[clock ticking]
[clock ticking continues]
[panting]
[dog barking, distant]
[knocking on door]
[indistinct chatter]
[woman] Is she not answering?
No.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
You're welcome.
Emma.
Emma, Emma.
[music plays through headphones]
Come on.
[sighs]
- You haven't packed anything.
- [moans]
Come on.
- Okay.
- All right.
Where's your suitcase?
Here.
[sighs]
[train horn, distant]
Whoa.
Oh. Ruth.
[sighs]
Okeydokey.
Sweetheart.
Goddamn it!
Ruth!
[breathing heavily]
Oh, God.
[cell phone alarm blares]
Shit.
Yeah. Hey, Dad.
Oh, man. All right, all right.
I'll be there. Yeah, nothing.
Shit.
[man snores faintly]
[cell phone vibrates]
[Bridget] Nicky?
What do you mean she's gone?
[newscaster] From our local Doppler radar
blizzard warning still in effect...
- [honks]
- Come on!
- [man] Fuck you!
- That's not nice.
[newscaster]
bringing snowfalls highest
in Lake, Cook,
and DuPage county.
Expect up to 11 inches there...
Emma, put that out.
Come on, he's here.
Yo, dickheads.
Come on.
Hi.
Got your $10 coffee.
- Hi. Thank you.
- Hi. Yeah, yeah.
Come on, hon. Come on.
- Need help?
- No.
- [Nick] No Eddie, huh?
- [Bridget] No, he had to work. Where's dad?
He's looking for her. He's looking
everywhere, every single place
she's ever been in her life.
- Did you check the hospitals?
- Yeah.
Yeah, we checked the hospitals,
St. Giles, Rotary Club,
we even went by the nursing home
in case she thought
she was still working there.
- Did you call the police?
- Of course we called the police.
- Do they have Dad's number?
- Yeah.
Yeah, they've Dad's number,
they've got my number,
your number, your number.
And they've got Marion-Down-The-Hall's
number. The condo.
He's going out of his mind,
Bitty. He's white as a ghost.
When he called me, I thought he
was having another heart attack.
I knew this was gonna happen.
Yeah. I've been tellin' him
for years, "You gotta figure out"
what you wanna do with Mom when the time
comes because we all know it's coming.
"We all know
how this thing works."
- It's hard on him.
- Yeah.
Well, you know what's
gonna be hard for him?
When she turns up next week
in a goddamn block of ice.
It's over. She is not staying
in that condo anymore.
She's going to a place,
and he's gonna have to let her.
And if I hear one goddamn peep
about frickin' Florida,
so help me God.
What happened to quitting?
Life, Bitty.
Life happened to quitting.
You can't smoke in here,
I'm chemically sensitive.
- You're who?
- Chemically sensitive.
What kind of California
bullshit is that?
[cell phone alarm blares]
That's your ringer?
For Dad it is.
Hey, Pop.
Dad.
I told you not to call her.
Bitty, it's Christmas. You oughta
be home with your husband.
- Is she all right?
- She's swell, she's fine.
- Hiya, sweets.
- Hi, Gramps, you okay?
Yes, thank you.
Oh. Nicholas.
Damn it, I knew that you'd start
smoking again with that bar.
Dad, are you all right? Have they
checked your blood pressure?
- I'm fine.
- What'd the doctor say?
- He hasn't been in yet.
- Then how do you know she's fine?
Because she's fine. Go take a
look at her, down that hall.
What?
Mom.
Is that my baby?
- Yeah.
- Oh!
- I'm so happy to see you.
- [chuckles]
- You too.
- You all right, Mom?
Oh, that's my baby, too.
Yeah.
Oh!
- Honey!
- [Emma] Hi, Grandma.
- [Ruth] Listen, do you need some money?
- No.
Let me get you some money.
- See she's fine.
- Where's my purse?
- You don't need your purse, Ruth.
- Yes, I do, you turkey.
- Sit down.
- Where the heck was she?
- Aurora.
- Aurora?
She got on the commuter.
Rode the damn thing
back and forth
until the conductor
finally screwed his eyeballs in.
- Did she really?
- [Nick] Where did she get on at?
- Berwyn.
- Hmm.
She walked to Berwyn
in a snowstorm?
She's fine, Nicholas.
She doesn't look fine to me.
- [Nick] She's fine, Mom.
- She's fine, Ruth.
Excuse you,
I was in geriatrics
for 30 years,
thank you very much.
Where's your diamond?
Oh, um, I forgot to put it on.
What do you mean, you forgot?
- She doesn't wear it.
- [Bridget] Yes, I do.
- I take it off for work.
- How come?
Because I have my hands
in raw poultry all day. Ow, Mom.
- That hurts.
- Did you guys go to mass last night?
No, I... We were gonna go today.
- [Emma] We were?
- Yeah.
You were?
Mm-hmm. Yes.
- Come in.
- Are we ready for a pelvic exam?
Pelvic exam?
That's my baby.
Hmm?
[doctor] Now they are safer
in memory care,
they also typically improve.
Some of them feel more at home among
their peers than with their own family.
As strange as that sounds.
Look, the reason I did
a pelvic exam is because
during wandering episodes,
women are often assaulted.
Sexually.
I didn't see
evidence of that today
but I'd be very concerned
about her getting out again.
Dad.
- Hey, Dad.
- What?
I'm on the street.
So go then.
Ruth. Come on, honey.
No, I'll take her with me.
Come on.
I'll go.
- Bye.
- Am I going with you?
[Nick] Yeah.
Goddamn hospitals.
Goddamn teenage doctors.
What happened to the Camry?
I'm 75 years old, Bitty.
Fuck the Camry.
Let's go.
[engine turns over]
[music playing on stereo]
[Bridget] It's a convertible.
What about putting the top up?
[Bert] I gotta fix that.
This is a rocket, watch out.
Like that?
Hey.
I got your lo mein.
- Oh, yeah?
- [Bert] Where's your mother?
She's in the back with Emma.
[Bert] All right.
[Bert groans]
[click tongue] Hey, come here.
- Come here. Come here.
- What?
What? What's the matter?
- She hit on me.
- Who?
Not Emma.
- Mom?
- Yeah.
