1
(Ryan) So, what do you want to do today?
Um. I think I'm gonna get
some work done. Do you mind?
No, I'll get some work done, too.
(Sound of a baby crying in another room)
Are you seriously pretending
to be asleep right now?
(Dave) What?
Get up! It's your turn.
I got up at three.
I got up at five.
I went to bed at one.
You were wasting time online.
I was writing!
Hey, hon.
Hey. What're you doing today?
Working. I'm about to head over to Trey's.
You have to be back by, like, 5:30.
I will be.
'kay.
Don't you and Trey ever
get sick of each other?
Lisa, he's my brother.
I know, I just miss
spending Saturdays with you.
We literally have three
scripts due this week, so...
What're you doing here?
Working out.
Are those three pounds?
Yeah.
Can I feel it?
This isn't gonna do anything.
You might as well be standing here, with no
weights, just moving your arms back and forth.
Can't believe they sell these things.
Stop it.
You can't... no...
It's for toning. I don't like to sweat.
I love you.
Don't be late!
I won't!
We haven't had sex in a while.
It's bullshit!
(She laughs) Well, we could do
something about it right now.
Bree. I'm never gonna say no.
Why am I the only one who
ever starts the dishwasher?
You didn't start the dishwasher!
(Dave, offscreen) What?!
Nothing.
Here, baby. Gonna sit right there.
Mm-hm.
What's that?
What?
Nice 30-minute shower.
It was 16 minutes. I timed it.
How is it that I can get myself and the kids ready in the
same amount of time it takes you to get yourself ready?
Well, remember how we read that men's
brains aren't wired for multi-tasking?
Well, how about finishing a single task?
Like, you never start the dishwasher.
I start the dishwasher all the time.
You think if you do something once
every three weeks, you do it regularly.
Well, once every three weeks IS regularly.
Oh my ga. I want to kill you right now!
(Josh) I'm anxious about tonight.
Why? It's gonna be fun.
It's gonna be awkward as hell.
You shouldn't have set it up.
You just, you have to admit,
you like to stir the pot.
It was Ginger's suggestion.
And Chris was fine with it.
I'll bet. Is he bringing that
girl? The one that he cheated with?
No. No. They're each
coming alone. They agreed.
Poor Ginger. I'll bet she's still a mess.
(Michelle) I've been thinking about Ginger.
(Dave) Poor Ginger.
I don't think it's a good idea for her
to be spending so much time in Texas.
Last time she came back, she'd eaten so much fried
food, all she could fit into was her sweatpants.
Jesus.
Marriage is like a business contract.
Each party signs the contract because they're
getting certain things out of the deal...
And when Chris married Ginger, part of the
deal was that she was slim and attractive.
Okay, but you shouldn't have to worry
about your spouse cheating on you...
just because you've gained
some weight over the years.
SOME weight?
Okay, Ginger's gotten huge. But it's hard
for her 'cause she's such a good cook.
I mean, I don't know how Chris
stayed so slim all these years.
He's self-disciplined because he's vain.
I always knew he was going to cheat. There's no way a
guy who's that good-looking is going to stay faithful.
You sound like you would've cheated
with him if you'd had the chance.
Unh...
Whatever. He was crazy to cheat on her.
She's cool and she cooks, like,
a four-course dinner every night.
I mean, who cares about sex
when you can eat like a king?
(Ryan) We're not leaving
until we own this town.
Not this side, not the
Valley. The other side.
I've been thinking about Ginger.
Ah. Poor Ginger.
Then I started thinking about our sisters and your
mother and my mother and all the women we know.
And it's like we've seen
them all act a little crazy.
Mm.
So, I'm developing this theory.
That all women occasionally act nuts.
It's just a question of how nuts...
like, where are they on the continuum.
Yeah, well, that's what I like about women. I
think it's cool how they can be unpredictable.
It's holding us back. You know, it makes men uncomfortable
because they're only used to experiencing one emotion.
Or maybe several. But you know it all
funnels down to the same one... anger.
And then they snap and
kill their whole family.
So, all men are angry?
Well, what blanket statement
can we make about men?
It's what Thoreau said. Most are
leading lives of quiet desperation.
You know, they go to work and they help
with the kids and they take out the trash
And then they go to work and they help
with the kids and they take out the trash...
And the whole time? They're daydreaming.
About being big and important and powerful
and screwing Scarlett Johansson. Or whoever.
I'll buy that.
You want to have sex
with Scarlett Johansson?
No, I meant I buy your theory, overall.
(Bree) You don't want to have sex with her?
I don't find her attractive.
Right!
Believe it or not, when I fantasize
about having sex, it's with you.
Always?
You never imagine yourself
having sex with anyone but me?
And you never imagine yourself
having sex with anybody but me?
I wish neither one of us were
ever attracted to anyone else.
It IS like that. Mostly. Seriously.
It's like everything is built on a foundation of
little white lies. We're living in a house of cards.
Who needs four cars?!
I know. I guess they haven't heard
about the fossil fuel situation.
Michelle. We drive an
SUV and a station wagon.
Yeah, but our next cars
are going to be hybrids.
Oh, well, we can start judging
people once we get them.
'kay.
(Dave) You should find out if he's hiring.
(Michelle) Ugh.
(Dave) You haven't
staffed in three seasons.
(Michelle) He's a hack.
And his brother's a clown.
A hack and a clown...
You know that one of their
episodes is up for an Emmy?
Really?
I can guarantee they didn't write it though. In
TV, everybody on staff contributes to every episode.
Well. This hack is 30 years old
and owns a house that costs...
$2.5.
Oh my god.
Hi!
Heeeey!!!
(Music plays)
They never hear us because
this house is so big.
Lisa?
Josh?
Art. I guess they're collecting now.
That fucker. He's just
over here printing money.
(Bree) Hello?
(Ryan) Hello?
Hi!
Hi! How are you?
Really good! How are you guys?
Good to see you!
Glad you could make it finally.
We can stay out late, my mom's
babysitting for us, thank you.
Yes!
I am going to drink my ass off.
No, it's your turn to get up
with Emma and Chloe tomorrow.
Wow. I bet you guys can't
wait to have kids, right?
(Josh laughs)
No, you have to do it. Seriously, it's
the best thing that ever happened to me.
Actually, we're trying
to get pregnant, so...
Yeah, I could be good
without kids, but... whatever.
What're you talking about? You totally
thought that baby was so cute at the barbecue.
All babies are cute. That's their thing. But is
that any reason to make an irreversible decision?
Well, if you didn't want to have
kids, we shouldn't have gotten married.
Nice.
What? I'm just saying.
We're gonna tackle the big issues tonight!
(Ryan) So, where's Ginger and Chris?
(Lisa) I told them not to come until 7:30, so that
we could have some time to discuss the situation.
(Josh) The puppet master.
(Lisa) Stop calling me that.
