What Keeps You Alive (2018)

1
We are the youth we'll take your..
I knew you are
a big fixer upper, Jules
but this is worse than
I could have ever imagined.
But it's our song.
Since, since when do we
have a song?
- Turn that, turn it down.
- No.
I think I should
probably get a say
if this is our song,
don't you think?
- No.
- This is it. This is our song.
- Get real.
- I mean it.
Oh, my God! Jackie,
this place is incredible.
Wasn't kidding when I said
it was rustic.
Where'd you say
the infinity pool was?
Oh, yeah. No, that would be
the, uh, the lake.
Hmm.
I have a confession to make.
I think I love this place
more than you.
That wouldn't surprise me.
I mean, I could never,
but it's close, like,
really close.
Okay, you go explore
and I'll make, I'll make dinner.
Mm-hmm. Yeah, you will.
So my great-great grandpa..
...he got super lucky and, uh...
after Canada confederated
the government was giving people
around here land for free
if they promised
that they would farm it..
...and years later
he built this place.
So can we just live here
forever?
Have you seen my insulin
anywhere?
Check your bag. Back pocket.
Wow!
Yes!
Alright!
Let there be light.
Crazy.
Oh, yes!
I'm home.
I'm home.
Hey, are these height marks
from when you were a kid?
Oh.
Jackie, this place is massive.
I can't get over
how beautiful it is.
Jackie.
Jack.
Babe?
Jackie?
What the hell?
Hey. Sorry.
- What were you doing?
- Nothin'.
Just..
Looks like the boat house
didn't make it.
You're right it didn't.
I'm starving.
Let's get something to eat!
I could get used to this.
There's a demon inside
Blood let it out
oh blood let it out
Do you love me again?
There's a demon inside
Blood let it out
oh blood let it out
Do you love me again?
I left one in the city
I left one in the hills
I left you and I went running
across the river to his bed
I left two in the morning
with their mouths open wide
Coming for another
on my knees in the night
Demon inside
Blood let it out
oh blood let it out
Do you love me again?
There's a demon inside
Blood let it out
oh blood let it out
Do you love me again?
Roll demon roll
roll demon roll
There's a demon inside
Better run for your life boy
Roll demon roll
roll demon roll
And if you see me come down
I'll tear out your eyes
I left one like a baby
One crying more
I left one begging mercy
like a sinner to his Lord
I left you my love..
- You're so fucking hot.
- Mm.
Oh, shit!
Hey, it's okay. It's okay.
It's probably nothing.
Who would drive out this far?
I don't know.
No. Jackie.
No, no, no, no, no!
Don't, don't open it!
It's fine. Just calm down.
Jackie, don't..
Jackie..
Can I help you?
Megan?
Jesus! Is that you?
It's me. Sarah.
God, it's been
a really long time.
I -- I didn't even know
that you still came around here.
Sarah. Yeah.
It's been..
...forever.
Yeah.
Hi.
- Hi.
- This is Julie. My... my wife.
Sarah. It's really nice
to meet you.
Uh, sorry to come by so late.
No, that's okay, we were just..
...having a drink.
I -- I just, I hadn't seen
lights on over here in ages.
We got broken into last summer
so I thought I should come by
and check the place out.
You have a place
around here too?
Yeah! Yeah just on
the other side of the lake.
Megan and I used to get into
all kinds of trouble
around here as kids.
Is that right..
...Megan?
Well, I should,
I should get going. Um..
You guys have a great night.
Yeah, have a good night, Sarah.
It's really good
to see you again.
See you around.
I can explain.
I don't even know
what to say right now.
Megan, Megan, Megan, Megan.
Megan.
Fucking Jackie.
Hey!
You wanna take it out?
What do you want?
Whoever you are.
Please.
I never liked the name.
It never felt like me.
And when I figured out
who I was..
That I was gay..
...I changed it.
I should've mentioned it
to you before.
I'm sorry, Jules.
That's not who I am anymore.
Close your eyes.
Please.
Please.
Okay, open it.
Do you like it?
God, you're so cheesy.
I'm still pissed at you.
I am.
The scope isn't aligned alright.
I still can't believe your dad
never took you hunting.
Target practice
is enough for me.
Killing for sport
isn't exactly my thing.
Killing for sport
is not what hunting is.
Trust me.
Straighten your shoulders, babe.
Your form is all wrong.
Holy shit!
I know.
My dad, he used to hunt
every summer up here.
One summer..
...he wakes me
and my friend Jenny up
at the crack of dawn,
and he says to us
"It's time you girls learn
a bit about life."