Yeah she put her hand
on my knee, and she was...
looking at me like she wanted to...
She hit on me.
What'd you do?
- [stutters] I just kept calling her Mom.
- [chuckles]
I said thanks, Mom.
It's nice to see you, too, Mom.
I'm really glad
you birthed me, Mom.
[laughs]
- You're laughing. Don't laugh, you asshole.
- I'm sorry.
No, I'm fucking traumatized.
- Your face.
- My face?
[blows raspberry]
[both laughing]
It's not funny.
Hey.
You want to go for a drive
with Uncle Nicky and me?
No. Uncle Nicky is a dick.
No he is not. Don't say that.
Did you fill out your
new dorm application?
Yeah.
You did?
Yes.
All right. Well...
are you sure you're gonna be
okay here by yourself?
Okay.
- Well, I have my cell.
- Oh, really, you do?
Great, I'll call you.
We'll have a chat.
[Bert] Don't...
Don't let those guys
catch you with all of this.
[chuckles]
Let's go, dickie-doodle.
- So Jimmy Laciak, remember him?
- [Bridget] Yup.
[Nick] He sits on the board
of what's considered
to be the best memory care place
in Chicago.
They got a waiting list
a mile long,
but he says he can get
Mom in there February one.
And then a little two bedroom on the
same campus for dad by the 15th.
They can't be together?
Memory care's lock down,
dementia only.
It's a bunch of loons. He'd be tearing
his hair out in there anyway.
But his spot in assisted
living's like 50 yards away.
He can go visit her
whenever he wants.
What if he doesn't want
assisted living?
Well, Daddy doesn't always
get what Daddy wants.
It's not daycare, Bit. They
don't wipe his ass. It's nice.
You know, they do his laundry,
give him a meal plan,
and if he gets a chest pain, all
he gotta do is press a button.
- [car alarm chirps]
- What about a live-in person?
Insurance doesn't cover it.
It doesn't cover
memory care either.
Well, it covers some of it
and then he sells the condo.
He's not gonna sell the condo.
What's he gonna do
take it with him?
Oh.
Oh, my God! Is that you?
Are you Nick?
Oh, no. That's the other owner.
His name's Nick, too.
Well... [chuckles]
Of course it's me,
you dingleberry.
Well, how am I supposed
to know, you never told me.
Yeah.
Wow.
- Yeah.
- Oh, my God. It's gorgeous.
Yeah. See?
It's not some shitty dive.
Who said it was a shitty dive?
- Well, has he been here?
- Of course he hasn't been here.
Did you invite him?
I shouldn't have to invite him.
Somebody's living here.
You're one sharp cookie, Bit.
[Bridget] Who?
[Nick] The other owner.
You're living here?
- Yeah.
- What about Rachel?
Shh!
What do you mean, "shh"?
What do you wanna drink?
Come on, loosen up.
It's the holidays.
Norbert's Manhattan.
- That's it.
- That's it.
Good choice.
This is going to be the best Manhattan
you ever have in your life.
You'll shit your pants.
This is... I just love that
you used Dad's farm up here.
Yeah, if you look very closely,
you'll notice that it's
freezing fucking cold.
- Emma, she's a real peach these days.
- Yeah.
I think she hates me.
- For what?
- I don't know. She doesn't talk to me.
Maybe she's pregnant.
Oh, God. No, please. God.
You never know.
That's unimaginable.
- All right.
- Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
Shit.
What?
In my pants.
[laughs]
That was quick.
Yeah, that thing's won an award.
- Mmm.
- An award.
What happened with Rachel?
Oh, who knows.
All of a sudden, she's bursting into tears
over a hamburger 'cause I haven't proposed.
She's been waiting for you
to wanna marry her, dummy.
Nobody wants to ask
to be proposed to.
You gotta be intuitive.
- You know, it's like Eddie, right?
- Mm-hmm.
I'm constantly telling him
that chefs hate kitchen gadgets,
but what does he put
under the tree every year?
I think, that's cause
you open it and go,
"Wow! A coconut roaster!
Oh, my God. Thank you.
I love it so much!"
- What am I supposed to say?
- "No thanks, where's the receipt?"
- I can't say that.
- Why not?
Because, I don't...
you know, I don't wanna make him
feel bad in front of the girls.
- It's just annoying.
- That's just what the world needs,
two more women who don't
tell you what's really going on.
Two more Rachels.
She told you what's going on.
Go over there
and bring her flowers.
She's trying to get full custody
of her kid now, so...
So?
What? I'm gonna be a parent?
- Why not? Yeah.
- Why not?
Bitty, you got any idea
what I got goin' on here?
I got my life savings dumped into this
place, and I barely make payroll.
I got the fire department,
the health department
double, triple fining me for shit I
didn't even know I wasn't supposed to do.
My barback is stealing my tips,
and then...
I get to pick up
Mom and Pop's prescriptions,
pick up their dry cleaning.
Take them to church.
Here.
I filled out all the paperwork.
All he's gotta do is sign it.
- The Reminisce Neighborhood?
- Yeah.
They're all called
shit like that.
Here, put this in your purse.
You got your big girl pants on?
- What?
- Just don't get how you get.
- What do you mean, how I get? Don't get how you get.
- How do I get?
You can't even tell him
you're not a Catholic anymore.
What's he gonna do,
perform an exorcism?
That's because I'm tired
of the third degree.
Yeah, you know what you do when
Dad gives you the third degree?
Yeah. See, that's how you get.
All right.
So disgusting.
[Bridget] Hi, Dad.
- You smell like an ashtray, Nicholas.
- [Nick] Yeah,
it took you four
heart attacks to quit.
Yeah, Rachel probably wants
to throttle you.
- They broke up.
- Ah.
- Just being honest.
- Mmm.
I don't blame her.
Been on and off
since high school,
shit or get off the pot.
Oh, gee, Dad, that's romantic.
- You know what your problem is?
- Dad.
You're waiting for some feeling.
There's no bells and whistles.
You pick somebody you can stand,
and you make a commitment.
- Dad.
- Have her meet us at church tomorrow.
Marion-Down-The-Hall's
coming over with a corned beef.
- Dad.
- What?
We need to talk about Mom.