Wow. That picture is amazing.
They got another TV?
Check it out.
Sloppy already.
So. Chris and Ginger are coming together?
No. Separately.
What was she doing in Texas?
I have no idea because
she's not on Facebook.
People who aren't on Facebook
think they're so cool.
No offense, Bree.
But really it's just a huge pain in
the ass for anybody who loves them...
because how are we
supposed to keep in touch?
Yeah. And she never checks her email, okay?
She has this whole thing about how
email exists as a convenience to us...
and we're not supposed
to let it run our lives.
And she says we have to consciously
decide how much time we're gonna give it.
See? This is why I love her.
Who else says stuff like that?
I don't have time to consciously decide to
do anything. What am I gonna do, call her?
I don't have time to call everybody I want
to keep in touch with. I have children.
Well, she has Oliver.
Yeah, but he's 10. And there's a
huge difference between one and two.
When you have your first, you think it's so hard,
but when you have two, it's a whole other story.
You're complaining.
I'm not complaining, I'm just...
You ARE complaining.
Do you have Pepcid, or
something for stomachs?
What's the matter?
I don't know. I have
social anxiety or something?
Why? It's just us.
And George and Martha.
Who's George and Martha?
Elizabeth Taylor, Richard Burton.
"Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?"
Oh, is that a good movie?
Is what good?
Uh, "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?".
I love that movie.
I've never seen it.
What's that noise?
Oh! Someone must be at the front door.
Shoot, it's 7:30 already?
(whispers) Josh has never seen
"Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?".
Hello!
Hey...
Oh my gosh!
You look amazing!
Oh... thank you! I still have a couple
more pounds to go, but I'm getting there.
No, you look awesome!
Oh, um, Lisa, this is Brad.
Hi.
Hi.
You're cute!
He's an actor.
Neat.
Uh, do you mind if I use your bathroom?
Sure, yeah.
So...
Uh, do you mind if I go, too? We came from Malibu
and you practically have to stop for snacks, you know?
Sure. Just use the
powder room, over there...
That's okay, I'll just use this one.
Okay.
Hey!
Uh...
Can we have sex?
Brad!
I wanna go down on you.
Oh my ga.
(Ryan) So, last time we talked, you and
Trey were trying to write a movie together.
(Dave) It's not easy, is it? I always tell you TV guys
features aren't just longer, they're a whole different animal.
It's hard to sustain a
story over a hundred pages.
It's done, man. We sold it last week.
Really? Who'd you guys sell it to?
Will Ferrell and Adam McKay.
That's great. That's fantastic.
Yeah, those guys are really funny.
Yeah. They're doing alright.
You're a smartass. How much?
If you don't mind me asking?
Nah, it's fine, it was in the trades. 800.
$800,000?
No, 800 dollars.
(they laugh)
Ah, man.
What's wrong? You look freaked out.
Ginger lost weight.
Really?!
Yeah. And she brought a guy. And she went to the bathroom,
and this kid... he's, like, 20... he asked if he could go, too.
And they're in the bathroom
together, right now.
They're having sex?
I don't know.
In the powder room?
Yeah.
They better not get anything
on the wallpaper, it's vintage.
See that? Rich people have problems, too. They have
to worry about guests ejaculating on their wallpaper.
If I had said that, you would've
told me I was disgusting.
It was funny. Ryan is funny.
I'm a comedy writer!
You're funny, Dave. It's just
that Ryan is used to, you know...
getting up in front of a hundred people
and making them laugh their asses off.
I can't believe you.
Oh my god!
Hi!
You look awesome!
Oh... thank you!
How did you lose the weight?
I just was so busy working.
How are you?
Josh.
I was catering a movie.
In Austin?
Yeah. That's how I met Brad.
He was part of the cast.
How's Oliver?
He's great. He's with his
cousins. I go back on Monday.
What's that noise?
Oh! Someone must be at the front door.
That must be Chris.
(Lisa) Has he seen you yet?
No.
He's going to shit a brick.
Hi!
Hi!
How are you?
Good. Good.
Thank you.
We haven't seen you in since...
Forever. I know.
Ahh... Ginger came, right?
Yeah, she's here.
Hey, guys.
What's up?
(Ryan) How're you doing?
You look beautiful.
Thank you.
Ah, Chris. Nice to meet you.
You, too. Brad.
Ah. How do you know Josh and Lisa?
I just met them. I'm here with Ginger.
Oh.
I thought we weren't bringing anyone?
Oh, yeah, I'm sorry.
You are wearing that outfit that I love.
Yeah... (laughs)
Who needs a drink?
(Everyone) I do.
This silverware has a
really nice weight to it.
I knew you'd notice. You
always appreciate nice things.
Yeah, I noticed it, too, I was
thinking about stealing some.
(the others laugh)
Seriously, one spoon costs $200.
I wanna hear some of your new
material. Can we, after dinner?
No. C'mon.
(Michelle) For us. C'mon.
Alright, I got some. Truthfully, I've been traveling
so much that I really haven't had time to write.
Gotta make time. No excuses.
Right. No, I wrote today though, so...
So did I.
Well, you screwed around on the Internet.
I was working.
Oh, listen, there's a service you can subscribe to that
blocks your access to the Internet for up to 8 hours a day.
Is that where we're at right now? We can't be
self-disciplined, we have to pay someone to enforce discipline?
I know. It's lame. But, it only costs
$7.95 a month. It's totally worth it.
Wow. You and Trey do that?
Ah, no. We don't have to.
We're very self-motivated.
Hm.
That's fantastic.
(Ginger) So, Ry, where are
you performing these days?
All over. Atlanta. Dallas. Pittsburgh.
(Michelle) Have you been
going with him, Bree?
No. I tape five shows a week, so...
Oh. Right.
That many?
Have you watched her
show? Oh, it's fantastic.
I keep forgetting, I'm sorry.
I don't have time for that.
(Lisa) Send me the link again.
I can't believe this. My own friends. You know, I
have strangers writing me and telling me they love it.
This one guy told me it
restored his faith in humanity.
But it's opera, right?
(Josh) That's a tough sell.
I don't have time to watch webisodes.
They're only 2 minutes long.
You know, one day Ryan and I are going to
leave L.A. and then you'll all be sorry.
'Cause you'll just be talking about
how you saw Jim Carrey at the dog park.
(Josh) Who saw Jim Carrey at the dog
park? Did you, did you see him, for real?
(Bree) I just made that up.
(Josh) Oh.
I'm just saying that your whole lives
will be one big Howard Stern conversation.
I love Howard Stern.
Love him.
That's depressing.
This chicken is very good.
Oh, yeah. Lisa's a good little orderer.
Um...
Did I tell you guys that I'm going
to London, with Josh and Trey?
I thought you weren't going.
We did a spreadsheet on how much she'd spend
in London and how much she'd spend here...
and we think she'd spend more here.
