Whoa!
Oh, my god.
Who...? Who are you?
Who am I? Who are you?
No, I'm not telling you who I am
until you tell me who you are.
Why not?
Because I asked first.
Oh, my god.
I can't believe this shit.
Will you please
watch your language?
Oh, excuse me,
little miss innocence.
What is that supposed to mean?
Oh, it means I don't think
you're as innocent
as you think you are.
What are you talking about?
Unless of course you go to bed
in a bra and boxers.
Oh, my god.
Where are my clothes?
Where am I?
You! You brought me here.
Whoa, listen, Chickie,
I didn't bring anybody anywhere
I don't even know
whose place this is.
Shit.
Watch your language.
How dare you?
First, you get me
completely drunk
and you bring me up here
to try and take advantage of me
while I'm unconscious in a bed?
Whoa. Whoa, no, no.
Under no circumstances
did I take advantage of you,
we didn't even have sex
last night.
And what makes you so sure?
Because I would never
sleep with someone like you.
Then what happened last night?
Have a nice weekend, miss g.
Why don't you call it a day,
Danny?
You sure?
I don't mind staying till close.
It's Friday night,
don't you have that party?
Yeah, gamma bash.
Right, you've been talking
about it all week.
So go ahead, have a good time.
No, it's...
It's no big deal.
I can totally just stay...
Nah, I'm closing up
in an hour anyway.
It's Friday afternoon.
Business hasn't been so good
since the weather got cold.
All right, if you insist.
Would you mind coming in
on Sunday?
I know you don't like
to work Sundays, but...
No, that wouldn't be a problem.
I'd be happy to.
You're a good egg, Danny.
Well, you're welcome.
See you Sunday.
Okay.
Have a good time.
Yeah.
Don't do anything stupid.
It's my senior year.
It's what I'm supposed to do,
right?
All right. Bye, boys.
Bye, miss Sarah.
Hey, wait for me!
Thank you.
Thanks. Boys, boys!
Hi. How are you?
Oh, hey.
Good. How are you?
Ask her, mommy. Ask her.
Ask me what?
Ashley's babysitter is away
this weekend,
and we're in a pinch.
We wanted to see
if you're able to watch her
this Saturday?
I'm sorry, Mrs. Reed,
but I can't...
Please?
I'm so sorry, Ashley,
I'm not allowed to babysit
any other kids that go here.
We won't tell anyone.
As much as I'd like to,
I just can't.
I signed a contract
when I started,
and if they ever found out
I wouldn't get
the job recommendation
after graduation.
All right,
well, my kid loves you,
college kids need money.
I'm gonna leave you
my business card
in case you change your mind.
Okay.
Thank you. Bye, Ashley.
Thank you.
Say bye.
Bye
take care.
You too.
Hi hi.
There you go.
Thank you.
All right.
Have a good weekend.
You too. Bye, guys.
Oh.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Thank you. Have a good weekend.
Thanks.
Bye-bye,
here you go.
Thank you.
Hi, Jamie. How was your day?
It was good, thanks.
I know this is going to sound
weird or whatever,
but I made you a necklace
in art today.
Oh, Jamie,
woman: Hi.
That was so sweet of you.
- Thank you.
- All done.
It's just you seem so sad
all the time
I thought
this would make you happy.
Well, mission accomplished.
You did make me smile.
Yeah, sure.
Is that all right with you?
Oh, of course it's all right.
Don't be silly.
Okay. I just didn't wanna...
Yeah.
Step on anyone's toes.
You worry too much, Sarah.
Enjoy the necklace.
It's beautiful.
Thank you.
Have a good weekend.
Bye bye.
There you go.
Thanks.
Bye.
Thank you. Have a good weekend.
Thank you.
Boys, where are you going?
You know the rules, Simon.
Parents must sign their kids out
at the end of the day.
Sorry I'm late.
It's all good.
They didn't cause any trouble,
did they?
Of course not.
These boys are angels.
Ha. Tell that to their mother.
Have a good weekend.
You too.
Bye, boys.
Grabbed your bag.
Thank you.
Mm-hm.
Buses are gone.
And so are the kids.
Signed, sealed and delivered.
So any exciting plans
for the weekend?
Nah, just studying.
Sarah, you gotta have some fun.
I do have fun.
Honey, I'm not talking
about playing with these kids
here three days a week.
This is your senior year
in college.
The real world will be here
before you know it.
I wish it would just hurry up
and get here already.
Don't be silly.
It will be here.
Sooner than you think.
And you will be wishing
for a redo
for the last couple of months.
Look, I know that you just had
a breakup
how? I never said anything.
You're showing
all the classic signs.
This is so not me, Bev.
I just...
I can't get out of this funk.
Sure you can.
You just have to try harder.
Go, do something.
It's the weekend.
I'm sure you can find a party
on campus somewhere.
That's really not my speed.
All the more reason to do it.
Trust me, Sarah,
you don't wanna have
any regrets.
You only get one shot
at your senior year.
You're right.
You're right.
Have a good weekend, Sarah.
You too.
See you on Monday.
Bye, Bev.
Mm-hm.
Come see
the university players perform.
Come see the university players
perform.
Come see
the university players...
Come see the university players
perform Bermuda triangle
at the black box tonight.
Thanks.
Good luck.
Come see the university players
perform...
Um, excuse me?
Yeah?
I, um, well...
Are you all right?
Yes, yes.
I'm fine. It's just...
I was wondering
if you could buy me and
my friends a six-pack of beer.
No.
Oh, come on.
I've been standing here
for an hour.
My friends are waiting for me.
Please?
No. What are you, 12?
I'm 21. I just lost my ID.
Oh, really?
Mm-hm.
What year were you born?
2000...
I mean 1993?
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Go home, kid.
Oh, come on.
No. I'm not getting in trouble
for you.
If you were my brother
I would kick your ass.
You suck.
Here you go.
Thank you.
Yeah.
Hey, Abby.
Hey, Sarah.
How's it going?
Huh, pretty well.
How are you?
Good.
Do you want another brownie?
Yeah.
Hey, is Nick welling
still outside?
The kid trying to get beer?
Yeah.
Uh, I think he left?
I hope so. Someone said
they were gonna call
campus police on him.
Yikes. Um...
I'll let him know
if he's still outside.
Thanks. I'd really hate
to see him get in trouble.
Do you want a bag with that?
Heh. No.
Okay.
Have a good weekend.
You too.
Bye.
Studio tan.
Buy one get one.
No, thanks.
- Studio tan. Buy one get one.
- Thanks.
- Studio tan. Buy one get one.
- No, thanks.
I know it's in here.
Oh, it's fine.
I know who you are.
I don't wanna get you
into any trouble or anything.
Hey, Jeff.
Hey.
Seriously, it's fine.
I... I know it's in here.
You live right next to me.
I know you live here.
Here it is.
Thanks.
See you later, Alicia.
Bye.
I don't know
if I wanna wear this or not.
I know, I know.
- Hey, Mindy.
- Hey.
Yes. Liz,
she's gonna to be there.
Yeah, she's gonna be there.
Yeah, she will.
Yes, yes, she will, okay?
Yes. Okay, fine.
Sarah, can you please tell Liz
you're gonna be there?
I'll be where?
See? She said there.
No, she said there, Liz.
Yeah, she did. There.
Oh, my god, shut up.
Yes, I'll be there
in five minutes.
Five minutes. Five.
Yeah, no, honey, I gotta go.
I gotta go, bye. Bye.
So how was work?
Eh, it was fine.
A little girl
made me a necklace.
Oh, cute.
I don't know how you can waste
your time.
It's my senior year.
I don't wanna slack off.