[sighs] Goddamn
teaching hospital.
That little girl should never have
been left anywhere near your mother.
- What little girl?
- The teenager pretending to be a doctor.
Your mother is doing fine.
So, wandering off in the middle
of the night's doing fine?
Well, I gave her too much
scotch, which I never do,
but it was Christmas Eve
so I said, "What the hell."
[Nick] So, what, she walked off
'cause she was drunk?
She can't drink hardly at all
with the medication she's taking.
No, Dad, she walked off because
that's what happens with stage six.
Those stages are horseshit,
everybody's brain is different...
- [Nick] Goddammit.
- And everybody knows it.
- Everybody except the doctor?
- She was not a doctor.
Okay, all right.
So, we'll get a second opinion.
I got an appointment next week with
her geriatrician down in Florida.
Oh, my God.
Dad, you cannot go to Florida!
- [shushes] You're gonna wake Mom.
- We are too going to Florida.
I already put down a deposit.
Dad, listen.
There's this place
that Nicky found,
and it looks like it
could be a really...
I am not putting your mother
in a nursing home.
She spent 30 years
working in nursing homes.
They're horrible,
and I'm not doing it to her.
Dad, It's not
a nursing home, all right?
- It's Reminisce Neighborhood.
- What?
Reminisce Neighborhood.
Yeah, it's great.
They got Mass twice a week,
a restaurant, art classes,
a Jacuzzi.
Jacuzzi?
Your mother can't swim. What do you want?
To drown her?
You cannot drown in a Jacuzzi.
She's terrified
of water Nicholas.
Yeah, she used to be
terrified of Berwyn,
now she's walking around
down there in her nightie.
- [shushing]
- [Bert] Yeah.
Now there's a two bedroom
right next door,
50 yards away in assisted living
for you, okay.
Are you out of your mind?
Bitty feels the same way, right.
How the hell do you know what
Bitty feels, how do you know?
Dad, I...
I think this is a solution
worth considering.
Well, I've been thinking
about this for eight years
and the answer is no.
Thank you for your suggestion.
Merry Christmas. I'm going to bed.
- I tried.
- She wandered off in the middle of a fucking snowstorm.
- [shushing]
- [Bert] Doesn't snow in Florida.
And mind your language.
[door opens and closes]
Strong, real strong.
[siren wails in distance]
I'm not going to force him.
You know why she
wound up in Aurora?
'Cause that liner used
to run to Amboy.
Her dad worked that train.
She was trying to go home.
She thinks she's still
a little girl,
and she thinks her parents
are worried sick about her.
And all she wants to do is
get home to her poor mother.
She can't figure out
why she's stuck here,
all alone, with some
strange, old dude.
What the hell do you think
power of attorney is for?
Goodnight.
I thought you went to bed.
I did. I got back up.
Nice tree.
Your mother likes the pictures.
She did something with the
ornaments, so I got creative.
Come on, I'll let
you win a game.
You're not too tired?
For my daughter
who never visits?
Emma said she got kicked out
of her dorm.
- What's that all about?
- Yeah.
Yeah. She got caught drinking,
so stupid.
But you know
what her problem is?
She's negative.
She doesn't get any exercise.
Oh. Her problem is
she's not a student.
College is a waste of time, waste
of money if you're not a student.
She's gotta get a degree.
No, she doesn't have
to get a degree.
She'll figure it out.
Look at you, you figured it out.
Why can't you sleep?
Why can't you sleep?
I can sleep.
I'm sorry. I ought
to be here more often.
You're here plenty.
You got family, you got girls,
you got a husband,
you got a job.
You live halfway across
the country for Chrissake.
We're fine.
Marion-Down-The-Hall's helpful.
She takes mom
on poker night and whatnot.
The two of them,
a couple of peas in a pod.
Both battier than hell.
You take great care of her.
But it's gotta be hard on you.
Oh, Honey.
Your mother was always
a pain in the ass.
Gettin' her Irish up,
stompin' around,
all red in the face
over God knows what.
There's no bells
and whistles, Bit.
Love is commitment.
Better or worse,
sickness and health,
death do you part.
That is the promise.
She's gonna get worse, Dad.
She's gonna forget everything.
[sighs]
She's my girl, Bit.
You can't take
my girl away from me.
Shut the lights
when you're done.
[organ playing]
Joy to the world
The Lord has come
Let Earth receive her King
Let every heart
Prepare Him room
And Heaven and nature sing
What's that?
Is it raining in here.
And Heaven and nature sing
And Heaven
What?
[chuckles]
- Take care of yourself.
- Thank you.
- Thanks, Father.
- Yeah, you're welcome.
- Marion.
- Beautiful homily, Father.
Bitty Everhardt?
It's Gerry.
Hoffsteader.
- Dommie's little brother, yeah.
- Oh, yeah.
- [Gerry] Hey, I'm sorry about your mom.
- [Bridget] Oh, thanks.
Get your sister.
You look great.
Uh, construction.
Yeah, I took over for Dad.
Bitty! [Clicks tongue]
Hey, Nick.
Hey Ger.
- We gotta go.
- [Bridget] Bye.
Grandma drank the Holy Water.
Well... [clicks tongue]
Well, at least she's hydrated.
[Bert] God will forgive me.
- [Gerry] I'll see ya.
- See ya, Ger.
- Who was that?
- [Bridget] Nice to see you.
Gerry Hoff-sniffer.
- Don't call him that.
- He used to beat off
sniffing his sister's
Barbie dolls.
- Says who?
- [Nick] Says Dommie.
- Where's my purse?
- I have it, Gram.
He used to be so tubby
in junior high.
- So were you.
- Yeah. Old Big Butt Bitty.
- Nicky.
- Does somebody have my purse?
I have it, Gram.
[car alarm chirps]
Well, I'm gonna get my purse.
[Marion] So I said, "Margie",
Margie, honey he's a toddler.
"Of course he likes pancakes."
- [Nick] What do you got, Dad?
- Who doesn't like pancakes?
- I got the obituaries.
- Bridget, you're so skinny.
- [Nick] Why you reading obituaries?
- I'm not in them.
[Nick] Come on, cheer up.
Well, yeah.
I guess that's something.