Because there would be no controls.
Yeah, because women
are stupid spendthrifts.
It's just that you want more.
They don't want more, they want everything.
They want to go to all the new restaurants...
they want all the best clothes, they want to take the best
vacations, they want to get all the best personal trainers...
You don't like new restaurants?
Well, yeah, but...
And you don't wanna take great vacations?
Well, yes, of course, but that's not...
We help you lead fuller lives.
(Michelle) Yes.
(Lisa) Yeah.
(Ryan) Hey. So what's your script about?
Ah, which one?
I was talking about the spec script that
you sold, but uh, how many do you have?
Well, when that one went out, everyone
went nuts and wanted meetings with us...
So, of course, we had this backlog
of ideas we wanted to pitch...
(Josh) So, we're working on an animated film
at Pixar, Spielberg wants to do a comedy...
(Josh) So, we're writing
something for him, and...
(Josh) We're working on a
project we would direct ourselves.
(Josh) Paramount would finance. Nothing
huge, but they want to be in business with us
And, one of our TV episodes
was nominated for an Emmy.
(Ryan) Oh, that's great.
Congratulations.
That's great news.
You know what? I'm going to go open one of the
bottles we brought. Anybody need anything else?
(Ryan) I'm going to get ours, too.
(Ryan) I wanna read
that spec script he sold.
We should ask him.
Nah, because, he'll think that we have a chip on our
shoulder, that we just wanna see if it's good. I'm telling ya.
How could it be? Have you
seen his show? It's so hacky.
Eight hundred thousand dollars.
It's 'cause he's self-confident.
Confidence is everything in this town.
I'm self-confident, hanh?
I got a two-bedroom
teardown in the Valley.
Yeah, but Studio City's cool.
It's not really the Valley.
Don't patronize me. Alright? When we trade
up, we'll move to the west side, alright?
We like the Valley, we're very middle-class. When I bought
Bree the Volvo, she acted like she'd won the lottery.
Must be nice to have a wife you can please.
She's the best.
(Lisa) I have to do something about it...
(Josh) It's humbling
just to be nominated...
(Lisa) They have sticky things...
(Chris) Right. And it
might not happen again...
(Brad) Bree? Bree? That's an unusual name.
Yeah, my mom had just seen "Klute."
Really? Your mom must be very
interesting, to name you after a hooker.
(Brad) I mean, um, uh, a prostitute.
Is "Klute" good? I haven't seen that.
(under her breath) Never seen "Klute"?!
So, how'd you two meet?
I was working on a film
that shot in Austin.
Crew?
No, no, I'm an actor.
Mm. Big role? Small one?
As actors, we're taught to believe
that there are no small roles.
Right. So, small. What movie?
(Brad) "Spaceman."
Mm. I read the script.
Well. I read the first 10 pages. It was
actually so bad, I couldn't finish it.
(Chris) How old are you?
Twenty-six.
That's young.
Yeah. He knows nothing about
the heartache of soft erections.
(the others laugh)
(Josh) Wow.
Plus, everyone our age is married. So...
Yeah, but not all these marriages are going
to last. I mean, the divorce rate is 50%.
(Music starts)
My wife. Twelve years we've been together.
Yeah. And what's great about it is... and it kinda gets me
choked up a little bit... we're very supportive of each other.
We look out for each other,
try to make each other happy.
Like, lately, she's been giving me
a lot of blow jobs. Which is awesome.
(Ryan) And it's occurred to her that maybe blow jobs are
fattening, because she's been gaining a little weight.
The other day we're lying in bed and she says to me,
"Look, I'm thinking that maybe sperm has a lot of calories."
(Ryan) So, I immediately go
into problem-solving mode.
I'm like, "Why don't you
start skipping lunch?"
That was mean.
That's hilarious,
what're you talking about?
Funny, Ryan.
I'm just gonna play you guys
the first few notes, okay?
(Josh) Oh, hey, hey, hey...
Thank you.
(An opera song begins and plays for
several moments while they listen)
(Bree turns off the opera song)
Did you guys get chills?
(they laugh)
Are you serious?! How are you
guys not affected by that song?
It was really beautiful, Bree.
(Lisa) It was gorgeous.
Hey, you guys wanna play poker?
Yes!
Yes.
No. It's too late to start a game. It's
ten o'clock, we have to stop drinking.
No. No one stop drinking. You guys have to spend
the night. Everyone should stay here, tonight.
(Josh) Really?
(Lisa) Yeah. What's the point
of having this big house, right?
Alright.
Call your mom.
It's been so long since
I've gotten shitfaced!
We can play poker all night,
and watch the sun rise...
I feel alive. I'm alive, honey.
Stop feeling alive.
I'm alive!
Don't feel sorry for me.
We don't feel sorry for you.
We feel bad for you.
That's funny. Because I feel bad for you.
Why?!
Well, neither of you
seem very happy right now.
Me and Michelle?
Why are you singling us out?
Ryan and Bree are happy.
Well... yeah... we're happy. But...
What makes you think
Dave and I aren't happy?
Seriously?
Bree said earlier that you guys were like the
couple in "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?".
I mean, earlier, my
stomach hurt, so I was...
Great, so everybody thinks we're a mess.
Oh, we don't think you're a mess...
Look, I get it. You've
got young kids. It's hard.
Josh and I are trying to get pregnant.
Of course you are.
What does that mean?
I just feel like we're all making
the same mistakes our parents made.
You're on shaky ground so you
want to throw kids into the mix?
You think I'm on shaky ground?
You know how Josh acts like he's being funny because
he's smiling or making some sort of joke but...
really he's just criticizing you?
Yeah.
It seems like he doesn't respect you.
(Michelle mouths, "What the...?" to Bree)
Well... he has really high expectations
of everyone, himself included.
So, he's critical. But I
think that he respects me.
I know he respects me.
That asshole. He doesn't respect me!
Well, maybe he does, I don't know?
No! No, he doesn't, I know he doesn't.
Well, why don't you talk to him about it? If
you call him on it, he's gonna have to change.
That's optimistic.
I know you're into positive thinking and the power of intention
and all that shit, but sometimes it's just not realistic.
(Ginger) What are you doing?
I'm gonna do a spreadsheet, to
see if I can afford to leave him.
Nooo! Wait, that was just my opinion.
Hey, I could be totally wrong. Everybody
knows I'm a little screwed up right now.
When we're done with her, let's do me. I
think I can get some money from my parents.
You don't want to get a divorce.
Yeah, you do not want to get a divorce.
Dave and I are really
having problems right now.
Listen, I get it, okay?
You love your kids...
They're the best thing
that ever happened to me.
But they're at an age where
they require constant attention.
And it doesn't matter how much you love
them, there's a part of you that is angry.
(Ginger) Because you
don't have a life anymore.