So...
...he hands each of us a rifle
and off we go.
We're crying
and complaining and..
And he's giving us hell
for being such girls.
Sounds like it.
And eventually I go
wondering off on my own
but I get turned around.
The next thing I know..
I find myself face to face
with this massive black bear.
It's just standing there.
Not more than 20 feet
away from me
and it's looking right at me.
So I line her up in my sights..
Boom! Down she goes.
I race up to it thinking
how proud he's gonna be,
it's my first kill.
But she's still breathing.
She's struggling.
Trying to stand up
and... screaming out.
What did you do?
I lined my gun up
to do the humane thing.
But it jammed.
So I just... stood over it..
...the next 20 minutes and I..
I watched the life
slowly fade from her eyes.
I'll never forget it.
My dad gave this to me
afterwards.
Just in case my gun ever
jammed again.
He used to say to me..
"You only kill
what keeps you alive."
What does that mean?
It means we ate
every single square inch of meat
off that bear over
the next month.
Nothing went to waste.
That's a pretty fucked up story.
Yeah, I know.
Hey, babe!
I couldn't find a pen
so I'm leaving a voice mail.
I know, it's so '90s, right?
Listen, I'm heading into town
for a bit to grab a few things
but, uh, I'll be back
in the afternoon.
P.S. You looked really cute
sleeping this morning. I love..
Julie! Is that you?
Hope you don't
mind me popping by.
Oh, God, no, of course not.
Just a second.
Let me get you some water.
Just make yourself at home.
Daniel, we have company.
- Uh, here.
- Oh, thanks.
I -- is this you and Megan?
Yeah, and Jenny.
Ah, you guys are so young.
Does Jenny still have a cottage
around here too?
No. No, Jenny passed away.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Uh, just about two weeks after
that photo was taken actually.
Jesus.
Quite the endurance test,
isn't it?
Yeah, it's deceiving,
that's for sure.
Yeah.
I'll be right down. Sorry.
Okay.
- Julie, right?
- Yeah.
- Daniel.
- Hi, nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
- Red or white?
- Water is good. Thank you.
Sorry, I just want
to straighten this up
but did, did Megan not tell you
anything about Jenny?
Uh... no. Never.
Why? What is it?
Well..
I guess it's a little bit
strange, don't you think?
I mean, that was
a really big deal for us.
Okay. Well, I'm gonna get
another glass of wine.
So, are, are you guys up here
very long, or just the weekend?
Uh, yeah, just,
just for the weekend.
It's our, uh...
one year anniversary.
- Oh, congratulations.
- Yeah, thanks.
Can you help me?
Come here.
Is everything okay?
Yeah.
You're not a good liar, Jules.
You haven't said more
than a few words to me all day.
Why didn't you tell me
about Jenny?
Your childhood friend.
Sarah, she made it sound like
you had something to do --
Wait. Wait.
- You saw Sarah?
- And her husband Daniel.
Yeah.
Yesterday.
Jesus!
Sarah, Jenny and I..
...we used to swim out
into the lake.
We would try to race across
to the other side.
We were just stupid and young.
One summer, Jenny challenged me.
I was about half way across..
And I started cramping up,
so I..
...I stopped.
I looked around to see
where she was..
...and I, I couldn't find her.
The search and rescue pulled
her body out of the lake..
...two days later.
And the police questioned me.
I was cleared of any wrongdoing.
I would never have done
anything to hurt Jenny.
She was my...
my best friend.
Hey.
Hey.
Do you really think that I..
No, no, no. I don't know..
I don't know what I thought.
Come here.
I guess I probably shouldn't
have invited them over
for dinner on Sunday.
No, you didn't.
I did.
Okay, you're cooking.
- No way!
- Yeah.
I used to be really good,
you know.
Like I was the only girl
on my team.
God, Jackie,
this view is just --
- Ahh!
- Huh!
She fell off a cliff.
911, my wife,
she fell off a cliff.
Oh, my God! Please help me.
Okay, okay, okay.
911?
It's my wife, she..
She fell off a cliff..
I don't know what happened,
she..
Just wake up, babe. Please.
Oh, my God,
she's not responding.
She's not responding..
She's not breathing..
Oh, can you please save her?
Alright now.
She fell off a..
She fell off a cliff.
She.. Oh, my God.
Oh, God,
I don't know what to do.
What am I supposed to do?
Baby, wake up.
What the..
Here we go..
Baby, where are you?
Are you okay?
Ah!
Let's go home.