Thinner, honey.
Here, just a little thinner.
[scoffs]
Fine, you do it.
Come on. What's going on?
Come on.
I hungry.
This the age where it starts.
It's all about control.
Oh, beautiful. Thank you, Emma.
[indistinct conversations]
Bless us, O Lord, for these thy
gifts which we are about to receive
from thy bounty
through Christ our Lord, amen.
[all] Amen.
So, Emma, you got a boyfriend?
[Nick]
She's got several actually.
Cool it, Nicky.
Just as easy to love a rich one
as a poor one, Squeaks.
No bells and whistles.
[Marion] You know my Frankie
died 17 years ago
and I never remarried,
although I had plenty
of chances, and you know why?
Hand to God,
'cause Frankie never left.
Every single night
he's right there next to me.
- [Ruth] Yeah. That's right.
- [Marion] Hand to God.
He's out there, and when he
finds you, you watch out,
he's never gonna let you go.
[Marion sighs]
So I said to Margie,
"That kid's gonna be
big as house
if you don't watch it."
But you know Margie.
Oh, no. Mmm. Not a peep.
You know,
I'm going to have a baby.
[sighs] Kid's gonna wind up
with diabetes.
Mmm. Mmm. Delicious.
So tender.
[all laughing]
- [Marion] What? What?
- Nothing.
- What's matter with you two?
- That's great news, Mom.
Yeah. Right?
Did you know this, Dad?
- I heard.
- Did you know?
We saved all your
old baby clothes.
[Nick] Great. Number three.
Here.
There you go.
- Here.
- Why did I get on that train?
I live here.
Oh, God. I don't know
what's the matter with me.
Oh, yes. Yes I do.
[snickers]
Should I be in a home,
do you think?
What do you think?
I don't know. I don't know.
Night, Mama.
Goodnight.
[Eddie on phone]
How's everything going there?
[Bridget] Terrible.
Dad won't even consider it.
Well, I don't blame him. Nobody wants
to be alone for the rest of their life.
Hello?
- Hello?
- I'm sorry, I'm here.
So, hey.
What's going on with Emma?
Nothing, you know. She's fine.
Well, you know she didn't
register for next semester.
- What?
- Her advisor called me this morning
saying she wasn't coming back.
[Bert] All right, you're gonna
love this next move.
- I think I'm going to raise you one candy.
- Gross, get a fork.
One, two, three.
- Huh. Not bad.
- Not bad. Yeah.
Oh, your grandma and I used
to take a lot of road trips.
She loves road trips. This time we're
going straight down to Florida,
then we're going
across the country,
be up by you in time
for Mary's wedding.
What?
- What are you, Thelma and Louise?
- Shh. You're going to wake mom.
She does great in Florida,
Nicholas, every year she's better.
- No, she isn't.
- Yes.
- No.
- How do you know?
Because that's not how it works.
How it works is she gets worse.
No matter where you take her,
every year she gets worse.
- Okay?
- Who?
- Who, honey?
- Nobody, Mom.
- [Bridget] Nobody, Mom.
- Nobody, sweetheart.
Why don't you go back to bed?
No. I don't wanna go to bed.
- I want to stay here.
- I'll take you, Grandma. Come on.
- Come.
- No, hold on.
- Why?
- Come, come.
- Who's that?
- Nick.
- Nicky.
- Oh, what is that?
[Nick] Do you know who that is?
[Bert] Of course she does.
You know who I am, sweetheart.
[Nick shushing]
He's my boyfriend.
- See?
- What do you mean see?
You're her boyfriend?
Is that what you are?
- Well, he's not, not her boyfriend.
- No, he isn't!
- Well, he kinda is.
- No.
- Who?
- He is not. Emma, for Chrissake.
Yes, he is, Nicky!
- [Nick] She knows who I am.
- Who are you talking about?
You, sweetheart.
- [Bridget] Dad.
- He's your husband, Grandma.
- [Nick] Don't tell her, damn it.
- [Bert] She knows I'm her husband.
I know I'm his husband.
- You're my husband!
- No, you don't, Mom.
- I do.
- Yes, she does.
- Now you're telling her.
- No, I'm not.
Yes, you are!
You just told her
that she didn't know
I was her husband.
Because she doesn't!
She just told you she did!
Because Emma told her!
- [phone rings]
- Answer the phone somebody.
- [Ruth] I'm getting it.
- [Bert] Thanks, honey. Answer that.
- I mean, she's...
- [Ruth] Hello?
She's flipping
people off in church, Dad.
- She's drinking the holy water.
- So?
What do you mean so? You're the one...
Oh, Goddamn it.
- You're a kid for Chrissake.
- Hey, come on.
- Calm down.
- [Ruth] This damn thing doesn't work.
You said you'd fix it
a hundred times, you turkey.
- [phone continues ringing]
- It's not working.
- [Emma] Grandma.
- [Ruth] What?
It's a stapler.
[Ruth] It's a staple.
[Emma] A stapler.
[laughs]
What the hell
am I doing with this?
[all laughing]
[Ruth] Oh, God.
[Nick] Yeah, yuk it up.
It really is pretty hilarious,
life's just one big riot.
Just ship me out. Put me on a canoe
and ship me out to the ice float.
Shit.
- Hey.
- What?
Hey, come back. Come here.
No.
You know what?
Let me ask you something.
What'd you fly all
the way out here for? Why?
Because Mom was missing.
No, because I asked you to.
Isn't that right?
I asked you to.
I never do that, okay.
But I need some help.
- I'm working on it, Nicky.
- There's no time to work on it.
Jimmy Laciak is holding these spots.
That's a big ass deal,
and he was supposed to have
the paperwork two days ago.
- Okay.
- You just rip the Band-Aid off
and say, "Guess what, we're
coming in with moving boxes."
Okay.
Emma.
Emma.
What?
Come for a run with me.
You'll feel great afterward,
I'm telling you...
[groans]
I'm casting my vote for you.
[door opens]
[Ruth] Well, there's my baby!
[Bert] No, sit down.
You've got dye all over you.
Drink your protein drink,
sweetheart.
Meet my boyfriend, Mr. Bossy.
- Do you need anything, honey?
- No thanks. I'm fine, Mom.