(Ginger) I know. So you start taking it out
on the person closest to you... your spouse.
You know, I read this book
about how, in some cultures...
couples don't even pretend they can stay together
for the first 5 years of the child's life.
(Bree) So, the man... he leaves the home
and he goes and sleeps somewhere else...
and he just comes home to, you know, make repairs
to the thatched hut and give the wife money.
And the woman... she gives all her attention to the child,
and her mother and sisters and aunts help her raise it.
That's pretty smart. Most
American women, though,
would not be okay with their husband sleeping with
another woman while we have to deal with the kids.
Dave can be really annoying.
He does all these little things.
Everybody does all these little things.
Look. I know he's a good person.
And I love him and I wish him well.
But what would be perfect is if we were
really rich and could have two houses...
so we could live near each
other but not together.
Which would lead to divorce. Because why would you
be married to someone if you can live without them?
Or, yeah, we'd get divorced. But we'd stay friends, and
I'd hire two nannies, so I could have round-the-clock help.
Which would lead to you never seeing your kids.
So you'd feel guilty and you would indulge them...
and then they would just be more and
more demanding and you'd all be miserable.
I feel really overwhelmed.
(Chris) So, is this about the
Emmy thing you were talking about?
(Josh) This guy, he's out of control.
He helped you with that?
(Josh) Yeah, he helped
me. Makes all this money...
When he signed the deal with
ABC, they backed the truck up.
Yeah, he is loaded. And now everyone's kissing
his ass. Actresses who audition for his show...
and there he is, stuck with his college sweetheart,
whom he thought was the best he was ever going to do.
She's cute.
Yeah, but she's not beautiful. I
mean, he could have his pick now.
Yeah, but do you really wanna be with someone
who's only with you because you have money?
A young guy's perspective. Probably when we're that old,
we'll settle for getting a beautiful woman any way we can.
What're you talking about? Are
you planning on being single?
Hey. It's touch-and-go
at my house.
It's great being young, huh? The women
are more fun? Easier to please, I guess.
That's what makes them not fun. Women
your age, they're harder to satisfy.
I guess I like the challenge.
(the others laugh, cynical)
You just have to get through
the next couple of years.
The kids will get easier.
And in the meantime, you have to remember
why you married Dave to begin with.
And yes... you have to make
yourself have sex with him.
No. I have nooo desire. None.
We don't have sex either.
I just don't care about it. At all.
Okay. Well, it will be
your problem eventually.
I mean, you can't tell a guy, "Hey, we're married,
and you can never have sex with anyone else again."
"Oh, and by the way, you can
never have sex with me again."
I mean, eventually he's going to
decide that that's a bunch of bullshit
and he's gonna find somebody
else to have sex with.
(Bree) The oppressed will rise up.
Is that what happened with you and Chris?
Do you think he was justified
in having the affair?
No.
At least, I would never tell him that.
But yeah, we didn't have sex. I
just, I just didn't feel like it.
But he's so good-looking.
I'm just saying...
I mean, if she didn't feel
like having sex with Chris...
how am I supposed to feel
like having sex with Dave?
(Lisa) That's so mean!
What? It's just sometimes I look at
him and he already seems middle-aged.
Well, we almost are. It's not that far off.
Actually, I read this
book by Desmond Morris...
that says men's waists
expand as they get older...
and their shoulders get
more narrow and rounded...
and this is all part of
nature's grand plan...
so that they will be less
attractive to other women...
so that they will stay with their
wives and help raise the children.
How do you find time to read all this shit?
Dave is awesome.
I find him very attractive.
I love Dave. He's... he's great.
He would freak if he heard this.
You should tell him.
Yeah, why don't you, if
it'd give him a boost?
No.
(Bree) Why?
Because. I don't want to give him power.
- (Lisa) Michelle!
- (Ginger) Ohh!
(Michelle) What?
Okay, that's bitchy.
I guess I'm in a bad place right now.
Yeah.
Obviously I am, too.
Why else would I be hanging out
with a 26-year-old actor in Malibu?
I love Malibu.
Tell us about the sex. With the actor.
No, you do not get to
ask questions about sex.
(Bree) Why not?
Because you're not willing to
reveal anything about yourself.
I will tell you anything you
want to know about my sex life.
Yeah. You and Ryan have good sex. We know.
I'm saying you won't talk
about other guys, ever.
Like, you won't even admit
it if somebody else is hot.
It's as if that's cheating on Ryan.
I know it's not cheating.
(Michelle) Of course it's not!
But, it's a little bit of a betrayal.
How is it a betrayal?!
Obviously, George Clooney
was hot in "The American."
Okay? And it probably wouldn't be
unpleasant to have sex with him.
Everybody knows that, including Ryan.
So, I just don't think it's a big deal to
acknowledge what everybody else knows to be true.
Was that good, "The American"?
We didn't see that one.
How does Josh write movies
when he's never seen one?
We see movies all the time.
But you just studiously
avoid the good ones?
Just because we don't see the kind of
movies you see... you're a snob, Bree.
Am I? Or are you people just disappointing?
Jon Stewart.
He's great.
(Michelle) Yeah, I know he's great but do you
ever think it'd be fun to have sex with him?
Michelle.
Jason Bateman!
No, stop, I'm going to break her.
(Michelle) Matt Damon. In "The Bourne Identity."
When he's washing Franke Potente's hair.
She's cute!
He can kill anyone with his bare hands. But
he's a good person, and he barely ever speaks...
which is so hot. And when he
does, he says the perfect thing.
He's got very good dialogue.
Tony Gilroy wrote it.
No, don't do that. This is not
a discussion of the script, 'kay.
I'm saying, Matt Damon in all the
Bourne movies is hot as hell...
and you know you've thought
about having sex with him...
and I demand that you admit it!
C'mon, just admit it!
I will happily admit that I
want to have sex with other guys.
Every person in a relationship
wants to have sex with other people.
So what! Who cares? It's human nature!
I think we can assume she
finds other guys attractive.
I'll reveal something personal.
When Ryan and I have sex,
I can't look into his eyes.
At least not for more
than a couple of seconds.
It's like it's too intimate or something.
(Michelle) Let's get donuts.
Just put off getting married for as
long as you can, that's all we're saying.
Well, no, get married whenever you
want, just, you know, choose wisely.
Oh, no shit. Choose as if
your life depended on it.
You're not thinking about that now, right?
Marriage?
No. No. You know, I'm...
Twenty-six.
This fucking guy, huh?
(Josh) Oh, I know, right?
I would kill to be 26 again.
I wouldn't screw it up this time.
I'd show everybody how it's done.
What is that dance?
It's the 'how you do it' dance.
(the others laugh)
Did you get your medicine today, or no?
(the others laugh)
(Music plays)
Look at all these cool people.
I never meet anyone. I'm always cooped up
in that stupid house or running errands.
Your house is awesome.