Baby!
Where are you?
I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to.
Are you okay?
Please just call out
if you can hear me, okay?
Baby?
Baby, talk to me.
It was an accident I swear,
I don't know what happened..
I'm just, I'm freaking out.
I'm scared.
Fuck.
Baby,
please just talk to me!
I love you so much.
I'm scared.
Please.
Baby, please.
Call out to me
if you can hear me, okay?
Hey, come on.
Jules, please.
I'm so fucking scared.
Jules, are you okay?
Let me take you home.
Jules!
Where are you?
I'm done playing around.
You must be confused.
I mean, why would your wife
do this to you, right?
You're probably thinking..
"Maybe she's had
a psychotic break."
After all...
we're in love, right?
I know these woods..
...like the back
of my hand, Jules.
I'll find you.
It's only a matter of time.
Oh, shit!
- Caw! Caw!
- Ha-ha-ha!
You're so weird.
- Caw!
- What is that?
- What is that?
- Guess.
- Obviously a rooster.
- No!
Caw! Caw!
- Mm, mm, mm, mm.
- Caw! Caw!
- Oh, I know. I know what it is.
- Yeah?
- A seagull.
- Oh!
Caw! I'm a crow.
How did you not know that?
Crow is the... smartest bird
in the wild.
Well, I'm..
...a bald eagle.
Are you scared?
Just a little bit.
Don't go to sleep, Jules.
Fight it. Fight it.
Fight it.
Find the road.
Find the road.
Okay. Phone. Phone.
Phone, phone, phone, phone.
Where's the phone?
Shit!
Oh, God!
My phone.
Bitch!
Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on.
Bruised spleen.
It's not ruptured.
It's not ruptured.
Okay.
Ankles broken.
Shit!
Oh, no. Okay, now.
It's just a sprain.
Okay. Okay.
Ah!
Fuck off, Jackie!
Shit.
Why are you doing this?
I just wanna talk to you, Jules.
Jackie, stop!
Ah!
No, no. Oh, shit! No.
Oh, you're dead.
You're dead.
Get away from me, Jackie,
you fucking psycho! Ah!
Jackie, get away from me!
Fuck!
Oh, God!
No!
Nice try!
Don't you even dare, Jules.
We'll work this out.
I promise.
Now, don't move.
Why are you doing this?
What, what the hell
is wrong with you?
We're not doing this
right now, Jules.
What the hell is wrong with you?
We're not doing
this right now, Jules!
Everything okay, ladies?
You alright?
If you say even one word
I swear to God,
this won't end well.
Hey!
You must be Daniel!
I've heard good things!
We're okay!
Jules just got a bit cramped up
so we're gonna, we're gonna
turn this boat back to shore!
Wow, trying to make the trip
again, huh, Jules?
It's impressive!
Alright, well, we'll see you
tomorrow night then!
A -- actually you know what?
Tomorrow is not looking
so good for us.
Tonight is!
Uh, yeah.
Okay, Th -- that works better
actually.
Uh, 8:00 p.m.
Yeah, that's great!
Okay, well,
uh, we'll see you then!
What the fuck did I just say?
You..
There is only one way
this works.
You fall
you die
I'm in pain.
But of course
it has to look like an accident.
How much?
Well, you should know that,
Jules.
You're the one
that signed the policy.
Did you ever love me?
No.
I saw right through you
from the second
I laid my eyes on you.
You're not gonna get away
with this.
As soon as they get here
I am going to scream
so goddamn loud.
- No, you're not.
- Yes, I am.
I'm gonna tell them exactly..
Jules? Jules?
Jules, if you give
even the slightest indication
that something is wrong
I'm gonna take this knife
and I'm gonna stick it
right into Sarah's chest.
Right here.
Right into her solar plexus
and drag it all the way down
to her stomach
before ripping it out
along with everything else
that comes with it.
Do you understand?
Your story..
What your dad said..
To only kill..
...what keeps you alive.
This isn't what he meant.
You're sick, Jackie.
But I can get you help.
It's okay.
It's not easy to admit.
I understand.
But I'll stay by your side.
I will.
Please, Jackie.
I'll let it go.
All of it.
We can just get in the car
and drive
and get as far away
from this place as possible..
...before they show up.
Please.
I never told you
about my first wife, did I?
Erica.
We got married
when I was only 19.
I guess it slipped my mind
until now.
How?
We were on vacation.
She went swimming
after having a few too many.
I mourned her.
Prayed with her parents.
Read at her funeral.
I'll do the same at yours.