She doesn't need anything.
Drink your protein drink.
My protein... Ugh.
Oh, come on. It's just
like a chocolate malt.
Oh, yeah. You wouldn't know a chocolate
malt if it bit you in the hiney.
Because I was a fountain girl.
I was a good fountain girl.
[stutters] In...
- Amboy.
- Amboy, yeah.
My...
My father, consequently,
works on the trains,
- and he's a...
- Engineer.
An engineer, that's right,
and he was an engineer
and he would get off the train
and he would bring me
chocolate malts. [Slurps]
[Bert] Yeah.
Oh, boy. Because I was sick.
Yeah, I had...
You had Polio.
Polio. Yeah, I had Polio.
And then that's all I did all day
was drink those chocolate malts,
and consequently I...
- Got fat.
- Fat!
- Dad.
- What?
She wasn't fat.
She was very fat.
Yeah, I was very, very fat.
And then I was a housewife,
- You were not.
- No, you were a career woman, Ruth.
You were two-time
Administrator of the Year.
Holy shit.
I knew that.
How do you two know each other?
She's our daughter,
for Chrissake, Ruth.
I'm gonna get my purse.
Don't touch anything.
I'm not gonna touch anything.
I'm getting my purse.
We're going to Edna's
for dinner tonight.
You feel like doing me a favor?
- [Ruth exclaims]
- [Bridget] Here give me your hand.
- [Ruth] It's your turn.
- Wait.
In here?
Rub that in your hair.
Yeah. There you go.
Don't get soap
in your eyes, Mom.
Close your eyes.
You're so nice
to do this for me.
You did it for me.
- Yeah. I did, didn't I?
- Yeah.
[snickers] Oh, God.
Nicky hated the bath.
He would kick and scream.
Ah! Then I said,
"Oh, to hell with it."
I just let him be dirty.
But you were a good girl.
I should've been
a better mother.
You are a great mom.
Do I need to wash my hair?
No, you already did,
you're done.
Wash your who-who.
Who-who.
Well, you got a cute
little tushie. [Chuckles]
Where's... give me that.
Do you have a boyfriend?
I have a husband.
Are you happy?
I'm lonely.
Do I need to wash my hair?
No, here.
Mom, rinse your who-who.
- My who-who.
- Yeah.
[exclaims]
[laughs]
[Ruth] Oh, I don't
wanna upset her.
- [Bridget] Who?
- Whoever's shoes those are.
Those are your shoes, Mom. Here.
They are not. I...
Those are the ugliest things
I've seen in my life.
Come on, Mom. Put your shoes on.
Marion is waiting for you.
Marion. I'm going with you?
[Marion] Yeah. Hey, doll.
Good. Hi.
[softly] Get the folder.
Get the folder.
Just let me get dressed.
Did you go into my computer
and log into my school account?
Somebody did.
Somebody went in
and signed me up
for a bunch of random
classes. That wasn't you?
No.
Liar.
How does it feel?
You lied to me about filling
out your dorm application.
Because I didn't
want you on me. Okay?
I didn't feel like dealing
with your crazy hovering.
Were you ever going to do it?
Huh?
- Yes.
- When?
When I decided whether
or not I was going back.
- Okay?
- Where's the...
Doesn't anybody know
how to knock?
- Do you mind?
- Hey, I'm not looking. Where's the folder?
- Nick. Why would you do that?
- Come on.
- Would you get out here, Bitty. Damn it.
- Just give me a minute!
God.
I am a grown up, okay?
God, you make me feel like
there's something wrong with me.
- There's nothing wrong with you.
- Yeah, I know.
I would have given anything
to go to college, Emma.
I know.
You have no perspective.
You have no idea
how lucky you are.
Do you think I'm trying
to hate school?
You think I don't want to get
out of bed in the morning?
That I like lying there feeling like
a piece of shit for blowing it,
for wasting Dad's money?
Laying there thinking about
how much you wanted to go
until I wanna throw myself out the
window because I can't take it,
you think that's fun for me?
Honey. Why didn't you tell me?
[scoffs]
'Cause you would just try
to get me to go
on one of your stupid runs.
Like you're not a fucking mess.
I am not a mess.
[Nick] This is ridiculous, Dad. Come
on, This is silly. I know it's hard,
but I'm begging you, okay? This is
the best memory care in Chicago!
Let me tell you something,
those pictures on
the tree in there,
tell her how
she takes her coffee,
how many ice cubes
she likes in her scotch.
That's memory care.
I was there for every memory
she made in last 60 years,
and if I wasn't there, I heard
about it at least 37 times,
so I am the best
memory care in Chicago!
I bathe her, I feed her,
I give her her pills,
I wipe her ass
and I do it a hell
of a lot better than some aide,
who does not give
one goddamn hoot
about over who she spent
60 years becoming!
Put some clothes on, we're late.
And get rid of that thing.
I don't want your
mother to see it. Goddamn it!
You couldn't have
waited one minute, Nick?
Couldn't wait? Couldn't wait? What!
What the fuck am I even doing?
[Emma Sobs]
Ah, Jesus.
What's the matter with you, huh?
- It's sad!
- It's sad, Nicky, God!
[Nick] Hey, hey, hey.
Calm down.
[sighs] Just what are you,
dead inside?
Almost.
I don't want to go
to Edna's. I hate Edna.
All she ever does is talk about
her stupid hip replacement.
Well then don't go.
Wanna stay with me?
- No.
- Come on.
I'll just tell Dad
you got menopause.
[door closes]
[coughs]
Hi. Is this
Hoffsteader Construction?
Oh, yeah. Is this Gerry?
Hi, it's Bitty.
Yeah. Hi. Hi, yeah, listen...
You guys don't happen
to do locks, do you?
[doorbell rings]
Shit.
I was thinking about a lock
with the key,
but with the key
on the inside, you know?
Yeah, yeah, all right. So,
you know, you lock the door,
- hide the key from her.
- Yeah, exactly.
Got it. It's smart. Uh...
Okay, yeah. Do you want this,
back door, too?
- Yes, that would be great.
- Okay.
If you have time,
I don't want...
I got, for you,
all the time in the world.
Uh, I mean, it's not
gonna take all day.