You should be grateful.
I know. You're right.
We're all really blessed.
I know. We are really, really fortunate.
You see that guy?
(Lisa) Yeah.
I'd fuck him.
Really?
(Michelle) Yep.
You know who I think is hot?
Brad.
I know.
(Lisa laughs)
Ginger is so lucky. I mean, she's not
lucky, she's getting a divorce, but...
Ah... Chris is so good-looking...
and now she gets to have sex with Brad.
Do you ever wish you could just put
your marriage on hold for a little while?
Be single again, you know, just for a
little bit, then go back to being married.
Probably nobody would go back.
I just miss feeling excited,
about anything, you know?
When you meet somebody new,
it's so exciting, those feelings.
It's like when you were in high school...
and you would be going to a party...
and you didn't know if a guy that
you liked was going to be there but...
...you just didn't know what was going to happen.
Would you get to talk to him, would you get to make out?
We used to play Seven Minutes in Heaven.
We never did that! I'm so bummed!
It was awesome.
Hey, you guys?
Yeah?
I have an idea, but, uh,
Bree, you're not gonna approve.
Yeah?
When we get back to the house, let's tell the
guys we want to play Seven Minutes in Heaven.
(Lisa laughs)
(Michelle squeals)
Wait. You mean the game
where you go in the...
Yes!
(Ginger) Okay. (laughs)
(Lisa) Yes!
(Bree) Seriously?
We have an idea.
It's kind of unorthodox.
Unorthodox. Where'd you get that?
What do you mean?
I've never heard you use that word before.
I read books, Josh! More than
you do, and you're a writer!
We want to play Seven Minutes in Heaven.
What's that?
Isn't that the thing where you...
It's a game where two people go in a
closet and make out for seven minutes.
Okay, but... I can make out
with you anytime I want to,
and I don't have to go in a closet
and I don't have to do it
for the full seven minutes.
(the others laugh)
I'm not talking about spouses with spouses.
We're talking about random pairings.
What the hell are you talking about?
(Lisa and Michelle)
Seven Minutes in Heaven!
You wanna play this game?
Seven Minutes in the Closet?
Seven Minutes in Heaven.
Whatever.
No. Do you?
No. Hell no. These people are nuts.
I know, I know. Apparently we're boring.
You wanna play?!
No! Do you?!
No!
Michelle thinks we're fearful
and naive. We're not adventurous.
Being adventurous is, like, riding
a motorcycle across South America...
that's adventurous.
Letting another guy make out
with your wife... that's stupid.
Wikipedia.
Seven Minutes in Heaven is a kissing
game first played by teenagers
in Cincinnati in the early 1950s.
See? Midwesterners know how to party
because their winters are so long.
(the others laugh)
Two people selected go into a closet
or another dark enclosed space...
and do whatever they
like for seven minutes.
(Chris) Mm-hm.
This is what you wanna do?
Yeah.
So, are you guys in?
No./Okay./No./Yes.
Okay./No./Okay./No.
If we did this, you'd regret
it and you'd be jealous...
and I'd hear about it til the day I die.
Don't flatter yourself.
O-kay. Okay.
I'm in. What about you two? Are you in?
No.
No.
C'mon. Either we all do
it or none of us plays.
We're not gonna play.
We're not going to play.
(Michelle) Unh...
So, should we still play?
Yeah.
(Lisa) Yeah.
Can I talk to you for a second?
O-kay.
(Josh) You're in trouble.
Look at that view.
I want a pool.
Are you crazy?
I just wanna do something
different. Unpredictable.
Every day I wake up and
I do the exact same thing.
I try to get some writing done
but mostly I just change diapers...
and clean up after the kids and straighten
up the house and feed the kids...
and read 'em a bedtime story and then
spend hours trying to put Chloe to sleep...
and then I wake up the next day and do the
exact same thing except maybe I go to Target.
If I seriously stopped to think about
what my life has become, I would freak out.
You wanted kids.
Dave, I love Emma and Chloe. They're the
best thing that ever happened to me...
Stop saying that. Obviously
you don't really feel that way.
If you think for a second that I
don't adore them, then you're crazy.
Why else would I do everything for them?
Then why can't you do
everything for them happily?
You have to complain about
it every step of the way.
Why can't you be one of those
women that's, just, you know, happy?
Because it's hard!
No, it isn't. You just decide you're
going to be happy and then you do it!
You know? Sometimes a person
just has to have self-control.
It's not like you're Mr. Sunshine,
walking around all cheerful.
Because my wife is always dissatisfied.
It's human nature to want more.
I'm not sexist, you know I'm not,
but I think this is a gender thing.
Women always want more.
Well, I can think of one
thing men always want more of.
Sex.
And now here's your chance.
What, we're gonna have
sex with these people?
It's a kissing game.
Why can't we play Cranium?
Dave. This is your chance
to make out with someone.
It's YOUR chance to make out with someone.
What do you care?!
I walk around with food in my
teeth and you don't even tell me...
because you don't notice because
you don't even look at me!
Remember when I got my hair cut and you didn't notice
but you noticed when you got the credit card bill?
Because it was two hundred dollars!
I know!
I think we have problems.
Everybody has problems.
Ryan and Bree are happy.
They don't have kids.
You wanted kids!
I'm just saying their life is one
continuous round of pleasure...
restaurants, movies, reading every issue
of the New Yorker from cover to cover.
It's actually a pretty selfish existence.
We had problems before we had kids.
No.
Yeah. Well.
If you don't want to play Seven
Minutes in Heaven, we won't.
God, that name... it's so corny.
Of course Ryan and Bree aren't playing.
So?
Everybody else is game.
(Josh) Right.
(Chris) Well? Are you in?
She wants to, so...
Fun!
Alright, my lawyer says it'll be valid because
we'd all be witnesses to each other's signatures.
(Dave) What?
I printed a limited liability
agreement from the Net.
It's a boilerplate agreement,
so I had to add some wording...
but basically we're agreeing to not
talk about the game after tonight.
So that, you know, no one
fights about it afterward.
And we can't discuss it publicly, either.
Well, good. Because I don't want
anybody thinking we're swingers.
Yeah. It could have a
negative effect on my career.
Well, all of our careers.
We all have careers, so...
Of course. Well, everyone except for Lisa.
I work. I run this household.
If by 'run this household' you mean
calling the maid and ordering take-out.
Don't talk to me like that.
Lisa, c'mon. It's not like you're
actually doing all the work yourself...
cleaning the house, the
pool, doing the landscaping.
I coordinate everything. I pay the bills and run the
errands, so that you can work 24/7. I make your life possible.
Oh, wow, like that's a
privilege. I get to work 24/7.
You love working.
I have to go to the well while I
can. This could all change overnight.
Yeah, I'm the hot writer now. But
that can't last forever, right?
Okay. Yes. I love to work.