That's exactly what you should
be doing your senior year.
And I mean midterms
aren't for, what, two weeks?
I have a lot of really hard
classes this semester.
Bullshit.
Look who you're talking to.
Hello? We live together.
I mean, come on.
If it's over Dave, you've gotta
let it go. It's over.
It's been over for a month, min.
So what?
That's the whole point.
Get over it.
No. Today.
Today marks exactly one month
since Dave and I broke up.
You're counting?
Sarah, let it go.
You're really
not making me feel better.
Honey, I'm not trying to.
Come to the party with Liz
and myself tonight, okay?
Gamma's having this huge bash,
we're gonna have fun.
We're gonna have fun,
and we both know
that horses' asses
are gonna be there.
I really wish you would stop
referring to him
as horse's ass, Mindy.
I call them as I see them.
He's a horse's ass.
He is.
Stop freaking
protecting him, anyway
after what he did to you?
He cheated on you, with...
I know, Mindy.
Ugh.
I know.
Can we just drop this already?
Look, I'll try.
I will.
I will. I'll... I'll stop.
I'll stop calling him
horse's ass
if you come to the party
tonight.
No, you won't.
Yeah, I probably won't.
But I'll really try, okay?
I will.
Come on? Yeah?
Wanna try?
I'm gonna try.
What? Oh, that's right.
Is lord Douchington
better for you?
Huh?
Knock it off.
See? You haven't laughed
in weeks.
Look, how about this?
I'll make it
a little interesting.
What are you talking about?
Whichever one of us
gets the most drinks
brought to us by different guys
by the end of the night wins.
Wins what?
Hmm...
Dishes.
The loser has to clean
the dishes for a week.
Ew.
Yeah.
Two weeks.
I hate doing the dishes.
Fine.
But you're gonna be the one
with the dishpan hands.
Whatever.
And we can't drink anything
unless a guy brings it to us.
Fine.
You know what, Sarah?
Maybe you shouldn't go.
Because the whole purpose
is for you to have fun
and forget about horse...
Uh, sorry.
I am so sorry.
Uh...
Mm.
It's so hard.
All right.
All right, you're on.
Deal.
Oh, god. I'm so sorry.
Oh, god. I've really gotta go.
That's Liz.
I really have to go.
I am so sorry.
Yes?
I'll see you tonight, okay?
Liz, you are worse
than my mother.
Jesus.
Douchington.
Hell, yeah, we'll be there.
Sure, he'll come.
Of course.
Dude, I'll be right there.
Oh.
Megan?
Hello there, Joe.
What are you doing here?
Is, uh...? Is Danny home?
No.
Good.
But what are you doing?
Oh, you know, I just,
uh, came by to get my stuff.
What stuff?
I don't have any of your stuff.
Why would you have my stuff?
Danny has my stuff. I just...
I don't know, I don't want him
holding on to it
for sentimental value.
It's weird.
Sentimental value?
That's a laugh.
Oh, okay. You know what?
Don't be jealous, Joey
because we all know
that if you break up
with your girlfriend,
you'll always have
that great box she came in.
Maybe you should
take better care of your box.
So we're not in this situation.
Touch. Okay on that note,
yeah.
I'm gonna get my shit.
Okay.
Hurry up, Megan.
Mine.
You needed that right?
I did, and you know what,
my sunglasses.
I've been looking for these
bad boys.
I'm sure you have.
Uh-huh.
Uh-huh. And... oh.
Just where I left them.
All over campus.
Ha-ha-ha. Very funny.
Yo! Hey, Joe!
Oh, crap. Stay in here
Joe!
Yo, Joe, what's up, man?
Hey, Dan.
Dude, I'm glad you're home.
I'm starving.
Let's go get something to eat.
Nah, dude, I already ate.
I'm not hungry, sorry.
Wanna get a beer?
Got beer in the fridge, right?
Not enough.
I'm broke.
I'll buy, come on.
You'll buy?
Yeah. I'll buy, let's go.
No. What are you hiding?
What's going on?
Nothing.
I'm just hungry, all right?
Tonight's gamma bash.
I need to fuel up my tank.
Make a sandwich.
I don't want a sandwich.
Come on, Dan,
let's just go to Chad's.
No, what are you hiding
from me, bro?
I'm not hiding anything.
Something in there?
Hey, Danny.
It's good to see you.
What are you doing here, Megan?
Oh, you know,
I was in the neighborhood,
decided to come by
and pick up my stuff.
You see, this guy...
Okay, just in the neighborhood,
what were you doing?
Looking for another frat guy
to bang?
You know, it's not my fault
that you didn't know
how to please me.
I'm sorry I couldn't please you,
so you had to go and bang
every one of my brothers.
Okay, well, maybe if you were
more of a man
who knew how to treat a woman
we wouldn't have this problem.
If you weren't such a whore...
Enough, enough, enough!
Enough. Megan, take your shit
and leave.
Excuse me?
Take your shit and leave.
Fine.
But only because I feel like it.
Don't expect to see me again.
I won't.
Just maybe to hear you
through the wall or something.
Dude...
Fuck!
She's not worth it.
She is so not what I needed.
Forget about it.
Look, I'm going to the house
for the game.
You wanna come?
No I'm just...
I'm just not in the mood, okay?
I don't think I'm going tonight.
What? Are you nuts?
This is our last gamma bash.
I know, I just got a lot
of things on my mind.
You've got Megan on your mind.
Among other things.
Like?
Like...
Like midterms, like my job,
my family...
Midterms aren't for two weeks
you get paid to box cookies
and sweet-talk old ladies
and your family is fine.
I'm thinking about Megan.
You're obsessing about Megan.
It's been over two weeks, dude.
The grace period is over.
The what?
The grace period.
I dated this chick named grace
back in high school.
When we broke up, I gave her
two weeks to come to her senses
and come back to me.
Well, on the 14th day,
she came back.
So I give every ex-girlfriend
another chance
if they come back within
the two weeks of breaking up.
It's a grace period.
You're an idiot.
But I look so good.
Come on, Dan,
just come with me okay?
I don't know, man.
Fine.
Don't come to the game.
But you're coming to the party.
I'll think about it, okay?
There's nothing to think about.
Don't be a bitch.
You know Megan's
not even gonna be there.
Maybe she will be.
She's not allowed in the house
again and you know this.
I'll even put a sign
on the door saying,
"Megan Decatur, go home."
Right?
Look, i... I'm just...
I just don't feel
like me right now.
Dan, it wouldn't be a party
without you.
Besides, all the seniors
are gonna get a keg
of coconut Porter.
How much?
Nothing, dude.
It's a gift from the pledges.
Fine.
Okay, I'll come for a little bit
and I'll have a couple of beers,
that's it.
That's all I ask.
You sure you don't
wanna come for the game?
Yes, I'm sure.
Suit yourself.
See you later.
Later, brother.
Hello, tiny.
Hey, beautiful.
What can I get you?
I am supposed to meet Liz.
Have you seen her?
Yeah, she's in the back.
I see her. Thank you.
- See you.
- Okay.
Hey, girl.
Ugh!
It's about time you showed up.
I'm so sorry.
I was kind of talking to Sarah.
Wait, she's still coming
tonight, right?
Well, yeah,
but she doesn't want to.
Oh, let me guess.
Dave?
Of course.
Because it's always about Dave.
She has completely forgotten
about herself
before that horse's ass.
They were together,
like, what, six months?
Barely.
She's just not herself anymore.
And honestly, because of all
the bitching and the moaning,
I'm getting sick of her.
I know.
She used to be so much fun.
Now she's just
a stick in the mud.
Hello.
What can I get you guys?
Oh, I want a bikini blonde.
What was that I had last time?