- Okay.
- It'll be like, about half hour.
- Okay.
- Each.
- Um...
- So, yeah.
Hey, do you want a...
There's a sandwich...
There's corned beef from
Marion-Down-The-Hall.
There's a lot of leftovers,
and I don't know,
coffee or something.
- Yes.
- Okay. Great. I'll just... I'll get it.
[music playing]
He's a fantastic guy.
He really...
He really is.
It's just, you know.
He's a checklist guy.
College, check.
Corporate law, check.
Wife, kids, check, check, check.
Which is fine,
you know, but I'm not.
And so, I'm sorry. I shouldn't
be telling you all this stuff,
I just don't...
I don't... What is... What's...
Here.
I mean, I was 20
when we got married.
- Good God.
- Yeah.
Oh, my... That's Emma's age.
- Yeah.
- And she can barely tie her shoes.
And Mary.
Mary at 20, she thought
she was a lesbian.
Now she's out in Sacramento
with her fianc.
Hey, you want...
- Want a cigarette?
- Absolutely.
Oh, God. I haven't had
a cigarette in like 20 years.
- These are my daughter's.
- Thank you.
- I don't really drink either.
- Don't jack 'em.
[chuckles]
You really don't smoke.
Oh. I'm sorry.
Mm-hmm.
[Bridget laughs]
That's a trick.
- Mmm. Here. Yeah.
- Thank you.
You know, everyone thinks
being alone is so bad.
So... lonely. Mmm.
You know what's lonely?
Lying awake in the middle of the
night thinking, "This is it."
This is the rest of my life,
this is as good as it gets."
And then looking over at
the man you've been married to
for the last 20 years and
thinking, he must be awake, too.
Right?
He must be feeling
the same way I am.
But looking over at him to see
him sleeping like a baby?
That. That is lonely.
Yeah.
I get it.
- I'm divorced, too.
- Oh. Um...
- I'm sorry. Listen I'm...
- God you smell good.
You always fucking
smell so good.
What? Oh.
- Wait, I'm sorry.
- [Nick] Hey, Ger!
What? Oh!
Whoops.
- 'Sup, Nick.
- Hey.
What happened with Edna?
- She died.
- [Bridget] What?
Yeah. She died this morning.
Nah, I'm just screwing with you.
She's in the hospital.
Did you change the locks? Everybody's
standing at the front door.
You should let them in.
Oh, shit.
Yup.
- [knocking on the door]
- Shit. I'm just gonna get the door.
[music stops]
Hi. I'm sorry. I couldn't
hear you, I had music on.
- The heck's going on in here?
- Sorry, Dad.
- Smoking in here?
- No.
- Are you my baby?
- Smoking in my house?
- You are too smoking in my house.
- No, I'm not, Dad.
- I am so happy to see you.
- Oh, you, too.
What the heck are you wearing?
- Who?
- Oh, I...
Is that your mother's
good blouse?
- I got hot.
- Whose mother?
I only had that sweater.
You know? Hi, honey.
I just got it dry cleaned.
Who's that? Who is that?
- Who?
- Who's who?
This.
That's Gerry Hoffsteader.
Remember, Dad? From Mass.
Nice to see you again,
Mr. Everhardt.
Dad, it's Gerry. Hoffsteader.
He's a construction guy.
He did... Did you see the Hoffsteader
Construction truck outside?
He's a construction guy. We haven't seen
each other since, I don't know, like...
- Was it junior high? Right?
- Yeah, junior high.
Yeah. Well except for Mass where
you saw him. Where we all...
[laughing]
- What is so funny?
- You're wearing Mom's blouse.
- We were just hanging out...
- That's sexy.
After he put the locks in.
Hey, you know Dad
just got that dry cleaned.
Which is why I called him,
was to put in locks
like they have
at the Reminisce community.
No, it's a neighborhood.
So when you put that in,
you know,
you lock it and you put the key,
you hide the key and that
way she can't get out.
And then you guys can stay.
- What?
- For now.
Well, as long as you
don't go to Florida.
I know, you're the husband!
- Good, good.
- No.
That's not...
Look everybody,
look who I found.
- That's not the husband, Ruth.
- Jesus.
That's not going to fix it.
Is he staying for dinner?
- Emma...
- That's fine.
Yeah, I need to get going.
Hey, Gerry, thank you
for your service.
Thanks for the service, Gerry.
[Bert] Nice going.
[Nick] I feel a lot safer now.
- [Bert] Who was smoking in the house?
- Emma!
Was it you?
No, Dad. I just
came home with you.
- [Bridget] Emma.
- Somebody was smoking in the house.
- Who was it? The guy?
- Emma.
Or Princess Charming over there?
What do I owe you?
So you're not divorced.
No.
Five hundred, please.
[scoffs]
Includes materials.
- It's Gerry with a G.
- Yeah.
Thank you.
- Chemically sensitive, huh?
- Shut up.
- Let me in, I'm freezing.
- That's a nice bra, is that Ma's, too?
- Let me in.
- No.
They can stay?
Hey! They can stay?
Yeah. For now.
When did you come up with that?
For now. God.
What?
Hey! Who the hell
do you think you are, huh?
Queen Bitty,
ladies and gentlemen,
she comes to town, spends three
days, three fucking days,
throws in a lock,
problem solved, what a genius!
Oh, boy! Why didn't
I think of that?
- Who do you think you are?
- [scoffs]
I'm not off the plane
ten minutes
and you're telling me
what I have to do
before I had a chance
to evaluate the situation.
Who am I? Who am I?
I'm the one who's here. Okay?
- I'm the one who gets the call...
- God, get out of my face.
In the middle of the night. I'm the
one with the geriatrician on speed dial.
The fact that you
got power of attorney
is the biggest, stinkiest pile of
favoritist bullshit I ever heard.
Damn it.
Hey.
[snickers]
You don't even know
the code, that's funny.
- Fuck.
- Hey, why don't we get Gerry back here?
He can change the locks, and
then I'll take Emma to the mall
and you two can go at it.
- You know why I got power of attorney?
- Why?
Because you're an asshole, that's why.
You are an asshole.
[scoffs] Uh-uh.
You got power of attorney
'cause you're a chicken shit.