I know what you're trying to do,
Jules.
And this little game
that you're playing right now..
...won't work.
How much was she worth?
She was priceless.
I never thought I would be
having dinner with Megan again.
Just breathe, baby
and just be nice.
It'll be over
before you know it.
Yeah, that's easy
for you to say.
Um..
- Hi!
- Hey!
So glad you guys could make it!
- Yeah! Thank you!
- Come in, come in.
Don't worry about your shoes,
just make yourself at home.
Wow! Megan,
it is crazy to be back here.
- It's like a time capsule.
- Yeah.
It's been a,
it's been a while for you.
- That's for sure.
- Yeah.
We brought a nice bottle
of wine.
Oh, great!
Uh, yeah, follow me.
The glasses
are in the kitchen here.
Great! Open up
a nice bottle of wine.
Yes, let's.
- Thanks.
- Jules!
Oh, it's so nice
to see you again.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I -- I'm fine.
Did you, uh, strain yourself
with all the paddling, Jules?
Yeah, that's it.
Nothing, a few painkillers
and a shot of whiskey
won't cure.
Well, I hear that!
Well, we, well,
we brought a bottle of wine
would you like to come
have a glass?
Love to.
So, Jules,
when did you know about Megan?
Julie? Julie?
Sorry, I -- I missed that.
Just..
I was asking when do you knew
Megan was the one?
Megan, uh..
I don't know.
Well, what I -- I think
she means to say
is that..
...it was love at first sight.
Well, now that I want to hear.
Uh..
L -- love happened
slowly for me.
And then all at once.
You start to notice
all the little things.
The good..
...and the bad.
The way they blink a lot
when they think hard.
The way they laugh at jokes
that aren't funny.
And all the little nuances
that get under your skin.
Like the way they,
uh, shower for too long
or, or hog the blankets
at night, but..
...but it's the way
they see the world
differently than you that..
...that really draws you in.
See now that I get.
And even though..
...even though..
...you can..
...never really know
what's going on
inside their head.
I mean..
...really know
what's going on inside.
You take the leap anyway..
...and..
...you hope for the best.
And you just pray
you don't get the worst.
Of course..
...with Megan,
I got really lucky.
That was good.
Well, if it's anything
like our marriage
then I'm sure
she's the lucky one.
Mm! Really,
I'm the lucky one?
Oh!
Yeah.
She strained herself
quite a bit today
she pushed herself too hard.
She's always overdoing it.
So stubborn.
My wife, don't tell her
I said it.
She actually, she's a funny one.
She -- she actually has
these ideas about you.
Uh, fantasies, really.
Oh, man. Mm.
I don't, I shouldn't say.
No, it's nothing, honestly.
It's..
She just has this like,
you know, idea that..
You know, that you're like a..
Just, you know,
little bit of a..
- You know..
- A psychopath.
I drank too much wine,
don't do that.
That was good.
You got me.
Ooh, that was funny.
Sorry, I shouldn't have
told you that
but, yeah, she thinks
you're a psychopath, yeah.
Mm, will you excuse me
for one second?
Daniel!
Daniel, get away from her!
What? What is it?
I can't hear you!
Run!
No! No!
Oh, my God! No, please!
Please, don't!
Oh, my God!
No! Please! Please!
Please, Megan, no!
Please!
Please, no!
Jenny fought harder.
Give me your hand.
Feel that?
Your heart.
Racing.
What do you feel?
It's..
...it's steady.
Exactly.
How deep do you think
the lake is?
Oh, I know.
Because I..
...looked it up.
And I was..
...debating..
...on whether or not I should
drown you in it..
...or toss you off the cliff.
It's 350 feet
at its deepest point.
This is on you, Jules.
Keep it down.
It's not gonna get any easier
when I make you do the next one.
Oh, my God!
Here we go.
You didn't have to kill them.
I didn't kill them.
You did.
You were looking
for an easy way out.
And there isn't one.
How many times
do I have to tell you, Jules?
Blot, don't scrub!
Scrubbing will embed the stain
and forensics
will spot it right away.
How come you never mentioned
your dad until this trip?
You would always
just change the subject.
Did he do something to you?
Or your mom?
No.
He didn't.
They were happy.
Then what?
What turned you
into this monster?
It's nature..
...not nurture.
I'm free in all the ways
you're not.
You're trapped by emotions.
Weighed down by guilt.
Your conscience
isn't a source of strength.
It's your Achilles heel.
Eat up.
I need you to have
a full stomach
in case they do an autopsy.
What are the pliers for?