Was it a coconut...?
Uh...
Porter. Yes.
Porter.
Goes down real smooth.
Can I have one of those?
Yeah, you really liked that one.
Yeah.
Okay, okay. Real talk.
What are you wearing tonight?
Seriously?
I don't know. You know me.
I don't know either.
I can't decide
if I wanna wear a skirt or not.
Well, do you want
a bunch of guys
or just a couple?
What do you think?
Wear a skirt.
Okay, okay.
Don't wanna be the only one
wearing a skirt.
I'll get Sarah to wear one
or something, okay?
You promise she's coming?
Honey, look at me. Ready?
She is going to go to that party
whether I have to drug her
and drag her ass there.
She will be there.
I love it.
Aah! Sorry.
Ah, it's okay, it's okay.
Oh, that looks amazing.
Mm, cheers.
Aah!
You are a goddess among women,
Deedee.
Oh, thank you.
Where is Sarah?
Studying.
Again? On a Friday night?
My sentiments exactly.
Please tell me she's coming
to the party tonight.
She better.
She is still getting over Dave,
the horse's ass.
Thank god she didn't come.
He's over there right now.
What?
I didn't see him when...
I didn't see him when I came in.
What the heck is he doing here?
I don't know.
This is Sarah's place.
He's never come here before.
Oh, my god. Do you remember
he used to go over
and make fun of her
when you and I came here?
Yeah, because he's an asshole.
I don't know
what she ever saw in him.
I have no idea.
He's over there
flirting with some girl.
What a horse's ass.
You said it.
So, Liza...
Leila.
Right.
Yeah, tell me,
are you transferred
or something?
I haven't seen you before.
I'm a traveling
chapter consultant
for my sorority,
so just checking in
on the house.
Nice. Delta, delta, delta,
can I help ya, help ya, help ya?
No. Alpha delta pi, actually.
Oh. Sexy, yeah.
I like pie.
Like I've never heard
that one before.
Let me guess, lambda chi?
Oh, my goodness gracious.
Well, there's nothing we can do
about it now.
Really?
Mindy, what are you doing?
Watch me.
Sarah, no...
She is so bad. Uh-oh.
I'm gonna lose my job.
Yeah.
Oh.
Frats aren't really my speed.
Yeah, you could've fooled me.
I know a lot of fraternities
you'd fit right into.
Oh, thank you.
I gotta go
wait, sit and watch. Come on.
Okay.
You know, people told me
I should rush.
Thing is I realized, why
the hell should I limit myself
to one party per week.
You know? I mean...
Oh, my god. What the hell?
I...
Get away from me, you creep!
Mindy?
Just get away, yeah.
You just touched my boob!
Oh, my god. She's so bad.
Put these on, put these on.
I didn't even see you there!
How could you not see her?
I saw her.
I was looking at you.
Hey, is there a problem here?
He touched my boob, tiny.
No, i... I didn't
yes. Yes, yes, you did.
Either you did or didn't.
I'm gonna get this on video.
Okay, yeah.
Technically i...
What the hell do you care,
anyway?
Go back to stacking cups
or whatever it is you do.
Say what?
He... he knew my name too.
That's because you're a bitch,
Mindy.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey.
Don't talk to the lady
like that.
Dude, you're not part of this.
Hey, I wasn't talking to you,
okay?
So why don't you go off or...?
What? You're gonna bite me
in my kneecap
or something, short stuff?
Huh?
Excuse me?
Look, okay,
everyone just chill out
for a second here
and shut up, okay?
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god. Oh, my god. Honey.
Oh, my god. He didn't buy you
that drink, did he?
Yeah?
You didn't.
I bet he put something in this.
What?
Oh, yeah. He definitely did.
No, I didn't!
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god. No.
No, no, no.
My god.
You put something in my drink?
It's time for you to go.
No. No, no, no.
It's not time
for me to go, okay?
Look i...
Are you kidding me?
Will everyone just shut up,
please? Shut up.
Tell me to shut up
one more time, bro.
Shut...
Up.
That's it.
Oh, my god.
I'm gonna get fired tomorrow.
Look...
Look, uh, Laura...
Leila.
I did not put something
in your drink.
And I did not mean to do
whatever with her breast.
You know what?
You're disgusting.
Lauren!
- Leila!
- Whatever!
Come on! I'm not a creep!
Yeah, you are.
I thought I told you to shut...
Oh, yeah.
Up.
Yeah, you did.
And that's a little problem.
I wasn't talking to you.
I think maybe we both said
some things
that we regret...
Shut up.
Yeah.
Did you touch
this woman's breast?
I may have grazed it...
by accident.
Apologize.
What?
Apologize.
I'm sorry.
Wait, what was that?
- I didn't hear it. Did you?
- No.
Come a little closer,
and speak a little louder.
I can't hear it.
What was that?
I'm sorry
that I grazed your breast.
Now get out.
I haven't even finished
my beer yet.
I think you have a problem
following directions.
Why don't I help you?
No, no.
It's fine.
Bye.
Aah!
Brush it off, brush it off.
Okay, okay, I have to admit,
that was priceless.
Yeah, and don't call 911
till he's dead, okay?
Hey, tiny?
I think he may have shit
the floor,
so you might wanna mop that up.
Okay, okay, oh.
Oh, that was so much fun.
Okay, seriously, though.
Mm-hm.
I'm gonna need you to make sure
that Sarah is coming tonight.
You know it's better
when we travel in threes.
Oh, yeah, there's that,
but then there's a ho rule.
What?
Haven't heard of the ho rule?
No. What is that?
Okay, so when girls travel
in threes...
Mm.
There's the pretty one,
which is obviously me.
Obviously.
Then there's the smart one,
which is Sarah.
Mm-hm. And then there's the ho.
And then there's the ho.
Mm-hm.
Wait, are you saying I'm the ho?
Say it loud and proud, baby!
Okay, I'm the ho!
Oh, you like that? Mm.
Hi, mom. How are you?
I'm fine, just studying.
No, I'm going to a party
tonight.
Greg. What's up, little bro?
How you doing?
Uh, not much, man.
Joe is making me go
to this party tonight,
and that's not what college
is all about.
You gotta focus on your studies.
You get your sat scores back?
Good man. Good man.
It's just a party, mom.
It's at the gamma pi
omicron house.
Don't worry.
Mindy's going with me.
Liz and a bunch
of other girls too.
It'll be fine, mom.
Don't worry. Midterms don't
start for another two weeks.
I only got three of them.
I'll do fine.
Dave?
No.
I haven't heard from him.
Yeah, single life's fine
with me, dude.
It's been two and a half weeks.
I'm sure I'll find someone
eventually, yeah.
Sooner or later someone's bound
to come into my life, mom.
I... I just have to be patient,
and...
Just wait and see.
Everything happens
for a reason, right?
It's just hard to find a reason
for all this right now.
But someday, mom.
Somewhere, Greg.
I'll find them.
I'll find them.
Or...
Or he'll find me.
I'll just wake up one day,
and she'll be right there
next to me.
I can wait.
I'll be patient.
Really not the most important...
It's not the most important...
thing in my life now.
Really, mom?
I'll be fine.
I'm only 21 years old.
I'm only 21 years old.
I got my whole life to find her.
There's just so much
I wanna do right now.
Being tied down would just...
I'm not worried.
Hold me back.
Look, I need to go.
I better get some studying done
if I wanna go out tonight.
I'll talk to you later, bro.
I love you.
I love you too.
Bye.
Later, man.
All right. Let's go, giants!
Don't y'all think we should
start cleaning for the party?
Good idea.
Yeah, thanks, Freshie.
Why don't you start
picking some stuff up?
