our sponsors -
my beautiful wife,
Nora Bellinger -
but she is most likely
still out soliciting
some lucky townsperson.
Let's not go.
Why?
You're different now.
What about
Cotton Candy Mountain?
I'm don't think
you're ready for this.
I cross my heart.
Seriously.
I was beaten up
for being queer
before I even knew
what that was.
Don't worry. I'll protect you.
I don't need someone
to protect me.
You didn't even
like me yesterday, remember?
Sure, I did.
But I fell in love
with you today.
- Come on.
- Stop.
- You are perfection.
- That's the pansy talking.
Come on!
It'll be fun.
There's a kissing booth.
And last, but not least,
our very own, Coach Driskill!
I love this man!
If he's here with that fag,
I'll kill him!
You are completely
prettier than him.
I love this school.
Our love for one another
shines brighter than
the lights on this midway!
I hate this town.
I can't wait to graduate
and get the hell out
of this place forever.
It's not that bad.
Try looking at it
through my eyes.
What about your family?
You mean my mom?
Everyone.
It's just my mom...
on a good day.
- I don't want to go back.
- To what?
Real life.
This is real.
But so, so far from where
I woke up this morning.
People were staring at us.
Stare back.
People are just jealous...
'cause I'm with
the best fellow in town.
People can change.
If they experienced that,
they might.
Look.
How many people
are in this town?
Ten-thousand, maybe.
Let's go.
- Why?
- I've got people to change.
Game's over, sport!
What?
I missed you.
Get the hell off of him!
Leave him alone!
He's just messin'
with your head.
He's mine!
Stop teasing him and go
back to your cheerleader!
Any love I had
for her is gone, I swear.
Max, you love Frankie!
You know I know.
Yes! Thank you.
I love you.
When I vow, I weep.
My tears do tell the truth.
I am going insane, officially!
Found the fags!
You asshole!
Stop it!
He's mine!
No! No!
Can you please
let me in on this!
Who is this goddess?
Nymph!
- Perfect!
- Divine!
Timothy, I love you.
I swear on my life I do.
I love you more
than he ever could.
Prove it!
You want to fight?
You're on, jock boy!
Max!
- You comin'?
- Let loose!
Be certain.
I don't love you anymore.
Follow, if you dare.
Get off me!
Timothy, have we had
our fun yet?
Go away!
Donna!
Darling, please don't
leave me out here alone.
Think of what
we could do together!
I am not a lesbian!
Nora! Darling!
Lawrence!
I can see your light on.
Driskill, I have a wife!
If she doesn't ask,
you don't have to... tell.
# THE COURSE OF TRUE LOVE
NEVER DID RUN SMOOTH #
# THE COURSE OF TRUE LOVE
NEVER DID RUN SMOOTH #
# THE COURSE OF TRUE LOVE
NEVER DID RUN SMOOTH #
# NO! NO! NO! #
# THE COURSE OF TRUE LOVE
NEVER DID RUN SMOOTH #
# NO, NO, NO #
Jock boy, shed none;
it's all mine.
I fought with everything
I had, but it wasn't enough.
My heart belongs to Jonathon.
- I don't exist without you.
- You do.
It's late.
You should go home.
Be gone then!
...where moments ago the Mayor
made the shocking announcement
that he will be leaving
his wife of 11 years.
He also said that Kingston
will begin issuing marriage
licenses to any couple in love.
The mayor issued
this statement:
"The Constitution prohibits
the making of laws
based on religion.
Therefore, excluding
legions of citizens from
this sanctified institution
because of religious
belief is immoral,
unconstitutional and silly. "
I woke up this morning
with an extra skip in my step.
Timmy!
There are dozens
of local couples
who are ready
to take the plunge.
We'd only be guessing
at how many couples
have driven long distances
today to take advantage
of this landmark
turn of events.
We've known
each other for 20 years.
We've been neighbors.
And this morning
we looked at each other
and we just knew
this was the right thing.
We have a new
perspective on life.
What about family values?
What about 'em?
We have families.
We have values.
Come on, Frankie,
answer the damn phone.
Over there, look!
Gay... gay...
gay and gay!
We'll find him.
Driskill!
Why the hell
are you still here?
I missed you.
What the hell's
gotten in to you?
That speech last night,
the dancing at practice...
We were refining
the essentials needed
to play a skillful game.
My wife wouldn't let me
in the house last night.
That makes two of us -
unlucky in love this morning.
She said,
"The course of true love...
never did run smooth."
Oh, Lawrence!
Dr. Bellinger!
Open up!
Dr. Bellinger, my family
was eating dinner last night
and Cole said,
"I love Cooper!
And I want everyone
to know it."
This is not my little Cole!
There's been something
odd about him
ever since he
started that play.
And now...
Has it ever occurred to you
that I have problems too?!
You need to fix this!
Dr. Bellinger!
Look!
They're everywhere.
Who's that?
Donna, darling!
Oh, shit.
Donna!
Donna!
I found her!
Oh, Donna, look at you!
How fresh and lovely
you look this morning.
Go!
He hasn't been here.
He'll turn up.