He knew you'd never use it.
You been letting him tell you
what to do your whole life.
- I have not.
- Oh, yeah?
Let me ask you something.
Why did you marry Eddie?
Because I didn't know
who I was. Okay?
And Mom had her big career,
and I was the housekeeper.
- Oh, my goodness.
- Who do you think
got food on the table, huh?
Who ironed your...
- Fenwick shirts?
- Who put a gun to your head?
Somebody had to do it. Somebody had to
fucking do it Nick, and I was the girl.
No, Bitty, you're not a victim, all right?
You're not a martyr.
Nobody forced you to obey, okay?
You got to grow up
and don't be so terrified.
Stop being a liar.
- I am not a liar.
- You've been lying for so long
that you don't even know the
difference between the truth,
and what you want everybody
to think is the truth.
Our parents live here.
[Nick]
She doesn't know the code.
You ought to visit them
once in a while.
- Who are you, the guilt monger?
- Nicky.
I know you. You're the one who
smokes so close to my rosebushes.
Go sit on your rosebushes.
Nicky. I'm so sorry.
For what?
What are you sorry for?
- Shut up.
- [woman] Shame on him.
- [Bridget] I'm so sorry.
- It was rude.
I can't believe this. So rude.
At least I don't
bulldoze people.
I'm not some bully telling
everyone what to do,
saying, "You, you, you, let me
tell you what's wrong with you"
so you never see
what's wrong with me!"
At least I don't blame Mom
and Dad for all my bullshit.
Excuse me? Didn't you just blame them for
your entire shitty 20-year marriage?
At least I had the guts to try,
to try to love somebody,
to let somebody love me.
At least I have something.
Oh, I got plenty, honey,
believe me.
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
You got a bar.
Get in the house.
I can hear you
all the way down the hall.
Why don't you tell me the truth?
Why did you give Bit
the power of attorney?
Because you're a hothead
like your mother.
No, no, no.
No, it's because you're selfish.
You know why they get better
in memory care?
Because they don't have people
in their face all the time
saying, "Don't forget me,
please don't forget me",
you're losing your mind."
The one blessing of this disease
is that they don't remember
that they don't remember.
Until you go and tell them.
You think you're
a doctor or something?
- What the hell do you know?
- Oh, my God.
You're a goddamn bartender...
- I'm a bar...
- who almost graduated from college.
- Almost.
- I'm a bar owner, Dad.
- You tend the bar?
- I own the bar. I own it.
- You tend it or not?
- Yeah. Yeah.
- I tend it! I tend the bar that I own.
- You're a bartender.
Okay? I know it's a real bummer,
I hear you loud and clear, Pop,
it's a real shit deal
you have to admit that
to your fucking poker players.
- Watch your language.
- Watch my language?
- Yes.
- All right.
[imitates zipper closing]
You know what?
She hit on me the other night.
Yeah, Mom.
She hit on me. I had to sit there and
explain to her that I was her son.
You should have seen
the look on her face.
I'm done. They're all yours, Bit.
Godspeed.
There's a man in my bed.
It's Dad.
I sleep with our dad?
Yeah.
Oh.
[Bert] Stay in bed, honey.
You're a turkey.
Mmm. You're a turkey.
[cell phone vibrates]
[Eddie] Hi, um, your
father just called me.
He said you're coming home tonight?
Give me a call.
[indistinct audio on TV]
Is that my baby?
I don't want it.
It's coffee.
I don't want it!
- Of course you want it. Have it.
- I am a grown-up!
If I don't want the coffee,
I don't want the coffee!
All right.
What did you tell him?
Who?
- Nobody, sweetheart.
- It's okay, Mom.
Go watch Popeye, honey.
I told him I bought you plane tickets
and to pick you up at the airport.
That's what I told him.
Floozin' around with some
construction bozo.
I don't even know who you are!
He put locks in,
and you're welcome by the way.
What am I,
some kind of horse's ass?
Eddie is as much a son to me
as your brother is.
You know, I think you like
Eddie more than you like me,
or my brother for that matter.
For Chrissake, Bitty, what
kind of thing is that to say?
Get dressed.
We're leaving in an hour.
All my life you've been telling
me there's no bells and whistles.
There's no bells and whistles.
There isn't.
How can you say that?
You have more bells
and whistles than anybody.
I mean, she's losing her mind and
you still can't live without her.
Didn't you want that for me?
Of course I wanted that for you,
that's all I want for you.
Why do you think
I'm sending you home?
Dad.
Bit.
Love is commitment,
you work at it.
Go home to your husband and ask yourself
why you married him in the first place.
I married him because you
told me I couldn't do better.
You couldn't!
Eddie is a home run!
Your wedding was
the best day of my life,
walking you down the aisle to a man
who I thought might deserve you.
You know what your problem is?
California!
That's what.
Everybody out there,
flowin' in the wind, reinventing.
What the heck is that?
You are who you are. I am a
father, a husband, a Catholic.
I know it because I am it.
I never had to think about it.
But there is no reason to be unhappy
with a perfectly good marriage.
I don't have what you have.
Yes, you do.
Don't you think
we had rough periods?
You ought to go talk
to a priest!
I'm not a Catholic anymore.
Well, there's your problem
right there.
How do you know?
How do you always know
what my problem is?
Do I do that to you?
Did I march in here and say,
"She's going in a home, if you don't
like it, go talk to a priest?"
I listened to you, Dad.
I asked you what you wanted
and I fought like hell to get it
for you because you matter to me.
What you want matters to me.
Why don't I matter to you?
Mom was a feminist,
for Chrissake.
Why didn't anyone ever
ask me what I wanted?
Honey. We did ask you
what you wanted.
You said you couldn't
wait to be a mother.
[knocking]
Is Grandma in here?
- No.
- Oh, shit.
What?
Oh, Goddamn it!
Damn it!
[Emma] Maybe she's upstairs.
I'll go check.
Ruth!
Ruth!
[Emma] Mom!
I got her.
She's at Marion's.
Dad!
- Dad!
- [sobs]
Dad. Are you okay?
Is it your heart? Dad?
Come on. Come on.
[groans]
Okay.
I'll stay.
I'll stay and help.