Who's getting the keg tonight?
I don't know.
One of the pledges, I guess.
Wait, wasn't Danny
supposed to go get it?
No shot, dude. Danny doesn't
even wanna come tonight.
What do you mean?
Megan stopped by.
Who's Megan?
Wait, you don't know
who Megan is?
No.
Megan Decatur?
Does that ring a bell?
Uh...
No, but back in Iowa,
there's this place
called Decatur county,
and every year they have
the annual Decatur county fair.
And you know what,
they had this fat sow contest.
Where you get your sows
as fat as possible,
bring them down
to the fairground.
And the fattest sow
will win $10.
Well, the sow didn't win
the money, the owner did.
Once, when I was 7 years old,
my fat sow Pauly
won third place.
I won a whole $2.
Uh, the next day,
I don't know what happened
to Pauly,
but I'll tell you what:
My mama made the best darn bacon
we ever had.
You know, come to think of it,
I never did find out
what happened to Pauly...
Touchdown!
Joey, you gotta get Danny
to come.
Yeah, man,
this is the last gamma bash.
I know, I know.
He just didn't need
to see Megan today.
Dude, he doesn't need
to see Megan ever.
So Megan is his ex?
She's not just his ex, Freshie.
She's psychotic.
Plus, she's a brother banger.
Uh, what's that?
A girl that goes
from fraternity to fraternity,
sleeping with as many brothers
as she can
before she gets caught
and banned from their house.
Dan just happened to be
the first brother she got.
Yeah, but she also led him on
and made him think
she was serious about him.
And then hopped into bed with
another one of our brothers,
who shall remain nameless.
Unfortunately,
said brother didn't know
that Megan was with Danny.
But Megan new he was Danny's
gamma pi omicron brother.
So therefore,
she's a brother banger.
Oh, I get it.
She kind of like a road jumper.
Back in Iowa, when older kids
wanted to make out,
they head over to the cornfield
off of cherry Lane.
There was this girl,
Ellie may Johnson.
Man, she had her fellas meet her
in a different corn row
every 15 minutes.
Now, after she was done
rolling around in the dirt
with one fella,
she hike up her britches
and head on to the next.
I mean,
I never hooked up with her.
I done heard stories about she take
an ear of corn right off the stalk.
Man, she'd shuck it...
It's good!
Oh, my god.
You know she's not
coming tonight, right?
Yeah. I even told him
I put a sign on the door
telling her to go home.
Man, we really need
to hook Danny up with someone.
Yeah? Like who?
Dude, what about my sister?
No. Your sister looks just
like you, except she has braids.
Why don't we just pay someone?
Are you out
of your freaking mind?
Remember what happened
the last time
we had a prostitute in here?
Not a prostitute, moron.
We just give some chick
like 5 bucks to kiss him.
Oh, that's a great idea.
You know, back in Iowa,
we had the annual
corn-shucking festival,
right in the heart of my town.
And Mrs. Stribbler,
the third grade teacher,
she have herself
a kissing booth.
Let me tell you, man, boys,
and even some curious girls
line up miles on end
just to lay one on her.
And just for 1 whole dollar,
she'd open-mouth kiss you
for a while 15 seconds.
Now, if you gave her
an extra 50 cents
and you asked her real nice,
she'd take her dentures out...
and make her mouth
all gummy and mushy.
Freshie!
Don't speak.
I'll get Danny here tonight.
How are you gonna do that?
I don't know.
How about beer for beer?
Yes.
What's beer for beer?
Thanks for volunteering,
Freshie.
You have to drink as many beers
as Danny does tonight.
You go beer for beer.
Oh, I get it. We did the same
sort of thing back in Iowa.
Except it wasn't beer,
and it wasn't who puked first.
It was whoever stunk up
the bathroom first who lost.
You see,
we drunk this
corn malt liquor instead.
We drunk it out of these big,
frosty glasses
of old bill's pride.
Tastes like salt and butter.
You know, the stuff you put
on popcorn at the movies.
Well, it went down real smooth,
but once it hits
your intestines, watch out.
We had fistfights to find out
who got to the bathroom first.
I messed up
so many britches that way.
You know, I couldn't tell
my mama why my bile's failing.
So she took me
to the, um, pro... "protologist."
Dr. Warren, with the greasy
fingers, and then i...
Freshie, for the love of god,
that's it.
You are going beer for beer
with every single brother
at this party.
Can I have milk too?
You wanna mix your beer
with milk?
Oh, no, man.
It ain't nothing like that.
You see, I just like chasing
my beer with milk.
You see, back in Iowa...
No, Freshie.
If you want milk,
you can have milk.
But you're drinking
the same amount of beer.
Now, shut up and clean.
Sarah, come on, let's go.
I'm in the middle of something,
Mindy,
give me another hour.
No. It's 9:00.
Let's go.
Hey.
Oh, my god. You're not
wearing that, are you?
What's wrong
with what I'm wearing?
Nothing, unless you wanna go to
the corner and ask for change.
I don't even wanna go
to this thing tonight, Mindy.
But you are.
And we're gonna find you
clothes to wear.
Look...
I'll just change my shirt, okay?
Yeah, no. You're finding
a new man tonight, Sarah.
Maybe I don't want to.
Voila.
You want me to wear a dress?
Yeah. Liz is wearing one,
and I kind of told her
you'd wear one too.
Why can't you wear it?
Well, because I'd have
the unfair advantage, duh.
Plus, I'm the pretty one.
Put on the dress.
So, what am I?
Honey, you're the smart one.
So that makes Liz the ho, huh?
Exactly, that makes Liz the ho.
And these are great.
Should I wear stockings
with this?
I don't know.
They're kind of a pain
in the ass
when you're drunk, right?
Good point.
Hmm.
Oh, no, no, no. There.
There, perfect.
How do I look?
You need makeup.
Mindy, come on.
Just shut up and suck this.
What?
Just kiss it.
Like suck it a little.
Is this what you do
in your spare time?
It's for your lips.
It makes them look pretty.
What's wrong with my lips?
Just shut up and kiss it, okay?
Come on.
You better stop scowling
or you're gonna have to get
Botox.
Hmm.
Oh. Wait, wait.
Okay, stop, stop sucking.
Stop sucking!
Jesus.
Look, let's go there,
stay for an hour,
and then leave, okay.
Can you just shut up
so that you stop making me
make mistakes on your face?
Look, let's see how it is.
It's gonna be nice.
Who knows, Sarah?
You might find somebody
that's worth while there.
You actually might have fun.
Or maybe I'll wind up standing
in the corner all night.
Lose this bet
and have to do the dishes
for the next two weeks.
Oh, my god,
we're gonna have a fun time.
It's gonna be great.
Something wonderful
is gonna happen tonight, okay?
Look, I feel it. Okay?
Well?
I'm a miracle worker.
Shut up.
Oh, wait, wait, wait.
Do you want me to do your hair?
What's wrong with my hair?
Nothing.
Nothing's wrong with your hair.
What's wrong with my hair,
Mindy?
Nothing is wrong with your hair.
Just... flip, flip.
Flip. Come on, flip.
I don't think I'm ready
for this yet.
Ready for what?
Flip back up.
This whole dating thing.
I was so happy with Dave.
What if I never find anyone who
makes me feel that way again?
Oh, my goodness gracious.
Do you hear yourself?
What's the matter with you?
You used to be so much fun
to hang out with.
And now you're just
a dragging doll
because of Dave.
That's not true, Mindy.
I'm just a little sad.
A little sad?
A little sad.
You've had your nose in a book,
dragging your feet
ever since you found out that
that donkey conk cheated on you.
Forget it, Mindy, I'm not going.