Yeah, in a ditch somewhere
with a hole in his head!
Don't get it.
- What if it's him?
- What if it's not?
Good morning.
Frankie! How's your song?
Where's Timothy?
He didn't come
home last night.
Where is my son?
There's a meeting
at Morgan Hill.
Is he in trouble?
You should come with me.
What about the play?
The play will go on...
just don't you
forget your guitar.
I am not leaving my son
in this place one day longer!
Please stay calm, sir.
No one needs
to remove their child
from this institution!
Where is Ms. Tebbit?
This is my son.
I found him
this morning in bed
with his best friend Russ.
They were holding
each other and kissing.
Believe me, I taught them
both a lesson.
"The course of true love
never did run smooth."
What did you say?
My son said the same thing!
Ladies and gentlemen,
what we have here is
a kind of coercive persuasion.
- I'm in love!
- No, you're not!
Has everyone gone insane?
He's in love!
Love!
The Bible states
that homosexuality
is contagious -
in all sorts of ways.
It's that alternative
teacher and her Shakespeare!
Shakespeare was queer, too!
- It's wicked!
- Do something!
Ladies and Gentlemen,
A MIDSUMMER NIGHT'S DREAM
is hereby cancelled.
No!
That is entirely
unfair to the boys!
They've been
working so hard...
And I am putting Ms. Tebbit
under a full investigation.
Firstly...
Mr. William Shakespeare
has never been proven
to be a homosexual.
Bisexual, perhaps.
Regardless, if you will all
kindly return this evening
for the play, I'm sure we
will all make amends.
- My son's not coming!
- No!
The play must go on!
Your concerns will fade
like a nightmare,
or with any luck,
a clandestine dream come true.
I must locate your son.
My words will appease
them only momentarily.
We looked everywhere.
I have a notion.
# OVER HILL,
OVER DALE, #
# THOROUGH BUSH,
THOROUGH BRIER, #
# OVER PARK, OVER PALE, #
# THOROUGH FLOOD,
THOROUGH FIRE #
"I do wander everywhere."
# SWIFTER THAN
THE MOON'S SPHERE... #
# WHAT HAVE WE DONE? #
# WE HAVE
MISTAKEN QUITE #
# AND LAID
THE LOVE JUICE #
# ON SOME
TRUE LOVE'S SIGHT #
# THIEVES OF LOVE! #
# WE'VE COME BY NIGHT #
# AND STOLEN LOVERS'
HEARTS AWAY IN SPITE #
Let me go!
Let me go!
# THE WILL OF MAN #
# IS BY YOUR
REASON SWAY'D #
# WITH SUCH FORCE
AND BLESSED POWER #
# WITH ALL GOOD WILL #
# WITH ALL MY HEART #
# ALL THINGS
SHALL BE PEACE #
# SO FAR BLAMELESS #
# PROVES MY ENTERPRISE, #
# THAT I HAVE 'NOINTED
THOSE POOR SOULS' EYES #
Think of your friends,
your family.
No!
# SO FAR AM I GLAD
IT SO DID SORT #
# AS THIS THEIR JANGLING
I ESTEEM A SPORT #
# THE WILL OF MAN IS
BY YOUR REASON SWAY'D, #
# WITH SUCH FORCE
AND BLESSED POWER #
# WITH ALL GOOD WILL,
WITH ALL MY HEART, #
# ALL THINGS
SHALL BE PEACE #
# WE FAIRIES, #
# THAT DO RUN #
# FROM THE PRESENCE #
# OF THE SUN, #
# WE FOLLOW DARKNESS
LIKE A DREAM...#
# BE AS THOU
WAST WONT TO BE #
# SEE AS THOU
WAST WONT TO SEE... #
"Will you rent our
ancient love asunder?"
# TAKE COMFORT #
# HE NO MORE
SHALL SEE MY FACE; #
# WHOM I DO LOVE AND
WILL DO TILL MY DEATH #
# BE AS THOU
WAST WONT TO BE; #
# SEE AS THOU
WAST WONT TO SEE #
# BE AS THOU
WAST WONT TO BE; #
# SEE AS THOU
WAST WONT TO SEE... #
"I have a device
to make all well.
Crush this herb
into the lovers eyes
Whose liquor hath
this virtuous property,
To take from thence all
error with their might,
And make their eyeballs
roll with wonted sight.
When next they wake,
all this derision
Shall seem a dream
and fruitless vision."
Don't haste,
get to the play tonight,
And with some luck there,
all things shall be right!
"I swear to thee,
by Cupid's strongest bow,
By all the vows that
ever men have broke..."
I'll be there.
# ALL THINGS SHALL BE PEACE #
Hi, Sugar.
I've got to get you
to the school.
"Follow my voice:
we'll try no manhood here."
"The villain is much
lighter-heel'd than I:
I follow'd fast,
but faster he did fly;
Come, thou gentle day!
For if but once thou
show me thy grey light,
I'll find Demetrius
and revenge this spite."
"Ho, ho, ho!
Coward, why comest thou not?"
"Where art thou now?"
"Come hither: I am here."
"Nay, then, thou mock'st me.