I'm sorry. You're right.
You make my life possible.
Thank you.
Which closet are we going to use?
(Music plays)
(Michelle) Where does this even go?
(Michelle) Ahhh!
I'll be the deejay.
Bryan Ferry.
Too obvious?
Who would you want to be matched with?
What do you mean?
If we played.
You want to play.
Nah, I'm just saying, if we did,
who would you want to be paired with?
No one. Who would you
want to be paired with?
No one.
Why'd you ask me that? Obviously you've
thought about who you'd want to be paired with.
No, I was thinking that
maybe it was on your mind.
Well, if we're going to argue,
then we might as well play.
You wanna play.
No. Do you?
No.
(Music plays)
(Brad laughs)
I don't know. Bad feng shui.
I know you find Lisa attractive.
No...
Maybe not her face, but her breasts.
No, I don't.
Liar.
Bree, I mean...
No, look, look... you have to
lie. I mean, you have no choice.
What're you going to say,
'Yeah, she's got great tits'?
You can't say that. So,
you lie. To keep the peace.
See? Everything's based on
a foundation of bullshit.
That's so depressing.
We should just be honest.
Okay. You first.
Okay.
Yes. Lisa has nice breasts.
But you know they're gonna sag.
And yours are gonna stay
nice and perfect-looking.
Yeah, because they're smaller.
Hers are huge.
Okay? Now you say something honest.
Be honest about something.
Alright, this is not a big deal. I mean, it's
silly, because he's famous and unattainable, but...
I find Matt Damon attractive.
Matt Damon?
He's not unattainable.
You could totally get him.
Ryan, he's married. And his
wife seems really lovely.
Why do people use that word, 'lovely'? It's so
pretentious. Like, what are we, British or something? Huh?
I guarantee if Matt Damon met
you, he'd be attracted to you.
No, he wouldn't, okay? And that's part of why I like him,
you know? I feel like he's a nice guy. He's got integrity.
Oh, boy, you've really thought a
lot about this, haven't you, huh?
Matt Damon? I mean, he's not even funny.
Yeah, remember when he
was on "Will and Grace"?
You fucking remember that? I mean, you've
really been into him for a while, haven't you?
I'm not going to argue with you about this. If we're
going to argue, then let's go play Seven Minutes in Heaven.
If you want to fucking play,
then let's fucking play!
I don't want to play!
Of course you don't wanna
play. Not with these slobs.
They're no temptation to you. Not
when you're obsessed with Matt Damon.
Oh my God.
I mean, I don't know how I'm going
to find time to get washboard abs...
when I'm busy trying to work my
ass off, to build a comedy career.
I mean, who knows what will
happen, when you run into Damon...
while I'm out, flying all over creation, performing
in clubs, to try to pay for our fucking house!
This is insane. I'm not going
to leave you for Matt Damon.
You think he'd be faithful to you? Huh? A fucking actor?
They fall in and out of love like kids at summer camp, huh?
Ya really think he's gonna be into you,
when you get old and your breasts sag?
What do you think?
This is perfect.
So, we can use these to draw names.
Oh, here, I'll do it. So, Ryan
thinks you have nice breasts.
Thanks.
No problem.
(the others laugh)
(Michelle) Real original.
(Josh) Well, here we go.
Okay, you guys ready to play?
I didn't know married
people did stuff like this.
They don't.
You don't know that. We don't
know what other married people do.
Well, we're short one girl. So,
someone's gonna have to go twice.
Me. If you have two kids, you go twice.
No one picks their own spouse.
There's gotta be a more efficient way
to do this, like a mathematical way.
Too bad we're all writers,
we'll never find out.
Lisa.
Ooooh.
(Ryan) That's your wife.
(Josh) Yeah, please. Fill 'er up.
Can I get a drink?
Have fun.
(Bree) I love how you're smiling.
I don't care.
(Josh) You don't care?
(Michelle) I don't.
Think this is a test?
Like, they're testing us?
Here, we're going first, 'cause they wanna
see if we're actually gonna do something.
Then they'll just, like, crucify us.
No. Mm-mm.
This wood paneling is nice.
Yeah, I know. It's
original, it's from the '50s.
Josh wanted to redo it, because
he likes everything so perfect.
He prides himself on being a perfectionist.
You know what's funny? My mom is a
human resources manager for a hospital...
So, she's a real student of human
nature... do I sound like a geek?
No. No.
Anyway. So. When she interviews someone,
and they say that they're a perfectionist,
she doesn't buy it. She says true
perfectionists are so demanding of themselves...
they don't think of themselves
as anywhere near perfect.
They think that everything they do is so far from
perfection that they couldn't possibly be a perfectionist.
I love that.
So. I don't think Josh is a perfectionist.
You ever read his scripts,
when he finishes them?
Always.
Do they have any typos?
Tons!
I rest my case.
I sound like an old person. Next thing you know I'll be
saying 'gams' instead of legs. 'Look at the gams on her!'
You're so funny.
Really?
Yeah. Michelle doesn't tell
you that very often, huh?
It's extremely rare. It's
part of her winning formula.
She hardly ever throws you a bone, so when she
does, you feel like you're the king of the world.
Omigod, now I'm James Cameron.
He's not such a bad guy.
Josh hardly ever compliments me either.
It's 'cause they're insecure. Really insecure
people never give compliments. They can't afford to.
You're right.
You're so smart and funny
and... god, Michelle's lucky.
You're such a man, you
know? You're such a... guy.
Oh my god, it feels so good to get
compliments from a beautiful girl.
I wish beautiful girls would give me
compliments all the time, you know?
Is it wrong to want that?
No.
You think I'm beautiful?
Of course.
Should we make out?
Maybe. I don't know if this whole
marriage thing is going to work out, so...
I'll probably give it a go.
You're really funny.
Keep saying that and I will leave her.
I'm serious. I will do it. Right now.
You're so funny.
(Music plays)
(the others, offscreen)
"Time's up! Time's up!"
Omigod, why did we waste time talking?
(the others) "Time's up!!!"
This, uh, contract is not
going to prevent arguments.
I know.
Do I have any lipstick on me?
You're good.
Thank you.
Time's up!
What?
Did you do anything?
Tsk. You didn't do anything.
I thought we weren't discussing
it. We signed the contract.
You didn't do anything?
We signed the contract.
Okay. We're honoring the contract.
Ginger.
Oh, boy.
Okaay.
Alrighty, sir...
M'lady...
Don't hurt nobody.
(Josh) Excuse me, Brad.
This is a little weird, huh?
Yeah.
What's wrong?
(Josh) Should I go get someone?
One of the girls? Or...?
(Josh) Is this about Chris?
It's everything.
Aw, I'm sorry. I'm ruining this for you.
No, no, please.
Don't you like, uh, Brad? He seems okay.
Yeah. Yeah. He's... he's just young.