Come here. Come here.
Come here.
Come here.
Look at yourself.
Look at yourself.
What do you see?
Nothing.
Mindy, this is ridiculous.
I'll do the dishes, okay?
No, no, no.
Look at yourself.
You wanna know
why you see nothing?
It's because he reduced you
to nothing.
He's gone, Sarah,
and he's still controlling you.
We can stop talking
about this now.
No, tough shit.
You're sad, you're depressed
and your pushing your friends
away.
Yes, all right, yes.
I mean,
I'm obviously not capable
of holding a guy's attention
for very long.
I'm not pretty,
I'm too smart for my own good,
and I don't put out.
A, your delusional.
B, he's an asshole.
Dave is an asshole.
A-s-w-h-o-l-e, asshole.
Maybe he started off great,
maybe it was wonderful.
But he turned into an asshole.
It's over, it is done,
and it is time to move on.
And it's best
that you realize it.
Now, get your shit together,
and let's go over
and go to that damn party.
Because you have a bet
to settle.
You're gonna win, Mindy.
I mean, what guy would wanna
be seen with me anyway?
Dan, come on, let's go.
I'm not going, man.
Why not?
Because I'm busy.
Dude, Megan isn't
gonna be there.
This has nothing to do
with Megan.
This has everything to do
with Megan.
Look, just lay off, man.
You need to go to this party,
Danny.
No, I need to hone my craft.
I'm working this Sunday.
What, are you
Suzy-fucking-homemaker?
Shut up, Joe.
Come on, Dan.
Look, I'm not in the mood
to go to a party tonight.
This is your last gamma bash.
I know.
Besides,
Freshie's going beer for beer.
Yeah? With who?
Well, at first it was supposed
to be with you.
But we figured he'd drink you
under the table,
so now he's matching
all the brothers.
I can outdrink Freshie any day
of the week, twice on Sunday.
Well, he's twice your size.
Twice the experience.
Experience?
There's not a lot to do in Iowa
besides drink and pick corn.
Come on.
Are you sure?
No pledge is gonna outdrink
Danny barker.
I can't believe
you didn't back me up.
Dude, Freshie's a big guy, man.
Come on!
These are good brownies.
This is taking forever.
Senior! Yeah!
Yes! This party is jumping!
Ugh!
Hey, what time is it?
It's like 9:30 or something.
I don't know.
God. If we were later,
they may not have let us in.
Mm.
That would have been lucky us.
What is your problem?
Are you still torn up
over the two-timer?
That's it, I'm out of here.
Sarah. Sarah, wait.
Sarah wait!
Do we have to like chase her
now?
Oh, my god.
What the hell's the matter
with you?
Do you know what it took
to get her here?
It's ridiculous.
I mean, that was mean.
Look, I didn't want her to come
if she's gonna sulk and pout
the whole time.
What the hell?
Just go get bent.
Just go, go get bent, go.
Okay, I'll see you in five.
Sarah! Sarah!
Come on, Sarah! Wait!
Hammer this, bro.
Come on, man.
Put a smile on your face.
I'm going for a couple beers,
man. What do you want?
Well... I mean, I want you
to have a good time.
Seen a girl
about my height, brown hair,
wearing a blue dress?
Yeah.
Actually she just passed us.
Where? Where did she go?
Right back there.
We'll help you find her
if you want.
Thank you so much.
I'll see you guys at the party.
Yeah.
What crawled up his ass?
Don't worry about it.
Let's go find your friend.
Thank you so much.
Sarah, wait up!
Oh, leave me alone!
Wait up, Sarah!
Who are you?
Joe Crosby.
Well, I hope you two have a nice
time at the party tonight.
Where are you going?
Home.
What are you going home for?
There's a party
right around the corner.
I'm not in the mood for a party.
Oh, come on, Sarah.
Look,
we walked all the way here.
You're gonna have fun.
If you're not having fun
in an hour
we'll have fun.
See? We'll go home if not.
- Are you kidding me?
- No, I'm not kidding you.
Do you promise?
Okay.
Look at me, I promise.
Regardless of whether
I'm having fun or not,
I promise...
You'll have fun.
Why, thank you.
But if you wanna go home
in an hour, then we'll go.
As long as it's after an hour.
Okay?
But we have to wait
in that line all over again.
No, you won't. I'm a gamma.
You ladies can just come
to the gamma entrance with me.
See?
Great.
Things are looking up.
Thank you.
Let's go.
Ugh.
Bundy.
Gamma hi, gamma pi,
gamma oh, hello.
Good job, Bundy.
Sit down, bud.
Danny come in yet?
Yes, senior brother.
Came in five minutes ago.
He's looking for
pledge brother Freshie.
Thanks, Bundy.
I'm gonna send foot rub out
so you can come in.
Thank you, brother Crosby.
Foot rub. Foot rub?
Don't ask. Come on.
Foot rub? What do you have...?
You have backrub or something?
Thank you.
Hi, if I show you my boobs
will you let me in?
No.
What's up, Frankie?
What's up, fellas?
There he is!
Hey, about time you showed up!
Where's Danny?
I just saw him drag Freshie
outside,
something about a table?
Uh...
Is the keg here yet?
Nah, Jay just took some pledges
to go get it.
Is anything going on yet?
We got some cans
and some jungle juice.
And, uh, cleaned out the garage
once everyone's inside
for beer pong.
Yeah.
Come on.
Come on, Sarah.
At least you can smile.
Come on.
This is why I don't come
to parties before 11.
Hey, uh, who are those two girls
you just brought in?
Is this better?
That's so much better.
Stop!
Come on.
One hour, Mindy,
one hour.
Fine.
I don't know, I just met them.
Mindy and Sarah.
Hmm.
Okay, hold the phone.
Mindy, I have dibs on her.
Okay, and what about Sarah?
Actually, she's fair game, man.
Go work your magic.
Huh, don't mind if I do.
Sucka!
Okay.
Game on!
Oh, speaking of which...
Hi, beautiful.
That's for you.
Are you talking to me?
Well, yeah.
I'd love to shake your hand
and introduce myself,
but they seem to be
a bit full at the moment.
That is, of course,
unless you'd like a beer?
Thank you.
Thinks he's getting some.
He's not.
Nah.
Isn't that brunette friends
with Hayden?
I have no idea.
I've seen her around before.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Maybe I can get him
to entertain her
while I entertain her friend.
It could work.
Yeah.
My name is Allen.
Sarah.
Sarah.
Your feet must be tired, Sarah.
Why?
Because you've been running
through my mind all night.
Would you like to go
find a seat somewhere?
Sure.
Told you.
All right, well, do me a favor
and just keep Danny drinking.
Like, a lot.
You got it.
Okay?
Yes!
Pick it up, please.
Let's go!
Foot rub, the party's waiting.
Shit, this is heavy.
Ahem.
I'm sorry, did you, uh,
say something, foot rub?
No, pledgemaster socklove!
Hmm, yeah, did he... did he say
something, skidmark?
Yes, sir, pledgemaster socklove.
Really good job with the keg.
Yeah, really good job.
Let me ask you a question.
How do you expect the beer
to come out of that?
Want me to stick a straw in it?
Where's the tap, foot rub?
Get the tap!
Go, go, go!
Morons!
That's hot.
Oh, hey, Rick.
Is that beer for me?
Uh, sure.
You are such a nice guy.
Gee, thanks. You know
what they say about nice guys.
Come over here, Rick.
They don't always finish last,
you know.
Well, maybe we'll
see where I finish tonight?
Maybe.
What, I wasn't getting
my own beer.
Tap's here!
Got it.
Yes.
Yo, Hayden.
Joe.
What's up, brother?
What's going on, man?