I can't have you
falling off the cliff
with stitches
in your stomach, can I?
Just one second.
Just stay put.
It's almost over.
Oh, my God.
Do you just enjoy this?
This was never about money.
Why not just go
skin a cat or something?
Isn't that what people like you
do on your spare time?
I know what it is.
You're just desperate.
Aren't you?
To feel...
something.
Anything.
Keep talking, Jules.
Your words aren't gonna
slow the fall.
Nothing is.
No, you're right.
They're not going to.
Ugh!
Oh, no.
Come back here!
No!
No!
Jules!
Stop!
There's nowhere left to run.
Fuck it.
I'm gonna kill..
Caw! I'm a crow.
Well, I am..
...a bald eagle.
Are you scared?
Okay.
Jackie!
Jackie, where are you?
Jackie, get out here!
Jackie!
Mmm.
We are the youth
we'll take your fascism away
We are the youth
Apologize for another day
We are the youth
and politicians are so sure
Come on, Jackie.
We are the youth
And we are knocking
on death's door
Never knew
we were living in a world
With a mind
that could be so sure
Never knew
we were living in a world
With a mind
that could be so small
Never knew
we were living in a world
And the world
is an open court
Maybe we don't wanna live
in a world
Where our innocence
is so short
We'll make it up to you
In the year 2000 with
Never knew
we were living in a world
With a mind
that could be so sure..
Jules!
Lift your hands into the air
really fucking slowly.
Slowly.
Pretty brave, Jules.
Stupid, but brave.
Move to the middle of the room.
Get on your knees.
I'm not fucking around, Jackie!
Get on your knees!
Hands on your head.
Fuck!
All those people..
...they trusted you.
I trusted you.
You are never going to
do this again.
I'm not going to let you
do it again.
If you pull that trigger,
Jules..
...you're more likely to kill
yourself than hurt me.
What are you talking about?
It's an antique.
Bullet trap hole is gonna
rip your face apart.
Hasn't been fired in 50 years.
You're lying.
I'm not.
Put the gun down, Jules.
You're not a killer.
Ah!
Come here!
No!
Die!
No, please, Jackie!
No, don't!
911. What's the nature
of your emergency?
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
My wife, she fell.
Please wake up, baby,
wake up, I'm here.
No, she's not breathing.
She's not breathing.
Please send help, she fell.
Um..
Um, it's, uh, Bearview Drive.
Oh, God, baby, wake up.
It's -- it's 20 minutes
off the 101.
Um, wait, what? I -- I can't
hear you, I can't hear you.
I can't.. What did you say?
I can't..
Here, let me help.
I can still see straight,
like you.
Oh, God.
See?
Trust.
What?
Umm..
You need premixed rapid acting.
Why aren't you a doctor again?
Let's not have that
conversation again.
That's my chicken.
Caw!
What the..
Hey, Jackie.
I bet you weren't expecting
to find me here.
If you're watching this..
...then that must mean I'm dead.
But that's not what I'm here
to tell you.
I wonder how you're feeling
right about now.
Probably starting to notice
some symptoms.
You know, Jackie..
...you should really start
paying better attention
to what you put in your body.
You see, when hydrogen peroxide
is injected into
the blood stream
it creates blood clots that move
through the circulatory system.
And once those clots
reach the brain..
...guess what happens?
You have a stroke.
God, I really wish I could see
the look on your face right now.
I wonder how much
that would be worth.
There's a demon inside
Blood let it out
oh blood let it out
Till you love me again
There's a demon inside
Blood let it out
oh blood let it out
Till you love me again
I left one in the city
I left one in the hills
I left you and I went running
across the river to its bed
I left two in the morning
with their mouths open wide
Coming for another on
my knees in the night
There's a demon inside
Blood let it out
oh blood let it out
Till you love me again
There's a demon inside
Blood let it out
oh blood let it out
Till you love me again
Roll demon roll
Roll demon roll
There's a demon inside
Better run for your life boy
Roll demon roll
Roll demon roll
And if you see me come now
You better tear out
your eyes
I left one like a baby
one crying
Oh I left one begging mercy
like a sinner to his Lord
I left you my love
like a bullet leaves a brain
And if I don't get better
I won't see you again
Demon inside
Blood let it out
oh blood let it out
Till you love me again
There's a demon inside
Blood let it out
oh blood let it out
Till you love me again
Roll demon roll
Roll demon roll
There's a demon inside
Better run for your life boy
Roll demon roll
Roll demon roll
And if you don't love me now
I won't leave myself dry