Thou shalt buy this dear,
If ever I thy face
by daylight see:
Now, go thy way.
Faintness constraineth me
To measure out my length
on this cold bed."
He's gathering all the mixed
up lovers so he can fix them.
"O weary night,
O long and tedious night,"
Free will must be restored.
"Abate thy hour!
And sleep, that sometimes
shuts up sorrow's eye,
Steal me awhile
from mine own company."
"Yet but three?
Come one more;
Two of both kinds
make up four.
Here she comes,
curst and sad:
Cupid is a knavish lad,
Thus to make poor females mad."
"Never so weary,
never so in woe,
Bedabbled with the dew
and torn with briers,
I can no further crawl,
no further go;
My legs can keep no
pace with my desires."
Sing!
# ON THE GROUND #
# SLEEP SOUND... #
# I'LL APPLY TO YOUR EYE, #
# GENTLE LOVER, REMEDY #
Go on.
# WHEN THOU WAKES THOU TAKEST #
# TRUE DELIGHT IN THE SIGHT #
# OF THY FORMER
LADY'S EYE: #
# JACK SHALL HAVE JILL; #
# NOUGHT SHALL GO ILL; #
# THE MAN SHALL HAVE
HIS MARE AGAIN #
# AND ALL SHALL BE WELL #
Goodbye.
This part of the show?
Damn, this is cool.
- Get off me, dude.
- Sorry.
Come along, please.
The finale.
Frankie, you're on!
"I will hear that play;
For never anything
can be amiss,
When simpleness
and duty tender it."
# GENTLES, PERCHANCE
YOU WONDER AT THIS SHOW; #
# BUT WONDER ON, #
# TILL TRUTH MAKES
ALL THINGS PLAIN #
# THIS MAN IS PYRAMUS,
IF YOU WOULD KNOW; #
# THIS BEAUTEOUS LADY
THISBY IS CERTAIN... #
# BY MOONSHINE DID
THESE LOVERS THINK #
# NO SCORN MET AT A TOMB #
# TO WOO BY PALE MOONLIGHT #
# THIS GRISLY BEAST,
WHICH LION HIGHT BY NAME, #
# THE TRUSTY THISBY,
COMING FIRST BY NIGHT... #
That's my girlfriend!
She fuckin' rocks!
# IF WE OFFEND,
WE GOT GOOD WILL #
# IF WE ARE CRUDE,
OUR MEASURES PLAIN! #
# OUR TRUE INTEN IS YOUR DELIGHT #
# IT'S MERRY!
TRAGICAL! AND BRIEF! #
# OH, PYRAMUS, #
# PYRAMUS LOVED THISBY #
# AND, AS SHE FLED,
HER MANTLE SHE DID FALL, #
# WHICH LION VILE WITH
BLOODY MOUTH DID STAIN #
# ANON COMES PYRAMUS,
SWEET YOUTH AND TALL, #
# AND FINDS HIS TRUSTY
THISBY'S MANTLE SLAIN... #
# WHEREAT, WITH BLADE, #
# WITH BLOODY
BLAMEFUL BLADE, #
# HE BRAVELY BROACH'D
HIS BOILING BLOODY BREAST; #
# THUS HE DIED #
# HE DIED, HE DIED #
# HIS SOUL IS IN THE SKY #
# NOW THISBY'S PASSION
ENDS THE PLAY IN TEARS, #
# ASLEEP, MY LOVE?
WHAT, DEAD, MY DOVE? #
# ARISE! #
# TONGUE NOT A WORD: #
# COME BLADE MY
BREAST IMBRUE: #
# THUS THIS BY ENDS;
ADIEU, ADIEU, ADIEU. #
# ADIEU, ADIEU, ADIEU, ADIEU! #
# IF WE OFFEND,
WE GOT GOOD WILL #
# IF WE ARE CRUDE,
OUR MEASURES PLAIN! #
# OUR TRUE INTEN IS YOUR DELIGHT #
# IT'S MERRY!
TRAGICAL! BRIEF! #
# OH, PYRAMUS, #
# PYRAMUS LOVED THIS BY... #
# OH, PYRAMUS, #
# PYRAMUS LOVED THIS BY #
Nora?
It's time to fly.
"If we shadows
have offended,
Think but this,
and all is mended,
That you have
but slumber'd here
While these visions
did appear
And this weak
and idle theme,
No more yielding
but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
If you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am
an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to 'scape
the serpent's tongue,
We will make
amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands,
if we be friends,
And Robin shall
restore amends."
Donna, darling...
will you join me
for next week's seminar?
OK.
Yes, of course.
You're very lucky to have
such a marvelously talented son.
Goodnight.
You know, when I was
in high-school,
I made quite
a dashing Oberon.
I bet you did.
Good evening, Coach.
What a talented bunch!
Indeed.
See you on Monday, Coach?
Evening, Nora.
Goodnight.
You were
unbelievable tonight.
Don't you feel...
I feel like myself.
"It's not enough to speak,
but to speak true."
Dude, awesome job!
You two love birds
better be at my party.
It's gonna be beyond!
Who's next?