What's going on, man?
Hey, um, do you know a girl
named Sarah?
I know a couple of girls
named Sarah, I think.
Uh, this one has a friend
named Mindy, though.
Sarah Dawson.
Yeah, I lived next to her
freshman year.
Oh, nice.
Uh, what's her deal?
Sarah? Are you interested?
No, no, not in her.
In her friend Mindy,
but Mindy's not gonna stay
unless Sarah does.
So, what's that whole issue
that's going on?
I see.
She, uh...
She had a bad breakup.
I think she's going through
like a really hard time.
Sounds familiar.
I'm actually surprised
that she's even here tonight.
So listen, do you think
you could like entertain her
a little bit
so I can chat up
her friend Mindy?
Chat up or like...?
A little boop-boop...
No, no.
Um, please,
don't ever do that again
sorry, that was...
But, listen,
she's too busy babysitting,
and so I haven't gotten
to say anything to her.
Maybe an introduction?
All right, I guess
I could open the door.
And I'll walk right in.
I know you will.
That's what I'm talking about.
Now, come on.
All right.
Look, I can't promise anything,
but I'll do what I can.
Promise anything?
Dude, I just need five minutes.
Look, Sarah's my friend man.
Just don't put me
in a bad spot, okay?
Yeah, I'm talking to you.
What? Dude.
Yeah. All right.
Come on, I would never.
Let's go come on.
Let's do it, let's do it.
Whoo! Get it! Come on, get it!
Yeah, come on, baby!
- Whoa!
- Yeah!
Oh! Oh, god! Freshie, that's the
nastiest shit I've ever seen!
Well, back in Iowa...
Oh, no, no, no, here.
Go, just chug, come on!
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
So tell us about
that guy upstairs.
Yes, he was hot but...
Something was up with him.
He had the tiniest dick.
I told you!
I swear.
- Ew.
- So disappointing.
That's embarrassing for him.
What do you do with
something like that?
Ew, what do you do?
Like, like how small?
Like here, here...?
Like this size.
Oh, my god!
You're kidding.
What do you do with that?
Melanie.
Melanie.
Alex.
Allen.
Whatever, Allen.
I think you're hot and all,
but it takes more than that
to get with me.
Really?
Yes.
Well, I just wanted
to give you a taste
of what you'd be hearing
tonight.
Well, how about I give you
a little taste?
- Wanna go upstairs?
- In your dreams.
Sometimes dreams come true.
And, uh, in all sincerity,
I was just admiring your pants.
My pants?
Yeah, your pants.
I think they're on fire.
My pants are on fire?
What are you talking about?
Your pants are on fire...
Because your ass is hot.
Oh, god.
Well, actually,
they're baseball pants.
Baseball pants? Really?
Yeah, because I'm completely
out of your league.
I see what you, uh...
Well played.
What are you thinking?
I wonder if he has a big dick?
Oh.
Oh, no. No. Really?
Wha...
You know we have a rule
in the gamma house?
No empty cups.
Thanks, Hayden.
No problem.
Not having a good time?
No, not really.
Sarah, can I give you
some friendly advice?
Could I stop you?
Of course not.
You're ruining your senior year.
You can blame Dave all you want,
but you have the power
to let go and move on.
Have fun. I mean, you're not
gonna be able to relive
these moments.
Did Mindy send you over here?
No. Why?
Because you sound just like her.
Speaking of Mindy,
have you seen her?
No.
I think she's avoiding me.
All right, well,
I'm gonna go try and find her.
Bye.
Look, can you blame Mindy?
You're at a party, have fun.
Seriously, Sarah,
you're doing it to yourself.
You're right.
I am?
Yeah.
See? There's a first time
for everything.
Thanks, Hayden.
You're the best.
I know.
Now, let's go play
some beer pong.
Sure, why not?
- Thanks.
- You're very welcome.
Hey, Deedee.
Hey. Hey, Allen.
So, um, could you do me a favor?
What's that?
Could you feel my shirt?
Excuse me?
Just feel my shirt.
Okay.
Do you know what that is?
Cotton?
Nope.
Boyfriend material.
It seems a little clingy
and hard to maintain.
Bye.
Mm.
No, really, bye.
Right.
Yeah, bye.
He had a really nice butt.
I should've said yes.
You should have said...
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Oh, god.
Oh, man.
All right, Freshie,
let's get you a refill.
I think I saw a cow
in the kitchen or something.
Really?
No, you moron.
Well, back in Iowa...
Yo, pay me.
Joe!
Yo!
Been looking all over for you.
Hey, that rhymed.
Are you seriously
that drunk right now?
Dude, I can drink anyone
under the table.
How many have you had already?
Um... I don't know, like...
10, 12, 17, 18, 19...
Maybe you should slow down
a little, dude.
You don't wanna puke so soon
into the party.
I'm not gonna puke.
I can drink anyone
under the table.
You said that already, dude.
You know, screw it.
Where's Freshie?
I'm not done with him yet.
Uh, what...?
Some of the other
brothers got him.
I'm not done with him yet.
You said that already.
Screw it.
You said that too.
Come on, let's go inside.
Why?
Because I found a hot chick.
And she's got
a pretty cute friend.
What cute, that's it?
Danny, come on.
Okay.
He's just the greatest guy.
How long have you been together?
Two months.
Oh, my god.
You're so happy, Katie.
I know.
Isn't it ridiculous?
I am so jealous.
I know, right?
Some girls get all the luck.
Okay, now where is he?
He's here.
Just getting me a drink.
Could you just die?
Mm-hm.
It's so stinking sweet.
And and I bet
he is drop-dead gorgeous too.
Oh, he's cute.
Oh, he's taking over his dad's
company in few years,
so he has a solid future
ahead of him.
Well, look who's gonna get
her Mrs degree.
Oh, stop.
Dum-dum-da-dum!
I hope so.
Okay, seriously,
where can I find someone
like that?
Oh, my god, Liz,
he is so not my type.
We were made partners
in English lit,
and one thing led to another.
You just gotta stay away
from the creeps.
You know I am a creep magnet.
Hey, babe.
See?
Okay!
In what world, friend...
Oh, no, I was just...
In what world...
Look, I'm sure you've heard
a lot about me.
It's not all true.
I haven't...
Listen, just because
you bring me a beer,
doesn't mean I'm gonna...
It's not for you.
Hop in the sack with you.
Look at you,
you're not even a gamma yet.
You're probably never
gonna be a gamma.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
And where would you even expect
to take me?
Mommy's basement?
Don't flatter yourself.
Seriously,
it's never gonna happen.
Don't worry,
I have a girlfriend,
and you're not my type.
Mm-hm. Really?
Mm-hm. Yeah, really.
Come on, Darrin.
Awkward.
Have a great wedding.
Your face, my face.
Let's make it happen.
Ooh.
Never gonna happen.
Can you believe that guy?
He hit on me
like half and hour ago.
Why doesn't that surprise me?
Frat boys.
All right, who's next?
I'll play.
Wait.
We'll get each other smashed.
Okay.
How about teams?
You two versus me and...
Joe.
Beer pong?
Yeah.
Hell, yeah.
Sure, girls against guys,
let's do it.
All right, let's do it.
That's really good.
How it's done.
Trust me I'm better.
Oh!
You know you're getting wasted.
Wasted!
- Why are you high-fiving him?
- I'm the one that made it...
Oh!
Drink. No, no, no.
Oh!
You're going down.
Game point, Mel.
All right. Relax.
I can't drink anymore,
so don't miss.
For the last, I got this.
Chill out.
Don't put your elbow
on the table.
I am going to kick your ass
if you don't shut up.
Oh!
It looks like someone
is finally loosening up.