We're always talking
about his hopes and dreams.
Oh, God...
Yeah. It's depressing.
Ahh, I just can't go
through all this again.
I mean, he thinks that he loves
me. But we would never last.
Even if I allowed myself to fall
in love with him... which I could...
Eventually he'd leave me
for someone young. Younger.
Like Chris did.
He's crazy. He was so
stupid to cheat on you.
You smell amazing.
Thank you. It's Jo Malone 154.
Lisa owns every perfume but that.
Why don't you buy it for her?
There's something about a person who gets
themselves everything that they want...
It makes you not want to get them stuff.
That sounds bad, doesn't
it? I sound like a jerk.
No, no.
Yeah.
No. But maybe you need to
talk to someone about it.
What do you mean, a
therapist? I can't afford that.
Ga, Josh.
You have a $2.5-million-dollar
house, what're you talking about?
Yeah, that's exactly what I'm
talking about... I can't afford that.
(the others, offscreen) Time's up!!
Where's Ginger?
She went to the bathroom.
(the others laugh)
Michelle.
I'm so glad I got you.
Really?
Yeah.
Um, I need to ask you something.
Yeah, we can do more than just kiss.
No, no, I'm sorry, I'm
sorry. No, it's about Ginger.
O-kay.
Do you think she would reconcile?
You wanna get back together?
Yeah. I have to get her back.
I don't know...
You must have some idea.
No, really, I don't.
I don't know if she'd go back.
You know, when she turns a corner...
I know. I know.
In college, she used to cry over a guy
for a week and then he was dead to her.
When she's done, she's done, you know?
Yeah.
If this is about her looking good, Chris...
Oh, please, I'm shallow,
I'm not ridiculous.
That's why I came here tonight, to see
if she would get back together with me
And then she shows up with this boy toy.
You got a hotel room with
a 23-year-old actress!
She was twenty-eight.
Okay, well on IMDB it's says that she's...
She's an actress. She lies about her age.
So, you regret it?
Oh my god, yes, I regret it.
If I could take it back, I would.
But at some point, it was exciting, right?
For about two minutes.
But it was, like, great, right?
Like, did you, like, feel alive?
Are you thinking about cheating on Dave? Is
that what this is about, our playing this game?
No, I just...
I'm so sick of Dave. You know?
Yeah, I know. And then you get tired
of the person you're cheating with.
And then, I don't know, it just seems like bad
form to cheat on the person you're cheating with.
Yeah.
And let me tell you something.
It's not real great out there.
What's it like? Dating again?
It sucks.
Because all these people have baggage. And
you're not exactly eager to find out what it is.
And I don't know. I don't feel like meeting
strangers in restaurants and, you know,
immediately finding out they're
nowhere near as good as Ginger.
Did I tell you I went
to the Oscars this year?
A friend of mine had an
extra ticket so I got to go.
How was it?
Within five minutes of being there,
you're walking down the red carpet...
and everybody's ignoring you
because you're not a star...
...and then you realize, you don't even want to
be there if you don't have a movie in the running.
And at this point in my life,
I want to make something great.
You know? Something that moves
people, that makes them feel something.
And this is going to sound weird,
but I can't do it without Ginger.
I need her. I need her in my corner.
(the others, offscreen) Time's up!!
Are you bummed we didn't do anything?
No, no, it's fine.
I hope Ginger takes you back.
Thanks. You're awesome.
Full sex, right? I'm prepared for anything.
I'm... I'm sorry. Can
I talk to you for a sec?
Yeah. Yeah.
How was it?
What?
Making out with Josh.
We didn't make out. We
just, we kissed a little.
Was it good?
Brad. We just talked. I was upset.
Why? Why were you upset?
He cheated on you and he left you.
I know.
What do you see in him?
Okay, yeah, maybe he was
good-looking when he was young, but...
Brad, he and I are the same age.
Yeah, but you're beautiful and interesting
and smart, and he's this Hollywood producer.
And you took vows. And he
slept with someone else.
Doesn't that bother you?
Of course. It all bothers me!
The fact that he cheated, the fact
that we're getting a divorce...
The fact that Oliver's going to have to deal with
the effects of this divorce for the rest of his life.
Stepmothers, and stepfathers, flying
back and forth across the country...
To see one parent while he's
missing the one he's not with.
Brad, what are we doing?
What do you mean?
You want me to fall in love with you?
Yes! Please! That's what I want!
Okay, then what?
We... we enjoy life. And...
and we have fun together.
And we have amazing sex.
How long would that last?
Ah...
Even if we lasted a couple of years...
if we even made it to spring...
Of course we'd make it to spring.
Okay, then what? We get married,
and you become Oliver's stepfather?
You're gonna wanna be with someone young.
Someone who's in the same life phase as you.
Life phase?
Yeah, life phase. Mine involves
my eyesight suddenly going to shit.
And buying reading glasses at
the drugstore, like old people.
Worrying about how the teen years are
going to be. Getting root canals, and...
It's not all serious. You can have fun.
Yeah, but...
I guess at the end of the day, I want to be with
someone who is in the same place in life as me.
I'm ready.
Lisa.
(Music plays)
Mm!
(they laugh)
Time's up!!
Time's up!
Oh, boy.
Are you kidding me?!
Hey, thanks for dinner.
(Bree) Is he leaving?
What the hell did you do?!
Nothing.
Right.
We said we were gonna honor the contract!
You okay?
Ginger...
I wanna get back together.
Are you kidding?
No.
I'm sorry, you know, about arguing earlier.
Yeah, me, too.
I'm developing a new theory.
What's your theory?
The fact that everything is based on
these little white lies is a good thing.
You know? It's people being compassionate toward
one another. Protecting each other's feelings.
Okay. I wanna go with this. Go ahead.
Like, it's hard enough for me to
accept Lisa has nice breasts...
No, she doesn't...
But I don't want to hear
you say it aloud. You know?
Better for me to just hope you don't
spend too much time thinking about them.
I don't.
Right.
These little white lies, they are the glue that hold
relationships together. They hold society together.
So, uh, what'd you
think of my new material?
I think it's great.
But what?
Nothing. I think it's great.
What specifically did
you have a problem with?
I didn't have a problem with
any of it. It's all good.
But not as good as my best stuff.
It will be.
You're going to do your tweaking. You know?
You're gonna rewrite it, and rewrite it, and it's
gonna be on the same level as your other stuff.
Sounds like I got a lot
of rewriting to do, huh?
I feel like we have not
fought this much in a year.
It's these people. They're a bad influence.
So, is this because I've lost weight?
No. Gain it all back, I don't care.
Oh, you do care! Okay? Men
are visually stimulated.
See, I miss this. I miss our
conversations. I miss good conversation.
I went to every screening of every movie
and defended each as if it were my own child.
The Hallmark movie, Chris?
You're an angel.