[Bridget] So, I'll come back at the end
of the month to help you get moved.
[Bert] Thank you, Bitty.
You bet. We'll be fine.
Am I going with you?
You're coming out here
to give me a hug.
Ah.
Where should we...
Here. What's wrong?
I'm going to see you
in a couple weeks.
I won't be here.
Yeah? Where are you going?
I expect my mother
will want me back by then.
Yeah? Don't you think?
[Bert] Hop in, Ruth, it's cold.
Here, here's your seatbelt.
My shoes don't match my purse.
[chuckles]
Love you, Bit.
Love you, Dad.
Bye, Mom.
So, how was it?
Fine.
Hmm.
And your dad's all set? He's
got all the paperwork signed?
Yeah.
Mom moves in the first.
Good.
[laughs]
Nick's got to be happy,
being right for the first time
in his life.
Poor guy.
Did you, um...
You register for classes?
Mm-hmm.
Good. Good.
[Eddie snores, faintly]
- What are you doing?
- Just let me.
[sighs]
I'm sorry.
I just look at you
and all I see is my baby.
I know.
You don't have to go back
if you don't want.
I can't stay here, Mom.
I know.
- [blues music playing]
- [indistinct chatter]
Do a Manhattan?
Yeah.
Damn good Manhattan, Nicholas.
Is it, is it Christmas?
You got drunk at Christmas.
- I did not.
- Yes you did. Grab those presents...
- and come on over.
- Oh!
- Here.
- Yes.
There you go.
And now we, we'll have Christmas.
I'll go first?
Yeah.
- Uh, what could this be?
- Who gave that to you?
You did, you turkey.
- Yeah, all right.
- I...
- There it is.
- I'll help.
- I'll help, too.
- There we go.
I...
There we are,
you're good at that.
- Look what it is!
- Oh!
- Macadamias.
- You like those.
- My favorite kind, too.
- Yeah.
Thank you, honey. Thank you.
Okay, all right, you're next.
- Here.
- It's from you.
Yes, it is.
There you go.
Okay, open it up.
Go ahead.
[gasps] Oh!
Oh.
And I want you
to look inside because
there's something here.
You know who that is?
Oh, yes. It's you and me.
It's you and me. So...
in the new place,
when you forget,
just look at it.
All right?
I'm so sorry, Bertie.
Oh, sweet baby, don't...
don't worry about it.
[both sobbing]
Don't worry a bit.
Don't. I'm fine.
I'm fine.
Hey.
Who is Gerry Hoffsteader?
Who?
You didn't write him
a check for 500 bucks?
Oh, yes.
He's a construction guy.
He did, um... he put locks
in my parents' place.
What, he change every lock
in the whole building?
I know. He was... It was
expensive. I'm sorry.
I got you a little something.
Thank you.
Oh. Um...
I think you got this
for me before.
No, no, I... they said
that one's different.
Open it.
Thank you.
I thought
if I upgraded the diamond,
you would stop leaving it with the
pennies in the car. [Chuckles]
[Eddie snores faintly]
[birds cawing]
[sobs]
[inaudible]
[door creaks]
[sirens wailing]
[cell phone rings]
Shit.
Hello?
Yeah.
[cell phone vibrates]
Nicky?
Oh.
[indistinct chatter]
This looks like a wake.
Is this... Is this a wake?
Yeah, that's what...
that's what I thought it was.
And I think that maybe...
Excuse me.
Hey. How we doing?
Should we take her home?
- Do you want to go?
- No. I...
I cannot figure out, for the life
of me, whose... whose wake is it.
I can't.
"Norbert."
[gasps]
How could I have forgotten that?
Oh.
Pretty. What's the matter?
My dad grew up on a farm
in a small town called Amboy.
He met Ruth O'Shea
at an ice cream social
and had a thing for her
ever since.
Even though she wouldn't
give him the time of day.
After high school,
he went off to Korea
and when he took leave
and came home,
his mom told him that poor
Ruthie O'Shea had gotten polio
and hadn't been
out of bed for six months.
So, he marched over there
and picked her up
right out of bed.
And carried her in his arms.
- To the movies.
- To the movies.
To the movies.
[Bridget] He never let her go.
[sobbing]
[Bridget] He couldn't
live without her.
[sobs]
This was the perfect time.
Any later...
I'd have forgotten him.
Any earlier,
I'd have missed him too much.
Right now is perfect.
I'll hardly ever know
the difference.
You hate the car.
All right. That's horseshit.
I don't hate the car.
I mean, how the hell would you
even get it to California?
I'm going to drive it.
With Mom.
- [snickers]
- What?
It's my turn.
I found a great place near me.
It's hard, Bit. It's really,
really hard, you know?
It's harder than having your
hands in raw poultry all day.
I know. That's why it's my turn.
Well, I hope you have AAA.
[Ruth] I was a fountain girl
all my life.
My father would bring me
chocolate malts.
Yum.
I had polio.
Yeah.
And consequently, I got...
- Fat?
- Fat! Yeah!
Who lives here?
You.
Look at that.
Who's missing? Somebody's missing.
Somebody's missing.
Look at this.
That's my boyfriend.
He's at home. He's waiting.
He's waiting for me.
- He's always hanging around. That turkey.
- [both laughing]
You got a boyfriend?
No.
Well, he's out there.
You watch out.
Once he's found you,
he's never gonna let you go.
- Oh, yeah.
- You follow that sign.
They were pretty.
Do you see how they light up?
- Yeah.
- Different looking.
Where are we? Where are we going?
Where's my purse?
I have your purse.
I have it.
[beeping]
- Love you.
- Love you.
Oh, is that my baby?
[woman] Hi, Ms. Ruth.
Do you have a boyfriend?
Mine, mine, mine...
Oh, look at that
little one. [Chuckles]
- Hi, baby.
- Waiting for the bus. It's coming.
- Almost home.
- Yeah. You look great.
You too.
She's so nice. I used to go
to school with her.
You know what?
I think if your
boyfriend comes in
when my boyfriend comes in,
we could have fun. We could have a party.
What do you think?
[woman] Hello.
[turkey gobbles]
[instrumental music]
[music fades]
[soft guitar music]
[guitar music fades]