Well, looks like I won.
Won what?
A drinking game
between me and Mindy.
Aah!
There was a drinking game
and I wasn't invited.
I thought you knew.
Hey, who wants to do
a keg stand?
Do it, Sarah.
Do it.
You're joking.
No. Aah!
Okay,
we triple-dog dare you.
Yeah, come on.
I'll be gentle.
Okay,
but you have to do one too.
Girl, you don't have
to ask me twice.
Be gentle.
You got it.
Hold my drink.
Mm.
Hold my dress.
Done.
All right.
All right. You ready.
Yeah.
Aah!
Whoa!
Oh. Okay.
I got it, I got it.
In your mouth.
Go, chug, chug.
She's a pro.
She's been doing this all night.
Whoa. You all right?
Let's go, Jake.
Yeah.
You ready?
Come on, keep going.
Ooh.
- Come on, pledge.
- Yes, sir.
Take it like a man.
- All right, frank. Get him up.
- Get him up there.
Come on, let's go. Drink it.
Go, frank.
Here we go. Okay.
Let's do it.
All right...
- Let's go, come on.
- Let's do this.
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
Mindy, long time no see.
Oh, my god.
Shut the hell up, Sarah.
Come on.
There, off the stairs.
Guess what.
What?
I won beer pong,
and did a keg stand.
Congratulations.
I wrote down my score.
Goodness gracious.
There.
I'm at 47.
Honey, if you were at 47,
you'd be dead, you idiot.
Uh...
Right.
Tell me the score.
It's 11.
And you have?
Two.
You're doing the dishes,
shut the hell up, Sarah.
You're doing the dishes.
Shut up.
Oh, is Mindy windy
getting all mad?
Look, you won, okay?
You won. Game over.
Can we go home now?
Please, let's go home.
Look around, it's disgusting.
You're the one
who wanted to come here
in the first place, minster.
This whole contest
was your idea.
I didn't even wanna come.
Mm-hm.
And now I'm having a good time,
and you wanna leave?
I don't think so.
Come on.
Okay, come on.
Wanna stay?
Mm-hm.
That guy has been looking
at you all night.
I bet you could get a beer
from him.
Yeah, right there.
Who?
Right there, see him?
Right there.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, absolutely. Mm-hm.
Make it better:
I bet you a dollar
that you can't
get a beer from him.
You're on.
Is your father an astronaut?
Oh, don't.
Okay then.
Hi there.
Hi.
I'm Sarah.
Brian.
Are you having a good time
tonight?
I am now that you're here.
I like you. You're fun.
Excuse me. What do you think
you're doing?
Chanel, it's not what you think.
Are you talking to me?
Well, I ain't talking to myself.
Look, I'm over here
having a nice conversation
with a nice-looking guy,
and you have to come over here
and try to ruin it for me?
Why don't you turn
your skanky ass back around
and crawl back
from the rock you came out from.
Now, I know you didn't
just call my ass skanky.
Oh, yes, I did.
If the shoe fits, honey,
lace that bitch right up.
How about I lace it up your ass?
How about
you get out of my face?
Hey, Sarah.
- Hi, Mindy.
- Hey.
I did what you told me to.
I came over here
and I flirted with Brian.
But this skank came over here
and ruined my chances.
I know you're not talking
about me.
Oh, yes, I am.
Look, mayor of munchkin land,
she's drunk, can't you see that?
She's drunk.
Yeah. And your friend has been
flirting with my man all night.
Oh, honey, I bet he was thinking
about you the whole time.
So get over it.
Mindy, you told me
he was staring at me all night.
Oh. Oh, you did,
did you?
Well, let me tell you something.
He doesn't ever have to look
at anybody else.
- You know why?
- Why?
Because I got a job at Hooters.
Doing what? Washing dishes?
What the hell is so funny?
You wash dishes
because your tits...
What the hell is wrong with you?
Tiny-titty bitches.
Oh, my god.
Aah! What?
- Chanel!
- Sarah, Sarah.
Okay, okay, I know.
Mindy...
Okay, I know, I know. I know.
I'm all wet.
Okay, let's clean you up first.
Yeah, no, no, it's okay.
Hey, baby.
Wanna get lei'd?
I thought you'd never ask.
Get a room.
You wanna?
Okay.
Can you believe her?
She is the ho.
Dude, Joe, I'm so drunk.
No shit.
How many have you had?
I have no idea.
A... a lot.
More than Freshie?
Hell, yeah, more than Freshie.
I can drink anyone
under the table.
How many times
do you wanna say that tonight?
I have no idea.
Where's that chick?
What chick? Mindy?
Dude, I don't know.
She's cute, man.
So is her friend.
Freshie, how the hell are you
still drinking milk, man?
That's impressive, Freshie.
Dude, he totally puked
all over you.
No!
Come on, man,
let's go get you cleaned up.
Come on, man. Come on.
Come on.
Okay, Sarah. Whoa.
Oh, my god. Come on, honey.
Come on.
Come on. I know.
You got him
uh-huh.
This is ridiculous.
I know, honey.
I know.
Come on. Ugh.
I'm not blind.
I saw you looking at her.
I wasn't.
You were!
Hi.
You were doing it again.
No, she looked familiar.
Hello, ladies.
Shut the door.
Were busy.
Get out.
Oh, my god. Okay.
There.
Oh.
I know, I'm sorry.
Close the door.
All my fault.
This sucks.
I know. Bed. Oh, bed.
Come on.
Mindy, I'm all wet.
I know, I know.
It's all my fault.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Just... it's gonna be be okay,
all right?
Yeah.
Why did she do that to me?
I don't know, baby.
Look, this is what
we're gonna do.
We're gonna get you cleaned,
get you out of this dress.
I'm... look at me. Look...
No... look... look at me.
We're gonna get you
out of the dress, clean it,
and then we're gonna go home,
okay? Yeah?
Now, go get you something
to put on.
Stop playing with your dress.
Stop playing with yourself.
Here, wear this.
Ew.
They might be dirty.
I'm not wearing them.
Oh, my god. Then just smell it.
Put it on.
I'm not smelling them.
Are they yours?
Yes, Sarah.
They're mine and they're clean.
Now, put them on.
Let's find you a shirt
or something to put on.
Sarah. Sarah!
Come on, Sarah.
Wake up.
Oh, my god.
Sarah, come on.
Wake up, Sarah.
Come on. Come on, Sarah
wake up!
And up.
Oh, my god. Sarah, come on.
Look.
They're playing beer pong
outside.
Come on, look, throw the ball.
Come on, Sarah.
Throw the ball.
Come on, Sarah.
We're playing beer pong.
Fine.
Fine, of course.
I have to do everything
for this child.
Every freaking thing.
Come on, Sarah, come on.
Come on.
At least you wore the black bra.
Kind of cute.
Oh, my goodness gracious.
Oh, my god.
Okay, come on, Sarah.
We're gonna put...
Put you pants on, Sarah.
Come on, do it.
See, see the pants.
Put them on. Put them on.
Oh, my god, I'm usually trying
to get your pants off.
I just want you to put
the freaking pants on.
Sarah, put on the pants.
Come on. Really?
Okay. We are gonna do this.
Oh, my gosh. Sarah.
At least she shaves, yeah.
If somebody comes in here,
I swear to god.
I swear.
What am I gonna do with you?
What am I gonna do?
Come on, wake up.
Wake up.
Wake up.
Come on, Sarah.
Wake up, you drunk.
Come on.
Shoes first.
The shoes have got to go.
Why did you wear these boots?
Oh, my god.
Really?
Are you kidding me?
I bring you to a party
and you don't even get
a pedicure.
Why the freaking boots.