I used to love to cook for you. I
don't know if I could do that now.
Don't say that!
Do you know how many tears
Oliver and I have cried over you?
I'm sorry...
Being cheated on and being walked
out on... It's very shaming!
Everyone's going to look at me and
wonder how I could take you back.
I will spend the rest of my
life making this up to you, Gin.
So, we're gonna go the whole rest of our
marriage without you telling me what you did?
The 'whole rest of our marriage' makes it
sound like we're gonna last a long time.
You don't think we will?
I don't know.
Well, that doesn't sound good.
Is this about that kid? What, are you,
like, in love with him or something?
No.
I can't believe this.
That punk. I served him Opus One.
And he did God knows what with my wife.
Josh, I didn't say I wanna break up.
It wouldn't be a break-up,
it would be a divorce.
Well, I'm not thinking about divorce.
I was earlier tonight.
What?!
It's just that the girls think
that you don't respect me.
The way that you're always making sarcastic
remarks and trying to take me down a notch.
I respect you.
I don't know if you do.
Wha... what does that word mean
anyway...'respect'? Respect.
Obviously, I respect you. If I didn't, why
would I want to go to that kid's next showcase
and beat the shit out of him in front
of his agents and managers and everybody?
Not much of a guest room. What
is this, the servants' quarters?
Stop complaining.
So. What'd you and Chris do?
Nothing.
Michelle.
I'm serious. We didn't do anything. We just
talked. He wants to get back together with Ginger.
He does? Is she gonna take him back?
I don't know.
What did you and Lisa do?
Wait, I wanna talk about Ginger and Chris.
No, let's talk about you and Lisa.
I'm not trying to grill
you, I'm just curious.
I'm glad it was her.
I'm not jealous of her.
You're not?
Do you think I should be?
You have a thing for Lisa now!
No, I don't.
Dave. Her boobs are so
big. They're too big.
Just because I don't think she's a threat doesn't mean
she's not a threat. You could be totally attracted to her.
(Dave sighs)
You think she's hot!
You loved making out with
her. Did you do more than kiss?
No.
Did you wish you did more than kiss?
Wha... it's... why is that even...
Oh my god!
I'm so jealous, I could scream.
I could totally freak out right now.
Oh my god.
She has a great body, doesn't she?
Are you... you really
want me to answer that?
YES. Do you think she has a good body?
Unh...
Maybe? I don't... this is stupid...
How can you say that to me?!
All I said was 'maybe'!
Oh my god!
She has a good figure and
I'm a short-waisted freak!
You are not a short-waisted freak.
If you were innocent, you
would just tell me what you did.
The fact that you won't tell me what
you did means you're guilty of something!
We signed a contract
for exactly this reason.
You know what's weird?
You haven't asked what Ginger and I did.
Because it hasn't even occurred to you...
because you're so consumed
by thoughts of Brad!
What did you do? Tell me what you did!
So, what, I'm just... I'm just supposed to go around
wondering what you did for the rest of my life?
Yeah. Just like I'll always wonder what
you did with that girl, Jennifer, from work.
Oh, I knew you were going to play that
card. That happened eight years ago.
It feels like yesterday.
(Music plays)
You can't. Try all you want,
but you're not going to.
Let me love you. Let me love you!
(Michelle) No!
(Michelle) Stop. You're too...
Okay, just give up.
No!
(Dave) Just give up!
No!
I wanna read that script he sold.
It's weird. There's so
many people out there.
But there's no one like you.
Please give me another chance.
I don't know if I can get over it.
Tell me what to do to make
this right. I'll do anything.
You know, the obvious thing
is that you get a free pass.
(Ginger laughs)
You get to cheat on me.
Once. Whenever you want.
I would argue that that kid,
Brad, counts for something.
Because I know you had better sex
with him than I did with the actress.
Well, I'm sorry that you didn't fully
enjoy yourself when you were cheating on me.
Tense up.
What?
Just tense your stomach muscles up.
I don't...
Go ahead, do it.
I don't understand... oh!
Ow!
(Music plays)
From this point forward, I won't bring
up Brad and you won't bring up Jennifer.
Okay.
Something's changed.
What do you mean?
I don't know. It's like
you're not as invested.
I'm invested.
What are you doing? You
always stay up and work.
Not tonight. We gotta have sex.
I gotta try to make you
forget about that kid.
Who shall remain nameless.
I didn't get to do anything.
Everybody got to do
something except for me.
(Music plays)
Prescriptions? For what?
You name it. High blood pressure, reflux,
hair loss, anxiety... the guy is falling apart.
The price of success. You know,
he's under a lot of pressure.
Yeah, maybe that's what we're in for
when we get to where we wanna be, huh?
No, no, we'll be different.
We'll handle it better.
Ah, right.
Stay grounded, keep our
priorities straight...
(Ryan) Right. Maybe the guy's
just not good at handling stress.
Yeah. We'll handle it better.
I feel for him.
Yeah?
(Ryan) Mm-hm.
(Music plays)
Bye.
Okay. Alright. I'll call you
when I get there. Thanks. Bye.
Ginger told me to tell you thanks.
For what?
She said you were kind to her last night.
Let's call Oliver.
We can't screw up again.
YOU can't.
I won't. I'm not going to.
We can't put him through that again.
We won't.
The girls all think
you're really attractive.
They do?
Well, what'd they say, exactly?
That you have sex appeal.
They think you're great. They love you.
What's the matter? What's wrong?
I'm sorry...
For what?
It's, just, I know I can
be short-tempered and...
Well, you get no sleep.
You're walking around
totally sleep-deprived.
And here you're trying to write,
and mastermind everything...
where the kids are going to go to school,
and what's the best
pediatrician for them to go to,
and whether or not they're
going to get flu shots...
You're an amazing mom. And I'm no help. I mean,
I'm lame. I don't do anything compared to you.
Thank you.
That's all I wanted to hear...
just the acknowledgement, you know?
We should go out. Once a week.
Just the two of us. I don't care
what it costs, we have to do it.
Okay.
Do you remember what Antonio Banderas said?
"A relationship is like a fire."
"You have to throw wood
on it to keep it going."
(in Spanish) Si.
(Ryan) I've been thinking about New York.
(Bree) Really?
Yeah. For a writer, it's
the best place to live.
You know, you overhear the most interesting
conversations that you would never hear in L.A.
I don't know. I know that
Manhattan is crazy expensive...
The air quality is terrible...
Right. But what if, deep down inside, you
believe that it's the only place to live?
Is that what you think?
Maybe.
Me, too.
Let's go. I mean, I could easily
leave, you know? I'm serious.
I mean, I love our friends,
but... I could walk away.
We can't move.
Yeah. Not yet.
I gotta be out here for meetings and stuff.
Dave and Michelle are
hosting the next dinner.
Should be fun.
Yeah. Should be.
(Music plays)