Oh, my goodness gracious.
Let's get you up.
Come on, get you to bed, Sarah.
Come on. Oh, my god.
Look, I'm not gonna hold this
over your head,
but there is no way
that I'm going over
and cleaning those dishes.
Your legs are nice,
your ass is hot.
Get your ass into bed.
Come on.
Oh, my god,
oh, my god, oh, my god,
somebody's coming.
Somebody's coming.
Oh, my god.
We gotta get you
under the thing.
Get you under the cushions
and the covers.
Yes.
Feet!
Okay, clothes, okay,
no dead bodies in here.
No, hand.
Okay. Okay.
You, can you breathe? Yeah.
You, you stay there.
I'm gonna go dry your dress,
and then we're gonna go home,
okay?
Don't you move, okay.
Don't you move.
Ow!
Come on in.
The water's fine.
Don't even think about it.
Oh.
Oh, my god.
Is there laundry room in here?
Yeah,
go down the hall make a right,
and go down the stairs
make a left.
Okay, thank you so much.
She's hot.
I know.
Okay, come on. Right here.
All right.
Danny.
Yeah?
You stink.
I know.
Beer and milk don't mix.
No shit.
You all right? At least you
didn't get any in your hair.
I think I need a change
of clothes.
Yeah. I'll run home
and get you some.
Why don't you just give me
those smelly rags
and I'll throw them in the wash?
Or burn them or something.
I'm sorry, dude.
You know,
this is all your fault.
I know.
I'm sorry.
Where's Freshie?
I'm gonna kick his ass.
Yeah, you definitely drank him
under the table, though.
That's what I've been trying
to say this whole time.
Like a child.
Just lay back and go to sleep.
Okay.
And I'll wake you up
when I get back.
Okay.
Good, okay, there you go.
I'm sorry, dude.
Dan?
Under the table my ass.
Hi there.
I didn't think
you'd still be here.
Of course. Where else
would I be during a frat party?
Yeah, because the laundry room
is the obvious choice.
Oh, my god, what is that smell?
You don't wanna know.
Yo, skidmark! Get in here!
Just burn those.
Gamma pi, gamma high...
Save it, mark.
Run back to my apartment
and get some clothes for Danny.
Look in the black dresser
in the brown bedroom.
Uh, anything in particular
I should get?
Jeans and a shirt? What do I
look like, Tommy Hilfiger?
Just go grab some clothes,
skidmark.
Yes, senior brother Crosby.
Right away, sir.
Oh, and skidmark.
Yes, sir.
Burn these.
Yes, sir.
Really?
What?
Come on, that is just pathetic.
Oh, come on.
We're just having fun.
No, to each his own,
to each his own, come on.
Don't you have a party
or something to get to?
What, you trying
to get rid of me?
No, I would just assume that,
you'd rather be somewhere else
than the laundry room here.
Yeah, but you're here.
And?
And I would hate for you
to wait all by yourself
for the clothes to dry.
Look...
It's a 26-minute cycle,
I'm a big girl.
I can sit alone, okay?
Yeah, but it doesn't seem
like it would be very fun.
Is that right.
But it would be fun
if you were here with me?
That's up to you.
Is that right?
It was Joe, right?
You know, Joe,
in 26 minutes
a lot of stuff can happen.
It's all I need.
Got the clothes...
Goddamn it, skidmark.
Sorry, here.
I'm so sorry.
Sorry about that.
I've got to go get Sarah,
I'm so sorry.
Maybe I'll see you
around campus.
Yeah, yeah, maybe.
Danny, let's go, bud.
What?
What is going on?
Dude, nice.
That's pretty good, man.
Dude, Dan, Dan.
Dan.
Hey, Sarah are you ready to...?
Uh, what's going on?
Um...
I put my friend to bed up here,
and he was all my himself.
There was no one else up here.
No, no, no.
When I brought Sarah in here
nobody was in bed with her.
Okay, well,
I didn't put them together.
I'm just trying
to help my friend out, okay?
He's a little drunk.
Wait, let me see this.
I take it
that these are your friends?
Yeah. What are you doing?
Well, it seems we have
a little coincidence
on our hands.
Um, what do you mean?
I sort of put Sarah in bed,
and hid her
before your friend got here.
Oh.
Yeah.
Look, I brought Sarah
to the party
to have her meet someone
and she really didn't.
And, well...
She's in bed
with your friend now.
Okay.
And you wanna just leave them,
and have them wake up together
tomorrow?
Any objections?
None. Danny deserves this.
Good.
Beautiful!
Yeah, this is gonna be good.
Wait, what are you doing?
Let's make them
a little more comfortable.
Oh, I love the way you think.
I love this!
Come on, Sarah,
we're gonna move you over.
Come on, Sarah. Oh, man.
Oh.
Oh, there we go, there we go.
Can you get that pillow?
Can we get his hand on her boob?
Hand, boob, boob.
Yes, squeeze.
There we go.
I think we did it.
Oh, look at the babies.
I'm not washing the dishes.
Oh, nice.
Nice.
That should do it.
She is going to freak.
Yeah, so is he.
Um...
You want me to walk you home?
Yeah, my work here is done.
That'd be nice.
Let's go do that.
Shall we?
Yeah.
Whoa!
Oh, my god.
Who...?
Who are you?
Who am I? Who are you?
No, I'm not tell you who I am,
until you tell me who you are.
Why not?
Because I asked first.
Oh, my god.
I can't believe this shit.
Will you please
watch your language?
Oh, excuse me,
little miss innocence.
What is that supposed to mean?
It means I don't think
you're as innocent
as you think you are.
What are you talking about?
Unless of course you go to bed
in a bra and boxers.
Oh, my god.
Where are my clothes?
Where am I?
You.
You brought me here.
Whoa, listen, Chickie.
I didn't bring anybody anywhere,
I don't even know
whose place this is.
Shit.
Watch your language.
How dare you?
First, you get me
completely drunk,
and you bring me up here
to try to take advantage of me
while I'm practically
unconscious on the bed.
Whoa, whoa, no, no.
Under no circumstances
did I take advantage of you.
We didn't even have sex
last night.
And what makes you so sure?
Because I would never
sleep with someone like you.
Then what happened last night?
I can't remember.
Because you wouldn't normally
sleep with someone like me,
doesn't mean you wouldn't
when drunk.
No, no. I wouldn't do something
like that.
You can't even remember
what you did.
And neither can you.
Ow!
What the hell are you doing?
I don't know. I thought it'd be
familiar or something.
Spark a memory.
Mother...
Uh...
Anything?
No. You?
Nothing.
Oh, my clothes.
What's this?
That's mine.
Thanks.
These are my clothes.
At least it's dry now.
Oh, my god.
I remember.
I was going beer for beer
with Freshie.
Mindy dragged me to this party,
we had this stupid contest.
He was drinking milk
with his beer.
I flirted
with this girl's boyfriend.
He totally barfed all over me.
She got mad
and threw a drink on me.
Then Joe took me up here
to get a change of clothes.
And then Mindy dragged me
up here.
Next thing I know.
And then...
I woke up next to you.
Joe is dead.
So is Mindy.
I'm sorry I said I'd never sleep
with someone like you.
Sorry I hit you.
Sorry I called you a bitch.
You didn't call me a bitch.
I didn't?
No.
Oh.
Well, I thought it.
Well, I better get home.
Yeah.
It was nice meeting you,
considering the circumstances.
Yeah.
Maybe I'll see you
around campus.
Yeah, maybe.
Hey.
Yeah?
Do you wanna grab breakfast
or something?
I'd like that. Yeah.
Cool.
Uh, just one more thing.
Yeah?
What's your name?